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1
00:00:04,804 --> 00:00:09,384
TOM: And I mean none of uswould be standing heretoday under this hot sun
2
00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:12,747
if it were not forthe tireless, dogged work
3
00:00:12,747 --> 00:00:16,577
of your mayor and mine,Casa Grande's own,
4
00:00:16,584 --> 00:00:18,784
Mayor Joe Schaeffer.
5
00:00:18,786 --> 00:00:20,446
-Joe, get on up here.
-(CROWD APPLAUDING)
6
00:00:23,623 --> 00:00:25,793
(CLEARS THROAT)
Thank you, Tom.
7
00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:28,963
Now, we are here todayto celebrate the opening
8
00:00:28,963 --> 00:00:33,403
of this beautiful museumdedicated to the historyof our local mining industry.
9
00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:36,641
An industry without which,I dare say
10
00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:38,267
Casa Grande would not be
11
00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:41,812
one of the 25 best placesto do businessin the Southwest
12
00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:44,109
according to
Tickler's Business Insider.
13
00:00:44,111 --> 00:00:50,181
Nor one of the top500 places to raise a familyin the Western United States
14
00:00:50,184 --> 00:00:52,184
according to Reddit.
15
00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:55,086
So, without further ado...
16
00:00:56,256 --> 00:00:58,856
BOTH: The Casa Grande Museum
17
00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:01,229
TOM: of Mining History
MAYOR: of the History
of Mining
18
00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:04,528
BOTH: is now open.
19
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,426
Uh-oh.
20
00:01:07,435 --> 00:01:09,465
(CHUCKLING) Let's try
that again.
21
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:12,470
Now, it's open.
22
00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:15,273
The material just sort of
bunching up in there.
23
00:01:15,276 --> 00:01:18,076
Let me just...
Let me hold it taut.
24
00:01:18,079 --> 00:01:20,879
It's these novelty scissors,
they don't have any edge.
25
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:22,281
(WHISPERS) What do we do?
26
00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:24,023
(WHISPERS) I don't know.
27
00:01:24,018 --> 00:01:25,518
(DOORBELL RINGING)
28
00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:27,546
Yo, Mike.
29
00:01:27,555 --> 00:01:29,485
Deezy, what the (BLEEP)
are you doing here?
30
00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:31,760
You know I don't like
when people just pop in, man.
31
00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:33,059
Why didn't you (BLEEP) call?
32
00:01:33,060 --> 00:01:34,630
I did, but it kept
going to voicemail.
33
00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:37,528
What? Oh damn,
my battery's dead.
34
00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:39,131
I bet I know
how that happened.
35
00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:40,833
I was watching a bunch
of videos, man.
36
00:01:40,835 --> 00:01:43,865
You seen the one where
this guy was blowing out
the birthday candles
37
00:01:43,871 --> 00:01:45,241
and then it blew his face off?
38
00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:47,109
No, no I didn't see that one.
39
00:01:47,108 --> 00:01:49,438
Oh, man, it's so
(BLEEP) funny, man.
40
00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:51,243
I'm gonna text it to you, man.
41
00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:53,845
Oh damn, my battery's dead.
How the (BLEEP)
did that happen?
42
00:01:53,848 --> 00:01:56,378
It's cool, it's cool,
don't worry about it.
Just text me it later.
43
00:01:56,383 --> 00:01:58,053
I do want to see it.
Sounds funny.
44
00:01:58,052 --> 00:02:00,252
Now, Mike.
I have something
I gotta talk to you about.
45
00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:02,224
What's going on Deezy?
You sound serious.
46
00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:03,963
Are you dropping me
as a client?
47
00:02:03,958 --> 00:02:06,328
You better rearrange
your thoughts mother (BLEEP).
48
00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:09,157
I'll drop you as my agent.
You're a shitty agent.
49
00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:10,933
I'm gonna kick
your ass right now.
50
00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:13,531
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Mike, Mike. Breathe, breathe.
51
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,904
-I'm not dropping you
as a client.
-Okay, what's up?
52
00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:19,473
Um, I was just wondering
how you would feel
about an internship program.
53
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,473
Mmm. I might really like that.
54
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:23,335
Depends on where
the internship is.
55
00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:26,084
But I could definitely go for
a change of career.
56
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:28,880
I mean, man, solving mysteries
is stressing me out.
57
00:02:28,883 --> 00:02:31,623
It's like, "What... What am I
doing with my life?"
58
00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:34,649
You know, "Who the (BLEEP)
are these people on my team?"
59
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,485
I don't really like
any of these people.
60
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:38,890
We don't have
anything in common.
Like interests.
61
00:02:38,893 --> 00:02:41,493
Like, I'm into video games
and (BLEEP) you know?
62
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:45,825
Like, if you got me
into an internship
with Xbox or some shit,
63
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:46,973
that could be good.
64
00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:48,797
Just play video games all day,
65
00:02:48,802 --> 00:02:50,702
and just get paid for it.
I like that.
66
00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:53,074
No, no, no, no, Mike.
You wouldn't be the intern.
67
00:02:53,073 --> 00:02:55,343
I'm talking about someone
being an intern for you.
68
00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:57,212
Okay, that sounds good.
69
00:02:57,211 --> 00:02:59,281
Viennetta! He says,
"Sounds good"!
70
00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:06,250
-Who the (BLEEP) is that?
-That's my niece.
71
00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:07,923
She just graduated
from community college,
72
00:03:07,922 --> 00:03:09,962
and she's out here
figuring out
what she wants to do.
73
00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:13,127
Nice to meet you.
My name's Viennetta,
like the ice cream.
74
00:03:13,127 --> 00:03:17,057
My name is Mike Tyson
like the heavyweight champion
of the world, Mike Tyson.
75
00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:19,904
Um, Dad. Sorry to interrupt
but we have a new mystery.
76
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:23,200
Ooh, perfect timing.
Now remember
what I told you, Viennetta.
77
00:03:23,204 --> 00:03:25,004
Keep your eyes and ears open.
78
00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:27,435
Keep your head on a swivel,
but keep your feet
on the ground.
79
00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:30,611
Open your heart and your mind,
and there's nowhere you
imagination can't take you.
80
00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:33,911
Okay, I gotta go.
The tint is bubbling on
my (BLEEP) rear windshield.
81
00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:35,414
Gotta get that smoothed out.
82
00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:38,076
You are what you drive.
Remember that, Viennetta.
83
00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:39,345
(ENGINE STARTING)
84
00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,690
So, Viennetta,
85
00:03:45,693 --> 00:03:47,833
have you always been
interested in mysteries?
86
00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:49,828
Oh, I'm not interested
in mysteries.
87
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:52,700
But my uncle said
this would be
a good back-up plan.
88
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:55,530
PIGEON: Well, your uncle
is a very smart fellow.
89
00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:58,296
To get you
an internship at a thing
that is not a company,
90
00:03:58,305 --> 00:04:01,635
where no one makes any money,
but every once in a while
you might get killed
91
00:04:01,642 --> 00:04:05,912
due to the gross incompetence
of your completely
unqualified colleagues.
92
00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:07,783
-(CHUCKLES)
-(MARQUESS GRUMBLING)
93
00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:10,721
Are you done?
Because we can wait
until you're done.
94
00:04:10,718 --> 00:04:11,778
No, I'm done.
95
00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:14,145
Great. Now, Viennetta...
96
00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:15,254
Oh, one more thing.
97
00:04:15,256 --> 00:04:17,016
-What?
-Jesus, calm down.
98
00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:20,964
No. You always do this,
Pigeon. You always do this.
99
00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:22,961
Just say it.
100
00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:25,763
Well, now I've forgotten
what I was gonna say
because you shrieked at me.
101
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,766
You are driving me
(BLEEP) insane.
102
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,939
(BLEEP) insane.
103
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:32,138
I'm so sorry, Viennetta.
104
00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:33,539
(LAUGHING)
105
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:36,040
So, um, what career
are you interested in?
106
00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:39,243
Well, my mom and my pastor
always told me
I should be a model.
107
00:04:39,246 --> 00:04:41,046
So, that's what I really
came out here to do.
108
00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:45,748
Ooh. Ah. You know,
I did some modeling
back in my day.
109
00:04:45,753 --> 00:04:49,023
Yeah. I was a life model
for a few of my
painter friends.
110
00:04:49,023 --> 00:04:53,363
Manet, Courbet, Rousseau.
Ah, I did 'em all.
111
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:57,230
Yeah, I'm sure you did,
you dead queen.
112
00:04:57,231 --> 00:05:00,531
Oh, you know what?
You know what?
113
00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:03,004
Anyways. Viennetta,
have you had any luck yet?
114
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:06,443
Not yet. My uncle
took me to a bunch
of modeling agencies,
115
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:09,540
except it turns out
all the modeling agencies
in Las Vegas
116
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,543
are actually escort agencies.
117
00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:14,405
So, I didn't really get
any good photos
for my portfolio.
118
00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:16,275
PIGEON: Oh,
I wouldn't say that.
119
00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:19,653
Hey, this one of you holding
this older man's penis
is all right.
120
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:23,763
Maybe not for high fashion,
but for like, you know,
medium to lower fashion.
121
00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:25,517
It seems okay.
122
00:05:27,593 --> 00:05:29,363
I feel like we're
losing the crowd here.
123
00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:31,003
When do we send the pigeon?
124
00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:33,568
-Monday.
-(GROANS)
125
00:05:34,033 --> 00:05:35,803
It's Wednesday.
126
00:05:35,803 --> 00:05:38,373
-It's Thursday.
-That's even worse then.
127
00:05:39,572 --> 00:05:41,372
Hold it, Joe. What is that?
128
00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:42,735
(ENGINE WHIRRING)
129
00:05:47,814 --> 00:05:49,554
-Was that him?
-I think so.
130
00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:51,380
African-American gentleman.
131
00:05:51,385 --> 00:05:54,015
Thought I saw
a tattoo on the face,
but he was really movin'.
132
00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,451
(TIRES SQUEAL)
133
00:05:57,690 --> 00:05:59,460
No, he's coming back.
134
00:06:01,694 --> 00:06:04,034
Hmm, maybe he's gonna
get food for all of us.
135
00:06:10,436 --> 00:06:11,696
(HAND BRAKE CRANKS)
136
00:06:16,609 --> 00:06:18,609
Dad, shouldn't we help them,
and then you can eat?
137
00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:22,112
Yung, I gotta take care
of myself before I can
take care of anyone else.
138
00:06:22,116 --> 00:06:26,616
It's like when you're on
a plane and all the oxygen
masks fall down,
139
00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:31,660
I gotta get my mask on myself
before some other mother
(BLEEP) takes all the masks.
140
00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:49,506
He's coming.
Now get ready, everybody.
141
00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:53,180
MAYOR: Some of you may havebeen wondering,
142
00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:55,310
"What is the hold up here?"
143
00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:57,145
"When am I goingto get to enter
144
00:06:57,151 --> 00:07:02,391
"the Casa GrandeMuseum of the Historyof Mining Museum?"
145
00:07:02,389 --> 00:07:04,919
-Well, your wait is over.
-(SLURPING)
146
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:07,785
-Hey, man, is this the ribbon?
-Yes, sir.
147
00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:09,895
And those big
mother (BLEEP) scissors
didn't work?
148
00:07:09,897 --> 00:07:13,027
Uh, no, sir.
They just pinch up
on the fabric.
149
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:15,533
MIKE: Does anybodygot like, a pocket knifewith scissors on it?
150
00:07:15,536 --> 00:07:18,636
MAYOR: Oh, you know,I have mine right here.
TOM: Well, I think...
151
00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:20,069
Oh, I just need one.
152
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:31,124
The Casa Grande NaturalHistory Museum of Miningand Mining History is now
153
00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:33,551
open
154
00:07:36,823 --> 00:07:38,823
for
155
00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:45,625
business.
156
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,932
-MAYOR: Hey!
-(CROWD CHEERING)
157
00:07:49,035 --> 00:07:50,495
Huh. My God.
158
00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:52,844
Who on Earth
would buy any of this?
159
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,910
How much for
that big-ass mine clock?
160
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:57,578
-Oh, that's $2,800.
-Only? Wrap that (BLEEP) up.
161
00:07:57,578 --> 00:07:58,778
Well, there you go.
162
00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:00,279
And do you frame
these posters?
163
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:02,650
I want that one with all those
famous miners on it.
164
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:05,049
Yung, give the man
my credit card.
165
00:08:05,052 --> 00:08:07,952
Hey, you got
my lip balm in there?
166
00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:10,315
Thank you.
It's dry as a mother (BLEEP)
167
00:08:10,324 --> 00:08:13,834
in Casa Grande, Arizona
Museum of Mining
History Museum.
168
00:08:15,928 --> 00:08:17,958
Ooh, can I have a quarter?
They have a gumball machine.
169
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:20,465
-Dad, you just
had a milkshake.
-Please!
170
00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:22,497
-(VIENNETTA SCREAMING)
-Viennetta!
171
00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:24,573
MIKE: What the (BLEEP)
is that hole?
172
00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:28,311
That's one of the many
abandoned mines that dot
the landscape of Casa Grande.
173
00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:31,838
Hence, the museum.
To preserve the
heritage of this land.
174
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:35,105
(EXCLAIMS) Shouldn't it be
fenced off or at least marked?
175
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:37,575
A young woman
has fallen in there.
176
00:08:39,118 --> 00:08:42,588
We weren't ready to open.
We weren't, Joe,
but you rushed us!
177
00:08:42,589 --> 00:08:44,789
You said the ribbon cutting
is unmovable.
178
00:08:44,791 --> 00:08:47,661
Those were your words, Joe.
I'm taking you down.
179
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,161
I'm exposing you.
180
00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:50,932
The (BLEEP) you will, Tom.
181
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:52,731
(SCREAMING)
182
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:55,103
(THUDS)
183
00:08:56,636 --> 00:08:58,596
-(CELL PHONE RINGING)
-(MAYOR GASPS)
184
00:08:59,305 --> 00:09:00,935
Oh, hey, Deezy. What's up?
185
00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:02,541
DEEZY: (ON PHONE) Not much.What's up with you?
186
00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:04,583
-Not much.
-So, how's Viennettaworking out?
187
00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:08,751
You there, Mike?Put me on to Viennetta.
188
00:09:09,749 --> 00:09:12,019
(HUMMING THEME MUSIC)
189
00:09:14,754 --> 00:09:17,164
Michael, what on Earth
are you doing?
190
00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:20,187
I'm trying to end it.
I just want it all to be over.
191
00:09:20,193 --> 00:09:21,663
(CONTINUES HUMMING)
192
00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:23,862
Michael. Michael.
193
00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:25,404
Michael, we have
to do something.
194
00:09:25,399 --> 00:09:26,499
Snap out of it!
195
00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:28,330
Michael, snap out of it!
196
00:09:29,769 --> 00:09:31,099
Thank you, Marquess.
197
00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:33,174
But don't you ever
(BLEEP) slap me again,
198
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:37,043
or I'll knock you back
to wherever the (BLEEP)
you came from,
199
00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:39,344
you (BLEEP) rat.
200
00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:42,146
Okay. Think, Mike.
Think, Mike. Think, Mike.
201
00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:45,019
Rat? Do I look
like a rat to you?
202
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:45,948
I was a model...
203
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:47,793
-(GASPS) Michael!
-Dad!
204
00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:49,791
(THUDS)
205
00:09:58,331 --> 00:09:59,731
Viennetta, are you okay?
206
00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:01,173
I think so.
207
00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:02,668
Where's that other dude?
208
00:10:05,304 --> 00:10:07,514
Do you think he's okay?
209
00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:11,637
If we ever get out of here,
I'm not gonna let anything
stand between me and my dream.
210
00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:13,875
No more back-up plans for me.
211
00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:17,048
That's an amazing story.
212
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:18,820
I would have been
so terribly disappointed
213
00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:21,219
if I never found out
how you got out of that mine.
214
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:23,961
Now, let's have a look at
your resume, shall we?
215
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:26,157
Graduated from
St. Louis Community College.
216
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:29,559
Interned at Mike Tyson
Mysteries, impressive.
217
00:10:29,563 --> 00:10:31,163
And do you have a portfolio?
218
00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:32,904
Uh-huh. Yes, ma'am.
219
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:35,303
Hmm.
220
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:37,642
And who is this older man?
221
00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:39,698
Oh, I didn't get his name.
222
00:10:39,706 --> 00:10:42,036
Well, I think I've seen
all I need to see.
223
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:46,812
Lauren, will you let Andre
know we've just found
our September cover model?
224
00:10:48,514 --> 00:10:50,384
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
18205
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