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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,467 --> 00:00:02,737 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 2 00:00:04,871 --> 00:00:06,941 (SINISTER MUSIC PLAYING) 3 00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:19,420 (THUNDER CRACKING) 4 00:00:21,721 --> 00:00:23,691 Thank God, you're here. 5 00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,861 Dean Hutchinson is waiting for you in his office. This way. 6 00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:27,230 How long has the boy been missing? 7 00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:29,558 We don't know exactly. 8 00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:31,803 We only started looking when he failed to show up for classes this morning. 9 00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:33,399 It's most upsetting. 10 00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:35,801 Please, the Dean's office is just up these stairs. 11 00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:37,473 You guys got a bathroom? 12 00:00:37,471 --> 00:00:40,041 Oh, yes. Uh, we just passed it. 13 00:00:40,041 --> 00:00:41,411 Here, let me show you. 14 00:00:48,581 --> 00:00:50,381 -Here you are. -Thank you. 15 00:00:51,484 --> 00:00:53,094 I'm sure he'll just be a minute. 16 00:00:54,587 --> 00:00:56,657 (THUNDER CRACKING) 17 00:01:01,661 --> 00:01:02,731 Um... 18 00:01:04,364 --> 00:01:06,334 (PHONE BUZZING) 19 00:01:06,333 --> 00:01:08,233 -(PHONE BEEPS) -MIKE: Hey, Deezy. What's up, fool? 20 00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:10,595 Hey, what up, Mike? How's my number one client? 21 00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:12,244 Chilling, working on a mystery. 22 00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:13,839 Cool, where you at? 23 00:01:13,841 --> 00:01:15,671 I think New England, Connecticut or some (BLEEP). 24 00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:16,906 No, no, no. I mean right now. 25 00:01:16,911 --> 00:01:18,841 I mean it sounds echoey. 26 00:01:18,846 --> 00:01:20,546 -Like... Like you in the bathroom. -MIKE: Not at all. 27 00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:21,608 Where are you? 28 00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:23,745 Oh, I'm at a business dinner. 29 00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:26,791 You know, upscale steakhouse, like a Ruth's Chris, like that level. 30 00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:29,347 That's cool. What you want, Deezy? 31 00:01:29,356 --> 00:01:31,856 I'm just checking your availability to co-host The View. 32 00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:33,129 First week of December. 33 00:01:33,127 --> 00:01:34,527 It's looking like Tuesday the 3rd, 34 00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:36,228 but it might have to be Wednesday the 4th, 35 00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:37,800 depending on when they can get Dakota Fanning. 36 00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:39,298 Who's she again? 37 00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:40,570 She's the lady from Fifty Shades of Grey. 38 00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:42,868 (TOILET FLUSHING OVER PHONE) 39 00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:44,970 -Hey, what was that? -I just flushed the toilet 40 00:01:44,972 --> 00:01:46,912 because I took a shit while we were talking. 41 00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:48,907 Oh, that's cool. That's cool, that's cool. 42 00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:51,109 So when do you think you're going to have this mystery wrapped up? 43 00:01:51,112 --> 00:01:52,712 Just so I'm abreast of your schedule. 44 00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:54,713 I don't know, Deezy, we're about to meet the Dean 45 00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:56,445 and then I'll have a better idea. 46 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:57,950 So, what's going on with you? 47 00:01:57,952 --> 00:02:00,892 You going back to Michigan for Thanksgiving? 48 00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:03,118 Saint Louis? Why are you going to Saint Louis? 49 00:02:03,124 --> 00:02:04,924 You're from Saint Louis? 50 00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:07,755 How come this whole time I thought you were from Michigan? 51 00:02:07,761 --> 00:02:11,401 Why didn't you say nothing when I got you that Megatron jersey? 52 00:02:11,398 --> 00:02:13,568 Didn't want to make me feel bad? 53 00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:16,967 You can make me feel bad, that's what friends are for. 54 00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:19,241 Of course, I consider you a friend! 55 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,640 Could one of you maybe please go in and get him? 56 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,582 This is really quite urgent. 57 00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:25,137 It sounds like he's... 58 00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:26,646 Almost done. 59 00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:28,647 MIKE: Hold on, Deezy, I've got another call. 60 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:31,249 It's George Lopez. We've been playing phone tag. 61 00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:32,752 Okay, well, call me after you get done. 62 00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,593 No, no, no, stay on, I'll... 63 00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:35,818 I'll merge the call. 64 00:02:36,756 --> 00:02:38,756 (PHONE BEEPS) 65 00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:41,429 Shit, I think I forgot how to merge a call. 66 00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:43,458 If I hang up on you just call me back. 67 00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:46,474 No, don't call me back. That'll (BLEEP) up my call. 68 00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:47,667 Okay, hold on. 69 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:48,728 -(PHONE BEEPS) -Here we go. 70 00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:54,636 George, are you there? 71 00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:56,212 Deezy, are you there too? 72 00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:57,940 Oh, hell yeah, I did it! 73 00:02:57,945 --> 00:02:59,605 Oh, (BLEEP), my phone's about to die. 74 00:03:02,448 --> 00:03:05,048 To think that he could be somewhere out there 75 00:03:05,052 --> 00:03:07,622 in that cold and rain. 76 00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,051 A young boy... 77 00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:10,816 Did you contact the police? 78 00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:13,194 We were hoping to avoid that, you see. 79 00:03:13,194 --> 00:03:14,794 This is a delicate matter 80 00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:17,195 owing to who the boy's mother is. 81 00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:18,658 Who is his mother? 82 00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:22,366 United States Senator Elaine Fitzpatrick. 83 00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:25,999 Not that one child is any more precious than another, 84 00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:29,066 but obviously the publicity involved in something like this 85 00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:32,206 could be terribly damaging for Foxcroft Academy. 86 00:03:32,213 --> 00:03:36,483 You know, institutions such as Foxcroft are increasingly rare, 87 00:03:36,483 --> 00:03:39,523 for it is we alone who demand 88 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:43,590 a strict adherence to traditional educational standards 89 00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:48,331 in curricula which have scarcely changed in more than 200 years. 90 00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:50,929 Okay, 91 00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:53,901 I have a question that no one has bothered to ask. 92 00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:56,401 Has anyone thought of calling the police? 93 00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:59,443 Uh, I already asked that question. 94 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:02,310 I see. Then we don't have much time. 95 00:04:05,678 --> 00:04:08,348 Oh, and one final question. 96 00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:09,879 Tell me what happened 97 00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:12,053 that you are just meeting us for the first time 98 00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:14,592 and we are all just now listening. 99 00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:18,916 -(INDISTINCT CHATTERING) -(SCHOOL BELL RINGS) 100 00:04:22,862 --> 00:04:24,102 This is a stupid idea. 101 00:04:24,098 --> 00:04:25,628 No one's gonna believe I'm a boy. 102 00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:27,703 (CHUCKLING) No, of course not. 103 00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:29,941 It's not funny! What about my breasts? 104 00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,937 I mean, don't we need to bind them or something? 105 00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:34,409 (CHUCKLES) Your breasts? 106 00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:37,038 By God, you have serious body dysmorphia! 107 00:04:37,044 --> 00:04:39,544 What exactly do you think you look like? 108 00:04:39,546 --> 00:04:40,976 Dad, this is never going to work. 109 00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:42,381 I don't look like a boy. 110 00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:44,883 Young man, stop dabbing in the hallway 111 00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:47,485 like a foolish boy and get to class! 112 00:04:47,488 --> 00:04:49,758 You could never become the man you're meant to be 113 00:04:49,757 --> 00:04:52,057 if you keep acting like the boy you are. 114 00:04:52,059 --> 00:04:53,159 Oh, my God. 115 00:04:55,995 --> 00:04:57,955 There's a good boy! 116 00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,895 Look at that manly walk. 117 00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:02,570 There goes a Foxcroft lad. 118 00:05:10,943 --> 00:05:13,913 Please don't let this be an omen about poor Timothy. 119 00:05:16,015 --> 00:05:17,445 Here, boy! (CLICKING TONGUE) 120 00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:18,851 Come on, here, boy! (CLICKING TONGUE) 121 00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:20,692 He's not a dog! 122 00:05:20,688 --> 00:05:23,088 Maybe we're going about this all wrong. 123 00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:24,590 Oh, I'm sure of that. 124 00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:26,591 While the rest of the kids are in class, 125 00:05:26,593 --> 00:05:29,263 maybe we should go check out Timothy's dorm room, 126 00:05:29,263 --> 00:05:31,103 we may find some clues. 127 00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:33,428 -Or money or something. -(SCHOOL BELL RINGS) 128 00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:35,004 (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) 129 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,072 (BOY LAUGHS) 130 00:05:39,439 --> 00:05:41,539 Okay, I found out something. 131 00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:42,812 Oh, good. What is it? 132 00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:45,440 Okay, uh, there's a tradition 133 00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:47,806 that all the first years do, 134 00:05:47,815 --> 00:05:53,285 where they go out in the woods behind the school at night and they have a party. 135 00:05:53,287 --> 00:05:55,317 Mmm! Well, that sounds fun. 136 00:05:55,322 --> 00:05:58,462 No, it's not a regular party. It's a... 137 00:05:58,459 --> 00:06:00,629 Um, I don't want to say it. It's... 138 00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:01,727 It's a... 139 00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:02,859 Jack-off party, okay? 140 00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,833 They call it a jack-off party. 141 00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:07,302 Still sounds fun. What? 142 00:06:07,301 --> 00:06:09,841 What the (BLEEP) is a jack-off party? 143 00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:12,997 Apparently, it's a party where all the boys, you know, 144 00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:15,506 jack-off. 145 00:06:15,509 --> 00:06:18,639 And I guess curfew's at 11:00, so they all stopped at 10:45, so they could get back, 146 00:06:18,645 --> 00:06:20,975 except Timothy who just kept going. 147 00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:23,751 They said they tried to get him to stop, but he refused, so, 148 00:06:23,751 --> 00:06:25,151 they just left him in the woods 149 00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:27,192 to jack-off. 150 00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:31,387 For a person who seems incredibly uncomfortable saying, "Jack-off," 151 00:06:31,392 --> 00:06:34,032 it seems weird you threw in that last one. 152 00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:36,697 So did anyone go looking for him this morning? 153 00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:38,427 Yes, and he wasn't there. 154 00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:39,872 I bet a bear ate him. 155 00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:41,667 Aren't bears attracted to semen? 156 00:06:41,668 --> 00:06:42,828 I know sharks are. 157 00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,396 I learned that the hard way. 158 00:06:44,405 --> 00:06:45,695 Well, let's go. 159 00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:47,166 Ah, Michael! 160 00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:48,544 What are you talking about? 161 00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:50,082 We got to get ready for Thanksgiving. 162 00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:52,337 I got this talk show appearance coming up. 163 00:06:52,346 --> 00:06:54,176 Next thing you know, it's Christmas. 164 00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:55,911 This is just a crazy time of the year, man. 165 00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:57,346 Let's get out of here. 166 00:06:57,351 --> 00:06:59,351 A boy is missing! 167 00:06:59,353 --> 00:07:00,923 I said we're out of here, Marquess! 168 00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:02,921 Now shut the (BLEEP) up, 169 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:05,523 get in the (BLEEP) van and let's get the (BLEEP) out of here. 170 00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:06,756 Oh, my God! 171 00:07:08,194 --> 00:07:10,204 I'm sorry, Marquess. I think I lashed out 172 00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:13,097 because I'm just distraught over this little missing boy 173 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,700 and the fact that we were just going to give up on him. 174 00:07:15,702 --> 00:07:17,772 Oh, well that was your idea, wasn't it? 175 00:07:19,138 --> 00:07:20,568 Do you think this is the spot? 176 00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:22,144 I think so. 177 00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:24,382 They said the big maple tree with the knot in it. 178 00:07:24,378 --> 00:07:27,648 Ugh, I can't imagine what that hole is filled with. 179 00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:29,148 You can't imagine? 180 00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:31,719 It's obvious, it's filled with semen! 181 00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:34,588 Semen from a bunch of teenage boys! 182 00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:35,788 -Okay. -BOY: (ECHOING) Help! 183 00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:38,289 -(GASPS) -BOY: (ECHOING) Help! 184 00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:40,462 Help me! Someone! 185 00:07:41,327 --> 00:07:43,757 Help! Help! 186 00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:45,564 (GASPS) Timothy? 187 00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:47,126 Timothy, is that you? 188 00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,474 TIMOTHY: Yes, it's me! Help! 189 00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:51,900 What the (BLEEP) are you doing in there? 190 00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:54,235 TIMOTHY: (STAMMERING) I don't remember. 191 00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:56,071 Timothy, here. Take my hand. 192 00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:58,576 (STRUGGLING) 193 00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:01,079 -(SQUELCHING) -(GASPING) 194 00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:02,951 Oh, Timothy, just... Oh, who grabbed me? 195 00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:05,320 -You've got him? -MARQUESS: I... Oh, he's too slippery! 196 00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:06,819 -Ahhh! -(GROANS) 197 00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:09,420 Are you okay? 198 00:08:09,423 --> 00:08:10,963 Yes, uh, I think so. 199 00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:12,518 Just soaked in ejaculate, huh? 200 00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:14,126 -(WIND WHOOSHING) -Ahhh! 201 00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:15,587 -(ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYING) -(BRANCHES CREAKING) 202 00:08:16,762 --> 00:08:18,202 YUNG HEE: It's alive! 203 00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:21,298 THE TREE: Yes, I am alive! 204 00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:24,801 For 200 years, bullies have gathered here 205 00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:27,105 and planted their seeds. 206 00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:31,437 And last night one of those seeds germinated. 207 00:08:31,445 --> 00:08:33,445 Thank you, Timothy. 208 00:08:33,447 --> 00:08:35,977 Thank you for giving me life! 209 00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:38,453 You have magic seed in you. 210 00:08:38,452 --> 00:08:40,322 Use it wisely. 211 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:43,120 But for the rest of those boys... 212 00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:45,993 The boys who used me 213 00:08:45,993 --> 00:08:49,133 for nothing but their own pleasure! 214 00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:52,959 I'll get every last one and snatch off their peckers. 215 00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:55,526 Snatch off their peckers, every one! 216 00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:00,541 I guess that's the Tree of Life. 217 00:09:00,541 --> 00:09:02,671 Now let's get you boys back to school. 218 00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:04,476 (GROANS) 219 00:09:04,478 --> 00:09:06,708 PIGEON: Hey, were you scared? 220 00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,253 When the tree came to life? 221 00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:09,708 Oh, no, earlier. 222 00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:11,416 When Mike almost beat the shit out of you. 223 00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:12,978 I mean, that was crazy. 224 00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:14,716 You know, he can (BLEEP) kill you? 225 00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:16,821 He could kill all of us. 226 00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:20,333 -I think sometimes we forget that that's Mike Tyson. -MIKE: Hey! 227 00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:22,727 Let's pick up the mother (BLEEP) pace back there. 228 00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:24,229 PIGEON: Okay, moving on. MARQUESS: Sorry, Michael. 229 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,001 PIGEON: Moving on. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) 230 00:09:27,833 --> 00:09:29,603 (ENGINE REVVING) 231 00:09:35,775 --> 00:09:38,075 -(TIRES SCREECHING) -(WOMAN GASPS) 232 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:40,408 THE TREE: Are you Douglas Wills? 233 00:09:40,414 --> 00:09:44,854 The Douglas Wills that attended Foxcroft Academy for Boys, 234 00:09:44,851 --> 00:09:47,021 class of 1981? 235 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:49,390 -(GASPS) -(BOTH SCREAM) 236 00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:51,759 (STAMMERS) Yes, yes, yes! 237 00:09:53,025 --> 00:09:54,185 (GASPS) 238 00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:56,094 (SCREAMS) 239 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:58,256 -THE TREE: Pull down your pants. -What? 240 00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:00,201 Ahhh! 241 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,870 Now, I have snatched every pecker 242 00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:08,039 from every boy that ever spilt his pecker wit on me. 243 00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:11,311 -And they're all hanging in my branches. -(GASPS) 244 00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:15,811 Douglas, it's time for me to add your pecker to my branches. 245 00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:19,546 Now, hold up your pecker, so I can snatch it off. 246 00:10:19,553 --> 00:10:22,893 -WOMAN: No! Stop! Oh, no! -No, no, please, please, no! 247 00:10:22,889 --> 00:10:25,459 THE TREE: Woman, you should not be with this man. 248 00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:27,229 He's no good. 249 00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:30,397 I think you should get yourself a job and make your own money 250 00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:33,227 and not go out with men with a convertible car. 251 00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:34,833 Now, Douglas, 252 00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:38,235 it's time to say goodbye to your pecker. 253 00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:39,968 Oh, God, no! 254 00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,573 Ahhh! Ahhh! 255 00:10:42,576 --> 00:10:44,406 -(GASPS) -THE TREE: Douglas... 256 00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:46,951 Good Lord, you have a nice pecker. 257 00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:49,077 It feels so good! 258 00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:51,052 (END THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 19045

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