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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,967 --> 00:00:02,737 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 2 00:00:04,738 --> 00:00:07,268 (INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER) 3 00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:12,383 -How did the fire start? -God. 4 00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:13,580 Pardon me? 5 00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:15,381 It was a demon. He was on top of our house. 6 00:00:15,383 --> 00:00:17,153 -A demon? -Yeah. 7 00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:18,781 And then God came down from heaven 8 00:00:18,786 --> 00:00:20,316 and struck him with lightning. 9 00:00:20,321 --> 00:00:22,651 -God? -Why the (BEEP) am I telling you this? 10 00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:25,486 Didn't you watch the last episode of season two? 11 00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:28,263 That wasn't the last episode. We went to that farm. 12 00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:29,432 Yeah, the house burned down 13 00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:31,160 in the second to last episode. 14 00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:32,555 I don't know when they air. 15 00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:34,096 I mean, I don't even know when I live them. 16 00:00:34,101 --> 00:00:35,701 Okay, have any of you been drinking 17 00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:36,973 or taking drugs of any kind? 18 00:00:36,971 --> 00:00:38,041 -No! -No. 19 00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:39,769 I have. I did a little coke. 20 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,813 So, where are we going? A hotel? 21 00:00:44,812 --> 00:00:48,252 No. We can't go to a hotel. My wallet was in the house. 22 00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:50,579 Then where are we going to stay? 23 00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:51,854 I'll call my agent. 24 00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:54,352 -Deezy? -Yeah, my agent's name is Deezy. 25 00:00:54,355 --> 00:00:55,815 And he's gonna let us stay with him. 26 00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:57,893 (PHONE BEEPS, RINGS) 27 00:00:57,892 --> 00:00:59,962 -DEEZY: Hello? -Hey Deezy. What's up, fool? 28 00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:02,260 Listen man, we're coming over to your place, man. 29 00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:04,163 We gotta live with you till we get a new house. 30 00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:05,525 DEEZY: Of course, man. 31 00:01:05,533 --> 00:01:07,733 Okay, cool. See you in around about five. 32 00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:08,795 (BEEPS) 33 00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:12,866 I wonder if he's got any extra toothbrushes. 34 00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:15,213 Or some extra clothing. 35 00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:18,239 And all the shit we're gonna need for the next month or so. 36 00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:20,605 (KEYPAD BEEPING) 37 00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:22,154 (RINGING) 38 00:01:22,149 --> 00:01:23,249 -(BEEPING) -DEEZY: Hello? 39 00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:24,950 Yo, it's us. 40 00:01:24,952 --> 00:01:27,022 Oh, man, you guys must have been right around the corner. 41 00:01:27,021 --> 00:01:28,621 Hey, let me buzz you in. 42 00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:29,892 I'm on the sixth floor, right next to the elevator. 43 00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:31,360 -(BEEPING) -(BUZZING) 44 00:01:34,627 --> 00:01:36,497 -(KNOCKING) -DEEZY: Who is it? 45 00:01:36,497 --> 00:01:38,157 What the (BEEP)? It's us, fool. 46 00:01:38,165 --> 00:01:39,695 You just talked to us. 47 00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:41,730 (LOCKS CLICKING) 48 00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:44,495 (CHUCKLING) Oh, hey Mike. Come on in, everybody. 49 00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:46,842 Welcome to the castle. 50 00:01:50,877 --> 00:01:52,307 Oh shit. Close the door, Mike. 51 00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:54,083 Furly will get out. He's fast. 52 00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:55,481 Were you getting ready for bed? 53 00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:57,553 What? Come on, man, it's 6:45. 54 00:01:57,551 --> 00:02:00,091 The night is young. Possibilities are endless. 55 00:02:00,087 --> 00:02:01,687 Then why are you in your pajamas? 56 00:02:01,689 --> 00:02:03,459 Oh, that's 'cause I never left the house today. 57 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,587 I can conduct a lot of my business from home. 58 00:02:05,593 --> 00:02:07,733 It's not unusual for me to go three, four days 59 00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:09,858 without seeing another human being face-to-face. 60 00:02:09,864 --> 00:02:11,234 (CHUCKLES) It happens. 61 00:02:11,931 --> 00:02:13,531 Are you depressed? 62 00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,204 Deezy... 63 00:02:15,202 --> 00:02:18,072 Because this look like the apartment of a very depressed person. 64 00:02:18,072 --> 00:02:19,512 What? Depressed? 65 00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:20,767 What do I have to be depressed about? 66 00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:22,814 -(LAUGHS) -What are you laughing at? 67 00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:24,210 (BEEP) you, Pigeon. 68 00:02:24,211 --> 00:02:25,581 (WHISPERING) Where are we supposed to sleep? 69 00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:28,349 (WHISPERING) Oh, we are so not sleeping here. 70 00:02:28,349 --> 00:02:30,479 Oh! Let me get you guys set up. 71 00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:32,384 I didn't think I was going to be having company over. 72 00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:34,486 Uh, the recycling bin was full, so, uh... 73 00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:36,418 You know what? I can take that out in the morning. 74 00:02:36,423 --> 00:02:37,763 Don't worry about it. 75 00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:39,058 Uh, let me just get these out your way. 76 00:02:39,059 --> 00:02:40,629 I'm just getting over a cold. 77 00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:42,128 Still I got a little cough but it's... It's loose. 78 00:02:42,129 --> 00:02:43,359 It's breaking up. (CLEARS THROAT) 79 00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:44,834 Definitely not contagious. 80 00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:46,972 Allergies, is what it is. 81 00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:48,497 Oh, yeah. Sheets. 82 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:49,902 Gotta give everybody sheets. 83 00:02:49,904 --> 00:02:53,774 Yeah, uh, can mine not have semen on it? 84 00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:56,244 -(MEOWS) -Oh, hey! There you are, Furly. 85 00:02:58,711 --> 00:03:00,811 I think... (SNIFFS) 86 00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:02,284 Yeah, yeah, yeah. These are good. 87 00:03:02,283 --> 00:03:03,783 -MARQUESS: Ew. -These are real good. 88 00:03:04,717 --> 00:03:05,917 Here you go, ghost. 89 00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:08,120 Mike, Pigeon. 90 00:03:08,122 --> 00:03:09,392 Now, this carpet's real soft. 91 00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:10,920 So, just find a place and claim it. 92 00:03:10,925 --> 00:03:13,325 And of course, the lady can have my bed. 93 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,161 Um... 94 00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:20,033 You know, that's fine. I'll just stand 95 00:03:20,034 --> 00:03:22,704 -over here. -Furly. Whew! 96 00:03:23,269 --> 00:03:24,369 That's my boy. 97 00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:25,801 We've been through a lot together. 98 00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:28,266 Right, Furly? He's like a brother to me. 99 00:03:28,275 --> 00:03:29,635 He's my ride or die. 100 00:03:32,679 --> 00:03:35,279 Oh, excuse me, everyone. My phone is ringing. 101 00:03:35,282 --> 00:03:37,822 It's Deezy. I mean, shit, it's not Deezy. 102 00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:39,688 But, uh, it's someone else, though. 103 00:03:39,687 --> 00:03:41,747 I'm gonna take it outside. Okay, Deezy? 104 00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:43,515 (STAMMERING) So, not to be rude. 105 00:03:43,524 --> 00:03:46,434 It's a private call and no one should hear it. 106 00:03:47,260 --> 00:03:48,430 Come on, everybody. 107 00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:50,359 Everybody but Deezy. 108 00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:52,634 Oh! You guys need towels. 109 00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:55,133 I keep those in the bathroom. 110 00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:56,935 'Cause I only got the one. 111 00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:59,237 (FURLY MEOWS) 112 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:02,070 PIGEON: Well, at least you know Deezy's not stealing your money. 113 00:04:02,076 --> 00:04:03,406 Dad, where are we gonna go? 114 00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:05,140 Oh, Marquess. What about your boyfriend? 115 00:04:05,145 --> 00:04:06,605 My what? No. 116 00:04:06,614 --> 00:04:09,484 Are you talking about Daniel? No, he's a friend. 117 00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:11,423 Right, but doesn't he sleep in your room sometimes? 118 00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:13,548 Only when he's too drunk to drive home, 119 00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:14,894 but that's just what friends do. 120 00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:16,518 But don't you also (BEEP) him sometimes? 121 00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:18,223 Okay, my God! Pigeon! 122 00:04:18,225 --> 00:04:19,955 Spanish Inquisition much? 123 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,590 Damn! I didn't wanna have to do this. 124 00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:24,926 But I guess we're gonna have to stay with my brother. 125 00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,832 What? You have a brother? 126 00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:29,604 Yeah. I never wanted you guys to meet him 127 00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,343 because he's a (BEEP) nerd. 128 00:04:31,338 --> 00:04:33,238 Like a big (BEEP) dork. 129 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:34,540 Like a geek. 130 00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:36,141 And I'm embarrassed of him, all right? 131 00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:37,913 (STAMMERING) Because I thought if you ever meet him, 132 00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:41,011 you'd probably think I was a big (BEEP) dork, too. 133 00:04:41,015 --> 00:04:43,775 But now that everybody knows my secret shame, 134 00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,824 we should just go there. (BEEP) it. 135 00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:48,519 Sleep in his (BEEP) Star Trek sheets, all right, 136 00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:51,362 and his (BEEP) Star Wars bed. 137 00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:52,758 (DOORBELL RINGING) 138 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:56,460 -Michael? -Hey, Neil. 139 00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:59,673 Everyone, this is my brother, Neil deGrasse Tyson. 140 00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:02,227 Neil deGrasse Tyson is your brother? 141 00:05:02,236 --> 00:05:03,666 The astrophysicist? 142 00:05:03,671 --> 00:05:05,541 This is the big (BEEP) nerd you're ashamed of? 143 00:05:05,539 --> 00:05:07,939 Yeah. (SIGHS) Hey, Neil. 144 00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:10,111 Can me and my mystery team live with you 145 00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:11,740 for a little while, please? 146 00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:15,205 Probably, for just, um, like, three, four months. 147 00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:17,045 Maybe five. Twelve tops. 148 00:05:17,051 --> 00:05:19,251 But it could be even closer to 18 months 149 00:05:19,253 --> 00:05:21,553 or two years, you know? Please? 150 00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:24,855 (SIGHS) Michael. I'm terribly sorry, but 151 00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:27,458 I'm in the middle of writing an important essay 152 00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:29,391 on multiple universes, 153 00:05:29,396 --> 00:05:30,926 or the multiverse, 154 00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:33,771 in which I explore how our own universe 155 00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:35,897 is simply one of the countless bubbles 156 00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:38,773 bursting force from the fabric of the cosmos. 157 00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:40,172 You lost me after "Michael". 158 00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:43,044 So, can we, uh, can we stay with you or not? 159 00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:45,443 No. It's just not a good time. 160 00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:47,106 It's 1:00 in the morning 161 00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:48,384 and I'm hosting a brunch 162 00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:50,682 for some fellow stargazers tomorrow. 163 00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,484 Oh, my God, you're such a (BEEP) nerd. 164 00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:54,016 Can't we just live with you, please? 165 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,821 You expect me to say yes? 166 00:05:55,823 --> 00:05:57,823 We haven't spoken in over a decade. 167 00:05:57,825 --> 00:05:59,885 Why did you two stop talking? 168 00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:00,933 He knows why. 169 00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:02,688 -(BELL RINGING) -(CROWD CHEERING) 170 00:06:07,166 --> 00:06:08,426 Neil? 171 00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:13,407 What the (BEEP) does that mean? 172 00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:15,340 (CROWD CHEERS) 173 00:06:15,342 --> 00:06:16,612 (BODY THUDS) 174 00:06:18,277 --> 00:06:20,847 I was trying to be supportive. 175 00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:22,878 You know what I should have done? 176 00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,383 This! 177 00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:25,445 (DOOR CLOSES) 178 00:06:25,452 --> 00:06:26,952 Dad, now what are we gonna do? 179 00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:29,394 I guess we'll sleep in the van. 180 00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:30,760 PIGEON: Sleep in the van... 181 00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:32,318 (SCOFFS) We should have just slept 182 00:06:32,326 --> 00:06:34,726 in Deezy's semen-caked sheets. 183 00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:39,400 (SHIVERING) 184 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:42,030 Damn, it's cold as (BEEP), man. 185 00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:43,735 (SHIVERING) 186 00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:47,338 If that asshole's not gonna let us sleep in his house, 187 00:06:47,341 --> 00:06:50,011 the least he can do is let us sleep in his garage. 188 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:02,522 It's still (BEEP) freezing. Maybe I'll shut the door. 189 00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:13,727 Maybe I just need a little white noise 190 00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:15,934 from the engine purring. 191 00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,166 (ENGINE STARTING) 192 00:07:17,737 --> 00:07:18,767 Ah! 193 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:21,542 Sweet, sweet slumber, here I come. 194 00:07:23,309 --> 00:07:24,639 Furly? 195 00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:25,975 Where you at, little guy? 196 00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:28,246 Furly? 197 00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:29,778 Furly? 198 00:07:34,253 --> 00:07:35,893 (FURLY PURRING) 199 00:07:37,924 --> 00:07:39,164 (COUGHS) 200 00:07:58,211 --> 00:07:59,611 (BEEPS) 201 00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:01,253 (RINGING) 202 00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:03,845 Furly! Cut this (BEEP)! 203 00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:05,451 Oh, damn! 204 00:08:05,452 --> 00:08:07,152 I should just go back to the apartment and get a can of tuna. 205 00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:09,224 Furly will come right quick if he smells tuna. 206 00:08:09,223 --> 00:08:10,623 (PHONE VIBRATING) 207 00:08:12,692 --> 00:08:14,532 -(RINGING) -(MEOWING) 208 00:08:17,129 --> 00:08:19,029 DEEZY: What up, Mike? Where you guys at? 209 00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:20,472 (MEOWING) 210 00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:22,597 Furly? Oh, thank God. 211 00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:23,973 Thank God. 212 00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:26,101 Wait. What are you doing with Mike? 213 00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:27,266 Where are you guys? 214 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,014 What? 215 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:31,780 Slow down, Furly. 216 00:08:31,778 --> 00:08:34,078 Wait a second. I can't speak to a (BEEP) cat. 217 00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:35,081 But something's wrong. 218 00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:36,822 I know it. I feel it in my bones. 219 00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:38,077 Hmm... 220 00:08:38,085 --> 00:08:41,085 What is that? That's a garbage truck. 221 00:08:41,088 --> 00:08:42,188 On a Sunday morning? 222 00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:43,859 The only place that has Sunday morning pickup 223 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,257 is Henderson, Nevada. 224 00:08:45,259 --> 00:08:46,729 I remember it was a controversial referendum 225 00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:48,457 they said would bankrupt the city. 226 00:08:48,462 --> 00:08:50,132 Now, who do I know that lives in Henderson? 227 00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:51,300 Oh, (BEEP)! 228 00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:53,228 Mike's brother, the famous cosmetologist, 229 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:54,603 Neil Patrick Harris. 230 00:08:54,601 --> 00:08:57,001 I'm coming, Furly! 231 00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:59,874 Once again, I'm sorry to disturb you, Neil Patrick Harris. 232 00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,373 That's really my bad. 233 00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:03,435 And I'm sorry I made you explain it so many times. 234 00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:05,113 Truly, I am. I mean, if I had just slowed down for a second, 235 00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:06,752 I would have thought, "Different last name, 236 00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:08,077 "different middle name, white not black." 237 00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:10,151 And you're not even a cosmetologist. 238 00:09:11,183 --> 00:09:12,553 Not at all. 239 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,904 -(MEOWS) -(DEEZY COUGHS) 240 00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:25,857 Deezy, what are you doing here? 241 00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:27,596 What are you doing here? 242 00:09:27,601 --> 00:09:28,771 -I thought you guys were gonna stay with me. -PIGEON: What happened? 243 00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:30,639 Well, we were 244 00:09:30,637 --> 00:09:32,637 but when we saw your place, 245 00:09:32,639 --> 00:09:35,369 we thought we could do better, but we can't. 246 00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:37,035 So can we stay with you again? 247 00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:39,214 Of course, Mike. My door is always open. 248 00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:42,012 Really? Is that why you have no furniture? 249 00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:43,845 We'll follow you back to your place. 250 00:09:44,684 --> 00:09:46,554 This is gonna be so great, Furly. 251 00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:48,053 Having all those people at our place. 252 00:09:48,055 --> 00:09:50,215 Conversation flowing, socializing... 253 00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:52,793 Maybe we'll finally have that game night we've been talking about. 254 00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:54,593 Whoo! This is gonna be good. 255 00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:56,795 (BREATH TREMBLING) Finally get me over this, um... 256 00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:58,397 This little depression I've been... 257 00:09:58,398 --> 00:09:59,728 I've been battling. 258 00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:04,544 Dad, wait, isn't this your wallet? 259 00:10:04,538 --> 00:10:06,368 Oh (BEEP), we had it the whole time. 260 00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:09,243 (BEEP) it. Let's go to the Four Seasons. 261 00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:11,382 I can feel the fog lifting already. 262 00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:15,907 (MEOWING) 263 00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:19,223 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 264 00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:27,094 Hey, I bet you were surprised to find out 265 00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:29,464 that my brother was Neil deGrasse Tyson. 266 00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:32,833 Yeah, but he's not the only famous Tyson in our family. 267 00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:34,303 No, he isn't. 268 00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:36,871 By the way, Cicely Tyson, award-winning actress, 269 00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:38,400 my great-great-aunt. 270 00:10:39,872 --> 00:10:41,742 Oh, Tyson Beckford, 271 00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:43,512 the Beau Brummell of his time. 272 00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:47,810 Handsome, debonair, didactyl. My third cousin. 273 00:10:48,581 --> 00:10:50,081 And this is my tallest cousin. 274 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:53,053 This is, um, Tyson Chandler. 275 00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:54,853 He's seven foot. 276 00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:57,385 And this is my great-great... Oh, my God, 277 00:10:57,391 --> 00:11:00,561 my great-great-great- great-grandfather, 278 00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:02,690 Tyson chicken. 279 00:11:02,696 --> 00:11:04,426 (THEME MUSIC CONTINUES) 19968

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