Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, hey, mate. How's it going?

-Hey. -Terry.

Terry? Oh, yes, Terry.

Yeah. (LAUGHS)

It's already been a week, huh?

Yep, time goes by fast.

(LAUGHS)

Really does.

Yeah, really. Really does, doesn't it?

The, uh... Yep.

So, what's, uh, what's the good word?

Uh, what?

What's going on, you know? What you been up to?

Fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.

Nice. You know, you've got it figured out, man.

Man, I thought I had it figured out,

but you, you're the figure-outer.

Look at you. You spend all day

living with the champ, hanging out. (LAUGHS)

Whoo, I bet you get the girls, eh?

Few of the old, uh, ladies?

I was telling my friend about you, actually.

You know, he goes, "There's no such thing as a talking bird."

(LAUGHS) And I was like, "Oh, really? Really?

"What do you call a parrot, you dickhead?"

(LAUGHS)

Yeah, he was pretty quiet after that.

Oh, yeah? Hey, Terry,

I might not be able to hear you.

On the account of I am listening to music on my headphones now.

All right. Sorry, I didn't see the, uh, see the headphones.

Are they new ones, are they?

Are they little, little tiny ones, the modern ones.

They're getting smaller, aren't they?

They're put on right inside of the ear, are they?

No, he can't hear me.

It's weird how he was hearing me.

(HUMMING)

Come outside and sit with me.

Mmm, after the pool guy's gone.

He's so weird.

Uh, every time he sees me,

he tells me I should put sun block on.

And every time, I tell him I'm a ghost.

And then the next time I see him,

(MIMICKING TERRY) "You better put some sun block on."

He's not even good at his job.

He puts way too much chlorine in.

Your father can't bear to fire anybody.

He hates confrontation.

Oh, damn, is that the pool guy?

Yung, go out there and tell that guy

not to put so much (BLEEP) damn chlorine in there.

It hurts my eyes.

Dad, you tell him.

Yung, you know I'm not good with those type of situations.

They escalate, you know. They get all escalated,

and before you know it, bam! I'm (BLEEP) knocking the pool guy out.

Heavens to Beatrice, I'll do it.

Now, who the (BLEEP) is this Beatrice?

(PHONE RINGING)

Hi, Terry, will you not put so much chlorine in this time?

Okay, but only if you put some sun block on. All right?

(LAUGHS)

You should tell your buddy to wear sun block.

I know he wears a hat, but he's really white.

Oh, right, he's got this, got the head phones on, hasn't he?

What are you talkin' about?

I don't want no track suit in another blue.

It's gotta be the same blue, Yves Klein Blue.

Yeah. Yes.

Yes, I want you to check again.

Wait a second, this is Yves Klein Blue?

(BLEEP) Yeah, it is.

Or it used to be. I washed it once before

and there was a little bleach in there and it faded it.

What's Yves Klein Blue?

Ugh. I keep forgetting you're home-schooled.

Yves Klein Blue is a unique

and rather intense shade of blue

created by the famous French artist Yves Klein.

Wow! Is there anything special

about the color of my tracksuit?

No, it's just regular pink.

Because you're a girl. And girls like pink.

-I don't like pink. -Well, maybe you're transgendered.

-Okay. -Hey, champ,

mind if I use your pisser?

I gotta squeeze the venom out of me lizard.

You know, drain the main vein. Need your toilet.

What do you mean some guy bought all the Yves Klein Blue?

Oop, you're on the phone.

No worries. (WHISPERING) I'll, uh, I'll find it, mate.

Why does he need another tracksuit?

Yes, I will hold.

I wanna get one with shorts and a jacket with no sleeves,

you know, for the summer.

False alarm. (LAUGHS) Often happens.

Yes, I'm still here.

Hey, you mind if I get a drink of, uh, of water?

-Glass of water? -Well, how long then?

-Glasses in here? -Oh, my God.

So, who the (BLEEP) bought it all?

-Here. -Oh, thank you.

Oh, anyone mind if I grab that orange fizzy?

Looks like that might be the last one.

Here you go, friend.

Somebody else talk to this (BLEEP), please?

-What? -It's getting all escalated.

I don't need confrontation.

Here, Marquess, you talk to him.

I don't want to talk to him.

I'll talk to him. Hi, this is Terry.

-(SINGING) -Mmm-hmm. Yeah.

Who took the last (BLEEP) orange drink?

Oh. Oh, excellent. Thanks for your help.

-Yeah, you, too. -(LINE DISCONNECTS)

Okay, here's the situation.

Now they say that... Oh, you might wanna take

your headphones off to hear this.

Eh? Oh, yeah.

Let me take 'em out. They're out.

Okay. So the champ's tailor tells me

that he can't get any more of the specific pigment,

he wants to make the summer track suit.

You see, they'd have to wait until they can manufacture more of the pigment.

The, uh, Yves Klein Blue, I believe it's called.

But, because it's an intensive process to make the pigment,

he doesn't think that they can get their hands on any of it till next year,

which, obviously, would be too late for the champ to wear this summer.

So, we're at a bit of a loss.

Then, he suggested we contact the person who bought the current supply

and see if we can persuade him to sell some of the pigment directly to us,

which of course, we could then give to the tailor

to make the summer track suit.

Mmm, that raises an interesting question, why are you in our house?

I came in to use the restroom.

So, who is this person that bought it all?

Great question, young man.

The tailor suggested asking the people who produce the actual pigment.

He says they are in Paris, France.

Well, team, pack your (BLEEP)

It looks like we gotta go to Paris.

To ask a question? Couldn't we just call them?

None of us speak French, Marquess.

And everybody knows 90% of communication is non-verbal.

When you're face to face,

you can really make the gestures with your hands

and use your facial expressions, you know.

Like here, guess what I'm saying?

-Uh, you're, you're hungry. -And you're mad.

Oh! You're mad because you're so hungry.

What? First of all, I'm happy.

And I'm asking where the post office is

because I'm writing a letter and I need to know where the mail it.

Jesus Christ, you Americans are so (BLEEP) dumb.

I need to know who bought all the Yves Klein blue,

so I could purchase some directly from him.

Oh, I speak English.

Oh, damn, I guess I could've called.

I don't have a name, but I have a shipping address.

It's in Brazil. Here you are.

Thank you.

All right, team, pack your (BLEEP) again. We're going to Brazil.

-Brazil? -Great!

I've always wanted to go to Brazil.

Okay, I'll get the cab back to the hotel.

Wait a second. Why is he coming to Brazil with us?

Why did he even come to Paris with us?

I told you I'm not good with confrontation.

He asked me if he could come and I said, um...

I didn't think that would be a good idea.

And then he said please,

and I could feel it escalating.

So, I'd either say yes or beat the living shit out of him.

Come on, guys, the cab's here!

Brazil awaits.

I'll tell him he's not going.

I got no problem with confrontation.

Well, guys, I guess this is good bye.

Got to say, this was the best trip I've ever taken.

Probably made the best memories I've ever made.

You know, I'm hesitant to call you the best friends I've ever had,

because to me, it goes beyond that.

You guys, you're family.

Yeah? Tsk.

I guess all good things must come to an end.

Why? Why? Who came up with that phrase, you know?

But it's true, I guess. I gotta follow the laws of life.

Hmm.

(SIGHING) Oh, well.

Champ.

Whitey.

Oh, my God.

-Little guy. -Oh, don't, don't touch me.

Bird. Talking bird.

Oh, I'll kick myself if I didn't try at least one last time.

-Champ, can I please come with you to Brazil? -Sure.

-Oh, my... -Ugh.

Jesus Christ.

Are you sure this is the right address?

That's the one she gave me.

But this is the Palacio da Alvorada.

This is, like, the White House,

but for the President of Brazil.

What the (BLEEP) does the President of Brazil want with my Yves Klein Blue?

Well, as you know, Brazil is hosting

the upcoming Olympic Games in Rio,

and many events will take place in Guanabara Bay,

which unfortunately is filthy.

It's thick with garbage,

fecal matter, toxic chemicals, you know.

Just a bunch of shit everywhere.

So?

You were going to dump a bunch of blue pigment in the water

to try and make it look clean?

I know. It's a (BLEEP) joke.

The whole Olympics is a (BLEEP) nightmare.

The transportation isn't ready.

The housing is behind schedule.

The truck for the runners keeps bubbling up.

It's got some (BLEEP) problem.

The place for the bicycle races...

The velodrome?

Yes, the (BLEEP) velodrome. It's not even built yet.

So, yes, Mike Tyson, you can have some blue pigment.

You can have it all.

Oh, I only need a little bit.

Enough for my tailor to make me a summer suit.

Well, why didn't you say so?

I will have a suit made for you.

Brazilian style.

After all, you were always my favorite boxer.

Well, you and Gerry Cooney, and Pernell Whitaker.

Sweet Pea Whitaker.

You are in my top five for sure.

Oh, remember Julio Cesar Chavez?

And Duran? I love the Mexican fighters.

You are for sure in my top 10.

MIKE: Hey, team, we've got a new mystery.

Come on to the Mystery Mobile.

Dad, no one's going anywhere with you dressed like that.

Wait for me. I'm coming!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(MAN SPEAKING)

Yeah, the very small picture, 8' by 10'.

Yeah.

I thought it would be massive, it's a little 8' by 10'.

Oh, you're not getting close to that, dude.

No way, Jose.