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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,467 --> 00:00:02,967 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 2 00:00:40,473 --> 00:00:42,983 -What is that? -Leftovers. Chinese food. 3 00:00:42,977 --> 00:00:45,337 -Why? Do you want it? -(WINGS FLUTTERING) 4 00:00:48,815 --> 00:00:51,375 Hey, what the hell? Get the (BLEEP) away from me. 5 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:52,845 Ah, he wants to be your friend. 6 00:00:52,853 --> 00:00:55,323 Yeah, I already have enough friends I don't like. 7 00:00:55,322 --> 00:00:57,792 (MARQUESS HUMMING) 8 00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:05,200 Are you drinking wine? 9 00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:07,429 What? It's the weekend. 10 00:01:08,168 --> 00:01:10,138 Dad, we got a new mystery. 11 00:01:10,137 --> 00:01:12,467 Damn, they sure like that orange chicken. 12 00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:15,673 I wonder, do they know that they're eating their cousins? 13 00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:17,236 "Dear Mike Tyson Mystery Team, 14 00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:19,614 "My sister Elsa and I are struggling to figure out 15 00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:22,153 "what to do with our 96-year-old father. 16 00:01:22,149 --> 00:01:24,079 "I think we need to put him in a nursing home, 17 00:01:24,085 --> 00:01:25,715 "but Elsa worries that if we do, 18 00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:27,649 "he'll lose the will to live. 19 00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:29,485 "Can you help us decide? 20 00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:31,220 "Sincerely, Alex Schmidt." 21 00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:34,325 Oh, God, that's depressing. 22 00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:36,458 Are we allowed to pick another one? 23 00:01:36,464 --> 00:01:38,704 Yeah, I guess we could pick another one. 24 00:01:38,699 --> 00:01:40,469 Whoo, this'll be fun! 25 00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:42,868 (CHUCKLES) Cheers, team. 26 00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:44,600 You know, it's 10:00 in the morning. 27 00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:48,065 What? You never heard of a little white wine with brunch? 28 00:01:48,075 --> 00:01:49,435 We're not eating brunch. 29 00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:51,213 (SCOFFS) 30 00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:53,752 -She can be a real (BLEEP). -YUNG: Oh, my God. 31 00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:55,707 Okay, how about this one? 32 00:01:55,716 --> 00:01:57,676 "Dear Mike Tyson Mystery Team, 33 00:01:57,685 --> 00:01:59,915 "I don't have anyone else to turn to. 34 00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:01,920 "My husband was just laid off, 35 00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:04,092 "and we're so far behind on our mortgage 36 00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:06,861 "that the bank is threatening to take our home. 37 00:02:06,861 --> 00:02:08,691 "I would go back to work, 38 00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:10,656 "but I'm afraid I was just injured, 39 00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:11,804 "and in a fire, 40 00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:13,929 "and my face was burnt off." 41 00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:17,004 Jesus! That's more depressing than the other one. 42 00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:18,804 I'll get us one. I'll get us a-one. 43 00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,606 I'll get us a fun one. 44 00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:25,213 Okay. Here we go. 45 00:02:25,212 --> 00:02:27,082 "Dear Mike Tyson Mystery Team, 46 00:02:27,081 --> 00:02:29,581 "Our beloved Golden Retriever, Furley, 47 00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,953 "recently ran away. 48 00:02:31,952 --> 00:02:34,992 "Making matters worse, he was the one bright spot 49 00:02:34,989 --> 00:02:38,259 "in the life of our special needs daughter." 50 00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:40,629 Oh, my God. Let's... Let's just go with the... 51 00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:43,298 With the old man and the nursing home. 52 00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:45,697 Good Lord, now, I need a drink. 53 00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:48,029 (SCREAMS) What the (BLEEP) is this? 54 00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:49,535 What is this, vodka? 55 00:02:49,537 --> 00:02:51,397 Huh? (CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY) 56 00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:53,165 What? How did that get in there? 57 00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:00,978 ALEX: I'm glad you guys were able to get in before the storm. 58 00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:03,981 They say the Denver area might get eight inches tonight. 59 00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:07,224 Mmm, I'll give you 8 inches tonight. (CHUCKLES) 60 00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:08,851 -Are you drunk? -What? 61 00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:11,956 He says stuff like that all the time and no one says anything. 62 00:03:11,959 --> 00:03:14,689 Ha! 63 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:17,995 So, Alex, why do you think your dad should be in a nursing home? 64 00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:19,228 Well, he's 96. 65 00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:21,333 He lives alone in a cabin up in the mountains. 66 00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:23,095 There's no heat. 67 00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:24,943 So he has to chop wood just to keep from freezing to death. 68 00:03:24,939 --> 00:03:27,139 I mean, he always forgets to take his heart medicine. 69 00:03:27,141 --> 00:03:30,011 And the nearest hospital, it's two hours away. 70 00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:32,610 And he's always been a little crazy, but I swear to God, 71 00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:34,553 he's getting crazier every day. 72 00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:35,878 Is he single? 73 00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:38,253 (CHUCKLING) I'm sorry. I am drunk. 74 00:03:39,586 --> 00:03:41,616 Mmm, Alex, it's a tough situation, 75 00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:43,422 but I think you're right. 76 00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:46,434 You should definitely put your father in a nursing home. 77 00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:48,087 No ifs, ands, and buts. 78 00:03:55,268 --> 00:03:57,968 -Dad can't go in a home. -(SIGHS) 79 00:03:57,972 --> 00:03:59,812 He needs his independence. 80 00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:02,037 You take that away from him and he'll have nothing to live for. 81 00:04:02,942 --> 00:04:04,282 Elsa. 82 00:04:04,278 --> 00:04:06,708 It's a tough situation, but I think you're right. 83 00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:09,824 You should definitely not put your father in a nursing home. 84 00:04:09,817 --> 00:04:11,777 No ifs, ands, and buts. 85 00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:15,446 Fine. Then we'll have Dad move in with you. 86 00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:18,516 Oh, because with three kids and a marriage that's hanging on by a thread, 87 00:04:18,525 --> 00:04:19,885 I don't have enough on my plate? 88 00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:22,233 Yeah. I'll put something on your plate. 89 00:04:22,229 --> 00:04:23,629 (GUFFAWS) 90 00:04:24,197 --> 00:04:25,927 (ALL LAUGHING) 91 00:04:26,799 --> 00:04:28,299 Oh, that's funny. 92 00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:29,802 Ugh! How is that... 93 00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:32,543 It's timing. You've got bad timing. 94 00:04:32,539 --> 00:04:36,069 If anything, it makes the most sense for him to live with you, Alex. 95 00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:37,506 You live alone. 96 00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:39,081 And I travel all the time, 97 00:04:39,079 --> 00:04:41,409 so he'd still have no one looking after him. 98 00:04:41,415 --> 00:04:42,945 Hey, I have a solution. 99 00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,850 I think your father should move in with us. 100 00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:46,352 No ifs, ands, and buts. 101 00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:47,553 -What? -Dad! 102 00:04:47,554 --> 00:04:49,294 Yeah. Yeah, that's what we need. 103 00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:52,160 That's what the team has been missing the entire time, 104 00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:54,089 a 96-year-old man. 105 00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:56,464 We can all take turns bathing him, 106 00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:58,503 feeding him, (BLEEP) him. 107 00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:00,169 (LAUGHING) 108 00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:02,930 (ALL LAUGHING) 109 00:05:05,338 --> 00:05:06,468 He's very funny. 110 00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:08,213 Okay. I can't. 111 00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:10,778 Well, have you asked your father what he wants? 112 00:05:10,778 --> 00:05:12,678 He doesn't know what's good for him. 113 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:13,850 And he's crazy. 114 00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:15,977 He's not crazy, he's eccentric. 115 00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:18,023 He spends all his time up there 116 00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:20,448 looking for the Abominable Snowman. 117 00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:21,854 He is crazy! 118 00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:24,715 (SIGHS) Maybe you're right. 119 00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:26,185 He should live with me. 120 00:05:27,026 --> 00:05:28,286 (SOBBING) 121 00:05:31,564 --> 00:05:33,504 There, there. We'll figure out 122 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,670 what to do about Pop-pop. 123 00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:41,667 We should have gone with the special needs kid. 124 00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:52,119 (SIGHS) He's still not picking up. 125 00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:54,049 Dad, it's Elsa and Alex again. 126 00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:55,794 And the Mystery Team again. 127 00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:57,389 We're almost at the cabin. 128 00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:58,761 I hope you're okay. 129 00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:00,389 Call me when you get this. 130 00:06:00,394 --> 00:06:02,594 Oh, jeez. When was the last time you talked to him? 131 00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:04,756 -It's been a few days. -(SIGHS) 132 00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:07,365 Can you seriously not move your seat up? 133 00:06:07,368 --> 00:06:09,128 I told you, I can't reach the handle. 134 00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:11,596 It's not my fault Alex didn't spring for power seats. 135 00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:14,835 (SCOFFS) Why is the smallest person sitting up there anyway? 136 00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:16,212 He called shotgun. 137 00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:18,580 And when you call shotgun, you get shotgun. 138 00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:22,179 Does anyone know where the term "Riding shotgun" comes from? 139 00:06:24,617 --> 00:06:26,787 Okay. Well, I'll tell you. 140 00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:28,387 MARQUESS: It comes from the Old West. 141 00:06:28,389 --> 00:06:30,789 When the settlers were riding in their covered wagons, 142 00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:34,891 they always had someone sit up next to the driver holding a shotgun. 143 00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,025 Yeah, to protect them from bandits. 144 00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:41,770 And that is where the term "Shotgun" comes from. 145 00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:44,869 Really? It's not from me wanting to put a shotgun in my mouth 146 00:06:44,872 --> 00:06:46,442 while you were telling that story? 147 00:06:55,281 --> 00:06:57,321 (WIND WHISTLING) 148 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:05,085 -Why is the front door open? -Oh, God. 149 00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:10,804 (ELSA CRYING) 150 00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:12,028 Daddy. 151 00:07:13,399 --> 00:07:14,799 There, there. It's okay. 152 00:07:14,802 --> 00:07:16,702 At least now you don't have to decide 153 00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:18,373 if your dad should live with you, 154 00:07:18,372 --> 00:07:20,942 or if he should be put into a nursing home. 155 00:07:21,908 --> 00:07:23,308 Because he's dead. 156 00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:25,210 And so, now, all you have to decide now is 157 00:07:25,212 --> 00:07:27,412 what you're gonna do with his frozen body. 158 00:07:27,414 --> 00:07:28,954 (SOBBING) 159 00:07:40,059 --> 00:07:41,429 If it's any consolation, 160 00:07:41,428 --> 00:07:43,258 they say that freezing to death 161 00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:45,963 is one of the most painless ways to go. 162 00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:52,372 Or maybe it's one of the most painful ways to go. 163 00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:56,012 I mean, his face looks like it was excruciating. 164 00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:57,509 (ELSA CRYING) 165 00:08:06,285 --> 00:08:08,345 Ah... What? 166 00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:10,655 Hello? Uh, this is Alex Schmidt. 167 00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:13,457 There has been a death. My father has passed away. 168 00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:16,260 His name was Hermann Schmidt, yes. 169 00:08:16,263 --> 00:08:19,303 The cabin at the end of Pine Bluff Road. 170 00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:21,799 -Okay, thanks. We'll be here. -MIKE: Whoa! 171 00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:23,442 What's all this shit? 172 00:08:24,537 --> 00:08:26,537 The Abominable Snowman? 173 00:08:27,874 --> 00:08:30,014 My dad was obsessed. 174 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,080 (SCOFFS) But I suppose there are worse things 175 00:08:32,079 --> 00:08:33,749 he could have done with his life. 176 00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:35,847 -(GASPS) -(DOOR RUMBLING) 177 00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:41,192 -Heil Hitler! -ALEX: What the... 178 00:08:44,757 --> 00:08:47,287 (RECORDING PLAYING) 179 00:08:48,761 --> 00:08:50,031 Pop-pop! 180 00:08:51,831 --> 00:08:53,101 (GASPS) 181 00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:57,501 What the hell is this? 182 00:08:57,504 --> 00:09:02,044 It looks like it's your dad's secret Nazi room. 183 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,742 This can't be possible. 184 00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:05,314 Your dad was crazy, all right. 185 00:09:05,312 --> 00:09:07,882 But not because he believes in the Abominable Snowman. 186 00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:11,281 No, it's because he wanted to exterminate the Jewish people, 187 00:09:11,285 --> 00:09:13,945 which, if you ask me, I believe is much more abominable 188 00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:15,894 than the Abominable Snowman. 189 00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:18,463 You know, my mother was Jewish? 190 00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:20,358 Hmm, well, that means you're Jewish. 191 00:09:21,861 --> 00:09:23,901 (SCREAMING) 192 00:09:27,466 --> 00:09:29,296 -(ALL SCREAMING) -(YELLING IN GERMAN) 193 00:09:36,142 --> 00:09:37,342 (GASPS) 194 00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:41,909 (YELLING IN GERMAN) 195 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,475 (SCREAMING) 196 00:09:47,186 --> 00:09:49,116 (YELLING IN GERMAN) 197 00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:50,892 (CRYING) Oh, my... 198 00:09:51,557 --> 00:09:53,187 (ROARING) 199 00:09:57,096 --> 00:09:59,496 (BONES CRUNCHING) 200 00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:05,636 (GROWLING) 201 00:10:15,414 --> 00:10:17,554 I don't know why everyone is in such a mood. 202 00:10:17,551 --> 00:10:20,921 If you wanted shotgun, you should have just called shotgun. 203 00:10:30,329 --> 00:10:33,429 I went there and I was skiing, and, um... 204 00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:36,033 Skiing wasn't the difficult part. 205 00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:38,596 The difficult part is stopping. 206 00:10:38,605 --> 00:10:40,305 So, I'm coming down this little mountain, 207 00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:41,907 and this is the second big mountain, 208 00:10:41,908 --> 00:10:44,708 sliding down, balancing myself out... 209 00:10:44,711 --> 00:10:46,981 You know, I was good at really balancing myself. 210 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:50,150 So I'm coming down, and as soon as I came down the hill, 211 00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,420 I hit the concrete. 212 00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:53,118 And once the ski hit the concrete, 213 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:55,220 it stops and you keep going. 214 00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:57,022 And, so, that's what happened to me. 15776

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