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1
00:00:00,467 --> 00:00:03,697
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:00:42,075 --> 00:00:43,105
PIGEON: What are you doing?
3
00:00:43,110 --> 00:00:45,180
Uh... Um. Um, nothing.
4
00:00:45,179 --> 00:00:46,679
I was, uh, just...
5
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,280
Smoking a cigarette.
6
00:00:48,282 --> 00:00:50,352
Okay, you know what? It's none
of your business, Pigeon.
7
00:00:50,351 --> 00:00:52,421
MIKE: Hey everybody,we have a new mystery.
8
00:00:52,420 --> 00:00:54,820
-Do not tell anyone
about this.
-I won't.
9
00:00:54,822 --> 00:00:56,122
I'm serious.
10
00:00:56,123 --> 00:00:57,393
I'm serious, too.
11
00:01:00,026 --> 00:01:01,986
Uh-oh.
12
00:01:01,996 --> 00:01:03,796
What were you
doing back there?
13
00:01:03,798 --> 00:01:05,228
Oh, um...
14
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:07,002
Um, Marquess was torturing
the neighbor's cat.
15
00:01:07,001 --> 00:01:09,271
What? My God.
Are you insane?
16
00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:11,340
I was not. I was
smoking a cigarette.
17
00:01:11,338 --> 00:01:12,838
I can't believe you
just told them.
18
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:15,670
I thought the whole point
was not to tell anyone!
19
00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:18,606
-You smoke?
-Marquess, tell me
it's not true!
20
00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:22,922
Okay. Look, I'm trying to
quit, but I'm just... (SIGHS)
21
00:01:22,917 --> 00:01:24,447
I've been so
stressed these days.
22
00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:26,022
What are you stressed about?
23
00:01:26,020 --> 00:01:27,550
Ugh! I don't know.
24
00:01:27,555 --> 00:01:29,215
You're probably worried
someone is going to find out
25
00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:32,833
you torture small animals
behind this coop.
26
00:01:32,827 --> 00:01:37,057
What? I do not torture
animals. Pigeon, what is
wrong with you?
27
00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:38,604
So, what's the mystery?
28
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,899
The mystery is how long
you've been secretly smoking
29
00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:42,531
dirty, disgusting cigarettes!
30
00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:45,466
Okay. Oh, my God.
He smokes crack!
31
00:01:45,473 --> 00:01:48,273
And we are going to make
a federal case out of
one cigarette?
32
00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:50,835
Uh, Yung, will you please
just read the mystery?
33
00:01:50,845 --> 00:01:53,245
Oh, are you getting
stressed out, Marquess?
34
00:01:53,247 --> 00:01:55,607
You need a dirty,
disgusting cigarette?
35
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:57,016
My God.
36
00:01:57,017 --> 00:01:58,447
"Dear Mike Tyson Mystery Team,
37
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"I'm worried that my
wife is having an affair.
38
00:02:00,387 --> 00:02:02,747
"Please help, Douglas Baynes."
39
00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:05,456
-Oh, he lives here
in Las Vegas.
-So?
40
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,189
So, it's just nice because
he is here in town.
41
00:02:08,195 --> 00:02:10,625
Yeah, why? What else
you got going on?
42
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:13,471
-Nothing.
-Yeah, then why does it matter
43
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,467
where the hell the mystery is?
44
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:18,339
It's all a big (BEEP)
waste of our lives anyway.
45
00:02:18,339 --> 00:02:20,409
We should all just
kill ourselves.
46
00:02:23,443 --> 00:02:27,213
I'm sorry. I-I'm just
in a horrible mood.
47
00:02:27,214 --> 00:02:29,314
I smoked a ton
of crack last night
48
00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:31,816
and as usual, now,
I feel like (BEEP).
49
00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:34,249
Anyways, to the
Mystery Mobile!
50
00:02:41,127 --> 00:02:43,597
Thank you for coming.
Does anyone need more tea?
51
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:46,897
PIGEON: Uh, no, because
it is 100 degrees outside!
52
00:02:46,901 --> 00:02:49,171
So no one needs more hot tea!
53
00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:51,900
So, what is going on
with your wife, Mr. Baynes?
54
00:02:51,906 --> 00:02:53,406
She's just been
acting distant.
55
00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:55,837
She's spending
more time at work.
56
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:57,483
Lots of secretive phone calls.
57
00:02:57,478 --> 00:02:59,878
I mean, last night,
she came home
58
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,210
and smelled like
men's cologne.
59
00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:04,516
PIGEON: Right, because
she's (BEEP) other men?
60
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:06,718
I'm sorry, where
is your bathroom?
61
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,650
Oh, just down that hall.
62
00:03:09,589 --> 00:03:10,659
(CAR APPROACHING)
63
00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:12,058
(GASPS)
64
00:03:14,327 --> 00:03:17,257
That's her! Okay, she can't
know why I've called you here.
65
00:03:17,264 --> 00:03:19,234
I mean, what if I am
wrong about all this?
66
00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:20,533
(LAUGHS) You're not wrong.
67
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:23,244
Relax, sir. She won't
suspect a thing.
68
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:29,138
Oh, hi, ma'am, I'm Randy.
I went to school
with your husband.
69
00:03:29,143 --> 00:03:33,013
And this is, um, my sister,
and this is our son.
70
00:03:34,247 --> 00:03:36,417
Aren't you Mike Tyson?
71
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:38,747
Yes, ma'am.
72
00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:42,852
I left my day planner.
Uh, Douglas, I have to
run back to work.
73
00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:47,526
Don't wait up. It's going
to be another late night.
74
00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:50,728
PIGEON: Another late night
of fiddling with other
men's penises.
75
00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:57,474
(HUMMING)
76
00:03:58,304 --> 00:03:59,844
(FIRE ALARM BEEPING)
77
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Ahhh! Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, shit!
78
00:04:03,476 --> 00:04:04,536
Shitty-shit!
79
00:04:05,511 --> 00:04:07,481
(STRAINING)
80
00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:09,551
Argh! My shoes!
81
00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:10,720
Ahhh!
82
00:04:10,718 --> 00:04:12,648
Marquess.
83
00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:14,223
(SIGHING)
84
00:04:14,221 --> 00:04:16,691
This is one of those times
I wish I was an
invisible ghost,
85
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:20,260
instead of this all-white,
incredibly visible ghost.
86
00:04:21,060 --> 00:04:22,160
(COMPUTER MOUSE CLICKING)
87
00:04:22,162 --> 00:04:24,132
Ah-ha! Mystery solved.
88
00:04:25,732 --> 00:04:27,472
Ugh, what is this?
89
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:29,528
It's one of my slut websites.
90
00:04:29,536 --> 00:04:30,836
Is that Mrs. Baynes?
91
00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:34,868
Sure looks like her, and
the profile says Bayniac.
92
00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:38,375
Let's see here, she is
seeking men, women, black,
93
00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:41,709
Asian, Mexican,
Indian, good lord!
94
00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:45,345
Group sex, public sex,
anal-piss-play!
95
00:04:45,352 --> 00:04:49,222
Sweet mother of God!
Mrs. Baynes!
96
00:04:49,223 --> 00:04:52,893
Damn, I got to send this
bitch a boner request.
97
00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:56,133
(SIGH) I guess I'll call
Douglas and break the news.
98
00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:57,660
What's the name of
that website again?
99
00:04:57,665 --> 00:05:00,125
Dad, hold on. We don't
even know that's her.
100
00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:02,474
Yung's right. We
have to be sure.
101
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:05,769
Maybe, Pigeon could set up
a date with her, like a sting.
102
00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:08,473
-Nah, I don't think
that'll work.
-How come?
103
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:11,305
Well for one thing,
she declined my boner request.
104
00:05:11,312 --> 00:05:15,212
Well, what about Marquess?
She never saw him,
so she won't be suspicious.
105
00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:18,215
I'm sorry, I-I don't feel
comfortable doing that.
106
00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:20,418
I'll set up your profile.
107
00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:23,091
But, maybe we will
put you down as Indian
108
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:25,560
and leave out that you
torture small animals,
109
00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:27,389
I think that would
be a turnoff.
110
00:05:27,394 --> 00:05:29,194
-Okay, okay!
-(CHUCKLES)
111
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(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
112
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PIGEON: And we're live.
113
00:05:36,236 --> 00:05:38,836
Testing, testing.
Marquess, can you hear me?
114
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,339
Yes, I can hear you.
115
00:05:40,341 --> 00:05:42,111
Where did you get all this
surveillance equipment?
116
00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:43,709
-Your bedroom.
-What?
117
00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:45,541
Uh, relax!
118
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:48,306
PIGEON: You're the onlyperson in the worldwho doesn't masturbate.
119
00:05:48,315 --> 00:05:50,115
Can we please just focus?
120
00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:53,887
Oh, my God.
What is this place?
121
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:58,917
The Torture Chamber.
Las Vegas's premiere
BDSM club.
122
00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:00,526
So do you, like, come here?
123
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:04,327
No, only once. But I've
been here a bunch of times.
124
00:06:04,331 --> 00:06:05,901
(LAUGHS)
125
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:07,169
Ugh, gross.
126
00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:10,337
Hello? Where am
I supposed to meet her?
127
00:06:10,337 --> 00:06:13,307
PIGEON: She said to meetin the Whipping Room.
128
00:06:14,273 --> 00:06:15,473
-(WHIPPING SOUND)
-MAN: Oh, yeah!
129
00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:18,036
Oh, God... I think I am in it.
130
00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:19,205
-(WHIPPING SOUND)
-MAN: (SQUEALS)
131
00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:21,383
(SQUEALS) I need a cigarette.
132
00:06:21,382 --> 00:06:24,152
Marquess, I thought you said
you were going to quit!
133
00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:27,251
Seriously? I am
surrounded by genitals
134
00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:29,494
and you're not going to
let me have one cigarette?
135
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:31,390
YUNG: Cigarettes causecancer, Marquess.
136
00:06:31,392 --> 00:06:34,532
I'm a ghost.
I can't get cancer.
137
00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:36,328
"I can't get cancer?"
What a dick.
138
00:06:36,330 --> 00:06:38,130
Who says that?
"I can't get cancer."
139
00:06:38,132 --> 00:06:39,602
Unlikeable.
140
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,600
-What an unlikeable dick.
-(WHIPPING SOUND)
141
00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:43,572
WOMAN: Sid Arthur?
142
00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:46,740
Oh, um, Bayniac?
143
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:49,210
Oh, my God, it is her!
144
00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:51,939
(GIGGLING)
You seem nervous.
145
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:53,705
Uh, oh, I'm not nervous.
146
00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:56,654
I'm very comfortable
here in...
Ahhh! Semen!
147
00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:57,750
(GROWLING)
148
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,551
(SCREAMING)
149
00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:02,093
-Holy (BEEP).
-What the hell is she?
150
00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:05,059
(GROWLING)
151
00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:08,928
You know what? I think I left
my wallet in one
of the gang-bang rooms.
152
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:11,129
So, I'm just gonna...
153
00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:12,701
-(SNARLING)
-MARQUESS: (SCREAMS)
154
00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:15,499
-(SHIVERING)
-(HISSING)
155
00:07:16,869 --> 00:07:17,939
What, what the hell?
156
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:18,938
(GROWLING)
157
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:20,109
(STAMMERING)
158
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:21,737
(GROWLING)
159
00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:23,312
(SCREAMING)
160
00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:26,848
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
161
00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:27,907
(PANTING)
162
00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:29,175
(SCREAMING)
163
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,784
-(WOMAN SCREAMING)
-(HISSING)
164
00:07:33,686 --> 00:07:34,986
(YELPING)
165
00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:36,248
MARQUESS: Ahhh!
166
00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:39,663
MARQUESS: Michael!
167
00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:44,400
You can kill these sexual
deviants, alien, but you can't
kill my friend.
168
00:07:44,398 --> 00:07:45,458
(SQUEALING)
169
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:48,670
Oh, semen!
170
00:07:50,870 --> 00:07:52,500
-(HISSING)
-(WHIMPERING)
171
00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:10,788
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
172
00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:14,461
PIGEON: Hey, I wonder,
do you think we are
standing in blood
173
00:08:14,461 --> 00:08:15,631
or semen?
174
00:08:17,563 --> 00:08:20,533
Huh. Looks like
a little of both.
175
00:08:20,534 --> 00:08:21,834
YUNG: Ew!
176
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:24,195
PIGEON: Hey! At least you're
wearing (BEEP) shoes.
177
00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:26,344
You're saying my
wife was an alien?
178
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:29,110
And now she's just gone back
to her home planet?
179
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:31,539
We were married
for seven years. I just...
180
00:08:31,545 --> 00:08:32,935
I just can't believe it.
181
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,306
We're so sorry.
182
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:37,024
Well, as bad as it is,
for whatever reason,
183
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:40,517
it makes me feel better
to know she wasn't unfaithful.
184
00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:42,851
What are you talking about?
She is very unfaithful.
185
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:46,586
I would estimate she
slept with anywhere
from one to 10,000 people.
186
00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:50,733
She was probably harvesting
sperm for an alien species.
187
00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:52,831
Unless she was doing it for
her own personal pleasure.
188
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:55,773
Either way, she was very,
very promiscuous.
189
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:57,636
Uh... Uh...
190
00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:01,808
Dad, you didn't have
to tell him that part.
191
00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:04,938
Look, Marquess, three women
accepted your boner request.
192
00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:07,305
Uh! Delete that
account, right now.
193
00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:09,614
No. No, no, we're having
success here.
194
00:09:09,616 --> 00:09:11,646
We, we got to
send a follow up.
195
00:09:11,652 --> 00:09:12,852
Let me see your dick.
196
00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:14,093
-No!
-Come on.
197
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:15,617
Come on, I got to
take a dick pic.
198
00:09:15,622 --> 00:09:19,362
-Stop it!
-Yung, tell Marquess to
take out his dick.
199
00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:21,259
So I can take a
picture of his dick.
200
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:22,591
MARQUESS: Oh, my God.
201
00:10:32,865 --> 00:10:35,425
I'm sure there's other, um...
202
00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:38,335
Universes. Of course, there
has to be other planet.
203
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:40,538
We can't be the only
people here.
204
00:10:41,707 --> 00:10:44,137
If, um... If that's the case,
205
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,444
Gods did a pitiful job.
206
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:48,346
God has really done
a pitiful job.
15208
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