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1
00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,630
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,832
(HUMMING)
3
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,734
(SNIFFING) Mmm.
4
00:00:37,237 --> 00:00:38,737
(CONTINUES HUMMING)
5
00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:40,109
Bon appetit!
6
00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:42,975
What is it?
7
00:00:42,977 --> 00:00:44,437
It's a four cheese frittata!
8
00:00:44,445 --> 00:00:46,105
Oh, yeah?
What are the four cheeses?
9
00:00:46,113 --> 00:00:47,953
Cheddar, Swiss and Burrata.
10
00:00:47,948 --> 00:00:49,748
That's three cheeses.
11
00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:51,720
Why are you calling it
a four cheese frittata?
12
00:00:51,951 --> 00:00:53,551
Okay, it's an expression.
13
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,194
PIGEON:
It's not an expression.
14
00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:57,418
It means,
you didn't follow the recipe.
15
00:00:57,425 --> 00:00:58,955
Probably why it tastes
like (BLEEP).
16
00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:01,659
(LAUGHING AWKWARDLY)
Am I right? Ah?
17
00:01:02,028 --> 00:01:03,858
I will never high five you.
18
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:06,074
Yes, thank you
for not high fiving that.
19
00:01:06,067 --> 00:01:08,267
Good morning, everybody!
20
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,369
Okay, everybody,
we have a new mystery.
21
00:01:10,371 --> 00:01:12,701
Ooh, girl, is that
a four cheese frittata?
(SNIFFING)
22
00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:14,106
MARQUESS:
Michael, that's a hot skillet.
23
00:01:14,874 --> 00:01:16,914
"Dear Mike Tyson Mystery Team,
24
00:01:16,911 --> 00:01:18,981
"my husband Gary
just got a new job
25
00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:22,249
"so we're gonna have
to relocate from
San Jose, California
26
00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:26,519
"to Phoenix, Arizonaand we need your helpin finding a new home.
27
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,620
"Our budget is $650,000.
28
00:01:29,789 --> 00:01:34,229
"Gary really wants a man caveand I love to entertain,
29
00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:37,198
"so I'm looking for a kitchenoverlooking the living room.
30
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:41,128
"Also, we havea seven-month-oldlabradoodle named Jasper.
31
00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:43,935
"So we need a yard big enoughfor him to frolic.
32
00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:46,610
"Please help.Sincerely, Caitlyn."
33
00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:48,310
Is this a joke?
34
00:01:48,975 --> 00:01:50,105
What are you taking about?
35
00:01:50,376 --> 00:01:51,736
How is this a mystery?
36
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:55,475
Uh-uh! Not everything
has to be goblins and ghouls
and phantasms.
37
00:01:55,815 --> 00:01:58,415
Choosing a house involves
a bit of a mystery.
38
00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:01,149
What makes one gravitate
toward a Craftsman home
39
00:02:01,155 --> 00:02:02,745
while another might prefer
a Spanish style.
40
00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:05,356
Personally, I don't see
the charm in either,
I'm more of a Tudor man.
41
00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:06,559
Oh, you're a Tudor man, huh?
42
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:10,130
I always figured you're more
of a two balls and a dick man.
43
00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:12,331
(LAUGHING) Am I right?
44
00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:13,473
Ah...
45
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:14,797
Ugh.
46
00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:18,572
Now, let's go help Caitlyn,
Gary and Jasper find a house.
47
00:02:20,106 --> 00:02:22,806
Well, maybe we'll have
an early lunch.
48
00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:41,160
Hi, Mike, I'm Neil,
Caitlyn and Gary's realtor.
49
00:02:41,162 --> 00:02:43,202
Hi, nice to meet you,
I'm Mike.
50
00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:45,227
-Hi, Neil Mathers.
-Oh, that's Marquess.
51
00:02:45,232 --> 00:02:47,102
Hi, Neil. Nice to meet you.
52
00:02:47,101 --> 00:02:50,101
-Hi, Marquess, Gary Fewkes.
-Hello.
53
00:02:50,104 --> 00:02:51,744
-Hi, Gary.
-Hi, Mike.
54
00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:53,609
This is my wife, Caitlyn.
55
00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:55,767
-Hi, Caitlyn.
-Hello.
56
00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:57,676
-Hi, I'm Caitlyn.
-Hi.
57
00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:58,878
Oh, that's Yung Hee.
58
00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:00,009
-Hi, Yung Hee.
-Hi.
59
00:03:00,014 --> 00:03:01,984
-Am I pronounce... Yung Hee?
-Yeah.
60
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:03,782
-I'm Gary.
-Okay.
61
00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:05,324
-Did you meet Neil?
-This is Neil.
62
00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:07,049
-Oh! Uh, yeah, hi. Hi. Hi.
-Hi.
63
00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:08,694
-That's our realtor, Neil.
-Neil.
64
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:09,759
Nice to meet you.
I'm Yung Hee.
65
00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:11,117
Good to meet you.
Good to meet you, Yung.
66
00:03:11,125 --> 00:03:13,125
My God!
Why does any of this matter?
67
00:03:13,127 --> 00:03:16,327
We're never going to see
each other after today.
68
00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:17,863
Oh, I'm sorry, this is Pigeon.
69
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:20,895
Hi, Pigeon, Gary.
This is Caitlyn.
70
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,231
-Hi, I'm Caitlyn.
-(BARKS)
71
00:03:22,236 --> 00:03:25,096
-Ooh, I forgot
about our dog, Jasper.
-Oh!
72
00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:28,535
-Hi, Jasper, I am Mike Tyson.
-He's a labradoodle.
73
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,282
Jesus Christ!
74
00:03:32,445 --> 00:03:33,945
-Wow, it's so big.
-NEIL: Uh-huh, uh-huh.
75
00:03:33,948 --> 00:03:35,478
-GARY: Wow.
-Oh, my gosh!
76
00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:37,582
NEIL: It is 3,000 square feet
77
00:03:37,585 --> 00:03:40,845
and Caitlyn,
it has the open floor plan
you were looking for.
78
00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:42,394
And you know what
I'm going to ask.
79
00:03:42,689 --> 00:03:45,289
Is this within
Caitlyn and Gary's budget?
80
00:03:45,292 --> 00:03:49,032
Well, it's a little over,
but it has four bedrooms,
81
00:03:49,029 --> 00:03:52,059
one of which could
easily be converted into
a man cave for you, Gary.
82
00:03:52,066 --> 00:03:54,096
(CHUCKLES) I like that.
83
00:03:54,101 --> 00:03:56,871
(GASPS) Oh, look at
all these windows.
84
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:59,840
I love all this natural light.
It's like I've died
and gone to heaven.
85
00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:03,413
Hey, you've died all right,
but sadly for us
you're not in heaven.
86
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:06,380
Neil, I'm noticing
a lot of stairs,
87
00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:08,550
how is that going
to work out for Jasper?
88
00:04:08,681 --> 00:04:10,881
Ooh, that'll be
an adjustment for him.
89
00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:12,924
We didn't have stairs
in San Jose.
90
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,090
They don't have stairs
in San Jose?
91
00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:17,119
Okay, let me show you
how they work.
92
00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:18,894
It's very easy.
93
00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:21,292
You go right foot
and left foot,
94
00:04:22,161 --> 00:04:23,731
or left foot and right foot.
95
00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:26,601
It doesn't matter what foot,
that's what makes it so easy.
96
00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:31,300
And say hello
to your master bedroom
with en suite.
97
00:04:31,305 --> 00:04:33,935
(GASPS) O-M-G!
98
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:36,441
Get in here, Caitlyn!
Run, don't walk!
99
00:04:36,709 --> 00:04:38,779
I could live in this closet.
100
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:42,349
Well, you sure
can't seem to live out
of the closet, huh?
101
00:04:42,349 --> 00:04:44,479
(LAUGHING) Am I right?
102
00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:46,915
I don't get it,
but you're on fire today,
Pigeon.
103
00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:49,450
This open floor plan is
exactly what I'm looking for.
104
00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:50,756
Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
105
00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:53,758
And the yard
will be perfect for Jasper
106
00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:56,801
but, I gotta say,
I'm a little worried about
going over our budget.
107
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:58,097
-Mmm. Mmm-hmm.
-Yeah?
108
00:04:58,564 --> 00:05:01,004
I do think this is a great
home for entertainment,
109
00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:04,141
but those stairs
and the high price tag, man,
110
00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:06,168
they have me very concerned.
111
00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:08,743
I think Neil needs to show us
more properties.
112
00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:10,142
I don't think we need to see
any more homes.
113
00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:12,614
Mystery solved,
this is the house.
114
00:05:14,447 --> 00:05:17,317
Huh. Well,
Caitlyn has pretty good tits.
115
00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:21,946
NEIL: Now,
this is a model home,
116
00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:23,655
but it will give you
a pretty good idea
117
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,387
of houses in this development.
118
00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:27,292
It's a little smaller
than the last house
119
00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:30,904
but at $680,000,
it is right in your budget.
120
00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:31,998
MARQUESS: Okay, I hate it.
121
00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:36,227
Sorry, let's see inside.
122
00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:39,373
-I hate it!
-Slow down, Marquess.
123
00:05:39,373 --> 00:05:40,843
I'm sorry,
what's your name again?
124
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:43,081
-Neil.
-Neil, where's
the bathroom at?
125
00:05:43,077 --> 00:05:44,507
There's a half bath
right over there
126
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:47,781
and there are two
full bathrooms
off of the bedrooms.
127
00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,351
It just feels a little small.
128
00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:52,780
Yeah, and this location's
a lot further from my new job.
129
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:55,386
-Not sure how I feel
about a commute.
-Mmm.
130
00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:57,919
I think, what Gary
and Caitlyn are learning
131
00:05:57,925 --> 00:06:00,925
is that for this price point,
they're gonna have
to make some sacrifices.
132
00:06:01,227 --> 00:06:02,587
(TAPPING KEYPAD)
133
00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:04,856
I don't even understand
why you're interviewing me.
134
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,625
I don't care what (BLEEP)
house they get.
135
00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:08,173
This isn't a mystery.
136
00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:10,498
-(HORN HONKING)
-Let's go!
137
00:06:12,238 --> 00:06:14,738
Okay, I don't think
you should get this house
for two reasons.
138
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:17,344
That half bath
has no shower in it.
139
00:06:17,344 --> 00:06:19,384
And also, something is wrong
with the plumbing
140
00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:20,910
because the toilet
doesn't flush.
141
00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:23,084
This is a model home,
there is no plumbing.
142
00:06:23,249 --> 00:06:25,349
Well, I just had
four cheese diarrhea,
143
00:06:25,352 --> 00:06:27,992
so we should probably
see another property, Neil.
144
00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:29,588
-Come on, Jasper.
-(BARKS)
145
00:06:32,959 --> 00:06:34,629
CAITLYN: Oh,
this is beautiful!
NEIL: Uh-huh.
146
00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:36,228
GARY: So much character.
NEIL: Uh-huh.
147
00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:38,730
Well, it's one
of the oldest homes
in Phoenix.
148
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:41,172
It's five bedrooms,
three and a half baths
149
00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:42,928
and, it's close to your work.
150
00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:45,396
I don't even want to ask
how much it costs.
151
00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:47,541
(CHUCKLES)
That's the best part.
152
00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:49,141
It's way below budget.
153
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,879
(BLEEP) Yeah, Neil.
154
00:06:52,545 --> 00:06:54,175
Let's take a look
at the inside.
155
00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:55,681
It's been completely updated.
156
00:06:56,115 --> 00:06:57,845
This is a complete
waste of time.
157
00:06:57,851 --> 00:07:02,021
They're never going to do
better than that first home.
158
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,660
How on earth is this
under our budget?
159
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,963
You know, I have no idea,
it's been on the market
for months,
160
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:13,055
it's an incredible buy.
161
00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:16,126
Now I want to know
about the school district.
162
00:07:16,335 --> 00:07:18,995
Oh, well, uh, this is one
of the best in Phoenix.
163
00:07:19,006 --> 00:07:20,366
The middle school
is actually...
164
00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:22,074
Oh, I'm sorry, did I say,
165
00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:24,135
"I want to know
about the school district?"
166
00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:25,444
I meant to say,
167
00:07:25,446 --> 00:07:28,846
"I don't give a (BLEEP)
about the school district."
168
00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:30,775
I'll be in the car.
169
00:07:38,524 --> 00:07:40,234
(PIGEON HUMMING)
170
00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:42,226
-Oh, dear God!
-Ugh.
171
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:43,859
I'll lock the doors
so he can't get in.
172
00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:46,400
No, not him, her!
173
00:07:52,839 --> 00:07:54,769
-Who?
-You don't see her?
174
00:07:57,076 --> 00:07:59,676
Open the door,
it's 1000 degrees out here.
175
00:07:59,879 --> 00:08:02,109
(GASPS) She must be a ghost.
176
00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:04,245
This place is haunted.
I have to warn them.
177
00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:05,621
YUNG: Yeah!
Finally a mystery.
178
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:11,562
How am I supposed
to turn on the AC
179
00:08:11,558 --> 00:08:14,088
without the car keys,
you dumb bitch?
180
00:08:20,733 --> 00:08:22,103
(SCREAMS)
181
00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:25,470
Evil lives here!
182
00:08:25,738 --> 00:08:26,868
What are you seeing?
183
00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:29,013
(SCREAMING)
184
00:08:29,408 --> 00:08:33,408
(SOBBING) I can't! I can't!
It's too horrible.
185
00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:36,081
(GASPS)
186
00:08:37,884 --> 00:08:39,254
I have to warn them.
187
00:08:43,789 --> 00:08:45,089
(GASPS)
188
00:08:45,791 --> 00:08:47,231
(SCREAMING)
189
00:08:50,763 --> 00:08:52,503
(SOBBING)
190
00:08:53,566 --> 00:08:56,466
-Oh, I could definitely
see this as my man cave.
-Couldn't you?
191
00:08:56,470 --> 00:08:58,570
-I'm not going to be
allowed in here. (LAUGHING)
-Nope.
192
00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:00,012
She won't.
You won't let her in,
right?
193
00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:02,007
Stop! We have to leave.
194
00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:03,709
This is a house of horrors.
195
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:06,410
Nice try, Marquess,
they're not gonna get
that first house
196
00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:07,783
just because you want it.
197
00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:09,151
It's out of their price range.
198
00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:11,019
I think
you should listen to him.
199
00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:14,588
And I think you should
listen to me
and I say, buy this house.
200
00:09:17,156 --> 00:09:18,786
-BOTH: We'll take it.
-(CHUCKLES)
201
00:09:30,636 --> 00:09:32,736
I'm reading this cartoon here
202
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,639
and, uh,
there's a big elephant
203
00:09:34,641 --> 00:09:36,811
and it says
"the deficit" on it
204
00:09:36,810 --> 00:09:39,010
and it's sitting on a mouse
205
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:42,852
and the mouse says...
(STUTTERING)
206
00:09:43,349 --> 00:09:46,249
"Home crisis housing."
207
00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:49,446
I don't understand
this cartoon.
208
00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:50,916
I like Marmaduke.
209
00:09:51,223 --> 00:09:53,063
-Who are you even talking to?
-PIGEON: Ah? (LAUGHING)
210
00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:54,730
Who are you even talking to?
211
00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:56,958
Uh, just the... The room.
212
00:09:57,129 --> 00:09:58,799
Yeah, well,
the room's not listening.
213
00:09:59,565 --> 00:10:01,595
I was holding court.
214
00:10:03,369 --> 00:10:05,799
I don't get it,
we can see you,
215
00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:07,866
how come we couldn't see
those other ghosts?
216
00:10:07,874 --> 00:10:09,044
Oh, they were specters!
217
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:11,342
One was a wraith.
As a stage-four phantasm,
218
00:10:11,345 --> 00:10:13,745
I have corporeal form,
but can still perceive...
219
00:10:13,747 --> 00:10:15,847
Boring.
220
00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:17,919
That couple was murdered!
221
00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:19,578
MARQUESS: What?
Oh, my God! (GASPS)
222
00:10:20,653 --> 00:10:22,653
"Gary and Caitlyn
were found butchered
223
00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:24,816
"in their recently
purchased home."
224
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:26,055
Blah, blah, blah...
225
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:29,589
Dog, Jasper,
also butchered. Jesus.
226
00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:30,726
No one listens to me.
227
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:32,801
I said evil
lived in that home.
228
00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:34,429
I'll tell you
where evil lives.
229
00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:38,802
And why do I keep eating
these four cheese frittatas?
230
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:39,935
(DOOR CLOSING)
231
00:10:58,524 --> 00:11:01,494
Oh, this is some bullshit
right here, man. What?
232
00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:05,255
"Three bedrooms, 2.7 million,"
give me a break!
233
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:07,695
Come on, man,
this is just really rude.
234
00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:08,931
Uh...
235
00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:11,265
Oh, what company is this?
This is...
236
00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:13,241
Man, this is ridiculous, man.
237
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:15,370
Can I say...
Can I say the company's name?
17903
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