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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,630 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 2 00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,832 (HUMMING) 3 00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,734 (SNIFFING) Mmm. 4 00:00:37,237 --> 00:00:38,737 (CONTINUES HUMMING) 5 00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:40,109 Bon appetit! 6 00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:42,975 What is it? 7 00:00:42,977 --> 00:00:44,437 It's a four cheese frittata! 8 00:00:44,445 --> 00:00:46,105 Oh, yeah? What are the four cheeses? 9 00:00:46,113 --> 00:00:47,953 Cheddar, Swiss and Burrata. 10 00:00:47,948 --> 00:00:49,748 That's three cheeses. 11 00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:51,720 Why are you calling it a four cheese frittata? 12 00:00:51,951 --> 00:00:53,551 Okay, it's an expression. 13 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,194 PIGEON: It's not an expression. 14 00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:57,418 It means, you didn't follow the recipe. 15 00:00:57,425 --> 00:00:58,955 Probably why it tastes like (BLEEP). 16 00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:01,659 (LAUGHING AWKWARDLY) Am I right? Ah? 17 00:01:02,028 --> 00:01:03,858 I will never high five you. 18 00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:06,074 Yes, thank you for not high fiving that. 19 00:01:06,067 --> 00:01:08,267 Good morning, everybody! 20 00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,369 Okay, everybody, we have a new mystery. 21 00:01:10,371 --> 00:01:12,701 Ooh, girl, is that a four cheese frittata? (SNIFFING) 22 00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:14,106 MARQUESS: Michael, that's a hot skillet. 23 00:01:14,874 --> 00:01:16,914 "Dear Mike Tyson Mystery Team, 24 00:01:16,911 --> 00:01:18,981 "my husband Gary just got a new job 25 00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:22,249 "so we're gonna have to relocate from San Jose, California 26 00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:26,519 "to Phoenix, Arizona and we need your help in finding a new home. 27 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,620 "Our budget is $650,000. 28 00:01:29,789 --> 00:01:34,229 "Gary really wants a man cave and I love to entertain, 29 00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:37,198 "so I'm looking for a kitchen overlooking the living room. 30 00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:41,128 "Also, we have a seven-month-old labradoodle named Jasper. 31 00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:43,935 "So we need a yard big enough for him to frolic. 32 00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:46,610 "Please help. Sincerely, Caitlyn." 33 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:48,310 Is this a joke? 34 00:01:48,975 --> 00:01:50,105 What are you taking about? 35 00:01:50,376 --> 00:01:51,736 How is this a mystery? 36 00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:55,475 Uh-uh! Not everything has to be goblins and ghouls and phantasms. 37 00:01:55,815 --> 00:01:58,415 Choosing a house involves a bit of a mystery. 38 00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:01,149 What makes one gravitate toward a Craftsman home 39 00:02:01,155 --> 00:02:02,745 while another might prefer a Spanish style. 40 00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:05,356 Personally, I don't see the charm in either, I'm more of a Tudor man. 41 00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:06,559 Oh, you're a Tudor man, huh? 42 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:10,130 I always figured you're more of a two balls and a dick man. 43 00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:12,331 (LAUGHING) Am I right? 44 00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:13,473 Ah... 45 00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:14,797 Ugh. 46 00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:18,572 Now, let's go help Caitlyn, Gary and Jasper find a house. 47 00:02:20,106 --> 00:02:22,806 Well, maybe we'll have an early lunch. 48 00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:41,160 Hi, Mike, I'm Neil, Caitlyn and Gary's realtor. 49 00:02:41,162 --> 00:02:43,202 Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Mike. 50 00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:45,227 -Hi, Neil Mathers. -Oh, that's Marquess. 51 00:02:45,232 --> 00:02:47,102 Hi, Neil. Nice to meet you. 52 00:02:47,101 --> 00:02:50,101 -Hi, Marquess, Gary Fewkes. -Hello. 53 00:02:50,104 --> 00:02:51,744 -Hi, Gary. -Hi, Mike. 54 00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:53,609 This is my wife, Caitlyn. 55 00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:55,767 -Hi, Caitlyn. -Hello. 56 00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:57,676 -Hi, I'm Caitlyn. -Hi. 57 00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:58,878 Oh, that's Yung Hee. 58 00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:00,009 -Hi, Yung Hee. -Hi. 59 00:03:00,014 --> 00:03:01,984 -Am I pronounce... Yung Hee? -Yeah. 60 00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:03,782 -I'm Gary. -Okay. 61 00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:05,324 -Did you meet Neil? -This is Neil. 62 00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:07,049 -Oh! Uh, yeah, hi. Hi. Hi. -Hi. 63 00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:08,694 -That's our realtor, Neil. -Neil. 64 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:09,759 Nice to meet you. I'm Yung Hee. 65 00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:11,117 Good to meet you. Good to meet you, Yung. 66 00:03:11,125 --> 00:03:13,125 My God! Why does any of this matter? 67 00:03:13,127 --> 00:03:16,327 We're never going to see each other after today. 68 00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:17,863 Oh, I'm sorry, this is Pigeon. 69 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:20,895 Hi, Pigeon, Gary. This is Caitlyn. 70 00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,231 -Hi, I'm Caitlyn. -(BARKS) 71 00:03:22,236 --> 00:03:25,096 -Ooh, I forgot about our dog, Jasper. -Oh! 72 00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:28,535 -Hi, Jasper, I am Mike Tyson. -He's a labradoodle. 73 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,282 Jesus Christ! 74 00:03:32,445 --> 00:03:33,945 -Wow, it's so big. -NEIL: Uh-huh, uh-huh. 75 00:03:33,948 --> 00:03:35,478 -GARY: Wow. -Oh, my gosh! 76 00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:37,582 NEIL: It is 3,000 square feet 77 00:03:37,585 --> 00:03:40,845 and Caitlyn, it has the open floor plan you were looking for. 78 00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:42,394 And you know what I'm going to ask. 79 00:03:42,689 --> 00:03:45,289 Is this within Caitlyn and Gary's budget? 80 00:03:45,292 --> 00:03:49,032 Well, it's a little over, but it has four bedrooms, 81 00:03:49,029 --> 00:03:52,059 one of which could easily be converted into a man cave for you, Gary. 82 00:03:52,066 --> 00:03:54,096 (CHUCKLES) I like that. 83 00:03:54,101 --> 00:03:56,871 (GASPS) Oh, look at all these windows. 84 00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:59,840 I love all this natural light. It's like I've died and gone to heaven. 85 00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:03,413 Hey, you've died all right, but sadly for us you're not in heaven. 86 00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:06,380 Neil, I'm noticing a lot of stairs, 87 00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:08,550 how is that going to work out for Jasper? 88 00:04:08,681 --> 00:04:10,881 Ooh, that'll be an adjustment for him. 89 00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:12,924 We didn't have stairs in San Jose. 90 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,090 They don't have stairs in San Jose? 91 00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:17,119 Okay, let me show you how they work. 92 00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:18,894 It's very easy. 93 00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:21,292 You go right foot and left foot, 94 00:04:22,161 --> 00:04:23,731 or left foot and right foot. 95 00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:26,601 It doesn't matter what foot, that's what makes it so easy. 96 00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:31,300 And say hello to your master bedroom with en suite. 97 00:04:31,305 --> 00:04:33,935 (GASPS) O-M-G! 98 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:36,441 Get in here, Caitlyn! Run, don't walk! 99 00:04:36,709 --> 00:04:38,779 I could live in this closet. 100 00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:42,349 Well, you sure can't seem to live out of the closet, huh? 101 00:04:42,349 --> 00:04:44,479 (LAUGHING) Am I right? 102 00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:46,915 I don't get it, but you're on fire today, Pigeon. 103 00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:49,450 This open floor plan is exactly what I'm looking for. 104 00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:50,756 Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm. 105 00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:53,758 And the yard will be perfect for Jasper 106 00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:56,801 but, I gotta say, I'm a little worried about going over our budget. 107 00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:58,097 -Mmm. Mmm-hmm. -Yeah? 108 00:04:58,564 --> 00:05:01,004 I do think this is a great home for entertainment, 109 00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:04,141 but those stairs and the high price tag, man, 110 00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:06,168 they have me very concerned. 111 00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:08,743 I think Neil needs to show us more properties. 112 00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:10,142 I don't think we need to see any more homes. 113 00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:12,614 Mystery solved, this is the house. 114 00:05:14,447 --> 00:05:17,317 Huh. Well, Caitlyn has pretty good tits. 115 00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:21,946 NEIL: Now, this is a model home, 116 00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:23,655 but it will give you a pretty good idea 117 00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,387 of houses in this development. 118 00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:27,292 It's a little smaller than the last house 119 00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:30,904 but at $680,000, it is right in your budget. 120 00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:31,998 MARQUESS: Okay, I hate it. 121 00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:36,227 Sorry, let's see inside. 122 00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:39,373 -I hate it! -Slow down, Marquess. 123 00:05:39,373 --> 00:05:40,843 I'm sorry, what's your name again? 124 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:43,081 -Neil. -Neil, where's the bathroom at? 125 00:05:43,077 --> 00:05:44,507 There's a half bath right over there 126 00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:47,781 and there are two full bathrooms off of the bedrooms. 127 00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,351 It just feels a little small. 128 00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:52,780 Yeah, and this location's a lot further from my new job. 129 00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:55,386 -Not sure how I feel about a commute. -Mmm. 130 00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:57,919 I think, what Gary and Caitlyn are learning 131 00:05:57,925 --> 00:06:00,925 is that for this price point, they're gonna have to make some sacrifices. 132 00:06:01,227 --> 00:06:02,587 (TAPPING KEYPAD) 133 00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:04,856 I don't even understand why you're interviewing me. 134 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,625 I don't care what (BLEEP) house they get. 135 00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:08,173 This isn't a mystery. 136 00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:10,498 -(HORN HONKING) -Let's go! 137 00:06:12,238 --> 00:06:14,738 Okay, I don't think you should get this house for two reasons. 138 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:17,344 That half bath has no shower in it. 139 00:06:17,344 --> 00:06:19,384 And also, something is wrong with the plumbing 140 00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:20,910 because the toilet doesn't flush. 141 00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:23,084 This is a model home, there is no plumbing. 142 00:06:23,249 --> 00:06:25,349 Well, I just had four cheese diarrhea, 143 00:06:25,352 --> 00:06:27,992 so we should probably see another property, Neil. 144 00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:29,588 -Come on, Jasper. -(BARKS) 145 00:06:32,959 --> 00:06:34,629 CAITLYN: Oh, this is beautiful! NEIL: Uh-huh. 146 00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:36,228 GARY: So much character. NEIL: Uh-huh. 147 00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:38,730 Well, it's one of the oldest homes in Phoenix. 148 00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:41,172 It's five bedrooms, three and a half baths 149 00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:42,928 and, it's close to your work. 150 00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:45,396 I don't even want to ask how much it costs. 151 00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:47,541 (CHUCKLES) That's the best part. 152 00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:49,141 It's way below budget. 153 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,879 (BLEEP) Yeah, Neil. 154 00:06:52,545 --> 00:06:54,175 Let's take a look at the inside. 155 00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:55,681 It's been completely updated. 156 00:06:56,115 --> 00:06:57,845 This is a complete waste of time. 157 00:06:57,851 --> 00:07:02,021 They're never going to do better than that first home. 158 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,660 How on earth is this under our budget? 159 00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,963 You know, I have no idea, it's been on the market for months, 160 00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:13,055 it's an incredible buy. 161 00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:16,126 Now I want to know about the school district. 162 00:07:16,335 --> 00:07:18,995 Oh, well, uh, this is one of the best in Phoenix. 163 00:07:19,006 --> 00:07:20,366 The middle school is actually... 164 00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:22,074 Oh, I'm sorry, did I say, 165 00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:24,135 "I want to know about the school district?" 166 00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:25,444 I meant to say, 167 00:07:25,446 --> 00:07:28,846 "I don't give a (BLEEP) about the school district." 168 00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:30,775 I'll be in the car. 169 00:07:38,524 --> 00:07:40,234 (PIGEON HUMMING) 170 00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:42,226 -Oh, dear God! -Ugh. 171 00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:43,859 I'll lock the doors so he can't get in. 172 00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:46,400 No, not him, her! 173 00:07:52,839 --> 00:07:54,769 -Who? -You don't see her? 174 00:07:57,076 --> 00:07:59,676 Open the door, it's 1000 degrees out here. 175 00:07:59,879 --> 00:08:02,109 (GASPS) She must be a ghost. 176 00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:04,245 This place is haunted. I have to warn them. 177 00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:05,621 YUNG: Yeah! Finally a mystery. 178 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:11,562 How am I supposed to turn on the AC 179 00:08:11,558 --> 00:08:14,088 without the car keys, you dumb bitch? 180 00:08:20,733 --> 00:08:22,103 (SCREAMS) 181 00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:25,470 Evil lives here! 182 00:08:25,738 --> 00:08:26,868 What are you seeing? 183 00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:29,013 (SCREAMING) 184 00:08:29,408 --> 00:08:33,408 (SOBBING) I can't! I can't! It's too horrible. 185 00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:36,081 (GASPS) 186 00:08:37,884 --> 00:08:39,254 I have to warn them. 187 00:08:43,789 --> 00:08:45,089 (GASPS) 188 00:08:45,791 --> 00:08:47,231 (SCREAMING) 189 00:08:50,763 --> 00:08:52,503 (SOBBING) 190 00:08:53,566 --> 00:08:56,466 -Oh, I could definitely see this as my man cave. -Couldn't you? 191 00:08:56,470 --> 00:08:58,570 -I'm not going to be allowed in here. (LAUGHING) -Nope. 192 00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:00,012 She won't. You won't let her in, right? 193 00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:02,007 Stop! We have to leave. 194 00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:03,709 This is a house of horrors. 195 00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:06,410 Nice try, Marquess, they're not gonna get that first house 196 00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:07,783 just because you want it. 197 00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:09,151 It's out of their price range. 198 00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:11,019 I think you should listen to him. 199 00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:14,588 And I think you should listen to me and I say, buy this house. 200 00:09:17,156 --> 00:09:18,786 -BOTH: We'll take it. -(CHUCKLES) 201 00:09:30,636 --> 00:09:32,736 I'm reading this cartoon here 202 00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,639 and, uh, there's a big elephant 203 00:09:34,641 --> 00:09:36,811 and it says "the deficit" on it 204 00:09:36,810 --> 00:09:39,010 and it's sitting on a mouse 205 00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:42,852 and the mouse says... (STUTTERING) 206 00:09:43,349 --> 00:09:46,249 "Home crisis housing." 207 00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:49,446 I don't understand this cartoon. 208 00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:50,916 I like Marmaduke. 209 00:09:51,223 --> 00:09:53,063 -Who are you even talking to? -PIGEON: Ah? (LAUGHING) 210 00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:54,730 Who are you even talking to? 211 00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:56,958 Uh, just the... The room. 212 00:09:57,129 --> 00:09:58,799 Yeah, well, the room's not listening. 213 00:09:59,565 --> 00:10:01,595 I was holding court. 214 00:10:03,369 --> 00:10:05,799 I don't get it, we can see you, 215 00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:07,866 how come we couldn't see those other ghosts? 216 00:10:07,874 --> 00:10:09,044 Oh, they were specters! 217 00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:11,342 One was a wraith. As a stage-four phantasm, 218 00:10:11,345 --> 00:10:13,745 I have corporeal form, but can still perceive... 219 00:10:13,747 --> 00:10:15,847 Boring. 220 00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:17,919 That couple was murdered! 221 00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:19,578 MARQUESS: What? Oh, my God! (GASPS) 222 00:10:20,653 --> 00:10:22,653 "Gary and Caitlyn were found butchered 223 00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:24,816 "in their recently purchased home." 224 00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:26,055 Blah, blah, blah... 225 00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:29,589 Dog, Jasper, also butchered. Jesus. 226 00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:30,726 No one listens to me. 227 00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:32,801 I said evil lived in that home. 228 00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:34,429 I'll tell you where evil lives. 229 00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:38,802 And why do I keep eating these four cheese frittatas? 230 00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:39,935 (DOOR CLOSING) 231 00:10:58,524 --> 00:11:01,494 Oh, this is some bullshit right here, man. What? 232 00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:05,255 "Three bedrooms, 2.7 million," give me a break! 233 00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:07,695 Come on, man, this is just really rude. 234 00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:08,931 Uh... 235 00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:11,265 Oh, what company is this? This is... 236 00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:13,241 Man, this is ridiculous, man. 237 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:15,370 Can I say... Can I say the company's name? 17903

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