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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:37,900 --> 00:01:41,097 This isn't my village. l wasn't born here. 2 00:01:41,180 --> 00:01:43,694 ln fact, we're in the Maritime Alps. 3 00:01:43,780 --> 00:01:48,649 The French Alps are to the left and the ltalian Alps are to the right. 4 00:01:48,780 --> 00:01:51,135 So what? you're saying? But it's obvious. 5 00:01:51,220 --> 00:01:55,657 The natural border dividing the two countries is very extensive. 6 00:01:55,860 --> 00:01:59,694 There it is! But why does it zig zag all over the place? 7 00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:03,051 For a simple reason. Everything ltalian must stay in ltaly, 8 00:02:03,140 --> 00:02:05,449 and everything French must stay in France. 9 00:02:05,540 --> 00:02:08,577 To each his own, as the saying goes. 10 00:02:08,940 --> 00:02:11,977 Anyway, everyone knows that a French tree... 11 00:02:12,060 --> 00:02:14,972 looks nothing like an ltalian one, 12 00:02:15,060 --> 00:02:20,418 and an ltalian hill has nothing in common with a French one. 13 00:02:21,740 --> 00:02:26,291 However, that village down there that the ltalians call Assola... 14 00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:30,419 ...and the French call Assola where l've lived for many years 15 00:02:30,500 --> 00:02:33,970 is half French and half ltalian because... 16 00:02:34,060 --> 00:02:38,929 the natural border runs through the middle, cutting it in two. 17 00:02:39,020 --> 00:02:43,571 just as it cuts in two the hotel called ''The Two Borders'' , 18 00:02:43,660 --> 00:02:46,493 where guests may end up sleeping... 19 00:02:46,580 --> 00:02:49,174 ...with their head in France and their feet in ltaly, 20 00:02:49,260 --> 00:02:53,538 and where the mosquitoes enjoy the privilege of dual nationality. 21 00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:58,177 Everything's fine in Assola, and everyone gets on with their life. 22 00:02:58,380 --> 00:03:02,692 Take today, for example. On the French side it's a national holiday 23 00:03:02,780 --> 00:03:05,533 while for us ltalians, it's an ordinary day. 24 00:03:05,740 --> 00:03:08,652 Everyone's working, from the farmer... 25 00:03:09,060 --> 00:03:11,210 ...to the shepherd... 26 00:03:11,300 --> 00:03:14,292 ...to the self-employed like your truly. 27 00:03:15,140 --> 00:03:19,531 Between you and me, the border is a wonderful invention. 28 00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:23,575 Naturally, it would be much better if there were no Customs officers, 29 00:03:23,780 --> 00:03:26,453 especially... 30 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:29,930 the French sergeant Ferdinando Pastorelli... 31 00:03:30,420 --> 00:03:32,490 who's known me for a long time... 32 00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:37,051 and whom l affectionately consider my best enemy. 33 00:03:37,540 --> 00:03:40,498 But as a local proverb says: 34 00:03:40,580 --> 00:03:45,813 There's always a worm in the pear and an officer at the border. 35 00:04:05,820 --> 00:04:07,697 My goodness! 36 00:04:08,700 --> 00:04:10,418 lt's disappeared! 37 00:04:11,060 --> 00:04:14,132 Are there ghosts around here? lt's incredible! 38 00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:23,892 Ferdinand! 39 00:04:25,460 --> 00:04:28,770 -How's it going? -Very well, Giuseppe. 40 00:04:28,860 --> 00:04:31,420 What are you doing here? 41 00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:35,452 l'm taking a stroll. 42 00:04:35,740 --> 00:04:37,492 What's in here? 43 00:04:38,100 --> 00:04:40,819 ln there? Water. 44 00:04:40,900 --> 00:04:42,777 - Water? - Yes. 45 00:04:43,060 --> 00:04:46,257 Holy water for St.Michael's monastery. 46 00:04:46,340 --> 00:04:48,729 Holy water? 47 00:04:56,180 --> 00:04:59,855 - lt's brandy. - You don't say! Brandy? 48 00:05:01,220 --> 00:05:04,337 - Taste it. - You're right! 49 00:05:04,660 --> 00:05:08,130 lt's a miracle! St Michael's performed a miracle. 50 00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:11,496 Thank you, St. Michael. St Michael's performed a miracle. 51 00:05:11,580 --> 00:05:15,095 Listen up, people! lt's incredible but true. 52 00:05:15,180 --> 00:05:18,252 No, it's not a miracle. 53 00:05:18,340 --> 00:05:21,889 lt's an old joke. l told you it, don't you remember? 54 00:05:22,220 --> 00:05:26,498 What? Really? Then it's not a miracle? 55 00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:31,498 lt's not a miracle. There's been a misunderstanding! Don't move! 56 00:05:31,580 --> 00:05:33,969 - lt is not a miracle! - Stop, Giuseppe! 57 00:05:38,100 --> 00:05:41,137 Where did that idiot go? Stop, Giuseppe! Giuseppe! 58 00:05:41,460 --> 00:05:44,213 < Ferdinand: Stop! Giuseppe! 59 00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:51,893 Giuseppe? Giuseppe? Stop! Stop! 60 00:05:52,020 --> 00:05:54,659 You know l'll catch you. 61 00:05:59,380 --> 00:06:03,419 You'll be sorry. Resisting arrest will cost you dearly. 62 00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:06,856 Giuseppe, stop! lf you take one more step, l'll shoot. 63 00:06:07,060 --> 00:06:10,848 You know me. l aim straight. First warning! 64 00:06:10,940 --> 00:06:12,931 One, two - - 65 00:06:13,020 --> 00:06:16,535 Be quiet! The sign! 66 00:06:16,700 --> 00:06:19,419 - What? - The sign says ''Silence!'' 67 00:06:19,500 --> 00:06:21,411 Speak louder! 68 00:06:29,660 --> 00:06:31,890 ROCKS FALLlNG 69 00:06:34,460 --> 00:06:37,418 You scoundrel! You always find an excuse. 70 00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:11,416 Giuseppe, give yourself up. You're surrounded. 71 00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:14,492 Stop! You told a lie. 72 00:07:14,780 --> 00:07:16,975 Look at that. 73 00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:19,738 What about it? 74 00:07:19,820 --> 00:07:23,096 You can't arrest me here because this is ltaly. 75 00:07:24,180 --> 00:07:26,933 Are you mad? You know this bridge could collapse. 76 00:07:27,100 --> 00:07:29,853 - Come on before you get hurt. - Stop! 77 00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:32,860 - lt would be a causus belli. - A what? 78 00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:36,729 - lt's Latin. - Latin? l see. 79 00:07:37,300 --> 00:07:39,939 Come on. Just a little jump. 80 00:07:40,020 --> 00:07:42,659 Me jump there? You're nuts! 81 00:07:43,340 --> 00:07:46,969 - l'm staying here. - Fine! l've plenty of time. 82 00:07:47,060 --> 00:07:49,290 l'm not in a hurry. 83 00:07:49,500 --> 00:07:54,176 Aren't you going down to the village to watch the parade? 84 00:07:54,860 --> 00:07:57,420 You're right! The parade! 85 00:07:58,460 --> 00:08:02,578 Listen, aren't you the one who plays the drum in the parade? 86 00:08:02,660 --> 00:08:05,220 No, my friend. l've never played the drum. 87 00:08:05,300 --> 00:08:08,178 - l'm the flag-bearer. - Oh! Excuse me! 88 00:08:09,820 --> 00:08:12,015 l've never played the drum. 89 00:08:12,780 --> 00:08:15,613 Help! 90 00:08:15,700 --> 00:08:18,134 - Good Lord! - Call the fire brigade! 91 00:08:18,340 --> 00:08:22,049 Call an ambulance! Call the mountain guides! 92 00:08:22,140 --> 00:08:25,257 l'm not insured! l need help. 93 00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:29,412 Save me, Ferdinand, l beg you. Save me! 94 00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:32,139 l can't. l must go back to France. 95 00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:34,734 Don't leave me here. Think of my children. 96 00:08:34,820 --> 00:08:36,776 Don't l have a child too? 97 00:08:36,860 --> 00:08:40,773 Yes, but l have four who eat as much as eight. Ferdinand! 98 00:08:40,860 --> 00:08:43,772 Very well. Just as a favor. 99 00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:48,490 Ouch! Ouch! My bones! 100 00:08:48,620 --> 00:08:51,896 - Thank God we ran into each other. - lf l hadn't run into you, 101 00:08:51,980 --> 00:08:54,540 - l wouldn't be here. - Take my hand. 102 00:08:54,940 --> 00:08:58,535 - My bones! Help! - Hold on tight. 103 00:08:58,620 --> 00:09:03,136 - Hold on very tight! - l'm holding on tight. 104 00:09:03,220 --> 00:09:05,529 You idiot! The demijohn! 105 00:09:06,060 --> 00:09:09,655 lf that's all that counts, l'm leaving. 106 00:09:10,020 --> 00:09:14,013 Help! Pull me up! 107 00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:17,656 - l'm so scared! - Stay calm. 108 00:09:17,740 --> 00:09:21,176 - Am l acting scared? - What a fright! 109 00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:23,410 l'm so scared! 110 00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:26,412 - What did you eat this morning? - Onions. 111 00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:29,458 Couldn't you have coffee and milk like everyone else? 112 00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:32,050 Giuseppe: Qui non si tocca! 113 00:09:32,140 --> 00:09:33,892 Ferdinand, my feet don't touch the ground. lt's dangerous. 114 00:09:35,580 --> 00:09:38,492 - Help! - You're in a pickle, now. 115 00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:41,819 Smuggling, resisting arrest - - 116 00:09:42,100 --> 00:09:44,216 You'll get at least three months in jail. 117 00:09:45,340 --> 00:09:47,854 You intend to arrest me on ltalian soil? 118 00:09:48,060 --> 00:09:51,939 What right have you? This is abuse of power. 119 00:09:52,780 --> 00:09:54,691 Who asked you to intervene? 120 00:09:55,140 --> 00:09:58,098 Who asked me to intervene? Did you just call for help? 121 00:09:58,180 --> 00:10:02,173 lf everyone who calls for help got arrested, we be in a fine mess. 122 00:10:02,260 --> 00:10:04,694 OK. l'll throw you back down there. 123 00:10:04,780 --> 00:10:07,055 No! l surrender! 124 00:10:07,820 --> 00:10:10,812 Come on! You're surrendering? Your hat! 125 00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:19,853 - My goodness, what a fright. - You should be ashamed. 126 00:10:20,100 --> 00:10:22,819 - lf you scare easily, change jobs. - My goodness! 127 00:10:23,060 --> 00:10:27,815 Would you mind starting over? My brother didn't see anything. 128 00:10:37,260 --> 00:10:39,933 Let me go. l know why you arrested me. 129 00:10:40,020 --> 00:10:42,454 - Right, for swindling. - No, for revenge. 130 00:10:42,540 --> 00:10:45,691 You've never forgiven me for having married your first wife. 131 00:10:45,900 --> 00:10:48,289 You're out of your mind. 132 00:10:48,380 --> 00:10:50,894 You think that because you married my first wife, 133 00:10:50,980 --> 00:10:53,938 you have the right to smuggle goods with impunity. 134 00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:57,535 That would be too easy! Feelings are feelings, 135 00:10:57,620 --> 00:11:00,134 but the law is the law. 136 00:11:00,220 --> 00:11:02,609 Oh, Ferdinand! 137 00:11:03,700 --> 00:11:06,533 l can't believe my eyes. They're having the parade without me? 138 00:11:07,140 --> 00:11:09,813 lt's your fault. Come on! Move! 139 00:11:13,660 --> 00:11:16,538 What are you running for? Come on! Hurry! Move it! 140 00:11:25,780 --> 00:11:30,012 One, two! One, two! 141 00:11:36,900 --> 00:11:41,690 Keep over to the right. Don't step beyond the border. 142 00:11:43,100 --> 00:11:46,331 Close ranks. Don't step beyond the border. 143 00:11:46,420 --> 00:11:49,457 Stay close to the sidewalk. Don't step over the border. 144 00:11:49,540 --> 00:11:53,010 Careful! Close in! Close in! 145 00:11:53,260 --> 00:11:56,457 Close in to avoid stepping over the border. 146 00:12:02,020 --> 00:12:04,932 lt's his fault. l caught him smuggling cognac. 147 00:12:05,020 --> 00:12:07,090 lt was my duty, as you well know. 148 00:12:08,740 --> 00:12:13,018 l can't speak for Customs officers, but for us, punctuality is vital! 149 00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:15,973 - Close ranks! - You're right. But - - 150 00:12:16,060 --> 00:12:19,735 - Giuseppe, where are you going? - To the Bastille. 151 00:12:21,340 --> 00:12:24,616 - Giuseppe, have you become French? - l've had to. 152 00:12:25,180 --> 00:12:27,694 Haven't we made enough of a spectacle? 153 00:12:28,060 --> 00:12:30,654 Come along! lf you act like that l'll take you to jail. 154 00:12:30,740 --> 00:12:32,970 - Then l'll pay the fine. - Do you have the cash? 155 00:12:33,060 --> 00:12:36,257 No, but l can give you an lOU, or l can go home and get it. 156 00:12:36,340 --> 00:12:40,652 You go home, have a cup of coffee and a shower, while you're at it. 157 00:12:40,740 --> 00:12:43,413 What have you taken me for? Come on, keep moving! 158 00:12:43,580 --> 00:12:47,812 - How suspicious you are! - Hey, Dad! Have you been drafted? 159 00:12:48,660 --> 00:12:50,696 Come here! Come - - 160 00:12:51,340 --> 00:12:53,410 Keep moving! 161 00:12:57,300 --> 00:13:00,610 - What's up, Dad? - Ask your mother 20,000 liras. 162 00:13:00,700 --> 00:13:04,249 20,000 liras after everything you put me through? Bring 50,000 liras. 163 00:13:04,340 --> 00:13:06,535 What prices! Go! 164 00:13:08,140 --> 00:13:10,734 That's how private enterprise gets stifled. 165 00:13:10,900 --> 00:13:13,175 You're a real chip off the old block. 166 00:13:13,260 --> 00:13:15,933 - What have you got against my dad? - Nothing. 167 00:13:16,020 --> 00:13:17,817 No one knows who he is. 168 00:13:17,900 --> 00:13:21,893 The opposite of yours ln Naples his photo hung in every police station. 169 00:13:21,980 --> 00:13:24,448 Of course. He was photogenic. 170 00:13:24,540 --> 00:13:26,496 Then you're nothing like him. 171 00:13:26,580 --> 00:13:29,572 Hey, Dad, did someone steal your flag? 172 00:13:34,860 --> 00:13:37,420 l want to be an ex-soldier too. 173 00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:40,613 Later on! lf you're a good boy. 174 00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:44,578 Your second wife isn't bad. 175 00:13:44,660 --> 00:13:47,015 Don't start! lsn't my first one enough for you? 176 00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:49,216 Daddy? Mom wants to know what you need the money for. 177 00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:51,575 Tell your mother that if he doesn't pay his fine, l'll put him in jail. 178 00:13:51,660 --> 00:13:54,413 - ls that true, Daddy? - ln a way it is. Go, now! 179 00:14:17,220 --> 00:14:18,938 Hey! Keep time! 180 00:14:20,140 --> 00:14:23,496 Attention. Platoon, halt! 181 00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:27,456 Rompete le righe! 182 00:14:27,780 --> 00:14:31,455 - Fall out! - Hey! Calm down. Don't be rough! 183 00:14:31,540 --> 00:14:34,418 Where were you? What happened? 184 00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:36,411 l caught him red-handed. 185 00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:40,459 You have one year to catch him. Did you have to choose this day? 186 00:14:40,540 --> 00:14:42,417 Actually, chief, it was he who chose it. 187 00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:44,968 Come with me now. We'll talk about it after the reception. 188 00:14:47,460 --> 00:14:51,419 So, funny guy. are we parading with a toy pistol this year? 189 00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:53,730 - l can explain. - Last year, you nearly blew up 190 00:14:53,820 --> 00:14:55,458 a bishop with the fireworks. Today, the Honorable Bonnefont, 191 00:14:55,540 --> 00:15:00,568 almost had to watch the confusion caused by your late arrival. 192 00:15:00,660 --> 00:15:04,619 These things mustn't happen ever again in our police force. 193 00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:07,089 - They won't. - He's right. 194 00:15:07,180 --> 00:15:10,490 - Use your head sometimes. - Never while l'm on duty. Move! 195 00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:16,012 - No need to be so rough! - That's my style. Move! 196 00:15:16,780 --> 00:15:18,930 Darn it! He got caught. 197 00:15:19,020 --> 00:15:21,215 - Giuseppe! - Yes? 198 00:15:21,860 --> 00:15:23,896 Where's the demijohn? 199 00:15:25,340 --> 00:15:29,333 Mrs. Demijohn sends her apologies. She wasn't able to come. 200 00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:35,410 She had a fall and was seriously hurt. 201 00:15:35,700 --> 00:15:37,418 No! 202 00:15:38,900 --> 00:15:43,098 Yes! l saw her myself. She had a nasty fall, poor thing. 203 00:15:43,180 --> 00:15:45,455 l grabbed hold of Giuseppe just in time. 204 00:15:45,580 --> 00:15:48,014 - Did you know her? - Me? Oh, no. 205 00:15:48,100 --> 00:15:50,933 - Did you? - Me? No. 206 00:15:51,580 --> 00:15:54,014 - He didn't either. - That's a pity. 207 00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:57,615 She was lovely; on the heavy side but full of spirit. 208 00:15:57,700 --> 00:15:59,816 Silence, please! Silence, please! 209 00:15:59,900 --> 00:16:01,618 Silence! 210 00:16:02,380 --> 00:16:05,656 My dear fellow citizens, let's raise our glasses... 211 00:16:05,740 --> 00:16:08,698 to the prosperity of our beloved little town... 212 00:16:08,780 --> 00:16:12,739 ...which today, as yesterday, and in every circumstance, 213 00:16:12,820 --> 00:16:15,812 has proved worthy of its glorious past. 214 00:16:15,900 --> 00:16:18,255 He's good, isn't he? 215 00:16:18,340 --> 00:16:22,731 You're here! l'm delighted to drink to the health of an honest man. 216 00:16:22,820 --> 00:16:25,050 - Thank you. - l'm not talking about you, 217 00:16:25,140 --> 00:16:26,971 - but Ferdinand. - Forgive me. 218 00:16:28,660 --> 00:16:34,178 The more l look at you, the more you resemble your dear late mother. 219 00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:36,330 - What a pity! - Do you want a smack? 220 00:16:36,420 --> 00:16:40,049 l thought his mother was a good-looking woman, while... 221 00:16:40,220 --> 00:16:43,815 ldiot! Don't joke about my mother. She was a saint, wasn't she? 222 00:16:43,900 --> 00:16:46,778 You can't find barmaids like her any more. 223 00:16:46,860 --> 00:16:50,535 She was pretty, kind and so discreet and religious. 224 00:16:50,860 --> 00:16:53,420 These ltalian women are all alike. 225 00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:58,412 She never wanted to marry. She preferred to bring you up alone, 226 00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:03,096 She was just like my dear mother, who pushed me onto the straight. 227 00:17:03,700 --> 00:17:06,260 Evidently, she didn't push you very hard. 228 00:17:06,460 --> 00:17:09,258 - Your health, Donadieu. - And yours. 229 00:17:09,340 --> 00:17:12,412 lf she can see you from up there, she's certainly pleased with you. 230 00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:14,855 - You're right. - Bottoms up! 231 00:17:16,540 --> 00:17:19,213 - Your health, chief. - And yours. 232 00:17:19,300 --> 00:17:23,259 lmagine! Only 20 years on the force and l've already made sergeant. 233 00:17:26,220 --> 00:17:28,734 When you think about it, it's really fantastic. 234 00:17:28,820 --> 00:17:31,175 You're right. You're chalking up a great career. 235 00:17:31,260 --> 00:17:35,492 - Yes, l admit it myself. - l'm proud of you, son, 236 00:17:35,780 --> 00:17:38,658 because in a way, l brought you into the world, didn't l? 237 00:17:38,740 --> 00:17:41,095 Yes, it's true. 238 00:17:41,180 --> 00:17:44,695 You can't know, chief. Guess where l was born. 239 00:17:44,820 --> 00:17:47,732 - l don't know. - Try and guess, chief. 240 00:17:47,820 --> 00:17:50,937 - l don't know. - l'll give you a hint. 241 00:17:51,220 --> 00:17:54,132 l was born in your kit... kit... 242 00:17:55,060 --> 00:17:57,176 ln your kit bag. 243 00:17:58,940 --> 00:18:04,014 No, chief, let's not exaggerate. ln your kitchen. 244 00:18:04,580 --> 00:18:06,616 - What? - What's up? 245 00:18:06,700 --> 00:18:11,820 - You were born in the kitchen? - Yes, ask Donadieu. 246 00:18:12,900 --> 00:18:14,413 lt's funny, isn't it? 247 00:18:14,940 --> 00:18:17,693 Funnier than you think. 248 00:18:20,860 --> 00:18:23,658 - What do think of it, chief? - Me? 249 00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:26,295 l find it very amusing. 250 00:18:29,540 --> 00:18:32,418 - He was born in the kitchen. - He's easily amused. 251 00:18:33,660 --> 00:18:36,015 - Renato, come here! - Come over! 252 00:18:37,100 --> 00:18:38,738 Did you bring the money? 253 00:18:38,820 --> 00:18:40,936 Mom says it's better that you go to jail. 254 00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:44,418 Did you hear that? The joy of having a family! 255 00:18:44,620 --> 00:18:48,056 Listen, who advised you to divorce your first wife? 256 00:18:48,260 --> 00:18:51,093 You wanted her and you got her. Now, she's your problem. 257 00:18:51,460 --> 00:18:53,416 Why are you laughing? 258 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:56,419 l'm laughing because l'm about to take you to prison. 259 00:18:56,500 --> 00:18:59,060 Me? 260 00:18:59,980 --> 00:19:02,050 Does going to jail make you laugh? 261 00:19:02,140 --> 00:19:04,210 - l'm not laughing for that. - Then for what? 262 00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:07,212 l'm laughing because you were born in the kitchen. 263 00:19:09,340 --> 00:19:11,900 And the kitchen is worse than jail. 264 00:19:11,980 --> 00:19:14,096 - No it isn't. No it isn't. - Yes it is. 265 00:19:14,180 --> 00:19:17,297 - No! - Yes! Wise up! 266 00:19:17,900 --> 00:19:22,690 l assure you jail is worse than the kitchen. 267 00:19:24,340 --> 00:19:27,013 The kitchen is worse than jail. 268 00:19:32,660 --> 00:19:34,855 Goodbye. 269 00:19:37,620 --> 00:19:40,259 Hey! Where are you going? 270 00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:45,251 - Home. To my house. - To your cell, you mean. 271 00:19:45,340 --> 00:19:49,936 No ,no, no! You don't have the right to arrest me. 272 00:19:50,460 --> 00:19:53,577 You don't even have the right to be a Customs officer. 273 00:19:53,940 --> 00:19:56,408 You're not even French! 274 00:19:56,500 --> 00:19:58,536 - So - - - l'm not French? 275 00:20:00,460 --> 00:20:02,416 You were born in the kitchen. 276 00:20:03,060 --> 00:20:06,655 Where is the kitchen? ln ltaly. Look! 277 00:20:09,060 --> 00:20:12,450 - So what? - Let's examine the issue. 278 00:20:12,740 --> 00:20:15,413 You were born in ltaly... 279 00:20:15,740 --> 00:20:18,777 ...of an ltalian mother and unidentified father. 280 00:20:18,860 --> 00:20:22,136 - So, what are you? - French. 281 00:20:22,740 --> 00:20:27,530 No way! You're ltalian. 282 00:20:29,740 --> 00:20:31,651 Are you crazy? Me, ltalian? 283 00:20:31,740 --> 00:20:34,573 Why? ls it dishonor to be ltalian? 284 00:20:34,660 --> 00:20:40,132 lt's no dishonor to be ltalian. l respect the ltalians. 285 00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:46,531 You're saying l'm ltalian because l was born in a kitchen. 286 00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:49,214 So if l'd been born in a stable, l'd be a horse? 287 00:20:49,300 --> 00:20:52,098 - No, you'd be an ass. - An ass? 288 00:20:52,180 --> 00:20:55,616 Keep your cool, Pastorelli! No fighting! 289 00:20:55,700 --> 00:20:58,419 - No, Giuseppe's right. - He's undoubtedly ltalian. 290 00:20:58,500 --> 00:21:01,298 l'm ltalian? l don't have the right to wear this uniform? 291 00:21:01,380 --> 00:21:03,052 - l can't arrest you? - No! 292 00:21:03,140 --> 00:21:06,177 l'll show you whether l can or l can't. 293 00:21:06,260 --> 00:21:08,649 Come on! You're going to jail, you scoundrel. 294 00:21:08,740 --> 00:21:12,016 How do you see this matter, Mayor? lt's just a joke, isn't it? 295 00:21:12,100 --> 00:21:13,818 l hope so. 296 00:21:17,460 --> 00:21:20,770 All you ltalians are like that. As soon as you go abroad, 297 00:21:20,860 --> 00:21:23,135 you treat your fellow countrymen shoddily. 298 00:21:23,220 --> 00:21:25,415 That's enough! Be quiet. 299 00:21:25,500 --> 00:21:28,219 Thank the Lord l'm in uniform, otherwise l'd show you. 300 00:21:29,780 --> 00:21:32,169 - What did you say? - Me? Nothing. 301 00:21:32,260 --> 00:21:33,579 Then be quiet! 302 00:21:33,860 --> 00:21:36,897 What? Very well. Come on. 303 00:21:37,300 --> 00:21:40,417 - Move! - Manners! Manners! 304 00:21:46,620 --> 00:21:51,091 You're back again? You just waltz in as if this were a tavern? 305 00:21:51,820 --> 00:21:55,415 - l'm here on official duty. - You don't have the right. 306 00:21:55,500 --> 00:21:57,695 - Be quiet! - You'll see. 307 00:21:58,260 --> 00:22:01,252 First, l've a question. A man born in ltaly of an ltalian 308 00:22:01,340 --> 00:22:04,218 mother and unidentified father, what is he? 309 00:22:05,740 --> 00:22:08,300 Wait a moment. Let me think. 310 00:22:09,180 --> 00:22:12,855 Born in ltaly, ltalian mother... 311 00:22:13,620 --> 00:22:17,169 ...unidentified father... He's ltalian. 312 00:22:17,260 --> 00:22:19,251 - ltalian? - See you around! 313 00:22:20,820 --> 00:22:24,017 - Are you sure he's ltalian? - Certain. Any other questions? 314 00:22:24,100 --> 00:22:28,173 lf the birth was registered in the French town hall, 315 00:22:28,340 --> 00:22:30,410 - what is he? - What is he? 316 00:22:31,060 --> 00:22:34,291 This is a little more difficult. Born in ltaly, ltalian mother, 317 00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:39,172 unidentified father but registered in the French town hall? 318 00:22:39,260 --> 00:22:41,455 - Correct. Registered in France. - He's French. 319 00:22:41,540 --> 00:22:43,735 He's French! See? 320 00:22:43,980 --> 00:22:45,618 Where is he? 321 00:23:03,980 --> 00:23:06,289 Mom, Daddy's back. 322 00:23:06,380 --> 00:23:08,416 - Good morning, Daddy. - Good morning, children. 323 00:23:08,500 --> 00:23:10,889 So they didn't put you in jail, today? 324 00:23:11,860 --> 00:23:14,454 - What have you brought me? - Don't stifle me, son. 325 00:23:14,540 --> 00:23:16,735 l'm tired. l've come back from abroad. 326 00:23:21,940 --> 00:23:24,408 Good morning, dear. Everything OK? 327 00:23:26,940 --> 00:23:29,613 - Where's Marisa? - ln the store. 328 00:23:31,980 --> 00:23:35,859 So, you didn't really get a fine. lt was just an excuse to get money. 329 00:23:35,940 --> 00:23:38,295 l'm going to wash my hands and l'll be back. 330 00:23:38,940 --> 00:23:41,170 Sure, l find money growing on trees. 331 00:23:41,980 --> 00:23:45,052 l have a hard time making ends meet and every day brings new outlays. 332 00:23:45,140 --> 00:23:47,210 - Really? - Don't you know the children need 333 00:23:47,300 --> 00:23:49,734 - new smocks for school? -No. 334 00:23:49,820 --> 00:23:54,450 Did you know l had to call a plumber to fix the kitchen tap? 335 00:23:54,540 --> 00:23:57,657 2,000 liras. Did you hear me? 336 00:23:58,060 --> 00:24:02,770 And you have the courage to ask me for 50,000 liras. 337 00:24:04,260 --> 00:24:07,297 - You made another fruitless trip, - Partially. 338 00:24:07,380 --> 00:24:10,133 - Why have you come home so late? - What time is it? 339 00:24:10,220 --> 00:24:12,893 - Two o'clock. - My goodness! 340 00:24:12,980 --> 00:24:15,733 That's why l was feeling so hungry. 341 00:24:22,860 --> 00:24:25,613 My little honey, look. What have we here? 342 00:24:29,900 --> 00:24:33,051 Antoinette, what's going on? 343 00:24:33,140 --> 00:24:34,937 Did you all polish it off? 344 00:24:35,020 --> 00:24:37,409 We weren't expecting you. We thought you were in prison. 345 00:24:37,500 --> 00:24:39,889 You could have put my share to one side. 346 00:24:39,980 --> 00:24:42,255 What if you were inside for 1 0 days? 347 00:24:42,460 --> 00:24:46,294 lt's incredible. A poor guy who works honestly all day long... 348 00:24:46,380 --> 00:24:49,019 ...trying to get round the law comes home to find... 349 00:24:49,100 --> 00:24:52,331 ...only a fish skeleton to eat. 350 00:24:52,540 --> 00:24:56,010 lt's not fair! Darn it! l'll give you a slap. 351 00:24:56,700 --> 00:24:59,009 Here, have this. 352 00:25:00,860 --> 00:25:03,533 What? A boiled egg? 353 00:25:03,780 --> 00:25:06,169 - A boiled egg? - Yes, it's a boiled egg. 354 00:25:06,260 --> 00:25:09,855 You know l absolutely can't stand French cooking. 355 00:25:20,820 --> 00:25:23,254 l see you're at it again. Didn't you hear what l told you? 356 00:25:23,340 --> 00:25:27,015 - Daddy, Mario wanted to buy - - - Yes, l wanted to buy - - 357 00:25:27,100 --> 00:25:29,978 Did you want to buy a calendar? Here it is. 358 00:25:32,460 --> 00:25:34,416 - There you are. - Actually - - 359 00:25:34,500 --> 00:25:36,889 - Actually it costs 500 liras. - 500 liras! 360 00:25:36,980 --> 00:25:38,732 - Daddy! - Be quiet! 361 00:25:38,820 --> 00:25:41,209 Send your friends to me because l've a large stock to sell. 362 00:25:41,580 --> 00:25:44,219 Here you are. 500 liras. Thank you. Good evening, Miss. 363 00:25:44,300 --> 00:25:47,258 - Good evening. - Good evening. 364 00:25:47,340 --> 00:25:49,296 Good evening. Good evening. 365 00:25:49,780 --> 00:25:52,169 Daddy, it was a 1 9 5 1 calendar. 366 00:25:52,260 --> 00:25:54,535 Correct! An antique calendar is more valuable, isn't it? 367 00:25:54,620 --> 00:25:58,613 Let this be the last time. l told you not to get into bad company. 368 00:25:58,700 --> 00:26:02,010 - But he's a fine young man. - Yes, but he wears a uniform. 369 00:26:02,100 --> 00:26:06,013 Policemen, carabinieri, rangers are all tarred with the same brush. 370 00:26:06,100 --> 00:26:08,409 Now, get out of my sight. 371 00:26:58,340 --> 00:27:00,615 Giuseppe! 372 00:27:00,700 --> 00:27:03,134 What did you say to Marisa to make her cry? 373 00:27:03,220 --> 00:27:05,814 Come and see that idiot who was your first husband. 374 00:27:38,140 --> 00:27:40,415 Did you see that? 375 00:27:43,540 --> 00:27:46,100 Think of the risk you ran, dear daughter of mine. 376 00:27:46,340 --> 00:27:49,173 That man could have been your father. 377 00:27:54,180 --> 00:27:57,138 You S.O.B., l'm going to set you a fine trap. 378 00:27:57,220 --> 00:28:00,018 l'll write an official report and if you set foot in France, 379 00:28:00,100 --> 00:28:02,739 you'll regret it for the rest of your life. 380 00:28:04,180 --> 00:28:07,092 Chief, l don't have a single pen that works. How are we to wipe out 381 00:28:07,180 --> 00:28:11,059 ... crime if headquarters don't supply us with the proper weapons? 382 00:28:11,260 --> 00:28:14,889 Pastorelli, don't send any report to headquarters for the moment. 383 00:28:15,380 --> 00:28:18,577 - ls that an order? - No, it's a piece of advice. 384 00:28:18,660 --> 00:28:21,413 - l see. - Look at this. 385 00:28:21,500 --> 00:28:23,730 You remember article 2, don't you? 386 00:28:24,260 --> 00:28:27,411 Enlistment in the French Customs police... 387 00:28:27,500 --> 00:28:30,412 ... is permitted to French citizens only. lt's clear, isn't it? 388 00:28:30,500 --> 00:28:34,129 Am l not a citizen? Be rasonable, Chief. You can't give the same... 389 00:28:34,220 --> 00:28:38,418 ... credence to the slander of a wretched smuggler... 390 00:28:38,500 --> 00:28:40,730 ... and the word of a French Customs officer. 391 00:28:40,900 --> 00:28:43,573 What l mean is you know me, Chief. 392 00:28:43,860 --> 00:28:47,057 l do, but at headquarters, they're not obliged to believe... 393 00:28:47,140 --> 00:28:50,132 ...the word of individual officers, 394 00:28:50,380 --> 00:28:54,498 ...but only their stamped, signed certificates. 395 00:28:55,340 --> 00:28:59,049 So, now you are formally obliged to prove your nationality. 396 00:28:59,780 --> 00:29:03,216 - Bring me the birth certificate. - The birth certificate? 397 00:29:03,700 --> 00:29:06,339 - Whose? - Whose? Yours. 398 00:29:06,540 --> 00:29:10,249 ls this a piece of advice? - No, it's an order! 399 00:29:11,460 --> 00:29:13,416 l see. 400 00:29:13,740 --> 00:29:16,538 Giuseppe, if l get hold of you - - 401 00:29:19,140 --> 00:29:21,096 Excuse me, Chief. l'll be right back. 402 00:29:28,580 --> 00:29:31,174 He's no Customs officer. He's a sprinter. 403 00:29:56,460 --> 00:29:59,418 CAREFUL! WET PAlNT 404 00:30:00,100 --> 00:30:02,216 May l come in? 405 00:30:14,780 --> 00:30:18,216 l respectfully wish you good day, Mayor.l'm sorry to disturb you. 406 00:30:18,340 --> 00:30:21,252 Oh, Pastorelli, come on in. 407 00:30:21,820 --> 00:30:26,894 Thank you, Mr. Mayor. l'll only keep you a minute. 408 00:30:27,060 --> 00:30:30,052 lf it's possible, l'd like a birth certificate. 409 00:30:30,140 --> 00:30:33,450 Actually, we were just looking into your case. 410 00:30:34,700 --> 00:30:37,419 - Unfortunately - - - Why unfortunately? 411 00:30:37,500 --> 00:30:40,810 A mistake was made in the entry in the register. 412 00:30:40,900 --> 00:30:44,290 - A forgery. - What kind of forgery? 413 00:30:44,780 --> 00:30:47,817 -ls my name in the register or not? -Yes, it's here all right. 414 00:30:47,900 --> 00:30:50,050 - That's the mistake. - The forgery. 415 00:30:50,140 --> 00:30:55,294 The person who wrote it didn't have the right to do so. 416 00:30:55,620 --> 00:30:57,850 - Didn't have the right? - No! 417 00:30:57,940 --> 00:31:01,649 You weren't born in the Maritime Alps but the province of Cuneo. 418 00:31:03,460 --> 00:31:08,215 l'm from Cuneo too. l live in Piazza Garibaldi. 419 00:31:08,300 --> 00:31:09,938 - Pleased to meet you. - Excuse me. 420 00:31:10,020 --> 00:31:12,534 Just a moment, Mr. Mayor. Let's be frank. 421 00:31:12,620 --> 00:31:15,578 Do l sound like someone from the province of Cuneo? This joke... 422 00:31:15,660 --> 00:31:20,495 has gone on long enough. l was born where l was born and l'm French. 423 00:31:20,820 --> 00:31:23,732 That's what you say. 424 00:31:24,260 --> 00:31:26,820 l know why you two are playing this joke on me. 425 00:31:26,900 --> 00:31:31,098 You're both smugglers. l've caught you red-handed more than once, 426 00:31:31,180 --> 00:31:34,331 and now you want to cause problems for me, don't you? 427 00:31:34,420 --> 00:31:38,333 l forbid you to make such comments. Rastier and l are town councilors. 428 00:31:38,420 --> 00:31:41,093 What a glowing reference! 429 00:31:41,260 --> 00:31:44,809 - Excuse me, Mr. Mayor. - Calm down, Pastorelli. 430 00:31:44,900 --> 00:31:48,688 Remember today's a holiday and while the others are out... 431 00:31:48,780 --> 00:31:51,294 ... enjoying themselves, we've come here to help you. 432 00:31:51,380 --> 00:31:53,610 l apologize. 433 00:31:54,060 --> 00:31:56,574 So, what have you decided? 434 00:31:56,820 --> 00:32:00,130 - That we can't help you. - You can't? 435 00:32:00,340 --> 00:32:03,332 Article 1 4 5 of the penal code. 436 00:32:03,460 --> 00:32:05,894 Any Record Office official... 437 00:32:05,980 --> 00:32:09,290 ...who knowingly issues a false certificate... 438 00:32:09,460 --> 00:32:13,658 is liable, according to Law number etcetera, etcetera... 439 00:32:13,740 --> 00:32:16,015 Why ''etcetera, etcetera'' ? 440 00:32:16,100 --> 00:32:20,730 Please listen! Will be liable to 5 to 1 0 years' hard labor. 441 00:32:21,060 --> 00:32:24,211 - No. - You know better than me. 442 00:32:24,300 --> 00:32:26,734 - The law... - ...is the law. 443 00:32:26,820 --> 00:32:30,210 You see, my friend, l can't issue you a birth certificate... 444 00:32:30,380 --> 00:32:33,338 ...because Donadieu shouldn't have registered you here... 445 00:32:33,420 --> 00:32:36,457 - but in the ltalian Town Hall. - Donadieu? 446 00:32:37,140 --> 00:32:40,894 - Donadieu? Gaspare Donadieu? - Naturally. His signature's here. 447 00:32:41,100 --> 00:32:43,739 Go and have it out with him. 448 00:32:44,060 --> 00:32:48,451 l will! l'll find a way out of this mess, mark my words. 449 00:32:55,900 --> 00:32:59,495 - Donadieu, where are you? - ls that you, Ferdinand? 450 00:32:59,780 --> 00:33:01,771 What's up? 451 00:33:02,620 --> 00:33:06,010 lt's shameful! While you're here sticking labels on bottles, 452 00:33:06,100 --> 00:33:09,490 because of you a poor guy no longer knows where he was born. 453 00:33:09,580 --> 00:33:11,969 - What are you talking about? - Don't interrupt me. 454 00:33:12,140 --> 00:33:14,017 Why did you register me in the French Town Hall? 455 00:33:14,100 --> 00:33:16,489 - Me? - Yes you. When l was born. 456 00:33:16,580 --> 00:33:19,174 - When you were born? - Correct. 457 00:33:19,260 --> 00:33:22,536 You see, it was raining that day. 458 00:33:22,620 --> 00:33:24,497 So what? 459 00:33:24,580 --> 00:33:29,893 Since the French Town Hall is closer than the ltalian one - - 460 00:33:29,980 --> 00:33:32,892 lf there'd been a hailstorm, that day, 461 00:33:33,140 --> 00:33:37,099 you'd have registered me around the corner, at the bowls club. 462 00:33:37,220 --> 00:33:42,248 Are you forgetting that thanks to me you've been French for 4 5 years? 463 00:33:42,340 --> 00:33:43,978 So what? 464 00:33:44,060 --> 00:33:47,848 lnstead of coming here to protest furiously, you should thank me. 465 00:33:48,020 --> 00:33:49,851 Thank you. 466 00:33:49,940 --> 00:33:53,489 Would you mind telling me what'll happen now l know l'm an ltalian? 467 00:33:53,780 --> 00:33:57,136 Well, you're not alone. There are 48 million of you. 468 00:33:57,220 --> 00:33:59,097 l know. They can do without me. 469 00:34:00,020 --> 00:34:03,899 But did you have to bring me into the world in a kitchen? Me? 470 00:34:04,100 --> 00:34:07,012 Surrounded by those smells... 471 00:34:07,260 --> 00:34:10,650 ... of garlic and fried fish. Does that seem respectable to you? 472 00:34:10,740 --> 00:34:13,937 - lt was the day of the fair. - The day of the fair? 473 00:34:14,020 --> 00:34:16,454 Yes. People were sleeping even in bathrooms. 474 00:34:16,620 --> 00:34:19,054 You could have waited till a room was free. 475 00:34:19,140 --> 00:34:22,496 Oh, l'm sorry. lf l'd known, l'd have made a reservation. 476 00:34:22,580 --> 00:34:27,051 What need was there to tell you were born in a kitchen? 477 00:34:27,340 --> 00:34:29,808 lt usually made people laugh. 478 00:34:29,900 --> 00:34:32,619 l can assure you that no one was laughing that evening... 479 00:34:33,020 --> 00:34:35,295 ...least of all your poor mother. 480 00:34:35,660 --> 00:34:38,094 She was clenching her teeth so as not to scream. 481 00:34:38,940 --> 00:34:41,659 On this very table. 482 00:34:41,740 --> 00:34:45,130 - On this very table? - When you let out your first yell, 483 00:34:45,860 --> 00:34:49,773 l picked you up...like this. 484 00:34:50,940 --> 00:34:55,775 l wrapped you in a tablecloth and showed you to everyone. 485 00:34:56,100 --> 00:34:58,853 You were so cute, then, 486 00:34:59,340 --> 00:35:02,412 and so small. You didn't have any teeth then. 487 00:35:04,260 --> 00:35:07,411 - You've changed since that day. - lt's true. Now... 488 00:35:07,900 --> 00:35:12,291 with everything that's happening to me, l'll have to start over. 489 00:35:19,500 --> 00:35:22,617 Do you have to smother everything in oil? Have you taken me... 490 00:35:22,700 --> 00:35:25,419 for a sewing machine? Only a steak with butter isn't fattening. 491 00:35:26,460 --> 00:35:29,770 How come you're not running any more? Are you tired? 492 00:35:30,860 --> 00:35:32,737 What's the problem? 493 00:35:32,820 --> 00:35:35,573 An error at the Record Office. He's no longer French. 494 00:35:35,660 --> 00:35:38,413 - What is he? - He's ltalian. 495 00:36:08,020 --> 00:36:09,976 Your papers, please. 496 00:36:13,900 --> 00:36:15,777 They're forged perfectly. 497 00:36:15,860 --> 00:36:18,215 No, they're authentic. lt's me who's a phony. 498 00:36:18,300 --> 00:36:20,655 - lt doesn't look like that. - But it's true. 499 00:36:20,940 --> 00:36:23,090 - You were a good soldier. - Yes, l was. 500 00:36:23,180 --> 00:36:26,092 You can keep your Army passbook. lt proves nothing. 501 00:36:26,180 --> 00:36:27,818 lt proves at least that l did my duty. 502 00:36:27,900 --> 00:36:30,095 By mistake. You're a veteran, 503 00:36:30,180 --> 00:36:32,136 but that doesn't mean 504 00:36:32,220 --> 00:36:34,688 Unauthorized wearing of the uniform, false identity - - 505 00:36:34,780 --> 00:36:38,739 l advise you to go and regularize your position immediately. 506 00:36:38,820 --> 00:36:41,050 - Where? - ln your country, ltaly. 507 00:36:42,620 --> 00:36:45,418 What'll l tell my wife? 508 00:37:19,460 --> 00:37:21,416 ls it ready? 509 00:37:22,340 --> 00:37:25,059 - Come round the back. - Very well. 510 00:37:54,180 --> 00:37:56,569 Delighted to see you again. 511 00:37:56,740 --> 00:38:00,938 Thank you. The pleasure's all mine. 512 00:38:03,300 --> 00:38:06,292 - What's in here? - What? 513 00:38:06,500 --> 00:38:10,618 What's in here? More holy water? 514 00:38:11,220 --> 00:38:13,575 How do l know? 515 00:38:14,140 --> 00:38:16,700 - Where did you find it? - Where did l find it? 516 00:38:17,180 --> 00:38:19,011 Wait! 517 00:38:26,900 --> 00:38:29,255 Nice! What is it, eau-de-cologne? 518 00:38:29,340 --> 00:38:32,889 No, it's the essence of a perfume fermented naturally. 519 00:38:33,900 --> 00:38:39,054 My nose tells me that is worth 1 million 500 thousand francs. 520 00:38:39,140 --> 00:38:40,732 Shall we check? 521 00:38:41,100 --> 00:38:43,660 - 5,000 francs. - Stop! 522 00:38:43,740 --> 00:38:47,289 - 1 0,000 francs. - Stop! Please don't ruin me. 523 00:38:48,300 --> 00:38:51,975 Haven't you ruined me? Take a good look at me. 524 00:38:52,140 --> 00:38:55,257 You look fine! lt's a great suit. 525 00:38:55,340 --> 00:38:58,138 l don't like your look only when you're in your Customs uniform. 526 00:38:58,220 --> 00:39:01,417 You'll see l'll look even better dressed as a convict. 527 00:39:01,500 --> 00:39:04,810 - Why? - Why? Why? 528 00:39:05,060 --> 00:39:08,257 Because l'm going to break this bottle over your head. 529 00:39:08,340 --> 00:39:12,094 No! Don't hit me with the bottle. lt's not mine. 530 00:39:12,620 --> 00:39:15,851 Give me a blow to the head. l have a nice heavy hammer. 531 00:39:15,940 --> 00:39:18,500 You disgust me. You're not a man. 532 00:39:18,580 --> 00:39:21,413 - You're a lousy - - - What's all this racket going on? 533 00:39:21,500 --> 00:39:24,219 Have you finished? The children are sleeping. 534 00:39:24,300 --> 00:39:27,417 - You! What are you doing here? - l was passing by so - - 535 00:39:27,500 --> 00:39:31,413 How dare you appear in your nightdress in front of a foreigner. 536 00:39:31,500 --> 00:39:35,095 Me, a foreigner? l was her first husband. l knew her before you did. 537 00:39:35,180 --> 00:39:38,411 - Without the nightdress. - Go up to your room. 538 00:39:38,500 --> 00:39:40,889 - Stand to attention! March! - At the double! 539 00:39:41,460 --> 00:39:44,816 lf you wake up the children, l'll kick you both out, is that clear? 540 00:39:44,900 --> 00:39:46,572 - Crystal clear. - Don't worry. 541 00:39:46,660 --> 00:39:48,776 - Good night, dear. - Good night. 542 00:39:49,500 --> 00:39:53,334 - Now, we'll settle this issue. - Are you in trouble? 543 00:39:53,580 --> 00:39:56,174 - You have the audacity to ask! - Calm down. 544 00:39:56,340 --> 00:39:59,218 l'll fix everything, whatever it costs. 545 00:39:59,300 --> 00:40:02,178 -You will? -Of course. l know loads of people. 546 00:40:02,460 --> 00:40:06,453 Big fish, small fry, people in between, even minor players. 547 00:40:06,540 --> 00:40:10,135 lmagine! l know the brother-in-law 548 00:40:10,220 --> 00:40:13,098 of the cousin of the janitor of a sacristan. 549 00:40:13,900 --> 00:40:16,733 - What use to me is a sacristan? - What use is a sacristan? 550 00:40:18,460 --> 00:40:21,611 A foolish question! What kind of an ltalian are you? 551 00:40:22,260 --> 00:40:24,649 l want to be French. 552 00:40:24,740 --> 00:40:28,289 - First, you must become ltalian. - ltalian? Why? 553 00:40:28,380 --> 00:40:30,416 So you can then become a naturalized Frenchman. 554 00:40:30,500 --> 00:40:32,855 - But how? - First of all, 555 00:40:32,940 --> 00:40:35,010 you must obtain italian documents, 556 00:40:35,100 --> 00:40:39,696 because right now, you're nothing. You're no one. You don't exist. 557 00:40:39,780 --> 00:40:41,771 You're not even here. 558 00:40:41,860 --> 00:40:44,215 Ouch! Who was that? 559 00:40:44,300 --> 00:40:47,849 Me. So do l exist or not? 560 00:40:49,340 --> 00:40:51,410 l've the impression you do. 561 00:41:12,340 --> 00:41:15,650 l'll ask those two to act as witnesses. 562 00:41:34,260 --> 00:41:36,979 lt's a lovely day today, isn't it? 563 00:41:39,820 --> 00:41:43,574 But it's a pity the sky is turning a little cloudy. 564 00:41:46,980 --> 00:41:49,653 - Excuse me, what's the time? - Don't beat about the bush. 565 00:41:49,740 --> 00:41:53,619 lf you need two witnesses, for a fee, we're available. 566 00:41:53,700 --> 00:41:55,656 Young whippersnappers! 567 00:41:55,740 --> 00:41:57,776 - 1 00 liras each? - Two hundred. 568 00:41:59,020 --> 00:42:02,251 Follow me. Ferdinand, it's all fixed. 569 00:42:02,340 --> 00:42:06,049 l had to barter with them. Five thousand liras for the pair. 570 00:42:07,220 --> 00:42:09,415 Payment in advance. 571 00:42:09,740 --> 00:42:11,776 You don't want anything? 572 00:42:11,860 --> 00:42:15,489 - You're doing me a big favor. - That's what friends are for. 573 00:42:16,700 --> 00:42:19,419 Mr. Ferdinand Pastorelli. The two witnesses. 574 00:42:19,740 --> 00:42:22,777 -Montanari Ugo. -Bellocci Vincenzo. 575 00:42:22,860 --> 00:42:24,930 Old friends of yours. 576 00:42:25,020 --> 00:42:29,093 Ah, right! Pleased to meet you. Listen, this isn't legal. 577 00:42:29,180 --> 00:42:31,694 l hope you're not asking us to give false testimony. 578 00:42:31,780 --> 00:42:35,819 Listen, Ferdinand, were you born on ltalian soil or not? 579 00:42:35,900 --> 00:42:38,653 - l was. - See? lt's not false testimony. 580 00:42:38,740 --> 00:42:40,492 What a pity! 581 00:42:41,100 --> 00:42:45,616 They want double the fee for false testimony. 582 00:42:46,500 --> 00:42:48,491 What a generation! 583 00:42:59,180 --> 00:43:02,217 - Good evening, Pastorelli. - Good evening. 584 00:43:02,460 --> 00:43:04,849 - lt's all fixed. l'm ltalian now. lt was foreseeable. 585 00:43:04,940 --> 00:43:07,329 You started by leaving the flag with the coach driver and then... 586 00:43:07,420 --> 00:43:09,980 Tell the coach driver not to start getting ideas. l'll be French soon. 587 00:43:10,060 --> 00:43:11,891 Really? Because you think - - Where are you going? 588 00:43:11,980 --> 00:43:14,778 -Excuse me. -You're thinking of changing often? 589 00:43:17,140 --> 00:43:19,449 l know these things don't happen in the police. 590 00:43:19,540 --> 00:43:22,054 Naturally! lf all the French did what you've done - - 591 00:43:22,140 --> 00:43:24,495 They'd all be ltalian. Excuse me. 592 00:43:25,020 --> 00:43:27,659 You can go. We'll see about your residence permit later. 593 00:43:27,740 --> 00:43:29,651 - Chief! - Good evening. 594 00:43:30,660 --> 00:43:32,890 - Show me your papers. - But you know me. 595 00:43:32,980 --> 00:43:35,414 - That's why l'm asking. - No problem! 596 00:43:36,500 --> 00:43:39,572 Oh, welcome back. dear colleague. 597 00:43:39,980 --> 00:43:43,097 Colleague. l wish l were but it's no longer the word to use. 598 00:43:43,180 --> 00:43:45,171 For me, you're simply on leave. 599 00:43:45,260 --> 00:43:47,728 - You're too kind. - Come and see. 600 00:43:48,860 --> 00:43:52,773 Your desk is waiting for you, just as you left it. 601 00:43:53,820 --> 00:43:57,415 My dear, faithful pen! My fines book! 602 00:43:57,740 --> 00:43:59,935 The holster for my revolver! 603 00:44:00,020 --> 00:44:03,092 Naturally! lt's as if you were still one of us. 604 00:44:03,180 --> 00:44:07,253 - l'll soon be back on duty. - l hope so. 605 00:44:08,700 --> 00:44:10,850 Excuse me. Where are you going? 606 00:44:11,100 --> 00:44:13,409 - Me? - Yes, you. 607 00:44:13,500 --> 00:44:15,456 - What do you want? - What's in that case? 608 00:44:15,620 --> 00:44:17,656 - What case? - Don't act smart with me. Open it! 609 00:44:17,740 --> 00:44:19,731 - This one? - Yes. 610 00:44:27,460 --> 00:44:29,769 You've a pajama like mine. 611 00:44:29,860 --> 00:44:31,691 - Just a coincidence. - Goodbye. 612 00:44:31,780 --> 00:44:33,577 Wait for me, Ferdinando. 613 00:44:33,740 --> 00:44:37,255 - See? There are no smuggled goods. - That's a first! Off you go. 614 00:44:38,460 --> 00:44:40,416 - Sorry to disappoint you. - Get out of here! 615 00:44:40,500 --> 00:44:43,412 Wait for me, Ferdinand. Don't go so fast. 616 00:44:45,460 --> 00:44:47,416 Wait for me, Ferdinand. 617 00:44:47,500 --> 00:44:49,889 Sorry, but l'm so anxious to see my family again. 618 00:44:49,980 --> 00:44:53,017 With all this excitement you must be tired. l'll carry it for you. 619 00:44:53,100 --> 00:44:56,410 No, leave it. l'll never forget how much you helped me. 620 00:44:56,500 --> 00:44:59,253 lt was my pleasure. Let go! l'll carry it. 621 00:44:59,660 --> 00:45:02,128 - This isn't my case. - What's happened? 622 00:45:02,700 --> 00:45:05,009 With all the confusion, they got mixed up. 623 00:45:05,620 --> 00:45:08,930 - What's in here? - Well, we have the same pajama. 624 00:45:11,020 --> 00:45:13,818 They're just a gift for my maternal aunt. 625 00:45:13,900 --> 00:45:16,460 Just a few pairs of silk stockings. 626 00:45:17,140 --> 00:45:19,256 ls your aunt a centipede? 627 00:45:19,340 --> 00:45:21,808 Oh, my dear Pastorelli, 628 00:45:21,900 --> 00:45:24,539 l'm so pleased to see you again. 629 00:45:24,620 --> 00:45:27,418 - Likewise, Mr. Mayor. - ls everything fixed up now? 630 00:45:27,500 --> 00:45:30,651 - ln a way, it is. - l'm so happy for you. 631 00:45:30,740 --> 00:45:33,618 - Goodbye. - Goodbye and thanks, Mr. Mayor. 632 00:45:44,180 --> 00:45:47,411 Listen, Mr, Bourride, l think that it's not playing properly. 633 00:45:47,500 --> 00:45:50,537 lt'll be some little fault. Don't worry about it, Deputy. 634 00:45:57,300 --> 00:45:59,609 lt gets stuck on that note. lt's ruining my collection. 635 00:45:59,700 --> 00:46:03,215 lf you can wait a moment, we'll repair it right away. 636 00:46:03,300 --> 00:46:06,053 Jacques, repair this and be quick about it. The Deputy is waiting. 637 00:46:06,140 --> 00:46:08,017 Please excuse me a moment. 638 00:46:12,220 --> 00:46:15,292 Ferdinand, our Deputy's here. Come and tell him about your case. 639 00:46:15,380 --> 00:46:17,336 No! He wouldn't be interested. 640 00:46:17,420 --> 00:46:19,809 lt's his job to take an interest in things he's not interested in. 641 00:46:19,900 --> 00:46:21,413 - lt could turn out useful. - Come on! 642 00:46:21,500 --> 00:46:23,456 OK, l'll go but l feel ashamed. 643 00:46:23,540 --> 00:46:25,895 There's no need to. Come on! lt's the perfect opportunity. 644 00:46:30,060 --> 00:46:33,416 May l introduce my son-in-law, a sergeant in the Customs police? 645 00:46:33,500 --> 00:46:36,697 The Customs police is the backbone of our nation. 646 00:46:36,780 --> 00:46:38,771 Thank you very much, Deputy. 647 00:46:38,860 --> 00:46:41,249 Why don't you tell the Deputy about that friend of yours? 648 00:46:42,180 --> 00:46:45,172 Excuse me, Deputy, l need to ask you a favor. 649 00:46:45,260 --> 00:46:48,935 - What is it? - lt's for a friend, a colleague... 650 00:46:49,300 --> 00:46:52,337 ...who has a problem with his civil status. 651 00:46:54,460 --> 00:46:56,815 These things only happen in France. 652 00:46:56,900 --> 00:47:00,336 Right! l've heard about it. The man born in the kitchen. 653 00:47:00,420 --> 00:47:03,253 Precisely! A great guy! 654 00:47:03,540 --> 00:47:06,771 He wants to know, after having obtained ltalian papers, legally- - 655 00:47:06,860 --> 00:47:08,851 - Good! - They're all in order. 656 00:47:08,940 --> 00:47:11,408 He want to know if he can acquire French nationality. 657 00:47:11,500 --> 00:47:13,695 But your friend is a complete fool. 658 00:47:13,780 --> 00:47:15,975 Ferdinand: No. lo lo conosco bene. 659 00:47:16,060 --> 00:47:18,494 Onorevole: E' comunque un cretino. 660 00:47:18,780 --> 00:47:21,135 - No, he's not. l know him well. - But he's still a real idiot. 661 00:47:21,220 --> 00:47:23,290 You're jumping to conclusions. 662 00:47:23,380 --> 00:47:25,974 Up until the court's decision, he was still French. 663 00:47:26,300 --> 00:47:30,009 Applying for ltalian papers, he implicitly recognized that 664 00:47:30,460 --> 00:47:33,054 he was a foreigner. That's why l say he's a fool, a real fool. 665 00:47:33,140 --> 00:47:36,098 - Yes, but - - - l've always shared this opinion. 666 00:47:37,340 --> 00:47:39,979 And you're right because your friend is now 1 00% ltalian. 667 00:47:40,380 --> 00:47:42,530 And this is the problem. 668 00:47:43,140 --> 00:47:45,449 What exactly is the problem? Being ltalian? 669 00:47:45,540 --> 00:47:49,499 No, it's not that. lt's the fact he passed himself off as French. 670 00:47:50,180 --> 00:47:53,695 This man risks being arrested for appropriation of identity. 671 00:47:53,780 --> 00:47:55,691 For the falsification of documents. 672 00:47:55,780 --> 00:47:58,613 - Are you absolutely sure? - You think l don't know the law? 673 00:47:58,700 --> 00:48:00,577 l make the laws. 674 00:48:00,660 --> 00:48:03,458 You could make them better. A law that makes a man look like an idiot 675 00:48:03,540 --> 00:48:07,135 ...when he's simply listened to his conscience! 676 00:48:07,340 --> 00:48:09,695 - What about the family? - What family? 677 00:48:09,780 --> 00:48:13,170 The idiot's wife and child. 678 00:48:14,020 --> 00:48:16,409 Why? Does the idiot have a wife and child too? 679 00:48:17,820 --> 00:48:20,288 Now, he doesn't have them any more. 680 00:48:20,460 --> 00:48:22,416 What? What? 681 00:48:22,500 --> 00:48:24,536 A false identity invalidates a marriage. 682 00:48:24,780 --> 00:48:27,692 The wife is a spinster again and the child is illegitimate. 683 00:48:27,780 --> 00:48:31,056 - Oh, My God! - lt's a disgrace! 684 00:48:31,140 --> 00:48:33,859 Can France really have sunk so low? 685 00:48:33,940 --> 00:48:36,090 Why are you getting so hot under the collar? 686 00:48:37,900 --> 00:48:40,255 Now l get it! 687 00:48:40,580 --> 00:48:43,048 - Are you the idiot? - No, it's not me. 688 00:48:43,140 --> 00:48:45,176 lt's me, for giving him my daughter. 689 00:48:45,540 --> 00:48:47,929 - The police! - Ferdinand! 690 00:48:48,020 --> 00:48:50,409 lt's not the Deputy who's talking now, it's a friend. Take flight! 691 00:48:50,500 --> 00:48:52,456 He's right! Escape! Hurry! 692 00:48:54,300 --> 00:48:56,177 -Hel�ne! -Ferdinand! 693 00:49:01,180 --> 00:49:03,330 l'm leaving but l'd prefer to stay. 694 00:49:09,740 --> 00:49:11,776 - Good morning. - Good morning. 695 00:49:11,860 --> 00:49:14,897 - Mr. Ferdinand Pastorelli. - He's not here. 696 00:49:14,980 --> 00:49:17,619 - We haven't seen him. - That's a pity. We've come... 697 00:49:17,700 --> 00:49:20,533 - to give him his residence permit. - His residence permit? 698 00:49:21,300 --> 00:49:24,292 - We'll come back another time. - Goodbye. 699 00:49:30,460 --> 00:49:32,496 What can l say? 700 00:49:44,340 --> 00:49:46,058 - Good morning. - Good morning. 701 00:49:46,140 --> 00:49:48,290 - ls Mr. Giuseppe La Paglia here? - Why? 702 00:49:48,380 --> 00:49:51,213 - We just need some information. - Come on in. 703 00:49:54,140 --> 00:49:56,051 This way. 704 00:49:56,140 --> 00:49:58,256 l'll be off duty this evening from 7 to 9 o'clock. 705 00:49:58,340 --> 00:50:01,138 - We never meet in the daytime. - lt's better, isn't it? 706 00:50:02,500 --> 00:50:05,412 - What's going on? - Where's my father? 707 00:50:06,460 --> 00:50:08,257 Daddy? 708 00:50:23,380 --> 00:50:25,416 Here you are! Welcome back. 709 00:50:25,500 --> 00:50:29,493 Did you have a good trip, Mr. Homing Pigeon? 710 00:50:30,060 --> 00:50:33,177 Let's see what you've brought Uncle Giuseppe. 711 00:50:33,460 --> 00:50:35,894 Saccharine. Fine! Thank you. 712 00:50:36,300 --> 00:50:40,088 Let's see what we have here. 713 00:50:40,540 --> 00:50:44,055 What have you brought Uncle Giuseppe? Lighter flints? 714 00:50:44,140 --> 00:50:46,415 - Well done! - Daddy? 715 00:50:47,020 --> 00:50:49,534 - Yes? What's up? - You have visitors. 716 00:50:51,180 --> 00:50:54,058 Go! Off with you! 717 00:50:57,060 --> 00:50:59,016 - Good morning. - Good morning. 718 00:50:59,100 --> 00:51:01,898 - They're homing pigeons, right? - Sorry? 719 00:51:01,980 --> 00:51:05,529 - l said they're homing pigeons. No, they're walking pigeons. 720 00:51:06,180 --> 00:51:09,490 They take a stroll around the block and them come home. 721 00:51:09,860 --> 00:51:13,057 We're here to gather information 722 00:51:13,140 --> 00:51:16,257 on Mr. Ferdinando Pastorelli. 723 00:51:16,540 --> 00:51:19,816 Ferdinando Pastorelli? Maybe it's better if we go into the house. 724 00:51:19,900 --> 00:51:23,495 Go away, you ugly pigeons. 725 00:51:24,700 --> 00:51:27,168 They're worse than kids, you know? 726 00:51:27,620 --> 00:51:30,339 - What was that name? - Ferdinando Pastorelli. 727 00:51:30,420 --> 00:51:33,332 The Prefecture in Turin wants to clarify a certain issue. 728 00:51:33,420 --> 00:51:36,412 - The Prefecture? - Pastorelli's position is not... 729 00:51:36,500 --> 00:51:39,572 ... exactly clear. He lives in a village on the border, so - - 730 00:51:39,660 --> 00:51:41,890 - l don't know him. - What? You don't know Pastorelli? 731 00:51:41,980 --> 00:51:46,258 l'm not from here. l come from Naples. Go to your room. Move! 732 00:51:47,460 --> 00:51:49,849 Mr. La Paglia it's actually only a formality. 733 00:51:49,940 --> 00:51:51,976 l know. That's what people always say. 734 00:51:52,060 --> 00:51:54,938 Then it turns out that this man, this - - What's his name? 735 00:51:55,020 --> 00:51:56,692 - Pastorelli. - Pastorelli... 736 00:51:56,780 --> 00:51:59,294 is a spy, a murderer, a criminal, 737 00:51:59,380 --> 00:52:01,940 and you say: '' But Mr. La Paglia vouched for him.'' 738 00:52:02,020 --> 00:52:04,978 No, no, no! Nothing doing! l'm not getting involved. 739 00:52:05,060 --> 00:52:07,858 My dear man - - What are you doing? 740 00:52:08,740 --> 00:52:11,732 - l take down what you say. - l deny everything! 741 00:52:11,820 --> 00:52:14,812 Do you want me to be sued? l didn't say a word. 742 00:52:14,900 --> 00:52:17,892 But Mr La Paglia, you know Mr. Pastorelli. You can't deny it. 743 00:52:19,700 --> 00:52:22,214 Good morning. What's up? 744 00:52:22,300 --> 00:52:26,054 We want to know wether you two know Mr. Pastorelli. 745 00:52:27,700 --> 00:52:30,419 What are you doing? Have you gone nuts? 746 00:52:31,380 --> 00:52:34,895 Of course we know him. l was his first wife. 747 00:52:36,980 --> 00:52:40,416 lf you want to stay out of trouble, you must answer all the questions 748 00:52:40,500 --> 00:52:42,570 - ... you're asked. ls that clear? - Very clear. 749 00:52:42,660 --> 00:52:46,494 Listen, l have a great idea. 750 00:52:47,260 --> 00:52:50,411 l'll now send you a nice anonymous letter. 751 00:52:51,380 --> 00:52:54,850 l'm unemployed. 752 00:52:54,940 --> 00:52:58,728 - You're exaggerating. - l am unemployed. 753 00:52:58,820 --> 00:53:03,610 l unlawfully claimed French nationality. 754 00:53:04,100 --> 00:53:06,011 l've lost everything. 755 00:53:08,340 --> 00:53:10,774 l've no longer a wife or child. 756 00:53:10,860 --> 00:53:14,773 Come on! Cheer up! You'll remarry you wife and recognize your son. 757 00:53:14,860 --> 00:53:17,818 Recognize my son? 758 00:53:17,900 --> 00:53:20,209 A son who's the spitting image of his father... 759 00:53:20,300 --> 00:53:22,939 and has been classified as the son of an unidentified father, like me? 760 00:53:24,900 --> 00:53:29,337 - l'll throw myself in the river. - Don't be an idiot. Come on! 761 00:53:29,420 --> 00:53:32,890 ldiot? l've been an idiot for a good while, 762 00:53:33,340 --> 00:53:36,218 more precisely since the day l was born. 763 00:53:36,540 --> 00:53:39,100 l started by arriving in the wrong place. 764 00:53:39,180 --> 00:53:42,650 lt's important to be born on the right side of the border. 765 00:53:44,340 --> 00:53:45,853 Excuse me. 766 00:53:47,820 --> 00:53:53,417 Watch carefully. Here, you're an honest man and here, a rogue. 767 00:53:54,460 --> 00:53:57,611 Unless it's the other way round. 768 00:53:59,100 --> 00:54:05,016 Whether l'm on one side or the other of the border, 769 00:54:05,100 --> 00:54:09,412 l'm always a fool. lt was the Deputy who told me, 770 00:54:09,500 --> 00:54:12,060 and he's an expert on these issues 771 00:54:12,140 --> 00:54:16,292 because he sees lots of fools every day. 772 00:54:16,380 --> 00:54:18,974 Don't talk like that. 773 00:54:21,540 --> 00:54:23,770 Giuseppe is a scoundrel. 774 00:54:23,860 --> 00:54:26,533 - lf l catch him - - - Where are you going? 775 00:54:26,620 --> 00:54:29,692 - l want to kill him straight away. What are you doing? 776 00:54:29,780 --> 00:54:32,089 Calm down and have a seat. 777 00:54:32,900 --> 00:54:36,415 l shouldn't have listened to my conscience... 778 00:54:37,380 --> 00:54:39,769 ...seeing the matter wasn't very clear. 779 00:54:39,860 --> 00:54:42,897 l shouldn't have tried to respect the law. 780 00:54:44,220 --> 00:54:48,099 - l can't take this any more. - Don't cry! Things will work out. 781 00:54:48,180 --> 00:54:52,492 l'm an out and out fool. That's why l'm crying. 782 00:54:53,380 --> 00:54:57,134 - Let me go, now. - Stay a while longer. 783 00:54:57,460 --> 00:54:59,974 l want to go! 784 00:55:00,460 --> 00:55:03,099 l want to go and have a sleep. 785 00:55:08,100 --> 00:55:11,297 Excuse me, is Mr. Pastorelli here? 786 00:55:11,380 --> 00:55:13,416 l'm Pastorelli. 787 00:55:13,500 --> 00:55:16,094 - Come with me, please. - Where? 788 00:55:16,180 --> 00:55:18,171 To the police station. 789 00:55:27,580 --> 00:55:29,730 Come in. 790 00:55:30,140 --> 00:55:33,052 Here he is! You good for nothing scoundrel, 791 00:55:33,140 --> 00:55:36,098 - you deserve to go to jail. - Calm down, madam. 792 00:55:36,620 --> 00:55:39,088 - Why? What have l done? - Come over here. 793 00:55:40,460 --> 00:55:45,011 Pastorelli, you wore a uniform so you know the meaning of ''duty'' . 794 00:55:45,100 --> 00:55:48,729 l certainly do. Apart from the uniform, 795 00:55:48,820 --> 00:55:52,176 l know that one must do one's duty, even dressed only in underwear. 796 00:55:52,260 --> 00:55:54,728 Oh, excuse me, dear. 797 00:55:54,820 --> 00:55:56,776 We must clarify your position. 798 00:55:56,860 --> 00:55:58,771 - Are you an ltalian citizen? - As well. 799 00:55:58,860 --> 00:56:01,454 - Not ''as well'' . - Not ''as well'' . 800 00:56:01,780 --> 00:56:04,613 You obtained ltalian papers therefore, you're ltalian. 801 00:56:04,700 --> 00:56:07,055 These documents show that. 802 00:56:07,300 --> 00:56:11,612 And since there's no divorce in ltaly, the lady... 803 00:56:11,700 --> 00:56:15,170 Antonietta Parodi, Mrs. Pastorelli, 804 00:56:15,260 --> 00:56:18,616 - is still your wife. - And l'm still her husband. 805 00:56:18,700 --> 00:56:22,215 - Naturally. - l told you l'm Mrs. La Paglia. 806 00:56:22,300 --> 00:56:25,497 And l thought l no longer had a wife! 807 00:56:25,580 --> 00:56:30,779 But now, you have two. ln the eyes of the law, you're a bigamist. 808 00:56:31,860 --> 00:56:34,932 - A bigamist? - Yes. These papers say so. 809 00:56:35,180 --> 00:56:38,536 Then l'm a bigamist. 810 00:56:38,620 --> 00:56:40,690 - And so is the lady. - Me? 811 00:56:40,780 --> 00:56:43,738 She's a bigamist too? 812 00:56:44,860 --> 00:56:46,930 Sorry, Antonietta. 813 00:56:47,300 --> 00:56:49,894 l'm awaiting instructions from Cuneo. 814 00:56:49,980 --> 00:56:52,892 For the moment, l'm unfortunately obliged to keep you here. 815 00:56:52,980 --> 00:56:55,414 What? Are you going to put me in prison? 816 00:56:55,500 --> 00:56:58,253 My dear lady, no one's allowed to ignore the law. 817 00:56:58,340 --> 00:57:01,013 What about my children? l have four. 818 00:57:01,100 --> 00:57:03,409 Right! That's the delicate part. 819 00:57:03,500 --> 00:57:05,809 - Where's the Civil Code? - Here it is. 820 00:57:05,900 --> 00:57:07,572 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 821 00:57:10,540 --> 00:57:14,897 According to the law, they're still yours and must have your name. 822 00:57:14,980 --> 00:57:18,052 Right! That's what the law says. 823 00:57:18,140 --> 00:57:20,813 What do l care what the law says? 824 00:57:21,220 --> 00:57:23,495 l'm the honest mother of four children. 825 00:57:23,660 --> 00:57:27,130 What's it got to do with me if this wretch did something stupid? 826 00:57:27,220 --> 00:57:29,734 Put him in jail. l'm not going. lo non ci vado! 827 00:57:29,860 --> 00:57:32,693 That's enough. The law is the law. 828 00:57:32,780 --> 00:57:35,135 Put them in jail. Get out! 829 00:57:35,220 --> 00:57:38,212 - Oh, My God! - Come on! 830 00:57:38,660 --> 00:57:41,891 The ltalians are generous. 831 00:57:41,980 --> 00:57:44,813 lf you lose a wife, they give you another. 832 00:57:44,900 --> 00:57:47,289 lf you lose one child, they give you four. 833 00:57:47,380 --> 00:57:51,658 Giuseppe gets nothing. No wife and no children. 834 00:57:52,900 --> 00:57:55,937 Thank you, sergeant. 835 00:58:01,370 --> 00:58:03,281 Good morning, Marisa. 836 00:58:03,370 --> 00:58:05,281 Daddy, Mummy is at the police station. 837 00:58:05,370 --> 00:58:06,598 Why? 838 00:58:06,690 --> 00:58:08,965 They said they needed information, but she's been gone an hour. 839 00:58:09,050 --> 00:58:12,167 We mustn't get familiar with the police. l knew it! 840 00:58:18,730 --> 00:58:21,324 - Hey! Cuckold! - Who's that? 841 00:58:21,530 --> 00:58:23,680 l'm up here. 842 00:58:24,090 --> 00:58:26,684 Oh, it's you! 843 00:58:27,210 --> 00:58:30,361 - Giuseppe the cuckold! - What are you doing up there? 844 00:58:30,450 --> 00:58:33,920 - l'm in jail. Can't you see? - Really? 845 00:58:34,010 --> 00:58:36,478 You enjoyed putting others behind behind bars, 846 00:58:36,570 --> 00:58:39,164 but now it's your turn. 847 00:58:39,530 --> 00:58:42,602 This is really funny! 848 00:58:42,690 --> 00:58:44,999 lt's funnier than you think. 849 00:58:53,770 --> 00:58:56,364 Wait! You're laughing because you're in prison? 850 00:58:56,530 --> 00:58:58,680 No, l'm laughing because you're not in here. 851 00:59:00,530 --> 00:59:03,124 lt's better to be outside than inside, isn't it? 852 00:59:03,210 --> 00:59:07,840 That depends. ln your case, it's quite the opposite. 853 00:59:11,570 --> 00:59:14,289 - Wait a minute. - With pleasure. 854 00:59:14,730 --> 00:59:17,961 Antonietta, that idiot, your first husband is outside. 855 00:59:18,850 --> 00:59:20,886 Here's your wife. 856 00:59:20,970 --> 00:59:23,882 Congratulations! A great job! 857 00:59:24,010 --> 00:59:26,478 ldiot! lmbecile! 858 00:59:26,570 --> 00:59:29,801 He's become ltalian and now, because of you, l'm a bigamist. 859 00:59:29,890 --> 00:59:32,279 Just a moment. lf you're a bigamist what am l? 860 00:59:32,370 --> 00:59:34,884 A cuckold. l already told you. 861 00:59:34,970 --> 00:59:36,608 l see. 862 00:59:38,170 --> 00:59:40,809 What are you laughing at? He's just a fool talking nonsense... 863 00:59:40,890 --> 00:59:43,484 ... while waiting to be transferred to a criminal lunatic asylum. 864 00:59:43,570 --> 00:59:46,767 You mustn't encourage him. Get out of here, all of you. 865 00:59:47,170 --> 00:59:50,207 What a fine figure you're cutting. 866 00:59:50,290 --> 00:59:52,884 Are you two alone in there? 867 00:59:52,970 --> 00:59:56,406 Naturally! lt's really cozy for my wife and me. 868 00:59:56,650 --> 00:59:59,642 You stupid idiot! 869 01:00:01,210 --> 01:00:05,488 - Come down here, if you dare. - No, l'm busy, right now. 870 01:00:05,570 --> 01:00:08,607 Laugh away, you shameless scoundrel. l'll teach you to laugh! 871 01:00:09,010 --> 01:00:12,127 l'll show you what Giuseppe La Paglia's made of. lmbecile! 872 01:00:17,010 --> 01:00:20,480 Pastorelli, the sergeant wants to see you. You too, madam. 873 01:00:20,930 --> 01:00:22,966 - The sergeant? - Yes. 874 01:00:23,050 --> 01:00:25,325 A fine pickle we're in! 875 01:00:29,290 --> 01:00:32,839 - What does the sergeant want? - lt's nothing. Come along. 876 01:00:36,690 --> 01:00:38,646 Good morning. 877 01:00:40,050 --> 01:00:43,963 Excuse me. l'd like to speak with the sergeant. 878 01:00:44,050 --> 01:00:46,325 - He's busy. - l didn't catch that. 879 01:00:46,650 --> 01:00:50,768 - He's busy. - Let me speak with his superior. 880 01:00:51,090 --> 01:00:53,365 He's busy too. 881 01:00:53,530 --> 01:00:58,206 - Then l'll speak with you. - Can't you see l'm busy? 882 01:00:58,370 --> 01:01:00,361 Have a seat. 883 01:01:02,130 --> 01:01:05,088 l've no choice. What a nuisance! 884 01:01:05,170 --> 01:01:07,320 You'll speak with the sergeant after us. 885 01:01:07,410 --> 01:01:10,686 - Fine! - See? Everything will work out. 886 01:01:10,930 --> 01:01:12,886 lt says so here. 887 01:01:12,970 --> 01:01:15,279 l spoke on the phone with Cuneo. 888 01:01:15,370 --> 01:01:17,759 lf l hadn't put you in jail earlier, 889 01:01:17,850 --> 01:01:20,489 l wouldn't now have the authorization to let you go. 890 01:01:20,570 --> 01:01:22,481 - You're free. - Thank you. 891 01:01:22,570 --> 01:01:26,279 But let it be clear. You must remain at our disposal. 892 01:01:26,370 --> 01:01:28,725 - Certainly. - After you've disgraced me! 893 01:01:28,810 --> 01:01:30,801 lt was my duty, Mrs. Pastorelli. 894 01:01:30,890 --> 01:01:33,006 Not Pastorelli. Mrs. La Paglia. 895 01:01:33,090 --> 01:01:35,479 - The court will decide that. - You're right. 896 01:01:35,570 --> 01:01:39,119 - So, can we go? - Yes, you can. 897 01:01:42,330 --> 01:01:45,242 - Just a moment! l'm coming too. - No, you wait there. 898 01:01:45,330 --> 01:01:50,040 lt's incredible! Unbelievable! With the taxes we pay! 899 01:01:53,410 --> 01:01:55,970 Mario, something must be done. 900 01:01:56,050 --> 01:01:58,484 My wife's in the holding cell with that man. 901 01:01:58,570 --> 01:02:00,686 Yes, l know. But what can l do? 902 01:02:00,770 --> 01:02:03,568 What can l do? Am l to become the laughing stock of the village? 903 01:02:03,650 --> 01:02:05,800 That darned Pastorelli! 904 01:02:05,890 --> 01:02:10,486 What's Pastorelli done to you? l warn you my hands are itching. 905 01:02:10,570 --> 01:02:12,481 So are mine. 906 01:02:16,010 --> 01:02:19,286 - You're courting my daughter. - That's true. So what? 907 01:02:19,370 --> 01:02:21,520 Don't you get it? Do you want my consent? 908 01:02:21,610 --> 01:02:23,487 - Take me to my wife. - How? 909 01:02:23,570 --> 01:02:25,481 - Arrest me. - l can't. 910 01:02:25,570 --> 01:02:28,846 - Why? Come on! Do me this favor. - But there has to be a reason. 911 01:02:29,530 --> 01:02:31,600 - There has to be a reason? - Yes. 912 01:02:36,770 --> 01:02:38,601 Do you want a reason? 913 01:02:39,970 --> 01:02:42,040 There's your reason. 914 01:02:42,250 --> 01:02:45,367 - What's happening? - l did that, personally! 915 01:02:45,810 --> 01:02:48,529 - lt was an accident. - No! lt was no accident. 916 01:02:48,810 --> 01:02:52,280 l did it on purpose. l did it on purpose. 917 01:02:52,610 --> 01:02:55,204 - Why? - For fun! Out of disrespect. 918 01:02:55,650 --> 01:02:58,118 l see. We'll throw you in jail. 919 01:02:58,210 --> 01:03:00,485 - At last! See? - Come in. 920 01:03:00,570 --> 01:03:02,481 With pleasure. Thank you. 921 01:03:03,770 --> 01:03:05,726 You can have your husband back. 922 01:03:06,170 --> 01:03:07,967 Come with me. 923 01:03:12,010 --> 01:03:15,559 - l'm free! - You had us scared! 924 01:03:15,650 --> 01:03:18,369 - lf l hadn't been here - - - l brought you your scarf. 925 01:03:18,450 --> 01:03:21,123 - Thanks. You think of everything. - Just a moment! 926 01:03:21,210 --> 01:03:23,599 - Good morning, Sergeant. - Good morning. 927 01:03:24,530 --> 01:03:27,488 Here are your cigarettes. Your penknife. 928 01:03:27,570 --> 01:03:29,720 - lt was a present. - Your wallet. 929 01:03:29,810 --> 01:03:32,643 - Your documents. What's this? - My army passbook. 930 01:03:32,730 --> 01:03:34,686 Oh, your army passbook. 931 01:03:34,770 --> 01:03:37,238 Just a moment. Read this, Sergeant. 932 01:03:37,330 --> 01:03:39,685 My son-in-law was an excellent soldier. 933 01:03:39,770 --> 01:03:41,567 - l wouldn't say that. - But it's true. 934 01:03:42,530 --> 01:03:46,603 Very good! Congratulations. You fought in the war for France. 935 01:03:46,690 --> 01:03:49,079 - Yes, l did. - He was mentioned in dispatches. 936 01:03:49,170 --> 01:03:52,367 - l only did my duty. - Of course! 937 01:03:54,010 --> 01:03:55,728 Just a moment! 938 01:03:56,010 --> 01:03:58,649 Just think! ln France they say this doesn't prove anything. 939 01:03:59,290 --> 01:04:03,806 That may be true in France, but here it proves you're - - 940 01:04:04,170 --> 01:04:07,606 What's the word? You're a draft dodger. 941 01:04:07,930 --> 01:04:12,208 A draft dodger? What does that mean? 942 01:04:12,290 --> 01:04:15,487 lt means you didn't do your military service. 943 01:04:15,570 --> 01:04:17,686 But l fought in the war. 944 01:04:17,770 --> 01:04:20,682 - ln France, not in ltaly. - l couldn't split myself in two. 945 01:04:20,770 --> 01:04:24,126 - Sergeant, you're exaggerating. - Give me back my passbook. 946 01:04:24,210 --> 01:04:25,928 Pastorelli, that's enough. 947 01:04:26,890 --> 01:04:28,881 This document is clear. 948 01:04:30,210 --> 01:04:33,361 Do you know what you are in the eyes of the law? 949 01:04:33,450 --> 01:04:36,522 - No, l don't. - A deserter. 950 01:04:37,850 --> 01:04:41,479 - Me? A deserter? - Precisely! 951 01:04:41,810 --> 01:04:46,486 Me? A deserter? l who fought in the trenches for 5 years? 952 01:04:46,770 --> 01:04:50,365 l who was a career N.C.O.? l who was a sharpshooter? 953 01:04:50,450 --> 01:04:52,486 Repeat what you said if you dare. 954 01:04:53,570 --> 01:04:56,482 lnto the holding cell! Move! That way, you'll calm down. 955 01:04:56,570 --> 01:04:59,528 Me? A deserter? 956 01:04:59,610 --> 01:05:01,919 This is a scandal. l'll take it up with the highest authorities. 957 01:05:02,010 --> 01:05:04,240 Get out! 958 01:05:04,330 --> 01:05:06,764 These things never happen in France. 959 01:05:09,410 --> 01:05:13,483 Don't cry, dear. Your daddy will have the last word. 960 01:05:14,650 --> 01:05:18,802 Thank you so much. You're very kind. Goodbye. 961 01:05:20,010 --> 01:05:22,729 Don't worry. l'll pay for the typewriter, then l'll be released. 962 01:05:22,810 --> 01:05:27,008 Listen, do me a favor. Give this to your colleague, the typist. 963 01:05:27,090 --> 01:05:29,126 Bye! See you around. 964 01:05:29,370 --> 01:05:32,806 Mario, tell Marisa l give my consent. 965 01:05:33,330 --> 01:05:35,286 Giuseppe: Andiamo! Forza! 966 01:05:35,370 --> 01:05:38,248 Come on! Hurry! Let's go! Thanks a million! 967 01:05:38,330 --> 01:05:40,241 Calm down, young man. 968 01:05:40,730 --> 01:05:43,483 lf you'd arrived 5 minutes ago, you'd have found your wife here. 969 01:05:43,570 --> 01:05:46,038 Really? Where is she now? 970 01:05:46,130 --> 01:05:47,722 - She's been released. - Oh, this is terrible! 971 01:05:47,810 --> 01:05:50,483 Where are you going? Get inside. 972 01:05:51,730 --> 01:05:54,847 Open up! Open up! 973 01:05:55,010 --> 01:05:57,570 There's been a miscarriage of justice. 974 01:05:58,130 --> 01:06:00,928 Damn it all! Damn it all! 975 01:06:01,010 --> 01:06:04,400 How could you release a guilty party like that, for no reason? 976 01:06:06,530 --> 01:06:09,283 What a fool l've been! Keep your hands still! 977 01:06:09,530 --> 01:06:11,760 Keep your hands still! 978 01:06:24,290 --> 01:06:26,565 Ferdinand, just a moment. 979 01:06:27,450 --> 01:06:30,965 We're men of the world, aren't we? 980 01:06:31,050 --> 01:06:35,009 l admit l did exaggerate a little, but l didn't want to offend you. 981 01:06:35,810 --> 01:06:38,768 - Take a good look at me. - l'll be glad to. 982 01:06:39,330 --> 01:06:41,639 What's left of Ferdinand Pastorelli? 983 01:06:42,330 --> 01:06:47,279 l've been deprived of my family, my home, my country. 984 01:06:48,130 --> 01:06:50,485 l had just one thing left 985 01:06:51,770 --> 01:06:54,842 - and l've lost it. - What? 986 01:06:56,890 --> 01:06:59,085 My honor. 987 01:06:59,570 --> 01:07:01,959 ls that all? Come on! 988 01:07:02,050 --> 01:07:05,520 l'm a deserter. 989 01:07:06,810 --> 01:07:09,563 l fought the war for nothing. Everything l did was for nothing. 990 01:07:09,650 --> 01:07:12,448 l'm no longer a man. l'm a living mistake. 991 01:07:12,530 --> 01:07:16,364 Right! You're very unfortunate, aren't you, Ferdinand? 992 01:07:17,090 --> 01:07:19,479 - l feel very sorry for you. - No, don't! 993 01:07:19,690 --> 01:07:22,124 Before they tell l've changed sex, 994 01:07:22,330 --> 01:07:24,366 l've one last chance. To disappear. 995 01:07:25,090 --> 01:07:28,799 - Tonight? - Why wait? 996 01:07:29,410 --> 01:07:31,924 - They'll see you. - But it'll be too late. 997 01:07:32,010 --> 01:07:36,128 lt's a grave gesture, l know, but at least l'll find my freedom. 998 01:07:36,610 --> 01:07:40,000 You're right. Freedom above all! Freedom above all! 999 01:07:40,530 --> 01:07:42,760 Can l help you? 1000 01:07:42,970 --> 01:07:46,883 - Thanks. - lt's my pleasure. 1001 01:07:47,290 --> 01:07:52,125 Do you think this will hold? You've put on weight recently, 1002 01:07:52,210 --> 01:07:56,408 - maybe thanks to ltalian cooking. - You wretch! Don't say that word. 1003 01:07:57,530 --> 01:08:01,079 Do you mind if, after you, naturally, l use it too? 1004 01:08:02,810 --> 01:08:07,486 - You also want to - - - Of course. What use am l here? 1005 01:08:08,170 --> 01:08:10,479 - Have you already decided? - Certainly. 1006 01:08:10,810 --> 01:08:12,721 Friendship is a wonderful thing. 1007 01:08:13,930 --> 01:08:16,398 - Ferdinand! - Goodbye, Giuseppe. 1008 01:08:26,090 --> 01:08:28,650 Excuse me, Ferdinand, 1009 01:08:28,850 --> 01:08:31,489 l haven't yet understood how you'll get through. 1010 01:08:32,770 --> 01:08:35,489 - Do you want to go first? - No, thanks. After you! 1011 01:08:36,810 --> 01:08:38,687 Don't stand on ceremony. 1012 01:08:40,250 --> 01:08:44,402 - No need to be formal! - So l'll lead the way. 1013 01:08:44,930 --> 01:08:47,888 Fine! You'll help me pluck up courage. 1014 01:08:48,770 --> 01:08:51,284 Goodbye, my dear Giuseppe. 1015 01:08:52,650 --> 01:08:55,562 Hey! Stop! Are you mad? 1016 01:08:55,650 --> 01:08:58,369 - Are you having second thoughts? - Of course l am. 1017 01:08:58,450 --> 01:09:00,361 Don't you want to disappear? 1018 01:09:01,450 --> 01:09:05,204 Yes, but not like that. l thought you wanted to escape. 1019 01:09:05,290 --> 01:09:07,485 Me, escape? Oh, no! 1020 01:09:07,570 --> 01:09:11,040 People can say what they like about me, but not that he was a coward. 1021 01:09:11,330 --> 01:09:16,245 He preferred death over dishonor. That's what they'll say about me. 1022 01:09:16,330 --> 01:09:20,403 Very well! Very well! But think things through. 1023 01:09:22,090 --> 01:09:25,048 When you were French, you fought for France. 1024 01:09:25,130 --> 01:09:27,086 - Naturally. - Right! 1025 01:09:27,610 --> 01:09:32,047 Do you feel it's a dishonor not to have fought for ltaly? 1026 01:09:32,130 --> 01:09:34,086 - Yes. - Good! 1027 01:09:34,330 --> 01:09:38,005 Now, if they were to discover that you're Turkish, 1028 01:09:38,090 --> 01:09:41,241 would you feel it's a dishonor not to have fought for Turkey? 1029 01:09:41,330 --> 01:09:45,243 - Yes, l would. - You're mad! 1030 01:09:45,650 --> 01:09:48,960 Go ahead and hang yourself, you stupid fool. 1031 01:09:49,970 --> 01:09:52,848 - Ferdinand, don't be silly! - Leave me alone. 1032 01:09:52,930 --> 01:09:56,559 - What are you trying to do? - l want to die! 1033 01:09:56,650 --> 01:09:59,722 - Have you gone crazy, Ferdinand? - That's enough! 1034 01:09:59,810 --> 01:10:02,324 - l want to die! - Ferdinando, let go of this! 1035 01:10:02,410 --> 01:10:04,719 - You're coming with me, quietly. - But l haven't done anything. 1036 01:10:04,810 --> 01:10:07,005 - What have l done? - Go on! Move! 1037 01:10:07,890 --> 01:10:11,166 Open up! Open up! 1038 01:10:11,250 --> 01:10:16,927 l'll pay the damages. l don't want to stay here alone. 1039 01:10:22,570 --> 01:10:26,688 Come in! Come in, my dear Pastorelli. 1040 01:10:29,770 --> 01:10:32,364 Anybody can make a mistake. 1041 01:10:32,450 --> 01:10:34,839 l've just received orders from Cuneo. 1042 01:10:35,290 --> 01:10:39,283 - You know article 8, don't you? - Article 8? 1043 01:10:39,850 --> 01:10:42,318 No, but it doesn't matter any more. 1044 01:10:43,010 --> 01:10:45,604 l courageously accept my fate. 1045 01:10:47,010 --> 01:10:52,038 Any citizen who performed military service abroad... 1046 01:10:52,130 --> 01:10:55,486 ...without the authorization of his own government... 1047 01:10:55,570 --> 01:10:58,323 ...automatically forfeits... 1048 01:10:58,410 --> 01:11:01,083 ...his ltalian nationality. 1049 01:11:01,250 --> 01:11:03,810 - Forfeits? - That's what it says here. 1050 01:11:04,530 --> 01:11:08,523 You've no longer been ltalian since the age of 20. 1051 01:11:09,370 --> 01:11:11,486 Then, this is the end of the world. 1052 01:11:11,570 --> 01:11:14,038 Consequently, you're no longer a bigamist. 1053 01:11:14,530 --> 01:11:16,486 - No longer a bigamist? -No. 1054 01:11:16,650 --> 01:11:18,606 - Deserter? -No. 1055 01:11:18,930 --> 01:11:21,160 - Then l'm free. - Correct. 1056 01:11:21,530 --> 01:11:23,600 l'm free. 1057 01:11:23,970 --> 01:11:28,327 Free? l'm free? Free? 1058 01:11:28,770 --> 01:11:32,160 - Long live freedom! - You're not entirely free. 1059 01:11:32,250 --> 01:11:35,481 - What do you mean? - l must escort you to the border. 1060 01:11:35,570 --> 01:11:39,882 To the border? Let's go. To the border! Let's go. 1061 01:11:53,210 --> 01:11:55,485 Come on! Up! 1062 01:12:00,050 --> 01:12:02,610 Raise it! Goodbye. 1063 01:12:02,930 --> 01:12:04,886 - Wait! - Very well. 1064 01:12:08,530 --> 01:12:11,328 Hi, there! 1065 01:12:16,490 --> 01:12:20,165 Chief, l'm handing him over to you. He's undesirable on ltalian soil. 1066 01:12:22,410 --> 01:12:25,846 l greet you, France, land of the free. 1067 01:12:25,930 --> 01:12:28,603 - Your papers. - My papers? l don't have any. 1068 01:12:29,010 --> 01:12:32,320 Good morning, Brigadier. How lovely to be in my country. 1069 01:12:32,410 --> 01:12:34,970 - What country? - Since l'm no longer ltalian, 1070 01:12:35,050 --> 01:12:37,245 - l've become French again. - What? 1071 01:12:37,610 --> 01:12:41,000 Hey! Sergeant! 1072 01:12:41,090 --> 01:12:44,162 - Sergeant! Maresciallo! - Come back here a moment, please. 1073 01:12:45,530 --> 01:12:49,125 lf all those who aren't ltalian became French it would be too easy. 1074 01:12:49,210 --> 01:12:53,089 Listen, Sergeant, l can't let a man without papers into France. 1075 01:12:53,170 --> 01:12:56,128 - Out of here! - What do you mean ''Out of here'' ? 1076 01:12:56,210 --> 01:12:59,361 lt's nothing to do with me. l was ordered to return him to France. 1077 01:12:59,450 --> 01:13:01,600 - Hear that? - Go on! 1078 01:13:01,690 --> 01:13:03,885 - What do you mean ''Go on!'' ? - You're not French so you can't... 1079 01:13:03,970 --> 01:13:07,167 - ...stay here. Off with you! Don't be so rough. 1080 01:13:07,250 --> 01:13:10,287 And he can't stay here. He's not ltalian. Off you go. 1081 01:13:10,610 --> 01:13:14,159 - What am l? - Be quiet! 1082 01:13:14,250 --> 01:13:18,402 l'd like to know, at least, whether l exist or don't. 1083 01:13:18,490 --> 01:13:20,685 - ln eyes of the law, no. -No! 1084 01:13:20,770 --> 01:13:25,639 lf l've understood correctly, the fact a man exists doesn't count. 1085 01:13:25,730 --> 01:13:28,198 lt's only his identity card that counts. 1086 01:13:28,290 --> 01:13:31,327 The law is not to be debated especially by its enforcers. 1087 01:13:31,410 --> 01:13:34,607 Well said! That's the way it is in ltaly, France and everywhere else. 1088 01:13:34,690 --> 01:13:38,478 The world turns thanks to the law, l.D. papers and regulations. 1089 01:13:38,570 --> 01:13:41,482 Soon, we'll need a permit to live, 1090 01:13:41,570 --> 01:13:44,209 duly stamped to allow us to breathe. 1091 01:13:45,570 --> 01:13:48,528 Fine! Fine! l admit l'm guilty. 1092 01:13:48,610 --> 01:13:51,078 Guilty of having been born in a kitchen... 1093 01:13:51,170 --> 01:13:54,560 ...where some imbeciles ran the border through the middle. 1094 01:13:55,010 --> 01:13:57,126 The border! 1095 01:13:58,250 --> 01:14:01,640 - A great invention! - You're overstepping the mark. 1096 01:14:01,730 --> 01:14:04,608 You're insulting the border! You, a Customs officer! 1097 01:14:05,170 --> 01:14:08,367 l'm no longer a Customs officer. l'm no longer anything. 1098 01:14:08,450 --> 01:14:10,486 l'm no longer anything, don't you understand? 1099 01:14:10,570 --> 01:14:14,199 But l'll become a somebody who'll be in all the newspapers. 1100 01:14:14,290 --> 01:14:16,804 And l'll go to prison, since l have no other choice, 1101 01:14:17,690 --> 01:14:20,921 but at least l'll end up there for something worthwhile. 1102 01:14:21,250 --> 01:14:24,048 But l'll be acquitted on... 1103 01:14:24,530 --> 01:14:27,488 the grounds of a mental disorder, 1104 01:14:27,770 --> 01:14:30,603 because l'll have been driven crazy by people like you. 1105 01:14:30,930 --> 01:14:36,288 So for now it's goodbye! See you in court! 1106 01:15:36,530 --> 01:15:38,725 What a darn nuisance! 1107 01:15:40,050 --> 01:15:42,006 What bad luck! 1108 01:17:58,810 --> 01:18:01,529 Watch out! They're shooting from the mountain. 1109 01:18:01,610 --> 01:18:05,046 Take cover! Hurry! 1110 01:18:05,210 --> 01:18:07,599 Hurry and take cover! They're shooting from the mountain. 1111 01:18:08,290 --> 01:18:11,760 Watch out! Take cover! Sparano dalla montagna! 1112 01:18:11,850 --> 01:18:14,922 Run for cover! Hurry! 1113 01:18:16,330 --> 01:18:18,844 -There were shots fired. Who is it? -l know who's shooting. 1114 01:18:18,930 --> 01:18:21,808 - Who? - Ferdinando. 1115 01:18:21,890 --> 01:18:24,848 - This time he'll kill me. - Are you crazy? That can't be so. 1116 01:18:24,930 --> 01:18:26,886 He's the one who's crazy. 1117 01:18:29,530 --> 01:18:32,840 This was pushed under my kitchen door. 1118 01:18:32,930 --> 01:18:34,921 - No! - Yes! 1119 01:18:35,570 --> 01:18:39,848 Listen. You lousy rotter... He called me a lousy rotter! 1120 01:18:40,730 --> 01:18:46,202 l wish to inform you that no one here gives a damn about me. 1121 01:18:47,170 --> 01:18:49,684 Therefore, in the light of these circumstances, 1122 01:18:49,770 --> 01:18:52,762 l intend to delete from the list of the living... 1123 01:18:52,850 --> 01:18:56,047 ...but only after a regular, prior warning, 1124 01:18:57,130 --> 01:19:01,806 the following persons. 1125 01:19:02,610 --> 01:19:06,285 Listen! Alberto Malandain chief of the gendarme police. 1126 01:19:07,050 --> 01:19:09,883 Augusto Marozzi, chief of the carabinieri police. 1127 01:19:10,330 --> 01:19:14,482 Antoine Calandr�, town councilor and smuggler. 1128 01:19:14,970 --> 01:19:17,803 Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. As you can see everyone's on the list. 1129 01:19:17,890 --> 01:19:19,846 - Me too? - Certainly. 1130 01:19:20,530 --> 01:19:22,725 You're 1 3rd. 1131 01:19:22,810 --> 01:19:24,766 What about you? 1132 01:19:24,850 --> 01:19:27,284 - l'm in a post scriptum. - What does that mean? 1133 01:19:27,370 --> 01:19:33,240 Listen! lf you don't bring me some provisions, 1134 01:19:33,570 --> 01:19:36,130 l'll add you to the list. Me! 1135 01:19:36,850 --> 01:19:40,320 With respectful regards, Ferdinando Pastorelli, 1136 01:19:40,410 --> 01:19:43,925 ex-Customs officer and sharpshooter. 1137 01:19:46,570 --> 01:19:49,721 - That was for the postman. - Quick! Hurry! Down to the cellar! 1138 01:19:50,410 --> 01:19:54,403 lf l send him some provisions, will he take me off the list? 1139 01:19:54,770 --> 01:19:57,842 l can't promise you that but l'll do everything l can. 1140 01:19:58,930 --> 01:20:02,479 Giuseppe La Paglia's word is his bond. 1141 01:20:02,930 --> 01:20:09,278 l advise you to add a nice bottle of vintage wine. 1142 01:20:09,370 --> 01:20:11,964 Our oldest wine is the ' 54. Grab a bottle. 1143 01:20:12,050 --> 01:20:15,122 - Sure! - What will he get up to next? 1144 01:20:15,610 --> 01:20:18,920 Who knows what'll happen? 1145 01:20:19,250 --> 01:20:22,287 He's lost his head. He's shooting at everybody. 1146 01:20:22,530 --> 01:20:25,124 Donadieu, this is a 1 9 1 9. 1147 01:20:25,210 --> 01:20:27,644 l thought there were none left. 1148 01:20:27,730 --> 01:20:30,563 Leave them and take a 1 9 54. 1149 01:20:30,650 --> 01:20:33,164 l'm keeping the 1 9 1 9 wine for me. 1150 01:20:33,810 --> 01:20:36,244 Donadieu, come here a moment. 1151 01:20:36,930 --> 01:20:40,479 No, no, give me this bottle. lt's only for private consumption. 1152 01:20:40,570 --> 01:20:42,879 - Leave it! - l've the right to drink it. 1153 01:20:43,370 --> 01:20:47,363 Certainly! Of course! To spite Ferdinando. 1154 01:20:47,530 --> 01:20:50,522 Look carefully. What's written on the label? 1155 01:20:50,850 --> 01:20:54,240 Two Borders wine 1 9 1 9. 1156 01:20:54,330 --> 01:20:56,844 Bottled by whom? l'll tell you by whom. 1157 01:20:57,090 --> 01:21:00,844 By a real scoundrel, a liar and a cheat. Take a look! 1158 01:21:01,690 --> 01:21:05,478 ln 1 99 1 , the border ran through just one corner of your hotel, 1159 01:21:05,570 --> 01:21:09,529 and not through the middle as you'd have everyone believe. 1160 01:21:10,090 --> 01:21:13,162 When Ferdinand was born, the kitchen was in France. 1161 01:21:13,250 --> 01:21:16,481 l did it for a question of hygiene. The border ran through the toilets. 1162 01:21:16,570 --> 01:21:19,164 No! You did it to attract tourists. 1163 01:21:19,250 --> 01:21:21,605 To make money, out of greed! 1164 01:21:22,130 --> 01:21:24,883 Do you think you can move a border from the toilets to the kitchen... 1165 01:21:24,970 --> 01:21:27,564 ...as if it were a broomstick? 1166 01:21:27,930 --> 01:21:30,205 Shame on you, imbecile! 1167 01:21:30,290 --> 01:21:33,362 Giuseppe, l beg you not to talk about this matter. 1168 01:21:33,450 --> 01:21:36,283 You know that borders cannot be altered. You've seen what happens. 1169 01:21:36,530 --> 01:21:40,000 You begin with a few shots fired, end up on the front line, 1170 01:21:40,090 --> 01:21:43,844 and if someone loses their life, people say he died for his country. 1171 01:21:44,010 --> 01:21:46,285 No! l died for a bottle of wine. 1172 01:21:46,370 --> 01:21:49,646 - l beg you not to say a word. - Keep your hands to yourself. 1173 01:21:49,890 --> 01:21:52,324 Everyone must be told that Ferdinand is French. 1174 01:21:52,410 --> 01:21:55,766 Fellow townsfolk, listen up! Ferdinand is French. 1175 01:22:06,530 --> 01:22:11,240 Hey, Ferdinando, where are you? 1176 01:22:12,010 --> 01:22:15,764 Where are you? 1177 01:22:23,850 --> 01:22:27,763 Ferdinand? Come out of hiding! 1178 01:22:31,770 --> 01:22:33,806 Pastorelli! 1179 01:22:38,130 --> 01:22:40,280 Pastorelli! 1180 01:22:40,410 --> 01:22:44,767 Ferdinand! Come out! Everything's been clarified. 1181 01:22:47,610 --> 01:22:50,682 Ferdinand! Where the devil has that idiot gotten to? 1182 01:22:51,410 --> 01:22:55,642 Ferdinand, come on out! Everything's been sorted out. 1183 01:22:56,130 --> 01:22:59,202 Ferdinand, come on out! 1184 01:22:59,610 --> 01:23:02,647 lt was all Donadieu's fault. 1185 01:23:03,410 --> 01:23:08,643 Don't be afraid. You know l'm your friend. 1186 01:23:20,890 --> 01:23:22,846 You betrayed me, you scoundrel. 1187 01:23:25,930 --> 01:23:28,125 My God! He's killed him! 1188 01:23:29,410 --> 01:23:32,004 lt's not possible! l didn't do it. 1189 01:23:32,930 --> 01:23:36,525 Giuseppe! Giuseppe! 1190 01:23:44,050 --> 01:23:47,804 Giuseppe! Giuseppe! My God, what have l done? 1191 01:23:47,890 --> 01:23:53,283 Giuseppe, get up! Talk to me. Say something. Giuseppe! 1192 01:23:55,570 --> 01:23:57,640 lt's blood. 1193 01:23:57,970 --> 01:24:00,120 No, it's wine. 1194 01:24:01,010 --> 01:24:03,808 So, you're not dead, you rat! 1195 01:24:04,690 --> 01:24:07,204 No, l'm not. Aren't you glad, 1196 01:24:07,290 --> 01:24:09,246 after everything l've done for you? 1197 01:24:09,330 --> 01:24:11,764 You scoundrel! What have you done for me? 1198 01:24:12,050 --> 01:24:15,759 - Stop! - Stop that, Pastorelli! 1199 01:24:15,850 --> 01:24:18,080 Stop! l'm coming! 1200 01:24:18,170 --> 01:24:21,242 Let him go, young man! Everything's been clarified. 1201 01:24:21,330 --> 01:24:24,288 - You're French. You're French. - That's not possible. 1202 01:24:24,370 --> 01:24:28,966 Yes it is. You're French. Be grateful that l'm your friend. 1203 01:24:29,610 --> 01:24:33,967 You were born lucky, believe me. My goodness, what good fortune... 1204 01:24:34,050 --> 01:24:37,042 - ...you've been blessed with! - Giuseppe! 1205 01:25:29,050 --> 01:25:32,201 Yes, l know, l know, but... 1206 01:25:32,530 --> 01:25:35,249 ...the law is the law. 98127