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1
00:00:21,088 --> 00:00:24,258
>> Steve: FROM ROCKEFELLER
CENTER, IN THE HEART OF
2
00:00:24,258 --> 00:00:26,760
NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT
SHOW" STARRING JIMMY FALLON.
3
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:29,062
TONIGHT JOIN JIMMY AND HIS
GUESTS ‐
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00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:32,232
MICHAEL CHE,
MEGAN RAPINOE,
5
00:00:32,232 --> 00:00:36,169
MUSICAL GUEST ANGEL OLSEN,
AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY
6
00:00:36,169 --> 00:00:39,006
ROOTS CREW
AND NOW HERE'S YOUR HOST,
JIMMY FALLON
7
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:53,320
♪
♪
8
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:54,955
♪
>> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS.
9
00:00:54,955 --> 00:00:56,390
WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
NICE TO SEE YOU, ROOTS
10
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:58,458
WELCOME TO THE "TONIGHT SHOW,"
EVERYBODY.
11
00:00:58,458 --> 00:01:01,295
WELL, LET'S GET RIGHT TO IT,
GUYS
12
00:01:01,295 --> 00:01:04,164
THE GOOD NEWS IS PRESIDENT TRUMP
IS BACK TO FOCUSING ON THE
13
00:01:04,164 --> 00:01:06,934
CORONAVIRUS.
THE BAD NEWS IS, TRUMP IS BACK
TO FOCUSING ON THE CORONAVIRUS
14
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:14,875
CONSPIRACY VIDEO, ALLEGING THAT
THERE IS A CURE FOR THE VIRUS
15
00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:18,345
AND THAT MASKS DO NOT WORK
THE VIDEO IS THEN REMOVED BY
16
00:01:18,345 --> 00:01:20,647
TWITTER, FACEBOOK AND YOUTUBE,
BECAUSE IT VIOLATED RULES
17
00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:23,817
AGAINST SPREADING
MISINFORMATION
18
00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:26,653
>> Jimmy: IN 14 TWEETS, TRUMP
UNDERMINED DR. FAUCI, DISMISSED
19
00:01:26,653 --> 00:01:29,389
FACEMASKS AND BOASTED ABOUT
HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE WORKING
20
00:01:29,389 --> 00:01:31,491
AGAIN.
WHAT IS HE DOING
21
00:01:31,491 --> 00:01:35,629
EVEN FLAT‐EARTHERS THINK THIS
GUY IS OUT OF HIS MIND
22
00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:39,666
THEY WALKED TO THE EDGE OF THE
EARTH AND LOOKED OVER.
23
00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:43,403
IT'S LIKE CRAZY TRUMP WAS AWAY
FOR A WEEK AND THEN SOMEONE SAID
24
00:01:43,403 --> 00:01:47,874
HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE THREE TIMES,
"SHOWTIME.
25
00:01:47,874 --> 00:01:50,177
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT FEELS LIKE WE'RE BACK TO
26
00:01:50,177 --> 00:01:54,881
"SCARY, MISINFORMATION TRUMP."
I PREFER, "PERSON, MAN, WOMAN
27
00:01:54,881 --> 00:01:56,516
CAMERA, TV" TRUMP INSTEAD.
I ALSO LIKED "POINT TO AN
28
00:01:56,516 --> 00:01:58,685
ELEPHANT" TRUMP.
HE WAS FUN
29
00:01:58,685 --> 00:02:01,555
EVEN AFTER THE FDA SAID THIS
DRUG DOESN'T HELP, TRUMP WON'T
30
00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:03,724
GIVE UP.
HE'S LIKE YOUR FRIEND WHO NEVER
31
00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:07,327
STOPS TRYING TO MAKE YOU WATCH
THE SHOW THEY'RE WATCHING.
32
00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:12,699
"YOU GOT DO TRY SEASON THREE OF
90‐DAY FIANCE.
33
00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:18,372
DON'T WATCH SEASON ONE OR TWO.
SEASON THREE WATCH, THEN YOU
34
00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:22,843
WATCH THE FIRST ONE AGAIN.
THEN YOU GET IT, AND THEN YOU
35
00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:26,346
GET READY FOR FOUR
WHICH SETS YOU UP FOR TWO.
36
00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:29,082
[ LAUGHTER ]
MEANWHILE, DONALD TRUMP JR. ALSO
37
00:02:29,082 --> 00:02:32,586
POSTED THAT SAME CONSPIRACY
VIDEO, AND TWITTER DECIDE TO
38
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:37,491
PUNISH HIM FOR SHARING
MISINFORMATION AND RESTRICT HIS
39
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:40,027
ABILITY TO TWEET FOR 12 HOURS.
WHEN THE PRESIDENT HEARD ABOUT
40
00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:46,133
TWITTER AND DON JR., HE WAS
LIKE, "AH YES, MY PRIDE AND JOY.
41
00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:49,870
AND DON JR."
YUP, HAVE TWITTER ACTUALLY
42
00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:51,605
PENALIZED JON ‐‐ DON JR FOR ‐‐
JON JUNIOR
43
00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:53,907
JON DUNIOR
[ LAUGHTER ]
44
00:02:53,907 --> 00:02:55,442
>> Tariq: I LIKE THAT ONE.
>> Jimmy: JON DUNIOR'S PRETTY
45
00:02:55,442 --> 00:02:58,912
GOOD
[ LAUGHTER ]
46
00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:04,184
WHY DID HE GET PENALIZED
WHAT DID JON DUNIOR DO
47
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:07,220
[ LAUGHTER ]
ANYWAYS, TWITTER ACTUALLY
48
00:03:07,220 --> 00:03:11,058
PENALIZED DON JR. FOR 12 HOURS
AND SAID HE HAD TO ACTUALLY
49
00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:13,260
TWEET UNDER THE NAME "ERIC."
[ LAUGHTER ]
50
00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:15,662
WELL, THE PRESIDENT'S PRETTY
UPSET WITH TWITTER
51
00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:17,297
NOT ABOUT HIS SON, ABOUT
SOMETHING ELSE
52
00:03:17,297 --> 00:03:20,500
CHECK OUT WHAT HE WROTE.
"SO DISGUSTING TO WATCH
53
00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:23,537
TWITTER'S SO‐CALLED "TRENDING",
WHERE SOOO MANY TRENDS ARE ABOUT
54
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:26,239
ME AND NEVER A GOOD ONE.
REALLY RIDICULOUS, ILLEGAL, AND
55
00:03:26,239 --> 00:03:29,743
OF COURSE, VERY UNFAIR
YEAH, IT'S ILLEGAL
56
00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:32,813
EVERYONE KNOWS THERE'S MURDER,
THEFT AND POSTING A BAD TWITTER
57
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:36,083
HASHTAG.
[ LAUGHTER ]
58
00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:38,485
OH, WE ACTUALLY HAVE A LITTLE
UPDATE FOR YOU GUYS ON A STORY
59
00:03:38,485 --> 00:03:40,887
WE TALKED ABOUT LAST NIGHT
DID YOU HEAR HOW TRUMP SAID THAT
60
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:43,423
HE HAD TO RESCHEDULE THROWING
OUT A FIRST PITCH AT A YANKEES
61
00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:44,057
GAME
62
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,892
WELL, NOW THERE'S SOME NEW
INFORMATION.
TAKE A LOOK.
63
00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:49,663
>> LAST WEEK, HE SAID THE TEAM
HAD INVITED HIM TO YANKEE
64
00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:52,365
STADIUM NEXT MONTH
THE CLAIM CAME JUST BEFORE
65
00:03:52,365 --> 00:03:55,102
DR. ANTHONY FAUCI THREW OUT THE
FIRST PITCH FOR THE WASHINGTON
66
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:57,838
NATIONALS.
BUT ACCORDING TO THE "NEW YORK
67
00:03:57,838 --> 00:04:03,343
TIMES," THE YANKEES NEVER
INVITED PRESIDENT TRUMP.
68
00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:06,146
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH, EVERYONE WAS
69
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:08,882
SKEPTICAL WHEN TRUMP SAID HE'D
BEEN PERSONALLY ASKED BY BABE
70
00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:11,284
RUTH
BUT DESPITE TRUMP'S DISTRACTION
71
00:04:11,284 --> 00:04:12,385
EFFORTS, DR. FAUCI'S FIRST PITCH
72
00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:14,221
CONTINUES TO GET A LOT OF
ATTENTION.
WATCH THIS
73
00:04:15,222 --> 00:04:19,159
>> A BASEBALL CARD FEATURING
THAT
74
00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:22,996
LOPSIDED THROW SMASHED SALES
RECORDS FOR THE TOPPS COMPANY.
75
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:27,467
MORE THAN 51,000 CARDS WERE SOLD
IN THE FIRST 24 HOURS IT WAS
76
00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:29,870
AVAILABLE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, IT'S SUPER
77
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:31,638
POPULAR.
AND I'M AN IDIOT, BECAUSE I
78
00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:36,009
ALREADY TRADED MINE FOR A
DR. BIRX ROOKIE CARD
79
00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:38,512
I REMEMBER AS A KID GETTING SO
EXCITED TO OPEN A FRESH PACK OF
80
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:41,581
IMMUNOLOGIST TRADING CARDS
[ LAUGHTER ]
81
00:04:41,581 --> 00:04:43,984
BUT THE CARD IS COOL
IT HAS A PICTURE OF FAUCI AND IF
82
00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:50,190
YOU ZOOM IN IT ACTUALLY SAYS
"ACTUAL SIZE."
83
00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:53,693
IT ACTUALLY SAYS "ACTUAL."
SOME MORE NEWS ABOUT THE VIRUS
84
00:04:53,693 --> 00:04:56,997
I READ THAT DOCTORS RECENTLY
CONFIRMED THE CASE OF A HOUSE
85
00:04:56,997 --> 00:05:01,668
CAT CATCHING COVID‐19, BUT DON'T
WORRY, HE MADE A FULL RECOVERY
86
00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:05,739
>> Tariq: I GUESS YOU COULD SAY,
THAT CAT IS FELINE FINE.
87
00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:09,109
>> Jimmy: WHAT'S THAT NOW,
TARIQ?
88
00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:11,077
>> Tariq: HE'S FELINE FINE
AND YOU WILL BE, TOO, BECAUSE
89
00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:14,815
IT'S TIME FOR MY NEW SEGMENT,
"TARIQ'S CAT CORNER.
90
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:19,719
>> Jimmy: ACTUALLY, TARIQ, WE
HAD TO CUT THE CAT CORNER BIT
91
00:05:19,719 --> 00:05:22,889
TONIGHT FOR TIME, SORRY, MAN
>> Tariq: OH
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00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:24,324
I SEE.
[ SOMBER MUSIC ]
93
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:27,494
♪
WELL, I GUESS I JUST PUT ALL MY
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00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:30,864
CAT TOYS AWAY THEN
>> Jimmy: COME ON, TARIQ
95
00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:32,833
TARIQ,DON'T BE LIKE THAT
>> Tariq: IT'S FINE.
96
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:39,272
>> Jimmy: IT'S JUST THIS ONCE.
♪
97
00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:42,909
♪ I DID MY BEST
BUT I GUESS MY BES
98
00:05:42,909 --> 00:05:50,116
WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH ♪
♪ 'CAUSE HERE WE AR
99
00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:57,657
BACK WHERE WE WERE BEFORE ♪
♪ SEEMS NOTHING EVER CHANGE
100
00:05:57,657 --> 00:06:07,634
WE'RE BACK TO BEING STRANGER
WONDERING IF WE OUGHT TO STO
101
00:06:07,634 --> 00:06:11,304
OR HEAD ON OUT THE DOOR ♪
♪ JUST ONCE
102
00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:17,644
CAN WE FIGURE OU
WHAT WE'VE
103
00:06:17,644 --> 00:06:24,117
BEEN DOING WRONG ♪
♪ WHY WE NEVER LAST
104
00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:28,688
FOR VERY LONG ♪
♪ OH WHAT ARE W
105
00:06:28,688 --> 00:06:32,292
DOING WRONG ♪
♪ JUST ONCE
106
00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:39,833
CAN WE FIND A WA
TO FINALLY MAKE IT RIGHT ♪
107
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:45,639
♪ OH MAKE THE MAGIC
LAST FOR MOR
108
00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:48,808
THAN JUST ONE NIGHT ♪
♪ IF WE COULD JUS
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00:06:48,808 --> 00:06:52,412
GET TO I
I KNOW WE COUL
110
00:06:52,412 --> 00:07:02,255
BREAK THROUGH IT ♪
♪ JUST ONCE
111
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:13,099
WE CAN MAKE IT
JUST ONCE ♪
112
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:16,169
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: WELL, MAYBE WE'LL TRY
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00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:26,513
CAT CORNER NEXT WEEK
>> Tariq: COPY THAT.
114
00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:29,916
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
115
00:07:29,916 --> 00:07:33,520
>> Jimmy: MOVING ON.
MOVING RIGHT ALONG
116
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:34,387
A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE TALKING
ABOUT THIS
117
00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:37,457
OVER THE WEEKEND IN THE
HAMPTONS, THE CHAINSMOKERS HELD
118
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:38,558
A CONCERT THAT'S NOW BEING
119
00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:40,327
INVESTIGATED BY THE STATE'S
HEALTH DEPARTMENT.
WATCH THIS
120
00:07:41,594 --> 00:07:44,464
>> OFFICIALS IN NEW YORK STATE
ARE INVESTIGATING A DRIVE‐IN
121
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:47,867
CONCERT IN THE HAMPTONS THAT
APPEARED TO VIOLATE SOCIAL
122
00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:50,570
DISTANCING GUIDELINES.
POSTS ON SOCIAL MEDIA SHOW
123
00:07:50,570 --> 00:07:55,942
CROWDS OF FANS LEAVING THEIR
CARS, GATHERING IN FRONT OF THE
124
00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:58,645
STAGE, MANY NOT WEARING MASKS.
GOVERNOR ANDREW CUOMO TWEETED
125
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:02,582
ABOUT THE EVENT ON MONDAY,
SAYING, "I AM APPALLED."
126
00:08:02,582 --> 00:08:05,118
>> Jimmy: GOOD LORD, IT WOULD
HAVE BEEN HEALTHIER TO ACTUALLY
127
00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:07,620
CHAIN SPOKE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
128
00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:09,923
AFTER SPENDING THE LAST FEW
MONTHS IN QUARANTINE ON THEIR
129
00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:14,961
COMPUTERS, PEOPLE NEEDED TO GET
OUT AND SEE TWO GUYS PERFORM ON
130
00:08:14,961 --> 00:08:17,564
THEIR COMPUTERS.
IT'S NOT JUST CONCERTS STARTING
131
00:08:17,564 --> 00:08:21,835
UP AGAIN, I READ THAT POOLS ON
THE EAST COAST ARE STARTING TO
132
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:22,936
REOPEN
INCLUDING EIGHT OVER THE WEEKEND
133
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:25,005
HERE IN NEW YORK CITY.
IT SEEMS A BIT RISKY, BUT
134
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,640
OFFICIALS INSIST IT WILL BE SAFE
IF EVERYONE FOLLOWS PROPER
135
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:28,174
GUIDELINES
136
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,276
WHICH BRINGS US TO A NEW
SEGMENT, CALLED, "SO LET ME GET
THIS STRAIGHT.
137
00:08:32,779 --> 00:08:35,181
♪ SO LET ME
GET THIS STRAIGHT ♪
138
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,350
♪ WHA
SO LET M
139
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,419
GET THIS STRAIGHT ♪
>> Jimmy: SO, LET ME GET THIS
140
00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:43,256
STRAIGHT
YOU WANT ME TO SHOW UP TO A
141
00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:45,759
POOL, WEARING A MASK AND GLOVES,
AND THEN GO INSIDE AND, YOU
142
00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:49,929
KNOW, AWKWARDLY OPEN THE GATE
WITH MY ELBOW, GET A WRISTBAND,
143
00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:52,665
GET CHANGED AND ALL THA ‐‐
THEN TAKE OFF MY MASK AND GLOVES
144
00:08:52,665 --> 00:08:56,369
BEFORE HOPPING INTO A POOL WITH
30 STRANGERS
145
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:59,773
SO, JUST TO BE CLEAR
SO I'M NOW IN THE WATER WITH
146
00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:02,509
30 PEOPLE.
30 PEOPLE WHO HAVE CHOSEN TO GO
147
00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:06,246
TO A COMMUNAL POOL DURING A
PANDEMIC
148
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:09,382
AND THEN WHAT DO I DO?
STAND THERE, I GUESS
149
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:12,218
I SPLASH AROUND IN THE URINE OF
THESE 30 PEOPLE?
150
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:14,754
TRYING TO STAY SIX FEET AWAY
FROM EVERYONE.
151
00:09:14,754 --> 00:09:17,590
WHILE A DRUNK DAD, DOES A
CANNONBALL, WHICH SPLASHES URINE
152
00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:19,125
WATER INTO MY MOUTH BECAUSE I
WAS YELLING AT SOMEONE TO KEEP
153
00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:22,195
THEIR DISTANCE
DO I HAVE THAT STRAIGHT?
154
00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:27,133
JUST, WE'RE ON THE SAME PAGE
SO WHEN I'M DONE, I DRY OFF,
155
00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:32,105
WIPING AWAY ALL THE GERM WATER
INTO MY TOWEL, AND THEN I TAKE
156
00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:36,276
THE TOWEL HOME WITH ME
[ LAUGHTER ]
157
00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:39,212
JUST A RECAP
SHOW UP WITH MASK, TAKE OFF IN
158
00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:41,848
POOL
URINE WATER IN MOUTH
159
00:09:41,848 --> 00:09:47,320
GERM TOWEL IN TRASH BAG, GO
HOME
160
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,389
OKAY, LET ME THINK ABOUT IT.
♪ SO LET ME
161
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:51,024
GET THIS STRAIGH
WHAT
162
00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:54,194
SO LET ME ♪
♪ GET THIS STRAIGHT ♪
163
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:56,262
>> Jimmy: WELL, GUYS, HERE'S
ANOTHER BIG STORY.
164
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:59,666
EARLIER TODAY, ATTORNEY GENERAL
WILLIAM BARR SPENT THREE HOURS
165
00:09:59,666 --> 00:10:01,968
BEFORE A COMMITTEE BEING GRILLED
BY DEMOCRATS ON THE FEDERAL
166
00:10:01,968 --> 00:10:03,503
RESPONSE TO THE NATIONWIDE
167
00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:06,840
PROTESTS OVER POLICE BRUTALITY
AND THINGS GOT PRETTY INTENSE.
CHECK THIS OUT
168
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:14,414
TRUNCHEONS ON AMERICAN CITIZENS.
YOU DID IT HERE IN WASHINGTON.
169
00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:17,817
YOU DID IT IN LAFAYETTE SQUARE
YOU EXPANDED TO PORTLAND
170
00:10:17,817 --> 00:10:22,422
AND NOW YOU ARE PROJECTING FEAR
AND VIOLENCE NATIONWIDE.
171
00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:25,458
IN PURSUIT OF OBVIOUS POLITICAL
OBJECTIVES
172
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:27,527
SHAME ON YOU, MR. BARR
>> CAN I JUST SAY ‐‐
173
00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:29,729
>> SHAME ON YOU.
>> Jimmy: DAMN, MAKE THAT ONE
174
00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:33,867
MORE BARR THAT JUST GOT SHUT
DOWN
175
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:36,736
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND THAT WAS THE FUN PART OF THE
176
00:10:36,736 --> 00:10:39,139
HEARING.
MAN, SEEING JERRY NADLER AND
177
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:43,610
WILLIAM BARR TOGETHER, THEY LOOK
LIKE TWO GUYS WHO KEEP SHOWING
178
00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:48,081
UP TO THE SAME AUDITION.
"GOUT SUFFERER COMMERCIAL?
179
00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:50,283
ME, TOO.
AND FINALLY, TECH NEWS
180
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:53,987
A COMPANY RELEASED A NEW DEVICE
CALLED THE ALEXAGATE THAT STOPS
181
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:56,189
YOUR AMAZON ALEXA FROM LISTENING
TO YOU
182
00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:59,692
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS THING.
YEAH
183
00:10:59,692 --> 00:11:03,163
THAT'S RIGHT, EVEN ALEXA IS
WEARING A MASK
184
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:06,032
THAT LOOKS LIKE EVERY LAMP SHADE
MY GRANDPARENTS OWNED.
185
00:11:06,032 --> 00:11:08,768
MEANWHILE, YOUR SMART TV JUST
LOOKS AT ALEXA LIKE "I'LL FILL
186
00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:11,704
YOU IN LATER."
[ LAUGHTER ]
187
00:11:11,704 --> 00:11:13,439
WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.
188
00:11:13,439 --> 00:11:15,408
FROM "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE'S"
WEEKEND UPDATE, MICHAEL CHE IS
189
00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:18,912
HERE
[ APPLAUSE ]
190
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:20,880
SOCCER SUPERSTAR, MEGAN RAPINOE
IS HERE!
191
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:22,982
[ APPLAUSE ]
AND WE GOT MUSIC FROM ANGEL
192
00:11:22,982 --> 00:11:25,385
OLSEN.
193
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:27,587
[ APPLAUSE ]
IT'S TIME FOR TONIGHT SHOW
HASHTAGS
194
00:11:32,258 --> 00:11:39,566
♪ HASHTAG
HASHTAGS ♪
195
00:11:39,566 --> 00:11:44,504
>> Jimmy: HEY, WE DO THIS THING
WHERE I SEND OUT A ‐
196
00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:47,106
A HASHTAG AND WE ASK YOU GUYS TO
RESPOND TO THAT TOPIC.
197
00:11:47,106 --> 00:11:49,542
SO FOR THIS WEEK I ASKED YOU
GUYS TO DESCRIBE YOUR SUMMER ‐‐
198
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:52,378
BEST DESCRIBE YOUR SUMMER USING
THE HASHTAG "MY SUMMER IN SIX
199
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:55,415
WORDS.
FOR EXAMPLE, I SENT OUT A TWEET
200
00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:58,151
THAT SAID, "FEEL THE HEAT, SMELL
THE BREATH."
201
00:11:58,151 --> 00:12:00,887
WITHIN MINUTES, THE HASHTAG
BECAME THE NUMBER ONE TRENDING
202
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,222
TOPIC IN THE U. S
[ APPLAUSE ]
203
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:04,190
SO THANK YOU FOR PLAYING ALONG
WE WANT TO DO THEIR EVERY WEEK
204
00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:07,026
HERE
SO NOW I THOUGHT I'D SHARE SOME
205
00:12:07,026 --> 00:12:11,064
OF MY FAVORITE "MY SUMMER IN SIX
WORDS" RESPONSES FROM YOU GUYS
206
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:15,201
THIS FIRST ONE IS FROM
@LOPEYWOPEY.
207
00:12:15,201 --> 00:12:18,938
SHE SAYS, "DIDN'T KNOW NOSES
SWEAT, UNTIL NOW."
208
00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:23,509
THEY DO.
CHINS, TOO
209
00:12:23,509 --> 00:12:29,549
THIS ONE IS FROM @TAYLORLYNEA.
SHE SAYS, "TRASH GOES OUT MORE
210
00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:32,051
THAN ME.
SMART.
211
00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:35,221
THIS NEXT ONE IS FROM
@MELODYBUTLER.
212
00:12:35,221 --> 00:12:44,063
SHE SAYS, "THE BEST SUMMER EVER,
SAYS MY DOG.
213
00:12:44,063 --> 00:12:48,001
THIS ONE IS FROM @VANSHA2017
THEY SAY, "LET'S HANG!
214
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:51,404
SENDING YOU THE LINK."
THAT SUMS UP THE SUMMER.
215
00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:53,239
LET'S HANG OUT, I'LL SEND YOU
THE LINK
216
00:12:53,239 --> 00:13:00,246
WE'RE ALL GONNA LOG ON AT
7:00 PM.
217
00:13:00,246 --> 00:13:02,882
THIS ONE IS FROM @CAPNOMYSOUL.
KIND OF ROMANTIC
218
00:13:02,882 --> 00:13:05,051
KIND OF?
WELL, IF IT WAS CAPTAIN, IT
219
00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:07,020
MIGHT BE MORE.
CAP'N MAKES IT FEEL LIKE A
220
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:09,322
CEREAL
>> Tariq: YOU GOTTA SAY IT FAST,
221
00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:11,190
LIKE KIRK'S NAME
CAP'N.
222
00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:14,460
>> Jimmy: CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL
>> Tariq: JUST THE CAP'N PART.
223
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:16,763
CAP'N OF MY SOUL
>> Jimmy: CAP'N OF MY SOUL
224
00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:18,298
>> Tariq: YEAH
>> Jimmy: BUT IT'S LIKE, CAP'N
225
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,366
IS KIND OF SPELLED LIKE THE
CEREAL
226
00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:21,567
>> Tariq: YEAH, CAP'N CRUNCH
CAPTAIN KIRK
227
00:13:21,567 --> 00:13:23,770
>> Jimmy: CAP'N KIRK
TAKES ME OUT A LITTLE BIT.
228
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:26,039
IS CAPTAIN KIRK ‐‐
>> Tariq: IT'S CAP'N, CAP'N.
229
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:28,141
>> Jimmy: IT'S NOT CAPTAIN
>> Tariq: NO, IT'S CAP'N
230
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,143
[ LAUGHTER ]
LIKE THE CEREAL.
231
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,177
>> Questlove: YOU LOOK
DISAPPOINTED
232
00:13:31,177 --> 00:13:33,479
>> Jimmy: YEAH
I'M BUMMED OUT
233
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:36,215
>> Tariq: IT'S BEEN 12 YEARS
[ LAUGHTER ]
234
00:13:36,215 --> 00:13:40,486
>> Jimmy: I DON'T CALL HIM
"CAPTAIN."
235
00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:42,655
THAT WOULD BE WEIRD.
HEY, CAPTAIN
236
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:46,693
I GUESS IT IS.
ANYWAYS, @CAPNOMYSOUL, HE SAYS,
237
00:13:46,693 --> 00:13:49,662
"YES, NETFLIX.
STILL WATCHING
238
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:57,737
ALWAYS WATCHING.
STOP ASKING ME
239
00:13:57,737 --> 00:14:01,574
THIS ONE IS FROM @CLEANKILLER.
HE SAYS, "TELL US ABOUT OUTSIDE
240
00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:05,278
AGAIN, DADDY."
[ LAUGHTER ]
241
00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:08,681
THIS ONE IS FROM
@MELISSABUNTCAKE
242
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:09,816
YOU THINK THAT'S HER REAL NAME
>> Questlove: BUNTCAKE
243
00:14:09,816 --> 00:14:11,184
>> Jimmy: YEAH
MELISSA BUNTCAKE
244
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:14,253
>> Tariq: YEAH, IT'S PROBABLY
PRONOUNCED DIFFERENTLY
245
00:14:14,253 --> 00:14:17,323
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: BUNT‐KICK.
246
00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:18,524
>> Tariq: BUNT‐COCKY
[ LAUGHTER ]
247
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:21,594
>> Questlove: HEY, HEY
HEY.
248
00:14:21,594 --> 00:14:22,662
[ RIM SHOT ]
>> Tariq: COME ON, THEY GET YOU
249
00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:24,530
EVERY ‐‐
>> Jimmy: OH, YEAH, MAYBE, YEAH.
250
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:29,235
I DIDN'T SEE THE LINE OVER THE
E.
251
00:14:29,235 --> 00:14:36,776
SHE SAYS, "MELISSA, CAN YOU MUTE
YOUR MIC?"
252
00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:41,814
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
253
00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:45,084
THIS ONE IS FROM @CATMOMTO8.
SHE SAYS, "DIDN'T WE ALREADY
254
00:14:45,084 --> 00:14:46,986
WATCH THIS EPISODE?"
YEAH, BUT WATCH, IT'S "OZARK."
255
00:14:46,986 --> 00:14:50,556
COME ON, MAN
EVERY EPISODE IS GOOD.
256
00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:52,392
HAVE YOU SEEN THAT, BY THE WAY
>> Questlove: YES.
257
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:53,726
>> Tariq: YES.
>> Jimmy: I'M ONLY ON EPISODE
258
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:55,561
THREE.
>> Tariq: OF THE MOST RECENT
259
00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:56,896
SEASON
>> Jimmy: NO
260
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:59,065
SEASON ‐
>> Questlove: OH, WOW.
261
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,500
>> Jimmy: OH, WOW.
>> Questlove: YOU'RE GOING TO
262
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:01,701
HAVE FUN
>> Jimmy: REALLY
263
00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:03,770
>> Tariq: YEAH
>> Jimmy: I LOVE IT.
264
00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:06,739
I LOVE EVERY SECOND OF IT.
EVERYONE'S LIKE A GREAT
265
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:09,008
CHARACTER.
>> Tariq: BATEMAN'S THE MAN.
266
00:15:09,008 --> 00:15:12,078
>> Jimmy: HE'S CRUSHING IT
JASON BATEMAN.
267
00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:14,814
THIS LAST ONE IS FROM
@SEAWOLF510.
268
00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:17,150
HE SAYS, "CAN SOMEONE PLEASE
YELL JUMANJI ALREADY?"
269
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:18,518
[ LAUGHTER ]
PERFECT.
270
00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:21,687
THERE YOU HAVE IT, THOSE ARE OUR
TONIGHT SHOW HASHTAGS.
271
00:15:21,687 --> 00:15:24,757
TO CHECK OUT MORE OF OUR
FAVORITES GO TO
272
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:27,927
TONIGHTSHOW.COM/HASHTAGS
AND HEY, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
273
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:37,336
WITH MICHAEL CHE, EVERYBODY.
♪
274
00:15:37,336 --> 00:15:47,747
♪
♪
275
00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:49,816
>> Jimmy: MY FIRST GUEST IS ONE
OF THE HEAD WRITERS AT "SATURDAY
276
00:15:49,816 --> 00:15:52,885
NIGHT LIVE" AND A CO‐ANCHOR OF
WEEKEND UPDATE
277
00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:55,822
HE IS A VERY, VERY FUNNY STANDUP
AS WELL.
278
00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:58,558
HERE IS MICHAEL CHE!
MICHAEL CHE, IT IS GREAT TO SEE
279
00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:02,728
YOU.
YOU LOOK FANTASTIC, BUDDY.
280
00:16:02,728 --> 00:16:03,496
>> MAN, DO I REALLY?
>> Jimmy: YEAH
281
00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:06,766
YOU REALLY LOOK GREAT.
I THINK THIS MIGHT BE THE BEST
282
00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:09,268
YOU'VE EVER LOOKED
>> MAN, YOU KNOW WHAT ‐‐ IT'S
283
00:16:09,268 --> 00:16:11,471
WEIRD BECAUSE I'M IN THE HOUSE
MOSTLY BY MYSELF
284
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:14,640
AND I DON'T HEAR A LOT OF
COMPLIMENTS, SO WHEN YOU SAY IT,
285
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,577
IT ALMOST FEELS SARCASTIC.
BUT I REALLY APPRECIATE IT
286
00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:18,344
YOU LOOK GOOD, TOO
[ LAUGHTER ]
287
00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:21,314
>> Jimmy: THANKS, BUD.
I APPRECIATE IT.
288
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,716
I FOLLOW YOU ON THE SOCIALS AND
STUFF AND SAW THAT YOU WERE
289
00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:28,187
DOING SOME STANDUP
I THINK YOU'RE THE FIRST
290
00:16:28,187 --> 00:16:30,590
COMEDIAN I SAW DO STANDUP ‐‐
OUTSIDE.
291
00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:34,760
>> I THINK TECHNICALLY, DAVE WAS
A DAY BEFORE ME, BUT WE STARTED
292
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:36,629
THAT SAME WEEKEND, AND WE WAS
TALKING THROUGHOUT THE WEEK.
293
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:39,999
SO, IT WAS REALLY WEIRD.
HE'S DOING SHOWS OUT IN OHIO,
294
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:42,502
WHICH I WENT OUT TO DO AS WELL,
AND I WAS DOING THEM IN THE
295
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:47,640
QUEENS PARKING LOT
SO, YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHERE WE
296
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:50,710
ARE AS SUCCESSFUL COMEDIANS.
>> Jimmy: HOW DID YOU FIGURE OUT
297
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:53,779
TO DO ONE IN THE PARKING LOT
AND WAS THIS A RESPONSE TO THE
298
00:16:53,779 --> 00:16:57,583
PROTEST?
>> WELL, ACTUALLY, NO.
299
00:16:57,583 --> 00:16:59,552
IT WAS ‐‐ I JUST WANTED TO DO
COMEDY, MAN.
300
00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:01,320
I WAS REALLY, LIKE, JUST
STEWIN'IN THE HOUSE.
301
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:03,155
I JUST WANTED TO GET OUT THERE
AND DO COMEDY, AND EVERYTHING
302
00:17:03,155 --> 00:17:06,759
WAS HAPPENING.
THE PROTESTING WAS HAPPENING
303
00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:08,961
ALL THE TENSION WAS GOING ON
I JUST WANTED TO BE ABLE TO SAY
304
00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:12,565
SOMETHING TO AN AUDIENCE, AND I
PUT ON INSTAGRAM, "I HAVE
305
00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:17,270
SOMETHING TO SAY."
I DON'T KNOW HOW, BUT SOME
306
00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:21,641
PEOPLE FROM THE PROTEST, THE
ORGANIZERS, PUT IT ON THE BLACK
307
00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:24,810
LIVES MATTER WEBSITE, I GUESS.
AND, SO, ALL THESE PEOPLE CAME
308
00:17:24,810 --> 00:17:28,214
THAT THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO
SEE A PROTEST, AND I LITERALLY
309
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:31,384
JUST WANTED TO TRY A COUPLE
JOKES ABOUT MY NETHER REGIONS,
310
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:34,420
AND THAT WAS IT.
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT I HAD TO SAY
311
00:17:34,420 --> 00:17:35,621
SOMETHING IMPORTANT.
SO I FAKED IT, YOU KNOW?
312
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:38,691
>> Jimmy: START WRITING RIGHT
THERE, START WRITING JOKES
313
00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:40,660
YOU'RE LIKE "OH, MY GOSH."
>> I SAID I WAS GOING TO SAY
314
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:44,363
SOMETHING IMPORTANT, THERE WERE
SIGNS AND STUFF.
315
00:17:44,363 --> 00:17:47,867
I'M LIKE, "THAT'S MAYBE A LITTLE
MORE THAN I BARGAINED FOR.
316
00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:49,735
BUT IT WAS A FUN TURNOUT,
THOUGH
317
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:53,773
IT WAS AWESOME
WE WENT TO A LONG ISLAND CITY
318
00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:56,075
PARKING LOT, AND IT WAS LIKE
RIGHT OVER THE WATER
319
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:58,377
YOU COULD SEE THE BUILDING
YOU COULD SEE THE CITY
320
00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:00,546
I LOOKED AT IT AS, LIKE, MY USO
TOUR
321
00:18:00,546 --> 00:18:02,415
I FELT LIKE BOB HOPE
LIKE, THE PROTESTS WERE THE
322
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,483
TROOPS AND I WAS JUST
ENTERTAINING THEM TO KEEP MORALE
323
00:18:04,483 --> 00:18:06,552
UP
AND THEN THEY'D GO PROTEST RIGHT
324
00:18:06,552 --> 00:18:10,389
AFTER THAT
THANKED THEM FOR THEIR SERVICE
325
00:18:10,389 --> 00:18:11,824
AND I WENT BACK IN AN UBER HOME.
>> Jimmy: WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE
326
00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:16,429
ON STAGE AND HEAR PEOPLE
LAUGHING AGAIN
327
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:20,232
>> IT WAS STRANGE BECAUSE
EVERYBODY'S IN MASKS
328
00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:22,768
IT WAS, IT WAS PRETTY DOPE
BECAUSE AFTER A WHILE YOU STILL
329
00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:28,341
FEEL IT, YOU KNOW, YOU STILL
FEEL THE ENERGY FROM PEOPLE.
330
00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:30,409
>> Jimmy: IS THAT IT'S OVER AT
CHAPPELLE'S BARN AS WELL ‐‐ OR
331
00:18:30,409 --> 00:18:32,278
WHEREVER HE'S PERFORMING IN
OHIO
332
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:35,548
>> HE'S LITERALLY GOT ALL THESE
CELEBRITIES THERE WITH ALL THESE
333
00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:37,750
PEOPLE THERE WERE PERFORMING
AND EVERYBODY'S SPACED OUT
334
00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:41,687
EVERYBODY'S IN MASKS
EVERYTHING'S SAFE.
335
00:18:41,687 --> 00:18:43,956
IT'S BIZARRE, BUT IT'S REALLY
NEEDED
336
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:47,259
BECAUSE AFTER ABOUT 30 MINUTES,
YOU'RE AT A SHOW
337
00:18:47,259 --> 00:18:50,529
YOU FORGET ALL THAT STUFF.
YOU FORGET YOU'RE IN A BARN.
338
00:18:50,529 --> 00:18:53,899
YOU FORGET YOU'RE OUT ON A FARM
OR WHATEVER, YOU'RE JUST HAVING
339
00:18:53,899 --> 00:18:56,535
A GOOD TIME.
>> Jimmy: AND I HEARD YOU GOT TO
340
00:18:56,535 --> 00:19:01,240
VISIT COLIN JOST, YOUR WEEKEND
UPDATE CO‐STAR, CO‐ANCHOR.
341
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:05,378
>> YEAH, I WENT TO COLIN'S HOUSE
LAST WEEKEND, AND HE WAS IN THE
342
00:19:05,378 --> 00:19:07,346
HAMPTONS
I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD SAY
343
00:19:07,346 --> 00:19:11,417
THAT, BECAUSE HE KEEPS IT VERY
PRIVATE, BUT HE LIVES ON THE
344
00:19:11,417 --> 00:19:13,252
HAMPTONS, ON 124 ‐‐ NO, NO ‐
[ LAUGHTER ]
345
00:19:13,252 --> 00:19:15,454
‐‐ BUT HE DOES LIVE IN THE
HAMPTONS
346
00:19:15,454 --> 00:19:18,290
NO, I WENT TO HIS HOUSE.
HE GOT A VACATION HOUSE IN THE
347
00:19:18,290 --> 00:19:22,328
HAMPTONS
I WAS LIKE, "WE HAVE THE SAME
348
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:26,932
JOB, BUT YET WE DON'T MAKE THE
SAME MONEY
349
00:19:26,932 --> 00:19:29,669
I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S FAIR.
I'M NOT GOING TO SAY IT'S
350
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:32,705
UNFAIR, BUT IT DOESN'T SEEM
FAIR
351
00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:35,007
>> Jimmy: THAT IS NOT RIGHT.
I HEARD THAT YOU MIGHT BE BUYING
352
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:37,009
A HOUSE.
>> I AM!
353
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:40,813
I THINK I'M GOING TO DO IT
I'D LIKE TO.
354
00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:43,549
YOU KNOW, HANGING OUT WITH DAVE
IN OHIO AND STUFF AND SEEING
355
00:19:43,549 --> 00:19:46,819
THAT KIND OF LIFE, THAT COUNTRY
LIFE AND GOING TO COLIN'S HOUSE
356
00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:51,624
IN THE HAMPTONS AND SEEING THAT
KIND OF COUNTRY LIFE, I FEEL
357
00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:54,593
LIKE I WANT TO MOVE TO THE
COUNTRY.
358
00:19:54,593 --> 00:19:56,128
I FINALLY DID, YOU KNOW.
I WANT TO BUY A HOUSE.
359
00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:58,297
YOU KNOW WHAT I DO
I GO ON ZILLOW, BECAUSE I'M
360
00:19:58,297 --> 00:20:03,202
ADDICTED TO ZILLOW NOW
I WENT ON ZILLOW, AND I MARK
361
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:06,839
EVERY WHOLE FOODS, AND I LOOK
FOR NEIGHBORHOODS AROUND THERE
362
00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:10,976
BECAUSE IF WHOLE FOODS BUILT
THERE, IT'S DEFINITELY A DECENT
363
00:20:10,976 --> 00:20:14,146
NEIGHBORHOOD, YOU KNOW
I FOUND A WHOLE FOODS AROUND
364
00:20:14,146 --> 00:20:17,550
THERE, AND TEN MINUTES OUT
THERE'S LIKE A NICE LITTLE
365
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:20,052
COUNTRY PLACE, AND IT'S
BEAUTIFUL.
366
00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:25,858
IT'S LIKE, ALSO, COUNTRY TO ME
IS LIKE IF THERE'S NO CVS
367
00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:29,795
AROUND, IT'S COUNTRY
>> Jimmy: HOW COUNTRY ‐‐ BECAUSE
368
00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:33,733
I GREW UP IN UPSTATE NEW YORK.
THERE'S, LIKE, DIRT AND PEOPLE
369
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:37,103
GO CAMPING AND STUFF, IT'S
REALLY COUNTRY
370
00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:42,041
>> THAT'S COUNTRY.
>> NO CVS, THAT'S COUNTRY.
371
00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:46,712
IF I NEED COCOA BUTTER 4:00 IN
THE MORNING I GOT TO WAIT UNTIL
372
00:20:46,712 --> 00:20:51,217
NOON OR WHATEVER
YEAH, IT'S VERY, VERY COUNTRY.
373
00:20:51,217 --> 00:20:57,123
VERY QUIET
MY NEIGHBOR HAS CHICKENS AND
374
00:20:57,123 --> 00:21:00,493
PEACOCK.
>> Jimmy: LIKE, PEACOCK.
375
00:21:00,493 --> 00:21:03,763
>> PEACOCK, THAT'S WHAT I SAID
LIKE LITERALLY PEACOCK
376
00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:06,932
YOU KNOW WHAT I FOUND OUT ABOUT
PEACOCK, JIMMY
377
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:09,502
>> Jimmy: WHAT'S THAT?
>> THE SCREAMS SOUND LIKE MAN
378
00:21:09,502 --> 00:21:12,838
SCREAMS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
379
00:21:12,838 --> 00:21:16,342
DID YOU KNOW THAT?
>> Jimmy: NO, HERE'S WHAT I
380
00:21:16,342 --> 00:21:19,745
WOULD DO IF I WERE YOU
I WOULD START THINKING OF A NEW
381
00:21:19,745 --> 00:21:24,116
NOISE TO YELL THAT WON'T BE
CONFUSED WITH THE PEACOCK IN
382
00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:27,720
CASE YOU ARE BEING TRAPPED OR
YOU NEED HELP, IS THERE
383
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,022
SOMETHING YOU CAN GO, LIKE A
WOOP
384
00:21:30,022 --> 00:21:33,192
OR A ‐
SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T ‐‐ LOOK,
385
00:21:33,192 --> 00:21:34,927
WE'LL TALK AFTER THE SHOW.
I'LL WORK ON SOUND EFFECTS
386
00:21:34,927 --> 00:21:37,663
>> I COULD JUST ‐‐ I COULD JUST
YELL "I'M A MAN.
387
00:21:37,663 --> 00:21:41,200
WHICH IS THE SADDEST THING
THE SADDEST THING TO YELL WITH
388
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:44,436
TEARS FLOWING DOWN YOUR FACE
"I'M A MAN."
389
00:21:44,436 --> 00:21:46,405
>> Jimmy: I'M THINKING OF SOUND
EFFECTS, I'M GOING LIKE BEEP,
390
00:21:46,405 --> 00:21:47,940
BOP, BEEP.
YEAH, OF COURSE JUST YELL "I'M A
391
00:21:47,940 --> 00:21:49,241
MAN.
>> OH, DEAR WORDS.
392
00:21:49,241 --> 00:21:51,343
>> Jimmy: I'M TRAPPED.
YEAH, SMARTER.
393
00:21:51,343 --> 00:21:55,481
>> HUMAN BEINGS, WE DISCOVERED
LANGUAGE AND ALL THAT.
394
00:21:55,481 --> 00:21:56,148
IT'D BE AWESOME.
YEAH
395
00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:58,984
>> Jimmy: LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR
NEW HBO MAX SHOW, WHAT CAN YOU
396
00:21:58,984 --> 00:22:03,255
TELL US ABOUT IT
>> MAN, FIRST OF ALL, I'M REALLY
397
00:22:03,255 --> 00:22:05,224
EXCITED TO DO DID.
AND IT'S DOPE TO BE ABLE TO DO
398
00:22:05,224 --> 00:22:08,594
ANY SHOW
YOU KNOW, I MEAN, LIKE, THAT'S
399
00:22:08,594 --> 00:22:13,299
KIND OF THE DREAM, RIGHT
TO GET AIRTIME, OR STREAM TIME
400
00:22:13,299 --> 00:22:15,701
NOW AS THEY CALL IT.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, EXACTLY.
401
00:22:15,701 --> 00:22:16,969
>> STREAM TIME SOUNDS LIKE I'VE
GOT TO USE THE BATHROOM IN THE
402
00:22:16,969 --> 00:22:19,405
MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
BUT ‐‐
403
00:22:19,405 --> 00:22:23,142
>> Jimmy: STREAM TIME.
YEAH
404
00:22:23,142 --> 00:22:26,846
JOE BIDEN HAS ‐‐ TAKES PILLS TO
GET STREAM TIME.
405
00:22:26,846 --> 00:22:30,449
>> BUT, NO
I'M EXCITED, AND I WAS SO
406
00:22:30,449 --> 00:22:32,651
EXCITED FOR THE ANNOUNCEMENT AND
ALL OF THAT.
407
00:22:32,651 --> 00:22:38,991
THEY ANNOUNCED IT AND THEY SAID
THIS WHOLE SHOW ABOUT THE BLACK
408
00:22:38,991 --> 00:22:41,827
EXPERIENCE AND IT'S GOING TO BE
BLACKITY, BLACK, BLACK, BLACK.
409
00:22:41,827 --> 00:22:45,431
AND I GOT REALLY NERVOUS,
BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I PITCHED IT.
410
00:22:45,431 --> 00:22:49,702
BECAUSE I WANTED THEM TO GIVE ME
MONEY, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW I'D
411
00:22:49,702 --> 00:22:51,770
ACTUALLY HAVE TO DO THAT
SO NOW I'M A LITTLE WORRIED.
412
00:22:51,770 --> 00:22:55,374
I WISH THEY KIND OF WOULD HAVE
BEEN VAGUE ABOUT IT AND LET IT
413
00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:59,879
BE A SURPRISE, BUT I'M, YOU
KNOW, YOU DON'T WANT TO BE TOO,
414
00:22:59,879 --> 00:23:01,180
UH
>> Jimmy: I KNOW, JUST TRY TO
415
00:23:01,180 --> 00:23:03,249
MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH, THAT'S ALL.
THAT'S REALLY WHAT WE'RE TRYING
416
00:23:03,249 --> 00:23:05,985
TO GET AT.
>> I'M JUST TRYING TO HAVE A
417
00:23:05,985 --> 00:23:07,086
GOOD TIME.
I'M JUST TRYING TO PAY FOR THESE
418
00:23:07,086 --> 00:23:09,688
PEACOCKS, MAN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
419
00:23:09,688 --> 00:23:10,589
>> Jimmy: HEY, CAN YOU STICK
AROUND
420
00:23:10,589 --> 00:23:13,425
CAUSE I'D LIKE TO GET YOUR
OPINION ON A FEW THINGS.
421
00:23:13,425 --> 00:23:14,393
IF THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
>> HELL, YEAH.
422
00:23:14,393 --> 00:23:15,828
I'M HERE
>> Jimmy: MICHAEL CHE AND I ARE
423
00:23:15,828 --> 00:23:17,129
DOING SOMETHING FUN WHEN WE COME
BACK
424
00:23:17,129 --> 00:23:23,035
STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY!
♪
425
00:23:23,035 --> 00:23:34,113
♪
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK
426
00:23:34,113 --> 00:23:37,816
I'M HERE WITH MICHAEL CHE.
NOW, CHE, I FOLLOW YOU ON
427
00:23:37,816 --> 00:23:40,019
INSTAGRAM, I LOVE HOW WHEN YOU
TALK ABOUT JUST THINGS THAT
428
00:23:40,019 --> 00:23:43,822
ANNOY YOU, AND STUFF LIKE THAT
PEOPLE GET SO MAD, BUT IT'S SO
429
00:23:43,822 --> 00:23:46,792
FUNNY TO ME.
AND ANYWAY, JUST AS YOU KNOW,
430
00:23:46,792 --> 00:23:48,627
I'M A BIG FAN OF IT, AND EVEN
THOUGH I DON'T LIKE IT ALL THE
431
00:23:48,627 --> 00:23:52,898
TIME
I DON'T WANT TO BE A STALKER
432
00:23:52,898 --> 00:23:55,301
>> YEAH, THAT'S FOR THE BEST
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU.
433
00:23:55,301 --> 00:23:57,569
WELL, I THINK, I'D LIKE TO PLAY
A NEW GAME, IT'S CALLED "GO
OFF.
434
00:24:01,774 --> 00:24:03,842
GO OFF
GO OFF ♪
435
00:24:03,842 --> 00:24:05,244
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, HERE'S HOW
IT WORKS
436
00:24:05,244 --> 00:24:08,113
A RANDOM TOPIC WILL APPEAR ON
SCREEN, AND WHATEVER IT IS,
437
00:24:08,113 --> 00:24:10,382
YOU'LL HAVE TO "GO OFF" ON THAT
TOPIC FOR 30 SECONDS
438
00:24:10,382 --> 00:24:13,252
MAKE SENSE
>> ALL RIGHT
439
00:24:13,252 --> 00:24:20,326
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
HERE'S YOUR FIRST TOPIC.
440
00:24:20,326 --> 00:24:23,629
♪
>> OH, MAN, THAT'S EASY.
441
00:24:23,629 --> 00:24:25,264
YOGURT WITH FRUIT ON THE SIDE.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S THE FIRST ONE
442
00:24:25,264 --> 00:24:27,132
TO COME UP
>> THAT'S EASY MAN
443
00:24:27,132 --> 00:24:28,901
I HATE YOGURT WITH FRUIT ON THE
SIDE
444
00:24:28,901 --> 00:24:30,602
YOU KNOW IT LOOKS ‐‐ IT REMINDS
ME OF THOSE ‐‐ YOU KNOW THOSE
445
00:24:30,602 --> 00:24:34,440
MOTORCYCLES WITH THE LITTLE
SIDECAR?
446
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,175
IT SOUNDS GOOD
NOBODY WANTS TO BE IN THE
447
00:24:36,175 --> 00:24:40,145
SIDECAR.
ALSO, YOU CAN NEVER GET ALL OF
448
00:24:40,145 --> 00:24:43,515
THE FRUIT OUT OF THE SIDE TO PUT
IN YOUR YOGURT, SO THEY'RE
449
00:24:43,515 --> 00:24:46,251
SKIMMIN' FRUIT
PUT ALL MY FRUIT AT THE BOTTOM
450
00:24:46,251 --> 00:24:47,786
SO I CAN HAVE IT MIXED UP.
I LIKE TO SHAKE ‐‐
451
00:24:47,786 --> 00:24:49,855
[ LAUGHTER ]
I SHAKE THE YOGURT, I'M A
452
00:24:49,855 --> 00:24:51,156
SHAKER
YOU CAN'T SHAKE FRUIT AT THE
453
00:24:51,156 --> 00:24:52,691
SIDE
>> Jimmy: OH MY GOSH, THE
454
00:24:52,691 --> 00:24:53,692
SIDECAR.
>> IT'S THE SECOND WORST THING
455
00:24:53,692 --> 00:24:57,296
TO HAPPEN TO YOGURT OTHER THAN
THAT LITTLE SWEAT ‐‐ THAT SWEAT
456
00:24:57,296 --> 00:24:58,864
THAT COMES ON THE LID.
YOU KNOW THE SWEAT ON THE LID?
457
00:24:58,864 --> 00:25:00,132
>> Jimmy: THAT'S A LITTLE BONUS
JUICE.
458
00:25:00,132 --> 00:25:05,371
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: SORRY ABOUT THAT
459
00:25:05,371 --> 00:25:08,974
LET'S TRY ANOTHER ONE.
THE NEXT TOPIC
460
00:25:08,974 --> 00:25:13,345
HERE WE GO
♪
461
00:25:13,345 --> 00:25:16,315
"FAKE CROWD NOISE AT SPORTS
GAMES.
462
00:25:16,315 --> 00:25:19,251
>> OH, MY, FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T
KNOW HOW THERE'S ANY SPORTS
463
00:25:19,251 --> 00:25:21,653
GAMES RIGHT NOW IN THE FIRST
PLACE.
464
00:25:21,653 --> 00:25:24,523
BUT THE WORST PART, DON'T
PATRONIZE ME WITH FAKE CROWD
465
00:25:24,523 --> 00:25:26,592
NOISE.
IT'S BAD ENOUGH YOU GET
466
00:25:26,592 --> 00:25:30,863
ARGUMENTS WITH PEOPLE THAT PLAY
SPORTS OR THAT THINK THEY CAN
467
00:25:30,863 --> 00:25:33,032
COACH BETTER THAN THE TEAM
AND NOW I GOT TO LISTEN TO FAKE
468
00:25:33,032 --> 00:25:34,333
PEOPLE
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THESE
469
00:25:34,333 --> 00:25:37,069
FAKE PEOPLE ARE BOOING
THEY COULD BE BOOING SOMETHING
470
00:25:37,069 --> 00:25:40,672
IMPORTANT AND NOW YOU GOT ‐‐
COULD YOU IMAGINE, LIKE, BOOING
471
00:25:40,672 --> 00:25:42,875
SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT
YOU'RE A REAL HECKLER.
472
00:25:42,875 --> 00:25:47,012
YOU'RE BOOING, I DON'T KNOW, ONE
OF, SOME BAD GUY'S SPEECH.
473
00:25:47,012 --> 00:25:49,415
I DON'T KNOW
[ DING ]
474
00:25:49,415 --> 00:25:51,517
THAT WAS A HARD ONE, I'M SORRY,
JIMMY.
475
00:25:51,517 --> 00:25:53,719
>> Jimmy: HEY, MAN, THAT'S WHOLE
THING, MAN
476
00:25:53,719 --> 00:25:55,888
>> I COULDN'T THINK OF A BAD
GUY.
477
00:25:55,888 --> 00:25:58,390
>> Jimmy: I THINK ‐‐ THE CROWD
NOISE I WOULD GET RID OF, TOO,
478
00:25:58,390 --> 00:26:00,893
BUT ALSO, I DON'T LIKE THE
CARDBOARD CUTOUTS OF THE PEOPLE.
479
00:26:00,893 --> 00:26:03,629
>> I HATE 'EM.
IT'S DUMB.
480
00:26:03,629 --> 00:26:05,931
IT'S LIKE, COME ON MAN
>> Jimmy: COME ON DUDE
481
00:26:05,931 --> 00:26:07,800
AT ONE ‐‐ ONE OF THE THINGS I
SAW, THERE WAS LIKE A GIANT DOG
482
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:10,302
IN ONE OF THE CHAIRS
>> YEAH, WE'RE WATCHIN' SPORTS
483
00:26:10,302 --> 00:26:12,938
BECAUSE WE MISS SPORTS AND WE
LIKE SPORTS.
484
00:26:12,938 --> 00:26:15,774
JUST LET US WATCH THE GAME
WE DON'T NEED TO WATCH THE
485
00:26:15,774 --> 00:26:16,975
CROWD.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M
486
00:26:16,975 --> 00:26:20,045
MISSING.
I'M NOT MISSING DISTRACTIONS
487
00:26:20,045 --> 00:26:22,448
WE'RE GOOD
WE UNDERSTAND, I AGREE WITH YOU.
488
00:26:22,448 --> 00:26:24,516
VERY GOOD.
HERE WE GO, LET'S DO ONE MORE OR
489
00:26:24,516 --> 00:26:31,957
A COUPLE MORE.
HERE WE GO
490
00:26:31,957 --> 00:26:34,893
♪
>> OH, TOASTERS WITH SIX ‐‐ THIS
491
00:26:34,893 --> 00:26:38,063
IS ‐‐ FIRST OF ALL, IF YOU'RE
MAKING MORE THAN FOUR PIECES OF
492
00:26:38,063 --> 00:26:39,932
TOAST, NOBODY WANTS THAT MUCH
TOAST.
493
00:26:39,932 --> 00:26:43,435
ALL RIGHT?
NOBODY ‐‐ AND IF YOU ARE, YOU
494
00:26:43,435 --> 00:26:45,170
CAN WAIT
CAN YOU WAIT ON TOAST, IT'S
495
00:26:45,170 --> 00:26:50,642
FINE
YOU DON'T NEED SIX SPOTS UNLESS
496
00:26:50,642 --> 00:26:52,277
YOU HAVE LINEAGE FROM LYNNWICH
DO THEY HAVE LYNNWICH ALL OVER
497
00:26:52,277 --> 00:26:53,912
THE COUNTRY?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
498
00:26:53,912 --> 00:26:57,649
>> Jimmy: NO, I KNOW LYNNWICH ‐‐
IT'S A VERY NEW YORK THINK
499
00:26:57,649 --> 00:26:59,184
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA SAY ‐
>> IT'S A VERY NEW YORK THING?
500
00:26:59,184 --> 00:27:01,687
>> Jimmy: I WAS GONNA SAY, IF
YOU'RE NOT JIM GAFFIGAN, YOU
501
00:27:01,687 --> 00:27:03,555
SHOULDN'T HAVE A TOASTER WITH
SIX.
502
00:27:03,555 --> 00:27:05,390
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> IF YOU CAN'T GET TOAST RIGHT
503
00:27:05,390 --> 00:27:07,159
IN FOUR TRIES.
[ DING ]
504
00:27:07,159 --> 00:27:10,529
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CLAPPING ]
505
00:27:10,529 --> 00:27:12,164
>> Jimmy: I ALWAYS THINK THAT,
TOO.
506
00:27:12,164 --> 00:27:13,165
THAT WAS A GOOD ONE.
THOUGH YOU DID IT.
507
00:27:13,165 --> 00:27:14,032
THAT WAS A GREAT ONE
LET'S DO ONE MORE.
508
00:27:14,032 --> 00:27:15,467
HERE WE GO
READY?
509
00:27:15,467 --> 00:27:21,373
THANK YOU FOR DOING THIS
>> LET'S DO IT
510
00:27:21,373 --> 00:27:24,109
♪
OH, SCUBA DIVING
511
00:27:24,109 --> 00:27:25,944
>> Jimmy: SCUBA DIVING
>> I'VE NEVER ‐‐ I CAN'T SWIM,
512
00:27:25,944 --> 00:27:28,914
RIGHT?
SPOILER ALERT.
513
00:27:28,914 --> 00:27:32,518
BUT I DON'T LIKE SCUBA DIVING
BECAUSE, I DON'T ‐‐ FIRST OF
514
00:27:32,518 --> 00:27:35,687
ALL, I DON'T LIKE THAT, REALLY
JUST THE OCEAN'S BIG FOOT IF YOU
515
00:27:35,687 --> 00:27:38,757
THINK ABOUT IT. BECAUSE YOU WALK
DOWN AND THOUGH THE FISH DON'T
516
00:27:38,757 --> 00:27:40,926
KNOW WHAT YOU ARE.
AND YOU JUST IN THIS WEIRD
517
00:27:40,926 --> 00:27:43,128
RUBBER SUIT WITH THIS MASK
YOU MUST FREAK THEM OUT.
518
00:27:43,128 --> 00:27:45,964
AND YOU'RE GOING INTO THEM ‐‐
FREAKIN' THEM OUT, YOU KNOW
519
00:27:45,964 --> 00:27:49,768
YOU'RE BIG FOOT.
YOU'RE BIG FOOT FOR THE OCEAN.
520
00:27:49,768 --> 00:27:52,070
RIGHT?
WHEN ALIENS COME DOWN, I DON'T
521
00:27:52,070 --> 00:27:53,939
KNOW IF BIGFOOT'S AN ALIEN BUT
WHEN ALIENS COME DOWN AND
522
00:27:53,939 --> 00:27:56,441
THEY'RE JUST LIKE HANGIN' OUT
AND THEY GO BACK, THAT'S WHAT
523
00:27:56,441 --> 00:27:58,844
WE'RE DOING TO THE OCEAN AND IT
SUCKS.
524
00:27:58,844 --> 00:28:00,612
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THAT WAS GREAT
525
00:28:00,612 --> 00:28:01,480
PERFECT.
THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR
526
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:04,883
"GO OFF.
YOU ARE A GOOD MAN
527
00:28:04,883 --> 00:28:05,984
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING
BACK ON THE SHOW
528
00:28:05,984 --> 00:28:08,487
MY THANKS TO MICHAEL CHE
WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE "TONIGHT
529
00:28:08,487 --> 00:28:10,556
SHOW."
HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON BUD
530
00:28:10,556 --> 00:28:14,693
>> THAT WAS FUN AS HELL.
THANK YOU.
531
00:28:14,693 --> 00:28:28,040
♪
♪
532
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:30,342
>> Jimmy: YOU KNOW OUR NEXT
GUEST AS A CAPTAIN OF THE
533
00:28:30,342 --> 00:28:33,712
U.S. WOMEN'S NATIONAL SOCCER
TEAM
534
00:28:33,712 --> 00:28:37,783
SHE'S AN OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST,
A TWO‐TIME WORLD CUP CHAMPION,
535
00:28:37,783 --> 00:28:43,355
AND THE 2019 SPORTS ILLUSTRATED
SPORTSPERSON OF THE YEAR
536
00:28:43,355 --> 00:28:45,324
HERE IS MEGAN RAPINOE.
OH, MY GOSH.
537
00:28:45,324 --> 00:28:48,927
I'M SO HAPPY
PUMP THE CROWD NOISE IN NOW.
538
00:28:48,927 --> 00:28:50,262
>> YEAH, EXACTLY
>> Jimmy: I'M SO HAPPY THAT
539
00:28:50,262 --> 00:28:52,965
YOU'RE ON THE SHOW
I GOT TO TELL YOU, I'M A FAN
540
00:28:52,965 --> 00:28:56,802
I WAS SCREAMING AT THE TV, SO
PROUD OF YOU AND PROUD OF OUR
541
00:28:56,802 --> 00:29:00,839
COUNTRY, AND I WAS SERIOUSLY,
LIKE TEARS, WAS LIKE WATCHING
542
00:29:00,839 --> 00:29:04,776
ONE OF THOSE AWESOME SPORTS
MOVIES, EXCEPT IT WAS REAL LIFE.
543
00:29:04,776 --> 00:29:09,581
I COULD JUST IMAGINE WHAT IT WAS
LIKE FOR YOU
544
00:29:09,581 --> 00:29:11,450
>> YEAH, I MEAN, HONESTLY, I
FEEL LIKE IT WAS A LITTLE BIT
545
00:29:11,450 --> 00:29:13,619
THE SAME FOR ME AS IT IS FOR
YOU, BUT LIKE I HAVE TO KEEP IT
546
00:29:13,619 --> 00:29:15,053
TOGETHER A LITTLE BIT BECAUSE
I'M LIKE, "WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
547
00:29:15,053 --> 00:29:18,090
HERE."
AND LIKE, "WE'RE DOING THE
548
00:29:18,090 --> 00:29:20,292
WINNING THING, BUT LIKE ‐‐
>> Jimmy: YEAH
549
00:29:20,292 --> 00:29:22,594
>> IT'S LIKE A CHILDHOOD DREAM
COME TRUE, BUT THEN IT ACTUALLY
550
00:29:22,594 --> 00:29:25,430
COMES TRUE, AND THEN YOU'RE
LIKE, "WAIT, WHAT DO I DO NOW?
551
00:29:25,430 --> 00:29:28,500
NO ONE EVER TALKED ABOUT THE
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU DO DID
552
00:29:28,500 --> 00:29:31,770
IT PART.
SO THEN I JUST HAD AS MUCH FUN
553
00:29:31,770 --> 00:29:33,639
AS POSSIBLE, BASICALLY
>> Jimmy: OH MAN, THE WORLD WAS
554
00:29:33,639 --> 00:29:37,009
WATCHING YOU, MAN, AND ROOTING
FOR YOU.
555
00:29:37,009 --> 00:29:39,411
RIGHT NOW, YOU ACTUALLY WOULD
HAVE BEEN IN TOKYO, CORRECT?
556
00:29:39,411 --> 00:29:40,746
YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN AT THE
OLYMPICS
557
00:29:40,746 --> 00:29:43,482
>> YEAH, MM‐HM
YEAH
558
00:29:43,482 --> 00:29:44,883
>> Jimmy: BIZARRE TIMES WE LIVE
IN
559
00:29:44,883 --> 00:29:51,990
ARE YOU PREPPING FOR THE
OLYMPICS FOR NEXT YEAR OR NOT
560
00:29:51,990 --> 00:29:52,457
YET?
>> I MEA
561
00:29:52,457 --> 00:29:53,125
>> Jimmy: TOO SOON
>> KIND OF
562
00:29:53,125 --> 00:29:58,664
YEAH, IT'S A LITTLE TOO SOON
IT'S A REALLY WEIRD LIKE
563
00:29:58,664 --> 00:30:00,532
TRAINING SORT OF SPOT THAT WE'RE
IN
564
00:30:00,532 --> 00:30:03,268
CAUSE LIKE YOU CAN'T REALLY GO
HARD AND STAY AT LIKE YOUR
565
00:30:03,268 --> 00:30:05,203
HIGHEST LEVEL, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T
DO THAT ALL YEAR ROUND, AND
566
00:30:05,203 --> 00:30:06,305
SO ‐
>> Jimmy: YEAH
567
00:30:06,305 --> 00:30:08,840
>> IT'S ACTUALLY REALLY BIZARRE,
WE'RE USED TO HAVING EVERYTHING
568
00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:12,010
PLANNED OUT IN OUR LIVES PRETTY
MUCH FOR YEARS AT A TIME
569
00:30:12,010 --> 00:30:14,613
AND SI WHEN THE PANDEMIC HIT, IT
WAS KIND OF LIKE, WELL, ARE WE
570
00:30:14,613 --> 00:30:17,883
JUST ‐
WE'RE WORKING OUT FOR HEALTH I
571
00:30:17,883 --> 00:30:21,953
GUESS, GOT A PELOTON, DOING
YOGA, DOING PILATES, I'M JUST
572
00:30:21,953 --> 00:30:24,022
TRYING TO LIKE STAY HEALTHY.
AND YOU KNOW, DO ALL ‐
573
00:30:24,022 --> 00:30:25,891
>> Jimmy: PUT ON THE LULULEMONS
AND GO FOR IT.
574
00:30:25,891 --> 00:30:28,093
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YOU HAVE TO.
>> YEAH.
575
00:30:28,093 --> 00:30:32,664
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE ALSO KNOWN FOR
ACTIVISM AS WELL, WHICH I REALLY
576
00:30:32,664 --> 00:30:35,434
LOVE ABOUT YOU
YOU'RE THE FIRST NON‐NFL ATHLETE
577
00:30:35,434 --> 00:30:41,506
TO TAKE A KNEE, AND YOU GOT A
LOT OF HEAT FOR THAT ONE
578
00:30:41,506 --> 00:30:48,413
AND NOW I SEE A LOT OF SPORTS
ARE SUPPORTING TAKING A KNEE
579
00:30:48,413 --> 00:30:52,117
I KNOW MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL DID
DID IT, WNBA DID IT.
580
00:30:52,117 --> 00:30:55,187
I THINK THE NBA HAS A THING.
BUT WHAT WAS THE SHIFT THERE YOU
581
00:30:55,187 --> 00:30:58,557
THINK?
>> I THINK THE PANDEMIC,
582
00:30:58,557 --> 00:31:01,960
HONESTLY, SORT OF LAID BARE A
LOT OF THE LIES THAT WERE TOLD
583
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:03,795
WE DON'T, OH, IT'S GOING TO BE
TOO MUCH FOR HEALTH CARE, AND
584
00:31:03,795 --> 00:31:08,400
TOO MUCH ‐
WELL, WE FOUND LIKE $3 TRILLION,
585
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:10,035
LIKE REALLY EASILY, I WAS LIKE,
DID WE JUST HAVE THIS THE WHOLE
586
00:31:10,035 --> 00:31:12,571
TIME
LIKE, WE JUST HAD TO LIKE VOTE
587
00:31:12,571 --> 00:31:14,973
ON IT?
SO I THINK PEOPLE ARE KIND OF
588
00:31:14,973 --> 00:31:18,343
STARTING TO CONNECT ALL OF THE
DIFFERENT DOTS
589
00:31:18,343 --> 00:31:21,947
I THINK WE'VE SEEN WHAT'S
HAPPENED TO COLIN OVER ALL OF
590
00:31:21,947 --> 00:31:24,683
THESE YEARS AND HOW MUCH
BACKLASH HE'S GOT, BUT THEN ALL
591
00:31:24,683 --> 00:31:26,752
OF THESE THINGS COME INTO
FRUITION, LITERALLY WHAT HE'S
592
00:31:26,752 --> 00:31:30,489
TALKING ABOUT BEING PLAYED OUT,
YOU KNOW, FOR ALL OF US TO SEE
593
00:31:30,489 --> 00:31:33,658
IN THESE VIDEOS.
I GUESS MY HOPE IS THAT PEOPLE
594
00:31:33,658 --> 00:31:38,563
ARE STARTING TO CONNECT THE DOTS
AND REALIZING THAT WE DON'T HAVE
595
00:31:38,563 --> 00:31:41,099
TO LIVE IN A WORLD LIKE THIS
WE DON'T HAVE TO LIVE IN A WORLD
596
00:31:41,099 --> 00:31:44,903
WHERE, YOU KNOW, WE DON'T HAVE
HEALTHCARE THAT'S ADEQUATE AND
597
00:31:44,903 --> 00:31:46,438
OUR SCHOOLS AREN'T ADEQUATE.
WE'RE ONE OF THE RICHEST
598
00:31:46,438 --> 00:31:48,940
COUNTRIES IN THE WORLD
LIKE, WE CAN DO BETTER FOR
599
00:31:48,940 --> 00:31:51,810
OURSELVES.
AND WE CAN DO BETTER FOR THE
600
00:31:51,810 --> 00:31:54,846
PEOPLE THAT ARE LIVING HERE.
>> Jimmy: IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE
601
00:31:54,846 --> 00:31:56,948
GOING TO TALK ABOUT WHEN ‐‐
YOU'RE NOW A TALK SHOW HOST.
602
00:31:56,948 --> 00:32:00,118
YOU SHOULD HAVE CALLED ME FOR
ADVICE
603
00:32:00,118 --> 00:32:03,722
NOW WE'RE NOW IN THE SAME CLUB
THIS SATURDAY AT 10:00 P. M. ON
604
00:32:03,722 --> 00:32:06,324
HBO.
WHAT, WHO, WHAT DO YOU TALK
605
00:32:06,324 --> 00:32:07,959
ABOUT ON YOUR SHOW
WHAT IS IT ABOUT
606
00:32:07,959 --> 00:32:11,596
>> IT'S CALLED, "SEEING
AMERICA.
607
00:32:11,596 --> 00:32:15,233
I'M SORT OF ON THIS MISSION TO
MAKE POLITICS COOL
608
00:32:15,233 --> 00:32:19,004
AND I FEEL LIKE POLITICS IS
ALWAYS THIS THING, AND IT'S SORT
609
00:32:19,004 --> 00:32:21,306
OF MEANT TO BE LIKE THIS OR IT'S
PACKAGED AS, "OH, THIS IS NOT
610
00:32:21,306 --> 00:32:24,276
THIS COOL THING.
IT'S DIFFICULT TO GET INVOLVED
611
00:32:24,276 --> 00:32:25,143
IN, JUST LIKE KIND OF STAY OUT
OF IT.
612
00:32:25,143 --> 00:32:26,445
AND THEN PEOPLE ARE LIKE, "WELL,
I DON'T REALLY WANT TO GET
613
00:32:26,445 --> 00:32:28,313
INVOLVED."
AND IT'S LIKE, ACTUALLY,
614
00:32:28,313 --> 00:32:31,049
POLITICS IS ENGAGING WITH YOU
WHETHER YOU'RE ENGAGING WITH IT
615
00:32:31,049 --> 00:32:34,853
OR NOT, ALL THE TIME NO MATTER
WHAT
616
00:32:34,853 --> 00:32:37,255
YOUR WHOLE LIFE IS POLITICAL,
ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE A BLACK
617
00:32:37,255 --> 00:32:40,425
PERSON, OR A BLACK TRANS WOMAN
OR A GAY WOMAN LIKE MYSELF
618
00:32:40,425 --> 00:32:44,162
OR A GAY FEMALE ATHLETE.
YOU KNOW, OUR LIVES ARE
619
00:32:44,162 --> 00:32:46,665
POLITICAL IN SO MANY WAYS.
AND SO, TRYING TO BREAK IT DOWN
620
00:32:46,665 --> 00:32:49,067
FOR PEOPLE, TO MAKE IT A LITTLE
BIT MORE RELATABLE AND THEN GET
621
00:32:49,067 --> 00:32:54,105
PEOPLE ENERGIZED ABOUT GETTING
INVOLVED IN THE CIVIC PROCESS
622
00:32:54,105 --> 00:32:55,740
AND GETTING INVOLVED, AND, YOU
KNOW ‐
623
00:32:55,740 --> 00:32:58,577
JUST BEING MORE ACTIVE IN THEIR
COMMUNITIES, BUT ALSO FOR
624
00:32:58,577 --> 00:33:00,879
THEMSELVES AS WELL
OBVIOUSLY, VOTING IS A HUGE ONE.
625
00:33:00,879 --> 00:33:05,150
WE'RE COMING UP ON THE GENERAL
ELECTION, WHICH IS, YOU KNOW, I
626
00:33:05,150 --> 00:33:08,854
MEAN, DEFINITELY IN MY LIFETIME
THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE, BUT
627
00:33:08,854 --> 00:33:12,591
CERTAINLY A HUGELY CONSEQUENCAL
ELECTION
628
00:33:12,591 --> 00:33:15,961
>> Jimmy: YEAH, 2016, I THINK,
CAUSE I WAS LOOKING AT THE
629
00:33:15,961 --> 00:33:19,464
WEBSITE, WHEN WE ALL VOTE, AND
IT SAID, 100 MILLION PEOPLE
630
00:33:19,464 --> 00:33:21,433
DIDN'T VOTE.
>> 100 MILLION PEOPLE DIDN'T
631
00:33:21,433 --> 00:33:23,502
VOTE
>> Jimmy: DID NOT VOTE, SO LET'S
632
00:33:23,502 --> 00:33:27,105
CHANGE THAT.
IT'S FREE, YOU JUST HAVE TO
633
00:33:27,105 --> 00:33:29,508
REGISTER AND HAVE YOUR VOICE
HEARD.
634
00:33:29,508 --> 00:33:30,942
WHY NOT DO THAT?
>> YEAH.
635
00:33:30,942 --> 00:33:33,445
I MEAN, WHEN WE ALL VOTE IS
AMAZING.
636
00:33:33,445 --> 00:33:37,382
IT'S BIPARTISAN, AND VOTING IN
GENERAL SHOULD BE BIPARTISAN
637
00:33:37,382 --> 00:33:41,219
WE SHOULD TRY TO BE GETTING AS
MANY PEOPLE INVOLVED IN VOTING
638
00:33:41,219 --> 00:33:43,421
AS POSSIBLE.
YOU KNOW, IT'S ONE OF THE
639
00:33:43,421 --> 00:33:45,056
GREATEST THINGS ABOUT OUR
COUNTRY.
640
00:33:45,056 --> 00:33:47,893
WE LIVE IN A DEMOCRATIC COUNTRY,
AND SO EVERYONE CAN PARTICIPATE
641
00:33:47,893 --> 00:33:50,829
AND HAVE THEIR VOICE HEARD
YOU KNOW, THIS IS COMING FROM
642
00:33:50,829 --> 00:33:56,101
ME, BUT THERE'S A REASON WHY
CERTAIN PEOPLE OR CERTAIN
643
00:33:56,101 --> 00:33:58,937
PARTIES WORK SO HARD TO KEEP
PEOPLE OUT OF VOTING
644
00:33:58,937 --> 00:34:03,308
I THINK THAT THE MORE PEOPLE
VOTE, THE MORE THE POLICIES OF
645
00:34:03,308 --> 00:34:06,144
THE COUNTRY REFLECT THE PEOPLE
THAT ARE VOTING AND ULTIMATELY
646
00:34:06,144 --> 00:34:09,648
TAKE CARE OF THE PEOPLE THAT ARE
VOTING FROM, ALL THE WAY FROM
647
00:34:09,648 --> 00:34:11,816
THE PRESIDENCY DOWN‐BALLOT
WE'RE SEEING IN THIS PANDEMIC IN
648
00:34:11,816 --> 00:34:15,854
GENERAL WE'RE SEEING HOW
IMPORTANT MAYORS ARE AND HOW
649
00:34:15,854 --> 00:34:17,289
IMPORTANT THE GOVERNORS ARE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH
650
00:34:17,289 --> 00:34:20,692
>> YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE
GAVIN NEWSOM AND, YOU KNOW, THE
651
00:34:20,692 --> 00:34:22,761
GOVERNOR FROM NEW YORK, CUOMO,
THEY'VE BECOME LIKE THESE
652
00:34:22,761 --> 00:34:25,597
SUPERSTARS IN THIS WAY, BUT IT'S
LIKE, THEY'RE REALLY IMPORTANT
653
00:34:25,597 --> 00:34:27,332
THEY HAVE A HUGE JOB
AND SO ALL OF THESE THINGS
654
00:34:27,332 --> 00:34:29,200
AFFECT OUR DAILY LIVES EVERY
DAY.
655
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:32,270
AND SO TO GET AS MANY PEOPLE
REGISTERED SO THEIR VOICE CAN BE
656
00:34:32,270 --> 00:34:35,774
HEARD, SO THEIR POLICIES CAN
REFLECT THEIR NEEDS AND THE
657
00:34:35,774 --> 00:34:39,277
NEEDS OF THEIR COMMUNITIES, I
THINK, IS THE MOST IMPORTANT
658
00:34:39,277 --> 00:34:42,547
THING THAT WE CAN DO RIGHT NOW
>> Jimmy: MEGAN, BEFORE WE
659
00:34:42,547 --> 00:34:45,050
LEAVE, DO YOU WANT TO MOVE YOUR
SCARF OUT OF THE WAY
660
00:34:45,050 --> 00:34:46,685
I DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS COVERING
YOUR SHIRT, BUT I JUST THOUGHT
661
00:34:46,685 --> 00:34:48,119
IT WAS PRETTY IMPORTANT THAT YOU
SEE IT
662
00:34:48,119 --> 00:34:51,189
>> YES
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR
663
00:34:51,189 --> 00:34:52,591
COMING ON MY SHOW.
I'M A BIG FAN.
664
00:34:52,591 --> 00:34:57,195
PLEASE COME BACK, AND I'D LOVE
TO SEE YOU IN PERSON
665
00:34:57,195 --> 00:35:00,365
>> YEAH, LET'S DO THIS IN PERSON
AGAIN, AND IT'S A GREAT TIME TO
666
00:35:00,365 --> 00:35:04,636
ARREST THE COPS, SO, SAY HER
NAME, BREONNA TAYLOR, REST IN
667
00:35:04,636 --> 00:35:05,837
PEACE, YOU WENT TOO SOON
>> Jimmy: MEGAN RAPINOE,
668
00:35:05,837 --> 00:35:08,873
EVERYBODY.
CHECK OUT WHENWEALLVOTE.ORG FOR
669
00:35:08,873 --> 00:35:10,642
MORE INFORMATION ON HOW TO GET
INVOLVED
670
00:35:10,642 --> 00:35:13,578
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A
PERFORMANCE FROM ANGEL OLSEN
671
00:35:13,578 --> 00:35:21,252
STICK AROUND
♪
672
00:35:21,252 --> 00:35:32,163
♪
>> Jimmy: PERFORMING THE SONG
673
00:35:32,163 --> 00:35:37,636
"WHOLE NEW MESS," FROM HER
UPCOMING ALBUM OUT AUGUST 28th,
HERE'S ANGEL OLSEN
674
00:35:44,676 --> 00:35:52,217
NO
BEFORE IT'S REALLY
675
00:35:52,217 --> 00:36:05,130
SHOWING ♪
♪ IT'S EVERY SEASON
676
00:36:05,130 --> 00:36:12,003
WHERE IT IS I'M GOIN
I STRETCH MY BONES
677
00:36:12,003 --> 00:36:20,078
OUT ON THE FLOOR ♪
♪ I THINK I'LL REALLY
678
00:36:20,078 --> 00:36:30,588
DO THE CHANG
OH I'LL REALLY DO THE CHANGE
679
00:36:30,588 --> 00:36:41,299
REALLY DO THE CHANGE ♪
♪ BACK HOME
680
00:36:41,299 --> 00:36:48,073
♪ GETTIN' BACK ON TRACK
GETTIN' BACK ON TRAC
681
00:36:48,073 --> 00:36:53,978
WHEN IT ALL FADES TO BLACK
I'LL BE GETTIN' ♪
682
00:36:53,978 --> 00:37:01,186
♪ BACK ON TRACK
BACK TO MY OWN HEA
683
00:37:01,186 --> 00:37:09,928
CLEARED OU
'TIL THE TIME COMES ♪
684
00:37:09,928 --> 00:37:17,268
♪ MAKE A WHOL
NEW MESS AGAIN
685
00:37:17,268 --> 00:37:26,111
MAKE A WHOLE
NEW MESS AGAIN ♪
686
00:37:26,111 --> 00:37:29,614
♪ MAKE A WHOL
NEW MESS
687
00:37:29,614 --> 00:37:33,218
MAKE A WHOLE
NEW MESS ♪
688
00:37:33,218 --> 00:37:41,326
♪ MAKE A WHOL
NEW MESS AGAIN
689
00:37:41,326 --> 00:37:45,463
MAKE A WHOLE
NEW MESS ♪
690
00:37:45,463 --> 00:37:49,601
♪ CELEBRATE THE BES
TAKE A PHOTO FOR
691
00:37:49,601 --> 00:37:56,508
THE PRES
AGAIN ♪
692
00:37:56,508 --> 00:38:14,225
♪ IT WON'T BE LON
BEFORE IT'S REALLY SHOWING
693
00:38:14,225 --> 00:38:25,603
IT'S EVERY SEASO
WHERE IT IS I'M GOING ♪
694
00:38:25,603 --> 00:38:32,477
♪ I STRETCH MY BONE
OUT ON THE FLOOR
695
00:38:32,477 --> 00:38:39,584
I THINK I'LL REALL
DO THE CHANGE ♪
696
00:38:39,584 --> 00:38:45,156
♪ OH I'LL REALL
DO THE CHANG
697
00:38:45,156 --> 00:38:56,201
REALLY DO THE CHANGE
BACK HOME ♪
698
00:38:56,201 --> 00:39:03,208
♪ GETTIN' BACK ON TRACK
GETTIN' BACK ON TRAC
699
00:39:03,208 --> 00:39:07,912
WHEN IT ALL FADES TO BLACK
I'LL BE GETTIN' ♪
700
00:39:07,912 --> 00:39:15,887
♪ BACK ON TRACK
BACK TO MY OWN HEA
701
00:39:15,887 --> 00:39:25,063
CLEARED OU
'TIL THE TIME COMES ♪
702
00:39:25,063 --> 00:39:32,270
♪ MAKE A WHOL
NEW MESS AGAIN
703
00:39:32,270 --> 00:39:40,812
MAKE A WHOLE
NEW MESS AGAIN ♪
704
00:39:40,812 --> 00:39:44,215
♪ MAKE A WHOL
NEW MESS
705
00:39:44,215 --> 00:39:47,485
MAKE A WHOLE
NEW MESS ♪
706
00:39:47,485 --> 00:39:56,127
♪ MAKE A WHOL
NEW MESS AGAIN
707
00:39:56,127 --> 00:39:59,063
MAKE A WHOLE
NEW MESS ♪
708
00:39:59,063 --> 00:40:02,467
♪ MAKE A WHOL
NEW MESS
709
00:40:02,467 --> 00:40:10,008
MAKE A WHOLE
NEW MESS AGAIN ♪
710
00:40:10,008 --> 00:40:11,209
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU TO
ANGEL OLSEN.
711
00:40:11,209 --> 00:40:13,611
MORE "TONIGHT SHOW" WHEN WE
COME BACK.
712
00:40:13,611 --> 00:40:30,995
♪
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU ALL FOR
713
00:40:30,995 --> 00:40:32,297
WATCHING
STAY SAFE OUT THERE.
714
00:40:32,297 --> 00:40:33,698
WASH YOUR HANDS.
DON'T TOUCH YOUR FACE.
715
00:40:33,698 --> 00:40:36,000
WE'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW
GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY
716
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:45,610
♪
♪
717
00:40:45,610 --> 00:40:55,219
♪
61824
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