All language subtitles for Jimmy fallon 2020 07 28 michael che web h264 trump_track3_eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:21,088 --> 00:00:24,258 >> Steve: FROM ROCKEFELLER CENTER, IN THE HEART OF 2 00:00:24,258 --> 00:00:26,760 NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW" STARRING JIMMY FALLON. 3 00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:29,062 TONIGHT JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS ‐ 4 00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:32,232 MICHAEL CHE, MEGAN RAPINOE, 5 00:00:32,232 --> 00:00:36,169 MUSICAL GUEST ANGEL OLSEN, AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY 6 00:00:36,169 --> 00:00:39,006 ROOTS CREW AND NOW HERE'S YOUR HOST, JIMMY FALLON 7 00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:53,320 ♪ ♪ 8 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:54,955 ♪ >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS. 9 00:00:54,955 --> 00:00:56,390 WELCOME TO THE SHOW. NICE TO SEE YOU, ROOTS 10 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:58,458 WELCOME TO THE "TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYBODY. 11 00:00:58,458 --> 00:01:01,295 WELL, LET'S GET RIGHT TO IT, GUYS 12 00:01:01,295 --> 00:01:04,164 THE GOOD NEWS IS PRESIDENT TRUMP IS BACK TO FOCUSING ON THE 13 00:01:04,164 --> 00:01:06,934 CORONAVIRUS. THE BAD NEWS IS, TRUMP IS BACK TO FOCUSING ON THE CORONAVIRUS 14 00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:14,875 CONSPIRACY VIDEO, ALLEGING THAT THERE IS A CURE FOR THE VIRUS 15 00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:18,345 AND THAT MASKS DO NOT WORK THE VIDEO IS THEN REMOVED BY 16 00:01:18,345 --> 00:01:20,647 TWITTER, FACEBOOK AND YOUTUBE, BECAUSE IT VIOLATED RULES 17 00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:23,817 AGAINST SPREADING MISINFORMATION 18 00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:26,653 >> Jimmy: IN 14 TWEETS, TRUMP UNDERMINED DR. FAUCI, DISMISSED 19 00:01:26,653 --> 00:01:29,389 FACEMASKS AND BOASTED ABOUT HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE WORKING 20 00:01:29,389 --> 00:01:31,491 AGAIN. WHAT IS HE DOING 21 00:01:31,491 --> 00:01:35,629 EVEN FLAT‐EARTHERS THINK THIS GUY IS OUT OF HIS MIND 22 00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:39,666 THEY WALKED TO THE EDGE OF THE EARTH AND LOOKED OVER. 23 00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:43,403 IT'S LIKE CRAZY TRUMP WAS AWAY FOR A WEEK AND THEN SOMEONE SAID 24 00:01:43,403 --> 00:01:47,874 HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE THREE TIMES, "SHOWTIME. 25 00:01:47,874 --> 00:01:50,177 [ LAUGHTER ] IT FEELS LIKE WE'RE BACK TO 26 00:01:50,177 --> 00:01:54,881 "SCARY, MISINFORMATION TRUMP." I PREFER, "PERSON, MAN, WOMAN 27 00:01:54,881 --> 00:01:56,516 CAMERA, TV" TRUMP INSTEAD. I ALSO LIKED "POINT TO AN 28 00:01:56,516 --> 00:01:58,685 ELEPHANT" TRUMP. HE WAS FUN 29 00:01:58,685 --> 00:02:01,555 EVEN AFTER THE FDA SAID THIS DRUG DOESN'T HELP, TRUMP WON'T 30 00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:03,724 GIVE UP. HE'S LIKE YOUR FRIEND WHO NEVER 31 00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:07,327 STOPS TRYING TO MAKE YOU WATCH THE SHOW THEY'RE WATCHING. 32 00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:12,699 "YOU GOT DO TRY SEASON THREE OF 90‐DAY FIANCE. 33 00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:18,372 DON'T WATCH SEASON ONE OR TWO. SEASON THREE WATCH, THEN YOU 34 00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:22,843 WATCH THE FIRST ONE AGAIN. THEN YOU GET IT, AND THEN YOU 35 00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:26,346 GET READY FOR FOUR WHICH SETS YOU UP FOR TWO. 36 00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:29,082 [ LAUGHTER ] MEANWHILE, DONALD TRUMP JR. ALSO 37 00:02:29,082 --> 00:02:32,586 POSTED THAT SAME CONSPIRACY VIDEO, AND TWITTER DECIDE TO 38 00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:37,491 PUNISH HIM FOR SHARING MISINFORMATION AND RESTRICT HIS 39 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:40,027 ABILITY TO TWEET FOR 12 HOURS. WHEN THE PRESIDENT HEARD ABOUT 40 00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:46,133 TWITTER AND DON JR., HE WAS LIKE, "AH YES, MY PRIDE AND JOY. 41 00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:49,870 AND DON JR." YUP, HAVE TWITTER ACTUALLY 42 00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:51,605 PENALIZED JON ‐‐ DON JR FOR ‐‐ JON JUNIOR 43 00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:53,907 JON DUNIOR [ LAUGHTER ] 44 00:02:53,907 --> 00:02:55,442 >> Tariq: I LIKE THAT ONE. >> Jimmy: JON DUNIOR'S PRETTY 45 00:02:55,442 --> 00:02:58,912 GOOD [ LAUGHTER ] 46 00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:04,184 WHY DID HE GET PENALIZED WHAT DID JON DUNIOR DO 47 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:07,220 [ LAUGHTER ] ANYWAYS, TWITTER ACTUALLY 48 00:03:07,220 --> 00:03:11,058 PENALIZED DON JR. FOR 12 HOURS AND SAID HE HAD TO ACTUALLY 49 00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:13,260 TWEET UNDER THE NAME "ERIC." [ LAUGHTER ] 50 00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:15,662 WELL, THE PRESIDENT'S PRETTY UPSET WITH TWITTER 51 00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:17,297 NOT ABOUT HIS SON, ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE 52 00:03:17,297 --> 00:03:20,500 CHECK OUT WHAT HE WROTE. "SO DISGUSTING TO WATCH 53 00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:23,537 TWITTER'S SO‐CALLED "TRENDING", WHERE SOOO MANY TRENDS ARE ABOUT 54 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:26,239 ME AND NEVER A GOOD ONE. REALLY RIDICULOUS, ILLEGAL, AND 55 00:03:26,239 --> 00:03:29,743 OF COURSE, VERY UNFAIR YEAH, IT'S ILLEGAL 56 00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:32,813 EVERYONE KNOWS THERE'S MURDER, THEFT AND POSTING A BAD TWITTER 57 00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:36,083 HASHTAG. [ LAUGHTER ] 58 00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:38,485 OH, WE ACTUALLY HAVE A LITTLE UPDATE FOR YOU GUYS ON A STORY 59 00:03:38,485 --> 00:03:40,887 WE TALKED ABOUT LAST NIGHT DID YOU HEAR HOW TRUMP SAID THAT 60 00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:43,423 HE HAD TO RESCHEDULE THROWING OUT A FIRST PITCH AT A YANKEES 61 00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:44,057 GAME 62 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,892 WELL, NOW THERE'S SOME NEW INFORMATION. TAKE A LOOK. 63 00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:49,663 >> LAST WEEK, HE SAID THE TEAM HAD INVITED HIM TO YANKEE 64 00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:52,365 STADIUM NEXT MONTH THE CLAIM CAME JUST BEFORE 65 00:03:52,365 --> 00:03:55,102 DR. ANTHONY FAUCI THREW OUT THE FIRST PITCH FOR THE WASHINGTON 66 00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:57,838 NATIONALS. BUT ACCORDING TO THE "NEW YORK 67 00:03:57,838 --> 00:04:03,343 TIMES," THE YANKEES NEVER INVITED PRESIDENT TRUMP. 68 00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:06,146 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH, EVERYONE WAS 69 00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:08,882 SKEPTICAL WHEN TRUMP SAID HE'D BEEN PERSONALLY ASKED BY BABE 70 00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:11,284 RUTH BUT DESPITE TRUMP'S DISTRACTION 71 00:04:11,284 --> 00:04:12,385 EFFORTS, DR. FAUCI'S FIRST PITCH 72 00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:14,221 CONTINUES TO GET A LOT OF ATTENTION. WATCH THIS 73 00:04:15,222 --> 00:04:19,159 >> A BASEBALL CARD FEATURING THAT 74 00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:22,996 LOPSIDED THROW SMASHED SALES RECORDS FOR THE TOPPS COMPANY. 75 00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:27,467 MORE THAN 51,000 CARDS WERE SOLD IN THE FIRST 24 HOURS IT WAS 76 00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:29,870 AVAILABLE. >> Jimmy: YEAH, IT'S SUPER 77 00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:31,638 POPULAR. AND I'M AN IDIOT, BECAUSE I 78 00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:36,009 ALREADY TRADED MINE FOR A DR. BIRX ROOKIE CARD 79 00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:38,512 I REMEMBER AS A KID GETTING SO EXCITED TO OPEN A FRESH PACK OF 80 00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:41,581 IMMUNOLOGIST TRADING CARDS [ LAUGHTER ] 81 00:04:41,581 --> 00:04:43,984 BUT THE CARD IS COOL IT HAS A PICTURE OF FAUCI AND IF 82 00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:50,190 YOU ZOOM IN IT ACTUALLY SAYS "ACTUAL SIZE." 83 00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:53,693 IT ACTUALLY SAYS "ACTUAL." SOME MORE NEWS ABOUT THE VIRUS 84 00:04:53,693 --> 00:04:56,997 I READ THAT DOCTORS RECENTLY CONFIRMED THE CASE OF A HOUSE 85 00:04:56,997 --> 00:05:01,668 CAT CATCHING COVID‐19, BUT DON'T WORRY, HE MADE A FULL RECOVERY 86 00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:05,739 >> Tariq: I GUESS YOU COULD SAY, THAT CAT IS FELINE FINE. 87 00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:09,109 >> Jimmy: WHAT'S THAT NOW, TARIQ? 88 00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:11,077 >> Tariq: HE'S FELINE FINE AND YOU WILL BE, TOO, BECAUSE 89 00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:14,815 IT'S TIME FOR MY NEW SEGMENT, "TARIQ'S CAT CORNER. 90 00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:19,719 >> Jimmy: ACTUALLY, TARIQ, WE HAD TO CUT THE CAT CORNER BIT 91 00:05:19,719 --> 00:05:22,889 TONIGHT FOR TIME, SORRY, MAN >> Tariq: OH 92 00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:24,324 I SEE. [ SOMBER MUSIC ] 93 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:27,494 ♪ WELL, I GUESS I JUST PUT ALL MY 94 00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:30,864 CAT TOYS AWAY THEN >> Jimmy: COME ON, TARIQ 95 00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:32,833 TARIQ,DON'T BE LIKE THAT >> Tariq: IT'S FINE. 96 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:39,272 >> Jimmy: IT'S JUST THIS ONCE. ♪ 97 00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:42,909 ♪ I DID MY BEST BUT I GUESS MY BES 98 00:05:42,909 --> 00:05:50,116 WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE HERE WE AR 99 00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:57,657 BACK WHERE WE WERE BEFORE ♪ ♪ SEEMS NOTHING EVER CHANGE 100 00:05:57,657 --> 00:06:07,634 WE'RE BACK TO BEING STRANGER WONDERING IF WE OUGHT TO STO 101 00:06:07,634 --> 00:06:11,304 OR HEAD ON OUT THE DOOR ♪ ♪ JUST ONCE 102 00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:17,644 CAN WE FIGURE OU WHAT WE'VE 103 00:06:17,644 --> 00:06:24,117 BEEN DOING WRONG ♪ ♪ WHY WE NEVER LAST 104 00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:28,688 FOR VERY LONG ♪ ♪ OH WHAT ARE W 105 00:06:28,688 --> 00:06:32,292 DOING WRONG ♪ ♪ JUST ONCE 106 00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:39,833 CAN WE FIND A WA TO FINALLY MAKE IT RIGHT ♪ 107 00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:45,639 ♪ OH MAKE THE MAGIC LAST FOR MOR 108 00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:48,808 THAN JUST ONE NIGHT ♪ ♪ IF WE COULD JUS 109 00:06:48,808 --> 00:06:52,412 GET TO I I KNOW WE COUL 110 00:06:52,412 --> 00:07:02,255 BREAK THROUGH IT ♪ ♪ JUST ONCE 111 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:13,099 WE CAN MAKE IT JUST ONCE ♪ 112 00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:16,169 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WELL, MAYBE WE'LL TRY 113 00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:26,513 CAT CORNER NEXT WEEK >> Tariq: COPY THAT. 114 00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:29,916 [ LAUGHTER ] [ LAUGHTER ] 115 00:07:29,916 --> 00:07:33,520 >> Jimmy: MOVING ON. MOVING RIGHT ALONG 116 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:34,387 A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT THIS 117 00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:37,457 OVER THE WEEKEND IN THE HAMPTONS, THE CHAINSMOKERS HELD 118 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:38,558 A CONCERT THAT'S NOW BEING 119 00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:40,327 INVESTIGATED BY THE STATE'S HEALTH DEPARTMENT. WATCH THIS 120 00:07:41,594 --> 00:07:44,464 >> OFFICIALS IN NEW YORK STATE ARE INVESTIGATING A DRIVE‐IN 121 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:47,867 CONCERT IN THE HAMPTONS THAT APPEARED TO VIOLATE SOCIAL 122 00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:50,570 DISTANCING GUIDELINES. POSTS ON SOCIAL MEDIA SHOW 123 00:07:50,570 --> 00:07:55,942 CROWDS OF FANS LEAVING THEIR CARS, GATHERING IN FRONT OF THE 124 00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:58,645 STAGE, MANY NOT WEARING MASKS. GOVERNOR ANDREW CUOMO TWEETED 125 00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:02,582 ABOUT THE EVENT ON MONDAY, SAYING, "I AM APPALLED." 126 00:08:02,582 --> 00:08:05,118 >> Jimmy: GOOD LORD, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN HEALTHIER TO ACTUALLY 127 00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:07,620 CHAIN SPOKE. [ LAUGHTER ] 128 00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:09,923 AFTER SPENDING THE LAST FEW MONTHS IN QUARANTINE ON THEIR 129 00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:14,961 COMPUTERS, PEOPLE NEEDED TO GET OUT AND SEE TWO GUYS PERFORM ON 130 00:08:14,961 --> 00:08:17,564 THEIR COMPUTERS. IT'S NOT JUST CONCERTS STARTING 131 00:08:17,564 --> 00:08:21,835 UP AGAIN, I READ THAT POOLS ON THE EAST COAST ARE STARTING TO 132 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:22,936 REOPEN INCLUDING EIGHT OVER THE WEEKEND 133 00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:25,005 HERE IN NEW YORK CITY. IT SEEMS A BIT RISKY, BUT 134 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,640 OFFICIALS INSIST IT WILL BE SAFE IF EVERYONE FOLLOWS PROPER 135 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:28,174 GUIDELINES 136 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,276 WHICH BRINGS US TO A NEW SEGMENT, CALLED, "SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. 137 00:08:32,779 --> 00:08:35,181 ♪ SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT ♪ 138 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,350 ♪ WHA SO LET M 139 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,419 GET THIS STRAIGHT ♪ >> Jimmy: SO, LET ME GET THIS 140 00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:43,256 STRAIGHT YOU WANT ME TO SHOW UP TO A 141 00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:45,759 POOL, WEARING A MASK AND GLOVES, AND THEN GO INSIDE AND, YOU 142 00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:49,929 KNOW, AWKWARDLY OPEN THE GATE WITH MY ELBOW, GET A WRISTBAND, 143 00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:52,665 GET CHANGED AND ALL THA ‐‐ THEN TAKE OFF MY MASK AND GLOVES 144 00:08:52,665 --> 00:08:56,369 BEFORE HOPPING INTO A POOL WITH 30 STRANGERS 145 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:59,773 SO, JUST TO BE CLEAR SO I'M NOW IN THE WATER WITH 146 00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:02,509 30 PEOPLE. 30 PEOPLE WHO HAVE CHOSEN TO GO 147 00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:06,246 TO A COMMUNAL POOL DURING A PANDEMIC 148 00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:09,382 AND THEN WHAT DO I DO? STAND THERE, I GUESS 149 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:12,218 I SPLASH AROUND IN THE URINE OF THESE 30 PEOPLE? 150 00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:14,754 TRYING TO STAY SIX FEET AWAY FROM EVERYONE. 151 00:09:14,754 --> 00:09:17,590 WHILE A DRUNK DAD, DOES A CANNONBALL, WHICH SPLASHES URINE 152 00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:19,125 WATER INTO MY MOUTH BECAUSE I WAS YELLING AT SOMEONE TO KEEP 153 00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:22,195 THEIR DISTANCE DO I HAVE THAT STRAIGHT? 154 00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:27,133 JUST, WE'RE ON THE SAME PAGE SO WHEN I'M DONE, I DRY OFF, 155 00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:32,105 WIPING AWAY ALL THE GERM WATER INTO MY TOWEL, AND THEN I TAKE 156 00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:36,276 THE TOWEL HOME WITH ME [ LAUGHTER ] 157 00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:39,212 JUST A RECAP SHOW UP WITH MASK, TAKE OFF IN 158 00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:41,848 POOL URINE WATER IN MOUTH 159 00:09:41,848 --> 00:09:47,320 GERM TOWEL IN TRASH BAG, GO HOME 160 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,389 OKAY, LET ME THINK ABOUT IT. ♪ SO LET ME 161 00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:51,024 GET THIS STRAIGH WHAT 162 00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:54,194 SO LET ME ♪ ♪ GET THIS STRAIGHT ♪ 163 00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:56,262 >> Jimmy: WELL, GUYS, HERE'S ANOTHER BIG STORY. 164 00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:59,666 EARLIER TODAY, ATTORNEY GENERAL WILLIAM BARR SPENT THREE HOURS 165 00:09:59,666 --> 00:10:01,968 BEFORE A COMMITTEE BEING GRILLED BY DEMOCRATS ON THE FEDERAL 166 00:10:01,968 --> 00:10:03,503 RESPONSE TO THE NATIONWIDE 167 00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:06,840 PROTESTS OVER POLICE BRUTALITY AND THINGS GOT PRETTY INTENSE. CHECK THIS OUT 168 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:14,414 TRUNCHEONS ON AMERICAN CITIZENS. YOU DID IT HERE IN WASHINGTON. 169 00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:17,817 YOU DID IT IN LAFAYETTE SQUARE YOU EXPANDED TO PORTLAND 170 00:10:17,817 --> 00:10:22,422 AND NOW YOU ARE PROJECTING FEAR AND VIOLENCE NATIONWIDE. 171 00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:25,458 IN PURSUIT OF OBVIOUS POLITICAL OBJECTIVES 172 00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:27,527 SHAME ON YOU, MR. BARR >> CAN I JUST SAY ‐‐ 173 00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:29,729 >> SHAME ON YOU. >> Jimmy: DAMN, MAKE THAT ONE 174 00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:33,867 MORE BARR THAT JUST GOT SHUT DOWN 175 00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:36,736 [ LAUGHTER ] AND THAT WAS THE FUN PART OF THE 176 00:10:36,736 --> 00:10:39,139 HEARING. MAN, SEEING JERRY NADLER AND 177 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:43,610 WILLIAM BARR TOGETHER, THEY LOOK LIKE TWO GUYS WHO KEEP SHOWING 178 00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:48,081 UP TO THE SAME AUDITION. "GOUT SUFFERER COMMERCIAL? 179 00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:50,283 ME, TOO. AND FINALLY, TECH NEWS 180 00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:53,987 A COMPANY RELEASED A NEW DEVICE CALLED THE ALEXAGATE THAT STOPS 181 00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:56,189 YOUR AMAZON ALEXA FROM LISTENING TO YOU 182 00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:59,692 TAKE A LOOK AT THIS THING. YEAH 183 00:10:59,692 --> 00:11:03,163 THAT'S RIGHT, EVEN ALEXA IS WEARING A MASK 184 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:06,032 THAT LOOKS LIKE EVERY LAMP SHADE MY GRANDPARENTS OWNED. 185 00:11:06,032 --> 00:11:08,768 MEANWHILE, YOUR SMART TV JUST LOOKS AT ALEXA LIKE "I'LL FILL 186 00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:11,704 YOU IN LATER." [ LAUGHTER ] 187 00:11:11,704 --> 00:11:13,439 WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 188 00:11:13,439 --> 00:11:15,408 FROM "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE'S" WEEKEND UPDATE, MICHAEL CHE IS 189 00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:18,912 HERE [ APPLAUSE ] 190 00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:20,880 SOCCER SUPERSTAR, MEGAN RAPINOE IS HERE! 191 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:22,982 [ APPLAUSE ] AND WE GOT MUSIC FROM ANGEL 192 00:11:22,982 --> 00:11:25,385 OLSEN. 193 00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:27,587 [ APPLAUSE ] IT'S TIME FOR TONIGHT SHOW HASHTAGS 194 00:11:32,258 --> 00:11:39,566 ♪ HASHTAG HASHTAGS ♪ 195 00:11:39,566 --> 00:11:44,504 >> Jimmy: HEY, WE DO THIS THING WHERE I SEND OUT A ‐ 196 00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:47,106 A HASHTAG AND WE ASK YOU GUYS TO RESPOND TO THAT TOPIC. 197 00:11:47,106 --> 00:11:49,542 SO FOR THIS WEEK I ASKED YOU GUYS TO DESCRIBE YOUR SUMMER ‐‐ 198 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:52,378 BEST DESCRIBE YOUR SUMMER USING THE HASHTAG "MY SUMMER IN SIX 199 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:55,415 WORDS. FOR EXAMPLE, I SENT OUT A TWEET 200 00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:58,151 THAT SAID, "FEEL THE HEAT, SMELL THE BREATH." 201 00:11:58,151 --> 00:12:00,887 WITHIN MINUTES, THE HASHTAG BECAME THE NUMBER ONE TRENDING 202 00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,222 TOPIC IN THE U. S [ APPLAUSE ] 203 00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:04,190 SO THANK YOU FOR PLAYING ALONG WE WANT TO DO THEIR EVERY WEEK 204 00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:07,026 HERE SO NOW I THOUGHT I'D SHARE SOME 205 00:12:07,026 --> 00:12:11,064 OF MY FAVORITE "MY SUMMER IN SIX WORDS" RESPONSES FROM YOU GUYS 206 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:15,201 THIS FIRST ONE IS FROM @LOPEYWOPEY. 207 00:12:15,201 --> 00:12:18,938 SHE SAYS, "DIDN'T KNOW NOSES SWEAT, UNTIL NOW." 208 00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:23,509 THEY DO. CHINS, TOO 209 00:12:23,509 --> 00:12:29,549 THIS ONE IS FROM @TAYLORLYNEA. SHE SAYS, "TRASH GOES OUT MORE 210 00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:32,051 THAN ME. SMART. 211 00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:35,221 THIS NEXT ONE IS FROM @MELODYBUTLER. 212 00:12:35,221 --> 00:12:44,063 SHE SAYS, "THE BEST SUMMER EVER, SAYS MY DOG. 213 00:12:44,063 --> 00:12:48,001 THIS ONE IS FROM @VANSHA2017 THEY SAY, "LET'S HANG! 214 00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:51,404 SENDING YOU THE LINK." THAT SUMS UP THE SUMMER. 215 00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:53,239 LET'S HANG OUT, I'LL SEND YOU THE LINK 216 00:12:53,239 --> 00:13:00,246 WE'RE ALL GONNA LOG ON AT 7:00 PM. 217 00:13:00,246 --> 00:13:02,882 THIS ONE IS FROM @CAPNOMYSOUL. KIND OF ROMANTIC 218 00:13:02,882 --> 00:13:05,051 KIND OF? WELL, IF IT WAS CAPTAIN, IT 219 00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:07,020 MIGHT BE MORE. CAP'N MAKES IT FEEL LIKE A 220 00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:09,322 CEREAL >> Tariq: YOU GOTTA SAY IT FAST, 221 00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:11,190 LIKE KIRK'S NAME CAP'N. 222 00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:14,460 >> Jimmy: CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL >> Tariq: JUST THE CAP'N PART. 223 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:16,763 CAP'N OF MY SOUL >> Jimmy: CAP'N OF MY SOUL 224 00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:18,298 >> Tariq: YEAH >> Jimmy: BUT IT'S LIKE, CAP'N 225 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,366 IS KIND OF SPELLED LIKE THE CEREAL 226 00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:21,567 >> Tariq: YEAH, CAP'N CRUNCH CAPTAIN KIRK 227 00:13:21,567 --> 00:13:23,770 >> Jimmy: CAP'N KIRK TAKES ME OUT A LITTLE BIT. 228 00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:26,039 IS CAPTAIN KIRK ‐‐ >> Tariq: IT'S CAP'N, CAP'N. 229 00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:28,141 >> Jimmy: IT'S NOT CAPTAIN >> Tariq: NO, IT'S CAP'N 230 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,143 [ LAUGHTER ] LIKE THE CEREAL. 231 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,177 >> Questlove: YOU LOOK DISAPPOINTED 232 00:13:31,177 --> 00:13:33,479 >> Jimmy: YEAH I'M BUMMED OUT 233 00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:36,215 >> Tariq: IT'S BEEN 12 YEARS [ LAUGHTER ] 234 00:13:36,215 --> 00:13:40,486 >> Jimmy: I DON'T CALL HIM "CAPTAIN." 235 00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:42,655 THAT WOULD BE WEIRD. HEY, CAPTAIN 236 00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:46,693 I GUESS IT IS. ANYWAYS, @CAPNOMYSOUL, HE SAYS, 237 00:13:46,693 --> 00:13:49,662 "YES, NETFLIX. STILL WATCHING 238 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:57,737 ALWAYS WATCHING. STOP ASKING ME 239 00:13:57,737 --> 00:14:01,574 THIS ONE IS FROM @CLEANKILLER. HE SAYS, "TELL US ABOUT OUTSIDE 240 00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:05,278 AGAIN, DADDY." [ LAUGHTER ] 241 00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:08,681 THIS ONE IS FROM @MELISSABUNTCAKE 242 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:09,816 YOU THINK THAT'S HER REAL NAME >> Questlove: BUNTCAKE 243 00:14:09,816 --> 00:14:11,184 >> Jimmy: YEAH MELISSA BUNTCAKE 244 00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:14,253 >> Tariq: YEAH, IT'S PROBABLY PRONOUNCED DIFFERENTLY 245 00:14:14,253 --> 00:14:17,323 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: BUNT‐KICK. 246 00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:18,524 >> Tariq: BUNT‐COCKY [ LAUGHTER ] 247 00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:21,594 >> Questlove: HEY, HEY HEY. 248 00:14:21,594 --> 00:14:22,662 [ RIM SHOT ] >> Tariq: COME ON, THEY GET YOU 249 00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:24,530 EVERY ‐‐ >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH, MAYBE, YEAH. 250 00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:29,235 I DIDN'T SEE THE LINE OVER THE E. 251 00:14:29,235 --> 00:14:36,776 SHE SAYS, "MELISSA, CAN YOU MUTE YOUR MIC?" 252 00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:41,814 [ LAUGHTER ] [ LAUGHTER ] 253 00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:45,084 THIS ONE IS FROM @CATMOMTO8. SHE SAYS, "DIDN'T WE ALREADY 254 00:14:45,084 --> 00:14:46,986 WATCH THIS EPISODE?" YEAH, BUT WATCH, IT'S "OZARK." 255 00:14:46,986 --> 00:14:50,556 COME ON, MAN EVERY EPISODE IS GOOD. 256 00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:52,392 HAVE YOU SEEN THAT, BY THE WAY >> Questlove: YES. 257 00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:53,726 >> Tariq: YES. >> Jimmy: I'M ONLY ON EPISODE 258 00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:55,561 THREE. >> Tariq: OF THE MOST RECENT 259 00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:56,896 SEASON >> Jimmy: NO 260 00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:59,065 SEASON ‐ >> Questlove: OH, WOW. 261 00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,500 >> Jimmy: OH, WOW. >> Questlove: YOU'RE GOING TO 262 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:01,701 HAVE FUN >> Jimmy: REALLY 263 00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:03,770 >> Tariq: YEAH >> Jimmy: I LOVE IT. 264 00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:06,739 I LOVE EVERY SECOND OF IT. EVERYONE'S LIKE A GREAT 265 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:09,008 CHARACTER. >> Tariq: BATEMAN'S THE MAN. 266 00:15:09,008 --> 00:15:12,078 >> Jimmy: HE'S CRUSHING IT JASON BATEMAN. 267 00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:14,814 THIS LAST ONE IS FROM @SEAWOLF510. 268 00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:17,150 HE SAYS, "CAN SOMEONE PLEASE YELL JUMANJI ALREADY?" 269 00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:18,518 [ LAUGHTER ] PERFECT. 270 00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:21,687 THERE YOU HAVE IT, THOSE ARE OUR TONIGHT SHOW HASHTAGS. 271 00:15:21,687 --> 00:15:24,757 TO CHECK OUT MORE OF OUR FAVORITES GO TO 272 00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:27,927 TONIGHTSHOW.COM/HASHTAGS AND HEY, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK 273 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:37,336 WITH MICHAEL CHE, EVERYBODY. ♪ 274 00:15:37,336 --> 00:15:47,747 ♪ ♪ 275 00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:49,816 >> Jimmy: MY FIRST GUEST IS ONE OF THE HEAD WRITERS AT "SATURDAY 276 00:15:49,816 --> 00:15:52,885 NIGHT LIVE" AND A CO‐ANCHOR OF WEEKEND UPDATE 277 00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:55,822 HE IS A VERY, VERY FUNNY STANDUP AS WELL. 278 00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:58,558 HERE IS MICHAEL CHE! MICHAEL CHE, IT IS GREAT TO SEE 279 00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:02,728 YOU. YOU LOOK FANTASTIC, BUDDY. 280 00:16:02,728 --> 00:16:03,496 >> MAN, DO I REALLY? >> Jimmy: YEAH 281 00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:06,766 YOU REALLY LOOK GREAT. I THINK THIS MIGHT BE THE BEST 282 00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:09,268 YOU'VE EVER LOOKED >> MAN, YOU KNOW WHAT ‐‐ IT'S 283 00:16:09,268 --> 00:16:11,471 WEIRD BECAUSE I'M IN THE HOUSE MOSTLY BY MYSELF 284 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:14,640 AND I DON'T HEAR A LOT OF COMPLIMENTS, SO WHEN YOU SAY IT, 285 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,577 IT ALMOST FEELS SARCASTIC. BUT I REALLY APPRECIATE IT 286 00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:18,344 YOU LOOK GOOD, TOO [ LAUGHTER ] 287 00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:21,314 >> Jimmy: THANKS, BUD. I APPRECIATE IT. 288 00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,716 I FOLLOW YOU ON THE SOCIALS AND STUFF AND SAW THAT YOU WERE 289 00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:28,187 DOING SOME STANDUP I THINK YOU'RE THE FIRST 290 00:16:28,187 --> 00:16:30,590 COMEDIAN I SAW DO STANDUP ‐‐ OUTSIDE. 291 00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:34,760 >> I THINK TECHNICALLY, DAVE WAS A DAY BEFORE ME, BUT WE STARTED 292 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:36,629 THAT SAME WEEKEND, AND WE WAS TALKING THROUGHOUT THE WEEK. 293 00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:39,999 SO, IT WAS REALLY WEIRD. HE'S DOING SHOWS OUT IN OHIO, 294 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:42,502 WHICH I WENT OUT TO DO AS WELL, AND I WAS DOING THEM IN THE 295 00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:47,640 QUEENS PARKING LOT SO, YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHERE WE 296 00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:50,710 ARE AS SUCCESSFUL COMEDIANS. >> Jimmy: HOW DID YOU FIGURE OUT 297 00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:53,779 TO DO ONE IN THE PARKING LOT AND WAS THIS A RESPONSE TO THE 298 00:16:53,779 --> 00:16:57,583 PROTEST? >> WELL, ACTUALLY, NO. 299 00:16:57,583 --> 00:16:59,552 IT WAS ‐‐ I JUST WANTED TO DO COMEDY, MAN. 300 00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:01,320 I WAS REALLY, LIKE, JUST STEWIN'IN THE HOUSE. 301 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:03,155 I JUST WANTED TO GET OUT THERE AND DO COMEDY, AND EVERYTHING 302 00:17:03,155 --> 00:17:06,759 WAS HAPPENING. THE PROTESTING WAS HAPPENING 303 00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:08,961 ALL THE TENSION WAS GOING ON I JUST WANTED TO BE ABLE TO SAY 304 00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:12,565 SOMETHING TO AN AUDIENCE, AND I PUT ON INSTAGRAM, "I HAVE 305 00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:17,270 SOMETHING TO SAY." I DON'T KNOW HOW, BUT SOME 306 00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:21,641 PEOPLE FROM THE PROTEST, THE ORGANIZERS, PUT IT ON THE BLACK 307 00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:24,810 LIVES MATTER WEBSITE, I GUESS. AND, SO, ALL THESE PEOPLE CAME 308 00:17:24,810 --> 00:17:28,214 THAT THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO SEE A PROTEST, AND I LITERALLY 309 00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:31,384 JUST WANTED TO TRY A COUPLE JOKES ABOUT MY NETHER REGIONS, 310 00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:34,420 AND THAT WAS IT. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT I HAD TO SAY 311 00:17:34,420 --> 00:17:35,621 SOMETHING IMPORTANT. SO I FAKED IT, YOU KNOW? 312 00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:38,691 >> Jimmy: START WRITING RIGHT THERE, START WRITING JOKES 313 00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:40,660 YOU'RE LIKE "OH, MY GOSH." >> I SAID I WAS GOING TO SAY 314 00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:44,363 SOMETHING IMPORTANT, THERE WERE SIGNS AND STUFF. 315 00:17:44,363 --> 00:17:47,867 I'M LIKE, "THAT'S MAYBE A LITTLE MORE THAN I BARGAINED FOR. 316 00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:49,735 BUT IT WAS A FUN TURNOUT, THOUGH 317 00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:53,773 IT WAS AWESOME WE WENT TO A LONG ISLAND CITY 318 00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:56,075 PARKING LOT, AND IT WAS LIKE RIGHT OVER THE WATER 319 00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:58,377 YOU COULD SEE THE BUILDING YOU COULD SEE THE CITY 320 00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:00,546 I LOOKED AT IT AS, LIKE, MY USO TOUR 321 00:18:00,546 --> 00:18:02,415 I FELT LIKE BOB HOPE LIKE, THE PROTESTS WERE THE 322 00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,483 TROOPS AND I WAS JUST ENTERTAINING THEM TO KEEP MORALE 323 00:18:04,483 --> 00:18:06,552 UP AND THEN THEY'D GO PROTEST RIGHT 324 00:18:06,552 --> 00:18:10,389 AFTER THAT THANKED THEM FOR THEIR SERVICE 325 00:18:10,389 --> 00:18:11,824 AND I WENT BACK IN AN UBER HOME. >> Jimmy: WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE 326 00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:16,429 ON STAGE AND HEAR PEOPLE LAUGHING AGAIN 327 00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:20,232 >> IT WAS STRANGE BECAUSE EVERYBODY'S IN MASKS 328 00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:22,768 IT WAS, IT WAS PRETTY DOPE BECAUSE AFTER A WHILE YOU STILL 329 00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:28,341 FEEL IT, YOU KNOW, YOU STILL FEEL THE ENERGY FROM PEOPLE. 330 00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:30,409 >> Jimmy: IS THAT IT'S OVER AT CHAPPELLE'S BARN AS WELL ‐‐ OR 331 00:18:30,409 --> 00:18:32,278 WHEREVER HE'S PERFORMING IN OHIO 332 00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:35,548 >> HE'S LITERALLY GOT ALL THESE CELEBRITIES THERE WITH ALL THESE 333 00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:37,750 PEOPLE THERE WERE PERFORMING AND EVERYBODY'S SPACED OUT 334 00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:41,687 EVERYBODY'S IN MASKS EVERYTHING'S SAFE. 335 00:18:41,687 --> 00:18:43,956 IT'S BIZARRE, BUT IT'S REALLY NEEDED 336 00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:47,259 BECAUSE AFTER ABOUT 30 MINUTES, YOU'RE AT A SHOW 337 00:18:47,259 --> 00:18:50,529 YOU FORGET ALL THAT STUFF. YOU FORGET YOU'RE IN A BARN. 338 00:18:50,529 --> 00:18:53,899 YOU FORGET YOU'RE OUT ON A FARM OR WHATEVER, YOU'RE JUST HAVING 339 00:18:53,899 --> 00:18:56,535 A GOOD TIME. >> Jimmy: AND I HEARD YOU GOT TO 340 00:18:56,535 --> 00:19:01,240 VISIT COLIN JOST, YOUR WEEKEND UPDATE CO‐STAR, CO‐ANCHOR. 341 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:05,378 >> YEAH, I WENT TO COLIN'S HOUSE LAST WEEKEND, AND HE WAS IN THE 342 00:19:05,378 --> 00:19:07,346 HAMPTONS I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD SAY 343 00:19:07,346 --> 00:19:11,417 THAT, BECAUSE HE KEEPS IT VERY PRIVATE, BUT HE LIVES ON THE 344 00:19:11,417 --> 00:19:13,252 HAMPTONS, ON 124 ‐‐ NO, NO ‐ [ LAUGHTER ] 345 00:19:13,252 --> 00:19:15,454 ‐‐ BUT HE DOES LIVE IN THE HAMPTONS 346 00:19:15,454 --> 00:19:18,290 NO, I WENT TO HIS HOUSE. HE GOT A VACATION HOUSE IN THE 347 00:19:18,290 --> 00:19:22,328 HAMPTONS I WAS LIKE, "WE HAVE THE SAME 348 00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:26,932 JOB, BUT YET WE DON'T MAKE THE SAME MONEY 349 00:19:26,932 --> 00:19:29,669 I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S FAIR. I'M NOT GOING TO SAY IT'S 350 00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:32,705 UNFAIR, BUT IT DOESN'T SEEM FAIR 351 00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:35,007 >> Jimmy: THAT IS NOT RIGHT. I HEARD THAT YOU MIGHT BE BUYING 352 00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:37,009 A HOUSE. >> I AM! 353 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:40,813 I THINK I'M GOING TO DO IT I'D LIKE TO. 354 00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:43,549 YOU KNOW, HANGING OUT WITH DAVE IN OHIO AND STUFF AND SEEING 355 00:19:43,549 --> 00:19:46,819 THAT KIND OF LIFE, THAT COUNTRY LIFE AND GOING TO COLIN'S HOUSE 356 00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:51,624 IN THE HAMPTONS AND SEEING THAT KIND OF COUNTRY LIFE, I FEEL 357 00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:54,593 LIKE I WANT TO MOVE TO THE COUNTRY. 358 00:19:54,593 --> 00:19:56,128 I FINALLY DID, YOU KNOW. I WANT TO BUY A HOUSE. 359 00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:58,297 YOU KNOW WHAT I DO I GO ON ZILLOW, BECAUSE I'M 360 00:19:58,297 --> 00:20:03,202 ADDICTED TO ZILLOW NOW I WENT ON ZILLOW, AND I MARK 361 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:06,839 EVERY WHOLE FOODS, AND I LOOK FOR NEIGHBORHOODS AROUND THERE 362 00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:10,976 BECAUSE IF WHOLE FOODS BUILT THERE, IT'S DEFINITELY A DECENT 363 00:20:10,976 --> 00:20:14,146 NEIGHBORHOOD, YOU KNOW I FOUND A WHOLE FOODS AROUND 364 00:20:14,146 --> 00:20:17,550 THERE, AND TEN MINUTES OUT THERE'S LIKE A NICE LITTLE 365 00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:20,052 COUNTRY PLACE, AND IT'S BEAUTIFUL. 366 00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:25,858 IT'S LIKE, ALSO, COUNTRY TO ME IS LIKE IF THERE'S NO CVS 367 00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:29,795 AROUND, IT'S COUNTRY >> Jimmy: HOW COUNTRY ‐‐ BECAUSE 368 00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:33,733 I GREW UP IN UPSTATE NEW YORK. THERE'S, LIKE, DIRT AND PEOPLE 369 00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:37,103 GO CAMPING AND STUFF, IT'S REALLY COUNTRY 370 00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:42,041 >> THAT'S COUNTRY. >> NO CVS, THAT'S COUNTRY. 371 00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:46,712 IF I NEED COCOA BUTTER 4:00 IN THE MORNING I GOT TO WAIT UNTIL 372 00:20:46,712 --> 00:20:51,217 NOON OR WHATEVER YEAH, IT'S VERY, VERY COUNTRY. 373 00:20:51,217 --> 00:20:57,123 VERY QUIET MY NEIGHBOR HAS CHICKENS AND 374 00:20:57,123 --> 00:21:00,493 PEACOCK. >> Jimmy: LIKE, PEACOCK. 375 00:21:00,493 --> 00:21:03,763 >> PEACOCK, THAT'S WHAT I SAID LIKE LITERALLY PEACOCK 376 00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:06,932 YOU KNOW WHAT I FOUND OUT ABOUT PEACOCK, JIMMY 377 00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:09,502 >> Jimmy: WHAT'S THAT? >> THE SCREAMS SOUND LIKE MAN 378 00:21:09,502 --> 00:21:12,838 SCREAMS. [ LAUGHTER ] 379 00:21:12,838 --> 00:21:16,342 DID YOU KNOW THAT? >> Jimmy: NO, HERE'S WHAT I 380 00:21:16,342 --> 00:21:19,745 WOULD DO IF I WERE YOU I WOULD START THINKING OF A NEW 381 00:21:19,745 --> 00:21:24,116 NOISE TO YELL THAT WON'T BE CONFUSED WITH THE PEACOCK IN 382 00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:27,720 CASE YOU ARE BEING TRAPPED OR YOU NEED HELP, IS THERE 383 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,022 SOMETHING YOU CAN GO, LIKE A WOOP 384 00:21:30,022 --> 00:21:33,192 OR A ‐ SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T ‐‐ LOOK, 385 00:21:33,192 --> 00:21:34,927 WE'LL TALK AFTER THE SHOW. I'LL WORK ON SOUND EFFECTS 386 00:21:34,927 --> 00:21:37,663 >> I COULD JUST ‐‐ I COULD JUST YELL "I'M A MAN. 387 00:21:37,663 --> 00:21:41,200 WHICH IS THE SADDEST THING THE SADDEST THING TO YELL WITH 388 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:44,436 TEARS FLOWING DOWN YOUR FACE "I'M A MAN." 389 00:21:44,436 --> 00:21:46,405 >> Jimmy: I'M THINKING OF SOUND EFFECTS, I'M GOING LIKE BEEP, 390 00:21:46,405 --> 00:21:47,940 BOP, BEEP. YEAH, OF COURSE JUST YELL "I'M A 391 00:21:47,940 --> 00:21:49,241 MAN. >> OH, DEAR WORDS. 392 00:21:49,241 --> 00:21:51,343 >> Jimmy: I'M TRAPPED. YEAH, SMARTER. 393 00:21:51,343 --> 00:21:55,481 >> HUMAN BEINGS, WE DISCOVERED LANGUAGE AND ALL THAT. 394 00:21:55,481 --> 00:21:56,148 IT'D BE AWESOME. YEAH 395 00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:58,984 >> Jimmy: LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR NEW HBO MAX SHOW, WHAT CAN YOU 396 00:21:58,984 --> 00:22:03,255 TELL US ABOUT IT >> MAN, FIRST OF ALL, I'M REALLY 397 00:22:03,255 --> 00:22:05,224 EXCITED TO DO DID. AND IT'S DOPE TO BE ABLE TO DO 398 00:22:05,224 --> 00:22:08,594 ANY SHOW YOU KNOW, I MEAN, LIKE, THAT'S 399 00:22:08,594 --> 00:22:13,299 KIND OF THE DREAM, RIGHT TO GET AIRTIME, OR STREAM TIME 400 00:22:13,299 --> 00:22:15,701 NOW AS THEY CALL IT. >> Jimmy: YEAH, EXACTLY. 401 00:22:15,701 --> 00:22:16,969 >> STREAM TIME SOUNDS LIKE I'VE GOT TO USE THE BATHROOM IN THE 402 00:22:16,969 --> 00:22:19,405 MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. BUT ‐‐ 403 00:22:19,405 --> 00:22:23,142 >> Jimmy: STREAM TIME. YEAH 404 00:22:23,142 --> 00:22:26,846 JOE BIDEN HAS ‐‐ TAKES PILLS TO GET STREAM TIME. 405 00:22:26,846 --> 00:22:30,449 >> BUT, NO I'M EXCITED, AND I WAS SO 406 00:22:30,449 --> 00:22:32,651 EXCITED FOR THE ANNOUNCEMENT AND ALL OF THAT. 407 00:22:32,651 --> 00:22:38,991 THEY ANNOUNCED IT AND THEY SAID THIS WHOLE SHOW ABOUT THE BLACK 408 00:22:38,991 --> 00:22:41,827 EXPERIENCE AND IT'S GOING TO BE BLACKITY, BLACK, BLACK, BLACK. 409 00:22:41,827 --> 00:22:45,431 AND I GOT REALLY NERVOUS, BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I PITCHED IT. 410 00:22:45,431 --> 00:22:49,702 BECAUSE I WANTED THEM TO GIVE ME MONEY, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW I'D 411 00:22:49,702 --> 00:22:51,770 ACTUALLY HAVE TO DO THAT SO NOW I'M A LITTLE WORRIED. 412 00:22:51,770 --> 00:22:55,374 I WISH THEY KIND OF WOULD HAVE BEEN VAGUE ABOUT IT AND LET IT 413 00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:59,879 BE A SURPRISE, BUT I'M, YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T WANT TO BE TOO, 414 00:22:59,879 --> 00:23:01,180 UH >> Jimmy: I KNOW, JUST TRY TO 415 00:23:01,180 --> 00:23:03,249 MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH, THAT'S ALL. THAT'S REALLY WHAT WE'RE TRYING 416 00:23:03,249 --> 00:23:05,985 TO GET AT. >> I'M JUST TRYING TO HAVE A 417 00:23:05,985 --> 00:23:07,086 GOOD TIME. I'M JUST TRYING TO PAY FOR THESE 418 00:23:07,086 --> 00:23:09,688 PEACOCKS, MAN. [ LAUGHTER ] 419 00:23:09,688 --> 00:23:10,589 >> Jimmy: HEY, CAN YOU STICK AROUND 420 00:23:10,589 --> 00:23:13,425 CAUSE I'D LIKE TO GET YOUR OPINION ON A FEW THINGS. 421 00:23:13,425 --> 00:23:14,393 IF THAT'S ALL RIGHT. >> HELL, YEAH. 422 00:23:14,393 --> 00:23:15,828 I'M HERE >> Jimmy: MICHAEL CHE AND I ARE 423 00:23:15,828 --> 00:23:17,129 DOING SOMETHING FUN WHEN WE COME BACK 424 00:23:17,129 --> 00:23:23,035 STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY! ♪ 425 00:23:23,035 --> 00:23:34,113 ♪ >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK 426 00:23:34,113 --> 00:23:37,816 I'M HERE WITH MICHAEL CHE. NOW, CHE, I FOLLOW YOU ON 427 00:23:37,816 --> 00:23:40,019 INSTAGRAM, I LOVE HOW WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT JUST THINGS THAT 428 00:23:40,019 --> 00:23:43,822 ANNOY YOU, AND STUFF LIKE THAT PEOPLE GET SO MAD, BUT IT'S SO 429 00:23:43,822 --> 00:23:46,792 FUNNY TO ME. AND ANYWAY, JUST AS YOU KNOW, 430 00:23:46,792 --> 00:23:48,627 I'M A BIG FAN OF IT, AND EVEN THOUGH I DON'T LIKE IT ALL THE 431 00:23:48,627 --> 00:23:52,898 TIME I DON'T WANT TO BE A STALKER 432 00:23:52,898 --> 00:23:55,301 >> YEAH, THAT'S FOR THE BEST >> Jimmy: THANK YOU. 433 00:23:55,301 --> 00:23:57,569 WELL, I THINK, I'D LIKE TO PLAY A NEW GAME, IT'S CALLED "GO OFF. 434 00:24:01,774 --> 00:24:03,842 GO OFF GO OFF ♪ 435 00:24:03,842 --> 00:24:05,244 >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, HERE'S HOW IT WORKS 436 00:24:05,244 --> 00:24:08,113 A RANDOM TOPIC WILL APPEAR ON SCREEN, AND WHATEVER IT IS, 437 00:24:08,113 --> 00:24:10,382 YOU'LL HAVE TO "GO OFF" ON THAT TOPIC FOR 30 SECONDS 438 00:24:10,382 --> 00:24:13,252 MAKE SENSE >> ALL RIGHT 439 00:24:13,252 --> 00:24:20,326 >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. HERE'S YOUR FIRST TOPIC. 440 00:24:20,326 --> 00:24:23,629 ♪ >> OH, MAN, THAT'S EASY. 441 00:24:23,629 --> 00:24:25,264 YOGURT WITH FRUIT ON THE SIDE. >> Jimmy: THAT'S THE FIRST ONE 442 00:24:25,264 --> 00:24:27,132 TO COME UP >> THAT'S EASY MAN 443 00:24:27,132 --> 00:24:28,901 I HATE YOGURT WITH FRUIT ON THE SIDE 444 00:24:28,901 --> 00:24:30,602 YOU KNOW IT LOOKS ‐‐ IT REMINDS ME OF THOSE ‐‐ YOU KNOW THOSE 445 00:24:30,602 --> 00:24:34,440 MOTORCYCLES WITH THE LITTLE SIDECAR? 446 00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,175 IT SOUNDS GOOD NOBODY WANTS TO BE IN THE 447 00:24:36,175 --> 00:24:40,145 SIDECAR. ALSO, YOU CAN NEVER GET ALL OF 448 00:24:40,145 --> 00:24:43,515 THE FRUIT OUT OF THE SIDE TO PUT IN YOUR YOGURT, SO THEY'RE 449 00:24:43,515 --> 00:24:46,251 SKIMMIN' FRUIT PUT ALL MY FRUIT AT THE BOTTOM 450 00:24:46,251 --> 00:24:47,786 SO I CAN HAVE IT MIXED UP. I LIKE TO SHAKE ‐‐ 451 00:24:47,786 --> 00:24:49,855 [ LAUGHTER ] I SHAKE THE YOGURT, I'M A 452 00:24:49,855 --> 00:24:51,156 SHAKER YOU CAN'T SHAKE FRUIT AT THE 453 00:24:51,156 --> 00:24:52,691 SIDE >> Jimmy: OH MY GOSH, THE 454 00:24:52,691 --> 00:24:53,692 SIDECAR. >> IT'S THE SECOND WORST THING 455 00:24:53,692 --> 00:24:57,296 TO HAPPEN TO YOGURT OTHER THAN THAT LITTLE SWEAT ‐‐ THAT SWEAT 456 00:24:57,296 --> 00:24:58,864 THAT COMES ON THE LID. YOU KNOW THE SWEAT ON THE LID? 457 00:24:58,864 --> 00:25:00,132 >> Jimmy: THAT'S A LITTLE BONUS JUICE. 458 00:25:00,132 --> 00:25:05,371 >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: SORRY ABOUT THAT 459 00:25:05,371 --> 00:25:08,974 LET'S TRY ANOTHER ONE. THE NEXT TOPIC 460 00:25:08,974 --> 00:25:13,345 HERE WE GO ♪ 461 00:25:13,345 --> 00:25:16,315 "FAKE CROWD NOISE AT SPORTS GAMES. 462 00:25:16,315 --> 00:25:19,251 >> OH, MY, FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T KNOW HOW THERE'S ANY SPORTS 463 00:25:19,251 --> 00:25:21,653 GAMES RIGHT NOW IN THE FIRST PLACE. 464 00:25:21,653 --> 00:25:24,523 BUT THE WORST PART, DON'T PATRONIZE ME WITH FAKE CROWD 465 00:25:24,523 --> 00:25:26,592 NOISE. IT'S BAD ENOUGH YOU GET 466 00:25:26,592 --> 00:25:30,863 ARGUMENTS WITH PEOPLE THAT PLAY SPORTS OR THAT THINK THEY CAN 467 00:25:30,863 --> 00:25:33,032 COACH BETTER THAN THE TEAM AND NOW I GOT TO LISTEN TO FAKE 468 00:25:33,032 --> 00:25:34,333 PEOPLE I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THESE 469 00:25:34,333 --> 00:25:37,069 FAKE PEOPLE ARE BOOING THEY COULD BE BOOING SOMETHING 470 00:25:37,069 --> 00:25:40,672 IMPORTANT AND NOW YOU GOT ‐‐ COULD YOU IMAGINE, LIKE, BOOING 471 00:25:40,672 --> 00:25:42,875 SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT YOU'RE A REAL HECKLER. 472 00:25:42,875 --> 00:25:47,012 YOU'RE BOOING, I DON'T KNOW, ONE OF, SOME BAD GUY'S SPEECH. 473 00:25:47,012 --> 00:25:49,415 I DON'T KNOW [ DING ] 474 00:25:49,415 --> 00:25:51,517 THAT WAS A HARD ONE, I'M SORRY, JIMMY. 475 00:25:51,517 --> 00:25:53,719 >> Jimmy: HEY, MAN, THAT'S WHOLE THING, MAN 476 00:25:53,719 --> 00:25:55,888 >> I COULDN'T THINK OF A BAD GUY. 477 00:25:55,888 --> 00:25:58,390 >> Jimmy: I THINK ‐‐ THE CROWD NOISE I WOULD GET RID OF, TOO, 478 00:25:58,390 --> 00:26:00,893 BUT ALSO, I DON'T LIKE THE CARDBOARD CUTOUTS OF THE PEOPLE. 479 00:26:00,893 --> 00:26:03,629 >> I HATE 'EM. IT'S DUMB. 480 00:26:03,629 --> 00:26:05,931 IT'S LIKE, COME ON MAN >> Jimmy: COME ON DUDE 481 00:26:05,931 --> 00:26:07,800 AT ONE ‐‐ ONE OF THE THINGS I SAW, THERE WAS LIKE A GIANT DOG 482 00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:10,302 IN ONE OF THE CHAIRS >> YEAH, WE'RE WATCHIN' SPORTS 483 00:26:10,302 --> 00:26:12,938 BECAUSE WE MISS SPORTS AND WE LIKE SPORTS. 484 00:26:12,938 --> 00:26:15,774 JUST LET US WATCH THE GAME WE DON'T NEED TO WATCH THE 485 00:26:15,774 --> 00:26:16,975 CROWD. >> Jimmy: THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M 486 00:26:16,975 --> 00:26:20,045 MISSING. I'M NOT MISSING DISTRACTIONS 487 00:26:20,045 --> 00:26:22,448 WE'RE GOOD WE UNDERSTAND, I AGREE WITH YOU. 488 00:26:22,448 --> 00:26:24,516 VERY GOOD. HERE WE GO, LET'S DO ONE MORE OR 489 00:26:24,516 --> 00:26:31,957 A COUPLE MORE. HERE WE GO 490 00:26:31,957 --> 00:26:34,893 ♪ >> OH, TOASTERS WITH SIX ‐‐ THIS 491 00:26:34,893 --> 00:26:38,063 IS ‐‐ FIRST OF ALL, IF YOU'RE MAKING MORE THAN FOUR PIECES OF 492 00:26:38,063 --> 00:26:39,932 TOAST, NOBODY WANTS THAT MUCH TOAST. 493 00:26:39,932 --> 00:26:43,435 ALL RIGHT? NOBODY ‐‐ AND IF YOU ARE, YOU 494 00:26:43,435 --> 00:26:45,170 CAN WAIT CAN YOU WAIT ON TOAST, IT'S 495 00:26:45,170 --> 00:26:50,642 FINE YOU DON'T NEED SIX SPOTS UNLESS 496 00:26:50,642 --> 00:26:52,277 YOU HAVE LINEAGE FROM LYNNWICH DO THEY HAVE LYNNWICH ALL OVER 497 00:26:52,277 --> 00:26:53,912 THE COUNTRY? I DON'T EVEN KNOW. 498 00:26:53,912 --> 00:26:57,649 >> Jimmy: NO, I KNOW LYNNWICH ‐‐ IT'S A VERY NEW YORK THINK 499 00:26:57,649 --> 00:26:59,184 I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA SAY ‐ >> IT'S A VERY NEW YORK THING? 500 00:26:59,184 --> 00:27:01,687 >> Jimmy: I WAS GONNA SAY, IF YOU'RE NOT JIM GAFFIGAN, YOU 501 00:27:01,687 --> 00:27:03,555 SHOULDN'T HAVE A TOASTER WITH SIX. 502 00:27:03,555 --> 00:27:05,390 [ LAUGHTER ] >> IF YOU CAN'T GET TOAST RIGHT 503 00:27:05,390 --> 00:27:07,159 IN FOUR TRIES. [ DING ] 504 00:27:07,159 --> 00:27:10,529 [ LAUGHTER ] [ CLAPPING ] 505 00:27:10,529 --> 00:27:12,164 >> Jimmy: I ALWAYS THINK THAT, TOO. 506 00:27:12,164 --> 00:27:13,165 THAT WAS A GOOD ONE. THOUGH YOU DID IT. 507 00:27:13,165 --> 00:27:14,032 THAT WAS A GREAT ONE LET'S DO ONE MORE. 508 00:27:14,032 --> 00:27:15,467 HERE WE GO READY? 509 00:27:15,467 --> 00:27:21,373 THANK YOU FOR DOING THIS >> LET'S DO IT 510 00:27:21,373 --> 00:27:24,109 ♪ OH, SCUBA DIVING 511 00:27:24,109 --> 00:27:25,944 >> Jimmy: SCUBA DIVING >> I'VE NEVER ‐‐ I CAN'T SWIM, 512 00:27:25,944 --> 00:27:28,914 RIGHT? SPOILER ALERT. 513 00:27:28,914 --> 00:27:32,518 BUT I DON'T LIKE SCUBA DIVING BECAUSE, I DON'T ‐‐ FIRST OF 514 00:27:32,518 --> 00:27:35,687 ALL, I DON'T LIKE THAT, REALLY JUST THE OCEAN'S BIG FOOT IF YOU 515 00:27:35,687 --> 00:27:38,757 THINK ABOUT IT. BECAUSE YOU WALK DOWN AND THOUGH THE FISH DON'T 516 00:27:38,757 --> 00:27:40,926 KNOW WHAT YOU ARE. AND YOU JUST IN THIS WEIRD 517 00:27:40,926 --> 00:27:43,128 RUBBER SUIT WITH THIS MASK YOU MUST FREAK THEM OUT. 518 00:27:43,128 --> 00:27:45,964 AND YOU'RE GOING INTO THEM ‐‐ FREAKIN' THEM OUT, YOU KNOW 519 00:27:45,964 --> 00:27:49,768 YOU'RE BIG FOOT. YOU'RE BIG FOOT FOR THE OCEAN. 520 00:27:49,768 --> 00:27:52,070 RIGHT? WHEN ALIENS COME DOWN, I DON'T 521 00:27:52,070 --> 00:27:53,939 KNOW IF BIGFOOT'S AN ALIEN BUT WHEN ALIENS COME DOWN AND 522 00:27:53,939 --> 00:27:56,441 THEY'RE JUST LIKE HANGIN' OUT AND THEY GO BACK, THAT'S WHAT 523 00:27:56,441 --> 00:27:58,844 WE'RE DOING TO THE OCEAN AND IT SUCKS. 524 00:27:58,844 --> 00:28:00,612 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THAT WAS GREAT 525 00:28:00,612 --> 00:28:01,480 PERFECT. THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR 526 00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:04,883 "GO OFF. YOU ARE A GOOD MAN 527 00:28:04,883 --> 00:28:05,984 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING BACK ON THE SHOW 528 00:28:05,984 --> 00:28:08,487 MY THANKS TO MICHAEL CHE WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE "TONIGHT 529 00:28:08,487 --> 00:28:10,556 SHOW." HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON BUD 530 00:28:10,556 --> 00:28:14,693 >> THAT WAS FUN AS HELL. THANK YOU. 531 00:28:14,693 --> 00:28:28,040 ♪ ♪ 532 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:30,342 >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW OUR NEXT GUEST AS A CAPTAIN OF THE 533 00:28:30,342 --> 00:28:33,712 U.S. WOMEN'S NATIONAL SOCCER TEAM 534 00:28:33,712 --> 00:28:37,783 SHE'S AN OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST, A TWO‐TIME WORLD CUP CHAMPION, 535 00:28:37,783 --> 00:28:43,355 AND THE 2019 SPORTS ILLUSTRATED SPORTSPERSON OF THE YEAR 536 00:28:43,355 --> 00:28:45,324 HERE IS MEGAN RAPINOE. OH, MY GOSH. 537 00:28:45,324 --> 00:28:48,927 I'M SO HAPPY PUMP THE CROWD NOISE IN NOW. 538 00:28:48,927 --> 00:28:50,262 >> YEAH, EXACTLY >> Jimmy: I'M SO HAPPY THAT 539 00:28:50,262 --> 00:28:52,965 YOU'RE ON THE SHOW I GOT TO TELL YOU, I'M A FAN 540 00:28:52,965 --> 00:28:56,802 I WAS SCREAMING AT THE TV, SO PROUD OF YOU AND PROUD OF OUR 541 00:28:56,802 --> 00:29:00,839 COUNTRY, AND I WAS SERIOUSLY, LIKE TEARS, WAS LIKE WATCHING 542 00:29:00,839 --> 00:29:04,776 ONE OF THOSE AWESOME SPORTS MOVIES, EXCEPT IT WAS REAL LIFE. 543 00:29:04,776 --> 00:29:09,581 I COULD JUST IMAGINE WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR YOU 544 00:29:09,581 --> 00:29:11,450 >> YEAH, I MEAN, HONESTLY, I FEEL LIKE IT WAS A LITTLE BIT 545 00:29:11,450 --> 00:29:13,619 THE SAME FOR ME AS IT IS FOR YOU, BUT LIKE I HAVE TO KEEP IT 546 00:29:13,619 --> 00:29:15,053 TOGETHER A LITTLE BIT BECAUSE I'M LIKE, "WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE 547 00:29:15,053 --> 00:29:18,090 HERE." AND LIKE, "WE'RE DOING THE 548 00:29:18,090 --> 00:29:20,292 WINNING THING, BUT LIKE ‐‐ >> Jimmy: YEAH 549 00:29:20,292 --> 00:29:22,594 >> IT'S LIKE A CHILDHOOD DREAM COME TRUE, BUT THEN IT ACTUALLY 550 00:29:22,594 --> 00:29:25,430 COMES TRUE, AND THEN YOU'RE LIKE, "WAIT, WHAT DO I DO NOW? 551 00:29:25,430 --> 00:29:28,500 NO ONE EVER TALKED ABOUT THE WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU DO DID 552 00:29:28,500 --> 00:29:31,770 IT PART. SO THEN I JUST HAD AS MUCH FUN 553 00:29:31,770 --> 00:29:33,639 AS POSSIBLE, BASICALLY >> Jimmy: OH MAN, THE WORLD WAS 554 00:29:33,639 --> 00:29:37,009 WATCHING YOU, MAN, AND ROOTING FOR YOU. 555 00:29:37,009 --> 00:29:39,411 RIGHT NOW, YOU ACTUALLY WOULD HAVE BEEN IN TOKYO, CORRECT? 556 00:29:39,411 --> 00:29:40,746 YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN AT THE OLYMPICS 557 00:29:40,746 --> 00:29:43,482 >> YEAH, MM‐HM YEAH 558 00:29:43,482 --> 00:29:44,883 >> Jimmy: BIZARRE TIMES WE LIVE IN 559 00:29:44,883 --> 00:29:51,990 ARE YOU PREPPING FOR THE OLYMPICS FOR NEXT YEAR OR NOT 560 00:29:51,990 --> 00:29:52,457 YET? >> I MEA 561 00:29:52,457 --> 00:29:53,125 >> Jimmy: TOO SOON >> KIND OF 562 00:29:53,125 --> 00:29:58,664 YEAH, IT'S A LITTLE TOO SOON IT'S A REALLY WEIRD LIKE 563 00:29:58,664 --> 00:30:00,532 TRAINING SORT OF SPOT THAT WE'RE IN 564 00:30:00,532 --> 00:30:03,268 CAUSE LIKE YOU CAN'T REALLY GO HARD AND STAY AT LIKE YOUR 565 00:30:03,268 --> 00:30:05,203 HIGHEST LEVEL, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T DO THAT ALL YEAR ROUND, AND 566 00:30:05,203 --> 00:30:06,305 SO ‐ >> Jimmy: YEAH 567 00:30:06,305 --> 00:30:08,840 >> IT'S ACTUALLY REALLY BIZARRE, WE'RE USED TO HAVING EVERYTHING 568 00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:12,010 PLANNED OUT IN OUR LIVES PRETTY MUCH FOR YEARS AT A TIME 569 00:30:12,010 --> 00:30:14,613 AND SI WHEN THE PANDEMIC HIT, IT WAS KIND OF LIKE, WELL, ARE WE 570 00:30:14,613 --> 00:30:17,883 JUST ‐ WE'RE WORKING OUT FOR HEALTH I 571 00:30:17,883 --> 00:30:21,953 GUESS, GOT A PELOTON, DOING YOGA, DOING PILATES, I'M JUST 572 00:30:21,953 --> 00:30:24,022 TRYING TO LIKE STAY HEALTHY. AND YOU KNOW, DO ALL ‐ 573 00:30:24,022 --> 00:30:25,891 >> Jimmy: PUT ON THE LULULEMONS AND GO FOR IT. 574 00:30:25,891 --> 00:30:28,093 YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YOU HAVE TO. >> YEAH. 575 00:30:28,093 --> 00:30:32,664 >> Jimmy: YOU'RE ALSO KNOWN FOR ACTIVISM AS WELL, WHICH I REALLY 576 00:30:32,664 --> 00:30:35,434 LOVE ABOUT YOU YOU'RE THE FIRST NON‐NFL ATHLETE 577 00:30:35,434 --> 00:30:41,506 TO TAKE A KNEE, AND YOU GOT A LOT OF HEAT FOR THAT ONE 578 00:30:41,506 --> 00:30:48,413 AND NOW I SEE A LOT OF SPORTS ARE SUPPORTING TAKING A KNEE 579 00:30:48,413 --> 00:30:52,117 I KNOW MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL DID DID IT, WNBA DID IT. 580 00:30:52,117 --> 00:30:55,187 I THINK THE NBA HAS A THING. BUT WHAT WAS THE SHIFT THERE YOU 581 00:30:55,187 --> 00:30:58,557 THINK? >> I THINK THE PANDEMIC, 582 00:30:58,557 --> 00:31:01,960 HONESTLY, SORT OF LAID BARE A LOT OF THE LIES THAT WERE TOLD 583 00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:03,795 WE DON'T, OH, IT'S GOING TO BE TOO MUCH FOR HEALTH CARE, AND 584 00:31:03,795 --> 00:31:08,400 TOO MUCH ‐ WELL, WE FOUND LIKE $3 TRILLION, 585 00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:10,035 LIKE REALLY EASILY, I WAS LIKE, DID WE JUST HAVE THIS THE WHOLE 586 00:31:10,035 --> 00:31:12,571 TIME LIKE, WE JUST HAD TO LIKE VOTE 587 00:31:12,571 --> 00:31:14,973 ON IT? SO I THINK PEOPLE ARE KIND OF 588 00:31:14,973 --> 00:31:18,343 STARTING TO CONNECT ALL OF THE DIFFERENT DOTS 589 00:31:18,343 --> 00:31:21,947 I THINK WE'VE SEEN WHAT'S HAPPENED TO COLIN OVER ALL OF 590 00:31:21,947 --> 00:31:24,683 THESE YEARS AND HOW MUCH BACKLASH HE'S GOT, BUT THEN ALL 591 00:31:24,683 --> 00:31:26,752 OF THESE THINGS COME INTO FRUITION, LITERALLY WHAT HE'S 592 00:31:26,752 --> 00:31:30,489 TALKING ABOUT BEING PLAYED OUT, YOU KNOW, FOR ALL OF US TO SEE 593 00:31:30,489 --> 00:31:33,658 IN THESE VIDEOS. I GUESS MY HOPE IS THAT PEOPLE 594 00:31:33,658 --> 00:31:38,563 ARE STARTING TO CONNECT THE DOTS AND REALIZING THAT WE DON'T HAVE 595 00:31:38,563 --> 00:31:41,099 TO LIVE IN A WORLD LIKE THIS WE DON'T HAVE TO LIVE IN A WORLD 596 00:31:41,099 --> 00:31:44,903 WHERE, YOU KNOW, WE DON'T HAVE HEALTHCARE THAT'S ADEQUATE AND 597 00:31:44,903 --> 00:31:46,438 OUR SCHOOLS AREN'T ADEQUATE. WE'RE ONE OF THE RICHEST 598 00:31:46,438 --> 00:31:48,940 COUNTRIES IN THE WORLD LIKE, WE CAN DO BETTER FOR 599 00:31:48,940 --> 00:31:51,810 OURSELVES. AND WE CAN DO BETTER FOR THE 600 00:31:51,810 --> 00:31:54,846 PEOPLE THAT ARE LIVING HERE. >> Jimmy: IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE 601 00:31:54,846 --> 00:31:56,948 GOING TO TALK ABOUT WHEN ‐‐ YOU'RE NOW A TALK SHOW HOST. 602 00:31:56,948 --> 00:32:00,118 YOU SHOULD HAVE CALLED ME FOR ADVICE 603 00:32:00,118 --> 00:32:03,722 NOW WE'RE NOW IN THE SAME CLUB THIS SATURDAY AT 10:00 P. M. ON 604 00:32:03,722 --> 00:32:06,324 HBO. WHAT, WHO, WHAT DO YOU TALK 605 00:32:06,324 --> 00:32:07,959 ABOUT ON YOUR SHOW WHAT IS IT ABOUT 606 00:32:07,959 --> 00:32:11,596 >> IT'S CALLED, "SEEING AMERICA. 607 00:32:11,596 --> 00:32:15,233 I'M SORT OF ON THIS MISSION TO MAKE POLITICS COOL 608 00:32:15,233 --> 00:32:19,004 AND I FEEL LIKE POLITICS IS ALWAYS THIS THING, AND IT'S SORT 609 00:32:19,004 --> 00:32:21,306 OF MEANT TO BE LIKE THIS OR IT'S PACKAGED AS, "OH, THIS IS NOT 610 00:32:21,306 --> 00:32:24,276 THIS COOL THING. IT'S DIFFICULT TO GET INVOLVED 611 00:32:24,276 --> 00:32:25,143 IN, JUST LIKE KIND OF STAY OUT OF IT. 612 00:32:25,143 --> 00:32:26,445 AND THEN PEOPLE ARE LIKE, "WELL, I DON'T REALLY WANT TO GET 613 00:32:26,445 --> 00:32:28,313 INVOLVED." AND IT'S LIKE, ACTUALLY, 614 00:32:28,313 --> 00:32:31,049 POLITICS IS ENGAGING WITH YOU WHETHER YOU'RE ENGAGING WITH IT 615 00:32:31,049 --> 00:32:34,853 OR NOT, ALL THE TIME NO MATTER WHAT 616 00:32:34,853 --> 00:32:37,255 YOUR WHOLE LIFE IS POLITICAL, ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE A BLACK 617 00:32:37,255 --> 00:32:40,425 PERSON, OR A BLACK TRANS WOMAN OR A GAY WOMAN LIKE MYSELF 618 00:32:40,425 --> 00:32:44,162 OR A GAY FEMALE ATHLETE. YOU KNOW, OUR LIVES ARE 619 00:32:44,162 --> 00:32:46,665 POLITICAL IN SO MANY WAYS. AND SO, TRYING TO BREAK IT DOWN 620 00:32:46,665 --> 00:32:49,067 FOR PEOPLE, TO MAKE IT A LITTLE BIT MORE RELATABLE AND THEN GET 621 00:32:49,067 --> 00:32:54,105 PEOPLE ENERGIZED ABOUT GETTING INVOLVED IN THE CIVIC PROCESS 622 00:32:54,105 --> 00:32:55,740 AND GETTING INVOLVED, AND, YOU KNOW ‐ 623 00:32:55,740 --> 00:32:58,577 JUST BEING MORE ACTIVE IN THEIR COMMUNITIES, BUT ALSO FOR 624 00:32:58,577 --> 00:33:00,879 THEMSELVES AS WELL OBVIOUSLY, VOTING IS A HUGE ONE. 625 00:33:00,879 --> 00:33:05,150 WE'RE COMING UP ON THE GENERAL ELECTION, WHICH IS, YOU KNOW, I 626 00:33:05,150 --> 00:33:08,854 MEAN, DEFINITELY IN MY LIFETIME THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE, BUT 627 00:33:08,854 --> 00:33:12,591 CERTAINLY A HUGELY CONSEQUENCAL ELECTION 628 00:33:12,591 --> 00:33:15,961 >> Jimmy: YEAH, 2016, I THINK, CAUSE I WAS LOOKING AT THE 629 00:33:15,961 --> 00:33:19,464 WEBSITE, WHEN WE ALL VOTE, AND IT SAID, 100 MILLION PEOPLE 630 00:33:19,464 --> 00:33:21,433 DIDN'T VOTE. >> 100 MILLION PEOPLE DIDN'T 631 00:33:21,433 --> 00:33:23,502 VOTE >> Jimmy: DID NOT VOTE, SO LET'S 632 00:33:23,502 --> 00:33:27,105 CHANGE THAT. IT'S FREE, YOU JUST HAVE TO 633 00:33:27,105 --> 00:33:29,508 REGISTER AND HAVE YOUR VOICE HEARD. 634 00:33:29,508 --> 00:33:30,942 WHY NOT DO THAT? >> YEAH. 635 00:33:30,942 --> 00:33:33,445 I MEAN, WHEN WE ALL VOTE IS AMAZING. 636 00:33:33,445 --> 00:33:37,382 IT'S BIPARTISAN, AND VOTING IN GENERAL SHOULD BE BIPARTISAN 637 00:33:37,382 --> 00:33:41,219 WE SHOULD TRY TO BE GETTING AS MANY PEOPLE INVOLVED IN VOTING 638 00:33:41,219 --> 00:33:43,421 AS POSSIBLE. YOU KNOW, IT'S ONE OF THE 639 00:33:43,421 --> 00:33:45,056 GREATEST THINGS ABOUT OUR COUNTRY. 640 00:33:45,056 --> 00:33:47,893 WE LIVE IN A DEMOCRATIC COUNTRY, AND SO EVERYONE CAN PARTICIPATE 641 00:33:47,893 --> 00:33:50,829 AND HAVE THEIR VOICE HEARD YOU KNOW, THIS IS COMING FROM 642 00:33:50,829 --> 00:33:56,101 ME, BUT THERE'S A REASON WHY CERTAIN PEOPLE OR CERTAIN 643 00:33:56,101 --> 00:33:58,937 PARTIES WORK SO HARD TO KEEP PEOPLE OUT OF VOTING 644 00:33:58,937 --> 00:34:03,308 I THINK THAT THE MORE PEOPLE VOTE, THE MORE THE POLICIES OF 645 00:34:03,308 --> 00:34:06,144 THE COUNTRY REFLECT THE PEOPLE THAT ARE VOTING AND ULTIMATELY 646 00:34:06,144 --> 00:34:09,648 TAKE CARE OF THE PEOPLE THAT ARE VOTING FROM, ALL THE WAY FROM 647 00:34:09,648 --> 00:34:11,816 THE PRESIDENCY DOWN‐BALLOT WE'RE SEEING IN THIS PANDEMIC IN 648 00:34:11,816 --> 00:34:15,854 GENERAL WE'RE SEEING HOW IMPORTANT MAYORS ARE AND HOW 649 00:34:15,854 --> 00:34:17,289 IMPORTANT THE GOVERNORS ARE. >> Jimmy: YEAH 650 00:34:17,289 --> 00:34:20,692 >> YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE GAVIN NEWSOM AND, YOU KNOW, THE 651 00:34:20,692 --> 00:34:22,761 GOVERNOR FROM NEW YORK, CUOMO, THEY'VE BECOME LIKE THESE 652 00:34:22,761 --> 00:34:25,597 SUPERSTARS IN THIS WAY, BUT IT'S LIKE, THEY'RE REALLY IMPORTANT 653 00:34:25,597 --> 00:34:27,332 THEY HAVE A HUGE JOB AND SO ALL OF THESE THINGS 654 00:34:27,332 --> 00:34:29,200 AFFECT OUR DAILY LIVES EVERY DAY. 655 00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:32,270 AND SO TO GET AS MANY PEOPLE REGISTERED SO THEIR VOICE CAN BE 656 00:34:32,270 --> 00:34:35,774 HEARD, SO THEIR POLICIES CAN REFLECT THEIR NEEDS AND THE 657 00:34:35,774 --> 00:34:39,277 NEEDS OF THEIR COMMUNITIES, I THINK, IS THE MOST IMPORTANT 658 00:34:39,277 --> 00:34:42,547 THING THAT WE CAN DO RIGHT NOW >> Jimmy: MEGAN, BEFORE WE 659 00:34:42,547 --> 00:34:45,050 LEAVE, DO YOU WANT TO MOVE YOUR SCARF OUT OF THE WAY 660 00:34:45,050 --> 00:34:46,685 I DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS COVERING YOUR SHIRT, BUT I JUST THOUGHT 661 00:34:46,685 --> 00:34:48,119 IT WAS PRETTY IMPORTANT THAT YOU SEE IT 662 00:34:48,119 --> 00:34:51,189 >> YES >> Jimmy: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 663 00:34:51,189 --> 00:34:52,591 COMING ON MY SHOW. I'M A BIG FAN. 664 00:34:52,591 --> 00:34:57,195 PLEASE COME BACK, AND I'D LOVE TO SEE YOU IN PERSON 665 00:34:57,195 --> 00:35:00,365 >> YEAH, LET'S DO THIS IN PERSON AGAIN, AND IT'S A GREAT TIME TO 666 00:35:00,365 --> 00:35:04,636 ARREST THE COPS, SO, SAY HER NAME, BREONNA TAYLOR, REST IN 667 00:35:04,636 --> 00:35:05,837 PEACE, YOU WENT TOO SOON >> Jimmy: MEGAN RAPINOE, 668 00:35:05,837 --> 00:35:08,873 EVERYBODY. CHECK OUT WHENWEALLVOTE.ORG FOR 669 00:35:08,873 --> 00:35:10,642 MORE INFORMATION ON HOW TO GET INVOLVED 670 00:35:10,642 --> 00:35:13,578 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE FROM ANGEL OLSEN 671 00:35:13,578 --> 00:35:21,252 STICK AROUND ♪ 672 00:35:21,252 --> 00:35:32,163 ♪ >> Jimmy: PERFORMING THE SONG 673 00:35:32,163 --> 00:35:37,636 "WHOLE NEW MESS," FROM HER UPCOMING ALBUM OUT AUGUST 28th, HERE'S ANGEL OLSEN 674 00:35:44,676 --> 00:35:52,217 NO BEFORE IT'S REALLY 675 00:35:52,217 --> 00:36:05,130 SHOWING ♪ ♪ IT'S EVERY SEASON 676 00:36:05,130 --> 00:36:12,003 WHERE IT IS I'M GOIN I STRETCH MY BONES 677 00:36:12,003 --> 00:36:20,078 OUT ON THE FLOOR ♪ ♪ I THINK I'LL REALLY 678 00:36:20,078 --> 00:36:30,588 DO THE CHANG OH I'LL REALLY DO THE CHANGE 679 00:36:30,588 --> 00:36:41,299 REALLY DO THE CHANGE ♪ ♪ BACK HOME 680 00:36:41,299 --> 00:36:48,073 ♪ GETTIN' BACK ON TRACK GETTIN' BACK ON TRAC 681 00:36:48,073 --> 00:36:53,978 WHEN IT ALL FADES TO BLACK I'LL BE GETTIN' ♪ 682 00:36:53,978 --> 00:37:01,186 ♪ BACK ON TRACK BACK TO MY OWN HEA 683 00:37:01,186 --> 00:37:09,928 CLEARED OU 'TIL THE TIME COMES ♪ 684 00:37:09,928 --> 00:37:17,268 ♪ MAKE A WHOL NEW MESS AGAIN 685 00:37:17,268 --> 00:37:26,111 MAKE A WHOLE NEW MESS AGAIN ♪ 686 00:37:26,111 --> 00:37:29,614 ♪ MAKE A WHOL NEW MESS 687 00:37:29,614 --> 00:37:33,218 MAKE A WHOLE NEW MESS ♪ 688 00:37:33,218 --> 00:37:41,326 ♪ MAKE A WHOL NEW MESS AGAIN 689 00:37:41,326 --> 00:37:45,463 MAKE A WHOLE NEW MESS ♪ 690 00:37:45,463 --> 00:37:49,601 ♪ CELEBRATE THE BES TAKE A PHOTO FOR 691 00:37:49,601 --> 00:37:56,508 THE PRES AGAIN ♪ 692 00:37:56,508 --> 00:38:14,225 ♪ IT WON'T BE LON BEFORE IT'S REALLY SHOWING 693 00:38:14,225 --> 00:38:25,603 IT'S EVERY SEASO WHERE IT IS I'M GOING ♪ 694 00:38:25,603 --> 00:38:32,477 ♪ I STRETCH MY BONE OUT ON THE FLOOR 695 00:38:32,477 --> 00:38:39,584 I THINK I'LL REALL DO THE CHANGE ♪ 696 00:38:39,584 --> 00:38:45,156 ♪ OH I'LL REALL DO THE CHANG 697 00:38:45,156 --> 00:38:56,201 REALLY DO THE CHANGE BACK HOME ♪ 698 00:38:56,201 --> 00:39:03,208 ♪ GETTIN' BACK ON TRACK GETTIN' BACK ON TRAC 699 00:39:03,208 --> 00:39:07,912 WHEN IT ALL FADES TO BLACK I'LL BE GETTIN' ♪ 700 00:39:07,912 --> 00:39:15,887 ♪ BACK ON TRACK BACK TO MY OWN HEA 701 00:39:15,887 --> 00:39:25,063 CLEARED OU 'TIL THE TIME COMES ♪ 702 00:39:25,063 --> 00:39:32,270 ♪ MAKE A WHOL NEW MESS AGAIN 703 00:39:32,270 --> 00:39:40,812 MAKE A WHOLE NEW MESS AGAIN ♪ 704 00:39:40,812 --> 00:39:44,215 ♪ MAKE A WHOL NEW MESS 705 00:39:44,215 --> 00:39:47,485 MAKE A WHOLE NEW MESS ♪ 706 00:39:47,485 --> 00:39:56,127 ♪ MAKE A WHOL NEW MESS AGAIN 707 00:39:56,127 --> 00:39:59,063 MAKE A WHOLE NEW MESS ♪ 708 00:39:59,063 --> 00:40:02,467 ♪ MAKE A WHOL NEW MESS 709 00:40:02,467 --> 00:40:10,008 MAKE A WHOLE NEW MESS AGAIN ♪ 710 00:40:10,008 --> 00:40:11,209 >> Jimmy: THANK YOU TO ANGEL OLSEN. 711 00:40:11,209 --> 00:40:13,611 MORE "TONIGHT SHOW" WHEN WE COME BACK. 712 00:40:13,611 --> 00:40:30,995 ♪ >> Jimmy: THANK YOU ALL FOR 713 00:40:30,995 --> 00:40:32,297 WATCHING STAY SAFE OUT THERE. 714 00:40:32,297 --> 00:40:33,698 WASH YOUR HANDS. DON'T TOUCH YOUR FACE. 715 00:40:33,698 --> 00:40:36,000 WE'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY 716 00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:45,610 ♪ ♪ 717 00:40:45,610 --> 00:40:55,219 ♪ 61824

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