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1
00:00:01,356 --> 00:00:03,107
Hey.
2
00:00:03,191 --> 00:00:05,777
I brought you some breakfast
as a peace offering.
3
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Food here is a little tricky.
4
00:00:08,780 --> 00:00:10,657
It's just a closet full of beef jerky.
5
00:00:10,740 --> 00:00:13,326
Apparently, Macho Man Randy Savage
was an alum here,
6
00:00:13,409 --> 00:00:17,288
and he left his entire food supply
to Ron in his will, so,
7
00:00:17,372 --> 00:00:20,583
snap into a Slim Jim?
8
00:00:20,667 --> 00:00:22,335
- Care to join me for breakfast?
9
00:00:22,418 --> 00:00:24,170
- Of course.
10
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Jerky for two.
11
00:00:27,298 --> 00:00:30,468
Um... look,
12
00:00:30,552 --> 00:00:33,721
I wanted to apologize.
13
00:00:33,805 --> 00:00:35,723
You know, I didn't mean to...
- Stab me?
14
00:00:35,807 --> 00:00:37,600
- Well, I wasn't gonna use those words.
15
00:00:37,684 --> 00:00:40,061
Look, Ron-Ron is crazy.
16
00:00:40,144 --> 00:00:42,689
I'm serious. He's-he's nuts.
17
00:00:42,772 --> 00:00:44,649
Sick-in-the-head crazy.
18
00:00:44,732 --> 00:00:47,193
And I'm convinced that
that motherfucker killed
19
00:00:47,277 --> 00:00:48,695
a dude named Rodrigo.
20
00:00:48,778 --> 00:00:50,154
And the motherfucker tried to kill me
21
00:00:50,238 --> 00:00:51,948
just for being around his office.
22
00:00:52,031 --> 00:00:55,118
And as far as your arm goes,
I know you think I'm lying...
23
00:00:55,201 --> 00:00:56,536
I heard "retractable."
24
00:00:56,619 --> 00:00:58,997
- You know, I've dated guys
like you before.
25
00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:00,832
It's always someone else's fault.
26
00:01:00,915 --> 00:01:02,750
- That's not true.
27
00:01:02,834 --> 00:01:04,669
That's not true at all.
When I'm wrong, I...
28
00:01:04,752 --> 00:01:06,629
I shouldn't say that
'cause I'm never wrong.
29
00:01:06,713 --> 00:01:08,423
If... if I'm wrong,
30
00:01:08,506 --> 00:01:10,550
I have no problem
admitting that I'm wrong.
31
00:01:10,633 --> 00:01:14,012
But in this case, I'm not.
He said "retractable."
32
00:01:14,095 --> 00:01:17,974
- Hey, part of me is glad you stabbed me.
33
00:01:18,057 --> 00:01:20,184
It's a badge of honor.
34
00:01:20,268 --> 00:01:22,854
I heard when Jason Statham
came through here,
35
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he got stabbed directly in the heart.
36
00:01:24,981 --> 00:01:26,191
- Did he survive that?
37
00:01:26,274 --> 00:01:28,359
- He shot Transporter, like, a week later.
38
00:01:28,443 --> 00:01:30,236
- What the fuck?
39
00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:31,946
In the heart?
They stabbed him in the heart?
40
00:01:32,030 --> 00:01:33,948
- Yep, right through it.
- Goddamn it.
41
00:01:34,032 --> 00:01:36,284
Maybe I'm just doing
the wrong fucking thing here.
42
00:01:36,367 --> 00:01:38,244
I mean...
43
00:01:38,328 --> 00:01:40,622
...maybe this just isn't for me, you know?
44
00:01:40,705 --> 00:01:42,582
- So, just leave.
45
00:01:42,665 --> 00:01:44,834
Go home.
I'm sure there's
46
00:01:44,918 --> 00:01:47,212
a real hero somewhere in need
of a goofy sidekick.
47
00:01:47,295 --> 00:01:48,838
- Okay, uh, that backfired.
48
00:01:48,922 --> 00:01:50,715
I thought that you would go
the opposite direction
49
00:01:50,798 --> 00:01:53,009
and tell me that, no, I should stay,
50
00:01:53,092 --> 00:01:55,178
and that this is for me.
51
00:01:55,261 --> 00:01:56,679
That's what I... thought...
52
00:01:56,763 --> 00:01:58,181
- Well, what do you want me to say?
53
00:01:58,264 --> 00:02:00,683
If you need extra motivation
to be the star
54
00:02:00,767 --> 00:02:03,061
of a Claude Van De Velde movie...
55
00:02:03,144 --> 00:02:05,063
uh, you're in the wrong business.
56
00:02:05,146 --> 00:02:09,400
This is probably my only shot
to be a big action star, so
57
00:02:09,484 --> 00:02:11,402
I'm not gonna blow it.
58
00:02:11,486 --> 00:02:13,321
I'll do anything it takes.
59
00:02:16,824 --> 00:02:19,035
- You're right.
60
00:02:19,118 --> 00:02:22,372
You are absolutely right.
61
00:02:22,455 --> 00:02:24,791
I need to stop
all the bitching and moaning,
62
00:02:24,874 --> 00:02:26,668
and I need to cowboy the fuck up.
63
00:02:26,751 --> 00:02:29,546
- There you go.
64
00:02:36,427 --> 00:02:38,680
- When I first started in the business,
65
00:02:38,763 --> 00:02:40,390
training action stars,
66
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every stunt scene was practical.
67
00:02:42,892 --> 00:02:45,979
Or, as Kevin might say, "retractable."
68
00:02:46,062 --> 00:02:47,856
- Oh, that's really good.
That's great.
69
00:02:47,939 --> 00:02:50,316
It's not funny.
- But the industry has changed.
70
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,527
You can't even be an action star without,
71
00:02:52,610 --> 00:02:54,028
well, knowing how to work green.
72
00:02:54,112 --> 00:02:56,489
- Uh, I'm very familiar
with the green screen.
73
00:02:56,573 --> 00:02:57,907
I mean, I've done about 15 movies
74
00:02:57,991 --> 00:02:59,701
where we've had a green screen.
75
00:02:59,784 --> 00:03:02,161
- In which of those 15 movies
were you the leading man?
76
00:03:02,245 --> 00:03:04,789
Any idiot can jump on a green screen
77
00:03:04,873 --> 00:03:07,625
and pretend to be eaten by a CG dragon.
78
00:03:07,709 --> 00:03:09,335
Hell, even Little Kevin can do that.
79
00:03:09,419 --> 00:03:10,795
- Oh, hell no!
80
00:03:10,879 --> 00:03:13,423
- Okay, who's finding the time
to dress him like me?
81
00:03:13,506 --> 00:03:15,091
It's really...
- Okay, question.
82
00:03:15,174 --> 00:03:17,802
What does a leading woman or a leading man
83
00:03:17,886 --> 00:03:20,972
get to do on-screen that sidekicks don't?
84
00:03:21,055 --> 00:03:23,057
- Win fights.
- Uh, murder bad guys.
85
00:03:23,141 --> 00:03:24,434
- Make love.
86
00:03:25,310 --> 00:03:27,812
Today's lesson is in lovemaking.
87
00:03:27,896 --> 00:03:29,147
- Yes!
88
00:03:29,230 --> 00:03:30,398
On the green screen?
89
00:03:30,481 --> 00:03:32,066
Are we doing it on the green screen?
90
00:03:32,150 --> 00:03:33,568
- Bingo.
- Nice.
91
00:03:33,651 --> 00:03:36,779
Adding effects to the bed,
to the wall, just cracking 'em.
92
00:03:36,863 --> 00:03:38,156
- Okay, I'm gonna be candid.
93
00:03:38,239 --> 00:03:40,450
I-I don't want to do a sex scene with him.
94
00:03:40,533 --> 00:03:41,451
- That's fine, 'cause I don't want
95
00:03:41,534 --> 00:03:42,994
to do a sex scene with her. Ugh.
96
00:03:48,541 --> 00:03:50,793
What's so funny?
- Okay, well, look at you,
97
00:03:50,877 --> 00:03:52,337
and then look at her.
98
00:03:52,420 --> 00:03:54,339
And look at you, then her.
99
00:03:54,422 --> 00:03:56,257
Then you, then her.
- Okay.
100
00:03:56,341 --> 00:03:58,551
I don't get the joke. What is...?
What-what am I missing?
101
00:03:58,635 --> 00:04:00,553
- All right, let me
put it another way. Uh...
102
00:04:00,637 --> 00:04:02,764
Look at you, and then look at her.
103
00:04:02,847 --> 00:04:05,058
Then look at you, and then her.
104
00:04:05,141 --> 00:04:07,977
- Can we just get
this shit over with, please?
105
00:04:08,061 --> 00:04:10,188
- Okay, let's discuss motivation.
106
00:04:10,271 --> 00:04:12,190
All right, now...
107
00:04:12,273 --> 00:04:13,942
after almost killing each other,
108
00:04:14,025 --> 00:04:15,985
Agent Hart and Agent King
109
00:04:16,069 --> 00:04:17,737
discover that they're on the same team.
110
00:04:17,820 --> 00:04:19,781
After diffusing a bomb,
111
00:04:19,864 --> 00:04:21,199
at the top of a skyscraper,
112
00:04:21,282 --> 00:04:23,201
in-in the middle of an earthquake,
113
00:04:23,284 --> 00:04:26,996
they discover this overwhelming passion
for each other.
114
00:04:28,998 --> 00:04:30,959
- Wait, wait, wait. We-We're
at the top of a skyscraper
115
00:04:31,042 --> 00:04:32,293
in the middle of an earthquake?
116
00:04:32,377 --> 00:04:34,087
- Yes! Yes! Goddamn it!
117
00:04:34,170 --> 00:04:36,881
You are the dumbest actor
that I've ever worked with!
118
00:04:36,965 --> 00:04:38,633
Go! Action!
119
00:04:38,716 --> 00:04:42,220
Red wire... or blue wire?
120
00:04:42,303 --> 00:04:44,222
- It's got to be the red.
- Are you sure?
121
00:04:44,305 --> 00:04:45,515
Agent Hart, are you sure?
122
00:04:45,598 --> 00:04:47,433
- I don't know.
123
00:05:12,750 --> 00:05:14,752
- Earthquake. Earthquake!
124
00:05:14,836 --> 00:05:16,170
The building's falling apart!
125
00:05:16,254 --> 00:05:18,256
- Oh, okay, um...
- Oh, okay.
126
00:05:18,339 --> 00:05:19,674
- Good, great.
127
00:05:20,508 --> 00:05:21,801
- Oh! Oh! Oh!
128
00:05:21,885 --> 00:05:23,428
Oh, shit!
129
00:05:23,511 --> 00:05:26,180
Hold on! Wait! Oh!
130
00:05:26,264 --> 00:05:28,182
Where you at?
Wait, wait, wait, wait.- Kevin.
131
00:05:28,266 --> 00:05:30,560
- Hold on, wait,
give me a second! Shit!
132
00:05:30,643 --> 00:05:32,186
- Okay.
- Okay, all right.
133
00:05:32,270 --> 00:05:33,938
Come on, it's an earthquake.
It's an earthquake.
134
00:05:34,022 --> 00:05:34,939
Go.
- Yeah.
135
00:05:35,023 --> 00:05:36,482
- Go.
- Agent Hart,
136
00:05:36,566 --> 00:05:38,651
I can't believe
we just diffused that bomb.
137
00:05:38,735 --> 00:05:41,196
We just saved thousands
of lives, maybe millions.
138
00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:44,324
- This earthquake's got to be
about a 7.5 magnitude.
139
00:05:44,407 --> 00:05:47,911
This could be our last time
being together before we die.
140
00:05:47,994 --> 00:05:50,830
- Now kiss her neck softly
and start fucking.
141
00:05:50,914 --> 00:05:53,082
- What...? Wait.
142
00:05:53,166 --> 00:05:55,293
Kiss-kiss her neck and then start fucking?
143
00:05:55,376 --> 00:05:57,754
- Kiss her neck softly and start fucking!
144
00:05:57,837 --> 00:06:00,006
- Oh, okay. He...
- Uh...
145
00:06:00,089 --> 00:06:01,591
- I'm just gonna do it
'cause that's what he s...
146
00:06:01,674 --> 00:06:03,509
- Yeah, no, it's fine.
- Yeah, let me put your...
147
00:06:03,593 --> 00:06:06,304
Give me that.
- Be sexy! Do something!
148
00:06:06,387 --> 00:06:08,097
- Grab my leg.
- Okay, give me this one.
149
00:06:08,181 --> 00:06:11,226
- Have you never had sex before?!
Do it!
150
00:06:11,309 --> 00:06:13,186
- That's not...
- We need... All right.
151
00:06:13,269 --> 00:06:14,437
One second. That's it.
- I think we got it.
152
00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:16,272
- Go! Go!
153
00:06:16,356 --> 00:06:18,650
- Agent Hart, no.
We shouldn't do this.
154
00:06:18,733 --> 00:06:21,402
It's against Bureau protocol.
155
00:06:21,486 --> 00:06:24,656
- Well, protocol was meant to be broken.
156
00:06:29,577 --> 00:06:32,247
Help! Help! Don't drop me!
Don't drop me!
157
00:06:32,330 --> 00:06:33,831
Please don't let go!
Don't let go!
158
00:06:33,915 --> 00:06:35,750
- I won't! I got you!
- Don't let go!
159
00:06:35,833 --> 00:06:37,126
- I've got you, I promise!
160
00:06:37,210 --> 00:06:39,337
- Can you push in a little closer?
161
00:06:39,420 --> 00:06:40,797
- Help me! Help me!
162
00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:42,465
I'm too young to die!
163
00:06:42,549 --> 00:06:44,717
- Any closer, they'll see the cameras.
164
00:06:44,801 --> 00:06:46,344
- Okay, good. Hold there.
165
00:06:46,427 --> 00:06:48,680
- I got you.
- Perfect.
166
00:06:48,763 --> 00:06:50,932
- Help!
- Kevin, you're, like, one foot
167
00:06:51,015 --> 00:06:53,768
off the ground.
- You cannot teach acting like that.
168
00:06:53,851 --> 00:06:55,311
- I'm just gonna let you down, okay?
169
00:06:55,395 --> 00:06:56,729
- Aah!
12305
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