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1
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- Welcome to Ron Wilcox's
Action Star School.
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I'm Ron Wilcox,
and that was your first lesson.
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- Getting hit in the head with a bat?
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- Oh, you are naive. That was a prop bat.
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It was made of plastic.
- Wasn't goddamn plastic.
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I've been hit with a bat before.
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I know what a metal bat fucking feel like.
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- All right, hey.
Mr. Van De Velde told me to tell him
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if you complain about anything
being too difficult.
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- No. No, no, no, no, no.
I'm not complaining.
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- Mm-hmm.
- I'm not complaining about nothing.
I loved that.
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- Mm-hmm.
- I thought it was great,
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to be honest with you. Gave me a rush.
- Good. Let's take the tour.
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- Yeah.
- Come on.
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This place used to be a slaughterhouse
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up until the '70s,
and then, as legend has it,
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the animals revolted
against their tormentors
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and they slaughtered the humans.
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- Oh, my God.
- And my pal Charles Norris--
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you know him as Chuck--
well, he needed a place to train.
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- Mm-hmm.
- I bought it, I mentored him.
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And that's why he's the badass
that he is today.
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Yeah.
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He nearly died within these walls.
25
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And that's how Ron Wilcox's
Action Star School got born.
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- Ron Wilcox's ASS for short.
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- What the fuck did you just say to me?
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- Did Matt get... Matt Damon go here?
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Oh, Matty boy!
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Fuck yeah!
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Matt Damon. Before he came to me,
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he was a no-name actor from New England.
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He was nothing.
He was 100 pounds soaking wet.
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- Uh, you sure we're talking
about the same Matt Damon?
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- Hell yeah. Matt Damon.
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- Huh. Okay.
37
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Yeah. If you say...
- Uh-uh. Uh-uh.
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Rule number one:
no phones till you graduate.
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- Okay, I-I run an empire,
so unfortunately, I need my...
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- Okay, fine. You know what I'll do?
41
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I'll just call Mr. Van De Velde,
and I'll tell him, "Oh,
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"the phone policy wasn't working for him.
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It-it wasn't to his liking."
44
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- I never s...
- I know what you're gonna do with this.
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You're gonna make calls to Hollywood,
you're gonna say,
46
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"Hello, Hollywood,
Ron's school is too tough for me.
47
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I need more drugs."
48
00:01:59,807 --> 00:02:01,434
- No.
- Yeah. You're gonna say,
49
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"Oh, I'm Kevin Hart.
I need more caviar and champagne."
50
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- I just want to talk to my employees.
51
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- That's fine, but I'm still keeping it.
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- Okay.
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- Okay.
Until you graduate, you are forbidden
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from visiting the outside world.
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You'll stay here.
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- Say what?
- You got your bed,
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you got your toilet, you got your sink.
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All the modern amenities.
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- Okay. It's supposed to toughen me up.
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Okay, I get it.
61
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Yeah. I'm good with that.
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Yeah.
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Might be a little too good with it.
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- And rule number two:
no fucking on the premises.
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No anal, no blowjobs, no nothing.
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- Who else is here?
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- Just me.
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- So those-those two Colombian guys
that hit me
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in the head with the prop bat,
they were actors, right?
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- Yeah. Exactly.
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Okay, rule number three:
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when you're under this roof,
your name is no longer Kevin.
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It's Agent Hart.
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And you'll refer to me
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as Ron Wilcox or Ron
or Wilcox or Coach Ron.
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- I like Coach Ron.
- And I refer to you as?
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- Agent Hart. Right? See, I'm on it.
- Right. Yes.
78
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- Now I assume you got me
in this FBI jacket and stuff
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for a reason, so what is it?
- Hey.
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Uh, would you do me a favor?
- Yeah.
81
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- Uh, Kevin,
would you grab that chair for me?
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- Yeah, you need this one?
83
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- No, goddamn it!
84
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I said respond only to "Agent Hart."
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- Fuck.
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You just said that. I fucked up.
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I'm sorry. That's not gonna happen again.
88
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Why don't you just call me Kevin?
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- Okay, in your life, have you ever heard
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an action star leading man
ever called "Kevin"?
91
00:04:02,096 --> 00:04:04,265
- I mean, Kevin James in Mall Cop.
-No, no.
92
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- Kevin is the name of a punk bitch.
93
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Ethan Hunt. That is an action star name.
94
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Tom Cruise-- who's my alumni--
for nine years of his life,
95
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he only responded to "Ethan Hunt."
96
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Whether he was on camera
97
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or off camera, whether he was...
- Wow.
98
00:04:18,988 --> 00:04:21,366
- ...in the shower or on the toilet,
whether he was fucking
99
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or not fucking.
- All right, okay.
100
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I fuck-- I understand, Coach Ron.
101
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- Do you? Do you really?
102
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I hope so.
103
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For your sake,
'cause your life depends on it.
104
00:04:34,087 --> 00:04:36,172
Okay, next lesson.
105
00:04:36,256 --> 00:04:38,800
Every leading man needs to know how to run
106
00:04:38,883 --> 00:04:40,843
into a burning building
and save a stranger.
107
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- Mm.
108
00:04:45,932 --> 00:04:48,226
Wow.
109
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Holy shit, how'd you do that?
- And the stranger
110
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that we are going to save today
is our own Action Star dummy
111
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Lil Kevin.
112
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- That supposed to be me?
113
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- I don't see the resemblance.
114
00:05:02,031 --> 00:05:03,324
- Are you fucking kidding...
- No, w--
115
00:05:03,408 --> 00:05:05,994
We-we've had this dummy for years, buddy.
116
00:05:06,077 --> 00:05:07,662
- Oh, hell no!
117
00:05:07,745 --> 00:05:09,163
- Bitch, that's my line.
118
00:05:09,247 --> 00:05:10,832
I've said that line in, like, 12 movies.
119
00:05:10,915 --> 00:05:12,876
- Agent Hart, are you a narcissist?
120
00:05:12,959 --> 00:05:15,503
- No.
- Do you think the whole world
is all about you?
121
00:05:15,587 --> 00:05:16,713
- That's not, I'm not...
- No, no.
122
00:05:16,796 --> 00:05:19,048
You look at you and then you look at him.
123
00:05:19,132 --> 00:05:20,216
- That's why I...
- Look at you and look at him.
124
00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:22,176
Do you see any resemblance?
125
00:05:22,260 --> 00:05:24,178
- Kinda sorta, man.
126
00:05:24,262 --> 00:05:26,055
O-Okay. All right, okay.
127
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Maybe I'm crazy.
128
00:05:27,765 --> 00:05:29,684
- Help! Help me!
129
00:05:29,767 --> 00:05:32,103
Oh, hell no! Help!
130
00:05:32,186 --> 00:05:34,063
Help me! Oh, hell no!
131
00:05:34,147 --> 00:05:36,983
- Now, safety during stunts
is of the utmost importance.
132
00:05:37,066 --> 00:05:40,445
- Yeah, but I mean,
that's why you got stuntmen, right?
133
00:05:40,528 --> 00:05:42,071
- Watch it.
134
00:05:42,155 --> 00:05:43,740
- No, for the other guys. Not for me.
135
00:05:43,823 --> 00:05:45,909
The-the lightweights. I don't...
136
00:05:45,992 --> 00:05:48,494
- Okay. Your jacket is flame-retardant,
137
00:05:48,578 --> 00:05:50,955
which means that if you catch on fire,
138
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don't panic,
I will come in and put you out.
139
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- Okay. Y-You're gonna...
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Ok-- I feel, I feel good,
I feel good about that.
141
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- When you're ready,
I want you to storm the house,
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find the victim and bring him to safety.
143
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What is that?
144
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What are you doing? I-I don't...
145
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I don't...
146
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- Psyching myself up.
147
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It's hot.
148
00:06:20,568 --> 00:06:22,278
Hot.
149
00:06:33,456 --> 00:06:36,876
It's fucking hot!
Where the fuck are you at?
150
00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:41,297
Oh, God. Oh, fuck, I can't see shit.
151
00:06:41,381 --> 00:06:42,715
Lil Kev?
152
00:06:42,799 --> 00:06:44,259
- Excuse me?
153
00:06:45,426 --> 00:06:47,387
Are you Ron Wilcox?
- Well, hello.
154
00:06:47,470 --> 00:06:49,222
How are you?
- Jordan King.
155
00:06:49,305 --> 00:06:51,224
- We've been waiting for you.
156
00:06:51,307 --> 00:06:52,642
- Help! Help me!
- I got you, buddy.
157
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I got you, Little Kev!
- Oh, hell no!
158
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- I'm about to save your little
beautiful black ass.
159
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- Help! Help me!
160
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Oh, hell no!
161
00:07:01,442 --> 00:07:03,278
- What the fuck?
- Help! Help me!
162
00:07:03,361 --> 00:07:06,322
- Who's this? What the...?
- Oh, hell no!
163
00:07:06,406 --> 00:07:08,950
- Oh!
- Help! Help me!
164
00:07:10,159 --> 00:07:11,744
Oh, hell no!
- It's fucking hot!
165
00:07:11,828 --> 00:07:13,788
- Help! Help me!
- Get your ass up.
166
00:07:13,872 --> 00:07:15,874
- Yeah, um, I'm just so nervous.
167
00:07:15,957 --> 00:07:18,710
I've never been in an action movie before.
168
00:07:18,793 --> 00:07:20,253
I just want bring my A game here.
169
00:07:20,336 --> 00:07:22,130
- Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
- 90% is mental, okay?
170
00:07:22,213 --> 00:07:23,590
- It's hot! It's hot!
- You are gonna be fantastic.
171
00:07:23,673 --> 00:07:26,843
- Coach Ron!
- I just know it.
172
00:07:26,926 --> 00:07:28,678
- Oh, shit, is he okay?
173
00:07:28,761 --> 00:07:32,557
- Oh, Christ, you leave this guy
alone for five seconds. Geez.
174
00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:34,475
- Put me out!
Put me out, put me out, put me out!
12948
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