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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 0 00:00:18,385 --> 00:00:22,321 America, see, being a parent is a 24-hour-a-day job... 1 00:00:22,422 --> 00:00:24,822 with no pay and no benefits. 2 00:00:24,924 --> 00:00:28,690 I mean, it's relentless, exhausting, time-consuming. 3 00:00:28,795 --> 00:00:31,491 See, that's why when the 25th hour rolls around... 4 00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:34,066 you need friends to take you away from it all. 5 00:00:34,167 --> 00:00:36,965 See, my boys are like my blood. They're solid. 6 00:00:37,070 --> 00:00:38,970 Always there for me. 7 00:00:39,072 --> 00:00:41,006 I'm talkin' about unconditional love. 8 00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:43,007 As opposed to them kids. 9 00:00:43,109 --> 00:00:46,044 See, they only love me when they want somethin', break somethin'... 10 00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:48,410 or they're afraid I might break something. 11 00:00:48,515 --> 00:00:51,609 See, my boys love me all the time... 12 00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,948 except on poker night. 13 00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:56,682 [Bernie] That's true. I used to do the jails a long time ago. 14 00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:58,485 I'll see that. There you go. 15 00:00:58,591 --> 00:01:00,559 Ain't gonna save you though. 16 00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:02,560 - Come to papa. - [All Groan] 17 00:01:02,662 --> 00:01:05,790 You know what they say. It's the last train pulling into this station. 18 00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:09,027 Figures, man. I mean, you know the rules, dog. 19 00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:12,502 The game always ends when Bernie's finally up. 20 00:01:12,605 --> 00:01:15,096 Uh-huh. It's cool. I gotta get home to my wife and kids. 21 00:01:15,208 --> 00:01:17,676 And homeboy's gotta get home to his girlfriend and kids. 22 00:01:17,777 --> 00:01:20,302 - [Chuckles] Hey, they ain't my kids. - What's up? What's up? 23 00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:23,905 Hey, Bernie. You know, if you wanna keep on playin', man, I'll stick around. It's cool. 24 00:01:24,017 --> 00:01:26,076 Oh, Kelly, I already took all your money. 25 00:01:26,186 --> 00:01:28,086 Every time! Hey! 26 00:01:28,188 --> 00:01:30,383 - The cards gotta be marked, man. - Please. 27 00:01:30,490 --> 00:01:32,549 - Come on, daddy. - All the time I been winnin'... 28 00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:34,889 - I'm surprised you ain't learned nothin'. - All right. 29 00:01:34,994 --> 00:01:38,361 Shh. Y'�ll gonna wake up the neighbors. See you tomorrow. 30 00:01:38,465 --> 00:01:40,933 Hey, K-Kelly. What's up, man? 31 00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:44,470 I've been working on some material for a new routine. I want to run it past you. 32 00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:46,596 Oh, Kelly, that's business. 33 00:01:46,706 --> 00:01:48,901 Why don't we take care of that during business hours? 34 00:01:49,008 --> 00:01:51,169 It's late. I'm tired. I want to go to bed. 35 00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:53,211 - Okay? - Yeah, okay. All right. 36 00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:54,712 - I'll see you. - All right. 37 00:01:54,814 --> 00:01:56,281 - Hey, man? - Yo. 38 00:01:56,382 --> 00:01:58,942 There's a Sanford and Son marathon on TV Land tonight. 39 00:01:59,052 --> 00:02:01,020 What you say? "I'm comin' to join you, Elizabeth." 40 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,453 Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. You're gonna wake up the kids. 41 00:02:03,556 --> 00:02:06,320 Man, I'm sorry. 42 00:02:06,426 --> 00:02:09,623 Kelly, what's really wrong with you? You act like you don't wanna go home. 43 00:02:09,729 --> 00:02:12,892 Well, that's kind of the thing, man. 44 00:02:12,999 --> 00:02:15,229 I don't have a home to go home to right now. 45 00:02:15,335 --> 00:02:17,667 - What? - Me and Daphne broke up. 46 00:02:17,770 --> 00:02:21,297 Oh, man. I'm sorry, man. 47 00:02:21,407 --> 00:02:23,534 Why'd you not say nothin'? We been here all night. 48 00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:25,907 You ain't said a word, man. We're boys. We're tight. 49 00:02:26,012 --> 00:02:27,912 I'd have brought out the good scotch. 50 00:02:29,682 --> 00:02:33,015 But, hey, don't worry about it. We'll talk about it in the morning. Okay? 51 00:02:33,119 --> 00:02:35,019 - Okay. - Okay. 52 00:02:35,121 --> 00:02:37,316 - See ya. - Hey, uh... 53 00:02:37,423 --> 00:02:40,051 would it bother you if I slept in my car on your driveway? 54 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,095 They kind of hassle you if you park in the street, man. 55 00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:57,575 - Morning, lover. - [Gasps] 56 00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:59,907 Whoo! [Laughing Nervously] 57 00:03:02,081 --> 00:03:04,174 - Bernie! - Oh, Wanda, baby, I'm sorry. 58 00:03:04,284 --> 00:03:06,514 I was up with him all last night. 59 00:03:06,619 --> 00:03:08,553 Him and Daphne broke up. 60 00:03:08,655 --> 00:03:10,850 - Oh, no. Is he okay? - I don't know. 61 00:03:10,957 --> 00:03:13,187 I think he need to be around friends. 62 00:03:13,293 --> 00:03:15,193 [Sighs] Bernie... 63 00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:17,991 I appreciate what you're doing, but... 64 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,932 just be careful. 65 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,730 You might not want to get in the middle of other people's business. 66 00:03:23,836 --> 00:03:25,963 You know, these things could get messy. 67 00:03:26,072 --> 00:03:28,199 Baby, what you talkin' about "messy"? 68 00:03:28,308 --> 00:03:30,970 Kelly's my boy. You just don't turn your back on your boy. 69 00:03:31,077 --> 00:03:33,011 This is the worst I ever seen him. 70 00:03:33,112 --> 00:03:36,047 I mean, last night he actually cried in front of me. [Mimics Sobbing] 71 00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:38,049 Hmm. 72 00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:42,247 America, there's only three reasons to cry in front of your boys. 73 00:03:42,355 --> 00:03:45,813 The Bears lose the Super Bowl, you put your dog to sleep... 74 00:03:45,925 --> 00:03:48,951 and the kids leave home... and that's tears of joy. 75 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:51,496 [Wanda] Where's Kelly? 76 00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:53,725 He's still sleeping. 77 00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:56,768 Still? He's been sleeping all day. 78 00:03:56,869 --> 00:03:58,996 And most of yesterday too. 79 00:03:59,105 --> 00:04:01,266 I'm hungry. 80 00:04:01,374 --> 00:04:04,639 - Baby, I'm gonna go see if he wanna join us. Okay? - Okay. 81 00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:07,770 Oh, man. It smells ripe up in here. 82 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:10,280 Something like underarm or feet. Kelly. Kelly, get up. 83 00:04:10,383 --> 00:04:12,283 - Rise and shine. - No. 84 00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:15,582 Let's go. You've been sleeping for two days. Come on. Dinner almost ready. 85 00:04:15,688 --> 00:04:17,417 I'm not hungry, man. 86 00:04:17,523 --> 00:04:19,821 I don't care if you ain't hungry. You need nutrients. 87 00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:22,759 Look at you. You're all pale and everything. Come on. Get up. 88 00:04:22,862 --> 00:04:24,090 Come on. Get up. 89 00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:30,195 - Wait. Hold on, hold on. Where you going, Kelly? - Gonna take a leak. 90 00:04:30,303 --> 00:04:33,534 You can't be walkin' around here in your tighty-whiteys. I got kids out here. 91 00:04:46,185 --> 00:04:48,153 Kelly, what's wrong, man? 92 00:04:49,656 --> 00:04:51,783 I could get you something else if you don't like veal. 93 00:04:51,891 --> 00:04:54,860 Daphne refuses to eat veal. 94 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,156 It upset her the way they treat the baby cows. 95 00:04:57,263 --> 00:04:59,788 - She's so sensitive. - [Bryana] Baby cows? 96 00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:02,459 I don't want to eat baby cows. 97 00:05:02,568 --> 00:05:07,062 [Clears Throat] Kelly, do you know how hard it is to get these kids to eat? 98 00:05:07,173 --> 00:05:11,132 - Who's Daphne anyways? - That's none of your business, baby. 99 00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:15,112 No, no, no. It's all right. She's my girlfriend. 100 00:05:15,214 --> 00:05:19,207 Well, was. We broke up. 101 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:23,714 You got dumped, huh? 102 00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:26,656 Hey, shut up, before I stab your throat. Now you go to your room. 103 00:05:26,759 --> 00:05:28,954 No, it's all right, Bernie. Let the boy stay. 104 00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,962 I'll explain it to him. 105 00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:34,966 Jordan, sometimes two people just grow apart. 106 00:05:36,102 --> 00:05:39,196 But that's okay. 'Cause I'm a man. 107 00:05:40,506 --> 00:05:42,906 The book is closed. The chapter is over. 108 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,909 I'm done. I'm moving on. 109 00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:46,911 Whoo-hoo! 110 00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:53,176 - Okay, I feel better. L... I feel good. - [Wanda] Okay. 111 00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:55,447 You know, let's... let's talk about somebody else. 112 00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:58,854 - Mm-hmm. - How about you kids? What do you like to do? 113 00:05:58,958 --> 00:06:01,950 I like to watch TV. 114 00:06:02,061 --> 00:06:04,757 Daphne has my TV. 115 00:06:06,165 --> 00:06:08,895 Uncle Bernie, you can send me to my room now. 116 00:06:09,001 --> 00:06:12,129 Yeah, we all gonna go. Come on. Come on. Just come on. 117 00:06:12,238 --> 00:06:15,207 - [Sobbing] - [Chattering] 118 00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:23,415 [Sobbing] 119 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,687 I'm sorry, America. I didn't have the heart to tell him... 120 00:06:28,788 --> 00:06:30,983 to wait outside while you and I, we talk. 121 00:06:31,090 --> 00:06:33,558 But I gotta be honest with you, he's a little pathetic. 122 00:06:33,659 --> 00:06:36,355 I'm embarrassed for my friend. He's become a shell of himself. 123 00:06:36,462 --> 00:06:38,953 - I'm not sure what to do. - [Bryana] Give it back! 124 00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:41,932 - [Jordan] No! - Can you kids keep it down out there? I'm talkin'! 125 00:06:42,034 --> 00:06:44,366 - [Sobbing Continues] - Damn kids. 126 00:06:46,105 --> 00:06:49,541 Wait a minute. I think I got it. 127 00:06:49,642 --> 00:06:51,542 But we don't wanna. 128 00:06:51,644 --> 00:06:53,544 Come on, gang. Be a sport. 129 00:06:53,646 --> 00:06:57,173 Jordan, show him that magic trick, or do that thing with your eyelids. Flip 'em over. 130 00:06:57,283 --> 00:06:59,217 And, baby girl, where your Barbie doll? 131 00:06:59,318 --> 00:07:01,252 The man needs cheerin' up. Help me out. 132 00:07:01,354 --> 00:07:05,051 But he scares me. He eats baby cows. 133 00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:07,149 And he pees with the door open. 134 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:11,390 For once in your life, think about somebody beside yourself, you ungrateful urchins. 135 00:07:11,497 --> 00:07:14,364 Now I want you to go over there and show some love. Get. 136 00:07:17,303 --> 00:07:19,271 [With High-pitched Voice] I said get out! 137 00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:21,272 But, baby, please. 138 00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:25,174 No buts. You make me sick. I need a man, not a child. 139 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:27,246 So leave! 140 00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:31,082 Take your stupid clothes... 141 00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:34,415 and your stupid comic books and leave! 142 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,886 They're not stupid comic books. 143 00:07:36,989 --> 00:07:39,856 They're collector's items. And I love you. 144 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:43,156 I don't care. I only love myself. 145 00:07:43,262 --> 00:07:46,459 And I'm too selfish to consider your needs. 146 00:07:46,566 --> 00:07:48,830 [Sobbing] I don't want to be alone. 147 00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:50,835 Don't do this to me! 148 00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:54,429 Get used to it! And stop driving by my house! 149 00:07:54,540 --> 00:07:57,202 [Sobbing] 150 00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:59,210 I don't know what to do, America. 151 00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,212 I can't ask him to leave... 152 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:04,147 but Kelly's making this house very uncomfortable for everybody. 153 00:08:04,250 --> 00:08:06,150 [Sobbing] 154 00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:08,618 I'm sorry you gotta see this. 155 00:08:08,721 --> 00:08:10,621 Kelly. Kelly. 156 00:08:10,723 --> 00:08:13,783 Come here. Pull yourself together, man. 157 00:08:13,893 --> 00:08:15,793 [Sobbing] I don't know what to do. 158 00:08:15,895 --> 00:08:18,796 "I don't know what to do." What about you start acting like a man? 159 00:08:18,898 --> 00:08:20,866 Shut up! 160 00:08:22,768 --> 00:08:24,736 [Sobbing Stops] 161 00:08:26,405 --> 00:08:28,373 Tough love. 162 00:08:31,477 --> 00:08:34,105 What? 163 00:08:34,213 --> 00:08:36,181 Hmm. 164 00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:41,251 - Yeah, right. - What's happenin', party people? 165 00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:44,414 Ohh! Look at here, baby. My man done showered. 166 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,924 Hey, Bernie, I wanna thank you, man. 167 00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:50,189 Our little conversation really smacked me back into reality. Know what I mean? 168 00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:53,629 - Hey, man, we're boys. - I don't know what I was trippin' on. 169 00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:55,724 - Why was I trippin'? - Let's move on. 170 00:08:55,835 --> 00:08:59,703 I was thinking, maybe I can take the kids to Royal Burger, make it up to 'em. 171 00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:05,840 [Sighs] Kelly, um, l... l... I don't know. 172 00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:08,573 You and the kids actually didn't... didn't click. 173 00:09:08,681 --> 00:09:11,047 - Baby? - [Kids] Royal Burger! Royal Burger! 174 00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:13,778 [Yelling] 175 00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:16,582 Yeah. I think it'll be all right. 176 00:09:16,689 --> 00:09:18,589 [Yelling Continues] 177 00:09:18,691 --> 00:09:20,659 All right, my man. Go and have some fun. 178 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,694 - Appreciate that. - Hey, you need somethin'? 179 00:09:22,795 --> 00:09:25,764 Nah, nah, nah. I got this. Come on, y'�ll. Let's go! 180 00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:30,269 - [Door Closes] - I'll run the bath. 181 00:09:30,369 --> 00:09:32,337 I'll get the wine. 182 00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,212 He poured cereal in his cereal! 183 00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:43,373 - I like to mix 'em. - Do mine! Do mine! 184 00:09:43,482 --> 00:09:46,542 - Yes, ma'�m. - Kids, skip chewing and go straight to swallow. 185 00:09:46,652 --> 00:09:49,519 - I got a business meeting. I can't be late. - You know what, Bernie? 186 00:09:49,622 --> 00:09:51,886 - What's that? - You go ahead, man. I'll take 'em to school. 187 00:09:51,991 --> 00:09:54,983 - What? - And if you have errands you want run, I'll take care of that. 188 00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:57,028 - I ain't got nothing but time. - You're kidding me. 189 00:09:57,129 --> 00:09:59,029 - Come on. - I got a list right there. 190 00:09:59,131 --> 00:10:01,861 - Okay. Cool. I got that. - Thank you, man. 191 00:10:01,968 --> 00:10:04,698 Yeah, man. Hey, hey. Can I pick them up from school too? 192 00:10:04,804 --> 00:10:08,535 - Let's stop there. - Can I see Manny and the Deep Blue Sea today? 193 00:10:08,641 --> 00:10:13,203 Oh... [Stammers] Please let me take them to see that. Japanimation is dope. 194 00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,972 Wow, man. I don't know what to say, Kelly. 195 00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:21,019 The last thing I want to do is sit at a three-hour movie and watch some singing jellyfish. 196 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:23,611 - I got you, man. - Kelly, man. Thank you, man. 197 00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:26,715 - Not a problem. - Thank you. You be good. 198 00:10:28,260 --> 00:10:31,161 Yes, this is Bernie Mac, and I need a tee time. 199 00:10:33,165 --> 00:10:35,360 Oh, that's fine. 200 00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,436 Thank you. 201 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,876 [Door Opens] 202 00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:47,946 - Hey, man. - Hey. 203 00:10:48,047 --> 00:10:50,481 - Thanks for letting me crash here, man. - What? 204 00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:52,551 What you talkin' about? You leavin' already? 205 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,643 Well, I feel a little weird staying here, man. 206 00:10:54,754 --> 00:10:58,019 - What you mean "weird," Kelly? - Come on, man. I haven't been at my best. 207 00:10:58,124 --> 00:11:02,083 I cried like a little girl in front of your little girl. That was a personal low. 208 00:11:02,194 --> 00:11:05,129 I thought you said your personal low was going to see that jellyfish movie. 209 00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:07,859 - You're a funny guy. - Ain't no way. I'm not gonna hear of it. 210 00:11:07,967 --> 00:11:10,902 - End of discussion. You're stayin' right here. - Thanks, man. Thanks. 211 00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:14,097 Ain't no problem. Look here, I wanna talk to you about a little somethin'. 212 00:11:14,206 --> 00:11:16,572 - Yeah? - You know that monologue you was trying to show me? 213 00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:19,167 No. Thank you. 214 00:11:19,278 --> 00:11:21,712 And you can stay as long as you like. 215 00:11:21,814 --> 00:11:25,910 I mean, Bernie Mac has tapped back into the life force, if you know what I'm sayin'. 216 00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:28,748 I didn't know that Kelly was such a good live-in. 217 00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,754 I mean maid. 218 00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:35,259 Houseguest. I mean, he's really good with them kids too. 219 00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:37,329 I wonder if he does windows. 220 00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:41,161 Cleans toilets. 221 00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:44,100 The way he's built look like he... used to pick cotton. 222 00:11:55,181 --> 00:11:57,206 "And then they kissed. 223 00:11:57,316 --> 00:12:00,012 "And the handsome prince and the beautiful princess... 224 00:12:00,119 --> 00:12:02,019 lived happily ever after." 225 00:12:02,121 --> 00:12:04,089 Well, okay, y'�ll. That's it. 226 00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:07,682 - Y'�ll got to go to sleep now. - [Bryana] Can you read one more? 227 00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:10,387 - Please? - Okay. One more. 228 00:12:10,496 --> 00:12:12,430 All right? One more. 229 00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:17,294 That was so cute. 230 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:22,340 Yeah. I bet it won't be cute when they can't get up in the morning. I'll bet you that. 231 00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:24,671 - What are you talking about? - I'm talking about Kelly. 232 00:12:24,777 --> 00:12:26,972 He don't know what he's doin', Wanda. 233 00:12:27,079 --> 00:12:29,809 You gotta cut those kids off. You gotta put your foot down. 234 00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:31,940 Those kids gonna have him reading all night. Watch. 235 00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:34,679 Ooh. Well, it seemed like they were enjoying it. 236 00:12:34,787 --> 00:12:36,914 Yeah, right. Yeah, they was enjoying it. 237 00:12:37,022 --> 00:12:38,922 'Cause they get to stay up later. 238 00:12:39,024 --> 00:12:42,357 Well, they enjoy me out of one story. One. 239 00:12:42,461 --> 00:12:44,395 You know why, Wanda? 'Cause I do the voices. 240 00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:46,397 [Deep Voice] I do all the voices. 241 00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:48,967 [High-pitched] He don't do the voices. I do the voices. 242 00:12:49,068 --> 00:12:51,263 [With Funny Voice] You better do... I do the voices. 243 00:12:51,370 --> 00:12:54,771 Bernie, if I didn't know any better, I would say you were jealous. 244 00:12:54,874 --> 00:12:57,274 Jealous? I'm not jealous, America. 245 00:12:57,376 --> 00:12:59,276 I got nothing against Kelly. 246 00:12:59,378 --> 00:13:01,869 If he wants to read to baby girl, let him read to her. 247 00:13:01,981 --> 00:13:05,144 He's just creating more work for me in the morning. That's all. 248 00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:10,322 Reading to baby girl is something I always did though. 249 00:13:11,490 --> 00:13:14,084 She likes it when I do the voices. 250 00:13:14,193 --> 00:13:16,127 [With Funny Voice] Fee, fie... 251 00:13:16,228 --> 00:13:18,196 [High-pitched] Fee, fie... 252 00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:22,459 She really like it... 253 00:13:23,903 --> 00:13:26,133 when I do... 254 00:13:31,043 --> 00:13:33,011 [Jordan Coughing] 255 00:13:35,414 --> 00:13:37,314 Oh, Lord. 256 00:13:37,416 --> 00:13:40,385 Jordan. There you are, son. 257 00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:43,148 Coughing like a hyena. Let me get your medicine for you. 258 00:13:43,255 --> 00:13:46,053 That's okay, Bernie. I got it covered. 259 00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:49,389 Oh... Oh... K-Kelly, you better let me do this. 260 00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,395 - Thank you. - Okay. 261 00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,829 Here, son, take this right quick. 262 00:13:53,933 --> 00:13:55,833 Here. Just a little bit. 263 00:13:55,935 --> 00:13:57,926 - [Gulping] - Take it. Good boy. 264 00:13:58,037 --> 00:14:01,006 - [Groans] - Go down real smooth. 265 00:14:01,106 --> 00:14:04,803 Make you feel better. Now I want you to go back to bed, okay? 266 00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:06,810 Thanks. Good night, Uncle Kelly. 267 00:14:06,912 --> 00:14:09,506 Night, little man. 268 00:14:12,484 --> 00:14:16,181 You know, Kelly, you really gotta be careful with this. 269 00:14:16,288 --> 00:14:18,222 Really. 270 00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:20,849 - Bernie, I wasn't trying to step on your toes, man. - Yeah. 271 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:25,522 I mean, l... I was awake, I heard him cough, and I didn't want you to have to get up. 272 00:14:25,631 --> 00:14:28,930 Kelly, this is prescription medication. 273 00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:31,093 It's not any cough drops. 274 00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:33,637 You gotta make sure he get the proper dosage. 275 00:14:33,739 --> 00:14:36,970 You really got to be careful with this. 276 00:14:37,076 --> 00:14:40,307 America, is it just me... 277 00:14:40,412 --> 00:14:42,710 or is Kelly being a little presumptuous? 278 00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:45,477 He seems to be dipping in my business. 279 00:14:45,584 --> 00:14:48,212 And I don't think I'm being paranoid. 280 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:50,288 Now, hold on. 281 00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:52,323 I don't remember smoking that cigar. 282 00:14:52,424 --> 00:14:54,016 And my chair. 283 00:14:54,126 --> 00:14:56,185 That's not my ass print. 284 00:14:56,295 --> 00:14:59,628 Was Kelly talking to you all, America? 285 00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:01,632 See, only I talk to you. 286 00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,634 Whose house does he think this is? 287 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:05,829 This is Bernie Mac's house. 288 00:15:05,938 --> 00:15:07,838 Hey, you know what? I'm not mad at you. 289 00:15:07,940 --> 00:15:11,137 Nah. I'm just disappointed in you, America. 290 00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:13,336 I thought me and you all was tight. 291 00:15:17,549 --> 00:15:20,313 Remember I told you it was funky in here, America? 292 00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:22,319 Well, it stinks now. 293 00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:26,084 There are little alliances forming all around here, and I don't like it. 294 00:15:26,191 --> 00:15:28,318 I don't know what my role is anymore. 295 00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:31,396 I mean, I don't know how those kids see me. 296 00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:34,626 Who am I and what am I to them? 297 00:15:34,733 --> 00:15:37,668 You're who you've always been. The enemy. 298 00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:40,432 - The Incredible Hulk. - Bigfoot. 299 00:15:40,539 --> 00:15:42,439 The guy who terrorizes me. 300 00:15:42,541 --> 00:15:45,476 - A big, fat pain in the... - Hey, hey, hey! 301 00:15:45,577 --> 00:15:48,671 I know who you are. You're Uncle Bernie. 302 00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,681 Oh, thanks, baby girl. 303 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:53,445 Uncle Bernie Poo-Poo Head. 304 00:15:55,487 --> 00:15:57,648 See, they see me as the bad cop. 305 00:15:57,756 --> 00:16:00,281 Kelly, the good cop. Well, fine. 306 00:16:00,392 --> 00:16:02,360 See, I can't afford to be nice. 307 00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:06,261 I got the responsibility of raising those kids, teaching them right from wrong. 308 00:16:06,365 --> 00:16:08,925 Am I to blame for being more mature? 309 00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:12,333 More of an adult? See, I could be the good cop too. 310 00:16:12,438 --> 00:16:15,669 But every time I try, Kelly's always in the way... 311 00:16:15,774 --> 00:16:17,674 cop-blocking me. 312 00:16:20,245 --> 00:16:23,703 Man, he doesn't have anything good. All these are ancient. 313 00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:26,808 Here. Why don't you spin this? 314 00:16:28,253 --> 00:16:30,585 - Hey, you like OutKast? - Yep. 315 00:16:32,291 --> 00:16:34,259 ?? [Hip-hop] 316 00:16:36,261 --> 00:16:39,958 ?? [Man Rapping] 317 00:16:40,065 --> 00:16:43,728 Hey. Hey, Kelly, you tighten up that monologue I was tellin' you about? 318 00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:46,327 Oh, not yet. I was planning on doin' that a little bit later. 319 00:16:46,438 --> 00:16:49,100 You know what? I'm really kind of worried about it. 320 00:16:49,208 --> 00:16:51,108 You think you can, you know? 321 00:16:51,210 --> 00:16:53,337 Yeah, I can do that. 322 00:16:53,445 --> 00:16:56,005 - Thanks, man. - Yeah, no problem. 323 00:16:56,115 --> 00:16:59,448 ?? [Continues] 324 00:16:59,551 --> 00:17:02,349 Backgammon. I'll play with you. Wanna play? 325 00:17:02,454 --> 00:17:05,855 - That's all right. - ?? [Continues] 326 00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:09,086 Oh, man, that was dirty. 327 00:17:09,194 --> 00:17:11,185 I shouldn't have done that. 328 00:17:11,296 --> 00:17:14,197 Yes, I should have. I don't know. 329 00:17:14,299 --> 00:17:18,668 America, Bernie Mac is torn. Kelly's my boy, and I'm treating him like a little flunky. 330 00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:23,003 Oh, Bernie, you... you ought to be ashamed of yourself. 331 00:17:23,108 --> 00:17:26,407 - [Bryana] Uncle Kelly! - Uncle Kelly? 332 00:17:26,512 --> 00:17:28,707 Ain't no Uncle Kelly. It's Uncle Bernie. 333 00:17:28,814 --> 00:17:33,808 - Talking about Uncle Kelly. - Uncle Kelly, I threw up. Can you help me clean it? 334 00:17:33,919 --> 00:17:36,547 Use the pine-scented cleaner, Uncle Kelly. 335 00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:40,457 What? 336 00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:43,050 Hey, why you all in here watching TV? 337 00:17:43,162 --> 00:17:45,460 I thought you were supposed to be doing your homework. 338 00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:47,930 - [Door Opens] - We're watching PBS. It's educational. 339 00:17:48,033 --> 00:17:50,297 - What? - Hey, who's up for a movie? 340 00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:52,529 - Yeah! I love movies! - Yes. Let's do it. 341 00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:56,267 Anything you want to see. Movie, movie, movie. Here you go, dog. 342 00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:58,536 [Door Opens] 343 00:17:58,644 --> 00:18:01,135 - [All Chattering Excitedly] - [Door Closes] 344 00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:03,680 See what I gotta deal with, America? 345 00:18:03,782 --> 00:18:06,649 Of course the kids like Kelly. He's one of them. 346 00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:08,652 He doesn't care if they do their homework. 347 00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:10,654 "Let's go to the movie," he says. 348 00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:12,951 He panders to 'em. That's what he does. 349 00:18:13,058 --> 00:18:14,958 He gives them toys to play with. 350 00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:17,961 Why, I could be fun. Uncle Bernie could be a fun uncle. 351 00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:26,598 [Muffled] Hey, kids! Uncle Bernie's home. 352 00:18:26,705 --> 00:18:28,696 Wanna have some fun? 353 00:18:28,807 --> 00:18:31,332 Come on out. [Chuckles] 354 00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:33,411 Yeah, kids! 355 00:18:34,713 --> 00:18:37,944 Hey, Nessa. I got something in my teeth. 356 00:19:01,406 --> 00:19:03,340 Excuse me. 357 00:19:03,442 --> 00:19:07,378 Hey, Kelly. What you doing taking people's kids without their permission? 358 00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:11,472 - What the heck you thinkin'? - Hey, what's going on, man? I-I thought we were boys. 359 00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:14,143 - Yeah, I thought we were boys. - What you trying to say? 360 00:19:14,253 --> 00:19:16,881 What I'm trying to say, Kelly, is there's a discrepancy, okay? 361 00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:21,289 - What kind of discrepancy you talkin' about, Bernie? - Um, have you guys seen Bryana? 362 00:19:21,393 --> 00:19:23,725 I thought she was with you. 363 00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,662 She was standing right here a second ago, man. 364 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,730 Look. You all go that way. Come on. 365 00:19:33,038 --> 00:19:35,063 [Children Squealing, Chattering] 366 00:19:39,711 --> 00:19:41,975 [Video Game Car Engine Revving] 367 00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:55,626 [Children Squealing] 368 00:19:55,727 --> 00:19:59,163 Hey, little girl. What's your name? 369 00:19:59,264 --> 00:20:02,825 - Bryana! - It's okay, man. She's with me. 370 00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:05,597 It's okay, Bryana. Your Uncle Kelly is here. Come on. 371 00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:07,934 - Baby girl. - Uncle Bernie! 372 00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:11,169 Hey. Hey, hey. It's all right. 373 00:20:11,276 --> 00:20:14,143 It's all right. Uncle Bernie here now. 374 00:20:14,246 --> 00:20:16,214 Wanna play some more games? 375 00:20:17,282 --> 00:20:20,251 - Wanna go home? - With you. 376 00:20:22,754 --> 00:20:28,056 Look, America. If those kids want my man Kelly to be their fun uncle, that's fine with me. 377 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,560 He can be there for all the fun and games. 378 00:20:30,662 --> 00:20:32,687 'Cause I'll be there for everything else. 379 00:20:32,798 --> 00:20:35,460 See, it's not important that I be those kids' friend. 380 00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:37,467 My job is to be their parent. 381 00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:40,163 And let them know that I'm there for them always. 382 00:20:40,272 --> 00:20:42,206 And you know what else, America? 383 00:20:42,307 --> 00:20:45,071 As important as it is to be those kids' parents... 384 00:20:45,177 --> 00:20:47,304 you gotta be your friend's friend too. 385 00:20:49,615 --> 00:20:53,051 Oh, hey, Kel. Hold it. I wanna say something to you. 386 00:20:53,151 --> 00:20:55,051 First of all, I wanna say I'm sorry... 387 00:20:55,153 --> 00:20:58,179 and I know I've been acting a bit of an ass, and you know what? 388 00:20:58,290 --> 00:21:00,190 You're my friend. 389 00:21:00,292 --> 00:21:04,023 And more important, you're like my blood. 390 00:21:04,129 --> 00:21:06,029 That means a lot to me, Bernie. 391 00:21:06,131 --> 00:21:08,361 - You know I love you, man. - I love you too, man. 392 00:21:08,467 --> 00:21:10,435 - I'm sorry, Kel. - It's all good, man. 393 00:21:10,535 --> 00:21:13,595 Hey, I-I know I stayed here a little bit longer than I planned. 394 00:21:13,705 --> 00:21:16,105 - No, no. - But it's cool. You ain't gotta sweat it. 395 00:21:16,208 --> 00:21:18,108 - I found a place. - Oh, you did? 396 00:21:18,210 --> 00:21:21,338 - Yeah. I'm moving on Monday. - Look here, you can stay here until Monday. 397 00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:24,108 Nah, that's okay. You got the kids and everything. 398 00:21:24,216 --> 00:21:28,448 Plus I need to be able to stay someplace where I can be a slob and walk around in my drawers. 399 00:21:28,553 --> 00:21:30,646 Hey, you all packed, dog? 400 00:21:30,756 --> 00:21:32,656 Yeah. 401 00:21:32,758 --> 00:21:34,658 Let's do it. 402 00:21:39,431 --> 00:21:42,332 Look, look, look. Look it, man. 403 00:21:42,434 --> 00:21:45,335 Stupid game. 404 00:21:46,938 --> 00:21:49,839 Oh, this is a good game now. 405 00:21:51,443 --> 00:21:54,344 Yeah. Let the kids see me now. Look it. 406 00:21:54,446 --> 00:21:57,347 Yeah. Look at me now, kids. 407 00:21:57,449 --> 00:22:00,350 Wheel-O! [Chuckles] 408 00:22:00,452 --> 00:22:03,353 This game don't make no doggone sense, but... 409 00:22:07,959 --> 00:22:09,358 I'm a man. 33193

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