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0
00:00:18,385 --> 00:00:22,321
America, see, being a parent
is a 24-hour-a-day job...
1
00:00:22,422 --> 00:00:24,822
with no pay
and no benefits.
2
00:00:24,924 --> 00:00:28,690
I mean, it's relentless,
exhausting, time-consuming.
3
00:00:28,795 --> 00:00:31,491
See, that's why when
the 25th hour rolls around...
4
00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:34,066
you need friends to
take you away from it all.
5
00:00:34,167 --> 00:00:36,965
See, my boys are like my blood.
They're solid.
6
00:00:37,070 --> 00:00:38,970
Always there for me.
7
00:00:39,072 --> 00:00:41,006
I'm talkin' about
unconditional love.
8
00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:43,007
As opposed to them kids.
9
00:00:43,109 --> 00:00:46,044
See, they only love me
when they want somethin', break somethin'...
10
00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:48,410
or they're afraid
I might break something.
11
00:00:48,515 --> 00:00:51,609
See, my boys love me
all the time...
12
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,948
except on poker night.
13
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:56,682
[Bernie] That's true.
I used to do the jails a long time ago.
14
00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:58,485
I'll see that.
There you go.
15
00:00:58,591 --> 00:01:00,559
Ain't gonna save you though.
16
00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:02,560
- Come to papa.
- [All Groan]
17
00:01:02,662 --> 00:01:05,790
You know what they say.
It's the last train pulling into this station.
18
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:09,027
Figures, man. I mean,
you know the rules, dog.
19
00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:12,502
The game always ends
when Bernie's finally up.
20
00:01:12,605 --> 00:01:15,096
Uh-huh. It's cool.
I gotta get home to my wife and kids.
21
00:01:15,208 --> 00:01:17,676
And homeboy's gotta get home
to his girlfriend and kids.
22
00:01:17,777 --> 00:01:20,302
- [Chuckles] Hey, they ain't my kids.
- What's up? What's up?
23
00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:23,905
Hey, Bernie. You know, if you wanna keep
on playin', man, I'll stick around. It's cool.
24
00:01:24,017 --> 00:01:26,076
Oh, Kelly, I already took
all your money.
25
00:01:26,186 --> 00:01:28,086
Every time! Hey!
26
00:01:28,188 --> 00:01:30,383
- The cards gotta be marked, man.
- Please.
27
00:01:30,490 --> 00:01:32,549
- Come on, daddy.
- All the time I been winnin'...
28
00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:34,889
- I'm surprised you ain't learned nothin'.
- All right.
29
00:01:34,994 --> 00:01:38,361
Shh. Y'�ll gonna wake up the neighbors.
See you tomorrow.
30
00:01:38,465 --> 00:01:40,933
Hey, K-Kelly.
What's up, man?
31
00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:44,470
I've been working on some material
for a new routine. I want to run it past you.
32
00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:46,596
Oh, Kelly, that's business.
33
00:01:46,706 --> 00:01:48,901
Why don't we take care of that
during business hours?
34
00:01:49,008 --> 00:01:51,169
It's late. I'm tired.
I want to go to bed.
35
00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:53,211
- Okay?
- Yeah, okay. All right.
36
00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:54,712
- I'll see you.
- All right.
37
00:01:54,814 --> 00:01:56,281
- Hey, man?
- Yo.
38
00:01:56,382 --> 00:01:58,942
There's a Sanford and Son
marathon on TV Land tonight.
39
00:01:59,052 --> 00:02:01,020
What you say?
"I'm comin' to join you, Elizabeth."
40
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,453
Kelly, Kelly, Kelly.
You're gonna wake up the kids.
41
00:02:03,556 --> 00:02:06,320
Man, I'm sorry.
42
00:02:06,426 --> 00:02:09,623
Kelly, what's really wrong with you?
You act like you don't wanna go home.
43
00:02:09,729 --> 00:02:12,892
Well, that's kind of
the thing, man.
44
00:02:12,999 --> 00:02:15,229
I don't have a home
to go home to right now.
45
00:02:15,335 --> 00:02:17,667
- What?
- Me and Daphne broke up.
46
00:02:17,770 --> 00:02:21,297
Oh, man.
I'm sorry, man.
47
00:02:21,407 --> 00:02:23,534
Why'd you not say nothin'?
We been here all night.
48
00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:25,907
You ain't said a word, man.
We're boys. We're tight.
49
00:02:26,012 --> 00:02:27,912
I'd have brought out
the good scotch.
50
00:02:29,682 --> 00:02:33,015
But, hey, don't worry about it.
We'll talk about it in the morning. Okay?
51
00:02:33,119 --> 00:02:35,019
- Okay.
- Okay.
52
00:02:35,121 --> 00:02:37,316
- See ya.
- Hey, uh...
53
00:02:37,423 --> 00:02:40,051
would it bother you if I slept in my car
on your driveway?
54
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,095
They kind of hassle you
if you park in the street, man.
55
00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:57,575
- Morning, lover.
- [Gasps]
56
00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:59,907
Whoo!
[Laughing Nervously]
57
00:03:02,081 --> 00:03:04,174
- Bernie!
- Oh, Wanda, baby, I'm sorry.
58
00:03:04,284 --> 00:03:06,514
I was up with him
all last night.
59
00:03:06,619 --> 00:03:08,553
Him and Daphne broke up.
60
00:03:08,655 --> 00:03:10,850
- Oh, no. Is he okay?
- I don't know.
61
00:03:10,957 --> 00:03:13,187
I think he need to be
around friends.
62
00:03:13,293 --> 00:03:15,193
[Sighs]
Bernie...
63
00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:17,991
I appreciate
what you're doing, but...
64
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,932
just be careful.
65
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,730
You might not want to get in the middle
of other people's business.
66
00:03:23,836 --> 00:03:25,963
You know, these things
could get messy.
67
00:03:26,072 --> 00:03:28,199
Baby, what you talkin'
about "messy"?
68
00:03:28,308 --> 00:03:30,970
Kelly's my boy.
You just don't turn your back on your boy.
69
00:03:31,077 --> 00:03:33,011
This is the worst
I ever seen him.
70
00:03:33,112 --> 00:03:36,047
I mean, last night he actually cried in front of me.
[Mimics Sobbing]
71
00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:38,049
Hmm.
72
00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:42,247
America, there's only three reasons
to cry in front of your boys.
73
00:03:42,355 --> 00:03:45,813
The Bears lose the Super Bowl,
you put your dog to sleep...
74
00:03:45,925 --> 00:03:48,951
and the kids leave home...
and that's tears of joy.
75
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:51,496
[Wanda]
Where's Kelly?
76
00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:53,725
He's still sleeping.
77
00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:56,768
Still?
He's been sleeping all day.
78
00:03:56,869 --> 00:03:58,996
And most of yesterday too.
79
00:03:59,105 --> 00:04:01,266
I'm hungry.
80
00:04:01,374 --> 00:04:04,639
- Baby, I'm gonna go see if he wanna join us. Okay?
- Okay.
81
00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:07,770
Oh, man.
It smells ripe up in here.
82
00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:10,280
Something like underarm or feet.
Kelly. Kelly, get up.
83
00:04:10,383 --> 00:04:12,283
- Rise and shine.
- No.
84
00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:15,582
Let's go. You've been sleeping for two days.
Come on. Dinner almost ready.
85
00:04:15,688 --> 00:04:17,417
I'm not hungry, man.
86
00:04:17,523 --> 00:04:19,821
I don't care if you ain't hungry.
You need nutrients.
87
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:22,759
Look at you. You're all pale
and everything. Come on. Get up.
88
00:04:22,862 --> 00:04:24,090
Come on.
Get up.
89
00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:30,195
- Wait. Hold on, hold on. Where you going, Kelly?
- Gonna take a leak.
90
00:04:30,303 --> 00:04:33,534
You can't be walkin' around here
in your tighty-whiteys. I got kids out here.
91
00:04:46,185 --> 00:04:48,153
Kelly, what's wrong, man?
92
00:04:49,656 --> 00:04:51,783
I could get you something else
if you don't like veal.
93
00:04:51,891 --> 00:04:54,860
Daphne refuses to eat veal.
94
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,156
It upset her the way
they treat the baby cows.
95
00:04:57,263 --> 00:04:59,788
- She's so sensitive.
- [Bryana] Baby cows?
96
00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:02,459
I don't want to eat
baby cows.
97
00:05:02,568 --> 00:05:07,062
[Clears Throat] Kelly, do you know
how hard it is to get these kids to eat?
98
00:05:07,173 --> 00:05:11,132
- Who's Daphne anyways?
- That's none of your business, baby.
99
00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:15,112
No, no, no. It's all right.
She's my girlfriend.
100
00:05:15,214 --> 00:05:19,207
Well, was.
We broke up.
101
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:23,714
You got dumped, huh?
102
00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:26,656
Hey, shut up, before I stab your throat.
Now you go to your room.
103
00:05:26,759 --> 00:05:28,954
No, it's all right, Bernie.
Let the boy stay.
104
00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,962
I'll explain it to him.
105
00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:34,966
Jordan, sometimes two people
just grow apart.
106
00:05:36,102 --> 00:05:39,196
But that's okay.
'Cause I'm a man.
107
00:05:40,506 --> 00:05:42,906
The book is closed.
The chapter is over.
108
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,909
I'm done.
I'm moving on.
109
00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:46,911
Whoo-hoo!
110
00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:53,176
- Okay, I feel better. L... I feel good.
- [Wanda] Okay.
111
00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:55,447
You know, let's...
let's talk about somebody else.
112
00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:58,854
- Mm-hmm.
- How about you kids? What do you like to do?
113
00:05:58,958 --> 00:06:01,950
I like to watch TV.
114
00:06:02,061 --> 00:06:04,757
Daphne has my TV.
115
00:06:06,165 --> 00:06:08,895
Uncle Bernie, you can send me
to my room now.
116
00:06:09,001 --> 00:06:12,129
Yeah, we all gonna go.
Come on. Come on. Just come on.
117
00:06:12,238 --> 00:06:15,207
- [Sobbing]
- [Chattering]
118
00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:23,415
[Sobbing]
119
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,687
I'm sorry, America.
I didn't have the heart to tell him...
120
00:06:28,788 --> 00:06:30,983
to wait outside
while you and I, we talk.
121
00:06:31,090 --> 00:06:33,558
But I gotta be honest with you,
he's a little pathetic.
122
00:06:33,659 --> 00:06:36,355
I'm embarrassed for my friend.
He's become a shell of himself.
123
00:06:36,462 --> 00:06:38,953
- I'm not sure what to do.
- [Bryana] Give it back!
124
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:41,932
- [Jordan] No!
- Can you kids keep it down out there? I'm talkin'!
125
00:06:42,034 --> 00:06:44,366
- [Sobbing Continues]
- Damn kids.
126
00:06:46,105 --> 00:06:49,541
Wait a minute.
I think I got it.
127
00:06:49,642 --> 00:06:51,542
But we don't wanna.
128
00:06:51,644 --> 00:06:53,544
Come on, gang.
Be a sport.
129
00:06:53,646 --> 00:06:57,173
Jordan, show him that magic trick,
or do that thing with your eyelids. Flip 'em over.
130
00:06:57,283 --> 00:06:59,217
And, baby girl,
where your Barbie doll?
131
00:06:59,318 --> 00:07:01,252
The man needs cheerin' up.
Help me out.
132
00:07:01,354 --> 00:07:05,051
But he scares me.
He eats baby cows.
133
00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:07,149
And he pees
with the door open.
134
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:11,390
For once in your life, think about somebody
beside yourself, you ungrateful urchins.
135
00:07:11,497 --> 00:07:14,364
Now I want you to go over there
and show some love. Get.
136
00:07:17,303 --> 00:07:19,271
[With High-pitched Voice]
I said get out!
137
00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:21,272
But, baby, please.
138
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:25,174
No buts. You make me sick.
I need a man, not a child.
139
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:27,246
So leave!
140
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:31,082
Take your stupid clothes...
141
00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:34,415
and your stupid comic books
and leave!
142
00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,886
They're not stupid comic books.
143
00:07:36,989 --> 00:07:39,856
They're collector's items.
And I love you.
144
00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:43,156
I don't care.
I only love myself.
145
00:07:43,262 --> 00:07:46,459
And I'm too selfish
to consider your needs.
146
00:07:46,566 --> 00:07:48,830
[Sobbing]
I don't want to be alone.
147
00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:50,835
Don't do this to me!
148
00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:54,429
Get used to it!
And stop driving by my house!
149
00:07:54,540 --> 00:07:57,202
[Sobbing]
150
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:59,210
I don't know
what to do, America.
151
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,212
I can't ask him to leave...
152
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:04,147
but Kelly's making this house
very uncomfortable for everybody.
153
00:08:04,250 --> 00:08:06,150
[Sobbing]
154
00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:08,618
I'm sorry you gotta see this.
155
00:08:08,721 --> 00:08:10,621
Kelly. Kelly.
156
00:08:10,723 --> 00:08:13,783
Come here.
Pull yourself together, man.
157
00:08:13,893 --> 00:08:15,793
[Sobbing]
I don't know what to do.
158
00:08:15,895 --> 00:08:18,796
"I don't know what to do."
What about you start acting like a man?
159
00:08:18,898 --> 00:08:20,866
Shut up!
160
00:08:22,768 --> 00:08:24,736
[Sobbing Stops]
161
00:08:26,405 --> 00:08:28,373
Tough love.
162
00:08:31,477 --> 00:08:34,105
What?
163
00:08:34,213 --> 00:08:36,181
Hmm.
164
00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:41,251
- Yeah, right.
- What's happenin', party people?
165
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:44,414
Ohh! Look at here, baby.
My man done showered.
166
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,924
Hey, Bernie,
I wanna thank you, man.
167
00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:50,189
Our little conversation really smacked me
back into reality. Know what I mean?
168
00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:53,629
- Hey, man, we're boys.
- I don't know what I was trippin' on.
169
00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:55,724
- Why was I trippin'?
- Let's move on.
170
00:08:55,835 --> 00:08:59,703
I was thinking, maybe I can take the kids
to Royal Burger, make it up to 'em.
171
00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:05,840
[Sighs]
Kelly, um, l... l... I don't know.
172
00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:08,573
You and the kids actually
didn't... didn't click.
173
00:09:08,681 --> 00:09:11,047
- Baby?
- [Kids] Royal Burger! Royal Burger!
174
00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:13,778
[Yelling]
175
00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:16,582
Yeah. I think
it'll be all right.
176
00:09:16,689 --> 00:09:18,589
[Yelling Continues]
177
00:09:18,691 --> 00:09:20,659
All right, my man.
Go and have some fun.
178
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,694
- Appreciate that.
- Hey, you need somethin'?
179
00:09:22,795 --> 00:09:25,764
Nah, nah, nah.
I got this. Come on, y'�ll. Let's go!
180
00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:30,269
- [Door Closes]
- I'll run the bath.
181
00:09:30,369 --> 00:09:32,337
I'll get the wine.
182
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,212
He poured cereal
in his cereal!
183
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:43,373
- I like to mix 'em.
- Do mine! Do mine!
184
00:09:43,482 --> 00:09:46,542
- Yes, ma'�m.
- Kids, skip chewing and go straight to swallow.
185
00:09:46,652 --> 00:09:49,519
- I got a business meeting. I can't be late.
- You know what, Bernie?
186
00:09:49,622 --> 00:09:51,886
- What's that?
- You go ahead, man. I'll take 'em to school.
187
00:09:51,991 --> 00:09:54,983
- What?
- And if you have errands you want
run, I'll take care of that.
188
00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:57,028
- I ain't got nothing but time.
- You're kidding me.
189
00:09:57,129 --> 00:09:59,029
- Come on.
- I got a list right there.
190
00:09:59,131 --> 00:10:01,861
- Okay. Cool. I got that.
- Thank you, man.
191
00:10:01,968 --> 00:10:04,698
Yeah, man. Hey, hey.
Can I pick them up from school too?
192
00:10:04,804 --> 00:10:08,535
- Let's stop there.
- Can I see Manny and the Deep Blue Sea today?
193
00:10:08,641 --> 00:10:13,203
Oh... [Stammers] Please let me take them
to see that. Japanimation is dope.
194
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,972
Wow, man. I don't know
what to say, Kelly.
195
00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:21,019
The last thing I want to do is sit at a three-hour
movie and watch some singing jellyfish.
196
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:23,611
- I got you, man.
- Kelly, man. Thank you, man.
197
00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:26,715
- Not a problem.
- Thank you. You be good.
198
00:10:28,260 --> 00:10:31,161
Yes, this is Bernie Mac,
and I need a tee time.
199
00:10:33,165 --> 00:10:35,360
Oh, that's fine.
200
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,436
Thank you.
201
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,876
[Door Opens]
202
00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:47,946
- Hey, man.
- Hey.
203
00:10:48,047 --> 00:10:50,481
- Thanks for letting me crash here, man.
- What?
204
00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:52,551
What you talkin' about?
You leavin' already?
205
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,643
Well, I feel a little weird
staying here, man.
206
00:10:54,754 --> 00:10:58,019
- What you mean "weird," Kelly?
- Come on, man. I haven't been at my best.
207
00:10:58,124 --> 00:11:02,083
I cried like a little girl in front of your little girl.
That was a personal low.
208
00:11:02,194 --> 00:11:05,129
I thought you said your personal low
was going to see that jellyfish movie.
209
00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:07,859
- You're a funny guy.
- Ain't no way. I'm not gonna hear of it.
210
00:11:07,967 --> 00:11:10,902
- End of discussion. You're stayin' right here.
- Thanks, man. Thanks.
211
00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:14,097
Ain't no problem. Look here,
I wanna talk to you about a little somethin'.
212
00:11:14,206 --> 00:11:16,572
- Yeah?
- You know that monologue
you was trying to show me?
213
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:19,167
No. Thank you.
214
00:11:19,278 --> 00:11:21,712
And you can stay
as long as you like.
215
00:11:21,814 --> 00:11:25,910
I mean, Bernie Mac has tapped back into
the life force, if you know what I'm sayin'.
216
00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:28,748
I didn't know that
Kelly was such a good live-in.
217
00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,754
I mean maid.
218
00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:35,259
Houseguest.
I mean, he's really good with them kids too.
219
00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:37,329
I wonder if he does windows.
220
00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:41,161
Cleans toilets.
221
00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:44,100
The way he's built look like he...
used to pick cotton.
222
00:11:55,181 --> 00:11:57,206
"And then they kissed.
223
00:11:57,316 --> 00:12:00,012
"And the handsome prince
and the beautiful princess...
224
00:12:00,119 --> 00:12:02,019
lived happily ever after."
225
00:12:02,121 --> 00:12:04,089
Well, okay, y'�ll.
That's it.
226
00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:07,682
- Y'�ll got to go to sleep now.
- [Bryana] Can you read one more?
227
00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:10,387
- Please?
- Okay. One more.
228
00:12:10,496 --> 00:12:12,430
All right? One more.
229
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:17,294
That was so cute.
230
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:22,340
Yeah. I bet it won't be cute when they can't
get up in the morning. I'll bet you that.
231
00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:24,671
- What are you talking about?
- I'm talking about Kelly.
232
00:12:24,777 --> 00:12:26,972
He don't know
what he's doin', Wanda.
233
00:12:27,079 --> 00:12:29,809
You gotta cut those kids off.
You gotta put your foot down.
234
00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:31,940
Those kids gonna have him
reading all night. Watch.
235
00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:34,679
Ooh. Well, it seemed like
they were enjoying it.
236
00:12:34,787 --> 00:12:36,914
Yeah, right.
Yeah, they was enjoying it.
237
00:12:37,022 --> 00:12:38,922
'Cause they get to
stay up later.
238
00:12:39,024 --> 00:12:42,357
Well, they enjoy me
out of one story. One.
239
00:12:42,461 --> 00:12:44,395
You know why, Wanda?
'Cause I do the voices.
240
00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:46,397
[Deep Voice]
I do all the voices.
241
00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:48,967
[High-pitched]
He don't do the voices. I do the voices.
242
00:12:49,068 --> 00:12:51,263
[With Funny Voice]
You better do... I do the voices.
243
00:12:51,370 --> 00:12:54,771
Bernie, if I didn't know any better,
I would say you were jealous.
244
00:12:54,874 --> 00:12:57,274
Jealous?
I'm not jealous, America.
245
00:12:57,376 --> 00:12:59,276
I got nothing against Kelly.
246
00:12:59,378 --> 00:13:01,869
If he wants to read to baby girl,
let him read to her.
247
00:13:01,981 --> 00:13:05,144
He's just creating more work for me
in the morning. That's all.
248
00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:10,322
Reading to baby girl is something
I always did though.
249
00:13:11,490 --> 00:13:14,084
She likes it
when I do the voices.
250
00:13:14,193 --> 00:13:16,127
[With Funny Voice]
Fee, fie...
251
00:13:16,228 --> 00:13:18,196
[High-pitched]
Fee, fie...
252
00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:22,459
She really like it...
253
00:13:23,903 --> 00:13:26,133
when I do...
254
00:13:31,043 --> 00:13:33,011
[Jordan Coughing]
255
00:13:35,414 --> 00:13:37,314
Oh, Lord.
256
00:13:37,416 --> 00:13:40,385
Jordan.
There you are, son.
257
00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:43,148
Coughing like a hyena.
Let me get your medicine for you.
258
00:13:43,255 --> 00:13:46,053
That's okay, Bernie.
I got it covered.
259
00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:49,389
Oh... Oh... K-Kelly,
you better let me do this.
260
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,395
- Thank you.
- Okay.
261
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,829
Here, son,
take this right quick.
262
00:13:53,933 --> 00:13:55,833
Here. Just a little bit.
263
00:13:55,935 --> 00:13:57,926
- [Gulping]
- Take it. Good boy.
264
00:13:58,037 --> 00:14:01,006
- [Groans]
- Go down real smooth.
265
00:14:01,106 --> 00:14:04,803
Make you feel better.
Now I want you to go back to bed, okay?
266
00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:06,810
Thanks.
Good night, Uncle Kelly.
267
00:14:06,912 --> 00:14:09,506
Night, little man.
268
00:14:12,484 --> 00:14:16,181
You know, Kelly,
you really gotta be careful with this.
269
00:14:16,288 --> 00:14:18,222
Really.
270
00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:20,849
- Bernie, I wasn't trying to step on your toes, man.
- Yeah.
271
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:25,522
I mean, l... I was awake, I heard him cough,
and I didn't want you to have to get up.
272
00:14:25,631 --> 00:14:28,930
Kelly, this is
prescription medication.
273
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:31,093
It's not any cough drops.
274
00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:33,637
You gotta make sure
he get the proper dosage.
275
00:14:33,739 --> 00:14:36,970
You really got to be careful
with this.
276
00:14:37,076 --> 00:14:40,307
America, is it just me...
277
00:14:40,412 --> 00:14:42,710
or is Kelly being
a little presumptuous?
278
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:45,477
He seems to be dipping
in my business.
279
00:14:45,584 --> 00:14:48,212
And I don't think
I'm being paranoid.
280
00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:50,288
Now, hold on.
281
00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:52,323
I don't remember smoking that cigar.
282
00:14:52,424 --> 00:14:54,016
And my chair.
283
00:14:54,126 --> 00:14:56,185
That's not my ass print.
284
00:14:56,295 --> 00:14:59,628
Was Kelly talking
to you all, America?
285
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:01,632
See, only I talk to you.
286
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,634
Whose house does
he think this is?
287
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:05,829
This is Bernie Mac's house.
288
00:15:05,938 --> 00:15:07,838
Hey, you know what?
I'm not mad at you.
289
00:15:07,940 --> 00:15:11,137
Nah. I'm just disappointed
in you, America.
290
00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:13,336
I thought me and you all
was tight.
291
00:15:17,549 --> 00:15:20,313
Remember I told you it was
funky in here, America?
292
00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:22,319
Well, it stinks now.
293
00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:26,084
There are little alliances forming all around here,
and I don't like it.
294
00:15:26,191 --> 00:15:28,318
I don't know
what my role is anymore.
295
00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:31,396
I mean, I don't know
how those kids see me.
296
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:34,626
Who am I
and what am I to them?
297
00:15:34,733 --> 00:15:37,668
You're who you've always been.
The enemy.
298
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:40,432
- The Incredible Hulk.
- Bigfoot.
299
00:15:40,539 --> 00:15:42,439
The guy who
terrorizes me.
300
00:15:42,541 --> 00:15:45,476
- A big, fat pain in the...
- Hey, hey, hey!
301
00:15:45,577 --> 00:15:48,671
I know who you are.
You're Uncle Bernie.
302
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,681
Oh, thanks, baby girl.
303
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:53,445
Uncle Bernie Poo-Poo Head.
304
00:15:55,487 --> 00:15:57,648
See, they see me
as the bad cop.
305
00:15:57,756 --> 00:16:00,281
Kelly, the good cop.
Well, fine.
306
00:16:00,392 --> 00:16:02,360
See, I can't afford
to be nice.
307
00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:06,261
I got the responsibility of raising those kids,
teaching them right from wrong.
308
00:16:06,365 --> 00:16:08,925
Am I to blame
for being more mature?
309
00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:12,333
More of an adult?
See, I could be the good cop too.
310
00:16:12,438 --> 00:16:15,669
But every time I try,
Kelly's always in the way...
311
00:16:15,774 --> 00:16:17,674
cop-blocking me.
312
00:16:20,245 --> 00:16:23,703
Man, he doesn't have anything good.
All these are ancient.
313
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:26,808
Here. Why don't you
spin this?
314
00:16:28,253 --> 00:16:30,585
- Hey, you like OutKast?
- Yep.
315
00:16:32,291 --> 00:16:34,259
?? [Hip-hop]
316
00:16:36,261 --> 00:16:39,958
?? [Man Rapping]
317
00:16:40,065 --> 00:16:43,728
Hey. Hey, Kelly, you tighten up that monologue
I was tellin' you about?
318
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:46,327
Oh, not yet.
I was planning on doin' that a little bit later.
319
00:16:46,438 --> 00:16:49,100
You know what?
I'm really kind of worried about it.
320
00:16:49,208 --> 00:16:51,108
You think you can, you know?
321
00:16:51,210 --> 00:16:53,337
Yeah, I can do that.
322
00:16:53,445 --> 00:16:56,005
- Thanks, man.
- Yeah, no problem.
323
00:16:56,115 --> 00:16:59,448
?? [Continues]
324
00:16:59,551 --> 00:17:02,349
Backgammon.
I'll play with you. Wanna play?
325
00:17:02,454 --> 00:17:05,855
- That's all right.
- ?? [Continues]
326
00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:09,086
Oh, man,
that was dirty.
327
00:17:09,194 --> 00:17:11,185
I shouldn't have done that.
328
00:17:11,296 --> 00:17:14,197
Yes, I should have.
I don't know.
329
00:17:14,299 --> 00:17:18,668
America, Bernie Mac is torn. Kelly's my boy,
and I'm treating him like a little flunky.
330
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:23,003
Oh, Bernie, you... you ought to be
ashamed of yourself.
331
00:17:23,108 --> 00:17:26,407
- [Bryana] Uncle Kelly!
- Uncle Kelly?
332
00:17:26,512 --> 00:17:28,707
Ain't no Uncle Kelly.
It's Uncle Bernie.
333
00:17:28,814 --> 00:17:33,808
- Talking about Uncle Kelly.
- Uncle Kelly, I threw up.
Can you help me clean it?
334
00:17:33,919 --> 00:17:36,547
Use the pine-scented cleaner,
Uncle Kelly.
335
00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:40,457
What?
336
00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:43,050
Hey, why you all in here watching TV?
337
00:17:43,162 --> 00:17:45,460
I thought you were supposed
to be doing your homework.
338
00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:47,930
- [Door Opens]
- We're watching PBS. It's educational.
339
00:17:48,033 --> 00:17:50,297
- What?
- Hey, who's up for a movie?
340
00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:52,529
- Yeah! I love movies!
- Yes. Let's do it.
341
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:56,267
Anything you want to see.
Movie, movie, movie. Here you go, dog.
342
00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:58,536
[Door Opens]
343
00:17:58,644 --> 00:18:01,135
- [All Chattering Excitedly]
- [Door Closes]
344
00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:03,680
See what I gotta
deal with, America?
345
00:18:03,782 --> 00:18:06,649
Of course the kids like Kelly.
He's one of them.
346
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:08,652
He doesn't care
if they do their homework.
347
00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:10,654
"Let's go to the movie,"
he says.
348
00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:12,951
He panders to 'em.
That's what he does.
349
00:18:13,058 --> 00:18:14,958
He gives them toys
to play with.
350
00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:17,961
Why, I could be fun.
Uncle Bernie could be a fun uncle.
351
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:26,598
[Muffled]
Hey, kids! Uncle Bernie's home.
352
00:18:26,705 --> 00:18:28,696
Wanna have some fun?
353
00:18:28,807 --> 00:18:31,332
Come on out.
[Chuckles]
354
00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:33,411
Yeah, kids!
355
00:18:34,713 --> 00:18:37,944
Hey, Nessa.
I got something in my teeth.
356
00:19:01,406 --> 00:19:03,340
Excuse me.
357
00:19:03,442 --> 00:19:07,378
Hey, Kelly. What you doing taking
people's kids without their permission?
358
00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:11,472
- What the heck you thinkin'?
- Hey, what's going on, man?
I-I thought we were boys.
359
00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:14,143
- Yeah, I thought we were boys.
- What you trying to say?
360
00:19:14,253 --> 00:19:16,881
What I'm trying to say, Kelly,
is there's a discrepancy, okay?
361
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:21,289
- What kind of discrepancy
you talkin' about, Bernie?
- Um, have you guys seen Bryana?
362
00:19:21,393 --> 00:19:23,725
I thought she was with you.
363
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,662
She was standing right here
a second ago, man.
364
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,730
Look. You all go that way.
Come on.
365
00:19:33,038 --> 00:19:35,063
[Children Squealing, Chattering]
366
00:19:39,711 --> 00:19:41,975
[Video Game Car Engine Revving]
367
00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:55,626
[Children Squealing]
368
00:19:55,727 --> 00:19:59,163
Hey, little girl.
What's your name?
369
00:19:59,264 --> 00:20:02,825
- Bryana!
- It's okay, man. She's with me.
370
00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:05,597
It's okay, Bryana.
Your Uncle Kelly is here. Come on.
371
00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:07,934
- Baby girl.
- Uncle Bernie!
372
00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:11,169
Hey. Hey, hey.
It's all right.
373
00:20:11,276 --> 00:20:14,143
It's all right.
Uncle Bernie here now.
374
00:20:14,246 --> 00:20:16,214
Wanna play some more games?
375
00:20:17,282 --> 00:20:20,251
- Wanna go home?
- With you.
376
00:20:22,754 --> 00:20:28,056
Look, America. If those kids want my man Kelly
to be their fun uncle, that's fine with me.
377
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,560
He can be there
for all the fun and games.
378
00:20:30,662 --> 00:20:32,687
'Cause I'll be there
for everything else.
379
00:20:32,798 --> 00:20:35,460
See, it's not important
that I be those kids' friend.
380
00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:37,467
My job is to be their parent.
381
00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:40,163
And let them know
that I'm there for them always.
382
00:20:40,272 --> 00:20:42,206
And you know what else, America?
383
00:20:42,307 --> 00:20:45,071
As important as it is
to be those kids' parents...
384
00:20:45,177 --> 00:20:47,304
you gotta be
your friend's friend too.
385
00:20:49,615 --> 00:20:53,051
Oh, hey, Kel. Hold it.
I wanna say something to you.
386
00:20:53,151 --> 00:20:55,051
First of all,
I wanna say I'm sorry...
387
00:20:55,153 --> 00:20:58,179
and I know I've been acting a bit of an ass,
and you know what?
388
00:20:58,290 --> 00:21:00,190
You're my friend.
389
00:21:00,292 --> 00:21:04,023
And more important,
you're like my blood.
390
00:21:04,129 --> 00:21:06,029
That means a lot
to me, Bernie.
391
00:21:06,131 --> 00:21:08,361
- You know I love you, man.
- I love you too, man.
392
00:21:08,467 --> 00:21:10,435
- I'm sorry, Kel.
- It's all good, man.
393
00:21:10,535 --> 00:21:13,595
Hey, I-I know I stayed here
a little bit longer than I planned.
394
00:21:13,705 --> 00:21:16,105
- No, no.
- But it's cool. You ain't gotta sweat it.
395
00:21:16,208 --> 00:21:18,108
- I found a place.
- Oh, you did?
396
00:21:18,210 --> 00:21:21,338
- Yeah. I'm moving on Monday.
- Look here, you can stay here until Monday.
397
00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:24,108
Nah, that's okay.
You got the kids and everything.
398
00:21:24,216 --> 00:21:28,448
Plus I need to be able to stay someplace where
I can be a slob and walk around in my drawers.
399
00:21:28,553 --> 00:21:30,646
Hey, you all packed, dog?
400
00:21:30,756 --> 00:21:32,656
Yeah.
401
00:21:32,758 --> 00:21:34,658
Let's do it.
402
00:21:39,431 --> 00:21:42,332
Look, look, look. Look it, man.
403
00:21:42,434 --> 00:21:45,335
Stupid game.
404
00:21:46,938 --> 00:21:49,839
Oh, this is a good game now.
405
00:21:51,443 --> 00:21:54,344
Yeah. Let the kids see me now.
Look it.
406
00:21:54,446 --> 00:21:57,347
Yeah. Look at me now, kids.
407
00:21:57,449 --> 00:22:00,350
Wheel-O!
[Chuckles]
408
00:22:00,452 --> 00:22:03,353
This game don't make
no doggone sense, but...
409
00:22:07,959 --> 00:22:09,358
I'm a man.
33193
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