All language subtitles for Tacoma.FD.S02E05.Im.Eddie.Penisi.Sr.720p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H.264-CtrlHD_Subtitles01.ENG

- Hmm.
- Hmm!

- Hmm.

- You ever see this before?

- Dude stuck upside-down
in the vent of a condom truck?

No. This is a first.

- Yeah, so I just talked
to that girl

in the pink dress back there.

She and this guy were in a car,

about to have sex, but
they didn't have a condom.

So he saw the truck
and tried to climb on top

and it just rolled down the
hill until it hit this tree.

- Truck must've had some kind
of special protection

to prevent an accident.

[all laughing]
- Ha.

- I guess that explains
all the rubberneckers.

[laughter]

- We need to get this dick out

before he causes more damage.

- This whole thing is really
inconceivable.

- Come on, probee,
let's quit with the ribbing.

[all chuckle]
- I bet you he's, uh...

♪

- Come on, man.

- I bet...
- This is all you, Ike.

- You got it, baby.
- Oh, you're waiting for me?

I, uh, I don't have one.

- Well, if you try hard enough,
it'll come.

[all laugh]

- All right. Let's go.
Let's bust a nut.

[clang]
- Let me out of here!

[loud clang]

[boxes thump]

- This truck just spilled
its load.

- I guess that's where the
rubbers meet the road.

[all chuckle]

- Come on! Somebody!

- Still nothing.
- Ike, it's condom puns.

- I'm so sorry, guys.

- Just work.
- Uh. I'm gonna...

- It's disappointing.

- [shouts]

- Congratulations! It's a boy!

- [laughs]

- There you go, sir.

- Dust him off.

All right fellas, we got
this all wrapped up.

All: Whoa! Hey!

- What?
- "Wrapped up."

- What do you mean?
- Come on.

- Come on, guys.

Honestly,
I'm ultrasensitive today.

All: Oh!
- There's one!

- That's gotta be one.
- One what?

- I can't tell if he's serious.

- One what?
[screaming] Wait, guys! What?

[screaming] Guys, what?

[Foreigner's "Hot Blooded"]

♪ ♪

♪ Well, I'm hot-blooded ♪

♪ Check it and see ♪

♪ I've got a fever
of 103 ♪

♪ I'm hot-blooded ♪

♪

- At long last,
your party arrives

at the lowest level
of the lost mine

of the Androsphinx.

[whispering]
The area is eerily quiet.

There's a stench
of dead creatures all around.

You come to a
locked wooden door.

What do you do?

- Let's break it down.
- Yes.

- Yeah. Break it down.
- What do you use?

- [snorts] An ax.
- Agreed.

- As you deliberate,

a gas ogre comes bursting
through the door

and lets out a grotesque roar.

- Hey!

That squirrel you ran over
on Tuesday is still out there.

Go clean it up!

I didn't run it over,
you ran it over.

- Don't you throw me
under the bus.

You ran over it.

You go clean it up.
- Oh, man.

Myawani,
clean up that squirrel.

- Wait, why do I have
to clean up the squirrel?

- In the interest
of saving time, dungeon master,

I could go out and clean up
said squirrel

while you prepare for us
to murder this gas ogre.

- That would be wonderful.

- If it pleases dungeon master.

- Thanks, Ike.
I will remember that. [laughs]

- Chief, Chief.
Terry, Terry, Terry.

Hey, where we going for your
daughter's graduation dinner?

- Oh, Bleeder's Steakhouse.

- Really? Bleeder's?
- Yeah.

- Isn't that
your favorite restaurant?

- Yeah, baby.
Prime rib.

- Yeah, but it's
your daughter's dinner.

I know her first choice
isn't Bleeder's.

- Well, I'm paying,
so I'm choosing.

- Terry, the name
is unappetizing.

- What do you want me to do?

The owner's name is
Jimmy Bleeder.

- Yeah, but it's gross.

- So you want the guy to change
the name of his restaurant

to make you more comfortable?

- I am certain
you know what I mean.

- No, I don't.

The name of the place
is Bleeder's.

Bleeder's Steakhouse.

That's where we're going.
And I'm paying.

[tires squealing]

Oh, shit.
It's the commissioner.

- Why would he come
unannounced?

- Okay. I don't know.
I don't know.

♪ ♪

- Hello, Commissioner.

- Hello, Dad.

♪ ♪

- Inside.
Office. Now.

♪

- Uh...

- Sit down.

About a week ago,

a guy broke in
to a condom truck.

- Rescued him.

- He's suing the city
for 125 mil.

- What? Guy was a thief.

- He's not gonna win.

But here's the thing.

When there's a lawsuit,

the incident report
goes public.

"Condom truck extrication
incident report

"by Edward Penisi, Jr.

"It was a wet and stormy night.

"A raincoat was needed.

"Luckily, we came upon

a condom truck."

Blah-blah-blah.
"Sticky situation."

Blah-blah-blah.

"Erected a ladder."

Blah-blah-blah.

"Penetrated the back door."

Blah. Blah. Blah.

- Boy, that really sings, huh?

- [laughs sarcastically]

[laughs angrily]

The mayor's up my ass!

Because you're my son

and you're my son-in-law,

and when they read
this thing,

the TFD is going to look
like a bunch of idiots!

- [laughing]
I told you a million times

not to screw around
on your reports. [laughs]

- You read it, right?

- I did, but I thought
it was a joke,

'cause you're always joking.

- If you thought it was a joke,
why did you submit it?

Unless you weren't
doing your job. [chuckling]

- It's not my job
to rein in my captain.

[both laughing]
- Enough!

I pulled a bunch of reports
from "A" Shift.

They all stink!

Lucy's are actually fantastic,

but Ike Crystal,
he writes like a third-grader.

Granville Smith,

guy thinks he's
F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Andy...

[stammering]
My--mayor--mywa--

- Myawani.
- He hasn't done his reports

in a month!

The punishment:

everyone but Lucy

will redo their reports
for the last two weeks.

- Oh, come on.
All of them?

- Yeah.
All of them.

- Okay, okay.

Thank you very much, sir.

- I'm not done.

What's this about
a graduation dinner tonight?

- Uh...it's happening?

Vicky told me about it
this morning.

You didn't invite me.

The grandfather.

- That's weird.
I sent out an e-vite.

Did you not get the e-vite?
- I did not.

Maybe because I don't know
what an e-vite is.

How about an invite?

Like in my fucking mailbox

or in my fucking ear.

- Maybe check your spam folder?

- Well.
I'll be there.

And I'm paying.

No, no,
it's my daughter's dinner.

I'm paying.
- I'm the patriarch.

I pay.

- I'm the patriarch
of my daughter.

So I'm paying.

- I'm paying.
Now get out.

I gotta make a phone call.

- This is my office.
- It was mine first.

[door latches shut]

Why you gotta throw
me under the bus?

- You did it first.
- I hate it when he's here.

- Will you stick up
for yourself?

He neuters you every time.
- He didn't neuter me.

- He just kicked you out
of your office.

That's a neutering.
- No, it's not!

- Hey, Terry.
I'm gonna go to my office.

What are you gonna do?

- Fuck you.
- Yeah.

♪ ♪

- As you open the gas ogre's
treasure chest,

the party member in the rear
of the formation

finds something.

- That's me. I'm in the rear.

- [scoffs]
- Yes, Ike the Sweet.

And you find...
[dice thud]

A Helmet of Telekinesis.

- Oh, sweet!
- Oh...

- I see the future, right?

- I guess it pays

to clean up the dungeon
master's dead squirrel, huh?

- Currying favors
for the dungeon master

is always a good idea.

- Attention on deck!
Commissioner Penisi.

- Hi!
- Look at this beautiful girl.

- Aw, hi, Gampy.

- That's
"Commissioner Gampy" to you.

At ease, men.
Sit.

What's this?
- Dungeons & Dragons, sir.

- Is it a board game?

- Kind of, yeah.
Right.

- Funny-looking dice.

Is it a gambling game?

- Oh, no, no, no.
Chief banned gambling, so...

- No gambling.

- You banned gambling

in my station?

- It was becoming a problem--
- Terry.

I'm lifting the ban.

- With all due respect, sir--
- I'm the commissioner.

I am unbanning gambling
in this station

for the rest
of historical time.

Start gambling!

What are you looking
at him for? Now!

- Yeah.
- I got 30 on me.

- Hey, place your bets, guys.

- That's fine.
- [quietly] I don't know, man.

- Happy gambling.
- Thank you, sir.

- Nice to see you again.

- Okay, you know what?

I hate to rain on your parade,

but per the commish,

the incident reports
are subpar.

So everyone except Lucy
has to redo their reports

from the last two weeks.

- Whoo-whoo-whoo!

- But Chief, man, I worked
my ass off on mine.

- Yours read like you're trying
to get a book deal.

- [laughs]
- I want 'em on my desk today.

- Kay, Chief.

I guess we have to save
this game for another day.

- Well, hold on.

Since I don't have
anything to do,

I can help with your reports.

- Much obliged.

- I guess it does pay
to please the dungeon master.

- That's right.
And don't you forget it.

[chuckles]

[laughs]

[laughing loudly]

[cackling]

[cackling maniacally]

Boop.

- Campground's in flames,

and I'm searching RVs.

They're on fire.

Smoke everywhere.

Well, I ain't leaving.

That's when I hear,

"Help. Help."

It's three little kids.

- He kicked you
out of your office.

And yet, here he is
in the break room.

Does that piss you off?
- Nope. Not at all.

- And that's when I see
the propane tank on fire.

♪

I don't think.

I jump on those kids,

and boom.

My turnout was eviscerated,

my back was opened up
to the spine, but...

I saved those kids.

- Wow.

Goosebump Olympics
over here, right?

- No, no.

I was just doing my job.

- Wow.

- It's unbelievable.

The fire gets bigger
every time.

[grumbles] "My spine.
You can see my spine."

- If we could see your
spine, you'd be dead.

- Show 'em your medals, Gampy.

[bell dings]

- Hey, Terry.
You're not doing anything.

Why don't you leave
your lemonade stand

and grab the beef
out of the oven.

[quietly]
- Don't do it.

- Yes, sir.

- Big mistake.

- So this is Medal of Valor,

Washington State.

National Firefighters
Association.

Firefighter of the Year 1975.
- There's no potholders.

- Presidential Medal of Valor,
President Ford.

- You have a Presidential
Medal of Valor?

- Two, actually.
That one's from Reagan.

- Oh, that's hot!

Come on!
- You okay, Chief?

- Potholders.

- Okay--forget--
find a potholder--

[hissing]
- [grunts]

- Careful--
- What?

Whoa!
[metal clangs]

- Beef tetra-Penisi.
Dig in.

- This is my favorite thing
he makes.

- Hey, uh, what happened
to your game?

- Oh, we have to finish
these reports.

Chief says they are due
at the end of the day.

- No, they don't have
to be done today.

Take your time.
Play your game.

Oh!
And remember to gamble.

[all laughing]
- I love you, Gampy.

- He's so good.
- He's like a superhero, right?

- I know, right?
- Hey, hey.

I want those reports EOD.
- Didn't you hear the commish?

He said that we don't have
to do them right away.

- I said EOD.

- Terry, it's lunchtime.
Come on.

- EOD!

- Okay, okay.
- Chief!

- Whew...

♪

- [imitating trumpet fanfare]

Whence last we played,

Ike had found the
Helmet of Telekinesis.

but Lucia has also found
an item.

- Nice!
- Hold up, hold up, hold up.

Why is it when people get you
things or kiss your ass,

they get something?

That's cheating!
- Purely coincidence.

- Well, it don't feel
like coincidence.

- It's just the roll
of the dice, Granny.

Oh, look.
I believe it's your turn.

- Okay.

I want to search
for secret doors.

- Yes.
- Eh?

- Oh! Unfortunately, a grick
was hiding in the corner

and attacked Grandolph,

killing him instantly.

[laughs]
- That's bullshit, man!

You're corrupt!
- No! Bye!

Here's a little advice.

Lucy is one level away
from a resurrection spell.

Maybe if you finish
my reports...

I can speed that up.
[laughs]

- That's kind of
an abuse of power.

- Kinda is.
- That's an abuse of power?

- Kinda, I mean...
- Ike!

I would love

a Le Pew sparkling water.

- No, I'm not gonna--

you're two feet away from the--
don't, don't!

Don't!
Don't touch my card.

I'm going, okay?

Stop! Don't touch it.

♪ ♪

- Hey, Junior!

Junior, come here,
come here, come here.

Look what I found
hiding in Terry's closet.

That's every Penisi
ever stationed here.

That's me, of course.
- Yeah.

- Your grandpa, Giuseppe.

That's Mario before him,

Luigi,

his dad, Geppetto,

and your great-great-great-
great-grandpa, Bosco.

- Good looking bunch of guys.
- They're all right.

You know, you were conceived
on this desk.

- No, Dad, I didn't know that.

- It was your mom's idea,
may she rest in peace.

You ever have sex on this desk?

- Yeah, I did.
Recently, actually.

Good height.
- Right?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, you see?

That's why you should be chief.

- Come on.
- Terry...

he would never have sex
on this desk.

- Well, he's married
to your daughter, my sister.

- You know what I mean.

I mean, Terry's soft.

You're more of a chief
than he is.

- Okay.
- You're smarter than him.

- Yeah.
- You're funnier.

- Yes.
- You're better-looking.

You're more charming.
- Definitely.

- You have the heart
of a chief, son.

I see greatness in you.

- You do?
- Someday...

This will be yours.

♪

- My precious...

- He's been disrespecting me
since day one.

Remember at our wedding

when he got rid of the chicken
alternative I suggested

because he wanted
everyone to eat beef?

- It's a generational thing.

He calls chicken "girl meat."

- People like options
at weddings.

- He doesn't.

And he was paying.

- That's a whole other thing.

The paying.
I'm sick of it.

- He is a grandpa.

It makes him feel like
he's still running the house.

It's not like he kicked you out
of your office

or anything.

- Okay. I gotta go.
Love you.

♪ ♪

- Hey, Granny.
How are my reports going?

- I'm making progress.

- Oh, cool, cool.
Heh.

Let me see what you got.

It's a little wordy.

It doesn't really
sound like me, but...

maybe you can take another
whack at it?

- [imitating Andy]
"Maybe you can do it yourself.

Huh. Neh. Heh."

- Maybe I could.

But maybe
Grandolph's resurrection

hits a couple
of unforeseen speed bumps.

[chuckles]

I'm just kidding.

I'm sure the resurrection
will be fine.

But just do a good job, okay?

[chuckles]

Okay?

- [quietly]
Okay.

- You can say it like me,
if you want.

Mm-kay?

Huh. You don't want
to imitate me now?

That's strange.

- Mm-kay?
- Okay!

- Not "okay."

Mm-kay.

♪ ♪

- I found these jammed
in your closet.

That Durabran girl is hot!

And the "wake up
your wife" thing,

it's hysterical!
- [chuckles]

I always thought it was funny.

- By the way, your life
would be a lot easier

if Eddie, Jr. wasn't there
to undermine you all the time.

You think the crew respects you

when he tells fat jokes
to your face?

No.

And did you know
he screws on your desk?

- Screws what?
Women?

- No, no.
He screws furniture together.

Yes, women!
- Who did he screw?

- He wouldn't say.

But talk about insubordination.

- God.
I don't believe it.

- He's disgusting!

But you,
I see greatness in you.

You can be commissioner
someday...

if Eddie, Jr. doesn't drag you
down with him.

And about the bill tonight?

You can pay.
- I can?

- Absolutely.
- Thanks, Commissioner.

- Call me "Dad."

- [laughing] Okay!
Dad.

[laughs]

Great.
- See you tonight, son.

[laughing]
- That's great.

[menacing music]

- 'Sup, my nerds.
Guess what?

I finished your reports.

- Your timing is excellent,
Granny,

because Lucia has reached
level five.

- And I would like
to resurrect Grandolph.

- Oh, yes, and thank you.

[both laugh]

- This spell will consume
a diamond

worth 500 gold pieces.

- I have such a diamond,
Dungeon Master.

[angelic choir sings]

- I submit this diamond
for Grandolph's life.

- Grandolph's soul...

♪ ♪

Can you hear me?

- [high-pitched voice]
Yes...I...can...

- Are you willing
to rejoin your body?

- [high-pitched voice]
Yes, Dungeon Master...

- Grandolph's wounds close.

He lives!

- [gasps] Yeah!

- Oh, baby!

- Do a dance of joy.

[chuckling]

- Come again?

- Entertain me with a dance.

- Just get it over with.

- [laughs] Yes, yes.

Ellen hands, please,
Ellen hands.

More Ellen.

Yes, Granny.
Push the fruit.

Ah, yes, yes.
Push that fruit away.

Bountiful harvest.
There's too much fruit.

Push it away.
- That's really weird, man.

- Push the fruit!
[cackles]

- Dear God.
Mercy.

- Playing
Doorbells & Dingleberries?

- Oh! [stammering]

No, it's, uh--

it's Dungeons & Dragons,
sir.

- Did you bet on it?
- Oh, no.

Still no gambling here.
- God damn it!

I said gamble!
That's what firefighters do!

We gamble!

And if you're not gambling,

then you're not playing!

- Hey, what's going on in here?

- I have never seen
a softer group

in my life!

This is on you two.

The captain and the chief
of the pussies.

- We need to talk.

♪

I want you to go in that office
and tell your father to leave.

If you want him
out of your office,

you tell him, Chief.

- You're afraid.
- I'm afraid?

You're soft.
And by the way?

I'd be a better chief than you.

I have the heart of a chief.

- You're the one
dragging me down.

- Ha! You're the chief
of the pussies.

Also, if you want
to pay for dinner,

you just pay.

- I am.

I told him, and he agreed.
- Oh.

But that shouldn't matter
to you

because you're not invited
anymore.

- [laughing]
Oh.

You're disinviting me?
- Yeah.

Well, you be very careful
right now, Terry McConky,

'cause I'll make you
regret that.

- I regret inviting you
in the first place.

♪ ♪

- Happy eighth grade
graduation.

When your mother was
in the eighth grade,

we didn't celebrate
eighth grade graduation.

Didn't have cell phones,
either.

But these days,

everybody's gotta have
a trophy.

Am I right?
- Hey.

We're ready to order.
- Oh, wonderful.

- Looks like we arrived
just in time.

- What are you doing here?
I disinvited you.

- Yeah.
Vicky re-invited me.

- How could you disinvite him?

This is a family dinner

Vicky also told me
I could bring a date.

So this is Penny.

Penny is a professional
competitive eater.

- Oh, like the hot dog guys?

- Yeah. She eats massive
amounts of food professionally.

And she's in training.

- Nice to meet you all.
- Nice to meet you.

- Hey, Penny.

- Oh, thank you.

Professional eater.
[chuckles]

That's great.
- I'm starving.

- Dig in.

- Ok--my bread.

[Penny chewing noisily]

Okay.
That's my water.

[chuckles]

Maybe we could get her--
uh.

[chuckles]

- All right, why don't we start
with the young lady?

- I will start...

[affected Italian accent]
With the fried "calamar"

and raviole al spinaci.

And each of my girls will have
a "spaghett" Bolognese.

- I'll also have the
fried "calamar,"

followed by
the veal "scallopeen"

and a personal pizza
alla "pepperone."

- I'll start with the
"prosciut,"

then I'll have the spaghettini
alla quattro formaggio,

al dente.

- For me, a bufala
"moo-zarell"

followed by
a stringozzi puttanesca

with a side of risotto
Parmigiano.

Ooh, let's get some gabagool
for the table, hmm?

Gabagool? Gabagool?
- Yeah.

- Gabagool galore.
- [sighs]

- The young lady?
- To start,

I'll have the left side
of the menu...

- Yeah.
- And for the main course,

I'll have the right side.
- Wonderful.

- How about for you, sir?

- I will just have
the prime rib.

And some more bread.
- Okay.

- And another water.

- Hey, thanks
for picking up the check.

I'll have a Dewar's Platinum.

- Want to make it a double?
- Make it a double.

Great idea.

♪ ♪

- The Dungeon Master
grows impatient!

- [whispering]
He's nuts!

- [hushed]
We've gotta take him down.

- Just having this conversation
right now

could get our
characters killed!

- Have you found
a sub for Lucy yet?

- Not yet, Dungeon Master!

- I know.

Oh, I got it.

- What--don't--
[buzzer sounding]

- [singing in boops]

Hey, there he is.

- How goes it?

- Cool, cool.
Good to see you, Tolthar.

[chuckles]
You look awesome.

- I know.

- Tolthar, Granny.
Granny, Tolthar.

Oh, Tolthar was with me
the night that

that girl turned me
into a werewolf.

- Super Blue Blood Moon.

Was a weird night.
- That was a weird one.

- I woke up naked
next to a Wookie.

- What?
- Not a real Wookie.

A cosplay.
- Aw.

Still crazy.
Over here.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

That's your thing, huh?

- Well, it was that night.

♪ ♪

- Andy, you remember my buddy,
Tolthar.

- Oh, yeah.

So they got you
to replace Lucy.

I didn't realize
you played D&D.

- I dabble.
- [laughs] Aw, man.

I'll try not to kill you
too quickly.

- Oh, okay.
Thanks.

- [chewing noisily]
- So there's Terry and Junior,

and they're walking
with the firefighters

in
the St. Patrick's Day parade,

drunk as monkeys.

So drunk, they don't realize
they're now walking

with a high school
marching band.

These two,
they just keep on marching.

- Hey, sweetheart.

When the check's ready,
bring it to me.

- Hey, Dad, Dad, Dad.
You said I could pay.

- I'm changing it up a little.

And I'm not your dad.

♪ ♪

- You enter and see the
Androsphinx from behind.

It spins, surprising you.

Now, claw attack.

[dice clatter]

And it kills you all.

- Dead?
- See?

- We just started!

- Nice playing with you guys.

Nice seeing you again.

- Um, if we saw
the Androsphinx from behind,

how did it surprise us?

- It spun quickly?

- But if a player catches
a monster from behind,

we would get the first attack.

You've read "The Dungeon
Master's Guide," yes?

- Yes. I've read it.

Fine. You get first attack.

Androsphinx is basically
invincible,

so...go for it.

- Okay.
I cast a time stop spell.

And then I use Nolzur's
Marvelous Pigments

to paint a lake
around the Androsphinx

in which it drowns.

- Nice!
- [imitates explosion]

- The Androsphinx can't swim.

It's dead, bitch.
- Fish food, bitch.

[laughing]
- Yeah!

- Anyway, enjoy splitting
that treasure.

[Granny and Ike laughing]

- Oh, and lose my number,
you fucking nerds.

- All right, man.

- Unless you do this again,

because I really do enjoy D&D.

- Good to see you, Tolthar!
- Likewise.

- He's so good at D&D.
- He really is.

- You're a dick, Andy!
- You're a real dick!

- What I can't figure out is

how you're able to stand up
without a backbone.

- Can you step in here?
- I've had a lifetime of this.

He'll make his point
soon enough.

- Hey, Vick.

Did you know that Terry

let me kick him
out of his office

without putting up a fight?

- I'm sure he had his reasons.

- Oh, I'll tell you
his reasons.

No balls.

Well, he's got a ball.

One ball.
He's got a ball,

Eddie, Jr.'s got a ball.

Between them,
they got a pair of balls.

Together: Enough!
- [gulps]

- Harry lost that nut
saving my life.

- And Eddie lost his nut

the second time
I saved his life.

- [gasps]
- Terry's a great chief.

There's no one I'd rather
report to.

- And Eddie's a great captain.
His crew loves him.

And there's no one I'd rather
be in the trenches with.

- You know, when I showed up
at work today,

I saw a chief and a captain

who loved to throw each other
under the bus,

neither acting like a leader.

So I devised a plan...

- [choking silently]
- To make me your common enemy,

hoping that you'd
band together,

and look what happened.

You're acting like a team.

Looks like I did my job again.

You're supporting each other.

You'll be better men, now.

You're welcome.

- [chokes]
[bone whooshes]

- Oh!
[both gasp]

- Wanna get out of here?
- I thought you'd never ask.

- You got room for a hot dog?

- As long as
I soak it in water.

[both laugh]
- That's gross.

- What is happening?

- Two things.

You're paying for dinner.

And I'm Eddie Penisi.

- ♪ Eddie Senior!

- [together]
Son of a bitch.

- I'll just leave this here.
Take your time.

- Oh.

Wanna split it?
- Nope.

♪

- The fog takes the form

of a female nothic.

[high-pitched voice]
You may ask one question of me,

and one question only!

- Hey, I've got a question.

When can I play
with you guys again?

- Did you wash my car?
Did you do her laundry?

Did you shine his shoes?
- Yes.

- Why don't you start
on our station tasks?

Is that cool with you, Cap?

- Yeah, you know, I'll defer
to the chief on this one,

since he's in charge
of this house.

- This is Cap's shift.

I defer to him,
and I support his decision.

- No, sir, please.
You decide.

- No. Whatever's cool with him
is cool with me.

- Okay.

Then Andy
can do everyone's tasks.

- [laughs loudly]

- I really like
our new synergy.

- The station really hums when
we support each other.

- Doesn't it?
- Yeah.

Speaking of humming...

did you have sex on my desk?

- In light of our new,
honest relationship,

yes, I did.

- Son of a bitch, Eddie.

That's sacred ground in there.

You don't have sex
on the chief's desk.

- Somebody's got to do it.
- Who was it?

- You know I don't
kiss and tell.

- Was it that woman
from Animal Control?

- That was in your car.
I really should call her.

- Angela the ambulance driver.

- That was on your couch
at Christmastime.

I should call her, too.

- Patty from the tax office.

- That was in your garage
on St. Paddy's Day.

Ha! I'm not calling her.

- Who was it?
- I'm not telling.

- Tell me.
- I'm not telling.

- This relationship is over!

- Ask me if I care.

- You don't care
about anything but yourself.

- I don't care about shit.

- That's exactly what I'm
talking about!

- I like it when things
go back to normal.

It feels like all is right
in the world.

Oh! Critical hit!

- You're gonna wash my desk!

- Andy, go wash Chief's desk.
Now.