Original subtitles

RuPaul: Previously on All Stars...

You need to design and present your own signature suite

worthy of a five-star hotel.

[laughter and applause]

A lot of girls talk about you behind your back.

Oh, I could be one of them

and tell everybody how we gonna get rid of you, but I'm not.

I'm not.

-Come on in. -Come inside.

I've said that before.

Thanks for coming.

And thank you for being a friend.

If you don't elbow your way to the front,

you're suddenly in the shadows.

I'm sorry.

The thing that was missing, there were no jokes.

Jujubee, con-drag-ulations.

You are the top All Star of the week.

[applause]

Thank you.

Sometimes it's not your day.

But sometimes it might be my last day,

and hopefully, that's not the case tonight.

I am in the bottom three.

I could be going home tonight.

We all know that Shea is a powerhouse.

But she got the worst critiques.

Ooh. Is this strategy, bitch?

Ru-veal yourself!

[cheers and applause]

Monét X Change, con-drag-ulations.

You're a winner, baby.

The $10.000 will be added to next week's tip.

Which queen has the group chosen to get the chop?

Mariah.

Mariah, sashay away.

[sighs]

Another day down.

Pblblblbl. Uh!

Oh, that was insane.

I feel great that I dodged a bullet

and that I'm still here.

But I kind of walked into this competition

hoping that I would just have this beautiful, untouchable,

flawless journey to the crown,

and that is not exactly how it's going.

I've just gotta, you know, pick myself back up

and live to slay another day.

Thank y'all for keeping us, you know?

Yes.

Well, we don't fully know that.

Okay, well, I don't know what y'all vote was,

but I'm looking at these girls right here, so...

Do you guys wanna look in the box?

-Yeah. -Yeah.

One Mariah.

Two Mariah.

Three Mariah.

One Shea.

-Who's that? -Two Shea.

Touché!

[all laugh]

I'm sorry. What, what, what, what in the what-what?

One India.

Well, if today is full of only one thing,

it is surprises.

-Yeah. -Is that your Mariah?

That's my Mariah.

So four Mariahs, two Shea, India.

Wow.

Well, y'all know who my vote was.

-I voted for Mariah. -I voted for Mariah.

We all know Shea's a powerhouse.

I thought the group was gonna be, like, Shea's in the bottom?

Let's get her out.

[laughs]

This backfired on my ass.

I'll be honest. Shea, I voted for you.

-Okay. -It was not personal at all.

It was the hardest vote.

Like, I respect each and every one of you so much as artists,

and I've gotten to know you guys even more

since we've been here, and I consider you my friend.

But Mariah is like my sister,

and I just couldn't do it.

I mean, there were two votes for me.

The next vote for Shea was me

just because I didn't wanna send Mariah home.

Personally, I didn't wanna deal with that inside me.

I saw Mariah work so hard that I couldn't do that to her.

So you didn't think that I worked hard?

I did. I think you did great, like I say to you before.

No, you said you didn't wanna choose Mariah,

so you chose Shea.

Why not India?

Oh, India was out of the question for me,

because I think her performance was great.

So it went down to the critiques that were the hardest for me.

India was in the bottom twice,

so how is it that India is, like, not even an option

when out of all the girls that are remaining here

I'm the only one that's won a challenge and a lip sync.

So...

It just puts a lot of things into perspective.

It just literally shows that it could be any one of us any day.

At any time.

I'm not terribly surprised

at how these two girls are playing the game,

because if I were scared, I would do the same thing.

But, girl, I'm always going to be thinking about the fact

that you tried to send me home.

These girls have no idea the kind of games I can play.

So let's have some fun.

RuPaul: The winner of RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars

receives a one-year supply

of Anastasia Beverly Hills cosmetics,

a coveted spot in the Drag Race Hall of Fame,

and a cash prize of $100.000.

With our extra-special guest judge Sarah Hyland.

♪ RuPaul's Drag Race ♪

♪ May the best woman ♪

♪ Best woman win ♪end teaser

-Whoo! -Ahh.

-Another day! -Ooh.

[all laugh]

We're back. Back again.

I got my first win last week.

Now, what if I win this week?

[gasps]

Bitch.

Good Juju is here.

She says, "Thanks for making this a better experience.

"Love, Mariah, aka Balenciaga, aka Paris,

"aka successful,

aka bottom."

-"Mug 4 dayz." -"Mug 4 dayz."

-Oh, I love Mariah! -This bitch!

She is the most extra person.

Knowing damn well I gotta get ready there,

we gotta clean this up.

Let me show you how to do this,

because I know you haven't done this before.

You just take-- [all laugh]

With each elimination,

you start to realize...

"I'm doing something right."

I'm still here, bitch. Ha!

I feel like this is some kind of bad juju Santería curse

or something that every time you win a challenge,

the winner finish in the bottom.

-[laughs] -Or if you're in the top--

Wait, is that-- is that what's been happening?

-Yes. -Yeah.

I feel like, yes, you were in the bottom.

And then you were in the bottom.

-Uh-huh. -Then you.

And...

-Juju. -Juju.

Oh, don't put no bad juju on this.

[alarm]

RuPaul: Ooh, girl.

She done already done had herses.

My All Stars, a dangerous woman once said,

"There's no such thing as bad publicity,"

because if you can handle a scandal,

your walk of shame could lead you to the Hall of Fame.

-A scandal! -Sandal!

Right?

Hello, hello, hello!

-Hi! -Yay!

Ladies, when they go low, we go high.

But sometimes you just gotta love

some good old Hollywood gossip. [laughs]

So for this week's maxi-challenge,

you'll be caught behaving badly

on the nationally syndicated gossip show SheMZ.

[all laugh]

Oh, my God.

#AllStars5.

Working in teams, you need to improv your way

through some scandalous situations.

Okay.

And you gotta be funny.

Make me laugh.

Team number one is India and Mayhem.

-Oh! -All right.

Come on over here, bitch.

[all laugh]

India, you'll play a celebrity who's a chronic shoplifter.

And Mayhem, you'll play the thirsty shop girl

who catches her in the act.

-Let's do this. -Okay.

Team two is Jujubee, Blair, and Cracker.

-Oh! -Okay!

Jujubee, you'll play an overprotective drag mother.

Oh!

Blair, you'll play her obnoxious, ungrateful daughter.

Oh, okay.

And Miz Cracker, you'll play a shady queen

at the center of a college admissions scandal.

-Oh, yes! -Wow!

And that means team three is Shea Couleé and Alexis Mateo.

Uh... [laughs]

Oh, shit.

Shea, you'll play an icy drag queen

who's been fired from The Fake Housewives of Tuckahoe

for being too fake.

Alexis, you'll play a messy drag queen

who's been fired from the same trashy reality show

for being too trashy.

Typecast. We're just typecasts.

All Stars, start your engines, and may the best woman win.

-Yes! -Whoo!

Come on, white boys.end act

Ahh. Bitch, we're about to act a fool up in here.

And SheMZ? How clever.

Today's challenge is SheMZ.

Let me tell you, I love a gossip,

and I like to talk shit.

So this is right up my alley.

-This is gonna be funny. -It is.

Because I know that you're a thief.

Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

Because, you know, I've seen you

over in my closet over there a couple times.

I didn't say that I was a smooth thief.

So you're not a smooth criminal.

No, I'm not a smooth criminal. I'm just a criminal.

[clears throat]

Being the good Christian lady that I am,

I am assigned the shoplifter.

Déjà vu.

It's funny, because all honesty,

when I started drag, I would steal stuff.

Like, I absolutely was a shoplifter.

And I got caught one time stealing three dresses,

and I had to go to court for that.

Clearly, I'm not proud of that,

but I did my community service, thank you.

-You know what I wanna do? -What?

I wanna steal this win from everyone else.

That's what we need to do.

Last time when I did an improv challenge,

I went home.

It's big!

Okay, all right.

And long!

I just wanted you to go further with it.

You can't be too big.

I wanna prove to Ru I'm not that girl from Season 10.

This time, I'm coming to win.

[both laugh]

When I've worked on a team with someone,

they've gone home.

Right.

So I'm hoping we can break that curse.

Oh, we gonna break it open.

We're gonna break it, because I'm not going home.

If someone goes home, it better be you, bitch.

Oh! Well, I already know that I have your vote.

I do not trust Alexis as far as I can throw her,

and y'all know that ain't far.

But I am going to put

my most professional panties on right now,

and we're gonna get this job done,

and I'll handle our personal stuff after this.

So you playing a little Miss Perfect.

Yes, so that's--

"She's a control freak and have major rage issues."

Okay, okay.

"She's fake."

Oh, this is so, so close to real life.

[laughs]

Ha ha ha ha!

So wait. I wanna read about your character.

Uh-huh.

Alexis Mateo, the hot mess.

"She thinks Shea is an uptight bitch."

I think so.

[both laugh] I'm getting in character.

Well, yes, I understand.

"She got kicked off the show

"because even though she was great TV,

she was such a liability she became difficult to insure."

Right.

"She'll do anything for fame and attention,

and she's pretty open about that."

Right, like me.

[laughs] Yes.

Our scene is called Eating with the Enemy.

We try to put an act on like we're good friends,

but then we're throwing shade under our breath.

Right.

We just look at each other, like...

hmm.

[laughs]

it's very on-point with us.

I feel like these characters

are actually pretty, like, spot-on for us to play.

Right.

Especially, like, off of each other.

So this is gonna be a super fun challenge

or a disaster in the making.

You know, it's, like, this challenge

is really about, like, how--

first of all, I see this as a comedy challenge,

but it's how quick you are.

Mm-hmm.

- Because it's improv. -Yeah.

And we have to have a lot of fun with it.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

I have a good Juju on my team, but I also have bad juju,

because I think Blair might have been plotting against me.

In the interest of what Alexis

has been saying about full honesty,

I just wanna say a few things. I'll make it quick.

[tongue pop]

Okay.

Blair, you and I have been friends for two years.

-Mm-hmm. -Facts.

We had a challenge

where feathers were ruffled for you and Mayhem.

Another fact. In this very room, Alexis strongly suggested

that you and perhaps Mayhem were discussing strategies

to push me out of this competition.

What?

I've never once tried to strategize

to get you out of this competition.

-Okay. -And you could ask Mayhem.

You can ask anyone else in this entire room,

in this entire competition.

There's been some tension between us

the past few days we've been here,

but it's because I needed my space.

-Yeah, same. -I've needed my space.

It's not because I didn't want whatever was going on

or whatever had been said to continue.

Right.

But I don't wanna push you out.

Okay.

Hmm.

Right now, the investigation is saying

she is not not not guilty.

But I hope we can put any differences aside

and move forward.

Yeah.

Everything's not one hundred,

but I also wanna win this goddamn challenge.

I do value our friendship,

and I felt like my friendship with you

was kind of compromised, and that's what frustrated me.

Yeah.

Yeah, I would rather compete with you as a friend, honestly.

Like, I would rather help each other

get to the top and have RuPaul choose.

It's like a Juju sandwich with two pieces of white bread.

I'm aroused.

Who knows, you know?

In this competition, there's a lot that goes on.

We may have other moments

where we're frustrated with each other.

Oh, I hope you do, because it's so hot.

[all laugh]

-All right. -I love you guys.

-I wanna get to the challenge. -I do, too. I do, too.

We ain't got time for this.

But I'm very intrigued,

because I wanna see how this goes down.

♪ Dun-dun-dun ♪end act

SheMZ!

[cheering]maybe graphic?

It's me, Kressley Carson. So what's the T?

Hey, Kressley!

The titties were not real!

[gasps] Liberace was gay?

Come on, fellas, give it to me straight.

[all talking]

Where did Justin Bieber come from?

[all laugh]

Fake Housewives of Tuckahoe alert.

We ran into Shea Couleé and Alexis Mateo having lunch.

Shea!

-Oh, here comes SheMZ. -Act natural.

Alexis, it's SheMZ! Oh, my God!

Heavens to Murgatroyd, I thought they hated each other!

The only thing sadder than one ex fake housewife...

I'm not just sickening. I'm contagious.

Is two ex fake housewives.

I might be pretty on the outside,

but on the inside, I'm pure garbage.

Bam! [all laugh]

Bam!

I have to ask.

What are two of reality TV's most infamous enemies

doing having lunch together?

Well, everyone's gotta eat.

I mean, especially if you're Alexis Mateo.

Oh, you're so cute.

Our sources say

you were kicked off the show for being too trashy?

Oh, no, I was never kicked out of the show.

Shea, why do you think Alexis got kicked off the show?

I don't wanna talk about Alexis' multiple failures.

She doesn't know. She doesn't know.

Because I didn't get-- Hey!

I didn't get kicked out.

If you can't lie to yourself,

then how the hell are you gonna lie to somebody else?

-You said it, man. -Yeah.

-Copy that. -That's you.

-Gotcha, bro. -[laughs]

You ordered a lot of food there.

Is there any truth to the rumors that you're eating for two?

More like drinking for two.

I didn't wanna say this, but I am pregnant.

[gasps] Aah!

This is a SheMZ exclusive!

I don't know if you know this, but I am also pregnant, too.

Aah!

Do you know who the baby daddy is?

Okay, I shouldn't be saying this because I signed an NDA,

but he's also Blac Chyna's baby daddy.

-Wait a minute. -[gasps]

That's the father of my kid, too.

Mm, no, because--

Oh, yes, it is!

Are you even really pregnant, or is that just a food baby?

[gasps] You are so offensive,

because you know you're lying, sweetheart.

[chanting] Food baby! Food baby!

Food baby? Food baby?

Don't ever say nothing.

-Prove it! Prove it! -This girl right here is lying!

-Oh! -Oh, there you have it!

It's a pillow!

It's a pillow!

The girl, like, what are you doing?

Oh! [gasps]

She's a fake, too!

Wow! Did not see that coming.

That's what she said. Oh!

[all laugh]

Heh. We're garbage.

That's like you always miss the target.

Wait, wait, wait.

-[spits] -Everything on me is real.

Oh, really? Like this?

Oh!

Look at that! Another exclusive!

Oh! Oh!

Don't do this to the food!

I'm taking this to go!

The reality is these bitches are crazy.

Oh!

Aah!

Ow! Ow!

Somebody help me! Aah!

I'm being attacked by a crazy woman!

You fake-ass bitch!

You know what? I'm done with you!

What you laughing at?

Get the cameras away from me!

All of you better get outta here!

Get outta here!

Thirsty bitches!

They're thirsty, all right, for these nuts!

You know what? That's chauvinistic, dude.

[all laugh]

Great stuff. Give me more. Fill me up.

Drag mother Jujubee and her social influencer daughter

get arrested this morning.

[gasps]

[cries]

Dude, I heard this Jujubee character

bribed college officials to get her daughter into Drag U, man.

-Yeow! -Gnarly.

Turns out Miz Cracker is at the center of a bribery ring.

-Cracker! Cracker! -Miz Cracker! Cracker!

-One question, Miz Cracker! -Miz Cracker!

And SheMZ caught up with her this morning

at the Michelle Visage Free Clinic.

Eew. Oh, that reminds me, I've gotta get my test results back.sign on window

Miz Cracker! Miz Cracker!

Oh! Oh! It's SheMZ!subtitle

Drag U fixer? Well, absolutely not.

Are you aware that Jujubee and Blair

were arrested for their part in the scandal?

Well, I certainly don't know those two.

I've never heard those names before, and I--

What is that?

Oh, nothing.

It has nothing to do with anything.

So you're saying you've never heard of Jujubee

or her daughter Blair?

I can say with firmness that I have not.

I haven't heard of them.

-[sobbing] -Excuse me. Excuse me.

We just got out of jail. Thank you.

[sobs] Oh!

It's all right, honey, it's all right, it's all right.

-We spent 24 full hours-- -12.

-24. -That's how long it was?

Yes. You were asleep, sweetheart.

Oh, I'm SheMZ!

-We know. -Tell me all about it.

-We watch you all the time. -Thank you, thank you.

I was sitting in bed reading my stories

doing her nails, and then the police break in.

It was terrible!

We were in there, and there was...

overhead lighting!

Oh, how dare you!

Jujubee, Juju, why did you bribe Miz Cracker

to get your daughter into Drag U?

Because Drag U was the most prestigious college out there,

and I want my daughter to succeed.

I think she is the next drag superstar.

Let go of me, Mother!

I didn't even want to go to Drag U!

Blair, can I just say I follow you in Instagram?

-Oh, my God, do you really? -I do.

Thank you!

I'd let that Blair St. Clair influence me any day.

#Fiiiine.

-Oh! -Oh!

Oh, I think I just said I was in a gang.

If I'm going down, you're going down.

I have gone down.

I know you're going down, too, if we play our cards right.

What?

I'm wearing the butterfly ring you gave me.

Oh, please, let your butterfly flap a little more for me, love.

All you have to do is tell these reporters

there is absolutely nothing going on with us.

Wait. What, Mom?

I love you, but I can't.

-Ooh! -Ooh!

-Dude! -Juicy!

Mm-hmm. She's hot, too.

I know our friendship

has been over more bumps than your foundation stick,

but it's time for us to stick together.

Tell SheMZ that I am innocent.

No, I have proof. It's in my pocketbook.

-I wanna see it! -Do you wanna see?

[laughs]

Ah-ha-ha!

Wait, is that Blair's face on Laganja Estranja's body?

Perhaps possibly maybe.

All this proves is that I taught her the key elements of drag:

charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and also Photoshop.

[Blair wails]

There is nothing wrong with that in this era.

-Here's a clap. -Nothing at all!

Here's a clap for your performance.

The only claps I've gotten are in the bar scene,

which is more than I can say for you.

Ooh!

No one has been to your show in years.

When Lady Gaga said there could be a hundred people in a room,

you were shocked.

This is really good. Keep going.

I'm gonna put it to you plain.

I'm gonna tell you what people say behind your backs.

You're dumb.

-[gasps] -And you're ugly!

I am not!

No one calls me dumb, you lint-licker!

Oh!

Oh!

How dare you!

I've been waiting all day to do this!

-Oh! -Oh, my God!

Mother!

And again!

In a different direction now!

And a different one!

That Miz Cracker, she don't even need to wear sunscreen

because she is shady as hell!

-Oh! -Oh!

She's hot, though.

Dude, India Ferrah is back in the news again.

Didn't she get busted a few years ago for shoplifting?

It seems she's been, uh, mopping some expensive items.

We caught up with her and this angry-ass shop girl

in the parking lot of Fred Shegal.

Ooh, Fred Shegal's!

I get all my man blouses there. Look at this one.

Ooh, so pretty, it smells like a guy named Carlos.

[laughs]

India! India, hi!

-Oh, my God, hi! -It's SheMZ!

Hi. Um, how are you?

Hi. I'm wonderful. You look gorgeous.

Thank you so much.subtitle

...in your past.

I'm sorry, what?

You know, you have a history of shoplifting.

That is the old me, SheMZ.

Hey!

Um, I've gotta go. I--

Get back over here!

What do you want from me!

I know who you are.

You just came into my store, and you took everything.

-No, I bought everything. -No, no, no.

I saw you taking some vases,

and then you put some other stuff in your bag, girl.

-No. -I saw you.

You were caught on candid camera.

No. Y'all have cameras?

SheMZ over here!

SheMZ?

SheMZ?

Am I mistaken or are you Mayhem

from the 22nd season of The Bitch-ler?

All this could have been yours!

You're just so...stupid!

What are you doing here!

Say "hi" to the SheMZ viewers!

Oh, hi, guys! Hi! [laughs]

Oh!

That Mayhem, she's a foxy lady.

Hey, Kressley, don't you think she's hot?

I do love her lipstick. [laughs]

It's a pretty color.

Explain to me what's going on here.

Did India steal some vases?

But I bought everything.

-Oh, you bought it? -Yeah.

Watch this, bitch.

-[gasps] -Hold up!

Back up, everybody!

-[imitates alarm] -This is all paid for.

You need to check your battery.

I know you stole the things.

-No, I didn't. -She did.

I didn't steal these things because I've been in therapy.

-For what, being a thief-erella? -I have to confess something.

SheMZ, listen to me.

I have to confess something to the world.

SheMZ is listening.

I'm a licker.

[moans]

I'm addicted to licking. It makes me feel good.

Is that a doughnut?

Can I possibly have a...lick?

You're a licker, too?

I don't know, maybe.

If you're a true licker, show me.

Ooh, lick it. Lick it. Lick it!

Oh, my God, you're a licker. Oh!

This is a SheMZ first.

She can lick my doughnut any time.

-Whoa! -Hey, yo!

Oh, yeah!

I don't get it.

I don't get it. What?

Hey, listen, you're not gonna believe what happened next.

Hey, ladies, I hate to break up this lickfest,

but our viewers wanna know what happened with those vases?

I didn't steal any vases.

[glass shatters]

What was that?

Whoa. Where did that come from?

[glass shatters] Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Clean it up!

Can I lick it?

Lick it! Lick it!

That can't be safe.

Nothing could be finer than china in your china.

Or glass in your ass!

-Oh! -Oh!

Man, I love my job.end act

♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo ♪

Yes, runway day, runway day, runway, runway, runway!

Oh, my God, are you ready?

Choreography? This early?

-This early, girl. -Oh, this early.

[squeaks]

Bitch, that's a good print.

What you wearing?

You know, just a little camo.

Just a little camo here, a little camo there.

-Camouflage couture. -Yeah.

Today we're getting ready for our runway, Camo Couture.

I don't know what the fuck is "camo."

I thought it was "camel toe" or...

[camel brays]

[laughs] I don't even know.

Oh, girl, I love you.

You so real. Oh, I love you.

-You're my best friend. -I love you.

-I love you. -No, I love you.

-You, you, you! -You, you, you!

[both laugh]

Damn it!

Had all this fun with Alexis Mateo doing the scene,

and I feel really good about how things went.

So I'll smile and I'll nod and... [laughs]

But I'm still looking over my shoulder watching you.

How you feeling, India?

I'm feeling good.

I feel like I delivered my best,

and I feel like

that was probably one of my best challenges.

Now, are you afraid that might not be enough for the judges,

or are you, like, confident on that?

I mean, there's always that thought.

Because, you know, it's always, like--

There's always that thought.

-There's always a moment. -It's a gag.

-You'll never feel safe. -Girl, yeah.

Here's a question.

Has anybody in this werkroom

been involved in anything like celebrity blogs, maybe SheMZ?

I have.

The weekend I was eliminated from Drag Race,

there was this article that went around about me on TMZ,

and people uncovered that I had a DUI in my past.

It was, like, a really, really,

really hard time for me in my life,

because I had to read about it splashed across TMZ.

All these people, like, are reading about me

and talking about me, and they didn't even get to,

like, hear my story of, like, who I am.

Right. Actually, Blair, um, I, in my younger days,

made some really bad choices that I'm not proud of.

I have two DUIs.

Whoa.

I am lucky and blessed

that those foolish choices did not hurt anybody.

-Yeah. -Or myself.

When you have that pressure on you to be the life of the party,

you wanna drink, you wanna do the drugs.

So I would do the most, and I had no limits.

It just became this thing of how messy can May be?

And no one wants to admit if they have a problem, and...

I got arrested in drag both times.

-[gasps] -Oh, my God.

-Jesus Christ. -It was very terrifying.

They made me strip down naked.

Oh, my God.

To nothing in front of everyone else

that was being booked that night.

And actually, one of the officers took a picture of me,

and they laughed.

Listening to Mayhem's story

about her being arrested in drag is painful.

I've never experienced anything like that.

It breaks my heart.

I did, you know, serve some time and stuff.

What? I didn't even know that.

Oh, yeah.

It was a moment that I was like,

I can't ever be in this position again.

And after I got out of jail,

I went to classes and tried to get some help.

I had no idea. That is insane.

-Thanks for sharing. -Yeah, thanks for sharing that.

I know how brave that was.

Aw, thank you!

On my season, I was trying to hold back.

I was, like, I'm just gonna keep to myself.

And I feel this time at Drag Race

I'm more in my skin and I feel comfortable

around the people that are in this werkroom with me.

So I'm not afraid to let the walls down.

I'm actually happy to share,

because I know if I'm able to share a little bit of me,

it helps someone else, probably.

Sisterhood. We all love each other.

Until it's time for voting.

[all laugh]end act

[RuPaul laughs]

♪ Cover girl, put the bass in your walk ♪

♪ Cover girl, put the bass in your walk ♪

♪ Head to toe, let your whole body talk ♪

♪ Cover girl ♪

And what?

[applause]

Welcome to the main stage of RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars.

Michelle Visage. Now, have you ever shoplifted?

You know how I love five fingers.

Discount. I mean the discount!

[all laugh]

Style superstar Carson Kressley.

Now, I understand

you're involved in a controversy yourself.

Yes, it's true, Ru.

After my breakout role as Kressley Carson,

I'm being accused of stealing jobs from heterosexual actors.

-[gasps] Oh, dear. -Yeah.

We gotta get Gloria Allred on this.

[all laugh]

And the gorgeous Sarah Hyland.

-Hi-ee. -Hi-ee.

Now, I hear you were raised by drag queens?

Oh, yes, I am a true East Village hood rat queen.

I love it.

This week, we challenged our queens

to improv their way out of some she-lebrity shenanigans.

All Stars, start your engines, and may the best woman win.

♪ Everyone can be someone ♪

Category is Come On, Camo Couture.

First up, Jujubee.

Ooh, she's in the Army now!

Carson: I think she's got some hidden arms.

RuPaul: Yes, she does.

Jujubee: Girl, I am wearing a beautiful red wig,

my lips are red, the smile is gorgeous,

and I have this huge cape.

It's my play on camouflaging camouflage,

and somewhere in there there's a camel toe.

RuPaul: I think she goes by the name of "GI Jujubee."

[all laugh]

Miz Cracker.

That's Major Cracker to you.

That's a basic training bra, Michelle.

Michelle: It is?

Cracker: I'm very excited about my camo look.

I feel sexy, I feel strong.

I feel like a pinup girl, and I feel like a popstar.

Carson: She's clearly winning the arms race.

RuPaul: Yeah.

Sarah: She may get an honorable discharge.

-Mm-hmm. -Yes.

RuPaul: I declare, it's Blair St. Clair.

Michelle: Sporting some wood, I see.

Carson: She's really branching out.

RuPaul: She really is, yeah.

Blair: I'm giving you a little bit of camo couture

meets me camouflaging in couture.

It's a little Mother Nature

meets Poison Ivy meets tree woman

giving you mother willow just, like, weeping.

All the fantasy.

RuPaul: Run, forest, run!

[all laugh]

Shea Couleé.

Sarah: If she waters my cans, will they grow?

[all laugh]

Michelle: This is camouflage for Smurfland.

Shea: I'm coming down this runway

serving a love child between Coco Chanel and Richard Quinn.

I have my super sweet, sexy sixties shift dress

with some custom, hand-poured latex leggings and garters,

and I'm watering all those hydrangeas,

being the nosy neighbor

who's trying to get all the T over those hedges.

RuPaul: Yes, she can.

Carson: H2-Oh!

RuPaul: Alexis Mateo.

Michelle: She's the Abominable Drag Queen.

Carson: Winter is coming.

RuPaul: Yes.

Carson: Or at least she's getting close.

[all laugh]

Alexis: I really wanted to not be traditional camouflage,

so I went to hunter's camouflage.

High-fashion snow queen.

Ooh, bitch, I look sickening.

RuPaul: Because you know what?

If you stay yeti, you ain't gots to get yeti.

[all laugh]

Mayhem Miller.

Michelle: That's West Hollywood camo, y'all.

RuPaul: Yes.

Cam-oh, she did not.

-Oh, my God. -Yes.

Mayhem: I'm coming as Barbie

and GI Joe mixed together, bitch.

I'm in pink camo, honey.

I got my hooker boots, I got my chains out.

I know camo is supposed to be like I'm hiding, but not me.

I want you to see me coming.

Carson: Weapons of ass destruction.

[all laugh]

RuPaul: India Ferrah.

Michelle: Ooh, she's wearing a cam-o-no.

She certainly is.

Sarah: Look at all that latex.

Michelle: Slaytex.

India: I am serving video game vixen,

straight out of a movie camouflage couture.

I'm giving you slicked-back hair,

over-the-top makeup, full kimono, full bow.

I am living the camo fantasy.

Michelle: It's a wrap.

[RuPaul laughs]end act

Welcome, All Stars.

Based on your performances in the challenge

and your runway presentations,

I've made some decisions.

When I call your name, please step forward.

Shea Couleé.

Blair St. Clair.

You are both safe.

You may leave the stage.

Thank you so much.

Ladies, now it's time for the judges' critiques.

First up, Jujubee.

There were so many great moments in your SheMZ.

In this whole group, I kind of count on you for the funny,

and I think you delivered it really well.

I think what was so great about it

was that you had many layers to your character.

You're going down.

You waited, you took your time, you listened.

You were always a "yes, and" type of improv actor,

and I really, really appreciated that.

Tonight on the runway, you looked stunning.

I was getting kind of I'm married to a very rich hunter.

Uh, he's married to me.

Okay, whatever it is is beautiful.

The only criticism I would have

is that I would love one little something

that would give us that extra little wow factor.

Mm-hmm.

-Mish Cracka! -Hello.

The thing about you, Cracker,

is you tend to get in your head a little bit too much.

And when Cracker gets in her head,

a lot of voices start going,

and sometimes they get in your way.

In this challenge, that was not the case.

Uh-huh. Pblblblbl.

From the minute you were looking through the window,

it was a joy to watch you.

I definitely felt like you were the leader of the challenge.

The way that you interacted with everyone, including Ross,

was absolute perfection.

I gagged the entire time.

This look on the runway is the bomb.

Hee hee hee. That was a joke!

-That was a joke, yes! -Yes!

I think it's a great concept, giving us kind of that camo,

but a little bit more of like a Britney/showgirl kind of vibe.

Like if Ariana Grande and Destiny's Child Survivor,

if they had a baby, that's you.

That's the outfit.

I'm just so proud of you tonight.

Tonight was a really good moment for Cracker.

Thank you.

Up next, Alexis Mateo.

Hi.

Your runway look tonight,

I love that you went with a deer hunter camo.

You came out in a winter camouflage.

It's full-on drag.

You're giving us a drag queen fantasy.

It is fantasy, it is snow queen eleganza,

and a real standout amongst the more literal, you know, camo.

It's stunning.

In the acting challenge,

I think the key for you, it's about really listening.

Don't worry about filling the silence all the time.

I think when you get excited, you tend to cut people off.

So you were cutting Shea off a little bit.

My favorite part is when you shoved food in your titties,

and you said, "Saving it for later.

Do not waste the good food."

I get what everybody's saying, though.

You do find gold when you listen to your partner.

Up next, Mayhem Miller.

Hey.

In your performance, it started our really strong.

But it kind of fizzled for me,

and I felt it took a long time

to get where y'all were gonna go.

I thought the concept was great.

The creativity was this kind of John Waters kind of wackiness.

But I have to agree with Michelle.

It did take a long time to get there.

For tonight's runway look, I love this color palette.

It's really, really beautiful on your skin.

With the hair, your makeup, it's gorgeous.

Stunning. Maybe not enough concept for me.

Like, I wish there was more to it,

like who are you, what's your story.

I'm Black Barbie going to combat.

That's what I am.

Okay.

Um, I just feel like

it's a little bit light on look for me.

All Stars is really frickin' tough,

and y'all can't get offended, because May,

I feel like a little bit of an attitude from you.

I don't have an attitude.

-A little bit. -I'm just kiki-ing.

This is difficult, and this is part of this gig.

You know, and we're here

to help you shine the best that you can shine.

Up next, India Ferrah.

Hi.

Your runway look tonight,

I'm obsessed with this hair and makeup.

-Can you do this on me? -Absolutely.

Thank God. [all laugh]

This looks very different for you.

Normally, I don't like a black lip and super dark makeup,

but I think this all works,

especially with the touches of black leather at the waist,

combined with the slicked-back hair.

I think it's refreshing, and I think it's what we wanna see.

Like, surprise us.

Thanks.

You started out so strong in yours.

I mean, a girl with hair and boobs like that,

with all them shopping bags?

I was in it.

And then I kind of felt you deviate,

just kind of get flatline, really.

I think maybe you lost your way a little bit.

It was a little bit of a one-note for me,

where it was kind of a lot of the same.

You know that it got a little, like, meh

towards the middle and end.

But dropping vases from your puss is always great.

[glass shatters]

-Can I say that? -Of course.

-You're doing it right now. -Okay, great.

[laughs]

Ladies, it's getting down to the best of the best.

So based on the judges' critiques,

I've made some very difficult decisions.

Miz Cracker...

Con-drag-ulations. You are the top All Star of the week.

[applause]

Thank you all.

You've won a four-night stay in Montreal, Canada,

including hotel and airfare, courtesy of Tourisme/Montreal.

[growls]

Jujubee.

Alexis Mateo.

You are safe.

Thank you.

That means India Ferrah and Mayhem Miller,

I'm sorry, my dears,

but you are the bottom two All Stars of the week.

Miz Cracker, you need to decide

which of the bottom queens you will eliminate

if you win the lip sync

against this week's secret lip sync assassin.

And the rest of you will cast your votes

for which bottom queen you think should get the chop.

Now, while you deliberate in the werkroom,

the judges and I will be baking cookies.

Ooh!

Thank you, ladies. You may leave the stage.end act

Hello.

-Oh, hello. -Hi.

It feels so good to win the challenge.

I'm so relieved.

It's like being a 39-year-old woman in Hollywood

and getting an Oscar.

You're like... [exhales]

What's going on, guys?

Did you win?

I won.

-What? -Congrats!

Thank you.

♪ I'm in the bottom ♪

-♪ I'm in the bottom, too ♪ -What? You're lying.

What did you guys think it was gonna be?

We thought that you guys would be in the top.

-The top, yeah. -Same.

[both laugh]

If this was a court of law,

I'm definitely gonna say objection,

because, no, ma'am.

Why am I in the bottom?

Now is time for me to talk to two people

that I thought murdered this

about why they think they should stay.

Pleading your case in this game

is like lip syncing for your life.

I'm trying to see which of these girls

is going to turn it out on the sofa.

I just wanna hear from you

why you wanna be here, why you deserve to be here.

Of course I wanna be here.

I want to be here because I want to prove that I am an All Star.

I wanted to prove that I am that girl, you know?

I am that queen, and I am one of the best.

This sucks.

Right now, I don't know what my strategy is,

because I'm sad, I'm mad,

and the one person I don't wanna have to plead my case to

is Cracker.

Do you feel like you showed something different this season

than you showed in Season 10?

When I left Season 10, I was destroyed,

because I felt like I was a failure,

and I felt like I did not represent me.

This time around, I feel like me has been here.

And you have, like, come out of your shell so much.

We've had friction here, but any troubles that we have

have absolutely nothing to do

with the decisions I make today at all.

However the vote goes today, it's just a game.

And I accept the fate, what it is.

Yeah. [sighs]

I feel like this is an opportunity

for us to hear out our sis India.

Yeah. How are you feeling right now, India?

Crushed, because I felt like I delivered something so strong,

and I felt like I was gonna be in the top.

I felt I delivered the whole scene.

I felt very comfortable, I felt funny.

Yeah.

And I felt like she held back

in the performance just a little bit.

Where they said that it laid flat,

she could have built that up.

I'm not going home.

I'm not giving up, no.

No signs of weakness here.

I'll fight. I am a monster.

Why do you think you should be here, deserve to be here?

I think that everyone can see my drive

and they can see my passion for drag.

Like, it's in my blood.

I felt very strong about the performance.

I stepped out of my comfort zone completely.

I'm not tapping out.

-I don't wanna go home. -Yeah.

Bitch, I wanna be here.

Do you feel that Mayhem

has shown everything that she has to show?

I was a little upset during the challenge working with her,

because prior to it,

we were so, like, oh, we're gonna do this.

And when we got out there, like...girl.

You felt like she didn't get in there and get dirty.

Yeah.

And you feel like you did not hold back at all?

I didn't. Absolutely not.

I will say this about India. She's fighting hard.

She's like, "Look, I need to be here.

"I could be in the bottom to the very end.

I'll bottom my way to the top if I have to."

Go on.

I'm really gagged.

We did not see it going this way.

I had fun with the challenge yesterday,

I felt comfortable with the challenge,

and I stand by it.

We were committed.

I'm proud of my scene partner,

because she stepped up

and was committed along with me.

I can't say anything else other than I'm gagged, too.

I guess I'm just trying to take everything in.

It's always interesting to hear what the judges have had to say.

But you know what? This is our choice.

-Exactly. -It's our choice.

What matters to me is what my peers think,

because you know what a good queen is.

So if you see me, that's what matters to me.

I'm happy with whatever the outcome is.

God.

The first week I vote for her, and she's crazy upset,

and she's taking it personally.

And now, honestly, I don't know

why she's not fighting harder for herself.

Like, who is this Mayhem, and why have you checked out?

Now, I know what y'all are thinking.

This is India's third week in the bottom.

But Mayhem voted for me to go home last week,

so I feel like it would be rude of me to not return the favor.

Oh, my gosh.

I love you so much. I'm so proud of you.

I was a fan of drag before I became a drag queen.

India, I'm a fan of yours.

Mayhem and I traveled a rocky road,

but it feels like she's blooming in this competition,

and there's a part of me that wants to see what happens next.

But does India deserve to go home tonight?

I just have to do what RuPaul says: "Don't fuck it up."

Don't fuck it up, Cracker!end act

Welcome back, ladies.

Miz Cracker, are you ready to meet your opponent?

I'm ready to tear it up.

Good.

It's time to present

this week's lip sync assassin.

Is that even a person?

Ru-veal yourself!

-Who is it? -I don't know.

O-M-G.

-Aw, sis! -Oh!

That's my sister.

Oh, my God!

Aah!

Holy shit, the queen, Morgan McMichaels.

[applause]

[laughs]

She's like, "Why you mad? Why you mad? Why you mad?"

I'm like, "I don't know, I'm not mad!"

The lip sync assassin is my best friend, best friend.

Like, my best friend, best friend, best friend.

For 20 whole years, Morgan McMichaels,

and I'm in the bottom.

Awkward.

Ladies, Morgan holds the lipstick

of the queen the group has chosen to go home.

Now, if Morgan wins, the queen on her lipstick gets the chop.

Are you ready to slay?

Yes, Mother.

Yes, Mama Ru.

Two queens stand before me.

Miz Cracker, this is your chance to impress me,

win $20.000,

and earn the power

to give one of the bottom queens ze chop.

The time has come... [thunder]

to lip sync...

[echoing] for your legacy!

Good luck, and don't fuck it up.

♪ I've been everywhere, man ♪

♪ Looking for someone ♪

♪ Someone who can please me ♪

♪ Love me all night long ♪

♪ I've been everywhere, man ♪

♪ Looking for you, babe ♪

♪ Looking for you, babe ♪

♪ Searching for you, babe ♪

♪ Where have you been? ♪

♪ All my life? ♪

♪ All my life? ♪

♪ Where have you been all my life? ♪

♪ Where have you been all my life? ♪

♪ I've been everywhere, man ♪

♪ Looking for someone ♪

Come on, body!

♪ Someone who can please me ♪

♪ Love me all night long ♪

♪ I've been everywhere, man ♪

♪ Looking for you, babe ♪

♪ Looking for you, babe ♪

♪ Searching for you, baby ♪

♪ Where have you been? ♪

♪ 'Cause I never see you out ♪

♪ Are you hiding from me, yeah? ♪

♪ Somewhere in the crowd ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Where have you been? ♪

♪ All my life? ♪

♪ All my life? ♪

♪ Where have you been all my life? ♪

[laughter and applause]

Yes!

[laughter and applause]

Ladies, I've made my decision.

Morgan McMichaels.

You're a winner, baby.

Thank you very much.

[applause]

Miz Cracker.

You are also a winner, baby.

[gasps]

Thank you! [applause]

Con-drag-ulations, Cracker.

You've earned a cash tip of $20.000.

Thank you, Mama Ru.

And a tie means two queens could be going home tonight.

[sighs]

Damn.

Oh, my God.

Will the bottom queens please step forward?

With great power comes great responsibility.

Morgan, which queen has the group chosen

to get the chop?

The group has chosen...

Mayhem.

Miz Cracker, which queen have you chosen to get the chop?

I've had to split hairs

to figure out who should go home today,

but listening to my heart,

I would like to send Mayhem home.

As it is written,

so it shall be done.

Mayhem, you are and will always be an All Star.

Now sashay away.

Thanks for inviting me back to the party.

I love you so much.

Kill it, bitch.

Even though I've been doing drag all these years,

you still learn and grow.

Don't be sorry.

I'll see you in a little bit, girl.

We gonna go to Sizzler.

I leave here in a better head space

than I did when I left Season 10,

and that's what I wanted to do.

I wanted to push myself and learn something new about me

and have a good time,

and I did all of that,

So my journey here is exactly what I wanted it to be.

I am the queen!

[all laugh]

The queen of the party! Yes!

[laughter and applause]

You never wanna be the last person at a party.

You gotta know when it's time to leave.

Con-drag-ulations, All Stars.

And remember, if you can't love yourself,

how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?

Can I get an "amen" up in here?

-Amen! -Amen!

All right. Now let the music play.

♪ I am American, American, American ♪

♪ I am American, American ♪

♪ The red, white, and blue ♪vote

♪ I am American, American, American ♪

♪ I am American, American ♪

♪ Just like you, too ♪

RuPaul: Next time on All Stars...

For this week's maxi-challenge,

we're gonna be playing the Snatch Game of Love.

[cheers and applause]

So I wanna take a risk.

The girl who's been in the bottom three weeks in a row

is taking a risk?

Yeah.

I want you to succeed.

I want you to make me laugh.

[no voice]

Let's meet our snatch-elors.

Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman and Tommy Dorfman.

"What does contestant three's breath smell like?"

What the fuck, man?

[all laugh]

Oh, the pain.

[laughs]

I think that will go down

as one of the best Snatch Game performances in history.

This is the biggest stunt in the history of All Stars.

Somebody here is lying.

Ru-veal yourself!

[RuPaul laughs, bell dings]

♪ I am American, American, American ♪

♪ I am American, American ♪

♪ The red, white, and blue ♪

♪ I am American, American, American ♪

♪ I am American, American ♪

♪ Just like you, too ♪

♪ Am-Am-Am-Am-American, American, American ♪

♪ I am American, American ♪

♪ The red, white, and blue ♪

♪ I am American, American ♪

♪ Just like you, too ♪