Original subtitles

- OK, Gary, so why don't you tell me what happened?

- I'm being prejudiced against is what's happened.

People are seeing a simple white man and they're going,

"I'm black. I think I'm better than you."

"I'm a proud gay."

"I'ma make sure a white man's rights are taken away."

- So... - Just because I'm...

- ...you called me because you feel like your feelings have been hurt?

- Did you not see that? My rights are being taken away right now!

There are people coming up and saying,

"Just because I'm transgender, I'm special. I have--"

- No, that's not a crime. - Judaism is a plague!

It's coming across and making sure that everybody wants--

- OK, Gary, listen, has any kind of crime--

I'm just hearing that your feelings are hurt.

- My feelings are not hurt. My land is being taken away on a daily--

- So someone stole land from you, is this what I'm hearing?

You can't hold that in your hand so I can't really call that a theft.

- They're gonna steal away the election.

They're gonna steal away the White House. They're gonna make sure--

I can identify that one.

They're taking away my right to free speech.

- That's fucked up, Gary. That, I don't agree with.

I personally don't love this idea of us shooting a white guy

to make us look better.

Mostly because I'm the one who has to do all the paperwork

any time someone discharges their weapon.

And I got a lot of shit to do this week.

Pardon my French but...

this butthole isn't gonna wax itself.

Hey, do me a favor, if you notice a white guy that I miss, let me know.

I tend to ignore the white guys 'cause, usually, they're not a problem.

I never said that.

- ♪ Looking for a white guy to shoot! ♪

♪ Looking for a... white guy. ♪

...Shit!

- JACK: This is it. This it right here. - CHERISHA: Yep.

- JACK: You know these guys are unarmed, and they couldn't be any whiter.

- CHERISHA: One for you, one for me.

- MAN 1: This place is awful.

- JONES: Hey, guys. - CHERISHA: Mornin'.

- Hi, officer. - Hi, officers.

- I wouldn't mind talking to you about... The Book of Mormon.

- Sure. - OK.

- I'm sorry. Do you mind just taking your hand off the gun for a second?

It just makes me really nervous.

- I'm nervous, too. - I wasn't even noticing.

- It's just instinct, you know. - Yeah.

- We just truly wanna take about faith. - Sure. Yeah.

- I'm a woman of deep faith but I've been shopping around for a new one.

- Elder, Elder, we have to get back. - We're just--

- Well, just stay close to me... -Yeah.

- Answer any questions I might have? You know what I'm saying?

- Elder? - We're on a mission--

- Elder, go! Go, go, go! - We just wanna talk to you, come on!

You don't need to... Now, look!

Take a shot! Take a shot! Oh, Jesus!

Take a-- What? Declan!

- Go, go, get 'em! - Jesus! Take a shot, you got 'em!

- You do it! - You do it!

- I can't move! - I'm not gonna--

- TRUDY: Hey, followers! It's Trudy Wiegel here...

with Trudy Trending Tip 6,428.

I'm gonna show you how you can do some beauty stuff on a budget.

So today we're gonna talk about getting rid of unwanted body hair.

So what I figured out was,

if you just go to your local hardware store

and pick up just your standard rat glue trap...

you can do your own waxing at home.

Or if you have a gently used one in your garage,

that's probably OK, too.

So it's really pretty self-explanatory...

you got some unwanted hair and you got a rat glue trap.

I probably don't have to talk you through this but...

I will.

So...

I just...

I mean, I haven't tried this before but I'm just gonna count.

One... two...

Fuck!

Fuck me!

- Responding to a call from Gary.

What? Gary is like a... - He's a racist.

- Well, yeah... Proud... Proud boy. - Rally organizer.

- ...come on, guys!

- Oh, they're cool, fellows. It's cool.

Thank you for calling. Hey, DJ.

- So what happens when you call 911, Gary?

- A little bird told me you all are looking to...

shoot somebody?

- Hey, hey, hey! - Hey!

Hey!

- What if I told you...

I want you to shoot... moi?

- Why do you want us to shoot you?

- You guys shoot a white man. - Yeah, yeah.

- And now all of a sudden,

the Reno Sheriff's Department shoots everybody.

Black people aren't victimized...

they're just one of many victims that we terrorize.

- They're one of--

They just happen to be the vast majority but not exclusively.

- Not exclusively. Not exclusively. - Not exclusively.

- We're equal opportunity shooters. - Yes, yes.

- I don't hate this idea. - We're the same, you and me.

We're the same. - OK. Stop!

- GARY: Hey, you get what you want

and then I'm the Crispus Attucks of the new Civil War.

- Who is that? Remind me who that is? - You know Crispus Attucks.

- Is that the guy with the bindle who planted all the seeds?

Who's the guy-- what are the three sounds of the breakfast cereal, guys?

- Snap. - Crackle.

- Snap, Craple, Crackle and Crispus? - No, that's that not them.

- Are you seriously thinking that one of our Black founders

is a guy on a cereal?

- Snap, Crackle and Pop couldn't be black?

- We need to get on the same page. - None of our cereal people

are black, OK?

None of them are people of color. - BS!

- What about Count Chocula? - What about Count Chocula?

- Count Chocula's not black!

- He is. - His name is chocolate... la.

- I'm gonna talk to some black people.

- So you want us to shoot you on purpose?

- Yeah. But non-lethally.

Just in a way that it sends an entire...

- By the way, I apologize. You're right.

Count Chocula is... He's black. - JIM: Count Chocula's black.

- JIM: Did you get him?

- TRUDY: Did he do it? - JIM: Did you get him?

- No! - JIM: Shit! I can't see from here.

- Hold still.

You ready?

- JIM: Gary, hold still.

Relax.

- Bend your knees, junior.

- JIM: Gary, close your eyes. You're freaking him out.

- MAN: He got him now.

- JIM: Watch for ricochet now. - Hold still!

- Hey, Gary! You forgot your candy bar.

God damn it! - JIM: Oh, God!

- Sorry.

- Somebody's gotta suck that out. Let me suck it out.

- No. - Let me suck it out. I gotta suck it out.

♪ I gotta suck it out, suck it out! ♪ - No, no, no!

No, no, no! - I gonna suck it out.

- Jim, don't do that.

I... I haven't been tested, dude.

- You know what's funny, 'cause I used to say

that the Boy Scouts mostly traumatized me with some of the... you know.

- I got this.

- Some of the super weird gay stuff that happened to me.

- Jim, let me get this. - I got it.