Original subtitles

- You know, a lot of aspects of law enforcement had gotten

tougher over the past 15 to 20 years.

Trude, don't you agree?

- Yup.

- Remind me not to toss to you, ever.

- OK. Try it again. - Yeah.

- You know, a lot of as-- - Shut up.

A lot of aspects of law enforcement

have gotten tougher in the past couple of years.

Except for one, the camera phone.

People, especially the locals around here can't stop live-streaming their crimes.

It's just... It's just like fish in a barrel for us.

I mean, we can just look like...

Look, graffiti. You see that?

But that's in Sparks. That's a little bit far away.

- People are so dumb.

- And then look at this guy is about to show his genitals to some people.

- Wait, I wanna see that one. - Well...

But it's all the way over at the bowling hall of fame,

which is almost, from here, it'll be about 14 minutes to get to.

He'll probably done.

I mean, he sure won't have a boner by the time we get there.

Here's one! Wow!

"Watch me light this Molotov cocktail."

That's crazy. That's super close.

That's almost like... That's gotta be--

- JIM: Good morning. - TRAVIS: Good morning.

- Jeffey is leaving early tonight from his post,

so if you gotta get through the parking lot...

- Take a buddy, maybe? - Take a buddy.

- Sorry I'm late.

Good morning. - Morning.

This morning...

This morning's briefing is also brought to you by Panda Fridge.

"Refrigerators only when you need them."

- I used them before, they're pretty-- - JIM: Panda Fridge?

- They're pretty good. - JIM: They're actually pretty good.

Football guy talk?

We got an update from Carson City.

We've never actually shot an unarmed white guy...

Ever.

- Didn't we shoot...

- You missed him, remember?

- Never?

- Never - JONES: Ever?

- There's a whole... They got a thing, there's a whole fax.

I had to watch a PowerPoint about all the folks we've shot of...

I mean, it's stupid, but...

I don't know-- - So what is it that they're asking?

- JIM: No one's asking anything.

- We also hardly shot any Asian people at all.

- But that "hardly any," there's a huge difference between--

- Do we include Spaniards and Argentines in--

- Not in my America. - White?

- Certainly no one's saying that we should shoot an unarmed white guy.

- Well, just...

Just, I mean, I'm not saying it,

but just like statistics, like--

If we hit... if we hit just one?

- We should shoot--

If we shot a white person, that won't be the worst thing.

- I'm gonna put my feet up here.

- You're dying for us to ask about the skates.

- JIM: Here's somebody. - TRAVIS: How about that guy?

He's white, right?

- JIM: No, no, no. Full-blown, like, beautiful Asian guy.

- TRAVIS: No. - JIM: No, no, no.

Trust me, check my browser history if you don't think

that's "an Asian dude with a pompadour."

That guy looks pretty white. - JONES: Pretty white.

- Do you guys consider Italian white?

- No. - I don't either.

- I do. - You do?

How? That's insane!

- How? - What do you mean?

- You think Italian people are also white people?

- Yeah. - Don't say that around Italian people.

- JONES: That is white-- - TRAVIS: No.

He's got... - JONES: Not a white man.

- TRAVIS: I think that's Armenian or something.

- What is an Armenian? Does anyone know?

- Armenian… I don't know.

I mean, some guys, once a year, they drive around celebrating their genocide.

- Right, right, right. - They fly their flags--

With the techno music.

- JIM: White guy. - JONES: Very unhappy white guy.

- JIM: I like this guy. Here we go. - TRAVIS: OK.

- JIM: Does he look... does he remind you of somebody?

- He looks super familiar. Super familiar.

- John Cusack.

- No, no, no. There's like a... God, it's like a face I've seen a lot.

- He's a news guy? - Yes.

Or it's like a two-dimensional thing. - Was he the weather guy?

- Wanted poster? He's from a wanted poster.

Hi. Hey, guy? - JIM: Are you--

- TRAVIS: Shit! Shit!

- JIM: My shoes! - TRAVIS: We're sorry. We're sorry.

- You having a bachelorette party?

Yeah.

You're not supposed to be hanging out of the moon-roof.

- What? - Yeah.

- Haven't you ever seen any movie? - Get out of the car.

- Actually, no, because absolutely not.

- OK, we're on our way to see a show

with Australian guys wanging their dangs in our face?

- Do you know that I need that?

And that, that is for me.

- All right, I'll take that. OK. - No, it's mine.

- Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

Ladies, ladies... Are you pregnant?

Get back in. Nope. No, no, no, no, no.

Walk this line. - OK.

- Touch your nose.

- Yes, queen! Yes, Rachel!

- Step, touch. Step, touch.

Get back in line. So the twos come forward and the ones go back.

Pivot, step! Pivot, step!

Five, six, seven, eight!

Step, touch, step, touch, step, touch!

Get ready to pivot, and pivot!

Step, pivot, step.

Step, touch, step, snort the coke.

And snort it, snort it, snort it, down. And back up, back up.

- I love-- You love me.

- Oh, my god. - CLEMENTINE: You know what?

If you have room for me, like, can we go to Tahoe or something?

- GIRL: Yes. - CLEMENTINE: OK. All right, all right.

- GIRL: Three-way kiss.

- Well, I just moved and all this paper work is drowning me!

I've gotta change my address with the post office, do my bills,

and re-register as a sex offender.

Who's got time for all of this?

- Sounds to me like you need a little bit of magic.

Remember when you used to have to go downtown,

get in a huge line

with all of Reno's tens of thousands of sex offenders...

and wait, and wait?

Well, now it’s all right here in the Reno Sheriff's Department App

available for your smartphone or tablet.

Just click the icon that says "Get me registered",

and that'll take you to the scroll wheel where you can choose your classifications.

Violent sex offender.

Non-violent sex offender.

Peeping Tom. Flasher. Pedophile.

Agalmatophiliac. Katoptronophiliac.

Person who puts their penis in mailboxes.

Roof pooper. Peek-a-dude.

Click as many as apply.

And pick a fun avatar.

That will show up on the app as we and any other citizen

track your every movement.

- It was so easy!

It's all in the palm of my hand.