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- Officer!
- Sheriff's Department.
2
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- Thank God you are here.
- OK, what's going on?
3
00:00:04,282 --> 00:00:06,367
- There's some kids in the pool.
- Oh, OK.
4
00:00:06,451 --> 00:00:07,953
Wait, hold on. Let me guess.
5
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The kids in the pool are black.
- Yes, yes, they are black.
6
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- Shut up! Shut the fuck up!
7
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Kids that are black in your pool
are not bothering you, lady.
8
00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:19,505
You don't call
the Sheriff's Department for this.
9
00:00:19,589 --> 00:00:23,134
I'm tired of you Backyard Betty's,
Lookie Lois'...
10
00:00:23,426 --> 00:00:25,595
calling us for this dumb shit!
11
00:00:25,678 --> 00:00:27,597
What are they doing? What are they doing?
12
00:00:28,014 --> 00:00:29,223
- They are drowning.
13
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Yeah.
- They're drow-- No!
14
00:00:31,726 --> 00:00:33,770
- To the right, to the right!
- No!
15
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Black babies!
16
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No, no, no, black babies!
17
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- JIM: Good morning, gang.
- WOMAN: Morning.
18
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- MAN: Morning.
19
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- JIM: This meeting,
like all of our meetings now,
20
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brought to you by Soup Gorilla,
21
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when you absolutely, positively want soup,
22
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in a couple of days,
ingredients right to your door,
23
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made with vegetables that--
24
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- Why do they make you say
the whole speech?
25
00:00:57,919 --> 00:01:00,379
- You're welcome... You want these?
You wanna try it?
26
00:01:00,839 --> 00:01:04,717
'Cause once you get these,
shit rolls uphill.
27
00:01:04,801 --> 00:01:07,219
So, as everybody knows, the break-ins...
28
00:01:08,220 --> 00:01:11,098
have been out of hand
here in the building.
29
00:01:11,182 --> 00:01:12,017
- Yeah.
30
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- The brass has insisted that we hire
31
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a... private security guard for the door.
32
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- Oh, come on!
- That's...
33
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- JIM: This is not my call. Not my call.
- That's sad.
34
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- Do you wanna get him in? This is the guy
who's gonna be guarding us from now on.
35
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- You know it's the skateboard guys,
right?
36
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- Well, the skateboard kids have been
a real problem,
37
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but then somebody--
There's stuff missing every...
38
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- Hey.
- JIM: Hey. So, this is...
39
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It's Jeffey, yeah?
40
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- Jeffey, yeah. Jeffey Rene Chism.
41
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- Hi, Jeffey. My name is Trudy.
42
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I once had a hamster
43
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that lived off of his own feces.
44
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And then, actually, I was forgetting this,
but now I'm remembering,
45
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he ended up eating himself.
46
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- JIM: Jeffey, Wiegel starts bragging
when new people come around.
47
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- I do not!
- When new people come around,
48
00:02:02,067 --> 00:02:03,359
she starts bragging...
-No, I don't.
49
00:02:03,443 --> 00:02:05,194
- ...and she'll tell you stories
like, "I had a hamster."
50
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Tell the truth. Tell the truth to Jeffey.
51
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- Being able to keep a pet alive
is impressive. A lot of people can't.
52
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- She didn't, Jeffey, because she didn't.
53
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- JEFFEY: So, what's going on with the...
- Hey, Jeffey...
54
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- We got an alarm triggered at the bank.
55
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- Hey, guys?
- TRUDY: Yeah?
56
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- JIM: Did somebody say how many hostages
are in there?
57
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- I think they said three.
58
00:02:28,384 --> 00:02:29,970
- What? You hurt your knee?
59
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- You should file for Workers' Comp.
60
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- JIM: As you go into the Xerox room,
61
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to the left, there's a Worker's Comp form,
if your knee really hurts.
62
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Holy... What the...
63
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Hell yes!
- TRAVIS: What the fuck?
64
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- What was that?
65
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- TRUDY: Hi.
- MAN: Hey, how are you?
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How are you doing? Hatzolah is here.
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- FRANK: Hey! How are you?
- TRAVIS: You need to get down!
68
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There's a hostage situation
- There's a hostage in there.
69
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- FRANK: There's hostages!
- I know. It's OK. Come on.
70
00:03:04,337 --> 00:03:06,798
- OK. Oh, my God! That was scary.
- What the hell!
71
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- What... Hi.
- Hey.
72
00:03:08,675 --> 00:03:11,719
How are you doing? Shalom, baby.
- Are you the Amish?
73
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- We are Jewish volunteer service.
Hatzolah.
74
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- Hi!
- Shalom, baby.
75
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No, I cannot shake hands with you.
It is haram.
76
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- Shit!
- It's OK. These are my guys.
77
00:03:23,564 --> 00:03:25,399
- Jesus!
- Guys, it's OK, these...
78
00:03:26,151 --> 00:03:28,361
Guys, these are my guys. It's OK.
- You are...
79
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You guys are Hatzolah.
80
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God!
- This is what we do, guys.
81
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- Oh, OK.
- We are Jewish volunteers.
82
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We have ambulance, firemen...
83
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So, we are like Jewish Batman.
84
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But for us, Batman is, like, pussy.
85
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- You guys just do this?
- This is what we do.
86
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We save... How do you say...
We save the world.
87
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- Wow, wow.
88
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- When there are-- where there are Jews.
89
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Where there are no Jews,
we don't give a shit.
90
00:03:56,890 --> 00:03:58,850
- Sure. Sure.
- What you guys do...
91
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:01,061
very important.
- Thank you.
92
00:04:01,144 --> 00:04:03,312
- Maybe there's a cat in a tree,
you help the cat.
93
00:04:03,771 --> 00:04:05,314
- Last year, two. Two times.
94
00:04:05,398 --> 00:04:07,400
Are these guys with you?
- These guys are mine, yeah.
95
00:04:07,483 --> 00:04:08,442
These guys are mine.
96
00:04:08,526 --> 00:04:10,237
It's OK, guys, it's OK.
97
00:04:10,319 --> 00:04:12,906
It's just a hostage situation.
- Hey!
98
00:04:12,989 --> 00:04:15,324
- We got it. Hold on. One second.
- JIM: Still talking to him.
99
00:04:15,408 --> 00:04:16,283
Hang on. I'm sorry.
100
00:04:16,951 --> 00:04:18,745
- Yeah? OK. We got the bad guys.
101
00:04:18,828 --> 00:04:21,039
- They got them? Wow.
- OK, so confirming.
102
00:04:21,581 --> 00:04:23,457
OK.
- FRANK: Guys, you guys need back up?
103
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- Do you need... OK, that's a good joke.
104
00:04:26,419 --> 00:04:28,671
- FRANK: Hatzolah!
- What are you gonna do with those guys?
105
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- We're going to take these guys.
We're going to ask them some questions.
106
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- OK.
- Then we're going to kill them.
107
00:04:34,802 --> 00:04:36,179
TRUDY: Happy Hanukkah!
108
00:04:36,263 --> 00:04:38,305
- MAN: I got another thing.
There's a guy...
109
00:04:38,723 --> 00:04:40,058
he stole a nuclear warhead.
110
00:04:40,349 --> 00:04:42,977
- Oh, my gosh.
- Across town, so I gotta go.
111
00:04:43,061 --> 00:04:45,563
I gotta go get that guy.
- Man!
112
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- Break a leg!
113
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- Thank you!
- Thank you!
114
00:04:48,649 --> 00:04:50,526
- Hatzolah! Hatzolah!
- TRAVIS: Thank you very much.
115
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- Thank you! Hatzolah!
- JIM: Bye. Hatzolah!
116
00:04:52,528 --> 00:04:54,989
- Besides the time I met Pat Sajak,
this is the most exciting day of my life.
117
00:04:55,073 --> 00:04:56,407
- JIM: Did you meet Pat Sajak?
- I did.
118
00:04:59,493 --> 00:05:01,288
- Yo!
- Hi.
119
00:05:01,370 --> 00:05:02,371
- What's up, Playa Peter?
120
00:05:03,456 --> 00:05:05,583
What's up?
- I'm sorry.
121
00:05:05,666 --> 00:05:06,834
Can I see some ID?
122
00:05:08,211 --> 00:05:10,046
- See some ID?
- Yeah.
123
00:05:10,130 --> 00:05:11,881
- Come on, dude. Jeffey, it's me.
124
00:05:12,132 --> 00:05:13,967
Jones.
- I know. It's just protocol.
125
00:05:14,050 --> 00:05:15,135
- Come on, man, I gotta deuce it.
126
00:05:15,218 --> 00:05:17,386
-Well, if this were Henderson
or Carson City,
127
00:05:17,470 --> 00:05:19,555
I'd say, yeah, fly on by,
but it's Reno, you know.
128
00:05:20,431 --> 00:05:22,642
- I'll give you a banana. Just let me in.
129
00:05:22,725 --> 00:05:26,271
- I don't do a barter system, this isn't
Tom Sawyer trying to paint the fence.
130
00:05:26,353 --> 00:05:28,982
- Jeffey, I could shoot you here, OK?
131
00:05:29,065 --> 00:05:31,276
What security are you doing?
What are you doing?
132
00:05:31,359 --> 00:05:32,777
- Well, now it feels like a threat.
133
00:05:33,153 --> 00:05:35,030
I don't... I can't even...
134
00:05:35,113 --> 00:05:37,782
-Sorry. Sorry, dude. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
135
00:05:40,535 --> 00:05:41,577
- He didn't show it to you?
136
00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:44,206
He didn't show you ID?
- No, he did not and I wasn't--
137
00:05:44,289 --> 00:05:45,665
- What do we say to Jeffey?
138
00:05:46,041 --> 00:05:47,042
- I'm sorry, Jeffey.
139
00:05:47,334 --> 00:05:49,794
- It's fine. It was a miscommunication,
if anything.
140
00:05:50,670 --> 00:05:51,546
- Let's go.
141
00:05:52,214 --> 00:05:53,464
- He can poop at the subway.
142
00:05:57,886 --> 00:06:01,389
- Great news!
October 21st is Nevada's first...
143
00:06:01,723 --> 00:06:04,517
International Pronouns Day.
144
00:06:04,809 --> 00:06:07,103
It's a great time
to learn about the new...
145
00:06:07,770 --> 00:06:09,981
pronouns, such as "zie"
146
00:06:10,357 --> 00:06:12,108
"zim", "zir",
147
00:06:12,734 --> 00:06:13,776
and "zis",
148
00:06:13,860 --> 00:06:16,112
which are not the same as "sie",
149
00:06:16,196 --> 00:06:17,197
"zie",
150
00:06:17,613 --> 00:06:20,367
"hir" and "hirs",
151
00:06:20,449 --> 00:06:23,203
and, of course, "hirself", with an "I",
152
00:06:23,286 --> 00:06:26,998
which is different from "herself",
with an "E".
153
00:06:27,082 --> 00:06:30,418
And these are more inclusive
and they don't shove anybody
154
00:06:30,752 --> 00:06:33,088
into a box that doesn't fit...
155
00:06:33,380 --> 00:06:36,507
"zem" or their beautiful genitals...
156
00:06:37,675 --> 00:06:40,636
...and "we", "I" or "thon"
157
00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:44,307
can agree that "singular they"
just makes more sense
158
00:06:44,391 --> 00:06:47,310
when we can't tell if "zey" have bosoms
159
00:06:47,435 --> 00:06:49,896
or if "sie" is just...
160
00:06:50,313 --> 00:06:51,480
a soft boy.
161
00:06:51,564 --> 00:06:54,984
And of course,
wait till you get to the hang of...
162
00:06:55,402 --> 00:06:58,780
"xe", which is the non-reflexive "xyrself"
163
00:06:58,863 --> 00:07:01,449
that goes with the possessive "xyr"
164
00:07:01,532 --> 00:07:04,202
and "shi",
which is the alternate spelling of "sie"
165
00:07:04,286 --> 00:07:08,290
but spelled like the comic book,
Yamabushi warrior monk Shi
166
00:07:08,373 --> 00:07:10,250
and both "e", "li"
167
00:07:10,625 --> 00:07:12,794
and "her", "schel"
168
00:07:13,086 --> 00:07:15,255
are not new pronouns
but the two given names
169
00:07:15,338 --> 00:07:17,924
of Tony winner Eli Herschel Wallach,
Eli Wallach.
170
00:07:18,007 --> 00:07:20,760
That one was just for fun.
171
00:07:20,843 --> 00:07:24,306
So, let every single "zie", "ey", "zem",
172
00:07:24,389 --> 00:07:26,975
"tey", "e", "tem" and "ir" and "terself"
173
00:07:27,058 --> 00:07:29,811
get set and ready,
because on October 21st,
174
00:07:29,894 --> 00:07:31,354
when it's Pronouns Day,
175
00:07:31,438 --> 00:07:33,982
you don't wanna sound like an asshole.
13554
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