Original subtitles

(cheerful orchestral music)

- Tim, Tim!

(whistling)

Tim, will you stop daydreaming, and get back to work, huh?

- I'm not daydreaming, Uncle Martin,

I'm catching up on my astronomy.

I'm studying the heavenly body.

- Tim, one cannot see the heavenly body in broad daylight.

- Well, this one I can.

She's a redhead, about five-foot-six,

with, with, (whistling).

(eerie music)

Aw, come on, Uncle Martin.

Come on, that's not fair!

- Neither is a peeping Tim.

- It's Tom, and besides, what's wrong?

I happen to like girls.

- Nevertheless, you are supposed to be

applying your attention to the repair

of Mrs. Brown's television antenna.

Not the feminine form fantastic.

- Yeah, okay, okay, but would you mind releasing my head

for active service?

- Mm hm, with consummate pleasure.

Now, back to work.

- Slave-driver.

(eerie music)

(audience laughing)

Uncle Martin, I said slave-driver, not screwdriver!

Listen, can you please give me the pliers?

- I'd be most happy to.

(eerie music)

- Oh, good morning.

I thought you boys might like a cool drink,

working out here in the hot sun.

- Oh, that's very kind of you, Mrs. Brown, isn't it, Tim?

- Oh, it sure is.

Say, Mrs. Brown, did you find your pocketbook yet?

- No, no, I didn't, so I called the police,

and they're sending a man over to investigate.

Now, you be careful up there, bye.

- I didn't know Mrs. Brown lost her pocketbook.

- Mm hm.

Well, why are you staring at her house?

- I'm reading Mrs. Brown's mind.

Knowing the dear lady, she undoubtedly just misplaced it.

Hm, just as I thought.

It's under one of the pillows on the couch.

- Well, don't tell me, tell her.

- And have her wondering how I know where it is?

Besides, why deprive the police department of employment?

- Boy, Uncle Martin, you really oughta see this redhead.

She's wearing a polka dot bikini.

- Watch what you're doing, Tim, look out, look out!

(electricity buzzing)

- Uncle Martin, you all right?

Uncle Martin, you all right?

- I think so.

(telephone ringing)

- Uncle Martin.

I hate to tell you this.

(telephone ringing)

But your head is ringing.

(audience laughing)

- [Woman] Hello.

- [Caller] Susan, it's me.

- [Susan] Oh, hi Gwen.

- [Gwen] You'll never guess what happened to me

on my date last night with Jimmy.

- [Susan] Well, tell me.

- Uh, Uncle Martin.

- [Gwen] It was this way.

- Don't just stand there, hang up your head.

Or something.

(eerie space music)

(cheerful orchestral music)

I just can't believe it.

You turning into a telephone, it's impossible!

- Well, I'm afraid it's not as impossible as you think, Tim.

That live telephone wire short-circuited the built-in

micro-generator that operates my communication system.

Somehow, I'm cross-connected with a telephone trunk line.

(telephone ringing)

- I'll get it.

- No no, you don't need to, it's me.

- [Man] Hello.

- [Caller] Elite Lingerie?

- [Man] Yep.

- [Caller] This is Max.

- [Man] Okay, let's have it, then.

- [Caller] Put 10 across the board

on Dancing Fool in the fifth.

- [Man] You're down.

- Martin, that's against the law.

You can get in trouble, taking those kind of calls.

- Tim, we can dispense with your neanderthal humor.

This ringing in my ears is giving me a frightful headache.

- Well, isn't there any way you know to disconnect yourself?

- I'm afraid not.

I've never faced this kind of problem before.

- Hm, hey, why don't we dial information.

Maybe they could tell us.

(audience laughing)

Well, I'm sorry, Uncle Martin.

I mean, I know it's nothing to joke about,

but suppose we did call the phone company.

- And just how would I explain myself to them?

As an exchange student from Mars?

I'm going to have to work out this problem on my own.

(busy signal buzzing)

- Well, at least we know your head is busy.

(audience laughing)

- Tea, Mrs. Brown.

The way you brew it,

it more closely resembles the nectar of the gods.

- (chuckling) Oh my.

Another brownie?

- That offer, too, I find difficult to resist.

They're delicious.

- That is a compliment, you see, I made them myself.

It's my own recipe.

- One need not be a detective

to have deduced that, dear lady.

But, to get back to the matter of your purse.

Now, about these tenants of yours.

- Martin and Tim, oh, well you couldn't suspect them.

Why, they're so nice and most respectable.

And they always pay their rent promptly.

- Sometimes purloining purses

can account for such promptness.

- Now, if my theory proves correct,

the voltage of the electric shock from the transformer

will short-circuit the telephone connection.

- Well, I sure hope this works, you know,

it's kind of spooky, living with a walkie-talkie.

- Well, as we Martians say,

invention is the mother of necessity.

We're getting company.

- Long-distance?

- No, short-distance.

Mrs. Brown, accompanied by a police officer.

- Oh well, come on quick, get into the bedroom.

Of course, unless you'd like to be introduced

as my uncle, the phone booth.

(dramatic orchestral music)

(knocking)

Well, Mrs. Brown, and?

- Oh, this is Detective Brennan, Tim.

He just wants to ask you and your uncle Martin

a few questions.

- Uncle Martin, yes, well.

You see, my Uncle Martin's--

(telephone ringing)

- I believe your telephone is ringing.

- It is, I mean, it is.

Of course it is, excuse me.

(telephone ringing)

Yeah, well, it's probably a wrong number.

We've been getting an awful lot of wrong numbers, you see.

There's something wrong with the phone.

Hello.

- [Caller] Hello, Elite Lingerie?

- Oh, I'm sorry, you've got the wrong number.

- [Man] Yeah.

- [Caller] Put me down for 20 on Hot Kisses.

- [Man] Hot Kisses.

(audience laughing)

- Crossed wires.

- [Man] Hello.

- Those voices aren't coming from here.

- [Caller] Gentleman Dolly Dear in the sixth.

- [Man] Got you.

- [Caller] And a double sawbuck on any time in the seventh.

- [Man] Got that.

- That was coming from you.

- Oh, no no, it wasn't.

I admit it may have appeared that way,

but it was really coming from Tim.

You see, my nephew dabbles in ventriloquism.

And unfortunately, he'll show off

at the slightest opportunity.

- Oh, well, I thought you were very good, Tim.

I didn't see your mouth move once.

Did you, Detective Brennan?

- I wasn't watching.

Frankly, I find this form of juvenile behavior

a crashing bore.

Now, if we could get on with the questioning,

I'd like to apprehend the vandal who made off

with Mrs. Brown's purse.

- That is, assuming someone actually made off with it.

- My good man, I do wish you'd leave the science

of criminology to the expert, and not include it

in your current curriculum of childish endeavors.

- Honestly, Martin, I've looked everywhere, just everywhere!

- I don't doubt it, Mrs. Brown.

But sometimes, you know, we can be looking,

and you never know, it's like an Easter egg hunt, and oh!

Well, here it is.

- Oh, for heaven's sake, thank you, Martin.

(chuckling)

Well, what can I say?

- I believe Shakespeare put it quite appropriately,

when he said, it is a bright day that brings forth the snake

and that craves wary walking.

Well, dear lady, you have your purse back,

and my job is done.

- Oh, and just as we were getting to know one another.

Isn't that a shame.

- Well, it doesn't have to be good bye.

It could be just au revoir.

- Of course, you could always drop by

for some more tea and brownies,

say, later this afternoon, when you've off-duty?

- I'll be counting the minutes.

Until this afternoon.

(cheerful orchestral music)

- Oh, such a sweet man.

(telephone ringing)

- [Caller] Hello, Phillip?

- [Phillip] Phillip here, that you, Reggie?

- [Reggie] It's me, old chap.

Say, you wouldn't happen to have a lovely blonde's

phone number, would you?

I think her name was Susan.

- [Phillip] Hang on a moment, I'll get it.

- Oh, Tim, that was wonderful!

(chuckling)

Especially the ringing of the telephone.

That's simply great, do it again.

(audience laughing)

(cheerful orchestral music)

- Boy, this better work, Uncle Martin.

We've stretched that ventriloquist gag

about as far as it can go.

With that egghead super-snooper coming back.

- I'm quite aware of the gravity of the situation, Tim.

Now, do as I say, climb the pole.

I'll levitate this wire to you.

You in turn, will hold it out in the direction

of the power line.

The magnetic field that encircles it

will enable the power to be drawn into this wire,

passing the proper voltage down, and disconnecting me.

- Say, you know, if this works, I think I'll miss

those incoming calls, it could make keyhole peeping passe.

- This is no time for levity, climb.

(somber orchestral music)

(eerie music)

- O'Hara, what in the world are you up to now?

Don't tell me, let me guess.

You're Jack, and you're growing your own beanstalk.

- No, it so happens that I was flying a kite,

and it got stuck in the wires.

- A kite, I have 20-20 vision.

I don't see any kite up there.

- I wouldn't expect you to see my kite up there.

It broke loose, and flew away.

My nephew is trying to retrieve my favorite kite string.

- Favorite kite string.

O'Hara, you are unattached, are you not?

- My matrimonial status is still single.

- Good, I have a beautiful niece you'd be wild about.

She's seven, going on eight.

(audience laughing)

(somber orchestral music)

- [Tim] It's three o'clock in the morning.

You're still not able to go to sleep?

- Oh, how can I sleep with a phone going all night?

Doctors getting night calls, husbands calling wives,

telling them they're still at the office.

- Yeah, I know what you're going through.

- No one can know what I'm going through,

unless they've been a telephone themselves.

Well, the shock treatment didn't work.

There must be a simple way to disconnect myself.

I just haven't been able to hit on it.

- Hey, hey, maybe if you hung a sign,

out of order, around your...

(telephone ringing)

- Oh boy, oh boy, oh my, here we go again.

- [Man] Hello?

- [Caller] Ted, Blackstone, you alone?

- [Ted] I'm alone.

- Yeah, it's just the four of us.

- [Blackstone] I will make delivery of the Vandelier Diamond

tomorrow night.

- The Vandelier Diamond!

- [Blackstone] Now, listen carefully.

- Yeah, yeah, we will, we will.

- [Blackstone] Tomorrow night,

I'll be attending the the Modern Art Exhibit.

I'll be wearing a red carnation.

Concealed in the carnation will be the diamond.

When you contact me, you will say,

the ocean's green, the sky is blue.

I repeat, the ocean's green, the sky is blue, is that clear?

- [Ted] Gotcha.

- Uncle Martin, Uncle Martin, quick!

We gotta call the police.

Hello, operator, this is an emergency.

Oh, oh that's right, you only take incoming calls.

- Hold it, I think there's a better way.

I have an intriguing thought,

which will at least get rid of one of my problems.

- Yeah, what intriguing thought?

- Detective Brennan.

Don't your police usually get promotions to headquarters

when they solve an important case?

- Well, yes, but I don't see what that has to do with it.

- It's simple, I'll have him solve the case,

get him his promotion, and we'll be rid of him.

Now I know he has a date tomorrow night with Mrs. Brown.

- And you're gonna get them to go to an art exhibit

on their first date, huh?

(chuckling)

Boy, you Martians are sure naive.

- Tim, you think very narrow thoughts.

A mind is like a parachute.

It only functions when it's open.

(cheerful orchestral music)

Mm hm, they should be coming out very soon.

- Hm, Uncle Martin, you never cease to amaze me.

Now, do you mean

you can actually plant thoughts in other people's minds?

- Well, not to any great extent.

I can plant ideas and notions.

It's well, it's somewhat like your hypnotism.

I couldn't have a person go against his nature

and his character.

- Now what are you doing?

- Well, you'll soon see.

- Oh, I'm sorry I kept you waiting,

but I wanted to look my very best.

You know how we women are.

Well, good evening, Martin, Tim.

- Good evening, Mrs. Brown.

- Bill, Detective Brennan,

is taking me to the theater tonight.

Isn't that sweet of him?

- Yes, that's very sweet of Bill, I mean, Detective Brennan.

Look what those bad boys did.

- Oh well, I'll just come out in the morning

and wash it off.

(eerie music)

Say, do you know what I see

in what appears to be those simple chalk marks?

I see a sunset,

on the ocean,

and a sailboat disappearing over the horizon.

- Interesting, most interesting.

For me, it conjures up a different picture.

A ski slope, in the Alps.

And in the distance, a warm friendly tavern

with flames dancing in the fireplace.

You know, this isn't just scribbling.

This is an amazing example of modern art.

- Modern art!

Well, I didn't know you appreciated modern art.

- I find it most fascinating.

- You know, there's a Modern Art Exhibit on tonight.

Do you suppose that?

- In preference to the theater, by all means.

I'd love to attend.

- Oh, wonderful.

Good night.

- You know something?

They were both wrong about that.

I know what that picture is.

- Hm?

- Yeah, yeah, it's three gorgeous redheads

and two of 'em have on bikinis, and the third one.

- Tim.

- Don't blame me, you drew the picture.

(cheerful orchestral music)

- Oh my, what a gorgeous painting.

I wonder what it is.

- There he is, there's our Mr. Blackstone.

- Well, he doesn't look like a jewel thief.

- They make the best kind.

- But I still don't see how you're gonna get

Detective Brennan onto the crooks,

without letting him know that you know.

- Martian philosophy.

If Muhammad won't go to the mountain,

simply move the mountain to Muhammad.

- Huh?

- If we can't get Brennan to capture

the criminals in question,

then we must get the criminals

to get themselves caught by Brennan.

- Oh.

(eerie music)

What are you doing?

- Reading a few minds.

I wanna see if Mr. Blackstone's associates

have arrived yet.

- Oh, you sort of sweep the room like radar, huh?

- That's right.

Luck is with us, they have not arrived as yet.

- Well, clean sweep.

- Well, Tim, we might as well join Mrs. Brown

and the good detective.

And Tim, after we say good evening to them,

I want you to start looking up at the ceiling.

- Looking up at the ceiling, what for?

- A tactical maneuver, you look up at the ceiling,

and others will do the same, always works.

While they're eyes are diverted,

I'll start moving my mountain.

- Oh, yes, you ask a simple question,

you get a confusing answer.

- Come on.

Good evening, Mrs. Brown.

- Oh, hello.

Oh, isn't this a lovely exhibit.

- [Martin] Indeed.

- [Bill] Some fine examples of modern art.

- Hm?

Oh.

(eerie music)

- What do you see up there?

- I don't see anything.

I was looking up to see what you were looking at.

- Well, I was just looking up

to see what Tim was looking at.

What are you looking up for, Tim?

- Oh, well, sometimes in these exhibits,

they put murals on the ceilings.

- Oh, really, oh is that so?

- Uh huh.

- Don't look now, but I believe we switched the carnation

just in time.

- Ocean's green, sky is blue.

- Yes, so they are.

- Ocean's green, sky is blue.

- If you say so, as you already have.

Let's not wait for them to paint a mural.

- May I repeat, the ocean's green, the sky is blue.

- And may I add, roses are red, so what else is new?

- But, but, the red carnation in your lapel.

- [Bill] Carnation!

I'm not wearing any...

Oh, oh what?

- You you, I, I, I.

- Hey, you!

- Uncle Martin, they're getting away, stop 'em.

- Tut tut, I'll throw up an invisible force field

and stop him.

(eerie music)

(thudding)

(audience laughing)

- Oh, you stopped him, all right, but cold.

Well, what are you gonna do now, I thought the whole idea

was to get Detective Brennan to capture him.

- Watch.

(eerie music)

(water splashing)

(audience laughing)

Oh, may I borrow this for a moment, sir?

Thank you.

We now have it for the records.

The great jewel thief roundup.

- Oh Bill, my hero.

- What about Blackstone?

- Well, with his accomplice under arrest,

the police won't have any trouble picking him up.

- Oh, Uncle Martin, I've gotta hand it to you.

I guess there's not a single problem you can't solve.

- I guess not, Tim.

I guess not.

- Yeah. (telephone ringing)

- No problem, except one, Tim.

Let's get outa here.

- Oh, I'm so proud of you, oh, you're such a brave man.

(potion sizzling)

- You think it'll, you think it'll work, Uncle Martin?

- Well, the electric shock wave didn't do it.

Perhaps a chemical reaction

will disconnect me from the phone company.

- I sure hope it works this time.

I could sure use some sleep.

(telephone ringing)

- [Gwen] Hello.

- [Susan] Gwen, darling.

- [Gwen] Susan, how are you?

- [Susan] Bored, darling.

I just wish some charming handsome stranger

would call me out of the blue, and ask me out.

- [Gwen] Give me your new phone number.

I've got a friend I know you'll just love.

- Hold on, Uncle Martin, hold on, not yet.

- [Susan] Wonderful, dear.

The number is.

(receiver clicking)

- It worked, I'm disconnected.

- Oh fine, just when I could have gotten connected.

- Someone's coming. (knocking)

Come in!

- Just dropped by to see what the rover boys were doing.

Oh, playing with your chemistry set, how nice.

- What are you doing here?

With all the front page publicity Tim gave you,

I thought you got a promotion.

- I did, but I turned it down.

I happen to be very fond of brownies.

(audience laughing)

- I don't know what it is, Tim.

Maybe it's your earth's atmosphere.

But I always seem to wind up with at least one problem.

(eerie space music)

(electronic humming)