Original subtitles

(ominous music)

(thunders)

(door slams)

(thunders)

(mysterious music)

- Martin, I'm home.

- Hello, Tim.

I thought you were covering the concert in the park tonight.

- I was covering it which is more than I can say

for the umbrellas you can rent out there.

It was called on account of wet customers.

- I see.

Then you'll be here this evening.

- Well, yes,

unless I'm busting up the secret meeting

of a hobby club or something.

- Nothing like that.

Say, Uncle Martin, has something been bothering you lately?

I mean, you haven't been yourself for the last three days

and well, now I see you working on this contraption.

Hey!

Hey, that's my corn popper.

- It was your corn popper.

With a few typically adroit adjustments,

I've converted it to a neuro-cerebral stimulator.

- Oh, a neuro...

What?

- I might as well tell you the whole story, Tim.

Although I was hoping to make my decision first.

- Decision?

About what?

- It's this.

(thunders)

- Oh, that.

Why?

Do you want to tuck a letter away in the nose cone?

- More than that.

I checked that rocket out and it's a dandy Tim.

What's more, there's room for me.

- Well, then you'll be going home?

- That's the trouble, Tim.

I can't decide.

One part of me says go home.

Your family misses you.

Your friends miss you and you miss them.

The second part of me says don't go, stay.

You have family here.

- Family?

- Yes, Tim.

You.

In the short time that I've been here,

I've grown to look on you as a nephew.

And the third part is sort of caught in the middle,

undecided.

- Hey, why don't you give me a vote?

I say stay.

- Thanks, Tim,

but we Martians have to solve our own inner conflicts.

That's what this is for.

This neuro-cerebral stimulator.

It's going to help me make up my mind.

- Uncle Martin, please.

I get the feeling that if anything goes wrong,

you are gonna end up with a head full of popcorn.

- Now, I've got this feeling that I want to go

and I've also got the feeling that I want to stay.

- Thank you, Jimmy Durante.

(thunders)

(dramatic music)

You alright, Uncle Martin?

- Yes.

- No.

- Well, I don't know.

(dramatic music)

(beeping)

(eerie music)

(beeping)

(exciting music)

- Three Uncle Martins?

What happened?

- I guess that lightning gave me a little too much

of a charge, but don't be alarmed, Tim.

- Just a minute.

You should be alarmed, shouldn't he?

- Well, I...

I just don't know, but I'll tell you one thing,

I'm terribly undecided.

- We're quite alright.

- You're split into three

and you're quite alright, you say?

- Actually, this is done quite often on Mars.

A person with an inner conflict can split himself up

and discuss the problem with himself in a civilized way.

- Oh, well, that's just great for Mars,

but it's gonna be pretty tough to explain down here.

I mean, what do I tell Mrs. Brown?

Well, Mrs. Brown, a funny thing happened

while we were popping corn.

- Don't get upset, Tim.

The rocket doesn't leave until tomorrow afternoon

and by that time, we'll be agreed

and thwop.

- Oh, you mean that if the three of you agree,

then thwop.

- That's right.

- Oh, well, that's wonderful.

Then what are we waiting for?

Let's see, a subject.

Mrs. Brown's chocolate brownies.

Now, all of you who love them, raise your voices.

- I love them.

- I hate them.

- Well,

I can take them or leave them.

- Now, look.

Let's see, how do you feel about democracy, huh?

All in favor.

- Tim, it's not quite that simple.

We are split over whether to take that rocket tomorrow.

That's what we have to agree on

and it shouldn't be too hard.

It's obvious to anybody with one-third of a brain like me

that we ought to go.

- Well, this third of a brain is staying right here.

- How do you vote?

- I can't make up my mind.

What do you say we sleep on it, huh?

- Sleep on it?

Come on, fellas, you're not trying.

- Oh, I don't think we should go.

- Well, the way it looks now, the only way

you're gonna get to Mars is on the group plan.

This Uncle Martin went to market.

This Uncle Martin stayed home.

This Uncle Martin had roast beef

and that's all the Uncle Martins there are.

That's plenty.

Oh, now come on, Uncle Martins,

thwop

all together, come on.

Oh, oh.

(cheerful music)

More coffee, Uncle Martin?

- Yes, thank you, Tim.

- Runny?

- More tea, Uncle Martin?

- Nah.

- More milk, Uncle Martin?

- Well, I don't know.

Milk?

- I'm beginning to feel like an airline stewardess.

Well, I trust you all had a nice, pleasant sleep last night?

- Just fine.

- Not me.

- Why shouldn't you have?

You snored on the sofa and you snored on the chair,

but I couldn't make up my mind whether to sleep or not.

- Well, that's what you get

when you draw straws with yourself.

You can't win (laughs).

- I'm going to miss his sense of humor

when we get back on Mars.

- That is if we get back to Mars.

- Now, now.

If we're gonna resume the argument,

couldn't we wait 'til after breakfast?

- I'm ready to discuss the issue now.

I'm finished.

Excuse me, Tim.

(eerie music)

(clattering)

- What happened?

- Butter finger.

(eerie music)

(clattering)

- What's happening?

- Apparently when we split physically,

our powers split in direct proportion.

- Well, then none of you have your full powers?

- Obviously.

Well, we might as well clear up this mess.

(knocking)

- Oh Tim, Martin.

It's me, Mrs. Brown.

- You were saying something about clearing up a mess.

Well, which one did you have in mind?

Be right there, Mrs. Brown.

- I need help.

I'm in trouble.

- She's in trouble.

Hey, two of you fellas run up the old antennas

and disappear, hmm?

(eerie music)

- You've got one and you've got one

and I haven't got any.

(eerie music)

- Oh, we can't disappear.

- Obviously.

- Well, that's great.

Well, I'll just introduce you

as the original and two blurred copies.

Look, two of you just get outta sight.

(dramatic music)

Come on in, Mrs. Brown.

- Oh, good morning.

Oh, Martin, you're just the one I want to see.

- Which one are you?

- Uh.

- Oh, you're that one.

- I am?

- Are you?

- I think.

- My car won't start and you're such a genius,

I was wondering if you'd have a look at it.

- Why don't you let me do that, Mrs. Brown,

because you see, Uncle Martin isn't

feeling his complete self today.

- I feel fine and I'd be delighted to take a look at it,

I suppose.

- Oh, good.

It's probably just a little trouble

with the what-you-ma-call-it or the thing-a-ma-jig.

It's right in the driveway.

- You are a great one to volunteer.

How are you gonna fix her car

when you can't even make up your own mind?

- I guess you're right.

I hope, maybe.

(dramatic music)

- How you doin', Uncle Martin?

- Huh?

- Are you ready to try and start it yet?

- Well, I don't know, but if I'm talkin' to you

and you don't know what I'm talkin' about,

why should I believe you?

- Mrs. Brown, would you please try starting the ignition?

- The what?

- The thing-a-ma-jig.

- Oh.

- Nothing, huh?

Nothing?

- Uh, uh.

- Mrs. Brown, this time would you try

turning it the other way?

- Oh.

(engine rumbles)

(bangs)

- [Martin] Ow.

- Uncle Martin?

- I'm so sorry.

Oh.

- Oh, he's out cold.

- Poor thing.

- Uncle Martin, speak to me.

- Here, I'll call a doctor.

- Uncle Martin, speak to me.

(dramatic music)

(breathing heavily)

- What happened?

- Well, you (laughs) you were fixing Mrs. Brown's car

and you sort of--

- I were, I mean, I was.

Was I?

Oh.

I guess I was, I suppose.

Oh, I remember, I remember.

She turned the thing-a-ma-jig

and I got hit with the what-you-ma-call-it.

- If you're not going to think of yourself, Martin...

- You might at least think of your other selves.

- I apologize, but remember, I was at ground zero.

- You're sure you're alright now?

- Oh, I think I'm fine,

I believe.

- I sympathize, but it was directly attributable

to your own clumsiness.

- You had no responsibility, I suppose, did you?

- At least we know the difference

between a thing-a-ma-jig and a what-you-ma-call-it.

- Oh, now, hold it, hold it.

Now, Uncle Martins, all of you, may I say something?

I would like to make a plea for togetherness.

Now, look, you're all great guys in your own ways,

but my favorite Uncle Martin is the one that I remember

from only yesterday and I'd sorta like to have him back

whether you decide to stay or go back to Mars.

So, I got a great idea.

I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

I am going to leave the room and when I come back,

I'd like to see just one Uncle Martin.

Now, is that asking too much?

- Not at all.

- Good.

I am now leaving the room.

(door slams)

I am not now leaving the room

(door slams)

because here comes Mrs. Brown's doctor.

- What?

A doctor?

I don't need a doctor.

- Well, you've got one now.

- Well, I mean, I can't have a doctor.

You know what happens if he examines me.

He gets static in his stethoscope.

- That's right.

In the place of heartbeats, he'll get blips.

- Don't let him in here, Tim.

- Well, what do I tell him?

- Tell him I'm too sick to see a doctor.

(knocking)

- Thanks a lot.

(door slams)

- Tim O'Hara?

- Yes.

- Doctor Nelson.

Mrs. Brown called me about your uncle's injury.

- Oh, yes well, that was awfully nice of Mrs. Brown, Doctor,

but actually, it's too bad that she called

because, you see, he's all well again.

- Mrs. Brown said that he got an awful thump.

- Well, Doctor, you know how women are.

They're flighty, hysterical, panicky.

- As a matter of fact, Mrs. Brown was quite calm.

I think I better take a look at him.

You can never tell about these head blows.

- Oh, no, no, no.

You better not.

I mean,

he's asleep.

- Asleep?

- Yes.

- With a concussion?

- Hey, that's bad?

- It certainly is.

- Well then, he's awake.

- Good.

It'll only take a minute.

- No, you can't.

Not now.

- Why not?

- Well, because that room is a mess.

The bed's not made.

- Oh, well don't worry about that.

- Doctor, Doctor, look, look.

Here's a picture of Uncle Martin.

Now, does he look sick to you?

- Very amusing, Mr. O'Hara,

but I'm a very busy man, I have many calls to make,

and I'd like to get this over with.

- That's just it, Doctor.

You're a very busy man, so what we'll do

is make an appointment and we'll come down

and meet you in the office.

- But, but...

- Thank you, Doctor.

- Young man, I'm getting the distinct impression

that you are throwing me out.

- Not at all, Doctor.

How can you say a thing like that.

It's just that I don't want to keep you

from people who really need your help.

Goodbye, sir.

- Well, if you're doing all this because you want

to call in your own doctor, you could've said just that.

- Well, that's it, Doctor.

You've got it.

What we'd rather do is call in our own doctor, Doctor.

- The point is bring someone in

for a professional diagnosis.

- Right.

- For your own peace of mind.

- Right.

- And remember, you've only got one Uncle Martin.

- I hope you're right.

Boy do I hope you're right.

(cheerful music)

- Oh, why Dr. Nelson.

My goodness, you're fast.

Is Uncle Martin alright?

- I don't know, but that nephew of his needs help.

- How's that?

- He's all wound up, doesn't make much sense.

Does he get like this often?

- No, no.

He's probably worried about his Uncle Martin.

Maybe I'd better go up and see

if there's something I can do.

- No, no, no.

He's calling in his own doctor.

Oh, and that man has his work cut out for him.

Meanwhile, why don't you go on about your own affairs.

- Well, I was going shopping.

- Do it.

- Is there someplace I can drop you?

- Oh, no thank you.

My car's parked out in front,

but may I use your phone to call my office?

- Oh yes, yes of course.

It's in the kitchen.

Just snap the door lock when you leave

and thank you so much for coming.

- Don't mention it.

It was interesting to say the least.

(dramatic music)

(door shuts)

- Uncle Martin?

(door slams)

(knocking)

Uncle Martin.

- Yes?

- No, that one.

- Come in.

Tim, you gave us quite a turn bursting in like that.

- Who did you expect, the census taker?

Now look, I've got rid of the doctor for a little while,

Mrs. Brown is gone, so let's stop knocking around

in triplicate before we have some more visitors.

- [Radio Announcer] We interrupt this program

for a special announcement.

The countdown on this historic rocket shot for Mars

has reached zero minus 60 minutes.

- Oh my goodness.

We're gonna miss it.

I think.

- [Radio Announcer] All components

are functioning as predicted.

Everything is proceeding smoothly.

- For him things might be proceeding smoothly.

Over here, things are rough.

- It's true, Tim, but they needn't have been

except for the bull-headedness of certain parties.

- Correction.

Bumble-headedness.

We could've worked this out long ago

except for the friendly neighborhood repair man here.

- I will not accept the blame.

I don't think.

- Oh now, please, please, you guys.

If you're gonna argue, just stay on the subject.

I mean, that rocket goes in an hour.

It's a 40-minute drive to the base

even if you hit all the lights.

- Tim's right.

We've got to move fast

and as the proprietor of the only other cool head

in this room, I have a suggestion.

If you'll drive us to the rocket base, Tim,

we can negotiate on the way.

It's the only way, my dear colleagues.

It would be embarrassing if we all decided to go

and we weren't there.

- That makes sense.

- Well, I knew you had good heads on your shoulders.

Now, come on.

Let's get out of here.

One of you can sit in front with me

and the other two guys sit in back.

- I want to sit in the front.

- Hold it, what am I talking about?

I can't drive out of this neighborhood

in broad daylight with three Uncle Martins.

- You're right, people would talk.

Wait, what would be so unusual

about driving off with three pieces of luggage?

- I'm on my way now.

Yes, and tell Mrs. Mayhew she'll

have to come into the office somehow.

The hospital doesn't recognize hives as a serious emergency.

Yes.

(clicks)

(dramatic music)

- [Martin] Ow.

(thumps)

- No more of that.

- [Martin] Okay.

(clicks)

- Operator, give me the police quickly.

(bangs)

- [Martin] Oh.

- You alright?

- [Martin] Alright.

Stand me up, Tim.

- Huh?

- [Martin] Up, up.

- Oh, sorry.

(comical music)

(grunting)

Right quick.

Here, get in.

Come here, hold this for a second.

Turn around.

- Ow.

Who ever told you how to pack a Martian?

- Sorry about that.

- (whispers) officers.

Over here.

- You know, Doc, if you're wrong--

- Shh.

- If you're wrong about this,

we could all be in a lot of trouble.

- There's a body in that trunk over there.

I saw it with my own eyes.

- Let's take a look, Harris.

- No, quick, not now.

(dramatic music)

That's him, that's the one.

(dramatic music)

Now do you believe there's a body in that trunk?

- I don't know about that,

but there's sure one in that bag he's lugging.

- [Martin] Okay, but hurry.

- How many bodies has he got up there, Doc?

- I don't know.

It's a small apartment.

- I want to take a look at those things.

(creaking)

- I'll take the bag, you guys get the trunk.

(mysterious music)

- There he is again.

(dramatic music)

- Doc, I think you've really stumbled on something.

(dramatic music)

- [Tim] Hey, where are you?

Where'd you go?

Hey!

Hey, what's goin' on here?

- Hold still, O'Hara.

- Careful, he may be armed.

- [Officer] Hold still, O'Hara.

- [Doctor] Don't let him get away.

- [Officer] I got him, I got him.

- Talking, will you let me?

May I ask the reason for this ambush?

- Mr. O'Hara, if you confess

and get this off your chest, you'll feel much better.

- Get what off my chest besides big daddy here?

- [Officer] The murders, that's what.

- I beg your pardon?

- Come on, we just saw you

come downstairs with three bodies.

- Three bodies?

I don't know what you're talking about.

- Well, maybe we better refresh your memory.

Come here.

- Fine.

- [Officer] They're gone.

- Gentlemen, gentlemen.

What's this unseemly racket?

- Uncle Martin.

- Who's that?

- I'm Martin O'Hara, Tim's uncle.

- That's the victim.

(exciting music)

- I think the word victim was most apropos, Dr. Nelson,

although the real complainant here is my poor nephew Tim

after what you subjected him to.

- He'll have all the opportunity to complain that he wants

when we get down to the station house.

- For what?

- How would suspected homicide be for openers?

- I assume you can produce the body.

- Bodies.

There was three of them counting yours.

- And where are they now except this one, of course?

- Well, I...

- I believe you refer to them

in police circles as corpus delicti.

- Now, look mister, all I did

was answer a telephone call from some crank.

- Exactly whom are you calling a crank?

- Somebody who calls my sergeant and says there's a body

in a trunk when there isn't one, that's whom.

Come on, Doc, let's go.

- Exactly where are we going?

- How does the station grab you?

- Oh fine.

Grab me?

- It's a misdemeanor to turn in a false police report.

Let's go, Doc.

- But you can't do this to me.

- I'm doing it to you.

- But the Police Commissioner's a patient of mine.

- [Officer] You'll be a client of his.

- Uncle Martin, you were magnificent.

Which one are you?

- I'm me.

I'm together again.

- Oh, how'd you do that?

- Well, there's one thing all three of me could agree on:

helping you after we got you in trouble.

So,

we thwoped.

- You mean (whispers)?

- Thwoped.

- Yeah, well.

- Oh, Tim, Martin, come here quickly.

You're missing all the excitement.

Look at that.

It's the rocket to Mars.

I didn't want you to miss it.

(engine roaring)

- Boy, looks like a beautiful shot.

Oh, I'm sorry Uncle Martin.

- Think nothing of it, Tim.

The way you people are going,

there's bound to be another one along any minute.

(exciting music)

(thunders)

(door slams)

- Oh hi, Uncle Martin.

- Hi, Tim.

- Where have you been?

- Shopping.

(door slams)

And have I got a surprise for you,

but don't come in until I tell you.

- Alright, considering the weather

and some of your surprises lately,

I hope this one isn't electrical.

- [Martin] Alright, you can come in now.

(thunders)

Over here.

- Oh no.

Oh no.

No, no, no.

- Like it, Tim?

It's a genuine Empire three-way mirror.

I bought it for a song.

(laughs)

(exciting music)

(chimes)

(thunders)