Original subtitles

[ethereal music plays]

[hip hop music begins]

♪ Bring me ice cream All the girls want it ♪

♪ Except some vegan girls 'Cos they lactose intolerant ♪

♪ Hundreds and thousands All over your mouth ♪

Whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, ow.

‐Oh, fuck. ‐Cut, cut, cut!

[Maxxx groans] Ow. [groans]

Yo, are these stairs all right?

Are your stairs all right? I almost broke my neck!

You look fine. You look great. You're crushing it, bro.

Okay, everyone reset.

I'm crushing it. Get off me. Get off me.

Rose! I need some water. Coconut water.

[theme music playing]

♪ They'll love you When you're up ♪

♪ They'll fit you for a crown ♪

‐We made it, baby. ‐♪ But now you're giving up ♪

‐♪ Are you a king or clown? ♪ ‐[Maxxx] They're coming with me.

♪ A king or clown ♪

‐♪ Are you a king or clown? ♪ ‐[crowd cheering]

Is this guy drunk? What's going on here?

♪ Are you a king or clown? ♪

♪ Are you a king or clown? ♪

[Maxxx] Naughty.

[exhales] Oh, my God. [inhales]

‐[bone crunches] ‐Ah.

‐Dad, are you okay? ‐[grunts]

[sniffles]

Look, Rose, if you're gonna do something weird or sexual,

please don't. This is serious.

‐You've got this, Maxxx. ‐Thank you.

‐[mouths] Thank you. ‐I just came.

‐Rose! ‐JJ, JJ!

Stupid cape! JJ, JJ, listen.

This is‐‐ This is not feeling authentic to me, man.

I mean, angels don't twerk, okay?

Er, here, here. Look, Jesus. He wasn't white.

Okay? And, what the‐‐

Are you trying to get me killed bro?

Over a music video? I'm not trying to be

‐Salman Rushdie out here. ‐Yo!

‐That's Omar the dove handler. ‐Oh.

‐Oh. Look, I don't care. ‐[JJ] All right?

I just don't think this is right.

‐No, delays equals dineros, bro. ‐This doesn't feel okay.

And the birds are getting hungry,

'cause if you feed them, they shit everywhere.

‐And we don't need angry birds. ‐I don't care about the birds.

‐So, what‐‐ ‐I care about

‐making authentic art man. ‐Broski,

I bleed authenticnessness. Ask Crazy Frog,

ask Jedward, ask Justin Timberlake

since 2017.

Just tuck your tampon back in

‐and chill bro. ‐Okay, you know what,

you know what? I now know that

‐that kind of comment is sexist. ‐Maxxx.

‐So, I'm gonna‐‐ I'm gonna‐‐ ‐Maxxx, a word.

Listen, consciousness, that's‐‐ that's‐‐ think about

‐that word for a little. ‐Consciousness

[Maxxx] ...thing. It's too long!

Maxxx, what the fuck is going on?

Huh, what do you mean?

I've got my big white dick on the chopping block for you,

and you're pulling shit like this.

‐What are you doing? ‐No, hey, listen,

I had a life and death experience,

‐and it changed me man. ‐I understand, I can dig that.

No, you're saying you understand,

you're saying you dig it, but you're not listening.

I hear you, you've my full undivided...

‐It's for another shoot. ‐This is what I'm talking about.

Maxxx.

We are trying to manufacture the most important...

Who is the biggest comeback ever?

‐I don't know. ‐Biggest comeback?

‐I dunno. ‐All time.

‐I don't know. Shia LeBeouf ‐Jesus Christ.

I don't know, I'm just throwing out names bro.

No, literally, Jesus Christ.

‐Oh right, yeah, right. ‐From the dead he came, right?

Two thousand years later, he's still packing the houses

every Sunday, and when I look at you,

it doesn't matter what angle it is...

[mouth pops]

You got a big Jesus‐y thing happening.

‐You think? ‐Do I think?

I mean, people have said that about me.

You'd have to have one of them special dogs

tapping your way down the street, not to see it.

You were made for this. And‐‐

And do you think Tamzin would let you do something

‐if it wasn't authentic? ‐No.

She'd bite my head off, wouldn't she?

‐[laughs] Yeah. ‐[growls] Right?

‐So, who's the new messiah? ‐Oh, stop that.

‐Who's my new messiah? ‐Stop that.

‐Who's my new messiah? ‐Stop it. I'm your new‐‐

‐I'm your new messiah. ‐Speak louder, kid!

‐[laughs] ‐All right then. Now, look,

you take a breather. All right? Even God took a break.

Yeah, I guess so.

And then when you come back here.

We're gonna shoot ourselves some fucking doves.

‐All right. ‐All right.

‐Thanks, man. ‐Who's the king of kings?

I'm the king of kings.

‐[Don] Exactly. ‐Yeah, thanks, Don.

All right guys, all right, all right, all right.

I'm gonna take five minutes, and I'm gonna be back.

Second coming.

[Colin] Ah, you all right, Roxx?

[Roxx] Yeah, I'm cool. How are you?

[Colin] Yeah, still holding up.

Just trying to settle back into civilian life, you know?

And the wife left me. But she's absolutely fine.

Sometimes I feel like going out and mowing everybody down

with a machine gun. [laughs]

I'm still having the nightmares.

But the blackouts are happening...

‐[mobile phone vibrates] ‐...less frequently, so...

Yeah, so that's something. [chuckles]

Cool. Thanks.

[keys tapping]

‐[Colin whistles] ‐[mobile phone vibrating]

[keys tapping]

I think I've got some bags under my eyes or something.

Are you recording? No, no makeup.

I'm keeping it authentic, excuse me.

Yo, wassup, Maxxxettes? [rolls tongue]

♪ Behind the scenes Of the video shoot ♪

I'm back from the dead. On the hustle.

The doctor said to me, um, I think you're rushing it back,

and I'm like, "Yo, you can't rush greatness."

I just move at my own pace.

It's just a bit of a kind of, like, biblical vibe here.

Baptists, where are you? Stand up.

Shout out to the Latter‐Day Saints.

Big up the Mormon man on a horse.

That's enough. That's enough, that's enough. Thank you.

Can I have a word with you please?

‐That was good right? ‐[Rose] I'm gonna upload this,

the rolling dice video from the studio.

YouTube gonna break, bitches.

‐[Maxxx] Ow. ‐So, are you sure you're okay?

‐'Cos maybe you should go... ‐Yeah.

‐...and see a medic? ‐What you think Michael Jackson

saw a medic after his hair caught fire? [blows raspberry]

‐Yeah. ‐[Maxxx] Nah, this is my time.

‐This is your time. ‐Sing it.

‐This is your time. ‐Sing it.

♪ This is your time ♪

[Maxxx] All right. Okay. Yeah, that reminds me, um,

in the, uh, studio next door, they were taking a lot

of cool swag and stuff over there,

so maybe you could go out there, you know what I mean, schmooze.

Steal some stuff.

Yeah, Rose don't do anything illegal.

‐Say what? ‐I don't mean steal some stuff.

I‐‐ I‐‐ I literally mean, just go make some friends.

Yeah, yeah, go make some friends.

‐Rose. Find Amit, yeah? ‐[Rose] Yeah.

And literally go and make some friends,

and see if you can borrow some stuff.

Yeah, "go make some friends, and borrow some stuff."

I mean I can't wink, but you get the idea.

‐See ya. ‐[Maxxx sighs] Just‐‐

just try and breathe through it, I'm just trying to... [exhales]

Let me ask you a question. And I want you to keep it 100

‐with me. ‐Always.

This video with the twerking angels,

and the Arian Jesus.

Is it kosher?

Yeah.

‐You did a hesitation‐‐ ‐[Tamzin] Didn't hesitate.

‐Did a thing with your eye. ‐Not with my‐‐

‐Your other eye. ‐With my eye? No.

‐I think it's great. ‐I'm having doubts too,

‐if that makes you feel better. ‐I think it's great.

Because I tell you what, I wanted to do the soulful song.

‐Mm‐hmm. ‐That you wanted me to do.

The singing out, from my heart, from my chest, like‐‐

‐Hmm, yeah. ‐Like take a chance.

‐Right? ‐Mm.

We're gonna cut the acoustic and go with soft serve please.

‐Really? ‐[Tamzin] Yeah.

But, uh, I didn't get that opportunity,

because some techie for some reason,

‐decided to change the track. ‐[sighs] Yeah.

And that tore me up.

I mean, it really broke me down. I mean, it almost killed me,

number one, and then,

I also felt like it wasn't worth living.

‐Like I thought... ‐[Tamzin] Mm.

...she completely crushed me, why would someone do that to me?

It just made me want to fucking crush her!

But then I thought to myself, actually what would Ghandi do?

‐[chuckles] ‐And he would accept his korma.

It's karma.

‐Hmm? ‐[Tamzin] Karma.

‐Much calmer. ‐[Tamzin] Yeah.

Because I know that the universe has my back.

And that you got my back.

And that makes all the difference. Yeah.

Yeah, it properly brings the joy out

‐doesn't it? ‐Yeah. [laughs]

So, what, this music video

‐is gonna be great. [laughs] ‐[Maxxx] Yeah.

And I'm gonna do everything in my power

to make it so. [laughs]

Okay, okay, okay, look, you tell her that I said

for her to go fuck herself and then send her flowers

for Mother's Day.

‐Dad. ‐Hey.

What are you doing here? Why are you dressed

like a Christmas Tree?

You said you'd take me out for my birthday,

so, wore something special.

You forgot, didn't you?

No.

I, er‐‐ There she is!

You. Come here, employee.

I want you to meet the fruit of my loins. My, um‐‐

‐Give me a pronoun. ‐Roxx is fine.

[in English accent] "Roxx is fine."

[chuckles] Well, it's lovely to meet you Roxx, I'm Tamzin.

I find it ironic that my actual gender fluid

turned out to be gender fluid.

I'm going for a fag.

Okay. Wait a minute. Come here, come here.

Happy Birthday.

Hooker fags. Happy Birthday to me.

You're welcome. Tamzin, looking good.

Oh, thank you. Yes. Well I, um,

I invested in the stylist that you recommended, so...

Well, fire her because you still look

like a pensioner's unmade bed. I was talking about

‐Maxxx's video. It's hilarious. ‐Oh.

That's a 150 bell hops made up for the fashion shoot,

we're just waiting on the cabaret dancers.

‐[Don] Hmm. ‐So, I actually wanted

‐to talk to you about the shoot. ‐Oh, it's gonna be great.

The director's experienced,

and he's super cheap, ever since that court case.

What court case?

Don't get bogged down in details.

‐But‐‐ But, Don, I think that‐‐ ‐It's all going to plan.

‐But, Maxxx is an artist‐‐ ‐Don't.

If you use those two words, "Maxxx" and "artist",

in the same sentence in my presence again,

I'm gonna have you fired. And I don't mean from your job,

but out of a cannon, into a brick wall.

‐[laughs] ‐What's that for?

Campaign for the label. I got a supermodel,

and Wes Anderson themed, except,

we're gonna actually use black people in it.

Where were we?

Oh, yeah, Tamzin, just think of Oscar Wilde.

No relation. What he always used to say is,

the only thing worse than being talked about,

is being a washed up 90s pop star

with a limp dick and a broken heart,

‐living out of his car. ‐He didn't say that.

‐He should have. ‐Look, Don, I believe in him.

Do you? Is that why you switched out

the backing track at the fundraiser?

Um.

You're more like me than you care to admit.

And you're smart enough to know what we got here.

We're riding a lame horse, you just gotta get him

to the race. I don't care where he finishes,

just get him over the finish line.

'Cos if you don't...

he's gonna wind up in a glue factory.

Switching out that backing track,

that was cutthroat.

Hey, there she is.

[camera shutter clicking]

Now let's keep going, Jourdan. Push it, baby. A bit harder.

Yeah.

‐What have you done? ‐Made friends.

Maxxx is gonna thank me

‐so hard. ‐[Jourdan] Make up!

[woman] Jourdan, please.

[Jourdan] And where the fuck is my seaweed?

Jourdan. Fucking Dunn.

My God, of all the studios in all the world.

‐We have to do something. ‐Yeah, you're right.

‐We should kill her. ‐What? No, look.

I'm gonna go try chat to her, and see if she can stay away

‐from Dad. ‐Okay, fine.

Yeah, found him.

Excuse me, mate. Hello, sir.

[Maxxx] Yes, Maxxx back in the house.

Shout out, my AD Jason. Er, Jack.

Yes, Wembley, Kinsbury, North West

‐you know what's good. ‐[JJ] Okay, Maxxx,

there you are baby.

‐All right. ‐Everyone ready to shoot?

'Cos I gotta get some stuff with these fucking doves,

'cos they're costing us hella.

Don't worry about that, brah. First of all, are there any,

‐er, safety requirements. ‐[JJ] Action.

What, what, what? [screams]

‐Get off the pigeons, you idiot. ‐[Maxxx] Oh, what the fuck.

Get 'em off! [grunting]

You son of a bitch. This is not your turn!

[screams, pants]

What the fuck?

Oi! What's your problem, idiot?

Omar, are these doves all right?

Are the doves all right? I got bird shit in my mouth, man.

They were fucking attacking my face.

‐Look, brother, just chill. ‐Don't tell me to chill,

the Maxxx does not need to chill.

I had birds biting my eyeballs, dude.

Bro, they can't even bite, they don't have teeth.

Don't bro me, bro. Okay. Yo, listen.

Don't bro me, bro. Do not bro me, bro.

I am not your bro. I will bust you up.

‐You don't understand. ‐[JJ] Don't bust me up.

I'm from North West, brother. I will bust you up.

I will tear open your rib cage.

‐I'll tear out your wishbone... ‐Yeah?

...and I'll snap it in half,

and the wish will be that I can bust you up again.

‐How you like them apples? ‐Bro, I'll fuck you so hard,

you'll need anal reconstructive surgery.

That's a really weird thing to say to me, brah.

That's a really weird thing taking off your top.

‐I know, why you want it? ‐Why you doing that?

You want it?

No, I don't fucking want it. You know what, you're fired.

Yeah, that's right F‐I‐R‐‐ You're fired.

Listen up, everybody. Maxxx is taking over

the video shoot. Bang.

Bring it down nice and... Yeah, bring 'em moody.

Okay, listen, turn that light off,

sister, we don't need that. That is not organic.

‐Listen, there's dirt in life... ‐[woman] Dick.

...there's grit in life,

that's what you've got to get used to, my brother.

Bring it in close, bring it in close.

Listen, I want it, I want it‐‐ Bring it in close.

I want it moody like, ah, candle in the wind moody,

okay, you got that? Okay. In here, all right.

Candles, no doves. No, not too close.

‐Back a bit. Okay. ‐[Tamzin] Maxxx, sorry,

‐what's going on? ‐Tamzin. Thank god you're here,

‐we're doing‐‐ ‐Your face‐‐ Your face.

Oh, yeah, don't worry about that. I need a new‐‐

‐What the hell is he doing here? ‐He's the director.

He was the director, you were the director, bro,

get out of my studio.

Have you been taking those pills again?

Huh, no, I haven't taken any, er‐‐

I've taken a couple, but that's‐‐ the point is that

what we're‐‐ what I'm trying to do now

is something authentic.

Something real, I've got candles, we're gonna‐‐

can I get a light for these candles?

No, no, we're gonna finish the music video properly.

I had birds biting my face, Tamz.

I'm not a joke, yeah. Birds eating my fucking face.

This is what I'm saying, he can't handle stress.

I can't handle stress? You can't handle stress, bro.

Two things happen when you apply pressure.

Either you bust pipes, or you make diamonds.

I make mother fucking diamonds, let me tell you‐‐

Maxxx, Maxxx, Maxxx, just‐‐

Sorry about the swearing. Get‐‐ Get outta here.

Listen, I want to tell you something.

‐Okay. ‐Um...

I, er, like all of this...

is because I wanted to get

my ex back. Which is stupid right?

‐Hmm. ‐And then something changed,

'cos I realised that you believes in me,

which made me believe in me.

‐Maxxx, I‐‐ ‐Which kind of makes‐‐

which kind of makes you...

the most important person I've ever met.

‐Maxxx, you‐‐ ‐No, well let me finish this.

‐No, please I got to say this. ‐No, you have to stop.

Please let me‐‐ let me just say this.

You are so right about me. Like, I'm so full of shit,

and you kind of make me realise that if I can be vulnerable,

if I can show myself and I can be the real me,

and you showed me that, because, you've got integrity.

I don't have integrity.

No, listen‐‐ listen. You, listen to me.

‐You're so important to me. ‐No, Maxxx,

‐I don't‐‐ ‐You have so much integrity.

I don't‐‐ It was me who switched the tracks.

What tracks?

Uh...

At Kindness‐‐ at Kindness 4 Kidz,

I‐‐ I‐‐ I switched the tracks.

[dramatic music playing]

Don thought that, um...

with all the attention we were getting,

that if we, um‐‐

‐You‐‐ You switched the tracks. ‐I switched the tracks.

Right.

Okay.

‐Um. ‐[Maxxx] Okay.

He thought that we could, lean into it as a kind of joke.

‐Like I was a joke. ‐No, no, no, no, no.

No, almost like a, you know, like a‐‐

like a novelty, like, um,

I don't know, like Mr. Blobby or something.

Do you think I'm like Mr. Blobby?

No. No, I just, um,

he‐‐ he said that I could have

‐my own roster and my own acts. ‐Wow.

That's big. Congrats.

‐Come on, Maxxx. ‐What?

‐I mean, come on. ‐What? That's good for you.

The music industry has changed since you were a star.

Yeah?

You're, what‐‐ You're 40? 40?

My playing age is 25 to 35.

Anyway, this‐‐ this song, this‐‐

this music video, it's a chance‐‐

‐This one? ‐Yeah, this one.

It's a chance‐‐ it's a chance for you to make some money...

‐Mm‐hmm. ‐...to cash in on your legacy,

to find somewhere for you and Amit to live.

‐Yep. Del Boy. ‐Get that coin.

‐Yep. ‐[laughs] Because, we would

not be getting it with, the acoustic...

‐No, it's true. ‐...stripped back stuff,

‐wouldn't be selling. ‐I thought you believed

‐in that though, the‐‐ ‐No, I‐‐ I‐‐ I did. I do.

‐You did, or you do? ‐I do.

‐Yeah, yeah, yeah. ‐I do believe in you.

I get that.

‐You're fired. ‐What?

You're fucking fired. I'm done with you.

‐I am‐‐ [chuckles] I am done. ‐What?

All right, we're moving on people.

[Colin] Hey, come back! Stop him!

Suspect package. Everything's under control.

Amit!

Fucking cape! Amit! Amit!

Don't move! Keep your hands away from the backpack.

I need to talk to Jourdan.

We have suspected bomb. Repeat, suspected bomb.

It's not a bomb, it's my laptop.

Stay back, sir. We have a potential terrorist.

He ain't a terrorist. What, you see a brown boy

and a backpack, you think he's gonna ISIS up the place.

I'm trained for this, sir.

Where'd you train? Dunkin' Donuts?

I have thyroid issues. That was uncalled for.

‐Right, I'm arresting you. ‐You can't arrest him

‐you're just a security guard. ‐Then I'm calling the police.

Get out my‐‐

[dramatic music playing]

Jourdan.

Maxxx?

‐[Colin grunts] ‐[groans]

Rose. Rose, no!

‐[screams] ‐Amit, come on.

Wait, it'’s korma.

‐Someone get the cable ties! ‐[Tamzin] Go, let's go.

I've got her!

[Jourdan] Get off me, you bitch.

[grunts]

Let me in!

Jourdan! Rose, if you've messed this up for me.

No, you've messed this up. Jourdan does not want you.

You don't know that.

What's with her anyway? There are literally supermodels

‐around every corner. ‐Don't think that's true.

The music video is trashed

It is over, Maxxx. So let's just...

‐Whistle? ‐Amit. Get my guitar.

‐Jourdan's studio now. ‐[Tamzin] Maxxx, wait.

[Rose] We love you.

What are you doing here?

Hey. That's my dad, he's a bit of a weirdo.

‐Yeah. Mine too. ‐[chuckles]

‐Do you wanna go for a walk? ‐Yeah, but I've got...

[Maxxx inhales, exhales]

Hi, sorry everybody. Sorry, hi.

Tamzin, get this idiot out of here.

No. You wait, this is my fucking life, bro.

‐Jourdan, I just‐‐ ‐No. Don't

Let me please. I just need two minutes,

because I need to say this so I can get on

with the rest of my life. And, hopefully,

that will be with you.

And maybe it will be without you,

but here it goes.

‐[man] Don, are we shooting? ‐Shh.

I want to see how this plays out?

I love you.

I'm in love with you, and everything about you.

I love your shadow, your scent sends me Picasso.

You're not a kind of girl who's obsessed with penis size.

You‐‐ Not that that is relevant to me at all.

Because, it's...

at least average in a number of Asian countries.

The point is, you're perfect.

This ain't poetry, this is fact, girl.

I wanna wear you like a feedbag.

Sounded better in my head, when I said it.

The point I wanna make to you...

is that I met somebody,

who made me have hope in me being a better person.

And now I think that hope is the thing that's killing me.

[laughs] Right? So, here it goes.

Maxxx on the line, chest out, head up,

crown on. We going music style.

Amit, guitar.

Amit? Where is Amit?

‐Well, he's not here is he? ‐[Rose] Sorry.

Well, was he not coming with you?

[Rose] Well, we didn't know.

Well, can you call him or something?

This is bullshit.

[mobile phone ringing, vibrating]

Okay, no. You know what, forget it, forget it.

It's fine, actually, because I'm taking it

naked vocals.

Acapella.

♪ You said the feeling of being With me ♪

♪ Is like rolling dice You're not lying ♪

♪ You said that love Is a game of chance ♪

♪ But my heart says ♪

♪ This one's worth trying ♪

‐♪ I've been real careful but ♪ ‐Maxxx, stop. Maxxx, just stop.

Maxxx, just fucking stop!

♪ Go ♪

Dude, I don't wanna be cold, but really?

‐What? ‐I'm just a bit baffed.

Like, what, we were only seeing each other for three months.

Er, it was like six months. On and off.

Er, it was three months. And, I really don't remember

‐much of it. ‐[Maxxx] Okay.

Let me just do the chorus 'cos that's got

‐a great bit where‐‐ ‐[Jourdan] Look, Maxxx,

I don't know if you're having some kind of mid‐life crisis,

I don't, but everything you just said, mate,

that ain't about me. That's your shit.

I just think that you just need to draw the line.

And just get a fucking life.

You know?

And look, look, look, look...

[echoing] ...I'm engaged now.

To an amazing man... To an amazing man.

My life partner. He's just like the sweetest person ever.

Wow. Like watching the Titanic all over again.

Maxxxy, my old China.

I don't think I've ever seen

anyone work quite so hard to torpedo their own life.

Sort of respect it, in a weird kind of way.

But, when it interferes with me making a buck,

see, this is when we got a problem,

so you and I are now officially done.

And if I hear of you ever making a single note

of music any time,

I will burn you

and everyone around you to the ground. Security!

‐No, you don't need security. ‐Wait, wait, wait,

‐wait, wait, wait, wait. ‐I'm out here.

If he goes then I go to.

In fact...

I quit.

I mean, it's adorable that you thought you still had a job.

I don't wanna undermine the gesture, so good for you.

[Rose] Oh, and you know what?

‐I quit too. ‐You don't work for me.

That is a technicality.

‐How are you, my love? ‐[Tamzin] Maxxx, we'll just

‐work our way from the ground. ‐Tamzin, no‐‐

‐We'll start again. ‐...you've got a real future

ahead of you, I'm a loser. Like, I'm done,

like, bringing people down to my level.

Especially people that I care about.

So, Don.

Oh, my Christ, are they still here? Yes.

If you got anything left, in that big old Led Zeppelin

melon of yours...

I've never even heard of that fucking expression.

...you won't let her go. Because, honestly,

she's the best I've ever worked with. Facts.

Okay.

Maxxx out.

Stay real, people.

‐[door closes] ‐[Maxxx] Fuck!

[Maxxx grunting]

Fucking...

Cape.

♪ You said the feeling of being With me is like rolling dice ♪

[laughs] Wait, wait, wait.

People actually listen to this?

‐It's so shit. ‐Don't worry,

he'll be joining us within the year.

♪ But I feel with you I feel like letting go ♪

♪ Yeah I feel I'm letting go ♪

♪ You said the feeling of being With me ♪

♪ Is like rolling dice You're not lying ♪

♪ You said the love Is a game of chance ♪

♪ But my heart says This one is worth trying ♪