Original subtitles

["Mr. Neverman" playing]

♪ Is who you running from? I never got to see you ♪

Everyone.

♪ You should have Spent some time ♪

♪ Before slipping away, yeah ♪

Everyone.

♪ My baby, my heart ♪

♪ Don't you know I could free you? ♪

Everyone thinks you're a fucking joke.

[Maxxx] Yo, my name is Maxxx.

‐[all] Hello, Maxxx. ‐[Maxxx] Wagwan, people.

I'm a love and sex addict apparently.

Um. I don't really know what to say‐‐

I've‐‐ I've done a lot of public speaking,

but usually to big crowds.

No offence, but like, important people,

not just...

Um. Anyway, my girl left me, and I've just been crushed

and medicating with sex, drugs and alcohol basically,

and then things got really weird with my boss.

So, I decided to go drinking, at this bar, and, uh,

this boy here's depressing me, 'cause he's so fucking happy.

He's like, "Hey, how's it going?"

And I'm like, "Good. Just give me a fucking drink'"

And then he goes off, and he's like,

"'No don't worry, I'm not going anywhere".

And for some reason that phrase wouldn't get

out of my head. Like, he's not going anywhere.

He's not going anywhere. He's not going anywhere.

He's 40 years old, waiting tables.

His dreams are fucking dead. His son's probably waiting

for him to do something with his fucking life.

He's not going anywhere, he's not going anywhere,

and so then, I start knocking them back,

like, the fucking pretty boy at Michael Jackson's sleepover,

because that fucking waiter needs help.

That's a lovely, lovely, lovely share, Maxxx.

And we have a little phrase here, don't we?

We have a phrase that says, "If you want to feel better,

you've got to feel better".

Hmm.

Think about that.

Are your feelings actually about the waiter?

Oh, right, we've got fucking Freud in the house.

That's it, let your feelings out.

No, no, you know what? Fuck you, Patrick Stewart,

‐because I'm fine. ‐[man] No.

I'm not lonely. I am doing great.

And I've got these dust allergies,

which is really fucking annoying,

and, um, so I'm done here. Thank you very much.

I'ma see you later. I don't‐‐

♪ I don't need this place ♪

And I don't fucking need you, all right?

‐'Cause I am the Maxxx. Deuces. ‐[Siren speaking indistinctly]

...or, couldn't feel anything...

‐No. ‐...but I will update you.

‐No, no. Siren, no. ‐I'm just a tad late for this.

You know the rules, no social media.

Uh. Actually, you know what? Xavier, X‐men are assembled,

so... [blows raspberry] ...I'ma stay.

Namaste. I reckon this place

might be able to help me out after all.

[theme music playing]

♪ They'll love you When you're up ♪

♪ They'll fit you for a crown ♪

‐[crowd cheering] ‐We made it, baby!

♪ But now you're giving up ♪

[Maxxx] They're coming with me.

♪ Are you a king or clown? ♪

♪ A king or clown ♪

‐This city knows how to party! ‐♪ Are you a king or clown? ♪

Is this guy drunk? What's going on here?

♪ Are you a king or clown? ♪

♪ Are you a king or clown? ♪

[camera shutter clicks]

[Maxxx] Naughty!

Testosterone.

Energy, bone density, libido.

Can cause mild fluid retention, but it's totally worth it.

‐Wanna give it a whirl? ‐[Tamzin] I'm cutting back

on testosterone therapy this week, but thanks though.

[Don] Meh, suit yourself.

I'd like to add in the Vit C and the B12.

I call it my vampire... [shouts] ...cocktail. Mother fucker.

Oh. D‐‐ Didn't you say you wanted to talk about Maxxx.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Christy and I, we owe him a solid.

Tell him to come to the studio tonight.

Tonight? Yeah, no problem.

We gotta strike while the iron is‐‐ [grunts]

Wow. I think I could get used to that.

I'm sure he's got a bursting back catalogue.

The problem, will be picking out the wheat from the chaff.

Helps with the circulation.

Hi, my name's Hamara and I'm a love addict.

[all] Hi, Hamara.

I'd ask for anything. The fishhook,

the Dutch oven, the rear admiral.

Policeman's delight. And, then I had

this Russian girlfriend, who used yell at me.

[speaking Russian]

And she'd start making love to me, and quoting Pushkin,

[Pushkin quote in Russian]

What are you doing here? This is my safe space.

Why haven't you been responding to my texts?

Don needs your best song.

Great, great. Oh, great!

Then she'd ask for the donkey punch, you know?

No problem, after the sex therapy.

Rose, can you take Little Miss Prude

‐out of here please? ‐I'm not a prude.

‐Jasper's Wagon. ‐[scoffs] I think you are.

What's the kinkiest sex you've ever had?

Ugh, God, you're dysfunctional.

We're all dysfunctional. Happiness is finding someone

with a compatible dysfunction.

...take her trousers off, and started urinating on me.

Go on, kinkiest sex?

Ugh. You needed this therapy more than I realised.

[whispers] No, this will be fun. If we get it right,

‐will you say it? ‐No.

‐Doggy style. ‐What?

Well, It's great, it's where you get on all fours,

and then the guy can see your bum hole.

Rose, Rose, I know what a doggy style is.

I don't live like a nun, okay? And I‐‐ I will switch it up

with a guy, lights on, or whatever.

Oh, 50 shades of Tamzin.

The marinated sardine, the spongey orange...

My self‐worth isn't tied to what kind of sexual deviance

I'm into, okay? I have deadlines,

and an integrated online calendar.

And I also like sex. Good old‐fashioned penis

‐in vagina, sex. ‐[Hamara singing]

Excuse me. No.

We prefer newcomers to give respect to the sharers.

So, no, um, I'm not a newcomer actually,

I‐‐ I'm just here with my client.

Not in a prostitutey way.

Not that I'm judging that. No, I'm just‐‐

‐I'm just a manager. ‐[man] No, first timers

share, when called forward.

‐Excellent. ‐Thank you.

‐Sorry. ‐Sorry about her.

‐[Tamzin whispers] Sorry. ‐Hamara.

Thank you.

But, I like fruit, you know. Who doesn't?

[knocking on door]

[dramatic music playing]

[typing]

[typing]

No. All sexual appetites

are catered for at the sexual buffet.

‐[Tamzin] Oh. ‐The greedy, the modest,

don't feel shame. We cater for the sexually obese,

and we cater for the sexually anorexic.

‐Oh, thank you. [chuckles] ‐You're welcome.

Yes, tha‐‐ thank you so much.

I've never been so humiliated in my life,

let's get Maxxx, and get the fuck out of here.

[Maxxx] Excuse me, ladies.

What were you guys talking about?

Oh, nothing. Just chatting breeze

about how the portrayal of female promiscuity in media

is just an extension of male privilege.

‐Um... ‐[Hamara] And then,

these TV shows about these sexually juvenile

40‐year‐old men, losing their rightful place

on the heteronormative social hierarchy

is supposed to be endearing,

but it's just pathetic, you know? [chuckles]

Yeah.

Anyway, I...

Uh. What's a big timer like you doing here?

Ah, uh‐oh, busted. Recognised.

Yeah, course I recognise you.

I actually thought you drowned though.

‐Oh, no, er, no. No. ‐[camera clicks]

‐I'm still, er, very much alive. ‐[Siren laughs]

‐I didn't get your name though. ‐Siren.

Okay. Italiano?

‐[Siren] No. ‐No?

No, Siren was this beautiful mythical creature,

but all her relationships ended in disaster.

Wow. And tell me, what is a lady like you,

doing in a joint like this.

'Cause you seem very normal to me.

I have this burning fury that makes me

want to publicly humiliate all my sexual partners.

That's very strange, because I've been

‐publicly humiliated. ‐Aw, poor bubba. Wow.

‐What? ‐Hello, biceps.

‐Oh, stop that, come on. ‐[Siren] I did not expect this

‐to be so rock hard under there. ‐You're a wrong 'un, you are.

Jeez, you're really bad, you know.

‐You're bad. ‐You are a naughty one.

No. You're naughty.

Slapping, slapping, slapping. Everybody slapping.

Ow.

Can we save the self‐sabotaging thing

until after you've written the song?

Oh, so this is your wife?

‐Oh, no. He's my client. ‐No, no. She's just my employee.

She's just reminding me I've gotta go change

the course of popular music...

‐Oh. ‐...again with, er, songwriting.

[scatting]

‐You know how we do. ‐[Siren] Well, find me on Insta.

‐Okay. ‐Revenge Chick. Three V's.

[Maxxx] Got it.

[dramatic music playing]

[dings]

[Lucky] Maxxx, Maxxxy.

♪ Procrastination ♪

♪ That's what you do When you can't write a song♪

[laughing]

Hey, Maxxx, having trouble writing a song, bruv.

'Cause I wrote the bangers, bruv.

Your songs were shit, bruv.

You've got no heart, no integrity,

no soul, no nothing.

‐Shut the fuck up. ‐[Lucky cackles]

Hey, Maxxx, why don't you play them

that soft serve song you wrote ten years ago?

Go on... [laughs] ...sing it to me now.

Sing that song to me now, bruv. How you gonna write a song?

‐Your songs were shit, bruv. ‐Shut the fuck up.

Leave me the fuck alone.

‐What's going on? ‐I need a drink.

‐Sorry, what are you doing? ‐[Maxxx] Huh?

‐[Tamzin] Maxxx. ‐Dad, I need your advice.

‐Er, yeah. I'm just‐‐ ‐And I need a song.

Okay, yeah. Can I just talk to my son first?

No, no. My son first.

Ask YouTube, son. You see, teach a boy to fish.

There's a lesson in that.

[Tamzin] Why are you procrastinating?

[Maxxx] What? I'm not procrastinating.

This is such a great opportunity for me.

I mean, you. [whispers] Fuck.

‐We'll give Don... ‐[Maxxx] Yeah.

...your first ever quality song

with real singing. Not like the rest of your stuff.

And then I can build my roster around more soulful artists.

Oh, yeah. I get it.

I mean younger. Well, I mean‐‐ Well, you know what I mean.

Just please, just tell me you've got something.

Oh, come on. Have I got this shit or what?

Oh, you've got this shit, bitch.

Boom. Let me show you how we used to write things

back in the day, off the top of the dome.

A little drums, bass, vocals, Amit. Run the looper.

[beatboxing]

[tweaking]

Perfect.

[beatboxing]

Bass. [imitates bass guitar]

♪ Soft serve Put the flake in, what? ♪

♪ Soft serve ♪

♪ Put it in But not too deep, uh ♪

♪ Touch the button on the front Touch the button on the back ♪

♪ Don't go there Wait it feels good ♪

♪ If you're lactose intolerant Stay away from my cream ♪

♪ You know what I mean I made the rhyme ♪

♪ I made the rhyme ♪

♪ Got rhythm ♪

Oh fuck.

But anyway, you get the point. What's going on with your face?

Your face is saying you don't like it.

‐Well, it's not very good. ‐Yeah, but it's got potenti‐‐

[Tamzin] No, Maxxx. It's bad. I mean, come on.

Soft serve. Where have you been

for the past five years? We've had a fucking revolution

‐in gender politics. ‐Oh, sorry, should I write

a song about the gender wage gap then?

Why don't you write a song that isn't part of the problem?

Er, duh. He's putting the flake in.

Boom. And she's Gen Z.

Maxxx, Maxxx... music that doesn't make the artist

feel vulnerable is meaningless. I know you're all heartbroken

‐over Jourdan's new boy‐‐ ‐I'm not heartbroken over her.

‐Why are you shouting? ‐I'm not heartbroken over her.

No, honestly. He's fine. I've not heard him crying

in the shower for the last two mornings straight.

‐[scoffs] I don't cry in‐‐ ‐I still hear him

cranking one out though, it's so cute.

Ew. Okay. Maxxx. Maxxx,

just go back in there and don't come out

until you've written something good.

[mocking voice] That's what you sound like.

‐[Tamzin] You've got five hours. ‐Easy peasy. [grunts]

[discordant piano keys playing]

[Siren] I want to tell you about the three guys

that I had sex with last week.

Chris, ugh, not even worth it.

Very low cut, so if I bend down. Oh!

‐Too much? ‐I don't hear much music!

Don't listen! I can't do it if you're listening.

Sexually anorexic? Doesn't even make sense.

‐What do you think? ‐Loads of stuff.

Like, why does Katy Perry's Miley Cyrus face

‐make me so sad? ‐No, no, specifically

about what I just said.

Do you think it's possible to be a super successful woman,

and have a grade A love life?

I do it.

Hmm. Okay. I'm gonna keep it simple.

‐Just be honest because I'm‐‐ ‐[Rose] Okay,

one time I used menthol toothpaste

to masturbate, and then it turned out I was allergic,

and I went into anaphylactic shock.

No, no. Again. Primarily focusing on the things

‐we are actively discussing. ‐Yeah, got it. Got it.

'Cause, I haven't been on a date for over a year.

‐What! ‐Yeah, yeah. I know,

it's hard to believe, right?

My God, I would have thought it had been way longer.

[sighs]

♪ Don't DM her, don't DM her ♪

♪ Don't DM her, don't DM her ♪

♪ Just DM'd her, just DM'd her ♪

♪ Now must lay, now must lay ♪

♪ I'm being a good boy And I'm writing the song ♪

♪ I'm writing the song‐‐ ♪

[Maxxx] My taxi's just outside, I'll be there in two secs.

Be right back son. [clears throat]

Oh, this is, er, your‐‐ your person.

[mumbles] Your person. Yeah, very cute.

Can't just be on the 'Gram all day son,

you gotta go out there.

I don't know how.

Eesh. Wow, you were really adopted

by the right motherfuckin' guy. Come on.

I'm gonna help you out. Come on.

‐Duh‐uh‐‐ Where are you going? ‐[Maxxx] Huh?

I'm sorry, where's the song?

‐I've written it. ‐Oh, lovely. Can I hear it?

It's a banger, but I've gotta help my son first.

Look, Maxxx, we really don't have time.

Come on, look at his little face.

Kids at school call him Mowgli, he's looks like a charity case,

and he needs all the help he can get.

‐Er... ‐Tamzin, I'm a virgin.

No. Just‐‐ Son, don't share everything.

Okay? That's rule number one.

Okay, all right. Fine.

[Maxxx] Okay, here we go. Son, look at Tamzin,

and just imagine that she's a normal woman

with normal functioning desires.

And I'll imagine that you're not an absolute twat.

Great, everyone's imagining.

So, here are the ABC's

‐of seducing a woman. ‐Oh, yes,

be sure to pay attention to how women are all so simple

that we can be seduced by just three letters.

I didn't make the rules,

I just play the motherfucking game. Okay?

‐Yeah. [laughs] ‐[Maxxx] Here we go. A,

approach. Make your way into her general area.

‐And keep swaggy with it. ‐Yep, walk like the 1990s

over to her, and she'll love you.

B, you break her personal space, some chill. Wassup?

For the record, Amit, I'm feeling extremely uncomfortable

right now. You're about an inch and half away

from a 'me too'. Can we hurry this up?

No. The art of doing without doing it is not to rush.

In 17th Century Italian theatre.

[scoffs] 17th Century Italian theatre. [chuckles]

Yeah, I know some shit. Surprise.

[Tamzin laughs]

I got this from a music video director.

Romeo and Juliet on stage would never kiss.

What? Do you know why?

Because they were both played by men.

N‐‐ I didn't know that. No. It's because,

all the drama is in the moments before the kiss.

The kiss drama is done. All the drama is in this.

[Tamzin inhales]

Do they kiss? No. Why? Drama finished.

You've actually got very pretty eyes.

You seal with a crappy compliment?

No, you don't compliment the woman.

Otherwise it makes them self‐conscious.

This was just a demo, so I'm being honest.

Well, if this is just a demo, so I'm being honest.

You're ridiculous.

You are a ridiculous human being.

Maybe they're fightin' it,

maybe they've been hurt before.

But there's something there. Some connection,

something they felt the first time

they saw each other.

‐[laughs] ‐What?

‐What? What you laughing at? ‐No. No. [laughs]

No, I‐‐ I‐‐ I am not being

sucked into your vortex of procrastination.

‐I'm warming up. ‐[Tamzin] No, you're not.

You're supposed to be writing a song, but you're terrified.

‐I am not terrified. ‐Terrified,

that if you actually gave off yourself, if you actually

took off the mask and showed yourself.

You'd see that, maybe you're just someone

who's so desperate to be famous,

because he thinks it's the same as being respected.

Yeah, well, at least I'm not using the people

I'm working with to kind of climb a ladder

‐to younger clients. ‐Oh, oh, oh,

you are not a ladder, you are a snake,

and I am sliding all the way down.

Oh, yeah? Well‐‐ well, look what I just found.

‐Boom. Two of them. ‐Oh! Oh, great.

Why don't you fuckin take that?

Oh, great. Well, why don't you just go and fly away,

Captain Save‐a‐Hoe!

So, what's the C for Dad?

[Maxxx grunting] Take it. Take it.

Take it. Take it.

[Maxxx grunting] Oh, take it. Take it.

[Maxxx moaning]

[groaning]

[sighs dramatically]

[whistles]

Little help?

‐Maxxx. ‐Hmm?

‐A little help ‐Oh, oh, yeah. Oh, sorry. Um...

Just there.

Oh, yeah. Got it.

Here you go. One for me. [sighs]

Oh, in the belly button.

[whistles, yawns] You had a, er, orgasm, right?

Yeah. I mean, you'd know if I had.

'Cause basically all the girls...

‐Yeah, I bet. ‐...have an...

So, that's weird.

I miss you.

‐What? ‐What?

What did you say?

I didn't‐‐ I didn't.

Oh, oh... I was saying that I missed my...

I've got a deadline

I'm supposed to write this hit song, by...

I've got this big music producer.

But, um, I've gotta go but‐‐

‐Um. You were great. ‐Thanks.

And, I was great, and, uh... I guess, I'll, you know,

‐see you at SLAA. ‐Uh‐hmm.

‐I won't tell anyone... ‐Our little secret.

‐Our big secret. [laughs] ‐Well, little secret.

[both laugh]

Yeah. Okay.

‐Oh. ‐Okay.

[Siren] Remember Maxxx? You may have heard of him

if you were born in the middle ages.

He used to date Jourdan, which was a big deal for him,

but a very small deal for her, if you get what I mean. Lolz.

[Maxxx] Turn it off.

Hey, just‐‐ Will you turn that off? Stop watching that.

I‐‐ I think we should just go and see Don and face the music.

[whispers] My God, she publicly humiliated me.

Well, you should be used to it.

Oh, I just want someone to hold me. [shouts] Not you.

God, working with you is like rolling dice.

Oh, yeah, rolling dice.

Jourdan rolled the dice on me, picked another guy.

Oh, it could be worse. I mean, you could be

Meghan Markle's ex. Imagine how he's feeling,

knowing your ex‐girlfriend is shagging the ginger prince.

Okay, that is so not the point.

Choking on them ginger pubes.

‐[Tamzin] Rose. ‐Oh, my God, I bet

‐he's filthy in bed. ‐Rose that is enough. Thank you.

Maxxx... [clears throat] ...there is a man next door,

who can help to fund your next single.

So, please just pull yourself together.

Let's go.

‐Let's go. ‐Yes, Team Maxxx.

If you really like this person,

there's only one thing you need to do.

Pretend I'm attracted to their friends

‐to make them jealous? ‐What? No. Look,

you just have to be yourself.

[keypad tapping]

Rose, nice to see you again.

Orphan.

Let's party. Hit me with your best track.

Yeah. No problemo. I'll just...

Just, uh‐‐ Just sing your stupid sex song. Just‐‐

Sexy song of the year. Get ready.

[instrumental begins]

♪ Soft serve ♪

♪ Put the flake in ♪

♪ Soft serve, put it in But not too deep ♪

♪ Touch the button on the front Push the button on the back♪

♪ Don't go there ♪

Fuck. This is‐‐

Shit, fuck. Fuck, fuck.

Is that the chorus?

‐Fuck. ‐Um...

Hi, hello. Hi, Don, just‐‐ just to say that

we were actually thinking about, um, re‐releasing

some previous material of‐‐

♪ Said the feeling of being with me ♪

♪ Is like rolling dice ♪

Or...

♪ You're not lying ♪

‐Well, keep going. ‐[Maxxx] I don't have any lyrics

Well, just la, la, la, it. For God's sake. [chuckles]

‐[Maxxx] Wait, I don't‐‐ ‐[Tamzin] Just try.

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la ♪

♪ This one's worth trying ♪

Huh.

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la But I feel la, la ♪

♪ I feel I'm letting go ♪

Amit, loop the guitar.

Time for some mother fucking bass.

Five, six, seven. Ocho.

♪ You said the feeling of being With me is like rolling dice♪

♪ You're not lying ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la La, la, la ♪

I'm gonna make up the rest of the words later on.

And it's gonna be fucking great. Oh, shit.

Watch me.

Ouch, fuck. Sh‐‐ It's fine. It's fine.

♪ You said the feeling of being With me is like rolling dice♪

♪ You're not lying ♪

♪ You said that love Is a game of chance ♪

♪ But my heart says ♪

♪ This one's worth trying ♪

♪ I've been real careful But I feel with you ♪

♪ I feel I'm letting go ♪

♪ Yeah, uh ♪

♪ I've been real careful But I feel with you ♪

♪ I feel I'm letting go ♪

♪ Yeah, I feel I'm letting go ♪

Yeah, that's, er... [clears throat]

...that's what I've been working on.

‐I prefer the Soft Serve song. ‐What?

Blatantly, that's a naughty vibe.

Yes. It's catchy. Sex, sex, sex.

Dick, dick, dick. That's pop music.

‐That's your single. ‐[chuckles] Sick.

‐Nice one, Don. ‐[Don chuckles] Yeah.

♪ They'll love you When you're up ♪

♪ They'll fit you for a crown ♪

♪ But now you're giving up ♪

♪ Are you a king or clown? ♪

♪ A king or clown ♪

♪ Are you a king or clown? ♪

♪ Are you? Are you a king or clown?♪

♪ Are you? Are you? ♪

‐♪ A king or clown ♪ ‐[Maxxx] A king or clown.