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1
00:00:00,375 --> 00:00:02,955
[theme music]
2
00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:11,386
- Sarah.
- Yeah?
3
00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:13,008
- Here's yours.
- Oh! Thank you.
4
00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:14,854
Wow, this is really nice,
Darlene.
5
00:00:14,889 --> 00:00:17,389
Yeah? Well, I thought you could
use a new leather jacket.
6
00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:19,144
And it comes
with matching leather shorts
7
00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:20,185
if you're interested.
8
00:00:20,228 --> 00:00:21,438
Mm, I don't think so.
9
00:00:21,479 --> 00:00:23,689
But thanks, anyway.
10
00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:25,072
Wow!
11
00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:25,938
Do you like it?
12
00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:28,494
Oh, Darlene, it's beautiful.
13
00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:30,318
But why are you buying
presents for everyone?
14
00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:31,453
- 'Yeah.'
- 'Yeah.'
15
00:00:31,489 --> 00:00:32,739
I just wanted
to do something nice
16
00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:33,782
for the people that I spent
17
00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:34,905
my high school years with.
18
00:00:34,951 --> 00:00:37,541
Oh, Darlene, it's gorgeous!
19
00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:38,499
I love it!
20
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:41,208
Oh, I almost don't
wanna wear it. Thank you.
21
00:00:41,249 --> 00:00:43,499
I wish you had given her
a blouse.
22
00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:45,003
Jasper.
23
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,665
You guys are so cute together.
24
00:00:48,339 --> 00:00:50,679
Always be honest with each other
25
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:53,007
and don't ever split up.
26
00:00:53,803 --> 00:00:55,813
Hey, Viki,
I've got something for you.
27
00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:57,767
- Yeah. Yeah.
- You do?
28
00:00:57,807 --> 00:01:01,557
"Always be honest with each
other and don't ever split up?"
29
00:01:01,603 --> 00:01:02,603
What's with Darlene?
30
00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:04,895
- She must want something.
- 'Yeah.'
31
00:01:04,939 --> 00:01:07,149
- What's going on?
- Gee, I do love this..
32
00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:08,992
I know. It's like a holiday.
33
00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:12,276
[indistinct chatter]
34
00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:14,742
Oh, Darlene, that is beautiful.
35
00:01:14,783 --> 00:01:15,703
[bell rings]
36
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:17,952
Morning, geniuses!
37
00:01:17,994 --> 00:01:19,504
(all)
Morning, Billy!
38
00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:21,657
I tell you, my God
39
00:01:21,706 --> 00:01:24,626
this is the noisiest place
on Earth.
40
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Jackhammers hammering,
trains rumbling
41
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,918
cars crashin',
police sirens goin'
42
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car alarms, people arguin'
43
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gunshots, people screaming
44
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more police sirens
45
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:40,267
police cars crashin',
policemen screaming
46
00:01:40,308 --> 00:01:42,638
more gunshots,
the public screaming
47
00:01:42,685 --> 00:01:44,935
people comin'
out of manhole covers
48
00:01:44,979 --> 00:01:46,149
screaming at the sky.
49
00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:47,899
[screaming]
50
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:50,651
Last night, my neighbors
were making so much noise
51
00:01:50,693 --> 00:01:53,073
I phoned the super
to do something about it.
52
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:55,163
He says, "Turn your TV up."
53
00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:56,868
I turned it up, what did I get?
54
00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:59,118
Police sirens, cars crashing
55
00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:00,450
people screaming, gunshot..
56
00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:02,655
I'm telling you.
It's the truth.
57
00:02:02,705 --> 00:02:05,035
It's just such a delight
58
00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:07,003
to be back in my little ashram.
59
00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:08,883
My little sanctuary
60
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:10,710
of peace and quiet.
61
00:02:10,755 --> 00:02:12,465
[Arvid screaming]
62
00:02:12,507 --> 00:02:15,887
[humming MC Hammer's
"Can't Touch This"]
63
00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:17,047
♪ Can't touch this ♪
64
00:02:17,095 --> 00:02:19,175
♪ Tada da tada ♪
65
00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:20,392
♪ Don't touch that ♪♪
66
00:02:20,431 --> 00:02:23,061
- Arvid!
- Oh, morning, Billy!
67
00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:25,901
I'm trying to teach
the class here, yes.
68
00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:27,607
- Sorry, Billy.
- Thank you.
69
00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:29,357
Hey, thanks a lot, Darlene.
70
00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:32,399
Uh, Darlene,
I don't mean to be rude
71
00:02:32,443 --> 00:02:34,533
but how come
you gave me eau de toilette
72
00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:36,991
and Arvid gets
MC Hammer's PA system?
73
00:02:37,031 --> 00:02:39,781
Oh, no, no, no, no,
Darlene didn't give me this.
74
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:41,076
She gave me this..
75
00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:43,159
...lovely pen and pencil set.
76
00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:45,920
I went to the Knicks game
last night.
77
00:02:45,957 --> 00:02:47,327
It was fan appreciation night.
78
00:02:47,375 --> 00:02:49,915
They called out my seat number
and I won this!
79
00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:51,341
[clamoring]
80
00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:52,919
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute!
81
00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:55,094
Arvid, I gave you those tickets.
This prize is mine.
82
00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:56,473
Well, Dennis,
you didn't want the tickets.
83
00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:57,639
You don't even like basketball.
84
00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:59,177
- Yeah.
- Yeah, but I love boom boxes.
85
00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:00,850
- My tickets, my prize!
- Hey, hey, hey, give me that.
86
00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:03,349
Just a minute, Dennis.
87
00:03:03,391 --> 00:03:04,771
By your way of thinking
88
00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:07,439
the person who had the ticket
in the first place
89
00:03:07,478 --> 00:03:08,558
is due the prize?
90
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:11,815
Absolutely, unconditionally,
unequivocally.
91
00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:16,028
And didn't Darlene give you
those tickets as a gift?
92
00:03:16,779 --> 00:03:17,739
Theoretically.
93
00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:19,700
That's right, Billy,
I bought them.
94
00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:23,291
So, by your own rules,
the prize belongs to Darlene.
95
00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:25,038
[indistinct chatter]
96
00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:28,789
Billy, I'd like for Arvid
to have it.
97
00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:32,053
Are you sure, Darlene? That
looks a really expensive thing.
98
00:03:32,086 --> 00:03:34,206
Billy, I've always been given
99
00:03:34,255 --> 00:03:37,005
every material possession
I've ever wanted.
100
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:41,350
So, if giving this stereo
to Arvid will make him happy
101
00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:44,807
and teach Dennis
the true spirit of friendship
102
00:03:44,849 --> 00:03:48,349
well, then, uh, maybe for
a change I can possess something
103
00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:50,984
that can't be bought in a store.
104
00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:55,492
Well, well, well.
What an admirable attitude.
105
00:03:56,110 --> 00:03:57,860
Yeah.
106
00:03:57,904 --> 00:04:00,534
Who are you and what have you
done with Darlene?
107
00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:03,873
[instrumental music]
108
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,158
[bell rings]
109
00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:10,665
Hey, wait. Everybody,
I've got an announcement.
110
00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:13,538
I know that this is
a little bit short notice.
111
00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:16,296
But I'd love for you all
to join me Saturday night
112
00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:19,969
for dinner
at Le Grand Guignol.
113
00:04:20,009 --> 00:04:21,469
[indistinct chatter]
114
00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:22,511
No way, Darlene.
115
00:04:22,553 --> 00:04:24,183
You know
how expensive that place is?
116
00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:25,102
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
117
00:04:25,139 --> 00:04:26,769
It's my treat, of course.
118
00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:29,188
[indistinct chatter]
119
00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:35,817
Darlene, is there anything
you'd like to talk to me about?
120
00:04:35,858 --> 00:04:39,648
No, Billy. Oh, I'm sorry.
You can come Saturday night too.
121
00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:40,906
Oh, no, that's not what I meant
really.
122
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,657
It's all that spending,
you know?
123
00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:45,409
Dinner buying, gift giving..
124
00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:46,791
How can you afford all this?
125
00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:48,618
My father's credit card.
126
00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:50,543
He told me I can do
whatever I want with it
127
00:04:50,581 --> 00:04:51,711
and this is what I wanna do.
128
00:04:51,749 --> 00:04:54,129
Spend a night out
in a, a fine restaurant
129
00:04:54,168 --> 00:04:57,548
with all of my best friends
and Dennis.
130
00:04:57,588 --> 00:04:59,758
Are you sure this isn't
a problem to your parents?
131
00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:02,759
Believe me, Billy.
They don't care.
132
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:06,850
Is there any trouble at home
you'd like to talk about?
133
00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:09,642
No. I'm fine.
134
00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:13,694
Well, in that case, could you
write these numbers down please?
135
00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:17,150
Sixteen and a half, thirty-four.
136
00:05:17,191 --> 00:05:18,231
- Is that homework?
- No.
137
00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:19,396
Actually, it's my shirt size.
138
00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:21,034
I've got nothing to wear
to this place.
139
00:05:21,070 --> 00:05:22,950
[giggling]
140
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:25,279
[instrumental music]
141
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:35,462
Darlene, that was fantastic.
142
00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:36,631
I love nouvelle cuisine.
143
00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:38,339
It's like eating
a work of art, isn't it?
144
00:05:38,379 --> 00:05:40,669
If the chef dies,
my stomach will go up in value.
145
00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:42,375
[chuckling]
146
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:43,545
There you are, sir.
147
00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:45,223
Oh, thank you.
148
00:05:45,261 --> 00:05:46,181
[coughing]
149
00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:49,060
Twelve hundred dollars?
For what?
150
00:05:49,098 --> 00:05:51,428
I've had more food
out of a "Happy Meal!"
151
00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:52,556
And tell me this.
152
00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:55,062
Where on the planet
do they grow potatoes
153
00:05:55,104 --> 00:05:56,734
the size of ball bearings?
154
00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:59,823
This is a rip-off!
Unbelieve..
155
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:02,399
I'm shocked and stunned!
156
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:04,445
Billy, I am paying, remember?
157
00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:05,949
God, what a fantastic meal.
158
00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:07,370
I loved it. Did you enjoy it?
159
00:06:07,408 --> 00:06:08,788
[giggling]
160
00:06:08,826 --> 00:06:10,946
Thank you.
Everything was exquisite.
161
00:06:10,995 --> 00:06:13,575
Thank you...ma'am.
162
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:16,208
Thanks, Darlene.
163
00:06:16,250 --> 00:06:20,250
You know, I never realized
you were so nice. Uh..
164
00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:22,466
Well, what-what Jasper means,
Darlene, is that
165
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:25,337
he hadn't actually seen you
be so nice to anybody.
166
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:26,585
- I mean--
- Uh..
167
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:28,966
I think what Sarah means,
Darlene, is that
168
00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:32,273
usually you're more,
well, you know, Darlene-ish.
169
00:06:32,308 --> 00:06:35,098
And I think that was
very mean of you, Sarah.
170
00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:37,187
I hope you kids
aren't considering
171
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,520
a career in diplomacy.
172
00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:40,024
[giggling]
Oh, Billy, it's alright.
173
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,106
They're just being honest.
174
00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:43,320
We're all friends.
We can be honest, right?
175
00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:44,491
- Yeah.
- Yeah, sure.
176
00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:45,779
Actually,
it's kind of flattering.
177
00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:47,822
It's like one of
those celebrity roasts.
178
00:06:47,865 --> 00:06:52,785
In fact, everybody take
your best shot. It'll be fun.
179
00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,959
- 'Alright.'
- 'Oh.'
180
00:06:54,997 --> 00:06:55,997
Darlene, I couldn't.
181
00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:57,250
Sure, you can. I can take it.
182
00:06:57,291 --> 00:06:59,291
No, no, no. It's just
that I'll be here all night.
183
00:06:59,335 --> 00:07:00,745
[laughing]
184
00:07:00,795 --> 00:07:03,335
- See? That's funny. Keep going.
- Yeah.
185
00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:05,171
Alright, I got one.
186
00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:07,006
You know
my good friend Darlene?
187
00:07:07,051 --> 00:07:08,511
Her idea of a rough neighborhood
188
00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:11,473
is one where the department
stores close at 6:00.
189
00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:13,024
[laughing]
190
00:07:13,057 --> 00:07:14,477
Darlene is so self-centered
191
00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:15,887
she thought the S and L crisis
192
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:17,805
was about suede and leather.
193
00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:19,774
[laughing]
194
00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:21,774
Yeah,
she flunked in astronomy test
195
00:07:21,816 --> 00:07:24,856
because where it said, "Name
the center of the universe"
196
00:07:24,902 --> 00:07:25,902
she wrote, "Me."
197
00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:27,775
[laughing]
198
00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:30,372
But seriously, guys,
her idea of going Dutch
199
00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:32,988
is flying first class
to Amsterdam.
200
00:07:33,035 --> 00:07:34,115
[laughing]
201
00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:36,122
Hey,
Darlene's parents are so rich
202
00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:39,714
that on Easter, they hunt
for Faberge eggs. Oh!
203
00:07:39,750 --> 00:07:41,090
[laughing]
204
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:42,547
Oh, you guys are hilarious.
205
00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:44,417
I'm sure that somewhere,
Shecky Greene
206
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,804
sat up in bed and saluted.
207
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,050
[laughing]
208
00:07:48,092 --> 00:07:49,342
Let's wrap up, eh?
209
00:07:49,385 --> 00:07:51,465
Whoa, whoa, Simone, aren't you
gonna take a shot at her?
210
00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:53,222
- 'Yeah.'
- 'Oh, come on, Simone.'
211
00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:54,314
No, I, I don't think so.
212
00:07:54,348 --> 00:07:55,388
(all)
Oh.
213
00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:57,273
Come on, Simone, it'll be fun.
214
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:58,730
Hit me with your best shot.
215
00:07:58,769 --> 00:07:59,649
[indistinct chatter]
216
00:07:59,687 --> 00:08:01,557
(Simone)
Okay. Alright.
217
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:03,726
Darlene's parents are so rich
218
00:08:03,774 --> 00:08:06,944
and yet they seem like very nice
people, very warm and loving.
219
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:09,986
She's so lucky to have
such a wonderful family.
220
00:08:12,783 --> 00:08:14,623
Oh, God, Darlene, I'm sorry.
221
00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:16,750
I must have gone overboard, huh?
222
00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:20,415
No, these are tears of joy.
223
00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:21,918
- You sure you're okay, Darlene?
- Yeah, yeah.
224
00:08:21,959 --> 00:08:26,009
I'm just happy because
I realize I'm among friends.
225
00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:27,417
And that I'm part of something.
226
00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:29,675
And I really feel like I belong.
227
00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:34,055
Miss, could I speak to you
for a moment?
228
00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:35,886
Sure. Excuse me.
229
00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:39,516
[glass clinking]
230
00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:41,730
Hey, listen, Darlene has been
really generous.
231
00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:44,271
I think we should show her
appreciation, don't you?
232
00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:45,775
- 'Yeah.'
- Yeah.
233
00:08:45,816 --> 00:08:46,776
Billy, you're right.
234
00:08:46,817 --> 00:08:49,237
- Here's to Darlene.
- Oh, yeah.
235
00:08:49,278 --> 00:08:51,448
(all)
To Darlene.
236
00:08:53,866 --> 00:08:55,326
Everything okay, Darlene?
237
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:58,038
Yeah, everything's fine.
Uh, it's just that, um..
238
00:08:58,079 --> 00:08:59,499
What?
239
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,619
Well, it's my credit card.
240
00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:02,706
It's been declined.
241
00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:04,460
[spitting]
242
00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:06,802
[instrumental music]
243
00:09:08,047 --> 00:09:10,587
[indistinct chatter]
244
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:14,803
Okay, look, I've got money
from Simone, Alex, Eric
245
00:09:14,845 --> 00:09:19,095
Jasper...and Viki and Sarah.
246
00:09:19,141 --> 00:09:22,521
And I have $36.
247
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:25,862
Okay, all we need is $1247
and we're there.
248
00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:29,028
Twelve hundred dollars? Billy,
you must have made a mistake.
249
00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:30,238
- Yeah.
- Oh, I did.
250
00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:32,948
I forgot the tip.
That's an extra $180.
251
00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:34,199
(all)
Oh.
252
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,620
Billy, that's only 15 percent.
253
00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:38,948
We've gotta leave 20 or
they won't want us to come back.
254
00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:40,792
Come back?
255
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:44,170
We're trying to work out
a way to get out of here.
256
00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:46,628
We owe them $1400.
257
00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:48,749
Billy, can't you just
put this on your card
258
00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:49,956
and I'll pay you back?
259
00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:51,216
My card, I-I don't think
260
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:52,587
they'll accept a library card.
261
00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:54,393
- Do you?
- 'Oh.'
262
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,387
Okay, I am gonna call
the credit card company
263
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,429
and try
to straighten this all out.
264
00:09:58,472 --> 00:09:59,772
That's a good idea.
265
00:09:59,807 --> 00:10:01,477
- I can't believe this.
- Me neither.
266
00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:04,847
Okay, I've got $40
of my own here.
267
00:10:04,895 --> 00:10:05,895
Well, that's good.
268
00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:08,108
That makes it $76.
269
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:10,739
All we need now is a grant
from the Ford Foundation
270
00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:12,026
and we're okay.
271
00:10:12,069 --> 00:10:13,359
Wait, I-I don't know
why I should have
272
00:10:13,404 --> 00:10:14,414
to pay as much as everybody.
273
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:15,447
I mean, Dennis scarfed down
274
00:10:15,489 --> 00:10:16,949
three lobsters and a steak.
275
00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:18,951
Come on, guys, this was supposed
to be somebody's treat.
276
00:10:18,993 --> 00:10:20,293
- Yeah, but--
- 'Oh, wait a minute.'
277
00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:22,158
All I had
was a itty-bitty salad.
278
00:10:22,204 --> 00:10:23,374
How much could that have cost?
279
00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:26,084
I'll tell you.
It's right here.
280
00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:29,245
Forty-six dollars
for arugula and a sprout?
281
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:31,455
Okay, okay, what are we
gonna do now, Billy?
282
00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:32,545
Easy, easy, easy.
283
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:34,180
A little thing
from my neighborhood
284
00:10:34,216 --> 00:10:36,086
we call "Dine and dash."
285
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:37,755
- 'Yeah.'
- Oh, just don't..
286
00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:39,473
Hang on! Hold, hold on.. Hold..
287
00:10:39,513 --> 00:10:41,523
I am a teacher here.
288
00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:43,637
And some of these girls
are wearing heels.
289
00:10:43,684 --> 00:10:45,274
You know, behave.
290
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:48,401
- That was a dumb idea anyway.
- Sorry about this, you guys.
291
00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:51,649
Seems that my father has
canceled the credit card.
292
00:10:51,692 --> 00:10:53,242
I, I guess
he's mad about all the bills
293
00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:54,947
that I've been running up.
294
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:57,067
Well, call your dad
and talk to him, Darlene.
295
00:10:57,114 --> 00:10:58,074
[clamoring]
296
00:10:58,115 --> 00:11:00,025
I can't.
He canceled the phone card.
297
00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:01,366
Anybody have a quarter?
298
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:02,910
A quarter.
Now she wants a quarter.
299
00:11:02,953 --> 00:11:05,583
What, am I gonna have to sell
my blood to get outta here?
300
00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:07,713
[indistinct chatter]
301
00:11:08,876 --> 00:11:11,086
[clears throat]
302
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:17,510
Is there a problem, sir?
303
00:11:17,551 --> 00:11:18,681
Well, actually
304
00:11:18,719 --> 00:11:22,179
I, uh, just happen to be
a journalist.
305
00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:25,103
Yes. Under head food writer
with "Gourmet Magazine."
306
00:11:25,142 --> 00:11:26,732
You may have heard of us.
307
00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:29,059
And these are
my, uh, disciples.
308
00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:31,725
[indistinct chatter]
309
00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:33,819
Okay.
310
00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:36,109
Here's the way it is.
311
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:39,322
We owe $1400.
312
00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:42,865
We have seventy-six dollars..
313
00:11:42,910 --> 00:11:46,290
...twenty-seven cents,
three subway tokens
314
00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:51,590
and...a cough drop
with lint on it.
315
00:11:52,586 --> 00:11:55,336
What do you usually do when
this kind of thing happens here?
316
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:58,221
This doesn't happen here, sir.
317
00:11:58,259 --> 00:12:00,589
Hm. Thank you.
318
00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:03,176
Well, okay.
319
00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:05,852
I am a teacher
at Fillmore High School.
320
00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:07,101
These people are my students.
321
00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:10,103
We came here
for a simple senior dinner.
322
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:13,566
And because of
an unforeseeable snafu..
323
00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:14,817
...we have a shortage of money.
324
00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:18,029
But I do promise
to return a-a-and remit every--
325
00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:19,320
No, I understand, sir.
326
00:12:19,363 --> 00:12:22,203
Just give me some
basic information and, uh..
327
00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:24,831
...you can be on your way.
328
00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:26,369
What is your name?
329
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:30,172
Uh, S-Samuels.
Dr. Harold Samuels.
330
00:12:30,207 --> 00:12:34,207
Very good, Dr. Samuels, let me
get some forms for you to sign.
331
00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:37,554
- Oh, brilliant! We've done it!
- Good one.
332
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:40,380
So all that remains to do now
is come in on Monday mornin'
333
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,796
each with an equal share
of the balance due.
334
00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:44,095
Oh.
335
00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:45,428
What would that come to, Jasper?
336
00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:48,643
Uh, a hundred and nine dollars
and seventy-six cents.
337
00:12:48,684 --> 00:12:51,194
- A hundred and nine--
- Hey, but I'm not paying!
338
00:12:51,228 --> 00:12:52,938
Hey, if I ever pay
a hundred bucks
339
00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:55,230
for a dinner, it'd better be
all you can eat.
340
00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:59,364
Oh, come on! Darlene was kind
enough to invite us all here.
341
00:12:59,403 --> 00:13:01,413
- Yeah, to show off.
- 'Yeah.'
342
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:02,657
That's not why she did it!
343
00:13:02,698 --> 00:13:04,578
Oh, come on, Billy,
she invites us to a place
344
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:08,077
she knows we can't afford just
to rub our noses in her money.
345
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:09,660
And then she sticks us
with the bill.
346
00:13:09,705 --> 00:13:11,075
[scoffs]
I think not!
347
00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:13,133
That's right, T.J.,
come on, let's go.
348
00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:14,537
(T.J.)
See ya.
349
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,880
I don't believe it!
350
00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:19,802
Forget it, Billy.
You heard them.
351
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,260
They're not my friends.
352
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:23,220
Yeah.
353
00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:24,350
Well, actually, Darlene
354
00:13:24,386 --> 00:13:26,886
you're not really
being their friend.
355
00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:28,521
What?
356
00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:29,637
Well..
357
00:13:29,683 --> 00:13:31,643
[crackling]
358
00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:52,460
Darlene, the-these kids were
really honest with you tonight.
359
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:55,378
Why can't you just be honest
with them for a change?
360
00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:57,376
Be honest about what?
361
00:13:57,419 --> 00:13:59,839
Well, there you are.
You're doin' it again.
362
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:03,430
Billy, I don't know
what you're talking about.
363
00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:11,181
Darlene, why aren't your parents
sittin' together at graduation?
364
00:14:16,605 --> 00:14:17,645
Look.
365
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:18,440
[sighs]
366
00:14:18,482 --> 00:14:20,322
You're a very private person.
367
00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:21,609
I know that, but..
368
00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:25,492
It really would do no harm
at all if, just now and again
369
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:26,781
you sort of..
370
00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:28,954
...come out of your shell
a little, you know?
371
00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:30,913
And leaned on your friends.
372
00:14:30,953 --> 00:14:33,213
Well, I'm not really sure
that any of these guys
373
00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:34,327
are my friends.
374
00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:36,833
Well, there's a great way
to find that out.
375
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,916
You know, trust them enough
to tell them the truth.
376
00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:44,927
I can't.
377
00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:48,931
Well..
378
00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:52,351
The way I see it, you've dug
a big moat 'round yourself.
379
00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:55,901
You can hardly complain now,
if nobody comes to visit.
380
00:14:55,936 --> 00:14:59,226
[instrumental music]
381
00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:03,531
[instrumental music]
382
00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:09,866
Here, Darlene, why don't
you take back your binoculars?
383
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:12,079
I don't wanna get a bill
for 'em later.
384
00:15:12,119 --> 00:15:14,289
Oh, come on, Alex,
I want you to have them.
385
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:17,630
- And they're paid for.
- Yeah, right. Like the dinner?
386
00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:19,416
That's enough, thank you.
387
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:21,340
It's okay, Billy,
you don't have to defend me.
388
00:15:21,378 --> 00:15:23,758
It's clear that they all think
that I'm a jerk.
389
00:15:23,797 --> 00:15:26,587
I'd say that's a pretty
firm grasp of the situation.
390
00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:28,894
Oh, come on, Dennis!
391
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,008
I didn't hear you sayin'
anythin' about jerks
392
00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:32,715
the other night
when you were wolfin' down
393
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:35,595
the old surf and turf
at the restaurant, eh?
394
00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:38,313
And would a jerk ask everybody
out to dinner?
395
00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:40,524
We told you, Billy,
she was showin' off.
396
00:15:40,564 --> 00:15:41,904
No, she wasn't.
397
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:43,401
Then why else would she do it?
398
00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:44,942
- Yeah.
- Fine!
399
00:15:44,985 --> 00:15:46,815
I'll tell you why.
400
00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:47,952
Darlene, why?
401
00:15:47,988 --> 00:15:51,448
Yeah, Darlene, why did
you ask us all out to dinner?
402
00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:53,792
When Alan had his tonsils out..
403
00:15:53,827 --> 00:15:56,787
...we all went to visit him
in the hospital.
404
00:15:56,830 --> 00:15:58,120
And when it was T.J.'s birthday
405
00:15:58,165 --> 00:16:01,335
we threw this big party
for her right here, in class.
406
00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:03,297
Do you know what I did
for my birthday?
407
00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:04,457
I sat home alone.
408
00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:06,045
I watched
the home shopping network
409
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,800
and I ate a quart of ice cream.
410
00:16:07,841 --> 00:16:10,431
Sounds like
the perfect evening to me.
411
00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:14,393
When was your birthday, Darlene?
412
00:16:14,431 --> 00:16:15,771
- Nobody knew.
- Yeah, no.
413
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:18,598
Yeah, b-but nobody bothered
to find out, did they?
414
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:20,404
The only way for me
to have a party was
415
00:16:20,437 --> 00:16:21,857
to throw one for myself.
416
00:16:21,897 --> 00:16:23,567
Ha! Get off it, Darlene.
417
00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:25,067
If that's
the worst problem you have
418
00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:27,489
on Park Avenue,
then sign me up.
419
00:16:27,528 --> 00:16:29,608
T.J., do you wanna know
what kinda problems
420
00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:31,865
I'm having at home?
421
00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:34,407
My parents are getting divorced.
422
00:16:36,286 --> 00:16:38,116
After 22 years..
423
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:41,713
...my father
is leaving my mother
424
00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:43,840
for his secretary.
425
00:16:44,753 --> 00:16:46,383
He told me he wanted to wait
till I was finished
426
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:49,262
with high school
before he made this move.
427
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:53,349
It's like he's been lying
to me for years.
428
00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:57,272
And now, graduation's coming.
429
00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:59,097
And we'll all be lying too.
430
00:16:59,143 --> 00:17:02,653
Because people always say
431
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,858
"We'll keep in touch."
432
00:17:04,898 --> 00:17:07,028
But they're just lying.
433
00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:09,945
But, Darlene,
we will keep in touch.
434
00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:11,607
[sobbing]
Ah, no. No, we won't!
435
00:17:11,655 --> 00:17:14,485
Don't you understand?
We should just say goodbye!
436
00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:15,623
We should just say goodbye
437
00:17:15,659 --> 00:17:18,199
because that's
what graduation is!
438
00:17:18,245 --> 00:17:19,615
And I just wanted
to say goodbye
439
00:17:19,663 --> 00:17:21,463
to all of you by making you
happy somehow.
440
00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:24,918
That's all, because
no matter what you think of me
441
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:29,420
I have loved being in this room
with you people every day!
442
00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:30,915
Even Dennis.
443
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:49,398
Well, you certainly
told the truth.
444
00:17:49,443 --> 00:17:50,903
How does it feel?
445
00:17:50,944 --> 00:17:52,154
Terrible.
446
00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:54,446
Vulnerability doesn't look
very good on me.
447
00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:56,870
It's like wearing beige pumps.
448
00:17:58,035 --> 00:17:59,365
Well, if I knew
you felt like that
449
00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:02,411
I would tell you the story
about the lobster and his shell.
450
00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:05,996
Hope it's better than
the metaphor about the moat.
451
00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:10,763
You're so right. I'm dreadful
at this kind of thing, aren't I?
452
00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:14,838
You know, Darlene, I think I
know what you're goin' through.
453
00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:16,045
[sniffing]
454
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,555
I might even be able
to cheer you up.
455
00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:21,847
You know, my father deserted us
when I was only 12.
456
00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:23,392
Stay with me here.
457
00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:25,225
The whole family
was splittin' up
458
00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:27,560
and suddenly,
I had this terrible feeling
459
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:30,566
that I could only really rely
on myself in this world.
460
00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:32,529
- You know?
- Yeah.
461
00:18:32,569 --> 00:18:34,819
I know.
462
00:18:34,863 --> 00:18:36,033
God, Billy..
463
00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:40,453
...I just feel like everybody
in my life is leaving me.
464
00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:42,124
I just wanted to have
people around me.
465
00:18:42,162 --> 00:18:44,082
Just, just to be
with my friends.
466
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:47,003
Mm-hm.
So you tried to buy them, huh?
467
00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:49,924
Yeah.
468
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:51,712
I guess I did.
469
00:18:51,755 --> 00:18:53,375
It's pretty stupid, huh?
470
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,513
It's kinda the way
I was raised.
471
00:18:57,761 --> 00:18:59,681
My father..
472
00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:02,141
...he would always
come home with these gifts
473
00:19:02,182 --> 00:19:03,852
for my mom and me.
474
00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:06,562
And now I know,
it was probably
475
00:19:06,603 --> 00:19:08,733
because he was feeling
so guilty.
476
00:19:09,773 --> 00:19:13,193
I guess, we were both trying
to buy people's affection.
477
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:15,645
Look how well it worked out.
478
00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:19,237
My father's losing his family..
479
00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:20,663
God.
480
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:23,544
I'm losing my friends.
481
00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:24,829
Well, not necessarily.
482
00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:27,832
You have to give them a chance.
You've told them the truth.
483
00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:30,245
Now, you'll have
to sort of trust them.
484
00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:33,844
What if I got them each
a little box of chocolate first?
485
00:19:34,631 --> 00:19:36,221
You sure you don't want
to hear the one
486
00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:37,548
about the lobster and his shell?
487
00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:39,143
No, Billy.
488
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:40,678
No.
489
00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:42,431
Are we done here?
I need to go now.
490
00:19:42,472 --> 00:19:43,602
Yeah, I understand.
491
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:45,730
I'll get you a pass.
You can just go home.
492
00:19:45,767 --> 00:19:47,137
No, Billy.
493
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:48,936
I need to go in there.
494
00:19:53,066 --> 00:19:55,686
Maybe, I'm a bit better
at this than I thought.
495
00:20:01,408 --> 00:20:02,658
(Jasper)
'Darlene..'
496
00:20:02,701 --> 00:20:03,871
...Sarah and I wanted to return
497
00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:05,121
the gifts you gave us.
498
00:20:05,162 --> 00:20:09,502
I understand. I guess
I did go overboard a little.
499
00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:12,421
Darlene, it's not because
we don't like the gifts.
500
00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:14,171
It's because we thought
you could return them
501
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:15,343
and use the money to square away
502
00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:16,800
your father's credit card bill.
503
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,630
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
504
00:20:18,675 --> 00:20:20,545
Oh, and I have
a set of silverware
505
00:20:20,594 --> 00:20:23,224
from the Grand Guignol
you could hock.
506
00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:31,560
Darlene, I really put my foot
in my mouth, and I'm sorry.
507
00:20:31,605 --> 00:20:33,855
You know, you just always
looked so together.
508
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:35,149
I guess none of us
would've dreamed
509
00:20:35,192 --> 00:20:36,282
that you had troubles at home.
510
00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:38,198
- Yeah.
- Why didn't you say somethin'?
511
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:41,567
I mean, who knows better about
parents splittin' up than me?
512
00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:43,615
- Or me.
- Or me.
513
00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:48,039
Simone, I never knew
your parents were divorced.
514
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,250
Well, they're not.
515
00:20:49,289 --> 00:20:53,249
But I saw "Kramer VS Kramer"
and wept for days.
516
00:20:54,211 --> 00:20:55,921
[indistinct chatter]
517
00:20:57,297 --> 00:21:00,217
Well, I guess I just didn't know
how to talk about divorce
518
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:03,509
without sounding
like a Country-Western song.
519
00:21:03,553 --> 00:21:06,433
Oh, Darlene, that's crazy.
We're your friends.
520
00:21:06,473 --> 00:21:07,643
(all)
Yeah.
521
00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:10,193
She's right, Darlene.
522
00:21:10,227 --> 00:21:12,687
Of all the people on the IHP..
523
00:21:12,729 --> 00:21:16,819
...you are the yardstick
with which I measure my..
524
00:21:16,858 --> 00:21:18,648
...growth and achievement.
525
00:21:18,694 --> 00:21:19,744
I am?
526
00:21:19,778 --> 00:21:21,488
Alan, I'm stunned.
527
00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:24,450
Well, who else? Have you taken
a good look at the rest of 'em?
528
00:21:24,491 --> 00:21:27,791
[indistinct chatter]
529
00:21:28,245 --> 00:21:29,825
Darlene..
530
00:21:30,998 --> 00:21:33,538
Here's the money I owe
you for dinner the other night.
531
00:21:33,583 --> 00:21:37,253
And I know
this is a little late, but, uh..
532
00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:38,836
...happy birthday.
533
00:21:39,673 --> 00:21:41,383
Thanks.
534
00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:44,638
Hey, Dennis, where'd
you get that kinda money?
535
00:21:44,678 --> 00:21:45,848
- Yeah, Dennis.
- 'Yeah.'
536
00:21:45,887 --> 00:21:47,677
[sighs]
Well, Arvid,
I wasn't gonna tell you
537
00:21:47,723 --> 00:21:49,183
but I didn't really
break your stereo.
538
00:21:49,224 --> 00:21:51,854
- I sold it.
- 'What?'
539
00:21:51,893 --> 00:21:54,863
Sold? You sold it?
540
00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:58,278
H-h-how much did you get for it?
541
00:21:58,317 --> 00:22:00,857
Enough to cover
both of our meals.
542
00:22:00,902 --> 00:22:04,202
Oh. Hey, Dennis,
that's kinda sweet of you.
543
00:22:05,490 --> 00:22:06,530
Yes, it is.
544
00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:07,905
Who are you
and what have you done
545
00:22:07,951 --> 00:22:09,791
with the real Dennis?
546
00:22:10,537 --> 00:22:12,827
[instrumental music]
547
00:22:13,457 --> 00:22:16,747
[indistinct chatter]
548
00:22:21,590 --> 00:22:24,260
[theme music]
39455
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