All language subtitles for Head.Of.The.Class.S05E18_2

[theme music]

[indistinct chatter]

Hey! Look, everybody!

I got my letter of acceptance
from Caltech!

[all cheering]

I got my orientation packet,
my class roster

my dorm assignment
and a pocket protector

with a Caltech beaver on it!

[all cheering]

I mean, think of it.
I'm a Beaver!

I mean, I-I-I'm so happy,
I must be dreaming.

- 'Oh..'
- Quick, somebody pinch me.

Ow!

- 'Oh!'
- Oh-oh..

The last time Dennis showed up
to school with a tool box

Cheese Whiz came out
of the girls' showers.

Alright, so what's going on,
Dennis?

- What's going on?
- What is this?

Let's just say
that the next time

Dr. Samuels reaches out to
touch someone

he'll be using my Blunden.

- Oh!
- 'Dennis..'

Dennis, one of these days
all that bad karma you put out

is gonna come right back to you.

Yeah, next time you take a
shower in the girls' locker room

you better be
wearing crackers, babe.

Whoo!

[bell ringing]

Good morning, geniuses!

- Good morning, Billy!
- Good morning!

My new map, huh?

Look at that!

A brand-new Rand McNally 429.

Feast your eyes on this.

And about time, too. I mean,
the last one had Atlantis on it.

The Red Sea
was still part of them.

Just below Long Island here,
it said

"Here be monsters."

And how wonderful to see
little Scotland sitting there

like a precious jewel
in a silvery sea.

Now, what were we discussin'?

Washington's defeat at
the Battle of Brooklyn Heights

I do believe.

Washington escaped with his men
across the East River

into Manhattan.

Surrounded by general's
housemen, he then discovered

that the waiting list
for tickets

to "Phantom Of The Opera"
was at least 215 years.

So he switched to plan B
and headed due north.

[dial tone]

What the hell was that?

B-Billy, it's coming
from the speaker.

- From the intercom.
- Hey, Dennis, is this it?

Why, Jasper,
whatever are you talking about?

- 'Hello?'
- 'Hello, dear.'

(Samuels on intercom)
'Ms. Meara said you called.'

- That's Dr. Samuels, isn't it?
- Yeah.

I spliced his private phone line
into the school intercom system.

Is that great or what?
Wait, wait. Shh, shh, shh.

(woman on intercom)
'Harold,
I was doing the laundry.'

'Did you buy a pair
of lavender bikini briefs?'

[laughing]

Yeah, I just bought 'em
because I thought

they'd turn you on, sugar bunny.

[laughing]

(woman on intercom)
'Stop it, honey bear.'

'What if someone heard you?'

(Samuels)
'Uh, don't be silly.'

'Uh, just a minute.'

'Yes, Ms. Meara?'

'You can hear what?'

[laughing]

Blunden!

[laughing]

And I thought he'd have
a sense of humor about this.

Dennis, I think your bad karma

is on its way
over here right now.

Hey, and what goes around,
comes around.

Yup, and in your case,
that's quite a trip.

Relax, guys, I'm a senior,
in a couple of weeks

I'm gonna be out of here.
What can he do to me?

Blunden, this time
you've gone too far.

Now, don't be a grouchy,
honey bear.

In a couple of months I'm gonna
be at MIT and out of your hair.

Oh, yeah?
Well, don't be so sure.

I can withhold your final grades

and delay
your getting into college!

Hey, hey, hey, I've been
working to get into MIT

ever since I was a kid,
you can't do that.

Yeah, well, you just watch.

I'll call the dean of admissions
and tell them

to withhold my lukewarm
letter of recommendation.

I'll bury you so deep, son

that you-you'll have to repeat
pre-school!

Oh, well, actually, Dr. Samuels

it wasn't Dennis
who pulled that dastardly deed.

- It wasn't?
- No.

I have it in very,
very good authority

it was someone else.
Is that right, class?

(all)
Oh, yeah.

- Now, who, w-who was it?
- Uh, who, uh, uh..

Ra-Randy McNally.

- Hm, Randy McNally?
- That's him.

I-I-I never heard of him.

Uh, uh, he's-he's a new kid,
Dr. Samuels.

- Yeah!
- Yeah, he's right. Uh..

You've seen him,
red hair, lots of freckles.

[indistinct chatter]

I don't recall anyone like that.

- H-he just moved here.
- From where?

- Seattle.
- Chicago.

- Chicago.
- Sea..

Well, it was, it was
a divorce joint custody.

A really messy affair,
now can we forget

this whole ugly incident?

Forget it? Wait till I get
my hands on this McNally kid.

Wait till I get him
into my office!

I'll nail his hide to the wall!

[instrumental music]

Okay, Randy McNally

you are about to become
one of Fillmore's finest.

Okay, what kind of grades
do we give him?

- Bs and Cs?
- Are you kidding?

Anybody who could pull
a practical joke like that

has got to have straight As.

Hey, Aristotle,
while I'm at it, you want

a couple of airline tickets
to Bermuda?

First class?

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Hey, Alan, how you doin'?
Is that from Harvard?

Yes. No. Uh, well, maybe.
Who cares?

Bye, Alan.

Hey, Billy, can I talk to you?

Sure, Eric, it'll be a pleasure
to talk to a student

who actually exists.

Yeah, well,
I almost wish I didn't.

I applied
to the University of Iowa

'cause they have this great
writing program, right?

And I sent them
this sample of my writing..

- Turned you down?
- Yeah, well..

Can you just read
the short story I sent them

and let me know
if it's as bad as they say.

And be brutally honest with me.

- I can take it.
- Sure, I'll be delighted.

"The Innocent Bystander."
Yeah, that's interest..

- Interesting?
- Yeah.

You hate it. Great!

Hey, Billy, Billy,
I got to hand it to ya.

This Randy McNally bit
you thought of is perfect!

From now on, any prank
I wanna pull around here

"Hey, it was
Randy McNally's fault."

I love it! I love you!

Hey, Dr. Samuels,
you're not gonna believe this.

Randy McNally
just broke into the biology lab

and glued all the frogs
back together.

Yeah, well, I can overlook it
with a record like his.

- This kid is a genius!
- He is?

Why isn't this kid
in the IHP? Look.

Well, actually,
I-I was gonna recommend him

but, uh, we don't have
enough desks.

I mean, where's he gonna sit,
on a globe?

Well, no matter,
Randy McNally is gonna be

a credit to Fillmore

and I'm gonna see that this kid

has every opportunity to shine!

Glued the frogs together.
Ha-ha. Now that's funny.

[laughing]

Why can't you think
of something like that, huh?

But..

[laughing]

Yeah, this Randy McNally guy
is gettin' on my nerves now.

- Oh..
- Hey, Alan, did you hear?

Leave me alone about Harvard,
alright?

Man, Harvard, Harvard, Harvard!

Is that all you guys
can talk about?

'I don't even wanna hear
the word Harvard.'

Hey, relax, Alan,
all I was gonna say was

did you hear the one about
the parrot and the gorilla?

- Dang!
- I'm sorry, Alex. No, I didn't.

Okay, okay, okay,
here-here is how it goes.

See, there's this parrot
a-and a gorilla

and they both get accepted
to Harvard.

Oh, ha-ha, very funny, Alex.
Very funny.

Very funny.

Hey, Alan.

Look, it's understandable
you're a bit worried

about not getting into Harvard
and all that.

But you must remember,
no news is good news.

Oh, yeah?
Does this look like no news?

- Hey, it's from Harvard.
- I know that.

- You haven't even opened it.
- I know that, too.

It's nice and heavy, it can
only mean one thing, my friend.

You've been accepted.

[scoffs]
Well, of course,
I've been accepted.

I never doubted
I'd been accepted.

Doesn't matter, Billy.
I'm not going to Harvard.

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

- Good morning, geniuses!
- 'Hi, Billy!'

Hey, Billy, aren't you gonna
congratulate Viki?

- Yeah.
- Absolutely.

Stand back and let the dog
see the rabbit.

Congratulations, Viki,
my heartiest congratulations.

It couldn't have happened
to a more deserving person.

You must be so proud and happy.
I know I certainly am.

Thanks, Billy.
How did you find out?

I didn't. I have no idea
what they're talking about.

I got accepted to MIT.

I got my notification yesterday
in the mail.

- Oh, yeah!
- This is wonderful.

I'm going to Sarah Lawrence,
Jasper just got into Princeton

Alex is going to Vassar.

It look like all this hard work

is finally paying off
for everyone.

- You are right.
- Right.

This is the worst day
of my life.

- Dennis, what happened?
- What happened?

I got this yesterday.

"Dear Mr. Blunden.

[humming]

"While your credentials
are impressive

"we've already selected
two students from Fillmore

to attend MIT
this next school year."

It's impossible. Who could have
beat me out at this school?

Do you wanna tell him
your good news, Viki?

[screaming]

I knew you'd be happy for her.

Alright, alright, that's one.
Who's the other one, huh?

Which one of you traitors
went behind my back

and applied to MIT?

- Not me, Dennis. I'm a Beaver.
- 'Me, either, Dennis.'

[indistinct chatter]

Viki, I heard the news!

- I just wanna congratulate you.
- Thanks, Dr. Samuels.

Boy, MIT,
it's a little intimidating.

Oh, you'll do just fine.

And at least you'll have
one friend at MIT

that you already know.

Do I?

Randy McNally got accepted, too!

Randy McNally?

Yeah, I have an old buddy
in admissions. We go way back.

Uh, he said it was okay
if I send in

a late application on Randy.

'Boy, was he impressed.'

Something wrong, Dennis?

- No, I'm fine.
- Good, fine.

Well, okay. Carry on!

I.. It's..

[indistinct chatter]

It's alright, Dennis, go ahead.

[screaming]

Hate to be the one
to tell you, Dennis

class finished
five minutes ago.

All my life..

All my life,
ever since I was a little boy

I've always wanted
to go to MIT.

And now when I was so close

so close that...I could
practically taste the beefaroni

in the dorm cafeteria..

...it's just not meant to be.

Uh, uh, maybe Viki was right
about all the karma crapola.

Yeah, maybe you should have
sat under a pyramid.

A ruined one. Ha-ha.

You know, Billy,
I keep asking myself.

Am-am I such a terrible person?
Is this whole thing my fault?

Hard question to ask.

No, it's not.

- It's your fault.
- My fault?

Yeah, you're the guy
who invented

this whole Randy McNally thing
in the first place.

And you lied to Dr. Samuels,
that's low.

I only did it to save your hide.

Well, who asked you
to save my hide?

You did.

Oh, well, now I'm asking you
to butt out.

Oh, it's a bit late for that,
maybe we should have told

Dr. Samuels the truth
in the first place.

- Well, maybe we should have.
- Okay, fine.

I'll go right now
and tell Dr. Samuels the truth.

No, no, wait, wait, wait.
Come on, Billy.

Let's think about this
for a second.

Alright, alright, on the one
hand, if you tell Dr. Samuels

he'll probably tell his buddy
at MIT what a jerk I am

and then I'll never get in.

- That's likely.
- Yeah.

But on the other hand,
if we don't tell him

if we don't tell him,
when Randy McNally

never shows up in MIT this fall,
I could still get in.

- That's possible.
- Yeah, but on the other hand--

Hey, hold on.
I've only got two hands.

Now, would you like me
to use one of them

to knock Dr. Samuels door?

[sighs]
Oh, Billy, I need to think.

[instrumental music]

Why don't you want
to go to Harvard?

[sighs]
Because..

...I don't wanna be a guppy.

Don't blame yourself
for what they call themselves.

Harvard guppies.

No.

I mean, here at Fillmore

I've always been...a big fish

even if Fillmore
is a relatively small pond.

But at Harvard
I'm gonna be this little fish

trying to survive
in an enormous pond.

Well, that's gonna happen to you
more and more.

You're gonna meet
all sorts of fish.

Sharks, jellyfish

blowfish, gefilte fish

even those weird fish
you normally only see

in Jacques Cousteau films

with wee lights
at the ends of the noses.

I guess the truth is..

...I'm afraid.

There's gonna be so many
intelligent students at Harvard.

The best and the brightest
in the country.

What if I can't cut it?

It's a chance
you'll have to take, Alan.

Not if I don't go there.

Well?

- Oh, hey, I read your story.
- And?

I don't know what these people
in Iowa are talkin' about.

I thought it was brilliant!

I've always thought
it was brilliant.

Beg your pardon?

Well, when I first read it,
it had a different title

you know, it was called
"The Ox-Bow Incident"

in those days.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

"The Ox-Bow Incident."

I've read that one years ago.

Oh, my God, I re-wrote
"The Ox-Bow Incident?"

[laughs]
Well, more or less.

You've written
your version of it.

Like, you've used
the Lower East Side

instead of the Old West.

And some of those
street gangs were on horses.

Well, it's pretty much
the same thing, isn't it?

Oh, man! I never meant to..

Billy, you know
I would never plagiarize.

Of course, I do.

And so does the man in charge
of the writing program

over there in Iowa.
There's his number.

Why don't you fax him
one of your other stories?

Oh, this is great, Billy.

Look, I'm gonna send them
my best story.

"Huckleberry Finn," huh?

[chuckles]

[knocking on door]

Yeah, come in.

Dr. Samuels, hey, Dennis
has something to tell you.

Hey, come on. In.

Come on, Dennis, get in here.

[clears throat]
Uh, yes, Dr. Samuels.

Uh, it's about Randy McNally
and the intercom incident.

Oh, yeah, I'm sorry that
the one time I thought I had you

it turned out to be
someone else. Heh-heh.

But you haven't graduated yet.

Yeah,
you're gonna screw up again

and I'm gonna be there waiting.

[sighs]
You're not making this
any easier, sir.

Now, about Randy McNally--

Yeah, well, what about him?

Well, Dr. Samuels,
actually, the truth..

He's dead.

What? Ho-how?

Uh, Randy suffered from
a terrible allergy, Dr. Samuels

to, uh, to-to feathers.

Feathers.

Are you saying he was killed
with a feather duster?

No, no. I mean, that would be
absurd, wouldn't it?

- Yes.
- Yes, well..

It would appear that Randy, uh,
he-he went to t-the zoo

he-he was, and he walked
into the-the bird aviary.

And he was no sooner in than
the wind blew the door shut.

Did I mention
it was a very windy day?

No, you didn't. No.

And it was a very windy day

and the-the door slammed shut
behind him, locked

and it was the, uh,
zookeeper's day off.

And, uh, anyway

they fou-found his body
this morning.

[sobbing]

The birds attacked him?

- Yes.
- No.

- No.
- 'No..'

Apparently, he, uh,
he sneezed to death.

- Is that possible?
- Yeah.

Well, apparently,
when you sneeze

every time you sneeze,
your heart misses a beat.

Now, if you,
if you sneeze enough sneezes

together one after the other

it can, you know, flat line.

[imitating beeping]

That's the saddest thing
I ever heard.

Yes, and the weirdest.

God, I'm gonna miss that kid.

Yeah, me, too.

Alright, come on, Billy,
let's go.

Yeah.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

With Randy McNally
dead and buried

I am next in line for MIT.

All we gotta do is make sure
Dr. Samuels doesn't find out

and I am home free!

Wait, I know what we'll do.

We'll have a memorial service
after school.

- Uh..
- You okay, Dennis?

I-I think Dennis needs
to be alone for a wee while.

- He wants..
- Just, just..

[instrumental music]

Oh..

You know, I, I never
got a chance to meet him.

Bernadette,
there is no Randy McNally.

It's hard to accept,
isn't it, Billy?

Fellow Fillmorians

We are gathered here today

to pay our respects
to Randy McNally.

In the short time he was with
us, he left an indelible mark.

And now I'd like to call on
his favorite teacher

Billy MacGregor,
to say a few words.

Billy.

For those of you
who didn't know Randy

and I'm sure
there must be a few of you..

...he was
a remarkable young man.

And if there's one thing
we can learn

from his untimely passing

it's that we should seize
the opportunities as they arise.

Oh, sure,
it's a big pond out there

and sometimes you'll feel like

'perhaps
you're only a little fish.'

But if you trust in yourself

'you'll grow, and sure enough'

the pond gets
amazingly smaller.

And I know
you must be saying to yourself

"What's this got to do
with Randy McNally?"

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Well, there's a little bit
of Randy McNally

in everything.

The fish, the pond...the map.

[laughing]

That was very beautiful, Billy.

Thank you, Bernadette.

Yes, I'm gonna do it!

This is the happiest day
of my life.

(Viki)
'Hey, Alan,
what are you talking about?'

Oh, uh, sorry, I-I'm just happy
because I'm going to Harvard.

A-and Randy is going to heaven,
which is almost as good.

Sorry.

[clears throat]

Thank you, uh, Mr. MacGregor.

And now I would like
to call upon a student

who obviously knew Randy
better than anyone else, uh

to say a few words.

Dennis Blunden. Come up.

Oh! I, uh, I..

[indistinct chatter]

[clearing throat]

I'm sorry.

Uh, yes, uh, well..

[sighs]
What can you say
about Randy McNally?

[sobbing]

He was a hard guy
to get to know.

[sobbing]
I'm sorry, I can't go on.
I just can't.

No, no, no, no, no.
Tell, tell us more.

You must have
a lot of funny stories, um

personal anecdotes,
uh, fond memories

'that you could share
with us all.'

Uh, what were his likes,
his passions, his hobbies?

Bungee-cord jumping.

In fact, that was the way
I always thought he'd go.

[students laughing]

Are they laughing, Billy?

Well, different people
have different ways

of showing grief, Bernadette.

Oh! They must have loved him
very much.

Yeah, yes, yes, yes, well..

I would like to take
this sad opportunity

to say, uh, something I've been
needing to say for a long time

and that is, um..

...I got you, Blunden.

- Huh?
- Huh?

- What?
- Randy McNally, my eye.

You knew? You knew..

Billy, you knew he knew?

He got to the computer files
before you, I had to tell him.

Why didn't you..

[indistinct chatter]

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute!

You let me think
that he had a friend in MIT

and that, and that I got
a rejection letter and the..

Oh, man,
I made a fool out of myself!

That's the way it goes, Dennis.
It was your karma.

[laughing]

Dennis,
I do have a friend at MIT.

In fact, I had him
send you that first letter.

Here's the real letter, son.

What does it say?

I'm in! I'm in!

[cheering]

[instrumental music]

- Yes!
- Yes!

[theme music]

[music continues]