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1
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[theme music]
2
00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:11,394
It dawned on me
that in the world today
3
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there are far too many weapons
4
00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:15,389
and far too few politicians
5
00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:17,482
being smacked in the mouth.
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00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:20,057
Could have some
startling results, couldn't you?
7
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Mr. Hitler, could you please
give me some idea
8
00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:25,192
of your moral standing?
9
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Oh, success is the only earthly
judge of right and wrong.
10
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:34,576
Oh, really? I'll ask you again.
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00:00:34,617 --> 00:00:37,867
Mr. Nixon, could you give us
a brief description
12
00:00:37,912 --> 00:00:39,502
of your occupation?
13
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I am not a crook.
14
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Oh, really?
I'll ask you again.
15
00:00:44,669 --> 00:00:48,469
Mr. President, what are
your current views on Vietnam?
16
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There will be no Americans
going to Vietnam.
17
00:00:51,926 --> 00:00:54,636
Oh, really? I'll ask you again.
18
00:00:54,679 --> 00:00:59,019
- You gettin' my drift?
- Read my lips. No new taxes.
19
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[gasping]
20
00:01:01,561 --> 00:01:03,151
[bell ringing]
21
00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:05,318
Oh, thank God for that.
22
00:01:05,356 --> 00:01:07,186
[laughing]
23
00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:09,823
I think
you're gettin' my drift, okay?
24
00:01:09,861 --> 00:01:11,531
Now, here's what
I want you to do.
25
00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:14,741
I want you to go into teams,
pair off, teams of two
26
00:01:14,783 --> 00:01:18,583
and give me essays
on the great lies in history.
27
00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:20,710
Simone,
do you wanna work with me?
28
00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:21,997
Oh, sure. Sounds great.
29
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:24,250
- So let's start tonight, okay?
- Okay.
30
00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:26,592
I cannot believe
that she's gonna work with Alex.
31
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I know, the last time
I did a project with Alex
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I was the project.
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Hey, hey, Simone, be careful.
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Alex is gonna try that,
I've-got-an-idea
35
00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:40,523
let's-work-
at-my-apartment ploy.
36
00:01:40,558 --> 00:01:43,728
And then you're gonna show up,
and surprise, surprise
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his mother's just gonna happen
to be gone for the evening.
38
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Eric, thanks for your concern.
39
00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:53,066
It's very sweet, but you've
gotta get on with your life.
40
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Oh, please.
41
00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:59,663
Alright, you wanna see me
get on with my life?
42
00:01:59,702 --> 00:02:02,292
Alright. Yo, Viki.
43
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,753
Simone, listen,
I've got an idea.
44
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Can we work at my place tonight?
45
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[instrumental music]
46
00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:14,545
[instrumental music]
47
00:02:14,592 --> 00:02:15,722
She's in the ladies' room.
48
00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,640
- Who?
- Who? Ms. Meara. That's who.
49
00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:19,679
You think I don't know
about you two?
50
00:02:19,722 --> 00:02:21,312
Think I don't have eyes?
51
00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:23,939
Uh, she's a wonderful girl,
Dr. Samuels.
52
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,977
- We had a brilliant weekend.
- I'll bet you did.
53
00:02:27,021 --> 00:02:30,111
Yeah, we went to the theater,
went for dinner.
54
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,150
And then?
55
00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:33,572
Oh, on Sunday,
we went to the zoo.
56
00:02:33,611 --> 00:02:34,821
- And then?
- Well..
57
00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:36,823
In the morning,
I had to get up and come here.
58
00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:38,985
No, no, no, no, before morning.
59
00:02:39,033 --> 00:02:41,333
After the zoo.
60
00:02:41,369 --> 00:02:42,829
- 'Hi.'
- Hi.
61
00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,371
- Hi.
- Uh..
62
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:47,924
Dr. Samuels,
could we have a moment alone?
63
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Of course.
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You dirty dog, you.
65
00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:57,092
Now, was that a great weekend?
66
00:02:57,135 --> 00:03:01,715
It was wonderful.
Yeah, it was really very nice.
67
00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:04,814
So how about movies tonight,
then?
68
00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:06,901
No, um, Billy, it was great
69
00:03:06,936 --> 00:03:10,356
but I-I don't think
I can go out with you anymore.
70
00:03:10,398 --> 00:03:11,728
What?
71
00:03:12,483 --> 00:03:13,283
Why?
72
00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:15,528
I don't wanna talk about it.
73
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:19,486
[instrumental music]
74
00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:29,752
[doorbell ringing]
75
00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:38,761
- Come on in, Simone.
- Okay.
76
00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:40,971
Come on. Come on.
77
00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:44,432
Oh, Alex, I-I feel silly
even mentioning this.
78
00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:46,234
It's just that, well..
79
00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:48,017
Well, all the other kids
are at the library working
80
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,901
and here we are
in your apartment..
81
00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:52,438
Oh, never mind. Your mom's here
and everything, right?
82
00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:54,112
No, she isn't.
83
00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:55,940
- Oh.
- Well, she's at work.
84
00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:57,735
I mean, that's why I asked you
to come over here
85
00:03:57,779 --> 00:04:00,069
'cause I have some stuff to do
for my mom.
86
00:04:00,114 --> 00:04:02,164
I mean, you wanna work or not?
87
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,950
I don't know, uh..
88
00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:07,253
- Hey, what smells so good?
- Arroz con pollo.
89
00:04:07,288 --> 00:04:08,458
My special recipe.
90
00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:11,128
Chicken with rice.
Do you wanna taste?
91
00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:13,207
No, thanks.
Alex, I should tell you.
92
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:16,383
- I-I think I made a mistake.
- What? It tastes good.
93
00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:17,672
[doorbell ringing]
94
00:04:17,715 --> 00:04:20,085
Oh. Excuse me for a second.
I'll be right back.
95
00:04:20,134 --> 00:04:22,434
- Uh, I should go.
- Mom.
96
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:25,890
[speaking in foreign language]
97
00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:28,103
Yeah?
98
00:04:28,142 --> 00:04:31,442
Mommy, this is Simone.
Simone, this is my mother.
99
00:04:31,479 --> 00:04:33,149
Oh, Mrs. Torres
100
00:04:33,189 --> 00:04:35,899
I can't tell you
how relieved I am to meet you.
101
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:38,192
Nice to meet you, Simone.
102
00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:41,856
Now I see why you don't go back
to parochial school.
103
00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:43,776
I'll do that,
you see to your company.
104
00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:46,155
No, mama, you've been
on your feet all day, okay?
105
00:04:46,202 --> 00:04:47,952
I'll do it, you sit down.
Come on.
106
00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,326
Oh, he spoils me.
107
00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:51,832
Alex looks after me
like a mother hen.
108
00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:54,424
Gracias, hijo.
He cooks, he cleans.
109
00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:57,170
Ever since I had to go to work
because his father died.
110
00:04:57,213 --> 00:05:01,843
- Oh, I'm so sorry, Mrs. Torres.
- Don't be. He's not dead.
111
00:05:01,884 --> 00:05:05,014
He ran off to Miami Beach
with some cocktail waitress.
112
00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:09,267
If he shows his face
around here again, he's dead.
113
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,189
- Mama!
- Oh, I'm sorry.
114
00:05:11,227 --> 00:05:14,517
I promised Father Rodriguez
I would stop doing that.
115
00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:17,694
Do 15 "Hail Marys"
and set the table, please.
116
00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,574
Oh, then I guess
I better be going.
117
00:05:19,610 --> 00:05:20,990
- Oh, no, stay.
- No.
118
00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:22,029
- Eat with us.
- Yeah.
119
00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:23,451
- Oh, but I--
- Oh, I insist.
120
00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:26,279
Such a pretty face at the table
would be nice, eh?
121
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,746
Mama, there's always a pretty
face when you're around.
122
00:05:28,786 --> 00:05:31,786
Oh, such a good boy.
123
00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:34,081
Isn't he a good boy?
124
00:05:36,085 --> 00:05:38,245
Alex, you're like
a whole another person
125
00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:39,586
when you're around your mother.
126
00:05:39,630 --> 00:05:42,430
I mean, you're sweet
and sensitive and kind.
127
00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:43,337
Thanks.
128
00:05:43,384 --> 00:05:44,594
Well, why can't you be like that
129
00:05:44,635 --> 00:05:45,845
around other women?
130
00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:47,137
What are you talking about?
131
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,850
That's no woman,
that's my mother.
132
00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:50,810
[instrumental music]
133
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:53,900
Well, this is a picture
of Alex's first bath.
134
00:05:53,936 --> 00:05:56,726
And here's a picture of Alex
as an altar boy
135
00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:59,233
and here's Alex
with Santa Claus.
136
00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:00,685
Oh, you're so cute!
137
00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:02,445
And this is a picture of Alex
138
00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:05,197
with his father in Puerto Rico.
139
00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:10,999
Here's a picture of Alex
in Puerto Rico.
140
00:06:12,246 --> 00:06:13,746
- Mom.
- Oh, Alex, it's okay.
141
00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:16,000
You know, maybe we should just
start our homework tomorrow.
142
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:19,302
Mrs. Torres, thank you very
much. I had a wonderful time.
143
00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:22,547
Oh, you are a lovely young lady.
144
00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:24,430
Come back soon.
145
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:27,347
- You should date this one.
- Mom!
146
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,637
Well, goodnight, Alex.
147
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,480
I'm really glad
you could come over.
148
00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:36,147
- I really had a nice time.
- Oh, so did I, Alex.
149
00:06:39,273 --> 00:06:40,613
Bye.
150
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:44,701
[instrumental music]
151
00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:48,492
I just don't think it's right
to date the men
152
00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:49,953
that I work with.
153
00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:51,582
But how are people
supposed to get together
154
00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:54,659
if they can't get together
f-for the get-together?
155
00:06:54,705 --> 00:06:57,075
Well, they should meet
at-at restaurants
156
00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:59,285
or museums and clubs.
157
00:06:59,335 --> 00:07:01,335
Okay, then, why don't you go
to your singles' bar
158
00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:03,839
and I'll come
and pick you up, huh?
159
00:07:03,881 --> 00:07:07,551
I can wander across and hit you
with some old chestnut like
160
00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:10,853
"Hey, don't I know you
from some place?"
161
00:07:10,888 --> 00:07:13,718
And you can say,
"Oh, I don't know.
162
00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:16,386
But I work at Fillmore."
163
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:20,566
And I can say,
"So do I! What a coincidence!"
164
00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:22,856
And you can say,
"How interesting!
165
00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:25,530
We have so much in common."
166
00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:28,990
And I can say, "Excuse me,
but I'm gonna have to mingle
167
00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:32,581
"because I'm actually looking
for a Tibetan yak milker
168
00:07:32,618 --> 00:07:37,208
who does a wee bit of dental
hygiene work on the side."
169
00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:38,618
And you can say,
"Oh, that's okay
170
00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:42,336
"because I've got my eye
on an Albanian trapeze artist
171
00:07:42,378 --> 00:07:44,418
"who's married to his work
and therefore
172
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:47,554
won't come and bother me
at Fillmore."
173
00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:48,892
You're right, it is silly.
174
00:07:48,926 --> 00:07:52,466
And that's not the reason
that I won't go out with you.
175
00:07:52,513 --> 00:07:53,933
It's another man, isn't it?
176
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:54,893
You're actually in love
177
00:07:54,932 --> 00:07:56,232
with an Albanian trapeze artist.
178
00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:57,307
I knew it!
179
00:07:57,351 --> 00:07:59,231
No, there is no other man,
Billy.
180
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:01,690
- What is it then? You're a nun?
- Stop it.
181
00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:03,481
Well, what's the reason?
You think I'm a nun?
182
00:08:03,524 --> 00:08:05,494
- You're a nut!
- That's it!
183
00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:07,356
You think
there's a history of insanity
184
00:08:07,403 --> 00:08:09,363
in my family, don't you?
185
00:08:09,405 --> 00:08:13,075
Yes, I do, Billy,
but that's not the reason.
186
00:08:13,117 --> 00:08:14,867
[instrumental music]
187
00:08:15,912 --> 00:08:18,462
So Churchill knew that Germany
was planning to bomb Coventry.
188
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,958
But if he warned the people
there, Hitler would've known
189
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,880
that England had cracked
the German codes.
190
00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:25,589
Mm-hmm, that's why, Darlene,
he made a judgment
191
00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:28,170
that it was more important
to the war effort to lie
192
00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:29,796
than to tell the whole truth.
193
00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:30,802
Yeah.
194
00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:32,263
[applauding]
195
00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:33,303
Good, Darlene.
196
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,766
Excellent work, girls,
excellent work.
197
00:08:35,806 --> 00:08:37,886
Great. Anybody else
ready with the report?
198
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:40,694
- Alex? Simone?
- Can we have one more day?
199
00:08:40,728 --> 00:08:42,688
Uh, yeah,
we got together last night
200
00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:45,610
but we never actually
got around to doing the report.
201
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:48,150
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
202
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:51,034
Wait a minute,
doesn't anybody have any privacy
203
00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:52,282
around here anymore?
204
00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:54,083
Simone says
she didn't do her report
205
00:08:54,116 --> 00:08:55,736
and you go, "Whoo!"
206
00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:58,905
I mean, what's that
supposed to mean? "Whoo!"
207
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:02,035
As far as I'm concerned, there's
far too much whooing going on.
208
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:06,923
I personally received a whoo
from Dr. Samuels this morning
209
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:10,093
simply because I went out
with Ms. Meara.
210
00:09:15,429 --> 00:09:16,559
Alright, go ahead.
211
00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:19,677
(all)
Whoo! Whoo!
212
00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:20,805
[bell ringing]
213
00:09:20,851 --> 00:09:23,601
- Get outta here.
- 'Whoo!'
214
00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:25,016
- So, uh..
- Well, so then..
215
00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:28,154
- I'll see you again tonight.
- Okay.
216
00:09:28,192 --> 00:09:30,242
Uh, Alex..
217
00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:33,738
Hey, my man, getting
some of that good, good loving?
218
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:38,451
Hey, come on, Arvid, we're
talking about Saint Simone.
219
00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:40,544
Alex couldn't get
to first base with her.
220
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,210
Hey, don't be so sure.
221
00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:44,248
Oh, Alex,
are you trying to tell us
222
00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:46,212
that you took
Little Red Riding Hood
223
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:49,172
all the way to grandma's house?
224
00:09:49,213 --> 00:09:50,053
What?
225
00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:51,129
What he's trying to say is that
226
00:09:51,173 --> 00:09:52,223
did you and Goldilocks
227
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,468
finish the porridge?
228
00:09:53,509 --> 00:09:54,969
[laughing]
229
00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:58,102
Why don't you guys come
right out and say what you mean?
230
00:09:58,139 --> 00:09:59,309
No, Alex, that's.. Look.
231
00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:01,098
Don't even lower yourself
to respond to them.
232
00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:04,192
Now, while those children
are speaking in nursery rhymes
233
00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:05,898
you and I are both
men of the world
234
00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:07,728
and we both know
that you didn't
235
00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:10,363
well, you know,
nibble at the gingerbread house.
236
00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:12,241
[laughing]
237
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:15,028
- Hey, you don't know that.
- What? Really?
238
00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:17,452
- You and Simone--
- Hey, I'm not saying yes.
239
00:10:17,491 --> 00:10:20,661
- And I'm not saying no.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.
240
00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:24,213
- Then that means no.
- I didn't say that.
241
00:10:24,248 --> 00:10:26,998
- Well, then you're saying yes.
- He means yes?
242
00:10:27,918 --> 00:10:31,258
Well, yes. Alright?
243
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:34,587
[instrumental music]
244
00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:39,932
She didn't. Simone?
245
00:10:39,972 --> 00:10:43,022
Uh-huh, that's what
Alan told me Alex told him.
246
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:46,939
- Told you what?
- Well, that Alex and Simone..
247
00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:49,187
I can't say it here.
248
00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:50,111
Well, you know, Sarah's
249
00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:52,359
my girlfriend and everything.
250
00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:57,954
Wait, remember chapter five
from the life science's book?
251
00:10:57,990 --> 00:11:00,830
Alex and Simone had mitosis?
252
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:06,328
- I meant chapter six.
- Oh!
253
00:11:07,291 --> 00:11:08,501
Darlene, come here, come here!
254
00:11:08,542 --> 00:11:10,802
You're not gonna believe
what Jasper couldn't tell me.
255
00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:12,626
What? What? What?
256
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:15,342
[gasps]
Chapter six?
257
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:16,263
Uh-huh.
258
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:19,220
And the first part
of chapter seven.
259
00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:26,015
- Hey, you! I wanna talk to you!
- About what?
260
00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:27,230
Hey, you know about what, Alex.
261
00:11:27,269 --> 00:11:29,189
You and Simone,
you're a real jerk.
262
00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:30,400
Hey, who are you
to get in my face?
263
00:11:30,439 --> 00:11:31,689
You don't even
date Simone anymore.
264
00:11:31,732 --> 00:11:33,032
Hey, hey, we had a relationship
265
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:36,737
and whatever we did or didn't do
was built on respect!
266
00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:38,859
And that's why I didn't
go around telling everybody
267
00:11:38,906 --> 00:11:41,326
what we did or didn't.
268
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:43,617
[bell ringing]
269
00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:45,865
Morning, geniuses!
270
00:11:45,913 --> 00:11:48,003
- Good morning, Billy.
- Good morning, Billy.
271
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,670
Well, I believe
we were discussing
272
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:53,339
Jasper and Alan's report
on the Spanish Civil War.
273
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:56,759
Well, the biggest lie
about the Spanish Civil War
274
00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:59,049
was that it was a civil war.
275
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,602
In actual fact
276
00:12:01,637 --> 00:12:03,467
it wasn't a civil war at all.
277
00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:06,524
It was a mere take-over
by fascists.
278
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:09,519
- And Generalissimo--
- Uh, excuse me, guys.
279
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,482
What's going on?
280
00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:16,324
[scoffs]
As if you didn't know.
281
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:19,240
Alex, in the hall.
282
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:22,660
- Ooh..
- Ooh..
283
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:29,793
Alex, do I understand
what I think I understand
284
00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:33,342
about you and Simone
and you telling everybody?
285
00:12:33,377 --> 00:12:36,127
Okay, maybe I accidentally
let a few things slip
286
00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:37,422
about what we did
the other night.
287
00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:41,545
Alex, sex is an intimate,
beautiful thing
288
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,554
shared by two people.
289
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,136
I mean,
you don't see me running around
290
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:46,931
bragging about my love life,
do ya?
291
00:12:46,974 --> 00:12:50,064
- Do you have one?
- Well..
292
00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:53,060
But if I did, I can assure you
293
00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:56,935
you would be the first
not to know about it.
294
00:12:56,984 --> 00:12:58,784
I mean, what you and Simone do
295
00:12:58,819 --> 00:13:01,109
is absolutely
none of my business.
296
00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:02,355
So then why are we here?
297
00:13:02,406 --> 00:13:06,156
Because it's none
of their business, either.
298
00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:08,292
Eric, what's going on?
299
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:11,119
Tsk.
I don't wanna talk about it.
300
00:13:11,165 --> 00:13:13,745
Well, are you mad at me?
301
00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:16,045
No, uh, I'm not mad.
302
00:13:16,086 --> 00:13:18,666
I'm-I'm disappointed,
but I'm not mad.
303
00:13:18,714 --> 00:13:22,344
I'm bitter, I'm shocked,
I'm frustrated, I'm humiliated
304
00:13:22,384 --> 00:13:24,184
but I'm not mad.
305
00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:27,141
Okay, I'm miffed.
306
00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:30,388
Well, well,
is it something I did?
307
00:13:30,434 --> 00:13:32,274
You know what you did,
the whole class knows
308
00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:34,561
what you did with Alex
last night.
309
00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:35,555
What's the big deal?
310
00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:37,266
I did it with Alan last week
311
00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:39,396
and Arvid last year!
312
00:13:42,112 --> 00:13:43,572
Arvid?
313
00:13:45,449 --> 00:13:46,869
Gross!
314
00:13:47,451 --> 00:13:49,201
(Simone)
'Eric!'
315
00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:54,123
I-I did it with you
all the time.
316
00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:57,801
What are we talking about here?
317
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,707
We're talking about homework.
318
00:13:59,755 --> 00:14:03,215
Homework?
That's not what Alex said.
319
00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:06,099
Well, what did Alex say?
320
00:14:06,136 --> 00:14:09,056
- That you did it with him!
- What?
321
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:12,020
[door opens]
322
00:14:12,059 --> 00:14:15,019
Okay, back to Generalissimo--
323
00:14:15,062 --> 00:14:17,652
Alex, in the hall.
324
00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:21,151
- Ooh..
- Ooh..
325
00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:26,412
Simone, look,
I know what you're gonna say--
326
00:14:26,448 --> 00:14:28,448
Alex, what would possess you
to say that?
327
00:14:28,492 --> 00:14:30,082
Look, I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to.
328
00:14:30,119 --> 00:14:31,249
Oh, what, it was an accident?
329
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:32,787
You meant to say,
"Good morning," and somehow
330
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,250
came out "Simone and I had sex?"
331
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:35,710
Oh, yeah,
that's an easy mistake to make.
332
00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:37,379
Look, you don't understand.
I-it wasn't my fault.
333
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:39,748
It was the guys, I mean,
they just naturally assumed--
334
00:14:39,795 --> 00:14:43,375
Assumed? With no help from you?
335
00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:44,634
Look, I'm sorry.
336
00:14:44,675 --> 00:14:47,005
I-if there's anything I can do
to make it up you, you know--
337
00:14:47,052 --> 00:14:48,852
Tell 'em the truth, Alex.
338
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,098
Come on, that's gonna be
a little hard to do
339
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:51,219
don't you think?
I mean, I mean..
340
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:53,135
What's the big deal, anyway?
341
00:14:53,183 --> 00:14:55,143
Look, it'll all blow over
by our ten-year reunion.
342
00:14:55,185 --> 00:14:56,475
I mean, in years from now,
you're gonna
343
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:57,770
look back on this
and you're gonna laugh--
344
00:14:57,813 --> 00:14:58,773
I don't think it's funny
345
00:14:58,814 --> 00:15:01,694
and I want you
to tell them the truth.
346
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:04,074
Look, I'll be the laughing stock
of this school!
347
00:15:04,111 --> 00:15:05,951
Like, my reputation's
at stake here--
348
00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:07,358
Oh, and mine isn't? Alex.
349
00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:09,696
I'm giving you one last chance.
350
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,542
Tell them the truth.
351
00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:17,575
- It's too late, I-I can't.
- No. You mean you won't.
352
00:15:19,126 --> 00:15:21,586
Which brings us
rather neatly to Generalissimo--
353
00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:23,339
Uh, I have an announcement
to make.
354
00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:25,590
[indistinct]
355
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,259
Well, I just wanna
set the record straight.
356
00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:32,772
I guess you all heard that Alex
and I, um, well, we, you know--
357
00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:35,176
Don't you kids have diaries?
358
00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:40,058
Please, Billy,
I, I need to clear the air.
359
00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:42,355
Well, I just wanna let you know
360
00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:44,529
that what Alex said was true
361
00:15:44,568 --> 00:15:46,488
'except for one thing.'
362
00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:49,068
- Simone, what are you doing?
- Well..
363
00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:52,164
It's just that, for my first
time, I was expecting..
364
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:54,201
Well, I mean, it's just
that Alex wasn't very..
365
00:15:54,244 --> 00:15:55,294
- 'Huh?'
- 'What?'
366
00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:57,459
Oh, it was just over so..
367
00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:58,368
Simone!
368
00:15:58,415 --> 00:15:59,745
[all gasping]
369
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:02,592
[students laughing]
370
00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:04,917
Alex, I'm sorry
371
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,924
but you were
a major disappointment.
372
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,676
[laughing]
373
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:13,806
[instrumental music]
374
00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:22,108
(Dennis)
No, I'm serious, it said
on the bathroom wall.
375
00:16:22,147 --> 00:16:24,357
"There once was a guy,
Alex Torres
376
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,860
whose folks should have named
him Delores 'cause--"
377
00:16:27,903 --> 00:16:30,073
- Here he comes!
- Alright. Ahem.
378
00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:32,784
Hey-hey, Big Al.
379
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,235
Well, Al..
380
00:16:34,284 --> 00:16:35,664
[laughing]
381
00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:37,583
That's enough.
Why don't you leave me alone?
382
00:16:37,621 --> 00:16:38,911
- Hey..
- Will you?
383
00:16:38,956 --> 00:16:40,166
This is pathetic, he's getting
384
00:16:40,207 --> 00:16:41,627
dissed by nerds.
385
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:44,207
[bell ringing]
386
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:56,597
Hi, Alex, how you feelin'?
387
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:57,980
- Miserable.
- Good.
388
00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:00,727
Because you've been behaving
like a creep.
389
00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:04,399
Mind you,
you're a pathetic kinda creep.
390
00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:07,147
Listen..
391
00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:10,032
Sex is an intimate
392
00:17:10,070 --> 00:17:12,570
beautiful, intimidating
393
00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:14,324
frightening thing.
394
00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:16,116
And it doesn't surprise me
one bit
395
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,240
that under a lot of pressure
396
00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:20,496
you had,
you had a little problem.
397
00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:25,707
Thanks,
but I didn't have a problem.
398
00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:29,423
Hey! No need to be defensive
with me, you know?
399
00:17:31,175 --> 00:17:33,335
Before sex is even attempted
400
00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:35,255
you should be fully mature,
you know
401
00:17:35,304 --> 00:17:37,974
consider all the ramifications.
402
00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:39,885
Disease, pregnancy
403
00:17:39,933 --> 00:17:42,063
your feelings, her feelings.
404
00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:45,402
It's obvious to me,
you just weren't mature enough.
405
00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:49,319
Billy, nothing happened.
I didn't have sex with Simone.
406
00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:52,779
Then why did you let me go
through the long, boring speech?
407
00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:56,449
And why did you say you did?
408
00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:59,332
Because I'm a pathetic creep,
remember?
409
00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:00,999
Oh, yeah.
410
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:04,541
But why did she say you did?
411
00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:06,293
I guess 'cause she wanted
to ruin my reputation
412
00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:08,045
the way I ruined hers.
413
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:12,337
- Simone did that?
- Yeah. Can you believe that?
414
00:18:12,382 --> 00:18:15,012
[chuckles]
415
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:19,429
[laughing]
416
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,143
Oh, that's brilliant.
417
00:18:22,184 --> 00:18:23,894
[laughing]
418
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,396
I love it. Hey!
419
00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:27,977
You should get together
with her. She's a great girl.
420
00:18:28,023 --> 00:18:30,653
[laughing]
421
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:33,237
Simone. Look, that's it.
422
00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:35,818
- I've taken all I can take.
- I don't know what you mean.
423
00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:37,374
Oh, yes, you do, and I want you
to go right in there
424
00:18:37,407 --> 00:18:39,367
and just tell 'em
that you've been lying!
425
00:18:39,409 --> 00:18:40,699
Oh, what's the big deal, Alex?
426
00:18:40,744 --> 00:18:43,004
Ten years from now we're gonna
be laughing about this, right?
427
00:18:43,038 --> 00:18:45,038
Oh, come on, Simone, please.
You're killing me here.
428
00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:48,092
Oh, I understand,
but I have a reputation.
429
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,707
Remember, I'm the girl
who sleeps around?
430
00:18:49,753 --> 00:18:52,093
- No, you're not.
- No, I wasn't!
431
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,511
Until you came along, Alex.
432
00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:54,969
I don't even know
how you could do that to me.
433
00:18:55,008 --> 00:18:57,258
You know, you have no idea
what sex means to me.
434
00:18:57,302 --> 00:18:59,302
I don't wanna have sex
till I'm married, okay?
435
00:18:59,346 --> 00:19:01,676
Now you can think of it
however you want, but to me
436
00:19:01,723 --> 00:19:04,483
it's the highest, most intense
thing you can share with someone
437
00:19:04,518 --> 00:19:08,518
and I intend that someone
to be my partner for life.
438
00:19:08,564 --> 00:19:11,984
For you to make a joke of that,
of me..
439
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:15,148
...you must really hate me.
440
00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:18,952
(Billy)
In fact, Casal
441
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,661
Picasso, many great artists
442
00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:23,251
refused to return to Spain
until Generalissimo--
443
00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:27,287
- Excuse me, everybody.
- Oh, to hell with it!
444
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:33,166
Before we start class, I have
something to say to all of you.
445
00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:35,301
It's about Simone and me.
446
00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:37,220
- Ooh-ooh-ooh..
- Excuse me!
447
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:41,719
This could be very important,
keep your whoos until later.
448
00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:46,349
I just want you all to know
that, um..
449
00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:50,982
...I didn't do it with Simone.
450
00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:53,530
Nothing happened.
451
00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:56,147
Uh, I-I made the whole thing up.
452
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,485
I don't even know
why I did it, I..
453
00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:01,993
I lied, yes, I do.
454
00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:05,746
I just wanted
to impress you guys.
455
00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:10,830
I was afraid to admit that
I wasn't some kinda macho man.
456
00:20:11,585 --> 00:20:14,295
[laughing]
457
00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:17,336
I knew she didn't.
458
00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:21,472
I mean, if she couldn't with me,
she couldn't with him.
459
00:20:21,511 --> 00:20:24,471
Yeah, yeah, not, not to say
that she didn't with me.
460
00:20:24,514 --> 00:20:28,484
- Alright, she didn't.
- Eric, we knew.
461
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,400
I know that must've been
difficult for you, Alex
462
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,530
but tough.
463
00:20:37,152 --> 00:20:39,702
You know what the worst thing
about this is?
464
00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:43,446
It's that I hurt somebody
that I really care about.
465
00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:47,964
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
466
00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:50,166
Billy, I don't think
you're getting the hang of it.
467
00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:52,077
This isn't a whoo moment.
468
00:20:52,125 --> 00:20:56,335
- Well, what kinda moment is it?
- It's an aww moment.
469
00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:58,720
- Yeah.
- Aww.
470
00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:02,047
[instrumental music]
471
00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:04,143
Okay, Bernadette.
472
00:21:04,179 --> 00:21:07,849
This is definitely
the very final last chance.
473
00:21:07,891 --> 00:21:10,481
I have concealed about my person
474
00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:13,859
two tickets
for the hottest show in New York
475
00:21:13,897 --> 00:21:16,317
"Miss Saigon." What do you say?
476
00:21:16,358 --> 00:21:19,278
Billy, I'm not going out
with you anymore.
477
00:21:19,319 --> 00:21:23,739
What? I've been all over the
world and I've never met anyon--
478
00:21:23,782 --> 00:21:26,582
That you spent more than
five minutes at a time with?
479
00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:29,248
Billy, I can't
get involved with you.
480
00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:31,498
And I can't face the possibility
of coming in here one morning
481
00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:34,420
and having Dr. Samuels say,
"Oh, he got restless
482
00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:36,299
and went off to Islamabad."
483
00:21:36,336 --> 00:21:40,126
But I would never go
to Islamabad again.
484
00:21:40,173 --> 00:21:42,933
Don't you see, a-about next week
or next month or next year
485
00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:44,968
you're, like, you're just
gonna be somewhere else.
486
00:21:45,012 --> 00:21:47,392
- No, I wouldn't.
- Yes, you would.
487
00:21:47,431 --> 00:21:49,391
Well, why don't you read
the tickets?
488
00:21:49,433 --> 00:21:51,443
See what you notice.
489
00:21:51,476 --> 00:21:53,646
Cheapest seats in the house.
490
00:21:53,687 --> 00:21:56,477
Not that. The date.
491
00:21:56,523 --> 00:21:59,743
It's for two years
from next July.
492
00:21:59,776 --> 00:22:03,486
- Well, do we have a date?
- Yes.
493
00:22:03,530 --> 00:22:05,070
And perhaps
we could have a little dinner
494
00:22:05,115 --> 00:22:08,535
between now and then,
say, Easter-ish?
495
00:22:08,577 --> 00:22:12,157
- How about tonight?
- Yeah.
496
00:22:12,205 --> 00:22:16,785
Whoo. Don't tell me
there's nothing going on here.
497
00:22:16,835 --> 00:22:20,125
[instrumental music]
498
00:22:22,716 --> 00:22:25,506
[theme music]
36780
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