All language subtitles for Head.Of.The.Class.S05E12_2

[theme music]

Free dance lessons tonight.
Be there.

Eric, T.J.,
am I glad to see you guys.

I've got great news.

That suit only comes
in your size?

No, look,
the dance studio where I teach

is givin' away free lessons.

You know, a good dancer
is welcome wherever the fun is.

It's aerobic,
it's romantic, it's terrific.

- He's pathetic.
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, come on, guys. Look.

You know, my boss
makes me work on commission

and I really need the money
for college.

Come on, check it out.

Ooh, "One complimentary pass

to Warren Waxman's
International House of Dance."

Someone named Warren Waxman's
gonna teach me to dance?

I think not.

- Hey, Arvid, how 'bout you--
- Oh, no, no.

I don't need 'em, Alex,
my first baby steps were

right, left
and left, right and slide.

- Simone.
- Hi, Alex.

You like to dance, don't you?

Oh, me? I-I love dancing.

Uh, but I'm not very good.

Well, I mean,
I'm not as good as you are.

Come on, Simone, I bet you'd
look great on the dance floor.

Especially next to me.

- You really think so?
- Oh, yeah.

But you know,
there's always room to improve.

A good dancer is welcome
wherever the fun is.

It's aerobic,
it's romantic, it's terrific.

- Check it out.
- It's free.

Oh, yeah.
And, um, class starts at 7:00.

Okay.

Darlene!

You know, a good dancer's
welcome wherever the fun is.

[laughs]

Oh, not in that suit.

[laughs]

- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- I hate this job.

Oh, this is brilliant,
Bernadette.

I cannot wait till the weekend.

Well, I just figured
since we enjoy

each other's company,
we might as well go out.

You know, get over
that nervous tension

of that first date pressure.

Oh, exactly.

Just think of it, our very first
official legitimate

sanctioned by the US
Olympic Committee date.

It's just one of the big three,
you know.

Birth, first date, death.

The best thing we can do
is relax, enjoy ourselves.

I'm trying, Billy.

Uh, so what do you wanna do?

I don't know.
What do you wanna do?

Well, you asked me out.
So I figured, you know..

Didn't you have
something in mind?

Oh, I've got something in mind.

Yeah.
No, forget I said that. Forget..

I don't, I don't wanna put you
under any pressure, right?

Okay. Dinner and a movie.
How's that?

- That's great.
- Brilliant.

No, no, no!
A movie's far too benign.

It should be something really
special for the first date.

- Dinner and a theater.
- That's great.

No! I can't believe I said that.

Too much of a rush,
we'd have to rush dinner

to be at the theater on time
for the 8 o'clock curtain, okay?

Too much pressure, we don't
want pressure on something

that's incredibly important
as a first date, okay?

- E-excuse me.
- What, what?

- Miss Meara.
- Yeah?

You know,
a good dancer is welcome

wherever the fun is. It's--

Alex, thank you so much,
but I already know how to dance.

Dinner and dancing!

Perfect for the first date.
What do you say?

- It's great!
- Great, yes! Yes!

- You like to dance?
- Oh. What?

As long as you can leap around
throwing your arms in the air

crash into people
like a lunatic, you know?

It's like playing rugby
with women, isn't it?

Oh, I love it, I love it.

Well, that may be how
it used to be, but..

...that's not gonna work
with a woman like Miss Meara.

[instrumental music]

Forward, side together, back

side together, forward, side..

That's good. That's good.

You know, Mildred, for a woman
with an artificial hip

you can really sway.

Don't let that locks
out of here

without a signed
lifetime contract.

Okay, everybody, that's it
for tonight.

(all)
Oh.

We were just thinking of forming
a little conga line here, Alex.

I'm sorry. I'll see everybody
next week, alright?

Thank you
very much indeed.

Billy, can I see you
for a minute?

Yeah. Oh, thank you, Alex.

Thank you so much
for inviting me.

I've had a brilliant evening.

I really have, I've learned
the foxtrot, the merengue.

I've even learned how to cover
up embarrassing liver spots.

Yeah. Well, look, no problem.

Now you don't have to buy
anything, but I gotta give you

the sales pitch
just to keep my boss happy.

Save your breath.
I want more lessons.

- I'll buy them immediately.
- No, no, no, no.

- They're too expensive.
- No.

Anything to impress
Bernadette will do me

and I hear there's a way
of gettin' Medicare

to pay for them too?

Look.

Why don't, why don't, why don't
you shop around, you know

and get some other quotes
and you'll see, we're the worst.

Alex, what can I tell you?
I want the bloody lessons--

No, no, no. Look, Billy,
they're too expensive--

- Sell me the lessons!
- I'm trying to save you--

Is there a, uh, problem here?

Oh, I'm just being browbeaten by
this super-duper salesman here.

- Uh, Billy, you know--
- Enough! Enough!

I'll buy the lessons!

My mother can wait
for her new teeth.

I tell you what, Warren.

You must hang on
to this guy, Warren.

The ability to wrestle money
from a Scotsman's no mean feat.

And talking about mean feat

look at what he taught me
this evening.

Hey, great.

Beautiful.

That guy doesn't need
dance lessons.

He needs a trip to Lourdes.

Hey, I got another live one
for you.

A, uh, private lesson.

Ah, Maureen.

Hello, Maureen.
I'm Alex. Glad to meet you.

Well, I see you have
your IHOD dance coupon.

Uh, is there any particular
dance you'd like to learn?

Well--

Uh, the waltz?
The foxtrot maybe?

How about the tango?

Okay.

Well, uh, the most important
thing to remember

about the tango is that
it's all in the attitude.

Have you tangoed before?

I used to quite a bit
before I was married.

My husband
isn't much interested in..

...you know?

Oh.

- Morning, Bernadette.
- Morning, Billy.

[whistles]

Did you ever wake up
in the morning

with an inexplicable urge
to samba?

- Not really, no.
- Ah, just as well.

Save your energy
for the weekend.

I've got
the whole thing planned.

We're going ballroom dancing

at the fabulous new Club Deko.

Which is so exclusive

you can't get in the door
unless you're Madonna.

So if you'll just wear
your knickers

on the outside of your clothes

or I could bribe the doorman.

But if you wish to wear
your knickers on the outside

don't let me stop you.

But, Billy,
did you say ballroom dancing?

- Yeah, that's okay, isn't it?
- Oh, yeah.

I-I-I guess you really like
ballroom dancing?

Oh, it's terrific.

It's fantastic, it's aerobic.

[bell rings]

Dr. Samuels, could I talk
to you for a minute?

It's about something..
Well, it's personal.

Are we out of those, you know,
things in the ladies' room?

Dr. Samuels, I'm-I'm-I'm
trying to confide in you.

- Oh.
- You know, uh..

You know,
I'm attracted to a coworker

and I find myself acting

like just the silliest
little schoolgirl.

I'm wondering what I should wear
or what I should say

or how I should even act
when I pass him in the hallways.

And the worst thing is,
I'm just not being myself.

You know, I'm actually
considering spending $300

for ballroom dance classes
just to impress him?

Mm-mm-mm.

So everything's okay
in the ladies' room?

Never mind.

So while the rest of the world

is fighting
for environmental legislation

the two biggest holdouts
are the Soviet Union

and the United States
Of America.

And guess who the biggest

polluters on the planet are.
You got it.

The Soviet Union and
the United States Of America.

And we're not talking
white plastic forks

and Styrofoam cups here.

Do you know in the Soviet Union

there is a fresh water sea

and three quarters of it
is missing?

Fishermen go on the boats
in the morning

look through binoculars
not for seagulls and fish

they're looking for water.

Now, if that happened in
the Mediterranean it would have

a bigger shock effect on us.
It would be on the news.

"Ladies and gentlemen, you can
now walk from Italy to Morocco."

But don't be all smug
about it, here

because right here
in the United States

there is a lake which
is an official fire hazard.

Call me a sentimental old fool.

But I am old enough to remember

when we used to put
fires out with water.

And you know,
on my way here today

I saw an old lady
curbing her dog, right?

When he was finished
she scooped it up

with one of them
pooper scooper things.

Right, and she put it
in a wee plastic bag

and tied it up with one of those
wee tacky numbers

and threw it in the trash.

And you know, it occurred to me
that she had taken

the most biodegradable substance
on the planet

and rendered it
completely sterile

until the next Ice Age.

Right, so in a thousand years

a thousand years' time,
archeologist are going to say

"Oh, look, I found a CD!"

"Oh, look,
I found a microwave dish!"

"Oh, look, I found a great
reason not be an archeologist."

[bell rings]

Get out of here!

- Bye, Billy.
- See ya!

See you later.

Hey, hold it, Alex, hold it.
Give us the dirt.

Tell us about the chick
at the dance studio.

- No.
- Right now!

- Come on, tell us, come on!
- Quickly.

Nothing really happened except..

...she did want me to teach her
the forbidden dance.

- Lambada?
- Oh-oh, wait a minute.

Wait a minute, be careful.

T.J. made me do the lambada once

and I'm still going
to the chiropractor.

Come on, this lady's
gotta be pushing 40, man.

Hey, so what? Physiologically,
the sexual drive of a woman

in her 40s is equivalent
to that of a teenage male.

Yeah, but that's just
an old wives' tale.

[scoffs]
Yeah, if you're lucky.

Hey, he's right, Alex.

Middle-aged women
are lonely and desperate.

It's common knowledge.

Just when they hit overdrive

their husbands are out of gas.

You know,
she did say that her husband

had lost interest in her.
You think that was a sign?

A sign? What're you waiting for?
A star from the east?

So what should I do?

If you want my opinion,
go for it.

Yeah, dude.
Take care of business.

(both)
Side, rock step, side, side

rock step, side, side.

Rock step, side, side.
Rock step, side, side.

Rock step.
Looking good, Miss Meara.

- Alright.
- But we're out of time.

Rock step, side, side.

Rock step, side, side.
Rock step.

Hi, Alex.

Hello, Maureen.

So, uh, what are you
in the mood for tonight?

- Let me rephrase that.
- You know what I'm here for.

- Yeah, I-I think I do.
- We talked about it last time.

You mean, the thing that your
husband's not interested in.

- Right?
- Right.

Well, I gotta be honest
with you, Maureen.

I gotta, you know, tell you

that I'm really nervous
about what we're about to do.

Really?

I'm the one
who should be nervous.

Yeah? Well, well, then..

...you know, whatever happens,
I want you to know

that I'll still respect you.

Well, thank you, Alex.

Hi, mom.

Mom?

- Mommy, are you alright?
- I think so.

Alex, is that part of the dance?

I'm sorry, Maureen.
I mean, I mean, Mrs. Foster.

I had no idea you were mommy.
I mean, Simone's mom.

Um, Simone, what are you
doin' here anyway?

Dance lessons.
You give them, remember?

- Mr. Waxman just signed me up.
- Oh, right.

Well, um, we're out of time
for tonight.

But we just got here.

Yeah, well, um..

Ooh, I'm really beat.

And, uh, I mean,
that's why I dropped her

and, uh, you know, in dancing

it's important to know
when to say when.

Bye.

Alex certainly is a shy boy,
isn't he?

You know, I guess he is.

I've never seen him act
like that before.

It's cute.

Well, I wish
your father weren't so shy.

Maybe I could get Alex
to come to the apartment

and give your dad lessons.

That's a great idea.

Mommy, you and daddy
should go out dancing.

That's what I'm hoping for.

You know, our marriage
could use a little--

Zing.

Simone.

Let me show you the studio.

Uh, yeah, it's great, look.

Here's the coupons.
Where are the babes?

Uh, unfortunately, I don't have
any female partners right now

that are your age.

That's okay.
Uh, age is no problem for us.

- No.
- In fact.

A little age difference can be

exciting if you,
uh, know what I mean.

Suit yourselves.

Uh, Sadie, Merriam,
come on in here.

Billy, can I talk to you
for a minute?

Sure, what's up, teach?

Okay. Here it is.

There's this woman
who I'm giving lessons to

who's very interested in me.

Woman as in older woman?

Koo-koo-ka-choo, Mrs. Robinson,
hey, hey, hey?

Hey, hey, hey.

Alex, you don't really
want to Garfunkel around

with a woman of that name.

Well, I mean, she's not
really a woman like that.

I mean,
she's, she's very attractive

and she's very nice.

Oh, yeah?

- So who is this woman, Alex?
- I can't say.

Alex, thanks for last night.

I'm exhausted.
And it certainly was worth it.

Ain't no problem. If you want
more, you know where to find me.

- Thanks. Hi, Billy.
- Hi.

Alex.

Dance lessons. Miss Meara's
taking dance lessons.

- She is?
- Of course.

What do you think I'm havin'
an affair with Miss Meara?

But she's already better
than me.

I'm havin' an affair
with Simone's mom.

Oh, good. What?

Simone's mother?
You're sick.

Well, it's..
It's not really an affair.

I mean, nothing's
really happened yet

except for a, a lot
of dirty dancing.

And has she shown
any interest in you?

[clicks tongue]
Please.

I'm a professional
dance instructor.

I read women like a book.

Only this one
doesn't have a happy ending.

So tell her you're not
interested in her.

Well, how?

Listen, this is
a very common problem.

You know, women keep falling
for guys who are unattainable.

You know, like psychiatrists,
priests, rock stars--

Rock stars!
H-how would they deal with it?

Well..

Priests, right.
So women gets the hots.

Right, she gets very hot
for a priest.

A priest would say,
"Look, I'm sorry.

"I'm very flattered
by your attentions.

"But I'm completely
unattainable.

"Why don't you share
those wonderful feelings

and emotions of yours
with someone else?"

That's good, that's good.
But there's one other thing.

Yeah?

If I break up
with Simone's mom

could I still go out
with her daughter?

How-how would a priest
handle that?

Oh.

So a woman's in love
with the priest and-and

he likes
her younger daughter.

Right.

L-let's forget priests
and get back to the

get back
to the psychiatrist, eh?

Well, what about psychiatrist?

Go see one, Alex.

Wait, Alex, shy?

This is the same guy
who tried to pass himself off

as towel attendant in the girls'
locker room, please.

Really, I mean,
the girls in those 976 numbers

probably call him
when they get bored.

But the Alex Torres
I saw last night was different.

He was modest,
nervous, awkward.

- He was adorable.
- Modest?

Simone, remember
his Christmas card last year?

All he was wearing
was mistletoe Jockey shorts.

Remember it? I still have that
pinned up on my bulletin board.

I mean, yuck!

Well, people change.

Or maybe this shy act is just
another one of his stunts.

Trust me, Simone,
he's gonna con you

with that lost puppy dog routine

and the next thing you know

he's gonna be shedding
in your bedding.

[laughs]

- Oh, Alex.
- Oh!

- Hi, Alex.
- Hello, Simone.

Hi, girls.

Hey. Hey, you guys,
maybe Simone was right.

Maybe Alex really is shy.

(all)
Nah!

Um, hi, Alex.

Uh, well,
maybe we could schedule

my first dance lesson
for tonight.

Look, um, about the lessons

the-the special is over

and I can't give away
any more freebies. I'm sorry.

Oh, um, I'm willing
to pay for them.

Well, you know, my last class
is at 8 o'clock, anyway.

- You know--
- Oh, great. Then 8 o'clock.

[bell rings]

Step, cha-cha-cha.

Well, our-our lesson's
about over.

Okay.

Alex, I was wondering

could you come to my apartment
sometime and give lessons?

Uh, I really don't think
I should.

Please, you see,
my husband has a problem--

Yeah, well, I-I-I think
this has gone far enough.

Look, I-I can't be
your teacher anymore

and I definitely can't do
what you want me to do.

Why not?

Well, because..

The truth is, I'm studying
to become a priest.

Well, that's nice,
but I don't understand

why that means we can't keep
doing what we're doing.

Well, because, uh..

...I'm gay.

You know, I had a feeling
that you were.

You did?

But I still don't understand
why you can't teach me dancing.

I would think
that would be an advantage.

Well, look,
don't-don't you get it?

Okay, look, I'll just
spell it out, alright--

Um, hi, Alex.
I'm ready for my lesson.

Oh, God!

Simone, Alex was about
to say something.

Uh, oh, what is it, Alex?

I, uh..

Okay, um..

I'm sorry, Simone.

I-I-I know
this is gonna hurt you

but if we're gonna
go out together

you're gonna find out
anyway and--

- You wanna go out with me?
- But I thought you were--

I-I am,
b-but in a cheerful sense.

But I thought
you wanted to be a--

Oh, oh, not-not anymore.

Uh, uh, what are you two
talking about?

I don't know.

Alex, what are you
talking about, dear?

Look, it's over, alright?

I know what you came here for

and I, I can't give you
what you want.

What?

[gasps]

Oh.

Oh, you mean,
you thought that I and you--

- No?
- No.

Oh.

- Uh--
- Oh!

What is going on here?
What are you two talking about?

Uh, uh, uh, the family
package discount plan.

A-Alex says
it's no longer available.

- Isn't that right, Alex?
- Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.

A, a complete misunderstanding.

It was just a case
of mixed signals.

We understand each other,
don't we, Alex?

Oh, yes,
and-and I'm really sorry

about the family plan,
Mrs. Foster.

Because you have a great family.

- Alex.
- Excuse me.

The, uh, Foster woman's
lessons are up

so flirt with her and get her
to sign up for more.

That's it, I quit.

You quit? Why?

Well, for one thing,
I hate this job.

Another, I hate this suit.

You know what, I'm not even
too crazy about you either.

Come on,
let's beat this taco stand.

- Oh, where are we going?
- Out dancing.

- It's aerobic, it's romantic--
- And it's free.

- You got that right.
- You can't do this!

You'll never dance
in this town again!

Ah, Warren,
the very man I wanted to see.

Unh-unh, no refunds.

It's written on the back
of your contract

upheld in court.

State of New York versus Waxman.

I don't want a refund.

No, I wanna enroll
in the advanced hoofer's class.

See, it's this woman I'm dating.

She's already better than me

and she's enrolled
in more lessons.

That's a battle of the arms
race, only with feet really.

Hold that thought.
I'll get a pen.

Sure.

[instrumental music]

Billy, what are you doing here?

I'm doing some dance lessons.

Trying to keep up
with you actually.

Well, I'm,
I'm taking dance classes

to try to keep up with you.

- But I stink.
- So do I.

Oh, so you're saying
this is all nonsense?

We're doing all this
because I suggested

we go ballroom dancing?

I mean,
if I had suggested skydivin'

I'd be sailing myself
in a paper cup somewhere.

I, I can't believe
how ridiculous we are, Billy.

Yeah, maybe we should relax

and stop tryin' to impress
one another.

That's a good idea.

So how bad are you?

I'm not bad.
How bad are you?

Well, let's find out then.

Hey, pretty bad, aren't you?

Um, so are you.

Here we go, put
your John Hancock right here.

No, I've changed my mind
about that, Warren.

I don't think we'll need
the advance lessons anymore.

Are you crazy?

You're on the verge
of greatness.

You guys keep this up

and you're gonna be dancing
at auto shows.

In fact, with your talent
and $50,000

you could open up
your own

Warren Waxman International
House of Dance franchise!

[instrumental music]

[theme music]