All language subtitles for Head.Of.The.Class.S05E02_2

[theme music]

[bell ringing]

Good morning, geniuses!

What an incredible town this is.

The people are amazin'.

I was in the supermarket
this mornin'.

A blind guy comes in
with a seeing-eye dog

and he's swingin' it
around his head like this.

I said, "What are you doin'?"
He said, "Havin' a look around."

[laughing]

Oh, it was a joke.

- Hm.
- 'Very funny, Billy.'

- Oh, so what are you all doin'?
- Studying for midterms.

- They start Friday.
- I know that.

But I assumed you,
of all people, would be ready.

Oh, we're ready, but we're ready
for one of Mr. Moore's midterms.

We don't know what kind of test
you're gonna give us.

- Yeah.
- That's true, isn't it?

But I may be able to do you
a big favor here

by givin' you a sneak preview.

Three little essay questions.

The first one's sneaky,
the second one's tricky

the third one
is unbelievably difficult.

I don't even know
the answer myself.

I was hopin' you'd be able
to help me out here.

Will these be on the midterms?

No, but questions like them
will be on the midterms.

- Then forget it.
- Pardon?

I said I'm not taking the test.

- What?
- Alan?

Okay, but you'll be

depending very heavily

on the swimsuit portion
of the competition.

Uh, you can joke if you like.

Thank you.

Let me tell you something.

When you walked in here,
you were from Scotland.

I said, "That's okay,
'cause so is Sean Connery"

who played James Bond

who believed
in fair play and justice.

Sure he's bald, but so what?
I've always looked up to him.

Sean Connery wouldn't
come in here and give us

some stupid test
right before midterms.

He'd be out there taking care
of Goldfinger and Oddjob

and Dr. No.

So let me show you
what I think of your test.

[indistinct chatter]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Well, Alan, while you're
digestin' the questions

the rest of you can go on
with the test.

- Yeah.
- Listen..

This is just a warm-up exercise.

It won't appear on your record.

I'm not even gonna grade
this silly thing.

Oh. Ha-ha-ha!
No, I get it. Fine.

Sorry, I'm late.
Somebody broke in my locker.

I had to report it
to the office.

- Oh, horrible.
- Darlene, that's terrible.

- What'd they take?
- A couple of books.

A lipstick and some nail polish.

Mm, must've been
somebody getting ready

for a make-up exam.

You know, it's weird.
They were library books.

"An Economic Interpretation
Of The Constitution"

and "The Agony
Of The American Left."

Thanks, Darlene. We needed
those books for our midterm.

- That's right.
- Yeah, right.

Well, it's not my fault.

I can't believe that people
can just rip you off like that.

It's creepy.

So, Billy, did I miss anything?

Yeah, we're havin' a pop quiz.

- Alan ate his.
- He aced it?

No. He ate it.

[instrumental music]

(Billy)
Yes.

- Thank you.
- Um, sir.

I-I would like to apologize
for my attitude.

It's just that every test
is very crucial to me.

You see, I've got my eye
on the prize, as they say.

What prize?

(all)
Valedictorian.

If I get the highest
grade-point average

I get to make
the big graduation speech

I get the valedictory medal

and I get to wear
the purple tassel.

Ooh! The purple tassel.

Now I understand.

So you can see why I'm under

I'm under
a tremendous amount of pressure.

Ahem. I'm the pressure.

I'm this close to knocking
him off, and he knows it.

- Don't you, Alan?
- Get real, Darlene.

So what about the rest of you,
you're all

trailing in the dust
behind these two?

Arvid.

Oh, I got a D in woodshop.

I-I was trying
to make this breadboard

but somehow I used balsa wood,
so, well..

The board was easier to cut
than the bread.

[chuckling]

I know that I bought pine
for my breadboard

and somehow
it got switched for balsa.

I'm not mentioning any names.

That's ridiculous, Arvid.

Besides, I'm too busy watchin'
out for Mr. Dirty Tricks here.

Meanin'?

Meaning, if somebody wants

to find those library books

perhaps they should look
in your locker.

- Ooh.
- Darlene.

I've got better things to do

than to worry about
little Ms. First Runner-Up.

In your dreams, Alan.

Listen to you two.

Is it that important
to be a valedictorian?

Well, I know this is
a foreign concept to you

coming from a welfare state.

Oh!

But in America,
being number one

and winning something like
valedictorian is a great thing.

Oh, sure.
It must come in really handy.

No, I don't have a reservation

but I am a valedictorian,
you know?

Oh, certainly, monsieur.
Step this way.

You two,
get away from that table.

There's a valedictorian
in the room.

I need to speak
to the president right away.

I'm a valedictorian, you know?

Oh, Mr. Gorbachev,
could you hold, please?

There's a valedictorian
on the big red phone.

Oh, dammit!
We only have one heart left.

Who will we give it to?

Bishop Tutu
or the valedictorian?

[all laughing]

Good God, the ship is sinking!

Women, children
and valedictorians first!

Don't shoot me,
I'm a valedictorian!

No, you don't need
to wear a condom.

You're a valedictorian.

[laughing]

[bell ringing]

Get out of here.

- See you later, Billy.
- 'Bye, Billy.'

Hey, Alan. You okay?

Oh, sure. Why do you ask?

Oh, well, I made light of it,
but you did eat your test.

I mean, I've heard
of hunger for knowledge

but that's ridiculous.

[chuckles]
Oh, uh, that.

No.. I-I was kidding.

Humor is an important attribute
in a valedictorian.

Alan, achieving
the highest grade-point average

in the school
is a stunning achievement.

I just want you to know
that in your life

there will be greater things.

What could be greater?

Tsk. Oh, I don't know.

World peace, saving the whale,
havin' babies.

All sorts of things.
Just don't let it get to you.

Okay? Relax.

- Relax?
- Yeah.

Darlene, those books
are important to every student

in honors history

especially now

right before midterms.

Yes, but they were stolen
from my locker.

All I know is they're overdue

and I have people
waiting for them.

It's not fair.

Oh, Ms. Coleman,
what's that supposed to mean?

You know what I'm talking about.

You're keeping them away
from the others.

They were taken from my locker.

I didn't even get a chance
to read them yet.

[clicks tongue]
Well, you may get to be
valedictorian

but they'd better not ask me
for a character reference.

I can't work through
the Truman Doctrine.

- Who did those notes?
- That was Alan.

- Alan, Alan.
- Alan.

You got the notes
on the Truman Doctrine?

Uh, no.

What? Alan, we're in
a study group together.

We each took a book
and outlined it.

Are you sayin'
that you didn't do yours?

No, I'm sayin'
I'm not giving you my notes.

- What? We gave you ours!
- Yeah.

Well, I read your notes,
and frankly

I wasn't that impressed.

I don't see why I should
help you by providing you

with my excellent work
in exchange for your drivel.

- Drivel? Drivel?
- Relax.

Yes, I know what you're doing.

You don't wanna see me
be valedictorian

so you are deliberately
giving me second-rate work.

And so now I'm just gonna
have to go it alone.

Alan, you are only saying
these things

because you're under
a lot of stress.

I am not under stress!

What are you all lookin' at?

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

You can learn a great deal
about American culture

just by watchin' television.

Two hundred channels,
twenty-four hours a day

pumping out programs
and trying to sell ya stuff.

Well, I switched it on,
I saw a beautiful blond

selling stainless-steel
kitchen knives for $15.

I changed over,
and there's another man

trying to sell me eternal life
for $10.

I settled
for the kitchen knives.

The guarantee was much better.

Plus, they threw in
a melon baller.

And I don't like evangelists.
I never have.

They don't know enough
about heaven for me.

You watch any evangelist
in television

he knows the most minute details
about hell.

He knows every nook and cranny.

They're always on
about how awful hell is.

You can only assume they've been
given a guided tour.

[all laughing]

But when they start talkin'
about pornography

prostitution,
adultery, weird goings-on

and thumpings in the night
and motel rooms

you had better listen

because they are talkin'
from experience.

Where did they get all
the action? That's the miracle.

Look at Jim and Tammy Bakker.

Why doesn't she get him
out of jail?

She could easily smuggle in
a saw or a file

under her make-up.

Two-thousand years
of Christianity

in Europe.
What did they produce?

The most stunning
Gothic cathedrals

on the planet.

What did Jim and Tammy give you?

A water slide in North Carolina.

And people keep sendin'
the money!

That's the crazy thing.

If they could heal stupidity

they would be out of business
in the morning.

[bell ringing]

Oh, there we go.

Good luck with those midterms.
I know you can do it!

- Thanks a lot.
- Bye, Billy.

- See you later, Billy.
- Bye.

- Alan, how are you feelin'?
- Just great, sir.

Great, great, great, great,
great, great, great.

That's great.

[instrumental music]

- Alan.
- Sir?

What are you doin'?

Takin' a break. Why?

Well, first of all, there's
no smoking in the library.

Second of all, there's no
smoking in the entire school.

Third, smoking can kill you.

And fourth, you don't smoke.

What's your point?

Fifth, you have crib notes
written all over your matchbook

and the lid
of your flip-top box.

Why would you think that?

Because you also have them
on your belt

your shirt, your tie
and God knows where else.

That's ridiculous, I'm..
How could you tell?

I think it's the answer
to question six.

"Dry clean only."

[instrumental music]

[bell ringing]

Morning, geniuses!

- Morning, Billy.
- Good morning, Billy.

- Good morning, everyone.
- Yeah.

About what happened last Friday,
I would just like to say

I've never done anything
like that before

and, obviously,
will never do it again.

I would like to apologize
to everyone and to Billy

and say that I'm available
at your convenience

for a make-up test.

Well, now that we have that
behind us

uh, let's get on
with our work.

[indistinct chatter]

Alan, are you out of your mind?

- Yeah.
- 'Alan.'

- Why?
- "Why?"

You just cheated
on a midterm, man.

You've been cold busted.
If you play, you gotta pay.

- That's right, Alan.
- Yeah. I mean, come on, Billy.

What are you gonna do
about this, man?

No, no, the question isn't
what I'm gonna do about it.

What are you gonna do about it?

It's an automatic F.
It's an automatic F.

- Right?
- Right, right.

I could do that.
I might do that.

You're supposed to turn him in
to Dr. Samuels.

I could do that, too,
but first let us consider

who is the injured party here.

Is it me? Is it Dr. Samuels?

I'll tell you who
the injured party is. It's us.

He tried to gain
an unfair advantage over us.

- Yeah!
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.

All of you, what about me?

I'm the one
most affected by this.

I mean, if Alan gets to take
a make-up test

and then he gets to be
valedictorian by cheating

well, that would be...cheating!

You want cheating,
how about keeping

certain history books away

from all of the rest of us?

- 'Yes.'
- Yeah. That's true.

They were stolen
from my locker!

No. Stolen schmollen.

Okay, we've established
who the injured parties are.

Now you have to decide
what are you gonna do about him.

What are we supposed to do?
Have a trial here in class?

- Yeah.
- No, no, no.

You don't need to have a trial.
You already know he's guilty.

What you have to decide is
do I give him an automatic F?

Do I give him another midterm?

A jury of his peers
deciding his fate.

And the decision
must be unanimous.

I love it. Twelve angry nerds.

How about it, Alan,
are you gonna put yourself

in the hands of your classmates?

Well..

...I look around this room
and I see friends

whom I've known and loved
since kindergarten.

I see newer faces whom
I've welcomed with open arms

a-and I see classmates
who are ready to

well, forgive and forget.

You give me a rash, Alan.

- Yeah.
- Me, too.

Maybe I see a pack of wild dogs.

Aristotle, you are the foreman.

The defendant and I
will now leave the room.

Come on, Alan.

Okay, let's vote.

Are we gonna flunk him
or forgive him?

- Flunk.
- Flunk.

Forgive.

- Oh, come on..
- Simone, are you out of your..

What Alan did was,
well, I wouldn't do it

but it is understandable.

I mean, with all this pressure
and concentration

on getting good grades,
getting into college

getting ahead,
all the competition

it can make you crazy.

Get out of here. Listen, I got
all the problems that Alan does.

The pressure,
the after-school job

and a mother who drives me
like a Roman chariot.

Alex..

[speaking in foreign language]

Straight As.

Hey, I deal with that,
and I don't cheat.

However, I do fool around.

Come on, guys.
How about a little compassion?

Simone has got a point.

I mean, Alan just freaked out

about this valedictorian thing.

And who wouldn't, with Darlene
in your face all the time?

Oh, cry me a river, Viki.

Yeah? Well, I change my vote.

I say we give him
another chance.

[clamoring]

Hey, hey, hey, nine to two

in favor of flunking him.

[clamoring]

You know,
I've never seen anyone

botching up an attempt
to cheating as badly as you did

with the possible exception
of Gary Hart.

Remember, he was
the Democrat's big star.

Everybody was countin' on him
to beat George Bush.

So what did he do?

He went to the Bahamas

and had a picture taken
in a saloon

with his girlfriend on his knee,
a drink in his hand

and T-shirt that said
"Monkey Business."

What does that tell you?

Vote Republican?

[clamoring]

Come on, come on, come on now.

Now, hey, I-I've never cheated,
but I'll tell you this.

If I wanted to cheat, I could
come up with ways so ingenious

they haven't even invented the
technology that could catch me.

Well, I could catch you, Dennis.

Oh, yeah?

You sure didn't catch me
in sixth grade

when I copied all your..

- I'll change my vote.
- Oh, Dennis. You, too?

You know, you know what,
if I can put up

with these years
of being backstabbed

and bamboozled by Dennis

I can forgive Alan
this one mistake.

- Oh!
- 'Okay, hey.'

- Seven to four.
- 'Alright.'

I wanna change my vote, too.

- Jasper, why?
- Why?

- You cheated?
- Almost.

Once I was sick and I missed
a couple of weeks of chemistry

and I needed an A, and, well

I wrote all the atomic weights
on my sneakers.

Unfortunately,
I wore them to my French test.

'After that I changed my mind.
I didn't do it.'

But I came close.
I think Alan was kinda like me.

- Only, he went too far.
- Yeah.

Jasper's got a point,
I wanna change my vote

but only if I don't have
to share a personal story.

(Darlene)
'Oh, my God, Eric.'

Alright, six to five
in favor of forgiveness.

Come on, what's the matter
with you people?

Alan cheated. Now, I--

- Excuse me, Darlene.
- One minute, Ms. Meara.

Now, I know
that I play hardball

but at least I play fair.

Oh-ho! Fair?

You kept those history books

away from all of us
with some cockamamie story

about somebody stealing them!

- Excuse me.
- One minute, Ms. Meara.

And I know, in here,
you sabotaged my breadboard!

Arvid, who cares
about your stupid breadboard?

People with bread
not yet sliced!

Arvid, I did not stash
those books!

It was obviously Alan!

- You mean, these books?
- Yes, those books! Oh..

We found your book back
in the girls' bathroom, Darlene.

I'm sorry, your make-up's gone,
but the library books are here.

- Thank you, Ms. Meara.
- Mm-hmm.

Now, behave.

[chuckles]
Darlene, uh

I'm sorry about the books,
not the breadboard.

Yeah, sorry.
I guess I freaked out, too.

- 'Sorry.'
- Sorry, Darlene.

I just assumed that it was Alan.

I mean, I'm as guilty
as anybody else.

See, it's the pressure.
It can get to all of us.

- I change my vote.
- Alright!

Well, that's nice, Darlene.

But that still
doesn't make it unanimous.

- 'Oh.'
- Come on.

You know, there are people
who think that Gary Hart

was so frightened to the
prospect of being president

that he subconsciously
wanted to get caught.

His method was just
a bit more fun than yours.

- Than mine?
- Yeah.

You wanted out, so in order
to get a bit of relief

you did the unspeakable.

You really think
I wanted to fail?

No, I don't think
you wanted to fail

but I do think
you wanted a rest.

You were tired of the rat race.

And you're not very good
at being a rat, are you?

Anyway, for what it's worth

I hope they give you
a second chance

because I don't think
you'll do it again.

But then,
it's not up to me, is it?

It's up to them.

[door opens]

You can come in now.

Well, have you reached
a verdict?

We've decided unanimously

to give Alan a second chance

and for you to give him
a make-up exam.

Oh, thank you! Thank you!

But, but, but, Alan,
we've also decided

that even though you do have
the highest grades

we still don't think
you should be valedictorian

because we don't feel
that you're good enough

to represent the best of us.

- 'That's right. Mm-hmm.'
- What?

Not be valedictorian?

- We want you to withdraw.
- 'That's right.'

- Withdraw?
- Yeah, Alan.

What a relief, eh, Alan?

Yeah, sure. Some relief.

Some relief knowing
I'm not gonna be..

Well, actually,
it feels great!

Well, it doesn't feel great,
it-it feels pretty good.

Actually, it is a relief.

Yeah, Alan, I'm relieved, too.

Now I'm a shoo-in
for valedictorian.

- Oh..
- Oh, I don't know, Darlene.

I just checked
our grade-point averages

and I'm only one-tenth
of a point behind you.

[indistinct chatter]

Well, Sarah. Sarah, Sarah.

You're not actually going
to compete with me, are you?

Oh, you know me, Darlene.
I just do my best.

You people are amazing.

I have never seen
such compassion

and Solomon-like wisdom
in the pursuit of justice.

What do you say, as a project,
we all go and get on a plane

and go and solve
Northern Islands?

- Yeah!
- South Africa!

- Yeah!
- South Korea!

- Yeah!
- South Bronx!

(all)
'Yeah.'

[theme music]