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1
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[theme music]
2
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[indistinct chatter]
3
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Morning, Mr. Moore..
4
00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:20,023
What is wrong with me?
5
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When am I gonna get it through
my head that he's gone?
6
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Get used to it, Dennis.
The man took a hike.
7
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[scoffs]
Simone, isn't that
a little much?
8
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He's not dead.
He just got an acting job.
9
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I guess you don't wanna
hear my poem then, huh?
10
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[all groaning]
11
00:00:39,581 --> 00:00:43,251
- Hey, guys, what's up?
- You don't know?
12
00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:46,463
- Know what?
- Jasper was absent on Friday.
13
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Mr. Moore is history.
14
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- I know that.
- Oh, no, Jasper.
15
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You don't understand. Mr. Moore
is not coming back. Ever.
16
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Yeah. He's quit teaching.
17
00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:58,137
He's starring
in a low-budget musical.
18
00:00:58,183 --> 00:01:00,313
"Seven Brides For One Brother."
19
00:01:00,351 --> 00:01:02,151
Stop it, Eric.
Jasper, it's true.
20
00:01:02,187 --> 00:01:03,767
He got the lead
in the road company
21
00:01:03,813 --> 00:01:05,113
of "Death Of A Salesman."
22
00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:08,318
Yeah, Mr. Moore told us
about it Friday, after class.
23
00:01:08,359 --> 00:01:10,149
He wrote each of us a letter.
24
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- I kept yours for you.
- Thanks.
25
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Mr. Moore had such
a beautiful soul.
26
00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:16,834
He wrote something special
for each one of us.
27
00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:18,288
- 'Mm-hmm.'
- Oh, special.
28
00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:21,708
He told me not to get
discouraged about my love life.
29
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What's so special about that?
I had more dates than he did.
30
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Yeah, but he knew
what to do with his.
31
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[all laughing]
32
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(Aristotle)
'That's pretty cool now..'
33
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Aw, this is nice.
34
00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:39,969
"Jasper, it was a pleasure and
a challenge to be your teacher.
35
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"And like the rest of the kids
in the IHP
36
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"you were also my teacher.
37
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Best wishes."
38
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Oh, yeah, yeah. See?
A-a pleasure and a challenge.
39
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:51,358
I bet it took him all of ten
seconds to think that one up.
40
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Hey, come on, Arvid, your little
put downs at Mr. Moore
41
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are starting to bug me, now,
the man wanted to take a shot
42
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at an acting career,
and I wish him well.
43
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Yeah, so what did he say to you,
Dennis?
44
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Well, he said a few things.
45
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Like...good riddance?
46
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[bell rings]
47
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[clattering]
48
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Is this room 19, IHP?
49
00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:17,469
- Yes.
- Yeah.
50
00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:19,312
I'm Billy MacGregor.
51
00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:21,468
I'm your new teacher!
52
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[instrumental music]
53
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Yeah, the people in this town
54
00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:31,943
really know how to steal,
don't they?
55
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The two filthy buggers
who ripped off my wheels
56
00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:37,409
were absolutely brilliant at it.
57
00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:40,328
I was in a hotdog stand
havin' my breakfast.
58
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A guy came up and said,
"Could I have any spare change?"
59
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I mean, spare change?
I'm Scottish!
60
00:02:45,456 --> 00:02:47,996
There's no such
thing as spare change.
61
00:02:48,042 --> 00:02:50,212
So, I'm just explainin'
it to the guy.
62
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His friend comes around
behind me and steals my wheels.
63
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Sickening, but brilliant!
64
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No, wait, wait, wait,
you're saying
65
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,969
you don't believe
in spare change?
66
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,894
- No.
- Ha-ha-ha!
67
00:03:02,932 --> 00:03:05,692
We're off to a shaky start.
68
00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:07,687
Hold on, wait a minute,
Dr. Samuels
69
00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:09,019
said you went to Oxford.
70
00:03:09,063 --> 00:03:10,023
I did go to Oxford.
71
00:03:10,064 --> 00:03:11,274
So how come you don't have
one of those
72
00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:12,356
phony English accents?
73
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:14,860
Ah, I do have
a phony English accent.
74
00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:16,283
Would you like to hear it?
75
00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:17,571
- Ha-ha.
- Yeah.
76
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:20,164
Oh, there you are! Ha-ha!
77
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Mr. MacGregor!
78
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,538
Dr. Samuels, I presume.
79
00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:26,458
Absolutely charmed, old chap.
80
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MacGregor's the name.
William C. MacGregor.
81
00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:30,709
B-A-M-A-L-F-W.
82
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- L-F-W?
- Yes, late for work.
83
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:36,380
Bit of bother
with the old bicycle, sir.
84
00:03:36,424 --> 00:03:38,054
- Dreadfully sorry.
- I see.
85
00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:40,852
Let me extend you
a warm welcome, sir.
86
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I know my honors history class
is in good hands.
87
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Carry on!
88
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Great phony English accent, sir.
89
00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:55,903
- Thank you.
- Mr. MacGregor?
90
00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:57,954
Oh, Billy. Call me Billy.
91
00:03:57,987 --> 00:03:59,067
- Billy?
- 'Yeah.'
92
00:03:59,113 --> 00:04:00,453
Everybody, let me hear ya.
93
00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:01,450
(all)
Billy!
94
00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:03,371
And now your names, please?
95
00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:07,829
Okay, got it.
Darlene, what were you saying?
96
00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:09,752
On behalf of the class,
I'd like to welcome you
97
00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:11,421
and say that
we're really looking forward
98
00:04:11,459 --> 00:04:12,539
to working with you.
99
00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:13,835
That's lovely, you look like
100
00:04:13,878 --> 00:04:15,168
an interesting bunch to me.
101
00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:18,053
Oh, I love New York people.
Such energy!
102
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,471
Yeah, well, sorry
you met the wrong
103
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,219
kind of people
on your first day.
104
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,551
Hey, gimme their description
and maybe
105
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I can get your wheels back.
106
00:04:24,138 --> 00:04:24,968
[scoffs]
107
00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:26,854
T.J. will get your wheels back,
alright
108
00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:28,811
and a written apology.
109
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I would hate for you to think
this town is too scary.
110
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Oh, it's scary.
But it's great, isn't it?
111
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So, what do we do now?
112
00:04:36,192 --> 00:04:38,192
- Uh, take attendance?
- Sure.
113
00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:40,406
- Everybody here?
- Everybody's here.
114
00:04:40,446 --> 00:04:42,446
Great. What's next?
115
00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:44,450
You know what?
I-I like his attitude.
116
00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:47,372
Y-you know, we're gonna
get along just fine.
117
00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:49,252
Excuse me, Mr. MacGregor?
118
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,079
Billy. Call me Billy.
119
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,044
- Come in, come in, come in.
- Thank you.
120
00:04:53,084 --> 00:04:54,294
I'm Bernadette Meara.
121
00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:55,245
I'm your vice principal.
122
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,415
I don't suppose
you'd care to be
123
00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:58,212
my principal vice, would ya?
124
00:04:58,256 --> 00:04:59,466
[all gasping]
125
00:04:59,507 --> 00:05:01,377
Hi-yo!
126
00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:05,256
Um.. Mr. MacGregor..
127
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:08,265
...this is, uh, your package
from Dr. Samuels.
128
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,518
It has you W4, your S2.
129
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,850
The board of education
regulations, your pension plan.
130
00:05:12,895 --> 00:05:15,765
Your medical plan, your dental
plan, your attendance book
131
00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:18,395
and your lunch room
assignment schedule.
132
00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:20,573
Thank you, you seem
to have everything here.
133
00:05:20,611 --> 00:05:22,411
Everything except
your phone number.
134
00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:23,987
Why my phone number?
135
00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:25,662
Why? Do you have a mirror?
136
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:27,830
You are stunning, that's why.
137
00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:29,909
You are fantastic.
138
00:05:29,954 --> 00:05:31,124
Oh!
139
00:05:32,081 --> 00:05:33,621
Well, uh..
140
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:36,840
I, uh, I got, you know..
141
00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,878
Got a lotta stuff to do.
142
00:05:38,921 --> 00:05:40,631
[thud]
143
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:47,604
Isn't she great?
144
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,310
Anyway, I'm your
new history teacher.
145
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:54,483
And I'm from Scotland.
146
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:56,480
I suppose you all know
where Scotland is.
147
00:05:56,522 --> 00:05:58,482
- Yeah, I've been there.
- Did you enjoy it?
148
00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:00,824
No, I didn't really like it.
It rained.
149
00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:03,240
Of course it rained.
That's what Scotland does.
150
00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:04,489
It rains on people.
151
00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:08,030
If you wanna go somewhere
it never rains, go to Libya.
152
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,786
[laughs]
153
00:06:10,828 --> 00:06:12,958
"Go to Libya!"
154
00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:16,705
Uh, excuse me, but I don't
really think this is very fair.
155
00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:18,171
- Well, what isn't fair?
- Well..
156
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,211
I just don't see the sense
in a guy comin' all the way here
157
00:06:20,254 --> 00:06:22,174
from Scotland to teach us
about history.
158
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,465
Especially, American history.
159
00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:25,968
Okay, why don't you teach me
American history?
160
00:06:26,010 --> 00:06:28,550
For instance, we could start,
maybe somebody could tell me
161
00:06:28,596 --> 00:06:29,676
who was Uncle Sam?
162
00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:31,312
He is a character
in stripped pants
163
00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:32,429
a top hat and a white beard
164
00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,225
that personifies
the United States.
165
00:06:34,268 --> 00:06:37,228
But who was he?
166
00:06:37,271 --> 00:06:39,401
Where did he come from?
167
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:40,530
I'll give you a little hint.
168
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♪ Dee dee deedle deedle ♪
169
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,985
♪ Dee dee deedle deedle ♪♪
170
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- Libya!
- Exactly.
171
00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:50,739
He was one of the first
kilted Libyans.
172
00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:52,745
Samuel Wilson, supplier of meat
173
00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:55,827
to the US Army
during the war of 1812.
174
00:06:55,873 --> 00:06:58,633
And of course,
American history is littered
175
00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:01,878
with amazing Americans
of Scottish ancestry.
176
00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:03,381
Isn't it, Billy?
Of course it is.
177
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,093
Name several. Certainly.
178
00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:08,433
'Thomas Edison, Edgar Allan Poe'
179
00:07:08,469 --> 00:07:11,509
Ulysses S. Grant, Patrick Henry
180
00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:13,386
Andrew Jackson, not to mention
181
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:16,063
the Average White Band
and Rod Stewart.
182
00:07:16,894 --> 00:07:19,524
Oh, that's wonderful! Why..
He showed you, Dennis.
183
00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:20,864
You showed him.
184
00:07:20,898 --> 00:07:22,108
So, where did you leave off
185
00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:24,030
with this other, a Mister..
186
00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:25,278
Moore, Charles Moore.
187
00:07:25,319 --> 00:07:28,279
Finest history teacher ever
to sit at that desk.
188
00:07:28,322 --> 00:07:30,282
Piffle.
189
00:07:30,324 --> 00:07:33,204
We were studying the recent
changes in Eastern Europe.
190
00:07:33,244 --> 00:07:34,334
Ah! Eastern Europe.
191
00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:35,910
Well, the thing about
Eastern Europe is..
192
00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:38,535
For 45 years,
take Poland for instance..
193
00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:39,963
...under the heel of Russia..
194
00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:41,211
Russian tanks, Russian army
195
00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:43,342
Russian secret service
everywhere, people want freedom.
196
00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:44,839
But they don't know
what freedom is.
197
00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:47,471
But what they think it is,
is cabbage soup sucks.
198
00:07:47,508 --> 00:07:50,008
Right, so then all of the
sudden, there's demonstrations
199
00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:52,352
going down the street,
very ordinary people
200
00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:53,808
lead by a shipyard electrician.
201
00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:55,728
"We want freedom!
We want freedom!
202
00:07:55,766 --> 00:07:57,766
"No more cabbage soup!
No more beetroot!
203
00:07:57,810 --> 00:07:59,480
We want freedom!
We want freedom!"
204
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:00,690
They say,
"Sure, here's the keys.
205
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:02,110
Freedom's yours."
They go, "What?"
206
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:04,108
And it spreads like a rash
throughout Europe.
207
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:07,990
Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania,
Czechoslovakia, Romania
208
00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:10,569
and eventually gets
to East Germany.
209
00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:11,735
"Freedom! Freedom!"
210
00:08:11,782 --> 00:08:13,742
They say, "Sure, have a hammer.
Knock the wall down."
211
00:08:13,784 --> 00:08:15,294
Bang! The wall falls down.
212
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:16,868
And all the East Germans
run through.
213
00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:19,673
"Hurray!" It was like
a tidal wave of bad denim.
214
00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:22,537
The West Germans said,
"Welcome! Welcome! Wel.."
215
00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:25,585
They ran straight past them
and into the stores.
216
00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:27,220
Bought new jeans, Sony Walkman
217
00:08:27,256 --> 00:08:29,006
and ran back through
the hole in the wall.
218
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:30,760
The West Germans said,
"Where are you goin'?"
219
00:08:30,801 --> 00:08:32,351
They said, "I'm goin' home,
I live here."
220
00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:35,346
They said, "What about freedom?"
They said, "I've got it, man."
221
00:08:35,389 --> 00:08:37,139
[laughing]
222
00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:39,772
Strange things
started to happen.
223
00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:41,650
Kurt Waldheim's
memory came back.
224
00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:43,977
"Ah, yes. I remember what
I was doing in 1942.
225
00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:46,823
I didn't remember till I put
the boots and the hat on."
226
00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:47,859
[laughing]
227
00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:49,652
[mimicking marching troops]
228
00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:52,365
Ah! Dr. Samuels,
how pleasant to see you.
229
00:08:52,406 --> 00:08:54,076
Can I help you?
230
00:08:54,116 --> 00:08:55,366
Pardon the interruption.
231
00:08:55,409 --> 00:08:57,539
But, uh,
this was left for me, uh..
232
00:08:57,578 --> 00:09:00,538
It's a letter from, uh,
Mr. Moore to his replacement.
233
00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:03,041
- That's you.
- Thank you.
234
00:09:03,834 --> 00:09:05,464
Well..
235
00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:08,342
No reply, you may go.
236
00:09:09,298 --> 00:09:11,338
Well, uh, okay, uh..
237
00:09:11,842 --> 00:09:12,932
Carry on.
238
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:15,009
[instrumental music]
239
00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:18,144
We were talking about
the Berlin Wall.
240
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,272
In my bag I have..
241
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:24,306
...a piece of it.
242
00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:25,515
- 'Wow!'
- 'Whoa!'
243
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:26,645
- Alright!
- Check it out!
244
00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:29,571
This used to represent
communism.
245
00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:32,360
Now, it represents capitalism.
246
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:33,565
Alright, hold it right there.
247
00:09:33,614 --> 00:09:36,284
How does the Berlin Wall
represent capitalism?
248
00:09:36,325 --> 00:09:38,485
I'm sellin' it for 50 bucks.
249
00:09:40,621 --> 00:09:43,501
I would like you to read
Timothy Garton Ash's essays.
250
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:45,671
And give me five hundred words
on the subject
251
00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:46,960
by the end of the week, please.
252
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:49,093
[bell ringing]
253
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:53,760
And tomorrow, we'll discuss how
to get rid of that bloody bell.
254
00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:55,891
- What's your problem?
- What?
255
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,428
Mr. Moore's chair's
not even cold yet
256
00:09:57,471 --> 00:10:00,141
and you're sucking up
to this, this interloper
257
00:10:00,182 --> 00:10:01,232
like there's no tomorrow.
258
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:02,517
You know, Dennis,
what's your problem?
259
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,310
We finally get a teacher
who's perfect for you.
260
00:10:04,353 --> 00:10:06,063
He shows up late,
doesn't take attendance
261
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:07,265
wants us to call him Billy.
262
00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:09,685
And he's fun.
What more do you want?
263
00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:11,114
Yeah, you're right, Arv,
I haven't been
264
00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:12,362
too friendly so far.
265
00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:13,403
I'll take care of that.
266
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:14,446
- Just a minute.
- Good.
267
00:10:14,488 --> 00:10:17,488
- Dennis?
- Just relax.
268
00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:23,792
You know, Billy, if you really
wanna get down sometime
269
00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:26,081
we-we could take
in the planetarium.
270
00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:30,246
I'm a member.
271
00:10:35,176 --> 00:10:37,136
I thought you might be.
272
00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:39,854
We'll talk.
273
00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:45,015
Uh, hey, listen,
about those bicycle wheels.
274
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:46,601
I think I know where
you can get some new ones.
275
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,186
Hey, I was just wonderin'
about that.
276
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:50,070
Yeah, it's.. I'm not sure
the name of the place
277
00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:51,527
but it's at Grandon Canal.
278
00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:52,567
- Grandon Canal?
- Yeah.
279
00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:55,240
Right by the Holland Tunnel.
280
00:10:55,279 --> 00:10:57,949
What, there's a tunnel
all the way to Holland?
281
00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:01,156
That's better than the Concord.
282
00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:05,406
- It's a joke.
- Oh, ha-ha, yeah.
283
00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:13,511
Okay, Arv, I made nice
with the new teacher, you happy?
284
00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:16,507
Yes, I am.
And did you apologize to him?
285
00:11:16,550 --> 00:11:19,890
No, no, I just, uh, gave him
a little friendly advice.
286
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:22,559
Oh.. About what?
287
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:26,596
Just, uh, about where
to get some new bicycle wheels.
288
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:28,064
- Stanley's?
- No, no, no.
289
00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:32,024
I sent him down to, uh,
Grandon Canal, near the tunnel.
290
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:33,725
N-near the tunnel?
291
00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:37,106
Dennis, are you crazy?
RoboCop wouldn't go there.
292
00:11:37,738 --> 00:11:38,948
I know. It's a little joke.
293
00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:41,159
I told him he'd find
an all-night bicycle shop there.
294
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:42,870
How could you do
a thing like that?
295
00:11:42,910 --> 00:11:44,540
Hey, if he's gonna take
Mr. Moore's place
296
00:11:44,578 --> 00:11:46,248
let's see if he's got
a sense of humor.
297
00:11:46,288 --> 00:11:48,288
Oh, about what? Murder?
298
00:11:49,166 --> 00:11:50,706
You were supposed to be
nice to him!
299
00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:51,791
I am being nice.
300
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:53,956
I'm teachin' him about life
in the big city.
301
00:11:54,004 --> 00:11:55,764
Hm, yeah, yeah.
Well, I'm gonna tell him.
302
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:58,428
Arvid, don't, come on.
Nothing's gonna happen to him.
303
00:11:58,467 --> 00:12:00,797
Let's go. We're gonna be late
for physics. Let's go.
304
00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:03,925
[instrumental music]
305
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:05,812
[instrumental music]
306
00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:08,140
What is the big deal?
The guy is a no-show.
307
00:12:08,185 --> 00:12:09,395
I say we start without him.
308
00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:10,437
I say, we start with you
309
00:12:10,479 --> 00:12:11,979
telling everybody
wh-what a scummy thing
310
00:12:12,022 --> 00:12:13,362
you did to a really neat guy.
311
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:16,149
- Come on, fess up, Dennis.
- What'd you do, Dennis?
312
00:12:16,193 --> 00:12:18,953
He is new in town.
He needed bicycle wheels.
313
00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:20,948
I told him where to get some.
314
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:23,450
And where might that be?
315
00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:25,582
Well, South of Houston,
near the tunnel.
316
00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:26,829
- Are you crazy?
- What?
317
00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:29,331
Hey, I wouldn't send
my worst enemy there.
318
00:12:29,373 --> 00:12:30,623
At night!
319
00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:33,539
Dennis, why'd you pull a stunt
like that?
320
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,796
Yeah, Dennis,
that's low even for you.
321
00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:37,008
Look, if he can't take the heat
322
00:12:37,047 --> 00:12:38,717
he oughta just get out
of the kitchen.
323
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,968
Oh, excuse me, excuse me.
324
00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:43,600
The poor man comes over here
from Scotland
325
00:12:43,637 --> 00:12:46,717
can't even speak the language.
326
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,976
A total stranger
in a hostile environment.
327
00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:50,558
Hostile? Hostile?
328
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,483
Everybody in this room's
been kissin' up to him
329
00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:54,691
ever since he walked
through that door!
330
00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:56,612
I'm the only one here
who's had the guts
331
00:12:56,650 --> 00:12:57,990
to make him try
and prove himself.
332
00:12:58,027 --> 00:13:00,487
Aw, we have not been
kissing up to him.
333
00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:02,659
- Oh, you're the worst one.
- I am not!
334
00:13:02,698 --> 00:13:04,408
I-I've been courteous but aloof.
335
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:05,740
[scoffs]
336
00:13:06,410 --> 00:13:09,000
Ah, you waited for me. Good.
337
00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:10,708
He's alive!
338
00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:12,248
You're alive!
339
00:13:13,417 --> 00:13:15,667
Ha-ha, I wanted to tell you!
340
00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:17,341
I tried to tell you!
341
00:13:17,379 --> 00:13:18,959
Tell me what?
342
00:13:19,965 --> 00:13:21,255
Nothing.
343
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:22,801
Are you alright?
344
00:13:22,843 --> 00:13:23,723
[clamoring]
345
00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:25,431
You, uh, got your wheels.
346
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:28,181
- Yeah, thanks, Dennis.
- How?
347
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:31,274
It was an unbelievable
experience.
348
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:34,690
For some reason, the taxi
drivers wouldn't take me there.
349
00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:36,190
So, I had to take a bus.
350
00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:38,232
The bus driver
was the nicest guy.
351
00:13:38,275 --> 00:13:42,655
He slowed down enough at
Canal Street to let me jump off.
352
00:13:42,696 --> 00:13:44,486
What an excitin' neighborhood
353
00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:46,582
that had been zoned for mayhem.
354
00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:47,737
A guy came runnin' up to me.
355
00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:50,825
He offered me a $10,000
diamond pinky ring
356
00:13:50,871 --> 00:13:54,081
for 50 bucks
with the pinky still in it.
357
00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:55,544
Ugh.
358
00:13:55,584 --> 00:13:58,924
Suddenly, there's sirens
and police cars
359
00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:00,463
and gunshot everywhere.
360
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,256
I was in the middle
of a gunfight.
361
00:14:02,299 --> 00:14:03,629
It was brilliant!
362
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,136
I flopped onto my belly
363
00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:07,097
and I crawled into a doorway.
364
00:14:07,137 --> 00:14:09,677
It was a bicycle shop!
365
00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:11,313
I got my wheels!
366
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:12,560
The police gave me a run home.
367
00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:14,651
They said I'm never
to come back there.
368
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:16,607
So I'm glad my wheels
are the right size
369
00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:19,857
because I can't exchange
them now, can I?
370
00:14:20,442 --> 00:14:23,322
Okay. Eastern Europe.
371
00:14:24,488 --> 00:14:28,158
Yugoslavia is
a relatively small country
372
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,750
made up of seven
even smaller countries.
373
00:14:31,787 --> 00:14:33,207
Slovenia, Croatia..
374
00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:34,707
You really got lucky
this time, Dennis.
375
00:14:34,748 --> 00:14:36,578
This could have been
a major tragedy.
376
00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:38,085
You know what?
You're the major tragedy.
377
00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:40,417
With all your kissin' up!
What's gotten into you?
378
00:14:40,462 --> 00:14:42,882
I-I just would hate to see,
arguably, the finest teacher
379
00:14:42,923 --> 00:14:45,633
I've ever been associated with
killed after one day.
380
00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:47,676
What, for anything..
Are you outta your mind?
381
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:48,970
Am I out of my mind..
382
00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:50,263
Hey! Hey!
383
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:51,846
Hey!
384
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:55,808
- Sorry, sir.
- Thank you.
385
00:14:56,812 --> 00:14:59,442
- And thank you.
- No problem.
386
00:14:59,481 --> 00:15:02,111
Okay, Herzegovina.
387
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:04,571
Kiss, kiss, kiss,
kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss.
388
00:15:05,237 --> 00:15:07,197
[instrumental music]
389
00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:09,239
Well, we're almost
at the end of the class here.
390
00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:12,583
And I want you to know
I'm havin' a really good time.
391
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:14,620
I know I'm throwin' lots
of work at you.
392
00:15:14,663 --> 00:15:16,873
Am I going too fast? Too slow?
393
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,076
Too Scottish.
394
00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:19,075
(Billy)
'Oh!'
395
00:15:19,126 --> 00:15:20,246
[indistinct chatter]
396
00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:23,014
No, no, no, no.
In fact, I was thinking, sir.
397
00:15:23,047 --> 00:15:24,877
You know, I was gonna
major in math
398
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:28,014
but...you make history
come alive for me.
399
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:32,812
In fact, I-I-I'm thinking
of changing my major to history!
400
00:15:32,848 --> 00:15:35,808
Alright. That's it.
401
00:15:35,851 --> 00:15:37,851
I have had it up to here
402
00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:41,855
with your nauseating,
sycophantic, toadying
403
00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:43,319
brown-nosin' baloney!
404
00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:44,529
You make me sick, Arvid!
405
00:15:44,568 --> 00:15:46,528
W-w-well, if you don't like it,
you know what you can do!
406
00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:48,240
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm just
the guy who might do it!
407
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:52,080
Okay, that's it!
Both of you, outside!
408
00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:54,618
You mean the hallway?
409
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,245
Yes!
410
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,170
Is this guy great or what?
411
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:01,749
Dennis, he's only
been here two days.
412
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:04,134
He's already asking us
into the hallway.
413
00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:06,671
Dennis, the man cares!
414
00:16:06,715 --> 00:16:08,125
The man is not going with you.
415
00:16:08,175 --> 00:16:10,385
You started it,
you two finish it.
416
00:16:10,427 --> 00:16:11,427
Out!
417
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:14,640
You see, Arvid?
The man doesn't care.
418
00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:16,642
Care, doesn't care.
Who cares?
419
00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:18,444
Outside!
420
00:16:21,563 --> 00:16:23,403
- Are they always like this?
- Mm.
421
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:25,280
- Yeah.
- Yup.
422
00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:28,567
I get it, he sent us out here
to solve our own problems.
423
00:16:28,612 --> 00:16:30,862
Something that-that
Mr. Moore would never do.
424
00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:33,276
This guy trusts our judgment.
425
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:35,445
Yeah, exactly.
The guy is a yo-yo!
426
00:16:35,494 --> 00:16:40,174
[scoffs]
Oh, that's a joke coming from
Mr. Borderline Psychotic here.
427
00:16:40,207 --> 00:16:42,837
Where is your loyalty
to Mr. Moore?
428
00:16:42,876 --> 00:16:43,746
Loyalty?
429
00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:45,304
"Dear, Arvid. Got a part
in a play. Got to go."
430
00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:46,337
"Got to go?"
431
00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:49,050
Why should I be loyal to him?
He wasn't loyal to me.
432
00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:51,051
Oh, and because of that you're
just gonna forget all about him
433
00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:53,393
and buddy-up to this
Loch Ness Monster?
434
00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,179
Well, that's fine, Arvid!
You do that.
435
00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:56,812
But I'll tell you somethin',
I'm not a pushover like you.
436
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,889
And I got a lot more laughs
in store for this guy.
437
00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:01,564
Yeah, well, you'll have to get
past me first, pal.
438
00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:04,113
Oh, oh, big problem.
439
00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:05,938
Hey!
440
00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:08,033
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
441
00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:09,698
- Yeah? Yeah?
- Yeah. Yeah.
442
00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:11,527
- Yeah? Yeah?
- Yeah.
443
00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:15,164
- I'm not kidding! Ow!
- Hey!
444
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:16,910
- Ow! Ow! Let go!
- I told you, Dennis, I told..
445
00:17:16,952 --> 00:17:19,042
- Ow! Ow! Ow!
- Oh, let go, let go.
446
00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:21,039
- I'm not kidding!
- Ow! Ow!
447
00:17:21,081 --> 00:17:23,711
- Don't make me hurt you!
- I'm not kidding around!
448
00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:25,341
Boys! Boys!
449
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:33,343
- Oh, let go!
- You let go! You let go!
450
00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:34,885
[clears throat]
451
00:17:36,555 --> 00:17:38,345
Would you like me
to break this up?
452
00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:39,560
- Please.
- Yeah.
453
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:40,890
Break it up.
454
00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:44,403
Shall we?
455
00:17:44,980 --> 00:17:46,570
[sighs]
456
00:17:49,276 --> 00:17:51,196
Now..
457
00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:52,986
...what's it all about?
458
00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:54,874
- Nothing.
- Nothing.
459
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:58,367
"Nothing?" That ferocious,
knock-down, drag out
460
00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:00,200
Pete's sakes, blood-letting
brawl was--
461
00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:03,075
- Yeah, I get your point, yes.
- Alright, I know what it was.
462
00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:06,247
It must be about something.
463
00:18:06,293 --> 00:18:08,053
I was defending you,
if you must know.
464
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:08,997
[scoffs]
465
00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:11,546
I'm perfectly capable
of defending myself.
466
00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:12,670
- But thank you.
- Yeah.
467
00:18:12,716 --> 00:18:14,126
Well, Dennis here
has it in for you.
468
00:18:14,176 --> 00:18:16,386
I am trying to show
a little loyalty
469
00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:18,308
to the man whose shoes
you're trying to fill.
470
00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:19,637
- There, I said it, okay?
- Yeah.
471
00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:20,811
Those were track shoes, Dennis.
472
00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:22,019
He ran out on us!
473
00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:24,229
But we got lucky.
We got a better teacher.
474
00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:25,689
[chuckles]
475
00:18:26,563 --> 00:18:27,563
I get it.
476
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:30,776
You guys are Basil and Ernie.
477
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,744
- Who?
- Two friends of mine.
478
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:38,449
Their wives both left them
on the same day for each other.
479
00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:43,907
Basil swore he would hate
all women forever.
480
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:46,786
Ernie rushed out,
married the first one he met.
481
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:49,884
Both made grave mistakes.
482
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:51,710
Which brings me to my point.
483
00:18:51,755 --> 00:18:53,585
(both)
Which is?
484
00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:57,052
You haven't known me long enough
to hate me that much.
485
00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:58,434
And you haven't known me
long enough
486
00:18:58,470 --> 00:19:00,810
to like me that much.
487
00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:02,468
So, what's goin' on?
488
00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:05,309
Well, look
489
00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:08,192
i-it's just that Mr. Moore
was always draggin' me
490
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:11,190
out into the hallway
to lecture me and..
491
00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:14,437
Listen to what he wrote.
492
00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:18,874
"We've had our differences.
493
00:19:18,907 --> 00:19:21,867
"But you're one of my
favorite people, Dennis.
494
00:19:21,910 --> 00:19:24,790
"Virtuous enough to stay
out of serious trouble
495
00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:27,710
"but just rotten enough
to be interesting.
496
00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:30,037
"Don't change.
497
00:19:30,085 --> 00:19:32,875
It worked
for Winston Churchill."
498
00:19:33,755 --> 00:19:35,215
[chuckles]
And that's me!
499
00:19:35,257 --> 00:19:39,177
I never knew that he
understood me like that, and..
500
00:19:39,219 --> 00:19:41,809
I started feeling guilty and..
501
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:43,517
...I just couldn't let you
waltz in here
502
00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:45,387
like the guy never existed.
503
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:47,024
Oh, yeah?
504
00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:48,980
Listen to mine.
505
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:53,112
"Dear Arvid, we've been
through a lot together.
506
00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:55,320
"I-it was fun watching
you grow up.
507
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:57,200
"You're one of the most..
508
00:19:57,738 --> 00:19:59,198
"...delightful people..
509
00:19:59,239 --> 00:20:00,869
"...I will ever know.
510
00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:02,658
I won't forget you."
511
00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:06,662
If I'm so delightful,
how come he left?
512
00:20:07,414 --> 00:20:08,714
Everybody leaves, Arvid.
513
00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:11,129
And you would have, too,
if he didn't.
514
00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:13,378
- Huh?
- Well, you're gonna graduate.
515
00:20:13,420 --> 00:20:15,090
Aren't you?
516
00:20:17,591 --> 00:20:20,641
- Both of you are.
- Yeah.
517
00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:23,813
Well, listen, Billy,
I-I'm sorry that I..
518
00:20:23,847 --> 00:20:25,597
...I sent you on that
wild goose chase.
519
00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:28,191
'Cause it was a rotten
thing to do.
520
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,937
I-I get a little
carried away sometimes
521
00:20:29,978 --> 00:20:33,478
but...well, you know,
I just want you to know that
522
00:20:33,523 --> 00:20:35,443
I'm not really that mean.
523
00:20:35,484 --> 00:20:36,944
That's okay.
524
00:20:36,985 --> 00:20:40,065
- I'm not really that stupid.
- Yeah.
525
00:20:48,288 --> 00:20:49,998
You didn't go
to Grandon Canal.
526
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:51,580
Are ya kiddin'?
527
00:20:51,625 --> 00:20:52,625
At night? On my own?
528
00:20:52,668 --> 00:20:55,588
It's bloody dangerous
down there.
529
00:20:55,629 --> 00:20:56,879
How'd you know
I was puttin' you on?
530
00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,512
[chuckles]
Dennis, it-it was probably
531
00:20:58,548 --> 00:20:59,968
in his letter from Mr. Moore.
you know
532
00:21:00,008 --> 00:21:02,178
maybe advice on
how to deal with us.
533
00:21:02,219 --> 00:21:04,049
You're right, Arvid.
534
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,426
It's right here, in the letter.
535
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:11,058
"To the new history teacher."
536
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:12,443
That's me.
537
00:21:12,479 --> 00:21:14,359
Stuff about the kids,
blah, blah, blah, blah.
538
00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:15,978
Sarah, blah, blah, Alan.. Ah!
539
00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:18,654
Here's the blah-blah
about you two.
540
00:21:18,694 --> 00:21:21,614
"Dennis and Arvid
are both brilliant."
541
00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:22,655
Well, yeah.
542
00:21:22,698 --> 00:21:24,618
"But as brilliant minds
tend to do
543
00:21:24,658 --> 00:21:28,618
"they often disagree,
sometimes, violently.
544
00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:29,912
"Their very brilliance,
however
545
00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:32,205
"is what allows them
to see the error of their ways.
546
00:21:32,249 --> 00:21:34,419
"And so they are,
in my opinion
547
00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:37,799
"model students,
outstanding young citizens
548
00:21:37,838 --> 00:21:42,508
and perhaps most important,
the best of friends."
549
00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:48,177
Well, I'll leave you to it.
550
00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:54,397
You know what?
Mr. Moore's really something.
551
00:21:54,438 --> 00:21:55,938
I mean, he left,
and-and he's still
552
00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:59,321
straightening out our lives,
by mail.
553
00:21:59,860 --> 00:22:02,700
Yeah? Listen to this.
554
00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:04,278
"To the new history teacher.
555
00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:08,123
"I leave you to deal with
the IHP class as you see fit.
556
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:09,750
"However, I think you should
know that I've hidden
557
00:22:09,786 --> 00:22:12,746
"extra chalk in my bottom
left-hand drawer.
558
00:22:12,789 --> 00:22:16,379
"Whatever you do, avoid
the tuna fish in the cafeteria.
559
00:22:16,418 --> 00:22:19,498
On second thought,
avoid the cafeteria."
560
00:22:19,546 --> 00:22:21,506
- That's it?
- That's it.
561
00:22:21,548 --> 00:22:24,548
Mr. Moore didn't say
anything about us.
562
00:22:24,593 --> 00:22:27,853
This new guy made
the whole thing up.
563
00:22:27,888 --> 00:22:30,098
- He's good. Very good.
- Real good. No doubt!
564
00:22:30,140 --> 00:22:33,440
[instrumental music]
565
00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:38,317
[theme music]
41081
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