All language subtitles for Head.Of.The.Class.S04E13_2

[theme music]

(Charlie)
'Good morning. Well, looks like
you all turned in your reports.'

Thank you very much.

"The military career of
Douglas MacArthur

"by T.J. Jones.

'"General MacArthur
was a West Point grad.'

"In the second World War,
he was really bad.

'"When the enemy attacked
and the jungle was burning'

he said, "See you later, dudes.
I'll be returning."

[indistinct chatter]

I didn't write that, Mr. Moore.

Yeah, I know. You rap
a lot better than this.

Alright, guys!
Who took my paper?

- Here it is.
- Oh, Dennis..

- Why did you do that?
- Oh, come on.

You guys thought it was funny.
You were laughing.

Do you know how hard it is
for a Swiss guy

to write funky like that?

T.J., you're not laughing.

That's it, Blunden!
You and me, after school!

- For a date?
- No, a fight!

A fight?

T.J., you're a...girl.

Yeah, and you're dead meat.
3 o'clock, Blunden. I am--

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Sit down. Let's just
forget about it.

Oh, I'll forget about it,
at approximately 3:05.

That's how long it'll take me
to beat his butt.

T.J., just behave yourself.

- Yes.
- Make that 3:04.

'Cause I forgot he has less butt
to beat than he used to.

[instrumental music]

"And then in 1950,
J. Edgar Hoover

"instituted his famous
Ten Most Wanted list.

"Interestingly, the idea
was suggested to him

"by the fashion designer
who created

the ten best-dressed
women list."

Hey, Darlene, rob a bank,
you can make both lists.

[bell ringing]

Okay, we'll, uh, continue
with Darlene's report tomorrow.

Uh, T.J..

Uh, yeah?

Listen, when I finally
got to your actual report

I was very impressed.
It's definitely IHP material.

Huh. Thanks, Mr. Moore.

But about this little flare-up

with Dennis, uh..

You're not actually gonna
fight with him, are you?

Oh, I'm not gonna
touch him in school, Mr. Moore.

But with all due respect,
what happens in the streets

is between me and Blunden.

T.J., it's just Dennis.

You know, he pulls these
thoughtless pranks on everyone.

Not on me, he doesn't.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Arvid, relax.
There's not gonna be any fight.

Oh, Dennis, you can't be
too careful. Now, look.

Here's a list
of my favorite hiding places.

Forget it, Arvid. I'm not gonna
spend the rest of my day

hiding in a men's room
balanced on a toilet seat.

It's not that hard.
Wear rubber-soled shoes.

You expect me to hide
from a girl?

- Dennis, you still here?
- Yes, I'm still here. Why?

Come on. T.J. is not gonna beat
me up. And you wanna know why?

'Cause I'm not dumb enough
to get into a fight with a girl.

It's a no-win situation,
if I hit her, then I'm a jerk

'cause I hit a girl,
and if she beats me up,

then I'm humiliated.
So I'm not gonna fight her.

Oh, oh, I get it.
You guys are tryin' to scare me?

Well, it's not gonna work.
I can handle myself.

How many fights have you had?

- Uh, well..
- Yeah.

- Uh, uh, none.
- Well..

- No. No.
- No.

Well, I've had a lot,
and I seen T.J. fight, man.

She goes crazy. I mean,
she could really mess you up.

Mess you up.

You're not talkin'
about weapons, are you?

She doesn't need any weapons.

You know Abe Tomasulo?

Who, the guy with
the big scar on his face?

Yeah. Now, he's got a scar
on his face.

- Oh.
- Good luck, man.

Nah.

[clears throat]

"Number two.
Underneath the dumpster."

- Forget it, Arvid!
- Alright.

Alright. I don't have
to do this, Blunden.

Let's go, right now.

Aristotle, what are you doing?

Defending the honor
of my woman.

- Your woman?
- 'That's right.'

So come on. Let's go.

No. Aristotle, stop it.

I'm not gonna fight you
for this. Stop it!

- You're not gonna fight me?
- No!

- Thanks.
- No problem.

- So now what do you wanna do?
- Uh, apologize to her.

Alright, you got it. Hey.

Uh, T.J.?

Look, about the little prank

I pulled on you this morning,
it was just a joke.

That was my way of saying,
"Welcome to the IHP."

Now, come on. No hard feelings.
What do you say?

Ow! Alright. That's it!

Fight is off!

No, it's not, Blunden.
3 o'clock!

Oh.

T.J., the man
just apologized to you.

- So?
- So, you should've accepted it.

Just because a few other kids
laughed at you--

Oh, what business is it
of yours?

Look, I like you.

It just hurts me
to see you angry, alright?

Of course I've never seen you
any other way.

[instrumental music]

Are you in trouble again?

No, I'm just, uh, waiting
to talk to Dr. Samuels

about some things.

But now that you're here,
Mr. Moore, uh..

How would you feel about trying
to talk to T.J. for me, huh?

You know,
I've warned you before.

One of these days you're gonna

pull one of your
little...numbers

on the wrong person.

Now, it seems you've found

the right wrong person.

I don't believe this.
You were there.

It was just a joke.

Live by the joke,
die by the joke.

Oh, maybe you should talk
to Dr. Samuels tomorrow.

He's got a square dance lesson
tonight, Dennis.

No, it can't wait.

- Doctor..
- I haven't got time, Dennis.

...Samuels.

I forged the letter
to the Board Of Education.

Which one?

The one where you requested
a transfer to the South Bronx.

- You did that?
- Yes, sir.

I don't know
why you are confessing, Blunden.

But that was a particularly
painful two weeks in my life.

Okay, you got it.
Detention starting today.

- Thank you, sir.
- No, Dr. Samuels.

Detention is full today.

- What? Okay!
- What?

- Starting Monday.
- But tha--

Thirty days!

[instrumental music]

Come on, place your bets.
Place your bets.

- Five to one on T.J.
- Yeah, yeah, let me get, uh..

One, two..
Three bucks on T.J.

Eric. Eric! This is Dennis
we're talking about.

- You're right.
- Make it six bucks.

- Okay.
- 'Alright.'

You know, I have never been
to a street fight before.

I hope what
I'm wearing is okay.

[no audio]

[indistinct chatter]

Oh. Hey, you guys.
They're here.

- Oh.
- Shh.

Alright, Dennis,
just remember.

Keep your left hand up,
and when she hits you

fall down and start crying.

Thanks, Arvid.
I have my own fight plan.

I'm surprised
you showed up, Blunden.

- Well, I'm here and I'm ready.
- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

You guys aren't really gonna go
through with this, are you?

Yeah, T.J., y-you're blowin'
this way out of proportion.

Step off!

T.J., I think
she may be right.

I mean, before we start this,
I mean, what do you say?

I'm sorry for the prank.
Now come on.

[shrieking]

Aa-a-ah!

T.J., I thought you said you
were gonna knock his head off.

You're asking
for it now, Blunden!

- Hey, hey, hey.
- Hey, T.J.

- God!
- Ow, my eye..

[indistinct chatter]

Ow, it's my eye.

Aah!

- Oh, see how it came off.
- Oh, Dennis.

Hey, T.J., whatever you do
don't hit him below the belt.

[all laugh]

You're gonna get it
right now, Blunden!

- T.J., stop!
- Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.

- You alright?
- I don't know, Mr. Moore.

I think she might have knocked
one of my teeth loose.

[all laughing]

T.J., T.J.

Okay. Okay. Hold it down.
Okay. The fun is over.

This isn't funny!

And I'm gonna get you
for this, Blunden.

And I hate all of you!

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

[instrumental music]

Alright, Alan, $5
in five-to-one odds

that's 25 bucks you owe me.
Pay up, Pinkard.

It's Pinkard,
and forget it, Dennis.

Spitting out Chicklets
does not constitute a fight.

- Yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, could you guys believe
the look on her face

when my hand hit the ground?

Dennis, enough.
Enough, okay?

You outsmarted her,
and, yes, it was very clever.

But, you guys, I think that
T.J.'s feelings were very hurt.

- Yeah. I think so too.
- Yeah, I agree.

- 'Oh, hi, T.J.'
- 'Good morning, T.J.'

(Simone)
'Hi, T.J.'

Yo, man,
go smooth it over with her.

Why? She's the one
who wanted to beat me up.

- Just..
- Come on. Alright. Fine.

T.J., well, let's forget
about this whole thing, huh?

Come on.

(Simone)
'Oh, come on, T.J.'

I mean, you don't really
hate us, do you?

- Yeah.
- Come on, T.J.

Just stay away from me,
everybody?

I'm here to do my work,
I'll find my friends elsewhere.

[bell ringing]

Well, good morning, everyone.

- 'Good morning, Mr. Moore.'
- 'Good morning.'

Listen, before you dive
excitedly into your notebooks

uh, I'm gonna start
with something

a little different today.

What's up, Mr. Moore?

Well, I'd like to, uh,
begin today's lesson

with a laugh
by none other than Paul Revere.

Patriot, Silversmith..

And a political cartoonist.

Exactly. He's right.

Uh, the, uh, the top one here is
an example of Mr. Revere's work.

Well, at least we know
the British didn't die

laughing, huh?

Okay, so, it's not
exactly Doonesbury.

But it is one
of the earliest examples

'of American political humor.'

And that's a tradition
that's still alive

and kicking today.

Now, as you look through
the rest of them

you're gonna see Ronald Reagan,
Franklin Roosevelt

Harry Truman,
Abraham Lincoln

Napoleon, King George.

See, every political figure has
been the target of humorists.

You didn't bring
any Richard Nixon cartoons.

I have a bad back.

- That's not funny, Mr. Moore.
- Okay, Alan.

Uh, what about when Dan Aykroyd
used to play Jimmy Carter

on the old
"Saturday Night Live"?

- Now, that was funny.
- Mm-hmm.

And when he played
Richard Nixon?

Not funny.

Okay, Mr. Moore.
What's the point?

Well, the point is that we all
have our favorite targets.

But just because
someone is important

that does not exempt them
from being a target.

Now to prove this point,
uh, I'd like to give you

an assignment for tomorrow.
I want you to make fun of me.

- What?
- What?

Uh, you mean, like
constructive criticism?

No. No, I mean ridicule
parody, satire...you know..

Wait, let me get this straight.

You want a written report
on what a jerk you are?

No. Doesn't have to be written.

You know, you have given us
some bizarre assignments before.

I mean, but this one is
infantile, sophomoric

and utterly asinine.

Are you calling me
utterly asinine?

- Oh. No, sir.
- That's too bad.

Could've had an A.

[all laugh]

[instrumental music]

[bell ringing]

Remember, tomorrow is

"Trash The Teacher" day.

Ah, just like every other day

only this time to your face.

- Oh!
- Oh!

- Just getting an early start.
- Uh-huh.

Too early.
Get out.

[indistinct chatter]

I know what you're trying to
accomplish with this assignment.

And I'll tell you right now,
it's not gonna work.

- Oh?
- No.

T.J. does not have
a sense of humor.

I'm telling you,
the girl can't take a joke.

Uh, well, I guess you'd know.

You've humiliated her twice
in one day.

Hey, if she is
that thin-skinned

she's not gonna make it
very long in the IHP.

I mean, come on, Mr. Moore.

We rank on each other
pretty good in here.

Yeah, you're right.

She can dish it out,
but she can't take it

the way that a self-centered,
unfunny blowhard like you can.

What did you call me?

Hey, I was just joking.

[instrumental music]

I love this school,
I mean, in Pro-Q school

if you made fun of a teacher

they gave you 300 years
in purgatory.

Oh, Viki, what a lovely pie.

- Is it for Home Ec?
- No, it's for history.

Oh.
Must be a very old pie.

[both laugh]

- Old pie.
- Thank you very much.

Oh, so, uh,
what's the occasion?

I'm gonna throw it
on Mr. Moore's face.

What did she say?

She said she's gonna throw
the pie on Mr. Moore's face.

[instrumental music]

So is, uh, everyone prepared
to make me look ridiculous?

- Mm-hmm.
- Yep.

Looks like mother nature
beats us to it.

- 'Whoa!'
- Good. It's good.

[all laughing]

Good morning.

- 'Good morning.'
- 'Good morning, Mr. Moore.'

Sorry, I'm late,
I was in an ACLU rally

to let criminals out of jail
and raise taxes

so we could give them
a federal handouts.

Well, before I begin trashing
Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan

George Bush and Dan Quayle..

...would anyone like
to go into the hall

and open up to me
about a personal problem?

No? Huh! Okay.

[all laughing]

Well, then, uh, I'd like
to see your assignments.

Ah...Viki.

It's for Mr. Moore, Alan.

I am Mr. Moore.
Let's have it.

Okay.

[laughing and cheering]

Ah.

[laughing]

Look what she did, Mr. Moore.
What're you gonna do about it?

Oh, uh, you're Mr. Moore.

Uh, if I were you,
I'd give her an A.

[laughing]

[instrumental music]

"Ode to Mr. Moore,
by Simone Foster."

[clearing throat]

"There once was
a teacher named Moore

"who could be just
a bit of a bore.

"Your homework, quoth he,
is to make fun of me.

For I'd rather you sneer
than you snore."

[laughing]

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Moore.

I mean, I don't
really think you're boring.

It's just that I needed
something that would rhyme

with Moore.
You know, Moore, bore, snore..

No, it's fine.
It's fine, Simone. Really.

It was very clever.

I mean, there are other words

that rhyme with my name
like adore and amore and..

No, I'll treasure it forever.

Okay. Who wants to go next?

Uh, wait, Mr. Moore,
I'll go next.

No, my pay check says "Teacher."
I'll go next.

Why don't you both go next?

Hey, wait a sec,
that guy looks like me.

I thought I was
a dummy in this act.

So, Mr. Moore,
do you like, uh..

You really enjoy teaching
this class, don't you?

Are you kidding? These nerds?
They're all smarter than me.

Do you know how hard
it is pretending

I know more than they do?

Nothing, okay.

[laughing]

Well, I don't care, I want
to be an actor. Listen to this.

"Oh, the world's a stage
and so is my Cousin Larry."

[laughs]

Now, Mr. Moore, you know

your cracks are startin'
to burn my butt.

Oh, yeah?
You know what burns my butt?

- No, what?
- A flame about this high.

Aah!

[all laughing]

Mr. Moore, let me just
ask you one thing.

How come you always wear
loud ties like this?

Are you kidding? It's a white
tie. This class makes me sick.

[belching]

[all laughing]

Okay, that's it.
Applause, applause.

[applauding and cheering]

Very good.

Get the hook.
Get the hook.

Ah, I thought
they were both very good.

I'm talkin' about you.

[all laugh]

Who's gonna go next?
T.J.?

Um, I'm not gonna do this,
Mr. Moore.

Well, it's a class assignment.

Okay then,
I'll take an F, I guess.

Okay, so wh-what is
the problem?

I-I just don't think people
should make fun of other people

okay?

Well, I think everybody in here
can attest to your ability

with a put down.

Look, I don't want to stand
in front of the whole class

and have everybody
laugh at me.

Don't you mean laugh at me?

I-i-if it doesn't
bother me, what..

You're worried maybe that, uh,
they will be laughing at you?

I can't help it, Mr. Moore.

I mean, where I come from,
if people are laughing at you

that means you're weak.

And if people think
you're weak..

...that's bad news.
I mean, real bad news.

You know, you ought
to keep your guard up.

You gotta be in control.

And if anyone's gonna be
made a fool

you better make damn sure
it's the other guy.

I mean, maybe that's wrong,
I don't know.

That's just the way I am.

Okay, Dennis,
uh, why don't you go next?

Well, uh, I think
enough people have

gotten hurt around here
this week.

And I'm getting kinda
tired of it.

So, I really think
it's time we put an end

to all these jokes.
And we, we tried..

Krazy Glue?

[all laughing]

Krazy Glue in my chair.
That's really funny.

Really, really funny.
Who did it, alright?

Oh, T.J., it was you,
wasn't it?

You did this
to get back at me!

Well, I don't think
it's very funny.

Arvid, get me out of this.
Come on.

But, Dennis..

Help me out of this chair.

Shut up.
It's not funny.

'Come on!
Well, just..'

Ow! Ow!

[all screaming]

[all laughing]

Dennis, now you're
the butt of the joke.

[bell ringing]

That was pretty funny,
wasn't it?

- Yeah.
- T .J..

How did you get the glue
in his seat

without him noticing?

T.J., you really had us goin'

with that big heartfelt
speech you gave.

Yeah, we really thought
you were upset.

Had you goin'?
She had me fooled.

And I'm goin' out
with the girl.

- You are?
- Well, if you want to.

- Later.
- Sure.

Ah, Mr. Moore.. Thanks.

- Uh.. What for?
- Oh, you know what, the glue.

I mean,
that was a stroke of genius.

Well, yeah, and it was
pretty good, wasn't it?

I mean, uh,
you got a chance to save face

and we all had a laugh
at Dennis' expense.

And...well, you seem
to be feeling better.

But there's just
one thing wrong.

- What?
- Well, I didn't do it.

- What?
- No joke.

W-wait a minute.
I mean, that's impossible.

If I didn't do it
and you didn't do it

then who did it?

Oh.

- Blunden.
- Uh, yeah?

Thanks.

I-I, uh, I don't know
what you're talking about.

Oh, yeah, right,
you just happen to have

an extra pair of pants
in your locker

in case someone were
to accidently glue

your butt to the chair.

Them? I just, uh, I, uh..

I felt bad about
the other day, T.J.

and you know me.

What am I going to do?
Send you roses?

So I, uh, just thought
I'd make it up to you

with a little joke.

That's funny, 'cause, you know

we're-we're a lot alike
in some ways.

- Come on, you gotta be kiddin'.
- No, I'm being serious.

W-we're both afraid
of people pickin' on us.

Yeah. I guess you're right.

But you know, when you do that
thing with your eyeball..

- That was pretty funny.
- You like that, huh?

[laughing]
Actually, it was very funny.

Thanks, T.J.

So, uh, what do you say,
still friends?

Hey, it was just a joke, right?

- Right.
- Ah!

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Morning, T.J.

You know, you still haven't

turned in that assignment.

Oh, yeah,
that's right, Mr. Moore.

I'm sorry, I promise
I'll get right on it.

- Okay.
- After you, sir.

Thank you.

[all laughing]

- Very nice. Very nice.
- 'Bravo, T.J.'

[theme music]

[music continues]