All language subtitles for Head.Of.The.Class.S04E11_2

[theme music]

(Charlie)
Fourteenth, fifteenth,
sixteenth, century, historically

witchcraft trials have been,
not only for purposes

of religious persecution,
but political as well

to, to confiscate property,
to get rid of an enemy, to--

Uh, Mr. Moore, could I..

[chuckles]
Sorry.

So, uh...from the crusades

through the inquisition,
right up to the present day..

...the name of the devil
has been invoked

for political purposes.

The Ayatollah called
the United States

"The Great Satan."

Ronald Reagan referred
to the Soviet Union

as "The Evil Empire."

[bell rings]

I'll see you tomorrow,
and don't forget

your religion and history papers

are due by 3 o'clock, Friday.

Uh, M-Mr. Moore.

Uh, can I have a little
more time with my report?

- No.
- That's it? No.

- Yes.
- Why not?

T.J., look,
if you wanna be in the IHP

you have to do the same work
that the IHP does

within the same time
the IHP has.

Oh, I have done the work,
no problem with that.

- So the report's done?
- Oh, practically.

I-I-I mean, it's done
except for the cover.

- Oh, I don't need a cover.
- And the last couple of pages.

How about those
first couple of pages?

Well, I--

How about all those
words in between?

I-I-I know what the words are.

I just have to put them
in the right order.

Look, you are, you are
this close to being in the IHP.

Now, don't blow it.
I know you've worked very hard.

I-I know, but see, I was..

- T.J., 3 o'clock. Friday.
- Right.

[instrumental music]

- Man, this is totally unfair.
- Shh.

Well, I've been
working for weeks.

I've done all the research.

Why can't I have a few more days
to write it?

- I'm tired. I'm burnt out.
- You're wasting time.

Well, in my old class,
term papers were easy.

You'd copy a page
out of the encyclopedia

and if you got the right page,
you got an A.

What's your paper on, anyway?

The mythology
of evil in history.

- Hmm. Sounds very intriguing.
- Yeah.

So, what's the problem?

Well, if I don't do a good job

I don't get into the IHP.

So I gotta make it interesting.

You know, if you wanna talk
about concepts of evil

you gotta talk about
the main man.

- Yeah.
- Yeah. Beelzebub.

- Beelze-who?
- Beelzebub, T.J.

It's another name for the devil.
Look it up in the card catalog.

"Beelzebub.

See Mephistopheles, Lucifer,
the devil."

[scoffs]
I'd like to see the devil.

I'd like him to write
my paper for me.

I'd sell my soul for that paper.

You called?

[gasps]

My card.

Bill Z. Bub.

Wait a minute, if you're the
devil, what're you doin' here?

My beeper went off.
You call, I come.

Okay, let's get
down to business.

W-w-what do you want from me?

Kid, I'm here to help you. You
wanna get in the IHP, don't you?

You can get me in
the honors program?

"Honor," such an ugly word.

But if that's what you want,
sweetheart, I'm here for you.

Look, I'm almost in,
all I got to do is

write a great history paper
by 3 o'clock, Friday.

Yeah. Which you
haven't even started yet.

- Well, see, I m--
- That's alright.

You can lie to me.
I like it. I like it.

Listen, uh, is that
all you want? The IHP?

Why stop at the history paper?
How about, uh, a boyfriend?

How'd you like to be
prom queen? No problem.

- Just sign this.
- Huh-uh. Ho-ho-hold it.

I know what you want. You want
my soul. Well, forget it, buddy.

'Cause I'm not gonna spend
the rest of my life in hell.

Oh, wait a minute.
Hell has got such a bad rap.

We party down there.

We swing. It's-it's-it's more
like a resort, uh, Club Dead.

Okay. Well, maybe hell
isn't as bad as they say.

But I'm still not gonna
sell my soul to you. Hah!

Alright. No problem.
Don't get in the IHP.

You can kiss college
goodbye, of course.

So, T.J.,
how's the paper coming?

Oh, i-i-it's, it's okay.

Well, I, I-I know
it's gonna be great.

I have a lot of faith in you,
T.J.

But I don't wanna
keep you from your work.

Remember, idle hands
are the devil's playthings.

This is a big chance for you.
Don't mess it up.

Oh!

"T-t-the Mythology
Of Evil In History.

"A semiotic deconstruction
of demonology

in the 17th century America,
by T.J. Jones."

- W-where do I sign?
- Mmm. Right here.

[instrumental music]

I suppose it comes
as a surprise to no one

that since this is
one of the greatest papers

in the history of history

that it gives me great pleasure

to welcome T.J. Jones
to the IHP.

[cheering]

- Welcome, T.J.
- Congratulations!

Thank you, Mr. Moore.

I-it was a long, hard climb,
but hey, it was worth it.

Well, why don't you take a seat?
A-any seat at all.

As a matter of fact, why don't
you take my seat? Here.

- Huh. Thanks.
- I'd be honored.

- Can I adjust that for you?
- Oh, this is great.

Well, umm..

Today, we're gonna be talking
about the 19th Amendment.

Uh, granting women
the right to vote.

- This was ratified--
- By the 36th state.

- Yes, on August 26th--
- 1920.

Having been previously rejected
by Georgia, Delaware, Louisiana

Marilyn, Mississippi,
South Carolina and Virginia.

[indistinct chatter]

- She is amazing.
- Yeah.

She's absolutely right.

I-I just feel like a fool trying
to teach in your presence.

I mean..

W-would you do the honors today?

- Yeah. Sure.
- 'Oh, great.'

See...I've personally
found it fascinating

that before women
got the vote, uh..

Mr. Moore, you might
wanna jot this down too.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

President Wilson
appointed a woman

as sub cabinet member
back in, uh..

Bringing us
to the appointment of

Sandra Day O'Connor
to the supreme court.

[bell ringing]

[all groaning]

Well, we'll pick up
here tomorrow.

Well, I can hardly wait.

T.J., it was just brilliant.
Really, brilliant.

I was wondering if I might
copy your blackboard notes

just for years and years
to come.

- No problem.
- Thank you. Thank you so much.

Move it, move it, will you?

You know, T.J.,
you've made me realize

that women are my equals.

And-and in your case,
my superior.

T.J., I hate my poetry.

Will you teach me how to rap?
Be my soul sister?

T.J., your hair is so great.

Will you teach me
how to do that with mine?

T.J., I'm tired of being perky.

Will you show me
how to get down and be bad?

- Get out of my face.
- Okay. I'll try that.

Get out of my face.

Get out of my face.

- Hey..
- That's great, wow.

T.J., you'll know this.

What is the charged lepton
that's found

in the second family
of the particles of cosmic rays?

The muon. And in the third
family, it's the tau particle.

- Of course.
- I think I'm in love.

I saw her first.

Hey, T.J., do you remember when
we first met, and you said

[chuckles]
"See you later, equator?"

[laughing]

That was so funny.

Oh, oh, and my second favorite
insult is when you said--

T.J..

I'm so sorry. L-let me..
I'll get it for you.

No, no, let me get it,
I'm closer to the--

- No, no, no. Ow!
- Ow!

Get off.
Oh, I'll get it.

- No, no, no.
- 'Hey, kids, kids.'

Come on, guys.
Break it up. Break it up!

Hey, hey. I'm the teacher here.
I get to give it to her.

T.J., excuse me

but I-I have a very important
announcement to make.

Go ahead.

Normally, we wait until the prom
date to announce the prom queen.

But this year,
due to an overwhelming sentiment

it is obvious that
this year's queen is

of course, T.J. Jones.

That is, that is, that is..
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

- That is, if you'll accept.
- What the hay.

Please.

Theola June Jones

I hereby crown you
this year's queen of the prom.

[cheering]

[instrumental music]

Am I hell on wheels or what?

I must say,
you really delivered.

I mean, I'm the most popular,
the smartest--

You are happening, homegirl,
and you lost six pounds.

- Oh, really. Huh, thanks.
- I'm glad you're happy.

Now it's time to make me happy.

- W-what do you want?
- Ooh. I don't know.

- Your soul.
- Now?

No. Not now. There's no rush.

Say, about, uh, 3 o'clock?

Please, I don't want to die.
You know, this is really scary.

I'll tell you what's scary,
these near-death experiences..

I mean, they are like,
coming or not.

Half the time,
they change their minds

and I'm stuck
with a bowl of Bridge Mix.

Well, you know what? I made
up my mind and I'm not goin'.

Uh-uh, Mr. Moore, Mr. Moore.

You know how you said we could
come to you if we ever had

a personal problem
or something like that?

Sure. Anything for you, T.J.

Well, this is not like I can't

get a date for the dance

or the dog ate my homework

you know, this is really major.

- Oh, sounds serious.
- It is.

[laughs]
I bet it is.

[laughing]
Well, I'm sure I can handle it.

- Do you mind?
- 3 o'clock.

Besides, whatever happened,
I'm sure I've seen it before.

I-I sold my soul to the devil

and he's coming back for me
at 3 o'clock.

So, when I couldn't
write my paper

I sold my soul to the devil
and he wrote it.

Or had Machiavelli write it
or something like that.

[indistinct chatter]

T.J., don't-don't be so modest.
Now you are a brilliant scholar.

- Take the credit you deserve.
- Yeah.

I'm being serious.
Look, here's my contract.

[gasps]

The devil did write your paper..

Mr. Moore,
isn't that an automatic F?

To think, I asked you
to be my soul sister.

Well, I don't need you
to teach me to rap.

I can do it without

any outside assistance from you.

[snaps fingers]

[snaps fingers]

Oh, come on.
You gotta understand.

I mean, this was the most
important thing in my life.

My big chance to get into the
IHP a-and I was like paralyzed.

I was afraid to do it
and I was afraid not to do it.

But you know,
I've learned my lesson.

Now, if I could only break
this contract with the devil.

Break a contract with the devil?

Well, I've...been up against
a tough one or two in my time.

I mean, I've handled
Simone and Eric's love life.

(all)
Mm-hmm.

Tried to show Dennis
the error of his ways.

(all)
Mmm-hmm.

It could be
my biggest challenge.

Y-y-you're right.
I-i-it could be.

Come on, guys, please help me,
I'm running out of time.

He's gonna come
get me at 3 o'clock.

Well, there are no guarantees,
T.J.

I mean,
we might not win this one.

But you kids could research

how to deal
with this devil guy.

What do you say?
Are you up to it?

I mean,
the devil versus the IHP.

- Yeah!
- Okay! We'll do it.

[instrumental music]

Okay, we're almost ready now.

Everybody did their research,
right?

- Yeah!
- Okay, look sharp.

It's almost 3 o'clock,
Mr. Moore.

Yeah, so where is he?

I hope nothing happened to him.

Well, maybe he forgot.

Well, if he comes,
we're ready for him.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

[thunder rumbling]

- 'Hey! Hey!'
- 'Wait a minute.'

[screaming]

[intense music]

Hi, kids.
Anybody want some gum?

- So, T.J., ready to go?
- Now, hold it.

Nobody leaves this room
without a hall pass.

Look, uh,
she wants out of the deal.

Oh, what a surprise!
I never heard of that before.

Surely, you've let
people out before, Mr. Devil.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Pete Rose.

He wanted to be
the biggest hero in baseball.

So I worked it out for him,
then he wanted out.

So I let him out,
who's sorry now?

Well, you're just gonna
have to do it one more time

because she wants out.

What is this?
Another good deed, Charlie.

Charlie,
you're your own worst enemy.

You know, this goodness thing
is ruining your acting career.

- What acting career? I s--
- Ah, exactly.

You know, I could have gotten
you the lead in "The Graduate"

but no, you had to tell
that clerk from Macy's

that she gave you back
too much change.

Hoffmann looked right for that.

I-I-I'm not saying
he wasn't good, but..

I would've made some
really interesting choices.

Yeah, that first scene
with Mrs. Robinson--

I can still make you a star,
Charlie.

A lot of people
in Hollywood owe me.

Don't-don't, that's,
this is not about me.

- This is about T.J.
- Alright.

You wanna be a loser?
You'll be a loser.

Let's make it interesting, hm?
Say, uh, double or nothing?

You win, you keep T.J.
I win, I get T.J. and you.

- Don't do it, Mr. Moore.
- Don't!

No, Mr. Moore, don't do it.
Please, no.

You're on.

[all gasping]

[sighs]

You really are good.
You make me sick.

You better give it
your best shot, kids. Now.

Alright, Mr. Beelzebub,
we've done a lot of research.

And we've learnt all the rituals
to thwart your power.

'There's crystal amulets.'

'There's 13th century
Latin prayers.'

'A-and there's
the circle of salt.'

[humming]

And this is supposed
to be the smart class. Mmm.

Those were examples of ones
that don't work.

How about this?

A formula,
first used in Bologna in 1590.

Whiff this, Pazuzu.

[sniffs]
Ah!

- Arvid, you did it.
- Yay!

Way to go, Arvid.
Way to go.

[screaming]

[screaming]

[screams]

You tricked us.

You guys are just a little
bit slow picking this up.

I am the devil.

I lie, I steal, I cheat,
that's my job.

Listen, I think we better go
directly to your dance number.

Now.

Yo, we learned an ancient ritual
voodoo dance

which dates back to 1793.

Oh..

No. Y-you guys don't
know how to dance, do you?

Yes, they do. And it goes
a little bit like this.

Hit it, kids.

[humming]

Five, six, seven, eight.

♪ Back to hell ♪
♪ Go back to hell Satan ♪

♪ Back to hell ♪
♪ Don't mess with Theola ♪♪

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
The beat stinks.

You guys can't dance.
I'd give it a sixteen.

- That didn't work either.
- Okay, that's enough.

I got a squirt gun,
full of holy water

and I'm not afraid to use it.

Go ahead.

Make my day.

[groans]

Alright. Amateur hour is over.

Let somebody who speaks
his language talk to him.

Yo, Dev, let's talk.

You're the Blunden boy,
aren't you?

You know,
I really like your work.

That was a nice double-cross
you pulled on your pal

back in Houston,
too bad it didn't pan out.

Yeah, thanks a lot.

- I got a deal for you.
- Mm-hmm.

You let T.J. go and I'll
get you a date with Viki.

- Dennis!
- Viki, Schmiki.

I'm holding out for Zaza.

But, uh, how about this?

How about I get you
a date with Viki?

- You could do that?
- Sure.

Of course, uh, you'll have
to give me your eternal soul.

- Come on. What's the catch?
- Dennis, Dennis.

Come on. Come on. Thank you.

Mr. Moore, I'm really sorry
I got you into this.

Just hold on. Hold.. Hold on.

Uh, I-I'm gonna
get this straight. Okay?

Now, uh, th-the point
of this contract

is that you made a deal
for her soul, right?

That's right.

Well, according
to most of the literature

on the subject that I've read,
ah, the soul is immortal.

- Ah, right, right.
- 'Right?'

Spinoza said, "We feel
and know that we are eternal."

And-and all the major religions

believe that
the soul never dies.

And-and..

Well, if you're planning
to take her to hell

to be consumed by fire
for all eternity..

...well, then you must think
that her soul is immortal too.

Aah! What's your point?

[scoffs]
My point is, according to this..

...you can't collect
until she's dead.

- Ah, so?
- So..

If she has a soul,
and her soul is immortal..

- Yes.
- Wha..

Then she'll never
really be dead.

And thus, you could
never really collect.

- Yes!
- The man is good.

The man is better than good.

Ah! The man is a saint.

[cheering]

D-does this mean
you're not gonna take us?

It means, this guy is willing

to sacrifice himself for you.

[cheering]

He's too good,
I can't stand him.

He would make my life
a living heaven.

- You, I'm taking.
- Oh!

Now, wait just a minute.

What about
the immortal soul argument?

If I paid attention to every
two-bit argument from philosophy

made simple, I would have been
out of business centuries ago.

Yeah, but..

[honking]

That's a good point.

Sorry, kid, I did what I could.

I'm never gonna
see any of you guys again.

Yeah. Except maybe Dennis.

3 o'clock. Hey, everybody,
split a slice.

Time to go, T.J.

I don't wanna go.
Somebody help me.

Somebody help me.

[bell ringing]

Help..

Come on, T.J. Come on, T.J.
Wake up. Wake up.

[gasps]

What're you doing here?

Where should I be?
I'm the librarian.

Oh. Uh, I'm sorry, Mr. Carver.

- Uh. My God, What time is it?
- 3 o'clock.

Oh, Mr. Moore, please give me
another chance.

I promise I won't eat,
I won't sleep. I won't goof up.

Just give me a little more
time to write it, please.

Ah, look,
you have plenty of time.

Yeah, but you said
it was due by 3 o'clock.

3 o'clock, Friday.
This is Tuesday.

- It is?
- Yeah.

[sighs]
Never mind.

[instrumental music]

Dennis, nice.

Sarah, very interesting.

Darlene.

Uh, Mr. Moore, Dr. Samuels
said you wanted to see me.

Yeah, I wanted to give you
your paper.

Well, how did I do?

Well, let's say
it's not the greatest paper

in the history of history.

Aren't you gonna
look at your grade?

I-I-I can't, I'm too nervous.

I'm just gonna..

[T.J. screams]
'I made it! I made it!'

- Welcome to the IHP.
- Welcome, T.J.

[all cheering]

(Alex)
Welcome, T.J.

Whoo!

So, T.J.,
what'd you get on your paper?

B plus. How about you?

What do you think?
I got an A, of course.

[laughs]
Wait a minute. I didn't see
you burning the midnight oil.

Who did you pay off?

Nobody.
Just that when you're brilliant

A-papers kinda come
with the territory.

- Uh-huh.
- Goodnight, Blunden.

Oh, see you, Mr. Carver.
And thanks, I owe you one.

Sure.

[instrumental music]

[theme music]