All language subtitles for Head.Of.The.Class.S03E08_2

[theme music]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

(Sarah)
'As students'

we must continually strive

to improve the image
of our schools.

You see, I believe
that the way to treat problems

in schools today is..

Well, we wouldn't
have problems in school

if, if people reached out
to each other in a

in the true spirit
of friendship.

- 'Yeah, bravo.'
- 'Alright, Sarah.'

Oh, oh, so,
what you're sayin' is, be nice?

Gee, that's some heavy issue.

- Huh?
- 'Yeah.'

Alright! Alright! Break it up!

This is a school,
not "The Morton Downey Show."

I don't know.

Problem is, I didn't hear

much about the issues.

This is ridiculous, Mr. Moore.

The voters are being
forced to choose

between an idiot
and an ineffectual female.

I could beat the stuffin'
out of either one of 'em.

How do you know that?

Well, you know me.

- I'm a political animal.
- Oh.

My first words were

"Mama," "Dada" and "Nixon."

Well, you talk about
a career in politics

but you've never
actually run for an office.

Oh, come on, Mr. Moore, me run
for student council president?

- It's a waste of time.
- Not necessarily.

It can be an exciting experience

and it offers you
the opportunity

to serve your fellow students.

Oh, serve them?

[scoffs]
Grow up...uh, sir.

No student president has ever

made an impact on my life.

Well, maybe one will come along

who will make an impact.

It's gonna be an election

where the most significant issue

is whether we're gonna have

pineapple rings
in the prom punch.

See, that's the really
terrific thing about democracy.

One person who's willing
to go all the way

can make a difference.

So, what you're sayin'
is that school

needs a president
with, with vision?

- Hmm, yeah.
- Brilliant ideas and charisma?

You're right. That's me!

Dr. Samuels, I have
an announcement and a request.

Yes, son. Go ahead.

I have decided to run for
president of the student body.

Oh, Alan!

And I humbly request
your endorsement.

Oh, Alan. Uh..

Son, nothing would give me
more pleasure.

But as principal of the school

I must remain neutral.

(Bernadette)
It's a student election.

And to preserve the sanctity
of that institution

there can be no influence
by the administration.

All I can do, Alan,
is wish you what I would wish

any other student.

Good luck and Godspeed.

I understand. Thank you, sir.

Dr. Samuels, that was wonderful.

I mean,
I know how much you want Alan

to be president
and you did the right thing.

- Yep!
- Mm-hmm.

You're in charge
of the ballot boxes, aren't you?

Yep!

[instrumental music]

Hey, Arvid, you know
the television commercial

from Sweden
where they make that miracle

solution that grows hair?

[laughs]

No, no, no,
I've never seen that commercial.

Well, trust me. They're doing
incredible things over there.

Now, they sell it
for 50 bucks a pop

but I've analyzed it
and I can make it

and sell it for 40.

But for you..

...five.

Well, that's a great price,
Dennis, but if you had noticed

I already have hair.

Not on your upper lip,
you don't.

Now, you know how women
love mustaches.

Think Gable. Think Selleck.

Think Wayne Newton.

Gee, you know,
I've always wanted a mustache.

Hey, and don't forget
your chest, right?

Couple of months,
it's back-to-the-beach time.

Well, I..

How much a bottle?

- Ten bucks.
- Yo! I thought you said five!

- Five is my cost.
- Oh!

Alright! Six bucks.

Okay, Dennis.

- It's a deal.
- Okay.

Be sure not to get
any on your tongue.

Okay.

Arvid, I can't believe
you fell for that.

He still owes you 250 bucks

for the Russian blue jeans scam.

I'm way ahead of you, Eric.

Do I look like I just got off
the bus from Lake Stupid?

Yes.

[bell rings]

- Morning, everybody.
- Good morning, sir.

Listen, since we are, uh

a week away
from a school election

and this is a history class

I thought we should investigate
some parallels.

Um, excuse me, Mr. Moore.

Can I make a small
announcement first?

Announce away.

Well, with the election
less than one week away

I hope I have the loyal support

of all of you here in the IHP.

(Charlie)
Good luck, Sarah.

So, continuing in that vein..

Dirty politics.

From the backstabbing
of Julius Caesar

to the miracle
of Cook County, Illinois

where citizens not only
arose from the dead

they voted twice.

Mr. Moore,
may I just say something?

Fast. Say it fast.

I just can't sit
on the sidelines

and watch this travesty anymore.

I'm tossing my hat
into the ring.

(all)
What?

(Alan)
'The people are clamoring'

'for a real leader.'

Someone they can look up to.

I say that man is Alan Pinkard.

Your next student
council president.

Who's with me?

Okay. Who's leaning my way?

Okay. That's nine people
in the undecided column.

Not undecided, Alan.

To know you, is to reject you.

Well, fine.

There is still thousands
of people out there

who don't know me.
I can be whoever they want.

[instrumental music]

Guys, think about this.

Extra academic credit

for achievement in sports, huh?

Honestly, I-I come from
a long line of cheerleaders

and someday, God willing,
I hope to marry one.

Hi, men.

I just thought
you might like an Alan Pinkard

souvenir pocket protector.

(Alan)
'Homework should be voluntary.'

Uh, pinball machines
in detention hall.

More parking spaces
for motorcycles

and, and definitely

extra credit in art
for graffiti.

Mr. Moore, nobody's gonna buy
that stuff, are they?

Well,
people have bought a lot less.

Dude, he made a few good points.

I rest my case.

Yo, yo.

Arvid!

What do you think?
You think it'll work?

On Dennis, yes.
On girls, no way.

Dennis, Dennis.
How you doing, buddy?

Listen, uh, my friend Arvid
here would like

to talk to you
about his mustache.

Hey, it's a slow process.
It takes time.

I don't wanna hear anything
about a refund.

[screams]

- What's that?
- What does it look like?

It's-it's a mustache.

Alright, come on. Nobody
believes that stuff works.

Well, of course it doesn't,
not till

I started fooling around with it

and now, well, it-it-it works.

- Hey, that's a fake.
- Oh, yeah?

- Watch this.
- Ow! Ow!

I'm not kidding.

Dennis, this stuff was useless
until I added

the follicade penetrol.

The what?

(Arvid)
I-it's the missing catalyst

in the formula.

It penetrates
the epidermal tissue

providing a pseudo
endocrinological reaction

in the follicles.
But you have to be careful.

- It does burn a little.
- Mm.

We're rich. We're rich!

Uh, I think you got
that wrong, pal.

He's rich.

Hey, Arvi, come on.

We're partners, right?

Gee, Dennis, you know..

I never thought about this
in terms of money.

In 1964 primaries,
Nelson Rockefeller

was the leading
republican candidate

for the presidency.

'Now, when he married
a divorcee'

'without the custody
of her children'

his opponents
made that a "moral" issue

and Rockefeller
lost the nomination

rather than give up
the woman he loved.

He should have dumped her.

That's exactly
the type of remark

that I'd expect
to come from you, Alan.

What are you talkin' about?

You know what
I am talking about.

You'll say anything
anybody wants to hear

just to get some votes.

[bell rings]

Okay, uh, tomorrow
the '64 campaign, that includes

the infamous democratic
commercial that showed

what would happen
if you voted for Goldwater.

It's a three-year-old girl
holding a flower.

Shuu! She's vaporized
by an H-bomb.

[indistinct muttering]

(Charlie)
'See you then.'

Arvid, uh..

- I like the stache.
- Yeah? Thanks.

You know, coming from you,
Mr. Moore

that's a real compliment.

Can I give you a grooming tip?

- Sure.
- It's on crooked.

Okay.

Sarah, I've been going
over and over the results

of the newspaper's latest poll,
and I can't believe it

but Alan's
really making inroads.

The people have spoken.

I don't believe in polls.

They're not
scientifically accurate.

No. I mean, he's taking votes
away from Barry.

Mostly the uncommitted
and the should be committed.

You're in
first place now, Sarah.

Wow!

On the other hand,
when interpreted properly

polls can be a very useful tool.

Well, don't get too cocky.

Those polls also show
my momentum.

My groundswell of support.
My message is getting through.

[clears throat]
What message?

Well, you know,
the speeches I've been makin'.

The platform
I've been runnin' on.

The line
you've been handing them.

Hmm.

You know, Alan, uh

superficiality and good looks

can carry you just so far.

Like to the vice presidency.

But.. Uh-uh..

If you seriously
want to run against Sarah

you might consider sneaking
a few issues into your platform.

You'd be surprised
how many voters are interested.

Well, come on, Mr. Moore,
what issues does she have?

Oh, Alan, I happen to have
found some new issues

and I'm gonna present them
to the student body tomorrow.

For instance, I found out
that the school board

has a surplus fund.

I'm gonna see to it that
that money goes

for remedial math
and reading programs

AIDS information, sex education

and a daycare in the school.

[scoffs]
You call those issues?

Well, beats getting

extra credit for graffiti.

Mr. Moore, in the first place

remedial programs are typical

examples of big government.

And, young lady, sex education
encourages promiscuity.

And daycare in the school
flies in the face

of every moral principle
this country stands for.

Alan, we've gone over
these issues

with some of the more
interested voters

and they're very enthusiastic.

Mm-hmm,
so you and Barry have fun

fighting it out
for second place.

[instrumental music]

And I will make sure that
the auditorium, when not in use

will be made available
for the showing of cartoons.

Alright.

[applause]

Barry, Barry, Barry.

You don't know what the voters
in the school want.

Uh, not that I have anything
against cartoons, of course.

And I suppose
you know what they want.

Yes, I do.

(Barry)
Yeah?

What?

Well, they want real issues,
right folks?

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

Hey, name one.

Yeah! Name one.

Well, for instance, they want
money to go toward math

and remedial reading programs,
AIDS information

and daycare in the school.

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

Wait a minute!
Those are my ideas!

Well, thank you, Sarah,
I'm glad to see

you're comin' around
to my way of thinkin'.

Those should be
everybody's ideas.

And now for the election,
I hope you'll join with me

to make those ideas a reality.

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

[instrumental music]

You are co-opting my issues

and trying to steal
the election.

You are a crook, Alan.

I am not a crook.

- I'm an opportunist.
- Oh.. Mr. Moore!

You're both right.

Alan's a crook
and an opportunist.

[bell rings]

It's not gonna work, Alan.

I'm in the lead
and I'm gonna stay there.

Well, actually, Sarah

Alan's now in the lead
by six percent.

- 'Uh-oh!'
- Oh.

I don't believe in polls.

They're not
scientifically accurate.

Alan, I was one
of the people who thought

Dan Quayle had a few
redeeming characteristics.

But let me
tell you something, sir.

You're no Dan Quayle.

In India, we have a name
for people like you.

Weenie.

[instrumental music]

So, in the '72 primaries

Senator Muskie
was being harassed

by Nixon's troops.

Racist letters were sent out
on Muskie's stationary

and Muskie withdrew
from the campaign.

So, Nixon succeeded..

...in removing one more obstacle

to his re-election,
and proving once and for all

that he deserved
the nickname Tricky Dick.

[bell rings]

- I'll see you tomorrow, okay?
- Yeah.

- 'Ahem, buh-bye. See you.'
- 'Bye.'

Mr. Moore,
may I talk to you for a moment?

Sure.

I expect them to be mad at me.

In fact, I kind of enjoy it.

But I didn't expect it from you.

Well, I'm only human.

Aren't you the guy
who encouraged me to run?

I mean, didn't you
want me to try to win?

I-I'm employing
professional tact.

It's just the way
it's done in Washington.

Oh, I'm not sure
Washington is the best place

to look for a role model.

I worry about you, Alan.

I mean,
you're running as a non-person.

Where is your philosophy?

I have one, Mr. Moore.

First you win,
then you find a philosophy.

You know, Alan,
uh, I've never agreed

with your political views

but I can respect you

for standing by them.

You mean it? You respect me?

Well, up until this past week.

I know that you think
of yourself as a politician

but I'm not sure you have

the stomach for real politics.

I think you're frightened.

Frightened? Of what?

- Losing.
- Losing?

Well, I am not afraid of losing.

Well, that's good.

Because you don't have to be.

See, you can, uh,
learn from your mistakes.

You can bounce back.

I mean, look at your hero,
Richard Nixon.

I mean, here is a man
who's bounced back

more than the guy
in the "Friday The 13th" movies.

- Jason.
- Jason, yeah.

Richard Nixon is the Jason

of American politics.

If I can't win some piddling
little high school election

against a,
a girl and a, a muscle head

then my career is over
before it started.

How can I live
with the humiliation?

Losing an election
can hurt, Alan.

I mean, it is rejection.

Losing your integrity..

...that's something
to worry about.

[instrumental music]

Gee, Dennis,
I've been thinkin'.

I could never sell
our discovery for money.

I'd feel awful.

I mean, this is something
that can really help people.

Don't think of it as money.

Think of it
as things money could buy.

Like, uh, house in the Bahamas,
or a Porsche, or..

...a new wardrobe.

No, see, this is gonna be
our scientific contribution

to the world.

- Take it.
- No, no, wait a minute, Arvid.

You can't just give this away.

Hey, you got some money
in this thing, don't you?

Couple of hundred dollars.

[scoffs]
Oh..

So the least
you could do, Dennis

is buy the poor guy out!

You got it.

[instrumental music]

Testing.

One, two, three, four.

Am I on?

I'm on? Oh.

[grunts]
Students of Fillmore High.

Today you embark upon
an important civic duty.

I'm not on.

For crying out loud,
am I on or am I off?

'I'm on. Anyway..'

Students of Fillmore High.

Today you embark upon
an important civic duty.

Today you cast your vote
for one of the three candidates.

- 'Barry Vincent.'
- 'Yeah, Barry, yay!'

- 'Sarah Nevins'
- Sarah! Woo!

And Alan Pinkard.

[cheering]

(Samuels)
'Hold it,
the candidates will speak'

for no more than five minutes.

Barry?

Point number 23.

I will demand
that we have "Playboy" magazine

in the library at all times.

'Hey, there's some good
articles in there, huh?'

Point number 24.

The homecoming queen shouldn't
have to have a C average.

Look, I know some great chicks

who really just don't have it
all together up here.

So let's give 'em a chance,
what do you say?

Thank you, your time is up.

Sarah Nevins!

And I believe we need
more remedial programs

expanded sex education

AIDS information

and daycare in the school.

[applause]

In conclusion

I hope you all know
where I stand.

Because what I say

is what I believe.

Thank you.

[applause]

And now, we will hear
from our final candidate

Alan Pinkard!

[cheering]

Take it away, son.

Yes, sir.

Fellow Fillmorians.

Now I wanna tell you
what I believe in.

I believe in honesty

and integrity and issues.

The issues..

The issues that

put me over the top
actually belong to my opponent

Sarah Nevins.

[indistinct chatter]

She believes in them.

I borrowed them because
I thought they'd help me win.

But now I'm giving them back.

Because I don't believe
in any of them.

[indistinct chatter]

Well, I might as well
tell you what I do believe in.

I support cuts
in the athletics budget.

- 'Oh!'
- 'Come on!'

I feel that random locker search

is gonna be an effective tool

in the war against crime.

- What?
- What are you talk..

And let's stop
fighting censorship

in the school newspaper
and give it a shot.

It just might work.

[indistinct chatter]

Alright. Well, some of you
may not agree with me.

But then again

who has higher SAT scores,
me or you?

[crowd booing]

'And now about a mandatory
pledge of allegiance.'

[bell ringing]

Madam President!

- Yeah.
- Thank you.

And thank you all
for your support

and I promise to do my best

to fulfill the trust
that you've placed in me.

Sarah, relax. You got the job.

- Sorry.
- I knew you could do it, Sarah.

Oh, really?
Then why'd you print this?

I had to send it into
the printer last Wednesday.

Uh-huh.

Okay. Uh, let's get started.

I think we've talked enough
about dirty campaigns.

Let's talk about
the administrations.

[door opening]

Alan, that was a good speech
you gave yesterday.

And you're good at ducking food.

Stop trying to cheer me up.

Well, you know, Alan, um

Abraham Lincoln was defeated

in four major elections

before he made the presidency
of the United States.

But I'm not Honest Abe.

It's true, but you're, uh

you're on your way.

Here, Alan.

I thought you might like that
for your scrapbook.

Oh. Thanks, Sarah.

I'll give it to my mom,
I haven't told her yet.

Well, don't worry, Alan,
your time will come.

No, I don't think so.

You're not gonna have
Alan Pinkard

to kick around anymore.

I've waited my whole life
to say that.

[instrumental music]

Okay, two more grams
of sorbitol. What's next?

Sodium hexametaphosphate.

[chuckles]
Okay. What is this from anyway?

Well, let me put it this way.

Dennis is gonna be rubbing
marshmallow nougat

into his upper lip.

Here he comes.

Hi, Dennis.
Uh, you got the money?

Yep, you got the formula?

Yep.

[chuckles]
I can't believe it, Arvid,
I did it.

I outsmarted you again.

Ha, not so fast, Dennis, look.

There is no secret formula.
Ha ha!

I made it up! It's a phony.

[both laughing]

Finally, 200 and..

[laughing]

[instrumental music]

[theme music]