All language subtitles for Head.Of.The.Class.S03E06_2

[theme music]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

- Good morning, everybody.
- Mr. Moore.

Mr. Moore, did you hear
what happened to Mr. Hofstadter?

- Your calculus teacher?
- 'Yeah.'

Not anymore. He got
into an argument with a gorilla.

- 'Can you believe that?'
- That's rare.

These days it's hard to find a
gorilla who can argue calculus.

Most of them are English majors.

[laughing]

Mr. Moore, it's really true.

Mr. Hofstadter was taking his
doctoral thesis to the typist.

He cut through Central Park
and stopped at the zoo

to visit Momo the gorilla.

Well, that's right, well,
his thesis was teaching

number theory to primates

and he was about to achieve
a major breakthrough

by holding up
a bunch of bananas and saying

"How many bananas
do I have in my hand?"

- Not a good idea.
- Not at all.

You're not kidding.

Momo tried to pull the bananas

and Mr. Hofstadter
through the bars.

The bananas got all squished.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Mr. Hofstadter, too, I imagine.

Yeah, he got a broken nose,
two black eyes

a sprained wrist
and bruises all over his body.

- 'Yeah.'
- He's in the hospital.

- But he's gonna be alright.
- 'Right.'

- 'Yes.'
- 'They're hoping so.'

Well, it certainly
sounds like a..

[chuckles]
...terrible thing.

Maybe we should try and look
at the bright side of this.

[chuckles]
I'm not sure
there is a bright side

to being mauled by a gorilla.

[laughs]

- Seriously.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I-I..

You're probably concerned about
who's gonna teach your class.

Oh, yeah,
you're right, Mr. Moore.

The advanced placement exam
is in a month

and we don't have
a calculus teacher.

- That's right.
- That's right.

Well, if I don't pass that test

I can't get into a good college,
I won't get a good job

and if I don't get a good job,
what will I do?

Okay, Arvid, look.

What about
a substitute teacher, hmm?

That's right, I could end up
as a substitute teacher. Ew.

Sorry, Mr. Moore.

Yeah, I meant that Dr. Samuels

will find you
a good substitute teacher.

- No, no.
- Yeah, we can't depend on--

Not that easy, Mr. Moore.

There's only three
AP calculus teachers

left in the whole city.

Counting Mr. Hofstadter,
it's three and a half.

[laughing]

- Morning, Miss Meara.
- Oh, hi, Charlie.

Oh, gee, I pity the poor guy

who's gotta fill
Hofstadter's shoes.

Yeah. Don't you mean shoe?

[chuckles]

[humming]

Your beloved principal
never ceases to amaze himself.

For my IHP

I have found the calculus
substitute from the Gods.

A working professional
mathematician from Larwind Labs.

- You'll never guess who it is.
- Oh, yes, I will.

- No, you won't.
- Yes, I will.

- Five bucks.
- Arvid's father.

So what's on your mind, Arvid?

Well, I-I-I'm kind of worried
about this, Mr. Moore.

You're embarrassed
about your father being around?

[chuckles]
Embarrassed about my father?

Eurick Engen, PhD.

Yeah, well, that's crazy.

Well, Arvid, uh,
you know, I was embarrassed

when my dad came
to visit my school.

Well, yeah, you're..
But my dad's a great man.

No, I-I mean, he's a genius.

He-he's publishing
"Scientific American."

He's on the school board,
you know, he's..

Y-you know,
I remember when I was a kid

he was gonna teach me
to play catch

and he started explaining
Newton's law of thermodynamics.

I mean, o-of course,
when I was older

we would, uh,
we'd go out to the park

with our bat and ball and gloves

and have some really
intense discussions.

Well, sounds like you spent
some time together.

Yeah, we were always very close.

You-you know, Mr. Moore

before I was in the IHP,
I-I didn't have many friends.

Even the, the puppy
I rescued from the pound

left me for a more popular kid.

Sounds like your dad
was a good friend.

Oh, he was my best friend.

I mean, all those hours we spent
together, just him and me and..

...Mr. Potato Head.

I mean, I'm sure you can
understand why I'm worried.

[indistinct chatter]

I think
this is gonna be great, Arvid.

- Having your father teach us.
- You think so?

- Yeah.
- Can you believe it?

Right here in this classroom

the creator of the Engen formula

the Engen lemma,
the Engen parallelotope..

Not to mention the Engen Arvid.

[chuckles]

It's gonna be kind of nice
to be taught something

by someone who actually
makes a living at it.

- Yeah.
- 'Yeah, just think.'

- Well, good morning.
- Good morning.

Hi, I'm Dr. Eurick Engen.

We know. We're thrilled
to have you here.

Well, thank you.
I'm thrilled to be here.

And I just wanna say that
by the time I'm through with you

that advanced placement exam
you're worried about

will be a breeze.

- Yeah.
- Great.

We'll have to get Carl Sagan
just to grade our papers.

Looks like we really
lucked out, huh, guys?

- Yeah.
- Oh, thank you, thank you.

[bell rings]

Well, let me break the ice
with a, a math joke.

- Oh.
- Okay.

What do you get when you cross

an elephant and a grape?

Elephant grape sine theta.

[laughing]

- Nobody gets it?
- No.

Well, isn't this class familiar
with the vector cross product?

- Vector cross what?
- Uh, sorry, Dr. Engen.

- Go figure, dad.
- Well, that's, that's too bad.

[chuckles]
Really, it's very funny.

Well, uh, maybe you ought
to write it down

and read it again
in a few years.

So, uh, what was, uh,
Mr. Hofstadter teaching you?

- Reviewing integrals.
- Right.

- Yeah.
- Oh, that's high school stuff.

But just to get warmed up

let's blaze through
a few simple ones.

Okay. The square root
of one minus X squared?

You got it?

Okay, okay, well, let-let me,
let me do it for you.

The answer is pi over four.

Wow.

Wait a minute, Dr. Engen,
how did you get that?

- Yeah, how did you get that?
- How did you get that?

- Isn't that obvious?
- No.

Uh, dad, maybe you could do it
in a different way?

Okay, okay.

Pi over four.

Thanks for clearing that up,
Dr. Engen.

Okay, let me give you
your homework.

Now first, add up the series

one plus a half plus a quarter

plus an eighth plus a sixteenth

'ad infinitum.'

Okay, second.

Calculate the arch length

of any lemniscate you like.

And third,
consider this equation.

[instrumental music]

Arvid, look at my math homework.

It's blank.

Took me five hours to do that.

You're very neat.

Who has a favorite lemniscate?

What is a lemniscate?

Well, it's just
the figure eight.

Why didn't he just say that?

And that series of numbers

it goes on and on and on.

- It just won't stop.
- 'Yeah.'

Exactly. Every time
you think you've finished

another one comes along.

Sort of like the "Rocky" movies.

Okay, I mean,
maybe the homework

was a little harder
than we're used to.

I don't mind harder,
I just don't need a math teacher

who speaks to me in tongues.

Well, I heard that, Dennis.

Well, you've always hated
my father.

Ever since he yelled at you
for eating

my little sister's baby food.

Her formula, I understood.

- His, I don't.
- It's true, Arvid--

Wait, wait, wait, could it be
that he's just shaking

this class up a little bit
by challenging it?

- Oh, right.
- He's not challenging it.

He's on the way
to destroying it.

- 'Yeah, that's right.'
- Exactly.

Destroying it?

Destroying it?

Yeah, Arvid, remember
the advanced placement exam?

Well, at this rate,
we'll all flunk.

- That's right.
- That's right.

Flunk?
Flunk?

Hey, he happens to be
one of the most intelligent

highly regarded man
in his field.

What about my field?

If your daffy dad
ruins my chances in math

I'm gonna be lucky to get a job
cleaning windshields

outside the Holland tunnel.

Daffy dad?

Hey, my daffy dad has forgotten
more math than you'll ever know.

Then why does he keep it
to himself?

- Let us in on it.
- Yeah, Arvid.

Arvid, face it.
Your father can't teach.

- 'Yeah, Arvid.'
- 'He can't teach.'

No, no, no, he can teach.

You can't learn,
that's the problem.

'You've all been
in the IHP for too long'

you think you know everything.

And finally
when you're confronted

with a man who has a black belt
in mathematics

you don't know what to do.

So you become mean,
petty, jealous and disloyal.

And as far as I care,
you can go jump in a lake.

Whoa, talk about overreacting.

Arvid will get over it.

In a second,
he'll come back in here

and apologize
for losing his temper.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

And another thing,
you're spiteful, whining

pampered, rude and uncivilized
and I hate you all.

[bell rings]

Mr. Moore, your class.

[all clamoring]

Excuse me.

You've only had one class
with Dr. Engen.

Now I really don't wanna hear
anything more about this

until you've had
two classes, okay?

Thank you, Mr. Moore.
It's nice--

- And you, sit down.
- Okay.

Alan, 51.

You can't differentiate
under the integral sign

whenever you feel like it.

- I can't?
- 'Ah.'

Janice, 59.

Your use of integration by parts
is inappropriate in this case.

This is the lowest grade
I've ever gotten.

Darlene, 53.

Acceleration is the second
derivative, not a first.

Sarah, 52.

These are not
the correct equations

for the conic sections.

Maria, 39.

[screams]

Well, you didn't answer
most of the questions.

Dennis, 35.

I hope you're not planning
to go in the sciences.

Arvid..

...you're slipping.

What did you get, Arvid?

Ferny diggy.

Come on, Arvid.
What did you get?

- Anythingy.
- 'Arvid!'

- Eighty-seven.
- Eighty-seven?

Lucky guesses.

Besides, we have the same genes.

Okay, everybody, let's move on.

Uh, uh, Dr. Engen,
if we get a problem wrong

and you don't show us how to do
it, how are we gonna learn?

- Yeah.
- Hmm. We'll work on that.

Okay, now we could go on to
the next chapter in your book

but instead, let's have some fun
with isoparametric equations.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

"We, the students of the IHP

"in order to form
a more perfect calculus class

"and assure that we pass
the advanced placement test

"do hereby petition
the removal of Dr. Eurick Engen

'from the said class."'

- Here. Here.
- Good, let's send it in.

A petition?

How low can you people get?

You're stabbing my father
in the back.

You're slime.

Simone, surely you're not
a party to this?

He gave me a 35, Arvid.

Your father's a yutz.

Yeah, excuse me.

If you have a problem
with Dr. Engen

I suggest you take it up
with him directly

rather than go behind his back.

After all the shortest distance
between two points

is a straight line.

Yeah,
but whenever we talk to him

we wind up going in circles.

- Yeah.
- 'Yeah.'

The only way
I can get into science now

is by donating my body.

I am simply saying before
you pass this petition around

discuss your problems
with Dr. Engen.

See if you can find a solution.

Mr. Moore,
you said two classes.

- We've had two classes.
- Yeah.

[indistinct chatter]

Mr. Moore,
if you don't like our petition

you ought to check out
his class.

Is that alright with you, Arvid?

Fine with me.

Okay. I'll think about it.

And so the arch
of the lemniscate

is given by the integral

of the D-R over the square root

'of one minus R to the force.'

And quadratic Ks

we're doing the substitution

R square equals--

- Yo, yo.
- Two--

Dr. E, remember us, the class?

Oh, yeah. Two T squared over one
plus T to the four.

- Dr. Engen, I'm lost.
- Yeah.

But this is exactly what
the Italian count of Finiano

did in 1719.

You see, when we rationalize
this equation--

Excuse me, Dr. Engen,
we can't see the board.

Oh, how's that?

Dr. Engen,
we couldn't understand this

even if we could see it.

I spoke to a friend of mine

who's a grad student at Colombia

and he said these topics
are way over our heads.

- They're not even in his book.
- 'Yeah.'

Well, this is an honors program,
isn't it?

[bell rings]

'Alright, class dismissed.'

[indistinct chatter]

You know,
it's just amazing how a little

quirk of fate brought me here.

'Cause if Hofstadter hadn't
grappled with that gorilla

we'd have never found out
what a rotten teacher he is.

Dad, you know,
I-I really like Mr. Hofstadter.

Oh, I know, I-I've taught you
to respect your teachers, son

but in this case, the teacher
hasn't earned that respect.

He has ruined this class. And
I'm just afraid he has to go.

Go?

Well, we'll find him something
in a junior high school.

Excuse me, Dr. Engen,
could I see you for a minute?

Oh, sure.

The IRS says it won't accept
irrational numbers.

Go figure.

They're right about him,
aren't they?

Well, let's put it this way,
Arvid, uh..

I don't think the teacher
of the year committee

is gonna be battering down
his door.

He thinks
Mr. Hofstadter is the problem.

- 'Yeah.'
- But..

He's the problem.

Yeah.

I didn't wanna see it.

I-I was blinded by my own
filial devotion, you know?

That happens.

So a-are you gonna confront him
one-on-one like you said?

I didn't say
I was gonna do that.

I-I said I thought the class
should deal with him directly.

He'll be crushed.

Well,
under the circumstances, uh

maybe you should be the one
to talk to him.

- Me?
- Yeah.

I-I couldn't do that,
Mr. Moore. He's my father.

I mean, how can I tell him
he's not perfect at something?

Is he perfect at everything?

No, I guess he's not.

He taught you to tell the truth.

- Yeah, he did.
- Yeah.

Well, this might be
a good time to do that.

[sighs]

Oh, boy.

This is gonna be harder
than the last time.

What happened then?

I had to tell him
I wanted to start

picking out my own clothes.

[instrumental music]

[bell rings]

That's it. Perfect.

- Thank you.
- Mm-hm.

- Hi, dad.
- Oh, hi, Arvie.

Uh, dad, I'd, uh,
I'd like to talk to you

as-as one number cruncher
to another.

You mean, egghead to egghead?

[chuckles]

Actually, dad, more like, uh
...man to man.

Oh, boy.
Well, this is serious, huh?

- What's the problem?
- Uh, dad.

Uh, listen.

[sighs]

When-when you teach..

...you're hard to understand.

I mean, I mean, all the greats
can understand you.

Pearlstein, Hawkings, Rubik--

Well, you understand me,
don't you, Arvid?

- Well, of course, I do.
- Well, alright, so?

Yeah, b-but guys
like Alan and-and Eric

they have a tougher time.

Well, see, I-I know
you know a lot more math

than Mr. Hofstadter.

But-but when he teaches,
he's, he's really clear..

...and we learn from him.

Now you're a,
you're a great dad.

And a,
and a great mathematician.

But you're just
not that great a teacher.

O-o-okay, dad, you understand?

I hope this doesn't hurt too
much coming from your own son.

Son?

- I have no son.
- Dad!

I'm just kidding.
I saw it in a movie once.

Of course, you are my son

and I love you.

That's why I took this job

when Dr. Samuels
offered it to me.

- What do you mean?
- Oh.

Hey, remember
when we used to go to the park

and talk about playing catch?

And we'd do
the math puzzles together.

And check out the stamp stores.

Well, we were best of pals.

But since you got into the IHP
you're so darn popular

I never see you anymore.

I just thought this was a way
for us to be together.

That was
a really good idea, dad.

You sure?

I mean, us being together more
is a good idea.

You know..

...you're all grown up, Arvid.

- I am?
- Well, sure.

You criticized your father.

No, I-I take it back.
I didn't mean it.

- Yes, you did.
- I.. Okay, I did.

And I'm proud of you.

Because it took
a lot of courage to tell me

that I'm a less
than excellent teacher.

Oh, boy, I sure hope
I didn't embarrass you too much

in front of your friends.

Oh, no.

Are you kidding?

You're my dad.

[chuckles]

[instrumental music]

So attempting to fold
a little contemporary history

into your calculus class

I'm going to ask you
to think of Dr. Engen here

as the distinguished
representative

from the sovereign nation
of Mathematica.

[laughter]

And I want you to think of Arvid

as his UN
simultaneous translator.

- Take it away, boys.
- Okay, hit it, dad.

Alright, take the series

whose general term
is one over two to the Nth.

- We don't understand this.
- I can't understand.

Just relax.

Just write one plus one-half

'plus one-quarter
plus one-eighth'

'plus one-sixteenth'

'and so on.'

Okay, Arvid,
I'm with you so far.

Call the series S.

Just write S equals
in front of it.

Now multiply by a half
and subtract.

That's it. Simple.

Oh, I'm lost again, Arvid.

Just relax, I'll talk you down.

Multiply each term by one-half.

So one-half of one is a half.

'One-half of a half
is a quarter.'

'One-half of a quarter
is an eighth.'

And so on.

But that's what I said.

No, no, dad, that's what
you thought. Remember?

You do the thinking.
I'll do the talking.

Sorry.

Okay, so, you see,
each term becomes the next.

So all the terms
in the first series

except for the 1
are here in the second.

Now if we subtract,
all the terms..

...cancel out except for the 1.

So if you subtract
half of S from S..

Then you get half of S.

And if half of S is 1..

Then S equals 2.

- Yeah.
- I did it.

I've solved an infinite series
of numbers.

I am not a moron.

[laughs]

[theme music]