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1
00:00:00,375 --> 00:00:03,165
[theme music]
2
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(Dennis)
'Come on.'
3
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[sighs]
'Come on, let's go!'
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00:01:20,705 --> 00:01:22,455
Come on.
5
00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:24,829
[laughs]
There it is!
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- There what is?
- Eddie Murphy's phone number.
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What? How'd you do that?
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I'm watching "Saturday Night
Live" the other night.
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I figured they got computers,
right?
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Computers? Phone numbers?
I broke in.
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But you can't do that.
It's not allowed.
12
00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:40,890
Are you kidding?
Come on, Eddie will love this.
13
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Uh, yes,
I'd like to speak to Eddie M..
14
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:50,152
Eddie Murphy?
15
00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:52,113
[laughs]
16
00:01:52,153 --> 00:01:54,533
Yeah, it's Dennis Blunden,
your main fan.
17
00:01:54,572 --> 00:01:55,952
How are you doin'?
18
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Oh, um, I was at the Hard Rock
Cafe the other night
19
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and, uh,
Dan Aykroyd gave me your number.
20
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:05,710
Uh, he's in Paris?
21
00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:07,500
Uh, yeah, well,
that's why I called you.
22
00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:09,054
There's a guy
who looks just like Dan Aykroyd
23
00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:11,047
going around givin' out
your phone number to people
24
00:02:11,089 --> 00:02:12,169
and I thought..
25
00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:13,505
Hello?
26
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:16,224
[sighs]
I got Eddie Murphy.
27
00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:18,931
- Wow.
- Name anybody. I can call them.
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00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:21,312
- Uh, uh, Dan Aykroyd.
- Why Dan Aykroyd?
29
00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:23,099
We gotta tell him
about the imposter.
30
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,273
Oh, yeah.
31
00:02:24,310 --> 00:02:25,440
[laughs]
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00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:27,358
[bell rings]
33
00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:30,942
Good morning,
ladies and gentlemen.
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I give you a man
35
00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:34,397
whose commitment
to education is secondary
36
00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:36,315
only to his love
of announcements.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
38
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Gang, I have an announcement.
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00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:43,286
A psychologist is testing
all IHP classes
40
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:45,369
in the New York City
school system
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00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:46,785
and you're next.
42
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:48,923
Of course, I expect you
to make the rest of them
43
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,420
look like a bunch
of garbanzo beans.
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00:02:51,462 --> 00:02:55,472
Dr. Samuels, a psychological
test is not a contest.
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No, of course not.
It's for research only.
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- We don't have the time.
- Yeah, we-we don't have it.
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00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:02,178
- 'Exactly.'
- 'That's right.'
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00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:04,063
Sir,
you're my immediate superior.
49
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:06,390
If you say take the test,
I'd take the test.
50
00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,936
- Oh, sit down, Alan.
- Alan.
51
00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:11,190
Well, there you have it,
Dr. Samuels.
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00:03:11,232 --> 00:03:12,362
It's nine against one.
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I think
that's democracy in action.
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00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:18,200
Fortunately, democracy has
nothing to do with education.
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00:03:18,239 --> 00:03:20,329
You will all take
the test tomorrow.
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00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:22,986
Remember, it's a psychological
profile test.
57
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:26,116
I will wanna see the scores
of well-adjusted, happy
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00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:28,174
socially adept personalities.
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00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,628
- You got that?
- Yeah, sure.
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00:03:30,668 --> 00:03:32,088
I can't hear you!
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(all)
Yes, Dr. Samuels.
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Sorry, I had to get ugly.
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[indistinct chatter]
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What is the big deal?
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00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:46,354
I thought you were test junkies.
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00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:49,232
Yes, usually tests that get you
into college or a job.
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00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:52,940
Uh-huh. Why waste all this time
on a personality inventory?
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00:03:52,982 --> 00:03:54,482
[indistinct chatter]
69
00:03:54,525 --> 00:03:56,985
Yeah, I know
what my personality profile is.
70
00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:59,778
I took a test in "Cosmo."
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Turns out I'm easily manipulated
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00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:04,486
and the kind of person
men just walk all over.
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00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:09,371
"Cosmo?" Y-you don't take
a personality test in "Cosmo."
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00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:12,625
- I know.
- You take it in the "Enquirer."
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00:04:13,544 --> 00:04:17,384
Yeah, how you tie your shoelaces
reveals your personality.
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Okay, I give up.
How do you tie your shoelaces?
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- Ooh.
- 'Oh.'
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00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:25,720
Uh, well, why don't we talk
about the real reason?
79
00:04:25,765 --> 00:04:27,515
What are you afraid of?
80
00:04:28,476 --> 00:04:30,346
Well, I guess it's just that
people have always
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00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,395
looked at us
like we're freaks or something.
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00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:34,358
- 'Mm-hmm.'
- Yeah, you know, oddballs.
83
00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:35,609
Weirdoes, dweebs,
nerds, gummies.
84
00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:39,280
Well, first of all,
uh, you're exceptional.
85
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You're not freaks.
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At the very worst,
you're mildly eccentric.
87
00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:46,081
But I see nothing wrong
with taking a test
88
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:49,869
that gives you some insight
into your own personality.
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00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:52,962
[sighs]
Maybe he's right.
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00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:55,801
It says on the Temple of Apollo
at Delphi
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00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:57,337
Gnothi seauton.
92
00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:58,460
- What?
- What does that mean?
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That's Greek for know yourself.
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00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:01,433
- 'Oh.'
- Exactly.
95
00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:02,797
Well, you know,
it's also written
96
00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:04,184
that ignorance is bliss.
97
00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:06,600
- Where?
- I don't know.
98
00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:09,979
Look..
99
00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:12,018
...the more we know
about ourselves
100
00:05:12,061 --> 00:05:13,771
the better equipped
we are to deal
101
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:16,193
with the rest of the world,
right?
102
00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:17,152
- Sure.
- Right.
103
00:05:17,191 --> 00:05:19,861
So relax. Just take the test.
104
00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:30,084
Morning. Oh, uh, Charlie Moore,
this is Dr. Beth Westin.
105
00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:32,291
She's gonna be testing
your IHP class.
106
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,132
Hi. Beth Westin?
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00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:36,587
Please, no motel jokes.
108
00:05:36,627 --> 00:05:38,497
Oh, yeah, I understand.
109
00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:41,336
I have a friend
named Tower Johnson.
110
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Now after you complete
the written portion
111
00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:48,969
the individual interviews
will begin.
112
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:51,015
The most important thing
to remember is that
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there are no right
or wrong answers.
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They all come down to your own
perception and choice.
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00:05:57,398 --> 00:05:59,188
- Yes?
- So what's passing?
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00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:01,533
This isn't
a pass-fail situation.
117
00:06:01,569 --> 00:06:03,069
Then you'll be using A, B, C?
118
00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:04,612
You're missing the point.
119
00:06:04,655 --> 00:06:07,235
These tests are to be measured
only against those
120
00:06:07,283 --> 00:06:09,493
of other students
with your capabilities.
121
00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:12,575
So we're being graded
on a curve, right?
122
00:06:13,664 --> 00:06:15,254
I'm trying to tell you--
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Uh, Dr. Westin, if I may?
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- Be my guest.
- Okay, everybody.
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00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:21,756
It's showtime.
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Eyes on the textbooks.
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Pencils in hand.
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Deep breaths.
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Ready? Begin.
130
00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:34,727
Okay, Maria,
this portion of the test
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00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:36,229
is the oral personal profile.
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Fine.
133
00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:38,688
Are you nervous about something?
134
00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:41,231
- No, why do you ask?
- You're twisting your hair.
135
00:06:41,275 --> 00:06:43,735
Well, this is just an old habit.
I could stop anytime I want.
136
00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:45,568
It's not like
I have to do this or anything
137
00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:47,163
or some neurotic behavior.
138
00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:48,948
I mean, do you want me to stop?
139
00:06:48,991 --> 00:06:51,121
- Yes.
- You're kidding?
140
00:06:52,036 --> 00:06:54,156
I guess I was about three
when I discovered
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00:06:54,205 --> 00:06:55,915
my aptitude for perfection.
142
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:59,497
Not that I don't have flaws,
you just can't see them.
143
00:07:02,296 --> 00:07:05,716
Well, I'm really
a, a passive person.
144
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:07,718
I abhor violence.
145
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,760
I love delicate poetry.
146
00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:12,064
Poignant moments in life.
147
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:13,558
I cry easily.
148
00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:16,189
Well, of course,
you can tell I'm oversensitive.
149
00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:19,557
Okay, what does this ink blot
remind you of?
150
00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:21,145
A dead puppy.
151
00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:25,531
Okay, Eric,
what's your favorite color?
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00:07:26,487 --> 00:07:28,697
- Red.
- Red?
153
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:32,659
- Really, why red?
- Okay, blue.
154
00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:37,253
Okay, Sarah, what do these
three playing cards mean to you?
155
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:40,670
Let me see.
A jack, a three and a deuce.
156
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:43,500
That makes 15.
Hit me with the little one.
157
00:07:46,090 --> 00:07:48,300
Dennis, what is your earliest
childhood memory?
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00:07:48,342 --> 00:07:50,052
I don't remember anything.
159
00:07:50,094 --> 00:07:52,764
Okay, why don't you tell me
about an unusual dream?
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00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:54,515
I don't dream.
161
00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:57,097
Okay, what's missing
from this picture?
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Nothing.
163
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:00,862
Are you nervous about something?
164
00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:02,147
I don't get nervous.
165
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:05,530
Are you afraid you're going to
reveal something about yourself?
166
00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:08,068
[chuckles]
167
00:08:08,112 --> 00:08:09,492
Yes.
168
00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:12,829
Yellow.
169
00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:18,660
These various geometric shapes
fit somewhere into the puzzle.
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00:08:18,706 --> 00:08:21,166
You have three minutes.
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00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:22,589
Begin.
172
00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,261
Would you like to see it again?
173
00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:31,682
This is called the TAT.
174
00:08:31,719 --> 00:08:33,509
Oh, the Thematic
Apperception Test?
175
00:08:33,554 --> 00:08:35,184
Ambiguous stimuli,
where you invent a story
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00:08:35,223 --> 00:08:37,233
based on a picture
and I tell you what happened
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before, during
and after the picture.
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How did you know that?
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00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:43,855
Lucky guess.
180
00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:50,908
Suppose I start a story
and then you take over.
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00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:51,777
Okay.
182
00:08:51,822 --> 00:08:53,822
There was a young man
named Steve
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00:08:53,866 --> 00:08:56,736
who more than anything else
wanted to..
184
00:08:57,662 --> 00:09:01,372
Tell a certain girl
that he loved her.
185
00:09:01,415 --> 00:09:02,625
And one afternoon
186
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:04,337
while they were walking
through the park
187
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:07,547
he picked a flower
and put it in her hair.
188
00:09:07,588 --> 00:09:12,048
And as they were about to kiss,
it suddenly began to rain.
189
00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:13,013
Steve..
190
00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:16,222
...turned into this bloodsucking
one-eyed zombie
191
00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:19,234
who terrorizes an entire class.
192
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:21,387
Steve placed a magic spell
on them
193
00:09:21,435 --> 00:09:25,055
which caused them to get younger
as she got older.
194
00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:26,566
I mean, he.
195
00:09:26,607 --> 00:09:28,107
Even his parents..
196
00:09:28,150 --> 00:09:29,940
...couldn't understand
how their son
197
00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:31,606
managed to win all 50 states
198
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:32,824
the Virgin Islands and Guan
199
00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:35,243
in his first quest
for the White House.
200
00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:37,293
They would always think
he was basically..
201
00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:38,366
Superwoman.
202
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,541
That's what
Steve was looking for.
203
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:41,540
He wanted..
204
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,331
...nuclear war.
205
00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:44,424
And worse..
206
00:09:44,458 --> 00:09:47,038
...leather pants
making him a groovy dude
207
00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:50,336
that his friends would like
to hang out with.
208
00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:51,971
He even tried to grow a mustache
209
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:53,338
so that he could
look more like..
210
00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:54,304
Laurie.
211
00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:55,683
Well, she's the one
who's always chasing
212
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,720
after...Steve.
213
00:09:57,763 --> 00:09:58,933
She's hooked on him.
214
00:09:58,973 --> 00:10:01,233
And-and Steve appreciates that
because..
215
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,557
...well, shy men
with low self-esteem
216
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:04,693
like women who are..
217
00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:06,189
...inflatable
218
00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:08,020
because they don't have a brain.
219
00:10:08,065 --> 00:10:10,855
The Steves of the world
want women to be helpless
220
00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:13,741
on one hand
and independent on the other.
221
00:10:13,779 --> 00:10:14,989
It's confusing.
222
00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:16,821
Why can't we just be ourselves?
223
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:18,326
Why can't we just be..
224
00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:19,657
...pregnant
225
00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:21,912
with ideas
filled with creativity.
226
00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:23,464
I mean,
he wanted to write stories.
227
00:10:23,497 --> 00:10:26,877
You know, stories that make
people think and feel and..
228
00:10:26,917 --> 00:10:27,917
...cough.
229
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,590
And with his dying breath
230
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:30,799
he whispered in her ear..
231
00:10:30,838 --> 00:10:33,508
Could you lend me five bucks
till tomorrow?
232
00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:36,472
I didn't think so.
233
00:10:44,935 --> 00:10:47,435
Television let people see
McCarthy in action--
234
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,820
Excuse me, Mr. Moore.
I came here to see Dr. Samuels
235
00:10:50,858 --> 00:10:53,028
and I wanted to stop by
and thank you all
236
00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:54,739
for taking the time for my test.
237
00:10:54,779 --> 00:10:57,569
You're welcome.
When do we find out how we did?
238
00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:58,985
That's confidential.
239
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:02,203
Oh, so you want us
to call you at home?
240
00:11:02,244 --> 00:11:04,124
I don't think
you're getting this.
241
00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:05,873
You don't see the results.
242
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:08,665
- Why not?
- That's rather technical.
243
00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:11,459
Are you telling us that we don't
have the mental abilities
244
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,344
to comprehend
our own test results?
245
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:16,591
I'll comprehend them for you
and make my own interpretation.
246
00:11:16,634 --> 00:11:19,894
Your interpretation?
What about our interpretation?
247
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:22,349
- Yeah.
- That's irrelevant.
248
00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:23,680
[clamoring]
249
00:11:23,724 --> 00:11:25,314
Listen, I bet just this once
250
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:26,811
you could bend the rules
a little.
251
00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:28,442
I mean, we're not gonna
tell anybody, are we?
252
00:11:28,479 --> 00:11:30,269
- No.
- No, we won't say anything.
253
00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:33,944
Bend the rules?
Don't make me laugh.
254
00:11:33,984 --> 00:11:37,154
No one sees this
but my computer at NYU.
255
00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:39,906
Well, I, uh, have a horrible
ride on the subway coming up.
256
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:42,949
I might as well get it
over with. Goodbye.
257
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,617
Mr. Moore,
can you think of any reason
258
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:48,424
why we shouldn't know
the results?
259
00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:49,417
- Yeah.
- 'Yeah.'
260
00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:51,668
- Not really.
- I can.
261
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:54,381
The stuff she found out about us
is too frightening.
262
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:56,632
Yeah, you know,
that meeting with Dr. Samuels
263
00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:58,014
was probably about us.
264
00:11:58,050 --> 00:11:59,260
- Yeah.
- It could be about us.
265
00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:02,101
W-why don't I have a little talk
with her, okay?
266
00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:09,521
Dr. Westin,
I understand your rules
267
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:10,862
or at least
the reasons behind them.
268
00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:14,066
But I think in this case,
you could make an exception
269
00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:15,858
and just let them in on it.
270
00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:19,031
Look, th-they have a lot
of anxiety about being strange
271
00:12:19,071 --> 00:12:21,821
and it would help
if they knew they were fine.
272
00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:22,986
They're fine.
273
00:12:23,033 --> 00:12:25,453
Well, you see,
with these kids, uh
274
00:12:25,494 --> 00:12:27,874
you have to be
a little more specific.
275
00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:29,543
They're fine.
276
00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:34,633
Relax, guys.
277
00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:36,380
She said the magic words.
278
00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:38,512
NYU and computer.
279
00:12:38,549 --> 00:12:39,759
Hey, you know, he can do it.
280
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,180
I can get it,
but you gotta be cool.
281
00:12:41,218 --> 00:12:42,258
Don't say anything.
282
00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:44,053
[indistinct chatter]
283
00:12:44,096 --> 00:12:45,636
Shh, shh.
284
00:12:46,682 --> 00:12:48,562
Great news. Everyone's fine.
285
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,981
[indistinct chatter]
286
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:55,185
It's fine? W-what's going on?
287
00:12:55,232 --> 00:12:57,652
N-nothing. We're just relieved,
that's all.
288
00:12:57,693 --> 00:12:59,243
- Oh, yeah.
- Fine.
289
00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:00,608
Great. Fine.
290
00:13:00,654 --> 00:13:03,124
[indistinct chatter]
291
00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:16,957
- This better be good, Dennis.
- Good?
292
00:13:17,004 --> 00:13:20,594
To get us here half hour early,
it better be fantastic.
293
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:22,300
[bleep]
294
00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:23,893
Bingo! Ladies and gentlemen
295
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:26,258
I present to you
Dr. Westin's files.
296
00:13:26,305 --> 00:13:28,515
- Oh, my.
- Dennis, you are amazing.
297
00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:31,227
- I'll take amazing.
- There it is.
298
00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:34,768
"Westin Beth,
panic test, Tuesday."
299
00:13:36,565 --> 00:13:37,815
Look, the whole class.
300
00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:39,688
- Yeah.
- 'Whoo!'
301
00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:41,735
B-but there's no names.
Just numbers.
302
00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:44,109
It's alright,
we can figure it out.
303
00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:46,236
'Okay, "subject 324.'
304
00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:48,953
"Displays signs
of neurotic anxieties.
305
00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:50,504
"Unusually fearful.
306
00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:53,458
Most likely prone
to fits of depression."
307
00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:56,419
- Who could that be?
- Maria.
308
00:13:57,628 --> 00:13:59,548
Oh, sure, you guys. Guess me.
309
00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:01,718
Whoa, whoa, listen to this one.
310
00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:03,087
"Subject 331.
311
00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:06,053
"Represses anger,
full of hostility
312
00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:07,345
"and capable of striking out
313
00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:10,348
in an unprovoked
adolescent manner."
314
00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:12,851
- Who's that?
- This is horrible.
315
00:14:12,893 --> 00:14:14,063
I mean, what if we're all crazy
316
00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:16,693
but we don't know
who's got what?
317
00:14:20,609 --> 00:14:22,359
Here, listen to this one.
318
00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:23,573
"Feelings of inadequacy.
319
00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:25,992
"Problems
with individualization.
320
00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:27,121
"Minimal self-esteem.
321
00:14:27,157 --> 00:14:29,237
Unfulfilled fantasy life."
322
00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:31,155
What's wrong with that?
323
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,502
Oh.
324
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:37,000
Wait, there's a little voice
325
00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:39,552
inside my head
saying this isn't possible.
326
00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:42,627
I mean, everyone in the
whole class can't be insane.
327
00:14:42,673 --> 00:14:46,183
A little voice?
Like the Son of Sam?
328
00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:49,805
We're in trouble.
329
00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:51,637
[bell rings]
330
00:14:51,682 --> 00:14:54,142
Good morning, everybody.
As soon as you take your seats
331
00:14:54,184 --> 00:14:56,354
'we'll pick up
where we left off yesterday'
332
00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:57,725
with World War II.
333
00:14:57,771 --> 00:15:00,361
I think you are gonna love
today's lesson.
334
00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:04,949
As, uh, strange as it sounds,
this is a true story.
335
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:08,817
Seems that early on,
American psychologists..
336
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:12,749
'...discovered
that Adolf Hitler'
337
00:15:12,786 --> 00:15:14,706
'was borderline psychotic'
338
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:17,117
'with severe sexual problems.'
339
00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:20,456
'So the CIA,
which was then called the OSS'
340
00:15:20,502 --> 00:15:24,212
'wanted to drop
tons of pornographic material'
341
00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:26,006
'on the Nazi headquarters'
342
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:28,140
'in hopes
their Fuhrer would freak out'
343
00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:29,677
and the war would be over.
344
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,890
But the Air Force
refused to do this
345
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:35,731
saying war is dirty,
but it's not that dirty.
346
00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:41,571
Any thoughts, comments?
347
00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:44,781
Okay, what's wrong?
348
00:15:44,818 --> 00:15:46,568
Oh, nothing,
except that I found out
349
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,702
I'm nervous, anxious, fearful
350
00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:50,069
and the winner
of the most likely to be
351
00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:52,525
manic depressed award.
352
00:15:52,576 --> 00:15:53,576
Don't complain.
353
00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:56,039
That's not as bad as being
a paranoid schizophrenic
354
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:59,040
with a passive-aggressive
personality division.
355
00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:01,003
What are the two of you
talking about?
356
00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:02,503
The secret is out.
357
00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:03,594
Well, we're beyond eccentric
358
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:05,969
and into the valley
of the rubber rooms.
359
00:16:06,006 --> 00:16:07,046
- 'Yeah.'
- Yeah.
360
00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:09,131
This is, uh,
angst over these tests?
361
00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:11,466
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, computers don't lie.
362
00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:12,602
- Arvid.
- 'Shh.'
363
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:15,848
Did you hack into Dr. Westin's
computer files?
364
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:19,766
I cannot tell a lie. No.
365
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:21,522
(all)
Dennis!
366
00:16:21,563 --> 00:16:23,653
Apparently, I can.
Yes, I did it.
367
00:16:23,691 --> 00:16:25,321
I realized it was wrong,
but come on.
368
00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:27,399
It's our mental health
we're talking about here.
369
00:16:27,444 --> 00:16:29,534
Yeah, now we know
why she didn't tell us.
370
00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:32,241
- Uh, this is absurd.
- 'For you, maybe.'
371
00:16:32,282 --> 00:16:35,492
They're not about
to take away your shoelaces.
372
00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:37,536
Well, I-I-I think
you are overreacting
373
00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:39,499
to whatever it is
you may have found.
374
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:40,500
Overreacting?
375
00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:42,171
There isn't one mental illness
you can name
376
00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:44,919
that someone in this class
doesn't have.
377
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:46,762
Okay,
so you're a little different.
378
00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:50,297
I mean, psychologists put labels
on people.
379
00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:52,222
You take me.
You think I'm crazy?
380
00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:53,261
(all)
No.
381
00:16:53,303 --> 00:16:56,183
Okay, well, I am unconventional
382
00:16:56,223 --> 00:16:59,103
I'm creative,
I, I'm a theater director
383
00:16:59,143 --> 00:17:01,733
and I'm an actor
and I'm a history teacher.
384
00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:05,570
But that sounds like
multiple personalities to me.
385
00:17:05,607 --> 00:17:07,607
See, if I were to take
one of these tests
386
00:17:07,651 --> 00:17:09,451
and I didn't come out
a little daffy
387
00:17:09,486 --> 00:17:11,406
I think I would be worried.
388
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:13,117
- That's a great idea.
- 'Uh-huh.'
389
00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:15,617
- What?
- You taking the test.
390
00:17:15,659 --> 00:17:17,159
- Now, I don't--
- Yes, Mr. Moore.
391
00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:18,952
Mr. Moore,
it's the perfect solution.
392
00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:20,616
If, if Mr. Moore takes the test
393
00:17:20,664 --> 00:17:22,624
and it shows that he's cuckoo,
we know we're fine.
394
00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:24,416
- 'Yes. Why don't you take it?'
- He's right.
395
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:25,960
Listen, I don't think
it's a good idea for me to--
396
00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:28,303
Why wouldn't it be a good idea?
We took the test.
397
00:17:28,338 --> 00:17:30,008
- Please take this test.
- Oh, come on, Mr. Moore.
398
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:31,759
(Maria)
'Mr. Moore, we took the test.'
399
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,260
'Why can't you take it?'
400
00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:35,552
'It's only fair.'
401
00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:37,006
A fly.
402
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:39,308
A fly.
403
00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:41,639
Fly.
404
00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:44,186
Screen door.
405
00:17:45,105 --> 00:17:48,475
- Why a screen door?
- Too many flies in here.
406
00:17:48,525 --> 00:17:50,185
Mr. Moore,
I came in here early for this.
407
00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:52,315
Yes, I know and I appreciate it.
408
00:17:52,362 --> 00:17:55,242
- Wanna start again?
- Please.
409
00:17:58,118 --> 00:17:59,538
Fly.
410
00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:02,831
- White.
- Chalk.
411
00:18:02,873 --> 00:18:05,043
- Door.
- Open.
412
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,254
- 'Mother.'
- Teresa.
413
00:18:08,837 --> 00:18:11,547
My mother's name is Teresa.
Really.
414
00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:16,682
Okay, Charlie. I'm gonna start
a story and you take over.
415
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:18,060
Like improvisation? Great.
416
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:21,347
- I love it. I'm good at it.
- Okay.
417
00:18:21,391 --> 00:18:23,641
There was a young man
named Steve
418
00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:26,515
who more than anything else
wanted to..
419
00:18:31,151 --> 00:18:32,691
Steve, right?
420
00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:35,409
Just kidding.
421
00:18:36,323 --> 00:18:38,873
Uh, more than anything else
422
00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:42,329
Steve wanted to feel secure
in the world.
423
00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:45,831
Steve was a, was a very bright
student in high school.
424
00:18:45,874 --> 00:18:48,714
He was in a class
for the gifted.
425
00:18:48,752 --> 00:18:51,092
But he felt different.
426
00:18:51,922 --> 00:18:54,972
Words like geek and nerd
427
00:18:55,008 --> 00:18:59,348
schnoid had been thrown
on his face for so long.
428
00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:00,848
Naturally,
he was a little nervous
429
00:19:00,889 --> 00:19:03,729
when he was asked
to take a psychological test.
430
00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:06,727
- Steve?
- 'Steve.'
431
00:19:06,770 --> 00:19:09,360
Anyway,
Steve is, is very anxious
432
00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:15,068
to share this newfound insight
into his personality.
433
00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:17,572
But it's denied him
434
00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:20,874
by a rather
rigid authority figure.
435
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:24,037
'And so he feels betrayed.'
436
00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:25,369
So much so that he, he broke
437
00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:27,714
into the authority figure's
computer files.
438
00:19:27,749 --> 00:19:29,709
He broke into the computer?
439
00:19:29,751 --> 00:19:31,801
Well, this is just a story.
440
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:33,207
Oh, yeah.
441
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:37,625
What he finds in the computer,
ah, really alarms him.
442
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:40,136
Because it wasn't
explained to him.
443
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,179
It's a common overreaction.
444
00:19:42,222 --> 00:19:44,772
A-are you always this clinical?
445
00:19:44,808 --> 00:19:47,598
- I'm just stating a fact.
- Oh, forget facts.
446
00:19:47,644 --> 00:19:50,984
I mean,
you could say something human.
447
00:19:53,108 --> 00:19:55,858
Look, it really isn't that hard.
448
00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:59,623
I mean, if you wanted to make
11 instant friends.
449
00:19:59,656 --> 00:20:03,576
Y-you're aware of how I've done
on this test so far, right?
450
00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:04,749
Mm-hm.
451
00:20:04,786 --> 00:20:07,326
I think my class
would be very reassured
452
00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:10,212
to know that
my psychological profile
453
00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:12,500
is just as bizarre as theirs
454
00:20:12,544 --> 00:20:15,714
and that
they have nothing to fear.
455
00:20:19,134 --> 00:20:23,064
I really enjoyed giving
Mr. Moore his battery of tests
456
00:20:23,096 --> 00:20:24,846
just as I enjoyed yours.
457
00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:26,230
How did he do?
458
00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:29,556
Yeah.
Are his screws loose or tight?
459
00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:32,113
The subject Charlie Moore
460
00:20:32,147 --> 00:20:33,517
while evidencing
461
00:20:33,565 --> 00:20:36,855
certain passive-aggressive
defensive structures
462
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:39,202
'and histrionic traits--'
463
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:40,278
That's a relief.
464
00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:42,202
He's just as batty
as the rest of us.
465
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:43,531
- 'Yeah.'
- A relief?
466
00:20:43,575 --> 00:20:45,195
Everyone in this class
is mentally disturbed.
467
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:46,834
- You call that good news?
- 'Wait, wait, wait.'
468
00:20:46,870 --> 00:20:48,790
You, uh,
you didn't let me finish.
469
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:51,630
Um, he is also a well-adjusted
470
00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:54,797
emotionally stable,
mature individual
471
00:20:54,836 --> 00:20:57,626
with strong
positive socialization.
472
00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:00,426
Just like the rest of you.
473
00:21:00,467 --> 00:21:01,837
Normal? Like the rest of us?
474
00:21:01,885 --> 00:21:04,755
What about terms like paranoid,
neurotic and repressive?
475
00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:05,635
- Uh..
- Yeah.
476
00:21:05,681 --> 00:21:07,061
Dr. Westin explained to me that
477
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:09,809
buzzwords like this
show up in every profile.
478
00:21:09,851 --> 00:21:12,311
I mean, guilt, hostility
479
00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:14,614
mania, phobia, regression.
480
00:21:14,648 --> 00:21:17,648
For example,
the test doesn't show
481
00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:19,443
if you're paranoid.
482
00:21:19,486 --> 00:21:22,066
It indicates
your level of paranoia
483
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:23,534
'and everybody has some.'
484
00:21:23,573 --> 00:21:27,043
But the bottom line is here,
you're all nice, normal
485
00:21:27,077 --> 00:21:29,577
reasonably
well-adjusted teenagers
486
00:21:29,621 --> 00:21:32,371
with a few interesting quirks.
487
00:21:32,416 --> 00:21:37,336
And a reasonably well-adjusted,
pleasantly weird teacher..
488
00:21:38,338 --> 00:21:39,588
...who along with your help
489
00:21:39,631 --> 00:21:42,721
taught me something
very important.
490
00:21:42,759 --> 00:21:45,509
I should have been more
sympathetic to your anxieties.
491
00:21:45,554 --> 00:21:49,224
I'm supposed to be in the
business of relieving anxieties
492
00:21:49,266 --> 00:21:50,926
not spreading 'em.
493
00:21:52,185 --> 00:21:53,725
If it's alright
with everyone else
494
00:21:53,770 --> 00:21:57,440
I would like to apologize for us
breaking into your computer.
495
00:21:57,482 --> 00:22:01,952
It was wrong, unethical,
and even against the law.
496
00:22:01,987 --> 00:22:05,067
But it just seemed
like a neat idea.
497
00:22:05,115 --> 00:22:07,155
Apology accepted.
498
00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:09,200
I wasn't too surprised.
499
00:22:09,244 --> 00:22:12,334
I knew you all had
latent criminal tendencies.
500
00:22:12,372 --> 00:22:13,292
- We do?
- What?
501
00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:14,752
She's just kidding.
502
00:22:14,791 --> 00:22:18,091
Right.
I'm trying to relate here.
503
00:22:19,838 --> 00:22:21,338
Mr. Moore, it's been a pleasure.
504
00:22:21,381 --> 00:22:22,631
Thank you, Dr. Westin.
505
00:22:22,674 --> 00:22:24,514
- Bye.
- 'Bye-bye.'
506
00:22:25,385 --> 00:22:29,635
Oh, Mr. Moore, incidentally,
I tested Dr. Samuels.
507
00:22:29,681 --> 00:22:32,101
- And?
- Oh, boy.
508
00:22:37,439 --> 00:22:39,319
Well, that's settled.
Let's get back to work.
509
00:22:39,358 --> 00:22:40,818
Okay.
510
00:22:43,487 --> 00:22:45,487
What's the matter, Maria?
511
00:22:45,530 --> 00:22:47,200
Well, I don't know.
I mean, before I was afraid
512
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:50,410
I was a neurotic psychotic
with paranoia.
513
00:22:50,452 --> 00:22:52,412
And now I'm just ordinary.
514
00:22:52,454 --> 00:22:54,584
- It's like--
- Boring.
515
00:22:54,623 --> 00:22:58,213
Yeah, to tell you the truth, uh,
I feel a little disappointed.
516
00:22:58,251 --> 00:23:00,171
I always liked to think
that I was something
517
00:23:00,212 --> 00:23:03,302
more than pleasantly weird.
518
00:23:03,340 --> 00:23:04,670
It's depressing.
519
00:23:04,716 --> 00:23:07,886
It is kind of depressing.
Yeah.
520
00:23:07,928 --> 00:23:10,388
Wait a minute. Depression.
521
00:23:10,430 --> 00:23:12,890
It's not ordinary
to be depressed, right?
522
00:23:12,933 --> 00:23:14,103
That's interesting.
523
00:23:14,142 --> 00:23:18,192
Well, yeah. I mean,
everyone in a room depressed.
524
00:23:18,230 --> 00:23:19,940
- That's kind of unusual.
- Uh-huh.
525
00:23:19,981 --> 00:23:22,361
Well, you do have to be
a little bit crazy
526
00:23:22,401 --> 00:23:25,451
to get depressed
about not being crazy.
527
00:23:26,238 --> 00:23:27,448
You know something, Mr. Moore?
528
00:23:27,489 --> 00:23:28,989
- We're gonna be okay?
- Yeah.
529
00:23:29,032 --> 00:23:31,582
I think you are. I know I am.
530
00:23:31,618 --> 00:23:33,368
Help me, mommy.
531
00:23:37,457 --> 00:23:40,707
[theme music]
38484
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