All language subtitles for Head.Of.The.Class.S02E08_2

[theme music]

[knock on door]

Come in.

You wanted to see me,
Dr. Samuels?

Yes, Janice.
Please have a seat.

Thanks.

Janice, I want you
to think of me

as more than your principal
and your academic coach.

I want you to think of me
as a friend.

Can I call you Harold?

No, no, no, no.

But I want to have
a little talk.

Just the two of us alone.

- That sounds pleasant.
- We are alone, aren't we?

Oh. My parents called you.

Yeah. They said you were being
followed by a ghost.

- I'm not.
- Good.

[chuckles]
Because I was worried about you.

- It's a poltergeist.
- Huh.

You know, the kind of ghost
that smashes things.

Yeah, your parents told me
about the smashing.

They're both psychiatrists.

They don't know how to relate
to paranormal phenomena

like the rest of us.

Right, right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But, but, Janice,
just between the two of us

we both know there's no such
thing as poltergeist, right?

Well, you and I know that.

Unfortunately,
he doesn't think so.

You mean he's here?

Well, I can't exactly see him.

I can only feel his presence.

[laughing]

You almost got me.

[bell rings]
Oh, excuse me, sir

but we're gonna be late
for class.

You're going to be late
for class.

Right, I'm gonna be late
for class.

He's just a visitor.

[sighs]

Honey on my pencils!

- Miss Meara.
- Yeah.

Dennis Blunden been around here
this morning?

No, no,
I haven't seen him anywhere.

Argh!

[screams]

- Sorry?
- That's alright, Dennis.

I hear, uh, Dr. Samuels
was looking for me?

- Is he in?
- No, no, he just went--

I gotta go. I gotta go.

So we could sum up

what World War II taught
Americans about isolationism

with the words of John Dunn.

"No man is an island."

With the possible exception
of Dennis.

Okay, uh,
with the few remaining moments

we have left,
let's preview tomorrow.

Canada.

I'm gonna hear the cliches.

Ah, our neighbors to the north.

The world's
longest friendly border.

A-a common language,
a common purpose.

A prime minister
who believed in ghosts.

- What?
- Ghosts?

(Dennis)
'I read ahead. Sorry.'

Uh, William Lyon Mackenzie King.

- Right, Mr. Moore?
- Well, it's true.

Uh, Mackenzie King used to sit
on a park bench in Ottawa

and have long conversations
with his mother

before he made
major political decisions.

Oh, that's sweet.
Was she helpful?

Well, it's not very likely.

She'd been dead
for several years.

Come on, Mr. Moore,
a public figure

dumb enough
to believe that stuff?

Well, I don't believe it
and you don't believe it

but there have always been

many otherwise brilliant people
who did.

Arthur Conan Doyle,
William Butler Yeats--

And how about..

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe...Janice?

I don't know how you found out,
Dennis, but it's true.

I have a poltergeist.

[laughs]
A poltergeist?

That's right, a poltergeist.

And he won't be too happy
about you laughing at him.

- 'Oh, hard to believe you.'
- Oh.

It was bound to happen.

That giant brain
and that little head

something had to give.

Janice, you mean a poltergeist
like in the movies

who smashes things
and terrifies people.

Lowers real estate values.

Don't worry, Mr. Moore.
He likes you.

I wish I could say the same
for these glurbs.

You hear that, Mr. Moore?
He likes you.

The brown-nose from beyond.

Come on, Janice.

Yeah, stop it, Janice.
That's creepy.

Yeah, we better be careful
or we'll get slimed.

Ooh.

I have a poltergeist

and if you get him angry enough,
he'll come here and prove it.

- Come on, Janice!
- Shh.

Quiet.

Can you hear him?

He's trying to communicate.

If you're very, very quiet,
you can hear him.

[bell rings]

[indistinct chatter]

Janice, nice timing.

Well, they were makin' fun
of my poltergeist.

I had to do something.

Uh, you're not really serious
about this, are you?

I wish I weren't.

You will clean up every pencil,
my doorknob, my telephone

and you will add six weeks
to your detention.

Dr. Samuels, that puts me into
my freshman year at college.

Oh.

- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

Mr. Moore, anything happen

with the little monster?

Dr. Samuels, Janice is a child

in Charlie's class.

I'm talking
about her poltergeist!

We-we-we do know
two things are true.

There's no such thing
as poltergeist

and that small children
do things like this sometimes.

Yeah, he's right.

I can't help thinkin' back
to when I was a--

No kidding. Get out of here.

Listen, I love that kid.

You know,
she's one in a million.

Now all of a sudden,
she's two in a million.

We gotta do something
to get her out of this.

I want you to take charge.
She'll listen to you.

You-you saw "The Exorcist."

You want me to go one on one
with the "Prince Of Darkness?"

And now Canada is our largest
trading partner.

She sends us oil,
lumber, minerals.

- And what do we send her?
- Acid rain.

Draft dodgers.

- And worse.
- Worse?

Mm-hmm. I think they also get

"Lifestyles
Of The Rich And Famous."

Thank you, Eric.

Uh, Janice, help me out, okay?

Well, each of the different
provinces has a different need

and they all have their own
distinct identity.

Ontario is very industrialized.

[speaking in foreign language]

And our own Louisiana Cajuns

originated in French Canada

where they were called
the Cadians.

Why is everyone
lookin' at me like that?

You don't know?

We just had trouble

understanding
a part of your answer.

He did it again.

That old poltergeist, huh?

Every now and then,
he possesses me.

You guys,
I wouldn't laugh if I were you.

I've seen stuff
like this happen before.

I have an aunt who thought
that she was possessed

by the ghost of her poodle
and no one believed her

until she got stuck
in the doggy door.

I'm telling you, he's real.

Janice, if your friend is real

would you, please, tell him
not to interrupt

in the middle of class?

[bleep]

Hey, hey, guys, look at this.

'"I am here. I am real.'

'I am watching?"'

I don't like
what's going on around here.

Now just relax, folks.

There's gonna be
a logical explanation here.

Look, all we have to do
is access the index menu

to see if there's a new program
that correlates to the display.

- Yeah, right.
- Yeah, try that.

You're wasting your time.

Well, we just access here.

Check its directory and..

There's no program.

Oh, well, like Mr. Moore said

there has got to be
a logical explanation.

[screaming]

[clamoring]

He's back.

Janice,
I'd like to see you after class.

[bell rings]

What's goin' on, Janice?

Nothin' much
outside of being haunted.

Yeah, I can see
that would keep you busy.

Mind my asking, uh..

[sighs]

...how long
have you been haunted?

A few days.

How did it start?

Stuff began
flying around my bedroom.

Your bedroom?

- Must have been pretty scary.
- It was.

I mean,
not "Texas Chainsaw" scary

but I've gotten used to it
by now.

You see, I'm the medium

through which my poltergeist
can face his unhappiness.

And what is he unhappy about?

- Life. I mean, well, things.
- 'Hmm.'

Are you trying to show
what happens

when somebody is very unhappy?

No, Mr. Moore, I'm fine.

But you have to face it.

I have a poltergeist
and he's not going away.

Well, if I could prove
that he didn't exist..

...well, would he go away then?

You can't do that. He's real.

And I think we're gonna be
seeing a lot of him in class

for a long, long time.

- Bye.
- Bye.

- I've got the explanation.
- Okay, explain.

She calculated the density
of the globe.

Then she sets up
a high intensity sonic beam

creating a sympathetic vibration
in the globe.

Shatters.

She wouldn't do something
that obvious.

That's obvious?
What's your idea?

She must have somehow put

platinum filament wires
through it

and then activated them
with a battery-controlled

electronic
remote-controlled detonator.

Please, junior high school time.

Listen, guys,
we'll never figure it out.

She's a genius.

Last week we were discussing
the meaning of life.

She knew it.

It could be a miracle.

In India, we have seen things

for which
there is no logical explanation.

Yeah? Like what?

Such as the Maharishi touring

as the opening act
for The Beach Boys.

So what are we gonna watch,
Mr. Moore?

Nova Scotia, Land Of Locks?

No, this is something else.

Oh, better watch out, Mr. Moore

or Janice will blow out
your TV screen.

Mr. Moore, we still can't
figure out how she's doing it.

How is no big deal.

Look, most paranormal stuff
is just old-fashioned magic.

You know, psychic surgery
is just a little slide of hand

with some chicken blood
thrown in for effect.

'Uh, mind readers,
faith healers'

they-they use accomplices
called shills.

There are all kinds of tricks

with miniature wires
and magnets.

I think Janice probably used
something simpler.

- Simpler?
- Yeah.

Uh, the map

probably set up and held
with bubblegum or something.

- 'Oh.'
- Okay, explain the globe.

- Yeah.
- I don't know.

Uh, slingshot?

- Oh.
- Slingshot?

Look, I'm not a rocket scientist
like you guys.

But, uh, if I wanted
to figure out what she was doing

I would probably watch her.

That's right.
Nobody take their eyes off her.

Yeah, we have to catch her
in the act.

We expose her, we humiliate her.

We hold her up
to public ridicule--

- Dennis.
- With sensitivity.

Look, the point is not
how she did it.

It's why she's doing it.

[bell rings]

[indistinct chatter]

- Ho, ho, ho, ho.
- Shh.

- Hi.
- 'Hi.'

Okay. Uh, in my continued
attempt to convince you

that Canada is more than
hockey sticks and Eskimos

let's talk about Quebec

the second oldest city
in North America.

That old?

Wow.
Probably has a lot of ghosts.

Yeah, I'm sure
Janice's little gargoyle

would like to hear about this.

Or did he not come
to school today?

You're getting him angry.

- 'Oh, I'm scared.'
- Ooh.

Can we go to work?

Quebec was founded
by the French in 1620.

And it was captured from them
by the British in 1759.

- You watchin' her?
- Don't worry.

- I'm keepin' an eye on her.
- Keep all four eyes on her.

(Mr. Moore)
'The, uh, most recent result
of all this'

'is the secessionist movement
called the separatists'

'made up mostly
of French-speaking Canadians'

who want to end all connections
with English-speaking Canada.

[screams]

[all clamoring]

[crash]

[shatters]

[shatters]

What, are you berserk?
You could have killed us all!

I didn't do anything.
It was him.

Oh, come on, Janice!

(Alan)
'Yeah, we-we know you did it.'

'Who saw her do it?'

[indistinct chatter]

Okay, enough, alright.

Listen, everyone,
as long as you're all alright

I know you're very thirsty.

So with the exception of Janice

I'd like you to all
grab a hall pass

go out,
get a good long drink of water.

- Take about ten minutes.
- Mr. Moore--

(Mr. Moore)
'Go, go.'

I told you he'd be back.

This wasn't my fault.

Well, uh, somebody,
either you or your poltergeist

is gonna have to pay a lot
of money for those windows.

You know ghosts. They have
no conception of money.

Apparently, they have
no conception of danger either.

'Somebody might have been hurt
with all that flying glass.'

He's sorry.

Okay, that's somethin'
I want you to see.

What is it?

Smile,
you're on "Candid Camera."

Uh-oh.

[all clamoring]

[glass shatters]

How did you do that?

Pretty clever, Mr. Moore.

Well, I was inspired
by a master.

So..

...what do you think?

I think I should call my lawyer.

You know, I know you must
have been in here pretty early

to set up this strobe light

but what I can't figure out is
how you made the lights go off?

I used a folded $5 bill.

Yes.

I gave it to Jawaharlal

and he turned off the lights.

But he didn't know
I was gonna break the windows.

Mr. Moore,
what are you gonna do?

Well, I think
that's up to you, Janice.

Whatever you do,
please don't tell my parents.

Please?

[sighs]
Whatever is wrong

I can't help you
unless you tell me.

I wanna hear
about that unhappy poltergeist.

Well, that's me, of course.

Well, you see, my parents
have been fighting a lot lately.

And a couple of nights ago,
I was in bed

and I couldn't stand it anymore.

Mm-hmm.

So I took my lamp
and I smashed it

against the wall.

And when my parents
came running in

I couldn't tell them
why I threw it.

Could I?

So you made up the poltergeist.

Yeah.

What do your folks think
of this?

Well, they believe
that I'm believing it.

And they've been so worried
about me

they haven't any time
to fight with each other.

And that's why
you can't tell them, Mr. Moore.

I found a way to make them
stay nice to each other

and I was gonna keep it at home,
but Dennis told the class.

Yeah.

How long do you think
you can keep this up?

Until I go away to college?

I realize that might be
only a matter of days, but..

...I don't think
it's your best plan, Janice.

Now, see, you're making

a difficult situation
for yourself

and it's impossible
for everyone else.

I'll tell you something
about parents.

Now they, they do argue
with one another sometimes.

I mean,
even Freud and Jung argued.

I know.

That's one of the things
my parents argue about.

Well, they're
understanding people, Janice

and they love you.

You know, you could talk to 'em

and tell 'em how you feel
about this.

Would you like
an 11-year-old kid

interfering
with your marital squabbles?

Well, you're not
the average 11-year-old kid.

And you are a card-carrying
member of your family.

So that gives you the right
to tell your parents

that when they argue,
it upsets you.

Okay, Mr. Moore.

- I'll give the truth a try.
- Okay.

And no more poltergeist.

To tell you the truth,
I'll kind of miss him.

Well, to tell you the truth,
I won't.

Mr. Moore,
can I ask you a favor?

'Sure.'

As far as the kids in the class

do we have to show them
the tape?

What tape?

So while you were on your break

Janice and I performed
a small exorcism

and I don't think we'll be
seeing the poltergeist again.

- Good.
- He's history.

But it's gonna take me
a long time to forget him.

About a year's allowance
for the windows

and maybe six months' detention.

You're a first offender.
You'll be out in three.

I'm sorry
I caused trouble in the class.

But I'm young and I do
bizarre things I regret later.

Forget the apology.
Give us the explanation.

- Yeah, Janice. How'd you do it?
- How did you do it, Janice?

I can't remember.

Janice, you have
a photographic memory.

So sue me.

Mr. Moore, can you tell us?

Well, I thought
I'd figured all the answers out

but then I realized
that there are some things

that perhaps
shouldn't be explained.

- Right, Jawaharlal?
- Yes.

Yes.

[sighs]
Let me tell you how it is here
on the rock, kid.

You see,
you got two kinds of time.

You got your easy time
and you got your hard time.

Hard time's when you and me
don't get along.

Easy time's when you do exactly
what I tell you to do.

So you start mopping

and I will supervise.

I don't think so, Dennis.

I think we both mop
or you'll be sorry.

[shudders]
I'm shaking all over.

Now just start mopping and make
sure you use lots of soap.

[thud]

[theme music]