All language subtitles for Head.Of.The.Class.S01E13_2

[theme music]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

Eric, you gotta help me quick.

I need some money. Five bucks,
ten bucks, credit cards--

No, no way, man.
You don't pay back.

- Come on, it's only paper.
- No.

Oh, God, here she comes.

Dennis, you can run,
but you can't hide.

Come on, Janice.
I'm gonna give you the money.

- I just need some more time.
- Okay, five boxes of cookies.

That's $10.

If you don't have the money,
just give me my cookies back.

I can't.

Those cookies
were girl scout property.

Ooh, you're in trouble now, man.

You're dealing
with a very tough organization.

Green Berets.

Mr. Dorfman, I can't keep
giving you new time cards.

You're gonna have
to relax a little.

I'm trying!

- Alright.
- But I can't.

My doctor's gonna have
to give me something.

- Oh.
- Drugs?

Oh.

Don't get me wrong.
I mean, the legal kind.

- Prescription drugs.
- Oh, right.

Basically the kind of stuff
that helped kill Elvis.

At least Elvis doesn't have to
face these kids every morning.

Oh, come on, Mr. Dorfman.
I mean, they're not all bad.

- You have IHP, third period.
- Yeah?

Well, all they're worried about
is where they're next good grade

is coming from.

What about that Eric Mardian?

How'd they let a hoodlum
like him in the honors program?

Oh, there, you gotta look
pass the image.

I mean, he's a bright kid.

[scoffs]
Maybe he's got you fooled

but not me.

- Mr. Dorfman.
- Thank you.

And so begins
another day in paradise.

[imitates bugle call]

Whoa! Big day, huh, Arvid?

- Don't start, Dennis.
- I'm not starting, Arvid.

Come on, Arvid. You're among
friends. You can take it off.

No, you-you're gonna laugh
at me. You always do.

Don't be silly, we're not gonna
laugh. We've seen it before.

Yeah, how many times
can it be funny?

- Yeah.
- You promise?

- We promise.
- Promise.

[laughter]

You said you wouldn't laugh!

Arvid, why do you need
all those badges, anyway?

Well, a-a long time ago,
I set a goal for myself.

I said I'll get every badge
there ever was.

Well, and-and now
I only have one left to go.

Wait, l-let me guess.

Midwife?

[laughter]

No. Bugling.

- Bugling?
- Well, I have weak lips.

Fortunately,
bugling is no longer necessary

to the space program.

- Morning.
- Good morning, Mr. Moore.

[bell rings]

Is that Arvid Engen
or General Patton?

Janice and I are in uniform
for special assembly.

We lead the pledge to the flag.

Ah. Well, you shame me, Arvid.

I earned only one really easy
badge before I quit scouting.

- Which one?
- Bugling.

Okay, uh,
today I'd like to start

by talking about the Cold War.

How cold was it?

It was so cold
that the US and Russia

were doing everything they could
to mess each other up

except they're actually
using weapons.

Kind of like my parents.

No, seriously, it's my favorite
time in history.

I love all that spy stuff.

Uh, the books by John Le Carre,
Ian Fleming, Len Deighton.

I've seen every movie.

Well, the Cold War is about more
than just spy stuff, Eric.

It's about economic comparatives
and spheres of influence--

Right. I, I know the whole
period backwards and forwards.

[chuckles]
You never fail to surprise me.

Thank you.

- Alright, excuse me.
- Yeah?

Oh, listen, I lost my lucky pen.

Or maybe that's good.
I don't know anymore.

But I thought maybe
you accidently picked it up

after we talked in the office.

(Charlie)
Uh, no.

I don't wanna see you
smirk like that

when you're in my class, mister.

Don't worry, I've got
a special smirk just for you.

Sorry to bother you.

Later.

What is going on
between you two?

[chuckles]
I can't help myself.

Man, the guy's got no business
being a teacher.

Oh, you're the judge of that?

Mr. Dorfman just loses control
of his class sometimes.

- He's a nice man.
- He used to be.

But lately,
he's been kind of frazzled.

And you-know-who
isn't helping things.

Yeah, Eric,
sometimes you go too far.

Hey, wait, I'm not the only one.

Uh, what about the time
Dennis gave Dorfman's number

to that Armenian dating service?

You did that?

Okay, I allow myself
one Dorfman a month.

But Eric is the worst offender.

[scoffs]
Okay, you know, I can't believe
I'm hearing this.

I mean, Mr. Dorfman is doing
his best as a teacher.

I mean, he's going through
a tough time right now.

So there's no reason
to make it worse.

You understand?

Gee.

Then maybe I should give him
back his lucky pen.

Ah, Dorfman, I, uh,
found your lucky pen.

- I had it all along.
- Ah, thanks.

- Sure.
- Or not.

Listen, uh, this may be
none of my business, but, uh..

...you've problems
and you feel like talking.

I can't face another day
of them. I'm going mad.

Well, maybe you should think
about a new line of work.

No!

I love teaching
and I'm good at it.

Well, that's right.
It's right, you are.

So you gotta start looking
for the positives again.

The positive part of my day
is now gone.

The IHP ruined by Eric Mardian.

- Well, how?
- Uh, uh, he-he's a wise guy.

He's disruptive, he makes jokes,
he drives me crazy.

Listen, I, uh,
I talked with him about it.

Just give him a chance.

Oh, yeah?

What about my other classes?

I just can't handle it anymore.

Dorfman..

[bell rings]

...you can handle it.

You gotta step back
occasionally, you know

get a new perspective.

But how do you do it?

Well, uh, you know,
they're smart kids.

Uh, you gotta be
a little creative.

You know, keep it interesting.

Now I know it's harder
with the tough ones.

But you gotta be more creative.

And you have to maintain
your authority.

Go right after the worst
offender, you know?

Once you get him in place, the
rest of them will fall in line.

Try it.

- Okay. Thanks.
- Sure.

- I'll give it a try.
- Okay.

I've done a million
of these PTA dinners.

I always tell them
the same thing.

High school is a seething
cauldron of raw human emotion.

My job is to keep the lid on.

They love it.

Excuse me, Dr. Samuels,
uh, raw human emotion?

Uh, if it was
a seething cauldron

wouldn't it be
cooked human emotion?

[gasping]

Mr. Dorfman, something wrong?

- I took your advice.
- What advice?

I went after the worst offender.

- Well, what happened?
- I think I attacked him.

You struck a student?

You told him
to strike a student?

- Of course not.
- I didn't hit him.

I put him in a headlock
and took him to the mat.

Oh, no.

Then I walked calmly in here

and began shak-shaking--

Sit down, sit down, sit down.

You're in trouble, Dorfman.

He just attacked me
for no reason.

Dorfman, that's gonna be
a very expensive headlock.

Ooh, you twisted
my spine, Dorfman.

I-I-I could be
in a neck brace for months.

I figured the least I'm gonna
get out of this is a Corvette.

My party will be in touch.

- Eric, wait a minute.
- 'Let him go.'

Alright, everybody, step outside
for a few minutes.

Come on.

You heard nothing,
you saw nothing.

Last thing we need right now
is an eyewitness.

Wha-what are you doing?

I'm taking charge.
That's my job.

Covering this up is your job?

Covering what up?
We don't know anything.

What? He-he just told us
what happened.

It's true. It's all true.

Look at him.
He's hysterical.

A man in his condition
could imagine almost anything.

Well, Eric just walked in here
and confirmed everything.

If I believed all the garbage
that a hoodlum

in a leather jacket told me,
where would I be?

I have the classroom
incident form

the assault on a teacher form

and the assault
on a student form.

Good. Lose 'em.

Mr. Dorfman,
I want you to go home

take the day off,
get in the bed, watch TV.

- I feel sick.
- Watch "General Hospital."

- Miss Meara.
- Hm.

- Get Mr. Dorfman a taxi.
- Okay.

[exhales]

Uh, look, Dr. Samuels

you can't pretend
this didn't happen.

I mean, I've talked to Dorfman.

This is a teacher
who feels he's losing it.

Now even the IHP is starting
to gang up on him.

It'll blow over.

B-but-but you have
a real problem.

What problem?

Well, you have a student
who was assaulted.

You have a teacher
who was driven to assault.

You can't just sweep that
under the carpet.

Look, first,
I'll let everybody cool down.

Then I play the odds.

- What odds?
- I call the parents.

I tell them
their kid has been involved

in a situation with a teacher.

The teacher lost his temper
and hit the kid.

Nine out of ten times,
the parents will say

"Good, he deserved it."

To the other 10%, I say,
"Come in, we'll talk it over."

Most of them
won't even bother showing up.

You-you call that
handling a problem?

Well, we have the lowest ratio

of teacher-student incidents
in the city.

Well, yes, because
you don't report the incidents.

What can I tell you? It works.

Uh, guys, I'm-I'm sorry.
You can't go through this way.

You have to go around.

Uh, please, go.

- Hi, Arvid.
- Hi. Oh, I'm sorry.

I-I can't let you through.

[laughs]
Come on, Arvid.

Don't be such a boy scout.
Just let us in.

We're not gonna eat anything.
We just want some ice cream.

I keep thinking about
Eric and Mr. Dorfman.

- Yeah. Come on.
- Oh, yeah.

Well, I'm-I'm sorry,
I can't let you through.

If I let you through,
I have to let the others through

and it's not fair.
Uh, you see this badge?

I got it for integrity.

That's a pig.

This one here.

Well, I'm sorry. Don't ask me.
I-I can't let you through.

Well, can you just go
and get us some ice cream then?

- Yeah.
- I-I-I can't leave my post.

Let's go.

You have a badge for wimp?

- Hi, Arvid.
- I can't..

Lori.

I love the uniform.

Yeah? Hey, thanks.

Yeah, I, uh,
I Eagled out a year ago.

That's great, Arvid.

- What comes after Eagle Scout?
- Um, shaving.

[chuckles]

Listen, could I just slip in
for a teensy second

to get some Jell-O?

Sure, Lori.
Yeah, right over here.

Hey, you want me to,
uh, would you like..

[crash]

Would you like me to, uh..

...pay for the,
pay for your Jell-O?

Oh, that's sweet of you, Arvid.
Thanks.

Sure. Here you go.

Arvid, you are such a creep!

- Hi, Arvid.
- Oh, hi, Mr. Moore.

Uh, you, uh, seen Eric?

- Oh, not since the fight.
- What happened?

Uh, I looked up
and-and Mr. Dorfman

had Eric
in a headlock.

- That's all I know.
- Scout's honor?

[sighs]
Well, you play hardball.

Okay.

Mr. Dorfman was trying
to teach us

about the International
Monetary Fund.

Uh, but he kept messing up

and we had to correct
a few of his mistakes.

But Eric didn't know
when to stop.

Mr. Dorfman couldn't get
a word in edgewise.

And all of a sudden,
he just snapped.

He turned into the Hulk Hogan
with a tie.

- Thanks, Arvid.
- You have to go around if you--

Yeah, I will.

- Hi.
- Hey.

Okay, let's talk.

I don't feel like it.

Well, you don't feel
like talking, I'll talk.

Um, Mr. Dorfman's going
through a rough time.

You knew it.
You provoked him anyway.

Hey, he attacked me.

Oh, you weren't
doing anything, right?

Alright, I ragged on him
a little bit.

- But he deserves it.
- Why?

He bugs me.

It's so easy to walk
all over him.

- I feel it's my duty.
- Oh.

This is a whole new Eric
I'm listening to.

Hey, he's like my father.

He sees my shadow
and he starts yellin' at me.

What about me?

You're the only teacher
in this school

who ever has anything
to say to me.

Ever occur to you
to give Mr. Dorfman a break?

You know, give him a chance
to teach his class.

Perhaps you might learn
something from him.

I can't learn anything from
the teachers in this school.

I mean, it's bad enough
I'm stuck in the IHP

now I gotta put up
with a lame-o like Dorfman?

I could teach a class better
than him. Anybody could.

Excuse me, Mr. Moore,
would this be a bad time

to ask if I could borrow $10?

Yes, it would.

Five dollars?

Why don't I just go?

Anything else
you wanna talk about?

Yeah, a few things.

Uh, we'll save it
for class tomorrow, okay?

- Fine.
- Okay.

Uh, excuse me.
Oh, uh, sure, sure.

Mr. Moore..

Ah, oh, just go..

I thought we'd begin today
by discussing

how our culture reflects
our politics.

And this is clearly evident
in terms of the Cold War

and movies of the '50s and '60s.

'We have to ask ourselves
how accurate were these films'

and what was the purpose.

'Did they reflect a legitimate
fear of the Russians'

or did they contribute to it?

When you think about movies
like "Behind The Curtain"

which most of you have probably

never stayed up late enough
to see..

Um, see, can anybody think
of a movie that speaks to this--

- '"Diplomatic Courier."'
- '"Diplomatic Courier."'

- "I Married A Communist."
- 'Yes.'

- "The Manchurian Candidate."
- Mm-hmm. That's good--

There are also a lot
of science fiction movies.

Science fiction.

Eric, why don't you take over
and teach this section, huh?

You want me to teach the class?

That's right,
I knew you wouldn't do it

when it came right down to it.

Well, no, no. Okay.
You want it? Sure, okay.

- Come on, Eric.
- Eric.

Why don't I sit down here
for a change?

My name is Mr. Mardian..

...but you can call me
by my first name.

Mister.

Now science fiction
played a big part

in the paranoia of the times.

People were afraid of
the unknown, the different.

'I mean,
McCarthy was telling us'

'there was a communist
under every bed.'

'So it was real easy to score
big bucks with any movie'

that played upon
that kind of fear.

The enemy could be your own
girlfriend or your mother

like in the "Invasion
Of The Body Snatchers."

"Invasion
Of The Body Snatchers?"

[chuckles]
Are you kidding?

- Wait, let me finish.
- Why?

Because you may not know this,
but there is a ton of opinion

that says "The Body Snatchers"
is an allegory

of the Communists
taking over America.

Imagine my chagrin.

Oh, you don't think
"The Body Snatchers"

was intended
to tell us something?

Yeah. Don't buy giant vegetables
from Russia.

- Mr. Moore, what's going on?
- What's going on?

A class. I think you should
pay attention to the teacher.

Thank you.

Now even the writer

of "The Body Snatchers"
knew the significance--

I, I get it,
"The Body Snatchers," of course

and-and "The Blob," right?

Communist expansion.

"The Fly," perfect..

[imitates The Fly]
Help me, I'm a communist.

Mr. Moore, you wanna let me
get through this or not?

Mr. Moore, please?

I'm not able to follow
what Eric is trying to teach.

Oh, I know what you mean,
I can't make any sense

out of it either.

Mr. Moore, am I teaching
this class or no?

Yeah.

So will you button it
and let me teach?

Well, i-if you want me to shut
up, just tell me to shut up.

Mr. Moore, shut up, okay?

- Okay.
- 'Now this next--'

I will.
I'm not gonna say another word.

- Will help me prove my point.
- Question.

- What?
- What is your point?

If you give me a chance,
I'm gonna tell you.

Well, you-you had your chance.

I mean,
you're up there, Mardian.

Okay. I get it.

This is all about Dorfman,
right? Very good.

I'm not playing
this game anymore.

Well, uh, you said
you could teach a class.

- Why don't you teach it?
- I can teach it.

But not with this noise
coming at me.

No one said it was easy.

Uh, you're gonna wimp out?

Okay, let-let's get off
science fiction.

We're gonna talk about
the Bond movies, which is--

[humming]

I love it, you know.
But it is gratuitous.

Sex and violence
and gadgets and jokes and TNA.

I mean, I don't know
how we're supposed to take

this guy seriously, really.

Mr. Moore,
am I the teacher or not?

- Yes.
- Okay.

Then get out of my class.

Why? I-I like it.

I mean, you're funny.

- I'm warning you.
- You're warning me?

Alan, you better get the women
and children under cover.

This hombre smells like trouble.

Mr. Moore, back off!

[laughs]
You know, you're not just funny

you're also ridiculous.

I mean, you don't know diddly.

[all clamoring]

- I'm gonna--
- You're gonna what?

You're gonna hit me, right?

Look, I am not like that!

- Am I?
- Well, you're close.

But I'm funnier.

Okay, look, I know I..

I've been a little rough on
Dorfman, but the guy's a jerk!

Uh, Eric, Mr. Dorfman is just
like you and me, you know?

He's got problems
and he's trying to work 'em out.

But this is a turning point
for him.

And you can just push him
out of teaching forever.

Or you can turn him
into the kind of monster teacher

that we all hate.

Hey, you can also help him
become a better teacher

by trying to get
what he's offering you.

So you got all the power here.

Now how are you gonna make it
pay off for you?

I guess I owe Dorfman
an apology.

I'll give you a tip.

When you offer it,
try saying Mr. Dorfman.

I heard a commotion.
Everything alright?

Yeah, uh, it's fine.
Problem solved.

What problem?

Me and Mr. Dorfman,
it's gonna be okay.

Was I right?

Give these classroom problems
a little time.

They work themselves out.

- Dr. Samuels.
- 'Yeah?'

You're a class by yourself.

Well, thank you.

It's not gonna work, Dennis.

- Of course, it will work.
- I'm dubious.

Arvid, you need practice,
I need money.

- Let's give it a shot.
- Okay.

[bugle music]

[con clinks]

[theme music]