All language subtitles for Head.Of.The.Class.S01E03_2

[theme music]

[music continues]

[upbeat music]

- Good morning, Dennis.
- Good morning, Jawaharlal.

[gasping]

- Good morning, Eric.
- Hey, Jaws.

Uh, Dennis

have you seen my notebook?

Uh, what notebook?

[school bell rings]

- Good morning, everybody.
- Good morning.

- Good morning.
- Okay, let's get right to work.

[snaps fingers]

Mr. Moore,
if you keep doing this

he's never gonna develop
a sense of humor.

I'll risk it.

Okay, uh..

...I've noticed in this class

uh, we have a tendency
to get sidetracked.

Now, I know that
I'm partially responsible.

Partially?

Well, it's not always my fault.

Uh, let's just all
keep that in mind, okay?

Now, uh, yesterday
we were talking

about the fact that history
isn't just what happened

it's also who told us
what happened?

So, truth and history.

Now, I realize that
it's sometimes hard to see

the connection
between these words.

You take the case
of Theodore Roosevelt.

He.. Arvid.

Um, Mr. Moore,
I, I think I see

the connection
between the two words.

Well, th-the last letter
of the first word is the 'H.'

And-and, and the first letter
of the second word is an 'H.'

The second to the first letter
of the first word is an 'R'

and the second
to the last letter

of the second word is an 'R.'

The fourth letter
of both word is a 'T.'

Which it does, it gives us
matching combinations

of H-H, R-R, T-T.

Which when said quickly
sounds like hurt

and that's the connection.

When it comes to history,
the truth hurts.

[chuckles]

(Charlie)
Very good, Arvid.

Well, to get back
to what I was saying

or we can say it Arvid's way

"The truth hurts."

Now, in the case
of Teddy Roosevelt

in San Juan Hill.. Sarah.

Let's get a little more
contemporary, Mr. Moore.

'Listen to these headlines.'

"The Times."

"Waldheim elected
President of Austria

despite World War II
allegations."

"The Daily Post."
"Nazi wins."

[laughing]

"The Midnight Star."

"Psychic says,
Kurt killed Elvis."

[laughing]

And thank you, Sarah.

So, there we have
three extreme versions

of the same event.

And that's something
that newspapers will do.

Particularly
in a society like ours

that supports a free press.

Now, in the case
of Theodore Roosevelt

the Hearst's.. Alan?

I see your point about
newspapers and a free press.

Well, you're saying
what those so called reporters

Woodward and Bernstein

did to Mr. Nixon
was clearly irresponsible

and, well, let's face it,
shabby.

That's not my point,
my-my point is that history

is not always the truth.

Excuse me, Mr. Moore
but I've been thinking

about two words myself.

Who cares?

I mean, truth, history, bananas

hot fudge, i-it's all the same.

You guys take things
too seriously.

Is there a point to this,
Dennis?

Alright. San Juan Hill.

Yeah, maybe it wasn't
Teddy Roosevelt

who charged up that hill.

Maybe it was Eleanor Roosevelt.

But who cares, I mean..

We're here, we're gone,
lighten up.

Dennis, that is the dumbest
thing you've ever said.

And we've known you
since you were six.

That's not the dumbest,
the dumbest is when he tried

to get on
the "David Letterman Show"

by saying he was
a tap-dancing sumo wrestler.

[laughing]

No, no, no, the dumbest is when

we were at
the International Science Fair

and he told people
he was defecting from Poland.

[laughing]

I was bored. Anyway,
what difference does it make?

But..
Yes, Dennis. Life is a joke.

It's one of my
all-time favorite cliches.

Now, if we could
just get back to..

What was I talking about?

Woodward and Bernstein.

No, it wasn't, I..

But while we're
on this subject..

Yes, Alan, uh, newspapers

sometimes are
pretty rough on people.

That's the price we pay
for a free press.

- Oxymoron.
- And I lose control.

- Janice?
- You can't pay for free press.

It's an oxymoron. A phrase
that contradicts itself.

Yeah, it's like,
military intelligence.

Brilliant, Mr. Moore.

There's another one.

Thank you, Janice.

If we could just get back
to what I'm trying to teach.

Sure thing, Mr. Moore.

Hey, you know me.
I'm not one to interrupt.

- Teddy Roosevelt in..
- Mister, um..

Mr. Moore,
aren't you supposed to be

the lunch room monitor today?

No, I'm excused. I-I guessed
last Friday's mystery meat.

Mr. Moore.

Hi, remember me?

Uh, the Palladium,
we danced till dawn?

Stop stalling, Dennis.

Where's your story
for the school paper?

Okay, I haven't written it

but I promise
you're gonna love it.

- It's my funniest yet.
- What is it?

Uh..

An exclusive interview
with Doctor Samuels' dog.

He tells all.

That's funny?

Darlene, he's seen
Doctor Samuels naked.

What could be funnier than that?

Dennis, I guess you just don't

wanna write
for the school paper.

Oh, what do you mean?
Of course, I do.

Come on, I'm the funniest guy
in the school.

I gotta write for the paper.

Besides, I need it
for my college applications.

Okay, but interview someone
at the school.

Alright, no problem.
I'll interview Mr. Moore.

Charlie, my bud.

Great, but not some typical
boring teacher interview.

No, I promise,
this one will be different.

You'll love it.

I'd better.

[barking]

[instrumental music on stereo]

[knocking on door]

You're early.

Naomi?

(Dennis)
'No, it's Dennis.'

- 'From your honors class?'
- Who is it?

(Dennis)
'I'm the large portly one.'

That Dennis.

Okay.

- Hi. How are you?
- Hi, Mr. Moore. Okay.

Hey, I hope
I'm not disturbing you.

[sniffs]
Nice, smells good.

Uh, listen,
this is kind of embarrassing.

Could I use your phone?

I have to call home.

Uh, sure, be my guest.

Thanks.

Nice place you got here.
Really.

Uh, hi, mom.
Yeah, it's me.

So what, you think
you and dad are going

uh, fifteen rounds
or ten tonight?

I'm kid-I'm kid..
Ma, it's a joke.

'Mom?'

My own mom,
can't even take a joke.

Well, what's going on?

Uh, she and my dad
get into these fights

I-I don't like to go home
till they're over.

- Sounds pretty serious.
- Uh, it's in our blood.

- Hey, we're a volatile people.
- You're Italian?

Swiss.

I'm kidding.
Sometimes it helps.

Uh, listen, I-I know this is
gonna sound a little forward

but could I borrow 30 bucks?

What, what is going on, Dennis?

I thought I'd get a hotel room.
Do you like the Waldorf?

- Is 30 bucks enough?
- No.

I'll skip room service.

- I'm kidding.
- You-you really can't go home?

[sighs]

No.

You sure?

Alright, tell you what.

Fifteen bucks,
I'll get a room at the Y.

You don't have
anywhere else to go?

I've tried the bus station,
but ugly people

keep trying to use me
as a pillow.

Right, let's just
cut through this, Dennis, uh..

You wanna talk?

[sighs]
Hey, my timing's off.

That says dinner for two.

I better get out of here.

Alright, Dennis, uh, sit down.

Mr. Moore, I don't wanna
disrupt your evening.

No problem.
Simple phone call.

Naomi will understand, maybe.

Well, I really appreciate this,
Mr. Moore.

You know, this could really
help me get things off my mind.

You know, we can talk,
watch TV, play cards.

Sure, Dennis, it's more or less
what I planned to do with Naomi.

'Hi, ah, it's Ch..'

'Well, something
has come up actually.'

'Uh, it's kinda difficult,
it's one of my students.'

Well, tomorrow night,
I promise, okay?

I.. It's just..

You eat like this
all the time?

No, uh.. When I'm alone,
I don't bother with the candles.

I might have a lesser wine.

Oh, and I think we should
let this breathe.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

You have to be a blonde
to drink this.

Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Moore,
you know

you really don't need me
messin' up your life.

No, it's quite alright, Dennis,
I don't mind.

Uh, but, I must say

I think you and your parents
have some real problems

that, uh, need to be dealt with.

You're right.

You're right.

Could I...have another
slice of salmon mousse?

You ever been in trouble?

You know,
like with the police?

- No.
- Come on.

You can level with me.

Well, once, uh..

Back in the '60s, you know,
it was an anti-war rally.

The cops charged us
with night sticks.

We showed them just how
effective non-violence can be.

How'd you do that?

We ran like hell.

Whatever your most
embarrassing moment was

- I could top it.
- Don't be too sure.

- Alright, you go first.
- Well, it's, uh, 1969.

I'm just starting out
as an actor.

I'm working for peanuts,
you know, and I

I get a role in "Hare."

So, there's a nude scene.

I'm a little nervous, but..

...I take off my clothes
and I dance out on stage.

Unfortunately,
it's the wrong scene.

That is major embarrassment.

No, major embarrassment
was that no one applauded.

Well, divorce, marriage.

- You've been there, right?
- Uh, yeah.

It's all part of life, Dennis.

Was yours a bad one?

Did you catch her with somebody?

Dennis!

We were young,
out-of-work actors

it couldn't get much worse.

And then her sister
moved in with us.

I hated her, she hated me.

My wife grew to hate both of us.

I know.

I saw it on "The Colby's."

I know you don't like
Dr. Samuels.

I mean, let's get real.

Well, his heart's
in the right place.

Yeah, but Geraldo Rivera

is looking for his brain.

- Right?
- Sometimes maybe.

Uh, let's talk about
some of the kids in the class.

Aren't they great?

Let's take Maria, for instance.

[instrumental music]

"Maria's problem
is she doesn't think."

"Arvid looks at the world
through nerd-colored glasses?"

"Darlene is an uptight snob."

Man's got a point.

Dennis,
Mr. Moore actually said this?

Do I deliver or what?

I can't believe a nice man
like Mr. Moore

would say these things.
I just can't.

I knew he hated me.
It's because of my politics.

I'm gonna die.
I-I'm gonna faint.

Are you happy, Dennis?

You've got everybody
hating Mr. Moore.

Just when we thought
we had a good thing going.

- Dennis.
- What?

What did you think
you were doing by writing this?

Oh, come on, Darlene,
they're overreacting.

You just better be sure
he said all this, Dennis.

You are sure?

Well, yeah, I'm sure.
He said 'em, in a way.

The problem here is that nobody
sees the humor in this, Darlene.

Here comes Mr. Moore.
Maybe he'll see the humor in it.

[scoffs]
I'll go handle this.
You stay here.

I'll be right back.

Good morning. Naomi says hi.

Ah, swell, listen, Mr. Moore

I don't think you ought to go
in there right now.

- No, I teach here, remember?
- Yeah, I know.

But everybody
is a little confused in there.

Confused? About what?

[chuckles]
It's funny actually.

I wrote this really fun profile
of you for the school paper

and they're all kind of
takin' it the wrong way.

- About me?
- Um..

They're babies, Mr. Moore.
I-it's wimp city in there.

- Really, you don't wanna go in.
- What's in the profile?

Look...you're not like them,
Mr. Moore

you've got the old funny bone.

It takes a high intellect
to appreciate...parody.

So, I think if you like it,
they'll back off.

So, read it.

Like it, and, uh, me..

I'm just..

[chuckles]

[indistinct chatter]

I don't understand why..

And good morning to you, too.

Well, uh, rumor has it
I am featured in an article.

Is that it?

'Let's hear it.'

Out loud?

Well, sure, we have no secrets
in this class, do we?

Not anymore.

Okay.

"Sub. Portrait of a drifter.

"Charlie Moore, a man who has
been on the run from the police.

"A man who has appeared naked
on stage for peanuts.

"A man who has shacked up
with...two women."

Did he say that?

Mr. Moore, I can't even believe
you'd say this things about us.

- What things?
- "Maria doesn't think."

I'm a stuffed shirt.

"Arvid looks at the world

through nerd-colored glasses."

I said that? I-I would never
say those things.

Mr. Moore. "Sub. Portrait
of a drifter." Ring a bell?

Uh, yes, beginning to, yes.

Mrs. Hanratty, the, uh, faculty
advisor to the school paper

brought me an advanced copy.
She thought I should see this.

You amaze me, Mr. Moore.

You make self-destruction
an art form.

Well, I gather
I totaled you too.

What did I say?

You said, "Dr. Samuels heart
is in the right place

"but Geraldo Rivera
is looking for his..

- Thank you, Janice.
- "...brain."

Did you ever stop to think
I might be misquoted here?

The people at the school board
read these things.

Tell Dennis I wanna see him.

Everything straightened out?

Not quite, Dennis. Come in.

Come in.

Now, you made up that story

about your parents fighting,
didn't you?

You never mentioned that you
were writing an article.

And you distorted everything
that I said, right?

You know, the stuff
that you gave me

was a little on the dull side.

Mr. Moore, did you or did you
not say that I don't think?

- What did I say?
- What difference does it make?

I said, "Marie doesn't think
she should have any fun

unless she gets straight A's."

Dennis, you're such
a complete sleazoid!

You are a total low-life.

How can you look at yourself?

He needs a very large mirror.

You people are all too uptight,
you know, I tried to spread

a little levity,
and everybody goes nuts.

Levity isn't what
you were spreading, man.

Dennis, I think you and I
need to have a little talk.

Okay, I'm free Friday
after third period.

- Now.
- Okay.

Show no mercy, Mr. Moore.

Look, I was kidding around
and it backfired.

I'm sorry, okay,
it's no big deal.

No, Dennis,
I think it's a big deal.

- You don't think it's funny?
- I'm not laughing, Dennis.

You see, that's the difference
between you and me.

I take the existentialist
point of view.

And life is a joke.

Do you know
about existentialism?

No, Dennis,
I just got here from Mars.

You wanna play funny philosophy?

Do you know
Dante's "The Divine Comedy?"

Because Dante says
there are nine levels of hell.

That's a comedy?

I would say right now
you're at about level five

and you work your way up
by redemption.

Redemption?

Dennis, the only way out
is for you to face up

to why you do
things like this.

Okay. Why?

Why not? The world is a joke.

If we can't laugh at each other
where are we?

Okay. Level four.

What are you talking about?
I'm not doing this.

Oh, Dennis, you're doing this.

Okay, I admit it.

I've got the disease,
I can't help myself.

When I see an opening,
I go for it.

- How am I doing?
- Stuck at level four.

I need strokes.

I'm crying out for attention.

- Who isn't?
- Yeah, but I admitted it.

Okay. Level three.

Only three? Oh, come on,
that's gotta be level one.

I don't get any closer to
the truth. That's my best shot.

Dennis,
you can do better than that.

Level two, let's go.

Okay.

I'm overweight, alright?

I get it.
You did this to lose weight.

Betray a friend,
lose unwanted pounds.

The Judas diet.

Come on, Mr. Moore,
give me a break.

Okay.

- You want all of it.
- Mm-hm.

You may find this
a little hard to believe..

...but I'm insecure.

I just want people to like me.

And I figure, if I'm funny..

...they'll like me.

Okay, that's it,
that's as far as I go.

How do you feel?

I feel terrible.

You know, my head is pounding,
my stomach hurts

and my palms are sweating.

Is there MSG in truth?

- Dennis.
- Mr. Moore.

I don't say these words
too often.

But seriously..

...I am sorry.

Don't get mushy on me, Dennis
unless you mean it.

I really am.

Okay. So, you told me.

Now, tell them.

Yeah.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Okay, let's take one more run..

...at San Juan Hill.

Mr. Moore.
The truth has arrived.

You are gonna be so proud of me

I didn't fudge one word.
Read all that.

Come on, let's hear it.

"Charlie Moore,
lonely at the bottom.

"Charlie Moore,
relic from the '60s.

"The lonely divorcee..

"...disappointed actor
who supplements

his meagre earnings.."

Dennis, you, me,
in the hall, talk.

Uh, Mr. Moore, I think you might
like the last sentence.

"However, even if his life
has been an unmitigated disaster

"we in the honor's program
are grateful for that

because otherwise, he wouldn't
be our teacher today."

I really had to struggle
to find an upbeat ending.

Dennis..

...the hall, you, me, talk.

[theme music]