All language subtitles for Grace And Frankie SE04 E10 The Death Stick

♪ Well, I don't know
Why I came here tonight ♪

♪ Got the feelin'
That somethin' ain't right ♪

♪ I'm so scared
In case I fall off my chair ♪

♪ And I'm wondering
How I'll get down the stairs ♪

♪ And there's clowns to the left of me
Jokers to the right ♪

♪ Here I am
Stuck in the middle with you ♪

♪ Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

Hey, mopesy.

You know what might make you feel better
is changing the leak bucket.

Oh, no.

I'm gonna need a reflective surface
to gaze sadly into later,

and you won't let me have a well.

Let me guess.
You're cyber-stalking Winnie again.

Yes. And get this,
some guy named Chester Davenport

liked a picture of Winnie and Jacob
playing Frisbee golf.

Her friends sound like a-holes.

You realize that's just
making you feel worse.

I know. I just polished off a tub
of what I thought was cheese dip.

Yeah. I know, I read your status update.

-Why don't you go see your granddaughter?
-Are you kidding?

Faith gets exposed to even a whiff
of my toxic negativity at her age

and she is on the child-actor track.

Well, you're the one that said that
breaking up was the right thing to do.

I know. I know, but it's so hard to see

Jacob gallivanting
around the Georgia O'Keeffe Museum

like I was never even banned from there.

Well, let's stop using Facebook
to torture ourselves,

and use it to read
our customer testimonials.

That always cheers you up.

So does ramen,
but I have to really be in the mood,

and the weather's been
just too warm lately.

Okay, here's one from Heywood Jablomie...

Okay, that's clearly Brianna.

Oh, Harriet posted again.
You love Harriet!

Oh, I am a fan of our biggest fan.

"Ladies, greetings
from San Juan Capistrano!

Just ordered a half-dozen for the gals
I did jury duty with.

And a mini for the woman
who definitely robbed that bank!"

Oh, God, that is classic Harriet.
Is there a new picture?

Let's see. There.

Oh. That's her look.
Outer space librarian.

God, I love her.

Hey, Frances.
What do you say we have an adventure?

Are you gonna finally take me
to the world's largest Slip 'N Slide?

You know what? Instead of sliding down
what smells like a giant urinal,

let's go see Harriet.

Let's just show up at her house
and surprise her.

Well, she may not be there.

What if she's trapped in the mall
overnight again?

We'll just wait for her.

This is a good day to drive up the coast.
Go get dressed and I'll get her address.

Can we bring her some freebies?

We can bring her a whole gift basket
of extra Ménages and your yam lube.

Can there be balloons? Vagina balloons?

For the first time ever,
I'm gonna answer that question with a yes.

Ah!

-So, who wants to start?
-I'll start.

If that's okay with you.

I think that would be great.

Very well.

"Today, you'll hear two stories.

One, clear-eyed and level-headed,

the other, a jumble of too many emotions.

My husband will disarm you

with his welcoming eyes
and warm temperament,

then distract from the facts

with his loud feelings,
which are clearly--

Okay, Robert. Robert.

I appreciate the effort
behind your opening statement,

but you're not here to win a case.

Thank you.

Obviously, one of us is new to therapy

and needs a little guidance
in the art of self-reflection.

I take responsibility.

As a longtime mental-health participant,
I should have prepared him.

Okay, let me stop you right here.

No one is going to "win" today,

and no one gets points
for having done this before.

Thank you for acknowledging
that I've done this before.

Just tell me straight up.

Hmm?

Why are you here?

And thanks for the ride.

I'm pretty sure the mechanic's
holding my car hostage.

-Want me to handle it for you?
-That'd be great. He's mean.

What time do you want me
to pick you up tonight? Dinner's at eight.

Yeah...

No. Another late night? Lauren is
the worst thing to happen to my sex life

since my IUD fell out at that Petco.

I promise she's not doing it to spite you.
We're really busy. You know?

Yes, and Say Grace is busy, too. Okay?

Unlike your horrible boss, I have respect
for my employees' personal lives.

You fired Suzy for going home
for her kid's bath time.

No, I did not. I passive-aggressively
shamed her in meetings

until she elected to leave
of her own volition.

Lauren's been nothing but professional.

And I know I said
I could handle you hating her,

but these daily diatribes
are getting kind of old.

You know what's getting a little old
is Lauren.

I just feel like
I'm always coming in second.

Just because I couldn't go on one cruise,
which was my idea in the first place,

does not mean you come second.

And I must say, that's a rather
rich accusation coming from you.

And why is that?

Because he still thinks of Frankie
as his soul mate.

Can you tell me more about that, Sol?

I'm not sure I was being literal.
I was just musing.

He "mused" it to her the other day.

I have a complicated heart
with many compartments.

It's a lot to manage.

That must have triggered
some painful memories,

especially considering what you shared

about Sol's infidelity
before your wedding.

I once again feel like I'm running a race
against someone I can never beat.

The only thing going on between me
and Frankie is our new grandchild.

If you don't count the all-night texting,

and the all-day texting,
and her dropping by all the time.

The texting bothers you because...

It didn't bother me at all until
I found out how he still feels about her.

I have barrels of feelings.

Why are we cherry-picking this one?

Because this is the one you kept from me.

Robert, are you worried that there's
something inappropriate going on

between Sol and Frankie?

Well, I think when they're texting
at 2:00 a.m.,

it's not only John Oliver
they're talking about.

It's only about 40 percent.

The rest is chitchat and patter.

I can only imagine.

Would it help if I let you read
our text messages?

Because I have nothing to hide.

Do you think that would help, Robert?

Perhaps.

Okay, then that's your homework.

-Fine.
-Fine.

Of course, Robert isn't fluent
in the language of emoji,

so a lot will go over his head.

Oh, fats! We should have brought
our camcorder to capture her reaction,

like they do
with Publishers Clearing House.

Well, you could use my phone, but
you've lost your "my phone" privileges.

I have never felt more like Ed McMahon.

And I have actually felt Ed McMahon.

Hi! Is Harriet here?

No, she's not. Who are you?

Oh, I'm Grace Hanson
and this is Frankie Bergstein.

-Have you heard of us?
-I can't say that I have.

Oh, what an interesting shape.

They're vaginas for Harriet.

Well, I guess if anyone celebrated
their vagina, it was Harriet, poor thing.

Why do you say "poor thing"?

Harriet passed away last week.

What?

No, I'm just here
to feed Harriet's parrot, Parriet.

I live next door.

She's dead?

But I came here to be cheered up!

Oh, jeez. That's poor timing.

Well, what happened?

She had a heart attack.

Oh, my God.

The word on the street
is that she diddled herself to death.

-Diddled?
-Yes.

With this humongous vibrator

that she bought
from some porno website for older ladies.

-Oh, no.
-I thought she was getting them from us.

She talked about it all the time.

Now, I barely knew Harriet.
I'm really just friends with Parriet.

I'm sure it wasn't her vibrator
that killed her.

No, it was.

Apparently, when they found her,
it was still buzzing.

Oh, was that for Harriet?

No, it's for us.

-We won it at the Stop & Shop.
-The carnival.

Stop & Shop Carnival.

Behind the Stop & Shop store.

She forgot her purse there,
so we better get going.

Bye now.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

-Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
-Frankie!

Look, this is tragic,
but it was not our fault.

Kind of feels like our fault.

Look, she died doing what she loved.

There are worse ways to go.
Ask any of our friends who've died lately.

I can't, they're so dead!

When has that ever stopped you?

I packed an instrument of death
into a box and sent a lady to her doom!

In your defense, I don't think
that any of the boxes you packed

made it to our customers.

This was our biggest fan
and we whacked her!

Okay, you have to stop talking like that
because we have a bigger problem here.

That lady told two strangers
that Harriet died using our vibrator.

-Who else is she gonna tell?
-The parrot?

Oh, no. They repeat everything!

I think we have to start thinking
about damage control.

Damage control?

We killed a woman who trusted us!

Yeah. That's the damage
we have to control.

Say Grace doesn't even surface
on social media anymore.

Either they've forgotten about you or...

they see you as old-fashioned.

God, we're like a sad mall kiosk.

We're like the Piercing Pagoda
that gave me that staph infection.

Why is Barry here?

Barry? What's going on?

Lauren is coming! She's parking.

-What? Why the fuck is Lauren here?
-No idea.

-We were driving to lunch--
-You drive to lunch together?

I don't have a car right now.
Can we talk about that later? I just...

Lauren from Natural Feces
is parked in our handicap spot.

-What does she want?
-Maybe trying to make things better?

Make things better?
She is the queen of lies.

She is the devil's concubine... Hi!

-Hey!
-Surprise!

I'll say!

Wild honey from the bees in my hive.

It's pure magic.

Wow, you have a hive.

And you're here. It's so much to process!

Yeah, I know. Right? Ugh.

Oh, my God.
You're not gonna believe this,

but I have done something very similar
in my office.

I do believe it.

You know, actually,
it's my New York office,

and it's in a brand-new building
with a ton of natural light,

-so it's different from what you have.
-Pretty big window here.

But, oh, wow! We always do this!

You sure do!

Stop copying me, you.

-You stop copying me.
-No, you.

-Call a tow truck.
-Mm-hmm.

I was on the wrong private jet!

Oh, no.

Oh, my God.

Such a relatable problem.

Why are you here?

I miss us.

Well, I miss my belly button ring,

but some things are best yanked out
and treated with antibiotics.

See? I miss that. The banter.

The way we used to push each other
and make each other better.

If it weren't for the fierce competition
between us for all of those years,

my company wouldn't be what it is today.

But sadly, those days are passed.

No, no, no, you used "sadly" wrong.

Oh, honey, I know Say Grace is in trouble,

but I can help.

By buying you.

-What?
-Oh, shit.

Okay.

Say Grace is not in trouble.

Yeah, The Rock just tweeted about us,
so...

And we're not for sale.

Really? The Rock?

Well, then I must have misunderstood
all of your employees

flocking to me with resumes in hand.

Can someone explain to me
what's going on?

Uh, it's Erica. Okay, it has to be.

She steals toner, her boobs are real
but terrible, now this.

No, it's no one,
because no one is flocking to Lauren,

because Lauren is making shit up,
which is what Lauren does.

Listen, I know you have your pride,
and I respect that.

All right, but you don't have
to pretend with me. I'm a friend.

You know, I was saying to my husband,
Loren the other night...

-Oh, God. Ew.
-...after we made love,

"Loren, what should I do
with all the extra money I'm making?"

And Loren said to me, "Lauren,
you need to help somebody in need.

Like an Ethiopian child,
or your friend, Brianna."

Yeah. You know, you should go home
tonight and say to Loren,

"Loren, I got really confused
because Brianna and I are not friends."

-Okay, but your company is in trouble.
-What is she talking about?

Oh, Bar, did Brianna not...

You know what? I just assumed you guys
share everything, like me and Loren.

I forget not everybody has that.

You should go now.

Oh, the cute sister's right. All right.
You know what? I'll let you two catch up.

Actually, you take the rest of the day
off, mister. All right?

But I am gonna need you in
Saturday and Sunday.

Hey, Rocco.

It's Grace Hanson again. Remember me?

You broke my antique chair.

Anyway, my guest bath
is still raining into my kitchen.

Can you get here
before I have an indoor pool?

Thanks.

What the hell are you doing?

"This vibrator may cause severe death."
Are you insane?

You have to scream "fire"
or people won't listen.

Haven't you ever been to a movie theater?

Uh.

I needed to wax today, anyway.

We are not using these labels.

How are we supposed to stop
another customer

from picking up a loaded Ménage

and playing a losing round
of Rubbin' Roulette?

You need to calm down.

-Calm down?
-Yeah.

I got dumped by my boyfriend
and I went on a killing spree!

Look, this kind of crazy-eyed panic

is exactly why
I'm gonna deal with this on my own.

-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah.

Remember our friend Marla from Flapper ?

No.

The lifestyle blogger.
Her article put us on the map.

Nothing.

Well, anyway, she's coming tomorrow
to interview me about Harriet.

That way we can get ahead of the story
and warn everybody

so this never happens again.

So what about me?
I don't even get to talk to her?

No.

No.

How come I can't remember Marla?

Because you're old!

And I knew that b-turd of a woman
was using you to humiliate me.

Why didn't you tell me
the company was in trouble?

Oh, because I didn't want you to know.

Did you ever think I could've helped you?

How? We're beyond fussing
with the budget, Barry.

Can't fix this problem with your TI-84.

-No, I just meant I could have--
-Could have what?

Ridden in here on your white horse?

Can't even ride in here
in your gray Subaru.

Jesus Christ, Brianna.
I could have been there for you.

I'm sorry,
but you have no idea what it's like

to carry an entire company
on your shoulders.

You know what? You're right. I don't.

Well, what do you think?

How many more haikus do I have to read?

Seventeen.

Are my eyes bleeding yet?

-What was that?
-Nothing.

-Then you won't mind if I read it.
-Not at all.

Whose knees are these?

They might not be knees at all.

-It's "hot dogs or legs."
-What?

It's a guessing game
that's captivated the Internet.

Because, from a certain perspective,

hot dogs look like legs.

I think this one is hot dogs.

Wait. No...

Who's Roy?

My "Both Tides Now" buddy.
I've mentioned him.

Actually, you haven't.

Sure, I did.

The one from the Captain's Dinner.

I remember hearing about the buffet
at the Captain's Dinner.

That's where I met Roy.

We were making fun
of the beef medallions.

Is he gay?

Not that it matters, but yes.

Ha!

No "ha." He's just a friend.

How often would you say you text
with this Mr. Beef Medallion?

-How about you stop interrogating me.
-How about you give me your phone back

so I know exactly
what I'm interrogating you about.

No!

I thought you had nothing to hide.

Fine, but I will not say another word
without my therapist present.

Marla, I'm so grateful
that you agreed to do this. I thank you.

Yeah. If it's okay,
I'd like to record it on the phone.

Sure. Yeah.

So what would you like to say
to Harriet's family?

Well, our hearts ache for their loss.

Yeah, Harriet was one of our best
customers and we loved her dearly.

Are you concerned
that your vibrator is not safe?

Oh, not at all.

I mean, everyone should consult
their doctor

before using something as effective
and exciting and affordable

as our vibrator.

And we can be found online
at www.ForeverVybrant.com.

"Vybrant" is with a "Y."

I guess my question is,
is your vibrator too dangerous

-for your target demographic?
-Yes.

Well, you know, Marla,
I have given that a lot of thought.

You know, is Ménage à Moi too dangerous?

Is our new travel size, Mini Ménage,
which is selling like hotcakes,

is that too dangerous?
I think the answer is no.

But I'm happy to continue the discussion
at our next pop-up this Saturday

in Mission Valley, outside Nordstrom Rack.

What is this, Hanson,
the Home Shopping Network?

You're supposed to be warning people!

Frankie, I was hoping
I could talk to you, too.

Well, it's happening. We're murderers.

No, that is off the record.

It is so on the record.

It's the hot hit single.

A woman died here.

Her name was Harriet, uh...

I can't remember her last name.

But whatever it was,
we can assume she wanted to live.

And I will not stand by

and watch another innocent woman die
because of our vibrator.

Oh, for Heaven's sake, she didn't die
because of our vibrator.

Yes, she did!

And it could have been me
or you or Marla.

Anybody could have been Harriet!

And the public has a right to know.

I'd especially like to warn
Ruth Bader Ginsberg.

RBG, if you've received my packages,
be careful.

We need you now more than ever.

Marla, how about you and I
go out for lunch.

I know some places
where she's not allowed.

Oh, you don't know all of them!

No, it's okay. I'd actually like
to hear more from both of you.

How did you find me?

We live across the street.
I could see you from every window.

-I'm not in the mood to talk.
-Really?

Because I have given you
over 28 hours to brood.

You know how many rats have been born
since we last spoke?

-Is this what you want to talk about?
-No.

I'm sorry for saying that horrible thing
and for not telling you.

I just knew you would look at me like,
"Poor Brianna, I feel sorry for her."

-And it's... it's humiliating.
-Okay, I'm your boyfriend.

You don't have to put on
some strong front for me.

-I do.
-You don't.

I do!

Because you fell for a badass CEO,
not a total fuck-up.

You're not a total fuck-up.

For the record,
I fell for "trash can Brianna."

Okay, your cousins married each other,
if anyone's trash can--

No. Do you remember how I used to be
terrified of you just like everybody else?

Fondly.

This one day I saw you strutting
all hot and cocky down the hallway

until you walked right into a trash can.

Doesn't sound like me at all,
but I'll entertain it.

And you were clearly horrified and
relieved when you thought no one saw you.

I mean, you were
such a colossal loser in that moment.

And you're telling me now,
in this moment, because...

Because it was adorable.

It made me smile the whole day.

And the next day, I asked you out.

So in other words,
you decided that because I was a loser,

-that you had a shot.
-Yes.

But also, good things can happen
when you allow yourself to be human.

Eh...

So... you're still gonna love me
when Say Grace goes under

and I'm super poor?

Well, we'll be super poor together.

I quit my job.

-What?
-Yeah.

I couldn't work for someone
who was that horrible to you.

Although I did work for your mom.

You always know how to make me smile.

Come here.

-I don't want to be poor.
-Yeah, poor sucks.

"Vybrant Co-Founder Says
'We're Murderers'"?

I'm not happy this happened, Grace.

But I am glad that word is out
about our death sticks.

What have you done, Frankie?

This was our baby.

This was our third act.

This is what no one thought we could do

and you probably ruined it for us.

I did this in the name of my good friend,
Harriet No-Last-Name.

Grace last-name-Hanson thinks you better
start looking for a new best friend.

I like that you're finally admitting
we're best friends.

And then Roy texted, and I quote,

"You looked good in that Hawaiian shirt
at the Judy Collins Weep and Greet."

Unquote.

He was just trying to make me feel better
about my poor outfit choice!

It was very windy on the lido deck.

Roy will be in town next week.

He's invited Sol out.

He's coming here for work.

He suggested a casual margarita.
I declined the suggestion.

Do you see how Robert
could interpret this as flirting?

I didn't mean to flirt.

I didn't even intend
to stay in touch with Roy.

Why do you think you did?

I guess because I enjoy talking to him.

I'm someone who needs people in his life.

Sol does seem to be looking
for something with Roy,

with Frankie, even with his activism
that he feels he is not getting at home.

-Well, I can't be everything to him.
-And you shouldn't have to be.

Have you two ever considered

a less conventional approach
to your relationship?

What do you mean?

I've had patients, gay men in particular,

who have had some success
venturing outside the social norms

to find an arrangement
that works best for them.

What kind of arrangement?

Oh, something like
spending some time apart.

What would that solve?

Well, it might take the pressure
off of both of you,

and your marriage.

If a "Roy" pops up again,

perhaps you could explore that
without any guilt.

You mean...

explore?

But I'm Catholic, for Christ's sake!

And we're married!

And you're also men.

You have complex biological impulses,

and monogamy may run contrary
to those impulses.

An open marriage is just one idea.
There are many others.

All I'm saying is that
you may want to redefine intimacy

to find what works for both of you
as a couple.

But what does that mean?

Well, it means that
in order to fix this relationship,

you may need to... break it wide open.

It's very uncomfortable eating dinner
with someone in complete silence.

You have literally spoken
every 15 seconds.

Are you Frankie Bergstein?

I am thrilled to say I am not.

Are you guys talking
Frankie Bergstein over here?

Are you Frankie?

-Yeah.
-My name is Sally Gaspar.

I'm Harriet Frankel's cousin.

Frankel! That's what it was.

Oh, my God! Why are you here?

Yeah, if you're here to kill her,
please come in.

I'm sorry to barge in,
but a friend sent me your interview.

I don't know if you believe
in these kinds of things, but...

-if Harriet had a message from beyond...
-I believe in them!

Harriet told me you would.

And she'd tell you
that this was not your fault.

No, you changed her life.

-We did?
-Yeah.

After her husband passed,
she stopped going to movies,

she lost interest in temple.

And then she found your product.

And I know this sounds silly,

but it brought back the cousin
that I once knew.

She returned to temple
and started seeing movies?

She even started rapping!

Oh, tell me there's video.

So... So you don't...
think that we killed her?

No! Quite the opposite.

Your vibrator gave her life.

And then death, but first, life.

See? Did you hear that?

Yeah, I did.

- You two have nothing to feel bad about.
- I'm so glad you feel that way.

I don't know if the rest of the world
agrees with you--

Are you kidding me?
Have you seen your Facebook page lately?

I don't log on anymore because I end up
in a Jacob/Winnie rabbit hole.

Yeah, and I'm too scared to look.

Well, you should probably check it out.

Oh, I almost forgot.

I had these made for Harriet's friends.

My grandson went to NYU
and now he's making T-shirts.

I think we should all be
a little more like Harriet.

Oh. Gosh!

We have 4,000 new members!

-Everybody is getting their Harriet on.
-Let's see.

Terrie Sue Epperson from Yakima,
"I want what Harriet's having."

Oh, Molly and Teresa of Colleyville, Texas
are hosting a Vybrant brunch!

And... Oh, look at this.

Katie from the Netherlands
is " bezeten " with Frankie Bergstein.

Oh, God.
It's more than a vibrator now, isn't it?

It's a movement.

And we started it.

Oh.

Ah!

What the hell?

Oh, my G--

My tub!

♪ Well, I wish that it would rain ♪

♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo ♪

♪ Heavy rain down from the sky ♪

♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo ♪

♪ Maybe then you wouldn't see
The teardrops in my eyes ♪

♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo ♪

♪ Doo, doo, doo ♪

♪ Well, I wish that it would rain ♪

♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo ♪

♪ It would be a great disguise ♪

♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo ♪

♪ Maybe then you wouldn't see... ♪

Okay, good night.