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1
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- This one, here,
2
00:01:59,051 --> 00:02:03,310
got the automatic.
3
00:02:20,027 --> 00:02:24,476
- Hi, Melanie.
- Hey, Jim, I'm sorry.
4
00:02:24,476 --> 00:02:27,760
I can't believe how late I'm running.
5
00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:31,010
I'm early.
6
00:02:34,170 --> 00:02:35,520
- Come on, Billy.
7
00:02:37,663 --> 00:02:40,151
- It's
like a war out there.
8
00:02:42,870 --> 00:02:44,293
- Well, stay warm.
- 'Night, Marty.
9
00:02:47,059 --> 00:02:48,809
- Bye, Jim.
- 'Night.
10
00:02:57,620 --> 00:03:02,404
- Hey, Jim, Howard
can't make it tonight.
11
00:03:02,404 --> 00:03:03,700
- Why, he's working overtime again?
12
00:03:03,700 --> 00:03:05,973
- No, his wife is sick.
13
00:03:09,270 --> 00:03:12,123
He was gonna speak for me tonight.
14
00:03:14,410 --> 00:03:15,840
- Hey, listen, man, you don't wanna know
15
00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:17,040
what's goin' on with me.
16
00:03:18,489 --> 00:03:20,963
- When was the last time
you spoke at a meeting?
17
00:03:22,378 --> 00:03:24,878
- About seven months ago,
why, you don't remember?
18
00:03:28,061 --> 00:03:28,894
- You need it.
19
00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:34,201
- Hey.
- Hi, how you doin'?
20
00:03:34,201 --> 00:03:37,362
- Okay, I'm okay, how you doin'?
21
00:03:39,197 --> 00:03:40,788
Doing good.
22
00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:41,922
- Yeah.
- I'm doing good.
23
00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:44,755
- Doing all right, you look great.
24
00:03:50,437 --> 00:03:51,862
- Hey, Marty.
25
00:03:51,862 --> 00:03:54,709
- Hey, Tony, well, it's day 25.
26
00:03:54,709 --> 00:03:56,027
- 26.
- 26, great.
27
00:03:57,755 --> 00:03:59,705
Your sponsor's in the kitchen.
- Okay.
28
00:04:01,894 --> 00:04:05,144
- Get the fuck outta here, fucking way.
29
00:04:07,130 --> 00:04:08,321
Hey.
- How you doing, Jimmy?
30
00:04:08,321 --> 00:04:10,388
- How you doing, good to see you.
31
00:04:10,388 --> 00:04:12,520
Listen, I called you back,
but I got your machine
32
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:15,420
so, you know, it didn't
pick up or something, you know?
33
00:04:15,420 --> 00:04:16,980
- Yeah, well, I didn't
get the message but--
34
00:04:16,980 --> 00:04:19,220
- No, no, I called you.
- All right, whatever, you--
35
00:04:19,220 --> 00:04:21,030
- How you doin'?
- I'm all right.
36
00:04:21,030 --> 00:04:23,120
Well, I'm upset, I'm
angry, I'm, I'm nervous.
37
00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:26,009
I'm angry, you know--
- Why, the resume again?
38
00:04:26,009 --> 00:04:28,510
- The resume, man,
you know, the resume already,
39
00:04:28,510 --> 00:04:30,740
you know, I'm like I go
to the computer place
40
00:04:30,740 --> 00:04:32,520
or the printing whatever
the hell it is, I go there
41
00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:36,080
to pick it up, I hand over the 25 bucks.
42
00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:37,913
- Right.
- Which is ridiculous.
43
00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:42,718
Then I go to a diner to pick
up my 579th cup of coffee
44
00:04:42,718 --> 00:04:44,970
you know, I gotta refuel, gotta refuel,
45
00:04:44,970 --> 00:04:47,066
another cup of coffee, it's 11
o'clock and I'm still tired,
46
00:04:47,066 --> 00:04:48,193
but I'm wired, tired and wired.
47
00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:52,660
So, I leave, I walk two
blocks, look at this hand,
48
00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:56,240
then I look at this hand,
shaking, oops, no resume--
49
00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:57,310
- Hey, Tony, let me ask you--
- Back in the diner--
50
00:04:57,310 --> 00:04:58,243
- Tony.
- What?
51
00:04:59,315 --> 00:05:00,630
- You wanna hear this?
- Yeah, I heard it already.
52
00:05:00,630 --> 00:05:01,580
- You don't care, then I don't care.
53
00:05:01,580 --> 00:05:03,323
- Tony, hey, did you drink today?
54
00:05:05,361 --> 00:05:06,770
- No,
but I'll tell ya, I'd love
55
00:05:06,770 --> 00:05:08,473
a nice Mexican with a lime, you know,
56
00:05:08,473 --> 00:05:10,443
I just wanna get wasted, man.
57
00:05:11,380 --> 00:05:13,153
- So what, you're an alcoholic.
58
00:05:14,570 --> 00:05:16,630
- Yeah, definitely.
- Yeah.
59
00:05:16,630 --> 00:05:17,640
So then why don't you go out there and put
60
00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:20,053
some fuckin' ashtrays on
the chairs, all right?
61
00:05:20,930 --> 00:05:21,783
Go on.
- Yeah.
62
00:05:27,150 --> 00:05:28,690
- Hey, Tony, help me out here.
63
00:05:30,910 --> 00:05:32,926
Let's move the chair.
- No, no, no, leave it--
64
00:05:32,926 --> 00:05:34,370
- You're just, you're making it harder.
65
00:05:34,370 --> 00:05:35,887
- Leave it, leave it.
66
00:05:37,454 --> 00:05:38,896
- Hey Marty, what's up?
67
00:05:38,896 --> 00:05:41,009
- Debbie, glad you made it.
68
00:05:41,009 --> 00:05:42,583
- Yeah, right.
- Hey.
69
00:05:42,583 --> 00:05:43,830
- Hey there, how you doin', Jasmine?
70
00:05:43,830 --> 00:05:45,593
- I'm doin' good, what is this?
71
00:05:45,593 --> 00:05:48,180
- It's a cotton animal
that I slaughtered and--
72
00:05:48,180 --> 00:05:49,907
No, I don't like fur.
73
00:05:49,907 --> 00:05:52,569
I don't wear fur, I'm
against it, I love this lame.
74
00:05:52,569 --> 00:05:53,470
- Child, isn't it nice?
- Jasmine, I'm,
75
00:05:53,470 --> 00:05:55,970
I'm reading the Bible.
- You readin' the Bible?
76
00:05:55,970 --> 00:05:58,340
Where, where'd you start?
77
00:05:58,340 --> 00:06:00,380
- In the beginning.
- Good.
78
00:06:00,380 --> 00:06:01,920
- Yeah, you think that's good?
79
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:03,550
I'm still smoking though, Marty did you
80
00:06:03,550 --> 00:06:06,021
bust out and buy some hot cocoa--
81
00:06:06,021 --> 00:06:07,061
- Put some more in the baskets.
82
00:06:07,061 --> 00:06:08,905
- The little packages, they're very cheap.
83
00:06:08,905 --> 00:06:10,862
- Yeah.
84
00:06:10,862 --> 00:06:14,200
- Yeah, Marty, she's readin' the Bible.
85
00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:16,370
- Well, don't tell her how it turns out.
86
00:06:16,370 --> 00:06:17,720
- No, they've known since this morning
87
00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:21,340
that Dr. Rubin was gonna
cover for me,
88
00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:23,843
Now I'm sure he's there,
yes, just page him.
89
00:06:24,740 --> 00:06:26,916
Yes, I'll be back in an hour, okay.
90
00:06:26,916 --> 00:06:29,816
- Hey, skinny, you spare some
change for alcohol research?
91
00:06:30,654 --> 00:06:32,257
Fine, you can keep it.
92
00:06:32,257 --> 00:06:35,800
- Come on.
- All right.
93
00:06:40,808 --> 00:06:44,050
- Carol, can you
read the preamble for us?
94
00:06:44,050 --> 00:06:46,035
Shelley, would you?
95
00:06:46,035 --> 00:06:48,099
- Yes.
96
00:06:53,410 --> 00:06:55,513
- These always go first, you know?
97
00:06:55,513 --> 00:06:58,180
- Yeah.
- Get a long black coat.
98
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:04,890
- Change your mind yet?
99
00:07:04,890 --> 00:07:05,763
- Marty, no.
100
00:07:07,070 --> 00:07:07,903
- Why?
101
00:07:08,790 --> 00:07:10,840
- 'Cause I'm not in the mood, that's why.
102
00:07:14,130 --> 00:07:15,990
- What's eatin' you?
103
00:07:15,990 --> 00:07:18,640
- I just don't feel like
talkin' about it, all right?
104
00:07:19,550 --> 00:07:22,860
- When you're asked to talk,
you say yes, you know that.
105
00:07:22,860 --> 00:07:26,597
- Yeah, there are no rules in AA.
106
00:07:28,505 --> 00:07:29,973
- Now come on, help me out.
107
00:07:29,973 --> 00:07:32,533
I need, I need to hear a
real war story tonight.
108
00:07:32,533 --> 00:07:34,280
- Then go fuckin' rent Apocalypse Now,
109
00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:35,533
really, get off my back.
- Shh.
110
00:07:35,533 --> 00:07:36,383
- Come on, Marty.
111
00:07:43,890 --> 00:07:46,563
Jesus Christ, all right, happy?
112
00:07:48,910 --> 00:07:50,027
- Gotcha.
113
00:07:52,687 --> 00:07:56,760
And here to share his experience, strength
114
00:07:56,760 --> 00:07:59,801
and hope with us tonight is Jim.
115
00:07:59,801 --> 00:08:04,801
- Come on, Jim.
116
00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:15,070
- Hi, I'm Jim, and I'm an alcoholic.
117
00:08:15,070 --> 00:08:16,140
- Hi Jim.
118
00:08:16,140 --> 00:08:20,343
- And there's no escaping from
that because that's who I am.
119
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,970
Yeah, you know, I could,
I could take a little kid
120
00:08:24,970 --> 00:08:27,450
to the zoo or I could make an egg cream
121
00:08:27,450 --> 00:08:29,953
or I can even ride a
fucking camel if I wanted,
122
00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:33,660
but what I can't do is have a
fucking drink, and that's all
123
00:08:33,660 --> 00:08:36,663
that matters, one drink, just
one, you know what I mean?
124
00:08:37,610 --> 00:08:39,917
I've been a drunk and a
drug addict for 25 years
125
00:08:39,917 --> 00:08:42,750
and I'm sick of it, I really
didn't wanna be up here
126
00:08:42,750 --> 00:08:47,260
tonight, but Marty cornered
me, so what's my story?
127
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:51,203
I was born an only child to a really,
128
00:08:52,570 --> 00:08:55,080
really sweet angelic Italian woman
129
00:08:56,220 --> 00:09:00,633
and to a poor, fucking
embarrassed-to-be-Jew father,
130
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:05,410
Saul, or as he preferred to
be called in the neighborhood,
131
00:09:05,410 --> 00:09:09,053
Sal, when I was nine, I made a xylophone
132
00:09:09,053 --> 00:09:11,490
out of Saul's empties.
133
00:09:11,490 --> 00:09:14,060
I took them to school for show and tell,
134
00:09:14,060 --> 00:09:17,810
and that was the very first
time and the only time
135
00:09:17,810 --> 00:09:20,240
that my father beat the shit out of me,
136
00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:22,203
pulled the belt right out of his pants,
137
00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:25,400
had a Joe DiMaggio buckle on it.
138
00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:28,833
Imagine that, Joe D, and he
whipped the shit outta me.
139
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:34,299
That night, I stole a bottle
from my dad, a whole pint.
140
00:09:34,299 --> 00:09:36,043
Scotch.
141
00:09:37,380 --> 00:09:40,803
Man, did I sleep, like a fucking top.
142
00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:45,350
By the time I got outta high
school, I was a daily drinker.
143
00:09:45,350 --> 00:09:47,580
Thank God I landed a job at a steakhouse
144
00:09:47,580 --> 00:09:51,670
in the Theater District, I
could drink around the clock.
145
00:09:51,670 --> 00:09:53,993
I was hiding it, you
know, I'd be pouring it
146
00:09:53,993 --> 00:09:55,873
in a fucking styrofoam cup.
147
00:09:56,780 --> 00:09:59,430
You know, we figure like
no one ever fucking knows.
148
00:09:59,430 --> 00:10:01,240
Trust me, by, you know,
midnight, I was seating
149
00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:02,590
people on the fucking roof.
150
00:10:04,300 --> 00:10:06,350
I started getting up
to about a quart a day
151
00:10:06,350 --> 00:10:09,830
after about three years, a quart a day,
152
00:10:09,830 --> 00:10:12,677
that's all, that ain't
nothin', you know why?
153
00:10:12,677 --> 00:10:15,530
'Cause I wasn't even gettin' drunk anymore
154
00:10:15,530 --> 00:10:18,370
on a quart a day, I mean I
wasn't even gettin' high,
155
00:10:18,370 --> 00:10:19,453
where is that at?
156
00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:22,720
That's when I started doing heroin.
157
00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:27,580
I wasted 10 years of my life,
strung out, broke, alone,
158
00:10:27,580 --> 00:10:30,890
except for my only friend, some
Ninth Avenue hooker, Tanya.
159
00:10:30,890 --> 00:10:33,200
I mean, I knew about AA and all that shit.
160
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,730
I had some little
shit-faced neighbor of mine,
161
00:10:35,730 --> 00:10:37,880
he took me to a meeting, fuck that.
162
00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:40,230
I thought it was for boozers, man.
163
00:10:40,230 --> 00:10:44,683
Holy rollers, Bowery bums,
I didn't need it, fuck that.
164
00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:48,630
Do it on my own, man, kick dope.
165
00:10:48,630 --> 00:10:51,370
Shit, I once went a whole
month, just to prove to myself
166
00:10:51,370 --> 00:10:52,690
that I could do it on my own.
167
00:10:52,690 --> 00:10:54,930
I didn't even smoke a fucking cigarette,
168
00:10:54,930 --> 00:10:59,930
that's how cool I was and
then, I met my goddess.
169
00:11:01,580 --> 00:11:03,773
Man, did we fall in love.
170
00:11:04,780 --> 00:11:08,780
It was the greatest, the greatest feeling.
171
00:11:09,809 --> 00:11:14,280
Gawd, we started going out, couple weeks,
172
00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:16,183
boom, moved in with her.
173
00:11:17,500 --> 00:11:19,100
I mean I was still drinking
and she didn't know
174
00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:21,360
that I was an alcoholic, I mean
she used to drink champagne
175
00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:23,810
with friends and I used
to join her, you know,
176
00:11:23,810 --> 00:11:26,410
it's a celebration, she
didn't know, what did she have
177
00:11:26,410 --> 00:11:27,480
to know, you know what I mean?
178
00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:30,167
I wasn't druggin' or
anything, just drinkin'.
179
00:11:31,270 --> 00:11:32,720
Then I asked her to marry me.
180
00:11:33,900 --> 00:11:38,900
She said yes, wow, Jesus Christ,
181
00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:40,143
I was in heaven.
182
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:46,690
Till I had one of those disasters.
183
00:11:46,690 --> 00:11:50,250
She took me to meet her
family, all 200 of them.
184
00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:53,170
I couldn't deal with it,
I guess I just freaked.
185
00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:56,483
I go upstairs and I never, ever come back.
186
00:11:57,330 --> 00:12:00,690
I passed out, boy, that pint went fast.
187
00:12:00,690 --> 00:12:02,820
She got me into a cab,
we got back to New York
188
00:12:02,820 --> 00:12:03,767
and she looked at me and she says,
189
00:12:03,767 --> 00:12:08,217
"I love you, I'll marry
you, but you're going
190
00:12:08,217 --> 00:12:10,820
"into rehab or I'm history."
191
00:12:10,820 --> 00:12:12,953
Well, I checked right in.
192
00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:17,100
I had no choice, I loved her.
193
00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:20,793
I was sober, we were like
a regular married couple.
194
00:12:20,793 --> 00:12:22,860
We went
on picnics and took rides
195
00:12:22,860 --> 00:12:24,283
on the Staten Island Ferry.
196
00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:27,100
That was almost three years ago.
197
00:12:28,942 --> 00:12:32,130
A lot of you know about
eight months ago, Janie died.
198
00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:36,473
Just like that, brain aneurism.
199
00:12:38,420 --> 00:12:41,490
Man, sometimes I go home now
200
00:12:41,490 --> 00:12:43,877
and I still expect to
see her there, you know?
201
00:12:45,050 --> 00:12:47,800
Gawd, I wish I would've made
love to her a little more.
202
00:12:49,740 --> 00:12:50,963
If only I woulda known.
203
00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:55,170
You know, I guess I'm
just fighting it today.
204
00:12:56,576 --> 00:13:00,870
Christ,
you wanna know the truth?
205
00:13:00,870 --> 00:13:02,143
I just wanna get high!
206
00:13:04,110 --> 00:13:06,280
I just don't understand
it anymore, you know?
207
00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:07,513
I just don't get it.
208
00:13:09,137 --> 00:13:12,440
I mean I know that Janie just
had to go, I guess, you know?
209
00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:15,623
But I mean I, I never knew love like that,
210
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:18,873
before her.
211
00:13:21,660 --> 00:13:23,751
I just don't wanna be with anybody else.
212
00:13:23,751 --> 00:13:27,668
Fuck!
213
00:13:39,233 --> 00:13:42,493
But, hey, you know, the guy
that brought me into this room,
214
00:13:44,078 --> 00:13:46,463
he said you know don't think,
215
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:51,313
don't drink, and go to a meeting.
216
00:13:52,650 --> 00:13:55,030
And that's, that's worked for me
217
00:13:57,792 --> 00:13:58,693
a day at a time.
218
00:14:00,913 --> 00:14:05,913
Thanks.
219
00:14:10,142 --> 00:14:13,070
- In accordance with
the seventh tradition,
220
00:14:13,070 --> 00:14:16,070
it's time to pass the
baskets, so give what you can.
221
00:14:16,070 --> 00:14:18,600
If you can't, keep coming back.
222
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,600
We need you more than we need the money.
223
00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:26,613
Okay, now, any visitors from--
- Gonna get some air.
224
00:14:27,830 --> 00:14:30,490
- Visitors from out
of town or anybody new
225
00:14:30,490 --> 00:14:32,570
that's been in these rooms
that wants to say hi?
226
00:14:32,570 --> 00:14:35,480
- I knew you had money.
- Hi, my name is Rachel.
227
00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:37,356
I'm an alcoholic and an addict.
228
00:14:37,356 --> 00:14:39,630
- Hi Rachel.
- Welcome.
229
00:14:39,630 --> 00:14:41,700
- Anybody counting days?
230
00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:44,540
- Yeah, my name's Tony
and I'm a drunk and I have
231
00:14:44,540 --> 00:14:46,609
26 days today.
232
00:14:46,609 --> 00:14:47,442
- Yay.
233
00:14:49,559 --> 00:14:51,490
- Thanks.
234
00:14:51,490 --> 00:14:54,670
- Yeah, hi, my name is
Dennis and I'm an alcoholic.
235
00:14:54,670 --> 00:14:55,960
- Hi, Dennis.
- Hi.
236
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:58,401
And I have 72 days.
237
00:14:58,401 --> 00:15:02,984
- All right.
238
00:15:04,650 --> 00:15:09,400
- Look, Jim, I just want
you to know that I know it,
239
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:12,273
I know it was hard for you,
but it meant so much to me.
240
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:14,797
You spoke the truth.
241
00:15:16,852 --> 00:15:18,519
- It was fairy tale.
242
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,660
A big lie.
- Wait a minute.
243
00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:25,720
What can we do, all right,
we got one day at a time,
244
00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:27,523
that's all we do, c'mon.
245
00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:33,890
Substance abuser.
246
00:15:33,890 --> 00:15:38,127
- Hey, put those cookies
back, shame on you.
247
00:15:42,570 --> 00:15:45,961
- Debbie, alcoholic, I got 90 days.
248
00:15:45,961 --> 00:15:47,411
Rock, rock!
249
00:15:54,430 --> 00:15:56,950
- Anybody else counting days?
250
00:15:56,950 --> 00:16:00,198
- Hi, my name is
Charlie and I'm an alcoholic.
251
00:16:13,496 --> 00:16:17,913
- Is anybody else celebrating
an anniversary tonight?
252
00:16:18,900 --> 00:16:22,030
- Hi, my name is Terry
and I'm an alcoholic.
253
00:16:22,030 --> 00:16:22,980
- Hi Terry.
254
00:16:24,402 --> 00:16:28,620
- And I'm
confused about my anniversary
255
00:16:28,620 --> 00:16:30,780
because I'm not sure if
I should count the days
256
00:16:30,780 --> 00:16:33,560
I was tied up in a straitjacket or not.
257
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,145
If not, tonight's a year.
258
00:16:38,501 --> 00:16:40,168
- I think it counts.
259
00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:45,253
- Joseph, drug addict, alcoholic.
260
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:50,988
By the grace of God, one day
at a time, I got two years.
261
00:16:50,988 --> 00:16:54,118
- All right.
262
00:16:54,118 --> 00:16:57,285
All right.
263
00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:04,530
- Now, okay, according
to the 12th Tradition,
264
00:17:04,530 --> 00:17:09,530
anonymity is the chief
spiritual foundation
265
00:17:10,260 --> 00:17:12,700
of our program, ever reminding us
266
00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:15,203
to place principles above personalities.
267
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,733
What you see here and what
you hear here, leave here.
268
00:17:21,450 --> 00:17:24,083
Where the hell is Jim, hey, Jim!
269
00:17:27,070 --> 00:17:30,053
All right, we'll continue the
meeting with a show of hands.
270
00:17:35,060 --> 00:17:38,371
- Hi, I'm Shelley and I'm an alcoholic.
271
00:17:38,371 --> 00:17:40,600
- Hi Shelley.
272
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:44,610
- My mother is in town
and she is staying with me
273
00:17:44,610 --> 00:17:48,337
in my bedroom in my bed
with me.
274
00:17:50,820 --> 00:17:53,753
I'm just a little too old to
be sleeping with my mother.
275
00:17:58,743 --> 00:18:00,500
You know, if I could crawl
out of my skin, I would.
276
00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:04,220
I would, I would, I would,
and as it is, I hardly breathe
277
00:18:04,220 --> 00:18:07,730
and I pray to God that
she's not able to hear me
278
00:18:07,730 --> 00:18:10,253
when I'm lying down next to her.
279
00:18:12,290 --> 00:18:15,440
Today, I am running all over the place
280
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:18,290
'cause is my
mother's birthday coming up
281
00:18:19,628 --> 00:18:23,340
tomorrow
and she doesn't need anything.
282
00:18:23,340 --> 00:18:25,733
She's loaded, loaded.
283
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:29,270
And you know what I'd like to get her?
284
00:18:29,270 --> 00:18:34,200
I'd like to get her exactly,
I would like to get her
285
00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:39,043
chocolate-covered Valium--
286
00:18:39,043 --> 00:18:41,710
Or I know what,
287
00:18:41,710 --> 00:18:44,940
a good hit of Ecstasy, now
that, that, I would like to see
288
00:18:45,919 --> 00:18:50,167
on something like that.
289
00:18:51,670 --> 00:18:54,390
I know I'm overreacting, and
she tells me enough times
290
00:18:54,390 --> 00:18:58,660
that I'm overreacting, so
but I'm in the middle of it
291
00:18:58,660 --> 00:19:03,600
right now and I can't
see my way out, you know?
292
00:19:05,125 --> 00:19:09,560
So but I have to remember
that I am a survivor,
293
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:13,868
that I survived alcoholism
and not to mention
294
00:19:13,868 --> 00:19:16,193
the tender loving care of my mother,
295
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:20,312
so I can survive this, right?
296
00:19:20,312 --> 00:19:22,363
I'm shaking like crazy.
297
00:19:24,654 --> 00:19:28,110
I think, I think, I think,
I think, I really think
298
00:19:28,110 --> 00:19:31,200
that my, my parents are fine people
299
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:34,623
and they're just not the way
that I wanted them to be.
300
00:19:36,478 --> 00:19:37,817
Thanks.
301
00:19:39,956 --> 00:19:41,556
- Thanks for sharing.
- Thanks.
302
00:20:34,185 --> 00:20:36,670
- I don't know
what's going on with Jim.
303
00:20:36,670 --> 00:20:39,623
- Yeah, yeah, I'm sure he's
fine, I'm gonna find him.
304
00:20:39,623 --> 00:20:41,920
I'll find him.
- Okay, well,
305
00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:44,235
let's go back to the show of hands.
306
00:21:16,386 --> 00:21:20,538
- Jimmy, Jimmy, it's Tony,
pick it up, pick it up.
307
00:21:20,538 --> 00:21:23,540
You screen your calls,
come on, pick it up.
308
00:21:23,540 --> 00:21:27,273
Okay, listen, do me a favor,
I want you to call 555-1234
309
00:21:27,273 --> 00:21:30,507
when you get in, it's the
phone booth in the hall.
310
00:21:30,507 --> 00:21:32,543
Just wanna know that
you're okay, all right?
311
00:21:41,781 --> 00:21:44,903
- Hi, my name is Jim
and I want a pint of bourbon.
312
00:21:50,500 --> 00:21:51,693
Fuck, fuck.
313
00:22:00,766 --> 00:22:05,090
Man, fuck!
314
00:22:05,090 --> 00:22:07,203
Son of a bitch.
315
00:22:09,913 --> 00:22:12,333
It's the first drink that gets you drunk.
316
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:16,752
It's the first drink that--
317
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:26,083
Fuck you in the ass, you fuck.
318
00:22:29,860 --> 00:22:34,313
- See, two years ago
today, I had my last drink,
319
00:22:35,750 --> 00:22:40,140
my last blackout, and it was the last time
320
00:22:40,140 --> 00:22:42,013
I saw my wife and little boy.
321
00:22:43,540 --> 00:22:46,920
I, was drinking all morning
322
00:22:48,220 --> 00:22:53,000
and I had to go up to to the
Bronx, check my little boy
323
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:55,310
and drop him off with his grandmother
324
00:22:55,310 --> 00:22:57,560
and then I had some
business to take care of.
325
00:23:06,150 --> 00:23:08,647
Next thing I knew, I,
326
00:23:11,890 --> 00:23:14,433
I woke up in jail in a cell by myself.
327
00:23:17,860 --> 00:23:21,830
I, I, I said shit, when I woke up,
328
00:23:21,830 --> 00:23:25,610
you know, like
fuck, done got picked up
329
00:23:25,610 --> 00:23:27,793
for drunk driving or some shit like that,
330
00:23:28,710 --> 00:23:33,710
so I walked over to where,
um, the guard was standing
331
00:23:33,990 --> 00:23:36,660
and I said, give me a cigarette
332
00:23:38,272 --> 00:23:42,297
and he wouldn't turn around
and he wouldn't say nothing.
333
00:23:43,220 --> 00:23:46,113
So I said, come on, man,
give me a fucking cigarette!
334
00:23:49,410 --> 00:23:52,763
He still wouldn't, turn around,
335
00:23:53,950 --> 00:23:58,860
so I said, okay, man, let me
make my fucking phone call.
336
00:23:58,860 --> 00:24:03,260
Let me call my wife, she
don't know where I'm at.
337
00:24:03,260 --> 00:24:05,890
She's worried, she don't
know where the fuck I am.
338
00:24:05,890 --> 00:24:07,790
Let me call my wife and my little boy.
339
00:24:09,790 --> 00:24:14,790
Then this
motherfucker turned around
340
00:24:16,390 --> 00:24:19,577
and he looked at me and he said,
341
00:24:19,577 --> 00:24:22,423
"What the fuck are you talking about!
342
00:24:25,497 --> 00:24:28,900
"Don't you remember what you did?"
343
00:24:28,900 --> 00:24:32,263
I said, remember what?
344
00:24:33,670 --> 00:24:34,543
He said, um,
345
00:24:39,500 --> 00:24:43,537
he said, "Your little
boy was in car with you
346
00:24:43,537 --> 00:24:45,267
"and he went through
the windshield and now,
347
00:24:45,267 --> 00:24:48,127
"he's at the ICU at Bellevue."
348
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,823
Now, I love my little boy.
349
00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:57,980
I used to put him in a stroller,
push him around for people
350
00:24:57,980 --> 00:25:02,707
to see and now, I had his
blood on my hands, you know?
351
00:25:08,990 --> 00:25:13,130
I am feeling fucking crazy tonight.
352
00:25:13,130 --> 00:25:14,493
I am scared!
353
00:25:16,220 --> 00:25:19,560
I'm scared, Jim freaked the fuck outta me.
354
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:22,583
We used to get fucked up together,
355
00:25:23,740 --> 00:25:26,983
and now, I'm afraid I'm gonna
do something crazy to somebody
356
00:25:26,983 --> 00:25:30,310
or maybe to myself and
I don't wanna do that.
357
00:25:30,310 --> 00:25:33,460
I just don't wanna do that,
goddamn, my little boy.
358
00:25:33,460 --> 00:25:35,543
He was only five years old.
359
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:43,690
I'm just so mad
360
00:25:43,690 --> 00:25:47,203
at my fucking self 'cause I cannot drink!
361
00:25:51,590 --> 00:25:52,423
Dammit.
362
00:25:56,600 --> 00:26:01,450
I think I better stop talking now.
363
00:26:01,450 --> 00:26:02,820
I think I better...
364
00:26:05,110 --> 00:26:07,410
it'll be better if I
just listen to y'all talk
365
00:26:08,410 --> 00:26:13,410
because if I hadn't a-been a
fucking blackout alcoholic,
366
00:26:15,380 --> 00:26:19,393
none of this would've happened,
am I gonna pick up again?
367
00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:21,263
Fuck if I know.
368
00:26:23,690 --> 00:26:27,420
I'm gonna try, I'm gonna try
not to, that's all I can say.
369
00:26:27,420 --> 00:26:31,999
Just thanks.
370
00:26:31,999 --> 00:26:32,990
- Hey, Jimmy.
- How are you?
371
00:26:32,990 --> 00:26:34,520
- Long time.
- Yeah.
372
00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:37,295
- Good to see you.
- Give me a pint, will you?
373
00:26:37,295 --> 00:26:38,520
- You don't need it, Jim.
- Don't tell me
374
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:39,540
what I fucking need, come on.
375
00:26:39,540 --> 00:26:41,250
- Why are you
gonna do this to yourself?
376
00:26:41,250 --> 00:26:42,810
It's been two years.
- Come on.
377
00:26:42,810 --> 00:26:44,650
I don't need a fucking lecture.
378
00:26:44,650 --> 00:26:46,430
- Take your business somewhere
else, I don't need it.
379
00:26:46,430 --> 00:26:47,630
- Spare me the bullshit.
380
00:26:49,747 --> 00:26:51,983
What the fuck is this
381
00:26:51,983 --> 00:26:54,233
all about
- What's the magic word?
382
00:27:02,262 --> 00:27:03,490
Holy mackerel.
383
00:27:03,490 --> 00:27:06,190
- What are you doing, Jim?
- What am I doing?
384
00:27:06,190 --> 00:27:08,507
I'm comparison shopping.
- Well, you're not drinking
385
00:27:08,507 --> 00:27:10,760
I lived, Harry.
386
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:12,650
I fucking lived, you
wore that vest every day
387
00:27:12,650 --> 00:27:16,000
18 hours behind that fucking
register, man, not me.
388
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:17,760
You're the sucker.
- You're a lousy
389
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:20,347
fucking drinker and a
pain-in-the-ass drunk, Jim.
390
00:27:20,347 --> 00:27:21,180
- Yeah?
391
00:27:22,050 --> 00:27:24,640
Holy Christ, you got that
good shit from Passaic,
392
00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:28,160
New Jersey, you son of a bitch,
Harry, you motherfucker you.
393
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:30,540
- You wanna walk out or
you wanna bounce out, Jim?
394
00:27:30,540 --> 00:27:32,940
- Come on, let's celebrate,
you motherfucker.
395
00:27:32,940 --> 00:27:36,790
Happy new year, Harry,
happy fucking new year.
396
00:27:36,790 --> 00:27:38,917
- All right, come on.
- What?
397
00:27:38,917 --> 00:27:41,317
- His machine machine.
398
00:27:41,317 --> 00:27:43,440
- Yeah, hello, Jimmy, you boob.
399
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:45,320
What did you go running outta here for?
400
00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:48,040
Come on, man.
- Yeah, come on, man.
401
00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:49,530
We get, go.
- Go, you--
402
00:27:49,530 --> 00:27:52,150
- People here love you,
man, I mean, but, you know,
403
00:27:52,150 --> 00:27:53,647
I can't handle these whiners
without you, man, so come on.
404
00:27:53,647 --> 00:27:55,770
You gotta call.
405
00:27:55,770 --> 00:27:56,603
- We love you.
406
00:27:56,603 --> 00:27:57,990
- We love you.
- We love you.
407
00:27:57,990 --> 00:28:02,100
- Yeah, so call 555-1234, all right?
408
00:28:02,100 --> 00:28:04,097
Shelley's here.
- Bye-bye, bye-bye.
409
00:28:04,097 --> 00:28:04,930
- Bye-bye.
410
00:28:06,461 --> 00:28:10,167
I'm worried, you know?
411
00:28:10,167 --> 00:28:12,000
I'm worried about him.
412
00:28:13,118 --> 00:28:14,941
- It's okay.
- Yeah.
413
00:28:14,941 --> 00:28:17,007
- It's okay, we're okay.
414
00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:23,330
- Hi, I'm Francine and I
got a drinking problem.
415
00:28:23,330 --> 00:28:26,778
I'm also a spend-aholic
and I'm fun at parties.
416
00:28:26,778 --> 00:28:28,530
I'm really in a tizzy today.
417
00:28:28,530 --> 00:28:31,480
I was at Strawberries today
twice and I couldn't find
418
00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:33,230
anything to buy, I mean, I'm just looking
419
00:28:33,230 --> 00:28:35,940
for that perfect pair of
boots and the salesgirl
420
00:28:35,940 --> 00:28:37,910
was useless, but I was nice to her
421
00:28:37,910 --> 00:28:39,830
'cause I'm such a people pleaser.
422
00:28:39,830 --> 00:28:41,460
I mean, I did, I wanted to yell at her,
423
00:28:41,460 --> 00:28:44,490
but I'm trying to keep
the focus on myself.
424
00:28:44,490 --> 00:28:48,180
I mean, this is a selfish
program, and through this program,
425
00:28:48,180 --> 00:28:51,830
I've gotten to know me
and frankly, I love her.
426
00:28:51,830 --> 00:28:53,710
You know, it feels really
good to be here tonight.
427
00:28:53,710 --> 00:28:56,210
It feels like a party actually,
I mean, since I've been
428
00:28:56,210 --> 00:28:58,210
coming to AA, I haven't
been to any parties.
429
00:28:58,210 --> 00:29:00,050
I haven't needed to,
I mean all you people,
430
00:29:00,050 --> 00:29:01,930
you're like my entertainment committee.
431
00:29:01,930 --> 00:29:04,230
I mean I hardly even watch
TV anymore, I used to.
432
00:29:04,230 --> 00:29:06,360
I used to tape all of my
soap operas 'cause I'm such
433
00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:08,630
like a drama queen, but
I don't need to anymore
434
00:29:08,630 --> 00:29:11,720
because of all the drama
that goes on in this room.
435
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:15,430
Last week, I was at a
meeting and I saw, you know,
436
00:29:15,430 --> 00:29:17,417
what's that George guy,
that hunk who plays
437
00:29:17,417 --> 00:29:20,260
that brain surgeon guy
on General Hospital?
438
00:29:20,260 --> 00:29:22,680
I mean in the flesh, right?
439
00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:26,020
And the way Jimmy is
struggling with a tragedy
440
00:29:26,020 --> 00:29:28,520
in his life, it's just
horrible, it almost,
441
00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:31,420
it's like too much for me
sometimes, like I can't bear it
442
00:29:31,420 --> 00:29:33,690
'cause like I never drank like that.
443
00:29:33,690 --> 00:29:35,892
I mean I was like, what
do you call where I was
444
00:29:35,892 --> 00:29:38,700
a social imbiber, that's what I was.
445
00:29:38,700 --> 00:29:40,210
Hey, but since I've been
coming to these rooms,
446
00:29:40,210 --> 00:29:43,780
I haven't touched one drop and
I've got a couple of months.
447
00:29:43,780 --> 00:29:45,670
I love listening to all your stories.
448
00:29:45,670 --> 00:29:47,960
They're really, they're so sweet.
449
00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:49,440
I wasn't that bad of an alcoholic.
450
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:51,080
Actually, to tell you the
truth, sometimes, I think
451
00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:53,500
I'm not really an alcoholic
at all, I was just born,
452
00:29:53,500 --> 00:29:55,100
you know, thirsty, you know what I mean?
453
00:29:55,100 --> 00:29:58,103
Like thirsty.
454
00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:04,393
- Right now,
455
00:31:06,290 --> 00:31:07,590
I'm living with my mother.
456
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:12,160
My little brother Malik,
he's 16, and my daughter,
457
00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:17,160
she's four and we're one
on top of each other.
458
00:31:17,550 --> 00:31:21,133
It's a railroad flat and the
bathroom is in the hallway.
459
00:31:22,330 --> 00:31:24,930
And I'm out of the house
most of time at least.
460
00:31:24,930 --> 00:31:27,353
I go to school at night and I try to work
461
00:31:27,353 --> 00:31:30,190
at Macy's as much as I can
462
00:31:30,190 --> 00:31:34,382
and I'm even taking singing lessons.
463
00:31:34,382 --> 00:31:37,133
It's
something I always wanted to do.
464
00:31:39,062 --> 00:31:44,062
But I, I, I came home
early last night though,
465
00:31:44,130 --> 00:31:46,053
and when I went into the bathroom,
466
00:31:46,970 --> 00:31:50,490
I saw my little brother Malik
sitting on the toilet bowl
467
00:31:50,490 --> 00:31:55,110
and he had his belt tied around his arm
468
00:31:55,110 --> 00:31:56,260
and he was shooting up.
469
00:31:57,570 --> 00:32:00,320
He's using my mother's
needles, she's a diabetic
470
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:05,080
so she uses the needles for
insulin and it threw me back,
471
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:08,970
you know, 'cause I used to
steal her needles too
472
00:32:08,970 --> 00:32:13,970
when I was using, she knew,
but what she gonna do?
473
00:32:15,870 --> 00:32:19,898
She told me she loved me
and she's gonna find out
474
00:32:19,898 --> 00:32:22,663
about Malik, you know,
it's just a matter of time.
475
00:32:23,750 --> 00:32:25,720
It's gonna break her heart,
you know, she doesn't need
476
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:29,560
this kind of problem, but so I slapped him
477
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:33,430
and we had a fight and he hasn't
been home since last night.
478
00:32:33,430 --> 00:32:34,603
My mother's mad at me.
479
00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:39,480
I don't know what I would say to him,
480
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:40,730
you know, when I see him.
481
00:32:44,020 --> 00:32:46,520
Well, what hurts is
that I feel responsible
482
00:32:47,670 --> 00:32:49,693
because I remember when he was a kid,
483
00:32:50,590 --> 00:32:54,840
he, he busted me in the
same situation in the bathroom,
484
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:57,750
you know, he saw me, threatened to tell
485
00:32:57,750 --> 00:33:00,797
but he didn't because he said
he loved me.
486
00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:04,690
He thought his big sister was cool.
487
00:33:04,690 --> 00:33:09,410
Well, his big sister is not cool
488
00:33:09,410 --> 00:33:12,013
because his big sister is HIV positive.
489
00:33:14,340 --> 00:33:17,170
He knows, you know, I want him to stop,
490
00:33:17,170 --> 00:33:20,060
but he won't listen to me 'cause I'm, I'm,
491
00:33:20,060 --> 00:33:23,813
no example to listen to, you know.
492
00:33:27,630 --> 00:33:29,330
I'm not afraid of dying, you know.
493
00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:34,450
I'm afraid of getting sick
'cause I know what that's like.
494
00:33:34,450 --> 00:33:36,878
I seen some of my friends go through that
495
00:33:36,878 --> 00:33:39,150
and I don't wanna go
through that, you know?
496
00:33:39,150 --> 00:33:41,907
I want the cycle to end here, you know?
497
00:33:41,907 --> 00:33:43,593
I want it to end with me.
498
00:33:46,070 --> 00:33:47,950
I don't know how I got it,
you know, it could've been
499
00:33:47,950 --> 00:33:51,860
through sex, it could've been
through needles, who knows?
500
00:33:51,860 --> 00:33:53,270
It doesn't matter, you know, all I know
501
00:33:53,270 --> 00:33:57,590
is I keep thinking, you
know, why not have a drink
502
00:33:57,590 --> 00:34:00,800
when you got AIDS
right, you know?
503
00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:05,800
But that's just my
alcoholism talking, you know,
504
00:34:06,330 --> 00:34:11,093
looking for any excuse to
have a drink, you know?
505
00:34:12,870 --> 00:34:17,870
But the fact is I'm gonna die,
you know, so is everybody.
506
00:34:28,739 --> 00:34:31,583
I feel good,
you know, right now.
507
00:34:35,189 --> 00:34:40,189
And I wanna
watch my little girl
508
00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:45,560
grow up, and drinking's not
gonna cure me, you know?
509
00:34:45,850 --> 00:34:49,870
It's only gonna
make me die sooner,
510
00:34:49,870 --> 00:34:53,410
so I mean, you know, I
don't have time, you know,
511
00:34:53,410 --> 00:34:57,027
but, but you know, I do know
512
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:02,933
that I wanna die sober,
that's it.
513
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:21,473
- Tanya, Tanya.
514
00:35:22,530 --> 00:35:24,913
Come on, you know who this is.
515
00:35:25,860 --> 00:35:28,373
It's your knight and shining vodka, baby.
516
00:35:29,240 --> 00:35:31,883
Tanya, come on, it's Jim, let me in.
517
00:35:32,870 --> 00:35:37,133
I'm in love with you again,
Tanya, come on, come on out.
518
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:41,773
I'm having a party, Tanya, come on.
519
00:35:42,660 --> 00:35:45,690
Come on, I meant to call
you, but I lost your hallway,
520
00:35:45,690 --> 00:35:49,793
Tanya, honey, that's a joke, remember me?
521
00:35:50,992 --> 00:35:55,240
Tanya, Tanya.
522
00:36:03,513 --> 00:36:06,144
- Jimmy, Jimmy,
it's Tony, pick it up.
523
00:36:06,144 --> 00:36:08,652
Come on, pick it up, hey, listen.
524
00:36:08,652 --> 00:36:11,639
Do me a favor, want you to call 555-1234
525
00:36:11,639 --> 00:36:14,638
when you get in, it's the
phone booth in the hall.
526
00:36:14,638 --> 00:36:17,468
Just wanna know that
you're okay, all right?
527
00:36:17,468 --> 00:36:20,816
Okay, gave us a little surprise
there.
528
00:36:24,864 --> 00:36:28,957
- You boob what did
you go running outta here for?
529
00:36:28,957 --> 00:36:30,957
- Come on, man, go.
- Go.
530
00:36:32,397 --> 00:36:35,040
- People here love you,
man, I mean, but you know,
531
00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:37,516
I can't handle these whiners
without you, man, so come on.
532
00:36:37,516 --> 00:36:39,620
You gotta call.
- We love you.
533
00:36:39,620 --> 00:36:41,032
- We love you.
- Love you.
534
00:36:41,032 --> 00:36:44,640
Love you.
- Yeah, so call 555-1234,
535
00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:46,606
all right, Shelley's here.
- Bye-bye, bye-bye.
536
00:36:46,606 --> 00:36:48,022
- Bye-bye.
537
00:36:57,330 --> 00:36:58,313
- Shit.
538
00:37:03,356 --> 00:37:05,840
- You wanna talk about bad blackouts?
539
00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:07,830
I was married in one.
540
00:37:07,830 --> 00:37:09,840
I was married in a blackout, I'm serious.
541
00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:12,973
I was 19 years old, I was
married for six weeks, yeah.
542
00:37:12,973 --> 00:37:15,230
I was married to this guy named Wild Bob.
543
00:37:15,230 --> 00:37:17,920
That was his full name,
Wild Bob, so I guess
544
00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:20,734
I was Mrs. Wild Bob, hi
everyone, welcome to my life.
545
00:37:20,734 --> 00:37:24,010
Do you, Debbie, take Wild Bob
546
00:37:24,010 --> 00:37:26,083
to be your lawfully wedded husband, I do.
547
00:37:26,990 --> 00:37:28,400
Gawd, he was a rock musician
548
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:30,910
like Gregg Allman, now what could I do?
549
00:37:30,910 --> 00:37:34,650
I'm a sucker for musicians,
yeah, so I've been in
550
00:37:34,650 --> 00:37:38,090
and out of these rooms about
four or five times now.
551
00:37:38,090 --> 00:37:41,880
I'd say it took me 2 1/2 years
552
00:37:41,880 --> 00:37:43,863
to get 90 days of sobriety.
553
00:37:45,410 --> 00:37:46,783
That's a lot of drinking.
554
00:37:47,900 --> 00:37:49,540
I don't know, I think I was pissed off
555
00:37:49,540 --> 00:37:52,670
that I didn't grow up
in the '60s and partied
556
00:37:52,670 --> 00:37:55,010
with Janis Joplin, you know what I mean?
557
00:37:55,010 --> 00:37:58,710
And everyone had that long
hair and the music was great,
558
00:37:58,710 --> 00:38:01,033
peace, love, the clothes, you know?
559
00:38:02,250 --> 00:38:05,633
You know what pisses
me, hi, hi, how are you?
560
00:38:06,500 --> 00:38:09,050
Good, great, you're late,
you know, I wanted to speak
561
00:38:09,050 --> 00:38:11,400
about this two weeks ago
and no one called on me
562
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:14,380
and now, whatever, so what was I saying?
563
00:38:14,380 --> 00:38:18,720
I think what I was doing, I
was trying to relive the '60s
564
00:38:18,720 --> 00:38:22,800
in the '80s and it just didn't
work out for me, you know?
565
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:25,700
I got stuck somewhere
in the middle, but gawd,
566
00:38:25,700 --> 00:38:29,890
I wanted to be Janis
Joplin so bad, so bad, man.
567
00:38:29,890 --> 00:38:33,663
She was great, she was so great, gawd.
568
00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:39,880
She was incredible, but
whatever, whatever I did, I did,
569
00:38:40,890 --> 00:38:45,890
you know, I had a good time
doing it and now, it's over.
570
00:38:46,900 --> 00:38:51,730
My god I'm
so sad, no I'm strange.
571
00:38:51,730 --> 00:38:54,230
I'm a strange bird, I know, I'm weird.
572
00:38:54,230 --> 00:38:57,740
I've started doing physical
things to relieve the stress.
573
00:38:57,740 --> 00:39:00,453
I've gotten into sports
now, watching them.
574
00:39:01,290 --> 00:39:04,860
I love NFL football, I love NFL football.
575
00:39:04,860 --> 00:39:08,830
Jerry Rice of the 49ers, he is so great.
576
00:39:08,830 --> 00:39:12,820
He is so great, and Barry
Sanders, I love him.
577
00:39:12,820 --> 00:39:15,820
Gawd, he's great, I love watching football
578
00:39:15,820 --> 00:39:19,493
and I've become political for
the first time in my life.
579
00:39:19,493 --> 00:39:22,340
I went to the march in
Washington, the pro-choice march.
580
00:39:22,340 --> 00:39:25,580
It was exhilarating, Helen
Reddy sang I Am Woman.
581
00:39:25,580 --> 00:39:28,610
I freaked, I freaked, it was incredible.
582
00:39:28,610 --> 00:39:33,510
I swear, I'm such a dyke
sometimes, I'm such a dyke.
583
00:39:33,510 --> 00:39:36,330
You know, I mean I'm
not attracted to women,
584
00:39:36,330 --> 00:39:39,950
but I feel like politically
that I could be a lesbian,
585
00:39:39,950 --> 00:39:43,670
you know, that whatever, but
yeah, the march was great.
586
00:39:43,670 --> 00:39:45,130
The march was really great, I think it was
587
00:39:45,130 --> 00:39:47,470
like the closest thing that I ever got
588
00:39:47,470 --> 00:39:50,120
to living in the '60s, you know?
589
00:39:50,120 --> 00:39:52,190
And I met some people in these rooms
590
00:39:52,190 --> 00:39:54,620
who were active drinkers
and users in the '60s
591
00:39:54,620 --> 00:39:57,550
and they said that all that peace and love
592
00:39:57,550 --> 00:40:01,410
that they were looking
for and, and, whatever,
593
00:40:01,410 --> 00:40:05,403
hoping to find, that they
found in these rooms.
594
00:40:06,310 --> 00:40:08,060
I think I know what they mean, you know,
595
00:40:08,060 --> 00:40:09,943
I see what they mean, I mean I can,
596
00:40:12,010 --> 00:40:14,710
I could be the Janis Joplin
597
00:40:14,710 --> 00:40:18,163
of the Holiday Inn circuit if I want to.
598
00:40:20,010 --> 00:40:22,960
If I want to, I'll just be
her clean and sober, you know?
599
00:40:24,583 --> 00:40:29,583
♪ When you pass by, my
pulse starts beating fast ♪
600
00:40:31,317 --> 00:40:36,060
♪ My love's so strong that
it just lasts and lasts ♪
601
00:40:37,668 --> 00:40:41,327
♪ I can't help myself for the way I feel ♪
602
00:40:41,327 --> 00:40:44,547
♪ Help myself for my love is real ♪
603
00:40:44,547 --> 00:40:46,768
- Dangerous.
♪ Help myself for the way ♪
604
00:40:46,768 --> 00:40:49,529
♪ I feel about you ♪
605
00:40:49,529 --> 00:40:52,696
♪ I must be mad ♪
606
00:40:54,436 --> 00:40:57,724
♪ I must be mad ♪
607
00:40:57,724 --> 00:41:01,278
♪ I must be mad ♪
- Janie.
608
00:41:01,278 --> 00:41:04,778
♪ I must be mad, yeah ♪
609
00:41:25,343 --> 00:41:27,593
♪ Yeah, ♪
610
00:41:37,270 --> 00:41:42,270
- My son got, um, got
caught yesterday walking out
611
00:41:42,380 --> 00:41:46,460
of a record store with
seven CDs in his backpack
612
00:41:47,862 --> 00:41:52,862
and Steven's 12 now and he
has a record of misdemeanors.
613
00:41:53,870 --> 00:41:56,150
His therapist, who's known
him since he was six,
614
00:41:56,150 --> 00:42:00,150
and whose children I think
I've put through school
615
00:42:00,150 --> 00:42:03,160
several times
616
00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:06,480
thinks that maybe he should
go live with his father.
617
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:08,040
I'm scared out of my mind
618
00:42:08,040 --> 00:42:11,223
that if Steven moves out that I'll drink.
619
00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:15,530
When I got sober, I made
a secret vow to myself.
620
00:42:15,530 --> 00:42:19,450
I promised myself that I would stay sober
621
00:42:19,450 --> 00:42:23,193
as long as Steven was there and I did.
622
00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:26,773
One day at a time, I did, you know?
623
00:42:29,230 --> 00:42:32,140
But there's a wall calendar
in my head
624
00:42:35,090 --> 00:42:40,090
with, um, very big red letters, it says:
625
00:42:40,380 --> 00:42:43,933
when he leaves, you can drink.
626
00:42:45,864 --> 00:42:49,620
You know, I used my, I
used my boy, I used him
627
00:42:49,620 --> 00:42:52,480
to hang on to
my husband, I used him
628
00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:54,660
to stay sane when I was I was drinking.
629
00:42:54,660 --> 00:42:59,193
I used him to get sober and stay sober.
630
00:43:01,710 --> 00:43:02,653
What about him?
631
00:43:08,924 --> 00:43:13,341
You know he was life to me.
632
00:43:15,795 --> 00:43:18,880
And I'd come home and I'd
feel his warmth and I,
633
00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:26,020
it'd take away some of the
emptiness that I felt
634
00:43:28,129 --> 00:43:31,440
I could read
him a nursery rhyme
635
00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:33,290
or I could cuddle with him, you know.
636
00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:40,273
The trouble was that I was drunk,
637
00:43:42,190 --> 00:43:44,680
you know, four-year-old
boy cuddling every night
638
00:43:45,820 --> 00:43:46,963
with a drunken mother.
639
00:43:51,128 --> 00:43:52,460
I remember him sitting
at the kitchen table,
640
00:43:52,460 --> 00:43:54,800
you know, me coming
in, guzzling big bottle
641
00:43:58,160 --> 00:43:59,313
and his face,
642
00:44:03,133 --> 00:44:05,133
you know, his face looking at me,
643
00:44:07,465 --> 00:44:08,615
I knew it wasn't right.
644
00:44:12,970 --> 00:44:15,500
Even after all this
time, I find it so hard,
645
00:44:15,500 --> 00:44:17,453
so hard to accept this.
646
00:44:18,350 --> 00:44:22,320
I mean why, why do I have to be powerless.
647
00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:23,433
Why do I have to?
648
00:44:26,804 --> 00:44:29,320
Why do I got to go
to AA to tell me how to be
649
00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:33,583
with my son, you know, it's
an instinct for Christ's sake!
650
00:44:36,890 --> 00:44:38,517
All I wanna do is love my son.
651
00:44:45,180 --> 00:44:49,193
They said I have to walk
through the fear, innit?
652
00:44:51,900 --> 00:44:55,740
Do the thing you fear
and dread to do the most,
653
00:44:55,740 --> 00:44:56,803
my sponsor says.
654
00:44:59,810 --> 00:45:00,643
I'm a mother.
655
00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:03,343
I'm a sober mother,
656
00:45:05,450 --> 00:45:07,903
and I have to do what's right for my son.
657
00:45:11,870 --> 00:45:16,870
How can I be of service to him?
658
00:45:20,770 --> 00:45:22,820
I think I'll ask him what he wants to do.
659
00:45:25,727 --> 00:45:27,077
What a concept.
660
00:45:30,320 --> 00:45:31,973
If it would be better for him,
661
00:45:37,020 --> 00:45:39,773
I'm willing to let him go.
662
00:45:41,993 --> 00:45:45,576
♪ It doesn't strain my ear ♪
663
00:45:51,130 --> 00:45:52,953
- I didn't think you were gonna come over.
664
00:45:56,048 --> 00:45:57,215
- A long time.
665
00:45:58,954 --> 00:46:01,287
- Well, I've been out of it.
666
00:46:05,370 --> 00:46:10,370
- Hi, I am a...
667
00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:16,860
my, my name is Kathy and I am a...
668
00:46:18,490 --> 00:46:21,140
this is my first time, I'm,
669
00:46:21,140 --> 00:46:24,773
I don't, I don't know what to do, um.
670
00:46:29,410 --> 00:46:30,463
I, I don't know,
671
00:46:33,850 --> 00:46:34,800
I don't wanna talk,
672
00:46:36,770 --> 00:46:38,133
really, okay?
673
00:46:39,585 --> 00:46:40,418
Sorry.
674
00:46:47,656 --> 00:46:50,367
- Hi, I'm Carol, I'm an alcoholic.
675
00:46:50,367 --> 00:46:51,950
- Hi Carol.
676
00:46:55,901 --> 00:46:59,681
♪ Baby if you'll pardon me ♪
677
00:46:59,681 --> 00:47:01,945
♪ I just can't relax ♪
678
00:47:01,945 --> 00:47:06,945
♪ When you're talking to me ♪
679
00:47:07,755 --> 00:47:11,027
♪ I keep turnin' the table ♪
680
00:47:11,027 --> 00:47:13,015
♪ 'Cause I'm so unstable-- ♪
681
00:47:13,015 --> 00:47:16,680
- program
♪ When you talk to me ♪
682
00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:18,670
- Yeah, fuck the program, man.
683
00:47:19,885 --> 00:47:22,052
We just need to loosen up.
684
00:47:24,544 --> 00:47:29,182
♪ And no meaning can be had ♪
685
00:47:29,182 --> 00:47:32,683
♪ When you talk to me ♪
686
00:47:32,683 --> 00:47:34,850
- We're just wasting love.
687
00:47:37,967 --> 00:47:42,967
♪ Please try to make yourself clear ♪
688
00:47:44,050 --> 00:47:47,254
♪ So when you talk to me ♪
689
00:47:47,254 --> 00:47:52,254
- You're so fucking
690
00:47:55,551 --> 00:47:57,218
- It does feel good.
691
00:48:02,053 --> 00:48:06,828
♪ When you talk to me ♪
692
00:48:06,828 --> 00:48:09,507
♪ Please try to make yourself-- ♪
693
00:48:09,507 --> 00:48:11,611
- I get too thin?
694
00:48:11,611 --> 00:48:12,444
- No.
695
00:48:13,319 --> 00:48:16,509
Looks like you ate a meal this year.
696
00:48:16,509 --> 00:48:18,597
- My ass get too skinny?
697
00:48:18,597 --> 00:48:21,014
- No, your ask looks perfect.
698
00:48:23,793 --> 00:48:25,960
- My breasts.
- Christ.
699
00:48:27,520 --> 00:48:30,329
- They get too small?
- No.
700
00:48:30,329 --> 00:48:32,579
- You wanna put your mouth.
701
00:48:36,049 --> 00:48:37,818
- Please, please.
702
00:48:37,818 --> 00:48:39,770
♪ Please try to make yourself-- ♪
703
00:48:39,770 --> 00:48:42,871
- You sure, you sure?
- Please.
704
00:48:42,871 --> 00:48:47,066
Yeah, yeah.
♪ So when you talk to me ♪
705
00:48:47,066 --> 00:48:50,091
♪ It doesn't strain my ear ♪
706
00:48:52,567 --> 00:48:57,567
- It's it's.
707
00:48:58,991 --> 00:49:01,074
- Baby, feel me, feel me.
708
00:49:04,197 --> 00:49:06,435
- Where's your shit?
- I'm getting it, baby.
709
00:49:06,435 --> 00:49:09,601
- Where's your shit?
- I called.
710
00:49:09,601 --> 00:49:12,335
It's coming.
- Who did you call?
711
00:49:12,335 --> 00:49:13,527
- I called fucking Felix.
712
00:49:13,527 --> 00:49:15,793
- The asshole in the park?
713
00:49:20,731 --> 00:49:24,108
- No good, I need it, I really need it.
714
00:49:24,108 --> 00:49:27,036
You really gotta get it
for me, you've gotta get it
715
00:49:27,036 --> 00:49:29,543
for me, please, please.
716
00:49:29,543 --> 00:49:32,843
Jimmy, please, I really need it, no!
717
00:49:32,843 --> 00:49:34,690
- Talking about.
- please.
718
00:49:34,690 --> 00:49:39,690
- I called him, baby.
♪ Talk to me ♪
719
00:49:41,268 --> 00:49:44,148
- Give me some shit,
please, please, I need it.
720
00:49:44,148 --> 00:49:45,541
- Just fucking kiss me.
721
00:49:45,541 --> 00:49:48,348
♪ Please try to make yourself clear ♪
722
00:49:48,348 --> 00:49:52,348
- please, please, no!
723
00:49:56,370 --> 00:49:59,062
- He's calling me.
- I called everybody.
724
00:49:59,062 --> 00:50:00,530
You gotta do it for me.
725
00:50:00,530 --> 00:50:03,283
- Calling me, what are you doing?
726
00:50:04,210 --> 00:50:07,126
I called, come back here.
727
00:50:13,860 --> 00:50:14,860
- Hi Rachel.
728
00:50:16,030 --> 00:50:19,163
- I'm working 18 hours a day.
729
00:50:21,440 --> 00:50:24,470
Most nights, I just sleep
on the sofa in my office,
730
00:50:24,470 --> 00:50:28,810
but, um, last night,
I, I wanted to go home
731
00:50:28,810 --> 00:50:33,810
and um, so I left the
hospital about 2:00 a.m.
732
00:50:35,960 --> 00:50:38,440
And I walked across the
parking lot to my car
733
00:50:39,780 --> 00:50:44,780
and um, I got in the car and
um, the next thing I know,
734
00:50:44,820 --> 00:50:49,820
a policeman is rapping
on the window saying,
735
00:50:52,347 --> 00:50:54,637
"Let me see your license, let
me see your registration, what
736
00:50:54,637 --> 00:50:58,137
"are you doing in the parking
lot at 4:30 in the morning?"
737
00:50:59,180 --> 00:51:03,450
I was freezing cold, I
just sort of felt numb
738
00:51:03,450 --> 00:51:07,430
and I couldn't think and I couldn't talk
739
00:51:09,350 --> 00:51:14,350
and flashlight, you know,
740
00:51:14,820 --> 00:51:18,420
searching the car and looking
at me and finally, he noticed
741
00:51:18,420 --> 00:51:22,990
the sticker on my windshield, he said,
742
00:51:22,990 --> 00:51:25,946
"Are you a doctor at this hospital?"
743
00:51:25,946 --> 00:51:30,946
I said, yep, that's it,
744
00:51:31,200 --> 00:51:33,290
that's what I'm doing here, I said, yeah,
745
00:51:33,290 --> 00:51:35,080
that I was a doctor at this hospital.
746
00:51:35,080 --> 00:51:38,323
I've been working long hours
and I fallen asleep in the car.
747
00:51:41,850 --> 00:51:43,390
He walked me back to the hospital
748
00:51:43,390 --> 00:51:45,750
and then gave me a long
lecture on the danger
749
00:51:45,750 --> 00:51:49,070
of parking lots and get some coffee
750
00:51:49,070 --> 00:51:53,200
and get some sleep, so I
was sitting in my office
751
00:51:55,919 --> 00:52:00,919
this morning and I was thinking a lot
752
00:52:01,410 --> 00:52:05,030
about the last time I passed out in a car
753
00:52:06,240 --> 00:52:09,143
and I thought of this man here, Joseph,
754
00:52:10,660 --> 00:52:12,960
because I had two kids in the back.
755
00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:15,527
I wasn't driving, I just passed out
756
00:52:15,527 --> 00:52:18,360
but the windows were rolled
up and the car was locked
757
00:52:18,360 --> 00:52:22,320
and the kids were screaming
and it was sweltering hot
758
00:52:22,320 --> 00:52:25,127
and the people who heard
the kids couldn't wake me up
759
00:52:25,127 --> 00:52:29,753
and the police woke me up that time too.
760
00:52:33,820 --> 00:52:37,660
I, turned myself into
the hospital and I told them
761
00:52:37,660 --> 00:52:40,590
that I had been stealing
Demirel from my patients
762
00:52:40,590 --> 00:52:44,760
for about two years and I had always been
763
00:52:44,760 --> 00:52:46,333
a big scotch drinker.
764
00:52:48,700 --> 00:52:51,490
In the hospital, put me
in detox and they put me
765
00:52:51,490 --> 00:52:55,790
in rehab and they put
me in a halfway house
766
00:52:55,790 --> 00:52:59,200
with other doctors like me
767
00:53:00,430 --> 00:53:02,620
and then they took me back.
768
00:53:02,620 --> 00:53:05,540
They put me on probation
but they took me back
769
00:53:05,540 --> 00:53:09,923
to the hospital and I worked,
I worked, I worked, I worked.
770
00:53:12,970 --> 00:53:17,600
I stayed straight, stayed clean,
771
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:22,600
I stayed sober and I worked.
772
00:53:24,960 --> 00:53:28,850
Now, I was thinking that I lost
773
00:53:30,250 --> 00:53:32,750
my children and I lost my husband,
774
00:53:32,750 --> 00:53:36,440
I lost my home
775
00:53:37,870 --> 00:53:39,613
but I've always had my work.
776
00:53:41,310 --> 00:53:45,450
It's never let me down, but this morning,
777
00:53:45,450 --> 00:53:49,480
I was thinking about the similarity
778
00:53:49,480 --> 00:53:54,150
between what my life is now
779
00:53:55,950 --> 00:53:59,910
as a well-respected doctor
780
00:54:01,020 --> 00:54:05,180
and what my life was then and it came
781
00:54:06,130 --> 00:54:10,143
sort of clear to me that
I have isolated myself,
782
00:54:11,120 --> 00:54:16,120
um, in this crowd of doctors
and crowd of patients
783
00:54:18,730 --> 00:54:22,350
who were always needing me
784
00:54:22,350 --> 00:54:25,840
that I've isolated myself the same way
785
00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:30,840
as I used to do when I was
taking Demirel and scotch
786
00:54:33,580 --> 00:54:36,543
and then I thought to myself,
you know, why would I do this?
787
00:54:37,600 --> 00:54:39,393
Why would I do this?
788
00:54:41,170 --> 00:54:44,300
And then I thought to myself,
well, I think the reason
789
00:54:44,300 --> 00:54:49,273
is because I have not done the work of AA.
790
00:54:52,630 --> 00:54:57,630
I have not done the thing of looking
791
00:54:59,390 --> 00:55:01,263
at how I blew up my life.
792
00:55:06,710 --> 00:55:11,710
And um, I guess that's why I'm here
793
00:55:12,140 --> 00:55:16,420
because I need help to get back
794
00:55:17,740 --> 00:55:22,040
to my sponsor and I need
help to get back home
795
00:55:24,440 --> 00:55:29,440
to my home group and I
need to do the real work,
796
00:55:30,150 --> 00:55:32,863
the real work, which I had never done.
797
00:55:35,642 --> 00:55:37,973
Thank you, that's my purse.
798
00:55:40,782 --> 00:55:42,940
Those are my
cigarettes, thank you.
799
00:55:44,416 --> 00:55:45,795
Thank you.
800
00:55:45,795 --> 00:55:50,251
♪ Well, here in my heart,
there's a story untold ♪
801
00:55:50,251 --> 00:55:53,226
♪ Of a girl I wanted for my own-- ♪
802
00:55:53,226 --> 00:55:56,593
- Excuse me, I reserved
this three years ago.
803
00:55:58,300 --> 00:56:02,520
- Yeah, holy shit, man
how you been?
804
00:56:02,520 --> 00:56:05,633
I thought you were dead.
- I was dead, you didn't hear?
805
00:56:06,658 --> 00:56:10,160
Yeah, I was dead and I
requested I be reincarnated
806
00:56:10,160 --> 00:56:13,568
and they fucked up because they
sent me back as myself, man.
807
00:56:15,501 --> 00:56:17,360
What happened to this, where the fuck
808
00:56:17,360 --> 00:56:20,400
is Jack Dempsey's picture,
man, what do they do here?
809
00:56:20,400 --> 00:56:22,480
- New management.
- New management.
810
00:56:22,480 --> 00:56:27,450
And we are powerless over it,
makes our lives unmanageable.
811
00:56:28,837 --> 00:56:30,792
- What kind of shit is that, man?
812
00:56:30,792 --> 00:56:32,113
Barkeep!
813
00:56:32,990 --> 00:56:34,063
Barkeep!
814
00:56:35,516 --> 00:56:37,693
Hey, I'm looking for the barkeep.
815
00:56:39,200 --> 00:56:41,750
Who are you?
- My name's Rich.
816
00:56:41,750 --> 00:56:44,003
- That's nice, where's the bartender?
817
00:56:44,855 --> 00:56:46,490
No really.
818
00:56:46,490 --> 00:56:48,400
Where's the fucking bartender?
819
00:56:48,400 --> 00:56:50,160
You look like a fucking
clothes designer, man.
820
00:56:50,160 --> 00:56:53,320
What is this shit, no,
really, who are you?
821
00:56:53,320 --> 00:56:54,960
Who is he?
- This is Jim.
822
00:56:54,960 --> 00:56:57,093
- Hey, Jim.
- What are you, a matchmaker?
823
00:56:58,040 --> 00:56:59,930
What is your name?
- My name's Rich.
824
00:56:59,930 --> 00:57:01,480
- No, really, where's Anthony?
825
00:57:01,480 --> 00:57:02,690
- I bought him out six months ago.
826
00:57:02,690 --> 00:57:04,860
I take he opened a strip
club out in Jersey.
827
00:57:04,860 --> 00:57:07,148
- But he's happy, though?
828
00:57:07,148 --> 00:57:08,170
Okay, that's good.
829
00:57:08,170 --> 00:57:10,200
Well, listen, I really have to make sure
830
00:57:10,200 --> 00:57:13,930
that you're an experienced
mixologist, my friend.
831
00:57:13,930 --> 00:57:16,400
- Drinking since I was 12.
- You have?
832
00:57:16,400 --> 00:57:19,881
Good for you, okay, 'cause
I need a proficient,
833
00:57:19,881 --> 00:57:23,110
proficient booze mechanic, okay?
834
00:57:23,110 --> 00:57:25,143
Are you available for that job?
835
00:57:27,057 --> 00:57:28,810
Set him up.
836
00:57:28,810 --> 00:57:31,640
Doubles for everybody,
okay, I'll have a whiskey
837
00:57:31,640 --> 00:57:36,177
and I'll have a beer, in
fact, how does that sound?
838
00:57:36,177 --> 00:57:38,260
- That'd be great.
- Whoo.
839
00:57:40,906 --> 00:57:43,360
Gawd, look, they have charities now.
840
00:57:43,360 --> 00:57:44,840
Does Mother Teresa hang here too?
841
00:57:44,840 --> 00:57:47,560
I knew she drank.
842
00:57:47,560 --> 00:57:51,980
Thank you, okay, here is to everyone
843
00:57:53,370 --> 00:57:55,860
and fuck everything.
844
00:57:55,860 --> 00:57:56,810
- No good.
845
00:58:00,310 --> 00:58:04,530
- I, um, feel like I should say
something, I
846
00:58:04,530 --> 00:58:07,790
my name is Louis Tingley and I'm not,
847
00:58:07,790 --> 00:58:09,490
I don't, I think I'm an alcoholic.
848
00:58:10,702 --> 00:58:14,293
I'm, I'm stunned, actually, by this.
849
00:58:15,154 --> 00:58:17,254
I came to this church for a choir practice
850
00:58:18,412 --> 00:58:21,730
and when I came, I guess I
was a bit fuzzy on the dates.
851
00:58:21,730 --> 00:58:26,730
No one was there, so it was
only second, second time,
852
00:58:26,730 --> 00:58:30,070
so my eyesight isn't the
greatest and I wandered downhill
853
00:58:30,070 --> 00:58:34,030
looking for the men's
room and well, I thought
854
00:58:34,030 --> 00:58:37,320
all of you were the choir taking
a break at first, you see,
855
00:58:37,320 --> 00:58:39,160
and I got drawn into the stories.
856
00:58:39,160 --> 00:58:42,000
I have to say, I've never, they're so real
857
00:58:42,000 --> 00:58:46,270
and honest, they're, they're,
I mean nothing compares
858
00:58:46,270 --> 00:58:48,660
to it on television or in most movies.
859
00:58:48,660 --> 00:58:51,240
I got pulled in and I
thought, my god, I had no idea
860
00:58:51,240 --> 00:58:54,573
that the choir had so many problems.
861
00:58:54,573 --> 00:58:57,750
And then the more I listened
862
00:58:57,750 --> 00:58:59,040
to your stories, the more I realize
863
00:58:59,040 --> 00:59:02,010
that, well, I'm really not a drunk.
864
00:59:02,010 --> 00:59:07,010
I'm not a sober either, I'm,
I'm, I guess I'm a fuzzy.
865
00:59:09,070 --> 00:59:11,860
That's what I'd call
it, I drink to get fuzzy
866
00:59:11,860 --> 00:59:14,423
and I like getting fuzzy every day.
867
00:59:15,310 --> 00:59:17,210
It's not that I don't
don't know what sober is.
868
00:59:17,210 --> 00:59:19,800
I mean I come from New England,
I come from a long line
869
00:59:19,800 --> 00:59:23,610
of sober people, when
they're drunk, they're sober.
870
00:59:23,610 --> 00:59:25,710
Most of them are a
little drunk every night
871
00:59:25,710 --> 00:59:29,153
after five, but I have to say, um,
872
00:59:30,620 --> 00:59:34,173
I will be honest, I
admit it, I'm a hophead.
873
00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:39,470
I like beer, sometimes boilermakers,
874
00:59:39,470 --> 00:59:42,540
you know, one or two shots
Irish, not on the side,
875
00:59:42,540 --> 00:59:45,120
but I like to drop the
shot right into the mug
876
00:59:45,120 --> 00:59:49,353
and watch it boil and foam up.
877
00:59:50,503 --> 00:59:53,190
And if there's a higher
power, I can't believe
878
00:59:53,190 --> 00:59:56,036
that higher power didn't
create barley and hops
879
00:59:56,036 --> 00:59:58,680
and allow them to sit there and ferment
880
00:59:59,880 --> 01:00:03,500
and God created beer, but not light beer.
881
01:00:05,380 --> 01:00:08,190
It's the devil's work or man's work.
882
01:00:08,190 --> 01:00:10,510
Actually, I grew up with the
Bible, you wouldn't believe it.
883
01:00:10,510 --> 01:00:13,130
My mother read the Bible
to me and I like that.
884
01:00:13,130 --> 01:00:14,860
I remember that stuff in the Bible.
885
01:00:14,860 --> 01:00:17,840
There is a season for
everything under heaven
886
01:00:17,840 --> 01:00:21,440
and a time and I think
there's a time for drinking,
887
01:00:21,440 --> 01:00:26,440
you know, every day between
five and 10:00 or six and 11:00,
888
01:00:27,200 --> 01:00:30,540
but I never drink alone,
no, I drink at the,
889
01:00:30,540 --> 01:00:32,480
around the corner at the Pegasus.
890
01:00:32,480 --> 01:00:36,010
They have, gawd, I think they
have seven draft beers there,
891
01:00:36,010 --> 01:00:38,873
including the queen of
beers, the Guinness Stout,
892
01:00:40,244 --> 01:00:43,730
but you see, it's so
nice to have an activity
893
01:00:43,730 --> 01:00:46,890
to keep me away, to celebrate, like I,
894
01:00:46,890 --> 01:00:49,250
that's part of why I'm staying
here, why I wanted to go
895
01:00:49,250 --> 01:00:51,140
to choir practice, I
needed something, you know,
896
01:00:51,140 --> 01:00:55,650
like in the Bible or in
the beer ads on television,
897
01:00:55,650 --> 01:00:57,960
we've had a great ballgame,
898
01:00:57,960 --> 01:01:00,530
now let's have a cold one to celebrate.
899
01:01:00,530 --> 01:01:02,513
A cold one is a euphemism, I guess.
900
01:01:02,513 --> 01:01:04,760
I don't imagine having one beer.
901
01:01:04,760 --> 01:01:07,260
I can't imagine anyone
just drinking one beer
902
01:01:07,260 --> 01:01:10,990
if it was any good, what am I saying?
903
01:01:10,990 --> 01:01:13,270
Everyone's quiet, I'm
thrown back on myself.
904
01:01:13,270 --> 01:01:18,100
Perhaps I'm saying that I need
like an objective constraint
905
01:01:18,100 --> 01:01:21,490
outside of myself to
stop me from, you know,
906
01:01:21,490 --> 01:01:25,350
like in the case of the
choir, a singing super ego
907
01:01:25,350 --> 01:01:28,180
to stop me from rushing off to the bar
908
01:01:28,180 --> 01:01:29,630
and then I'll have something to celebrate.
909
01:01:29,630 --> 01:01:33,960
I, I, I, what I'm saying, I think,
910
01:01:33,960 --> 01:01:37,273
is that I prefer your
narratives to their hymns.
911
01:01:38,570 --> 01:01:41,900
I'd like to come here every
night and listen to stories
912
01:01:41,900 --> 01:01:46,900
and tell stories, I really
never talked like this before.
913
01:01:50,060 --> 01:01:52,870
You see, what I wanted to
ask if I could stay on here
914
01:01:52,870 --> 01:01:55,880
is, well, I know you're
supposed to be special
915
01:01:55,880 --> 01:01:58,360
and I do have that feeling, I wanted to be
916
01:01:58,360 --> 01:02:00,930
a nondrinking drinker, I'm
not drinking now, you see.
917
01:02:00,930 --> 01:02:04,483
I don't have any, it's,
I don't, it's not on me,
918
01:02:05,360 --> 01:02:08,510
but I will drink, I will, after I leave
919
01:02:08,510 --> 01:02:10,070
this special occasion, I will go
920
01:02:10,070 --> 01:02:12,010
onto the next special
occasion around the corner,
921
01:02:12,010 --> 01:02:16,240
the Pegasus, and watch
Henry pour a slow draft
922
01:02:17,440 --> 01:02:20,890
of Double Diamond and watch
its amber head foam up
923
01:02:20,890 --> 01:02:25,440
and lift it to my lips and
feel its foam on my mustache
924
01:02:25,440 --> 01:02:30,270
and slide down like liquid bread
925
01:02:31,408 --> 01:02:33,550
and then to bed and...
926
01:02:37,760 --> 01:02:42,453
but thank you for letting me talk.
927
01:02:45,570 --> 01:02:48,403
I'm, I didn't,
928
01:02:49,930 --> 01:02:52,173
if there's a donation plate that I missed,
929
01:02:54,100 --> 01:02:57,103
I'll give something
before I go out the door.
930
01:03:04,841 --> 01:03:08,258
♪ Here's a heart for you ♪
931
01:03:10,011 --> 01:03:13,997
- Ready for this shit?
932
01:03:13,997 --> 01:03:17,970
This fucking bill, okay, it
ain't the fucking Sox, man.
933
01:03:17,970 --> 01:03:21,023
Look at this, transfer of remains.
934
01:03:22,686 --> 01:03:27,173
Transfer of remains, 500 fucking dollars.
935
01:03:28,210 --> 01:03:30,450
If I knew it was 500 fucking dollars,
936
01:03:30,450 --> 01:03:33,677
I would've carried her my
fucking self, man, how dare they?
937
01:03:33,677 --> 01:03:36,243
How fucking dare they,
and now they're sending
938
01:03:36,243 --> 01:03:40,573
some fucking jackass collection
agency after me, fuck them!
939
01:03:42,060 --> 01:03:44,943
Fuck them in the ass, I
ain't fucking paying it.
940
01:03:46,165 --> 01:03:47,830
And I'm an alcoholic, you know?
941
01:03:47,830 --> 01:03:48,663
- Really?
- You know, I went
942
01:03:48,663 --> 01:03:52,560
to that AA shit and those
fucking zombie asshole
943
01:03:52,560 --> 01:03:56,260
motherfuckers, I mean, it's unbelievable.
944
01:03:56,260 --> 01:03:58,810
You can't drink anymore
after you go to that shit.
945
01:03:58,810 --> 01:04:01,660
I mean I wanna fucking
get loaded and I can't.
946
01:04:01,660 --> 01:04:03,440
It's driving me fucking nuts.
947
01:04:03,440 --> 01:04:05,090
I never used to count my fucking drinks
948
01:04:05,090 --> 01:04:06,900
before I went to those fucking places.
949
01:04:06,900 --> 01:04:08,970
I mean you go in these fucking meetings
950
01:04:08,970 --> 01:04:11,660
and there's like, I don't
know, 100 fucking people there
951
01:04:11,660 --> 01:04:15,500
and all they talk about is fucking booze.
952
01:04:15,500 --> 01:04:18,690
That's all they fucking talk
about, drinking and drinking,
953
01:04:18,690 --> 01:04:20,520
but they don't fucking drink.
954
01:04:20,520 --> 01:04:22,740
What the fuck is that all about?
955
01:04:22,740 --> 01:04:24,971
It's like a bad fucking Polish joke.
956
01:04:24,971 --> 01:04:26,780
Well, you walk into a bar, you know,
957
01:04:26,780 --> 01:04:30,350
don't set 'em up, Joe, fuck that shit.
958
01:04:30,350 --> 01:04:33,510
I am getting loaded tonight,
how are you?
959
01:04:35,100 --> 01:04:36,830
- I gotta get going.
960
01:04:36,830 --> 01:04:38,860
- You got kind eyes, man, you know?
961
01:04:38,860 --> 01:04:42,860
I see in, in, in your
face and in your smile,
962
01:04:42,860 --> 01:04:45,630
You're, you're a good
guy, you're a good guy.
963
01:04:45,630 --> 01:04:48,040
- I'm late.
- You're what?
964
01:04:48,040 --> 01:04:49,460
- Late.
- What the fuck does,
965
01:04:49,460 --> 01:04:51,902
don't you understand?
♪ To let you go ♪
966
01:04:51,902 --> 01:04:54,230
Don't you understand what I'm saying?
967
01:04:54,230 --> 01:04:58,115
I got sober and my wife fucking died.
968
01:04:58,115 --> 01:04:59,430
Pretty awful.
969
01:04:59,430 --> 01:05:02,550
- It's pretty awful, I'd
say it's pretty fucking awful.
970
01:05:02,550 --> 01:05:04,910
Hey, who's playing the fucking jukebox?
971
01:05:04,910 --> 01:05:08,640
Pretty fucking awful,
I mean am I laughing?
972
01:05:08,640 --> 01:05:10,220
- No.
- I'm not laughing.
973
01:05:10,220 --> 01:05:11,730
I'm not even fucking smiling.
974
01:05:11,730 --> 01:05:14,709
- I know, I know.
- People drink
975
01:05:14,709 --> 01:05:16,312
and they fucking having a good time
976
01:05:16,312 --> 01:05:18,173
like those fucking assholes over there,
977
01:05:18,173 --> 01:05:21,910
I mean they have a good
time, party, get down.
978
01:05:21,910 --> 01:05:23,941
- Listen, I gotta go.
979
01:05:23,941 --> 01:05:25,957
- Why the fuck did she have
to die, you know what I mean
980
01:05:25,957 --> 01:05:29,914
why her, I mean why not that
fat fuck over there?
981
01:05:29,914 --> 01:05:31,790
- Who are you calling fat fuck?
982
01:05:31,790 --> 01:05:34,110
- Eat my ass.
- I really think,
983
01:05:34,110 --> 01:05:35,900
I gotta go.
- Don't you understand?
984
01:05:35,900 --> 01:05:37,233
Really, don't you
understand what I'm saying?
985
01:05:37,233 --> 01:05:39,273
- Please, I gotta go, please.
986
01:05:41,280 --> 01:05:42,187
- How about you?
987
01:05:43,698 --> 01:05:45,703
♪ I love, love you so ♪
988
01:05:46,676 --> 01:05:49,540
- Do any of you ever feel
like you'd rather be dead
989
01:05:50,670 --> 01:05:55,670
than be sober
I mean it's just a glass
990
01:05:55,820 --> 01:06:00,343
with liquid in it, right,
so why can't I control it?
991
01:06:02,140 --> 01:06:03,933
Why does it have to be so good?
992
01:06:05,490 --> 01:06:09,190
You know, but it's okay
because, um, see, somewhere
993
01:06:09,190 --> 01:06:11,610
in the back of my head, I think, someday,
994
01:06:11,610 --> 01:06:13,180
I am gonna be able to control it.
995
01:06:13,180 --> 01:06:15,340
Someday, I'm gonna be
able to have a few drinks
996
01:06:15,340 --> 01:06:17,490
and I'm gonna be able
to walk away from it.
997
01:06:19,560 --> 01:06:21,810
And yeah, yeah, I know that's
the wrong way to think.
998
01:06:21,810 --> 01:06:23,840
I know I'm just at the
beginning of something, okay?
999
01:06:23,840 --> 01:06:28,020
I know that, but you know,
1000
01:06:28,020 --> 01:06:32,810
I have to sit here and I have
to listen to all you guys
1001
01:06:32,810 --> 01:06:34,810
talk about how grateful you are,
1002
01:06:34,810 --> 01:06:39,810
and it, it, it makes me just, you know,
1003
01:06:40,330 --> 01:06:41,900
pray for the day when I can sit here
1004
01:06:41,900 --> 01:06:44,250
and I can be grateful too,
you know, when I can be
1005
01:06:44,250 --> 01:06:47,913
just right where, where,
um, where you are.
1006
01:06:50,760 --> 01:06:53,360
I don't feel any better today
than I did the first day
1007
01:06:53,360 --> 01:06:55,760
I walked in here, like right
now, more than anything
1008
01:06:55,760 --> 01:06:58,760
in the world, all I really
wanna do is I wanna drink.
1009
01:06:58,760 --> 01:07:00,460
I just, I wanna drink, I
wanna drink, I wanna drink
1010
01:07:00,460 --> 01:07:02,433
and then I wanna drink some more.
1011
01:07:04,310 --> 01:07:06,597
And, yeah, you know, I know that it's,
1012
01:07:08,950 --> 01:07:12,104
it's my choice, but it's not really
1013
01:07:12,104 --> 01:07:16,633
because I need it.
1014
01:07:20,180 --> 01:07:22,430
I mean me sitting here right
now is really just a bunch
1015
01:07:22,430 --> 01:07:25,170
of horse shit 'cause
1016
01:07:26,480 --> 01:07:27,993
I picked up this morning.
1017
01:07:31,900 --> 01:07:34,700
I drank, I had a shot, I smoked a joint.
1018
01:07:34,700 --> 01:07:35,777
I had to, I had to get
through it, you know?
1019
01:07:35,777 --> 01:07:37,270
And you know what, I
hate to tell you this,
1020
01:07:37,270 --> 01:07:40,880
but it helped me, you
know, I only had one.
1021
01:07:40,880 --> 01:07:44,320
I didn't black out, but I
needed that one to just get me
1022
01:07:44,320 --> 01:07:46,220
through it, you know, to calm me down.
1023
01:07:49,000 --> 01:07:50,170
And I don't think
1024
01:07:52,470 --> 01:07:55,930
anybody can really understand me for that.
1025
01:08:01,490 --> 01:08:04,880
See, I was gonna go out
and I was gonna get drunk
1026
01:08:04,880 --> 01:08:09,630
tonight but, you know, I had
this plan, but for some reason,
1027
01:08:09,630 --> 01:08:13,500
I came here and I guess I'm here
1028
01:08:13,500 --> 01:08:15,820
because I really want somebody to stop me
1029
01:08:18,320 --> 01:08:21,543
because I just can't do it.
1030
01:08:27,377 --> 01:08:28,663
You know what?
1031
01:08:30,730 --> 01:08:34,202
You know, don't fucking
stare at me like that,
1032
01:08:34,202 --> 01:08:36,510
all right, because I do not need
1033
01:08:36,510 --> 01:08:40,213
your goddamn pity.
1034
01:09:02,543 --> 01:09:03,376
- Hello.
1035
01:09:07,291 --> 01:09:10,355
You know where Felix is?
1036
01:09:10,355 --> 01:09:13,030
Did you see, you know who Felix is?
1037
01:09:13,030 --> 01:09:13,930
Did you see Felix?
1038
01:09:18,810 --> 01:09:20,273
All right.
1039
01:09:24,520 --> 01:09:26,052
- Yeah, what's up, homes?
1040
01:09:26,052 --> 01:09:28,870
- You see Felix?
- Felix who?
1041
01:09:28,870 --> 01:09:30,410
- You don't know who Felix is?
1042
01:09:30,410 --> 01:09:33,820
- I said Felix who, right,
I say, home, you sure
1043
01:09:33,820 --> 01:09:35,257
I can't help you out
with?
1044
01:09:36,836 --> 01:09:37,669
You sure?
1045
01:09:43,390 --> 01:09:48,390
- Excuse me, princess,
Jesus fuck, honey pie.
1046
01:09:49,960 --> 01:09:52,750
- Yeah, baby.
- You know where Felix is?
1047
01:09:52,750 --> 01:09:55,690
- Yeah, Felix got busted last
week, he's in Rikers now.
1048
01:09:55,690 --> 01:09:57,280
Unfortunately.
1049
01:09:57,280 --> 01:09:58,817
- He's in Rikers?
- Yeah.
1050
01:09:58,817 --> 01:09:59,863
- Fuck!
1051
01:10:08,920 --> 01:10:11,857
- Before I came to
these rooms, I was afraid
1052
01:10:13,634 --> 01:10:16,587
I was
afraid of my own shadow.
1053
01:10:16,587 --> 01:10:19,807
- You okay?
- Yeah, yeah, I'm okay.
1054
01:10:20,935 --> 01:10:24,307
I feel like a jerk
I'm sorry I acted out.
1055
01:10:27,260 --> 01:10:31,127
- You know, you said you
wanted us to stop you.
1056
01:10:32,995 --> 01:10:34,113
We can't stop you.
1057
01:10:35,150 --> 01:10:36,660
- Yeah, I know.
1058
01:10:36,660 --> 01:10:39,263
- We can help you, but we can't stop you.
1059
01:10:41,310 --> 01:10:43,723
Been making meetings?
- Yeah.
1060
01:10:46,660 --> 01:10:50,430
- Got a sponsor?
1061
01:10:50,430 --> 01:10:53,130
- Yeah, I have a sponsor, I have an idiot
1062
01:10:53,130 --> 01:10:55,053
for a sponsor, I have myself.
1063
01:10:55,970 --> 01:11:00,413
- You can't sponsor
yourself, that's my number.
1064
01:11:02,010 --> 01:11:03,710
Instead of picking up a
drink, pick up the phone
1065
01:11:03,710 --> 01:11:04,543
and call me.
1066
01:11:07,660 --> 01:11:09,683
- Really?
- Yeah.
1067
01:11:12,560 --> 01:11:13,393
- Thanks.
1068
01:11:27,481 --> 01:11:32,398
Look at you, you're so together,
you're so fucking perfect.
1069
01:11:35,660 --> 01:11:37,850
- I'm just a garden-variety drunk
1070
01:11:40,456 --> 01:11:42,427
and in one day, same as you.
1071
01:11:46,960 --> 01:11:51,460
- Gawd look
at me, I look like shit.
1072
01:11:51,460 --> 01:11:53,313
- No, you you look fine.
1073
01:11:53,313 --> 01:11:56,440
I mean, listen, mirrors,
you can't trust this mirror
1074
01:11:56,440 --> 01:12:01,440
and these lights no,
make everybody look horrible.
1075
01:12:01,820 --> 01:12:05,410
Squint, you look beautiful,
try it, come on, squint.
1076
01:12:05,410 --> 01:12:07,290
Say, I look fabulous.
1077
01:12:07,290 --> 01:12:08,190
- I look fabulous.
1078
01:12:09,829 --> 01:12:13,197
- You look fabulous.
- You look fabulous.
1079
01:12:13,197 --> 01:12:15,484
- We look fabulous.
1080
01:13:11,470 --> 01:13:13,387
- Do I put money in for this or?
1081
01:13:13,387 --> 01:13:16,114
- No, no, no, no, this is free.
1082
01:13:16,114 --> 01:13:18,010
Yeah, free.
1083
01:13:18,010 --> 01:13:19,910
- You know, actually not an alcoholic.
1084
01:13:20,833 --> 01:13:22,931
- Yeah, you said that.
- So I don't know if I--
1085
01:13:22,931 --> 01:13:24,390
- Would you like some?
1086
01:13:24,390 --> 01:13:25,833
- It's all right to--
- Yeah.
1087
01:13:27,302 --> 01:13:29,228
'Cause it's just tea.
1088
01:13:29,228 --> 01:13:30,928
- Of course.
1089
01:13:30,928 --> 01:13:32,805
Well, I'll be having beer afterwards--
1090
01:13:32,805 --> 01:13:34,110
- Right.
- As I said at the meeting.
1091
01:13:34,110 --> 01:13:36,310
- So you want it or not?
- What?
1092
01:13:36,310 --> 01:13:37,680
- The tea.
- Yeah.
1093
01:13:37,680 --> 01:13:39,949
- Okay.
- Make it herbal, it's fine.
1094
01:13:39,949 --> 01:13:42,030
- All right, now--
- Something different.
1095
01:13:42,030 --> 01:13:43,830
I haven't had that since I was a hippie.
1096
01:13:43,830 --> 01:13:46,780
I like it at night though 'cause
I don't like to get wired.
1097
01:13:47,850 --> 01:13:48,683
That's--
- Here.
1098
01:13:48,683 --> 01:13:51,330
- Thank you.
- Keep coming back, okay?
1099
01:13:51,330 --> 01:13:53,460
- For tea?
- At meetings.
1100
01:13:53,460 --> 01:13:54,793
- Meeting, yeah.
1101
01:13:56,140 --> 01:13:59,320
- I'd like to thank you
all for being here tonight
1102
01:13:59,320 --> 01:14:03,380
because I needed you,
okay, I'd like to end
1103
01:14:03,380 --> 01:14:07,090
the meeting with, yes?
1104
01:14:07,090 --> 01:14:12,090
- Hi, my name is Kathy
and I'm an alcoholic.
1105
01:14:13,620 --> 01:14:14,570
- Hi Kathy.
1106
01:14:15,420 --> 01:14:17,120
- I came here tonight because, um,
1107
01:14:18,470 --> 01:14:23,230
not knowing if I was, um, you
know, an alcoholic and stuff
1108
01:14:23,230 --> 01:14:25,693
but, after listening to all of you,
1109
01:14:27,130 --> 01:14:28,430
I'm pretty sure that I am
1110
01:14:29,930 --> 01:14:34,810
or, I think we've done
1111
01:14:34,810 --> 01:14:37,170
a hell of a lot of the same things,
1112
01:14:37,170 --> 01:14:41,150
like blackouts and
everything and, um, or felt
1113
01:14:44,200 --> 01:14:45,950
a lot of the same way or something.
1114
01:14:45,950 --> 01:14:48,293
We, um, we definitely drink a lot.
1115
01:14:49,930 --> 01:14:54,013
I, I came here tonight because, um,
1116
01:14:58,260 --> 01:14:59,810
I didn't know where else to go.
1117
01:15:01,100 --> 01:15:04,970
I don't really have
friends because I drink.
1118
01:15:04,970 --> 01:15:09,970
I don't, I don't have
a home because I drink.
1119
01:15:10,780 --> 01:15:15,780
I, I live in a
women's shelter and,
1120
01:15:17,270 --> 01:15:22,270
and I'm pregnant and I don't
know what I'm going to do,
1121
01:15:24,190 --> 01:15:27,710
but I know that, um, that
I need to stop drinking
1122
01:15:28,870 --> 01:15:30,470
and I wanna be able to keep the baby
1123
01:15:30,470 --> 01:15:34,943
because I have so much inside me, I just,
1124
01:15:36,190 --> 01:15:40,633
I just need someone to give
it to, that's why I'm here.
1125
01:15:42,800 --> 01:15:45,143
The father, he left.
1126
01:15:47,264 --> 01:15:50,333
I woke up and he was gone, that hurts.
1127
01:15:54,000 --> 01:15:57,602
I was sleeping in a car, he drinks.
1128
01:15:57,602 --> 01:15:59,680
I was, um, I was sleeping in doorways
1129
01:16:00,650 --> 01:16:03,970
and I don't want my baby like
that but it's like I keep
1130
01:16:03,970 --> 01:16:05,700
drinking with any money that I get,
1131
01:16:05,700 --> 01:16:09,513
I can help it and I need help.
1132
01:16:12,240 --> 01:16:13,073
I'm scared.
1133
01:16:16,210 --> 01:16:20,450
But um, who knows, I mean I'm here tonight
1134
01:16:22,420 --> 01:16:25,970
and, um, I don't really
like to talk because I know
1135
01:16:25,970 --> 01:16:27,233
that I don't talk right.
1136
01:16:30,190 --> 01:16:31,023
I'm done.
1137
01:16:33,710 --> 01:16:36,510
- Kathy, all you have to have to come here
1138
01:16:36,510 --> 01:16:40,133
is a desire to stop drinking
and you've got that, okay?
1139
01:16:41,080 --> 01:16:43,730
I don't know what's gonna happen to me.
1140
01:16:43,730 --> 01:16:45,800
This meeting hasn't
given me all the answers,
1141
01:16:45,800 --> 01:16:49,593
but I know when I'm here, I won't drink,
1142
01:16:52,629 --> 01:16:57,629
Okay, all right, let's end
the meeting with a moment
1143
01:16:58,020 --> 01:17:00,430
of silence for those
still sick and suffering,
1144
01:17:00,430 --> 01:17:03,240
both outside and the other rooms,
1145
01:17:03,240 --> 01:17:05,407
followed by the Serenity Prayer.
1146
01:17:11,203 --> 01:17:12,890
- God.
- God.
1147
01:17:12,890 --> 01:17:16,012
- God, grant me
the serenity to accept
1148
01:17:16,012 --> 01:17:19,753
the things I cannot change,
the courage to change
1149
01:17:19,753 --> 01:17:24,753
the things I can and the
wisdom to know the difference.
1150
01:17:25,015 --> 01:17:28,503
Keep coming back, it works if you work it,
1151
01:17:28,503 --> 01:17:31,403
so work it, you're worth it.
1152
01:17:39,951 --> 01:17:44,951
- You wanna get a coffee?
- Yeah, a coffee sounds good.
1153
01:17:45,226 --> 01:17:48,798
- You wanna hit the diner?
- Yeah.
1154
01:17:48,798 --> 01:17:52,529
- Jasmine, Jasmine, Jasmine?
1155
01:17:52,529 --> 01:17:53,799
- Yeah?
- I'll walk.
1156
01:17:53,799 --> 01:17:55,589
- Okay, okay.
1157
01:18:00,284 --> 01:18:04,951
- Yeah, yeah, I.
1158
01:18:05,900 --> 01:18:08,891
- You know, why don't you
stop fucking lying about it?
1159
01:18:25,972 --> 01:18:30,472
♪ The way you make love all day, yeah ♪
1160
01:18:32,200 --> 01:18:35,565
♪ Bo, bo, bo ♪
♪ Bohemian Daddy ♪
1161
01:18:35,565 --> 01:18:40,565
♪ You all in my dream ♪
1162
01:18:42,529 --> 01:18:47,529
♪ You've got me out, love, love me ♪
1163
01:18:47,628 --> 01:18:50,269
♪ Whoo, ooh, ooh ♪
1164
01:18:52,552 --> 01:18:55,823
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
1165
01:19:01,600 --> 01:19:03,273
Fuck one day at a time.
1166
01:19:05,030 --> 01:19:07,730
It's one night at a fucking time.
1167
01:19:07,730 --> 01:19:11,310
Happy, joyous and free,
1168
01:19:11,310 --> 01:19:13,144
there you are.
1169
01:19:13,144 --> 01:19:15,550
♪ Down where we met ♪
1170
01:19:15,550 --> 01:19:18,212
♪ And where you make love ♪
1171
01:19:18,212 --> 01:19:19,212
- Hey Ricky.
1172
01:19:23,049 --> 01:19:27,583
♪ Bohemian daddy, I love you so ♪
1173
01:19:27,583 --> 01:19:30,583
- Some of the guys told me about
what happened to your wife.
1174
01:19:32,932 --> 01:19:37,589
Sorry, man.
♪ I love you so ♪
1175
01:19:37,589 --> 01:19:40,589
♪ I love you so ♪
1176
01:19:41,699 --> 01:19:44,366
- How long ago did she, die?
1177
01:19:46,597 --> 01:19:50,530
- lie anymore.
1178
01:19:50,530 --> 01:19:51,497
- Sorry.
1179
01:19:53,151 --> 01:19:56,560
- I couldn't live the lie anymore.
1180
01:19:58,530 --> 01:20:00,170
- What lie is that?
1181
01:20:00,170 --> 01:20:01,513
- The fairy tale.
1182
01:20:02,550 --> 01:20:03,663
I'm a hero.
1183
01:20:05,600 --> 01:20:10,240
I stopped drinking and I become,
1184
01:20:10,240 --> 01:20:15,240
I become the ideal
fucking husband for two years
1185
01:20:15,730 --> 01:20:19,183
and my beautiful darling Janie, I am,
1186
01:20:20,703 --> 01:20:25,150
like Father Knows Best, man,
I mean I'm talking breakfast
1187
01:20:25,150 --> 01:20:30,150
in bed, kisses on the Staten Island Ferry.
1188
01:20:30,273 --> 01:20:33,145
I did it all, you know?
1189
01:20:33,145 --> 01:20:38,143
And
then the little lady dies.
1190
01:20:41,024 --> 01:20:43,063
Poor Jimmy Epstein.
1191
01:20:43,970 --> 01:20:48,810
Pity the poor sober martyr.
1192
01:20:53,010 --> 01:20:54,310
That's what I told myself.
1193
01:20:56,610 --> 01:20:58,383
It is a lie.
1194
01:20:59,670 --> 01:21:04,670
I mean I didn't drink, but I
didn't know who the fuck I was.
1195
01:21:05,720 --> 01:21:07,420
I didn't know who the fuck she was.
1196
01:21:07,420 --> 01:21:09,460
I didn't even know what to say to her.
1197
01:21:09,460 --> 01:21:12,530
I mean I had to just, I was
just sorta hanging around.
1198
01:21:12,530 --> 01:21:17,530
I was just staring at her with
this blank fucking expression
1199
01:21:18,940 --> 01:21:22,957
All I was thinking about was
drinking.
1200
01:21:24,530 --> 01:21:26,536
- That can't be true, man,
I mean you turned your life
1201
01:21:26,536 --> 01:21:28,100
around, she must've been proud of you.
1202
01:21:28,100 --> 01:21:30,340
- Don't tell me what
was true, what was true.
1203
01:21:30,340 --> 01:21:34,800
It was too goddamn late, I
mean I turned into a ghost,
1204
01:21:34,800 --> 01:21:37,940
come on, I mean I
might've been sober, okay,
1205
01:21:37,940 --> 01:21:39,980
but I tell you something, I was sober,
1206
01:21:39,980 --> 01:21:42,900
but we had two of the most painful,
1207
01:21:42,900 --> 01:21:47,413
empty slow years anyone could ever have.
1208
01:21:50,370 --> 01:21:52,500
We never connected
1209
01:21:54,228 --> 01:21:58,673
and that was so fucking true
that you couldn't even say it.
1210
01:22:00,310 --> 01:22:01,433
We were a hoax.
1211
01:22:03,890 --> 01:22:06,900
I couldn't even help her
'cause I didn't even know
1212
01:22:06,900 --> 01:22:10,807
who I was, I got lost somewhere.
1213
01:22:12,498 --> 01:22:13,473
And you know what?
1214
01:22:15,933 --> 01:22:16,883
I don't even care.
1215
01:22:19,690 --> 01:22:23,360
- Richard, honey, you
can't get too involved.
1216
01:22:23,360 --> 01:22:24,193
People need you.
1217
01:22:27,380 --> 01:22:29,213
- Hang tight, man, I'll be right back.
1218
01:22:32,600 --> 01:22:34,400
- He's cute but he's a mess.
1219
01:22:35,684 --> 01:22:37,923
- Yeah, right, there's
nobody else to talk to.
1220
01:22:46,296 --> 01:22:49,235
♪ Sweeter than ♪
1221
01:22:49,235 --> 01:22:53,773
♪ The honey dew ♪
1222
01:22:53,773 --> 01:22:56,798
♪ Sweeter than sugar ♪
1223
01:22:56,798 --> 01:22:59,341
♪ From candy too ♪
1224
01:22:59,341 --> 01:23:02,508
♪ This is my love ♪
1225
01:23:08,205 --> 01:23:12,741
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ This is my love ♪
1226
01:23:12,741 --> 01:23:17,741
♪ This is my love, this
is my love ♪
1227
01:23:18,423 --> 01:23:22,437
♪ Always beside me ♪
♪ Run, run, run ♪
1228
01:23:22,437 --> 01:23:25,823
- Hey, Rich, fucking guy is
shooting heroin in your bar.
1229
01:23:27,230 --> 01:23:28,790
- Fucking
I'll deal, I'll deal with--
1230
01:23:28,790 --> 01:23:31,060
- All right.
- Hey, Jimmy, Jimmy,
1231
01:23:31,060 --> 01:23:34,320
come on, man, this is
no fucking answer, okay?
1232
01:23:34,320 --> 01:23:37,073
Come on, hey, come on.
1233
01:23:40,118 --> 01:23:43,843
Sit down, hey, sit the
fuck down, you wanna help?
1234
01:23:43,843 --> 01:23:46,070
Clean this shit up, come on.
1235
01:23:46,070 --> 01:23:49,233
- Come on, man.
- Jimmy, let's go.
1236
01:23:49,233 --> 01:23:53,197
Let's talk a walk.
- Keep that fuck away from me.
1237
01:23:56,918 --> 01:23:57,751
Shit.
1238
01:23:58,657 --> 01:24:03,657
♪ Pain in my heart ♪
1239
01:24:03,680 --> 01:24:08,680
♪ All my dreams are forsaken ♪
1240
01:24:11,480 --> 01:24:16,277
♪ My, baby ♪
1241
01:24:52,760 --> 01:24:53,860
- Hi, I'm Toby.
1242
01:24:54,920 --> 01:24:58,026
I'm a drunk, I got three days now.
1243
01:25:01,890 --> 01:25:05,460
- Hi, I'm Freddy, I'm an alcoholic.
1244
01:25:05,460 --> 01:25:07,480
By the grace of God, one day at a time,
1245
01:25:07,480 --> 01:25:10,214
I'll have six months tomorrow.
1246
01:25:10,214 --> 01:25:13,314
- All right.
1247
01:25:13,314 --> 01:25:15,520
- Hi, my name is Lucy, I'm cross addicted
1248
01:25:15,520 --> 01:25:16,563
and it's seven days.
1249
01:25:20,550 --> 01:25:24,110
- My name is Tom, I'm an
alcoholic and a pothead
1250
01:25:24,110 --> 01:25:25,663
and I have 10 days back.
1251
01:25:34,980 --> 01:25:35,813
- Jim.
1252
01:25:38,440 --> 01:25:39,573
I'm an alcoholic.
1253
01:25:42,452 --> 01:25:43,683
I drank last night.
1254
01:25:48,086 --> 01:25:50,457
I'm back where I started again.
1255
01:25:57,404 --> 01:25:59,987
In 24 hours, I'll have one day.
97083
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