Original subtitles

TODAY WAS SO CRAZY. MELISSACALL IN SICK AGAIN.

I FORGOT POOR MRS. HIRSCH UNDER THE DRYER. FOR AN HOUR.

IT'S TIME TO FOUND A JUNIORSTYLIST.

I KNOW.

SO. EM.

WHAT'RE YOUR BIG PLANS FORTHE WEEKEND?

GOT ANY 'HOT DATES'?

NO, MR. SIMPSON.

EMMA'S BEEN WORKING REALLY HARDON HER SCIENCE FAIR PROJECT.

OH GREAT! WHAT'S IT ON, AGAIN?

THE EFFECT OF A HEALTHYBREAKFAST ON SCHOOLPERFORMANCE.

THE BETTER YOU EAT,THE BETTER YOU PERFORM.

OH THAT'S VERY IMPRESSIVE.

THANK YOU MR. SIMPSON.

EMMA, MR. SIMPSON IS FINE FORSCHOOL

BUT WHEN WE'RE HERE - I'D LIKEIT IF YOU CALLED ME ARCHIE.

WOULD YOU PASS THE KUNG PAO...MR. SIMPSON?

? WHAT EVER IT TAKES

? I KNOW I CAN MAKE IT THROUGH

? IF I HOLD OUT

? I KNOW I CAN MAKE IT THROUGH

? BE THE BEST

? THE BEST THAT I CAN BE

? HEAR WHAT I SAY TO YOU

? WHAT EVER IT TAKES

? I KNOW I CAN MAKE IT

? I KNOW I CAN MAKE IT THROUGH

HOW MANY?

FORTY-EIGHT. FOURTEEN MORE THANYOU DID LAST WEEK,

WHEN YOU WERE EATING JUNK.

EVERY TIME I TURN AROUND, THEREHE IS. AT HOME, AT SCHOOL.

CAN YOU EVER GET TOO MUCHMR. SIMPSON?

UH, YEAH?

HE CAME OVER AGAIN FOR DINNERLAST NIGHT -

AND GUESS WHAT HE ASKED ME.

WHAT?

IF I HAD A 'HOT DATES'THIS WEEK-END.

EW! GROSS!

YOU WANT GROSSER?

HE WANTS ME TO CALL HIM BY HISFIRST NAME - ARCHIE.

DOES THAT MAKE YOUR MOM BETTY?

I ALWAYS THOUGHT SHE WAS MOREOF A VERONICA TYPE.

WE'D HAVE FUN ON A DATE, GUARANTEED.

ALL I NEED IS YOUR PHONE NUMBER.

JIMMY YOUR EX IS MY NEW BESTFRIEND. YOU'RE CUTE, BUT NO.

MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE.

SENIOR STUDENTS PLEASE NOTE

THAT GYM CLASSES ARE CANCELED TODAY FOR JUNIOR SCIENCE FAIR.

STORY OF MY LIFE, EH.

COME ON, LET'S GO.

CAN'T. MY BAT. IT'S WOODEN.

SORRY, MY EARS WERE PLUGGED.SORRY.

I HAVE A BONER.

AND IT'S BEEN LIKE THIS ALLWEEK.

A GIRL WALKS BY AND BAM!

IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF EMMA'S STUPID SCIENCE PROJECT.

WHAT DOES THE PROJECT HAVE TODO WITH IT?

SHE MADE ME EAT GRANOLA.AND FRUIT.

BANANAS DON'T GIVE YOU BONERS.HORMONES DO.

ALL I KNOW IS I ATE SOMEHEALTHY FOOD

AND I'M LIKE THE SEX SUPERMAN.

YOU'RE A SUPER FREAK. LET'S GO.

JIMMY, I'M STILL IN THE RED.

I DON'T KNOW WHATI'M DOING- HERE.

A BINDER-BONER-SHIELD. THANKS.

ALL RIGHT, THE FAIR IS TOMORROWAT NINE SHARP.

WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE SOME OF YOUALMOST FINISHED --

AND LOOKING AROUND, LOOKS LIKESOME OF YOU ARE LAGGING BEHIND.

DOES ANY ONE NEED ANY HELP?

YES PLEASE, MS. HATZILAKOS.

EM, YOUR PROJECT IS GONNA BE SOAWESOME.

I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH WORKYOU DID.

YOU ARE SO GONNA WIN.

UM, NO.

MY PROJECT ON THE EFFECTS OFLIGHT DEPRIVATION

ON HOUSEHOLD PLANTS

IS SO DETAILED, SO THOROUGH,IT IMPRESSES EVEN ME. SORRY!

DON'T LET HER BUG YOU.

IT'S NOT HER. IT'S MY PROJECT.

IT'S NOT WORKING.

TWO OF THE KIDS DID BETTER EATING JUNK FOOD.

REALLY? WHO?

SPINNER MASON. AND GUESS WHOELSE?

SORRY.

WOW, WHAT'D I DO NOW?

YOU DID BETTER AFTER EATINGJUNK.

YOU FAKED MY TESTS AND RUINEDMY PROJECT.

MOI? WHY WOULD I?

I ONLY DID YOUR STUPID PROJECTFOR THE FREE FOOD.

WELL, THERE'S NO OTHEREXPLANATION.

SURE THERE IS. THE HEALTH FOODYOU EAT FOR BREAKFAST STINKS.

YEAH, AND IT'S TRYING TOESCAPE.

[BURPING]

I'M NOT EATING ANY MOREGRANOLA.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

YOU ALREADY MESSED UP MYPROJECT.

YOU MESSED UP MY LIFE.

YOUR HEALTH FOOD UNLEASHEDTHE BEAST WITHIN.

SPINNER OPEN YOUR EYES.

SORRY, ELLIE.

I HAVE TO GO NOW.

WAIT. I WANTED TO GO OVERTHESE RESULTS WITH YOU.

SPINNER -?

YOU WANT SOME ICE CREAM.

YEAH.

YEAH?

SO. HOW'S THE PROJECT?

HOW'S IT LOOK? A DISASTER.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

JT AND SPINNER ARE THE MATTER.

MY HYPOTHESIS FELL APART.

YOU KNOW EINSTEIN SAIDIMAGINATION IS MORE KEY THANKNOWLEDGE.

MAYBE YOU NEED TO GET A LITTLECREATIVE.

LOOK AT THINGS FROM ANOTHERANGLE.

GEE, THAT'S HELPFUL.

HOW HANDY TO HAVE YOU RIGHTHERE IN MY HOUSE!

WELL. GUESS I'LL LEAVE YOU TOIT THEN. GOOD NIGHT, EMMA.

MR. RADITCH? I GIVE YOU - THE WOMAN OF THE FUTURE.

DO I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THIS IS?

IT'S A REPLACEMENT FOR THESILICONE IN BREAST IMPLANTS.

ONE-HUNDRED PERCENT NATURAL.

MADE OF WATER, FLOWER AND LARD.

MR. RADITCH, WOULD YOU LIKETO SEE MY PROJECT?

YES PLEASE.

SURVEILLANCE: FRIEND OR FOE?

MY PROJECT WAS GONNA BE SOGOOD.

CHOCOLATE? IN THE MORNING?

I KNOW IT'S NO GOOD FOR ME. BUTIT TASTES LIKE... HAPPY!

MANY, WHAT DID YOU SAY?

I TASTES LIKE HAPPY. WHY?

MANNY, YOU ARE BRILLIANT!

THANK YOU.

HOUR ONE-HUNDRED AND FORTYSEVEN.

NOTICEABLE LACK OF GREEN ON THEFERN.

HOUR ONE-HUNDRED AND FORTYEIGHT.

EVEN THE CACTUS ARE BEGINNINGTO DRYING UP.

HOUR ONE-HUNDRED --

THANK YOU, LIBERTY. THAT'LL DO.

BUT THERE'S FIFTY-TWO MOREHOURS -

I'M SURE THERE ARE.

IF WE ONLY HAD ENOUGH TIME.

TWO OF HER SUBJECTS HAVEIRREGULAR RESULTS.

PLUS SHE'S NOT EVEN HERE.

WAIT.

SORRY. LAST MINUTE BURSTOF INSPIRATION.

NO PROBLEM AT ALL.

YOU'RE JUDGING?

YUP. I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR ABOUTYOUR INSPIRATION. SO GO AHEAD.

OKAY. FOR MY PROJECT,

I SET OUT TO PROVE THAT HEALTHYFOOD IS GOOD FOR YOU.

BUT AS SCIENTISTS, WE MUSTREMEMBER THE HUMAN FACTOR.

TAKE JT YORKE FOR EXAMPLE.

HIS RESULTS THREW ME.

UNTIL I REALIZED THAT CHOCOLATE AND BURRITOS MAKE HIM HAPPY.

BETTER MOOD? BETTERPERFORMANCE.

AND WHAT ABOUT SPINNER MASON?HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN HIS RESULTS?

MARGIN OF ERROR - IT MAKESSENSE, SINCE IT'S SPINNER...

IT'S A VERY ORIGINAL PROJECT.

OH I LOVE THOSE GIRLS.

YEAH ME TOO. I REALLY LOVETHEM.

STILL IN THE RED ZONE?

WHAT'RE YOU DOING?

FIGHTING THE HEALTH FOODMOLECULES.

CHEMICALS AND PRESERVATIVESARE THE ANTIDOTE.

IT'S NOT HEALTH FOOD MOLECULESGIVING YOU BONERS,

YOU REALIZE THAT.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

BECAUSE THAT'S STUPID.

YOU'RE STUPID.

ALL I'VE GOTTA DO IS GET BACKMY CHEMICAL-ENRICHED METABOLISM

AND I'LL BE MY OLD SELF.

WE'RE WAITING FOR YOU TO BEGIN.COULD YOU TWO MOVE ANY SLOWER?

MAYBE ONE DAY, PEOPLE WILLREALIZE

THAT THE WOLF IS ACTUALLYOUR FRIEND. THANK YOU.

CONGRATULATIONS ONCE AGAIN TONADIA,

FOR WINNING FIRST PRIZE INTHE GRADE SEVEN CLASS.

AND NOW, OUR FINAL AWARD.

JUNIOR SCIENCE FAIR FIRST PRIZE.

HOPE THE ENGRAVER SPELLED MYNAME RIGHT. EXCUSE ME.

AND IT GOES TO EMMA NELSON

FOR MIND/BODY CONNECTION.

CONGRATULATIONS.

ALRIGHT EMMA!

YOU'RE SO JEALOUS.

I'M NOT JEALOUS. I'M APPALLED.TEACHER'S PET WINS AGAIN...

I'VE BEEN THINKING. YOU KNOWABOUT MY CONDITION.

DO WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS?

OKAY LOOK IT'S NOT ALL BAD.

INCONVENIENT, YES.BUT IT DOES HAVE AN UPSIDE.

WHAT?

WELL, WHATEVER'S GIVING MEBONERS,

IS ALSO TURNING ME INTO A MAJORCHICK MAGNET.

GIRLS HAVE BEEN LOOKING AT ME,DIFFERENT.

DIFFERENT. LIKE YOU'RE CRAZY.

NOW TAKE THIS.

SHEILA LET ME TAKE THIS FORFREE.

SHE EVEN COMPLIMENTED ME ONMY ENSEMBLE.

WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

THAT THE ENTIRE FEMALE RACEIS A SLAVE FOR SPINNER.

SO WHY FIGHT IT? FRUITAND ONLY FRUIT FROM NOW ON!

[WHISTLE] OKAY. WE ALL HAD FUNAT THE SCIENCE FAIR,

BUT BACK TO BUSINESS.

MOTHERBOARDS.

NOW, AS YOU CAN SEE, THIS ONE HAS NO FRONT-SIDE BUS.

OH NO. OH NO. OH NO. OH NO.

MANNY!

OH, SORRY.

OH LORDY.

EMMA WHAT'S WRONG?

DON'T LOOK AT YOUR E-MAIL.

MISS SANTOS. YOU WILL SEE MEIMMEDIATELY AFTER CLASS.

THANK YOU.

I'LL BE CALLING YOU.

ELLIE'S NUMBER!

JIMMY. I'M A LOVER NOT AFIGHTER.

OKAY, OKAY LISTEN. EVOLUTIONCLASS?

CHARLES DERWIN SAID THAT

MANKIND MUST SPREAD HIS SEED TOSURVIVE.

SO DATING ELLIE IS JUST PARTOF MY HUMAN DUTY.

ITS DARWIN. THE GUY'S NAME WASDARWIN. THERE IS NO DERWIN.

WHATEVER.

HAVE YOU CONSIDERED CHANGINGYOUR DIET?

BECAUSE WITH A LITTLE BIT OFHEALTH FOOD

THIS COULD HAVE BEEN YOURS.

AND NOW I HAVE TO WRITE ATHOUSAND WORD ESSAY

ON INTERNET PRIVACY!

SO IT'S TRUE?

SIMPSON IS DATING MY MOM. YES.

AND NOW EVERYONE KNOWS.EMBARRASSING.

OF COURSE, I WAS A VICTIM OFGOSSIP LAST YEAR.

SO I SYMPATHIZE.

THANKS, LIBERTY.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT WHAT WE'REGOING TO DO.

ABOUT WHAT?

THERE WAS A JUDGING BIAS INYOUR FAVOUR.

SIMPSON'S DATING YOUR MOM.

SO?

SO HIS BIAS DOESN'T BOTHER YOU?

DON'T LISTEN TO HER, EM.

SHE CAN MAKE UP HER OWN MIND.IT SHOULD BOTHER YOU.

BECAUSE YOU, EMMA NELSON,ARE A WOMAN OF CONSCIENCE.

ONE SIMPLE SOLUTION -TURN IN THE AWARD.

MR. SIMPSON?

I KNOW. WHAT HAPPENED WITHMANNY WAS UNFORTUNATE.

YEAH IT WAS A MISTAKE.

WE'RE BOTH SORRY ABOUT IT.

OKAY. FAIR ENOUGH.

ANYTHING ELSE, EM?

SO I DON'T GET PUNISHED?JUST MANNY?

SHE SENT THE EMAIL -

YEAH BUT I TOLD HER ABOUT YOUAND MOM.

THERE'S NOTHING TO HIDE, EM.WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT?

KIDS ARE TALKING.

THAT I WON THE AWARD BECAUSEOF FAVORITISM.

WHAT?

WELL IT'S TRUE. WHEN GUYS LIKEYOU DATE SINGLE MOMS

THEY ALWAYS TRY TO BRIBETHE KIDS.

GUYS LIKE ME?

WE NEED TO DISCUSS THIS -LATER.

NO, WE'RE GONNA DISCUSS THISNOW!

EMMA CLASS IS ABOUT TO START.

I DON'T CARE! YOU'RE BIASED!JUST ADMIT IT ARCHIE!

EMMA, YOU WON THE AWARD ON YOUROWN MERITS.

THE RUNNER-UP, LIBERTY VANZANDT,

MADE A STRONG EFFORT BUT THEJUDGES THOUGHT IT LACKED FLAIR.

YOURS WAS EXCITINGAND ORIGINAL.

ORIGINAL, EXCIDING. OF COURSE,YOU'RE GOING TO SAY.

BECAUSE IT'S THE TRUTH!

I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT FELTTHAT WAY.

LOOK AT THE JUDGING SHEETS.

OK. ENOUGH TIME LEFT FORIMPROV!

WE NEED TWO VOLUNTEERS.NOMINEES?

I'M GONNA GO WITH PAIGE...

AND SPINNER!

DON'T! YOU KNOW I CAN'T! JIMMY!

WHAT'S THE SITUATION?

SITUATION. SPINNER'S DELIVERINGA PACKAGE.

AND PAIGE IS A LONELYHOUSEWIFE. VERY LONELY.

MA'AM, I HAVE A PACKAGE FORYOU.

I BET YOU DO, BIG BOY.

YEAH SO JUST TAKE IT AND SIGN,OKAY?

WHAT'S YOUR HURRY, YOU BIGHANDSOME HUNK OF MAN?

WHY DON'T YOU BRING THAT PACKAGE IN FOR A LITTLE DRINK?

NO, NO I CAN'T. BECAUSE I HATEYOU.

SHH. I WON'T SIGN UNLESS YOUCOME IN - AND HAVE SOMETHING.

GAVIN. WE NEED TO SEE YOUR FACESO WE CAN HEAR YOU.

MS. KWAN, I CAN'T.

OKAY. NOW THAT'S WHY NO ONESHOULD EVER WEAR TRACK PANTS.

HEY SPIN. AND HOW'S LITTLESPINNER DOING TODAY?

ARE YOU STILL IN THE RED?

LITTLE SPINNER IS HIDING.

AND YOU SHOULD BE TOO.BECAUSE I'M GONNA KILL YOU.

COME ON. IT WAS FUNNY.

FOR YOU. FOR ME IT WAS JUSTBRUTAL.

YOU CAN'T SPEND THE REST OFYOUR HORMONAL LIFE LIKE THIS.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT.IT'S THE HEALTH FOOD.

FOR THE LAST TIME, FOOD HASNOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

SHEILA? CAN YOU COME HERE FOR A SECOND?

WHAT CAN I DO YOU FOR, LADIES?

QUESTION. DOES FOOD- HEATH FOODHELP GET MEN IN THE MOOD?

WELL THEY SAY CLAMS DO.

BUT I COOKED 'EM FOR THE HUBBYAND ALL HE GOT WAS GAS.

OKAY SAY YOU KNEW A TEENAGER AND HE WAS ALWAYS IN THE RED.

WOULD FOOD HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT?

FOOD?

YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING.

AT YOUR AGE IT'S ALL ABOUTHORMONES.

SEE?

DON'T WORRY, JIMMY, IT'S JUSTA STAGE.

A HORMONAL HICCUP.

IT'LL PASS.

I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE THINKSIT'S ME.

WELL I MEAN. WHY NOT? IT'SALL ABOUT THE HORMONES, RIGHT?

COULD HAPPEN TO ANYONE.

I NEVER WIN ANYTHING!

LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE ON A STREAK.

FIRST ME AND NOW THECENTREPIECE.

HEY EMMA.

I SHOULD PROBABLY GET GOING.

MR. SIMPSON - CAN I TALK TO YOUFIRST?

I WAS A BIT OF A FREAK TODAY.

YOU WERE CONCERNED.

YOUR MOM AND I PUT YOU IN ANUNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION.

NO KIDDING.

IT WOULD'VE BEEN NICE IF YOUHADN'T OF DONE IT IN FRONT OFMY CLASS.

YOU KNOW I CARE ABOUT YOURMOTHER.

NO. IT'S NOT ABOUT THAT.

IT'S ABOUT ME, IN SCHOOL.

AND EVERYONE THINKING I'M YOURLITTLE PET.

I PROMISE, I'LL TREAT YOUEXACTLY THE WAY I TREATEVERYONE ELSE.

THAT WON'T MATTER. PEOPLE THEYTHINK WHAT THEY WANT TO THINK.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE -

WE SHOULD JUST TRANSFER YOU OUTOF MY CLASS?

NO.

OR YOUR MOM AND I SHOULD STOPDATING.

I DON'T WANT THAT EITHER...

YOU KNOW I WAS PROUD OF YOUTODAY.

THE WAY YOU SAVED YOUR PROJECTAT THE VERY LAST SECOND?

WAS VERY, VERY COOL.

AND VERY DESERVING OF FIRSTPLACE. OKAY?

OKAY. THANKS... SNAKE.

NO PROBLEM, EMMERS.

ARCHIBALD.

EMMALADA.

THE SNAKESTER.

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