Original subtitles

Whoa! Check out that pair!

That guy has even bigger ones!

Good eye, Barry.

Those are the best calves we've seen all day.

Just think, after we get our calf implants

from Dr. Kalgary,

we'll be the ones admired byall the school boys in the park.

Oh! It's 10:00!

We better get to the Big Bushif we want to avoid the rush.

Ah, the Big Bush.

Full of cigarettes and money

we don't wantour parents to know about.

And porno.

Good morning, gentlemen. Are you here to make a deposit?

Au contraire, Lil' Pete.

Today we're pullin' out.

We've been saving our money for a year

to get calf implants together --hey!

There's only $300 here!

Because Steven Smith withdrew$100 last week.

You what?!

I'm sorry!

I didn't know how to tell you.

But there was a sale on Fjallraven backpacks.

I was powerless!

I mean, look how cool it is!

Wait, you're wearing it now?

Yeah, duh, look.

It's made from the scrotum of a duck.

See, Toshi likes it.

♪ Good morning, U.S.A.

♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪

♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪

♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪

♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say

♪ Good -- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A.

Aah!

♪ Good morning, U.S.A.

How could you, Steve?

We were supposed to get perfect calves as a group!

Listen, I know what I didwas kind of selfish.

But I figured out how tomake some fast cash

so we can still get our calf implants.

The "Help Wanted" section of thepaper is an untapped gold mine.

Pachanga Morongo!

We got a winner!

"Human Crash Test Dummy."

Sounds like a blast! I'm in!

Sounds dangerous.

Oh, less crashy more rashy.

"Penis Cream Tester Wanted."

Cream is delicious! I'm in!

How 'bout this one?

"Man Stares At You."

For 10 bucks an hour?

Anything that easy must be a sex thing.

That's been my experience! I'm in!

Finger blast!

Psychology experiment pays $25

for a weekend!

And it's at our school!

It's only $25, Steve.

We'd all have to do it to make up for your mistake.

Hey, we're friends.

And as a sign of good faith,

you can each store one item in my backpack.

It has to be really small though.

Cool, let me put in this Tungsten molecule.

Whoa, Tungsten?

That's, uh, quite a few protons, Barry.

Can't blame a guy for trying.

I have news about the C.I.A.'slong-time groundskeeper,

Billy Kloops.

Kloopsy? That guy's amazing.

Let me guess, he got laid? Yes, Stan.

He did get laid. To rest.

Low five!

It turns outKloops had no living relatives.

And since you're the only onewho seems to know who he was,

I guess it's up to you to throwout his one worldly possession.

In other news, our air conditioner repairman

Denny Kergill didget laid!

And it was epic!

Anyone who wants to hear thedetails, meet me in my office!

[ Cheering ]

Man: Wait for me, wait for me!

[ Leaf blower whirring ]

The ad said the experimentstarted here

in the big red circle.

Now we're just waiting forDr. F. Lance Shoeman.

[ Door opens ]

Hi.

I suppose I could have chosen a closer door.

Dammit, Roger.

But we need the money.

Hello.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm Professor F. Lance Shoeman and as a scientist,

the most important thing to me is data-- dadda?

Doida? Data?

Please hold your questions.

This is a prison experiment.

Half of you will be prisoners, half of you will be guards.

And we're going to fill binders on top of binders with derda

about how your roles at the prison

affect how you treat each other.

Guys, we're in this together, so let's take care of each other

no matterif we're guards or prisoners.

Let's divide you up.

You're a guard.

Guard.

Oh, man, looks like we got to be the inmates.

Guard. Definitely.

Then I'm the only --

Geeeeyard!

Shit. Need more people.

Okay. So we know we have our guards over here,

which means over here we have our guard, guard, guard.

Dammit!

Okay, this time I'm just gonna alternate words

so there are no mistakes.

Guard, guard, guard, guard, guard, guard, guard.

[ Screams ]

Okay, we did it.

Prisoners. Guards.

In our prison, this gym is the yard,

the locker rooms are the cells,

and the equipment room is the equipment room.

Just stay out of there.

There's nothing in there but a parachute,

a stack of cones, some floor hockey sticks,

bunch of loose flag football belts --

Dammit, now I want to go in there!

No, no, you have an experiment!

Aaand go!

Make data for my binders!

I guess we should getthe inmates to their cells.

Number Three, get to your cell.

Okay, buddy.

I'm not your buddy, pal.

I don't understand.

Number Three, down on all fours!

Mount your horsey, Number One!

I do not like thiiiis.

Neigh, Number Three!

Neigh like a horsey!

Neeeeeigh.

Wow, this is escalating quickly.

Good data. Good data.

Wish I had a penand not a green plastic soldier.

Honey, I've been meaning toask you, what's with the blower?

He's in mourning!

Kloops died.

What's a Kloops?

Kloops was a man, Hayley.

A man who your father was very close with.

Yeah, well, I want to get right close to those mashed potatoes.

Hook me up.

Aah!

Geez, Hayley, save some for the rest of us!

People say it sucks to bein prison, but I think it's fun.

I'm gonna make Billy and Tuttle kiss again.

B-b-b-bad news!

You were so hard onthe prisoners they all quit.

Buuut, g-g-good news!

Massive upgrade on the prisoner front

because it turns outyou can rent real prisoners

as long as you keep an eye on 'em

and promise they won't get out.

Which is perfect'cause you guys are guards.

Meet Fang, Bonesaw, and Nathaniel.

Experiment, back on!

You're mine now!

Get ready to slide!

[ Grunts ] - [ Yelps ]

This is incredible.

The prisoners have seized power from the guards.

[ Fang grunts ]

How did this happen?

Yesterday we were fake guards and now we're real prisoners!

Maybe this is part of the experiment.

Barry's right!

I know a few thingsabout F. Lance Shoeman,

and there's no way he lostcontrol of the experiment.

[ Door slams ]

I've lost control of the experiment!

And what's worse, I lost control of my binders.

We're in charge now.

And we're gonna drag this experiment out

till the first day of school.

But we'll miss the prison talent show!

Uh, yeah.

And all the bad food and the cold showers

and all that darn smoking we have to do to look tough.

[ Leaf blower whirring ]

♪♪

♪♪

Stan, I knowKloops meant a lot to you.

But you have to talk about this.

If it festers insideyou'll --

Damn, my mouth got real big!

I can't watch you do this anymore, Stan!

You're pushing us away!

[ Screams ]

[ Groans ]

Barry hungry.

Barry hasn't eatenin almost half an hour.

This is inhumane!

Hey, we need some food!

Our friend's about to die!

This is Dr. Shoeman now!

I need my binders to recordthis boy's death!

Oh, God!

Stick with us, son.

The binders are coming.

Shut up in here!

H-He needs food!

We all demand food and binders!

Oh, so everyone's standing up to me

except four-eyes over there.

Steve, stand with us!

♪ Sometimes my hearing goes away ♪

♪ I can't hear what my friends say ♪

What are you doing?

♪ And one of those times is today ♪

Oh, we got a little Song Bird here!

Guys, I know everyone's bummed

we're missing the prison talent show.

But fear not!

I brought a little Song Bird!

I thought I was your Song Bird!

Why would you think that?

[ Off-key ] ♪ You...

Wow! Look at this pantry!

They've got San Marzanos, mozzarella, white truffles?

Lunch lady been holding out on us!

You can cook, Song Bird?

I'm sick of all these meat Popsicles.

Those are frozen Salisbury steaks.

You're supposed to heat themin the oven.

Oh, Jiro dreams of sushi over here!

The kitchen is yours, Song Bird.

♪ Bop-do-dat-do-dit, do-dit-bopbona ♪

♪ Bada-bo-bop-do-da-do-do-doh

♪ Buona sera, signorina, buona sera ♪

♪ It is time to say goodnight to Napoli ♪

♪ Though it's hard for us to whisper buona sera ♪

♪ With that old moon above the Mediterranean Sea ♪

Sorry we didn't save you any, Steve.

Oh, I'm good. I ate with Fang and the guys.

"The guys"?

What are they, your best friends now?

Maybe you should go get calf implants with them.

What? No.

They have great calvesalready.

Uh, look, I'm, um, tryingto get on their good side

so I can get us all out of here.

Uh...

Whoa, is Dr. Shoeman okay?

You got anyone waitingfor you on the outside?

I gota sweet little lady.

Okay, uh, you rest up, buddy.

There's a little pocketon the inside for papers

that you don't know where they go yet.

I'm sorry, I have a really clear memory of you

dying in an escalator accident.

Doesn't sound like something I'd do.

So, how can I help youthis morning?

[ Leaf blower whirring ]

It's Stan.

Ever since Kloops died, he won't say a word

and he won't take that blower off.

Yes. I see.

Classic seven stagesof blowing.

I have an idea.

Stan, I understand thatyou don't want to talk.

Do you mind if I have a wordwith your blower?

Hiiii. How are yooooou?

Stan saaaaad.

[ Gasps ] He's still in there.

I'd be bored ifI weren't so hungry.

I wonder what's taking Steve so long.

I hope he's okay.

Steve: Please, don't! Please!

I can't handle it!

You're killin' me!

Barry, get over here.

"The last time I wentto my doctor's butt,

I had to take off all my boobs."

[ Laughter ]

Please!

These Mad Libs are too funny!

[ Laughter ]

Fresh towels!

So you guys can shower!

Those are napkins!

Yeah, for dryingyour ungrateful bodies.

[ Scoffs ]What?

We saw you laughin' it up with your buddies.

Yeah, it's all part of the plan.

They're starting to give memore freedom.

Which...

I'm gonna use to find usa way out of here.

Well, hurry up, Steve.

The doctor's losing it!

Data. Data.

Data-data-data.

Data, data-data-data.

I've encoded the data!

Can't believe Snot and those guys think

I only look out for myself.

I only ever think of them -- Ooh!

Bonesaw loves hen of the woods mushrooms.

Fang's olives!

Nooooo!

Oh, sweet, free olive!

The drain is a way out.

I got to free the guys.

Oh, man.

Door's guarded.

Well, I've done everything I could.

Should be a straight shot to the street.

How did the olive know which way to go?!

[ Cries ]

Sweet sunlight!

[ Light bulb humming ]

The sun is so loud today.

Welcome to the pizza party, bud!

Experiment's over!

But Fang, Bonesaw, Nathaniel -- they're criminals!

Pshaw. White collar!

Their real names are Frank, Bernie, and Nutcutter.

They're being rehabilitated by the system.

So there was no real danger?

The only real part was when you ditched your friends.

That was real.

Real [bleep] up!

Help yourself to some pizza.

All that's left is the barbecue chicken.

It's a Southern take on an Italian classic.

You'll love it. Nobody else did, but you will.

Good experiment. Good experiment.

Good experiment.

Good experiment.

This is only three bucks!

You said $25!

Minus the expenses.

Did you like eating your pizza off "Teen Titans" plates?

But we need a hundred bucksor we won't have

enough moneyfor our calf implants.

Well, the three of us have enough money.

What? I thought we were gonna do this together!

Oh, now you're interestedin doing things together.

Well, here's some moneyto get you started.

Once again, I have no idea why I'm doing what I'm doing!

Stan, I want to congratulate you

on the swift progress you've made,

but now it's timeto take off the blower.

Noooot ready!

But maybe you can grievefor him another way.

I'm listening.

You mentioned Kloops alwayswanted to blow the central quad

but he didn't havethe security clearance.

Stan, you have that clearance.

[ Leaf blower whirring ]

♪♪

It's me, the great Billy Kloops!

Thank you for making my dream come true, Stan.

Now blow me to heaven, old friend!

♪♪

Whoa! [ Screaming ]

Aaaaah!

What do you know? I do feel better.

[ Steve panting ]

Guys, you're right.

Leaving you behind wasn't my finest hour.

I know I don't deserve calves, but we're still best friends!

Uh, correction.

Weare still best friends.

I'm so sorry for what I did.

You're very generouswith your "sorrys"

but selfishwith everything else.

That was remarkably well put, Barry.

Don't patronize me.

Oh, God, it was terrible!

Mertz withdrew his nunchucksand then he robbed me with 'em!

But he left the money?

No, you moron!

He took everything!

The bush is empty!

That money would have beenin our calves by now

if it weren't for you, Steve.

You ruined our lives!

We never want to see you again!

It's good to know I can at leaststill count on you, Tosh.

A-no! Thank you.

No! Yes.

No! No! No!

Now you've lost me, Tosh. But we're cool, right?

So that's when I realizedI had been selfish.

And now I need to earn $300

for my friends' calves.

It's not for drugs? Usually it's for drugs.

Well, if friendship is a dr-- Aaaah!

Here's $4.

You said $20.

There's gonna be a pizza party.

Apply it to area.

Okay. And how soon tillit takes effec-- Aaah!

It burns! It burns!

Dr. Slippy!

Your penis burning cream works!

We gon' be rich!

[ Laughs ]

[ Timer dings ]

I got another hour in meif you do.

I do.

This is an experiment in pain tolerance.

The more pain you take, the more money you make.

Fine. But there better not be apizza party at the end of this.

Oh, no, no, no, no pizza party.

You'll get your full half of the money.

Half? We're both working.

Are you being selfish again?

No, no, I'm not.

Give me the shocks! And keep 'em coming!

Oh, selfish boy wants all the shocks --

Roger! Okay, okay.

I'm shockin', I'm shockin'.

Alright, here's the first shock --

I've never seen the movie "Titanic."

Just kidding, here's a real one.

[ Electricity zaps ]Aah!

Give me another one!

Coming right -- Aaaah!

Aaaaaah!

Aaaaaaaaaah!

Ah!

I almost have enough money!

I'm almost there!

[ Breathing heavily ] Yeah, I'm almost there too.

Turnin' the voltage up.

Fair warning, this one might burn your brain.

Might be a brain-burner.

Whatever it takes!

My friends need their calves!

[ Groans ]

I said I'm ready!

Shock me!

Barry: How's this for a shock?

We're friends again!

Steve, it's over!

You've proved to us you're not selfish.

But I almost got your money.

We don't care about the calves anymore.

We just want our friend back.

And we want him back alive.

I don't deserve friendslike you.

No, you don't.

But you got 'em anyways.

Barry, why'd you put a beltaround the doctor's neck?

That was...

already there.

I was conducting an experiment!

[ Don Henley's "The Boys of Summer" playing ]

I can't believe Dr. Kalgary

gave us all calf implants for 50 bucks.

And threw in butt implantsfor free!

♪♪

Check out the lower leg lollipops on those big boys!

I think I'm gonna likehigh school.

It's good to be back with my best buds.

♪ Nobody on the road Four-way high-five?

♪ Nobody on the beach

♪ I feel it in the air

Have a great night!