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For generations of high-schoolers,
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00:00:36,140 --> 00:00:38,222
you could only be a jock, a geek,
3
00:00:39,700 --> 00:00:42,067
a princess, a bully, or a basket case.
4
00:00:42,220 --> 00:00:43,824
But times have changed.
5
00:00:43,980 --> 00:00:45,550
Jocks play video games.
6
00:00:45,700 --> 00:00:47,907
Princesses are on antidepressants.
7
00:00:48,060 --> 00:00:50,586
And geeks basically run the country.
8
00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:53,507
I thought we were living
in a brave new world,
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00:00:53,660 --> 00:00:54,707
a place without labels.
10
00:00:56,060 --> 00:00:58,347
But every so often, there's that
one moment in high school
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00:00:58,500 --> 00:01:01,185
that changes your perspective
on everything.
12
00:01:02,260 --> 00:01:03,341
Showtime.
13
00:01:03,500 --> 00:01:06,868
And for me, it happened senior year,
about a month before homecoming.
14
00:01:07,540 --> 00:01:10,146
I was cruising the halls
with my two best friends.
15
00:01:10,300 --> 00:01:11,461
Jess Harris.
16
00:01:15,340 --> 00:01:18,264
I would bang her so hard,
we'd both need helmets.
17
00:01:25,420 --> 00:01:27,741
Yeah, that's not me.
18
00:01:27,900 --> 00:01:29,504
Casey Cordero.
19
00:01:33,540 --> 00:01:35,542
- I would play "Call of Duty" with her
- Yeah.
20
00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:38,067
- All night.
- Wait, what?
21
00:01:38,220 --> 00:01:40,985
And bang her hard too,
to the point of needing helmets.
22
00:01:41,140 --> 00:01:42,630
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- That too, yeah.
23
00:01:55,180 --> 00:01:56,909
Nope, not me, either.
24
00:01:57,060 --> 00:01:59,870
Shaw's over. Just Bianca.
25
00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:07,064
That's me.
26
00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:14,829
Martin Van Buren. Nickelback.
27
00:02:16,140 --> 00:02:17,551
Antidisestablishmentarianism.
28
00:02:26,460 --> 00:02:28,747
Jess has the hottest ass.
29
00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:31,267
Casey has the hottest rack.
30
00:02:31,420 --> 00:02:35,027
Bianca, she has the hottest friends.
31
00:02:35,180 --> 00:02:36,625
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
32
00:02:39,220 --> 00:02:40,824
Homecoming tickets, homecoming.
33
00:02:40,980 --> 00:02:42,948
Hey, get your homecoming tickets now.
34
00:02:43,100 --> 00:02:45,671
- Half price now or double at the door.
- We're gonna be late.
35
00:02:45,820 --> 00:02:47,504
Hey, Jess. Hey, Casey.
Homecoming tickets?
36
00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:50,067
- Oh, we bought ours online.
- All right, cool. See you there.
37
00:02:50,220 --> 00:02:53,429
- Thanks.
- And I will not be attending, so...
38
00:02:53,620 --> 00:02:56,100
Oh, my God, you do this
before every dance.
39
00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:58,103
Yeah, but I don't feel like going.
40
00:02:58,700 --> 00:03:01,306
There's a Vincent Price marathon on,
so I gotta watch that.
41
00:03:01,460 --> 00:03:03,030
Who's that?
42
00:03:04,020 --> 00:03:07,024
Shit, there's Señor Gomez.
I'm failing Spanish.
43
00:03:24,180 --> 00:03:25,227
Okay.
44
00:03:25,380 --> 00:03:27,303
Mini Stalin, dead ahead.
45
00:03:27,460 --> 00:03:29,189
Meet Madison Morgan.
46
00:03:29,340 --> 00:03:32,742
As she would tell you herself,
she's the hottest girl in school.
47
00:03:32,900 --> 00:03:34,425
Even the gay guys wanna date her.
48
00:03:34,620 --> 00:03:37,066
I would totally bang the shit
out of her.
49
00:03:37,220 --> 00:03:38,301
But I wouldn't like it.
50
00:03:43,940 --> 00:03:45,590
Love.
51
00:03:50,460 --> 00:03:51,666
Sorry.
52
00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:54,909
So, yeah, she was a bitch.
53
00:03:55,100 --> 00:03:57,751
Were we fake friends with her? Kind of.
54
00:03:58,100 --> 00:04:01,547
Girls, party at my place.
I'm sure you've heard of it.
55
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:04,067
Can you make sure you get
an insert shot of them opening it?
56
00:04:04,220 --> 00:04:05,381
Yep, on it.
57
00:04:05,540 --> 00:04:08,464
Oh, yeah, I'm doing a video about
the party for my YouTube channel.
58
00:04:08,620 --> 00:04:11,351
Wow, wait, you're having a party
on a Wednesday?
59
00:04:11,500 --> 00:04:14,151
- On a school night?
- Yeah, I can do that.
60
00:04:14,300 --> 00:04:15,790
Damn, dude. All right.
61
00:04:15,940 --> 00:04:17,351
Well, yeah, we're in.
62
00:04:19,540 --> 00:04:23,022
Bianca, you have to
have an actual invite to get in,
63
00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:24,591
and I only have a certain amount.
64
00:04:24,740 --> 00:04:27,949
But if anything changes,
I'll let you know.
65
00:04:28,260 --> 00:04:29,989
- Problem solved.
- Oh, hey.
66
00:04:30,180 --> 00:04:31,625
Look at that.
67
00:04:32,220 --> 00:04:33,824
Wonderful.
68
00:04:34,780 --> 00:04:36,942
Can't wait.
Should I bring anything or...?
69
00:04:37,140 --> 00:04:38,744
We'll... Okay.
70
00:04:40,060 --> 00:04:43,189
Anupam and Lena, where are we
on the school lunch article?
71
00:04:44,300 --> 00:04:48,464
We thought we would make it about
how the prices of ice cream
72
00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:51,146
have gone up 15 cents
in the cafeteria and...
73
00:04:51,300 --> 00:04:53,951
That's a bit vanilla. Pardon the pun.
74
00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:56,831
But you're missing the meat
of the story.
75
00:04:56,980 --> 00:04:59,062
Our school serves pizza
five days a week,
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00:04:59,220 --> 00:05:01,507
paid by taxpayer money
77
00:05:01,660 --> 00:05:05,267
that is used to cover us
against pizza-induced diabetes.
78
00:05:05,460 --> 00:05:07,508
Now that's a school lunch story.
79
00:05:07,660 --> 00:05:09,503
Copy that, circle it, write it.
80
00:05:10,620 --> 00:05:12,463
Nailed it. I'm so proud of me.
81
00:05:12,620 --> 00:05:14,543
We came up with that idea
together, but mostly me.
82
00:05:14,700 --> 00:05:17,351
Okay, next up,
final assignment, all right?
83
00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:21,426
It's a doozy, but it's a real feather in
the cap for any reporter worth their salt
84
00:05:21,580 --> 00:05:24,026
that wants to comment on
the social life of this school.
85
00:05:24,180 --> 00:05:25,830
Anyone?
86
00:05:26,340 --> 00:05:27,466
Not all at once.
87
00:05:28,180 --> 00:05:29,511
No one?
88
00:05:30,020 --> 00:05:32,591
No one at all? Any takers?
89
00:05:32,980 --> 00:05:34,505
Bianca.
90
00:05:34,700 --> 00:05:36,509
Just the gal I was hoping for.
91
00:05:36,700 --> 00:05:38,782
Hello. Okay.
92
00:05:38,940 --> 00:05:40,908
I want you to step out
of your comfort zone
93
00:05:41,060 --> 00:05:43,904
and bring your special brand
of journalistic gravitas
94
00:05:44,060 --> 00:05:46,745
to an article about homecoming.
95
00:05:47,860 --> 00:05:50,784
Specifically, what homecoming
means to me.
96
00:05:50,940 --> 00:05:53,625
I mean, not to me. I never went
to a dance when I was a kid.
97
00:05:53,780 --> 00:05:57,182
- Kind of a nerd.
- Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Arthur,
98
00:05:57,340 --> 00:05:59,468
but with all due respect, I'm...
99
00:05:59,620 --> 00:06:04,467
You're honored and thrilled
to lend that Bianca Piper magic?
100
00:06:04,620 --> 00:06:05,951
You wanna do your thing
101
00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:08,944
and put some stuff in the words
and make it pop?
102
00:06:09,100 --> 00:06:10,909
That's so nice of you.
103
00:06:11,060 --> 00:06:13,427
You don't have to do that.
"No, you didn't. I didn't say..."
104
00:06:13,580 --> 00:06:15,070
Yes, you did. And thank...
105
00:06:15,220 --> 00:06:17,621
"No, I didn't, I didn't." Yes, you did.
106
00:06:17,780 --> 00:06:19,430
And I thank you.
107
00:06:21,740 --> 00:06:24,141
You did. And I thank you.
108
00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:26,701
Yeah, that's not where I was
going with that.
109
00:06:28,580 --> 00:06:31,823
I'm sorry,
"What Homecoming Means to Me"?
110
00:06:31,980 --> 00:06:33,425
What are we, 5 years old?
111
00:06:33,580 --> 00:06:35,230
- What is this?
- Look, I'm sorry, B.
112
00:06:35,380 --> 00:06:37,382
I know it sucks,
but maybe it's the universe
113
00:06:37,540 --> 00:06:38,985
telling you, you need to be there.
114
00:06:39,180 --> 00:06:41,069
Please, don't start
with the universe with me
115
00:06:41,220 --> 00:06:42,585
this early in the morning, okay?
116
00:06:42,740 --> 00:06:45,027
Everything and everyone can suck it.
117
00:06:45,180 --> 00:06:47,706
Okay, it's not the end of the world.
118
00:06:47,900 --> 00:06:49,584
Well, that's easy for you to say.
119
00:06:49,740 --> 00:06:51,947
- I don't have a date.
- I can fix that.
120
00:06:54,940 --> 00:06:57,147
- Jack Rebis.
- Tiny hands.
121
00:06:57,300 --> 00:06:59,348
- Mark Warshaw?
- Smells like trash.
122
00:07:00,940 --> 00:07:04,183
Charlie Piper.
123
00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:05,785
My cousin Charlie Piper?
124
00:07:06,140 --> 00:07:07,904
Well, people don't know that.
125
00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:10,347
Okay, I will keep looking.
126
00:07:10,980 --> 00:07:12,425
We'll find someone.
127
00:07:12,580 --> 00:07:15,231
Although Jess' menu of dudes
was never-ending,
128
00:07:15,380 --> 00:07:17,542
there was only one guy
I wanted to be my date.
129
00:07:18,300 --> 00:07:21,463
And that's him, Toby Tucker.
130
00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:42,350
I couldn't work up the courage
to say three words to Toby.
131
00:07:42,540 --> 00:07:44,065
No, literally, three words.
132
00:07:45,620 --> 00:07:48,464
Okay, bye.
133
00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:55,504
We're gonna kick some ass!
134
00:07:55,660 --> 00:07:57,503
- Jeez.
- I'll see you later, bro.
135
00:07:57,660 --> 00:07:59,583
You know those people you grow up with,
136
00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:02,027
maybe you took baths with them
when you were little,
137
00:08:02,220 --> 00:08:04,871
but now they just annoy
the shit out of you?
138
00:08:05,060 --> 00:08:08,382
I give you Wesley Rush.
139
00:08:19,140 --> 00:08:20,426
- Hey, neighbor.
- Wesley.
140
00:08:20,620 --> 00:08:23,021
Saw you watching some weird
Japanese horror movie last night.
141
00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:24,661
Were you spying on me?
142
00:08:24,820 --> 00:08:26,151
A, don't leave your curtains open,
143
00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:28,701
and two, it's kind of hard to miss
a bunch of Japanese people
144
00:08:28,860 --> 00:08:30,828
running and screaming for their lives.
145
00:08:30,980 --> 00:08:33,221
Looked horrible, by the way,
all that reading.
146
00:08:34,020 --> 00:08:35,431
Those would be subtitles.
147
00:08:35,580 --> 00:08:37,503
Super. Where are your girls at?
148
00:08:38,340 --> 00:08:41,787
- Who wants to know?
- The only man in your life.
149
00:08:41,940 --> 00:08:44,261
Wesley, you wouldn't be in my life
150
00:08:44,420 --> 00:08:46,900
if you were the only man
left on the planet.
151
00:08:47,380 --> 00:08:48,586
Sticks and stones, B.
152
00:08:48,740 --> 00:08:50,390
Speaking of stones, rock-hard abs.
153
00:08:50,540 --> 00:08:51,666
- No, no.
- Touch them.
154
00:08:51,820 --> 00:08:53,584
- No, no one wants that.
- Graze them.
155
00:08:53,740 --> 00:08:56,141
Hey, there you are.
156
00:08:57,500 --> 00:08:59,423
Wesley and Madison
were known around school
157
00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:01,105
as "The Relationship Strobe Light."
158
00:09:01,260 --> 00:09:04,343
On again, off again, a thousand times.
159
00:09:05,740 --> 00:09:07,230
Okay.
160
00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:12,709
Bianca. Well, this is awkw...
161
00:09:12,860 --> 00:09:18,105
Sorry, were you just hitting
on my ex-boyfriend?
162
00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:21,304
No, no. Just having some me time
at my locker.
163
00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:23,383
- He approached me.
- Totally.
164
00:09:23,540 --> 00:09:25,349
I agree. That could never happen.
165
00:09:27,260 --> 00:09:29,740
I know you miss me.
166
00:09:31,460 --> 00:09:33,224
That's a healthy thing you've got going.
167
00:09:33,380 --> 00:09:35,109
Later, B.
168
00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:40,511
B, it's a party.
169
00:09:40,700 --> 00:09:42,304
You should wear something cute.
170
00:09:42,460 --> 00:09:44,701
Here. Lots of options for you.
171
00:09:44,860 --> 00:09:47,227
How about this?
172
00:09:47,380 --> 00:09:48,427
Pretty.
173
00:09:48,620 --> 00:09:51,669
- What the hell is this, underwear?
- No, it's a camisole.
174
00:09:52,420 --> 00:09:54,991
No? Not for you? Okay.
175
00:09:55,660 --> 00:09:59,585
How about this?
It's a little darker, kind of sexy.
176
00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:04,624
Fine. Although I did hear Toby's
gonna be at the party tonight.
177
00:10:04,780 --> 00:10:06,305
Oh, like that would matter.
178
00:10:06,460 --> 00:10:08,588
I mean, it's not like
she's gonna say anything to him.
179
00:10:08,740 --> 00:10:12,631
Excuse me, I might.
180
00:10:13,140 --> 00:10:15,347
Maybe I'll, you know...
181
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,270
Yeah, on second thought,
182
00:10:18,420 --> 00:10:23,267
I think I'm just gonna stick
with the old lucky party shirt.
183
00:10:23,420 --> 00:10:25,468
- Wait for it.
- Bianca, don't do it.
184
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,271
- B.
- Says it on there.
185
00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:29,546
No.
186
00:10:29,700 --> 00:10:31,190
- And, you know, maybe...
- No.
187
00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:33,661
- ...I'll round it out with old trusty...
- Not the flannel.
188
00:10:33,820 --> 00:10:35,663
- Nice, muted tones.
- No.
189
00:10:35,820 --> 00:10:37,470
That is not a good look.
190
00:10:37,620 --> 00:10:40,351
This is a good look.
191
00:10:40,500 --> 00:10:41,547
And that's my mom.
192
00:10:42,940 --> 00:10:46,422
Three years ago my dad left her,
and she did not handle it well.
193
00:10:52,100 --> 00:10:55,104
But one night divine inspiration struck.
194
00:10:55,260 --> 00:10:57,547
You can expect to
go through five stages.
195
00:10:57,700 --> 00:11:00,306
- The first is denial.
- No way, because I'm not dying.
196
00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:03,111
- Second is anger.
- Why, you little...
197
00:11:03,500 --> 00:11:04,990
After that comes fear.
198
00:11:05,140 --> 00:11:07,188
- What's after fear? What's after fear?
- Bargaining.
199
00:11:07,340 --> 00:11:09,820
You gotta get me out of this.
I'll make it worth your while.
200
00:11:09,980 --> 00:11:13,666
- Finally, acceptance.
- Well, we all gotta go sometime.
201
00:11:13,820 --> 00:11:16,505
And just like that,
she became Dottie Piper,
202
00:11:16,660 --> 00:11:19,504
local celebrity to
the 40-and-over self-help crowd,
203
00:11:19,660 --> 00:11:21,185
all-around rock star and occasional mom.
204
00:11:26,380 --> 00:11:27,825
All right, let me tell you something.
205
00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:30,824
I was in the depression stage
about my ex,
206
00:11:30,980 --> 00:11:33,631
but I combined my ex with "depression,"
207
00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:35,748
and I got "expression."
208
00:11:37,060 --> 00:11:39,108
if you girls wanna really
knock the boys out,
209
00:11:39,260 --> 00:11:42,503
you should project boldness
with a power pantsuit combo.
210
00:11:43,380 --> 00:11:45,269
I'm gonna look like
Hillary Clinton, Mom.
211
00:11:45,420 --> 00:11:46,751
I know, right?
212
00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:50,188
Okay, kids, enjoy your party. I love you.
I have another seminar to prep for.
213
00:11:50,340 --> 00:11:52,342
- Okay, bye.
- Bye.
214
00:12:00,380 --> 00:12:02,269
- I love your outfit.
- Caitlyn, can you make sure
215
00:12:02,460 --> 00:12:03,700
you get a shot of the desserts?
216
00:12:03,860 --> 00:12:05,544
Jess, hair's looking good.
217
00:12:05,700 --> 00:12:06,986
She needs a blow-out.
218
00:12:07,140 --> 00:12:08,824
Here, Kelly, take the blue ones.
219
00:12:08,980 --> 00:12:12,268
They're sugar-free, and I know you're
trying to watch that kind of thing.
220
00:12:19,180 --> 00:12:20,306
What?
221
00:12:20,460 --> 00:12:22,940
You've got to be kidding me.
222
00:12:29,700 --> 00:12:31,350
Wesley?
223
00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:33,104
Caitlyn.
224
00:12:34,220 --> 00:12:35,870
Hey, Mads.
225
00:12:36,420 --> 00:12:38,582
Really? With this?
Does she have to film everything?
226
00:12:38,740 --> 00:12:41,630
Wesley, I'm what's known as pre-famous.
227
00:12:41,780 --> 00:12:44,306
My life is an audition for reality TV.
228
00:12:44,460 --> 00:12:47,828
So, yeah, I need
to chronicle everything.
229
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:50,189
That was a good take for me.
Get a wide shot too.
230
00:12:50,340 --> 00:12:51,830
Hey, Caitlyn, take five.
231
00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:53,266
Thanks.
232
00:12:56,180 --> 00:12:57,784
This is why we are not dating, okay?
233
00:12:57,980 --> 00:13:00,824
Because you, my friend,
are a juvenile dipshit.
234
00:13:01,020 --> 00:13:02,988
- I could be dating college guys,
- Yeah.
235
00:13:03,140 --> 00:13:06,269
Or famous people, or 30-year-olds.
236
00:13:06,420 --> 00:13:08,309
That sounds like an awesome
episode of Dateline.
237
00:13:08,460 --> 00:13:09,950
Enjoy those saggy balls.
238
00:13:10,100 --> 00:13:12,068
Fine, I will.
239
00:13:17,660 --> 00:13:19,310
Come on, man.
240
00:13:19,940 --> 00:13:22,227
Guys, I don't see Toby.
241
00:13:22,420 --> 00:13:24,548
- I don't know where Toby is.
- Come dance with us.
242
00:13:24,700 --> 00:13:25,906
Do you think he didn't come?
243
00:13:26,060 --> 00:13:28,347
- Party pooper.
- No, no, guys, I don't dance.
244
00:13:28,500 --> 00:13:30,662
Come on, B. Come on, B.
245
00:13:30,820 --> 00:13:33,505
- No, no, no.
- Yeah, you do. Come on, you dance.
246
00:13:33,660 --> 00:13:34,946
You do. Come on.
247
00:13:35,820 --> 00:13:37,709
- Come on.
- Okay.
248
00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:39,100
- There you go.
- Hey.
249
00:13:39,260 --> 00:13:41,786
- Hey.
- Look at those moves.
250
00:13:43,340 --> 00:13:44,671
- See?
- Oh, man, all this dancing,
251
00:13:44,860 --> 00:13:46,464
made me so thirsty.
I'm gonna get a drink.
252
00:13:46,620 --> 00:13:48,384
B, really?
253
00:13:58,740 --> 00:14:01,471
Let you get away
254
00:14:01,700 --> 00:14:04,180
Now, don't go away
255
00:14:04,380 --> 00:14:07,623
My darling, don't go away
256
00:14:11,260 --> 00:14:12,386
Hey, Billy.
257
00:14:12,540 --> 00:14:14,110
- No, just Bianca.
- Jesus.
258
00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:15,870
Looking very handsome tonight.
259
00:14:16,020 --> 00:14:17,545
Why, thank you.
260
00:14:17,700 --> 00:14:18,861
Having fun at the party?
261
00:14:19,060 --> 00:14:22,542
Yeah, actually, your girls
are looking incredible out there.
262
00:14:22,700 --> 00:14:24,145
Have they asked about me?
263
00:14:24,300 --> 00:14:25,950
When I told them that you were here,
264
00:14:26,100 --> 00:14:30,822
their eyes filled with this, like, sparkle,
you know, with, like, childlike wonder,
265
00:14:30,980 --> 00:14:33,347
and then they just started
dancing together.
266
00:14:33,500 --> 00:14:35,229
- It was kind of beautiful.
- Yeah, it was.
267
00:14:35,380 --> 00:14:39,180
Do they do other things together
268
00:14:39,340 --> 00:14:41,547
that I might be able to join in on
or just watch?
269
00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:44,510
I'm kidding. Not kidding at all.
Tell me everything.
270
00:14:44,660 --> 00:14:47,425
Yeah, it's actually not my job
to give you pervy intel
271
00:14:47,580 --> 00:14:50,663
- on my best friends, but thanks.
- Well, I mean, it kind of is, though.
272
00:14:50,820 --> 00:14:52,504
People ask you questions
about them, right,
273
00:14:52,660 --> 00:14:54,708
because that's your job as their DUFF.
274
00:14:55,940 --> 00:14:57,942
Sorry, as their what?
275
00:14:58,140 --> 00:15:00,268
DUFF. D-U-F-F.
276
00:15:00,420 --> 00:15:02,024
Designated Ugly Fat Friend.
277
00:15:04,660 --> 00:15:06,150
What did you just say to me?
278
00:15:06,620 --> 00:15:09,669
It's not like a big deal, okay? I mean,
like, every group of friends has one.
279
00:15:09,860 --> 00:15:12,750
The one who doesn't look as good,
thus making their friends look better.
280
00:15:12,900 --> 00:15:15,824
The one who's approachable
and easy to talk to,
281
00:15:15,980 --> 00:15:17,789
because no one's trying
to get in their pants.
282
00:15:17,940 --> 00:15:21,023
And if you don't know
who it is, chances are it's you.
283
00:15:21,180 --> 00:15:24,070
Say when. Say...
284
00:15:24,540 --> 00:15:27,623
Okay, look, I didn't mean it
like that, all right?
285
00:15:27,780 --> 00:15:30,750
The DUFF doesn't always have to be
some heinous beast, all right?
286
00:15:30,900 --> 00:15:32,584
Take a look at Robin.
287
00:15:33,540 --> 00:15:34,985
Robin's, like, super cute.
288
00:15:35,140 --> 00:15:37,905
Okay, but her friends are super hot.
289
00:15:38,740 --> 00:15:41,949
Oh, God, that is
such a guy thing to say.
290
00:15:42,140 --> 00:15:43,790
Guys can be DUFFs too, okay?
291
00:15:43,940 --> 00:15:46,102
You know my boy A.J.,
freshman on the football team?
292
00:15:46,260 --> 00:15:47,341
We're in chemistry together.
293
00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:49,867
Now he's doing the second most
important job a DUFF can do,
294
00:15:50,020 --> 00:15:52,421
acting as, like, the gatekeeper
to their better-looking friends.
295
00:15:52,580 --> 00:15:55,106
The guy with the info people go to
before they make their move.
296
00:15:55,260 --> 00:15:58,230
- Watch, watch.
- Is it true Wes is single?
297
00:15:58,380 --> 00:15:59,461
Sure is, yeah.
298
00:15:59,660 --> 00:16:02,903
Got it. Thanks, A.J. You're sweet.
299
00:16:05,620 --> 00:16:07,622
- Hi.
- Hey, Wes.
300
00:16:07,780 --> 00:16:10,226
See? She gets her info,
he gets to talk to a hot senior.
301
00:16:10,420 --> 00:16:12,548
Even got a little action.
I didn't have to do anything.
302
00:16:12,740 --> 00:16:14,504
It's kind of like us right now.
303
00:16:14,660 --> 00:16:17,550
Excuse me, that is not
like us right now.
304
00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:18,861
B, on an average day,
305
00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:21,227
how many guys ask you questions
about Jess and Casey?
306
00:16:23,220 --> 00:16:26,429
- I don't know. It's a fair amount.
- Okay.
307
00:16:26,580 --> 00:16:29,265
On an average day, how many guys
ask you questions about you?
308
00:16:32,340 --> 00:16:34,581
See? You friended up, okay?
309
00:16:34,780 --> 00:16:37,829
Good for you. Good talk.
You know what? Get back out there.
310
00:16:37,980 --> 00:16:39,106
Have some...
311
00:16:40,260 --> 00:16:42,627
Hey, what the hell was that for?
312
00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:48,101
Stupid Wes.
313
00:16:49,340 --> 00:16:51,183
It's not even...
314
00:17:23,460 --> 00:17:24,791
Really?
315
00:17:25,220 --> 00:17:26,949
Oh, God.
316
00:17:33,740 --> 00:17:35,469
I am the DUFF.
317
00:17:35,900 --> 00:17:39,029
Impress me to get to my friends.
318
00:17:39,180 --> 00:17:40,864
I am the gatekeeper.
319
00:17:44,060 --> 00:17:45,983
I'm not the DUFF.
320
00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:09,660
Hey, Duffy.
321
00:18:09,820 --> 00:18:11,868
Shouldn't you be working with a partner?
322
00:18:12,020 --> 00:18:13,590
Shouldn't you be working at all?
323
00:18:13,740 --> 00:18:15,868
Lab partner's got this.
324
00:18:16,580 --> 00:18:17,991
Oh, boy. Clearly.
325
00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:21,030
Bill Nye over there looks like
she's about to drink that acid.
326
00:18:23,940 --> 00:18:25,271
I work alone.
327
00:18:25,420 --> 00:18:27,741
- Take a hint.
- Why are you so grumpy?
328
00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:31,143
You know, I should be mad at you.
You ruined my favorite shirt.
329
00:18:32,340 --> 00:18:35,105
You called me fat and ugly, Wesley.
330
00:18:35,260 --> 00:18:38,025
What? No, I didn't.
I called you the DUFF.
331
00:18:38,180 --> 00:18:39,227
Yeah, excuse me.
332
00:18:39,380 --> 00:18:43,101
It's just that stands for
Designated Ugly Fat Friend, dick face.
333
00:18:43,260 --> 00:18:45,422
You can't take it literally, okay?
334
00:18:45,580 --> 00:18:48,424
I mean, the DUFF doesn't
actually have to be fat or ugly.
335
00:18:48,620 --> 00:18:50,429
You know, like Tony Romo,
he's a Dallas Cowboy.
336
00:18:50,620 --> 00:18:53,510
It's not like he rides a horse, right?
337
00:18:53,660 --> 00:18:55,947
I have no idea
what the hell you're talking about.
338
00:18:56,100 --> 00:18:59,104
I'm just saying, I would never
call anyone fat or ugly.
339
00:18:59,260 --> 00:19:01,262
Okay? That's messed up.
340
00:19:01,420 --> 00:19:03,787
But it's the word and it stuck.
It's a catchall.
341
00:19:03,940 --> 00:19:07,387
Oh, my God. Get out of here
before I murder you.
342
00:19:10,620 --> 00:19:13,146
- Are you kidding? Okay.
- I'll murder you.
343
00:19:14,140 --> 00:19:16,063
B, where the hell'd you go?
344
00:19:16,220 --> 00:19:18,063
Home. Wasn't feeling good.
345
00:19:18,220 --> 00:19:20,143
Oh, well, you didn't really miss much.
346
00:19:20,300 --> 00:19:22,701
Yeah, except Jess making out
with Ryan Jensen,
347
00:19:22,900 --> 00:19:24,186
the cops busting up the party,
348
00:19:24,340 --> 00:19:26,991
and, like, everyone TP'ing
Rebecca Cutter's house.
349
00:19:27,140 --> 00:19:29,347
She's right, it was pretty awesome.
350
00:19:30,020 --> 00:19:31,670
Hello? Are you okay?
351
00:19:31,820 --> 00:19:33,822
Yeah, just get the food.
352
00:19:33,980 --> 00:19:36,631
- Hey there, Jess and Casey.
- Hey.
353
00:19:38,980 --> 00:19:40,027
Hey, Elaine.
354
00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:42,023
Hey, you.
355
00:19:47,660 --> 00:19:49,025
Hey, Jeffrey.
356
00:19:52,860 --> 00:19:55,864
It was becoming harder and harder
to deny the truth.
357
00:19:56,060 --> 00:19:58,711
- Without Jess and Casey...
- Hey, Jess, Casey.
358
00:19:58,900 --> 00:20:00,470
Hey, Principal Buchanon.
359
00:20:00,620 --> 00:20:02,429
...I ceased to be.
360
00:20:05,780 --> 00:20:07,623
Girls, party at my place.
361
00:20:07,860 --> 00:20:09,385
Hey, Jess. Hey, Casey.
362
00:20:09,780 --> 00:20:12,511
Holy shit, I was the DUFF.
363
00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:15,701
Jess and Casey. Jess and Casey.
364
00:20:16,220 --> 00:20:17,824
Jess and Casey.
365
00:20:18,260 --> 00:20:20,228
Jess and Casey.
366
00:20:21,020 --> 00:20:24,502
Why was I Bosley?
There were three Angels.
367
00:20:24,660 --> 00:20:26,264
Okay.
368
00:20:26,420 --> 00:20:28,866
You know in Batman when that guy
falls into the vat of acid
369
00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:30,181
and becomes the Joker?
370
00:20:30,340 --> 00:20:32,183
This was my "vat of acid" moment.
371
00:20:32,340 --> 00:20:35,105
My best friends made me the DUFF.
372
00:20:35,260 --> 00:20:38,230
And that made me...
373
00:20:38,580 --> 00:20:39,911
Angry.
374
00:20:44,980 --> 00:20:49,190
Bianca, let's go.
You'll be late for school.
375
00:20:49,340 --> 00:20:51,627
The world gave me
the gift of invisibility,
376
00:20:51,780 --> 00:20:54,386
a license to not give a shit.
377
00:20:54,580 --> 00:20:56,628
You look crazy.
378
00:20:56,780 --> 00:20:58,703
Crazy amazing.
379
00:21:25,620 --> 00:21:29,306
Oh, God, even my car's a DUFF.
380
00:21:35,660 --> 00:21:38,584
I couldn't even look at Jess
and Casey, they made me so mad.
381
00:21:38,740 --> 00:21:42,825
Our entire friendship was a sham,
and everyone knew but me.
382
00:21:43,060 --> 00:21:44,983
Hey, B, will you take a look
at my fashion piece?
383
00:21:45,140 --> 00:21:47,222
I need a layman's opinion.
384
00:21:48,980 --> 00:21:51,347
You're aware I'm a woman, right?
385
00:21:52,180 --> 00:21:54,262
What? Oh, no.
"Layman," it's just a phrase.
386
00:21:54,420 --> 00:21:56,229
I just mean you're not a fashion expert.
387
00:21:56,380 --> 00:21:58,064
Oh, so I have bad style?
388
00:21:58,820 --> 00:22:01,107
Whoa, someone's in a mood. Lighten up.
389
00:22:01,260 --> 00:22:03,831
Lighten up? Because I'm so heavy?
390
00:22:04,500 --> 00:22:06,821
Is there a problem?
391
00:22:07,340 --> 00:22:09,069
Outside.
392
00:22:14,300 --> 00:22:17,907
How could you guys not tell me
this whole time that I was your DUFF?
393
00:22:18,060 --> 00:22:21,746
- Our what?
- Your Designated Ugly Fat Friend.
394
00:22:21,900 --> 00:22:24,870
Yeah, yeah. Wesley told me everything.
395
00:22:25,780 --> 00:22:28,863
He can't even spell. That's actually
pretty creative for Wes.
396
00:22:29,980 --> 00:22:32,142
Since when do you care
what Wesley Rush says?
397
00:22:32,340 --> 00:22:34,183
He says crazy stuff all the time.
398
00:22:34,700 --> 00:22:35,781
Because it makes sense.
399
00:22:35,940 --> 00:22:39,183
I mean, why else would two
super hot, popular girls
400
00:22:39,340 --> 00:22:40,865
wanna be friends with somebody like me?
401
00:22:41,060 --> 00:22:43,506
It's because you're using me
to make yourselves look better.
402
00:22:43,660 --> 00:22:46,345
Okay, just because you think one of us
is better-looking than you...
403
00:22:46,500 --> 00:22:49,151
Oh, my God. There it is, there it is.
You know what? No, no, no.
404
00:22:49,300 --> 00:22:50,381
I'm glad you said that,
405
00:22:50,540 --> 00:22:54,261
because it makes what I'm about
to do a whole lot easier.
406
00:22:57,780 --> 00:23:00,351
Yeah, go ahead and check them.
407
00:23:04,700 --> 00:23:06,509
Did you just unfriend me?
408
00:23:07,060 --> 00:23:08,391
You bet your ass I did.
409
00:23:09,420 --> 00:23:10,910
Well, fine.
410
00:23:11,060 --> 00:23:13,825
Then I am taking you off of Instagram.
411
00:23:14,660 --> 00:23:16,185
Well, hallelujah, okay?
412
00:23:16,340 --> 00:23:19,389
I don't have to look at pictures of your
artisanal cappuccinos every morning.
413
00:23:19,540 --> 00:23:22,703
How dare you? You love those
foam faces. They're foam-tastic.
414
00:23:23,620 --> 00:23:25,588
Look, we're going through
something over here.
415
00:23:25,740 --> 00:23:27,230
Guess what else.
416
00:23:27,380 --> 00:23:29,382
Unfollowed y'all on Twitter.
417
00:23:29,540 --> 00:23:32,862
Oh, perfect. No more of Bianca's
almost-ironic tweets for the day.
418
00:23:33,780 --> 00:23:37,023
Oh, that's rich, coming from this guy,
who's RT'ing them all day long.
419
00:23:37,180 --> 00:23:38,466
They're pity RT's.
420
00:23:39,780 --> 00:23:40,941
You know what?
421
00:23:41,100 --> 00:23:43,944
I'm taking you off of my
We Heart It and my Vine feed.
422
00:23:44,100 --> 00:23:46,467
Oh, great, because
I don't like your loops, okay?
423
00:23:46,620 --> 00:23:49,510
And you know what else?
I'm blocking your ass on Tumblr.
424
00:23:49,660 --> 00:23:51,662
And you, you're off my Snapchat.
425
00:23:51,820 --> 00:23:53,470
Well, fine.
426
00:23:53,620 --> 00:23:56,942
- Fine.
- Fine.
427
00:23:57,100 --> 00:23:59,580
I'm a free woman.
428
00:24:01,460 --> 00:24:04,589
And don't you dare be creeping
on my Pinterest, whores.
429
00:24:04,740 --> 00:24:07,789
I'm so sorry, Susan.
I'll see you tomorrow.
430
00:24:12,100 --> 00:24:14,023
Wes had made me
see the school differently,
431
00:24:14,180 --> 00:24:16,387
and I wasn't happy about it.
432
00:24:24,940 --> 00:24:27,750
It didn't matter what group
you were in, it was unavoidable.
433
00:24:27,900 --> 00:24:30,744
Even if you weren't in a group,
like Creepy Carrie Raskowitz.
434
00:24:30,900 --> 00:24:33,187
I'm my own best friend.
435
00:24:37,540 --> 00:24:41,261
Did any of these people know where
they stood in the social hierarchy?
436
00:24:51,220 --> 00:24:53,029
Cool socks.
437
00:24:53,380 --> 00:24:54,506
Really dig them.
438
00:24:57,540 --> 00:24:59,542
I wanna make out with your face.
439
00:24:59,740 --> 00:25:03,825
Good, because my face wants you
to make out with it.
440
00:25:16,700 --> 00:25:18,429
Socks?
441
00:25:18,860 --> 00:25:20,350
They...
442
00:25:24,020 --> 00:25:25,590
What the...?
443
00:25:30,820 --> 00:25:33,903
I never knew
why I couldn't talk to Toby.
444
00:25:34,060 --> 00:25:35,710
Now I did.
445
00:25:35,900 --> 00:25:39,268
Because, like everyone else in school,
he knew what I was.
446
00:25:39,420 --> 00:25:41,741
And subconsciously I knew it too.
447
00:25:41,900 --> 00:25:44,221
It was all so easy for Wes.
448
00:25:44,380 --> 00:25:46,144
Look, I'm no wine expert,
but I'm pretty sure
449
00:25:46,300 --> 00:25:47,790
you mix red and white, you get rose.
450
00:25:47,940 --> 00:25:50,068
- He could talk to anyone.
- Wesley.
451
00:25:50,220 --> 00:25:51,301
Back to work.
452
00:26:01,740 --> 00:26:04,220
Take a seat, Mr. Rush.
453
00:26:05,340 --> 00:26:07,911
That's your third F. I don't know
what's going on with you.
454
00:26:08,100 --> 00:26:09,784
But the principal and I talked
and we decided
455
00:26:09,940 --> 00:26:13,023
until you get your grades up,
you're suspended from the team.
456
00:26:13,180 --> 00:26:15,467
Well, can't we talk
to Coach Grant about it?
457
00:26:15,620 --> 00:26:18,669
Yeah, Coach Grant agrees
with my decision.
458
00:26:19,260 --> 00:26:22,423
Okay, okay, look,
I can't lose my scholarship.
459
00:26:22,940 --> 00:26:25,181
It's the only way I can
get into college.
460
00:26:25,340 --> 00:26:27,866
I wish you would've thought
of that before.
461
00:26:39,100 --> 00:26:40,340
You want me to what?
462
00:26:40,500 --> 00:26:43,344
I don't wanna be anybody's
DUFF anymore, okay?
463
00:26:43,500 --> 00:26:45,309
I wanna be my own person.
464
00:26:45,460 --> 00:26:48,942
I'm tired of being the approachable one.
465
00:26:49,140 --> 00:26:51,347
I wanna be the dateable one.
466
00:26:52,300 --> 00:26:54,428
You're asking me for dating advice?
467
00:26:54,580 --> 00:26:57,424
Today of all days? Are you kidding me?
468
00:26:58,300 --> 00:27:00,621
Look, I have a crush on this boy.
469
00:27:00,820 --> 00:27:03,346
His name's Toby Tucker.
Maybe you've heard of him.
470
00:27:03,500 --> 00:27:05,741
Well, I can't seem to talk to him
471
00:27:05,900 --> 00:27:08,141
without making a total ass
of myself, okay?
472
00:27:08,300 --> 00:27:09,870
And you never seem to have this problem.
473
00:27:10,020 --> 00:27:13,263
- Don't you hate me?
- I'm glad you asked. Yes, I do.
474
00:27:13,460 --> 00:27:15,861
But only because you're a dipshit
and a man-whore.
475
00:27:16,020 --> 00:27:17,749
But you're the only one
in this whole school
476
00:27:17,900 --> 00:27:19,425
who told me what was actually going on.
477
00:27:19,580 --> 00:27:22,345
So you're an honest dipshit,
and that's what counts.
478
00:27:22,500 --> 00:27:23,865
- Thanks?
- Can we just...?
479
00:27:24,020 --> 00:27:26,068
Can we just cool it for a second?
480
00:27:26,860 --> 00:27:29,670
Okay, here's my offer.
481
00:27:29,980 --> 00:27:33,507
I will make sure you pass science
if you help me with this.
482
00:27:35,500 --> 00:27:38,504
I mean, you got the easy part.
You could pass science in your sleep.
483
00:27:38,660 --> 00:27:41,550
I have to reverse-DUFF you.
Are you wearing pajamas?
484
00:27:41,700 --> 00:27:43,907
Oh, my God.
You know, I get it Wesley, okay?
485
00:27:44,060 --> 00:27:46,427
I'm disgusting. I'm a swamp thing.
486
00:27:46,580 --> 00:27:49,345
- I'm a regular Bela Lugosi.
- Who?
487
00:27:49,500 --> 00:27:52,310
I can't even believe I thought that
I could ask you something like this.
488
00:27:52,460 --> 00:27:53,541
Just forget it.
489
00:27:53,700 --> 00:27:57,102
You know, have fun playing intramural
Wii golf this season, dick face.
490
00:27:57,860 --> 00:27:59,066
Okay, okay, okay.
491
00:27:59,620 --> 00:28:01,031
Come here.
492
00:28:03,340 --> 00:28:05,911
Look, I'm an idiot.
493
00:28:06,060 --> 00:28:08,540
And idiots don't exactly
give great advice.
494
00:28:10,020 --> 00:28:12,387
Well, look at it this way.
495
00:28:12,540 --> 00:28:15,066
It's not like you could make me
any more awkward, right?
496
00:28:15,220 --> 00:28:16,745
That's true.
497
00:28:17,820 --> 00:28:20,346
See? Idiot.
498
00:28:21,540 --> 00:28:23,269
So, you'll do it?
499
00:28:25,220 --> 00:28:26,221
- Yeah.
- Yes.
500
00:28:26,380 --> 00:28:27,506
On one condition.
501
00:28:27,700 --> 00:28:29,702
You gotta ask me in monster voice.
502
00:28:29,860 --> 00:28:32,306
- Wesley. Monster voice?
- Yeah.
503
00:28:32,460 --> 00:28:33,905
From when we were little?
504
00:28:34,060 --> 00:28:35,744
No, I don't... I don't remember it.
505
00:28:35,900 --> 00:28:36,947
- You sure?
- Yes, I don't...
506
00:28:37,100 --> 00:28:38,670
- I couldn't even...
- Okay.
507
00:28:42,820 --> 00:28:45,824
Bianca need Wesley help.
508
00:28:45,980 --> 00:28:50,269
Please, Wesley, help Bianca?
509
00:28:50,660 --> 00:28:52,662
- There you go.
- That's not bad. You still got it.
510
00:28:52,820 --> 00:28:54,424
So easily amused.
511
00:28:54,580 --> 00:28:57,265
- We got a deal?
- Yeah.
512
00:28:58,100 --> 00:29:00,751
- I was just going low, that's all.
- Just...
513
00:29:01,260 --> 00:29:02,546
- Yes. All right.
- Okay.
514
00:29:02,700 --> 00:29:05,101
So, you have to pass
the chemistry midterm, okay?
515
00:29:05,260 --> 00:29:07,024
- So, we'll focus on that first.
- Yeah.
516
00:29:07,180 --> 00:29:09,581
And where do we start with me?
517
00:29:11,100 --> 00:29:14,104
- The mall, noon, Saturday.
- All right, cool.
518
00:29:14,260 --> 00:29:16,103
Will there be a lot of walking, though?
519
00:29:16,260 --> 00:29:18,627
Because I'll wear my Shape-ups.
Having some...
520
00:29:18,780 --> 00:29:20,464
Text me.
521
00:29:20,620 --> 00:29:22,748
I was nervous, relying on
the school Neanderthal,
522
00:29:22,900 --> 00:29:24,709
but what was the worst he could do?
523
00:29:24,860 --> 00:29:27,784
- Are you kidding me with this?
- I'm not.
524
00:29:27,940 --> 00:29:31,467
Wes, if I wanted to go shopping
and talk about girly stuff,
525
00:29:31,620 --> 00:29:33,304
I could've done that
with Jess and Casey.
526
00:29:33,460 --> 00:29:35,906
- I need you to give me real talk.
- Real talk?
527
00:29:36,100 --> 00:29:38,626
You got a uniboob, your posture sucks,
and your clothes fit weird
528
00:29:38,780 --> 00:29:41,226
because you wear the wrong size bra.
Boom, real talk.
529
00:29:42,300 --> 00:29:44,189
I watch a lot of Project Runway.
What's up?
530
00:29:44,340 --> 00:29:46,741
Step one: first impressions matter,
531
00:29:46,940 --> 00:29:48,510
so take some pride in your appearance.
532
00:29:48,660 --> 00:29:50,788
Ladies, this is Bianca.
533
00:29:50,940 --> 00:29:53,546
Take good care of her. I'm gonna
get the hell out of this section.
534
00:29:53,740 --> 00:29:54,980
Wes, no, don't go.
535
00:30:03,340 --> 00:30:06,344
- What do you think?
- Hey, look at those.
536
00:30:06,500 --> 00:30:09,470
- You... You look great.
- Thanks. That's enough.
537
00:30:09,620 --> 00:30:11,145
- Well, I know my boobs.
- Okay.
538
00:30:11,340 --> 00:30:13,024
- Can we leave?
- Definitely not.
539
00:30:13,220 --> 00:30:16,508
We've got the whole place.
We are just getting started.
540
00:30:16,660 --> 00:30:19,664
Step two: time to show the world
who you are.
541
00:30:19,820 --> 00:30:22,346
The truth is, I don't know
who you are from your clothes, okay?
542
00:30:22,500 --> 00:30:25,743
You need to start dressing more
like you, and less like Wreck-It Ralph.
543
00:30:27,420 --> 00:30:29,900
- Fine.
- Dressing rooms are back there,
544
00:30:30,060 --> 00:30:33,064
and maybe try on a new attitude
while you're at it.
545
00:30:35,940 --> 00:30:37,271
Get in there.
546
00:30:38,140 --> 00:30:40,825
Can we please just make this quick?
547
00:30:47,780 --> 00:30:49,145
Okay, next.
548
00:30:52,100 --> 00:30:54,580
- Try to keep it in your pants.
- Next.
549
00:30:56,380 --> 00:30:59,509
- Nope.
- This one might be my favorite yet.
550
00:30:59,660 --> 00:31:01,469
It's not that bad.
551
00:31:02,500 --> 00:31:04,662
Okay, perfect. Hold that pose.
552
00:31:04,820 --> 00:31:06,106
Are you filming me?
553
00:31:06,260 --> 00:31:08,308
Game tape, for review.
This is what you look like
554
00:31:08,460 --> 00:31:12,146
when you're not overthinking things,
actually having some fun.
555
00:31:12,420 --> 00:31:16,141
If anybody ever sees this,
I'll rip your nut sack off.
556
00:31:16,300 --> 00:31:17,825
I'll rip it right off.
557
00:31:18,340 --> 00:31:20,627
- Okay.
- Rip it.
558
00:31:20,780 --> 00:31:23,260
Super aggressive.
Look, if this is gonna work,
559
00:31:23,420 --> 00:31:25,787
you gotta lighten up,
and you're gonna have to trust me.
560
00:31:31,060 --> 00:31:32,824
All right.
561
00:31:32,980 --> 00:31:35,221
- It's go time.
- Okay.
562
00:31:35,660 --> 00:31:37,901
Here we go. Yeah.
563
00:31:38,060 --> 00:31:39,391
Rub the belly.
564
00:31:41,940 --> 00:31:44,420
Oh, yeah. You got moves.
565
00:31:49,260 --> 00:31:50,864
No.
566
00:31:51,500 --> 00:31:52,945
Okay, dancing makes it worse.
567
00:31:57,260 --> 00:31:59,991
No, no, still worse.
568
00:32:00,140 --> 00:32:03,030
- Is that good?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
569
00:32:03,180 --> 00:32:04,670
Are you twerking?
570
00:32:09,300 --> 00:32:10,461
What's that?
571
00:32:10,620 --> 00:32:12,145
Oh, my God.
572
00:32:15,340 --> 00:32:17,024
This is just getting weird now.
573
00:32:18,540 --> 00:32:20,269
Look out. Okay.
574
00:32:20,420 --> 00:32:21,990
It's a little weird now.
575
00:32:22,580 --> 00:32:24,787
- Yeah.
- Okay, I think... I think we're good.
576
00:32:24,940 --> 00:32:26,544
We're... No? You're...
577
00:32:26,700 --> 00:32:30,147
Actually, I've been meaning
to talk to you, Toby.
578
00:32:30,300 --> 00:32:33,588
I'm really, really into you.
579
00:32:33,780 --> 00:32:35,862
Don't tell me. Tell Toby.
580
00:32:36,020 --> 00:32:39,069
Toby Tucker.
I didn't know you were here.
581
00:32:39,220 --> 00:32:40,824
I have feelings for you.
582
00:32:41,300 --> 00:32:42,426
Look at me, Toby.
583
00:32:42,620 --> 00:32:44,748
Don't look at me. Look at me.
584
00:32:44,900 --> 00:32:46,584
Put your arm around me.
585
00:32:47,500 --> 00:32:48,547
Toby...
586
00:32:48,700 --> 00:32:50,589
You're a little excited,
aren't you? Toby...
587
00:32:51,140 --> 00:32:55,702
Toby, that is
unbelievably inappropriate.
588
00:32:55,860 --> 00:32:57,624
But it doesn't feel bad.
589
00:32:57,780 --> 00:32:59,430
- Okay.
- I need to talk to you, Toby.
590
00:32:59,580 --> 00:33:02,789
Oh, God, I want you so bad. Toby...
591
00:33:04,300 --> 00:33:06,780
I'm gonna change.
We should... We should go.
592
00:33:15,900 --> 00:33:18,346
What the shit?
593
00:33:19,020 --> 00:33:21,591
You're messing with the wrong girl.
594
00:33:22,620 --> 00:33:26,022
Looks like the lessons are off
to a real great start there, coachy.
595
00:33:26,180 --> 00:33:28,865
- Oh, did you have fun in here?
- No.
596
00:33:29,020 --> 00:33:30,704
No?
597
00:33:31,260 --> 00:33:32,785
You sure about that?
598
00:33:32,940 --> 00:33:34,863
Oh, God, please, make it...
599
00:33:35,020 --> 00:33:36,545
- Make it go away. It's very bad.
- No.
600
00:33:36,700 --> 00:33:38,828
Step three, okay? Smile more.
601
00:33:38,980 --> 00:33:40,664
You're really cute
when you're having fun.
602
00:33:40,820 --> 00:33:44,188
So we are off to a great start,
smart-ass.
603
00:33:55,940 --> 00:33:57,465
Try it on.
604
00:34:01,780 --> 00:34:05,910
You know, I'm really tired.
I think we should just take a break.
605
00:34:06,060 --> 00:34:07,391
Okay.
606
00:34:11,220 --> 00:34:14,588
All right, what are you really looking
to get out of your boy, Tony?
607
00:34:14,740 --> 00:34:17,983
- Toby.
- Tuba? You wanna blow his horn?
608
00:34:18,140 --> 00:34:19,949
Put your hand on his instrument? Little:
609
00:34:20,940 --> 00:34:23,102
Was that a little laugh?
There was a little laugh there.
610
00:34:23,300 --> 00:34:25,746
- You laughed. You did laugh.
- I had a small stroke.
611
00:34:25,900 --> 00:34:28,141
Yeah, like a midget jerking it.
612
00:34:30,340 --> 00:34:32,342
You get it? Because he's small?
613
00:34:34,780 --> 00:34:36,384
That was...
614
00:34:36,540 --> 00:34:38,065
Okay, fine.
615
00:34:38,220 --> 00:34:40,029
Talking to Toby scares you, right?
616
00:34:40,180 --> 00:34:44,981
The only way to get over it
is to face it right here, right now.
617
00:34:45,140 --> 00:34:46,869
See Sweater Guy over there?
618
00:34:47,420 --> 00:34:51,106
I want you to walk over
and get his phone number.
619
00:34:52,460 --> 00:34:54,224
- No.
- Be totally gangster about it, okay?
620
00:34:54,420 --> 00:34:57,264
Just say, "I could tell from across
the room we might be into each other.
621
00:34:57,460 --> 00:35:00,145
Now that I'm here, I know it.
Your move."
622
00:35:01,180 --> 00:35:02,341
- Have you met me?
- Okay.
623
00:35:02,500 --> 00:35:04,184
I couldn't get through
three words of that.
624
00:35:04,340 --> 00:35:07,025
All right, walk over and say,
"Hey there."
625
00:35:07,500 --> 00:35:09,389
- "Hey there"?
- Hop up.
626
00:35:09,540 --> 00:35:11,224
Get up.
627
00:35:12,140 --> 00:35:14,381
All right, deep breath.
628
00:35:14,540 --> 00:35:16,224
Shoulders back.
629
00:35:16,380 --> 00:35:17,506
Lick your lips a little bit.
630
00:35:19,860 --> 00:35:22,830
Don't worry about the lips.
Go, strut your stuff.
631
00:35:22,980 --> 00:35:24,903
Like a peacock.
632
00:35:38,460 --> 00:35:39,507
Hey there.
633
00:35:40,020 --> 00:35:42,182
Hey there.
634
00:35:42,660 --> 00:35:46,790
Is that a wiener in your mouth
or are you just happy to see me?
635
00:35:47,780 --> 00:35:50,306
No, it's a bratwurst.
636
00:35:50,460 --> 00:35:52,349
Oh, yeah. No.
637
00:35:52,500 --> 00:35:56,585
But is there a place to get
a hotdog here in this mall or...?
638
00:35:56,740 --> 00:35:58,344
Yeah.
639
00:35:59,860 --> 00:36:01,828
Oh, hey.
640
00:36:03,100 --> 00:36:04,181
Right?
641
00:36:04,340 --> 00:36:05,387
- Okay.
- Okay.
642
00:36:05,540 --> 00:36:07,030
Bye-bye.
643
00:36:09,780 --> 00:36:14,069
Did you want to go out with me, though?
644
00:36:14,540 --> 00:36:15,746
Out where?
645
00:36:15,900 --> 00:36:17,664
To dates?
646
00:36:17,820 --> 00:36:19,868
To a date? On a date? To a date?
647
00:36:20,980 --> 00:36:22,425
No.
648
00:36:22,860 --> 00:36:24,021
No. Okay.
649
00:36:24,460 --> 00:36:26,622
Oh, you're good.
650
00:36:28,380 --> 00:36:29,711
You're good.
651
00:36:29,860 --> 00:36:30,941
Where are the cameras?
652
00:36:31,140 --> 00:36:32,983
- Oh, of course.
- It's a YouTube video, right?
653
00:36:33,180 --> 00:36:34,705
- It's a joke.
- It's a YouTube video?
654
00:36:34,860 --> 00:36:36,783
Who would wanna go out
with this guy, right?
655
00:36:36,980 --> 00:36:38,823
- Oh, man, you're so good.
- Thank you so much.
656
00:36:39,020 --> 00:36:40,385
- Thank you.
- Totally believable.
657
00:36:40,540 --> 00:36:41,541
Great. Thank you.
658
00:36:41,700 --> 00:36:43,748
- How many hits did this get?
- Lot of hits.
659
00:36:43,940 --> 00:36:46,466
I'm taking a lot of hits today.
All right, see you later.
660
00:36:46,620 --> 00:36:47,701
- Cool.
- Okay.
661
00:36:47,860 --> 00:36:50,909
- Where can I find it online?
- Yep, bye.
662
00:36:51,100 --> 00:36:54,309
Man, so many unanswered questions.
663
00:36:54,460 --> 00:36:56,940
Really good.
Thank you so much for that, teach.
664
00:36:57,100 --> 00:36:59,068
That was an awesome lesson.
I'm humiliated.
665
00:36:59,220 --> 00:37:01,541
Okay, look, it was
just the tryouts, all right?
666
00:37:01,700 --> 00:37:03,941
We're sizing up your
strengths and weaknesses.
667
00:37:05,460 --> 00:37:06,746
- And?
- And...
668
00:37:06,900 --> 00:37:09,221
You're horrible. I hope you like cats.
669
00:37:09,380 --> 00:37:10,541
Kidding.
670
00:37:10,700 --> 00:37:13,670
Next mission is to talk to 15 guys.
671
00:37:13,820 --> 00:37:18,109
Yeah, 15 guys,
without completely falling apart, okay?
672
00:37:18,260 --> 00:37:20,911
Step five: take a few hits.
673
00:37:26,820 --> 00:37:28,470
Nope. Okay.
674
00:37:28,620 --> 00:37:32,864
I can do this.
How hard could it be? Just do it.
675
00:37:34,620 --> 00:37:36,349
Excuse me, I...
676
00:37:36,540 --> 00:37:38,349
can't do this.
677
00:37:39,500 --> 00:37:41,787
Hey, I see you have a reusable bag.
678
00:37:41,940 --> 00:37:43,590
You're not listening.
679
00:37:44,500 --> 00:37:46,389
Hey, is this seat taken?
680
00:37:46,540 --> 00:37:50,340
Oh, you're busy.
I'll come back a little later.
681
00:37:51,780 --> 00:37:53,782
We have to stop meeting like this.
682
00:37:53,940 --> 00:37:56,546
You're always going up.
683
00:37:57,340 --> 00:38:00,150
Best part about it is it's glass.
Sure, it's cumbersome to carry around,
684
00:38:00,300 --> 00:38:01,870
but I don't wanna have breast cancer
685
00:38:02,060 --> 00:38:04,666
because I'm drinking out of plastic
water bottles my whole life.
686
00:38:04,860 --> 00:38:06,385
It's not really worth it, you know.
687
00:38:06,540 --> 00:38:10,261
Like, in Japan, the...
You have to go? Okay.
688
00:38:16,300 --> 00:38:18,143
Long day, huh?
689
00:38:19,340 --> 00:38:20,387
Too long.
690
00:38:21,700 --> 00:38:25,068
- Just get off work?
- Kind of.
691
00:38:25,220 --> 00:38:27,507
- Do you work here too?
- Oh, I'm at the yogurt place.
692
00:38:27,660 --> 00:38:30,709
I'm a toppings consultant.
693
00:38:30,860 --> 00:38:33,511
Oh, my God.
I didn't even know they had those.
694
00:38:33,660 --> 00:38:37,870
I've actually been making a lot of poor
choices with my toppings lately.
695
00:38:38,060 --> 00:38:40,347
Oh, have you?
Well, I got a card I can give you.
696
00:38:40,500 --> 00:38:42,025
- I'm Allen.
- Hey, Bianca.
697
00:38:42,180 --> 00:38:44,023
- Nice to meet you, Bianca.
- Nice to meet you.
698
00:38:44,180 --> 00:38:45,909
All right, so,
what's the number-one mistake
699
00:38:46,060 --> 00:38:48,028
that people make
when it comes to toppings?
700
00:38:48,180 --> 00:38:49,545
Good question.
701
00:38:49,700 --> 00:38:51,031
- Granola.
- Granola?
702
00:38:51,180 --> 00:38:52,466
- You wanna know why?
- Yeah.
703
00:38:55,980 --> 00:38:58,824
Wes, I did it.
I just got that guy's number.
704
00:38:58,980 --> 00:39:00,709
- Attagirl.
- I know.
705
00:39:00,860 --> 00:39:03,022
Think I deserve a little treat.
706
00:39:03,180 --> 00:39:06,707
I'm telling you, I'd really lost hope
around guy 17, you know.
707
00:39:06,860 --> 00:39:08,828
Then came guy 21. Couldn't shut him up.
708
00:39:08,980 --> 00:39:10,425
- Easy.
- Real chatty Cathy.
709
00:39:10,580 --> 00:39:13,060
Easy. All right, don't get cocky.
710
00:39:13,260 --> 00:39:15,228
Today was only day one.
711
00:39:15,380 --> 00:39:18,031
Still, it felt pretty good, so...
712
00:39:18,220 --> 00:39:21,224
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
713
00:39:21,420 --> 00:39:23,866
All right, well, you held up
your end of the bargain,
714
00:39:24,060 --> 00:39:26,711
so I guess I will hold up mine.
715
00:39:26,900 --> 00:39:28,709
Here are my chemistry notes, okay?
716
00:39:28,900 --> 00:39:32,063
Live by this, and you
shall pass the midterm.
717
00:39:32,220 --> 00:39:34,143
Yeah.
718
00:39:35,740 --> 00:39:39,062
Enthalpy, entropy.
719
00:39:39,220 --> 00:39:40,870
Pauli exclusion principle?
720
00:39:41,020 --> 00:39:42,909
- I was...
- Wesley?
721
00:39:43,300 --> 00:39:45,462
- Can we run?
- She's coming over.
722
00:39:46,740 --> 00:39:49,107
Oh, my God. What a coincidence it is
723
00:39:49,260 --> 00:39:50,750
- seeing you here.
- Hey.
724
00:39:50,900 --> 00:39:54,302
So, you two, huh?
725
00:39:55,060 --> 00:39:57,631
We're not... We're not here together.
726
00:39:57,780 --> 00:40:00,181
We just bumped into each other here.
727
00:40:00,340 --> 00:40:04,311
Yeah. No, obviously, I don't...
I wouldn't wanna be...
728
00:40:04,460 --> 00:40:05,950
I couldn't possibly care less.
729
00:40:06,100 --> 00:40:07,704
Caitlyn, can you make sure
you get a shot
730
00:40:07,900 --> 00:40:09,311
- of them together, please?
- Yep.
731
00:40:09,860 --> 00:40:12,670
That's what sucking at life looks like.
732
00:40:21,620 --> 00:40:23,224
I'm gonna...
733
00:40:23,980 --> 00:40:26,347
- I'm gonna get started.
- I have to...
734
00:40:26,540 --> 00:40:28,542
I am late for an event.
735
00:40:28,700 --> 00:40:31,385
- Yeah.
- So I'm gonna...
736
00:40:31,900 --> 00:40:34,141
Mine is this way, though.
737
00:40:45,340 --> 00:40:47,741
What are you doing?
738
00:40:48,460 --> 00:40:52,704
You caught me.
I'm uploading pictures to my profile.
739
00:40:52,900 --> 00:40:55,870
Just hang on a sec.
They're still loading.
740
00:40:56,300 --> 00:40:58,223
Sorry, your profile for what?
741
00:40:58,380 --> 00:41:00,144
A dating site. I signed up
for all of them.
742
00:41:00,300 --> 00:41:02,587
Match, eHarmony, ChristianMingle, JDate.
743
00:41:02,740 --> 00:41:05,346
JDate? You're not Jewish.
744
00:41:05,540 --> 00:41:07,861
I know. That just makes me
more exotic on the site.
745
00:41:08,500 --> 00:41:09,547
Note to self.
746
00:41:09,700 --> 00:41:11,464
Okay, here we go. Here's my profile pic.
747
00:41:11,620 --> 00:41:13,987
- Tell me what you think. Be brutal.
- Okay.
748
00:41:14,140 --> 00:41:16,666
Oh, you're gonna use the book picture?
749
00:41:16,820 --> 00:41:18,265
Oh, is it too formal?
750
00:41:18,420 --> 00:41:20,627
Well, it is a little...
751
00:41:20,780 --> 00:41:24,102
Well, it's either that or all the
duck-head poses people do on here.
752
00:41:25,580 --> 00:41:26,706
Oh, no, no.
753
00:41:26,860 --> 00:41:30,831
Dear God, it's "duck face,"
and stop that forever.
754
00:41:31,020 --> 00:41:35,423
All right. I'm just trying to get more
of these thingies, these flirties.
755
00:41:36,180 --> 00:41:38,308
This is a tough conversation for me.
756
00:41:38,460 --> 00:41:40,986
Let's focus on the picture. Here we go.
757
00:41:42,220 --> 00:41:45,030
Oh, look, arm-fold head-tilt.
That's a classic.
758
00:41:45,180 --> 00:41:47,706
I think we can find something better.
759
00:41:47,860 --> 00:41:49,589
Let's see.
Oh, yeah, what about this one?
760
00:41:49,740 --> 00:41:51,344
This is a good one.
761
00:41:52,180 --> 00:41:55,582
That was Florida.
Seems like a long time ago.
762
00:41:55,740 --> 00:41:58,869
- Yeah, you look so relaxed and happy.
- Yeah, well, I was.
763
00:41:59,020 --> 00:42:00,510
- There you go.
- Thank you.
764
00:42:00,660 --> 00:42:02,662
This girl's gonna
have the flirties rolling in.
765
00:42:02,820 --> 00:42:06,825
Well, we'll see.
This is all so new for me.
766
00:42:07,460 --> 00:42:11,590
Well, it seems like we're both
trying new things, then.
767
00:42:11,740 --> 00:42:16,428
What I'm talking about is a good,
old-fashioned crush on a boy.
768
00:42:16,580 --> 00:42:20,471
- Yeah, his name is Toby.
- Toby.
769
00:42:20,940 --> 00:42:24,149
Yeah, I was kind of having trouble
getting him to notice me,
770
00:42:24,300 --> 00:42:27,270
so I've brought on a sensei.
771
00:42:28,980 --> 00:42:30,027
Wesley Rush.
772
00:42:30,780 --> 00:42:32,589
Wesley Rush?
773
00:42:32,740 --> 00:42:34,390
- From next door?
- Okay.
774
00:42:34,540 --> 00:42:36,542
Honey, why don't you just go
to Jess and Casey?
775
00:42:36,700 --> 00:42:39,067
You always trust their advice.
776
00:42:39,220 --> 00:42:43,066
I just thought I'd branch out.
777
00:42:43,580 --> 00:42:44,911
Okay.
778
00:42:45,780 --> 00:42:47,782
Actually, I mean,
what had happened was, I was at...
779
00:42:47,940 --> 00:42:49,510
Was this sensei thing your idea?
780
00:42:50,260 --> 00:42:52,388
- Yeah, but I...
- Good.
781
00:42:52,820 --> 00:42:55,187
That means you're being mentally
tough and making decisions.
782
00:42:55,340 --> 00:42:57,024
That's what half of my last book
was about.
783
00:42:57,180 --> 00:43:00,309
When you become proactive,
your problems become subtractive,
784
00:43:00,460 --> 00:43:02,189
and then good things
are bound to happen.
785
00:43:02,340 --> 00:43:06,982
Wow, okay.
Little of the old proactive, subtractive.
786
00:43:07,140 --> 00:43:10,428
Got it. I'll remember that
if you remember no more duck face.
787
00:43:10,620 --> 00:43:13,624
- No duck head.
- Duck face.
788
00:43:15,100 --> 00:43:17,626
Oh, I got a flirty.
789
00:43:18,620 --> 00:43:21,021
Mazel tov, Dottie.
790
00:43:24,540 --> 00:43:26,542
Do you know what you're wearing
for homecoming yet?
791
00:43:26,700 --> 00:43:29,226
Because I can't find anything.
Do you think short, long?
792
00:43:29,380 --> 00:43:31,382
What do you think?
793
00:43:33,380 --> 00:43:37,942
Despite missing my ex-best friends,
my mom was right.
794
00:43:38,100 --> 00:43:40,228
I could sense that good things
were about to happen.
795
00:43:41,420 --> 00:43:42,831
Come on.
796
00:43:43,300 --> 00:43:45,428
- It's been two weeks. This is crazy.
- I know.
797
00:43:52,980 --> 00:43:55,301
Toby Tucker,
I've loved you for a long time.
798
00:43:55,780 --> 00:43:57,509
- Mr. Tucker.
- Wes.
799
00:43:57,660 --> 00:44:00,061
Oh, my God. Big, fat ass.
800
00:44:01,460 --> 00:44:02,746
Big, fat ass.
801
00:44:04,100 --> 00:44:06,228
Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle.
802
00:44:06,980 --> 00:44:08,425
At least it only has six views.
803
00:44:15,020 --> 00:44:16,431
Oh, Toby, don't stop.
804
00:44:16,580 --> 00:44:18,230
Don't stop.
805
00:44:18,380 --> 00:44:19,950
I wanna be your wife.
806
00:44:20,100 --> 00:44:22,421
How do we look together?
How do we look together?
807
00:44:22,580 --> 00:44:24,070
- The most beautiful couple?
- My God.
808
00:44:25,420 --> 00:44:27,149
Is that Bianca Piper?
809
00:44:27,300 --> 00:44:29,871
Yep. Oh, my God, that is so horrible.
810
00:44:30,020 --> 00:44:32,910
I would hate it if that was me
and people saw this.
811
00:44:33,060 --> 00:44:36,189
- I should totally forward this.
- Me too.
812
00:44:36,340 --> 00:44:38,069
- Viral?
- Viral.
813
00:45:07,500 --> 00:45:09,104
Oh, Toby.
814
00:45:55,940 --> 00:45:57,783
Did you read the comments on that video?
815
00:45:57,940 --> 00:46:01,183
Yeah. It says, "That mannequin
just made out with a five."
816
00:46:01,340 --> 00:46:04,025
Oh, my God, he called her a five.
817
00:46:04,180 --> 00:46:08,026
"Bianca Piper's ass
means the terrorists have won."
818
00:46:08,180 --> 00:46:09,670
I feel bad for Toby.
819
00:46:09,820 --> 00:46:12,300
"Flash mob hump session
on Toby at 3:30"?
820
00:46:12,460 --> 00:46:16,909
- He's gotta be so embarrassed.
- His senior year is going to suck.
821
00:46:20,860 --> 00:46:22,749
They do not clean those mirrors.
822
00:46:22,940 --> 00:46:25,625
- Oh, that is awful.
- Whatever.
823
00:46:25,780 --> 00:46:28,511
Listen, she's the one
that ended things with us, Jess.
824
00:46:28,660 --> 00:46:31,425
- I love your eyes, they're so...
- Just make that go away.
825
00:46:31,580 --> 00:46:34,106
- Toby...
- Casey, shut the site down now.
826
00:46:34,260 --> 00:46:35,671
Okay, fine.
827
00:46:36,660 --> 00:46:38,469
Oh, my...
828
00:46:39,300 --> 00:46:42,668
You know Bianca well. Do you think
she'd put this up to get attention?
829
00:46:46,900 --> 00:46:48,868
Not likely.
830
00:46:49,020 --> 00:46:51,102
Don't we just look so cute together?
831
00:46:53,900 --> 00:46:55,664
Problem solved.
832
00:46:56,340 --> 00:46:58,388
Solved my ass.
833
00:46:58,540 --> 00:47:01,908
This school, this entire school,
is filled with cyber bullies.
834
00:47:02,100 --> 00:47:04,990
Do you know what that means?
That means retaliation videos.
835
00:47:05,140 --> 00:47:06,665
Comments, likes, tweets, memes,
836
00:47:06,860 --> 00:47:09,625
and whatever the hell else they do
to each other nowadays.
837
00:47:09,820 --> 00:47:11,151
It's like a prison yard out there.
838
00:47:11,300 --> 00:47:13,746
Look, don't you think you're
overreacting just a little bit?
839
00:47:13,900 --> 00:47:15,140
Have you not seen Dateline?
840
00:47:15,300 --> 00:47:17,348
Catfish? Pretty Little Liars?
841
00:47:17,500 --> 00:47:18,831
- What?
- Nothing.
842
00:47:19,380 --> 00:47:21,986
Look, having had experience
in this area,
843
00:47:22,140 --> 00:47:25,701
I think we gotta deal with this
in a way that's private and sensitive.
844
00:47:25,860 --> 00:47:28,784
Yes, yes, we do not negotiate
with terrorists.
845
00:47:29,180 --> 00:47:31,228
That is the opposite
of what I just said.
846
00:47:35,220 --> 00:47:38,383
Attention, students.
The halls of our prestigious institution
847
00:47:38,540 --> 00:47:43,148
have been compromised
by the stench of cyber bullying.
848
00:47:43,300 --> 00:47:45,541
It is the stench of ones and zeroes,
849
00:47:45,700 --> 00:47:49,750
and electronic hardware probably
manufactured somewhere in China.
850
00:47:49,940 --> 00:47:53,661
But these "YOLO terrorists"
will not be tolerated.
851
00:47:53,860 --> 00:47:57,421
Malloy High will now be put
under Internet martial law.
852
00:47:57,860 --> 00:47:59,828
- That's right.
- Each student will be required
853
00:47:59,980 --> 00:48:02,870
to turn in their phones to teachers
and retrieve at the end of the day
854
00:48:03,020 --> 00:48:05,227
until we have gotten
to the bottom of this.
855
00:48:05,380 --> 00:48:08,429
No more phone.
Oh, can you hear me now, jerks?
856
00:48:08,580 --> 00:48:11,470
There will be no Vine,
no Flickr, no Tumblr,
857
00:48:11,620 --> 00:48:13,987
no Tinder, no Facebook, no Hulu,
858
00:48:14,140 --> 00:48:16,142
- Just say no Internet, we get it.
- No Grindr,
859
00:48:16,340 --> 00:48:21,631
no WhatsApp, no Instagram,
no Pinterest, no wiki anything.
860
00:48:22,420 --> 00:48:23,785
That is all.
861
00:48:23,940 --> 00:48:25,021
Fight on, Blue Devils.
862
00:48:25,180 --> 00:48:27,387
Oh, and remember, it gets better.
863
00:48:27,540 --> 00:48:29,349
- What?
- You heard him.
864
00:48:29,500 --> 00:48:30,740
Drop them in the box.
865
00:48:30,940 --> 00:48:33,989
You can pick them up
after school, maybe.
866
00:48:34,140 --> 00:48:37,110
God, I've waited a long time for this.
867
00:48:37,260 --> 00:48:39,103
All of them, Robert.
868
00:48:42,900 --> 00:48:45,585
All of them.
869
00:48:47,620 --> 00:48:49,110
Thank you.
870
00:48:51,620 --> 00:48:52,701
What's that buzzing I hear?
871
00:48:58,820 --> 00:48:59,901
Dick.
872
00:49:00,060 --> 00:49:02,108
That's gross.
873
00:49:02,620 --> 00:49:04,782
Oh, I don't think he meant me too.
874
00:49:04,940 --> 00:49:07,147
Hit "send," drop.
875
00:49:09,740 --> 00:49:12,311
When I went to high school in the '90s,
we didn't have emoticons.
876
00:49:12,460 --> 00:49:14,622
We had actual facial expressions.
877
00:49:14,820 --> 00:49:16,151
Look into it.
878
00:49:16,860 --> 00:49:18,350
What's up, narc?
879
00:49:18,500 --> 00:49:20,821
Not only was I the school's
most famous DUFF,
880
00:49:20,980 --> 00:49:22,630
I was now the least-liked person in it.
881
00:49:22,780 --> 00:49:25,670
- Thanks for destroying my life.
- I just thought of something funny,
882
00:49:25,820 --> 00:49:27,948
and now nobody's gonna know.
Hope you're happy.
883
00:49:28,100 --> 00:49:29,670
These are useless.
884
00:49:29,820 --> 00:49:32,505
It could not have gotten worse.
885
00:49:33,140 --> 00:49:34,380
Oh, wait.
886
00:49:34,540 --> 00:49:35,905
Of course, it could.
887
00:49:58,460 --> 00:50:00,144
Yeah, Matt and I,
last cup, boom, hit it.
888
00:50:00,300 --> 00:50:01,347
You happy now?
889
00:50:02,100 --> 00:50:03,465
Is this one of your lessons?
890
00:50:03,660 --> 00:50:07,551
Hey, dummy humper, I found you
a new boyfriend in health class.
891
00:50:07,700 --> 00:50:08,940
This is Toby too.
892
00:50:09,100 --> 00:50:10,511
What do you think?
893
00:50:10,660 --> 00:50:11,741
Oh, Toby.
894
00:50:12,260 --> 00:50:13,989
Oh, just give it to me, Toby.
895
00:50:14,140 --> 00:50:17,303
Oh, just a little pinch right there.
Just... Oh, he's dirty.
896
00:50:17,460 --> 00:50:19,303
Oh, he's going to town on me, Toby.
897
00:50:19,460 --> 00:50:21,428
- Oh, Toby.
- Are you gonna do anything?
898
00:50:21,580 --> 00:50:24,026
You're my special little Toby.
I can take you home with me.
899
00:50:24,940 --> 00:50:26,908
Boobs look good. New bra?
900
00:50:29,340 --> 00:50:31,024
Thanks a lot.
901
00:50:32,620 --> 00:50:34,509
Oh, peaches and pears.
902
00:50:34,660 --> 00:50:37,027
- Can I have peaches and pears?
- Okay.
903
00:50:52,500 --> 00:50:56,107
Hey, Bianca, it's Wesley.
904
00:51:00,740 --> 00:51:03,346
Hey, look, I just...
I wanted to say that...
905
00:51:06,380 --> 00:51:07,541
Can I come in?
906
00:51:13,500 --> 00:51:15,150
I deserved that.
907
00:51:17,860 --> 00:51:19,191
Here.
908
00:51:19,940 --> 00:51:22,147
I promise, I didn't
send the video, okay?
909
00:51:22,300 --> 00:51:24,871
I overheard Madison bragging about it
to her friends.
910
00:51:25,020 --> 00:51:28,342
I mean, the angles weren't even
from where I was sitting.
911
00:51:32,300 --> 00:51:33,825
Why is your hand messed up?
912
00:51:33,980 --> 00:51:37,382
Well, you're not the only one
running around punching people today.
913
00:51:37,540 --> 00:51:39,702
No one else sees that video.
Tell everyone.
914
00:51:39,860 --> 00:51:41,624
I don't know that many people.
915
00:51:41,780 --> 00:51:45,307
Well, make some more friends
and tell them.
916
00:51:46,580 --> 00:51:47,661
What?
917
00:51:53,300 --> 00:51:54,984
Thanks.
918
00:51:55,540 --> 00:51:58,510
I've never had anybody
go on a punching spree for me before.
919
00:51:58,980 --> 00:52:00,186
Well, don't get used to it.
920
00:52:00,340 --> 00:52:02,183
Now there's rumors going around
I'm on 'roids.
921
00:52:02,900 --> 00:52:06,825
- Aren't you?
- Well, irregardless...
922
00:52:06,980 --> 00:52:11,668
- Not a word.
- Well, irregardless of that...
923
00:52:12,180 --> 00:52:14,342
- A little peace offering.
- Oh, my God.
924
00:52:14,540 --> 00:52:17,908
Wes, the dress?
925
00:52:18,060 --> 00:52:19,505
You didn't have to do this.
926
00:52:19,660 --> 00:52:21,901
I never should've called you
the DUFF, okay?
927
00:52:22,060 --> 00:52:23,869
That was stupid.
928
00:52:24,060 --> 00:52:26,745
- We good?
- We're good.
929
00:52:26,900 --> 00:52:28,584
Thank you.
930
00:52:28,740 --> 00:52:31,869
You know what's not good
is I saw Toby today.
931
00:52:32,060 --> 00:52:33,425
He could barely look at me.
932
00:52:33,580 --> 00:52:36,470
I think I'm just gonna, like,
write him a really long letter
933
00:52:36,620 --> 00:52:37,667
just apologizing profusely
934
00:52:37,820 --> 00:52:40,221
and, you know, maybe send him
an Edible Arrangement.
935
00:52:40,380 --> 00:52:41,620
Stop, stop. Edible Arrangement?
936
00:52:41,820 --> 00:52:44,630
Look, you don't have to apologize
for anything, okay?
937
00:52:44,820 --> 00:52:47,061
- Step six...
- Let's let the steps go.
938
00:52:47,220 --> 00:52:50,861
Step six: just own it. Grow some balls.
939
00:52:51,020 --> 00:52:55,184
Tell him you know the video sucks,
but you're into him, and to deal with it.
940
00:52:55,340 --> 00:52:57,308
And if he's still weird, he's a jackass.
941
00:52:57,500 --> 00:52:59,502
Sometimes it's that simple.
942
00:52:59,660 --> 00:53:01,708
Now, I'm off to study Hess's law
943
00:53:01,860 --> 00:53:04,750
and how it relates
to enthalpic chemical change.
944
00:53:05,700 --> 00:53:07,907
Who are you
and what have you done with Wes?
945
00:53:08,060 --> 00:53:09,710
Or maybe I'll just Google
celeb nip slips.
946
00:53:09,860 --> 00:53:11,350
Curtains open.
947
00:53:11,700 --> 00:53:13,111
- There he is.
- See you tomorrow.
948
00:53:13,260 --> 00:53:14,785
See you.
949
00:53:18,380 --> 00:53:20,826
- Here are your phones, kids.
- Thank you.
950
00:53:21,020 --> 00:53:24,547
- Thanks.
- Oh, yeah.
951
00:53:25,580 --> 00:53:27,344
Thanks.
952
00:53:27,500 --> 00:53:28,831
Everyone, get your phones.
953
00:53:28,980 --> 00:53:30,266
Thank you.
954
00:53:31,100 --> 00:53:32,545
Hey, you're welcome.
955
00:53:37,060 --> 00:53:38,505
Hey there.
956
00:53:38,660 --> 00:53:39,946
Hey, Bianca.
957
00:53:41,300 --> 00:53:44,383
Got a second to talk to a fan?
958
00:53:44,540 --> 00:53:46,065
Yeah, sure, what's up?
959
00:53:47,260 --> 00:53:49,911
I'm assuming you've seen the video.
960
00:53:51,060 --> 00:53:54,382
- Yeah.
- It's true.
961
00:53:54,540 --> 00:53:57,271
I am into you.
962
00:53:57,420 --> 00:54:00,310
And so I thought
I should just be straightforward
963
00:54:00,460 --> 00:54:01,950
and tell you to your face.
964
00:54:03,860 --> 00:54:05,589
I'm flattered.
965
00:54:05,740 --> 00:54:07,026
And impressed.
966
00:54:08,420 --> 00:54:10,946
Not a lot of people would have
the balls to say all that.
967
00:54:11,100 --> 00:54:13,023
Well, that's my whole thing.
968
00:54:13,180 --> 00:54:15,911
- Big old balls.
- Right.
969
00:54:17,820 --> 00:54:20,585
I think this is the first time
that you and I have ever really talked.
970
00:54:21,940 --> 00:54:23,021
It's kind of nice.
971
00:54:23,580 --> 00:54:25,389
Yeah, it is.
972
00:54:25,900 --> 00:54:27,629
- All right, well...
- Okay.
973
00:54:27,780 --> 00:54:28,986
- Well, yeah.
- So...
974
00:54:29,140 --> 00:54:31,746
- I'll see you around.
- Okay.
975
00:54:31,900 --> 00:54:33,390
- All right.
- Thanks.
976
00:54:33,540 --> 00:54:35,668
- See you.
- Bye.
977
00:54:35,820 --> 00:54:37,948
Bye. We said it at the same time.
978
00:54:38,140 --> 00:54:40,142
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.
979
00:54:40,740 --> 00:54:42,230
Oh, shit.
980
00:54:44,620 --> 00:54:46,543
We should hang out sometime.
981
00:54:47,420 --> 00:54:50,549
Yeah, I'd like that.
982
00:54:50,740 --> 00:54:53,505
- How's this Friday?
- This Friday...
983
00:54:53,700 --> 00:54:56,943
is gonna be fine for me. It's good.
984
00:54:57,100 --> 00:54:58,340
Cool. Meet at my house?
985
00:54:58,540 --> 00:55:01,111
- Seven o'clock?
- Yes, 7 is good.
986
00:55:01,260 --> 00:55:03,024
- All right.
- See you.
987
00:55:03,180 --> 00:55:05,626
- Bye.
- Bye.
988
00:55:05,780 --> 00:55:07,191
Bye.
989
00:55:26,980 --> 00:55:28,345
- Wes.
- Hey.
990
00:55:28,500 --> 00:55:29,945
- What the hell?
- You embarrassed?
991
00:55:30,100 --> 00:55:32,102
- Now you know how it feels.
- Whoa, who let her in?
992
00:55:32,260 --> 00:55:35,264
- Wes?
- Whoa, Bianca, what the hell is this?
993
00:55:35,420 --> 00:55:38,344
Kind of looks like a penis,
only smaller.
994
00:55:38,980 --> 00:55:40,550
Wes?
995
00:55:41,540 --> 00:55:43,861
Wow, boys' locker room. Nice.
996
00:55:46,340 --> 00:55:50,026
I need to talk to you about something.
997
00:55:50,180 --> 00:55:52,547
- So...
- What?
998
00:55:52,700 --> 00:55:55,670
- You have a question?
- Yeah. Don't do that.
999
00:55:56,980 --> 00:55:58,584
Question? You do.
1000
00:55:58,740 --> 00:56:00,265
- Stop.
- You don't.
1001
00:56:01,340 --> 00:56:03,104
Come on, please. It's important.
1002
00:56:03,260 --> 00:56:04,989
- What do you want?
- Let's go.
1003
00:56:05,140 --> 00:56:06,585
Okay.
1004
00:56:08,540 --> 00:56:10,224
- So you asked him out?
- Yeah.
1005
00:56:10,380 --> 00:56:11,461
- That's awesome.
- Yeah.
1006
00:56:11,620 --> 00:56:13,429
What's the problem?
1007
00:56:13,620 --> 00:56:18,228
If you must know, I've never been
on an actual date before.
1008
00:56:19,660 --> 00:56:21,947
Okay, okay. Sit down, sit down.
1009
00:56:22,100 --> 00:56:24,228
We got this. Come here. All right.
1010
00:56:28,860 --> 00:56:31,386
Step seven: the date.
Okay, we need a plan.
1011
00:56:31,540 --> 00:56:34,510
You think a football team runs
on the field without a strategy?
1012
00:56:35,700 --> 00:56:38,624
- Exactly, no. Of course, they don't.
- No, of course, they don't.
1013
00:56:38,780 --> 00:56:41,750
You want this date to end with you
making out, you need to think ahead.
1014
00:56:41,900 --> 00:56:44,744
So give me the vibe of the restaurant
you're going for.
1015
00:56:44,900 --> 00:56:46,948
Okay, I'm thinking something
kind of trendy,
1016
00:56:47,100 --> 00:56:49,228
you know, kind of hipster, maybe unique?
1017
00:56:49,380 --> 00:56:50,745
Done. Dave & Buster's.
1018
00:56:51,900 --> 00:56:55,109
- The place with the metal claw game?
- You bet your ass.
1019
00:56:55,580 --> 00:56:59,027
Okay, you, Toby. Let's get started.
1020
00:56:59,940 --> 00:57:03,103
Worst scenario is if you get seated at
a table right across from each other.
1021
00:57:03,260 --> 00:57:06,628
Okay, no one's making out if they're
3 feet apart. Simple geology.
1022
00:57:06,780 --> 00:57:08,782
You need a booth, okay?
It's better for flirting,
1023
00:57:08,940 --> 00:57:12,990
not-so-accidental touching,
making out. Game on.
1024
00:57:13,140 --> 00:57:16,383
Wow, I had no idea guys like you
even thought about this kind of stuff.
1025
00:57:16,540 --> 00:57:19,987
Well, that's because you're racist
against jocks. You're a jock-cist.
1026
00:57:20,540 --> 00:57:21,951
Okay, moving on.
1027
00:57:22,140 --> 00:57:24,347
Okay, so how do you
set the tone at dinner?
1028
00:57:24,860 --> 00:57:29,024
Lighting matters, okay?
The darker the booth, the better.
1029
00:57:29,740 --> 00:57:32,664
Lighting, dark booth.
Got it. What's next?
1030
00:57:32,860 --> 00:57:33,941
Body language.
1031
00:57:34,820 --> 00:57:35,821
Is he leaning in?
1032
00:57:37,500 --> 00:57:39,821
- Is he sitting close?
- I don't know...
1033
00:57:39,980 --> 00:57:41,709
And then it's all about interaction.
1034
00:57:41,860 --> 00:57:43,305
Is he trying to impress you?
1035
00:57:45,300 --> 00:57:48,110
Does he say complimentary things to you?
1036
00:57:48,260 --> 00:57:50,991
If yes, chances are
he's gonna make his move.
1037
00:57:51,140 --> 00:57:53,268
And touchdown.
1038
00:57:53,460 --> 00:57:54,507
Wes.
1039
00:57:54,660 --> 00:57:56,662
I always wanted to do that
to the coach's board.
1040
00:57:56,820 --> 00:57:58,788
It's big because it's on a chalkboard.
1041
00:57:58,940 --> 00:58:01,341
We gotta go. Come on.
Let's go, let's go.
1042
00:58:03,660 --> 00:58:07,142
Hey, DUFF queen, wanna show me
some of them moves?
1043
00:58:08,980 --> 00:58:10,550
- Bianca?
- Yes.
1044
00:58:10,700 --> 00:58:13,021
The video was hysterical. Eat a dick.
1045
00:58:13,180 --> 00:58:16,070
Thanks. I just had a bagel,
though, so I'm full.
1046
00:58:16,220 --> 00:58:18,905
Mr. Arthur, I'm really sorry. I...
1047
00:58:19,060 --> 00:58:21,540
No, don't worry about it.
Step into my hallway.
1048
00:58:21,740 --> 00:58:25,187
I don't play favorites,
but you're my favorite.
1049
00:58:26,340 --> 00:58:29,867
You ever heard the phrase,
"The pen is mightier than the sword"?
1050
00:58:30,020 --> 00:58:31,863
Yeah, and in this case,
1051
00:58:32,020 --> 00:58:35,069
a bunch of kids anonymously typing
whatever comments they want
1052
00:58:35,220 --> 00:58:36,745
feels like an atomic bomb,
1053
00:58:36,900 --> 00:58:39,870
and that's definitely mightier
than a sword.
1054
00:58:40,020 --> 00:58:43,661
So make your writing
have a positive effect.
1055
00:58:43,820 --> 00:58:46,630
As in a certain
homecoming article that's due.
1056
00:58:46,780 --> 00:58:49,147
Oh, please, Mr. Arthur,
1057
00:58:49,300 --> 00:58:51,701
the last thing I wanna do
is go to a place
1058
00:58:51,860 --> 00:58:54,022
where everybody hates me
and then write about it.
1059
00:58:54,180 --> 00:58:56,069
I picked you for a reason.
1060
00:58:56,220 --> 00:59:00,191
And whatever you write, I'm running it
as our lead, so make it count.
1061
00:59:00,340 --> 00:59:04,948
Inspire us. Remember,
the pen is mightier than the sword.
1062
00:59:06,380 --> 00:59:08,428
Simon, get your finger out of there.
1063
00:59:08,620 --> 00:59:11,351
- You're not my father.
- Yes, I am your daddy, Simon.
1064
00:59:14,540 --> 00:59:16,861
What do you want me to say?
I have nothing to say.
1065
00:59:17,020 --> 00:59:20,661
I do everything around this house
and you don't do...
1066
00:59:20,820 --> 00:59:23,027
- Oh, here we go.
- Well, it's the truth.
1067
00:59:23,220 --> 00:59:24,585
Wesley, will you get the door?!
1068
00:59:24,740 --> 00:59:27,141
Oh, don't yell at him.
He has nothing to do with this.
1069
00:59:27,300 --> 00:59:29,223
Save it for therapy, okay, honey?
1070
00:59:29,380 --> 00:59:32,827
- Wesley, get the door!
- Okay, enough, I got it.
1071
00:59:33,020 --> 00:59:34,829
Hey, ready to go get down
1072
00:59:35,020 --> 00:59:38,502
- with some bro-valent electrons?
- Yeah.
1073
00:59:46,140 --> 00:59:49,701
- Do you wanna talk about it?
- I'd like to not talk.
1074
00:59:50,620 --> 00:59:52,748
Well, I know just the place.
1075
00:59:56,940 --> 00:59:59,466
You see why I need that scholarship?
1076
01:00:02,860 --> 01:00:04,783
Hey, B, where the hell are we going?
1077
01:00:04,940 --> 01:00:07,261
My special place. You'll see.
1078
01:00:07,500 --> 01:00:09,946
- Is this where you kill me?
- Yes.
1079
01:00:10,140 --> 01:00:12,063
They're never gonna find you out here.
1080
01:00:16,580 --> 01:00:19,709
I give you Think Rock.
1081
01:00:23,420 --> 01:00:24,990
What happens here?
1082
01:00:25,140 --> 01:00:30,306
Well, it's gonna blow your mind,
but sit on the rock.
1083
01:00:31,140 --> 01:00:32,141
Good, good.
1084
01:00:32,300 --> 01:00:35,668
And then you think.
1085
01:00:36,300 --> 01:00:37,825
Try it.
1086
01:00:42,860 --> 01:00:44,783
How'd you find this place?
1087
01:00:44,940 --> 01:00:47,261
I used to run up here a lot with Pepper,
1088
01:00:47,420 --> 01:00:51,505
and she would always make
a direct beeline to this rock.
1089
01:00:51,660 --> 01:00:53,469
I remember Pepper.
1090
01:00:53,820 --> 01:00:55,424
How's she doing?
1091
01:00:56,100 --> 01:00:58,023
I guess she's okay.
1092
01:00:58,180 --> 01:01:01,423
When my parents got divorced,
my mom wanted custody of me,
1093
01:01:01,580 --> 01:01:04,550
and my dad wanted custody of the dog.
1094
01:01:05,220 --> 01:01:08,861
Yeah, so I think that pretty much
sums it up right there.
1095
01:01:15,220 --> 01:01:16,745
Are your...?
1096
01:01:17,860 --> 01:01:21,103
- Are your parents gonna get divorced?
- God, I hope so.
1097
01:01:21,260 --> 01:01:23,786
I just... I...
1098
01:01:25,860 --> 01:01:27,544
It's okay.
1099
01:01:28,340 --> 01:01:30,104
It's not okay.
1100
01:01:31,180 --> 01:01:32,864
But it will be.
1101
01:01:33,460 --> 01:01:34,507
I promise.
1102
01:01:46,940 --> 01:01:49,750
I'm sorry, I didn't...
1103
01:01:49,900 --> 01:01:51,789
No, I... It's okay, I...
1104
01:01:51,940 --> 01:01:54,068
- What...? Were you...?
- That... You know what?
1105
01:01:54,220 --> 01:01:58,111
That was... That was practice.
1106
01:01:58,420 --> 01:02:00,229
Sorry, practice for...?
1107
01:02:00,380 --> 01:02:03,145
For step eight, okay, for...
Of the plan.
1108
01:02:03,300 --> 01:02:07,828
That was practice in case you hadn't
made out with anyone in a while.
1109
01:02:09,820 --> 01:02:11,629
It's all part of the plan?
1110
01:02:11,780 --> 01:02:15,626
It's just practice, just a
guerrilla-style practice session?
1111
01:02:15,780 --> 01:02:17,464
Sneak attack.
1112
01:02:18,380 --> 01:02:20,030
Really?
1113
01:02:20,940 --> 01:02:22,510
Okay.
1114
01:02:24,700 --> 01:02:27,021
Is that what it felt like?
1115
01:02:27,300 --> 01:02:31,749
That I hadn't made out with anyone
in a while or whatever?
1116
01:02:31,900 --> 01:02:35,825
Well, I mean, I'm more
of a tongue guy myself, but...
1117
01:02:35,980 --> 01:02:39,507
You don't say? I think
I felt it poking out my butthole.
1118
01:02:39,660 --> 01:02:42,743
So far down my throat.
1119
01:02:43,540 --> 01:02:45,542
Are you giving me kissing advice?
1120
01:02:46,260 --> 01:02:47,705
Man, I guess I am.
1121
01:02:47,860 --> 01:02:50,101
- B.
- You need it.
1122
01:02:50,420 --> 01:02:51,706
That's how people kiss.
1123
01:02:53,780 --> 01:02:55,350
In porn, maybe.
1124
01:02:55,500 --> 01:02:56,706
What's wrong with porn?
1125
01:02:56,860 --> 01:03:00,788
If this was a porn movie, we wouldn't be
sitting on a rock having a conversation.
1126
01:03:00,980 --> 01:03:03,301
You know, you'd be bringing me a pizza
1127
01:03:03,460 --> 01:03:06,987
or, you know, cleaning my pool.
1128
01:03:07,140 --> 01:03:09,427
How old is the porn you're watching?
1129
01:03:09,580 --> 01:03:12,060
That doesn't... That's not...
That's not even a thing anymore.
1130
01:03:12,220 --> 01:03:14,109
They don't do that?
1131
01:03:14,940 --> 01:03:16,669
All right, you know what?
1132
01:03:17,100 --> 01:03:18,829
I'm gonna give you a lesson.
1133
01:03:18,980 --> 01:03:21,506
It's gonna be free.
The first one's always free.
1134
01:03:21,660 --> 01:03:23,788
All right, this is how girls
like to be kissed.
1135
01:03:23,940 --> 01:03:26,181
- We're doing this?
- We're doing this.
1136
01:03:27,460 --> 01:03:29,110
Close your eyes.
1137
01:03:29,660 --> 01:03:32,584
- Ready.
- Okay, okay. Lean in.
1138
01:03:34,180 --> 01:03:36,751
Go slow, okay? Let the tension build.
1139
01:03:37,340 --> 01:03:38,501
So much to learn.
1140
01:03:38,660 --> 01:03:41,504
- Okay, ready?
- No.
1141
01:03:42,580 --> 01:03:45,629
Okay, now lean in.
1142
01:03:46,060 --> 01:03:47,550
Slow.
1143
01:03:50,860 --> 01:03:52,510
Oh, no.
1144
01:03:52,660 --> 01:03:53,866
That was a good one.
1145
01:03:54,020 --> 01:03:56,864
You are a phenomenal kisser.
1146
01:03:57,220 --> 01:03:59,700
- Thank you. That's how we like it.
- What is that?
1147
01:04:02,700 --> 01:04:04,782
Are you feeling a little better?
1148
01:04:05,540 --> 01:04:07,508
Yeah, okay, a little bit.
1149
01:04:07,940 --> 01:04:09,783
You're welcome.
1150
01:04:09,940 --> 01:04:11,101
Come on, let's go.
1151
01:04:11,300 --> 01:04:13,109
We have a date with the periodic chart.
1152
01:04:13,300 --> 01:04:15,701
The only periodic chart I know
is the one that tells me
1153
01:04:15,860 --> 01:04:19,023
what time of the month
to avoid Madison. Hey!
1154
01:04:19,220 --> 01:04:21,871
- I'm not gonna high-five you on that.
- Come on, science jokes.
1155
01:04:22,060 --> 01:04:24,666
Know how they say,
"The hills have eyes"?
1156
01:04:24,820 --> 01:04:26,424
Well, it turns out
the shrubs have bitches
1157
01:04:26,580 --> 01:04:29,106
- who videotape everything.
- Oh, here we go.
1158
01:04:29,260 --> 01:04:31,581
- Well, you don't.
- You ever been kicked in the nuts?
1159
01:04:31,740 --> 01:04:34,903
Oh, God, you always come back with that.
1160
01:04:36,900 --> 01:04:40,666
- Hey, B.
- Madison, how are you?
1161
01:04:40,820 --> 01:04:43,551
Do you wanna see something
hysterical? Hold on.
1162
01:04:43,940 --> 01:04:45,624
Watch this.
1163
01:04:47,620 --> 01:04:50,021
Did you see the way
that guy looked at you?
1164
01:04:50,180 --> 01:04:51,784
- This part's the best.
- Definitely not.
1165
01:04:53,140 --> 01:04:54,824
Wait, just look at your face.
1166
01:04:55,860 --> 01:04:58,704
Oh, don't worry, it's a working title.
1167
01:04:58,860 --> 01:05:03,309
You know, I was thinking maybe
"retail slut" or just "slut whore."
1168
01:05:03,820 --> 01:05:05,629
You thought the first video was bad.
1169
01:05:05,780 --> 01:05:08,147
Boy, this one's gonna destroy you.
1170
01:05:08,580 --> 01:05:10,105
What do you want from me?
1171
01:05:10,260 --> 01:05:13,423
Oh, I think it's adorable that Wesley
indulged you in a pity make-out.
1172
01:05:13,580 --> 01:05:15,105
Oh, no, no.
1173
01:05:15,380 --> 01:05:17,189
I don't even know how you...
1174
01:05:17,340 --> 01:05:19,183
But it... That wasn't
what it looked like.
1175
01:05:19,340 --> 01:05:20,751
Yeah, no shit, it's not.
1176
01:05:20,900 --> 01:05:22,948
Because Wesley and I
are getting back together.
1177
01:05:24,700 --> 01:05:27,510
- Is Wesley aware of this?
- He will be made aware.
1178
01:05:28,140 --> 01:05:32,111
- Look, Bianca, I've tried to be nice.
- Have you?
1179
01:05:32,260 --> 01:05:33,989
So let me put this a little differently.
1180
01:05:34,140 --> 01:05:36,620
I don't like people
thinking of my ex-boyfriend
1181
01:05:36,780 --> 01:05:38,464
hitting it with someone like you.
1182
01:05:38,620 --> 01:05:40,031
The thing you have to understand
1183
01:05:40,220 --> 01:05:43,986
is what happens in high school
is gonna stay with us forever.
1184
01:05:44,180 --> 01:05:47,389
Most people don't think that,
but then again, most people are losers.
1185
01:05:48,340 --> 01:05:51,549
- Fascinating.
- People like me matter here.
1186
01:05:51,700 --> 01:05:53,623
People like you will never matter.
1187
01:05:54,340 --> 01:05:56,991
So stop messing it up
for those of us who do.
1188
01:05:57,980 --> 01:05:59,709
See you in math.
1189
01:06:02,460 --> 01:06:03,985
In the past, her threat alone
1190
01:06:04,140 --> 01:06:06,108
would've been enough
to make me hide under my bed.
1191
01:06:06,260 --> 01:06:09,707
But I wasn't even trying to hook up
with Wesley Rush.
1192
01:06:09,860 --> 01:06:11,783
I couldn't even imagine it.
1193
01:06:14,020 --> 01:06:15,431
I'm horny for sex.
1194
01:06:16,740 --> 01:06:17,866
Oh, hey.
1195
01:06:18,020 --> 01:06:19,829
Someone's pool need cleaning?
1196
01:06:19,980 --> 01:06:22,187
Also I brought pizza.
1197
01:06:22,820 --> 01:06:26,506
And I like to have sex with girls.
1198
01:06:26,660 --> 01:06:28,662
I'm a girl.
1199
01:06:34,860 --> 01:06:36,271
Okay, maybe I could imagine it,
1200
01:06:36,420 --> 01:06:39,230
but I had to stay focused
on my Toby mission.
1201
01:06:44,380 --> 01:06:46,747
Date night. I worked up all my courage
1202
01:06:46,900 --> 01:06:49,028
and tried on the dress Wesley gave me.
1203
01:06:49,180 --> 01:06:52,901
In my head, I think I was expecting
some big reality-show reveal.
1204
01:06:53,060 --> 01:06:54,585
All right.
1205
01:06:54,860 --> 01:06:56,703
But it was just me.
1206
01:06:56,860 --> 01:06:58,749
Me in a dress.
1207
01:06:59,300 --> 01:07:01,871
Ma, I'm off to my big night.
1208
01:07:02,020 --> 01:07:03,909
Whoa, look at you.
1209
01:07:04,060 --> 01:07:05,630
Wow, look at you.
1210
01:07:05,780 --> 01:07:07,589
Look at you not in a pantsuit.
1211
01:07:07,740 --> 01:07:10,311
I know. I have my first Internet date.
1212
01:07:10,460 --> 01:07:14,067
We both like Thai food,
are athletically toned and lying about it.
1213
01:07:14,220 --> 01:07:16,063
Oh, my God.
1214
01:07:16,220 --> 01:07:18,826
- That dress is beautiful on you.
- Thanks.
1215
01:07:18,980 --> 01:07:21,506
- Wes gave it to me.
- Oh, what are you two doing tonight?
1216
01:07:22,180 --> 01:07:24,786
Oh, no, not...
I'm not going out with Wes.
1217
01:07:24,940 --> 01:07:28,103
I'm going out with Toby.
Toby's the guy that I like.
1218
01:07:28,260 --> 01:07:29,910
Right, well, that should be fun.
1219
01:07:30,060 --> 01:07:33,507
Yeah. I actually kind of feel
nervous about it
1220
01:07:33,660 --> 01:07:36,231
just because I feel like
I might say something stupid,
1221
01:07:36,420 --> 01:07:38,661
- and I don't really know when...
- Honey, stop.
1222
01:07:38,820 --> 01:07:42,029
Believe, retrieve, achieve.
1223
01:07:42,180 --> 01:07:44,069
It is a mantra
that I teach all of my clients
1224
01:07:44,260 --> 01:07:45,750
who suffer from performance anxiety.
1225
01:07:45,900 --> 01:07:47,982
Believe it happened yesterday.
1226
01:07:48,180 --> 01:07:49,466
Retrieve your confidence.
1227
01:07:49,620 --> 01:07:51,031
Achieve your goals.
1228
01:07:51,180 --> 01:07:52,591
Just don't conceive.
1229
01:07:53,860 --> 01:07:57,865
Okay. Well, I'm off to do some
believing and hopefully achieving.
1230
01:07:58,020 --> 01:08:00,466
- Love you, have fun.
- Unless there was something else.
1231
01:08:01,020 --> 01:08:03,864
Nope, I'm good. See you, have fun.
1232
01:08:12,260 --> 01:08:14,945
Hey, look at you.
1233
01:08:15,100 --> 01:08:16,989
Studying almost like
you were a real student.
1234
01:08:17,620 --> 01:08:19,827
Actually, I'm just waiting
for strangers to walk by
1235
01:08:19,980 --> 01:08:21,789
so I can show them this bad boy.
1236
01:08:23,740 --> 01:08:26,869
Oh, you're not the only B in my life.
Suck it, science.
1237
01:08:27,020 --> 01:08:28,749
That is actually incredible.
1238
01:08:28,900 --> 01:08:30,470
I can't believe it. Congratulations.
1239
01:08:30,620 --> 01:08:32,782
Coach says I might get to play
some football this year.
1240
01:08:32,940 --> 01:08:34,180
What?
1241
01:08:34,340 --> 01:08:36,866
I'm so proud of you. Good job.
1242
01:08:41,980 --> 01:08:45,951
- My dress.
- Not bad for a DUFF, am I right?
1243
01:08:46,340 --> 01:08:48,104
It's my big Toby date night.
1244
01:08:48,260 --> 01:08:50,103
Off to a nice evening
1245
01:08:50,260 --> 01:08:53,821
of talking about the finer things in life
with a fellow intellectual?
1246
01:08:53,980 --> 01:08:56,347
Yes, please.
1247
01:08:57,820 --> 01:09:00,790
So, I mean, how do I look?
Is this good, coach? Come on.
1248
01:09:01,980 --> 01:09:03,391
You look good.
1249
01:09:03,540 --> 01:09:06,510
Good? Wow, that's really a rave review.
1250
01:09:06,660 --> 01:09:10,585
I just mean that you look good,
but you don't look like you.
1251
01:09:11,660 --> 01:09:14,106
What? What are you talking about?
1252
01:09:14,260 --> 01:09:18,185
- What do you mean? No, tell me.
- Nothing, nothing. You look fantastic.
1253
01:09:18,340 --> 01:09:21,105
I got my grades up, you got your date.
We're good.
1254
01:09:22,020 --> 01:09:24,705
- Are you sure? You're being weird.
- You're being weird, okay?
1255
01:09:24,900 --> 01:09:27,028
- Go.
- Okay, I'll tell you how it goes.
1256
01:09:27,180 --> 01:09:29,023
- All right.
- Okay, bye.
1257
01:09:29,180 --> 01:09:30,420
Bye.
1258
01:09:30,780 --> 01:09:32,748
Wish me luck.
1259
01:09:32,900 --> 01:09:34,390
Good luck.
1260
01:09:48,380 --> 01:09:50,621
- Hey.
- Hi.
1261
01:09:50,780 --> 01:09:52,544
Come on in.
1262
01:09:53,620 --> 01:09:56,669
Wow, you really dressed up.
1263
01:09:56,820 --> 01:09:58,709
This old thing?
1264
01:09:59,500 --> 01:10:00,706
So hey, where do you wanna go?
1265
01:10:00,860 --> 01:10:03,227
Because I actually heard
that Dave & Buster's
1266
01:10:03,380 --> 01:10:06,429
is, like, the cool, hip new spot.
1267
01:10:06,580 --> 01:10:08,150
The place with the metal claw game?
1268
01:10:08,300 --> 01:10:10,746
- Yeah, that's the one. Fun, right?
- Yeah.
1269
01:10:10,900 --> 01:10:12,140
Well, I do love Dave & Buster's,
1270
01:10:12,300 --> 01:10:15,065
but I actually took the liberty
of making a reservation already.
1271
01:10:15,220 --> 01:10:18,144
Hope this is okay.
Thought we could eat here tonight.
1272
01:10:18,300 --> 01:10:21,463
I've been teaching myself
how to make sushi online.
1273
01:10:21,620 --> 01:10:23,782
I just thought it would be,
you know, more personal.
1274
01:10:23,940 --> 01:10:25,624
Yeah, I like that.
1275
01:10:25,780 --> 01:10:28,067
Oh, those are the baked crab rolls.
1276
01:10:28,260 --> 01:10:30,661
Make yourself at home.
That's Japanese tea, by the way.
1277
01:10:30,820 --> 01:10:33,221
- So enjoy.
- Okay.
1278
01:10:34,580 --> 01:10:36,867
Nightmare. I'd only been trained
for Dave & Buster's.
1279
01:10:37,060 --> 01:10:40,348
What did Wes say? That "no one's
making out if they're 3 feet apart."
1280
01:10:41,220 --> 01:10:42,460
Okay.
1281
01:10:46,140 --> 01:10:47,266
Oh, Jesus.
1282
01:10:58,020 --> 01:10:59,260
Hey.
1283
01:11:00,660 --> 01:11:03,630
- Everything okay?
- Oh, yeah. No, I was getting...
1284
01:11:03,780 --> 01:11:07,227
I was feeling, like, a draft over
when I was here,
1285
01:11:07,420 --> 01:11:10,663
so I just kind of scooted it on
over here.
1286
01:11:10,820 --> 01:11:13,221
- I can turn off the air.
- Oh, okay. Whatever.
1287
01:11:13,380 --> 01:11:15,223
That's probably a good idea.
1288
01:11:15,660 --> 01:11:18,391
The vibe. Darker the better.
1289
01:11:20,620 --> 01:11:22,031
Okay.
1290
01:11:23,220 --> 01:11:26,861
Really? What kind of light...?
1291
01:11:31,620 --> 01:11:33,941
- What?
- Hey, Bianca. That's better...
1292
01:11:34,660 --> 01:11:37,266
- Did we blow a fuse?
- I guess we did.
1293
01:11:37,420 --> 01:11:39,946
I was just over here
looking at this picture of you
1294
01:11:40,100 --> 01:11:42,990
in the tiny sweatpants, and it got dark.
1295
01:11:43,140 --> 01:11:44,346
I don't know. It's crazy.
1296
01:11:44,540 --> 01:11:46,668
I'll just flip the breakers,
turn all the lights on.
1297
01:11:46,820 --> 01:11:50,427
Oh, you're gonna turn all the...?
Turn them all back on? Okay.
1298
01:11:50,980 --> 01:11:54,348
- What?
- Hey, let there be light, right?
1299
01:11:54,500 --> 01:11:56,502
Yeah. From the Bible.
1300
01:11:56,660 --> 01:11:58,105
Cool. That's crazy.
1301
01:11:58,260 --> 01:12:01,343
- What's the crab doing right now?
- Oh, I'll go get him.
1302
01:12:01,500 --> 01:12:02,865
Okay, great.
1303
01:12:04,420 --> 01:12:06,149
I can't believe you made all this sushi.
1304
01:12:06,300 --> 01:12:09,190
This is like restaurant-quality sushi.
1305
01:12:09,340 --> 01:12:11,547
Like, look at this. Do you have
a special tool for these?
1306
01:12:12,380 --> 01:12:13,666
It took a few hours.
1307
01:12:13,860 --> 01:12:16,830
If it has to do with my hands,
I usually pick it up really quickly.
1308
01:12:16,980 --> 01:12:18,744
That's actually how I got into guitar.
1309
01:12:18,900 --> 01:12:21,471
- Oh, yeah. Tell me more about that.
- I was a terrible student.
1310
01:12:22,900 --> 01:12:24,789
And so my mom used to stand
outside my room
1311
01:12:24,940 --> 01:12:27,341
to make sure
that I was doing my homework.
1312
01:12:28,940 --> 01:12:30,226
Game on.
1313
01:12:30,420 --> 01:12:33,867
- What?
- I said, go on with the story,
1314
01:12:34,020 --> 01:12:35,545
because I'm loving it.
1315
01:12:35,700 --> 01:12:39,989
So then I just started writing poems,
and those poems became songs and...
1316
01:12:40,180 --> 01:12:42,069
That is so cool.
1317
01:12:42,220 --> 01:12:44,063
I want you to take me...
1318
01:12:44,220 --> 01:12:46,143
Take me on this table right now.
1319
01:13:00,900 --> 01:13:03,028
What's up? Oh, California roll?
1320
01:13:06,540 --> 01:13:07,666
Are you okay?
1321
01:13:10,460 --> 01:13:14,226
Yeah, I'm just really
feeling this sushi.
1322
01:13:14,420 --> 01:13:17,071
It's really...
It's doing something to me.
1323
01:13:17,260 --> 01:13:18,386
Yeah. Well, thanks.
1324
01:13:18,540 --> 01:13:21,589
No, like I said, it's the poetry
of the chord progression
1325
01:13:21,740 --> 01:13:24,266
intertwining with the poetry
of the lyrics.
1326
01:13:24,420 --> 01:13:26,149
It's like two people in love.
1327
01:13:26,300 --> 01:13:28,667
Yeah, like a midget jerking it.
1328
01:13:29,900 --> 01:13:32,710
Yeah, funny. Actually,
that kind of reminds me of a song
1329
01:13:32,900 --> 01:13:34,664
that I wrote a few weeks ago.
1330
01:13:34,860 --> 01:13:37,431
I could play it for you later
if you like.
1331
01:13:38,820 --> 01:13:40,868
- Yeah, totally.
- Yeah, totally.
1332
01:13:41,020 --> 01:13:42,784
You know, I've been working
on a poem myself.
1333
01:13:42,940 --> 01:13:45,750
There once a boy named Toby Tucker
Bianca Piper just wished he would...
1334
01:13:45,900 --> 01:13:50,428
Okay, I think
I'm gonna use the bathroom.
1335
01:13:50,580 --> 01:13:51,786
Where is it?
1336
01:13:53,180 --> 01:13:55,103
What are you doing to me out there?
1337
01:13:55,300 --> 01:13:57,382
What...? You're not into Wesley,
are you?
1338
01:13:57,540 --> 01:14:00,271
You bet your ass, you are.
Who's number one in your brain?
1339
01:14:00,420 --> 01:14:01,910
- No. Get out.
- This guy. This guy is.
1340
01:14:02,060 --> 01:14:03,744
- Yeah.
- Get out.
1341
01:14:03,900 --> 01:14:07,029
Okay, you've
gotta pull it together, okay?
1342
01:14:07,180 --> 01:14:11,390
Toby Tucker is gonna play you a song,
and you're gonna love it.
1343
01:14:11,780 --> 01:14:13,464
Here we go.
1344
01:14:18,420 --> 01:14:20,149
Are you okay? Little cold?
1345
01:14:20,300 --> 01:14:21,904
I'm a little chilly, yeah.
1346
01:14:22,060 --> 01:14:24,028
Oh, hang on.
1347
01:14:30,820 --> 01:14:32,345
There you go. Better?
1348
01:14:32,540 --> 01:14:36,226
Yeah, definitely. Thanks.
1349
01:14:37,060 --> 01:14:39,461
So here's the song.
1350
01:14:39,620 --> 01:14:42,908
- Be gentle. I'm still working on it, so...
- Okay.
1351
01:14:43,060 --> 01:14:48,385
Baby, you set my soul on fire
1352
01:14:49,180 --> 01:14:54,391
And, girl, you are my heart's desire
1353
01:14:55,700 --> 01:14:58,021
Don't you know it's true
1354
01:14:58,180 --> 01:15:01,184
In everything we do
1355
01:15:01,340 --> 01:15:04,071
I just want it to be
1356
01:15:04,220 --> 01:15:07,429
The two of us
1357
01:15:07,620 --> 01:15:09,588
I don't know exactly how to rhyme that.
1358
01:15:09,740 --> 01:15:12,903
- Oh, no. It's so good, though.
- Thank you. I think it's great.
1359
01:15:13,060 --> 01:15:15,381
I mean, I've been working on it
for a little bit, so...
1360
01:15:15,540 --> 01:15:16,826
But enough about me.
1361
01:15:16,980 --> 01:15:19,301
I mean, how have you been,
after that video came out?
1362
01:15:19,460 --> 01:15:21,462
It's been a little tough.
1363
01:15:21,620 --> 01:15:25,022
A lot of people... A lot of people saw it.
I don't know.
1364
01:15:25,220 --> 01:15:28,861
To be honest,
the saddest part about it is that...
1365
01:15:29,060 --> 01:15:31,381
I kind of got into a fight
with my best friends, and...
1366
01:15:31,540 --> 01:15:32,666
Jess and Casey?
1367
01:15:33,980 --> 01:15:36,301
Yes, Jess and Casey.
1368
01:15:36,460 --> 01:15:40,545
And I don't know,
it's, like, my fault pretty much.
1369
01:15:40,700 --> 01:15:43,385
I kind of wanna reach out,
but I'm not really sure
1370
01:15:43,540 --> 01:15:45,941
- what I should do about it, and...
- You should talk to them.
1371
01:15:46,100 --> 01:15:49,661
I mean, they seem like really caring,
understanding people, so...
1372
01:15:51,420 --> 01:15:53,343
Sorry, are you friends with them?
1373
01:15:53,540 --> 01:15:55,827
Yeah, Jess is in my drama class
and I have trig with Casey.
1374
01:15:55,980 --> 01:15:58,187
Oh, yeah. You know...
1375
01:15:58,380 --> 01:16:02,510
I mean, Jess is, like,
an amazing actress.
1376
01:16:02,660 --> 01:16:05,061
And dancer.
1377
01:16:05,260 --> 01:16:06,944
- And dresser.
- Okay.
1378
01:16:07,140 --> 01:16:10,269
And Casey, she's, like,
this, you know, fiery Latina.
1379
01:16:10,420 --> 01:16:11,785
You know, caliente, you know.
1380
01:16:11,940 --> 01:16:13,544
Yeah, she's very spicy.
1381
01:16:13,700 --> 01:16:18,422
But, you know, I'm not really friends
with them right now, so...
1382
01:16:24,020 --> 01:16:26,068
Is it intimidating?
1383
01:16:27,500 --> 01:16:28,945
What?
1384
01:16:29,940 --> 01:16:32,989
Being friends with...
And it's rare that I point this out,
1385
01:16:33,140 --> 01:16:35,905
because I do not subscribe to
the American ideal of feminine beauty.
1386
01:16:36,060 --> 01:16:38,870
But such powerful women?
1387
01:16:39,020 --> 01:16:41,148
Oh, no. No, no, no.
1388
01:16:41,340 --> 01:16:43,547
A friend of mine was wondering,
1389
01:16:43,700 --> 01:16:46,749
do they have dates to
the homecoming dance next weekend?
1390
01:16:46,900 --> 01:16:50,109
I tried to keep my composure, but...
1391
01:16:57,260 --> 01:16:59,740
Are you DUFFING me?
1392
01:17:00,940 --> 01:17:02,021
Excuse me?
1393
01:17:02,180 --> 01:17:03,511
You are.
1394
01:17:03,660 --> 01:17:05,662
This is a DUFF.
1395
01:17:06,220 --> 01:17:10,145
You're using me to try
to get closer to Jess and Casey,
1396
01:17:10,300 --> 01:17:13,304
because you think that
I'm approachable, aren't you?
1397
01:17:13,460 --> 01:17:16,703
Okay, look, when you said
that we should hang out Friday,
1398
01:17:16,860 --> 01:17:19,022
I thought you were hinting
that they were gonna be here.
1399
01:17:19,180 --> 01:17:21,547
Like, I thought that you were saying
that they were into me.
1400
01:17:24,180 --> 01:17:25,989
I can't... I can't even believe this.
1401
01:17:26,140 --> 01:17:28,063
I can't believe for five seconds
I thought that...
1402
01:17:28,260 --> 01:17:30,945
- Bianca, Bianca.
- What?
1403
01:17:31,140 --> 01:17:33,461
Can I have my sweatshirt?
1404
01:17:34,740 --> 01:17:37,823
Okay, you know what?
Here, you can have it.
1405
01:17:40,660 --> 01:17:42,503
Oh, hell, no.
1406
01:17:45,580 --> 01:17:46,820
Mr. Sushi?
1407
01:17:48,900 --> 01:17:50,664
- The song was mine.
- Yeah.
1408
01:17:51,420 --> 01:17:53,422
I'm not surprised,
because it was a piece of shit.
1409
01:17:53,620 --> 01:17:56,191
And so are you. Have a nice night.
1410
01:18:01,140 --> 01:18:02,904
- Hello?
- Wes, it's Bianca.
1411
01:18:03,060 --> 01:18:05,381
Just kidding. It's my voice mail.
1412
01:18:05,540 --> 01:18:07,702
Wes, it's Bianca.
1413
01:18:07,860 --> 01:18:11,501
So it turns out that Toby's
been DUFFING me the whole time.
1414
01:18:11,660 --> 01:18:14,231
And I've just been thinking
about some stuff, and I just...
1415
01:18:14,380 --> 01:18:17,782
I'd really like to talk to you, okay?
Call me back.
1416
01:19:11,980 --> 01:19:13,505
Hey, I got your message.
1417
01:19:13,700 --> 01:19:16,510
Yeah, forget about it. Just go home.
1418
01:19:16,700 --> 01:19:19,749
Look, I'm sorry about Toby.
1419
01:19:19,900 --> 01:19:21,550
Okay? He's an idiot.
1420
01:19:23,340 --> 01:19:25,866
You know, I saw you and Madison.
1421
01:19:27,940 --> 01:19:31,467
- Okay.
- You were at my special place.
1422
01:19:31,620 --> 01:19:33,110
You know, that's my Think Rock.
1423
01:19:33,900 --> 01:19:35,470
You said I could use it.
1424
01:19:35,620 --> 01:19:37,907
Not as a Motel 6, Wes.
1425
01:19:38,100 --> 01:19:39,864
You were on a date with Toby.
1426
01:19:41,900 --> 01:19:45,029
Are you seriously mad at me right now?
1427
01:19:45,180 --> 01:19:46,420
I thought we were friends.
1428
01:19:47,100 --> 01:19:49,706
Come on, we're not friends.
1429
01:19:49,900 --> 01:19:51,948
You know, people like you don't hang out
1430
01:19:52,100 --> 01:19:54,262
with people like me, you know?
1431
01:19:54,420 --> 01:19:57,310
That's just the way it is.
Football guys, they date hot chicks.
1432
01:19:57,460 --> 01:20:00,270
And people like me don't date anybody.
1433
01:20:00,420 --> 01:20:02,343
I don't know why I thought
it could be different.
1434
01:20:02,540 --> 01:20:04,747
What are you talking about?
B, this isn't you.
1435
01:20:04,900 --> 01:20:09,224
Please, Wes, you're embarrassed
to be seen with me at school.
1436
01:20:09,420 --> 01:20:11,024
Okay?
1437
01:20:11,180 --> 01:20:12,705
It's just...
1438
01:20:12,860 --> 01:20:15,983
This was an experiment, and it worked
for you and it didn't work for me,
1439
01:20:16,180 --> 01:20:18,911
so let's just forget it, okay?
1440
01:20:19,100 --> 01:20:21,148
- B...
- Please, just go home.
1441
01:21:37,860 --> 01:21:39,624
So, what does homecoming mean to me?
1442
01:21:44,580 --> 01:21:45,820
The word "homecoming" itself
1443
01:21:46,020 --> 01:21:47,784
conjures up feelings
of warmth and comfort.
1444
01:21:51,940 --> 01:21:53,942
High school offers me none of that.
1445
01:21:54,100 --> 01:21:56,865
I know some people will tell you
that homecoming is about celebrating,
1446
01:21:58,260 --> 01:22:00,103
but to the majority of kids in school,
1447
01:22:00,260 --> 01:22:02,388
it's just another night
where you feel pressure
1448
01:22:02,540 --> 01:22:04,781
to find the perfect date,
the perfect outfit,
1449
01:22:06,620 --> 01:22:07,781
and have the perfect evening.
1450
01:22:11,660 --> 01:22:14,186
Come Monday morning,
it's back to reality.
1451
01:22:16,180 --> 01:22:18,387
I don't know about you,
1452
01:22:19,780 --> 01:22:22,624
but I'm happy to sit this one out.
1453
01:22:27,620 --> 01:22:29,509
I didn't regret hitting "send,"
1454
01:22:29,660 --> 01:22:32,709
but I did regret how I left things
with Jess and Casey.
1455
01:22:32,900 --> 01:22:36,109
So all of this because of some word?
1456
01:22:36,620 --> 01:22:38,827
It didn't feel like
just some word to me.
1457
01:22:38,980 --> 01:22:42,462
I think deep down I've always known
you guys were prettier than me,
1458
01:22:42,660 --> 01:22:44,469
and I felt like I couldn't
talk to you about it
1459
01:22:44,660 --> 01:22:48,745
because you wouldn't understand what
it felt like to be your schlumpy friend.
1460
01:22:48,900 --> 01:22:52,541
But, you know, you're wrong,
because we all have our insecurities.
1461
01:22:53,100 --> 01:22:54,989
The point is, we're a team.
1462
01:22:55,140 --> 01:22:58,030
If anything, we're kind of chumps
in comparison to you.
1463
01:22:58,180 --> 01:23:00,911
Okay, now you went too far.
You had me and then you lost me.
1464
01:23:01,060 --> 01:23:03,904
Oh, no, she's right, B.
You are by far the smartest one
1465
01:23:04,060 --> 01:23:06,188
of the three of us.
You're loyal, you're funny.
1466
01:23:06,340 --> 01:23:10,231
And we can't be Bianca,
Jess and Casey without Bianca.
1467
01:23:11,940 --> 01:23:13,544
Thanks.
1468
01:23:15,220 --> 01:23:16,267
Okay, you know what?
1469
01:23:16,420 --> 01:23:18,946
Tonight how about we ditch our dates
and have a girls' night?
1470
01:23:19,100 --> 01:23:20,829
- Done.
- What? No, no way.
1471
01:23:20,980 --> 01:23:23,506
Guys, it's homecoming.
You're definitely going.
1472
01:23:23,700 --> 01:23:26,351
I just... I can't see Wes.
1473
01:23:26,500 --> 01:23:29,071
Or Toby. Or anyone, for that matter.
1474
01:23:29,220 --> 01:23:32,941
Just let me stay here and lie
amongst the pizza a little longer.
1475
01:23:33,100 --> 01:23:35,421
- Absolutely not.
- Mom.
1476
01:23:35,860 --> 01:23:39,467
- You're listening at the door again?
- Yes, I was. This is juicy stuff.
1477
01:23:39,620 --> 01:23:40,826
Now it all makes sense.
1478
01:23:40,980 --> 01:23:43,711
Mom, I've been through
all of your stages, okay?
1479
01:23:43,860 --> 01:23:47,785
I am already at the fifth
and final stage: acceptance.
1480
01:23:47,940 --> 01:23:51,103
Honey, forget about the five stages.
I have got some real advice for you.
1481
01:23:51,260 --> 01:23:53,866
We're gonna call it stage 11.
1482
01:23:54,060 --> 01:23:56,028
Yeah, it's sort of acceptance plus,
1483
01:23:56,180 --> 01:23:58,581
where you realize who you are,
you accept it,
1484
01:23:58,740 --> 01:24:04,224
and then you... turn it up to 11.
1485
01:24:04,380 --> 01:24:06,223
Is that supposed to be Robert Pattinson?
1486
01:24:06,380 --> 01:24:08,986
No, Spinal Tap.
1487
01:24:09,140 --> 01:24:12,064
The movie, Spinal Tap.
"This one goes to 11."
1488
01:24:12,220 --> 01:24:13,745
Let's stop.
1489
01:24:13,900 --> 01:24:17,302
All right, honey, you're a weirdo.
1490
01:24:17,500 --> 01:24:20,424
Fine, own it.
Be the best weirdo you can be.
1491
01:24:20,580 --> 01:24:22,344
You have spent the last month
worrying so much
1492
01:24:22,500 --> 01:24:24,025
about what other people think about you.
1493
01:24:24,220 --> 01:24:27,269
How about tonight you just worry
about what you think about you?
1494
01:24:27,420 --> 01:24:30,503
Now I want you to get cleaned up,
I want you to go to that dance,
1495
01:24:30,660 --> 01:24:34,028
and rock that homecoming
like my Bianca Piper would.
1496
01:24:34,420 --> 01:24:36,104
Passion plus action...
1497
01:24:36,260 --> 01:24:39,230
- Oh, my God, I'm doing it again.
- No, no, it's okay, it's working.
1498
01:24:39,380 --> 01:24:42,782
You're good at this.
I'm feeling mad inspired.
1499
01:24:42,940 --> 01:24:44,863
I think I have an idea.
1500
01:25:10,860 --> 01:25:13,704
There it is. I gotta say,
this is some of my best work.
1501
01:25:13,860 --> 01:25:16,830
- You are very talented.
- It's really perfect, Jess.
1502
01:25:17,020 --> 01:25:21,230
All right, I just talked with the guys,
and I told them we're going alone.
1503
01:25:22,020 --> 01:25:24,227
- Yes.
- Thanks.
1504
01:25:24,380 --> 01:25:25,791
So shall we?
1505
01:25:26,860 --> 01:25:28,430
Let's do this shit.
1506
01:25:28,580 --> 01:25:30,264
Fucking A.
1507
01:25:30,420 --> 01:25:32,263
- Mom.
- Sorry.
1508
01:25:47,300 --> 01:25:49,701
She looks great. She's pulling it off.
1509
01:25:49,860 --> 01:25:51,703
- Dude, she's 15 years old, man.
- She's a ten.
1510
01:25:51,860 --> 01:25:53,510
I don't care about 15. She's a ten.
1511
01:26:05,340 --> 01:26:09,265
And then she was all like, "Bitch,
if I wanted your opinion, I'd ask."
1512
01:26:09,420 --> 01:26:12,742
And I was all like, "Bitch, if I cared
what you thought, I'd ask."
1513
01:26:12,900 --> 01:26:14,629
My grandma is so annoying.
1514
01:26:15,540 --> 01:26:18,066
Wesley, what time is it?
1515
01:26:19,380 --> 01:26:20,461
Nine-fifteen.
1516
01:26:21,020 --> 01:26:23,068
Okay, they're announcing
king and queen soon,
1517
01:26:23,220 --> 01:26:26,224
so, Caitlyn, I wanna go over by the
stage and get the very best lighting.
1518
01:26:26,420 --> 01:26:28,149
I'll be right back.
1519
01:27:02,060 --> 01:27:04,222
You guys, I'll be right back, okay?
1520
01:27:07,740 --> 01:27:09,902
- Awesome dress, Bianca.
- Thanks, Robin.
1521
01:27:10,060 --> 01:27:12,586
Hey, Bianca, about the other...
1522
01:27:14,260 --> 01:27:16,422
- Hey.
- Hey.
1523
01:27:18,540 --> 01:27:22,386
I could tell from across the room
that we might be into each other.
1524
01:27:22,540 --> 01:27:25,669
Now that I'm here, I'm sure. Your move.
1525
01:27:25,860 --> 01:27:28,989
- How was that?
- That was not bad.
1526
01:27:29,140 --> 01:27:31,029
Should I've gone with
"Wiener in your mouth"?
1527
01:27:31,180 --> 01:27:34,104
No, no. Definitely not.
1528
01:27:37,940 --> 01:27:39,101
You look beautiful.
1529
01:27:39,260 --> 01:27:41,024
Thanks.
1530
01:27:42,100 --> 01:27:45,786
Look, about what I said the other day,
1531
01:27:45,940 --> 01:27:49,990
of course we're friends,
and that's cool.
1532
01:27:50,900 --> 01:27:57,624
But a guy I know once told me
that if you like somebody,
1533
01:27:57,780 --> 01:28:00,465
you should just be straight-up with them
1534
01:28:00,620 --> 01:28:03,783
and tell them that you're into them.
1535
01:28:04,020 --> 01:28:07,991
So I guess that's
kind of what I'm doing.
1536
01:28:08,620 --> 01:28:10,941
Wait, you're into me?
1537
01:28:13,060 --> 01:28:14,266
Yeah.
1538
01:28:16,260 --> 01:28:21,027
I kind of just got back together
with Madison.
1539
01:28:24,100 --> 01:28:27,104
But that's good if you're happy.
1540
01:28:27,260 --> 01:28:29,024
What the shit?
1541
01:28:29,180 --> 01:28:31,069
Get out of my way.
1542
01:28:33,540 --> 01:28:36,783
Wow, that is an interesting dress.
1543
01:28:36,940 --> 01:28:39,022
Who makes that, Build-A-Bear?
1544
01:28:39,940 --> 01:28:42,591
Since you can't seem
to leave my boyfriend alone,
1545
01:28:42,740 --> 01:28:45,311
I cannot wait to release
your video tomorrow.
1546
01:28:46,260 --> 01:28:49,628
Good. I'm glad you're
excited about it. Go right ahead.
1547
01:28:49,780 --> 01:28:52,067
Fine, I will.
1548
01:28:52,980 --> 01:28:56,382
Plus Wesley would never leave me
for some DUFF anyway.
1549
01:28:56,540 --> 01:28:58,269
- Look, Madison...
- It's okay.
1550
01:28:59,780 --> 01:29:02,829
Madison, you used to make me so upset,
1551
01:29:02,980 --> 01:29:04,982
but now I just feel bad for you.
1552
01:29:05,140 --> 01:29:06,710
Yeah, I'm somebody's DUFF.
1553
01:29:06,860 --> 01:29:09,704
Guess what, so are you. So is everybody.
1554
01:29:09,860 --> 01:29:13,023
There's always gonna be somebody
prettier or more talented
1555
01:29:13,180 --> 01:29:14,909
or richer than you,
1556
01:29:15,060 --> 01:29:16,903
but it shouldn't affect
how you see yourself.
1557
01:29:17,060 --> 01:29:19,427
You label everybody
to try to keep them down,
1558
01:29:19,580 --> 01:29:22,231
but you end up missing out
on all this great stuff around you.
1559
01:29:22,380 --> 01:29:26,624
You have Wesley, and you treat him
like he's stupid, but he isn't.
1560
01:29:26,780 --> 01:29:28,669
And people don't like him
because he's with you.
1561
01:29:28,820 --> 01:29:31,107
They like him because he's, like,
an amazing guy.
1562
01:29:31,260 --> 01:29:33,740
Look, I like myself.
1563
01:29:33,940 --> 01:29:35,908
I wouldn't wanna be anybody else.
1564
01:29:36,060 --> 01:29:39,109
And I realize now
that none of this matters to me.
1565
01:29:39,260 --> 01:29:41,740
But it does to you. It's your dream.
1566
01:29:41,900 --> 01:29:43,425
And I totally support that.
1567
01:29:43,620 --> 01:29:46,908
Just don't tear me down
for not giving a shit about your labels,
1568
01:29:47,060 --> 01:29:49,540
because in the end, they're meaningless.
1569
01:29:49,700 --> 01:29:50,986
What?
1570
01:29:51,140 --> 01:29:53,427
Whatever you said was meaningless, okay?
1571
01:29:53,900 --> 01:29:56,471
You don't even get it.
This is not my dream.
1572
01:29:56,620 --> 01:29:58,270
- I don't need to...
- Okay, Blue Devils.
1573
01:29:58,420 --> 01:29:59,501
Oh, my God, here it is.
1574
01:30:00,180 --> 01:30:01,705
It's happening.
1575
01:30:03,260 --> 01:30:07,982
Okay, Blue Devils, it's time
to crown our king and queen.
1576
01:30:09,540 --> 01:30:11,349
Hey, how'd it go?
1577
01:30:13,260 --> 01:30:16,821
- Actually, really good.
- This year's homecoming queen is...
1578
01:30:16,980 --> 01:30:19,108
This one's got me a little nervous.
1579
01:30:19,460 --> 01:30:21,349
...Ms. Madison Morgan.
1580
01:30:22,420 --> 01:30:24,263
Me? What?
1581
01:30:24,420 --> 01:30:25,990
Oh, my God, of course.
1582
01:30:26,140 --> 01:30:28,222
Madison!
1583
01:30:31,300 --> 01:30:33,143
- Congratulations, Madison.
- I knew it was me.
1584
01:30:33,300 --> 01:30:34,790
Keep it to yourself.
1585
01:30:35,180 --> 01:30:37,945
- Yeah, Madison.
- All right.
1586
01:30:38,100 --> 01:30:42,185
And this year's homecoming king is...
1587
01:30:42,340 --> 01:30:44,183
Drumroll, please.
1588
01:30:45,380 --> 01:30:49,180
...Mr. Wesley Rush.
1589
01:30:58,340 --> 01:31:00,183
Wesley Rush.
1590
01:31:00,340 --> 01:31:02,786
Homecoming king. Come on up.
1591
01:31:02,940 --> 01:31:05,910
Wesley. Wesley.
1592
01:31:06,700 --> 01:31:07,826
Wesley.
1593
01:31:11,660 --> 01:31:12,741
Where's Wesley?
1594
01:31:21,220 --> 01:31:22,824
Aren't you gonna go get your crown?
1595
01:31:24,340 --> 01:31:26,707
No, I'm gonna get the girl.
1596
01:31:46,420 --> 01:31:49,867
- Yeah, Bianca!
- Let's get the hell out of here.
1597
01:31:50,020 --> 01:31:53,183
All right. All right.
1598
01:31:54,260 --> 01:31:56,228
Yeah, all right.
1599
01:31:56,700 --> 01:31:58,190
Damn.
1600
01:31:58,380 --> 01:32:00,826
It was definitely the dress.
1601
01:32:00,980 --> 01:32:04,109
- That is really great.
- Yeah, he is hot.
1602
01:32:09,060 --> 01:32:10,744
Are we breaking into the newsroom
to hook up?
1603
01:32:10,900 --> 01:32:13,631
- You bet we are.
- Who are you?
1604
01:32:20,580 --> 01:32:21,706
- Wesley?
- What?
1605
01:32:21,900 --> 01:32:24,062
I just want to... I just want to...
One more thing.
1606
01:32:24,220 --> 01:32:26,905
- What? What?
- Just one thing.
1607
01:32:27,060 --> 01:32:29,142
No, they block out all the good sites.
1608
01:32:29,300 --> 01:32:31,029
- What are you doing?
- I just have to...
1609
01:32:31,460 --> 01:32:33,747
No, no, if you're doing homework,
I'm gonna kill myself.
1610
01:32:33,900 --> 01:32:36,346
It's just one quick thing.
It's for my article.
1611
01:32:36,540 --> 01:32:38,861
I'm feeling inspired.
1612
01:32:39,060 --> 01:32:41,745
- Okay, here, just rub my shoulders.
- Right.
1613
01:32:45,100 --> 01:32:47,341
What does homecoming mean to me?
1614
01:32:47,500 --> 01:32:49,548
If you asked me
at the beginning of senior year,
1615
01:32:49,700 --> 01:32:51,907
I would've told you,
"Absolutely nothing."
1616
01:32:52,100 --> 01:32:54,671
But tonight, possibly
the greatest night of my life,
1617
01:32:54,820 --> 01:32:56,424
I have changed my tune.
1618
01:32:56,860 --> 01:32:59,431
You know that one moment in high
school that changes everything?
1619
01:32:59,580 --> 01:33:01,867
Okay, I think I can probably
finish this later.
1620
01:33:02,020 --> 01:33:05,422
It all started senior year,
about a month before homecoming.
1621
01:33:05,580 --> 01:33:08,424
I was cruising the halls
with my two best friends...
1622
01:33:13,620 --> 01:33:15,861
Wow, she's awesome.
1623
01:33:16,020 --> 01:33:18,785
Yeah, she is. I should forward this.
1624
01:33:18,940 --> 01:33:22,069
- Viral?
- Viral.
1625
01:33:22,220 --> 01:33:24,109
I'm a DUFF.
1626
01:33:24,980 --> 01:33:26,823
I am a DUFF.
1627
01:33:26,980 --> 01:33:28,470
Yep, that's me.
1628
01:33:28,620 --> 01:33:30,827
- I'm a DUFF.
- I'm a DUFF.
1629
01:33:34,500 --> 01:33:37,026
Okay, girl, I know some DUFFs too.
1630
01:33:39,380 --> 01:33:41,303
For what it's worth, what you wrote here
1631
01:33:41,460 --> 01:33:43,303
struck a chord with me as well.
1632
01:33:43,460 --> 01:33:48,626
I mean, I know you won't believe me,
but I was the DUFF out of my friends.
1633
01:33:49,460 --> 01:33:51,303
What? No.
1634
01:33:51,460 --> 01:33:54,543
There was no cool name for it
like "the DUFF."
1635
01:33:54,700 --> 01:33:58,102
It was, like, "the dipshit," douche bag.
1636
01:33:58,260 --> 01:34:00,911
A. Urkel. Asian Urkel.
1637
01:34:01,060 --> 01:34:03,540
- Nerd ass.
- Okay, no. Didn't need...
1638
01:34:03,700 --> 01:34:05,589
- Didn't need the help, you know?
- Oh, sorry.
1639
01:34:08,580 --> 01:34:09,706
Whoa, look at this.
1640
01:34:10,260 --> 01:34:12,740
The site has thousands
of comments and likes on it.
1641
01:34:14,180 --> 01:34:15,670
But they're positive this time.
1642
01:34:15,820 --> 01:34:17,185
Mr. Arthur was right.
1643
01:34:17,340 --> 01:34:19,661
Kids started writing to me
with their own DUFF stories,
1644
01:34:19,820 --> 01:34:20,901
and when I posted those,
1645
01:34:21,060 --> 01:34:24,542
more kids responded
until it just became its own thing.
1646
01:34:25,660 --> 01:34:27,947
Oh, and Wesley? He passed science.
1647
01:34:28,100 --> 01:34:29,909
He's going to Ohio State in the fall.
1648
01:34:30,060 --> 01:34:33,189
And since I got into Northwestern,
we can visit each other.
1649
01:34:33,340 --> 01:34:35,069
A lot.
1650
01:34:46,380 --> 01:34:48,303
Hey, neighbor-slash-boyfriend.
1651
01:34:48,460 --> 01:34:50,986
Hi, neighbor-slash-girlfriend.
1652
01:34:54,340 --> 01:34:55,910
You hungry? I'm hungry.
1653
01:34:56,100 --> 01:34:57,590
- Yeah, I could eat.
- Good.
1654
01:34:57,740 --> 01:35:00,220
Because I was hoping
to take you to dinner.
1655
01:35:00,380 --> 01:35:02,030
How about a little Dave & Buster's?
1656
01:35:02,180 --> 01:35:03,306
Skee-Ball?
1657
01:35:03,460 --> 01:35:06,987
- A dark booth? Yeah.
- I love it when you talk dirty to me.
1658
01:35:07,140 --> 01:35:11,350
- Maybe we'll accidentally touch knees.
- Oh, can I?
1659
01:35:11,500 --> 01:35:14,071
Bianca kiss Wes now?
1660
01:35:14,220 --> 01:35:17,064
Monster voice sexy.
1661
01:35:17,700 --> 01:35:21,750
In the end, it's not about popularity
or even getting the guy.
1662
01:35:21,900 --> 01:35:23,061
It's about understanding
1663
01:35:23,220 --> 01:35:25,427
that no matter what label
is thrown your way,
1664
01:35:25,580 --> 01:35:27,742
only you can define yourself.
1665
01:35:27,900 --> 01:35:29,982
Take it from a DUFF.
1666
01:35:51,140 --> 01:35:53,984
Hit that... Hit that...
That long one in the middle.
1667
01:35:54,140 --> 01:35:55,949
It's called a spacebar.
1668
01:35:59,300 --> 01:36:01,382
- Hey.
- Now, that's a classic look.
1669
01:36:01,580 --> 01:36:04,948
You could be on the cover of GQ.
Back cover.
1670
01:36:05,100 --> 01:36:07,785
Just a vest. Okay, MacGyver.
1671
01:36:07,940 --> 01:36:10,944
You talk about my son
one more ******* time.
1672
01:36:23,980 --> 01:36:26,426
I swear, I'm just feeling the pressure.
1673
01:36:44,140 --> 01:36:45,585
If this makes it to Toshi,
1674
01:36:45,740 --> 01:36:47,742
- I'm telling you now...
- Toshi.
1675
01:36:49,940 --> 01:36:51,783
Now I know you...
1676
01:36:52,340 --> 01:36:53,830
Now I know that you...
1677
01:37:04,660 --> 01:37:06,071
This is not...
1678
01:37:06,220 --> 01:37:08,188
- This is a...
- Not the article I want.
1679
01:37:08,340 --> 01:37:11,344
- Dad, 17 pa...
- But it article we need.
1680
01:37:15,820 --> 01:37:17,868
- Hey, Trevor.
- Have fun tonight, Trevor.
1681
01:37:18,020 --> 01:37:20,990
- I hate you.
- No, you look adorable.
1682
01:37:21,140 --> 01:37:22,665
Ish.
1683
01:37:22,820 --> 01:37:24,584
I'm not happy!
1684
01:37:24,740 --> 01:37:26,629
I haven't been kissed in years.
1685
01:37:26,780 --> 01:37:29,260
- Can we do one more...?
- Okay, not again.
1686
01:37:33,060 --> 01:37:34,664
Oh, are we making a movie?
127886
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