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1
00:00:45,005 --> 00:00:46,673
Onomatopoeia.
2
00:00:46,757 --> 00:00:50,552
O-N-O-M-A-T-P-E-I-A.
3
00:00:50,636 --> 00:00:52,345
Onomatopoeia.
4
00:00:52,429 --> 00:00:54,681
- That is incorrect.
- I knew she'd blow it.
5
00:00:54,765 --> 00:00:57,058
There's a secret "O" in there!
6
00:00:57,142 --> 00:00:59,770
The word is "troglodyte."
7
00:00:59,853 --> 00:01:02,314
Hey, what are you doing back?
I thought you had a big date.
8
00:01:02,397 --> 00:01:07,152
It was a complete disaster. I couldn't
even make it through the appetizers.
9
00:01:07,235 --> 00:01:08,862
What was wrong with this one?
10
00:01:08,946 --> 00:01:11,824
Well, you know, when
you go on these things,
11
00:01:11,907 --> 00:01:15,535
usually you start off with a
cute anecdote about yourself.
12
00:01:15,619 --> 00:01:20,248
I use the one about nursing
a baby bird back to health.
13
00:01:20,332 --> 00:01:22,250
That was me! I did that!
14
00:01:22,334 --> 00:01:25,545
Well, I took it. It's a big hit, actually,
15
00:01:25,629 --> 00:01:28,007
should you want to start dating.
16
00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:33,219
Anyway, this guy's anecdote
was about his fatty lipoma.
17
00:01:33,303 --> 00:01:37,057
- I don't know what that is.
- Oh, I didn't either. It's a tumor.
18
00:01:37,140 --> 00:01:39,977
He named it Farley. I think it had teeth.
19
00:01:40,060 --> 00:01:42,521
Well, I'm gonna turn your
night around right now.
20
00:01:42,604 --> 00:01:45,398
Round one of the spelling bee is on.
21
00:01:45,482 --> 00:01:47,317
Although if you're a big fan of Devon Zima,
22
00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:49,277
he just crapped out on a diphthong.
23
00:01:49,361 --> 00:01:53,949
As amazing as that sounds, I would
rather have dinner with Farley.
24
00:01:54,033 --> 00:01:57,202
Round one is when they tell the
back stories about all the kids.
25
00:01:57,285 --> 00:01:59,913
Don't you want to hear about
the obstacles they've overcome?
26
00:01:59,997 --> 00:02:02,666
What obstacles? They're twelve.
27
00:02:02,749 --> 00:02:04,501
Besides, I have another
date tomorrow night.
28
00:02:04,584 --> 00:02:06,753
I don't want to get too invested.
29
00:02:06,837 --> 00:02:10,799
A third date this week.
Aren't you exhausted?
30
00:02:10,883 --> 00:02:12,843
I'm a woman on a mission.
31
00:02:12,926 --> 00:02:17,222
But this year is different! They
have a Twitter ticker and a hashtag!
32
00:02:17,305 --> 00:02:20,141
- Do you know what that means?
- Yes.
33
00:02:20,225 --> 00:02:22,102
Could you explain it to me?
34
00:02:22,185 --> 00:02:23,896
Did I miss anything?
35
00:02:23,979 --> 00:02:27,273
- The word is "ennui."
- I was just about to say the same thing.
36
00:02:27,357 --> 00:02:28,942
Come on. You love sports.
37
00:02:29,026 --> 00:02:31,070
I love that you consider this "sports."
38
00:02:31,152 --> 00:02:33,822
- It's on ESPN!
- Six.
39
00:02:33,906 --> 00:02:37,325
- E-N... N...
- Aren't you nervous?
40
00:02:37,409 --> 00:02:39,661
I'm on the edge of my seat!
41
00:02:39,745 --> 00:02:43,082
What happens if they miss a
word? Lions? Electric shock?
42
00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:45,792
- That is correct.
- They have to sit down.
43
00:02:45,876 --> 00:02:48,503
Sometimes they faint.
44
00:02:48,587 --> 00:02:52,591
It's an annual tradition.
Frankie and I never missed it.
45
00:02:52,674 --> 00:02:55,594
Well, I guess I can handle one round.
46
00:02:55,677 --> 00:02:58,972
Well... times three.
47
00:03:00,099 --> 00:03:04,310
- It's three days.
- In a row? Dear God.
48
00:03:04,394 --> 00:03:08,189
It's okay. You don't
have to watch it with me.
49
00:03:08,273 --> 00:03:10,567
Well, I am sorry, love. But you know,
50
00:03:10,650 --> 00:03:14,154
I'm smack in the middle of Antietam,
and I'm so anxious to know how it ends.
51
00:03:14,237 --> 00:03:17,407
- I'll be in my office.
- The word is "subpoena."
52
00:03:17,490 --> 00:03:20,035
- Can you use it in a sentence?
- "Subpoena"...
53
00:03:20,119 --> 00:03:22,203
to be avoided at all costs.
54
00:03:22,287 --> 00:03:25,624
He's going to blow it. There's
a surprise "B" in there.
55
00:03:25,707 --> 00:03:29,711
S... A... P...
56
00:03:40,180 --> 00:03:41,765
I got it.
57
00:03:41,848 --> 00:03:43,892
All right...
58
00:03:44,559 --> 00:03:48,105
- Brianna? I got your text.
- Bud, help!
59
00:03:48,188 --> 00:03:51,984
- Oh, what did you do to that brisket?
- I did everything you told me to do.
60
00:03:52,067 --> 00:03:54,861
I took it out of the oven and
then I sliced it, and now... this.
61
00:03:54,945 --> 00:03:56,571
I told you, you have to let it rest.
62
00:03:56,655 --> 00:03:58,782
Well, but, why does it
get to rest and I don't?
63
00:03:58,865 --> 00:04:00,784
Well, okay. Now you're having a stew.
64
00:04:00,867 --> 00:04:03,328
No. Bud, stew isn't date food.
65
00:04:03,411 --> 00:04:06,123
It is now. What time
will Racist Dave be here?
66
00:04:06,206 --> 00:04:09,501
Okay. First of all, Border Patrol Dave.
67
00:04:09,584 --> 00:04:11,252
And he's coming in an hour.
68
00:04:11,336 --> 00:04:14,464
You know what? I'm impressed you're
actually cooking for this guy.
69
00:04:14,547 --> 00:04:16,341
Not brisket, anybody could make that,
70
00:04:16,424 --> 00:04:18,051
but you don't even cook for yourself.
71
00:04:18,135 --> 00:04:22,555
Well, it's the second date.
You know what that means...
72
00:04:22,639 --> 00:04:24,390
It's the second time
you're sleeping with him?
73
00:04:24,474 --> 00:04:26,726
Wow.
74
00:04:26,810 --> 00:04:28,854
He just canceled.
75
00:04:31,231 --> 00:04:32,983
Racist prick.
76
00:04:33,066 --> 00:04:35,152
- You okay?
- Yes.
77
00:04:36,236 --> 00:04:38,697
- You wanna talk?
- No.
78
00:04:38,780 --> 00:04:41,950
I am so tired of this. It's just too hard.
79
00:04:42,034 --> 00:04:45,370
It is hard. Doesn't help
that you're terrible at it.
80
00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:47,413
No, Bud, I am.
81
00:04:47,497 --> 00:04:49,624
No, come on, I'm joking.
82
00:04:51,376 --> 00:04:53,212
I just don't even know what I want anymore.
83
00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:55,547
You want what everyone wants.
84
00:04:55,630 --> 00:04:57,883
You want to come home at the end of the day
85
00:04:57,966 --> 00:04:59,718
to someone who's happy to see you.
86
00:04:59,801 --> 00:05:01,469
You're right.
87
00:05:03,388 --> 00:05:05,140
I'm getting a dog.
88
00:05:07,684 --> 00:05:09,978
- Mmmm...
- Yeah.
89
00:05:14,191 --> 00:05:18,070
Oh, you know, I cannot figure
out how to boot this thing on.
90
00:05:18,153 --> 00:05:20,321
You got a computer.
91
00:05:20,405 --> 00:05:22,490
You don't even like the smoke detector.
92
00:05:22,574 --> 00:05:25,744
- I just don't think it should talk!
- What possessed you to get that?
93
00:05:25,827 --> 00:05:28,705
I want to be "a part of the conversation."
94
00:05:28,788 --> 00:05:30,373
What does that even mean?
95
00:05:30,456 --> 00:05:32,709
It's like the announcer
guy said last night.
96
00:05:32,792 --> 00:05:35,670
You don't just watch,
you Twitter, you hashtag,
97
00:05:35,754 --> 00:05:37,630
you Instant Gram.
98
00:05:37,714 --> 00:05:42,135
Why watch alone when I can
share the entire experience
99
00:05:42,219 --> 00:05:45,264
with millions of strangers?
100
00:05:46,472 --> 00:05:49,475
- Can you help me?
- Sure.
101
00:05:49,559 --> 00:05:51,686
It's easy.
102
00:05:51,770 --> 00:05:56,149
You just... plug it in.
103
00:05:56,233 --> 00:05:58,401
And then...
104
00:05:58,484 --> 00:06:02,781
Oh, boy! Can you do it
again so I can watch you?
105
00:06:02,864 --> 00:06:04,866
Carefully, step by step.
106
00:06:04,950 --> 00:06:06,910
- Turn it on again?
- Yes!
107
00:06:06,993 --> 00:06:08,870
Do it so I can learn to do it.
108
00:06:08,954 --> 00:06:10,455
You know, "you teach a man to fish."
109
00:06:11,873 --> 00:06:12,999
What does it want now?
110
00:06:13,083 --> 00:06:15,376
It's asking you to put in
your name and a password.
111
00:06:15,460 --> 00:06:17,796
- What should I put?
- Your name. And a password.
112
00:06:17,879 --> 00:06:19,339
Okay.
113
00:06:22,717 --> 00:06:24,552
Now, what about "NWABUDIKE?"
114
00:06:24,636 --> 00:06:27,347
No, no. No, you don't want
to use personal information.
115
00:06:27,430 --> 00:06:28,890
Use something random.
116
00:06:30,433 --> 00:06:33,561
No. Something you can remember.
117
00:06:33,645 --> 00:06:36,982
You know, some inside joke.
118
00:06:37,065 --> 00:06:39,234
Okay.
119
00:06:39,318 --> 00:06:43,738
- "7BONGS".
- And put it there.
120
00:06:44,739 --> 00:06:46,158
- Okay.
- Now what do I do?
121
00:06:46,241 --> 00:06:48,201
- Click "okay."
- Where do I click?
122
00:06:48,285 --> 00:06:50,245
On the touchpad.
123
00:06:52,413 --> 00:06:57,127
The touchpad! Here! Gosh almighty.
124
00:06:57,210 --> 00:06:59,545
I just don't know why they make it so hard!
125
00:06:59,629 --> 00:07:01,923
They don't. Here is
what you're going to do.
126
00:07:02,007 --> 00:07:04,343
Oh, here, look.
127
00:07:04,425 --> 00:07:07,387
Call this number.
128
00:07:07,470 --> 00:07:10,098
- What is it?
- Professional help.
129
00:07:16,271 --> 00:07:18,148
Yeah, that's what I need.
130
00:07:27,282 --> 00:07:28,825
- Hello.
- Hello?!
131
00:07:28,908 --> 00:07:31,744
- Your estimated wait time is...
- Oh, for the love of fuck.
132
00:07:31,828 --> 00:07:34,373
- Less than one minute.
- Oh, great, great.
133
00:07:34,455 --> 00:07:36,541
Sorry for swearing.
134
00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:38,501
Tech Support.
How can we help you today?
135
00:07:38,584 --> 00:07:42,088
Hello. I have a computer
about which I know nothing.
136
00:07:42,172 --> 00:07:45,258
- I just want to get it online.
- Ok, sure.
137
00:07:45,342 --> 00:07:47,802
- Do you have a wireless connection?
- No. I-I'm not sure.
138
00:07:47,886 --> 00:07:50,138
Maybe. I-I don't... maybe.
139
00:07:50,222 --> 00:07:52,640
- What about your IP address?
- No. You're not listening.
140
00:07:52,724 --> 00:07:55,685
When I said "I know nothing,"
I meant "I know nothing."
141
00:07:56,978 --> 00:07:59,981
- I'm 70 years old.
- Ohhh.
142
00:08:00,065 --> 00:08:03,235
Okay. We have someone for
you, ma'am. Hold on, please.
143
00:08:03,318 --> 00:08:04,861
No, no, wait, no...
144
00:08:07,572 --> 00:08:10,409
- Hello there.
- Hello.
145
00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:12,660
Hi. Good afternoon.
146
00:08:12,744 --> 00:08:16,039
So who do I have the pleasure
of speaking with right now?
147
00:08:16,122 --> 00:08:20,001
- This is Frankie.
- Hi, Frankie. I'm Mike.
148
00:08:20,085 --> 00:08:21,961
- Hi, Mike.
- Hi.
149
00:08:22,045 --> 00:08:25,840
I hear that you have a brand
new computer. That's awesome.
150
00:08:25,924 --> 00:08:27,550
Congratulations!
151
00:08:27,633 --> 00:08:30,720
Thank you, Mike. I'm not
thrilled about it just yet.
152
00:08:31,971 --> 00:08:36,684
I do not blame you. Unfamiliar
technology can be really frustrating.
153
00:08:36,768 --> 00:08:40,188
Oh, you're telling me, I mean. It can.
154
00:08:40,272 --> 00:08:45,735
All right, all right, listen. I am
here for you. Now first things first.
155
00:08:45,818 --> 00:08:48,447
Just sit back, relax.
156
00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:49,989
Ah, mmm.
157
00:08:50,073 --> 00:08:52,492
Are you comfy? You in a good place to sit?
158
00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:55,203
- I think I am, Mike.
- Great!
159
00:08:56,204 --> 00:08:58,790
But from the sound of it, you've
got a great support system.
160
00:08:58,873 --> 00:09:03,753
You've got Coyote, and Bud,
you've got your work, Al-Anon...
161
00:09:03,836 --> 00:09:05,297
And now you.
162
00:09:05,380 --> 00:09:10,593
Thanks. So what do you say?
You ready to send your first Tweet?
163
00:09:10,676 --> 00:09:12,512
Yes, I am, Mike.
164
00:09:12,595 --> 00:09:15,390
And you're sure you want
to make it that profane?
165
00:09:15,474 --> 00:09:17,725
Abso-fucking-lutely.
166
00:09:19,060 --> 00:09:23,231
Okay. Bring the cursor
up to the blue button
167
00:09:23,315 --> 00:09:28,111
and three, two, one, click it.
168
00:09:28,194 --> 00:09:31,406
Did you get it? Did you get it?!
169
00:09:31,490 --> 00:09:33,533
Yeah! The whole world did.
170
00:09:33,616 --> 00:09:37,496
- You're part of social media now, baby.
- Oh, Mike, you're the best.
171
00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:42,375
No, no, no, no, you are, @suckitaynrand.
172
00:09:42,459 --> 00:09:44,710
That's me!
173
00:09:44,794 --> 00:09:46,546
Oh, God, my ex-husband is here.
174
00:09:46,629 --> 00:09:49,632
Sol's there? Okay, you better go.
175
00:09:49,715 --> 00:09:52,135
- Knock, knock.
- I'll check up on you later.
176
00:09:52,218 --> 00:09:53,678
Okay, bye, Mike.
177
00:09:54,887 --> 00:09:56,806
What are you doing here, Sol?
178
00:09:56,889 --> 00:09:59,309
I've been meaning to bring
you some stuff from the house.
179
00:09:59,392 --> 00:10:02,103
- Figured you might need it.
- The bread machine?
180
00:10:02,187 --> 00:10:04,063
Who doesn't like fresh bread?
181
00:10:04,147 --> 00:10:06,566
Cider House Rules laser disc.
182
00:10:06,649 --> 00:10:09,152
What the hell are you doing here, Sol?
183
00:10:09,235 --> 00:10:12,447
Honestly, I was really
missing you last night.
184
00:10:12,531 --> 00:10:14,866
It was weird watching the show without you.
185
00:10:14,949 --> 00:10:16,075
Did you see Josiah?
186
00:10:16,159 --> 00:10:18,828
Did I see him go to town
scratching his testicles?
187
00:10:18,911 --> 00:10:21,622
Unfortunate nervous tic.
188
00:10:21,706 --> 00:10:23,958
Why don't you come over
tonight and watch it with me?
189
00:10:24,042 --> 00:10:25,293
Okay.
190
00:10:25,377 --> 00:10:27,795
- No, wait!
- Why not?
191
00:10:27,879 --> 00:10:30,256
Feels wrong. Alarm bells.
192
00:10:30,340 --> 00:10:32,925
Come on, just because
we don't live together,
193
00:10:33,009 --> 00:10:35,761
does that have to mean
the end of all our rituals?
194
00:10:35,845 --> 00:10:40,600
The spelling bee, volunteering
for the PBS telethon,
195
00:10:40,683 --> 00:10:42,143
the jicama harvest...
196
00:10:42,227 --> 00:10:46,105
The jicama harvest. I forgot about that.
197
00:10:46,189 --> 00:10:47,982
Do we really have to give that stuff up?
198
00:10:48,066 --> 00:10:49,901
- Yes, I think we do.
- Why?
199
00:10:49,984 --> 00:10:51,777
Because you're marrying someone else.
200
00:10:51,861 --> 00:10:55,656
Come on. It's not like I'm
asking you to go to Paris with me.
201
00:10:55,740 --> 00:10:59,869
We'll sit on the couch and watch
our favorite TV event of the year.
202
00:10:59,952 --> 00:11:03,498
Okay, you and me and Robert on the couch.
203
00:11:03,582 --> 00:11:04,874
That sounds cozy.
204
00:11:04,957 --> 00:11:09,170
No, Robert's going out with his friends
specifically so he won't have to watch it.
205
00:11:09,254 --> 00:11:12,131
I'm sure he'll be happy I'm
foisting it on somebody else.
206
00:11:13,466 --> 00:11:16,052
I'm gonna have to be strong
and say no for both of us.
207
00:11:16,135 --> 00:11:19,264
Okay. Understood.
208
00:11:19,347 --> 00:11:22,601
Let me know if you change your mind.
209
00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:25,520
My schedule is completely... "pultaceous."
210
00:11:25,604 --> 00:11:29,524
Pultaceous...
P-U-L-T-A-C...
211
00:11:29,608 --> 00:11:32,527
E? O-U-S?
212
00:11:32,611 --> 00:11:35,154
- You just beat Eileen!
- Yay!
213
00:11:35,238 --> 00:11:38,408
Pultaceous! Sit on it, home-schooling!
214
00:11:38,491 --> 00:11:42,328
Ha-ha!
215
00:11:46,458 --> 00:11:51,296
Hi. Brianna? I'm Dutch. From SD Dog Rescue.
216
00:11:51,379 --> 00:11:53,548
I'm the "foster dad."
217
00:11:53,632 --> 00:11:56,968
- Yes! Sorry! Come in.
- Thank you.
218
00:11:57,051 --> 00:11:58,761
Hey, buddy.
219
00:11:58,844 --> 00:12:02,432
Oh, it's not going to be easy
saying goodbye to this guy.
220
00:12:02,515 --> 00:12:05,977
I'd love to keep him, truly,
but I already have five.
221
00:12:06,060 --> 00:12:09,481
Yeah, well, six dogs would
be pretty fucking crazy.
222
00:12:09,564 --> 00:12:13,359
Yeah. Wow. Yeah, you just...
you come right out and say it.
223
00:12:13,443 --> 00:12:14,986
I sure do.
224
00:12:16,737 --> 00:12:18,739
- So, you ready to meet him?
- Yes.
225
00:12:18,823 --> 00:12:21,784
Whip it out. Him out. The dog.
226
00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:25,664
- Whip him out. The dog.
- Whip the dog out.
227
00:12:25,746 --> 00:12:29,250
All right. All right, Leo.
228
00:12:33,212 --> 00:12:34,922
Umm...
229
00:12:35,006 --> 00:12:38,134
- Is this the dog from the website?
- Yeah.
230
00:12:41,304 --> 00:12:44,932
He's ugly... er than the profile pic I saw.
231
00:12:45,016 --> 00:12:48,645
Oh, this is your dog.
232
00:12:49,688 --> 00:12:52,898
Um, this is the food. It's
the food that he's been on,
233
00:12:52,982 --> 00:12:55,401
so if you want to change
it, you should do it slowly.
234
00:12:55,485 --> 00:12:58,321
Here's his leash, and a little chew toy...
235
00:12:58,404 --> 00:13:00,490
No, that's all
great. It's just, he seems...
236
00:13:00,573 --> 00:13:02,950
He just seems a little aloof.
237
00:13:03,743 --> 00:13:07,622
Well, um, we should
probably just give him a minute.
238
00:13:07,706 --> 00:13:11,292
Because he's nervous. He probably
just wants to get to know you a little.
239
00:13:11,376 --> 00:13:14,546
Okay. It's just, he's already moving
in. He brought his own furniture.
240
00:13:14,629 --> 00:13:15,714
Yeah, not all of it.
241
00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:18,841
Actually, he has like a full patio
set and a grill back at the shelter.
242
00:13:18,924 --> 00:13:21,469
He left it for the other dogs to play with.
243
00:13:21,553 --> 00:13:24,389
What? He did?
244
00:13:24,472 --> 00:13:26,349
- Oh, oh.
- No, no.
245
00:13:26,432 --> 00:13:28,393
No, that was just a joke. Sorry about that.
246
00:13:28,476 --> 00:13:29,686
No, I don't get dog stuff.
247
00:13:29,769 --> 00:13:32,104
That's okay. You probably shouldn't
let your dog touch a grill.
248
00:13:32,188 --> 00:13:33,606
- But, like...
- Okay, okay.
249
00:13:33,690 --> 00:13:38,069
Anyway, I should probably take off
because I've gotta, I gotta run.
250
00:13:38,152 --> 00:13:39,654
- Oh, really?
- Anyway, Brianna.
251
00:13:39,738 --> 00:13:42,114
- It was very nice to meet you.
- You, too.
252
00:13:43,491 --> 00:13:45,034
Call me if you have any problems.
253
00:13:45,117 --> 00:13:47,036
- Okay.
- I'm sure you won't have any.
254
00:13:47,119 --> 00:13:48,580
All right. Bye, Leo!
255
00:13:50,164 --> 00:13:53,125
All right, bye.
256
00:13:53,209 --> 00:13:55,920
So... okay.
257
00:14:04,262 --> 00:14:07,807
Come here, boy. Come here, boy.
258
00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:10,059
Okay, I'll come to you.
259
00:14:11,185 --> 00:14:14,855
Hello. How are you? I am Brianna.
260
00:14:14,939 --> 00:14:18,818
You know, he really felt
that I had these anger issues
261
00:14:18,901 --> 00:14:23,114
and that I was just really
not communicating very well,
262
00:14:23,197 --> 00:14:26,451
which I didn't agree with,
but... that's how that ended.
263
00:14:27,910 --> 00:14:30,789
And nothing from you still.
264
00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:34,751
Your foster dad is a very sexy man.
265
00:14:34,834 --> 00:14:36,711
That was a surprise.
266
00:14:36,795 --> 00:14:38,755
The word is "hoosegow."
267
00:14:38,838 --> 00:14:40,256
Definition?
268
00:14:40,339 --> 00:14:44,343
- A colloquialism for...
- Are you really going out again?
269
00:14:44,427 --> 00:14:46,387
Are you really staying in again?
270
00:14:46,471 --> 00:14:48,180
Yeah, but it's not like I'm alone.
271
00:14:48,264 --> 00:14:51,100
I am engaging with all the
people in Internet-land.
272
00:14:51,183 --> 00:14:54,479
Plus, someone has already
liked one of my tweets.
273
00:14:54,562 --> 00:14:57,106
- Sol?
- That's not the point.
274
00:14:57,189 --> 00:15:00,943
The point is, if you have one of
these, you don't need to go out ever.
275
00:15:01,026 --> 00:15:04,238
Well, I'm going to actually
"engage" with a real human being.
276
00:15:04,322 --> 00:15:06,157
I have high hopes for this one.
277
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,951
He's a yacht owner, slash architect,
278
00:15:09,034 --> 00:15:12,497
and his screen-name is Yachtchitect.
279
00:15:12,580 --> 00:15:18,085
How perfect for you. You really love
cleverly joined words and fancy people.
280
00:15:18,169 --> 00:15:22,965
But if it all goes sideways,
just tweet me...
281
00:15:23,048 --> 00:15:25,510
And I will have the margaritas ready.
282
00:15:25,593 --> 00:15:27,470
I don't tweet.
283
00:15:27,553 --> 00:15:31,474
But just in case, real lime, no sour mix.
284
00:15:31,557 --> 00:15:33,768
- Light on the salt, rocks.
- That is correct.
285
00:15:39,398 --> 00:15:41,693
The word is "Negus."
286
00:15:47,615 --> 00:15:48,991
Oh, my God...
287
00:15:51,870 --> 00:15:53,830
Grace?
288
00:15:54,831 --> 00:15:56,415
Guy!
289
00:15:56,499 --> 00:15:59,084
- I didn't know you were in town.
- My gosh. Look at you.
290
00:15:59,168 --> 00:16:01,629
- How pretty you are.
- Oh, thank you.
291
00:16:01,713 --> 00:16:04,757
Oh, how come you're not on the
top of a mountain somewhere?
292
00:16:06,926 --> 00:16:09,470
Why would I want to be
on a mountain somewhere
293
00:16:09,554 --> 00:16:13,349
when I can look at your beautiful
face instead of some Sherpa?
294
00:16:13,432 --> 00:16:18,020
I mean, except for Nagonkuk.
Now, that guy is breathtaking.
295
00:16:19,856 --> 00:16:22,608
- How long are you here?
- Well, that's a good question.
296
00:16:23,693 --> 00:16:27,071
Tell you the truth, I'm getting
a little older, a little tired.
297
00:16:27,154 --> 00:16:31,868
I'm thinking about hanging up my hat.
Maybe I'll... stay here. I don't know.
298
00:16:31,951 --> 00:16:35,204
You?! You've never stayed in one
place longer than five minutes.
299
00:16:35,287 --> 00:16:39,542
Parachuting into volcanoes,
living with gorilla families.
300
00:16:40,793 --> 00:16:43,087
Well, to tell you the
truth, about six months ago,
301
00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:47,967
I was in the outer
regions of Mongolia, and...
302
00:16:48,050 --> 00:16:51,763
I was straddling this
improvised hygiene pit...
303
00:16:53,264 --> 00:16:55,975
and I suddenly thought, you know,
304
00:16:56,058 --> 00:16:58,018
I've never seen Breaking Bad.
305
00:16:59,604 --> 00:17:03,274
And I haven't had ice cream
in at least nine years.
306
00:17:03,357 --> 00:17:05,109
I haven't either.
307
00:17:08,571 --> 00:17:12,324
Have you... have you talked to
Robert since you've been back?
308
00:17:12,408 --> 00:17:14,118
No. I heard rumors, though.
309
00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:17,413
I guess he's on an adventure
of his own, isn't he.
310
00:17:17,496 --> 00:17:21,000
Well, that's an interesting way to put it.
311
00:17:23,335 --> 00:17:24,963
Hey.
312
00:17:26,338 --> 00:17:27,381
How are you?
313
00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:32,595
Every day a little better. In
fact, I'm waiting for a date.
314
00:17:32,678 --> 00:17:34,764
- It's an Internet thing.
- What's the Internet?
315
00:17:35,723 --> 00:17:37,433
I'm kidding.
316
00:17:37,516 --> 00:17:40,770
Hasn't been that long. So, what's he like?
317
00:17:40,853 --> 00:17:45,107
All I really know is he's
a yacht-owning architect.
318
00:17:45,190 --> 00:17:47,443
- Well, I hope it goes well.
- Thank you.
319
00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:56,911
- Oh, my gosh, is that him?
- I think so.
320
00:17:56,995 --> 00:17:59,204
Jesus.
321
00:17:59,288 --> 00:18:02,249
Okay, you've got about seven
seconds before he sees you.
322
00:18:02,333 --> 00:18:04,836
- So what would you like to do?
- Can you make me invisible?
323
00:18:04,919 --> 00:18:07,713
No, I can't, but I can get
you out of here the back way
324
00:18:07,797 --> 00:18:09,590
before he sees you, at least. All right?
325
00:18:09,674 --> 00:18:13,845
On one condition, you agree
to have ice cream with me.
326
00:18:13,928 --> 00:18:15,972
- You've got three seconds.
- It's a deal.
327
00:18:16,055 --> 00:18:17,139
Okay.
328
00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:22,227
I know this is probably
a lot to get used to,
329
00:18:22,311 --> 00:18:26,524
and obviously, you're new
at this, I'm new at this.
330
00:18:26,607 --> 00:18:30,569
Um, and, I guess the great news is,
it's only for the rest of our lives.
331
00:18:30,653 --> 00:18:32,822
Right? Actually for the rest of your life,
332
00:18:32,905 --> 00:18:38,077
because I'm gonna probably
live a lot longer... than you.
333
00:18:39,495 --> 00:18:41,413
The Explorer Inside Me?
334
00:18:41,497 --> 00:18:44,917
- Ooh, fun read!
- Yeah, it is!
335
00:18:45,001 --> 00:18:46,836
Do you know that I've known Guy 40 years
336
00:18:46,919 --> 00:18:49,005
and I've never read
one of his books before?
337
00:18:49,088 --> 00:18:50,548
- You know him?!
- Yeah.
338
00:18:50,631 --> 00:18:52,257
- He's a big deal!
- Really?
339
00:18:52,341 --> 00:18:54,259
He's an old friend of
Robert's from college.
340
00:18:54,343 --> 00:18:56,470
Oh, my God! What is he like?
341
00:18:56,554 --> 00:19:00,432
Well, he's just a great
guy. He's fun, he's handsome.
342
00:19:00,516 --> 00:19:03,519
- He ate his best friend.
- What?!
343
00:19:03,602 --> 00:19:06,772
You remember the plane crash in
Siberia with his friend Harris,
344
00:19:06,856 --> 00:19:09,400
who told him to eat him so
that they both wouldn't die.
345
00:19:09,483 --> 00:19:11,151
He wrote a book about that.
346
00:19:11,235 --> 00:19:14,405
He really should have called
that one The Explorer Inside Me.
347
00:19:14,488 --> 00:19:15,907
Yeah, you're thinking of somebody else.
348
00:19:15,990 --> 00:19:17,700
- That's not Guy.
- Mm, mm.
349
00:19:17,783 --> 00:19:20,202
It's that movie about the soccer team.
350
00:19:20,285 --> 00:19:22,955
- And his book Eating Harris.
- You're making this up.
351
00:19:23,039 --> 00:19:24,665
- No.
- In this book,
352
00:19:24,749 --> 00:19:28,293
- he's sailing down the Amazon.
- Oh, that's not the good one.
353
00:19:28,377 --> 00:19:31,047
I mean, it's good, but it's
more a spiritual journey.
354
00:19:31,130 --> 00:19:33,632
- You know the jaguar that's stalking him?
- Yeah.
355
00:19:33,716 --> 00:19:36,010
Turns out to be just a metaphor.
356
00:19:36,094 --> 00:19:37,636
Well, thanks.
357
00:19:39,388 --> 00:19:41,099
So you're going to go out with this guy?
358
00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:43,475
Yes. I am.
359
00:19:43,559 --> 00:19:45,811
He's a worldly, fascinating man,
360
00:19:45,895 --> 00:19:47,939
and I haven't met too many of those lately.
361
00:19:48,022 --> 00:19:53,069
Well, okay. But if this date turns
out like the last ones, just bail.
362
00:19:53,152 --> 00:19:55,988
The spelling bee and margaritas
are still on the table.
363
00:19:56,072 --> 00:19:58,866
Thanks, I don't think
that's gonna happen, though.
364
00:19:58,950 --> 00:20:01,368
This... this feels different.
365
00:20:01,452 --> 00:20:04,455
That's probably what he said
to Harris while he ate his foot.
366
00:20:12,088 --> 00:20:17,593
? And then hang out with
your owner, Brianna ?
367
00:20:17,676 --> 00:20:20,554
Oh, my God. What is wrong with you?
368
00:20:20,638 --> 00:20:23,307
You're a rescue dog. You're
supposed to be desperate.
369
00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:28,646
Why won't you love me?
370
00:20:30,648 --> 00:20:33,192
The word is... "Fartlek."
371
00:20:33,275 --> 00:20:37,029
- Please repeat.
- Fartlek.
372
00:20:37,113 --> 00:20:39,490
Fartlek, fartlek...
373
00:20:39,573 --> 00:20:41,951
Oh God, Josiah, come
on. You've got to do it.
374
00:20:42,034 --> 00:20:43,535
- Fartlek.
- Please do it.
375
00:20:43,619 --> 00:20:45,579
- Country of origin?
- He's just got to.
376
00:20:45,663 --> 00:20:47,832
- I know he's gonna do it.
- Sweden.
377
00:20:47,915 --> 00:20:52,086
- Oh there! He did it! He did it!
- Fartlek, fartlek...
378
00:20:53,879 --> 00:20:56,007
- Definition?
- Hello?
379
00:20:56,090 --> 00:20:58,467
- Hey Frankie, it's Mike.
- Hi, Mike.
380
00:20:58,550 --> 00:20:59,551
Is this a good time?
381
00:20:59,635 --> 00:21:01,679
It's always a good time to talk to you.
382
00:21:01,762 --> 00:21:03,055
So how is everything going?
383
00:21:03,139 --> 00:21:06,100
Well, you just missed Marinda just before.
384
00:21:06,184 --> 00:21:09,311
She flat-tired on some
junior varsity bullshit.
385
00:21:09,394 --> 00:21:10,855
Her parents are going to kill her!
386
00:21:10,938 --> 00:21:12,648
- And now... I'm sorry?
- What?
387
00:21:12,731 --> 00:21:15,109
- What?
- Well, you know, the spelling bee!
388
00:21:15,193 --> 00:21:17,153
I told you I watch it every year.
389
00:21:17,236 --> 00:21:20,198
Oh yeah, right, right, right. Yeah.
Sounds like you're enjoying that.
390
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,992
Oh, God, well, I tried to
"join the conversation," Mike,
391
00:21:23,075 --> 00:21:27,371
like you and I talked about,
but nobody is talking back to me.
392
00:21:27,454 --> 00:21:31,375
You know, Frankie, the Internet's
not like a real conversation.
393
00:21:31,458 --> 00:21:34,461
It's just a bunch of people
screaming into the void.
394
00:21:34,545 --> 00:21:37,882
- For a real conversation, you need...
- I know, I know, Mike.
395
00:21:37,965 --> 00:21:40,592
You... you need real people.
396
00:21:42,053 --> 00:21:44,304
- Right?
- Right.
397
00:21:44,388 --> 00:21:45,973
Right.
398
00:21:56,775 --> 00:21:59,862
- Oh, my gosh, he's stalling!
- Playing for time.
399
00:21:59,945 --> 00:22:03,115
- What is the country of origin?
- "Country of origin?" You criminal!
400
00:22:03,199 --> 00:22:05,534
Where does he think
"vinaigrette" comes from? Japan?!
401
00:22:08,162 --> 00:22:10,497
- Can you use it in a sentence?
- Oh, come on!
402
00:22:10,581 --> 00:22:12,416
You're a bum!
403
00:22:14,126 --> 00:22:16,170
- Robert! Hi.
- Frankie.
404
00:22:17,713 --> 00:22:19,215
You were out.
405
00:22:20,716 --> 00:22:22,051
I'm home now.
406
00:22:22,134 --> 00:22:24,970
- Welcome home!
- I bought some key lime pie.
407
00:22:25,054 --> 00:22:28,974
Oh, that's nice. Sol loves the lime.
408
00:22:29,058 --> 00:22:30,101
Don't let me interrupt.
409
00:22:30,184 --> 00:22:32,978
- You're not. Stay.
- I'm going to head for home.
410
00:22:33,062 --> 00:22:34,897
But it's not over yet.
411
00:22:34,980 --> 00:22:36,440
Sol, it's over.
412
00:22:39,443 --> 00:22:42,362
- See you, Robert.
- Good night, Frankie.
413
00:22:42,446 --> 00:22:44,573
That is incorrect.
414
00:22:47,118 --> 00:22:49,203
So, tell me everything. How was dinner?
415
00:22:49,287 --> 00:22:51,330
It was good. It was good.
416
00:22:51,413 --> 00:22:53,665
Everyone was there that
I told you would be there.
417
00:22:53,749 --> 00:22:56,543
If you have something to say to
me, please come out and say it.
418
00:22:56,627 --> 00:22:58,754
- What would I have to say to you?
- I don't know.
419
00:22:58,837 --> 00:23:02,633
Are you having some sort of problem
with Frankie and me watching TV?
420
00:23:02,716 --> 00:23:04,302
No.
421
00:23:04,384 --> 00:23:07,554
Are you having a problem with me
having a relationship with her?
422
00:23:07,638 --> 00:23:08,639
No.
423
00:23:08,722 --> 00:23:10,766
Will you answer with more than one word?
424
00:23:10,849 --> 00:23:13,185
Okay. What I'm having a problem with,
425
00:23:13,269 --> 00:23:15,813
Sol, is your not telling
me she was coming over.
426
00:23:15,896 --> 00:23:18,565
I didn't even know she was coming over.
427
00:23:18,649 --> 00:23:22,153
- I can explain exactly what...
- I don't want to hear it.
428
00:23:22,236 --> 00:23:26,282
Both our wives heard 20 years
of very good explanations.
429
00:23:26,365 --> 00:23:29,785
I recognize this behavior, Sol,
and it scares the shit out of me.
430
00:23:29,868 --> 00:23:33,289
I didn't mean to scare you.
431
00:23:33,372 --> 00:23:37,251
This is nothing like that. But I get it.
432
00:23:39,211 --> 00:23:40,462
- You do?
- I do.
433
00:23:40,545 --> 00:23:43,632
But do you get it that Frankie's
always gonna be a big part of my life?
434
00:23:43,715 --> 00:23:45,259
I do.
435
00:23:45,343 --> 00:23:49,013
I hope this is not what
our wedding vows sound like.
436
00:23:50,555 --> 00:23:52,975
Why did you come home early?
437
00:23:53,058 --> 00:23:55,811
Did Al start getting morose
about Whitney Houston again?
438
00:23:55,894 --> 00:23:58,522
No. I just felt bad about leaving you alone
439
00:23:58,605 --> 00:24:00,191
- to watch the spelling bee.
- Aww.
440
00:24:00,274 --> 00:24:03,568
And I'm afraid Al will
never get over Ms. Houston.
441
00:24:03,652 --> 00:24:07,239
- Sardoodledom.
- Sardoodledom.
442
00:24:08,824 --> 00:24:11,618
S-A-R...
D...
443
00:24:11,702 --> 00:24:15,455
- You wanna watch the rest of it?
- I thought you'd never ask.
444
00:24:15,539 --> 00:24:17,541
The hell with the tea. I'll get some wine.
445
00:24:17,624 --> 00:24:19,293
- Yes!
- Sardoodledom.
446
00:24:19,377 --> 00:24:21,461
- Hey, Brianna.
- Oh, thank God, thank God.
447
00:24:21,545 --> 00:24:24,506
- Is Leo okay?
- I'm actually calling him "Spit" now.
448
00:24:24,589 --> 00:24:26,508
- Is Spit okay?
- He's hiding.
449
00:24:26,591 --> 00:24:29,220
- Is that the emergency?
- No. He's hiding from me.
450
00:24:29,303 --> 00:24:31,263
- He hates me. I can't keep him.
- Why not?
451
00:24:31,347 --> 00:24:34,683
Because he's an asshole! And
he makes me feel like shit.
452
00:24:34,766 --> 00:24:37,144
I thought that dogs were supposed
to love you unconditionally.
453
00:24:37,228 --> 00:24:39,355
Isn't that the whole point?
You have to take him back.
454
00:24:39,438 --> 00:24:41,690
The dog is broken.
455
00:24:41,773 --> 00:24:43,775
One of you certainly is.
456
00:24:43,859 --> 00:24:46,945
- I prefer to think that it's the dog.
- Well, I'm enjoying thinking it's you.
457
00:24:47,029 --> 00:24:49,531
Why do I care what a guy who
has six dogs thinks of me?
458
00:24:49,614 --> 00:24:52,451
Five. And there are some women who
think that makes me compassionate.
459
00:24:52,534 --> 00:24:55,871
Well, I think it makes you really weird.
What are you doing with all those dogs?
460
00:24:55,954 --> 00:24:58,832
Why did you really want me to come over?
461
00:24:58,916 --> 00:25:01,460
Why do you think that I
wanted you to come over here?
462
00:25:01,543 --> 00:25:05,630
I just thought that you wanted me to...
463
00:25:07,174 --> 00:25:08,633
come over.
464
00:25:10,177 --> 00:25:11,178
Oh...
465
00:25:12,804 --> 00:25:15,433
Well, then, yes, I did.
466
00:25:20,145 --> 00:25:22,522
Do you want some brisket?
467
00:25:28,070 --> 00:25:30,155
Welcome back.
468
00:25:31,198 --> 00:25:33,867
As we reach the final
night of the tournament,
469
00:25:33,951 --> 00:25:39,039
the feeling in the room can only
be described as sesquipedalian.
470
00:25:39,123 --> 00:25:41,583
Who gives a shit?
471
00:25:41,666 --> 00:25:45,587
I came to in the middle of the
Irrawaddy River on a bamboo raft,
472
00:25:45,670 --> 00:25:50,675
and I had to improvise these oars,
'cause I could only row with one hand.
473
00:25:50,759 --> 00:25:53,512
The venom had rendered my
right arm completely useless...
474
00:25:53,595 --> 00:25:55,180
Did you really eat somebody?
475
00:25:56,515 --> 00:26:01,520
Yes, I did. Would you like
to know some more about it?
476
00:26:01,603 --> 00:26:05,190
Actually, no. I didn't
even want to know that.
477
00:26:05,274 --> 00:26:07,985
Okay, fine, well, let's talk about you.
478
00:26:08,068 --> 00:26:13,824
Now why haven't you had or
enjoyed ice cream in so many years?
479
00:26:13,907 --> 00:26:16,910
I've been denying myself.
480
00:26:16,994 --> 00:26:19,246
Apparently, I'm quite good at that.
481
00:26:20,456 --> 00:26:23,334
So...
482
00:26:28,839 --> 00:26:30,048
Mmm.
483
00:26:32,009 --> 00:26:37,139
- I forgot how amazing it is.
- Yes. Hey, have you ever had Kulfi?
484
00:26:37,222 --> 00:26:38,557
There is a street vendor
485
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:41,226
in Mumbai who is...
486
00:26:41,310 --> 00:26:43,895
- What's so funny?
- Mumbai.
487
00:26:43,979 --> 00:26:46,982
I mean, you've been everywhere,
Guy. You've done everything.
488
00:26:47,065 --> 00:26:50,194
And you're telling me you really
want to settle down in San Diego?
489
00:26:50,277 --> 00:26:53,905
I told you. I'm tired, Grace.
490
00:26:53,989 --> 00:26:57,326
I feel like I've heard that before.
491
00:26:57,409 --> 00:26:59,453
Maybe when I set you up with Dede.
492
00:26:59,537 --> 00:27:02,747
Oh, my gosh. That was a long time ago.
493
00:27:02,831 --> 00:27:04,749
Yeah, you said the same things then.
494
00:27:04,833 --> 00:27:07,961
Well, there's a big difference
between then and now.
495
00:27:08,045 --> 00:27:10,422
I'm thirty years older.
496
00:27:10,506 --> 00:27:13,133
And then there's... there's you.
497
00:27:15,553 --> 00:27:18,763
- I don't... I don't know, Guy...
- Don't you want to find out?
498
00:27:18,847 --> 00:27:20,098
Hmm?
499
00:27:20,182 --> 00:27:25,229
Grace, I think there was always
a spark between you and I?
500
00:27:25,312 --> 00:27:27,481
Maybe...
501
00:27:27,565 --> 00:27:29,066
but...
502
00:27:29,149 --> 00:27:31,902
Given my recent history,
I'm a little risk-averse.
503
00:27:31,985 --> 00:27:33,653
I love taking risks.
504
00:27:33,737 --> 00:27:36,698
- Let's start with the ice cream.
- All right.
505
00:27:36,781 --> 00:27:38,200
Here's the ground rules.
506
00:27:38,283 --> 00:27:40,827
You can't give a guy ten
minutes and a scoop of ice cream
507
00:27:40,911 --> 00:27:45,040
and then tell him to hit the
road. That's all I'm saying. Deal?
508
00:27:50,254 --> 00:27:52,297
Mmm-mm!
509
00:27:55,342 --> 00:27:58,136
God, your hair is super soft.
510
00:27:58,220 --> 00:28:00,514
Thank you, I
use a two-in-one.
511
00:28:20,909 --> 00:28:22,786
- Wait.
- Yeah?
512
00:28:22,869 --> 00:28:24,455
Um...
513
00:28:24,538 --> 00:28:28,375
Do you want to eat something? I
don't mean like a four course meal.
514
00:28:28,459 --> 00:28:31,420
I mean, like a frozen
vegan pizza or something.
515
00:28:31,503 --> 00:28:33,004
I don't know why I buy those things,
516
00:28:33,088 --> 00:28:36,300
I always end up just piling a mountain
of cheese on top of 'em anyway.
517
00:28:37,635 --> 00:28:40,804
Yeah, you know, actually, I
really gotta get home to the dogs.
518
00:28:40,887 --> 00:28:42,473
Yes, of course.
519
00:28:45,643 --> 00:28:47,894
I'm sorry. Did I get this wrong?
520
00:28:47,978 --> 00:28:50,314
No.
521
00:28:50,397 --> 00:28:52,650
No, it's all good.
522
00:28:52,732 --> 00:28:54,776
Hey, don't give up on Spit, all right?
523
00:28:54,859 --> 00:28:57,613
You guys are gonna be
really good for each other.
524
00:28:57,696 --> 00:29:00,782
- Hey, let me walk you out.
- No, no, no, it's all right.
525
00:29:00,865 --> 00:29:02,367
Thanks.
526
00:29:21,928 --> 00:29:23,930
You like me.
527
00:29:26,099 --> 00:29:27,892
You love me.
528
00:29:29,978 --> 00:29:31,480
You smell.
529
00:29:31,563 --> 00:29:34,816
Well, this has been really fun.
530
00:29:34,899 --> 00:29:38,737
- Thank you for the ice cream.
- Well, it was my pleasure.
531
00:29:38,820 --> 00:29:39,863
Any time.
532
00:29:39,946 --> 00:29:42,616
The word is "Ecdysiast."
533
00:29:42,700 --> 00:29:47,245
- What is the definition?
- An exotic dancer.
534
00:29:47,329 --> 00:29:50,708
Grace, I was hoping that we
could see each other again...
535
00:29:52,917 --> 00:29:54,919
E-C...
536
00:29:59,049 --> 00:30:03,011
Oh, my. Oh.
537
00:30:03,094 --> 00:30:05,096
I wasn't expecting that.
538
00:30:05,180 --> 00:30:07,349
Neither was I.
539
00:30:10,268 --> 00:30:12,312
Good night, then.
540
00:30:12,396 --> 00:30:14,314
Good night, Guy.
541
00:30:16,941 --> 00:30:19,194
Yeah, well, I wasn't expecting that either.
542
00:30:21,238 --> 00:30:26,868
A-D-O-P-T-E-R-I-S-T.
543
00:30:26,951 --> 00:30:28,912
Lepidopterist.
544
00:30:28,995 --> 00:30:31,873
- No! Hector! No!
- That is incorrect.
545
00:30:31,956 --> 00:30:35,502
What kind of a kid doesn't know
how to spell "Lepidopterist?"
546
00:30:38,338 --> 00:30:41,925
- You hate this, don't you?
- More than life itself!
547
00:30:42,008 --> 00:30:46,430
- B-I-B-L-O-U...
- Yes.
548
00:30:46,513 --> 00:30:50,267
- Yes, yes!
- S. Bibulous.
549
00:30:50,350 --> 00:30:51,476
Yay.
550
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:54,730
- That is correct.
- Yay!
551
00:30:58,108 --> 00:31:00,819
The word is... "psoriasis."
552
00:31:00,902 --> 00:31:02,696
Can you repeat the word, please?
553
00:31:02,780 --> 00:31:04,322
Psoriasis.
554
00:31:05,741 --> 00:31:08,159
Psoriasis.
40606
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