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00:00:02,241 --> 00:00:05,379
[ The Trammps'
"Disco Inferno" plays ]
2
00:00:05,413 --> 00:00:12,275
♪♪
3
00:00:12,310 --> 00:00:15,103
♪ Satisfaction
4
00:00:15,137 --> 00:00:16,310
♪ Whoo, hoo, hoo
5
00:00:16,344 --> 00:00:19,379
♪ Came in a chain reaction
6
00:00:19,413 --> 00:00:20,689
♪ Oh, yeah
7
00:00:20,724 --> 00:00:23,000
♪ I couldn't get enough
8
00:00:23,034 --> 00:00:26,206
♪ Till I had to self-destruct
9
00:00:26,241 --> 00:00:27,931
♪ Whoo, hoo, hoo
10
00:00:27,965 --> 00:00:30,758
♪ The heat was on
11
00:00:30,793 --> 00:00:35,034
♪ Risin' to the top
12
00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:37,172
♪ Everybody's goin' strong
13
00:00:37,206 --> 00:00:38,344
♪ Whoo, hoo, hoo
14
00:00:38,379 --> 00:00:40,379
♪ That is when
my spark got hot ♪
15
00:00:40,413 --> 00:00:42,000
♪ I heard somebody say
16
00:00:42,034 --> 00:00:43,827
♪ Burn, baby, burn
17
00:00:43,862 --> 00:00:45,448
♪ Disco inferno
18
00:00:45,482 --> 00:00:47,103
♪ Burn, baby, burn
19
00:00:47,137 --> 00:00:49,103
♪ Burn that mother down, now
20
00:00:49,137 --> 00:00:51,103
♪ Burn, baby, burn
21
00:00:51,137 --> 00:00:53,000
♪ Disco inferno
22
00:00:53,034 --> 00:00:54,551
♪ Burn, baby, burn
23
00:00:54,586 --> 00:00:55,827
♪ Yeah, burn the mother down
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00:00:55,862 --> 00:00:56,862
♪ Burn it down
25
00:00:56,896 --> 00:00:58,482
♪ Burn, baby, burn
26
00:00:58,517 --> 00:01:00,413
♪ Disco inferno Mmm-blblblblbblb!
27
00:01:00,448 --> 00:01:02,310
♪ Burn, baby, burn
28
00:01:02,344 --> 00:01:04,103
♪ The mother down
29
00:01:04,137 --> 00:01:06,172
♪ Burn, baby, burn
30
00:01:06,206 --> 00:01:08,068
♪ Aaaaaaah, ha!
31
00:01:08,103 --> 00:01:09,655
♪ Burn, baby, burn
32
00:01:09,689 --> 00:01:11,137
♪ Burn that mother down
33
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[ Laughter ]
34
00:01:12,413 --> 00:01:14,586
Good job, guys.
35
00:01:14,620 --> 00:01:16,448
-Best day ever!
-Ahh.
36
00:01:16,482 --> 00:01:20,241
Whoa! Granny, how did I not
notice your humongo muff?
37
00:01:20,275 --> 00:01:22,448
[ Laughs ] Yeah.
38
00:01:22,482 --> 00:01:25,275
[ Foreigner's
"Hot Blooded" plays ]
39
00:01:25,310 --> 00:01:30,241
♪♪
40
00:01:30,275 --> 00:01:32,965
♪ Well, I'm hot-blooded
41
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,551
♪ Check it and see
42
00:01:35,586 --> 00:01:39,379
♪ I got a fever of 103
43
00:01:39,413 --> 00:01:41,965
♪ I'm hot-blooded
44
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,862
♪♪
45
00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:47,068
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Hey!
46
00:01:47,103 --> 00:01:48,379
Put down that spanakopita.
47
00:01:48,413 --> 00:01:50,517
Friday's the big day.
I need you looking fit.
48
00:01:50,551 --> 00:01:52,517
-What's Friday?
-"What's Friday?"
49
00:01:52,551 --> 00:01:54,034
Come on, Granny.
You kidding me?
50
00:01:54,068 --> 00:01:56,586
Friday is the photo shoot for
the Fireman Beefcake Calendar.
51
00:01:56,620 --> 00:01:58,965
Like, hello? It's only the
biggest day of the year.
52
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,206
Hello!
53
00:02:00,241 --> 00:02:02,344
I need you to get beefy,
Granny, okay?
54
00:02:02,379 --> 00:02:06,068
Station 48 sold 1,000 copies of
their calendar last month alone.
55
00:02:06,103 --> 00:02:07,586
You think I'm gonna
let us get outsold
56
00:02:07,620 --> 00:02:09,103
by these
hideous gargoyles?
57
00:02:09,137 --> 00:02:12,689
No. No. Look at this guy.
Joe Manganiello wannabe.
58
00:02:12,724 --> 00:02:14,793
When are we gonna stop
these competitions
59
00:02:14,827 --> 00:02:16,965
with other
fire stations, huh?
60
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:18,379
My butthole
is still burning
61
00:02:18,413 --> 00:02:20,103
from the ghost-pepper
challenge video.
62
00:02:20,137 --> 00:02:21,965
Oh, yeah. How many ghost peppers
did you put in your butt?
63
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:24,034
-Like 12?
-And yet only 11 came out.
64
00:02:24,068 --> 00:02:26,586
-Strange, Granny.
-I don't know about you guys,
65
00:02:26,620 --> 00:02:28,379
but I am ready
for the big shoot.
66
00:02:28,413 --> 00:02:30,310
I haven't had a carb
in three weeks.
67
00:02:30,344 --> 00:02:32,034
Good for you,
but I got to tell ya,
68
00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:34,068
the key really is to be
as oily as possible.
69
00:02:34,103 --> 00:02:35,413
Now, a little
trade secret --
70
00:02:35,448 --> 00:02:37,413
in my other life, I'm a
professional male dancer.
71
00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:38,586
Not sure if you know that.
72
00:02:38,620 --> 00:02:40,758
And looking bad
is not an option.
73
00:02:40,793 --> 00:02:44,241
That's why I trust generic brand
Canyon Breeze Baby Oil.
74
00:02:44,275 --> 00:02:45,586
Both:
Canyon Breeze?
75
00:02:45,620 --> 00:02:47,827
Canyon Breeze --
America's number-one choice
76
00:02:47,862 --> 00:02:49,620
for high-performance
stage oil.
77
00:02:49,655 --> 00:02:52,551
♪ Canyon Breeze [ Ding! ]
78
00:02:52,586 --> 00:02:55,103
No, no. You remember
what happened last year
when we got too oily.
79
00:02:55,137 --> 00:02:56,827
Nice technique. Good.
80
00:02:56,862 --> 00:02:59,034
[ Alarm blaring ]
81
00:02:59,068 --> 00:03:01,413
[ Floor squeaking ]
82
00:03:01,448 --> 00:03:03,482
[ Grunts ] Aah!
83
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:04,862
[ Squish ]Ohh!
84
00:03:04,896 --> 00:03:09,172
♪♪
85
00:03:09,206 --> 00:03:10,517
Ahh...
86
00:03:10,551 --> 00:03:12,206
Last year was last year.
87
00:03:12,241 --> 00:03:13,862
Last year, my mom didn't
even put up the calendar.
88
00:03:13,896 --> 00:03:15,586
She said it was
borderline pornographic.
89
00:03:15,620 --> 00:03:17,655
Yeah, but your mom thinks
"Dancing with the Stars"
90
00:03:17,689 --> 00:03:19,000
is borderline
pornographic.
91
00:03:19,034 --> 00:03:20,379
Well, anything on ABC.
92
00:03:20,413 --> 00:03:23,758
But look. This is the annual
beefcake calendar, okay?
93
00:03:23,793 --> 00:03:25,551
It's not about
pleasing our families.
94
00:03:25,586 --> 00:03:28,793
It's about vanity,
ego, competition,
95
00:03:28,827 --> 00:03:31,379
you know,
and charity, I suppose.
96
00:03:31,413 --> 00:03:33,206
-What charity?
-Primates for Pets.
97
00:03:33,241 --> 00:03:36,517
They provide helper monkeys
for retired service animals.
98
00:03:36,551 --> 00:03:38,310
All: Aww!
99
00:03:38,344 --> 00:03:39,620
The world has changed.
100
00:03:39,655 --> 00:03:42,275
Issues of workplace sexuality
are delicate.
101
00:03:42,310 --> 00:03:43,965
All right, well,
you can't take the beefiness
102
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:45,241
out of
the beefcake calendar.
103
00:03:45,275 --> 00:03:46,724
It's a point of pride
for my guys.
104
00:03:46,758 --> 00:03:48,413
This is coming
from up high, Terry.
105
00:03:48,448 --> 00:03:49,689
You know it's not me.
106
00:03:49,724 --> 00:03:52,103
I'm the dirtiest gal
in all of City Hall.
107
00:03:52,137 --> 00:03:54,034
Last year's Secret Santa,
I gave Polly Purdue
108
00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:56,310
a mug that said
"Men are like coffee.
109
00:03:56,344 --> 00:03:59,103
The good ones keep you up
all night long."
110
00:03:59,137 --> 00:04:02,310
[ Laughing ]
111
00:04:02,344 --> 00:04:03,689
Oh, my gosh!
112
00:04:03,724 --> 00:04:05,310
All right, but, honestly,
what does this mean?
113
00:04:05,344 --> 00:04:07,793
What are the parameters?Nothing hard and fast.
114
00:04:07,827 --> 00:04:09,724
[ Gasps, snorts ]
You see?!
115
00:04:09,758 --> 00:04:13,000
I'm like Sarah Silverman over
here with the raunchiness!
116
00:04:13,034 --> 00:04:14,620
-Funny.
-It's common sense, really.
117
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,724
-No more bare butt.
-Adorable.
118
00:04:16,758 --> 00:04:19,413
No more using live animals
to cover private parts.
119
00:04:19,448 --> 00:04:21,206
[ Chuckles ]
Sharp claws.
120
00:04:21,241 --> 00:04:23,827
And no more using
fire hoses to suggest
121
00:04:23,862 --> 00:04:25,793
the functions
of the male genitalia.
122
00:04:25,827 --> 00:04:27,689
Oh, yeah. I didn't see
that before.
123
00:04:27,724 --> 00:04:29,517
Huh. You're tying
our hands here.
124
00:04:29,551 --> 00:04:31,275
Just think of it
as a challenge.
125
00:04:31,310 --> 00:04:33,310
Come up with a nice,
wholesome calendar
126
00:04:33,344 --> 00:04:35,206
that has some
redeeming value.
127
00:04:35,241 --> 00:04:38,241
Redeeming values? I don't
even know what that means.
128
00:04:38,275 --> 00:04:40,827
Okay, I'm not happy
about it, either, but
maybe she's got a point.
129
00:04:40,862 --> 00:04:42,344
-Nah. Come on, Chief.
-What point? What?
130
00:04:42,379 --> 00:04:43,551
-What do you mean?
-No way!
131
00:04:43,586 --> 00:04:45,517
Well, maybe we pushed
this thing into the territory
132
00:04:45,551 --> 00:04:47,172
unbecoming of
a professional operation.
133
00:04:47,206 --> 00:04:49,379
But you can't do that!
I mean, I was gonna do this bit
134
00:04:49,413 --> 00:04:51,931
where I covered
my unmentionables in
extinguisher foam.
135
00:04:51,965 --> 00:04:53,206
It was gonna be so hot!
136
00:04:53,241 --> 00:04:54,413
Youwere gonna do this?
137
00:04:54,448 --> 00:04:55,827
Why wouldn't I?
I'm a firefighter.
138
00:04:55,862 --> 00:04:58,034
Well, you know, I-I just figured
it was a beefcake calendar,
139
00:04:58,068 --> 00:04:59,689
so it'd be limited
to the beefs.
140
00:04:59,724 --> 00:05:01,241
That is sexist.
141
00:05:01,275 --> 00:05:03,965
Chief, like it or not,
part of being a firefighter
142
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:07,344
is the inalienable right to
pose seductively for a calendar
143
00:05:07,379 --> 00:05:09,965
that people give to their
spinster aunt as a gag gift.
144
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,793
-Yeah!
-Goddamn right!
145
00:05:11,827 --> 00:05:13,241
Goddamn right!
Come on!
146
00:05:13,275 --> 00:05:15,482
-Hallelujah!
-Okay. Great point.
147
00:05:15,517 --> 00:05:18,551
In the meantime, I would
love for everyone to come up
148
00:05:18,586 --> 00:05:21,000
with a wholesome concept
for this calendar shoot.
149
00:05:21,034 --> 00:05:22,137
-Ugh.
-No!
150
00:05:22,172 --> 00:05:24,103
-Why?!
-Carry on.
151
00:05:24,137 --> 00:05:26,793
Mother: This is four Sundays
in a row you've missed church.
152
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:30,103
[Softly] I know, Mom, but they
have me working on Sundays now.
153
00:05:30,137 --> 00:05:32,448
[Deep voice] Ha, ha, ha.
That girl is hot A.F., huh?
154
00:05:32,482 --> 00:05:34,413
Pfft. Shoot! Huh!
155
00:05:34,448 --> 00:05:35,689
Who are you talking to?
156
00:05:35,724 --> 00:05:37,482
Who's hot A.F.?
Are you dating a girl?
157
00:05:37,517 --> 00:05:40,034
How come you won't call
any of the nice girls
I set you up with?
158
00:05:40,068 --> 00:05:41,931
[Softly] Mom, I -- It was
just something on the TV, okay?
159
00:05:41,965 --> 00:05:43,413
What are they making
you watch over there?
160
00:05:43,448 --> 00:05:44,620
"Dancing with the Stars"?
161
00:05:44,655 --> 00:05:47,655
Okay, Mom, uh, I got to go.
Okay? But I lov--
162
00:05:47,689 --> 00:05:52,068
[Deep voice] Ha, ha, ha!
Yeah! No, youshut up!
163
00:05:52,103 --> 00:05:53,310
Ah, totally!
164
00:05:53,344 --> 00:05:54,517
[ Phone beeps ]
165
00:05:54,551 --> 00:05:57,034
My dudes are crazy!
166
00:05:57,068 --> 00:05:58,241
How's your mom?
167
00:05:58,275 --> 00:05:59,896
[ Groans ]
You know, sh--
168
00:05:59,931 --> 00:06:02,344
She's just so disapproving
of everything, you know?
169
00:06:02,379 --> 00:06:04,965
Well, maybe next year,
we'll do a Fun Run for charity.
170
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,344
Yeah, she thinks jogging
is erotic, so...
171
00:06:07,379 --> 00:06:08,758
It's calendar time!
172
00:06:08,793 --> 00:06:10,241
-Chiefy.
-Awesome!
173
00:06:10,275 --> 00:06:12,000
All right. Who's kicking off
the brainstorm?
174
00:06:12,034 --> 00:06:13,517
Okay, yeah, yeah.
Let me start, okay?
175
00:06:13,551 --> 00:06:17,034
Because this is a slam dunk,
all right?
176
00:06:17,068 --> 00:06:21,034
Let's do the photo spread
covered in raw meat and pastry.
177
00:06:23,241 --> 00:06:25,275
Nobody?
Guys, come on.
178
00:06:25,310 --> 00:06:28,620
Raw meat -- beef.
Pastry -- cake.
179
00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:31,379
Beefcake. [ Laughs ]
Right? Perfect.
180
00:06:31,413 --> 00:06:33,689
We'll get local businesses
to donate the food,
181
00:06:33,724 --> 00:06:35,758
then we auction it off
after we're done.
182
00:06:35,793 --> 00:06:36,896
-That's gross.
-No. Boo.
183
00:06:36,931 --> 00:06:37,862
-Boo.
-What?
184
00:06:37,896 --> 00:06:39,758
-Auction used meat?
-Whatever.
185
00:06:39,793 --> 00:06:42,000
All right, next.
Come on. Let's go.
186
00:06:42,034 --> 00:06:45,137
Okay, so, we are looking
for unsexy, right?
187
00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:46,620
-Mm-hmm.
-Yeah.
188
00:06:46,655 --> 00:06:50,034
What's more un-sexy than
puppet versions of ourselves?
189
00:06:50,068 --> 00:06:51,655
-What does that mean?
-Okay, you know what?
190
00:06:51,689 --> 00:06:54,620
Maybe you'll be more
receptive to this idea
191
00:06:54,655 --> 00:06:57,034
if it's presented by...
192
00:06:57,068 --> 00:06:59,275
[High-pitched voice]
...Fireman Bob!
193
00:06:59,310 --> 00:07:00,862
-[ Chuckles ]
-Oh, boy.
194
00:07:00,896 --> 00:07:02,931
So, uh, you all making
a calendar of sorts?
195
00:07:02,965 --> 00:07:04,172
Ha, ha. Is that it?
196
00:07:04,206 --> 00:07:05,068
-Boo, boo.
-Boo!
197
00:07:05,103 --> 00:07:06,241
How does that
even work?
198
00:07:06,275 --> 00:07:07,896
You dummies wouldn't
know a good idea
199
00:07:07,931 --> 00:07:09,379
if it bit you
on the behind!
200
00:07:09,413 --> 00:07:10,689
[ Grunts ]
201
00:07:10,724 --> 00:07:13,551
Okay. Enough with your puppet.
Next! Come on, next.
202
00:07:13,586 --> 00:07:17,034
What if we all pose
in respectful portraits
203
00:07:17,068 --> 00:07:19,172
with our
respective mothers?
204
00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:22,827
And, uh, we're wearing costumes
that celebrate our heritage,
205
00:07:22,862 --> 00:07:24,931
so I'd do Hawaii,
obviously.
206
00:07:24,965 --> 00:07:27,103
And you would do...
white?
207
00:07:27,137 --> 00:07:28,448
-Okay, no.
-No, no, no, no, no.
208
00:07:28,482 --> 00:07:30,000
-Boo!
-No. Boo, boo, boo.
209
00:07:30,034 --> 00:07:33,068
Okay, when's the last time
any of you saw firefighters
210
00:07:33,103 --> 00:07:35,758
posing with gigantic
fruits and vegetables?
211
00:07:35,793 --> 00:07:38,034
That's not hot, Cap.
That's just bizarre.
212
00:07:38,068 --> 00:07:41,068
Mm. Believe me, Ike,
nudity is passé.
213
00:07:41,103 --> 00:07:42,482
Bizarre is
the new nudity.
214
00:07:42,517 --> 00:07:44,379
That sounds like
a perfume commercial.
215
00:07:44,413 --> 00:07:46,137
Yeah, it sounds like
a perfume commercial.
216
00:07:46,172 --> 00:07:47,689
Chief, I can tell
you'reintrigued.
217
00:07:47,724 --> 00:07:49,206
Well, we're supposed
to do something
218
00:07:49,241 --> 00:07:50,517
with redeeming value,
right?
219
00:07:50,551 --> 00:07:52,000
Fruits, vegetables,
food groups --
220
00:07:52,034 --> 00:07:53,103
something for the kids.
221
00:07:53,137 --> 00:07:55,896
[ Inhales deeply ]
I like it.
222
00:07:55,931 --> 00:07:58,758
Run with it, Penisi.
Good meeting.
223
00:07:58,793 --> 00:08:01,758
This is the most ridiculous idea
I've ever heard!
224
00:08:01,793 --> 00:08:04,689
Fruits and vegetables? Are
you having an aneurysm, Cap?
225
00:08:04,724 --> 00:08:07,379
Yeah, having an aneurysm
like a fox.
226
00:08:07,413 --> 00:08:10,310
We can be naked
behind the food.
227
00:08:10,344 --> 00:08:12,068
Natural, delicious foods
228
00:08:12,103 --> 00:08:15,034
presented by au naturel
firefighters.
229
00:08:15,068 --> 00:08:17,275
It's the perfect Trojan horse.
Think about it.
230
00:08:17,310 --> 00:08:19,241
Who's gonna call you out
for being naked
231
00:08:19,275 --> 00:08:21,517
as long as
the food pyramid's involved?
232
00:08:21,551 --> 00:08:22,896
-Nobody.
-Nobody.
233
00:08:22,931 --> 00:08:24,517
-Nobody.
-Cap! I could kiss you.
234
00:08:24,551 --> 00:08:26,931
Well, you better do it now,
'cause in a couple days,
235
00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:28,241
I'm gonna be
naked and oily
236
00:08:28,275 --> 00:08:30,241
with a gigantic stalk
of nutritious asparagus
237
00:08:30,275 --> 00:08:31,758
right in front
of my wang!
238
00:08:31,793 --> 00:08:33,241
[ All laughing and cheering ]
239
00:08:36,517 --> 00:08:37,793
♪♪
240
00:08:37,827 --> 00:08:39,586
Oh, that's what
I like to see --
241
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:41,379
some hard, buff bodies
for our wholesome
242
00:08:41,413 --> 00:08:42,827
and healthy
beefcake calendar.
243
00:08:42,862 --> 00:08:44,758
We're gonna out-sell
every station in town.
244
00:08:44,793 --> 00:08:47,793
-You got that right.
-Ooh! Ho, ho, ho! Okay.
245
00:08:47,827 --> 00:08:50,965
Which one of you has
been doing one of those
stanky-ass cleanse diets?
246
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,482
Sauerkraut butt blast.
247
00:08:52,517 --> 00:08:55,103
-The paprika mega-purge.
-The cayenne clinch. Ahh.
248
00:08:55,137 --> 00:08:57,206
I've just been doing
Weight Watchers.Sensible.
249
00:08:57,241 --> 00:08:59,172
Hey, guys, let me get
your opinion on something.
250
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,275
I'm thinking about growing
my nip hairs out.
251
00:09:01,310 --> 00:09:02,931
I think they're
making a comeback,
252
00:09:02,965 --> 00:09:04,620
and I do want
to be on trend, so...
253
00:09:04,655 --> 00:09:07,000
Lucky for you, the unibrow
is making a comeback.
254
00:09:07,034 --> 00:09:08,448
[ Laughter ]
255
00:09:08,482 --> 00:09:11,000
And you need a once-over
with those ear and nose hairs,
256
00:09:11,034 --> 00:09:12,931
old timer.Hey, watch it, whippersnapper.
257
00:09:12,965 --> 00:09:14,827
Hey, Andy, doesn't
your mom run a salon?
258
00:09:14,862 --> 00:09:16,896
Maybe she can give us all, like,
a friends and family discount.
259
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:18,172
Yeah, I don't know.
260
00:09:18,206 --> 00:09:20,620
I think there's something
weirdly sexual about my mom
261
00:09:20,655 --> 00:09:22,310
pouring hot wax
on your bodies.
262
00:09:22,344 --> 00:09:23,482
Hey, hey.
263
00:09:23,517 --> 00:09:25,586
Uh, then we're definitely
doing it, like 100%.
264
00:09:25,620 --> 00:09:27,275
-Settled.
-Maybe she can take a look
265
00:09:27,310 --> 00:09:29,310
at Granny's humongous muff.Dude.
266
00:09:29,344 --> 00:09:31,655
Yeah, maybe she's got
a weed whacker in
the back of her salon.
267
00:09:31,689 --> 00:09:33,344
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Time-out.
268
00:09:33,379 --> 00:09:35,310
Nobody's touching
my briar patch, okay?
269
00:09:35,344 --> 00:09:37,344
Remember Samson in the Bible?
All right?
270
00:09:37,379 --> 00:09:39,689
You cut off the bird's nest,
I lose my manhood.
271
00:09:39,724 --> 00:09:41,586
-It's not happening.
-Ugh!
272
00:09:41,620 --> 00:09:44,310
It smells like a Dumpster behind
a Hungarian restaurant in here.
273
00:09:44,344 --> 00:09:46,034
-We're all fartin'.
-We're all doing
274
00:09:46,068 --> 00:09:48,034
different master cleanses.
-I'm doing Weight Watchers.
275
00:09:48,068 --> 00:09:50,034
Probie, go to my bathroom
and get the pot-pourri spray.
276
00:09:50,068 --> 00:09:53,137
Oh, great, now it'll smell
like shit andpot-pourri.
277
00:09:53,172 --> 00:09:55,620
Huh. Master cleanses
and vanity workouts, huh?
278
00:09:55,655 --> 00:09:58,000
Seems unnecessary for
a food-group calendar.
279
00:09:58,034 --> 00:10:00,172
We're just trying to
stay healthy, Chief.
280
00:10:00,206 --> 00:10:01,724
-Is that what it is?
-Yeah.
281
00:10:01,758 --> 00:10:02,862
-You sure?
-Poz.
282
00:10:02,896 --> 00:10:04,689
-You should try it sometime.
-What'd you say?
283
00:10:04,724 --> 00:10:05,896
-Hmm?
-You say something?
284
00:10:05,931 --> 00:10:08,241
Uh, I said we're just trying
to stay healthy, Chief.
285
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:11,551
Okay.
It stinks in here.
286
00:10:11,586 --> 00:10:13,689
-Mm-hmm.
-[ Whistling ]
287
00:10:13,724 --> 00:10:15,931
Okay, so, we'll meet up
288
00:10:15,965 --> 00:10:17,862
at Andy's mom's place
after work, right?
289
00:10:17,896 --> 00:10:19,172
On one condition, though.
290
00:10:19,206 --> 00:10:21,034
Nobody say anything
about the calendar.
291
00:10:21,068 --> 00:10:22,655
She'd go nuts.
292
00:10:22,689 --> 00:10:24,655
[ Fart ]I gotta go.
293
00:10:24,689 --> 00:10:27,517
-Oh, oh, oh.
-Unh!
294
00:10:27,551 --> 00:10:29,034
[ Door bell chimes ]
295
00:10:29,068 --> 00:10:31,034
Hi.
296
00:10:31,068 --> 00:10:33,068
Ooh, cool!
297
00:10:33,103 --> 00:10:36,068
Alo-Air -- Alao --
Alo-hay-ir.
298
00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:38,862
Ala --
Hair-ah --
299
00:10:38,896 --> 00:10:41,137
Bah! I give up!
How do you say it?
300
00:10:41,172 --> 00:10:43,172
Hey! Ka'ponko!
301
00:10:43,206 --> 00:10:44,793
-Hey, Mom. Hi.
-Hi, honey.
302
00:10:44,827 --> 00:10:47,034
Ka'ponko? What's --
What's Ka'ponko?
303
00:10:47,068 --> 00:10:49,172
Oh, my Hawaiian name
is Ka'ponko.
304
00:10:49,206 --> 00:10:50,344
-Oh.
-Oh.
305
00:10:50,379 --> 00:10:52,034
What are we doing today?
A butt wax?
306
00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:54,310
Or are we just touching up
around the ding-a-ling?
307
00:10:54,344 --> 00:10:55,655
-Ooh. Uh...
-[ Laughs ]
308
00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:58,689
-I'll do the usual.
-Oh, okay, all three. All right.
309
00:10:58,724 --> 00:11:00,586
Hey, let's
get smooth, huh?
310
00:11:00,620 --> 00:11:02,206
-Hey, get smooth!
-Smooth.
311
00:11:02,241 --> 00:11:03,310
[ Tearing ]
312
00:11:03,344 --> 00:11:04,862
[Chuckling] Ow!
That's a new feeling.
313
00:11:04,896 --> 00:11:07,793
You should have seem my son
after his first butt wax.
314
00:11:07,827 --> 00:11:10,000
-He cried for days!
-Mom!
315
00:11:10,034 --> 00:11:11,827
[ Laughter ]
316
00:11:11,862 --> 00:11:14,172
Aw, but, Andy's Mom,
I think that's just Ka'ponko
317
00:11:14,206 --> 00:11:15,793
being Ka'ponko,
though, right?
318
00:11:15,827 --> 00:11:18,482
That's our Ka'ponko!
Classic Ka'ponko.
319
00:11:18,517 --> 00:11:19,724
TotalKa'ponko.
320
00:11:19,758 --> 00:11:21,310
Mm-hmm!
321
00:11:21,344 --> 00:11:22,551
[ Laughter ]
322
00:11:22,586 --> 00:11:27,413
Ooh. That is a lot of hair.
323
00:11:27,448 --> 00:11:30,241
Let me see here. Yikes!
324
00:11:30,275 --> 00:11:32,896
Hey, did you sneak a
Portuguese Water Dog in here?
325
00:11:32,931 --> 00:11:34,482
Read the sign --
"No pets."
326
00:11:34,517 --> 00:11:36,482
Oh, no, ma'am.
With all due respect,
327
00:11:36,517 --> 00:11:39,655
I will pass on the waxing
of my low 'fro.
328
00:11:39,689 --> 00:11:42,310
Oh, don't be silly. Everybody in
my Bible study group's doing it.
329
00:11:42,344 --> 00:11:45,241
Oh, Granny, just do it.
Then you'll be all nice and trim
for the beefcake calendar.
330
00:11:45,275 --> 00:11:46,689
What? Beefcake?
331
00:11:46,724 --> 00:11:48,379
[ Sizzling ]Aaaaaaah!
332
00:11:48,413 --> 00:11:50,000
I don't do porn stars!
Get out!
333
00:11:50,034 --> 00:11:51,793
It's gonna be
a nice calendar, Mom.
334
00:11:51,827 --> 00:11:53,344
That's what you said
last year
335
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:55,034
when you grabbed
the fire hydrant
336
00:11:55,068 --> 00:11:58,137
between your legs to suggest how
the male genitalia functions!
337
00:11:58,172 --> 00:12:00,793
-Well, youwax buttholes!
-Out, out, out!
338
00:12:00,827 --> 00:12:04,689
I will not have you taint
the dignity of the Myawani name!
339
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,827
The woman doesknow
a thing or two about taints.
340
00:12:06,862 --> 00:12:09,724
Not funny! Get out!
Get out, get out!
341
00:12:09,758 --> 00:12:11,965
-Hey, whoa! Hey!
-Out, cowboy boots!
342
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,241
Thank you.
343
00:12:13,275 --> 00:12:17,724
[ All grunting ]
344
00:12:17,758 --> 00:12:19,034
Oh, God! I can't walk!
345
00:12:19,068 --> 00:12:20,551
You guys,
don't break the fruit.
346
00:12:20,586 --> 00:12:22,172
We have to use it
for the calendar.
347
00:12:22,206 --> 00:12:23,413
[ Laughs ]
348
00:12:23,448 --> 00:12:25,344
[ Both grunting ]
349
00:12:25,379 --> 00:12:28,586
Lucy: This calendar
is gonna be bananas.
350
00:12:28,620 --> 00:12:30,034
How you holding up,
Granny?
351
00:12:30,068 --> 00:12:32,896
Had to shave it bald
to get all the wax off.
352
00:12:32,931 --> 00:12:35,551
[Crying] And it's gone.
It's all gone.
353
00:12:35,586 --> 00:12:39,448
Am I the only one
freezing in here?
354
00:12:39,482 --> 00:12:41,896
[ Whimpering ]
355
00:12:43,551 --> 00:12:45,275
"Excuse me, sir, have you,
uh, had your picture
356
00:12:45,310 --> 00:12:47,896
taken before with fruits
and vegetables covering
your unmentionables?"
357
00:12:47,931 --> 00:12:49,517
"Um, yeah, well, you know,
I've done, uh --
358
00:12:49,551 --> 00:12:50,965
I've done pickle,
I've done cucumber,
359
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:52,241
I've done, uh,
squash, eggplant.
360
00:12:52,275 --> 00:12:53,827
Never a, uh, chili pepper,
though, so..."
361
00:12:53,862 --> 00:12:55,206
How great
is this banana?
362
00:12:55,241 --> 00:12:57,241
If only I could pull back
the peels and then use that
363
00:12:57,275 --> 00:12:59,068
to cover my melons,
you know what I mean?
364
00:12:59,103 --> 00:13:00,620
[ Laughs ]
Awesome.
365
00:13:00,655 --> 00:13:02,931
Seems like the nudity's creeping
back into this photo shoot!
366
00:13:02,965 --> 00:13:04,758
Oh, yeah!
It's gonna be epic, Chief!
367
00:13:04,793 --> 00:13:06,275
-No, no, no, no, no.
-No, no, no, no, no.
368
00:13:06,310 --> 00:13:07,482
No, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
369
00:13:07,517 --> 00:13:08,965
It's clean.
It's on the up-and-up.
370
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,310
-You sure?
-Yeah, you said no nudity.
371
00:13:10,344 --> 00:13:11,862
There's gonna be no --
n-no nudity.
372
00:13:11,896 --> 00:13:14,034
Yeah. Fruits and vegetables.
What can we possibly
do that's dirty?
373
00:13:14,068 --> 00:13:16,655
No nudity.
374
00:13:16,689 --> 00:13:19,655
-You take my picture.
-Ohh!
375
00:13:19,689 --> 00:13:22,724
N-o-o-o-o!
376
00:13:22,758 --> 00:13:24,965
[ Sighs ]
377
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:31,344
♪♪
378
00:13:35,758 --> 00:13:40,034
♪♪
379
00:13:40,068 --> 00:13:42,137
[ Breathes deeply ]
380
00:13:42,172 --> 00:13:44,379
Hmm.
381
00:13:44,413 --> 00:13:46,310
♪♪
382
00:13:46,344 --> 00:13:48,551
[ Sighs ]
383
00:13:48,586 --> 00:13:50,724
Release it allover.
384
00:13:50,758 --> 00:13:52,724
Sorry about your pants, Cap,
but that's, you know...
385
00:13:52,758 --> 00:13:54,379
So, as you can see,
386
00:13:54,413 --> 00:13:56,413
you got more of
a general shine
387
00:13:56,448 --> 00:13:57,758
going here, right?Yeah, yeah.
388
00:13:57,793 --> 00:14:00,758
Whereas my Canyon Breeze,
more of a shimmer, you know?
389
00:14:00,793 --> 00:14:02,724
-More of a show. Boop
-Yeah, I see.
390
00:14:02,758 --> 00:14:04,896
-Got a nice scent, too.
-That's not bad.
391
00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:07,000
[ Sniffs ] I mean,
that smells great.
392
00:14:07,034 --> 00:14:09,586
Right?It's like vanilla
with jasmine.
393
00:14:09,620 --> 00:14:12,000
Hey, hold on, you guys.Is that what
the Canyon Breeze is?
394
00:14:12,034 --> 00:14:13,931
-Yeah.
-Tough day for both of us, huh?
395
00:14:13,965 --> 00:14:15,793
Yeah, but your pubes
will grown back,
396
00:14:15,827 --> 00:14:19,310
and my issue with my mom
is gonna go on forever.
397
00:14:19,344 --> 00:14:21,379
You know, I was raised
by my grandmother.
398
00:14:21,413 --> 00:14:24,000
She said the same thing,
till a few years ago,
399
00:14:24,034 --> 00:14:27,206
I finally had enough, and
I walked straight up to Granny.
400
00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:30,827
I said, "Granny, I'm a
grown-ass man. No more."
401
00:14:30,862 --> 00:14:32,862
Granny said, "Don't
talk to me like that."
402
00:14:32,896 --> 00:14:34,413
I said,
"Granny, hear me out."
403
00:14:34,448 --> 00:14:36,965
Granny said, "You go to
your room right now."
404
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,517
"Granny, I'm not going to my
room anymore, Granny."
405
00:14:39,551 --> 00:14:41,448
"Granny, don't talk
to me like that!
406
00:14:41,482 --> 00:14:42,931
I said go to your room!"
407
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:46,517
"Well, Granny's time to go
to Granny's room is over!"
408
00:14:46,551 --> 00:14:48,551
And that's when I think
Granny understood.
409
00:14:48,586 --> 00:14:52,551
Or should I say...
Granny understood Granny.
410
00:14:52,586 --> 00:14:55,310
I'm sorry. You lost me
so long ago.
411
00:14:55,344 --> 00:14:57,482
Point is, is that
you got to let her know
412
00:14:57,517 --> 00:14:59,206
that you can make
your own decisions.
413
00:14:59,241 --> 00:15:01,896
And tell her that you're
doing that beefcake calendar.
414
00:15:01,931 --> 00:15:04,241
No, you're right. Yeah.
I'm gonna do it.
415
00:15:04,275 --> 00:15:07,034
-Thanks, Granny.
-That's what I'm talking about.
416
00:15:07,068 --> 00:15:09,034
-Mm-hmm.
-Is that pressure okay?
417
00:15:09,068 --> 00:15:10,758
Mm, mm-hmm, mm.
Mm, Mm-hmm.
418
00:15:10,793 --> 00:15:12,068
-There you go.
-Yeah.
419
00:15:12,103 --> 00:15:13,724
Feels like a lot, but it's not
that much. Ah, it is.
420
00:15:13,758 --> 00:15:15,793
It's quite a bit. Might go
down into your pants a bit.
421
00:15:15,827 --> 00:15:18,482
Oh, my God. My skin is, like,
absorbing this like a sponge.
422
00:15:18,517 --> 00:15:21,103
Yeah, yeah. You know what you
got to do? You got to relax.
423
00:15:21,137 --> 00:15:23,448
-Okay.
-Get my arm. Come on.
424
00:15:23,482 --> 00:15:25,862
[ Ike and Granny grunting ]Hey, hey, hey, guys!
425
00:15:25,896 --> 00:15:27,689
Can I have your attention,
please? Listen up here, guys.
426
00:15:27,724 --> 00:15:29,103
I just got of the phone
with Linda Price.
427
00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:30,758
Apparently she got word
that you guys were trying
428
00:15:30,793 --> 00:15:32,482
to sneak nudity
into this new concept.
429
00:15:32,517 --> 00:15:34,000
And I'm sorry to say this,
430
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,793
but Linda Price has canceled
this year's calendar shoot.
431
00:15:36,827 --> 00:15:38,655
What?! What?!What? No!What? No!
432
00:15:38,689 --> 00:15:40,482
-Hey, hey! Come on, Chief!
-It's off.
433
00:15:40,517 --> 00:15:42,620
-Are you kidding me?!
-Terrible news, guys.
434
00:15:42,655 --> 00:15:44,000
-Come on!
-For all of us.
435
00:15:44,034 --> 00:15:45,413
-Come on!
-Come on, Chief.
436
00:15:45,448 --> 00:15:46,793
-No! Chief!
-Man!
437
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:53,586
♪♪
438
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:56,034
You!
I tried to stop him,
Miss Price,
439
00:15:56,068 --> 00:15:58,034
but...he was
too slippery.
440
00:15:58,068 --> 00:16:00,689
That's okay.
You seem hot and bothered.
441
00:16:00,724 --> 00:16:02,103
-I am.
-And oily.
442
00:16:02,137 --> 00:16:04,034
-Yeah, I am.
-How can I help?
443
00:16:04,068 --> 00:16:07,551
You can start by taking that
stick out of your badonkadonk!
444
00:16:07,586 --> 00:16:10,034
Look. I know times
are changing, okay?
445
00:16:10,068 --> 00:16:13,068
But my grandfather
Luigi Penisi
446
00:16:13,103 --> 00:16:17,241
appeared in the 1953
Tacoma FD Beefcake Calendar
447
00:16:17,275 --> 00:16:19,793
using a suggestively placed
sausage to help a woman
448
00:16:19,827 --> 00:16:21,896
in a bikini climb down
from a burning building.
449
00:16:21,931 --> 00:16:23,586
Now, I'm pretty sure
I understand
450
00:16:23,620 --> 00:16:25,620
why you couldn't get away
with that today.
451
00:16:25,655 --> 00:16:29,034
But I will notleave this office
until you explain to me
452
00:16:29,068 --> 00:16:31,172
why we can't have
a photo shoot
453
00:16:31,206 --> 00:16:33,448
where we pose with
oversize food groups.
454
00:16:35,896 --> 00:16:37,655
-Ugh!
-Wow.
455
00:16:37,689 --> 00:16:39,517
An impressive,
dramatic monologue
456
00:16:39,551 --> 00:16:42,137
and delightful display
of physical comedy.
457
00:16:42,172 --> 00:16:43,586
Ohh.
458
00:16:43,620 --> 00:16:45,413
But who said you can't do
the photo shoot?
459
00:16:45,448 --> 00:16:47,827
Uh, I was told
that youwere the one
460
00:16:47,862 --> 00:16:50,379
who put the kibosh
on the calendar.
461
00:16:50,413 --> 00:16:51,931
No.
462
00:16:51,965 --> 00:16:55,000
I've even arranged to put them
up in all the public schools.
463
00:16:55,034 --> 00:16:56,551
Be sure
to include cabbage.
464
00:16:56,586 --> 00:16:59,275
I feel like cabbage
gets a bad rap.
465
00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:02,413
[ Chuckles ]
466
00:17:02,448 --> 00:17:04,965
That means that...
467
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,655
Miss Price, I'm sorry
I got your desk all greasy.
468
00:17:07,689 --> 00:17:11,034
Mm. From now on, I'll call you
"Greasy Penisi."
469
00:17:11,068 --> 00:17:14,758
Yeah, actually that's a racially
insensitive slur nowadays.
470
00:17:14,793 --> 00:17:17,310
Huh. Times really
havechanged.
471
00:17:17,344 --> 00:17:19,413
So, did you hear the one
about the two peanuts
472
00:17:19,448 --> 00:17:21,724
who got...a-salted?
473
00:17:21,758 --> 00:17:23,344
[ Chuckles ]
Shit. No. Wait.
474
00:17:23,379 --> 00:17:25,655
Two peanuts
walk into a bar.
475
00:17:25,689 --> 00:17:29,379
One of them
gets a-salted, yeah?
476
00:17:29,413 --> 00:17:30,724
I think.
477
00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:32,827
Okay, look. I'm off
my A-game. All right?
478
00:17:32,862 --> 00:17:35,137
I was forced to shave off
my low fro today
479
00:17:35,172 --> 00:17:37,482
but if I can just kind of
give you an explanation...
480
00:17:37,517 --> 00:17:38,689
[ Whistles ] Hey.
481
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:40,137
...as to why the peanuts
were assaulted.
482
00:17:40,172 --> 00:17:41,517
Come on, boys.
Let's get out of here.
483
00:17:41,551 --> 00:17:44,137
-Hey. Let's go, buddy.
-Oops.
484
00:17:44,172 --> 00:17:46,689
Ike: Have a nice day.
485
00:17:46,724 --> 00:17:50,275
Hey, Chief. Guess what.
I just spoke to Linda Price.
486
00:17:50,310 --> 00:17:53,620
And she says she didn't
cancel the calendar.
487
00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:55,068
Wh-a-a-at?
488
00:17:55,103 --> 00:17:57,724
In fact, she said she didn't
speak to you at all today.
489
00:17:57,758 --> 00:17:59,103
All right.
You know what?
490
00:17:59,137 --> 00:18:00,931
I don't have to answer
to you guys
491
00:18:00,965 --> 00:18:03,724
about the decisions made
in this station.I knew it. I knew it.
492
00:18:03,758 --> 00:18:05,344
This calendar thing's
a distraction.
493
00:18:05,379 --> 00:18:08,448
You guys are running around like
a bunch of oiled-up peacocks.
494
00:18:08,482 --> 00:18:11,137
Wait. This is
about me,isn't it?
495
00:18:12,275 --> 00:18:14,137
You just don't want
to see your little girl
496
00:18:14,172 --> 00:18:16,413
posing provocatively
for a calendar?
497
00:18:16,448 --> 00:18:17,931
No, I don't mind that.
498
00:18:17,965 --> 00:18:20,758
I mean, well, I don't want to
see you in a racy photo, but...
499
00:18:20,793 --> 00:18:23,068
You're a grown woman.
You can make your own choices.
500
00:18:23,103 --> 00:18:25,344
Yeah?
So what is it then?
501
00:18:26,758 --> 00:18:27,965
You want to know what it is?
502
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:29,413
Yeah, I want to know
what it is.
503
00:18:29,448 --> 00:18:31,448
You want to know?I just said I want
to know what it is.
504
00:18:31,482 --> 00:18:33,241
-Yes, we want to know!
-Do both of you want to know?!
505
00:18:33,275 --> 00:18:34,379
We want --
Tell us what it is!
506
00:18:34,413 --> 00:18:35,724
What do you think
we're doing here?!
507
00:18:35,758 --> 00:18:38,586
It's me, okay?
It's me. Look.
508
00:18:38,620 --> 00:18:40,758
I used to be a fit stud.
509
00:18:40,793 --> 00:18:42,620
I was a cover boy!
510
00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:45,379
A virile piece of man meat!
511
00:18:45,413 --> 00:18:49,206
That's June!
I look like Toby Keith!
512
00:18:49,241 --> 00:18:50,689
Now what, huh?
513
00:18:50,724 --> 00:18:53,034
Now I'm supposed to be on
some calendar half undressed,
514
00:18:53,068 --> 00:18:55,793
looking like a tired old sack
of whale blubber?!
515
00:18:55,827 --> 00:18:58,448
Dad, don't be ridiculous.
516
00:18:58,482 --> 00:19:01,344
You're still one of the
handsomest guys that I know.
517
00:19:01,379 --> 00:19:04,827
Yes, you're larger, but you
carry it with dignity. You know?
518
00:19:04,862 --> 00:19:08,344
Like Cedric the Entertainer
or Meat Loaf
519
00:19:08,379 --> 00:19:11,482
or, um, Steven Seagal.
520
00:19:11,517 --> 00:19:13,241
Yeah, Seagal.
521
00:19:13,275 --> 00:19:15,689
Look, you're still easily
one of the best-looking guys
522
00:19:15,724 --> 00:19:16,931
at the station.
523
00:19:16,965 --> 00:19:19,034
Okay, okay, let's not
spread it on too thick here.
524
00:19:19,068 --> 00:19:21,137
Come on, Uncle Eddie!
Tell him how gorgeous he is.
525
00:19:21,172 --> 00:19:22,655
No, I'm not gonna
lie to the guy.
526
00:19:22,689 --> 00:19:24,000
He knows
what he looks like.
527
00:19:24,034 --> 00:19:26,620
But I will
say this, Chief.
528
00:19:26,655 --> 00:19:28,931
The world needs to
celebrate people like you.
529
00:19:28,965 --> 00:19:30,034
Yeah!
530
00:19:30,068 --> 00:19:32,172
People of all shapes
and sizes.
531
00:19:32,206 --> 00:19:34,482
This is the perfect
opportunity
532
00:19:34,517 --> 00:19:36,724
for you to send
a body-positive message --
533
00:19:36,758 --> 00:19:40,827
something validating to all
those little kids out there
534
00:19:40,862 --> 00:19:45,068
who, like you, resemble
a bowling ball on toothpicks.
535
00:19:45,103 --> 00:19:46,655
Kids with butts
536
00:19:46,689 --> 00:19:49,137
that couldn't possibly
hold up a pair of pants.
537
00:19:49,172 --> 00:19:52,310
Just looking at ass crack
all day long, 24/7.
538
00:19:52,344 --> 00:19:54,379
Hey, thanks, Uncle Eddie.
I'll stop you there.
539
00:19:54,413 --> 00:19:56,413
You know what else?
I know this photo editor,
540
00:19:56,448 --> 00:19:58,103
and she has these apps
on her phone,
541
00:19:58,137 --> 00:20:00,206
and she can literally
turn you into the love child
542
00:20:00,241 --> 00:20:03,517
of Russell Wilson and The Rock
in, like, three minutes.
543
00:20:03,551 --> 00:20:05,862
Really?Yeah, you're gonna
look amazing!
544
00:20:05,896 --> 00:20:08,758
Let's do that.Yeah, I think
that's a better idea.
545
00:20:08,793 --> 00:20:11,689
♪♪
546
00:20:11,724 --> 00:20:16,379
♪ Mm-mm, mm, mm,
mm-mm, mm, mm ♪
547
00:20:16,413 --> 00:20:18,551
Come on, Andy!
548
00:20:18,586 --> 00:20:20,137
-Buddy!
-Come on, man.
549
00:20:20,172 --> 00:20:22,448
Get into it.
It's gonna be a blast.
550
00:20:22,482 --> 00:20:25,137
They've got everything
you want here. Look.
551
00:20:25,172 --> 00:20:27,586
Professional-quality
hair in a can.
552
00:20:27,620 --> 00:20:29,620
-Hey! God, man!
-You love this stuff!
553
00:20:31,896 --> 00:20:33,517
Mom?
554
00:20:33,551 --> 00:20:35,482
I wanted to come here
to make sure you're not
555
00:20:35,517 --> 00:20:38,344
participating in this...
disgusting orgy.
556
00:20:38,379 --> 00:20:40,758
Oh. We're having an orgy
after the shoot?
557
00:20:40,793 --> 00:20:42,448
Not sure
I like the ratio.
558
00:20:42,482 --> 00:20:44,793
You didn't
have to come here.
559
00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:46,586
-Tell her.
-You know what?
560
00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:49,689
I'm not a child anymore.
I can make my own decisions.
561
00:20:49,724 --> 00:20:51,724
And I'm here to
support my friends,
562
00:20:51,758 --> 00:20:55,655
show off my ripped glutes,
and promote healthy eating.
563
00:20:55,689 --> 00:20:59,586
I love you, but I'm gonna
do this calendar.
564
00:20:59,620 --> 00:21:01,758
Am I still
your little Ka'ponko?
565
00:21:02,896 --> 00:21:05,689
I have no Ka'ponko.
566
00:21:05,724 --> 00:21:09,206
What? Ugh.
Did you hear that?
567
00:21:09,241 --> 00:21:10,862
Hey. Hey.
It's gonna be okay.
568
00:21:10,896 --> 00:21:12,586
-You're our little Ka'ponko.
-[ Giggles ]
569
00:21:12,620 --> 00:21:14,000
Come on.
It's gonna be awesome.
570
00:21:14,034 --> 00:21:15,758
-Hey. Wait. Hey.
-Come on.
571
00:21:15,793 --> 00:21:18,241
Okay, who's gonna be the
first one to forever change
572
00:21:18,275 --> 00:21:20,793
the way people look
at beefcake calendars?
573
00:21:20,827 --> 00:21:23,586
Watch and learn,
you hairless lap dogs.
574
00:21:23,620 --> 00:21:25,379
-Yeah!
-Yeah, Chief!
575
00:21:25,413 --> 00:21:27,931
-Ohh!
-Perfect!
576
00:21:27,965 --> 00:21:30,034
Ooh, that ain't
dolphin-safe, Chief.
577
00:21:30,068 --> 00:21:31,689
[ Camera shutter clicking ]
578
00:21:31,724 --> 00:21:34,068
Lucy:
Go, Chief. Go, Chief.
579
00:21:34,103 --> 00:21:36,931
-I like mine with cheese!
-Work those buns!
580
00:21:36,965 --> 00:21:39,551
-Flame-broiled muscle.
-Make it ripe! Make it ripe!
581
00:21:39,586 --> 00:21:41,517
Peel it. Peel it.
582
00:21:41,551 --> 00:21:43,758
-Yeah, Lucy!
-Oh, oh!
583
00:21:43,793 --> 00:21:46,793
-Yeah, Cap!
-Ohh!
584
00:21:46,827 --> 00:21:48,689
Yeah, cabbage!
585
00:21:48,724 --> 00:21:50,827
-Hey!
-Hey!
586
00:21:50,862 --> 00:21:53,379
-Ike: Yeah, Andy!
-Granny: Go ahead!
587
00:21:53,413 --> 00:21:55,310
Have some milk
with that cupcake.
588
00:21:55,344 --> 00:21:58,758
-Mmm! Yeah!
-He's feelin' it!
589
00:21:58,793 --> 00:22:01,275
I told you!
I told you!
590
00:22:01,310 --> 00:22:03,000
[ Laughter ]
591
00:22:03,034 --> 00:22:05,068
[ Indistinct shouting ]
592
00:22:05,103 --> 00:22:07,241
Granny:
Look at that Hawaiian flyin'.
593
00:22:07,275 --> 00:22:09,448
-Yeah!
-Put some cream in that thing!
594
00:22:09,482 --> 00:22:11,310
-Yeah!
-Yeah!
595
00:22:11,344 --> 00:22:13,000
-Get a glass of milk!
-Myawani!
596
00:22:13,034 --> 00:22:15,931
-Yeah!
-Yeah!
597
00:22:15,965 --> 00:22:17,206
Mom.
598
00:22:17,241 --> 00:22:20,241
Oh, uh, Ka'ponko.
Hey, don't worry.
599
00:22:20,275 --> 00:22:21,862
It's okay. All right?
600
00:22:21,896 --> 00:22:24,103
Standing back there,
watching you look so...
601
00:22:24,137 --> 00:22:28,862
cute and tiny behind that
gigantic cupcake with sprinkles,
602
00:22:28,896 --> 00:22:32,931
it just made me realize that
I was the one being small --
603
00:22:32,965 --> 00:22:36,034
small for not accepting
what made you happy.
604
00:22:36,068 --> 00:22:37,689
Aw.
605
00:22:37,724 --> 00:22:39,655
Ka'ponko. Ohh.[ Squish ]
606
00:22:39,689 --> 00:22:41,448
Ugh. You know what?
607
00:22:41,482 --> 00:22:44,689
And if dancing around naked
with food makes you happy...
608
00:22:44,724 --> 00:22:47,379
-Yeah.
-...it makes mehappy.
609
00:22:47,413 --> 00:22:49,034
All: Aww!
610
00:22:49,068 --> 00:22:51,000
Oh, and I had to
make it up to you, too.
611
00:22:51,034 --> 00:22:54,034
So I made you this.
612
00:22:54,068 --> 00:22:55,620
-My new low 'fro!
-Uh-huh.
613
00:22:55,655 --> 00:22:57,413
-[ Laughs ]
-It's made from sweepings.
614
00:22:57,448 --> 00:22:58,965
It's like a hodgepodge.
615
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:00,689
-Smells great!
-Ah.
616
00:23:00,724 --> 00:23:02,448
-Oh, right now?
-Oh!
617
00:23:02,482 --> 00:23:04,862
-I got my muff back!
-Ah!
618
00:23:09,241 --> 00:23:11,517
I guess I was thinking
wewould be normal-sized
619
00:23:11,551 --> 00:23:13,241
and the foodwould be huge.
620
00:23:13,275 --> 00:23:15,379
Granny: Well, maybe there was a
miscommunication in the printer.
621
00:23:15,413 --> 00:23:17,103
Oh, no, no.
No miscommunication.
622
00:23:17,137 --> 00:23:18,586
This is exactly
what I told him to do.
623
00:23:18,620 --> 00:23:20,620
[ Laughs ]
Aw, you look adorable.
624
00:23:20,655 --> 00:23:22,379
Did you see me on May?
May.
625
00:23:22,413 --> 00:23:24,206
-Hey. 2,000 copies.
-Wow. Really?
626
00:23:24,241 --> 00:23:27,068
Yep, we printed 2,000
of these idiotic calendars,
627
00:23:27,103 --> 00:23:28,413
and we only sold 17.
628
00:23:28,448 --> 00:23:30,034
And thanks to Lucy,
we couldn't even tap into
629
00:23:30,068 --> 00:23:32,206
our historically reliable
gay-dude demographic.
630
00:23:32,241 --> 00:23:33,655
-Right. Thanks, Lucy.
-Man.
631
00:23:33,689 --> 00:23:35,827
Even the Tacoma public schools
didn't want it.
632
00:23:35,862 --> 00:23:37,862
-So, what now?
-Well, now you guys find a place
633
00:23:37,896 --> 00:23:40,689
to stash this huge cache
of useless calendars,
634
00:23:40,724 --> 00:23:43,689
and we never speak
of it again.
635
00:23:43,724 --> 00:23:46,965
Wait, Chief.
H-Hey, fellas!
636
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:50,172
♪♪
637
00:23:50,206 --> 00:23:52,482
Fools.
Bureaucratic fools!
638
00:23:52,517 --> 00:23:54,172
Hey, hey.
639
00:23:54,206 --> 00:23:56,448
They don't know
what they've got there.
640
00:23:56,482 --> 00:23:58,758
Let me buy you
a protein shake.
641
00:23:58,793 --> 00:24:01,482
You know. Protein?
642
00:24:01,517 --> 00:24:08,310
♪♪
643
00:24:08,344 --> 00:24:15,172
♪♪
644
00:24:15,206 --> 00:24:22,034
♪♪
645
00:24:22,068 --> 00:24:28,896
♪♪
47861
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