Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,136 --> 00:00:03,604
[ Zombie voice ]
Tickle zombie!
2
00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:04,605
[ Squealing ]
3
00:00:04,738 --> 00:00:07,208
Tickle zombie!
4
00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:08,776
[ Doorbell rings ]
5
00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:10,944
Chuy and Brie are here.
6
00:00:11,079 --> 00:00:13,547
Aw, man, I hate when people
say they're gonna come over
and then they come over.
7
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:16,484
Oh.
8
00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:17,985
Please don't do that thing
9
00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:20,221
where the men run off
and leave the women alone.
10
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,022
Yeah, yeah.
No way.
11
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,092
-Hey!
-Hey!
-Hi!
12
00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:25,926
Bill, outside.
Yep.
13
00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:28,596
Sorry, there was nothing
I could do.
14
00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:29,863
[ Sighs ]
15
00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:31,532
Boys and their toys.
16
00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:35,203
Some alone time, finally,
with my sissy-in-law.
17
00:00:35,336 --> 00:00:36,437
[ Chuckles ]
18
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,038
Tell me everything, Jo.
19
00:00:39,006 --> 00:00:40,040
Uh...
20
00:00:40,174 --> 00:00:41,942
um...
21
00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:43,211
[ Chuckles nervously ]
22
00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:44,878
Um...well...
23
00:00:45,012 --> 00:00:46,414
the kids
are doing pretty good.
Yeah?
24
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:47,715
Yeah, that's great.
25
00:00:47,848 --> 00:00:49,150
I have some big news.
26
00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:52,320
I'm giving birth.
27
00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:53,321
Oh, my God!
28
00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:54,788
To a new business!
29
00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:57,758
That's a very misleading way
to say it.
30
00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:01,061
I'm gonna be a She-E-O
31
00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:03,831
for a dynamic
multi-level marketing firm
32
00:01:03,964 --> 00:01:06,400
selling earrings
like these.
33
00:01:08,035 --> 00:01:09,170
So, a pyramid scheme?
34
00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:10,404
[ Chuckles ] No.
35
00:01:10,538 --> 00:01:11,605
[ Chuckles ]
36
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,441
None of this
is Egyptian.
37
00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:18,479
And the best part is,
I can hire you
38
00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:20,481
to hire people
to work for me,
39
00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:22,683
and then I can be
your own boss!
40
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:25,453
Bill?!
41
00:01:27,855 --> 00:01:29,823
Hey, that's a cool
new Camaro there, Chuy.
42
00:01:29,957 --> 00:01:31,192
[ Laughs ]
43
00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:32,826
Yeah, well,
maybe if Brie hires Jo
44
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:35,163
in her pyramid scheme,
you'll be able to afford it.
45
00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:37,131
What are you guys
doing here, again?
46
00:01:37,265 --> 00:01:38,732
That's a good point.
47
00:01:38,866 --> 00:01:41,369
Hey, amorcita, we gotta go
if we're gonna make that movie.
48
00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:42,736
Oh. Okay.
49
00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:44,505
Well, happy anniversary.
50
00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:47,208
Uh...why would you think
it's our anniversary?
51
00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:50,110
Because you're going out
without your kids.
52
00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:52,045
-You...
-[ Chuckles ]
53
00:01:52,180 --> 00:01:54,081
Brie and I have
a date night every week.
54
00:01:54,215 --> 00:01:56,217
You guys don't have
date night?
Pff!
55
00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:58,886
We're married.
We have a date life.
56
00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:00,221
[ Chuckles ]
57
00:02:01,189 --> 00:02:02,390
That's not funny, Jo.
58
00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:04,225
You have to fight
for your marriage.
59
00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:05,759
Yeah, Jo.
60
00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:10,198
Date night
is how Chuy and I connect
61
00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:12,800
on a spiritual
and physical level.
62
00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:17,405
Everything we do
is foreplay.
63
00:02:19,207 --> 00:02:20,574
Even this.
64
00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:22,075
Right now.
65
00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:29,417
Oh. Okay. Oh.
66
00:02:32,019 --> 00:02:34,622
Hey -- Hey, I like that Camaro!
New Camaro?
67
00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:37,157
Anyway...
[ Chuckles ]
68
00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:39,460
...you should join us
for a date some night.
69
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:41,862
Hey, you know what?
This weekend, we have two
extra tickets for Aerosmith.
70
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,297
[ Both gasp ]
71
00:02:43,431 --> 00:02:44,932
Maybe that'll save
your marriage.
72
00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:48,836
Thank you,
but our marriage is fine.
73
00:02:48,969 --> 00:02:52,206
[ Chuckles ] Then how come
you kiss less than us?
74
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:53,741
It's not a competition.
75
00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:55,976
[ Chuckles ] Well, maybe
not when you're losing.
76
00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:57,478
[ Both chuckle ]
77
00:02:57,611 --> 00:02:58,846
No, you're losing.
No, you're losing!
78
00:02:58,979 --> 00:02:59,913
No, you are!
79
00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:01,482
No, you are,
times infinity!
80
00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:06,354
You know what?
Your brother's crazy.
81
00:03:06,487 --> 00:03:07,855
We're not losers,
right?
82
00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:09,690
So long, losers.
83
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,160
Where are you going?
84
00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:14,528
It's Friday night.
85
00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:17,030
The gals and I are going
to an escape room.
86
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:19,367
[ Door closes ]
87
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:24,538
First room escaped!
88
00:03:24,672 --> 00:03:33,547
***
89
00:03:33,681 --> 00:03:35,549
[ Liquid pouring ]
90
00:03:35,683 --> 00:03:37,951
[ Slow music plays ]
91
00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:41,088
What's going on here?
92
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,958
Weird question,
but, um...
93
00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:48,128
we're just as in love as your
brother and his wife, right?
94
00:03:49,297 --> 00:03:50,431
Oh, no.
95
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,199
Chuy got in your head
with his whole
96
00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:53,701
[ As Chuy ] "I'm just
trying to help you
97
00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:55,636
because I'm better
than you, bro."
98
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,439
But seriously,
when was the last time
99
00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,374
you and I went out
without the kids?
100
00:04:00,508 --> 00:04:03,176
[ Normal voice ]
Oh, what about that restaurant
with the red booths?
101
00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:05,946
You mean the hospital cafeteria
when Lulu was born?
102
00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:08,749
Oh, no.
103
00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:10,784
Is Chuy right?
104
00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:12,520
Oh, that would suck.
105
00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:20,060
Why don't we
make out more?
106
00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:23,531
Because
since we had kids,
107
00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:26,367
at least one of us has had
a sore throat at all times.
108
00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:29,102
Hey, I look at you,
109
00:04:29,236 --> 00:04:33,674
and I still see
a big, sexy hunk of beef.
110
00:04:36,344 --> 00:04:37,678
Mm.
Mm?
111
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:39,413
Well, I look at you,
112
00:04:39,547 --> 00:04:43,517
and I still see a smaller,
yet equally sexy hunk of beef.
113
00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:47,555
Mm.
114
00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:48,956
[ Slurps ]
115
00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:50,057
Ahh.
116
00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:51,625
I have a very...
117
00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:54,328
[ Softly ]
...sore throat.
118
00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:56,330
Oh.
119
00:04:56,464 --> 00:04:57,465
Ohp!
Uh-oh.
120
00:04:57,598 --> 00:04:59,633
Oh, no.
121
00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:01,168
So do I.
122
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,903
[ Chuckles ] Mm.
123
00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:04,405
Kill the zombie!
124
00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:05,639
-Oh!
-Oh!
125
00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:07,575
-Okay. There you go.
-Go to bed!
126
00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:09,610
-Daddy!
-[ Groaning ]
127
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,579
[ Zombie voice ]
Yeah, go to bed.
128
00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:12,913
We are going
to that concert.
129
00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:14,214
[ Normal voice ]
Okay.
130
00:05:14,348 --> 00:05:15,783
[ Moaning ]
[ Squealing ]
131
00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:17,485
[ Knock on door ]
I need your help.
132
00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:19,587
Uh, the -- the escape room was
a lot harder than I thought.
133
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,321
Patty's stuck in
the alchemist's study.
134
00:05:21,455 --> 00:05:26,794
***
135
00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:29,329
Do you think they'll
ever find Patty?
136
00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:30,564
Mom, I don't know.
137
00:05:35,603 --> 00:05:37,871
Bad news.
I can't find a babysitter.
138
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,973
Okay, well, I can't
just start cold-calling
139
00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:41,274
high school girls.
140
00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:45,312
Here's a crazy idea --
141
00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:46,980
what if the woman
who raised you
142
00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:49,016
and lives in our house --
for free --
143
00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:50,484
babysits our kids?
144
00:05:50,618 --> 00:05:51,985
No. Absolutely not.
145
00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:53,921
We agreed my mom is not
allowed to watch the kids
146
00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:54,888
since Batterygate.
147
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:56,223
[ Sighs ]
148
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:59,092
Babe, how is it that
you don't trust your mom
149
00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:00,861
with our kids
and she raised you?
150
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:03,697
I don't trust my mom with our
kids because she raised me.
151
00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:08,101
You know, in all fairness,
"Batterygate" could have
152
00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:10,103
happened to either one of us
if we were home.
153
00:06:10,237 --> 00:06:13,373
Don't -- Please don't do that.
Don't be fair to my mom.
154
00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:16,009
She's our only option.
155
00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:18,546
[ Inhales deeply,
exhales sharply ]
156
00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:20,714
What if we strapped a GoPro
to Emily's head?
157
00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:26,153
***
158
00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:29,089
[ Locks clicking ]
159
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,925
You know how I feel
about drop-ins.
160
00:06:33,461 --> 00:06:35,162
[ Locks clicking ]
161
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:41,201
Um, Sandy, Bill and I were
gonna go to a concert tonight,
162
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:43,637
and we were wondering
if, perhaps,
163
00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:45,072
you could
watch the kids?
164
00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:47,107
Is that what you want,
Bill?
165
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,510
[ Scoffs ]
I want whatever my wife wants.
166
00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:50,778
[ Chuckles ]
167
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:51,945
Here it is.
168
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,447
I raised you...
169
00:06:53,581 --> 00:06:55,483
but you don't trust me
with your children.
170
00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:58,318
Okay, well, it's kind of hard
after Batterygate.
171
00:06:58,452 --> 00:07:00,921
Batterygate
was a witch hunt!
172
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:03,991
We left Emily alone with you
for one hour.
173
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:05,392
When we came back,
174
00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:06,727
she was playing with
an empty pack of batteries.
175
00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:08,161
We thought
she swallowed them.
176
00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:10,330
But she didn't swallow them,
did she?
177
00:07:10,464 --> 00:07:14,334
Which we only learned
after a full-body CT scan.
178
00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:16,504
You were the one
that left me alone
179
00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:19,172
in a house
full of batteries.
180
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:22,309
The...
181
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:23,844
Okay.
182
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:25,479
Okay.
183
00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:28,015
Why don't we just
put that behind us?
184
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:29,617
And, um, Sandy?
Hmm?
185
00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:32,019
Do you think you could watch
the children tonight?
186
00:07:33,921 --> 00:07:35,956
I'll need to check
my calendar.
187
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:41,562
I think I can move
a few things around,
188
00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:43,664
especially since
Patty's gone.
189
00:07:45,733 --> 00:07:46,934
Great!
190
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,602
It's settled, then.
[ Chuckles ]
191
00:07:48,736 --> 00:07:50,437
I'm actually thrilled
192
00:07:50,571 --> 00:07:52,573
that you're asking me
to watch the kids.
193
00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:55,142
Finally, some alone time
with my little angels.
194
00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:56,577
Oh, see?
This is gonna be great.
195
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:57,878
-Sure.
-Okay.
196
00:07:58,011 --> 00:08:00,247
I'll read to them,
we'll do crafts,
197
00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:01,649
and then maybe finally,
198
00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:03,951
someone will teach them
the word "no."
199
00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:06,286
Th-- Thank you.
We appreciate it.
200
00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:08,055
Congrats.
You got that dig in.
201
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:13,694
[ Locks clicking ]
202
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,796
What does she think
we're gonna do to her?
203
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:17,030
-I...
-I mean...
204
00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:21,101
***
205
00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:22,703
Wow!
206
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,371
You look hot!
207
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:27,307
Tops to botts.
208
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:29,142
Hey,
and check you out!
209
00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:31,845
Oh, yeah.
My old Bill Joel concert tee.
210
00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:34,381
Lets people at the concert know
I've been to a concert before.
211
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:35,749
Mm.
212
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,086
Why are you guys
dressed like that?
213
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:40,788
Did you win a boat?
214
00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:44,692
Actually, we are going
out on a date
215
00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:47,194
to prove to your Uncle Chuy that
we're just as good as he is.
216
00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:48,395
Yeah.
217
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:51,198
You'll do this
to Lulu someday.
218
00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:53,366
But who's gonna watch us?
219
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:56,770
Heeeere's Granny!
220
00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:59,372
***
221
00:08:59,506 --> 00:09:01,809
Hey, uh, do you think
this is a good idea?
222
00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:04,745
Oh, I totally
trust your mom.
223
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,580
And I took
all the batteries.
224
00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:08,181
[ Rattling ]
225
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:10,250
God, I love you.
226
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:11,819
[ Chuckles ]
227
00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:13,921
[ Exhales sharply ]
228
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:16,423
[ Squeaking ]
229
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,430
Does that say "help"?
230
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:24,798
Looks like "pleh" to me.
231
00:09:24,932 --> 00:09:26,133
All right, let's go!
232
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,305
Now,
this is romance, huh?
233
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:35,542
You and me, out on the town,
no diapers.
234
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:38,378
Speak for yourself.
I'm not gonna miss a song.
235
00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:43,516
I love being here
with just you.
236
00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:45,653
Aww. So nice.
237
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,087
Should we get
some drinks?
238
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:49,056
Nah. If I have a drink,
I'll fall asleep,
239
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:50,991
'cause that's usually
how I fall asleep.
240
00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:53,560
Right.
241
00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:56,329
So...
242
00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:57,497
how's work been?
243
00:09:57,631 --> 00:09:59,833
Oh. Good. Good.
How's yours?
244
00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:00,668
Fine.
245
00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:02,670
Yeah? Nice.
246
00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:04,604
Well, covered that.
247
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:09,242
I kind of can't remember
what we used to talk about
248
00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:11,078
before we had kids.
249
00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:14,014
I think we ran out of stuff.
That's why we had the kids.
250
00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:15,515
[ Chuckles ]
251
00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:17,617
I'm gonna text Mom,
make sure everything's okay.
252
00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:18,852
Bill!
253
00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:22,622
You are
a screen addict, man.
254
00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:24,224
The only thing that
should be turned on
255
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:26,193
and touched right now
is your wife!
256
00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:28,628
What?
257
00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:31,464
Rule number one --
no phones on date night.
258
00:10:31,598 --> 00:10:33,066
Oh, come on.
There are rules?
259
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:34,702
[ Scoffs ] No, Bill,
we're just winging it
260
00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:37,304
with the most important
relationship of our lives.
261
00:10:38,706 --> 00:10:40,473
He's just checking on
our kids.
262
00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:42,275
Ohh!
Rule number two --
263
00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:44,144
we don't talk about kids
on date night.
264
00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:46,479
It's just not sexy.
265
00:10:48,716 --> 00:10:50,617
Alright, sorry, we have
a new babysitter,
266
00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:52,352
and I don't quite
trust her yet.
267
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,354
It's his mom.
268
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:56,523
Bill, I am doing this
for your own good.
269
00:10:56,656 --> 00:11:00,393
Get off your family plan
and save your family, man!
270
00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:02,229
Come on.
271
00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:04,564
Do you mind taking
a picture of us?
272
00:11:04,698 --> 00:11:06,734
She gets hers?!
What the hell?!
273
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:08,969
Rule number three --
rules don't apply to Brie.
274
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:13,173
[ Camera clicks ]
275
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:14,507
Okay. Got it.
276
00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:15,642
Would you mind
taking one of us, too?
277
00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:17,044
Oh, why?
So you can plaster it
278
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,146
all over social media,
you addict?
279
00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:20,347
Get help!
280
00:11:22,249 --> 00:11:25,318
And then Papa Bear
thanked Goldilocks,
281
00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:27,087
and they all lived
happily ever after.
282
00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:28,722
Did you like that story?
283
00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:31,992
I loved it, but that's
not how my parents tell it.
284
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:33,526
[ Chuckling ]
Of course not.
285
00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:35,062
Your parents don't appreciate
286
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:37,397
a confident blond woman
who comes into their home
287
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:40,467
and points out
all their mistakes.
288
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,903
Okay, well...
289
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:45,638
good night!
290
00:11:45,773 --> 00:11:47,875
But, Grandma,
it's the weekend.
291
00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:50,310
Our bedtime is not
for another two hours.
292
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:51,611
Two hours?
293
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,614
Well...
what are we going to do?
294
00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:56,817
You could let me play
on your phone.
295
00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:59,352
Oh, Emily,
I put that away
296
00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:01,321
so that we could have
some time together.
297
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:02,923
You could...
298
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,591
give me a horsie ride.
299
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,659
Actually, I can't.
300
00:12:06,794 --> 00:12:09,429
You could give us
some juice.
301
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,098
[ Chuckles ]
Oh, Emily.
302
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,834
Sugar before bed?
[ Chuckles ]
303
00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:16,336
You are going to
learn the word "no."
304
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:18,105
-But I --
-No.
305
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:19,739
I know what "no" means.
306
00:12:19,873 --> 00:12:21,274
I just never thought
I would hear
307
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:22,742
my favorite grandma
say it.
308
00:12:22,876 --> 00:12:25,445
Maybe Mom and Dad,
but not...
309
00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:28,949
[ Singsong voice ]
Granny Sanny.
310
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,984
Look,
sometimes grandmothers
311
00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:32,652
have to put
their foot down --
312
00:12:36,123 --> 00:12:38,658
Oh, darn it!
Okay, okay, okay!
313
00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:40,994
A juice box for you...
314
00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:43,931
a juice box for you...
315
00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:45,999
and a juice box
for Grammy.
316
00:12:48,035 --> 00:12:49,837
Why is yours
so big, Grandma?
317
00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:52,539
Grandmas get very thirsty.
318
00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:53,907
Cheers.
319
00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:01,849
Ahh!
320
00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:02,850
Ahh!Ahh!
321
00:13:03,817 --> 00:13:07,154
***
322
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,389
I'm gonna need a map
to get out of your eyes.
323
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:10,757
[ Chuckles ]
324
00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:13,060
'Cause I am
so lost in them.
325
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:17,297
We are not looking
very romantic right now.
326
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,066
Give me a compliment.
327
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:24,304
This should not be
taking so long.
328
00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:27,875
Wow.
329
00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:31,411
We are really rusty
from hanging out with the kids.
330
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:32,946
Alright,
see you guys soon.
331
00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:34,214
Oh!
332
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:36,416
Well, Mr. Date Night
feeling sleepy?
333
00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:38,418
Can't keep up with us?
334
00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:39,319
What?
335
00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:40,653
No. No, no.
336
00:13:40,787 --> 00:13:42,289
Hey, can you watch these
for a few minutes
337
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:44,824
while we go find
a quiet place to make love?
338
00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:47,060
What?!
339
00:13:47,194 --> 00:13:49,897
Chuy and I like to make love
without our jackets.
340
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:52,399
Well, what about us?
341
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:53,566
What do you mean?
342
00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:55,835
Yes, Bill,
what do you mean?
343
00:13:55,969 --> 00:13:57,804
Well...
344
00:13:57,938 --> 00:14:00,673
what if we would also like
to make love in this arena?
345
00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:07,915
Here's the plan --
you watch our jackets,
346
00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:10,583
and then we'll watch
your jackets.
347
00:14:10,717 --> 00:14:12,419
Where is any of this
happening?!
348
00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:13,954
[ Scoffs ]
349
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:16,223
We know a spot. We'll tell you
when we're done, okay?
350
00:14:20,994 --> 00:14:22,529
What are we gonna do
when they get back?
351
00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:23,530
I don't know.
352
00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:27,234
***
353
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:32,439
Boy, your sister really
conked me with that block.
354
00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:35,275
She's very aggressive.
355
00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:38,778
I thought it would be easier
taking care of you two.
356
00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:41,348
Maybe your father
was right.
357
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:43,216
Maybe I can't do this
anymore.
358
00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:46,086
Don't worry, Grandma.
You're doing a great job.
359
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,521
We just like
to test limits.
360
00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:52,359
You get that from me.
361
00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:53,526
I love you, Grandma.
362
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:55,495
Oh!
I love you, sweetie.
363
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:56,663
Ooh.
364
00:14:58,298 --> 00:14:59,766
Oh, Lulu!
365
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:03,270
Ooh, what happened
to Grandma's wine?
366
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,438
Oh, my God.
Did you drink it?
367
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:07,274
I dunno.
368
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,943
***
369
00:15:10,077 --> 00:15:12,946
My mom hasn't texted me back.
It's been over an hour.
370
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,948
I'm sure she's just busy.
371
00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:17,817
This is a woman who checks
her texts every 10 seconds,
372
00:15:17,951 --> 00:15:19,652
even though she only has
two contacts.
373
00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:22,990
Okay, let's not panic.
374
00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:25,625
Have you forgotten
Batterygate?
375
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,794
Best-case scenario --
376
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,896
she died
and the kids are eating her.
377
00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:34,834
Or nothing happened
and they're totally fine.
378
00:15:34,968 --> 00:15:36,869
Okay. Alright.
You're right.
379
00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:38,838
Probably just being crazy.
380
00:15:42,309 --> 00:15:43,576
But what if you aren't?
381
00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:47,580
Look, if you want to go,
we can go.
382
00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:49,016
Well, I'm having
a great time,
383
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:51,451
but you're worried,
so forget about me.
384
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:52,752
Let's go.
385
00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:55,055
Okay, so --
so, you want to go?
386
00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:57,557
Well, I only want to go
if you want to go.
387
00:15:57,690 --> 00:16:01,561
Babe, I am so excited to make
love in this arena, okay?
388
00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:04,231
So, I'll only go
if you want to go.
389
00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:05,898
Just tell me if you
want to go or not.
390
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:07,900
No. You tell me
if you want to go,
391
00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:09,502
and then I'll tell you
if I agree.
392
00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:12,172
Okay.
393
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:14,274
Why don't we both just say
what we want to do on three?
394
00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:15,142
Okay.
395
00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:16,743
One, two, three.
396
00:16:16,876 --> 00:16:18,445
I want to --I want to --
397
00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:23,916
I think everyone's dead.
I'm freaking out. We gotta go.
398
00:16:24,051 --> 00:16:25,352
Thank God.
399
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,620
Hey, guys, it's your turn.
Take your jackets off.
400
00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:30,623
We're gonna go.
Bill wants to go.
401
00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:32,592
Rule number four --
402
00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:35,095
whoever leaves date night
loses.
403
00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:36,829
You lose!
404
00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:39,532
Chuy, we don't care about
your stupid rules
405
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:40,967
or your date night,
okay?
406
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:41,968
We just want to make sure
our kids are okay.
407
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:44,537
Okay.
Bye-bye, romance.
408
00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:54,481
There. You happy?
409
00:16:54,614 --> 00:16:56,183
Now we both have strep!
410
00:16:56,316 --> 00:16:57,717
[ Cheers and applause ]
411
00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:02,955
***
412
00:17:03,090 --> 00:17:05,458
That was stupid to rush home.
Everyone's still alive.
413
00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:07,460
[ Scoffs ]
414
00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:09,362
Hey.
The kids are okay.
415
00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:10,797
Let's just...
416
00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:13,300
at least take a few minutes
out here by ourselves.
417
00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:14,701
Okay.
418
00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:16,536
[ Both exhale deeply ]
419
00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:19,806
I'm sorry. I don't know
why I got so paranoid.
420
00:17:19,939 --> 00:17:22,209
Because parenting
is hard, babe.
421
00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:23,576
And we're exhausted.
422
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:26,045
I mean, Lulu wakes up
every night at 3:00 a.m.
423
00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:28,581
Yeah, she's like
a little Mark Wahlberg.
424
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:32,719
You know what?
425
00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:34,387
I don't even want to be
like Chuy and Brie.
426
00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:36,989
They're all sloppy
and gross in public.
427
00:17:37,124 --> 00:17:38,391
Yeah.
428
00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:40,460
She had a hot dog bun
stuck to her back.
429
00:17:45,098 --> 00:17:47,467
This was always my favorite part
of our dates.
430
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:48,901
Hmm?
431
00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:50,670
Wondering if you'd
let me in your place.
432
00:17:50,803 --> 00:17:54,107
I'd always pretend like maybe
I wasn't gonna let you in.
433
00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:55,342
That was fun.
434
00:17:58,145 --> 00:18:00,113
You know, I don't know
how you manage to be
435
00:18:00,247 --> 00:18:01,314
such an amazing mom
436
00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:04,050
and...
still be so damn sexy.
437
00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:07,320
Now,
that is a compliment.
438
00:18:07,454 --> 00:18:08,821
Oh, it is?
Oh, yeah.
439
00:18:08,955 --> 00:18:10,357
Phew!
[ Chuckles ]
440
00:18:12,659 --> 00:18:15,395
You know, I know it's hard
to get out right now,
441
00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:18,198
but we should at least
come out here every night,
442
00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:19,532
after everyone's asleep,
you know?
443
00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:22,369
We could call it
our "sneaky porch time."
444
00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:23,703
Hey.
445
00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:26,973
We both know that's
not gonna happen.
446
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,175
Yeah.
447
00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:30,877
Hey.
How'd it go?
448
00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:32,412
Great!
449
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:34,714
Great.
450
00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:39,552
There was one thing,
though --
451
00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:40,720
Okay,
get your dig in.
452
00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:42,255
No, no, it's --
453
00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:44,391
It was a simple mix-up.
454
00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:47,727
I-I was talking to Emily,
and Lulu took off
455
00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:49,562
[ Chuckling ]
with my glass of wine.
456
00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:51,298
Lulu got drunk?!
457
00:18:51,431 --> 00:18:52,632
Uh -- No! No.
458
00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:54,401
She poured most of it
in the fish tank.
459
00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:58,505
Okay, so,
Spaghetti Horse got drunk?
460
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:01,107
Spaghetti Horse got dead.
461
00:19:01,241 --> 00:19:02,509
Aww.
462
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:04,076
Okay, well, you know,
that's not great,
463
00:19:04,211 --> 00:19:06,246
but, uh...could've
been way worse.
464
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:08,080
It definitely
could be worse.
465
00:19:08,215 --> 00:19:09,416
'Cause it did get worse.
466
00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:16,656
Okay. How bad on a scale
from zero to Batterygate?
467
00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:22,161
The passing of Spaghetti Horse,
uh, forced me to explain
468
00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:23,963
the concept of death
to Emily,
469
00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:27,967
who then had a lot of questions
about how life begins.
470
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:31,538
So I was forced to
accidentally
471
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,473
give your children
the "sex talk."
472
00:19:33,606 --> 00:19:34,307
What?!
473
00:19:34,441 --> 00:19:36,175
Well...
474
00:19:36,309 --> 00:19:38,845
I tried to switch the subject
to Christmas gifts,
475
00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:41,548
but Em-- Emily asked
if Santa was real.
476
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,650
Well, boy,
I biffed that one!
477
00:19:47,454 --> 00:19:49,522
Mom, we were only gone
three hours.
478
00:19:49,656 --> 00:19:51,023
I know! I'm sorry!
479
00:19:51,157 --> 00:19:54,060
I-I-I-I-I ruined
everything.
480
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:55,762
You can read me
the riot act.
481
00:19:55,895 --> 00:19:57,564
Go ahead.
I deserve it.
482
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,536
Well...parenting's
really hard, Mom.
483
00:20:05,672 --> 00:20:08,040
I'm sure you did
the best you could.
484
00:20:08,174 --> 00:20:09,709
Well...
485
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:12,779
I-I must not be bad,
because...
486
00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:15,715
y-you turned out
so kind.
487
00:20:18,985 --> 00:20:20,253
Thanks.
488
00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:32,432
Aah!
489
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:33,666
Gah!
490
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:44,911
Okay. That's good.
That's good.
491
00:20:50,317 --> 00:20:53,453
This was a great night.
492
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:55,322
[ Knock on door ]
493
00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:01,928
Patty! Aah!
494
00:21:02,061 --> 00:21:03,396
Three days.
495
00:21:03,530 --> 00:21:06,499
Three days, I was trapped
in that escape room,
496
00:21:06,633 --> 00:21:09,602
waiting for you
to rescue me!
497
00:21:09,736 --> 00:21:11,504
I will never
forgive you!
498
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:15,007
You want
a glass of wine?
499
00:21:15,141 --> 00:21:16,509
Okay.
500
00:21:16,643 --> 00:21:19,111
***
501
00:21:19,245 --> 00:21:20,580
Yeah!
502
00:21:22,248 --> 00:21:24,283
***
33884
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
