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T H E
S I M P S O N S
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*THE SIMPSONS*
Season 31 Episode 22
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00:00:07,778 --> 00:00:09,795
Episode Title: "The Way of the Dog"
Aired on: May 17, 2020
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(barking quietly)
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[♪♪]
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(yaps)
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(panting)
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(sniffing)
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(excited gibberish)
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(sniffing)
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(chomps)
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(panicky gasping)
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(sniffs)
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(yaps)
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Who wants popcorn...
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‐Yay!
‐Yay!
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...to string
and put on the Christmas tree?
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‐Oh.
‐Ah, damn it.
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(both groan)
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Mom, I made an ornament
at Sunday school.
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Oh, it's so...
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00:00:49,743 --> 00:00:51,312
sticky.
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The Popsicle juice represents
Jesus's blood.
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That would look so pretty
on the back of the tree.
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KRUSTY ORNAMENT:
Do not put on tree.
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May occasionally do this:
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Beep! Beep!
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00:01:05,396 --> 00:01:06,586
Beep!
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Ooh, look! An old Santa hat.
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You know who would love
to wear this?
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No one.
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The dog!
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(barks, whines)
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Quick! Lisa, take a picture.
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- I don't think he wants
to take a picture. - (grunts)
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Dogs... love...
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people clothes.
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(Santa's Little Helper
whines "uh‐uh")
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(both speaking gibberish)
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(excited gibberish)
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Did you get a good picture?
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I don't think so.
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(repeats excited gibberish)
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[♪♪]
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(barking)
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(gasps)
He's afraid of it.
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No, he's not.
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(growls, barks)
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(camera clicking)
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Darn, we wasted
three digital photos.
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(whining)
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Ugh. Well, suit yourself,
spoilsport.
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You're out of the card!
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Don't worry,
he's not out of the card.
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- Can we be out of the card?
- Everyone's in the card!
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Okay, but not like last year.
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BART:
Ay, caramba!
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♪ Ah, jingle bell, jingle bell ♪
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♪ Jingle bell rock, oh ♪
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♪ Jingle bell rock
and jingle bell rock ♪
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♪ A-rockin' and rockin' ♪
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♪ And words of the song ♪
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♪ Looks like I parked
on the lawn ♪
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♪ Oh, giddyap, giddyap ♪
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♪ Giddyap, let's go ♪
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♪ There's mistletoe ♪
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♪ There's kissin' to do ♪
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♪ And lots to kiss. ♪
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(giggles) Marge, you're never
gonna guess what I got you.
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D'oh! Oh!
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(mutters)
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Oh!
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It ate my shorts!
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Oh, now that it's happened,
it's not so funny.
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Homie, we have to talk
about the difference
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between gifts
and household supplies. Hmm?
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Uh-oh.
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LISA (gasps):
Oh, my God!
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What's all the fu...
(screams)
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(gasps)
What the...
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That dog better have
a good explanation!
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Um... I did it.
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Hit me with the newspaper.
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You know I get my news online.
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Guys...
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what is
Santa's Little Helper doing?
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I think something
is very wrong with him.
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I think maybe we should take him
to a dog psychologist.
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Dog psychologist, eh?
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Get off the couch. Get off.
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Get off!
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(howls)
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Dad, I know
what you're thinking.
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It's not that.
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Elaine Wolff is giving
a free lecture tomorrow night.
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She's a legend.
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Oh, not tomorrow.
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Tomorrow's UFC fight 243.
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00:03:41,618 --> 00:03:44,430
Why do you care so much
about one stupid fight?
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'Cause he paid 60 bucks
to watch it.
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(gasps)
60 bucks to watch a fight?
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Actually, 70. I got it in HD.
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We don't even have an HDTV.
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I wanted
the pay-per-view operator
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to think I was a big shot.
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(cries softly)
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LISA (distorted, echoing):
He's staring at that smudge...
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smudge... smudge.
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(distorted, echoing):
What's wrong with that dog...
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dog... dog?
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GRAMPA:
I need my pill...
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pill... pill!
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That's three pills!
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[♪♪]
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(barks)
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(whining)
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(chuckles)
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I love playing Candy Crush.
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(grunting)
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00:04:27,488 --> 00:04:29,406
Dad, I need to tell you
something,
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but I've come
to the sad conclusion
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that you have difficulty
hearing the female voice.
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Aw, I love you, too, honey.
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(low grunt)
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Therefore, I have deputized Bart
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to speak for me.
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How you doin'?
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"Father, I believe
you're an honorable man."
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(sputters)
Really?
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(chuckles)
Okay.
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"In times of peril, you, um...
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even... event..."
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(whispers):
"Eventually."
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"...eventually
do the right thing,
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"but Santa's Little Helper
is in crisis,
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00:05:01,388 --> 00:05:04,100
and 'eventually'
may be too late."
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Aw. Well said, boy.
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00:05:06,271 --> 00:05:09,615
And, Lisa, for writing it,
you win my highest honor,
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00:05:09,773 --> 00:05:12,412
a hearty Homer hug. Mm.
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00:05:12,497 --> 00:05:13,915
Aw...
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Now we party.
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- (snorting)
- Ew!
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Why do you eat candy that way?
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00:05:20,707 --> 00:05:23,010
- I already brushed my teeth.
- Oh.
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(microphone feedback)
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(clears throat)
Good evening.
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"The more I spend time
with dogs, the more I realize
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that I entirely prefer them
to people."
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(laughter)
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00:05:40,658 --> 00:05:41,834
No, no, I'm serious.
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I really despise you.
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Despise us? I...
Hey, as the owner of a dog,
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a tiger and a dolphin,
I am highly offended.
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Highly!
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Okay, first of all,
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00:05:53,030 --> 00:05:55,990
I hate that you
call yourselves "owners."
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You own living beings?
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(scoffs)
Nice.
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00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:01,420
(groans softly)
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00:06:01,505 --> 00:06:03,131
(phone rings)
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(quietly):
Uh, hello?
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Clayton, I can't talk right now.
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I've left her.
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I have left my wife.
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What? Really?
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You and I have loved each other
since primary school.
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She knew that,
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so I think she was relieved.
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00:06:20,232 --> 00:06:21,701
Oh, Clay.
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I'd stopped allowing myself
to hope.
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But, uh... I think
I got to call you right back.
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No, no! Stay on the call.
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We're invested.
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I have to go.
I'm giving a lecture.
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Wait! Wait!
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We're getting married, right?
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Yeah, sure, sure,
yeah, whatever.
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Wait!
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Oh. Yes.
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You don't deserve dogs!
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00:06:42,786 --> 00:06:44,817
They sniff out your diseases
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and comfort you
when you ride planes.
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And I constantly hear:
"How do I get my dog to listen?"
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- Choke him till he taps out!
- Oh, good God!
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00:06:54,346 --> 00:06:56,717
Always what can your dog
do for you.
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00:06:56,806 --> 00:06:59,291
Never once has somebody asked:
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"What is my dog trying to say?"
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Bad! Bad!
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00:07:05,801 --> 00:07:07,719
All of you, bad!
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00:07:07,820 --> 00:07:11,029
This was the worst extension
class I ever took. My God.
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00:07:11,114 --> 00:07:12,858
It was even worse
than flower arranging.
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00:07:12,943 --> 00:07:15,381
I mean, who can say
where baby's breath should go?
193
00:07:15,532 --> 00:07:17,725
Huh. Not I.
Tell you that much.
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00:07:17,844 --> 00:07:19,068
Uh, ma'am...
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- Down.
- (whimpers)
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00:07:20,427 --> 00:07:22,045
It's okay. We're friendly.
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00:07:22,130 --> 00:07:24,584
Ma'am,
I know you were once
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00:07:24,669 --> 00:07:27,381
a young,
inquisitive girl like me.
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00:07:27,466 --> 00:07:29,228
Mm, not like you, no.
200
00:07:29,313 --> 00:07:30,593
I knew when to keep quiet.
201
00:07:30,678 --> 00:07:33,930
(crying): Please.
My dog is having a breakdown.
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00:07:34,015 --> 00:07:36,953
So if these tears
mean nothing to you...
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00:07:37,042 --> 00:07:38,042
(sobbing)
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00:07:38,175 --> 00:07:40,718
...help our dog,
or let's do this!
205
00:07:41,164 --> 00:07:43,332
Hold my pearls!
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00:07:44,154 --> 00:07:45,238
Look, I'm sorry,
207
00:07:45,323 --> 00:07:46,440
I just can't d...
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00:07:46,525 --> 00:07:48,644
(gasps):
Oh, my.
209
00:07:48,729 --> 00:07:50,980
(whines, pants)
210
00:07:51,194 --> 00:07:52,412
You poor boy.
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00:07:52,497 --> 00:07:54,500
You've got a story to tell.
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00:07:54,585 --> 00:07:58,271
(speaking gibberish)
213
00:07:58,463 --> 00:08:00,937
Could you teach us
to do what you do?
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00:08:01,077 --> 00:08:02,921
To see the world
through his eyes?
215
00:08:03,006 --> 00:08:05,197
Oh, not through his eyes.
216
00:08:05,282 --> 00:08:06,531
That's the point.
217
00:08:06,616 --> 00:08:09,501
A dog's dominant sense is smell.
218
00:08:09,586 --> 00:08:12,890
(sniffs)
He sees the world with his nose,
219
00:08:12,975 --> 00:08:16,531
and his nose sees so much more
than our eyes.
220
00:08:16,616 --> 00:08:19,703
For instance, we see a lamppost.
221
00:08:19,815 --> 00:08:24,300
Your dog sees everyone
who's ever been here.
222
00:08:25,402 --> 00:08:27,404
[♪♪]
223
00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:38,699
(excited gibberish)
224
00:08:39,631 --> 00:08:41,761
- (thunder crashes)
- (groans)
225
00:08:43,558 --> 00:08:45,987
Hmm. He really likes you.
226
00:08:46,072 --> 00:08:48,206
He adores me.
Knows I can help him.
227
00:08:48,298 --> 00:08:49,882
Wants me
to love him back.
228
00:08:49,967 --> 00:08:51,285
But I can't.
229
00:08:51,370 --> 00:08:54,105
A woman can only scoop
so much poop.
230
00:08:55,647 --> 00:08:56,798
Stay.
231
00:08:56,883 --> 00:08:58,318
Good stay.
232
00:09:00,404 --> 00:09:02,072
[♪♪]
233
00:09:03,968 --> 00:09:05,070
Mm...
234
00:09:07,932 --> 00:09:09,987
Come on,
get to the part that helps us.
235
00:09:10,072 --> 00:09:12,348
I'm trying.
In the acknowledgements,
236
00:09:12,433 --> 00:09:15,175
she thanks all 101 dalmatians!
237
00:09:15,260 --> 00:09:17,667
Well, at least
I can wash this filthy hat.
238
00:09:17,755 --> 00:09:18,495
(growls)
239
00:09:18,580 --> 00:09:20,164
- Ow!
- (Homer shrieks)
240
00:09:20,369 --> 00:09:21,745
(stammering)
241
00:09:21,860 --> 00:09:24,159
Bad dog! Very bad dog!
242
00:09:24,244 --> 00:09:25,762
Crap dog!
243
00:09:25,963 --> 00:09:27,947
(whining)
244
00:09:28,245 --> 00:09:30,496
Lisa, quick!
Get the first aid kit!
245
00:09:30,581 --> 00:09:32,605
But we don't have
a first aid kit.
246
00:09:32,690 --> 00:09:36,214
- Look under the tree.
- Oh.
247
00:09:40,308 --> 00:09:41,725
(whines)
248
00:09:41,810 --> 00:09:44,535
Well, if he's staying outside,
I'm staying outside.
249
00:09:44,620 --> 00:09:46,190
You are not staying outside!
250
00:09:46,275 --> 00:09:47,644
You are not the boss here!
251
00:09:47,729 --> 00:09:51,112
Well, I am, and he paid me
to tell you what to do.
252
00:09:51,197 --> 00:09:53,115
This boy is sleeping outside.
253
00:09:53,214 --> 00:09:54,515
Yes, sir.
254
00:09:56,106 --> 00:09:57,448
(Marge sighs)
255
00:09:57,533 --> 00:10:00,722
- What are we going to do?
- Aw, no problem, sweetie.
256
00:10:00,807 --> 00:10:03,323
There are a lot of dog doctors
out there.
257
00:10:03,467 --> 00:10:04,501
(humming)
258
00:10:10,566 --> 00:10:11,716
Hey. Hello.
259
00:10:11,801 --> 00:10:13,866
Oh, look at this handsome guy.
260
00:10:13,951 --> 00:10:15,536
What's up with you, fella?
261
00:10:15,621 --> 00:10:17,292
Um, he bit my mom.
262
00:10:17,377 --> 00:10:19,534
Oh, I see.
Well, we've had a cancellation,
263
00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:21,592
so if you like, we can
just put him down right now.
264
00:10:21,676 --> 00:10:22,714
- What?!
- No!
265
00:10:22,799 --> 00:10:25,050
I- I don't think
that's necessary.
266
00:10:25,186 --> 00:10:27,371
Oh, no, I'm afraid
once a biter always a biter.
267
00:10:27,456 --> 00:10:29,074
Unless you, like,
train 'em or something,
268
00:10:29,308 --> 00:10:31,128
but that's... that's crazy hard.
269
00:10:31,215 --> 00:10:33,033
Would you like a minute
to say goodbye?
270
00:10:33,179 --> 00:10:34,897
No way. We're leaving.
271
00:10:34,982 --> 00:10:37,597
And I don't even want
to look at you.
272
00:10:37,682 --> 00:10:39,867
Hmm. I feel like the Pixar logo.
273
00:10:39,952 --> 00:10:41,112
- (clattering)
- D'oh!
274
00:10:41,197 --> 00:10:43,472
What are we going to do
with the dog?
275
00:10:43,589 --> 00:10:46,019
I guess he's just gonna
have to stay in the doghouse
276
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:47,448
I built for him.
277
00:10:48,410 --> 00:10:50,361
- D'oh!
- (doorbell rings)
278
00:10:51,245 --> 00:10:54,238
Hey-a, kids. The vet reported
your dog as a biter,
279
00:10:54,323 --> 00:10:57,352
so I'm supposed to wait
until animal control gets here
280
00:10:57,436 --> 00:10:58,620
to take him away.
281
00:10:58,705 --> 00:10:59,972
- (gasps)
- What?
282
00:11:00,057 --> 00:11:01,909
So, uh, well, while we wait,
283
00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:04,046
uh, you want to play
Simon Says?
284
00:11:04,223 --> 00:11:06,112
Simon says don't kill our dog.
285
00:11:06,211 --> 00:11:07,612
Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm Simon.
286
00:11:07,697 --> 00:11:09,042
(laughs):
You're-you're not Simon.
287
00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:12,579
(moans)
Dad! They're coming for our dog!
288
00:11:12,664 --> 00:11:16,918
I won't let you, you...
you big blue balloon.
289
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:20,449
Ooh, I like the image. Hey,
imagine me in a parade, huh?
290
00:11:20,534 --> 00:11:22,061
Oh, boy.
291
00:11:25,091 --> 00:11:26,308
Oh, darn it.
292
00:11:26,502 --> 00:11:27,982
You call them
and tell them
293
00:11:28,067 --> 00:11:30,511
we are not letting you
take our dog.
294
00:11:30,596 --> 00:11:33,020
I can't cancel.
They're already on the app.
295
00:11:33,105 --> 00:11:35,058
It says they're
six minutes away. See?
296
00:11:35,565 --> 00:11:36,948
Uh-huh.
297
00:11:37,044 --> 00:11:38,417
Oh, they missed a turn.
298
00:11:38,502 --> 00:11:39,953
Oh, now they're doing a U-ey.
299
00:11:40,038 --> 00:11:43,347
Geez, hope this guy euthanizes
better than he drives.
300
00:11:43,432 --> 00:11:45,480
Dad, quick, take our dog
301
00:11:45,565 --> 00:11:47,332
and drive as far and fast
as you can.
302
00:11:47,417 --> 00:11:48,856
- (whispers): Yes, sir.
- (knocking on door)
303
00:11:48,940 --> 00:11:49,800
(all gasp)
304
00:11:49,885 --> 00:11:52,324
Oh, God, it's too late.
305
00:11:52,409 --> 00:11:53,839
Dr. Wolff?
306
00:11:53,991 --> 00:11:55,706
Look, I need to tell you
this one thing.
307
00:11:55,837 --> 00:11:57,845
Something I saw
in your dog's eyes.
308
00:11:57,930 --> 00:12:00,207
He's at breaking point,
and unless he has
309
00:12:00,292 --> 00:12:03,718
some kind of catharsis,
something terrible could happen.
310
00:12:03,802 --> 00:12:04,956
He bit my mom.
311
00:12:05,041 --> 00:12:06,609
It is gratifying to be right.
312
00:12:08,276 --> 00:12:09,862
Oh, how awful.
313
00:12:09,947 --> 00:12:12,784
Animal control is coming
to get him right now.
314
00:12:12,869 --> 00:12:16,309
You can't stop them.
They got sticks with wire loops.
315
00:12:16,394 --> 00:12:17,980
Kids, pack his things.
316
00:12:18,065 --> 00:12:21,151
And I'll need this.
This dog is coming with me.
317
00:12:21,236 --> 00:12:23,287
Well, I am not
leaving here empty-handed.
318
00:12:23,430 --> 00:12:25,348
- Make me a sandwich.
- No.
319
00:12:25,433 --> 00:12:26,717
Okay, all right.
320
00:12:26,802 --> 00:12:28,784
Being a police chief
really sucks.
321
00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:33,181
- Here you go.
- (sniffles)
322
00:12:33,265 --> 00:12:34,605
(moans)
323
00:12:34,690 --> 00:12:36,608
Listen, I packed you
some biscuits.
324
00:12:36,730 --> 00:12:40,054
And even though I deplore
the killing of all animals,
325
00:12:40,139 --> 00:12:43,191
when you come to the salami,
it's from me.
326
00:12:43,275 --> 00:12:47,696
(moans) Now who will chase
squirrels with me?
327
00:12:48,037 --> 00:12:49,238
(whines)
328
00:12:50,682 --> 00:12:52,600
(siren wailing)
329
00:12:52,684 --> 00:12:54,573
(groans)
You better get going.
330
00:12:54,658 --> 00:12:56,980
Wait. I'm not
an emotional guy, but...
331
00:13:00,057 --> 00:13:01,625
Mwah.
332
00:13:02,967 --> 00:13:04,905
(chuckles)
Get a doghouse, you two.
333
00:13:09,786 --> 00:13:11,726
(dogs barking)
334
00:13:13,734 --> 00:13:17,124
Here. Have some Snausage water
as you watch this video.
335
00:13:17,319 --> 00:13:20,335
NARRATOR: Here at the Institute,
there are no bad dogs.
336
00:13:20,546 --> 00:13:22,195
In answer
to the age-old question,
337
00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:25,732
"Who's a good dog?"
You are. You are.
338
00:13:25,935 --> 00:13:28,202
Relax in our pile
of wet dead leaves
339
00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:31,210
or enjoy fine dining
at The Dropped Porkchop.
340
00:13:31,295 --> 00:13:34,796
And here's our guarantee
to you: no fireworks.
341
00:13:34,894 --> 00:13:37,213
We'll have you feeling better
in no time.
342
00:13:37,461 --> 00:13:40,116
Well, uh, there's nothing
physically wrong with you,
343
00:13:40,232 --> 00:13:43,502
but to establish trust,
I'll sleep in your den tonight.
344
00:13:46,288 --> 00:13:50,975
Well, a little bit of, uh,
reading before bed? (chuckles)
345
00:13:51,176 --> 00:13:52,360
(squeaking)
346
00:13:52,444 --> 00:13:54,179
(sighs)
347
00:13:55,411 --> 00:13:57,241
[♪♪]
348
00:13:57,380 --> 00:13:59,273
(whines, barks)
349
00:13:59,483 --> 00:14:01,706
"Dog having nightmare,
350
00:14:01,854 --> 00:14:05,202
perhaps about the root
of it all."
351
00:14:06,225 --> 00:14:08,227
[♪♪]
352
00:14:30,983 --> 00:14:33,866
(speaking gibberish)
353
00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:35,896
(barks)
354
00:14:36,121 --> 00:14:38,163
Oh, you poor thing.
355
00:14:38,269 --> 00:14:41,272
Have some Lambien.
It'll help you sleep.
356
00:14:42,659 --> 00:14:44,827
(moans contentedly)
357
00:14:47,403 --> 00:14:50,607
Dad, am I gonna get my dog back?
358
00:14:50,872 --> 00:14:52,740
(laughs):
Of course.
359
00:14:52,854 --> 00:14:56,405
But just in case, I know
this isn't the kind of thing
360
00:14:56,490 --> 00:14:59,646
a father says to his son,
but let's pray.
361
00:14:59,741 --> 00:15:03,513
Almighty patron saint of dogs,
Saint Bernard...
362
00:15:03,682 --> 00:15:06,357
- Oh, can I join in?
- Sure.
363
00:15:06,952 --> 00:15:09,170
- I'll pray, too.
- Wow.
364
00:15:09,254 --> 00:15:11,482
Losing our dog,
possibly forever,
365
00:15:11,567 --> 00:15:13,264
has really brought us together.
366
00:15:13,349 --> 00:15:14,622
No!
367
00:15:14,707 --> 00:15:16,425
Sorry, sorry.
Back to the prayer.
368
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,935
Okay, now I need to see
what set you off.
369
00:15:19,020 --> 00:15:21,896
How do you feel about Marge?
370
00:15:23,157 --> 00:15:25,247
(sniffing, panting)
371
00:15:25,806 --> 00:15:27,810
- (thunder crashes)
- (whimpering)
372
00:15:31,476 --> 00:15:33,912
(speaking gibberish)
373
00:15:34,250 --> 00:15:35,868
(sighs)
374
00:15:36,419 --> 00:15:38,927
She is comfort. Hmm.
375
00:15:39,012 --> 00:15:41,327
- So, what happened?
- CLAY: Elaine?
376
00:15:41,412 --> 00:15:42,826
Hello?
377
00:15:42,911 --> 00:15:46,076
The car is here. Tuscany awaits.
378
00:15:46,325 --> 00:15:47,943
Oh, Clay.
379
00:15:48,028 --> 00:15:49,841
Ugh, I should have called.
380
00:15:49,932 --> 00:15:52,851
Darling, I've done
something impulsive.
381
00:15:52,998 --> 00:15:56,255
You know how Mother always
wanted you to wear her ring,
382
00:15:56,349 --> 00:15:59,420
but she died at a time
when we had no hope.
383
00:15:59,504 --> 00:16:02,958
And in my heartache,
I let them bury her with it.
384
00:16:03,043 --> 00:16:07,678
So I dug her up and, uh,
will you marry me?
385
00:16:07,763 --> 00:16:09,848
I know "exhumed"
386
00:16:09,948 --> 00:16:13,490
isn't usually
the most romantic word, but...
387
00:16:13,576 --> 00:16:17,272
Oh, Clay. I can't marry you now.
388
00:16:17,356 --> 00:16:19,372
But I can meet you in Tuscany
in a few weeks.
389
00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:20,810
I might not be there.
390
00:16:20,895 --> 00:16:23,747
I can't compete
with a wagging tail.
391
00:16:23,956 --> 00:16:25,040
Goodbye, Clay.
392
00:16:25,195 --> 00:16:28,881
I want you to know
I'm already over you.
393
00:16:29,067 --> 00:16:32,020
- (whimpering)
- Oh, no, no, not your fault.
394
00:16:32,216 --> 00:16:34,355
Human nonsense.
Let's get back to work.
395
00:16:34,607 --> 00:16:36,441
(cries)
396
00:16:40,479 --> 00:16:42,730
Today, I want you
to interact with the pack.
397
00:16:42,814 --> 00:16:45,244
Mingle. Sniff a butt
you don't know.
398
00:16:50,422 --> 00:16:52,240
- (sniffing)
- (growling)
399
00:16:52,324 --> 00:16:53,845
- (barks)
- (yelping)
400
00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:56,275
Okay, interesting.
401
00:16:56,561 --> 00:16:58,096
Let's explore that.
402
00:17:01,566 --> 00:17:04,986
(whimpering)
403
00:17:05,070 --> 00:17:06,988
(barking)
404
00:17:07,072 --> 00:17:09,416
You buried this here. Why?
405
00:17:09,509 --> 00:17:12,093
Is this the key
that unlocks your psyche?
406
00:17:12,177 --> 00:17:14,095
Bark once for "yes," bark twice
407
00:17:14,179 --> 00:17:16,431
for "that's too simplistic
a view of canine psychology."
408
00:17:16,515 --> 00:17:18,050
(barks twice)
409
00:17:19,006 --> 00:17:21,725
Oh, hi. Is that our dog?
410
00:17:21,810 --> 00:17:25,530
(whispers): Or one that looks
just like it to fool the kids?
411
00:17:25,691 --> 00:17:28,401
(gasps)
You're back! Aw.
412
00:17:28,486 --> 00:17:30,144
Where did this come from?
413
00:17:30,228 --> 00:17:33,548
Uh, I would have to say
the North Pole?
414
00:17:33,632 --> 00:17:35,776
Wait, Dad?
That was the hat I was wearing
415
00:17:35,861 --> 00:17:38,244
the night we got
Santa's Little Helper. Remember?
416
00:17:38,329 --> 00:17:40,627
- Go! Go! Come on, boy!
- Go, Santa's Little Helper!
417
00:17:40,712 --> 00:17:41,706
- Run! Run!
- Come on! Get that rabbit!
418
00:17:41,791 --> 00:17:43,706
ANNOUNCER: Dog of War
coming up fast on the outside...
419
00:17:43,790 --> 00:17:46,509
Aw, can we keep him, Dad?
Please?
420
00:17:46,663 --> 00:17:49,830
But he's a loser. He's pathetic.
421
00:17:49,945 --> 00:17:51,173
He's...
422
00:17:52,556 --> 00:17:53,947
a Simpson.
423
00:17:54,032 --> 00:17:56,884
Santa's Little Helper
was a racing dog?
424
00:17:56,969 --> 00:17:59,621
(scoffs) Not much of one.
Even I could beat him.
425
00:17:59,774 --> 00:18:01,025
Oh, it's all clear now.
426
00:18:01,110 --> 00:18:02,976
Your dog has PTSD.
427
00:18:03,061 --> 00:18:04,779
And he has to confront
his abuser,
428
00:18:04,863 --> 00:18:06,712
and he's gonna do it right now.
429
00:18:06,797 --> 00:18:10,361
Actually, we're in the middle
of a holiday brunch, so...
430
00:18:10,486 --> 00:18:12,152
But I-I'm with you.
431
00:18:12,237 --> 00:18:13,931
Uh, goodbye, everybody.
432
00:18:14,016 --> 00:18:17,689
So, how many balls are
we allowed of croquembouche?
433
00:18:19,256 --> 00:18:21,314
Let's see if they have HBO GO.
434
00:18:21,462 --> 00:18:23,097
I've wanted to watch Euphoria,
435
00:18:23,259 --> 00:18:25,611
but I'm embarrassed to have it
in my viewing history.
436
00:18:31,455 --> 00:18:33,507
Les Moore? Greyhound trainer?
437
00:18:33,592 --> 00:18:36,409
- Yeah, that's me.
- Dog abuser!
438
00:18:36,494 --> 00:18:38,884
Can I offer you a drink
to throw in my face?
439
00:18:38,969 --> 00:18:40,887
- Yeah, I'd like that.
- Yes, I bet you would.
440
00:18:41,006 --> 00:18:42,767
I was being sarcastic,
naturally.
441
00:18:42,852 --> 00:18:43,852
(grunts)
442
00:18:44,092 --> 00:18:45,970
Not all trainers are monsters.
443
00:18:46,128 --> 00:18:49,486
Yeah, I remember this mutt.
Uh, Santa's Little Helper.
444
00:18:49,645 --> 00:18:51,447
Yeah! Hey,
what'd you rename him?
445
00:18:51,532 --> 00:18:53,720
- We didn't.
- Boy, are you lazy.
446
00:18:53,916 --> 00:18:56,751
He was born to one
of the fastest in the business,
447
00:18:56,859 --> 00:18:58,015
She Biscuit.
448
00:18:58,100 --> 00:18:59,884
Oh, he was her favorite.
449
00:18:59,969 --> 00:19:02,254
And boy, did he love her.
450
00:19:02,339 --> 00:19:04,157
That's how we learned
how fast he was.
451
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:07,240
So naturally, we took him
from his mother forever.
452
00:19:07,325 --> 00:19:09,408
- (loud slap)
- Did you just slap me again?
453
00:19:09,539 --> 00:19:11,578
- That was me.
- You cut the line.
454
00:19:11,663 --> 00:19:13,581
- I want to slap. (grunts)
- Ow.
455
00:19:13,665 --> 00:19:14,849
- (grunting)
- Ow. Ow.
456
00:19:14,933 --> 00:19:16,851
- Here, Maggie.
- Ow.
457
00:19:16,935 --> 00:19:18,986
There.
Now we've all had a turn.
458
00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:20,431
- Not quite.
- (growling)
459
00:19:20,516 --> 00:19:22,509
Ow! Okay, I get it.
460
00:19:22,594 --> 00:19:26,180
Boy, suddenly, the guy who
tortures dogs is the bad guy.
461
00:19:26,603 --> 00:19:28,642
(whimpering)
462
00:19:28,727 --> 00:19:30,445
Now what does he want?
463
00:19:30,788 --> 00:19:33,124
("The Way We Were" playing)
464
00:19:34,252 --> 00:19:35,595
Son of a gun.
465
00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:36,978
Where's he going?
466
00:19:37,067 --> 00:19:38,298
Uh...
(clears throat)
467
00:19:38,383 --> 00:19:40,237
To his, uh, to his mother.
468
00:19:40,322 --> 00:19:43,361
Oh, I love happy endings.
469
00:19:43,832 --> 00:19:45,734
[♪♪]
470
00:20:00,955 --> 00:20:04,837
♪ Memories ♪
471
00:20:04,923 --> 00:20:08,494
♪ Light the cornersof my mind... ♪
472
00:20:08,579 --> 00:20:11,097
He'll be all right now.
(chuckles, sniffles)
473
00:20:11,381 --> 00:20:13,056
Thank you so much.
474
00:20:13,141 --> 00:20:15,059
Oh, you're welcome.
475
00:20:15,509 --> 00:20:17,645
(sighs)
I better be getting home.
476
00:20:17,729 --> 00:20:20,573
I've got 20 dogs to walk.
(chuckles)
477
00:20:20,658 --> 00:20:23,306
I could, uh, use some help.
478
00:20:23,500 --> 00:20:25,931
(Marge grumbles softly)
479
00:20:26,199 --> 00:20:27,467
Fine.
480
00:20:29,798 --> 00:20:35,033
It's so great everyone in this
family worked out their issues.
481
00:20:37,559 --> 00:20:39,862
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
482
00:20:39,946 --> 00:20:41,946
Sync corrections by srjanapala
483
00:21:29,938 --> 00:21:30,938
Shh!
33375
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