All language subtitles for Take.Away.2003.1080p.WEBRip.x264-RARBG

Ah Innkeeper, what fare can you offer

a hungry traveler on this
most unsavory of evenings?

Well sir I can offer you an excellent

mutton pie and carrots and there's

some corned beef and cabbage,

finally some fish what I caught down

at the bay this very morning served atop

a bed of chip and fried pOtatoes.

Splendid I think I
will dine upon the fish.

Show me to my table and
bring me a jug of ale thank you.

There be no tables sir, my inn is full.

No room say?

Well sir I think you need
to broaden your thinking.

Sir, hand me your gazette.

Innkeeper I put it to you
that you cook my serve

of fish and chip and potatoes and that you

then wrap them tightly in this paper.

So that I may take my evening repass

from this place of misery and consume

them contentedly elsewhere.

So sir wishes to take the food away?

Take away, yes indeed.

Take away.

What a splendid idea.

There be your takeaway sir.

Innkeeper.

What treachery is this?

You have deigned to serve me
a mouse served in Axle grease?

I will have your hide
for insolence Innkeeper.

That be no mouse sir, that be a delicacy

from the far east they call them Dim Sims.

It's delicious, that is delicious.

I want one.

Me too.

Can you steam one for me?

Have you got any soy sauce?

Better check the traps.

Guess what,
I'm in the dog house again.

Open up your eyes to the
crooked and you don't blink

Tony, you still here mate?

Trevor, why so dressed up mate?

Expecting a visit from the
health inspectors again?

Why, what have you heard hey?

Nothin' mate relax.

You're taking the piss aren't ya?

Me, never.

Dim sim on a stick?

Yeah.

Stick to your burgers mate
that's what you're good at.

Go on laugh now mate, go on laugh

'cause it'll be piss funny when the

Dim Sim on a stick takes off mate.

In fact nah, it's gonna be a corker

when every kid in Australia wants one

for his bloody lunch won't it hey?

That's what you said
about the calamari burger.

And you laughed at that too.

I'm a visionary mate, alright?

I'm a visionary.

Hi Tony.

Hi, just wait for me inside would you?

Who's that?

You tell me you're the visionary.

Now I expect you to wear
that uniform at all times.

But for this morning
you're casual wear will do.

Thanks.

Sonja, this is a fridge,
or as I like to call it

the drink's fridge.

Now when we refill the drink's fridge

we move the cans from the back

up to the front, thus ensuring that

the customer always picks up a cold can.

See?

I like to call this process
drink fridge can rotation.

Sonja can you tell me any benefits of

the drink fridge can rotation?

Well?

No.

By rotating the drinks we make sure

that the drink is always fresh

and when the drink is
fresh the customer is happy

and when the customer is happy,

I'm happy.

What are you laughing at?

Hey, hey, hey what are you doing

to my nice clean window you pig?

You're right there's no need to get all

agro to impress your new girlfriend.

Girlfriend?

Girlfriend?

You're sick mate,
Sonja is my cousin Trevor.

You're Trevor.

We used to play under your sprinkler.

You've all grown up.

Well that happens.

Sonja is my new trainee manager

because we're so busy,
because competition is so shithouse.

Well okay,
if the competition's so shit house

then how come my new
trainee manager starts today?

Huh?

Oh yeah, where?

I haven't seen any new trainee manager.

Sonja have you seen any new
trainee manager around here?

Have you bumped into one out the back?

Are there any in the drinks fridge?

Oh hi Mal, have you seen a trainee manager

out in your cool room?

Couple a ex wives, some dodgy mutton

but no trainee managers today guys.

Well my new trainee manager just rang

didn't he and his mom's sick all right

I gotta pick him up from the hospital now

and I'm forced to tell him

you've been baggin' his sick mom.

She must have eaten one
of those calamari burgers.

Okay Sonja, lemon wedge preparation

then serviette folding

Shit, shit, shit.

I gotta put my form in.

Look listen, what's your name mate?

Dave.

Dave, right listen Dave

don't worry about that all right

because you're a trainee manager now,
all right?

Trainee manager.

Here's the beast.

Also what do you know about fish and chips?

I love em.

All right great.

Now look one other thing, if anyone asks,

your mom, she's sick.

She's dead.

Wicked, hop in.

All right Dave get over here.

Dave come here, Dave come here.

Sorry folks just gotta teach
a young fella what's what.

Now this is the and the only way

to make a Trev's burger all right?

Now if you get lost the
directions are right there.

Now first up,
the hotplate has got to be hot, all right?

Now what we do is you got a little bit

of the old Trev's special primer.

Little bit of primer for the cook,

that's Victoria Bitter,
keep that under your hat.

Excuse me Tony.

Here you go sir. Number 68.

Number 68?

Yeah Tony.

Mrs McLeod,
here you go there's the usual

and a little something special for Socksy.

Oh Tony, if I were 40 years younger.

Nah,
Mrs McLeod if I were 20 years older.

Don't forget Wednesday night,
half price flake night.

Okay now we got $2 chips, flathead,

two dim sims,
two scallops and one of me famous burgers.

That would be me.

Kenny Yalap, come on down.

Here you go mate.

Fantastic.

Hope you don't need
a can opener for that.

Oh Kenny this is Dave, Dave this is Kenny.

How are ya mate?

Good to know each other.

It's a shame he's such a prick 'cause

his burgers are sen-bloody-sational.

You're a legend Kenny.
Now listen don't forget me pickled onion.

Oh yeah, of course.

What's it gonna be mate?

Give us a big un.

Come on the big one.

Oh number 69, dinner for two.

Well how about that, bingo. I'm
selling the tow truck and moving to Noosa.

Thanks mate, fan-bloody-tastic.

Get into it you bastard.

Can I have some
sauce with that too please?

Sure, tomato?

We have a range of delicious condiments

that complement your meal Mrs Williams

as well as tomato we have also chili,

tartar and of course
our own sweet and sour.

I just really wanted to buy one.

That's okay Mrs Williams take em home

tell us what you think,
on the house of course.

Oh, thanks Tony.

You're welcome.

Now Sonja, too much eye make up

you're scaring the customers away.

Number 69 James, we're ready with that?

See ya Ton.

See ya Sonja, now straight home.

Pull the door
shut on the way out Dave.

Sorry.

See ya tomorrow.

Night.

Hi.
Hi.

You're Dave aren't you?

I'm Sonja we went to school together.

Yeah I know, you were the smart one.

Yeah

So your mom's sick?

Um, yeah yeah, you could say that.

Is it serious?

Ah, yeah I suppose so.

Aw, I hope she gets better.

Cheers.

I like your uniform.

Thanks.

Trevor mate, you still here?

Fish finger kebab,
what are you trying to do?

Kill people?

Go on mate laugh.

I've told you before and I'll tell
you again I'm gonna shut you down.

I will shut you down.

Okay boys.

Bergies?

What?

Geez.

Shit I'd hate to be you two.

Hello everybody
hello boys and girls, I'm Barry Burger.

I'm Freddy,
the friendly fries.

You know what?

What did you do that for?

That stuff's crap that's why.

Well you obviously
haven't tried their onion rings.

Mate don't come the
onion ring with me all right?

When that Burgies opens up down

the street this place is stuffed.

More stuffed.

Well it's definitely not my fault hey?

What about that watch?

Hey?

Oh I won it.

Well actually I won one of those
four wheel drives but they reckon I cheated

so they gave me a
Freddie Fry watch instead.

Yeah that'd be right.

Yeah well why don't you
do something about it then?

Oh yeah right, who am I?

I'm just a bloke that
owns a fish and chip shop

I'm nothin', I'm nobody.

Don't say that mate, you're somebody.

You're Trev from Trev's Fish and Chips.

Mate I'm not even the
Trev in Trev's Fish and Chips.

That's me old man Big Trev.

I'm little Trev.

Oh well everyone seems to really like ya

and hey, people travel for
miles for one of your burgers.

Mate, my old man showed me how

to make a burger when I was 12 right?

And we make 'em exactly
the same way ever since

all I do is I follow that bit of paper

I showed you next to the grill.

What happened to Big Trev?

Well he died.

Right there where you're standing now,

holding that egg flip.

What like a heart attack or something?

Yeah well he had a heart attack yeah.

That's not what killed him though.

Falling into the chip fryer's what

pretty much knocked him off.

Jesus.

I suppose I should change that oil.

Fuck.

Dave, Dave.

Yeah.

I'm joking mate.

yeah he was dead before he hit the oil.

Of course it will affect business.

How?

I run a good clean honest business

providing quality food.

My beef is 100% beef, my fish is 100% fish,

my Dim Sims are 100% Dim Sims.

Yeah but they've got a
lot more money than you...

Sonja they're just another competitor

and a pretty good one at that.

Believe it or not I've researched some

of their marketing techniques and adapted

them to my own corporate strategies.

corporate strategies Tony

what are you talking about?

This is your dad's fish and chip shop.

Was my dad's fish and chip shop

he held me back, he wanted to do

things the old fashioned way.

Back then there were no tables and chairs

out the front,
there was no cappuccino machine,

no salads, he didn't even sell Diet Coke.

This is my shop now Sonja, all mine.

I'm sorry I said anything.

Good, now there's fish to be fileted.

Firstly they're called crew
members they're not staff.

And secondly they don't need a car park

because their fathers drop them off.

Now when do I serve my first burger?

Mid size outlet like this,
put in the plumbing,

lay the slab and the rest is prefabricated.

Piece of piss.

I look forward to viewing

the masterpiece upon it's completion.

Well that's us rooted.

No, no, a lot more traffic, people are

gonna park their cars,
they're gonna get out,

they're gonna smell Tony's fish,

they're gonna smell Tony;s chips,

they're gonna come and get some.

Tony you are actually
pulling yourself now right

because they're gonna have a drive through,
right?

Most of 'em aren't even
gonna get out of their cars.

This is a dream for me Tarquin.

Its an opportunity for you.

Yes, I'm very grateful
sir for the opportunity sir.

Suck up Tarquin, if you wanna make it

in Burgies you have to be hard.

Yes sir I am hard sir.

You're not hard Tarquin.

Show us your fry Burgie boy.

Yeah

Many people will
stand in our way Tarquin

we must be strong for we are the future.

Our way is the right way.

Those that stand in our way

shall be crushed.

I know how they work, I've studied them
I'll beat them at their own game.

Actually you will won't you 'cause
you've got a half price flake night.

Yeah.

Yeah,
they give away a hundred four wheel drives.

Well you don't know
what you're talking about.

Mate I'm telling ya, we're rooted.

Bullshit.

You're bullshit.

Bullshit you.

Why don't we just settle this with

a fight behind the shelter
sheds after school?

Thank you for your support Sonja.

Tony, do you really think you can take them
on? They're a multinational company they won't

be happy until you're
both put out of business.

Yeah well I can't stand
around talking all day

I've got work to do, not like some.

Yeah me too.

Mr Mayor, this company destroys

rainforests in the third world

so they can graze cows in order for us

to eat their so called 100% beef burgers.

Yeah.

And where do their
chicken nuggets come from?

They come from battery hens.

And these poor creatures spend their lives

living in a cage no bigger than a shoe box.

Yeah.

How dare you.

A Burgies chicken is a happy chicken.

Yeah right up until
it's throat gets cut.

Yeah Yeah.

This new Burgies will be a
god send to this community.

A god send.

- It will create jobs.
- Jobs.

- Wealth.
- Wealth.

And a standard of food service...
Present this coupon and get a free Dim Sim.

Fried or steamed.

Wrappers and cartons that block up

our drains and litter our gardens.

Yeah, hey.

What do you intend to do about
the increase in the traffic?

That's what we have a drive through for.

Any other questions.

What does Burgies
do to help sick children?

I'm glad you asked that Billy because

as well as contributing generously

to various children's charities,

there is Burgies Bungalow,
a special place where

sick children go to get better.

And on occasion quietly pass away.

Any other questions?

Yeah I've got some.
Wendy, you have a question?

Me and my friends want to start

a hockey team with school,
can Burgies help?

Helping children is
what we at Burgies do best.

Hey I won one of those four wheel drives

and the watch I was given
instead well it stopped.

Yeah.

Look everybody, whoever could that be?

It's Barry Burgie the burgerlicious

anD his with is buddy
Freddy The Friendly Fries.

Oh you are joking.

Children, hi I'm Barry Burgie,
who's hungry?

Free burgers for everybody.

One for you little girl.

Thank you, thank you.

This is supposed to
be a community meeting

not an advertisement for Burgies.

Dick.

Just trying to look after the kids.

I think we've got work to do.

Sir, I saved you some Burgies.

I got you a bulk burger and...

I don't eat that crap,
now give me your watch.

Sir it's a limited edition
gold Burgie Burger watch.

I worked 20 double
shifts back to back for it.

Watch means more to me than my parents.

Shut up and give me the watch.

I'm gonna make a new friend.

Tell all your friends, one free Dim Sim

per person per coupon, yeah.

That whole thing was a set up.

Well you don't turn over $3 billion

a year by being stupid.

Who's side are you on mate?

Mate, I'm on my side.

Guys if you want to fight this
you should do it together.

What?

Well you gotta let people know what's
going on with some letter drops or a petition,

and article in the local paper.

At the same time we can let them know
about the quality food on offer.

Yeah, no that should
actually bring them in, yeah.

Well you can let them know about your
broken pinball machine or something.

Yeah good on ya smart arse.

Burgies makes me sick.

Hi I'm getting some signatures for the petition
about he new Burgies and I was wondering if...

You could put something on?

Thank you for your signature.

Don't forget if you ever find yourself in
the need for good quality take away fare,

don't forget Tony's, 464 Reserve Road.

Here's a complementary fridge magnet.

Thank you.

And Wednesday nights,
half price flake night.

Great thank you bye.

Anyway mate,
you see a bingle give us a tingle.

$20 spotters fee, don't forget

what we say at Ken's towing,

if we can't pull it

it's not worth pulling.
It's not worth pulling.

G'day how are ya?

We'd just like to talk to you about Jesus.

Thank you very much Mr Simpson

and please extend my thanks to Marge Bart,

Lisa and of course little Maggie.

G'day mate, oh fair

don't be showing me that.

All right great stuff thank you.

Now I couldn't use your shitter could I?

I reckon we done good mate.
Yeah.

Hey Trev can I ask you something?

Of course.

Well I've got this friend right?

Right.

And well he kind of works
with someone and he likes them.

Right.

No he really likes them.

Yeah, right.

But he doesn't know if they like him.

Right.

Right.

Mate I like you too,
but as a bloke, all right.

Oh nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

You don't understand.

I do understand, after a hot sweaty

game of footy in the showers, bit of a look

bit of horse play one
thing leads to another

don't worry mate, I've been there.

Right.

Here's a thought, how about girls?

Sonja's just over there,
you should ask her out

she likes you ask her out.

Go and ask her out.

You, go.

Hey Davo.

What's up with the young fella?

You know mate at that
age where they experiment.

Ah yeah,
what we did in the under 14s mate?

Oh.
Oh.

Shit I'd better go home to the wife.
Yeah that's a good woman that.

Oh yeah.

I like women.

Me too.

How good are women?

Yeah, sen-bloody-sational.
Yeah, ha hey.

We almost got a thousand signatures.

It's not gonna make
any difference Sonja.

At least I managed to
hand out 400 fridge magnets.

I have to get some more.

You'd be well advised
getting some fridge magnets.

Nah I'd have to get a fridge then.

What are you doing tonight Trev?

Nothing.

Why don't you come round to Tony's?

We're having a strategy meeting.

We are?

Yeah.

Yeah that sounds all right.

Ken's not coming is he?

Why?

No, no, no, it's nothing.

Ah Trev come in.

I brought a plate and a bottle.

Victoria Bitter,
for your delicate palette.

Good on ya clever dick,
I brought food as well.

Nuggets?

Mate not just any old nuggets,

they're my own recipe, beef nuggets.

I'm sure the colonel
is worried about this one.

I can hear the KFCs closing as we speak.

Man's not a camel smart arse.

Motivation, you really can't
help yourself can you mate?

Come in.

Look at you mate, you look sensational.

Guess who's going out
with a young lady mate?

You going out with a young lady?

Yeah.

You play your cards
right you just might get lucky.

You dirty little bugger.

Hey, you know what you need?

You know what drives the chicks wild?

Come with me.

Aramis.

Oh no, no, no I got Trev's Brut 33 on.

Don't worry about that
this will cover the stench.

Yeah mate, huh.

A bit there mate, a bit downstairs.

Fuck yeah.

Chick will go crazy, she will not be
able to control herself believe me.

I believe ya.

Now you look and smell great.

Off you go.

Now you are a fully equipped man.

Mate that absolutely stinks.

That is the aroma of
freshly baked stud muffin.

I reckon our young Dave I gonna be

sowing his wild oats tonight mate.

So where are you taking the lucky girl?

Somewhere special.

Somewhere special, that's what the

kids are calling it today hey?

So who is the special lady.

Hello boys.

Hi.

So you're going out with him?

Yeah.

David before you go I'd like

a word with you in the bathroom.

You look great.

You want a bit of that?

Oh no, no.

No wukkas.

You so much as touch
that girl I will kill you.

Okay?

She is a saint, if you want to sow your

wild oats you do it on your own time.

And wash that Aramis off, you stink.

Okay.

Wash it properly.

Thanks Tony.

Bowling?

Uh-uh disco bowling.

Chip?

We never really spoke at school did we?

No we didn't but you know,

you worked in the library and you were

in the SRC weren't ya?

Yeah.

I was doing other
things pretty much like...

I was busy.

You were Dave the spewer.

Yeah.

My brother and his
mates thought you were

a legend for spewing on Principal Dooley.

Yeah?

I got a weak stomach.

In front of the entire school.

Yeah, it's really weak.

Why are you wearing that watch?

Someone gave it to me.

It's limited edition.

I don't know how you can wear it.

It's only a watch.

This is so fantastic.

It is?

With us here Tony and Trevor can

finally sort out all their bullshit.

Yeah.

Bullshit.

Bullshit.

I'll give you bullshit.

Bullshit you will.

That is not how it happened.

Bullshit that is
exactly how it happened.

Bull crap.

You have wronged me again and again.

Like when?

For starters?

Yeah.

The Summer of 85.

Not that again.

Yeah, it was the Summer of 85,
it was hot.

It was so hot you could fry
and egg on the pavement.

Something had to give.

Mate you were into
the shittest music ever.

Oh right and you were into the classics.

Yeah I was actually.

Mate you were like Cliff
Richard wired for sound.

What and you can talk, you

didn't have a rat tag back then?

What was it ah, MC Ice Tone?

Yeah well it still doesn't
make what you did right.

Mate I was only having a laugh.

You were out of control.

Mate I was only having a laugh.

Yes but then people got hurt Trevor.

And property destroyed.

No.

AM/FM, double woofers, full Dolby sound,

double cassette, anti hiss,
$149 at Brashes.

I loved that beatbox.

More bullshit.

You're bullshit.

No you're bullshit.

There you go.

Well that's us rooted.

I thought we had them on the parking.

By law they have to provide enough spaces.

They must have found em somewhere.

So guys I think we're gonna be okay.

We just have to be more competitive.

More fridge magnets,
more coupons, more free Dim Sims.

Tony wake up, they'll close you down.

We've always got vacancies on the

lettuce shredder if
anyone's looking for a job.

But don't you have to have passed

year nine to operate the shredder sir?

Tarquin, you make me laugh boy.

Is it just me or is that bloke a turd?

Nah, I think he's more of a dick.

He's just the local manger.

If you really want to stop this going ahead we
should take it up with the head office in Sydney.

Sydney,
that's supposed to be pretty good.

You should talk to the head of
the company tell him how you feel.

What in Sydney?

And who's gonna look after my shop?

I'll look after the shop.

Tony, Sydney mate, hey?

Lots of attractive women.

I know, I know, I know.

How do you know?

I've seen it on telly haven't I?

On that Mardis Gras thing.

Tony please think about going to Sydney.

Just shut up about
it Sonja I'm not going.

Especially not with him.

Minimum chips.

$2 for the chips thanks.

There we go, thank you.

Thanks.

There you go.

Cheers.

Beautiful day Mrs Mac.

Hello Mrs Mac.

There you are,
I'd give you a pat too Socksy

but you know with health
regulations and everything.

Tony, I want you to take Socksy.

Ah, you off to Maroochydore again?

What's the matter Mrs Mac?

I can't move in with Barbara

she's got her own kids to think about

and I have to move
into Herbert's spare room

and he's got the Alsatians and he

says he can't have a cat in the house.

You moving?

What about your house?

It's not my house Tony,
it's the councils

and he's sold it to those hamburger people

I do hope they look after my roses.

Bastards.

I'm sure they'll look
after the roses Mrs Mac.

Of course we'll take Socksy.

Just until you get back though hey?

Mrs Mac, you'll be back in your house

faster than you can say...

Car park.

Think we better go to Sydney.

Have a talk to the big boss at Burgie.

Count me in mate,
Sydney here we come hey?

Mate what I'm about to do to you

is exactly what my old
man did to me 15 years ago.

No way.

No not that, look I gotta go away

for a while okay and
I'm leaving you in charge.

Me?

You impress me little fella.

In fact you've achieved in 10 days

what's taken me the best part of 15 years.

I'm a bit of a go getter.

And that has not gone unnoticed.

Here you go.

The keys to the shop.

Don't loose 'em.

Now listen I will be back tomorrow
afternoon but if there's any problems

just give me a call.
There won't be any problems.

Okay I know, thanks Sonja I'm
just a little bit nervosus you know.

Ta.

Good luck.

Thanks.

All right,
turn everything off before you leave.

And behave yourself.

Go get 'em.

Thanks for a lift to the airport Ken.

You're a legend Kenny boy.

No worries lads I was
going that way anyway hop in.

You know what we say at Ken's towing,

if we can't pull it,
it's not worth pulling.

Good luck guys.

Let's go.

Hey grab that.

Now remember Trevor you owe me $523

for flights, motel room and sundries.

Have we got a spa?

A spa?

Yeah mate yeah, one each.

They picked a good day to go away.

Yeah, we're gonna be busy.

Spa my arse.

Trevor tomorrow you
leave all the talking to me.

I've prepared a strategy based on

the methods of Anthony Robins.

With these tapes and this
mind I'm focused on success.

You know you should think about enhancing

the power of your mind Trevor.

Oh shit a brick,
look at all these little drinks.

Are they free?

No they're not.

Who pays for 'em?

We do.

I don't do you want one?

No.

Cool.

Oh that's good

So what do you want for breakfast?

What is there?

Cornflakes, eggs, toast,
continental breakfast.

Cornflakes.

Warm milk or cold?

Warm

Full or skinny?

Full.

Coffee, tea, milo?

Coffee.

Normal or decaf?

Normal.

Milk?

Yep.

Sugar?

Yep, can you shut up please?

I'm trying to read the bible.

Juice?

Yeah.

Orange, apple, pineapple.

Orange.

Right.

There we are.

Lights out.

Amen.

Actually Ton, just before we go in there

tomorrow there was something
I wanted to discuss with ya.

And what's that?

Look,
I actually I find you really attractive.

what?

Sucked in.

Idiot.

You grub.

If I could just see the boss,
talk about our shops.

You know we're businessmen too.

Mate they're not gonna
let us past the front door.

Why not?

We're not good enough for them?
NO.

We're good enough to eat their stinking
burgers we should be good enough to talk to.

They're not gonna talk to us.

If I could just see the man in charge
I know I could make him see reason Trev

I've written down all
the points in these cards.

You're not gonna get in there

they are not gonna let
us past the front door.

Hey isn't that Barry
Burger and Freddy Fry?

Yeah it is,
I'd recognize that burger anywhere.

For god's sake Garry
try not to step on my lines.

Just keep standing on my costume.

Don't use that tone with me.

I'm carrying the both
of us you know that.

Nah.

Come on mate we gotta, we gotta try.

Excuse me guys,
you're Barry Burgie aren't ya?

Yeah.

And you're Freddie Fry?

Yeah.

Told ya.

This is amazing,
my kid absolutely loves you two.

Thank you.

Thank you.

The only problem is that the nipper's
pretty sick at the moment he's got

a scorchin' case of anthrush.

Yeah anthrush.

And he's last dying wish is...

Look chum we don't do that sorta thing

you're gonna have to
go through head office.

Mate all we need is just your costumes

right just for half an hour.

No.

Two thousand bucks?

What I'm Italian I've got a small business.

Dance like a burger.

Just shut up and
concentrate on being a fry.

Go just go.

Hi I'm Barry Burgie.

And I'm Freddy Fry.

Hello. We're just going through here now.

Keep dancing.

Come on Barry.

Hi I'm Barry Burgie.

I'm Freddie Fry.

Sorry sir.

No Sandra that's
okay that'd Barry Burgie

the burgerlicious clown and his little

friend Freddy the Friendly Fry.

How are ya fellas?

Can't complain.

We are not the burgalicious clown

and his friendly fry.

Really?

You coulda fooled me.

Ha, you're not at all are ya?

Mr Burgie, my name is Tony and

this is my friend Trevor.

Hi.

We're businessmen like yourself.
I could tell you were management

material the moment you
walked through the door.

Yes well I do own a
medium sized food outlet.

Ever thought of a career with Burgies?

Well our business is take away food.

And therein lies our problem.

Our problem, oh, do tell.

Well you see Mr Burgie, we both

own fish and chip shops very near

in fact in my case right next door

to a site where you
propose to put a new Burgies.

Oh gosh that's awful.

Exactly, and while I welcome the healthy

competition that a
Burgies outlet would offer

my extensive knowledge of the area

indicates that the community probably

can't sustain three take away food outlets.

So in summary we think that you

should not open that Burgies.

Is that is?

Thank you.

Done.

Sandra can you cancel the building of

our latest outlet at, where is it?

4-6-2 Reserve Road.

462 Reserve Road, actually Sandra can

you cancel all new Burgies currently

under construction in Australia?

No make that the world.

And while you're at it close down

all the existing ones as well.

You're taking the piss aren't ya?

By golly you're quick.

Just a moment boys, just before you

show our entrepreneurs the door

I want to tell them a little story.

A little story that started about

200 million years ago when the first slug

crawled out of the primordial filth

and up onto the shore of
a dark and hostile world.

That slug was driven by one simple urge,

one overriding impulse, survival.

It wanted to live, to procreate,

to exercise it's right to quiet enjoyment.

Do you know what happened to that
brave, noble little slug gentlemen?

It got eaten by a bigger slug.

And we here at Burgies are the bigger slug

and we will always be that bigger slug.

Gentlemen consider yourself digested.

You coulda just told us to fuck off.

Get out then.

I'll take you on you
multinational bastard.

Leave me alone.

If I had my overhead projector
things would have turned out differently.

Bullshit.

And if you hadn't have left our
luggage by the side of the road I wouldn't be

sitting here in this ridiculous costume.

How was I supposed to know

there's thieves in Sydney?

You shouldn't have
resorted to violence Trevor.

Bull crap.

And you shouldn't have
drank so much on the plane.

It was free.

It's not free I paid for it.

Bullshit.

Bullshit you.

- That is bullshit.
- Bullshit.

Burgies bad, Burgies bad, Burgies bad.

Bad Burgies,
bad Burgies, Bad Burgies

Burgies is bad,
Burgies is bad Burgies is bad.

Look everybody, it's Barry Burgie

the burgerlicious clown and his little
friend Freddy the Friendly Fry.

Barry Burgie and Freddy Fry it is wonderful

to have you both here isn't it children?

Burgies is bad, Burgies is gross.

Dirty dirty clown.

And you can go fuck yourselves.

Cover your ears children don't

listen to that rude naughty fry.

No sir.

Oi oi, you wrecked my mate's business

you should be a-bloody-shamed of yourself.

Ken.

Tony, what are you doing?

Tony you mad man.

How do you know me name?

Get off him, get off him,

Tony, you okay?

Trev?

Hello, hello everybody, hello boys

and girls I'm Barry Burgie.

And I'm Freddy the Friendly Fry.

Look everyone, it's Trev formerly

of Trev's Fish and Chips.

He's just in time to try
Burgies new product,

Dim Sim on a stick.

Dim Sim on a stick,
Dim Sim on a stick

you can get it quick,
it will make you sick.

No.

Trev, Trev?

Oh Trev.

I just had the worst nightmare.

You'll be okay.

Oh they made me second
in charge of nuggets.

No.

Burgies is crap,
Burgies is crap, Burgies is crap.

Welcome to the Burgies drive through
may I take your order please?

Good afternoon Ma'am welcome to
Burgies drive through may I take your order?

Sorry about yesterday mate.

Un-bloody-forgivable.

That's all right mate your
heart was in the right place.

Yeah well.

Spoken with young Dave yet?

No.

I hate that Fry mate.

Yeah me too mate.

I mean they're not fries
anyway they're bloody chips.

Too-bloody-right.

In fact I've got a good mind to go down

there right now order some bloody chips.

You should bloody do that.

That'd show 'em wouldn't it?
Oh yeah.

Yeah, that'd show 'em.

And they always say do
you want fries with that.

I mean mate if I'd have
wanted fries with that

I would have bloody asked for them.

You're really starting
to get me down now mate.

Sorry mate.

Nah it's all right.

Here's your Burgie bag.

Geez it's busy out there isn't it?

Just shut up.

Welcome to Burgies drive

through may I take your order?

Can I get a dozen bulk burgers

10 seconds on those
cheeseburgers Jeremy.

Burgie little burgers.

If the finger's up the nose it

can't be making burgers can it?

You can't cook the nugget
until you know the nugget.

You can't know the nugget until

you respect the nugget.

I know nuggets.

No David you think you know nuggets.

Christ Jenny.

You know jack shit about nuggets.

More cheese, less chatter.

Sir we've lost Mandy Wilson to a

netball semi final and it looks like

little Bobby Fletcher's got a bad

case of eczema on his hands.

Put Bobby on wrapping out the back,

call Mandy Wilson's parents and tell

them that their daughter needn't

bother coming in on the weekend.

Sir, she's crew member of the month.

I don't care.

There's no room for sentiment

we're making hamburgers.

Sonja the photographer'll be here soon

to take photos for the
new color fridge magnets

so I want the place to look spotless.

New color fridge magnets?

That's really gonna help Tony.

Not just fridge magnets, Mr Blowy.

Your traitor boyfriend's here.

You tell him if he
comes in here I'll kill him.

He's not my boyfriend.

Just get rid of him.

Hi.

Dave just go away.

I'd like to talk to you.

Well I think it's a bit late for that.

Oh, I'm sorry.

What about Trevor,
how do you think he feels?

I couldn't help it.

I was sucked in by the glamor.

The glamor?

Yeah, the glamor, you know the uniform

and the song, the free nuggets.

Well those things are obviously
more important to you than Trevor

and the shop and your
job and me and Tony and...

everything right?

Look I'd better go 'cause my

five minute lunch break's almost over.

Forget about him,
you're too good for him.

Have you spoken to Trevor yet?

Stop mentioning that name to me

he brings me nothing but misery.

Oh well that sounds reasonable.

Sonja if it wasn't for him...

what?

He didn't do any of this,

he didn't build that place next door.

He's an idiot.

His father would be turning in his grave

if he could see what's happening.

What has his father got to do with this?
Nothing, don't worry about it.

Uncle Nick and Trev's dad were friends.

They used to be in business together.

Sonja mind your own business.

Look...

That's Uncle Mick with Trev's dad isn't it?

Yeah.

They used to run a fish and chip

shop together didn't they?

Yeah next door where the butcher is now.

Did quite well.

So what happened?

I don't know.

Oh you must, what started as one

fish and chip shop ended
as two fish and chip shops.

Sonja this is none of your business.
Oh come on Tony just tell me what it was about.

Pineapple.

Pineapple?

Big Trev reckoned that a hamburger with

the lot meant the usual plus egg,
bacon and pineapple.

My dad reckoned that pineapple,
like beetroot

was an added extra and that the customer

should pay 10 cents more.

So your dad and Trev's dad had the
falling out over a 10 cent piece of pineapple?

Yeah, my dad was really stubborn.

Big Trevor he was very
serious about his hamburgers.

So they went their separate ways.

What do you think Uncle Nick
would have done about the Burgies?

I don't know, probably just ignored it.

Which is exactly what you're doing.

Yeah?

But what about the fridge magnets?

Hey?

That oughta keep them on their toes.
And Mr Blowy.

Bacon burger.

Louisa, when the uniform
is neat the customers repeat.

In front of the big fish,

this is for the fridge magnet okay?

Oh Mal, what's going on?

Oh mate I'm off there's
no money in this caper.

People just go to the supermarket

to get their meat these days.

So what are you gonna do?

Got a job in the supermarket, see ya.

All right, you can get this?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Amanda get those fries on.

Jerry... Jerry I don't care
if it is your sisters wedding

double shift in the nugget pit on Saturday.

But I was supposed to be the Paige boy.

I don't care.

No, no, no, no Jim you don't understand

I want to see the whole thing.

I want to see Tony's I want
to see the fish, all right?

And if you can,
try and get Mr Blowy in the shoot.

Not him too.

People have got to know it's my shop.

Yeah, okay?

Does the top of it look all right?

Trevor what are you doing?

You walked in front of my shot.

Sorry Jim.

You're a dickhead.

Trouble sir.

Mate I asked for chips and they gave me

these fries and I said they're not chips

and there must've been
drugs in it or something

'cause I couldn't stop eating them.

Beef nugget.

Welcome to Burgies sir
may I take your order?

You bastard you ripped me off.

Well if sir has a complaint we

invite him to use the suggestion box.

You stole my idea I
invented beef nuggets.

So sir has the patent on the recipe

and registered the name?

Uh no.

No, no, no,
then perhaps sir stole Burgies' idea.

You thieving little mongrel.

Sir must have a very good lawyer if sir

wants to go around making
those sort of accusations.

You lot ought to be
ashamed of yourselves.

All of ya's.

Yeah.

Food fight.

Take a photo of me looking confident

and looking happy, happy this time.

Okay.

Don't be shy.

I know what I'm doing.

Trevor you blocked in
front of my shot again.

Go around the camera.

You listen here right,
we have tried it your way,

we have tried it Sonja's way

now we're gonna try it my way,

my place tonight 10:00 and you too.

All right, all right, all right.

Mate I've got mixed netball at 9:00.

Move, move.

I'll be there.

Sorry now they've
upset me hang on hang on,

just wait for me to get happy again.

Anthony Rob...

Sorry.

And that'll be that.

What do you say?

Yeah.

That has to be the
dumbest plan I've ever heard.

Bullshit,
Trev you're a fucking mastermind

that is the best plan I've
heard in donkey's years mate.

How many plans have you heard lately?

What are you a professional
jewel thief now or something?

Are you part on an international drug ring,
huh?

No mate I'm a tow truck driver

and believe you me, we know plans.

What's it to ya anyway Ken?

Now listen here Tony I was a mate

of Big Trev's and I'm
a mate of Little Trev's

and I was a mate of your old man.

If you just relaxed a little
bit I'd be a mate of yours too.

Okay okay Mr Clever Plan
Dick how are we gonna get in?

Yeah how are we gonna get in?

Well we got someone on the inside.

Oh.
What?

Let's just call him a
disgruntled employee

Who is it Trev?

Look I can't say all right.

This individual has agreed to help us

on the condition of strict anonymity.

Well how do we know we can trust him?

Oh you can trust me Tony.

Mate you're supposed
to disguise your voice.

Shit sorry.

Hey good on ya Dave.

Yeah thanks Ken.

Christs sake Dave, disguise your voice.

I keep forgetting.

So you finally decided
to do the right thing?

Yeah, um, how's Sonja?

Look will ya shut up, listen,

nobody knows who this bloke is.

All right?

Yeah okay.
All right.

No worries.

Just get over here.

Don't do that.

This is a bloody joke.

I'm outta here.

All right Ton, always knew I'd

be able to rely on you mate.

What you're planning
here is highly illegal.

Mate it's just us right.

No one else needs to know about it.

Now are you in or not?

You know what mate,
you'd probably fit in over there.

With your nice hair cut, they'd give you

a nice uniform with some badges

for sucking up to the customers.
You know you even play your cards right

you might even get some
little kids to boss around.

Bullshit.

No you're bullshit.

No bull shit you mate.

You know fellas you do not have

to go through with any of this.

Coming up with these beef nuggets,
I like them.

All right boys it's almost action stations.

Alright.

Right.

Right.

Right,
so we should probably synchronize watches.

Uh yeah okay.

Mine broke.

What time you got?

6:30.

6:30, 6:30.

You showed the neighbors
a thing or two today sir.

I Did didn't I?

Better make the most
of it they'll be gone soon.

Losers.

Now remember
you blokes complete silence.

Ow crikey Dave.

Dave where's the key?

It's one of these.

Just hurry up.

They look the same.

Shut up.

Stop making so much noise.

Sorry.

Ta-da.

What are you doing?

I'm sorry mate I thought
you wanted to get in.

Here we go.

What?

Give me your torch.

I told you I'd get you in man.

Quiet you two.

Hey kids it's Barry Burger
the burgerlicious clown.

Cut it out stop rooting
around this is serious.

It's funny.

No it's not funny.

Hey did we want the lights on?

No you idiot turn them off.

Sorry.

Surrounded by bloody morons.

Can I take your order please?

Oh, oh rubbish.

Sh, what's that noise?

I'm so thirsty.

Hey can I have a Fanta?

Mm-hmm

Cool.

You see mate Fanta is just as

refreshing as Coke and it's good for you.

What?

Well it's got oranges in it hasn't it?

There are no oranges in there.

Hey you two shut up and help.

I'm telling you there's oranges in there.
Get your mind on the job.

Oh, sorry.

I'm telling you oranges.

Help me over here.

Dave.

Yeah.

Pull that chain.

Kenny. Ken.

Shit a brick Trevor.

Hey are we covered by Workcover?

Hey you right mate?

Not flash.

Gotta lift from the knees fellas.

G'day Tony.

What are you doing here?

Thought you might need a hand.

So you're gonna help out now are ya?

The food they're serving in there

is not fit for human consumption.

It's good to have you on board.

No worries Trevor.

You love each other, that's terrific

but I can't feel my legs.

Ken.

Hm?
Ken.

Oh shit, come this way this way.

You're gonna make it,
you're gonna just.

Let's tow Kenny.

All right mate.

So are ya gonna pull
this thing down or what?

Now mate what do we say at Ken's Towing?

If we can't pull it...

It's not worth pulling.
It's not worth pulling.

Yep.

That's right, boys time to pull.

Let's go Ken.

Shit I'm glad I'm not those two.

What are they doing.

Well we're pulling it down.

We?

Yeah, we.

So did we pull it down or what?

Not exactly.

Shit a brick it's following us.

It's bloody following us.

Oh yeah, I told you I could pull anything.

Way to go Trev.

Oh.

They stole our Burgies sir.

Get in.

Get in the back.

Drive.

Where are we taking this thing.

I don't know.

I thought you had a plan.

Yeah I did, it finished back there.

Oh shit.

Go straight.

Yeah I suppose you can.

Whatever you say.

Look out boys look who's on telly.

Geez I'm hungry.

Burgies.

What's up ahead?

I haven't got the foggiest.

All right.

Oh shit.

Hand us the phone Trevor.

Hello Ken's Towing if we can't pull it

it's not worth pulling.

Ken.

G'day Sonja how are you love?

Good, is Tony there?

Yeah just a sec.

It's for you, it's Sonja.

Sonja?

Tony I'm right behind you.

She's right behind us.

Tony what are you doing?

We're standing up to the bastards.

It was his idea Sonja he made us do it.

Tony this is insane.

You haven't by any
chance got a street directory?

Have you got a street directory?

I said have you got a street directory,
you dick?

I'm not a dick.

Dave where's me burger?

There you go.

Anthony Rundall news update,

terror in the suburbs this morning.

Hey, hey, hey shut up.

Take away
food outlet had been ripped

from it's foundations by a gang

police believe are eco terrorists.

Tony turn right okay?

Right Tony.

Oh thanks Sonja.

Right we have to turn right.

Right, right, right.

All right.

Stop.

Do something.

Where are we?

How should I know?

The tip, that's handy.

Right, right, right.

It's a bit tight.

How good was that?

I told you Burgies was rubbish.

Well that's us rooted.

Oh yeah.

Go on take us away.

(crowd chatters.

Yeah that's pretty much it I suppose.

It all worked out good too.

The guys ended up going
into business together.

And Trev gave me my old job back.

And good on the prison authorities

for letting him out for the day.

You know I'm sure Trevor
said it was his mom's funeral.

Hey.

Alrighty, see ya Mal.

See ya in three years hey?

Two with good behavior.

We had to take on a few
more people around the place.

Especially since Trev's beef nuggets

have really taken off and are now

available in 42 different countries.

Me and Sonja are talking of going

into a partnership too,
well we're in negotiations.

Yeah I reckon things are
looking up around here.

Hey, free nuggets for everyone.

Good one Dave.

What do you want for breakfast?

The usual.

Let's see, porridge?

Yeah that sounds good.

Hey fellas, anyone for netball?

We bounce the ball at seven.

No.

Oh you're hopeless.

Listen don't forget there's a riot

in the shower block at 8:00 should

be sen-bloody-sational

hey Garry.

Sashuin, you can't cook the lentil

until you know the lentil.

I'm sorry, peace, love.

Thank you very much ladies and gentlemen
of the press for coning here today.

Despite some minor set backs we

here at Burgies are proud to announce

that we have secured the contract to

provide catering to all
federal correctional facilities.

Just because you've killed a man doesn't

mean you don't deserve nutritional food

that's fun to eat.

So from now on it's Burgie
Burgers for everyone.

This is a dream for me Conan

and an opportunity for you.

Yes sir, I'm very grateful sir

but I'm a bit scared sir.

If you want to make it in Burgies Conan

you have to be hard, are you hard Conan?

Fellas,
I'd like you to meet your new cell mates.

This is Bubba and James.

Well that's us rooted.
Mm.

Sir wishes to take the food away.

Yes indeed.

Take away, take take take away.

Subtitles Diego Moraes(oakislandtk)
www.opensubtitles.org