All language subtitles for My.Spy.2020.2160p.AMZN.WEBRip.DD+5.1.x265-AJP69

-They're coming.

-Good to see you, JJ.
-Likewise, General.

-Welcome to Russia.
-Right. Let's get on with it.

Hollow plutonium pit.
9.7 kilograms
with tritium boost.

A yield of 800 kilotons
is possible.

Take your time, gentlemen.

We want everyone
to be happy.

So you have a builder
for your weapon yet?

What?

A builder for your weapon.

What do you care?

Attaining plutonium,
step one.

But the build
is most critical.

That's it. I know people.
Simple question.

No, it is not simple.

-You asked me
who my builder is.
-Whoa, whoa!

-Is there a problem?
-Yeah, there is a problem.

I think this guy
is a government agent.

Who are you? Interpol?

MI6? CIA?

Don't be crazy.

I'm just a guy...

standing in front
of another guy...

asking him
not to shoot him.

-Oh, Christ. Notting Hill.
-He's screwed.

-No, no. He's got this.
-What are we gonna do?

Nothing. He's too far out.
He knew this was a solo run.

What do you think
you know that you are
pointing weapons at my friend?

His story.

Russian Mafia, supposed
international arms dealer.

But no one I know
has heard of you.

Shows how much you know.

And that fake accent.
Is that supposed
to be Russian?

I mean, take an acting class,
for God's sake.

You sound like Mickey Rourke
in Iron Man 2.

He's just guessing.
Testing him.

We're good.
Nothing to worry about.

-All right. You got me.
-Oh, crap.

My head's just not
in the game. This whole
spy stuff is new to me.

You know? It's weird.

Being a soldier,
it came naturally. This stuff,
you know, not so much.

-But there is one thing
I'm good at.
-What's that?

Kicking ass.

Holy hell.

I told ya.

-Huh?

Kill him!

Ah, you're kidding me.

Come on! Ugh!

-Wait for it.

"...Baby, One More Time"

♪ Hit me, baby
One more time ♪

-Way to go, killer.
-Thank you.

The man, the myth.

Oh, man. Um, Bobbi Ulf,
tech support.

Can I just say,
it's an honor to meet you.

I have read every page
of your case file
and it is a page-turner,

like
Fifty Shades of Amazing.

Kim needs to see you ASAP
for the debrief.

-Got it.
-Awesome. Awesome.

Have a good day.

Oops.

Well, you kicked
a bunch of ass.

-Quite the cowboy.
-Yeah.

-Very heroic.
-Thanks, boss.

No, I'm being sarcas--

The mission wasn't just
to stop a sale, JJ.

The goal was to find out
what they knew

so we could take the rest
of the network down.

But that's kind of difficult
now, seeing that you
killed everyone.

Gregovich.

Hassan's head of finance.

-Hassan's head.

Look, it's because of you
we have nothing.

-We've got the plutonium core.
-Turns out there are
two cores, actually.

This man, Azar,
just got away with it.
The only one you didn't kill.

Now he has half
of what he needs
to blow up a major city.

Look, your special forces
record is impeccable.

But intelligence
is a different kind
of ball game.

You know, spy craft
requires finesse, nuance,
emotional intelligence.

Yeah, I've got all
those things. I have plenty
of emotional intelligence.

So you're saying
that you can just read

the slightest
and most subtle
of facial cues

to assess
a target's temperament?

Absolutely.

What is my face saying?

-Should I start reading now?
-Oh, my God.

Look, JJ, I--

I respect you, okay?
You put up some
big wins for us.

But,
with all due respect, I...

I just don't think
you're cut out for this.

Take the rest of the day off.
Go home and get
some rest, all right?

Thanks, Jimmy.

Good night, Blueberry.

Alexa,
play something soothing.

This is my favorite shirt.

It's just this really cool
French band that I like.

I saw them
in a concert a few times
when I lived in France.

I'm really into French music.

Hmm? Yeah.

Now that you mention it,
I guess living in France
was pretty cool.

Come ice-skating
with you Saturday?

Well, I could ask my mom.

Okay, how was that?

-I know. I know, Ozzie.

I lost them with "I'm really
into French music."

Cool shirt.
Did you get that
from my room?

Hmm? Oh, yeah.

-How's school going?
-Great.

Elementary school girls
are really warm
and welcoming to new kids.

We're the first ones
they invite
to all the parties.

You know what I think?

-That it's not too late
to homeschool me?
-No.

I think that if you're
just yourself,

that you are going to
make some good friends

who see how awesome you are,
just like I do.

-You know
who says things like that?
-Who?

All the parents of kids
who don't get invited
to the parties.

-Are you gonna eat your egg?
-No, thanks.

-Watch out. Coming through.

Yeah, Chicago won.

Yo, what's up, guys?

Get out of my seat.

-What is that?
-Oh, this?

-It's this French band
when I was--
-Oh, my God.

It's jelly. You have jelly,
like, all over your face.

Definitely posting that
on Insta.

Actually, I'm not allowed
to have pictures of myself
on the Internet.

It's my mom.
She's afraid of cyberbullies.

-Who would bully you?

Everybody, sit, please.

So I heard there was
going to be this big
ice-skating party this--

Oh, my God.
It's already gotten,
like, eight likes.

Despite our failure in Russia,
the NSA has come up
with a lead.

They believe Hassan
had been working
with this man.

Victor Marquez,
former French special ops.

He's a French national

who's been trading
illegal arms
for the past two decades.

Victor has recently
stepped up his game
into the nuclear arena

and has acquired
something truly dangerous--

Soviet schematics
for a miniaturized nuke.

For years,
he's worked hand in hand
with his brother, David.

There were reports
of a power struggle
between the two.

David didn't want his brother
to have the nuclear plans
and hid them.

Enraged, Victor killed him.

Later he was almost captured
by police,

but he escaped
and is still on the run.

Oh, that poor lady.
Does anyone know if she's okay?

She's fine.

If Marquez finds those plans
and sells them to Azar, boom!

Our mission:
Take down Marquez before
he can locate the plans.

Do we know his whereabouts?

NSA believes he's headed
to Berlin to meet with Azar.

-Yes. Love Berlin.
-Christina, you'll take it.

We also have intel from MI6.

Decrypted messaging
suggests that Marquez

has been in contact
with his lawyer from Paris,

an international scumbag
named Koll.

-Paris is cool too.
-Christina, yours also.

C'est bon.

-JJ?
-Yes, sir.

You'll be on surveillance
with Bobbi.

-Excuse me?
-No way.

Dead brother's wife
moved back to the US.

Her level of involvement
is unclear.

Until we capture Marquez,
it's best that we keep
an eye on her.

This is your last shot.

Yep, this is it.

This is amazing.
Finally in the field.

And with you, of all people,
on my first mission.

Babysitting civilians
is not a mission.

And there is no
"you and me."

Well, if this isn't
a mission...

then what's this?

-Plan B.
-Yeah.

For an important and
potentially dangerous mission.

Do not touch.

It's all right, Blueberry.

Home, sweet home.

Paris, this is not.

Oh! Dibs on the bed!

Yeah, you can have it.
I'll take the couch.

-That's blood.
-Oh, that's not blood.

That might be sriracha
or something.
Maybe they ate in bed.

No, that's blood.

-Mission brief's in.
-Finally. Showtime.

All right. Kate Vale.
Wife of David Marquez,
deceased.

Originally from Chicago.

Moved back from Paris
three months ago
with her daughter.

No close family.
No active social media.

She's an ER nurse
at County Hospital.

-Think the job's a cover?
-I don't know.

All right.
That's her daughter, Sophie.

Nine years old.
Just started fourth grade
at Oak Tree Charter.

Yeah, I could
definitely take her.

Let's get to work.

All right.
Let's make this quick.

-Shh.

-Shh.

That's amazing.
Do you always
have bacon on you?

The closet?
That's a little mean.

I'm gonna search the apartment.
Get the cameras set up.

All right. Cameras are up, JJ.
And they all check out.

Copy that.
Just wrapping it up here.

Oh, she's back.

I got my check
at the restaurant before
I realized I forgot my wallet.

I know. I know.
I'm losing it.

Well, no, I'm gonna
grab it now and I will
be there in 20. Do not worry.

- Hide!
- Where?

Somewhere
a wallet wouldn't be.

You know how I drive.

I'll see you soon. Bye.

Stop. Stop it. Stop it.

She is just
tearing the place apart.

She's coming down the hallway.

Oh! She's in the room.

Oh, my God.

-What's my next move?
-She's in the kitchen.

Evac in five, four-- Now.

Out the front door,
out the front door-- Freeze!

-Go, go, go, go.

Aw, that's nice.

I'm losing my mind.

God, I can't take this.

I know.

The tension, the anticipation,
the excitement.

You could get addicted
to the adrenaline high
pretty quickly.

No, the boredom.

Ah, yeah. I know.
So many layers, huh?

Hey, I just wanna say
I'm real excited
to be learning from you.

I am not teaching you
anything.

I don't know. It's more of
a mentor-mentee relationship.

We have zero relationship.

Yet. But we're building towards
something pretty great.

I can just feel it.

You'll share your harrowing
experiences in the field,

and I'll show you some--

Do not touch.

Okay, that was awesome.

That's what I'm talking about.

You gotta teach me
how to do stuff like this.

With your lack of motor skills,
that would be impossible.

You're the tech.
I'm the action.

Maybe I become the action,
surprising everyone.

You might need me to
save your ass in a pinch.

You will never save my ass.

Assist?
I could assist you.

Come on. It couldn't hurt
to show me a few things, huh?
Just in case.

Ow.

Hey. Close the door, please.
Thank you.

I know that face.

What face?

The "I'm about to drop
some disappointing news
on you" face.

No. This is my "Should we
have spaghetti tonight?" face.

Which also looks like
my "I can't take you to
ice-skating tomorrow" face.

Mom!

They need me to do
an extra shift at the hospital,
Sophie. I'm sorry.

-Everyone's going.
-I know. I know.

But I don't have a choice.
Listen.

How about when I get home,
we do something together?

-W-We could go to the movies.
-Sure.

Hanging out with my mom
is way cooler than
making friends my own age.

I hate this place.

Yeah. Me too.

Oh. So because we're gay,
you just assume we ice-skate?

We see sparkles and sequins
and hear Céline Dion music,

and we just
can't help ourselves, huh?
Like moths to a flame.

Oh, my goodness.
No, I'm sorry. Th-That's not--

I'm just playing, girl.
Of course we ice-skate!
Are you kidding?

Todd and I met
in an ice-dancing class.

That's where I fell for him.
Ain't that right, T?

That was a "yes."

Anyhoo, we'd love to lace up
and hit the rink with Soph,

but I have a million and one
errands to run tomorrow,

and Todd is working from home.

-He's a therapist.
-He's a therapist?

The way people open up to him
is really amazing.

If you ever need someone
to talk to about life or work,

or what your hair color
choices say about you...

Oh. Actually,
this wasn't a choice.
This is my natural color.

Mm-hmm.
No choice is a choice.

But we will definitely
keep an eye on her for you.

Don't worry. Nothing gets by us.
Ain't that right, T?

-That was a "yes," too.

-We got a bogey.
- The dog
found our camera.

Oh, this is not good.

She doesn't know what she's
looking at. It's impossible
to tell that's a camera.

Are you sure?

Even if she did know,
she wouldn't be able
to trace it.

It's all wireless
and encrypted.

I don't know.
She's onto something.

Hmm.

Yeah, chicken piccata
with the broccolini you like.

But you're
on ice-cream detail.

-Hey, Carlos.
- And no vanilla.
How basic.

Hey.

10, 20, 25.

Keep the change.
Thank you.

Let's review
what we missed when we were
buying groceries last night.

How was school?
You learn anything good?

- What are you drawing?
- Nothing.

Yeah.

"Oh, hey, Mom,
how was your day?"

Well, actually, it was
really intense and stressful.

This three-car MVC
with mass casualties

and multiple amputations
and blood just
gushing everywhere.

Did that actually happen?

No. I'm just trying to
get you to say something.

Are you still mad at me
about the ice-skating?

That's tough.
Mom's trying so hard,

and that bratty kid
won't give her a break.

I don't think
she's bratty.

-How'd you get in here?
-She has a camera.
She might be streaming.

Are you guys CIA?

No. What makes you think
we're CIA?

Are you guys watching us
in case my uncle comes back?

Is he supposed to come back?

No. He hates my mom.

One time, they got
into a fight at Christmas.

She poured wine
all over his head at this
really fancy restaurant.

Oh, I wouldn't touch that.
He doesn't like that.

You've stumbled into
a very sensitive situation,
little lady.

Now, why don't you hand over
that phone before you
get yourself in big trouble?

But won't you get
in big trouble

for having your cover blown
by a nine-year-old

who's recording this
and streaming it to the cloud?

With just one click,
I could send this video
to everyone.

-Can she do that?
-Yeah. Not actually that hard.

Look, little girl,
we're your friends.

We're here to help you.
We're here to protect you
and your mommy.

Then why are you keeping this
all a secret from us

and hiding cameras
in our apartment?

Okay, sidebar? Hmm?

All right, we're blown.

Protocol says we pull out,
let someone else take this.

No way. If Kim finds out
we got made

by a nine-year-old,
my career's over.

What's the option?

Kill her. Make it look
like an accident.

-Yeah. Maybe the stairs.
-What?

Wow. Still recording.

Uh, that... came off
way worse than I meant.

I was kidding.
That was a joke. Right?

It was funny.

I'll tell you what.

I'll show my mom this video,
or we can cut a deal.

Oh, damn, she's good.

What kind of deal?

Just to be clear, this is
a one-time arrangement.

Never again.

We're out of here
in 40 minutes. Understood?

Yeah. Got it.

And what can I get for you?

Size four, please.

-And you, sir?
-No skates for me.

You're not going to skate?

I said I'd bring you skating.
I didn't say I'd skate.

You're going to make me
go alone?

Come on.

Don't you guys have
some saying like, "no one
left behind" or something?

Yeah.
But you're not a soldier.

Wait.
Do you not know how?

You've got 30 minutes.
Then we're leaving.

When you look out there,
what do you see?

Ninety civilians,
minimal security,
soft perimeter.

No cover.

Smiling people having fun.

You should try it sometime.

Twenty-nine minutes.

What, are you afraid?

Size 15.

What are you waiting for?
Anyone can skate.

Okay, okay, I got it.

Whoa. Are you okay?

I'm fine.

Nice move!
Ba-boom!

-Shut up.
-Okay.

I'm gonna go say hi
to some friends.

Hey, mister,
you gonna fall again?

No.

You sure? You're shaking.

If I am, it's with anger,
thinking about what
I'm gonna do to you.

-Hey, you guys.

What are you doing here?

I come here all the time.
Maybe we could skate together.

Well, we're kind of doing
our own thing.

-Hey, guys,
we're gonna play tag.
-Come on!

Be right over!

Later.

Oh, thank God.

Whew.

You're it!

You're out of here!

Zero-tolerance
bullying policy.

Well, they started it!

So, what happened
to you out there?

What happened to you?

I think I broke something.

Deep inside.

Ice cream
will make you feel better.
It always helps me.

No. Ice cream
wasn't part of the deal.

Would you like
to explain that to my mom?

Well?

-I feel a little better.
-Me too.

-So, we're cool, right?
-What do you mean?

I mean,
you can't tell anybody
who I am or what I do.

You have to go back
to living your life
and leave us alone.

Relax. We're cool.

-What's that?
-Pinkie promise.

-Seriously?
-Go on.

You were supposed to be
watching her!

Oh, my God, there she is!

And who the hell are you,
touching pinkies?

Mom, no, no, no. Wait!

- Oh, my God.
-Let go of my daughter.

Give me my phone!
Where's my phone?

-I'm calling the police.
-Mom, you don't understand.

I ignored your rules
and went to the park.

There were these two jerks
from school that pushed me down
and it really hurt.

And JJ saw it.
He lives upstairs.

-He recognized me
from the building...
-What?

...and calmly talked
to the boys and told them
what they did was wrong,

and then he got me ice cream
to make me feel better
and walked me home!

Oh, my Lord and Taylor!
How did you do that?

He has muscles
the size of hams!

-Todd, did you see that?
-Mmm.

I know! Todd can't
believe it either.

Well, I-I'm sorry,
this is my kid. I--

-Can I just help--
-No.

No, it's okay,
I'm good.

I'm just gonna head home
and gather my thoughts.

Really, I'm fine. Excuse me.

I think you made
a little pee come out.

-What happened to you?
-I can't even talk about it.

Let's just say
the situation's been handled.

Oh, my God,
you killed her.

-Shut up.

Hey, big fella.

How are the huevos?

-Yeah, they're fine.
-Really?

Because it looked like you were
in a lot of pain yesterday.

No, I'm okay.

Todd said he thought
he saw you crying.

What? I wasn't crying.

Todd was wondering
what you did for work.

He's such a busybody,
always interrogating
the new neighbors.

I'm taking a break right now,
trying to figure it out.

Welcome to the building, JJ.
We'll see you around.

Yeah, thanks.

Sophie, help,
I need you!

Now!

JJ! I was just coming
to get you! Come on, hurry!

Sophie, bring me
some more towels, please!

Mom, JJ's here.

-What? Why?
- Here, let me help.

No, I've got this
under control.

-But thank you.
-It's the plumbing
in these old buildings.

I just need to get under here,
tighten the pipe.

-It's not a pipe,
it's a loose fitting.
-I'm telling you, it's a--

Ozzie, no!
That is so weird.

He usually hates strangers,
but he seems to be
inordinately into you.

Yeah, that is weird.

Come here, baby.

-I guess you were right
about the fitting.
-Yeah.

I just don't understand
what happened.

Maybe JJ
could stay for dinner.

-Hmm?
-No, I couldn't possibly.

I think you could.

Oh, my God.

We're out of olive oil.

There's a new bottle
in the back, behind the mustard.

I... bet.

Thanks.

Excuse me for a second.
I'd better take this.

Sure.

-Hey.
-Hey, glad I caught you.

I was just calling to see
why you're drinking rosé

in the bathroom
of our target's house!

Wait.
Did you put a camera
in the bathroom?

What kind of perv
puts a camera in the bathroom?

A genius pervert, that's who.

That's where people go when
they don't want to be heard.

-Apparently.
-Don't make this about me.

What the hell
are you doing in there?

-They invited me for dinner.
-And you said yes?

I had no choice.
The kid ambushed me.

Okay, all right,
we're gonna get through this.

Here's what we're gonna do.

You're gonna go to dinner,
and you're gonna be polite
and innocuous,

and then
you will get the hell out.

You think?

Well, do you have
any better ideas?

Yes.

I'll dose them
with Sodium Pentothal

while you hack the cloud,
get the kid's recordings.

Then we wire the building
to make it look
like a gas leak.

Boom. Zero evidence.
We're out of here.

All right, fine,
we'll go with your idea.

-Sorry, the chicken's
a little dry.
-Mmm.

Yeah, this is
really overcooked.

But... you think
this is bad? Mmm.

One time in Afghanistan,
we were cut off for a month,

and all we had to eat
were these lizards.

We couldn't shoot them,
because that would
attract the enemy,

so we had to bash their
little heads in with rocks.

Really messy work.

Then we had to cook them
over C-4, which gave them
this awful chemical taste.

But...

hell, by that time,
we were drinking
our own urine anyway, so...

Um...

I'm really sorry.

I haven't had dinner
with civilians in a long time.

Hey, Mom, I was thinking,

since you can't take me to
Parents and Special Friends Day
tomorrow at school,

maybe JJ could take me.

-I don't think
that's the best idea.
-Not the best idea.

Why not?

Because I'm sure
he's very busy.

-Very busy.
-He's not.

He's unemployed.

He just sits around all day,
watching TVs.

Sophie.

That's not very nice.

No, not nice.

It's just... everyone else
has someone to bring,

and you said
you can't get out of work,

and I'm not going
to have anybody.

And I'm gonna be
the only one.

Please.

Seriously?
Special Friends Day?

That kid is tricky, man.

I miss dealing
with terrorists.

Good night, JJ!

Oh, she's good.

And good night
to your lesbian friend too.

So, what are we
walking into here?

I don't know.
This is my first
Special Friends Day.

Weak intel is never
a good starting position.

Noted.

Just remember, I need
to keep a low profile,

so no discussing who I am
or what I do.

And this is it.

No more Special Persons days
or skating or anything.

I've got a job to do.

And this ain't gonna end up
like some movie,

with you and me
sitting in little chairs,
having a tea party with dolls.

And hey, just to be clear,
I'm onto you.

I know you busted the sink.

I-I don't know
what you're talking about.

Once upon a time,
there was a little girl who got
way too big for her britches.

Then one day
she disappeared,

and no one
ever found the body.

You like stories?
I got a story.

Once, there was
a CIA agent that put cameras
in a little girl's bathroom

while seducing her mom
over chicken and wine.

I'm pretty sure they
don't teach that at Langley.

Jesus Christ.

You can't back out now.
We're here.

I'm not backing out.

I just never liked school
very much.

No one does. It's school.

We're all just trying
to survive it.

Come on.

Welcome, everyone.

Our students are so excited
to be able to show off
their school today.

So why don't we begin

by meeting a few of our parents
and special friends?

Who would like to go first?

-Andre.
-I brought my mom.

Hi. I'm Tina,
and I help people
manage their money

so that by the time
they decide to stop working,
they have a nest egg.

My team and I
make the schedule for
all the flights at the airline,

which is over 3,000 a day.

And by controlling
this tiny little robot,

I can actually repair
the heart valve from the inside.

And with this procedure,
I save over 100 lives a year.

Sophie, who do you have
with you today?

My hand wasn't up.

That's okay.

Um...

this is my special friend, JJ.

-Excuse me.
-Ow!

I'm sorry, kid.

- Ow!

-That's my foot.
-Sorry.

Uh, hi, everyone.
Uh, my name is JJ.

Uh...

professionally, I'm...

exploring my options right now.

-Unemployed.
-Shh.

In my former line of work,
I was, uh...

I took out garbage.

I took it out
all over the world,
actually.

- Oh, my God. Sad.

Manners, class.

Everyone's experiences
are valuable, okay? There's
nothing to be ashamed of.

She's so weird.
Why would she bring him?

When I said
I took out the garbage...

I meant human trash.

The truth is,

I'm a former Army Ranger

who now works
for secret operations
for a US intelligence agency

that may or may not,

or may be the CIA.

-Cool.
-Wow!

Well, I'm not really
supposed to talk about it.

But I saw some judging...

and some unkindness.

So I just wanted to
set the record straight.

But if any of this information
were to leave this room,

I will find you.

No, I'm just kidding.

Sort of.

-Have you ever been shot?
-Yes.

-Can we see the scars?
-Helen!

-Have you ever killed anyone?
-How many?

Look, that's not
what's important.

What you have to remember here
is, is they were all
bad guys, you know?

Terrorists, hijackers,

kidnappers, human traffickers,

or just really annoying.

I really don't think we need
to be celebrating this.

Sit down, Hal.
You've had your turn.

And everything I did

was in the service
of keeping America safe.

Eight, nine, ten.
Ready or not, here I come.

-Found you.

-See you tomorrow, Sophie.
-See you, Emily.

Hello, JJ.

Hey, Ms. Besser.

Please, call me Pam.

I just wanted to tell you
how impressed I am

and how glad I was
to get to meet you today.

Thanks. My pleasure.

I think everyone
really enjoyed it.

Have a nice day.
We'll see you around.

All right.

Tear that up.

-What?
-You heard me.

-Yeah, but--
-Conflict of interest.

-Now eat it.
-No.

-Hey, you guys.
-Mom.

How'd it go today?

We had the best day.

See you later, Sophie!

-Bye, JJ.
-See you.

-I'm gonna go say bye
to my friends.
-Sure.

Wow. Seems you made
quite the impression.

On everyone.

-Thank you for today.
-Yeah. Sure.

Sophie just seems so happy.

How's it going?

We had a deal.

I just wanted to say
thank you for coming
to my school last week.

You made a really big impression
on my friends and my mom.

Yeah, well, glad I could help...
for the last time.

-You're not married, are you?
-Why?

I'm trying to figure you out.
What's your real story?

Under the rough exterior,
you seem like a nice guy,

but sort of damaged and alone.

You gotta be kidding me.

I'm thinking dead wife.

No.

-Dead partner?
-No.

Led a group of buddies
into action, made a bad call,

lost them all
and are still haunted by it?

Will you stop?

Look...

it's hard being deployed.

It's even harder on the people
that you leave at home.

The mission before last,
I got shot,

and when I got home,
my fiancée left me.

She couldn't take it.

My job's just--
It's better to be alone.

People always seem to get hurt,
one way or another.

So...

Why am I telling you all this?

And the fish is all you have
to remember her by?

-Nice talking to you.
-Wait.

What if I told you
I was thinking about being
a spy too, when I grow up?

All right.
Good luck with that.

I'm serious.
You don't believe me?

Look, kid,

you're just not
the spy type.

Oh. I see.

So I should just stay
in my box and dream
of being maybe a barista

or a fashion designer
or a wedding planner?

Or maybe an ER nurse
like your mother?

You know, I was thinking
of asking Bobbi anyway.

She seems more like
the brains of the operation,

whereas you're
more the brawn.

Who are you calling "brawn"?

Bobbi's an analyst.
She doesn't have an ounce
of my training.

If anybody's gonna teach you,
it's gonna be--

Nicely done.

Don't do that again.

So, what's first?
Shooting range?
Obstacle course?

They don't let nine-year-olds
into shooting ranges.

Where's the fun in that?

Now, we know
you're a pretty good liar,

but what if you're caught
by the enemy and faced
with a lie-detector test?

Why are we doing this?
She shouldn't even be in here.

All right. The key is
to focus on your breathing.

The slightest increase
in your blood pressure

is an indicator that
you're not telling the truth.

We'll start
with something simple.

I'll ask you a question
and you'll answer
with an obvious lie.

I don't wanna see
those needles move.
Is that clear?

All right. Here we go.

So, when do I get
my first assignment?

When I decide
that you're ready.

I am ready.

Oh, yeah?

All right.

-See that apartment
building there?
-Yeah.

-You know anybody
who lives there?
-No.

Ten minutes. I wanna see you
on one of those balconies.

You want me to talk my way
into some stranger's
apartment?

Do you know
how dangerous that is?

You didn't have a problem
walking into my apartment.

I only need five minutes.

What do you do for a living?

I'm a KGB agent
posing as a fourth-grader.

My brother has three legs
and sells crack,

and my mother
is a prostitute.

I don't need a machine
to tell me if someone's lying.

Yeah?

Yeah. I can smell a lie.

Endorphins release an odor,
palms sweat,

and the ultimate tell:
the slightest blink of an eye.

That's all I need.

You mean like this?

JJ, I think you're a really
sweet and sensitive person.

JJ, I admire
all of your tattoos.

Stop.

JJ, I believe you that you've
never taken steroids.

Jesus Christ.

JJ, stop.
Seriously, for real.

I'm just joking.

Now, in any fight you need
an element of surprise.

Now, you're tiny and weak,
and I'm the opposite.

So the objective
of this exercise

is to get past me.

Now, a good idea might be
to cause a distraction.

Because, otherwise,
there'd be zero chance of you--

Blueberry!

Blueberry!
Oh, God. Oh, God.

That's some
cold-blooded shit.

So far,
I could have learned anything
you've taught me from YouTube.

Oh, yeah?
Is that so?

When are you gonna
teach me the fun stuff?

Like how to walk away
from an explosion
without looking back

or what cool line you say
before you take someone out.

You need to stop getting
all your spy knowledge
from Mission: Impossible.

But...

if I was gonna say a cool line,
I have to keep it real fresh.

You'd have a different line
for different bad guys?

Yep.

What if the assassin
was disguised
as an ice-cream man?

I'd say, "Chill out."

And then I'd stab him
with a freezer pop.

A sidewalk Santa?

"Jingle all the way...
to hell."

A guy dressed up as a dog,
selling watches?

"Time's up, bitch."

-How was your day?
-It was good. Yours?

Fine.

-Something wrong?
-No.

Are you sure?
'Cause it seems like something
might be bothering you.

You helped train her
how to pass a lie-detector,
but not me.

I mean,
I don't wanna be ageist here,
JJ, but she is nine.

She still sleeps
with a night-light.

I'm a professional hacker with
a master's degree in English.

No, we just spent a little
time together. I wasn't
really teaching her anything.

Oh. Well, you taught her
how to place shaped charges.

-It was just Play-Doh.
-That's not the point.

Would you like me
to get you some Play-Doh?

I can get my own Play-Doh.

Are you sure? Because I'd be
happy to get you some.

Don't you make this about
the Play-Doh. This is about us.
We're partners.

I already told you.

You are not my partner.

-Hey!

Did you make dinner?

Let me just hop
right on that.

Hello? Hello?

Hello?

Victor,
what are you doing here?

Relax.

There is no signal
nor surveillance
that this will not jam.

What are you
talking about?

The CIA is all over you.

They're gonna be
coming through that door
in two minutes,

which means,
you have exactly one
to give me what I need.

Anything.

-Where did my brother
put the plans?
-I don't know.

I think you do.

He didn't trust me.
He didn't trust anyone.
Especially you.

All I heard him say was that
it was with his best friend.

His best friend?

Yes. But I don't know
who that is.

I do.

I gotta head out.

Hey.

Are you okay?
What's the emergency?

We need to have "the talk."

Excuse me?

You got off on the wrong track
with my mom.

But I see the real you,
and I think this can still work.

I've been doing some research.

Cosmo online says
you should be masculine,

but also sensitive
and emotionally vulnerable.

Sophie, what's going on?
Did you lie to get me here?

-Well--
-JJ.

What are you doing here?

JJ wanted to come
to our art show
and see some of my work.

Apparently, he loves art.

You do?

Yeah.

Yeah, sure.

I mean, Sophie,
what you've done here...

with the color,
it's-- it's amazing.

And you can actually tell
that that's a bird.

As opposed
to this piece of crap.
I mean, what the hell is that?

I mean, it looks like a hot dog
taking a dump on a cat.

That is--
That is horrible, right?

Right? That is so--

Let me finish.

I'm gonna run ahead, Mom.
I've got homework to do.

Later, JJ.

See you, kid.

Hey, I'm sorry
for what happened back there.

I have a knack of putting
my foot in my mouth.

Really? Hadn't noticed.

You get used to being alone,

all of a sudden you're not good
with people anymore.

I guess I know a little
bit about that, too.

But what is it they say
about parenting?

It's not just about
what you say. It's about
being there, showing up.

Sophie hasn't had that
for a while.

Her dad passed away
about a year ago.

She keeps pretending she's okay.
But I can tell she's struggling.

No. She's tough
like her mom.

I don't know
how tough I am.

I do. Believe me.
My balls still hurt.

So sorry about that.

Do you want
to know a secret?

Yeah, sure.

I have no idea
what I'm doing.

Just winging it.

Yeah. Me too.

-Look at this little guy.

Oh! I think he's sick.

No. He just needs
a little help.

There you go, little guy.
You're gonna be just fine,
mi amigo.

All right. There you go,
safe and sound.

All right.
Maybe you're right.

Maybe me just being here,
showing up, was all
that little guy needed.

I... did not see that coming.

Oh, man. Poor bird.

-I had a thought.
-Yeah?

I...

I happen to have Thursday
night off from work,

and I wondered if you might
wanna grab a bite.

I promise not to cook.

Um...

yeah.

Okay. Great.

Yeah, that'd be great.

-See you later.
-All right.

Have a good night.

- JJ!
-Hey.

What the heck happened?

How did you
turn that around?

You were listening?

Honestly, I have no idea.

Not what I expected,
but you can't blow this now.

Restaurant ideas?

I jogged by this tapas bar
that has dancing.

Dancing?
Show me something.

Floss?

Dab? Crunk? Level Up?

-Anything?
-No.

We've come too far.
I am not letting you ruin this.

Okay. Stop. No.

-Are you having a stroke?
-It's not that bad.

Promise me one thing.

I will let you take my mom
to dinner, but no dancing.

Don't risk it. We good?

You're very insensitive.

Are we good?

-Yeah, we're good.
-Good.

-Good night, JJ.
-Good night, Sophie.

Thanks for
the confidence boost.

You're welcome.

What was the emergency?

Uh, nothing, really.

Hmph. Weird.

Anything
I should know about?

No. No.

Okay.

...was wondering
if maybe you would like
to grab a bite with me.

Yeah.

Are you kidding me?
What the hell are you thinking?

I wasn't thinking. It was this
adrenaline-charged moment.

Her eyes were amazing.

You are off the rails!

First, you take the kid skating,
then you go to show-and-tell,

and now you're going on a date

with the woman we're supposed
to be surveilling

and you're lying to me
about it.

If I'm with her,
I'll know she's safe.

Well, dude, our job
isn't to keep her safe, okay?

It's to see if the bad guy
makes contact with her.

-That is our mission.
-There is no mission.

This is all nonsense.

There is no covert information
in that apartment,
just a broken family.

And that is the truth.

The truth?

We're gonna talk
about the truth, finally?
Great!

I know that you lost
your entire team
on your last deployment.

That's classified.

Yeah.

Well, I'm the tech, remember?
I can work around that.

Something you might find useful
if you'd ever trust me.

But I get it. You're the guy
who's all closed off, huh?

"I work alone."

You're on thin ice.

Maybe you should
take Kate out to dinner

so you can get over
all that crap in your past

and see if you still have
a heart underneath
that tattooed forest.

Fine. I will.

Great!
Have a great dinner!

Well, that's not
how I intended that to go.

-Hey, JJ!

-Got a sec?
-Uh, got a date.

Yeah, we heard from Sophie.
She sent us the SOS.

Ooh. Shit's out of style.

Ain't that right, Todd?

-Mmm.
-Come on.

Come on, we're not gonna
bite you. Come on.

Kate's a very special lady.
Don't you agree?

Definitely.

-Beautiful.
-Smart.

Been through a lot, though.
Vulnerable, single mom.

Todd wants to know
what your intentions are.

We're just
going out to dinner.

Todd was raised
by a single mother.

The situation concerns him.

Just dinner, Todd.

And this is just
a friendly chat between
neighbors.

Let's not keep up
this charade, JJ.

We know how men think, okay?

No. Guys,
I'll treat her well.

I promise.
You can trust me.

All right.
How much time do we have?

I guess I can be
a little late. Ten minutes?

Ten minutes?

I'm not God.
This will never work.

Just cancel
and reschedule for May.

Mmm.

Okay. Todd's right.
We can do this.

First, we gotta do something
about this shirt.

You look like you're
advertising Brawny towels.

Who are you,
the "quicker picker-upper"?

Then we have to exfoliate.

I don't know
what that means.

You guys are starting
to freak me out.

So, Sophie tells me you guys
just moved back from Paris.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

When her dad passed,
we stayed for a bit,

but it was hard.

Last year,
the police raided our house
and took everything,

and froze our accounts,
seized our assets.

Turned out that
my husband was involved
in some very bad stuff,

and, um, I didn't know.

Yeah, it's...

it's scary what some people
can keep secret.

Ah. We meet again.

Where are we at?

Been together an hour 20.

Seems to be going well,
smiles on both sides.

Solid fashion choice.
He looks handsome.

What's with the shirt?

He got Queer-Eyed
by Todd and Carlos.

Mmm. Sweet.
Do you want audio?

Do you have audio?

What am I, like, nine?

No offense.

So nice to be out
with the grown-ups.

Sophie, if you ever wanna
share with me what JJ taught
you, that'd be cool, but...

Never mind.

Sure, I could teach you.
If you teach me
how to tap a phone.

So, what about you?

What twist of fate brought you
across the hallway from us?

Kate, there's something
I need to tell you.

-Do you want to dance?

'Cause I haven't danced
in ages.

I don't think...

Correct. Don't think.
You should not.

Are you afraid?

-Oh, God.
-Let's do it.

-Yes!
-Let's do it.

No, no, no.

Yes, yes, yes!

- Yeah!

Wait. Wait.

- Hey, watch it!
-Sorry.

Oh, no. It's happening.

He's going to wind up
on the Todayshow.

This looks like the wedding
at the end of Shrek.

I had a lot
of fun tonight.

Yeah, me too.

Well, good night.

Night.

Well, math story problems
can be tricky, so you gotta
break them down.

First, figure out
what they're asking you,

and then you do the math.

How'd you get that scar?

That? Shrapnel.

Check this one.

Scooter.

Solid.
Now concentrate, okay?

Was my dad a bad guy?

Um...

Yes. Yes.

Uh, well...

I think-- I think he made
some bad decisions.

Especially about getting
involved with your uncle.

But...

if he helped make you,
he couldn't have been
all that bad, right?

All right. Math.

Let's say there's 12
really bad guys,
and I gotta take them down.

But I've got a partner.

If you divide a dozen bad guys
by the two of us,

how many bad guys do each of us
get to take down?

Well, 12 divided by two is six.

But if your partner is Bobbi,

you're taking down all 12
and she's cheering you on
from the van.

Oh, but wait.

Then seven more bad guys
surround your compound

and you don't know
which way to go

because your tech support
hates you and drove away,

so, oops, you're dead.

-Hi, Kate.

Hey, can I ask a favor?

Um, yeah, okay.

They just extended my shift.

Can you look in on Sophie?

I mean, I'm sure she'll be fine,
but it's a long time alone.

- Yeah, no problem.
-Thanks. You're a lifesaver.

Oh. Can you make sure
she does her homework?

Yeah, you got it.

-Hi, Mom.
-We finished homework
so we made dinner.

Yeah.

What are we having?

Well, I can't cook,
so, protein shakes.

-And grilled cheese sandwiches.
-That's right.

-I got that.

-Can I talk to you for a minute?
-Yeah.

I know I should have called
before I stayed.

I didn't expect
to walk into this.

I'm sorry. Sophie can be
really convincing.

No, you're not in trouble.
I just wanted to say thank you.

Aww.

You stumbling into our lives
has been a breath of fresh air.

Mom, where does this go?

Be back.

Oh yeah, he's toast.

Where are my plans?
The clock is ticking.

Azar, you worry too much.

I've located them,
but I'm gonna need 24 hours.

Let's go inside.
There are eyes all around us.

I think Marquez has found
what he's looking for.

Move in! Now!

- Freeze!
-Don't move!

Get in.

Go!

We got them pinned.
I want both teams--

-Must be pretty important.
- Oh, it is.

That's why I wanted
to do it here.

-The operation's over.
-What?

We closed in on Marquez
in Berlin,

so, rather than be taken,
he blew himself up.

There were multiple bodies.
Forensics is sifting
through the mess.

So, the mission's over,

and we no longer need to be
watching the family.

Okay. So, I guess we'll go back
to Chicago and clear out?

You'll be doing
more than that.

You'll also be clearing out
your desks here.

What?

Oh, man, you tapped
into our hard drive.

Uh, that's kind
of what we do.

That is not
what it looks like.

I can explain that.

One million hits? Wow!

That's... not the point.

Just one job.

Just one job,
to sit and watch.

But no.

You compromised the mission
and broke protocol.

That can't be tolerated.

This wasn't Bobbi's fault.
I took this--

You guys are done.

Wow. I'm--

And you couldn't just call us
in Chicago and tell us that,

so we could clear out there?

You had to fly us out here
to tell us that?

That's very expensive.

Is e-mail not working?

These are tax dollars.

Bobbi, when are you gonna
say something?

The whole flight back,
nothing.

You know?
All right, fine.

I was wrong.
I didn't listen.
You warned me.

I mean, say something.

Why aren't you mad at me?

Because you're my hero,
dude.

I liked watching you
become a normal person.

Good luck.

-Hey.
-Hey.

-Come on in.
-All right.

So, where have you been?

Yeah, I...

I got some,
hopefully, good news.

Yeah, and some
potentially upsetting news.

-Oh.
-But first, the good news.

Okay.

Kate--

I really like you.
A lot.

You've opened up
a part of me

that's been closed off
for a really long time.

Well, let's just say
the feeling's mutual.

Um, the potentially
upsetting news?

Oh, boy.

We're CIA.

I'm so sorry.

Kate?

How stupid...

Kate?

Kate.

Where are they?
Where are they?

Kate.

God!

You're good, JJ.
You are really good!

Wow.
You and your stories.

And Sophie.

I was trying to protect you.

JJ?

Sophie, go to your room.
Please.

Wait, Mom, don't be mad.
I can explain.

You knew about this?

Sophie.

How could you?

It's my job, Kate.

Leave.

Sophie.

What have I done?

-You were right this whole time.
-Oh, I was.

I let it get personal.

With the kid and Kate.

I was weak.

I mean, personal
isn't a weakness.

In your case,
it ruined your career

and threatened
national security,

but most people do have
personal relationships.

Not me.

I have a fish.

How's he doing?

Not so good.

I'm also just a girl...

standing in front of a boy...

asking him to love her.

It's the saddest movie ever.

I used walking Ozzie
as a decoy to get to see you.

That was smart,
but you shouldn't be here.

I made this for you.

It's not a fish,
so it won't die on you.

You can keep it forever.

Come on.
Let me walk you back.

We're not going to
see each other again, are we?

Well, uh...

I'll check on you
from time to time, okay?

I'm never gonna forget you,
okay? Promise.

Mom?

Mom, are you okay?
What happened?

Sophie, go play.

Holy crap!

Isn't this cute?

Little Sophie
has a new playdate
from the CIA.

Sit down.

Why don't you just go, Victor?
Please, just leave.

The CIA is watching us.
They're gonna be here
any minute.

No, I took care of that
with some explosives

and an old building
with a tunnel system
left over from World War II.

Good boy.

It's not gonna
hold forever, but...

I only need a day.

-Don't hurt him.
-What? This little guy?

I would never hurt him.

He means more to me
than any of you do.

He's my brother's
best friend.

Hey!

Oh, my God! What do I do?

Oh, I'm gonna touch.

Great, teach the kid.
No need to show me anything.

It's all there.

Hello, family.

Door was open.
Todd made his famous hummus.

-No, you guys need to leave.
-Yeah, I have family over.

Y'all are being
extremely rude.

Do you know how hard it is
to make hummus from scratch?

Leave now.

Okay, that's it.
Now you've hurt
Todd's feelings.

Todd?

I can't believe this.

How'd you guys know?

We'll take that, JJ.

I'd prefer not to put holes
in a pretty thing like you.

-Okay, I'm confused.
-You're in on this?

Is there anyone
in this building who's not
lying about who they are?

We're independent
contractors.

When the plans
didn't hit the market
after your husband died,

we figured
they must be here.

We decided to play
the long game.

No one ever suspects
the gay couple next door.

Sorry, you're lying
about being gay, too?

Oh, no. We're gay.
We fell in love
through this mission, though.

It's really a cute story.

We found out we both
have a passion for ceviche
and long-range missiles.

Oh, and you were good, too.

We expected CIA surveillance,
but it never occurred to us

that someone would actually
get involved with their target.

But enough of that.

The drive, JJ.

It's nothing personal, honey.
We're still friends.

Wow.

Ozzie!

-JJ!
-No!

No!

I'm on Marquez.

Freeze!

I will shoot you
right in your beautifully
Botoxed face.

We both know that
you don't have what it takes
to pull that trigger.

Oh, bitch,
you don't know me.

You're not very good
at the gun thing, buttercup.

Maybe.

But you know
what I'm really good at?

Kicking...

um... uh, kicking...

Let me go! Let me go!

JJ! JJ! JJ!

...ass.

Get in!

-Uncle Victor,
why are you doing this?
-You're my insurance.

And don't call me "uncle."
Your father and I
hated each other.

I'm not your family.

I wanna go home.
Take me back.

Shut up!
Not another word.

Bobbi, you there?
Can you get eyes on?

Yeah, yeah. I just gotta
get a lock on the satellite.
It'll just take a minute.

I have her on Find My iPhone.
They're going west on 88th.

May I suggest
keeping your eyes on the road?

-Or sidewalk!
-Hey, are you crazy?

-What the hell is on that drive?
-Nuclear, end-of-world stuff.

That's still
not a good reason
for lying to me.

Totally right.
Not a good reason.

I got you on satellite.

Looks like
they're headed to Naperville.
There's an airfield there.

On it.

In a quarter of a mile,
turn left.

Are you using Waze?

Yes. Your driving
is frightening me.

Let me go!

Don't move.

-Kate, I wouldn't.
-Hold on.

You have reached
your destination.

W-Wha--
Not what I expected.

Actually, I--
I didn't expect that either.

Don't let him
leave with her!

What are you gonna do?

I'm working on it.

God, who built a runway
at the edge of a cliff?

What the hell?

You messed
with the wrong dude.

We'll see about that.

Don't worry, Sophie.
He ain't getting by me.

You're starting
to piss me off.

I shoot this fuel
and everybody dies.

Then let's make this quick.

Is it just me,
or does this seem familiar?

I'm a little busy right now.

No. I mean, the propeller
and the fuel tank.

It's like all we're missing
is Nazis.

Stop talking.

No. No.

JJ.

Sophie!

Do not move.

JJ, I'm scared.

Don't look down.

Just look at me.

Sophie, we need
to balance out the plane,
or it's gonna fall.

What?

So I need you
to go out the front.

I'm gonna go out the back
and meet you
on the wing, okay?

Just move slow
and don't look down.

You can do it, okay?

Okay.

Stop!

Sophie, I'll take that.

Sophie, don't do it.

Sweetheart,
you just throw it to me,

and I promise
that I'll let you
and your new friend live.

Sophie, no.

I don't care about
some stupid plans, JJ.

Let him have it.

Good girl.

But I lied.
Guess that runs in the family.

Not on my side.

No!

Have a nice flight, dick.

Baby.

"Have a nice flight, dick"?

Give me a break.
I was nervous.

Not bad, kid.

JJ, it's gonna blow.

Go. Go, go!

JJ, wait!

Sophie!

Please?

What are you guys doing?

It's a dud.

Where's the fun in that?

That's okay.

Thanks.

-Don't tell anyone I did this.
- What the hell?

You just walk around
with that thing?

All right, guys.
Seriously. Put a pin
in the applause. Knock it off.

Well, we're facing
a lot of exposure
over how this went down.

But you should know the family
really went to bat for you.

-Way to pull it out of the fire.
-Thanks.

So we've been
giving it a lot of thought,
and we'd like you back.

Yes!

And I'm giving you
your pick of assignments,
wherever you want.

Well, I was thinking
about not traveling for a bit.

-Keep it domestic?
-Somewhere in Chicago, maybe?

Maybe.

But I gotta clear it
with my partner.

-Really?
-Yeah. Chicago?

-Yeah. Um...
-Yeah.

Wow.

Well, I'd like to be
back in the van, actually.

-No more guns.
-No.

And if we're
really partners,

then I should get
equal pay with JJ.

Yeah, me too.

-Equal pay.
-Mm-hmm.

Um...

I am gonna have to talk to
someone upstairs about that.

There is no upstairs.
We are on the top floor.

Looking good, JJ.

-Thank you, honey.
- I'd have to agree.

-Ew! No!

Oh! Uh, Sophie, we're gonna
play tag. Come on.

Be right there.

Being popular
can be a real time-suck.

Have fun, kid.

Oh, God. Please, no.

Been practicing, bitches.