All language subtitles for My.Favorite.Martian.S01E26.Martin.and.the.Eternal.Triangle.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-NTb

(A Midsummer Night's Dream)

- Good morning.

- Shh, shh, shh.

Mendelssohn's Midsummer
Night's Dream.

- No kidding?

I would've sworn that
was Melancholy Baby.

- That's your trouble, Tim.

If it doesn't come out of
a jukebox, it isn't music.

I wanted to compare this version

with the one that we're
going to hear tonight

at the Philharmonic.

- We're going to hear?

Like we, as in you and me?

- No, we as in you and I.

I was lucky enough to get a
couple of reservations tonight.

- Oh, I'm sorry, Uncle Martin.

I have to go bowling tonight.

I promised the guys
that I'd join 'em

because we have a team match.

- Well, don't worry about it.

I'll go alone.

- Oh, cut it out, Uncle Martin.

You can't stand going
any place by yourself.

Why don't you take somebody?

Hey, how about Lorelei Brown?

Why, she'd jump at the chance.

- Our landlady, our
unmarried landlady?

I can see you're not familiar
with that entire composition.

(discordant music)

- I see what you mean.

- Not that Lorelei Brown
isn't a very charming person.

It's just that she's
afflicted with that ailment

known in sociological circles

as the orange blossom syndrome.

- Well, it's your own fault
for being so irresistible.

- Can I help it if I'm
handsome, debonair, witty?

- And modest?

- It's just that we Martians
believe in being truthful.

- Uncle Martin,
whenever a bachelor

takes out an unattached female

he's always taking
a calculated risk.

- You're right.

I am being selfish in
depriving her of my company.

- I'll tell you what.

When the orchestra starts
playing the Wedding March

why don't you just chomp
on your popcorn real loud

drown 'em out?

- I just hope she
doesn't start to cry

when I tell her that I'm
taking her to the concert.

(peppy music)

(radio beeping)

(My Favorite Martian theme)

(upbeat music)

(person knocking on the door)

- Oh my, Martin.

Won't you come in?

- Thank you.

- My goodness, what
a pleasant surprise.

- Oh, beautiful.

But unfortunately so
fragile and delicate.

As the poet put it

loveliest of lovely
things are they on Earth

that soonest away.

- The rose that
lives its little hour

is prized beyond the
sculptured flower.

- Now that's a rather
obscure quotation.

How do you happen to know it?

- I learned it from a
very interesting gentlemen

one afternoon as we were
boating in Westlake Park.

Remember?

- Oh yes, yes, yes, of course.

- Well, my goodness,
you rowed like a Viking.

- Well, I believe in keeping
myself in good condition

Mrs. Brown.

- Oh, call me Lorelei.

- Lorelei. Lorelei, I
know you like music.

- Oh, there's nothing
I'd rather listen to.

My, that was lovely music
coming out of Tim's apartment

a while ago.

(hums the Wedding March)

(audience laughs)

- Well, there's a
concert tonight.

Pick you up at 7:30?

- Oh, I'm sorry, I
already have a date.

- That's no problem.

I'm sure he'll
understand, phone him.

- I'm sorry, Martin, but
I wouldn't break this date

for anything in the world.

(dramatic music)

- Look, Uncle
Martin, if you'd like

I can call the guys
and I'll tell 'em

I can't go bowling tonight

and I'll go with
you to the concert.

- Oh, that won't be necessary.

I've canceled the
reservations for the tickets.

- You have?

Oh look, now just 'cuz Mrs.
Brown won't go with you.

- That had absolutely
nothing to do with it.

Her refusal to go doesn't
affect me the least bit.

- Oh, is that right?

Well, then why are you stirring
your coffee with a fork?

- Well, i's a habit
I picked up on Mars.

We make our coffee
awfully thick up there.

- Well, actually you ought
to be jumping for joy.

Now that Mrs. Brown
has a boyfriend

you are no longer number one
man on her most wanted list.

- It is a relief.

- And you've been saying that
she's a matrimonial hazard.

Well, now you're off the hook.

- Yes, it's a wonderful feeling.

- Well, if you'd like
to hear Melancholy Baby

you will find it
in the next room

on the left-hand
side of the shelf.

Oh, who is he?

- Who is who?

- Mrs. Brown's date?

- Oh, she told me, but
I was so disinterested

I hardly listened.

His name is Andre
Philippe Charles Dupre.

She met him at
3:27 last Tuesday.

He has blue eyes and they
met at a fashion show.

- Hm, but you hardly listened.

What was he doing
at a fashion show?

- Oh, they were modeling
some of the creations

from his salon.

- A dressmaker?

- No, a dress designer.

- The same difference.

- Lorelei said she'd drop
by so we can meet him.

- Oh, I can give you a thumbnail
sketch of him right now.

The guy is about five foot two

and he weighs about 120 pounds.

He has a white carnation
coming out of his lapel

and he has round
shoulders, limp wrists.

(person knocks at the door)

- I'm sorry, friend.

If you're looking
for a piano to move

we don't even have one.

- Oh, Andre, this is Tim O'Hara.

Tim, this is Andre Dupre.

- This is Andre?

- Enchante.

- Threading needles
hasn't hurt his grip.

- Okay, this is Tim's
uncle, Martin O'Hara.

- Oh, how do you do?

Won't you come in?

(suspenseful music)

- You've got quite a grip.

- And Martin's quite athletic.

He rowed clear around
Westlake Park three times.

- Four times.

- In a strange boat.

Do you row, Mr. Dupre?

- Hardly worth mentioning

French national champion 1933.

But today, I could probably not

do as well as my friend
the teacher here.

- Professor, professor
of Anthropology.

A-B, M-A, E-E-D, and P-H-D.

- Oh, no offense mon ami

I have the greatest
respect for learning.

In fact, I have endowed
a chair at the university

my favorite subject.

- Hem stitching?

- The history of custom design.

It's a pleasure to
know that Andre's salon

of fashion is instrumental
in keeping so many professor

from malnutrition.

- Oh, my goodness there.

There's so many things
about you that I don't know.

- It will give us
something to talk about

on our way to the theater.

- Oh, I'm certainly
looking forward to it.

Bye.

Coming, Andre?

- A most charming lady, no?

- Yes.

- Au revoir.

Au revoir.

(audience laughs)

- Au revoir.

(mid-tempo music)

Oh, Uncle Martin, what
are you doing out here?

- Oh, oh, well it was
such a clear night.

First time I've been able
to observe Jupiter all week.

And look at Saturn.

You can almost see the rings.

- Hm, boy, you
really know that sky

even without a roadmap.

- Maybe you forget that I
worked my way through college

as a guide for Interplanetary
Tours, Incorporated.

Our slogan was one low
price covers everything

including a visit to a
nightclub on Mercury.

- Well, maybe some day I will
be able to take that tour.

- Let's pick out an itinerary.

There's Orion,
Alpha Centauri and-

Why hasn't he
brought her home yet?

- Why hasn't who brought who?

Uncle Martin, would you mind
stepping into my office?

I think it's about
time that you and I

had a man to Martian talk.

(audience laughs)

- Tim, you have no idea how
wide-eyed and child-like she is.

- Are you talking
about our landlady

or Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm?

Now, Mrs. Brown is
a very nice person.

But she's not
exactly a teenager.

- But-

- Uncle Martin, you are
far more intelligent

than I ever hope to be.

But, as an ancient
philosopher once said

even a wise man sometimes
cannot see forest

on account of trees.

- Tim, if you're trying
to tell me something

you haven't succeeded.

- But that's exactly it.

Now look, normally you would
be a zillion light years

ahead of me.

But don't you know
what's bothering you?

You, Uncle Martin, are jealous.

- Me, jealous? Nonsense.

Martians are above
human frailties.

Restless sleep interrupted
by violent dreams

loss of appetite
period new paragraph.

- Oh, what is it
you're working on?

- Oh, I'm making some
notes for a monograph

I intend to write when
I get back to Mars.

Tim, you were right.

I am jealous.

- Well, you finally got
around to admitting it, eh?

- Yes, I'm afraid
I can't deny it.

I seem to have all
the classical symptoms

accelerated pulse, slight fever,

occasional involuntary sighs

and a strange feeling
around my heart.

- Hm, like you just
swallowed a 12-inch pizza?

- 24-inch, with anchovies
and pepperoni on it.

The strangest thing is
that until Andre showed up

I didn't realize
myself how I felt about

Lorelei.

Oh, oh.

- Careful, you're
cooling the coffee.

Well, I'll tell you
what you have to do.

You call him to the telephone

and you tell him if he
doesn't stay away from her

that you're gonna
come right down there

and poke him in the nose.

- Tim, when he was
here the other night

I read his mind.

Besides being a rowing champion

he was runner-up in the
Olympic heavyweight finals.

- Oh, well he can't bluff us.

He's a Frenchman.

Challenge him to a duel.

- Gold medal, pan-European
fencing tournament.

Tim, you have no idea
what I'm going through.

- Are you kidding?

You are talking to an expert.

I started this when I was
in junior high school.

- Really?

- Oh, yeah.

I was going around with
this beautiful little blonde

and then this guy came
along and started, you know

muscling in on my time.

He told her that he was an
executive at some supermarket.

- And that was the
end of your romance?

- No, no, no.

I did a little
sleuthing on my own

and I found out that
he was a vice president

in charge of mops and brooms.

- What did you do?

- I did what any
normal, red-blooded
American male would do.

I wrote her an anonymous letter.

Well, that cooked his turkey.

Wait a minute.

Andre, and that so-called salon
that he's supposed to own.

- You're not suggesting
that I snoop around

his place of business in the
hope of learning something

to his discredit.

- Why not?

- Because it's unethical
and undignified

and unworthy of a Martian.

And what's the
address of that salon?

- So, after 26 years, Francine

you're leaving us.

But it will be good to be
back in la belle France, no?

- Oui

Adieu, monsieur Andre.

- Oh no, no, no, not
adieu, old friend

au revoir.

When I come to
Marseilles, remember

you must cook me a
true bouillabaisse.

Au revoir.

- Au revoir, monsieur.

- Would you come in, please?

(orchestral music)

- Oh, that poor kid.

She must be freezing.

- Why don't you
offer her your coat?

- Are you mad?

(audience laughs)

I knew there was something
phony about that Andre

all that big talk about
endowing universities.

- What do you mean?

- $4.98, he'd have to sell a
whole carload of these things

just to feed one
starving professor.

Hey, I think I'll send
one of these things

to my aunt Bernice
in Sioux City.

Miss?

- [Woman] Yes, sir?

- I'll take one of these things.

Can you have it gift wrapped?

- Certainly. You have
an eye for value.

It's an Andre original
and only $498.

- Does that include
trading stamps?

(audience laughs)

- So, I could have
told her to her face

but it will be more
diplomatic this way.

You know how proud Francine is.

- What are we doing out here?

The scenery's a lot
better out front.

- Shh.

- [Andre] My dear
Mademoiselle Renee.

No, better make that
my very dear Francine

the check you will
receive every month

is small payment for
all you have meant to me

this many years.

- Well, it sounds like he's
giving Mademoiselle the brush.

- You really shouldn't
be eavesdropping.

- You're right.

- [Andre] That we'll be
oceans apart is unfortunate.

But c'est la vie.

- How do you like that?

After giving him the
best years of her life.

- Would that our association
could continue forever.

But alas, even the
best things must end.

Sign it fondly, Andre.

- The cad.

- Uncle Martin, I want to
apologize for us Earth people.

Well, I wonder who this
Francine Renee really is.

Oh boy, I bet she could give
him a character reference

one she'd have to
write on asbestos.

- Somehow, I don't
feel comfortable in
this snooper role.

- Are you kidding?

All is fair in love and war.

Hey, I wonder if it could be
one of those girls over there.

How 'bout that
long-stemmed beauty?

- Easy enough to find out.

No, no, her name is
Charlotte, Charlotte Higgins.

- Oh.

- And her husband is a wrestler.

- I was always partial
to short-legged girls.

How 'bout that one there?

- Jeanine, Susan,
Frances, Sonia.

- But no Francine?

- No Francine.

- [Francine] Oui, monsieur?

- That's funny,
I could've sworn-

- [Francine] May
I be of service?

- You're Francine?

- Oui, monsieur.

Francine Renee at your service.

- Tim, I'm heartily
ashamed of myself.

- Why, because you didn't
get something on Andre?

- No, for suspecting
the worst about someone.

And even more ashamed
because I hoped to find it.

- But I thought you
cared about Mrs. Brown.

- Well, that's the point.

When you really
care about someone

you want to see her happy.

And what would
make Lorelei happy?

- Well, if she's anything
like some of the girls

I've been going with,
getting married.

- Exactly.

And fortunately or
unfortunately as the case may be

I am not the marrying type.

- What man is?

- Figures show that
half the married people

in this country are male.

Tim, from now on, I'm
going to do everything

I can to bring Lorelei
and Andre together.

- Oh now, wait a minute,
that's going too far.

Now, why do you-

- Don't argue with me, Tim.

When a Martian makes
up his mind to be noble

he goes all the way.

- [Lorelei] (knocks on
door) Yoohoo, anybody home?

- Oh, good afternoon, Laura

Uh, Mrs. Brown.

- I thought you might
like these spiced peaches.

I put them up last month.

- Thank you.

Preserving has
become a lost art.

You know, I'm rather
interested in cookery myself.

If you ever want any
recipes on German cooking

or Swiss or Italian
or French cuisine...

- Oh, by the way, what
did you think of Andre?

- More important, what
do you think of him?

- Well, we did have a
lovely time the other night.

He's taking me to the
Golden Samovar this evening.

- Hm, popping for two
dinners in one week?

Well, you must rate.

- Oh, well we did have a
lovely time the other night.

Andre is, well he's...

Would you excuse me?

I think my cookies are burning.

Thank you.

- She doesn't have any
cookies in the oven.

It isn't even lit.

- Well, then why did she...

- To avoid embarrassment.

She didn't want to
admit that Andre

isn't as romantic as she hoped.

- Well, that's the
trouble with women.

They expect every Frenchman
to behave like Charles Boyer.

- Tim, every woman is
entitled to some shimmering

star-studded magical moments

especially one as
nice as Lorelei.

What was the name of that
restaurant they're going to?

- Uh, the Golden Samovar, why?

(zippy music)

(instrumental music)

- (speaking Hungarian)

Good evening and welcome
to the Golden Samovar.

Would please be kind
to follow me this way.

Thank you very much.

Table here all for you.

- Oh my, this is a
lovely place, Andre.

- This will be a night
you will long remember.

They serve the finest
Hungarian goulash in town.

- Please.

The Hungarian goulash
and the chicken paprika

is the specialty of this place.

It is like (makes
kissing sound) symphony.

Well, excuse me.

Good evening, sir.

- I'm looking for
some friends of mine.

- I beg your pardon, sir.

Perhaps I can be of help.

(audience laughs)

- It's difficult to decide.

Everything looks so good.

(upbeat instrumental music)

I'm afraid before long I shall
be needing reading glasses.

- Well, the light's
much better over here.

(upbeat instrumental music)

Oh, Andre, what a surprise.

Why didn't you tell
me you brought it?

- [Andre] Believe me, I did
not know I brought it myself.

- [Lorelei] Oh, you
and your Gallic wit.

I just love your
French sense of humor.

(upbeat instrumental music)

(champagne corks pop)

- Cherie, would you
care for some champagne?

- Oh, my goodness, this is
going to be a night to remember.

- Garcon.

- Yes, sir?

- Some champagne,
s'il vous plait.

- Gladly.

Tonight two bottles
for the price of one.

(upbeat instrumental music)

- Oh, well thank you.

I had no idea.

- Such a delicate
fragrance (mumbles).

- [Lorelei] Thank you.

(upbeat instrumental music)

(dramatic music)

- Where does he
think he's going?

(slow romantic music)

- Oh, Andre, you
thought of everything.

(slow romantic music)

(dramatic music)

(Tim whistles merrily)

- Well, you're feeling
pretty good for a guy

who almost married off
his girl to somebody else.

- We Martians believe
in being philosophic.

We have a saying, yesterday is
yesterday and today is today.

- Oh, well, that's
the old fight.

(Lorelei knocks on door)

- Hi, I want you two to
be the first to know.

Andre certainly
surprised me last night.

Guess what he did?

- Stuck you with the check?

- Oh Tim, I think Mrs. Brown
has something to tell us.

- I most certainly do.

He proposed!

- [Tim] Well, congratulations.

- Well, I hope you two
will be very happy.

- Oh, well you don't understand.

I turned him down.

- Turned him down?

- That's right.

And I'm not gonna see him again.

- But I don't understand.

Yesterday you said...

- Oh, yesterday was yesterday

and today is today.

- That saying does get around.

- You know, sometimes people
don't know what they want.

Oh, it was a perfect
evening with the champagne

and the corsage
and the soft music.

It was too perfect.

- Too perfect?

- When you have
perfection to start with

where can you go?

I mean all the fun and
excitement of life is gone.

- I don't think I'll
ever understand women.

- I'll let you in on a
little feminine secret, Tim.

Most women prefer a man
who has a few faults

someone they can improve

like...

Now Martin, you know
you're not perfect.

- Perhaps so, but you'll
never get me to admit it.

(My Favorite Martian theme)