All language subtitles for My.Favorite.Martian.S01E24.Super-Duper.Snooper.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-NTb

(eerie music)

(audience laughs)

(suspenseful music)

(audience laughs)

(high pitched long beep)

(audience laughs)

(suspenseful music)

(audience laughs)

- Mrs. Brown?

(suspenseful music)

Mrs. Brown is that you?

(suspenseful music)

(door closes)

Hi Uncle Martin.

(audience laughs)

Uncle Martin?

Uncle Martin did you know
that you're invisible?

- If I weren't by nature a
kindly and gentle martian,

I'd also make Mrs. Brown
disappear, permanently.

(audience laughs)

- I saw her down
stairs just now.

She was acting sort of funny.

- How could you tell?

(audience laughs)

- Well I mean even for her.

When I drove in she was sneaking

around the corner of the garage,

as though she'd been
up to something.

- She had.

I read her mind.

She was doing her homework.

- Homework?

Now don't tell me
she's on another one

of her self improvement kicks.

- I was in complete
agreement when she went

in for yoga, skin diving,
even adagio dance.

(audience laughs)

but a private eye?

- Mrs. Brown?

A detective?

- She's taking a
correspondence course.

- (laughs) Now I've
heard everything.

- Oh no you haven't.

Her first assignment is to
prepare a complete dossier

on the private life of
some unsuspecting subject.

And guess who the
unsuspecting subject is.

(audience laughs)

(orchestral music)

(twinkly music)

(beeps)

(twinkly music)

(cheerful music)

(suspenseful music)

(audience laughs)

Mrs. Sherlock Holmes is
getting an early start.

(audience laughs)

(eerie music)

I don't know why I even try
to read that woman's mind.

Every time I do
I get a headache.

(audience laughs)

Tim, I have a very
uneasy feeling.

Like this planet is about
to be shaken off its axis

or something equally unpleasant.

- Uncle Martin look,

if you're worried
about Mrs. Brown

just forget it now
what can she do?

You have a new lock
on your garage door

and the space ship is
safely locked up inside.

She'll never find it.

Now even if she finds
your manuscript,

it reads like science fiction.

So that's no help

and the only other thing
would be your flight log

on your trip from Mars.

And that is under lock and key.

- I'd feel better if
Mrs. Brown were too.

(audience laughs)

(upbeat music)

(audience laughs)

(slow paced music)

(audience laughs)

(suspenseful music)

(audience laughs)

(suspenseful music)

(audience laughs)

(Martin sneezes)

- Gazuntite.

(audience laughs)

(suspenseful music)

(tires pulling in on road)

(suspenseful music)

- Uncle Martin?

(audience laughs)

- Well I've heard of
after shave talcum

but isn't this a little silly?

- Mrs. Brown has been
dusting for fingerprints.

- [Tim] On your face?

- In your bedroom.

She's been snooping.

- You mean that
she's been in here

playing detective
while we were out.

- I mean exactly that.

- Well she can't do that.

She just can't go nosing around.

We pay our rent.

I'm gonna go downstairs
and tell her to stay out.

- First you'll have to
tell her to get out.

She's hiding in
the clothes closet.

(audience laughs)

(funny music)

(audience laughs)

- Oh now come on Mrs. Brown,

it's in the middle
of the afternoon.

You can't be sleep walking.

- Pleasant dreams.

- Thank you.

(audience laughs)

- Uncle Martin,

I was just thinking.

Even if Mrs. Brown did
discover something.

She wouldn't know it.

- Let me remind you that
x-rays and penicillin

were discovered by accident.

And now the whole
world knows about it.

- But look you're
always saying that

you wanna get back to Mars.

Now maybe if they found
out that you didn't

have a passport,
they'd deport you.

- No thank you.

I wouldn't care to be shot home

in one of your Earth rockets.

They're too primitive.

Not much better than one
of your covered wagons.

- At least you wouldn't have
to face the hostile Indians.

- Nor Mrs. Brown.

(audience laughs)

(snaps)

- Something wrong?

Uncle Martin what is it?

What's the matter?

- How could I have
been so stupid?

How could I have been
so asininely, incredibly

and completely stupid?

- Well you don't
think Mrs. Brown

discovered your
Martian flight log?

- I know she found it.

The drawer was unlocked.

I had it lying in
there upside down.

I always do.

I underestimated her.

That's what I did.

Me and my super
Martian intellect.

I underestimated her.

- That's not easy to do.

- Well I did it when
I found her here

taking fingerprints I assumed
that's all she was doing.

- Well so what if
she did find it?

She wouldn't understand it.

The whole thing is
written in Martian.

- Tim an amateur sleuth is
infinitely more dangerous

than a professional.

Alexander Graham
Bell would never

have invented the telephone

if he had been an
expert electrician.

He would've known
it was impossible.

(audience laughs)

there are times when
ignorance is an ally.

- Well do you think she knows
enough to suspect anything?

- I don't know what she knows

but somehow I've
got to find out.

- That'll be very
simple for you.

Why don't you just go downstairs

and read her mind.

- You have no idea how much I've

been trying to avoid that.

(audience laughs)

Do you know how
painful that would be?

- [Tim] Do you
have a better idea?

- No.

But I just have to be brave.

(audience laughs)

(twinkly music)

- [Tim] Better Uncle Martin?

Can I get you a headache
pill or something?

- Oh Tim the only pill that
will touch a headache like this

are on Mars.

It isn't too bad
reading her mind

in short bursts,

it's these sustained attacks
that decimate the brain.

- [Tim] I've never seen
you like this before.

- I've never been third
degreed by Mrs. Brown before.

- Third degree?

- She was like a bull dog.

I've never seen
anything like it.

I was ready to confess,
confess, confess,

I'll tell you anything.

I did it, I did it.

(audience laughs)

- Couldn't you read
her mind at all?

- Tim out of that
welter of confusion

that lady caused the mind,

I managed to extract
a few unhappy facts.

- Such as?

- Such as she has a
very small camera,

commonly used in espionage work.

She found the flight log
and she took pictures of it.

- Well I don't think
that's too serious.

The only person that could
read it would be a Martian.

- Tim, Tim.

These are suspicious times Tim.

If Mrs. Brown's school
can't break down the log,

they'll send it on to
expert cryptographers.

From there it could
very well end up

in the hands of government
code specialists.

And the next thing we know,

I'll be under investigation
as a suspected foreign agent.

- Uncle Martin,

do you remember what I told
you about not worrying?

- Yes.

- Forget it.

- Okay.

(audience laughs)

(upbeat music)

- Oh Martin wait
a minute, yoo hoo!

Say would you stop by the store

and pick up a pie for me.

- I'd be glad to what kind?

- Oh any kind except
apple, peach, strawberry,

pecan, apricot, lemon,
blueberry, or rhubarb.

- Mrs. Brown?

What's left?

- Chocolate cream.

(exciting music)

- [Tim] I should've known.

- Naturally.

Thanks a lot.

- [Martin] You're
entirely welcome.

- What's that?

- That my boy is a receipt

for a roll of film
which Mrs. Brown left

at Murphy's drugstore.

(cheerful music)

Tim would you say that I
was moderately intelligent?

- [Tim] Well of course.

- Wouldn't you say that I
was smarter than Mrs. Brown?

- Uncle Martin,
practically anybody

is smarter than Mrs. Brown.

(audience laughs)

- Then how do you explain this?

- [Tim] Out of focus.

That's Mrs. Brown for ya.

(audience laughs)

Well these aren't the
pictures she took yesterday.

These are the pictures
she took two months ago.

- Take me home.

- Uncle Martin you don't suppose

that your thought
waves got mixed up

and that Mrs. Brown
read your mind?

- At this point even that
wouldn't surprise me.

(audience laughs)

(upbeat music)

- I'm glad I got
back before you did.

- Here's your pie.

- Oh thank you Martin.

I'll bet you don't know
what I'm gonna do with this.

- Oh yes well it seems
a long way around

but you're going to make
a pudding out of it.

- Yes.

I must admit martin
that was a good guess.

- [Martin] No guess that was

extra sensory
perception working.

- Oh I don't believe in that.

- Alright you think of a secret

and I'll try to read your mind.

- Well alright.

- Alright now concentrate.

Concentrate good and hard.

(eerie music)

I've got it.

You're going on a diet.

- That isn't it.

- No well I would've sworn.

- Well you were wrong.

It was something else entirely.

You think I should go on a diet?

- Certainly not.

I was going to protest the idea

in the same breath.

(audience laughs)

- Did you read her a--

- Loud and clear.

She mailed the undeveloped film

to the correspondence school.

- Well that's that.

- No it isn't.

I'll be right there
with the morning mail.

(upbeat music)

(knocks on door)

(high pitched long beep)

(footsteps)

(whistles)

(audience laughs)

(hums)

(high pitched long beep)

(suspenseful music)

- Morning mail Mr. Pierce.

- [Martin] Ow!

(audience laughs)

- You handled that mail
like it was marked fragile.

- Sorry sir I'll
put 'em all back.

- Now see that you do.

- Yes sir.

Just as soon as I finish
delivering the mail

to the rest of the tenants.

(audience laughs)

- Oh no.

Ouch.

Oh no what if I can't disappear?

I can't do it.

There.

There that's better.

They'll be alright now.

I wonder if this still works?

(high pitched long beep)

(audience laughs)

(fast paced music)

- Well good morning friend.

Can I be of service.

I'm Jay Nathaniel Pierce.

- Oh how do you do Mr. Pierce?

I was thinking of taking one

of your correspondence courses.

- Well splendid
friend, splendid.

Very wise decision.

Just which career opportunity
did you have in mind?

Business administration,
law, plumbing?

- No I thought I
might be interested

in your private
detective course.

- Very, very wise choice.

Oh yes there's a great
demand for private detectives

these days you know.

And it's very pleasant
work, very pleasant.

Keeps you out in the open air.

Takes you to exotic places,

Hawaii, Miami
Beach, Sunset Strip.

Very enjoyable work.

Why don't we just step right
into my private office here

where I can give you some
of my personal attention.

(audience laughs)

I just happened to
have a few moments

of free time right now.

(audience laughs)

- I wanted to find
out a little bit

about how you operate before
I decided anything Mr. Pierce.

For example would I
send my lessons directly

to this office?

- Oh yes we don't believe
in spreading ourselves

too thin around here.

Why don't you sit down.

- A friend of mine was
telling me something

about a small camera
that's being used

by private investigators.

- You're jumping way
ahead of yourself friend.

We don't get to that
'til the third lesson.

Just sign right there.

- A contract?

- First things first,

just sign right here don't
bother reading the fine print.

- Well it's all fine print.

- See you are the keen
one aren't you friend.

First thing we teach in our
private investigation course

is be observant.

Here we go.

- Well, no, no, no Mr. Pierce.

I don't wanna sign
anything quite yet

until I find out some
information please.

- I know what you're
going to say friend,

you're going to
say how much right?

- No.

No that was not what
I was going to say.

- Of course you are.

And have I got
good news for you.

This course is positively and
absolutely unequivocally free.

There is positively no charge.

Now you may wonder how
we can afford to do that.

Volume my friend.

Strictly on a volume basis.

We don't charge you one
red cent for the lessons.

However, we do
make a small profit

on the accoutrements
necessary for the trade.

Like this genuine
little persuader here.

(audience laughs)

And we make it as
painless as possible too.

Every good private investigator
needs good equipment.

And we sell that equipment
to you practically at cost.

One piece at a time
with each lesson.

- Mr. Pierce you remind
me of a very good friend

of mine Mrs.--

- I'd love to meet her sometime.

I'm sure she's a charming woman

if she's a friend of yours.

Now lets see where was I?

Oh yes now with
lesson number one,

you'll need this high
powered magnifying glass

that helps you too examine
personal correspondence

and other clues
concerning your subject.

Now also you'll need a
set of these genuine,

finest steel hand
cuffs in case you need

to restrain your subject.

- This friend of mine told
me about mailing in some film

to be developed.

- Oh yes that's
right, that's right.

- Now with lesson
number eight you

get this handy little item.

Knock out drops.

They're perfectly harmless
and never go to waste.

In case you have a
little trouble sleeping,

you can always use
them on yourself.

(audience laughs)

- Mr. Pierce I hate to
monopolize the conversation

but I would like to
know what happens

to this film after it gets here.

- Well I really couldn't
say off hand friend.

I usually leave those little
details to my secretary

so I can devote all
my time to the client.

However the rates
are very reasonable.

You see we're always on the
lookout for the best deal

we can get so we can pass
the benefits on to you.

- Do you have any idea what time

your secretary will be in?

- She oughta be
along any minute,

say are you a cop
because if you are

let me tell you
something right now,

no matter how many times
we've been investigated,

nobody has ever been
able to prove a thing.

- I'm no policeman I assure you.

(knocks on door)

- Come in.

- Sorry to interrupt Mr. Pierce,

I forgot to ask before,

that Mrs. Brown,
she did it again,

forgot the postage, you wanna
pay for it or send it back?

- Send it back, send it back.

- Yes sir.

- Now let me show
you our assortment

of disguises here friend.

(high pitched long beep)

- Thank you friend.

(high pitched long beep)

Good as new.

- Well that about wraps it up.

You got the film back,

you can disappear again,

what else is there?

- Mrs. Brown.

- You think she'll
still be a pest?

- I was thinking more about
Mrs. Brown as a person.

As an individual.

Most people have two major
preoccupations in life Tim.

Family and economic survival.

Even if you have
family problems,

you still got love.

And even if you're out of a job,

you still have hope.

Mrs. Brown has no family

and she doesn't have to
worry about her income.

Tim she must be very lonely

and loneliness can be
a very bitter thing

and maybe no one
has ever told her

that the only way to combat it,

is by being useful.

Making yourself needed.

Finding worth while things
to occupy your time.

The world is full of jobs that
can be done only by people

who have nothing to
give but their time.

And another thing Mrs. Brown,

don't you realize
that what you're doing

could be very dangerous?

- Dangerous?

- Certainly private
investigation

is a very serious business.

These people are highly
trained specialists

and sometimes they
have to play rough.

- Well I must admit Martin,

everything you've said
makes a lot of sense.

- You're an attractive,
gentle woman Mrs. Brown.

Can you imagine
yourself surrounded

by half a dozen muscular brutes

and trying to
fight your way out.

(audience laughs)

(cheerful music)

- Oh yoo hoo!

- Looks like Mrs. Brown
is her sweet self again.

Thanks to you.

- It was really quite simple.

Merely a matter of
explaining things to her

in terms she could appreciate.

- Oh Martin!

Would you come here
a minute please?

I wanna thank you
for that little talk

we had the other night.

I've been thinking it
over very carefully

and you were right.

Detective work
could be dangerous.

- Oh very dangerous.

(cheerful music)

- That's why I started
taking Judo lessons.

(audience laughs)

(cheerful music)