Original subtitles

(yawning)

- Uncle Martin?

- [Martin] Tim, did you see this article in tonight's paper?

(laughing)

- In my paper, The Los Angeles Sun?

Well of course I saw it, I wrote it.

Uncle Martin, could you look at me?

Or at least could you let me

look at you while we're talking?

It's very disconcerting.

- Oh, certainly, I'm sorry.

It's more comfortable like this, like when you

come home from work and take your shoes off.

- Alright, Uncle Martin, what do you want.

- Did you read this article in tonight's paper?

- I told you, I wrote it, and it's not an article.

It's called a filler.

- Well then would you mind explaining to me

since I don't understand, how a woman can leave

$650,000 to a pussycat?

- Sure, first she writes a will.

- Tim, on Mars, a cat is simply a furry little animal

with whiskers that loves to chase mice.

- Well that's exactly what they are here.

- Well then tell me what a furry little animal with whiskers

that loves to chase mice is going to do with $650,000?

- Invest in a better mousetrap.

(audience laughter)

- Tim, I think it's disgraceful.

I think it's an effrontery upon humanity.

- I think I'm gonna go to bed.

- How can you sleep with this on your conscious?

- I didn't leave the money to the cat.

- But you are a newspaper reporter,

you have a public voice, you have the power

to expose this inanity.

- I'm a growing boy, I need my sleep.

I'll talk to you about it in the morning, good night.

(audience laughter)

(grunting)

- Uncle Martin?

- [Martin] I'm still here.

I'm angry, but I'm still here.

- Uncle Martin, look, the lawyer for the firm

that handles the affairs for the cat is coming

over to my office in the morning.

So why don't you just come on in and you talk to him

and we'll see what we see.

- Tim, I knew you'd come through.

I knew you were a man of conscience,

a man of inflamed indignities.

- I just want to get some sleep, and besides,

my inflamed indignities were burning me up.

(audience laughter)

(high pitched noise)

- Law books, I bought them this afternoon.

- You knew.

You knew, that I was going, you knew!

- What a Martian knows will never hurt you Tim.

Assuming he always does the right thing.

Good night, Tim. Sleep well.

- Sure, me and my inflamed indignities.

(audience laughter)

(thoughtful sounds)

- Now I know.

(beeping)

(upbeat trumpets)

- As guardians of the estate it is our direct purpose

to enforce and protect the will of the late Mrs. Willis.

- But $650,000 to a cat?

- It is the law and the desire of Mrs. Willis.

- In Cleary vs. Clooney in Ohio 1938,

the court of appeals reversed the decision.

- The reversal was obtained on the proof of senility.

Mrs. Willis was of sound mind and body

when she made out her wills.

- Wills?

- Two of them?

- I made them both out.

The second one gave the money to the children's orphanage.

Unfortunately, she never signed it,

or if she did someone hid it.

- Now wait a minute, there were two wills?

- Mr. Snow, Mr. White, Mr. Harcourt, Mr. Fenster,

Mr. Toug and I, we all read your little filler

on the cat in the afternoon edition of your newspaper.

As his attorneys, I'm here to warn you to desist and subside

any further printed matter relative to the affairs

and unique position of the cat,

will constitute an infringement.

If you print one further word of his story,

we will slap both you and your newspaper

with a very heavy lawsuit.

- I don't know that you can do that, it's news.

- That has been revealed.

Further exposure will be regarded as damaging

to the exclusive life story of the cat.

We anticipate possible sale of the movies.

Gerald Frank might do his biography,

and there's the hopeful realization of a TV series.

So, I warn you, you're toying

with a lawsuit in the billions.

Bye.

- A TV series for a cat.

Well, that's that.

- Don't be silly Tim, don't you get it?

- Get what?

- He came here to tell us about the other will.

He's as enraged about this as we are.

- I didn't get that.

- He wants us to help him.

- Funny, all I heard him say was

how happy he'd be to sue us.

- Uh-uh-uh, it would be unethical for him to track it down.

- Uncle Martin, it would be unethical for me to involve

my newspaper in a billion dollar lawsuit!

- Tim, I read his mind.

- Uncle Martin, I heard his voice.

- Tim, a man named Beanbecker, who is a partner

in Snow, White, Harcourt, Fenster, and Toug,

can't be all bad.

- He doesn't have to be all bad, just a little bit.

Now Uncle Martin, in the past, I have agree with you.

I have also disagreed with you, and the result

has always been the same.

I always do what you want, well this time

I am an absolute, the answer is no!

I am a definiteness, the answer is absolutely no!

I'm staying here right in my chair

with my feet firmly planted on the ground!

- Thanks for the suggestion.

(grunting)

- I'm Mrs. Willis' sister, Aggie.

This is my husband, Charles.

- It's a good thing ya'll got us in,

because we're getting ready to go to Europe.

And if you're gonna do a big story on us

you ain't got much time.

- Would you like some tea?

- No thank you.

- We're flattered that you should want to write about us.

- When we saw that little filler in the paper,

we thought the cat was gonna get all the publicity.

- No, I'm sure my readers would like to know about you.

- You see, Aggie, I told ya we were important.

As trustees for the estate of the cat, we got importance.

Actually, you should put down that I'm

Power of Attorney over the cat.

- You are?

- Sure, someone's gotta know how

to handle his money and to buy for him.

It's a good deal, ain't it?

- Yes, it is.

- Sure, why fight it!

(audience laughter)

- Actually it's my sister, Rosemary, Mrs. Willis.

She told us exactly what to do.

After all, it's her money.

And she understood Max better than anyone.

- Max?

- The cat.

- When are you leaving for Europe?

- Oh just as soon as we can get the house in order.

Mr. Pennypecker?

- Beanbecker.

- Beanbecker, Mr. Beanbecker, the lawyer,

is working on Max's passport.

- And in the meantime, I picked up Max

a little hotrod to play with.

(audience laughter)

- A what?

- Automobile, eight cylinders, four exhaust, stick shift.

- He's going to drag race?

- It's a very cute car, it's just right for the three of us

to ride along through the mountains in Italy,

and Toronto, and Napali, and I discussed

it with my sister last night.

(audience laughter)

- (together) Last night?

- My sister visits me, she talks to me.

- She does?

- In my sleep, I hear here just as if she were here.

- Why fight it?

(audience laughter)

- Your sister talks to you in your sleep?

- That's right.

- What does she say?

- Oh, how happy she is, and how we're to go on doing

just what we are doing.

- Does she ever mention the other will?

(meowing)

That's Max?

- Baby lover.

- Are those real diamonds in his collar?

- $10,000 dollars worth.

- I know, why fight it.

- What color is he?

- Continental gray.

He used to be black, but I dyed him

because he kept walking in front of himself.

(laughing)

- Can I get a picture?

- Of the three of us?

- Yes of course, by the fireplace, possibly?

- Yes, a nice homey shot.

- Moworps.

(meowing)

- Meow.

- Isn't that sweet?

Max likes him.

Do you have a cat?

You sound just like one.

- No, I once made the mistake of telling

a cat to watch the birdie.

He ate my flashbulb.

So now I just hiss and purr.

Steady now.

(meowing)

- Meow, bur, meow.

- And he's unhappy, huh, Max?

- Miserable, he's a poor little rich cat,

he doesn't want the money, he doesn't like the hotrod,

and he thinks the trip to Europe will make him seasick.

(audience laughter)

- He told you all this?

- Well, to quote him directly,

he said "Daddy it's a bad gig.

The whole scene is a put down."

He's a hep cat.

- Hip cat. Hep is archaic.

- Oh, I haven't been down here in a long time.

At first, I thought he was persian or tom,

as sometimes they mix cheshire with a little alley.

Then there's the puttytat, but this one is hip, pure hip.

- And he's unhappy?

- More than that, he has something he wants to tell me.

You remember when I brought up the subject

about the other will, how he broke into the scene

and cut me off?

- Mmhmm, what do you think that means.

- I don't know, I don't know,

but I'll find out this evening,

I have an appointment with him

and we're going to discuss it.

- You and the cat?

- He told me to be there, he told me to make the scene.

He told me, "Daddy, drop by my pad after dark,

I wanna lay some straight on you."

- Are you sure you know what you're doing?

- Of course I know what I'm doing.

I get it straight from the cat's mouth.

There is another will, I figure you know where Aggie

and Good Time Charlie hid it.

(meowing)

Well they must have stashed it,

they're the only ones who would benefit, Daddy.

(meowing)

(meowing)

(meowing)

Max, I thought you were a sincere cat.

You told me this whole gig was the lowest, man.

You were putting me on, you hid this will.

(meowing)

Oh Max, how could you?

This second will is a marvelous will.

It leaves all the money to little children

in an orphanage and man, it could use

this bread much more than you.

Look at this crazy pad you--

(meowing)

Oh, well you're right, you're right, I never realized.

Mrs. Willis made it out, but she never signed it.

(meowing)

- I dig, it would be embarrassing to reveal to the world

that she was absent-minded.

The next thing would be, they'd start

accusing her of being a ding dong.

(meowing)

- Max, I read you man, but I can't forge her signature.

No, you hid her will out of respect for her memory.

And why?

Because you're beautiful, you're beautiful.

You got like honor.

Man, I got like honor too.

(meowing)

- I dunno, Max, I dunno.

I dunno what I'm gonna do.

But man I'm gonna do something.

There's a will, there must be a way.

So long man, I'm gonna go, I'm gone.

(audience laughter)

(meowing)

- Hello.

Hello.

Hello?

- You remember Mr. Beanbecker?

- Oh sure, Snow, White, Harcourt, Fenster, and Toug.

- And Beanbecker.

- Well, what are we doing?

- Well I told you that Mr. Beanbecker was really on our side

and needed our help.

As soon as I found the other will, I called him.

- Besides being a marvelous lawyer,

he's also quite a private eye.

I may just call upon you in some of my divorce cases.

- We've been working on every contested will

and inheritance trial on record.

- Mrs. Willis never signed her second will.

The intent is implied, but no binding.

You see, we thought, since she did leave her money to a cat

there was a second will refuting it,

but there's no restatement it causes.

Now way for us to reopen a hearing.

- What's the matter with me?

Why didn't you call on me to help?

What am I, chopped cat liver?

I mean, I didn't have to go on a date.

- It's all pertaining to legal matters, Tim.

Really, if there was anything at all that you could do.

- What about the seances?

- The what?

- Well Aggie says she keeps hearing

from her sister in her sleep.

Well isn't that like a seance?

I mean I've been thinking about that, that's spooky.

I mean, couldn't you use something

like that for, well, for charges.

Like they're not really responsible enough to take

care of a cat with all that money.

- They're not seances, she just claims she hears

from her sister while she's sleeping.

I don't think we can show just cause with that.

- What about a real seance?

- What do you mean a real seance?

- Bring one sister to explain to the other sister

what the true final desire was.

Talk to her.

- I wouldn't know how to go about it.

- I would. When I was putting myself through law school,

I used to work evenings in a side show,

you'd be surprised at some of the things I learned.

- You mean a seance? A real seance?

- A real seance. What do you think, Tim?

- When in doubt, punt.

- Out of the mouths of babes.

- And cats.

- Are you sure this is alright?

- I'm sure. Just think how happy your sister will be

to talk to you while you're awake.

And you can talk back.

- Oh I wouldn't talk back, I never talk back to my sister.

(audience laughter)

- We must all be very quiet, and concentrate.

- Are you positive you know what you're doing?

I mean, I don't wanna disturb my sister-in-law

if she's busy.

(audience laughter)

- There's no problem, these newspaper people

know all about seances, they do them

at their press club all the time.

(audience laughter)

- Now it's entirely clear as to what we are to do?

- Yes.

When my sister arrives, you want me to tell her

that your newspaper wants to purchase the rights

of Max's story, and Mr. Pennypecker--

- Beanbecker.

- Beanbecker, he wants to get her consent.

- Right.

- And it means more money for Max.

- Why fight it?

(audience laughter)

- I'm afraid.

- She's coming, she's actually coming, Aggie, she's coming!

- Why is she lifting the table?

Do you think she wants it up there with her?

Is she allowed to do that?

(hushing sound)

(audience laughter)

- Rosemary?

- [Martin] Yes, Agatha?

- Is it you, Rosemary?

- [Martin] Yes, Agatha.

- Who's your friend?

- [Martin] Just a friend, we play canasta together.

- How do you feel, Rosemary?

- [Martin] How do you fell, Agatha?

- Oh, I'm alright.

- [Martin] And how does Charles feel?

My friend is talking to you.

- Who me? I'm fine, I'm fine.

- Hello, Mrs. Willis.

- [Martin] Alright, Agatha, what seems to be the trouble.

- Oh no trouble Rosemary.

- [Martin] Then why did you call us down here?

We were in the middle of a game.

- Oh please don't be mad, Rosemary.

She's too overstrung.

- Get down to your business, Aggie.

This ain't no time for you

and Rosie to start your bickering.

- [Martin] Bickering?

- Oh, Charles, he doesn't mean exactly what he says.

- [Martin] What does he mean, Agatha?

- Bickering, that's what I mean, bickering.

It mean to--

- Discuss. Haven't I always been

your devoted younger sister, Rosemary?

Am I not still?

- [Martin] Are you?

- Well of course I am, what do you

mean asking a thing like that.

- [Martin] Because I've been wondering, Agatha.

Wondering what's going on down here.

- Well, all these people, Mr. Pennybacker--

- Beanbecker.

- Beanbacker, Mr. Beanbacker, they all want to buy

Max's life story.

- It's a good deal, Rosemary,

it'll mean a lot more money for Max.

- [Martin] For Max?

- You stay out of this here,

you just a friend of the family.

- [Martin] Is that what I wanted, Agatha?

Money for Max?

- Well you left it to him didn't you?

- [Martin] I made out a second will.

- Yes, but you threw it away.

- [Martin] I did not.

- Yes you did.

- Oh we never could find it.

Don't you think you aught to be getting out of here?

You gonna miss your cloud.

- Charles, did you do anything to Rosemary's second will?

- Why do you want to accuse me of a thing like that for?

- Well then stop whispering to Rosemary's girlfriend.

- [Martin] He didn't do anything to my second will, Agatha.

I made it out, Max hid it.

- (together) Max?

(meowing)

- Why would Max do a thing like that?

- Why I don't think he's that smart.

- He wanted to protect me, I forgot to sign it.

He didn't want the memory of me to be soiled

with absentmindedness.

- Max do that?

- [Martin] Apparently I'm still in his heart.

- You're in my heart too, Rosemary, you are in my heart.

Why, all those sleepless nights I've had

worrying about you.

- [Martin] Then my dear sister,

sleep well, and follow your heart.

- Rosemary, I'm gonna sign Max's money over to an orphanage,

like you finally meant to do.

- Hey, wait a minute, Aggie.

- [Martin] You stay out of this, it's between the sisters.

- Don't worry, Rosemary.

We don't have to find that second will.

Charles is Power of Attorney over Max.

Max is gonna wind up in an orphanage where he belongs.

And all that money is going to

those poor deserving children.

Charles and I, we can use our own money to go to Europe.

We don't have to be saddled with any cat.

- [Martin] You tell them, Aggie baby, swing you sister.

(audience laughter)

- Did I hear Max talk?

- I don't know, did you?

- Can we do that, what I said?

- Why fight it?

- Why did Max hide the second will?

- Who knows--

(clearing his throat)

- Who knows what lurks in the hearts and minds of cats.

- Sure, he's just a cat.

- But he will be watched out for,

taken care of at the orphanage.

- For all his nine lives.

Room and board, and boating privileges on the lake.

In case he wants to chase water rats.

- Max, say goodbye to all these nice people.

(meowing)

- Meow.

(meowing)

You're welcome.

- I can't get over how much you sound like a cat.

(audience laughter)

- Why fight it?

(audience laughter)

- Did he talk? Did he really talk?

- Now as a man who talks, sounds like a cat,

I'm sure that if he could talk,

that's exactly what he would have said.

(meowing)

You see what I mean? He agrees.

(audience laughter)

- Meow.

- Uncle Martin, I've been thinking.

- Good hobby Tim, one of the favorite

pass times of martians.

Keep it up, that's how you learn.

- Well about the law, about the legality of what we did.

- 100% legal, it's what Max wants, it's what Aggie wants,

and it's what Mrs. Willis clearly stated in her Last Will.

And as far as Good Time Charlie is concerned,

I quote him, "Why fight it?"

(audience laughter)

- Well it all comes together nice and neat.

- No, no, hold it, hold it, hold it,

that's your new robe, here you go.

Well now, do you think Mrs. Willis is going to continue

to visit her sister in her sleep?

- Her conscience is satisfied.

- Conscience?

- Mmhmm, Rosemary gave her good advice.

Sleep well and follow your heart.

- Rosemary, you gave her the advice!

- Yes, I did.

Gee I'm a smart fella.

* Once there was a puttytat, a rich little puttytat!

* Once there was a puttytat, a rich little puttytat!

* Gone to the door, ooh ooh.

(upbeat trumpets)