Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:20,411 --> 00:00:22,283
[Leslie] "Today is the first dayof school.
2
00:00:22,587 --> 00:00:26,026
Mom says senior year's magic'
cause that's the
year she met Dad.
3
00:00:26,852 --> 00:00:29,507
I don't expect to meetthe man I'll marry or anything,
4
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:32,728
but it'd be nice to be swept
off my feet
5
00:00:32,771 --> 00:00:34,164
and consumed by passion."
6
00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:35,122
[alarm blaring]
7
00:00:35,470 --> 00:00:37,994
♪ Some girls
Get all the action ♪
8
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:42,085
♪ They like to get around
They got a reputation ♪
9
00:00:43,695 --> 00:00:45,784
♪ I'm on the outside
10
00:00:46,524 --> 00:00:50,615
♪ I hear the things they say ♪
11
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,965
♪ I don't wanna talk about it ♪
12
00:00:53,662 --> 00:00:55,620
♪ I don't wanna hear about it ♪
13
00:00:56,839 --> 00:00:59,668
♪ I just wanna find out
For myself ♪
14
00:00:59,711 --> 00:01:01,452
♪ I want experience
15
00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:04,281
♪ My own experience
16
00:01:05,369 --> 00:01:06,892
♪ I want experience
17
00:01:08,285 --> 00:01:09,982
♪ My own experience
18
00:01:14,987 --> 00:01:17,468
♪ Most boys
Are telling stories ♪
19
00:01:17,512 --> 00:01:21,951
♪ About the things they do
They want a reputation ♪
20
00:01:22,995 --> 00:01:25,694
♪ Another notch
On their belts tonight ♪
21
00:01:26,347 --> 00:01:30,264
♪ That's all they're living for It's just a frustration ♪
22
00:01:30,829 --> 00:01:32,788
♪ I don't wanna talk about it ♪
23
00:01:33,615 --> 00:01:35,269
♪ I don't wanna hear about it ♪
24
00:01:36,748 --> 00:01:39,447
♪ I just wanna find out
For myself ♪
25
00:01:39,708 --> 00:01:41,362
♪ I want experience ♪
26
00:01:42,667 --> 00:01:44,234
♪ My own experience
27
00:01:45,148 --> 00:01:47,150
[car horns honking]
28
00:01:52,808 --> 00:01:54,114
[indistinct chatter]
29
00:01:54,853 --> 00:01:56,725
-[girls squealing]
-[car horn honking]
30
00:01:58,335 --> 00:02:00,598
[Coach Hindenberg]
Now don't be late
to your first class.
31
00:02:00,642 --> 00:02:01,643
I won't.
32
00:02:03,732 --> 00:02:05,081
Meet me here at three.
33
00:02:05,429 --> 00:02:06,517
Hi!
34
00:02:06,561 --> 00:02:09,085
[Leslie] Hey, Melanie!
How you doin'?
35
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,130
[Melanie]
I'm so nervous!
36
00:02:11,479 --> 00:02:13,394
Listen, you gotta
get your own wheels, man.
37
00:02:13,742 --> 00:02:15,135
You're not gonna snag any guys
38
00:02:15,178 --> 00:02:16,919
if your dad drives you
to school every day.
39
00:02:16,962 --> 00:02:18,094
That's all there is to it.
40
00:02:18,877 --> 00:02:19,878
-[gasps]
-[brakes squeal]
41
00:02:19,922 --> 00:02:22,054
[Melanie] Shit!
Shit, man!
42
00:02:22,098 --> 00:02:23,055
-Asshole!
-Drive much?
43
00:02:23,795 --> 00:02:26,755
[crowd laughing and jeering]
44
00:02:27,756 --> 00:02:28,670
[birds squawking]
45
00:02:31,542 --> 00:02:33,153
[Melanie]
This is our senior year, Les,
46
00:02:33,196 --> 00:02:34,589
it's time to cultivate
a new image.
47
00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:37,069
I was just reading that preppiesare out and yuppies,
48
00:02:37,113 --> 00:02:38,854
Young Urban Professionals,
are in.
49
00:02:38,897 --> 00:02:41,073
-Maybe we should go on the pill.-Mm-hmm.
50
00:02:41,117 --> 00:02:43,946
[Leslie] That's Douglas!
Douglas Duldorf.
51
00:02:45,295 --> 00:02:46,427
[Melanie]
Les, there's Max!
52
00:02:46,470 --> 00:02:47,993
[Leslie]
Oh, what a species!
53
00:02:48,777 --> 00:02:50,257
[Max]
Oh, is that Hindenberg?
54
00:02:52,607 --> 00:02:53,521
Check it out...
55
00:02:54,609 --> 00:02:56,959
Mel, you don't even have--
I mean, did you remember
to take your vitamins?
56
00:02:57,002 --> 00:02:58,743
Can you imagine having
to take the pill too?
57
00:03:06,447 --> 00:03:08,100
[man] Here, don't forget
your retainer.
58
00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:09,754
Thanks.
59
00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:14,194
Bye, Daddy, you don't have
to pick me up tonight.
60
00:03:15,282 --> 00:03:16,500
You want some bubble gum?
61
00:03:16,544 --> 00:03:17,545
Oh, yeah, thanks.
62
00:03:18,372 --> 00:03:20,287
[school bell ringing]
63
00:03:20,809 --> 00:03:22,376
She made an appointment
with the gyno,
64
00:03:22,419 --> 00:03:23,855
so I could get the pill.
65
00:03:23,899 --> 00:03:25,292
At least your mom
talks about it,
66
00:03:25,683 --> 00:03:28,295
mine just left a book
about the birds and the bees
on my bed.
67
00:03:28,338 --> 00:03:29,339
[girls laughing]
68
00:03:29,383 --> 00:03:30,732
She must be new.
69
00:03:30,993 --> 00:03:32,560
I already hate her guts.
70
00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:36,433
[Leslie] Yeah, there is
something strange
about that girl.
71
00:03:36,999 --> 00:03:39,436
[girls laughing]
72
00:03:40,089 --> 00:03:43,005
Girls! Girls, may I have
your attention please?
73
00:03:44,963 --> 00:03:47,139
-[girl] Wow, you got it now!
-[all laughing]
74
00:03:47,183 --> 00:03:50,404
-This is the male sex organ.
-[all giggling]
75
00:03:50,447 --> 00:03:51,883
Gee, I thought it was
a snow cone.
76
00:03:51,927 --> 00:03:53,145
-Shut up!
-[laughter continues]
77
00:03:53,450 --> 00:03:56,148
Consider it the enemy!
78
00:03:57,367 --> 00:03:59,151
[Max] Hey, man,
it's not like you're unique.
79
00:03:59,195 --> 00:04:01,458
Lotta guys our age
haven't been laid.
80
00:04:01,502 --> 00:04:04,809
Look, I gave her a couple
of these and she raped me,
right in the john, huh?
81
00:04:05,288 --> 00:04:08,248
-That guy looks 14, Max.-He was probably hallucinating.
82
00:04:08,900 --> 00:04:10,815
Everybody's gettin' it but me.
83
00:04:18,214 --> 00:04:20,608
[Max] She's gotta be new.
I couldn't have missed those.
84
00:04:21,348 --> 00:04:24,351
[roaring] Alan!
85
00:04:24,742 --> 00:04:26,744
[screaming]
86
00:04:27,963 --> 00:04:29,443
So, did you get laid
this summer?
87
00:04:30,139 --> 00:04:31,358
[boys laughing]
88
00:04:31,401 --> 00:04:33,751
-Max! How do you fare, buddy?
-Good, good.
89
00:04:34,404 --> 00:04:35,971
Hey, Max, who's the shadow?
90
00:04:36,014 --> 00:04:38,408
Oh, this is Farouk. He's stayingat my place this semester.
91
00:04:38,452 --> 00:04:40,192
No shit! All right!
92
00:04:41,063 --> 00:04:42,238
Gimme five, man!
93
00:04:42,891 --> 00:04:44,849
[strong accent] All right,
I give you five dollars.
94
00:04:45,546 --> 00:04:48,897
No, no, no. "Give me five,"
that's a greeting.
95
00:04:48,940 --> 00:04:50,681
Yeah, you see,
it's like this.
96
00:04:53,902 --> 00:04:56,818
[chuckles] I get you now, Max.
97
00:04:57,122 --> 00:04:59,168
Go on, give to me, five.
98
00:05:00,561 --> 00:05:03,128
You, you give to me five.
99
00:05:04,652 --> 00:05:07,002
[laughing]
100
00:05:07,045 --> 00:05:09,309
Very funny to be here
in the United States.
101
00:05:09,570 --> 00:05:11,006
[military drum rolls]
102
00:05:11,354 --> 00:05:12,312
Hi.
103
00:05:17,447 --> 00:05:18,796
You catch the new principal?
104
00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:20,711
[Alan] I heard he used to run
a military school.
105
00:05:20,755 --> 00:05:22,017
A jarhead.
106
00:05:22,060 --> 00:05:23,453
Looks more like a potatohead
to me.
107
00:05:23,497 --> 00:05:24,498
[Farouk laughs]
108
00:05:24,541 --> 00:05:26,761
-Carp.
-Hey, Max, how's it goin'?
109
00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:29,024
-Good, Carp.-So, uh, you like America, huh?
110
00:05:31,026 --> 00:05:34,769
Your run-of-the-mill
VD is curable.
111
00:05:37,119 --> 00:05:39,687
Herpes comes
with a lifetime guarantee!
112
00:05:40,992 --> 00:05:42,254
So just remember this.
113
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:45,040
You can eat
all the apples you like,
114
00:05:45,083 --> 00:05:47,259
but sooner or later
you're gonna bite the worm!
115
00:05:47,303 --> 00:05:48,783
Virginity has its advantages.
116
00:05:49,044 --> 00:05:51,829
Not for me. This is my last yearas a celibate.
117
00:05:51,873 --> 00:05:53,918
I haven't forgotten
what it's like...
118
00:05:54,658 --> 00:05:56,138
to be young and horny.
119
00:05:57,444 --> 00:06:00,272
Just don't forget those aren't
squirt guns you're packin',
120
00:06:00,316 --> 00:06:02,013
and you're not shootin' blanks!
121
00:06:03,145 --> 00:06:06,148
It only takes one shot
to ruin your lives.
122
00:06:07,192 --> 00:06:08,977
Not to mention the girl's.
123
00:06:10,892 --> 00:06:15,984
If anyone ever did that
to one of my girls, I'd...
124
00:06:18,987 --> 00:06:21,772
I'd have his balls for lunch.
125
00:06:25,036 --> 00:06:26,473
-[rings bell]
-Attention.
126
00:06:26,995 --> 00:06:29,389
-[indistinct chatter]
-[teacher] Attention, please!
127
00:06:30,172 --> 00:06:32,304
Attention, the bell has rung.
128
00:06:33,915 --> 00:06:35,351
[chatter subsides]
129
00:06:35,656 --> 00:06:38,572
This semester we'll be
studying animal reproduction.
130
00:06:39,268 --> 00:06:43,446
We will start with single cell
organisms and we will progress
through the animal kingdom
131
00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:47,885
focusing on the reproductivecycles of spirogyra, flatworms,
132
00:06:48,190 --> 00:06:51,889
-squids, cats and man.
-[Alan] Maybe an older woman.
133
00:06:52,194 --> 00:06:54,631
I'm sure you'll all share
my breathless excitement
134
00:06:54,675 --> 00:06:56,459
as we strip away the mysteries
135
00:06:56,503 --> 00:06:59,375
surrounding the biological
process of reproduction.
136
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:02,813
May I tell you, class,
that in your enjoyment
of this class,
137
00:07:02,857 --> 00:07:05,686
you will be limited
only by your imagination.
138
00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:08,079
-I sincerely believe...
-Hi, I'm Liz...
139
00:07:08,123 --> 00:07:10,038
-[teacher] ...that in order
to know biology...
-Simpson.
140
00:07:10,081 --> 00:07:12,083
-[teacher] ...one must
do biology.
-What class is that for?
141
00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:13,563
[teacher] Let's embark
on this adventure.
142
00:07:13,607 --> 00:07:15,739
Let us begin our first
laboratory experiment.
143
00:07:15,783 --> 00:07:18,350
Uh, it's just sort of somethingI picked up.
144
00:07:18,394 --> 00:07:19,874
Looks like it might be good.
145
00:07:20,875 --> 00:07:24,487
Stephanie Graham
and Mil Table, station one.
146
00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:27,316
Jackie Freemanand John Bergdahl, station two.
147
00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:31,538
Alan Holt and Leslie Hindenberg,
station three.
148
00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:35,237
[Alan] Ah, beg me for more,
you brazen wench.
149
00:07:36,194 --> 00:07:37,239
[teacher] Alan?
150
00:07:38,980 --> 00:07:39,981
Alan Holt?
151
00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:42,940
Yes, Alan Holt,
you're at lab station three
152
00:07:42,984 --> 00:07:44,115
with Leslie Hindenberg,
thank you.
153
00:07:45,203 --> 00:07:46,553
-Hi.
-Hi.
154
00:07:49,294 --> 00:07:51,906
I'm sure you're all sharemy awe at the way a single cell
155
00:07:51,949 --> 00:07:54,952
can reproduce and reproduce,
again and again.
156
00:07:54,996 --> 00:07:57,955
-Like the Osmond family.
-[Alan laughs]
157
00:07:57,999 --> 00:08:01,263
Even the most innocuous
looking substances can be...
158
00:08:01,611 --> 00:08:04,484
well, they can be teeming
with fertile microorganisms.
159
00:08:05,528 --> 00:08:07,269
I will now come around
to every couple
160
00:08:07,312 --> 00:08:10,402
and give you your very
own bread molds.
161
00:08:10,446 --> 00:08:12,404
[class groaning and laughing]
162
00:08:12,666 --> 00:08:14,319
[girl] Hey, it's lunch time!
163
00:08:14,363 --> 00:08:16,278
[boy] Got any peanut butter moldto go with this?
164
00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:19,586
[indistinct chatter]
165
00:08:19,629 --> 00:08:22,458
[boy] Uh, salami mold,
some lettuce mold?
166
00:08:23,198 --> 00:08:24,721
-[Carp choking]
-[laughs]
167
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:26,636
[whispering]
Look who's comin'.
168
00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:30,727
Alan, will you light
my Bunsen burner?
169
00:08:31,162 --> 00:08:32,990
I don't think I can
handle it alone.
170
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,255
[mocking] "Alan, would you
light my Bunsen burner?"
171
00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:41,956
-[class screaming]
-[metal clattering]
172
00:08:42,870 --> 00:08:44,741
-[teacher whimpers]
-[body thudding]
173
00:08:48,832 --> 00:08:51,443
Three times a dollar fifty
is four-fifty, right?
174
00:08:51,487 --> 00:08:53,358
-Mm-hmm.
-Think they'll stay out later?
175
00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:55,535
Jenny, did you put
that in the washer?
176
00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:59,234
It's my bra!
She snitched my bra!
177
00:08:59,277 --> 00:09:00,714
-It fits.
-You wish.
178
00:09:00,757 --> 00:09:02,106
Take it off, Jenny.
179
00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:04,021
You'll get a training bra
when you're thirteen.
180
00:09:04,065 --> 00:09:06,807
I'm the only one in PE
who still wears an undershirt.
181
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,679
I didn't get a bra
till I was fourteen.
182
00:09:10,245 --> 00:09:13,291
Nobody escorted me
on my first babysitting job.
183
00:09:13,727 --> 00:09:15,598
But your father drove
by the house every hour.
184
00:09:15,642 --> 00:09:18,427
Only to make sure no boys
were hiding in the bushes.
185
00:09:18,688 --> 00:09:22,823
If Dixie-D cup doesn't move it,we're gonna be late! Jenny!!
186
00:09:23,258 --> 00:09:24,520
You don't have to shout.
187
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,261
-[sports commentary on TV]
-Whoa, there!
188
00:09:27,175 --> 00:09:28,393
What about dinner?
189
00:09:28,742 --> 00:09:30,004
I'm on a diet.
190
00:09:30,047 --> 00:09:32,267
Sounds like anorexia to me.
191
00:09:32,310 --> 00:09:34,443
Does your pitiful existence
have to revolve
192
00:09:34,486 --> 00:09:36,053
around bugging me, twit-brain?
193
00:09:36,097 --> 00:09:39,056
Mom! She called me a twit-brain.
194
00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:41,450
[sighs] There are better words
in the dictionary, Leslie.
195
00:09:41,842 --> 00:09:43,626
What kind of people
are these Stonemans?
196
00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:46,455
Who cares? We're spending
the evening with their infant.
197
00:09:47,630 --> 00:09:50,720
I'll call you every hour or so,make sure everything's A-OK!
198
00:09:50,981 --> 00:09:52,679
-[Leslie] Bye!
-[Jenny] Bye!
199
00:09:53,810 --> 00:09:55,420
[TV advertiser]
...because you never know
200
00:09:55,464 --> 00:09:56,683
if you'll take a blow.
201
00:09:58,075 --> 00:10:00,295
It's so quiet
when the girls are gone.
202
00:10:00,817 --> 00:10:03,603
[TV advertiser] You'll get
that 24-hour protection
and comfort...
203
00:10:04,952 --> 00:10:08,085
[snack packaging crunching]
204
00:10:12,786 --> 00:10:15,876
[rock music playing inside bar]
205
00:10:22,099 --> 00:10:24,841
[Alan] So, then she asked me
to light her Bunsen burner.
206
00:10:24,885 --> 00:10:26,974
-Is that a good sign?
-Sounds hot to me.
207
00:10:27,539 --> 00:10:29,193
What, are you waiting
for a formal invitation?
208
00:10:30,107 --> 00:10:32,544
Maybe bio's her bad subject
or something.
209
00:10:32,893 --> 00:10:35,025
My own brother,
a sexual retard.
210
00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:38,768
All I think about
all day is sex.
211
00:10:38,812 --> 00:10:39,943
That's a good sign.
212
00:10:40,988 --> 00:10:43,643
I look at everybody and I think:"They know what it's like."
213
00:10:43,947 --> 00:10:47,603
I've got this huge black hole
in my life, you know?
214
00:10:48,430 --> 00:10:49,387
No.
215
00:10:50,911 --> 00:10:53,696
Why aren't girls as horny
as I am? It's just not fair.
216
00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:54,697
[Dinko] What can I say?
217
00:10:55,263 --> 00:10:57,744
Sex is a stacked deck
and women hold all the cards.
218
00:10:57,787 --> 00:10:59,093
Better get used to it.
219
00:10:59,963 --> 00:11:00,921
Dinko.
220
00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:06,666
'Bout time I put this goddamn
machine out of its misery.
221
00:11:12,976 --> 00:11:13,890
Bad attitude.
222
00:11:14,369 --> 00:11:15,239
Good arm.
223
00:11:16,284 --> 00:11:17,633
[Dinko]
Feelin' better, Sunshine?
224
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,200
I wish I was dead.
225
00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:27,295
[Ranada] Well, Doctor Ranada's
got just your prescription.
226
00:11:27,338 --> 00:11:29,819
Look, I just tossed
my cookies, okay?
227
00:11:29,863 --> 00:11:32,387
I mean, enough is enough.
Really!
228
00:11:34,476 --> 00:11:38,610
She's a slow starter,but there's a tiger in her tank.
229
00:11:40,264 --> 00:11:42,527
That guy wrote the book
on how to strike out.
230
00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:45,095
Bet he's been laid though.
231
00:11:45,139 --> 00:11:47,532
Your time will come,
think positive.
232
00:11:47,576 --> 00:11:48,969
Now, what about
your bio partner?
233
00:11:49,491 --> 00:11:51,841
Leslie Hindenberg's
my bio partner.
234
00:11:51,885 --> 00:11:53,060
Coach Kong's daughter?
235
00:11:54,278 --> 00:11:55,845
Hope she's not built
like her old man.
236
00:11:55,889 --> 00:11:58,021
-Oh, no, she's a fox!
-Well, so, hit on her.
237
00:12:01,155 --> 00:12:03,723
You're right.
I like your nose where it is.
238
00:12:04,114 --> 00:12:06,638
These are supposed to be
the best years of my life.
239
00:12:07,074 --> 00:12:08,989
[Melanie] Maybe if you went
blonde, or something.
240
00:12:09,598 --> 00:12:12,209
We'd still be stuck
with the same geeky guys.
241
00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:15,169
Wait a minute, Les,
I see a ray of hope.
242
00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:19,303
God, the man of my dreams
is alive and well on KBBZ.
243
00:12:19,651 --> 00:12:21,001
God, what a turn on.
244
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,351
[reporter] ...as he proved late last night
245
00:12:23,394 --> 00:12:25,135
when he rolled his wheelchair
out of the VA hospital
246
00:12:25,179 --> 00:12:26,963
and onto the San Diego
freeway on-ramp.
247
00:12:27,572 --> 00:12:29,487
He's a little too "Ken doll"
for me.
248
00:12:29,531 --> 00:12:32,186
I mean, there's no pain
or passion in his face.
249
00:12:32,229 --> 00:12:33,274
He's too perfect.
250
00:12:33,317 --> 00:12:35,450
Oh, I'm not above perfection.
251
00:12:35,929 --> 00:12:38,061
Ted Vincent is my man.
252
00:12:39,193 --> 00:12:41,064
You won't believe this,
she's got a vibrator.
253
00:12:41,108 --> 00:12:42,022
[vibrator buzzing]
254
00:12:42,413 --> 00:12:43,632
[Melanie] Good work, Les, she's on a roll.
255
00:12:43,675 --> 00:12:46,026
-What's it for?
-Curling your hair.
256
00:12:46,678 --> 00:12:48,637
[Melanie] I wonder if Ted's
into electronics?
257
00:12:49,507 --> 00:12:51,118
Earth to Les!
258
00:12:51,161 --> 00:12:53,816
Listen, I gotta go.The Gestapo's gonna be calling,
259
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:56,210
-checking up on me.
-OK, I'll catch you later.
260
00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:09,484
Cancer?
261
00:13:27,154 --> 00:13:29,112
[indistinct chatter]
262
00:13:31,985 --> 00:13:33,943
It's no joke, Mel!
263
00:13:33,987 --> 00:13:36,641
It looks exactly like
a classic melanoma.
264
00:13:36,685 --> 00:13:38,774
Have you forgotten
your cold last spring?
265
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,384
You swore it was TB.
266
00:13:40,428 --> 00:13:42,473
It was a severe case
of strep, Mel.
267
00:13:42,517 --> 00:13:44,562
And, besides,
melanoma's different.
268
00:13:44,606 --> 00:13:47,087
For starters,
it's almost always fatal.
269
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,312
I haven't seen
you in a long time.
270
00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:56,923
How's your mother?
271
00:13:57,184 --> 00:13:58,576
-She's fine.
-Good.
272
00:13:58,620 --> 00:14:02,102
Now, let me check the, uh...
the area of the mole.
273
00:14:05,932 --> 00:14:08,282
I'm only checking
for raised areas.
274
00:14:09,065 --> 00:14:10,980
Doesn't look like
an ordinary mole does it?
275
00:14:11,459 --> 00:14:13,156
Don't be an alarmist, Leslie.
276
00:14:14,375 --> 00:14:16,246
I'm only checking
for coloration.
277
00:14:17,726 --> 00:14:18,901
Oh...
278
00:14:20,685 --> 00:14:22,426
Looks pretty dark
and sinister, huh?
279
00:14:22,470 --> 00:14:25,125
Now, now, Leslie,
although you're fair-skinned
280
00:14:25,168 --> 00:14:27,083
and prone
to the ill-fated melanoma...
281
00:14:28,041 --> 00:14:30,043
-this is only lentigo.
-Huh?
282
00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:33,307
Medical terminology
for harmless spots.
283
00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:35,309
Prone to melanoma?
284
00:14:35,787 --> 00:14:38,094
Leslie, you're a very healthyyoung lady who worries too much.
285
00:14:38,747 --> 00:14:40,053
You can get dressed now.
286
00:14:41,184 --> 00:14:45,188
But if it would be reassuring,
you could come back in a month
287
00:14:45,232 --> 00:14:48,539
and I'll check
your entire body. Bye.
288
00:14:50,672 --> 00:14:53,849
[doctor] I told you not to buy
plants at gas stations.
289
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,764
[woman crying]
But she looked so healthy!
290
00:14:56,156 --> 00:14:57,635
Maybe if I talk to her...
291
00:14:57,679 --> 00:14:59,202
[doctor] Talking can't save hernow, Bernice.
292
00:14:59,246 --> 00:15:00,812
[Bernice]
But she's not dead yet!
293
00:15:00,856 --> 00:15:02,118
[doctor]
It's only a matter of time.
294
00:15:02,162 --> 00:15:04,033
Granted, she's got
a great pair of bulbs,
295
00:15:04,077 --> 00:15:06,122
but she's going to wither
and die before the new year.
296
00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:08,429
[Bernice sobbing]
297
00:15:11,606 --> 00:15:12,912
Are you all right, dear?
298
00:15:13,477 --> 00:15:14,652
I guess not.
299
00:15:16,741 --> 00:15:18,439
So, I says to Porter,
if you ask me,
300
00:15:18,482 --> 00:15:20,354
the foreign kid's not playin'
with a full deck.
301
00:15:22,356 --> 00:15:26,882
Never knows what team he's on.
Says we all look alike.
302
00:15:27,578 --> 00:15:29,754
Dad, did I ever tell you
how proud I am of you?
303
00:15:30,059 --> 00:15:32,627
I mean, even though I complain
about how embarrassing it is
304
00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:36,587
to be in the same school...
everyone respects you so much.
305
00:15:39,460 --> 00:15:40,852
I give it my best shot.
306
00:15:42,767 --> 00:15:47,468
Leslie, your mother makes sure
you get the four basic
food groups,
307
00:15:47,511 --> 00:15:48,730
and you're trashing
three of them.
308
00:15:50,471 --> 00:15:54,823
Mom... [laughs]it's so beautiful that every day
309
00:15:54,866 --> 00:15:56,172
you go to all this effort.
310
00:15:57,913 --> 00:15:59,436
It's just that I've lost
my appetite.
311
00:15:59,784 --> 00:16:01,438
That's very sweet, Leslie.
312
00:16:01,482 --> 00:16:03,571
Also, very suspicious.
313
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,182
Jennifer, you and I have
certainly had our problems.
314
00:16:07,531 --> 00:16:10,404
Would you feel better
if I gave you my new
silver bangles?
315
00:16:10,447 --> 00:16:12,275
The ones I'm not allowed
to breathe on?
316
00:16:12,623 --> 00:16:14,321
Silver bangles aren't worth
fighting over,
317
00:16:14,364 --> 00:16:16,105
no matter how expensive
they are.
318
00:16:16,714 --> 00:16:18,978
-I'll take them!
-You're welcome.
319
00:16:19,369 --> 00:16:20,936
I'll clear the table now.
320
00:16:26,289 --> 00:16:28,944
Am I the only one
who finds this creepy?
321
00:16:32,078 --> 00:16:33,862
[principal on PA]
Your attention, please!
322
00:16:34,384 --> 00:16:36,996
This administration
is not amused...
323
00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:39,694
-[school bell ringing]
-...by the attack on our very
own Venus in the quad.
324
00:16:40,434 --> 00:16:41,652
[Max] You like this shit, huh?
325
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:44,003
Mm, I like this shit very much.
326
00:16:45,178 --> 00:16:47,789
In America it's considered
the highest of compliments
327
00:16:47,832 --> 00:16:49,530
to say to your hostess
after a good meal:
328
00:16:49,791 --> 00:16:51,445
"Thank you for the shit."
329
00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:53,012
How you-- how you say that?
330
00:16:53,490 --> 00:16:55,318
[speaking slowly]
Thank you for the shit.
331
00:16:55,362 --> 00:16:56,798
Thank you for the shit.
332
00:16:56,841 --> 00:16:57,973
Hello, Farouk.
333
00:17:00,671 --> 00:17:02,673
Some girls go
for the exotic type.
334
00:17:02,717 --> 00:17:05,720
Yeah, Farouk, let us knowif she's a moaner or a screamer.
335
00:17:05,763 --> 00:17:08,375
Hey, I had a screamer once.
She shattered her own glasses.
336
00:17:08,940 --> 00:17:10,812
Don't you talk
about anything but sex?
337
00:17:10,855 --> 00:17:12,118
What else is there, Ed?
338
00:17:12,988 --> 00:17:14,816
That's a tough one, Pittman.
339
00:17:14,859 --> 00:17:16,209
Don't pull a muscle
working on it.
340
00:17:17,862 --> 00:17:20,126
Just stopped by to warn you
that you're Chairman
341
00:17:20,169 --> 00:17:21,953
of the Christmas Dance Committeethis year.
342
00:17:22,650 --> 00:17:24,260
Tell me when you getthe committee put together.
343
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:27,872
Oh, feel free to resume
your insightful discussion.
344
00:17:29,135 --> 00:17:30,136
Mutant.
345
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:32,616
Yeah, another example
of virgin brain rot.
346
00:17:33,008 --> 00:17:35,054
Don't let that happen to you,
okay?
347
00:17:35,793 --> 00:17:37,404
How's it goin', Farouk?
348
00:17:39,841 --> 00:17:41,930
Don't look now,
but here comes the lady
349
00:17:41,973 --> 00:17:43,671
that gives new meaning
to the word hard-on.
350
00:17:44,193 --> 00:17:47,414
Uh, this is your lucky day.I saved this seat just for you.
351
00:17:47,457 --> 00:17:49,459
Sit on it, pal!
Hello, Alan.
352
00:17:50,156 --> 00:17:51,244
Hi.
353
00:17:51,287 --> 00:17:53,637
Say, uh... aren't you
in my bio class?
354
00:17:53,681 --> 00:17:54,856
I hadn't noticed.
355
00:17:54,899 --> 00:17:56,205
Why don't you sit down,
take a seat?
356
00:17:56,249 --> 00:17:57,380
I'm bad but I don't bite.
357
00:17:57,424 --> 00:17:59,426
I do! I definitely bite!
Come on, Alan.
358
00:18:05,127 --> 00:18:07,956
Hey, Alan, who's the guy
with the bow tie?
359
00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:12,787
...we've got funds for holidays,Hawaiian luaus,
Vancouver cruises.
360
00:18:12,830 --> 00:18:15,094
Oh, everybody calls him
Mushroom Malone.
361
00:18:15,137 --> 00:18:19,750
-Mm-hmm. Bet I can guess why.
-[laughs]
362
00:18:20,011 --> 00:18:24,581
[principal on PA] Any student
caught with a substance
commonly known as Wacky Glue,
363
00:18:24,625 --> 00:18:27,106
will be subject
to severe disciplinary action.
364
00:18:27,149 --> 00:18:28,803
Score one
for the Wacky Glue Phantom.
365
00:18:29,978 --> 00:18:32,023
[pop music playing in diner]
366
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,898
[Mushroom] I can make you
a great deal, you'll love it.
367
00:18:39,030 --> 00:18:41,424
I'm not kidding,
it's great stuff!
368
00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:42,425
You'll love it.
369
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:47,038
It's all so unreal.
I feel like I ought
to do something.
370
00:18:47,082 --> 00:18:48,866
There's nothing
anybody can do now.
371
00:18:49,215 --> 00:18:52,479
I'll just go on pretending
nothing's happened.
372
00:18:53,219 --> 00:18:55,525
Cram a lifetime
into three months.
373
00:18:56,091 --> 00:18:57,832
There's so much
I wanna experience.
374
00:18:57,875 --> 00:19:00,051
-You mean?
-I always said I'd wait
375
00:19:00,095 --> 00:19:03,229
for the love of my life,
but I guess I'll have
to settle for...
376
00:19:03,794 --> 00:19:04,926
[both] ...sex!
[laughing]
377
00:19:05,709 --> 00:19:08,886
I gotta know if it's worth
all the time we spend
talking about it.
378
00:19:09,322 --> 00:19:13,064
Bad news, my research
says the first time's
never the best.
379
00:19:13,108 --> 00:19:16,155
Unless you go for someone
really experienced.
380
00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:19,070
It might be sweet if it was
the first time for both of us.
381
00:19:19,114 --> 00:19:21,986
It might be the pits. I've heardit's harder than it looks.
382
00:19:22,378 --> 00:19:25,468
Yeah, really? Two dozen
Shriners with rubbers?
383
00:19:25,512 --> 00:19:29,037
Later, babe, I think I just sawa major league pair of yapo.
384
00:19:33,476 --> 00:19:34,912
-[Pittman moans]
-[Liz yells]
385
00:19:34,956 --> 00:19:36,000
[Pittman grunts]
386
00:19:38,699 --> 00:19:40,222
Let's go.
387
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,401
She's weird!
388
00:19:46,402 --> 00:19:48,752
I hear they call you Mushroom.
Got any?
389
00:19:49,057 --> 00:19:51,451
Wanna speak up?They didn't hear you in Nevada.
390
00:19:51,494 --> 00:19:53,714
I figured with a name like that
you must be advertising.
391
00:19:53,757 --> 00:19:56,499
Would you sit down? Only takesone narc to ruin your whole day.
392
00:19:56,804 --> 00:19:57,718
Really?
393
00:20:02,244 --> 00:20:03,332
Gnarly.
394
00:20:14,604 --> 00:20:16,650
[Alan] Doesn't this ever
strike you as absurd?
395
00:20:16,693 --> 00:20:17,607
[Max] What?
396
00:20:18,260 --> 00:20:21,481
All these adolescents,
desperate for human contact.
397
00:20:22,264 --> 00:20:23,352
[Max]
You mean horny?
398
00:20:24,179 --> 00:20:26,703
[Alan] Isolating themselves
in their own little prisons
on wheels.
399
00:20:26,747 --> 00:20:29,576
Like a thousand lonely little
worlds doing a mating relay
400
00:20:29,619 --> 00:20:31,186
down the highway of life.
401
00:20:33,667 --> 00:20:35,843
[Max]Hey, catch that, tits and drugs.
402
00:20:35,886 --> 00:20:37,148
[Alan] Give me a break.
403
00:20:38,019 --> 00:20:40,151
Max! I love you.
404
00:20:40,195 --> 00:20:41,109
[boys laughing]
405
00:20:41,370 --> 00:20:42,980
[Max]
Pittman, you lunatic.
406
00:20:43,633 --> 00:20:45,461
You know, you think too much,
that's your problem.
407
00:20:45,505 --> 00:20:47,637
You could use a problem
like that, Max.
408
00:20:47,681 --> 00:20:48,682
[scoffs]
409
00:20:49,987 --> 00:20:50,901
Leslie!
410
00:20:52,033 --> 00:20:55,819
Fate is calling you, Les,
and getting a busy signal.
411
00:20:56,167 --> 00:20:57,995
Think Max, Leslie.
412
00:20:58,431 --> 00:21:00,476
Oh, sometimes he gets
this look in his eyes.
413
00:21:01,129 --> 00:21:04,350
I mean, this is a man who knowswhere to find your G-spot.
414
00:21:04,393 --> 00:21:06,830
Oh, Mel, I couldn't
find my G-spot.
415
00:21:07,701 --> 00:21:10,617
I kissed him once
in the second grade.
416
00:21:11,008 --> 00:21:12,749
Oh, he was hot even then.
417
00:21:12,793 --> 00:21:13,924
[Max laughing]
418
00:21:13,968 --> 00:21:16,187
He's not interested
in me, Mel.
419
00:21:16,231 --> 00:21:17,754
Well you gotta be gutsy, Les.
420
00:21:18,059 --> 00:21:19,974
Just call him up
and ask him out.
421
00:21:20,844 --> 00:21:22,585
All he can say is:
"No way, José."
422
00:21:23,020 --> 00:21:25,196
Right, then I just die
of embarrassment.
423
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,068
Like, what have you got to lose?
424
00:21:31,159 --> 00:21:33,074
-[man] Hey, Max.
-How you doin'?
425
00:21:34,249 --> 00:21:37,078
"Is it too much to askfor someone dark and mysterious,
426
00:21:37,470 --> 00:21:40,603
who reads and would talk aboutlife all night by candle light?
427
00:21:42,170 --> 00:21:45,260
I guess I'd better face reality,
boys are so immature.
428
00:21:45,652 --> 00:21:48,785
I'll get a diaphragm,
settle for no-frills sex."
429
00:21:58,055 --> 00:21:59,709
[dog barking]
430
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:03,974
Well, why don't you take
the floor, Farouk?
431
00:22:04,018 --> 00:22:05,715
And I'll get the main dish.
432
00:22:08,805 --> 00:22:10,459
Oh, she means
it's your turn to talk.
433
00:22:10,894 --> 00:22:12,069
Oh, uh...
434
00:22:15,421 --> 00:22:18,772
I... I like United States,
very much.
435
00:22:21,775 --> 00:22:24,691
Uh, the people, very,
very funny to meet me.
436
00:22:28,999 --> 00:22:30,610
It's okay, sit down, Farouk.
437
00:22:31,175 --> 00:22:33,569
I have spent all day
438
00:22:33,613 --> 00:22:36,355
preparing your favorite
native dish, Farouk.
439
00:22:38,008 --> 00:22:40,315
Stuffed beef heart.
440
00:22:44,798 --> 00:22:46,147
[crying]
441
00:22:49,150 --> 00:22:53,502
I... You make me very
funny to be here with you,
442
00:22:53,850 --> 00:22:57,419
in America, my new family
in United States.
443
00:22:57,463 --> 00:23:00,204
I want to say to you now,
as my best friend, Max
444
00:23:00,248 --> 00:23:03,512
teach me to say...
thank you,
445
00:23:03,860 --> 00:23:05,993
thank you very much
for this shit!
446
00:23:06,515 --> 00:23:07,690
[glass shatters]
447
00:23:08,648 --> 00:23:09,910
[glass shatters]
448
00:23:10,563 --> 00:23:12,782
[school bell ringing]
449
00:23:13,043 --> 00:23:15,045
[Earl]
They're all Wacky Glued, sir.
450
00:23:15,568 --> 00:23:18,092
Damn terrorists.
This means war, Earl.
451
00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:19,398
No quarter given.
452
00:23:19,702 --> 00:23:20,877
[Farouk chanting]
453
00:23:20,921 --> 00:23:22,401
[rooster crowing]
454
00:23:28,494 --> 00:23:32,106
[Coach Hindenberg] Salamahega...[sighs] ...roba.
455
00:23:32,149 --> 00:23:35,239
Aw, hell, is Farduke here?
456
00:23:35,501 --> 00:23:36,589
He's always late!
457
00:23:37,111 --> 00:23:39,200
[Max] It's Farouk, Coach.
And it's prayer time in Mecca.
458
00:23:39,243 --> 00:23:40,462
[blows whistle]
459
00:23:41,724 --> 00:23:42,769
Listen up!
460
00:23:45,032 --> 00:23:46,729
It took a long time
461
00:23:47,077 --> 00:23:49,906
to get funding
for this new wrestling mat.
462
00:23:51,517 --> 00:23:53,954
I want to see you treating it
like your mom's best carpet.
463
00:23:57,697 --> 00:23:58,654
Carpenter!
464
00:24:00,090 --> 00:24:01,570
[Pittman]
Hey, don't hurt him, Carp.
465
00:24:01,831 --> 00:24:03,050
[boy] Get him, Carp.
466
00:24:06,096 --> 00:24:09,056
First time I did it
was on my mom's best carpet.
467
00:24:09,099 --> 00:24:11,145
Left some rude rug
burns on my knees.
468
00:24:11,406 --> 00:24:14,409
A small price to pay.
I'd do it on asphalt.
469
00:24:14,453 --> 00:24:16,367
Oh, you like pain
with your pleasure?
470
00:24:16,411 --> 00:24:19,283
Hit on Hindenberg,
she's the pleasure
and he's the pain.
471
00:24:19,327 --> 00:24:22,417
Leslie? I wouldn't kick her outof bed for eating crackers.
472
00:24:26,813 --> 00:24:27,944
Holt!
473
00:24:28,989 --> 00:24:31,034
Since you don't need
to listen to this,
474
00:24:31,513 --> 00:24:33,863
why don't you demonstrate
a take-down on Pittman?
475
00:24:34,734 --> 00:24:37,650
[laughing] But Coach,
he outweighs me
by a hundred pounds.
476
00:24:38,259 --> 00:24:39,826
-This is ridiculous!
-[Pittman growling]
477
00:24:40,870 --> 00:24:42,306
Easy, I don't wanna hurt you,
Pittman.
478
00:24:42,350 --> 00:24:43,743
[Pittman grunting]
479
00:24:44,570 --> 00:24:47,268
Come on, you guys,
this ain't no sock hop.
480
00:24:47,703 --> 00:24:50,053
-Come on! Come on! Come on!
-Want blood?
481
00:24:50,097 --> 00:24:51,707
[Coach Hindenberg] Get the leadout, come on now!
482
00:24:52,099 --> 00:24:53,404
-[Alan roaring]
-[Pittman] Shit!
483
00:24:55,885 --> 00:24:58,235
[Pittman] Oh, wow man,
I'm sorry about your face.
484
00:24:58,845 --> 00:25:00,847
Get him off the mat!
Get some towels!
485
00:25:00,890 --> 00:25:02,152
Stop that bleeding!
486
00:25:02,196 --> 00:25:03,806
It's too late, Coach,
I think he's dead.
487
00:25:03,850 --> 00:25:06,330
No, you idiot, my mat!
488
00:25:06,374 --> 00:25:08,115
[Alan groaning]
489
00:25:21,171 --> 00:25:23,783
How about it, Max? Do I have
the stuff to be a blue flamer?
490
00:25:24,044 --> 00:25:25,959
Well, you got the gas, Carp.
491
00:25:26,002 --> 00:25:27,308
Uh, how 'bout a car?
492
00:25:27,830 --> 00:25:29,353
Well, Dad says
I can have it back
493
00:25:29,397 --> 00:25:30,746
as soon as I pay
for the paint job.
494
00:25:31,138 --> 00:25:33,314
So, cough up the bucks,
and then we'll talk.
495
00:25:33,619 --> 00:25:34,707
Okay.
496
00:25:36,622 --> 00:25:40,364
Alan, do you think your brothercould get me a job
over at the Lorelei?
497
00:25:40,408 --> 00:25:42,976
-Please?
-I'll see what I can do.
498
00:25:43,019 --> 00:25:45,718
I can hardly wait to see
what happens when you meet...
499
00:25:46,109 --> 00:25:49,373
the fascinating flatworm.
500
00:25:49,417 --> 00:25:51,985
Like the sea squirt,
it can reproduce asexually.
501
00:25:52,028 --> 00:25:55,684
Sometimes, the tail decides notto follow the head and presto!
502
00:25:55,728 --> 00:25:57,164
-[chalkboard screeching]
-[all groaning]
503
00:25:57,207 --> 00:25:59,514
The worm's torn in two.
This is self-mutilation.
504
00:25:59,862 --> 00:26:02,125
Each part then regenerates
a whole worm.
505
00:26:02,169 --> 00:26:05,302
Reproduction has
taken place asexually.
506
00:26:05,346 --> 00:26:06,216
[door opens]
507
00:26:06,608 --> 00:26:07,740
[boy] Oh, here he is.
508
00:26:07,783 --> 00:26:09,002
Eric March.
509
00:26:10,830 --> 00:26:14,007
Eric March, this is your fourthtardy this week.
510
00:26:14,485 --> 00:26:16,357
Please go to your lab station
immediately.
511
00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:17,880
Yeah, we be cutting some worms.
512
00:26:20,535 --> 00:26:22,755
Violent effect, man,
real New Wave.
513
00:26:22,798 --> 00:26:24,278
[boys laughing]
514
00:26:25,279 --> 00:26:27,803
Hey, yo, Hindenberg.
Why don't you sit down
515
00:26:27,847 --> 00:26:29,675
and take a load
off your mind?
516
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:31,372
[fart sound]
517
00:26:31,415 --> 00:26:33,983
-[Pittman cackling]
-Damn it, Pittman!
518
00:26:34,027 --> 00:26:35,202
Mr. Pittman!
519
00:26:35,724 --> 00:26:41,121
Mr. Pittman, please.Please give me that... balloon.
520
00:26:43,340 --> 00:26:44,428
[fart sounds]
521
00:26:44,472 --> 00:26:45,691
[giggling]
522
00:26:48,476 --> 00:26:50,565
You may now begin
to mutilate your flatworms.
523
00:26:56,745 --> 00:26:58,747
So, you're scoping
out the new girl, eh?
524
00:26:58,791 --> 00:26:59,835
Who?
525
00:26:59,879 --> 00:27:01,271
The one with the X-rated bod.
526
00:27:01,924 --> 00:27:03,883
[scoffs] No, I was talkin'
to Sharon.
527
00:27:07,887 --> 00:27:10,280
The guy's unconscious,
she's all yours.
528
00:27:10,585 --> 00:27:13,109
You snooze, you lose. Go.
529
00:27:18,462 --> 00:27:19,855
So, what do you
think of Nixon?
530
00:27:19,899 --> 00:27:21,683
So far, it's mayo on white
all the way,
531
00:27:21,727 --> 00:27:23,293
and I thought Cleveland
was straight.
532
00:27:23,598 --> 00:27:26,122
Try eatin' your lunch
on the football field someday.
533
00:27:26,166 --> 00:27:28,603
If the wind's blowin' just righthalf the town gets stoned.
534
00:27:28,647 --> 00:27:30,605
How 'bout you, buddy,
do you puff up?
535
00:27:31,171 --> 00:27:33,608
[Alan] No, that stuff
kinda puts me to sleep.
536
00:27:33,956 --> 00:27:37,177
Uh-huh, no puff-puff, huh?
[sniffs]
537
00:27:37,525 --> 00:27:39,309
You always look so spacey.
538
00:27:39,701 --> 00:27:42,443
I guess I'm just
naturally hard-- high.
539
00:27:43,487 --> 00:27:45,315
Well, that's okay too,
I guess.
540
00:27:45,925 --> 00:27:48,884
Excuse me, people get stoned
541
00:27:49,189 --> 00:27:50,581
for doing something
such as this?
542
00:27:50,625 --> 00:27:53,672
It seems cruel
and unusual punishment.
543
00:27:53,715 --> 00:27:56,152
No, Farouk, getting stoned
is like smoking pot.
544
00:27:56,196 --> 00:27:57,763
-Grass?
-Yeah.
545
00:27:57,806 --> 00:27:58,677
Oh.
546
00:28:01,027 --> 00:28:02,724
My dad was talking
about you last night.
547
00:28:02,768 --> 00:28:03,986
He said you're pro material.
548
00:28:04,508 --> 00:28:05,640
Yeah, I have a good arm.
549
00:28:06,032 --> 00:28:08,861
He says you really stand out,
a real team leader.
550
00:28:09,513 --> 00:28:10,601
He said that?
551
00:28:10,645 --> 00:28:12,473
[scoffs] He treats me
like pond scum
552
00:28:12,516 --> 00:28:13,822
'cause I won't go out
for football.
553
00:28:13,866 --> 00:28:15,519
Oh, you've got it all wrong.
554
00:28:15,563 --> 00:28:17,739
You remind him of him
when he was younger.
555
00:28:17,783 --> 00:28:18,871
He really likes you.
556
00:28:19,175 --> 00:28:20,307
Could have fooled me.
557
00:28:21,003 --> 00:28:23,397
So, I was thinking thatif you're not doing anything
558
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:24,790
Friday night,
maybe we could go out.
559
00:28:26,487 --> 00:28:30,360
Yeah, that sounds okay, exceptthat my Trans-Am's in the shop.
560
00:28:31,013 --> 00:28:33,320
That's OK, I'll pick you up
in my vulva-- Volvo.
561
00:28:34,756 --> 00:28:36,062
In that case, you're on.
562
00:28:41,502 --> 00:28:43,112
Her vulva! [chuckles]
563
00:28:45,636 --> 00:28:47,116
So, how'd you make out with Liz?
564
00:28:47,595 --> 00:28:49,815
-I think she's a loadie.
-So?
565
00:28:50,424 --> 00:28:52,426
Just can't get the hang
of these worms.
566
00:28:52,731 --> 00:28:54,950
There's less resistance
when they're semi-conscious.
567
00:28:58,432 --> 00:29:02,044
[TV announcer] We now return
to... Sands of Time.
568
00:29:04,394 --> 00:29:07,528
[character on TV] Why, Matt.
This is a surprise.
Can I get you a drink?
569
00:29:07,571 --> 00:29:10,836
Max? Max, I need
to talk to you, honey.
570
00:29:10,879 --> 00:29:13,360
I am very concerned
about Farouk.
571
00:29:13,403 --> 00:29:16,319
-[Max sighs]
-He's been slightly
under the weather lately.
572
00:29:17,059 --> 00:29:20,802
And... and I'm afraid he feels
somehow different
from the rest of you boys.
573
00:29:20,846 --> 00:29:23,587
Face it, Mom,
how many guys at Nixon
pray during fourth period?
574
00:29:24,197 --> 00:29:27,809
Well, as his AFS sponsor,I can't help feeling responsible
575
00:29:27,853 --> 00:29:29,637
for the way he'll remember
the United States.
576
00:29:30,159 --> 00:29:33,249
These are impressionshe will carry with him for life.
577
00:29:33,641 --> 00:29:35,904
Perhaps you should ask him
to join your bridge club.
578
00:29:35,948 --> 00:29:37,950
I want you to take him
with you tonight, Max.
579
00:29:37,993 --> 00:29:39,125
I have a date tonight!
580
00:29:39,647 --> 00:29:41,388
And I don't know
about in Abu Dhabi,
581
00:29:41,431 --> 00:29:44,608
but in the good old USA,
only two people at a time
go on a date.
582
00:29:45,218 --> 00:29:48,525
Farouk hasn't had one singledate since he's been here, Max.
583
00:29:48,569 --> 00:29:51,137
Well, I can't imagine why.
He's had more offers
in three weeks
584
00:29:51,180 --> 00:29:52,181
than I've had
in three years.
585
00:29:52,791 --> 00:29:55,271
Please. Reach out, Max.
586
00:29:56,272 --> 00:29:58,405
[Max's mother]
Oh, hello, you must be Leslie.
587
00:29:58,448 --> 00:29:59,319
Hi, Mrs. Holt.
588
00:30:01,451 --> 00:30:03,323
-Hi, Max.
-Hi.
589
00:30:05,499 --> 00:30:06,674
You mind if Farouk joins us?
590
00:30:11,287 --> 00:30:15,074
In Abu Dhabi,
women sit in ass of car.
591
00:30:16,118 --> 00:30:17,554
Fascinating, Farouk.
592
00:30:23,125 --> 00:30:24,213
[Farouk]
Peaceful pastures.
593
00:30:43,885 --> 00:30:44,930
Is this our destination?
594
00:30:45,713 --> 00:30:48,194
Ah, yes, Peaceful Pastures.
Max tell me all about
this place.
595
00:30:48,237 --> 00:30:49,543
It's where people come,
park the car
596
00:30:49,586 --> 00:30:50,892
and make sneaky sex, no?
597
00:30:53,677 --> 00:30:55,244
[chuckles]
You might not believe this,
598
00:30:55,288 --> 00:30:58,073
but I come here a lot
to meditate about life
and death.
599
00:30:59,205 --> 00:31:00,946
Could we talk
about something else?
600
00:31:08,910 --> 00:31:10,781
[Farouk humming]
601
00:31:13,436 --> 00:31:16,787
Um, in Abu Dhabi,
we have a game.
602
00:31:17,179 --> 00:31:21,618
It's called, uh, how you
say... "Sit on the Bottle."
603
00:31:22,184 --> 00:31:23,969
Farouk, isn't it prayer time
in Abu Dhabi?
604
00:31:24,012 --> 00:31:25,796
No, no, no, no,
sun is down.
605
00:31:26,319 --> 00:31:28,016
It's up in Abu Dhabi.
606
00:31:28,799 --> 00:31:31,715
Oh, oh, okay,
I get you now, Max.
607
00:31:32,194 --> 00:31:33,152
I go pray.
608
00:31:33,587 --> 00:31:36,677
I go pray the coach
not find out. [laughs]
609
00:31:42,074 --> 00:31:43,727
I thought he'd never
take the hint.
610
00:31:44,685 --> 00:31:46,339
Let's not waste
any more time.
611
00:31:46,382 --> 00:31:47,383
[Max grunts]
612
00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:52,171
Uh, Leslie, uh, this might notbe the time to mention it but...
613
00:31:52,214 --> 00:31:54,129
[chuckles] Um...
614
00:31:55,478 --> 00:31:58,481
Your father said that he would
castrate anybody
that laid a hand on you.
615
00:31:58,525 --> 00:31:59,874
Oh, you know he didn't mean it.
616
00:31:59,918 --> 00:32:03,095
Oh. Well, um,
me and the guys,
617
00:32:03,399 --> 00:32:04,357
we weren't sure.
618
00:32:05,097 --> 00:32:06,925
Max, we're all alone.
619
00:32:07,186 --> 00:32:09,101
We may never pass
this way again.
620
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:11,755
Let's not talk about Daddy.
621
00:32:15,237 --> 00:32:17,761
[Farouk whistling]
622
00:32:20,199 --> 00:32:22,157
[animal howling]
623
00:32:29,904 --> 00:32:30,949
[body thudding]
624
00:32:31,471 --> 00:32:32,646
[Farouk] Oh shit.
625
00:32:35,736 --> 00:32:37,564
[Leslie] It's about time
he goes for my bra.
626
00:32:38,608 --> 00:32:39,914
[Max breathing heavily]
627
00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:42,482
Oh, my God,
the hook's in the front.
628
00:32:46,051 --> 00:32:47,966
He'll never figure this out.
629
00:32:51,447 --> 00:32:53,928
Oh, God, now he thinks
I do this for a living.
630
00:32:54,363 --> 00:32:55,451
[Max moans]
631
00:32:56,887 --> 00:32:59,803
[sighs]
My hip bone is killing me.
632
00:33:13,165 --> 00:33:15,254
OK, looks like he's gonna
take the plunge.
633
00:33:16,864 --> 00:33:18,997
Brace yourself for rapture.
634
00:33:19,345 --> 00:33:22,957
-[Leslie screams]
-[Max] Oh, Leslie! Oh no!
635
00:33:23,001 --> 00:33:25,133
Oh, no, no, no!
636
00:33:26,439 --> 00:33:27,353
[Leslie screams]
637
00:33:29,355 --> 00:33:31,618
[Leslie] I can't believe this,
my dad is gonna kill me.
638
00:33:31,661 --> 00:33:34,447
-[Max] No, he's gonna kill me!
-[Farouk] Holy shit.
639
00:33:35,013 --> 00:33:38,190
[Coach Hindenberg]
Let's go! Let's go!
Let's go! Let's go!
640
00:33:40,714 --> 00:33:42,498
Come on, you're
slowin' down, Holt!
641
00:33:42,933 --> 00:33:47,068
I told him. Leslie Hindenberg
is lethal nookie.
642
00:33:47,634 --> 00:33:49,070
What a way to go.
643
00:33:49,114 --> 00:33:50,028
[Max thudding on floor]
644
00:33:52,378 --> 00:33:55,294
Come on, Holt, up!
Get on, move it, come on!
645
00:33:56,208 --> 00:33:58,471
Cross over, come on, come on!
646
00:34:00,516 --> 00:34:03,215
Even if I do get off
restriction before I die,
647
00:34:03,563 --> 00:34:05,695
no guy will ever
come near me again.
648
00:34:05,739 --> 00:34:07,219
I think you're overreacting.
649
00:34:07,262 --> 00:34:10,483
You didn't see my dad.
We're talking Godzilla on PCP.
650
00:34:10,526 --> 00:34:12,093
The Volvo is demo'd.
651
00:34:12,398 --> 00:34:14,617
That's nothing compared
to what he did to Max!
652
00:34:14,922 --> 00:34:16,750
Okay, write off the guys
at Nixon.
653
00:34:16,793 --> 00:34:17,925
Who else do you know?
654
00:34:18,926 --> 00:34:20,754
There's always
Richard from Filmore.
655
00:34:21,059 --> 00:34:22,973
You mean, Richard,
Pittman's brother?
656
00:34:23,539 --> 00:34:25,672
You guys broke up
two years ago.
657
00:34:25,715 --> 00:34:28,022
Only because I wouldn't let
him get past second base.
658
00:34:28,283 --> 00:34:31,373
Ha. I thought it was because
he had the personality
of a bobby-pin.
659
00:34:32,026 --> 00:34:34,072
He wanted me desperately, Mel.
660
00:34:34,855 --> 00:34:36,813
And he doesn't have my dad
for PE.
661
00:34:39,077 --> 00:34:40,295
Isn't that Liz?
662
00:34:40,339 --> 00:34:42,906
[Leslie] God, who'd ever thoughther dad's a cop?
663
00:34:42,950 --> 00:34:44,517
[Melanie]
No wonder she's so wild.
664
00:34:45,126 --> 00:34:46,475
-[bell ringing]
-[boy] Hi, girls!
665
00:34:52,699 --> 00:34:54,179
You know what the estimate is?
666
00:34:55,136 --> 00:34:56,442
Twelve hundred big ones.
667
00:34:57,051 --> 00:34:59,271
But she's been so angelic
this past month.
668
00:34:59,314 --> 00:35:01,229
Doing the dishes
without being asked.
669
00:35:01,273 --> 00:35:03,927
She even offered
to polish my spoon collection.
670
00:35:05,277 --> 00:35:06,452
A graveyard.
671
00:35:07,496 --> 00:35:10,456
What in the hell were they doingin a goddamn graveyard?
672
00:35:10,717 --> 00:35:13,415
They were teaching Farouk
the American way of death,
like she said.
673
00:35:13,459 --> 00:35:15,113
Now, what would the three
of them do?
674
00:35:16,549 --> 00:35:18,638
I know what I'd do
in a graveyard with you.
675
00:35:22,207 --> 00:35:23,512
Oh, Lester.
676
00:35:23,773 --> 00:35:28,474
Lester, she's been so,
so good this past month.
677
00:35:28,517 --> 00:35:32,086
I just, I just hate to...
to ruin it.
678
00:35:32,347 --> 00:35:35,176
You know?
Take her off restriction.
679
00:35:35,437 --> 00:35:36,612
Oh, Lester.
680
00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:38,919
Oh, June...
681
00:35:40,442 --> 00:35:43,141
You know when you do this to me,you always get your way.
682
00:35:48,189 --> 00:35:51,323
"Young white male seeks
bisexual white female twins
683
00:35:51,366 --> 00:35:52,976
with taste for parmesan cheese."
684
00:35:53,020 --> 00:35:54,282
-[Alan snorts]
-Check it out.
685
00:35:54,717 --> 00:35:56,589
Sometimes it's easier
to do it with a stranger.
686
00:35:57,329 --> 00:35:58,982
You're not suggesting
I'm this desperate?
687
00:35:59,418 --> 00:36:01,768
No. Just 'cause it's
Date Night USA
688
00:36:01,811 --> 00:36:03,857
and you're spending it
with your brother here
at the Lorelei.
689
00:36:05,554 --> 00:36:07,208
"Have uniform, will travel.
690
00:36:08,253 --> 00:36:12,126
Experienced nurse seeks
inexperienced male
for hands-on training.
691
00:36:12,692 --> 00:36:16,086
Call Inga at 555-5756."
692
00:36:16,130 --> 00:36:17,218
Gimme my zombie.
693
00:36:19,002 --> 00:36:20,830
Eight hours in this hell hole
694
00:36:20,874 --> 00:36:23,398
for five dollars
and sixty-three cents.
695
00:36:23,442 --> 00:36:26,314
Cheer up, Sunshine,
didn't Ranada say
something about a raise?
696
00:36:26,358 --> 00:36:30,100
Oh, that slimy cheesebag,
he wants to talk it over
in a room.
697
00:36:30,405 --> 00:36:33,191
Man, he tries anything,
I mace his face.
698
00:36:35,671 --> 00:36:38,152
Look at it this way, at leastthe nurse would be enthusiastic.
699
00:36:45,464 --> 00:36:47,901
-[dial tone]
-[Alan clears throat]
700
00:36:47,944 --> 00:36:48,989
[woman] Hello.
701
00:36:49,032 --> 00:36:51,905
Hello, may I please
speak to Inga?
702
00:36:52,210 --> 00:36:53,733
Jah, this is Inga Borg.
703
00:36:54,429 --> 00:36:56,823
Uh, yeah, I'm calling
about your ad in the....
704
00:36:58,128 --> 00:37:01,480
Jah, sure. What is your name?
How old are you?
705
00:37:01,523 --> 00:37:03,873
And, uh, do you have
any infectious diseases?
706
00:37:03,917 --> 00:37:05,614
Uh, my name is Alan.
707
00:37:06,180 --> 00:37:09,836
I'll be 18 in June
and I don't have herpes.
708
00:37:09,879 --> 00:37:12,404
Uh, tonight is available,
can you get a room?
709
00:37:12,447 --> 00:37:13,970
Not now, Gunnar.
710
00:37:14,014 --> 00:37:14,928
Uh...
711
00:37:15,189 --> 00:37:17,060
Just come to lounge
at the Lorelei
712
00:37:17,104 --> 00:37:19,237
and ask the bartender
for the room number.
713
00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:20,194
Goodbye.
714
00:37:25,199 --> 00:37:28,028
So, how does one go
about getting a room?
715
00:37:28,855 --> 00:37:30,160
Gimme a shooter.
716
00:37:31,597 --> 00:37:33,903
You know, I spent an hour
in the john in 319,
717
00:37:33,947 --> 00:37:35,296
and it's still backed up!
718
00:37:35,688 --> 00:37:38,821
I have had enoughof this roach motel for one day.
719
00:37:44,349 --> 00:37:47,134
Three nineteen is yours.
Get the master key from Carp.
720
00:37:47,439 --> 00:37:48,570
Where's he now?
721
00:37:50,006 --> 00:37:52,313
[metal clattering]
722
00:37:52,661 --> 00:37:53,967
Does that answer your question?
723
00:37:55,403 --> 00:37:56,578
I wonder what's keeping Inga.
724
00:37:56,622 --> 00:37:58,841
I'll go see if the coast
is clear, okay?
725
00:38:05,413 --> 00:38:07,154
Good evening, Mr. Ranada.
726
00:38:07,197 --> 00:38:08,808
Is everything under control,
Carpenter?
727
00:38:08,851 --> 00:38:11,376
It's all hunky-dory, sir.
Except for the toilet.
728
00:38:11,419 --> 00:38:12,942
I wouldn't go in there
if I were you!
729
00:38:13,378 --> 00:38:16,511
-Carpenter!-Sir, I can explain everything.
730
00:38:16,555 --> 00:38:18,208
I see you been talkin'
to Sunshine.
731
00:38:18,644 --> 00:38:20,820
I really dig the bubbly,
nice touch, kid.
732
00:38:21,429 --> 00:38:22,996
I aim to please, sir.
733
00:38:23,039 --> 00:38:24,171
TV workin'?
734
00:38:24,737 --> 00:38:27,130
Shit-sape, sir.
I mean, ship-sate!
735
00:38:27,174 --> 00:38:28,523
Whatever, Carpenter, whatever.
736
00:38:29,132 --> 00:38:32,614
When you see Sunshine,
tell her Mr. Goodbar
is waitin' on her.
737
00:38:33,572 --> 00:38:36,139
OK, pronto, sir.
Have a swell evening, now.
738
00:38:39,012 --> 00:38:41,057
[Ranada]
Let it beat and let it bleed.
739
00:38:51,981 --> 00:38:54,593
[groans] I don't believe it.
740
00:38:57,596 --> 00:39:01,034
[Ranada] ♪ I'm a sentimental kinda guy
741
00:39:01,077 --> 00:39:03,253
♪ Kinda timid
Even a little shy ♪
742
00:39:03,297 --> 00:39:04,864
-Oh, God.
-[knock on door]
743
00:39:06,648 --> 00:39:07,910
[door opens]
744
00:39:09,956 --> 00:39:11,784
[Ranada] You're early,
my little raisinette.
745
00:39:12,437 --> 00:39:14,700
[Inga] Oh, no, I always
come on time.
746
00:39:14,743 --> 00:39:15,614
[Alan] Jesus.
747
00:39:16,354 --> 00:39:18,443
[Ranada] If only all women
could say the same.
748
00:39:22,272 --> 00:39:24,274
You dressed up
for Doctor Ranada,
749
00:39:24,318 --> 00:39:25,711
I like that.
750
00:39:25,754 --> 00:39:27,887
[Inga] You sound older than
you did on the phone.
751
00:39:30,019 --> 00:39:30,977
[Ranada] Sunshine?
752
00:39:31,673 --> 00:39:32,761
[Inga] Alan?
753
00:39:34,589 --> 00:39:35,808
[Ranada] What the hell.
754
00:39:38,332 --> 00:39:39,464
[Alan] Prick.
755
00:39:41,074 --> 00:39:42,336
You want something else,
Sunshine?
756
00:39:42,597 --> 00:39:44,033
On the house, of course.
757
00:39:44,512 --> 00:39:46,209
[laughs] Okay, hit me.
758
00:39:49,387 --> 00:39:51,563
I have not had so much fun,
759
00:39:51,606 --> 00:39:54,653
since Ranada broke his pinky
in the cash register.
760
00:39:56,742 --> 00:39:58,874
Too bad it wasn't his schlong.
761
00:40:00,223 --> 00:40:02,617
-[Inga] Jah!
-[Ranada moaning]
762
00:40:02,661 --> 00:40:04,663
[Inga] You respond well
to discipline.
763
00:40:04,706 --> 00:40:05,620
[Ranada screams]
764
00:40:06,273 --> 00:40:09,189
[Inga screaming]
765
00:40:09,668 --> 00:40:10,843
Don't panic!
766
00:40:11,931 --> 00:40:13,802
[Ranada] Do it more, you bitch.
767
00:40:13,846 --> 00:40:15,804
-[gasping, screaming continue]
-[Ranada] God.
768
00:40:23,029 --> 00:40:25,118
[Inga continues screaming]
No! No! Oh, jah!
769
00:40:25,814 --> 00:40:27,512
[Carp panting]
770
00:40:34,910 --> 00:40:37,391
-Are you all right?
-[Inga screams]
771
00:40:38,261 --> 00:40:39,654
[Ranada]
God damn you, Carpenter.
772
00:40:40,829 --> 00:40:42,918
[bell ringing]
773
00:40:53,233 --> 00:40:58,107
[teacher] The male squid
swims frantically searching
for a female to mate with.
774
00:40:58,673 --> 00:41:00,022
The story of my life.
775
00:41:00,370 --> 00:41:03,461
Then the squid slips one
of his long, supple tentacles
776
00:41:03,504 --> 00:41:05,114
deep inside his own mantle,
777
00:41:05,419 --> 00:41:09,162
and withdraws several
gelatinous packages of sperm.
778
00:41:09,641 --> 00:41:11,338
Commonly known as jerking off.
779
00:41:11,599 --> 00:41:16,386
"He then thrusts his sperm deepinto the female's body cavity."
780
00:41:16,778 --> 00:41:18,780
Mmm, how romantic.
781
00:41:19,172 --> 00:41:20,521
What happened to foreplay?
782
00:41:20,782 --> 00:41:26,440
The finale of this oceanic orgy.Yes, class, unfortunately,
783
00:41:26,832 --> 00:41:28,660
all the squid expire.
784
00:41:28,703 --> 00:41:31,227
Hey, Max, sounds like
you and Hindenberg.
785
00:41:31,489 --> 00:41:32,620
[teacher] Lights.
786
00:41:33,316 --> 00:41:34,666
Mr. Pittman.
787
00:41:35,275 --> 00:41:38,539
Simply breathtaking,
gave me goose pimples.
788
00:41:38,887 --> 00:41:41,150
Almost makes you
wanna be a squid.
789
00:41:41,803 --> 00:41:44,589
All right, class, let's get
to our lab stations.
790
00:41:48,723 --> 00:41:50,986
Hey, Liz, where's your retainer?
791
00:41:51,030 --> 00:41:52,118
[Liz]
Shut up, kid!
792
00:41:54,250 --> 00:41:56,383
Max, Pittman says
the Blue Flamers
793
00:41:56,426 --> 00:41:58,385
are having their meeting
at the drive-in this weekend.
794
00:41:58,428 --> 00:41:59,342
So?
795
00:41:59,952 --> 00:42:04,086
Well, I paid off the paint job.I can get my dad's car!
796
00:42:04,130 --> 00:42:05,914
Well, we'll take that
into consideration, Carp,
797
00:42:05,958 --> 00:42:07,307
whenever we discuss membership.
798
00:42:07,350 --> 00:42:09,657
All right, class,
today you'll start dissecting
799
00:42:09,701 --> 00:42:10,963
your very own squid.
800
00:42:11,311 --> 00:42:14,227
After removing its mantle,
be sure to determine its sex.
801
00:42:14,270 --> 00:42:16,708
And class, please be very
careful with the gonads.
802
00:42:16,969 --> 00:42:18,492
They're quite delicate.
803
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:20,450
You actually ate one of those?
804
00:42:20,494 --> 00:42:24,063
Ah, squid.
It's very good with ink.
805
00:42:24,106 --> 00:42:25,978
I'll try anything, once.
806
00:42:26,021 --> 00:42:28,154
Anything? I'll take you up
on that this weekend.
807
00:42:28,589 --> 00:42:31,287
You mean, like go out
or somethin'?
808
00:42:31,331 --> 00:42:32,811
Well, I was thinking about it.
809
00:42:32,854 --> 00:42:34,943
There's something I'd like
to talk to you about, alone.
810
00:42:34,987 --> 00:42:37,380
It may be important.
It's very important.
811
00:42:37,424 --> 00:42:39,034
It's more important
than you think.
812
00:42:39,644 --> 00:42:41,689
-Friday night okay?
-Perfect.
813
00:42:45,780 --> 00:42:47,826
[dial tone]
814
00:42:49,349 --> 00:42:50,480
[woman] Hello?
815
00:42:50,524 --> 00:42:52,134
Hello, may I please speak
to Richard?
816
00:42:52,178 --> 00:42:53,266
[woman]
Just a minute, dear.
817
00:42:53,309 --> 00:42:54,702
-[door opening]
-[Jenny] Les?
818
00:42:58,227 --> 00:42:59,533
[Leslie]
Hello, Richard?
819
00:42:59,577 --> 00:43:01,448
Hi, this is Leslie Hindenberg.
820
00:43:02,928 --> 00:43:04,451
Yeah, long time no see.
821
00:43:06,061 --> 00:43:07,715
The reason I'm calling is...
822
00:43:08,150 --> 00:43:11,371
I got to thinkin' about how muchfun we used to have together.
823
00:43:12,938 --> 00:43:15,854
And I thought maybe you'd like
to get together,
824
00:43:15,897 --> 00:43:19,292
you know, for old times' sake.
Like maybe this weekend?
825
00:43:22,948 --> 00:43:26,212
Oh, I think we have lots
to talk about, you know?
826
00:43:26,255 --> 00:43:29,432
-I've matured a lot, Richard.
-[laughing]
827
00:43:30,085 --> 00:43:32,174
Sure, I'll return
your Van Halen records.
828
00:43:33,132 --> 00:43:35,134
Okay, great. I'll see you then.
829
00:43:36,657 --> 00:43:38,659
-Bye.
-Talk about hard up!
830
00:43:38,703 --> 00:43:41,270
Isn't he the one
with the personality
of a bobby-pin?
831
00:43:41,706 --> 00:43:44,273
I've changed, Jennifer,
I'm sure he has too.
832
00:43:44,317 --> 00:43:47,146
Now, get out of here.
Out, out, out!
833
00:43:47,189 --> 00:43:49,235
[groans] Fine!
834
00:43:53,631 --> 00:43:56,851
[man in film] Michael, the girls in the Flower brothel won't disappoint you.
835
00:43:58,070 --> 00:43:58,984
The car!
836
00:44:11,039 --> 00:44:12,258
Is there something wrong?
837
00:44:13,563 --> 00:44:15,827
Afraid so, Alan. I have
something I have to tell you.
838
00:44:15,870 --> 00:44:17,263
It's Mushroom Malone, isn't it?
839
00:44:17,829 --> 00:44:19,569
No, it's worse than Mushroom.
840
00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:23,661
[funeral music playing]
841
00:44:29,841 --> 00:44:34,410
-Is something wrong?
-Just... hold me, Richard.
842
00:44:39,328 --> 00:44:40,503
Leslie, uh....
843
00:44:40,982 --> 00:44:43,724
You used to love it when I...
kissed your neck, remember?
844
00:44:45,030 --> 00:44:48,642
And I remember
when you used to kiss my ears.
845
00:44:48,903 --> 00:44:50,513
It drove me crazy.
846
00:44:51,993 --> 00:44:53,168
[Richard] Ow!
847
00:44:54,082 --> 00:44:55,605
When did you pierce your ears?
848
00:44:56,432 --> 00:44:58,434
[Max] Hey, fasten
your seatbelts, Flamers!
849
00:44:58,478 --> 00:45:00,741
I had Brussels sprouts,
baked beans,
850
00:45:00,785 --> 00:45:02,787
-and date bars for dinner.
-[boys yelling]
851
00:45:03,309 --> 00:45:05,920
[Pittman] I hadSwedish meatballs, lentil loaf,
852
00:45:05,964 --> 00:45:09,010
marinated artichokes,
bon-bons with prune whip!
853
00:45:09,054 --> 00:45:09,968
[boys yelling]
854
00:45:10,751 --> 00:45:13,711
Max, tell me now.
What is this Blue Flamers?
855
00:45:14,276 --> 00:45:16,670
I'm not who you think I am.
There's a lot you don't
know about me,
856
00:45:16,714 --> 00:45:17,802
a great deal,
very much.
857
00:45:18,237 --> 00:45:20,195
Why pry?
I know all I need to know.
858
00:45:20,239 --> 00:45:21,327
No, you don't know.
859
00:45:21,370 --> 00:45:22,850
-I do know.
-You may not wanna know.
860
00:45:22,894 --> 00:45:24,765
What could I possible know
that would make me know you
861
00:45:24,809 --> 00:45:25,810
better than I know you now?
862
00:45:26,680 --> 00:45:30,118
Alan, I'm a narc.
Police Officer.
863
00:45:30,423 --> 00:45:31,946
When I finish my assignment
at Nixon,
864
00:45:32,381 --> 00:45:34,253
Mushroom and 36 others
are gonna be busted on Monday,
865
00:45:34,296 --> 00:45:36,124
and I'll be starting over againsomewhere else.
866
00:45:36,168 --> 00:45:38,083
Another high school,another district, another town.
867
00:45:38,126 --> 00:45:39,432
That's what it means
to be a narc.
868
00:45:39,954 --> 00:45:42,087
You're the only one I'm gonna
miss when I'm gone, Alan.
869
00:45:42,478 --> 00:45:44,872
Those pill heads and pot heads
deserve what they get.
870
00:45:44,916 --> 00:45:46,482
A one-way ticket to the slammer.
871
00:45:48,746 --> 00:45:51,183
Is anybody gonna know
that it was me?
872
00:45:51,444 --> 00:45:52,837
Not unless you tell 'em.
873
00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:55,404
Oh, no chance in hell.
I can keep a secret.
874
00:45:56,623 --> 00:45:58,103
I knew I could trust you, Alan.
875
00:45:58,712 --> 00:46:01,541
And I had to tell you
because, well,
876
00:46:01,584 --> 00:46:03,543
even though I'm 30
and you're 17,
877
00:46:03,586 --> 00:46:05,458
I'm really attracted
to you, Alan.
878
00:46:06,851 --> 00:46:08,069
Of course, having sex
with a minor
879
00:46:08,591 --> 00:46:10,332
could get me off the force
and I have my career
to consider.
880
00:46:11,159 --> 00:46:13,727
But honestly, Alan,
I get all hot and weak
when I'm kissing you.
881
00:46:14,641 --> 00:46:16,730
Let's not talk
about wasted youth, Alan.
882
00:46:16,774 --> 00:46:20,603
Kiss me again and I'll throw
this badge out the window
and live for the now.
883
00:46:22,649 --> 00:46:25,173
Um, Liz, that is your name,
isn't it?
884
00:46:25,478 --> 00:46:28,698
It's Kathy. Reagan, no relation.
885
00:46:30,004 --> 00:46:31,789
I think I just wanna go home.
886
00:46:32,877 --> 00:46:34,661
[starts engine]
887
00:46:40,101 --> 00:46:42,364
-[boy 1] Anybody got a light?
-[boy 2] Light, light.
888
00:46:47,369 --> 00:46:48,980
To the eternal blue flame.
889
00:46:49,023 --> 00:46:50,459
[all reciting]
To the eternal blue flame.
890
00:46:50,503 --> 00:46:51,547
To the eternal blue flame.
891
00:46:53,506 --> 00:46:54,986
[Max laughing]
892
00:46:55,029 --> 00:46:56,074
[Pittman]
Max, Max!
893
00:46:56,117 --> 00:46:57,162
[indistinct chatter]
894
00:46:58,076 --> 00:46:59,599
-[Max farts]
-[Farouk screams]
895
00:46:59,642 --> 00:47:01,514
-[woman] Elmer, let's go.
-[man] I'm doin' it.
896
00:47:04,473 --> 00:47:06,301
Wait, wait,
I think I've got one.
897
00:47:06,345 --> 00:47:07,737
[Pittman] Oh, shit!
898
00:47:07,781 --> 00:47:08,956
[boy]
It's probably a little poop!
899
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:10,523
[Pittman]
Yeah a little poo, yeah!
900
00:47:11,567 --> 00:47:13,308
[woman] Oh, my God.
Look at that!
901
00:47:13,352 --> 00:47:15,397
[man] Huh? Ah...
902
00:47:15,441 --> 00:47:16,746
[woman] He's on fire!
903
00:47:17,530 --> 00:47:18,836
-[screaming]
-[woman] Jerks.
904
00:47:20,707 --> 00:47:22,622
[man] You're sick!
You guys are sick!
905
00:47:24,624 --> 00:47:26,452
[Leslie] I really wanna
make it up to you.
906
00:47:27,453 --> 00:47:28,846
Leslie, you don't
have to do that.
907
00:47:29,411 --> 00:47:31,674
But I want to, Richard.
I want you.
908
00:47:32,240 --> 00:47:36,592
I want... I wanna let you do
everything I wouldn't
let you do before.
909
00:47:36,636 --> 00:47:37,724
Everything!
910
00:47:38,333 --> 00:47:40,205
Leslie! Leslie, I'm...
911
00:47:40,466 --> 00:47:43,295
I'm involved with somebody else,right now.
912
00:47:44,252 --> 00:47:46,298
I don't care if you marry her,Richard,
913
00:47:46,864 --> 00:47:48,561
I just wanna have you once.
914
00:47:50,737 --> 00:47:52,043
Leslie, I can't!
915
00:47:53,218 --> 00:47:54,828
Yes, you can, Richard.
916
00:47:56,874 --> 00:48:00,834
Remember how you used
to always want me to...
917
00:48:01,139 --> 00:48:04,403
What are you doing?Leslie, he wouldn't understand!
918
00:48:05,447 --> 00:48:06,579
He?
919
00:48:08,886 --> 00:48:12,541
[man in film screaming]
920
00:48:12,802 --> 00:48:15,370
-[farting]
-[boys yelling]
921
00:48:17,677 --> 00:48:20,288
[boy] Yeah, man, I feel
mother lode settin' in.
922
00:48:20,332 --> 00:48:22,160
I'm with you, I'm with you.
923
00:48:22,203 --> 00:48:26,468
[all chattering indistinctly]
924
00:48:26,773 --> 00:48:28,775
[loud farting]
925
00:48:29,863 --> 00:48:30,951
[Max] Decent.
926
00:48:35,738 --> 00:48:36,914
[sighs]
927
00:48:38,437 --> 00:48:41,396
"What's wrong with me, anyway?
I never break out.
928
00:48:41,831 --> 00:48:43,268
I use a deodorant.
929
00:48:43,659 --> 00:48:45,879
People say I have
a cute personality.
930
00:48:46,706 --> 00:48:50,275
But my sex appeal's enough
to turn my old boyfriend
off women.
931
00:48:51,754 --> 00:48:55,845
I'm trying to be an easy lay.
Doesn't that count anymore?"
932
00:48:56,629 --> 00:48:58,022
-[boys yelling]
-[man] Get in there!
933
00:49:00,024 --> 00:49:01,068
[whistle blowing]
934
00:49:01,460 --> 00:49:03,027
[Coach Hindenberg]
Pittman, get your ass up here!
935
00:49:03,418 --> 00:49:04,942
Don't take it personally, Les.
936
00:49:05,377 --> 00:49:07,205
According to my mom,
a lot of guys these days
937
00:49:07,248 --> 00:49:09,076
can't get it up and get it in.
938
00:49:09,120 --> 00:49:12,427
For years, my dad's been
telling me teenage boys
want just one thing.
939
00:49:12,688 --> 00:49:14,386
I always thought
he meant girls.
940
00:49:14,647 --> 00:49:17,563
Hey, Sharon, Miss Bismark
says everyone suits up,
941
00:49:17,824 --> 00:49:19,260
even if you are menstruating.
942
00:49:20,044 --> 00:49:21,306
I hate that word.
943
00:49:21,784 --> 00:49:25,310
My mom always says:"Is Aunt Tilly coming to visit?"
944
00:49:25,353 --> 00:49:27,355
-[both giggle]-Mine just calls it "the curse."
945
00:49:28,052 --> 00:49:29,009
[Miss Bismark] Girls.
946
00:49:30,054 --> 00:49:32,970
[boys catcalling]
947
00:49:39,019 --> 00:49:40,238
[boys fall silent]
948
00:49:43,110 --> 00:49:45,504
[catcalling resumes]
949
00:49:58,125 --> 00:49:59,822
[Coach Hindenberg]
Wanna catch pneumonia?
950
00:50:15,490 --> 00:50:18,276
Is it my imagination,
or is Sharon Mondo pregnant?
951
00:50:18,711 --> 00:50:20,104
You don't know that for sure.
952
00:50:21,757 --> 00:50:23,716
Oh, yeah.
Maybe it's just a tumor.
953
00:50:24,064 --> 00:50:25,544
Not funny, Mel.
954
00:50:25,979 --> 00:50:27,154
I wonder who the daddy is.
955
00:50:27,850 --> 00:50:30,027
Moby Dick!
956
00:50:30,766 --> 00:50:32,551
[Miss Bismark]
Give it a rest, Pittman!
957
00:50:33,769 --> 00:50:34,857
[whistle blowing]
958
00:50:36,990 --> 00:50:37,991
[fart noises]
959
00:50:38,644 --> 00:50:41,473
That does it, Pittman!
We're gonna see Porter
right now!
960
00:50:43,214 --> 00:50:45,129
[Liz] OK, this is it! D-Day.
961
00:50:45,172 --> 00:50:48,306
[man] All right, but listen now.I want you to remember
your radio mic.
962
00:50:48,741 --> 00:50:51,265
You got guys sittin' in a van
about two blocks from here,
963
00:50:51,309 --> 00:50:52,571
if you get in any
kind of trouble.
964
00:50:58,881 --> 00:51:00,231
Sharon, what's going on?
965
00:51:00,274 --> 00:51:01,667
Oh, I'm leaving school.
966
00:51:02,668 --> 00:51:04,496
Potatohead acted
like I was contagious.
967
00:51:05,584 --> 00:51:08,717
I said: "Look buddy,
there's no way you're
gonna catch what I've got."
968
00:51:09,588 --> 00:51:11,633
-[Leslie] You're kicked out?-[Sharon] He said school policy.
969
00:51:11,677 --> 00:51:14,419
Can transfer to night school.
I said: "What about my job
at the med center?"
970
00:51:14,462 --> 00:51:16,377
-He said, take it like a man.
-[police sirens wailing]
971
00:51:16,421 --> 00:51:18,336
That's not fair,
ruin your whole life!
972
00:51:18,379 --> 00:51:20,164
Who's talking fair?
We're in high school.
973
00:51:21,078 --> 00:51:22,862
Correction,
I was in high school.
974
00:51:23,167 --> 00:51:25,647
-So, uh, who's the father?
-Just a guy.
975
00:51:26,039 --> 00:51:27,910
He said:
"I can't deal with this."
976
00:51:27,954 --> 00:51:29,303
I said:
"That's cool with me."
977
00:51:30,565 --> 00:51:32,785
Sharon, you don't have to tell
me this if it'’s too personal,
978
00:51:32,828 --> 00:51:34,700
but is it any good
the first time?
979
00:51:35,440 --> 00:51:38,399
It wasn't great, but we did
it again and it got better.
980
00:51:38,443 --> 00:51:40,880
Really? Wow.
981
00:51:42,621 --> 00:51:44,231
Do you really want this baby?
982
00:51:44,275 --> 00:51:46,625
Well, part of me says:
"What a drag."
983
00:51:46,668 --> 00:51:49,106
Another part says:
"You're a big girl, Sharon,
984
00:51:49,149 --> 00:51:51,064
you can handle this."
And besides,
985
00:51:51,108 --> 00:51:52,370
then I'll have someone
to talk to.
986
00:51:52,805 --> 00:51:53,893
God.
987
00:51:54,372 --> 00:51:56,461
I just wish the father would
call once in a while.
988
00:51:56,765 --> 00:51:58,898
I'll probably never see him
now that I'm out of here.
989
00:51:58,941 --> 00:52:01,118
-[whistle blowing]
-You're not out of here yet!
990
00:52:02,336 --> 00:52:03,381
[Sharon]
What do you mean?
991
00:52:25,359 --> 00:52:27,056
"I've been very selfish.
992
00:52:27,361 --> 00:52:30,190
I've been thinking sex was
more important than anything.
993
00:52:30,756 --> 00:52:33,628
I want to leave my mark in thisworld and it must be more
994
00:52:33,672 --> 00:52:35,935
than a wet spot
in somebody's backseat."
995
00:52:41,723 --> 00:52:45,205
[Max] Definitely the work
of a genius. But is it art?
996
00:52:45,249 --> 00:52:46,554
Smells like Wacky Glue to me.
997
00:52:51,255 --> 00:52:52,430
[boy] Holy Jesus.
998
00:52:52,473 --> 00:52:54,823
[crowd giggling]
999
00:52:55,128 --> 00:52:58,000
Certainly, Sharon has
a constitutional right
to graduate,
1000
00:52:58,262 --> 00:53:00,612
but she can do that
at night school as I told her.
1001
00:53:00,655 --> 00:53:03,136
But, she's not a threat
to anybody else's education.
1002
00:53:03,789 --> 00:53:06,400
High school is not
a democracy, Leslie!
1003
00:53:07,009 --> 00:53:08,837
Think of it as the Marines.
1004
00:53:09,229 --> 00:53:11,013
Would the Russians
take us seriously
1005
00:53:11,057 --> 00:53:13,102
if we let the non-coms
call the shots? Hell no!
1006
00:53:14,278 --> 00:53:17,411
First they'd...
they'd laugh their heads off.
1007
00:53:18,151 --> 00:53:20,284
And then, they'd air-mail
the big one.
1008
00:53:20,588 --> 00:53:22,721
I don't wanna start a war,
Mr. Porter.
1009
00:53:23,025 --> 00:53:25,680
I'd just like to see Sharon
graduate with the rest of us.
1010
00:53:25,724 --> 00:53:28,857
[sighs] But you bend over
to accommodate one individual,
1011
00:53:28,901 --> 00:53:31,338
and the next thing you know,you can't sit down for a month!
1012
00:53:35,647 --> 00:53:36,822
You know what's going on
out there?
1013
00:53:38,432 --> 00:53:39,694
No, I don't know.
1014
00:53:40,652 --> 00:53:42,871
[crowd giggling]
1015
00:53:45,483 --> 00:53:46,397
OK.
1016
00:53:47,485 --> 00:53:48,747
[boy groans]
1017
00:53:49,965 --> 00:53:51,097
[urine streaming]
1018
00:53:52,098 --> 00:53:54,840
Tears of joy streamed
from little Tammy Larson's
one eye, the other day,
1019
00:53:54,883 --> 00:53:56,972
when Santa Claus paid
an early visit
to her hospital bed.
1020
00:53:57,799 --> 00:54:00,628
Potatohead has no principles,
just regulations.
1021
00:54:00,672 --> 00:54:01,586
Hold it, Les.
1022
00:54:01,890 --> 00:54:04,197
The love of my life
is speaking to me.
1023
00:54:04,458 --> 00:54:07,113
The twinkle in Santa's eye will be just a memory for Tammy.
1024
00:54:07,156 --> 00:54:09,071
So, there's a man
with principles.
1025
00:54:09,115 --> 00:54:10,290
You can see it in his eyes.
1026
00:54:10,334 --> 00:54:11,422
[reporter]
...may save her sight.
1027
00:54:11,813 --> 00:54:13,467
The Larsons, however,
have already exhausted...
1028
00:54:13,511 --> 00:54:14,947
Are you thinkin'
what I'm thinkin'?
1029
00:54:14,990 --> 00:54:16,383
[chuckles]
1030
00:54:16,992 --> 00:54:18,864
[reporter] The lights will get
dimmer and dimmer
for tiny Tammy
1031
00:54:18,907 --> 00:54:22,781
until the final blackout,
unless-- unless you and I...
1032
00:54:23,347 --> 00:54:25,392
[Leslie] I knew you'd
understand, Mr. Vincent.
1033
00:54:25,436 --> 00:54:27,699
It's a tragic story
that needs to be heard.
1034
00:54:27,742 --> 00:54:28,656
Me?
1035
00:54:29,788 --> 00:54:32,181
I'm a highly placed person
at Nixon,
1036
00:54:32,225 --> 00:54:34,183
you can just think
of me as Deep Throat.
1037
00:54:38,187 --> 00:54:39,363
Meet you in person?
1038
00:54:40,320 --> 00:54:42,583
At the Lorelei?
All right.
1039
00:54:45,238 --> 00:54:46,457
Goodbye, Mr. Vincent.
1040
00:54:47,719 --> 00:54:48,633
Ted.
1041
00:54:49,764 --> 00:54:52,245
[laughing] Did you hear that?
He said: "Just call me Ted!"
1042
00:54:52,289 --> 00:54:54,856
Oh, my God! I'm so happy
for you, I could kill you!
1043
00:54:54,900 --> 00:54:56,118
[both laughing]
1044
00:54:56,162 --> 00:54:57,555
Oh, God.
What am I going to wear?
1045
00:54:58,512 --> 00:54:59,948
Think sophisticated, Les.
1046
00:54:59,992 --> 00:55:03,343
If he finds out "highly placed"means a senior at Nixon,
1047
00:55:03,387 --> 00:55:05,171
he'll never lay a hand on you.
1048
00:55:05,476 --> 00:55:06,825
You think I could pull it off?
1049
00:55:07,739 --> 00:55:09,001
Let him do that.
1050
00:55:14,441 --> 00:55:16,269
[Vincent]
Leslie, I ache for that girl.
1051
00:55:16,835 --> 00:55:19,968
But these days,it takes a fucking quadriplegic
1052
00:55:20,012 --> 00:55:21,709
to wring those tear ducts
in TV-land.
1053
00:55:22,014 --> 00:55:23,494
But even though
she's not a quad,
1054
00:55:24,059 --> 00:55:26,105
if you'd seen her
cleaning out her locker,
1055
00:55:26,148 --> 00:55:29,282
cleaning out her dreams.
It would break your heart.
1056
00:55:29,326 --> 00:55:32,372
Hey, relax, huh? Relax.
1057
00:55:33,155 --> 00:55:34,635
Let's not start a downer here.
1058
00:55:35,201 --> 00:55:36,071
Come on.
1059
00:55:36,768 --> 00:55:40,685
Just relax, surrenderto your shoulder blades, Leslie.
1060
00:55:41,381 --> 00:55:45,080
Today is the first day
of the rest of your life.
1061
00:55:46,343 --> 00:55:47,387
Yeah, really.
1062
00:55:48,083 --> 00:55:49,737
Esalen taught me
to feel, Leslie.
1063
00:55:51,391 --> 00:55:53,828
Now, I suck up life
like a new born baby.
1064
00:55:55,003 --> 00:55:57,832
When I make love,
and I make love, Leslie,
1065
00:55:57,876 --> 00:56:02,576
I don't screw anymore,
I go all the way to infinity.
1066
00:56:05,449 --> 00:56:07,102
I think you and I
could find infinity,
1067
00:56:07,146 --> 00:56:08,713
maybe three or four
times tonight.
1068
00:56:10,454 --> 00:56:13,065
Excuse me a minute,
I have to use the bathroom.
1069
00:56:14,762 --> 00:56:16,721
Hey, I'll order champagne
for blast-off.
1070
00:56:16,764 --> 00:56:17,939
That would be wonderful.
1071
00:56:19,550 --> 00:56:20,507
[growls]
1072
00:56:20,551 --> 00:56:22,683
[pop music playing]
1073
00:56:25,207 --> 00:56:28,385
Hey, Mr. Dinko, we ain't runnin'a day care center here.
1074
00:56:28,428 --> 00:56:29,908
But boss, he's my kid--
1075
00:56:30,343 --> 00:56:33,259
It's okay! Maybe the Sheraton'sa better place
for the Christmas Ball.
1076
00:56:33,694 --> 00:56:36,784
[Ranada] Whoa, whoa!
Why didn't you tell me
this was a business call?
1077
00:56:37,219 --> 00:56:40,092
-Here, give the kid a drink.
-Hey, 'bout time, Carp.
1078
00:56:41,223 --> 00:56:42,921
302 needs a bottle
of champagne.
1079
00:56:42,964 --> 00:56:45,489
-[Carp] It's halfway there.
-No, it's right here.
1080
00:56:48,100 --> 00:56:49,580
What kind of budget
you workin' with?
1081
00:56:52,060 --> 00:56:54,976
Wow, Ted Vincent!
1082
00:56:55,368 --> 00:56:56,500
There you are, kid.
1083
00:56:57,457 --> 00:56:59,111
-Thanks, sir.
-Hey!
1084
00:57:01,330 --> 00:57:02,680
-Thanks.
-Sorry.
1085
00:57:17,825 --> 00:57:18,870
You know, Leslie...
1086
00:57:20,219 --> 00:57:22,743
people like that patheticbellboy think I have everything.
1087
00:57:23,396 --> 00:57:28,445
Nobody sees the heartache
that goes with being
so handsome and famous.
1088
00:57:28,967 --> 00:57:31,752
"Hold the diaphragm down,
and press the opposite sides
1089
00:57:31,796 --> 00:57:34,538
of the rim together
between the thumb
and third finger."
1090
00:57:39,543 --> 00:57:41,675
[sighs]
Boy, this one's a mother.
1091
00:57:42,546 --> 00:57:43,416
[grunts]
1092
00:57:45,200 --> 00:57:48,290
Come on, Les, millions
of women do this every day.
1093
00:57:48,334 --> 00:57:49,466
[elastic springs]
1094
00:57:51,685 --> 00:57:55,080
I'll bet you do everything
with a savage intensity.
1095
00:57:55,994 --> 00:57:57,169
I know I do.
1096
00:58:03,784 --> 00:58:06,134
What are you doing
so intensely in there?
1097
00:58:08,920 --> 00:58:10,399
[water splashes]
1098
00:58:11,575 --> 00:58:13,664
Just have a check
in by the fifteenth.
1099
00:58:13,707 --> 00:58:15,361
And don't worry about the food,
1100
00:58:15,404 --> 00:58:17,145
our meatballs are the talk
of the town.
1101
00:58:17,450 --> 00:58:19,104
Especially at poison control.
1102
00:58:19,147 --> 00:58:21,149
[chuckles] You found the way
to his heart, kid.
1103
00:58:21,193 --> 00:58:23,935
-Where's Carp?
-I know where he is.
1104
00:58:23,978 --> 00:58:24,979
Follow me.
1105
00:58:33,031 --> 00:58:33,988
Oh, shit.
1106
00:58:34,032 --> 00:58:35,294
He's in here.
1107
00:58:45,609 --> 00:58:48,350
Jeez, I gotta fix this bastard.
1108
00:58:49,134 --> 00:58:51,919
Carp? Come out, come out,
where ever you are.
1109
00:58:51,963 --> 00:58:53,921
I think he's in the back.
1110
00:58:54,443 --> 00:58:56,402
You can't really hear
anything back there.
1111
00:58:57,446 --> 00:58:58,317
Carp?
1112
00:59:08,588 --> 00:59:10,938
Ah, at last.
1113
00:59:12,244 --> 00:59:13,724
I thought maybe you fell in.
1114
00:59:15,116 --> 00:59:16,117
Ambrosia?
1115
00:59:17,075 --> 00:59:18,076
Thank you.
1116
00:59:24,909 --> 00:59:26,563
Climb aboard the magic carpet.
1117
00:59:40,054 --> 00:59:41,360
Can we turn down
the lights?
1118
00:59:43,405 --> 00:59:47,235
I just want to make it...
special, you know, romantic.
1119
00:59:50,325 --> 00:59:52,719
You're here, Leslie,
that's makes you special.
1120
00:59:53,024 --> 00:59:54,373
And I'm a special guy.
1121
00:59:57,681 --> 01:00:00,553
I was hoping it would meanas much to you as it does to me.
1122
01:00:00,597 --> 01:00:02,337
[chuckles] It does,
it means a lot to me.
1123
01:00:02,990 --> 01:00:04,339
I cancelled
a bunny for you.
1124
01:00:04,731 --> 01:00:06,080
But let's not talk
about me.
1125
01:00:10,171 --> 01:00:11,738
[grunting]
1126
01:00:12,783 --> 01:00:15,133
Listen, don't be
so uptight, kid.
1127
01:00:15,394 --> 01:00:17,004
You got nothin' to worry about.
1128
01:00:17,048 --> 01:00:20,834
I simply want you to relax,
lay back and enjoy.
1129
01:00:21,095 --> 01:00:24,969
Just let old Roberta
take complete charge here.
1130
01:00:25,360 --> 01:00:26,579
[Alan]
Do I have a choice?
1131
01:00:26,971 --> 01:00:30,322
Now, the first thing we're
gonna do is drop the drawers.
1132
01:00:30,365 --> 01:00:31,279
That's okay.
1133
01:00:31,802 --> 01:00:35,153
You gotta peel the banana
before you can eat it.
1134
01:00:35,457 --> 01:00:37,068
You don't mess around,
do you?
1135
01:00:37,111 --> 01:00:39,897
I take my men like
I take my liquor,
1136
01:00:39,940 --> 01:00:42,029
straight and hard.
1137
01:00:43,901 --> 01:00:45,642
Come on, come on.
1138
01:00:47,513 --> 01:00:50,211
Hey now,
just wait a second here.
1139
01:00:55,913 --> 01:01:01,962
Nothing personal, precious,
but I've seen the heartache
of herpes.
1140
01:01:04,356 --> 01:01:07,576
I can't, this is all wrong.I don't even know why I'm here.
1141
01:01:07,620 --> 01:01:09,100
I thought you wanted
to help Sharon.
1142
01:01:09,143 --> 01:01:10,536
I do, but not like this.
1143
01:01:10,579 --> 01:01:13,757
[sighs] Now, look.You do for me and I do for you.
1144
01:01:13,800 --> 01:01:15,584
That's what good sex
is all about.
1145
01:01:16,281 --> 01:01:19,240
Oh, please, don't.
I really never thought
it would come to this.
1146
01:01:20,067 --> 01:01:21,590
Baby, you haven't seen
anything yet.
1147
01:01:21,634 --> 01:01:22,766
I'm gonna take you to Mars!
1148
01:01:23,070 --> 01:01:24,376
[Vincent groans]
1149
01:01:24,419 --> 01:01:26,247
I'm 17-years-old,
Mr. Vincent,
1150
01:01:26,291 --> 01:01:27,553
and you can take it to Uranus!
1151
01:01:27,596 --> 01:01:28,641
You're 17?
1152
01:01:28,685 --> 01:01:30,251
And even if I never turn 18,
1153
01:01:30,295 --> 01:01:31,818
I'm gonna get Sharon
back in school,
1154
01:01:31,862 --> 01:01:33,080
with or without your help!
1155
01:01:33,385 --> 01:01:35,387
Hey, now, look,
there's no need to panic.
1156
01:01:36,562 --> 01:01:38,738
You know, I'm dying to do
that story on your friend.
1157
01:01:38,782 --> 01:01:41,654
Pregnant teenager, no future.
Wow! What a hook!
1158
01:01:42,611 --> 01:01:44,265
Do you think I can get
some air in here?
1159
01:01:44,570 --> 01:01:47,529
Sheesh, you really know
how to kill a mood, kid.
1160
01:01:49,053 --> 01:01:51,055
[panting]
1161
01:01:54,536 --> 01:01:57,888
Like I said, don't do much
for the atmosphere.
1162
01:02:00,499 --> 01:02:02,196
That's okay, kid!
1163
01:02:02,675 --> 01:02:05,373
Whenever you're ready,
you know where to find me.
1164
01:02:09,508 --> 01:02:10,727
[sighs]
1165
01:02:11,945 --> 01:02:15,035
You're just too much woman,
Roberta.
1166
01:02:16,515 --> 01:02:18,691
You're just too hot to handle.
1167
01:02:24,131 --> 01:02:25,350
[Vincent sighs]
1168
01:02:25,742 --> 01:02:28,962
Hi, tiger. Listen, sweetie,
I'm over here at the Lorelei
1169
01:02:29,006 --> 01:02:30,877
and I'm holding
a ticket to paradise.
1170
01:02:31,182 --> 01:02:32,444
Can you meet me in 45 minutes?
1171
01:02:33,271 --> 01:02:34,141
Ciao.
1172
01:02:36,753 --> 01:02:37,884
[warbles]
1173
01:02:38,755 --> 01:02:39,799
Yeah!
1174
01:02:43,542 --> 01:02:44,891
Alan, what are you doing here?
1175
01:02:44,935 --> 01:02:46,458
Uh, just lookin' for the Carp.
1176
01:02:46,501 --> 01:02:47,720
He's never around
when you need him.
1177
01:02:48,199 --> 01:02:49,287
What are you doin' here?
1178
01:02:49,330 --> 01:02:51,593
Um, my Aunt Tilly's
coming to visit.
1179
01:02:52,246 --> 01:02:54,727
She's a cleanliness fanatic.I was checking the rooms.
1180
01:02:54,771 --> 01:02:57,034
Yeah, I guess so. Hey, you want
me to walk you to your car?
1181
01:02:57,077 --> 01:02:59,210
You never know who's gonna
jump you in a place like this.
1182
01:02:59,253 --> 01:03:02,909
[teacher]Well, it seems that Mr. Bones iscaught up in the holiday spirit.
1183
01:03:02,953 --> 01:03:05,129
[class giggling]
1184
01:03:05,999 --> 01:03:07,174
Highly amusing.
1185
01:03:09,046 --> 01:03:11,439
[boy] Stuck on you
with Wacky Glue, Miss Post.
1186
01:03:13,572 --> 01:03:15,182
Leave him alone,
he's blind.
1187
01:03:15,835 --> 01:03:17,532
So much for Mr. Bones' humerus.
1188
01:03:20,448 --> 01:03:22,276
[phone rings]
1189
01:03:23,277 --> 01:03:24,757
[class jeering and giggling]
1190
01:03:29,631 --> 01:03:31,764
[boy] The old man got himself
pretty dead, eh, Max?
1191
01:03:31,808 --> 01:03:33,592
[class laughing]
1192
01:03:35,072 --> 01:03:36,334
That might have been
a critical call
1193
01:03:36,377 --> 01:03:37,552
and now we'll never know.
1194
01:03:38,510 --> 01:03:42,122
I've obtained a delightful filmon the reproductive system
of the horny toad.
1195
01:03:42,166 --> 01:03:45,430
Please be advised that this
material will be covered
in Friday's quiz.
1196
01:03:45,473 --> 01:03:47,736
[class laughing]
1197
01:03:56,397 --> 01:03:59,052
Now that we've all had our fun,perhaps someone other than I
1198
01:03:59,096 --> 01:04:01,054
might hoist the projector
into place.
1199
01:04:01,098 --> 01:04:02,795
Please, Ed help me, now.
1200
01:04:03,056 --> 01:04:04,971
[applause]
1201
01:04:08,105 --> 01:04:10,455
[Pittman grunting]
1202
01:04:33,260 --> 01:04:35,523
Ready to roll
when you are, Ms. Post.
1203
01:04:35,567 --> 01:04:38,570
Pay close attention
when the male mounts
the female's back.
1204
01:04:38,613 --> 01:04:40,659
At his touch she releases
thousands of eggs,
1205
01:04:40,702 --> 01:04:44,532
as they come tumbling out of herhe spews sperm all over them.
1206
01:04:45,185 --> 01:04:48,797
I think that you'll agreewith me that in some ways theircourtship is almost elegant.
1207
01:04:49,581 --> 01:04:51,409
[class jeering]
1208
01:04:51,452 --> 01:04:55,500
Oh, my... no, no, no, no!
I know this isn't right.
1209
01:04:55,543 --> 01:04:57,110
I ordered A Tale of Two Toads.
1210
01:05:02,072 --> 01:05:04,335
I've seen this one before
at my cousin's stag party.
1211
01:05:05,684 --> 01:05:06,728
You're an animal!
1212
01:05:07,512 --> 01:05:09,688
You, you people,
you're all animals!
1213
01:05:10,167 --> 01:05:11,951
You're a disgrace to evolution!
1214
01:05:12,212 --> 01:05:14,388
[all cheering]
1215
01:05:19,176 --> 01:05:20,699
[Ms. post gasps]
1216
01:05:20,742 --> 01:05:24,181
[sobbing] Oh, Mr. Porter,
I just can't take it anymore.
1217
01:05:24,224 --> 01:05:26,923
I just can't take it!
I wanna go back to pre-school
1218
01:05:26,966 --> 01:05:29,229
where sex is a three-letter wordthat nobody understands!
1219
01:05:29,273 --> 01:05:30,927
Easy, Ms. Post!
Get a grip on yourself!
1220
01:05:31,492 --> 01:05:33,190
Earl, you'd better check it out.
1221
01:05:33,233 --> 01:05:34,147
Yes, sir.
1222
01:05:34,191 --> 01:05:35,366
It was horrible!
It was horrible!
1223
01:05:35,409 --> 01:05:36,976
I mean,I know it's a natural function,
1224
01:05:37,020 --> 01:05:38,717
birds do it, bees do it,
everybody does it,
1225
01:05:38,760 --> 01:05:41,328
but it's all they think about!
It's all I think about.
1226
01:05:41,372 --> 01:05:43,026
Come on!
Snap out of it, Ms. Post!
1227
01:05:43,504 --> 01:05:45,942
Come on! Heads up!
Heads up!
1228
01:05:45,985 --> 01:05:48,292
Shoulders back!
Suck in that gut!
1229
01:05:48,335 --> 01:05:49,380
Yes, sir.
1230
01:05:49,771 --> 01:05:52,035
'Cause you've got to stop
behaving like a woman!
1231
01:05:52,600 --> 01:05:56,126
In this outfit,
you are an officer!
You got that?
1232
01:05:56,604 --> 01:05:57,736
Oh, yes, sir.
1233
01:05:57,779 --> 01:06:00,478
Well, pull it together!
Take that hill.
1234
01:06:01,479 --> 01:06:03,655
Thank you, sir.
I'll do my best, sir.
1235
01:06:03,698 --> 01:06:04,612
Yes.
1236
01:06:08,051 --> 01:06:09,617
-[Ms. Post sobbing]
-[Porter groans]
1237
01:06:09,922 --> 01:06:10,923
Women!
1238
01:06:10,967 --> 01:06:12,142
[dog barking]
1239
01:06:13,360 --> 01:06:14,535
Our school system.
1240
01:06:14,971 --> 01:06:17,234
It's designed to make productive citizens, of our youth.
1241
01:06:17,277 --> 01:06:18,322
Or is it?
1242
01:06:18,365 --> 01:06:19,627
Did I miss anything?
1243
01:06:19,671 --> 01:06:21,499
Shh, Ted Vincent's on, honey.
1244
01:06:21,542 --> 01:06:22,891
Sharon attends classes
at the med center.
1245
01:06:23,153 --> 01:06:25,024
She is intelligent,
she is ambitious,
1246
01:06:25,285 --> 01:06:27,984
she is also pregnant.
And there's the rub.
1247
01:06:28,375 --> 01:06:31,291
It seems that the school system would rather see Sharon
on the welfare role,
1248
01:06:31,335 --> 01:06:32,989
than attending classes at Nixon.
1249
01:06:33,032 --> 01:06:36,340
Does the school system care
that this destroys her dreams
1250
01:06:36,383 --> 01:06:37,602
of a career in health services?
1251
01:06:38,081 --> 01:06:39,560
But Sharon's classmates do.
Meet the people responsible
1252
01:06:39,604 --> 01:06:41,432
-for bringing this
to our attention.
-There she is.
1253
01:06:41,475 --> 01:06:44,435
Leslie Hindenberg
and Melanie Taylor.
1254
01:06:45,044 --> 01:06:46,872
Miss Hindenberg,
Community Close-up
would like to know
1255
01:06:46,915 --> 01:06:49,527
why, in this age of apathy,
you cared enough
to get involved?
1256
01:06:49,875 --> 01:06:52,051
I saw a wrong
and tried to right it.
1257
01:06:52,573 --> 01:06:54,097
We hate all injustice.
1258
01:06:54,488 --> 01:06:56,490
Weren't you worried
that your actions
1259
01:06:56,534 --> 01:06:58,318
might label you
as a little trouble maker?
1260
01:06:59,493 --> 01:07:01,234
It just didn't seem important.
1261
01:07:02,148 --> 01:07:04,498
I think what Miss Hindenberg
is trying to say
1262
01:07:04,542 --> 01:07:06,457
is that she had the compassion
to put her own future
1263
01:07:06,500 --> 01:07:08,024
on the line for her friend.
1264
01:07:08,067 --> 01:07:09,938
Not many of us
would be so unselfish.
1265
01:07:09,982 --> 01:07:11,853
Not many of us have
only six weeks to live.
1266
01:07:11,897 --> 01:07:12,985
[splutters]
1267
01:07:13,029 --> 01:07:14,595
Leslie wants to use
her final days
1268
01:07:14,639 --> 01:07:16,162
-to do something for mankind.
-Melanie!
1269
01:07:16,728 --> 01:07:18,991
We'll be right back with more
on this inspirational story,
1270
01:07:19,035 --> 01:07:21,167
live and exclusively
onCommunity Close-up.
1271
01:07:22,125 --> 01:07:23,735
[announcer] We'll be right back
with more news
1272
01:07:23,778 --> 01:07:24,953
after a word from our sponsor.
1273
01:07:25,432 --> 01:07:27,521
That's just the question
I was going to ask you!
1274
01:07:27,913 --> 01:07:29,523
[doctor] What's wrong
with your daughter?
1275
01:07:29,567 --> 01:07:31,612
How the hell should I know?
You're the doctor!
1276
01:07:31,960 --> 01:07:34,267
It's a harmless mole,
she's not going die.
1277
01:07:34,659 --> 01:07:35,573
She's not?
1278
01:07:36,139 --> 01:07:37,879
No, and I did not tell her
she was going to die.
1279
01:07:37,923 --> 01:07:40,752
-You didn't?
-No, Leslie's fine. Goodnight.
1280
01:07:43,668 --> 01:07:45,974
Somebody's got some
explaining to do!
1281
01:07:46,018 --> 01:07:48,107
I knew it was too good
to be true.
1282
01:07:49,326 --> 01:07:51,023
But I overheard Dr. Fox say--
1283
01:07:51,067 --> 01:07:52,633
It's only a mole, damn it!
1284
01:07:52,677 --> 01:07:54,548
They're rarely fatal, honey.
1285
01:07:54,592 --> 01:07:56,855
Wait till everyone
at school finds out.
1286
01:07:56,898 --> 01:07:59,162
If you tell anyone
I'm gonna live, I'll kill you.
1287
01:08:00,772 --> 01:08:04,167
Hey, Hinden-- Leslie.
Give me five, buddy.
1288
01:08:05,255 --> 01:08:07,996
Hey, you did good, you know.
I'm real proud of you.
1289
01:08:08,040 --> 01:08:10,738
Thanks. I'm sure you'd've
done the same thing.
1290
01:08:10,782 --> 01:08:14,046
Hell, no, I'd probably be
too busy tryin' to get laid
or something.
1291
01:08:14,090 --> 01:08:17,615
Hey, Leslie, Leslie.
I was just thinkin'
1292
01:08:17,658 --> 01:08:19,747
I'm really gonna miss
that look on your face,
1293
01:08:19,791 --> 01:08:21,445
you know, when you
get really pissed-off.
1294
01:08:22,141 --> 01:08:25,101
Thanks, Tim, but the doctor
says I might be in remission.
1295
01:08:30,454 --> 01:08:33,892
Miss Hindenberg?
My deepest sympathy.
1296
01:08:34,632 --> 01:08:38,026
And may it ease your mind
to know that Sharon
will be coming back.
1297
01:08:38,418 --> 01:08:39,463
That's great.
1298
01:08:41,465 --> 01:08:42,727
No prints, sir.
1299
01:08:44,685 --> 01:08:45,860
[boy] Nice fish.
[laughing]
1300
01:08:46,513 --> 01:08:47,775
No, Max.
1301
01:08:47,819 --> 01:08:48,907
Mr. Holt!
1302
01:08:50,300 --> 01:08:52,258
Oh, you're a real comedian,
aren't you, son?
1303
01:08:52,606 --> 01:08:54,304
I like to laugh,
if that's what you mean.
1304
01:08:54,826 --> 01:08:57,350
All right, son.
If that's the way
you wanna play it.
1305
01:08:57,394 --> 01:08:59,657
You just remember that I've
got you under surveillance.
1306
01:08:59,700 --> 01:09:01,833
Sooner or later, you're gonna
step into your own glue,
1307
01:09:02,094 --> 01:09:03,965
and it'll be my turn to laugh!
1308
01:09:04,314 --> 01:09:05,532
Ha, ha!
1309
01:09:10,755 --> 01:09:12,191
[girls giggling]
1310
01:09:12,670 --> 01:09:15,368
[girl] No lie, Allison,
she never was gonna die.
1311
01:09:15,629 --> 01:09:17,936
That's what her little
sister told my little sister.
1312
01:09:18,458 --> 01:09:20,504
Hi, Candy.
Thanks for the card.
1313
01:09:20,939 --> 01:09:23,202
Hold onto it. Someday you
might even die for real.
1314
01:09:23,246 --> 01:09:24,116
[giggles]
1315
01:09:27,946 --> 01:09:30,296
Some people will do anything
for attention.
1316
01:09:35,823 --> 01:09:37,869
[bell ringing]
1317
01:09:38,391 --> 01:09:39,610
-Hi, Les.
-Hi.
1318
01:09:40,219 --> 01:09:42,917
I can't believe what you did,
telling everybody
you were dying.
1319
01:09:42,961 --> 01:09:44,876
I mean, everybody was
saying: "What a geek."
1320
01:09:44,919 --> 01:09:46,573
I said:
"There goes a true friend."
1321
01:09:49,533 --> 01:09:53,319
Well, well, well, if it isn't
the girl who would not die.
1322
01:09:53,363 --> 01:09:55,365
[class giggling]
1323
01:09:55,669 --> 01:09:59,195
In Abu Dhabi, nobody die.
You just come back in
a different body.
1324
01:09:59,238 --> 01:10:02,676
Yeah, Hindenberg, next time
come back with a boob-job.
1325
01:10:02,720 --> 01:10:07,507
Now class, today we climax
our adventure with a look
at human reproduction.
1326
01:10:08,291 --> 01:10:09,727
Unlike the promiscuous
alley cat,
1327
01:10:10,075 --> 01:10:12,120
humans may mate for love.
1328
01:10:12,469 --> 01:10:14,079
In the process
of careful selection,
1329
01:10:14,122 --> 01:10:16,908
humans can increase the odds
of passing on desirable genes.
1330
01:10:16,951 --> 01:10:19,084
-[Pittman] Like big tits!
-[klaxon blares]
1331
01:10:19,127 --> 01:10:20,128
[all groaning]
1332
01:10:20,477 --> 01:10:21,565
Thank you, Mr. Pittman.
1333
01:10:21,869 --> 01:10:23,915
For instance, can you do this?
1334
01:10:26,091 --> 01:10:28,093
You'll find that some of you
can touch the tip or your nose
1335
01:10:28,136 --> 01:10:29,877
with your tongue and some of yousimply cannot.
1336
01:10:30,226 --> 01:10:34,012
I can. Why don't you try,
and then look around
and graph the results.
1337
01:10:35,143 --> 01:10:36,406
Go ahead. Try it.
1338
01:10:37,276 --> 01:10:38,973
Hey, Leslie, glad to see
you're still around
1339
01:10:39,017 --> 01:10:41,802
to pass your genes
onto some little Hindenberger.
1340
01:10:41,846 --> 01:10:43,456
-[class laughing]
-[klaxon blares]
1341
01:10:44,849 --> 01:10:46,242
Thank you, Mr. Pittman.
1342
01:10:49,462 --> 01:10:52,465
"It's all I can do to get out
of bed and live
through another day.
1343
01:10:53,249 --> 01:10:56,208
When they started laughing,
part of me died.
1344
01:10:56,861 --> 01:10:59,385
All I can do is pretend
I don't care,
1345
01:10:59,429 --> 01:11:02,345
and move to outer Mongolia
when I graduate."
1346
01:11:10,788 --> 01:11:12,920
I can't stand
the silent treatment.
1347
01:11:13,443 --> 01:11:15,575
Yell at me if you want,
but say something.
1348
01:11:15,619 --> 01:11:17,621
Too late to kiss up now,
rat face.
1349
01:11:17,969 --> 01:11:20,363
As far as I'm concerned,
I'm now an only child.
1350
01:11:20,406 --> 01:11:22,016
Mom's really worried about you.
1351
01:11:22,843 --> 01:11:24,932
She and Dad are talkin'
about shrinks.
1352
01:11:25,237 --> 01:11:26,499
Unnecessary.
1353
01:11:27,457 --> 01:11:29,720
Tomorrow night's
the Christmas Ball.
1354
01:11:29,763 --> 01:11:31,156
Ask me if I care.
1355
01:11:31,591 --> 01:11:34,986
But Leslie, you were
doing a lot more living
1356
01:11:35,378 --> 01:11:36,988
when you thought
you were dying.
1357
01:11:37,771 --> 01:11:40,208
Now that you're living,
you act like you're dead.
1358
01:11:41,340 --> 01:11:43,560
That's so heavy,I don't know if I can grasp it.
1359
01:11:44,387 --> 01:11:47,433
I thought high school's supposedto be the neatest time
time in a girl's life.
1360
01:11:48,260 --> 01:11:50,001
Whatever gave you that idea?
1361
01:11:52,046 --> 01:11:54,701
I can't believe what my mother
had the gall to serve
for dinner last night.
1362
01:11:55,354 --> 01:11:57,748
Roast lamb's head
marinated in olive oil.
1363
01:11:58,314 --> 01:12:01,795
I almost puked.
Farouk, he loved it.
1364
01:12:03,231 --> 01:12:04,711
What smut are
you reading now?
1365
01:12:06,496 --> 01:12:09,934
Whoa, we're talkin' serious
desperation, here, Alan.
1366
01:12:12,415 --> 01:12:14,373
Can I see it
when you're finished?
I sure could use it.
1367
01:12:14,417 --> 01:12:16,462
Ha, ha, don't make me laugh.
1368
01:12:16,506 --> 01:12:19,204
No, no, really!
Guess how many times
I've scored this year.
1369
01:12:19,247 --> 01:12:20,988
No thanks,
it'll only depress me.
1370
01:12:21,598 --> 01:12:25,210
Zero. Nada. Zip.
Zilch. Nil and void.
1371
01:12:26,472 --> 01:12:28,953
Farouk moved in and
my social life moved out.
1372
01:12:28,996 --> 01:12:30,650
I can't go anywhere alone, now.
1373
01:12:31,259 --> 01:12:33,827
Except for the john,
and even that's not safe.
1374
01:12:33,871 --> 01:12:35,089
The guy doesn't knock.
1375
01:12:35,133 --> 01:12:36,526
I'm gonna die a virgin, Max.
1376
01:12:36,874 --> 01:12:40,878
I'm lookin' forward to fiftyyears plus of today's celibacy.
1377
01:12:50,148 --> 01:12:53,934
[band playing upbeat pop music]
1378
01:13:04,902 --> 01:13:07,557
♪ Last night I thought
About you and me ♪
1379
01:13:08,862 --> 01:13:12,344
♪ And about that shiny little
Engagement ring ♪
1380
01:13:12,388 --> 01:13:16,043
♪ You never call me
And it's making me cry ♪
1381
01:13:16,087 --> 01:13:18,655
♪ You never call me
And I wanna die ♪
1382
01:13:19,786 --> 01:13:22,398
♪ But then this morning
When I checked the mail ♪
1383
01:13:23,703 --> 01:13:26,924
♪ Just one more ad
About the evening sale ♪
1384
01:13:27,403 --> 01:13:30,667
♪ Just breaks my heart
'Cause you did not
Send a letter ♪
1385
01:13:31,189 --> 01:13:34,801
♪ My friends are sayin': "Boy, better just forget her" ♪
1386
01:13:34,845 --> 01:13:36,020
♪ 'Cause you never
1387
01:13:36,542 --> 01:13:38,675
Hey, Hindenberg, you're lookinga little pasty there aren't you?
1388
01:13:38,936 --> 01:13:41,852
Say, uh, you're not gonna
croak on us again, are you?
1389
01:13:42,505 --> 01:13:44,898
♪ You never call me
On the telephone ♪
1390
01:13:46,204 --> 01:13:49,425
♪ You never call me
And I'm so alone ♪
1391
01:13:53,516 --> 01:13:56,736
♪ Maybe someday
I'll get you back again ♪
1392
01:13:56,780 --> 01:14:00,000
♪ There ain't no tellin'
When I might be a winner ♪
1393
01:14:01,480 --> 01:14:04,004
♪ Maybe someday
I'll make you understand ♪
1394
01:14:04,048 --> 01:14:07,486
♪ You can't ever live
Without me ♪
1395
01:14:07,530 --> 01:14:11,751
♪ No, I play guitar
And I sing in a band ♪
1396
01:14:11,795 --> 01:14:14,798
♪ There ain't no reason
Why you shouldn't like me ♪
1397
01:14:15,799 --> 01:14:19,193
♪ Last time I saw you You were walkin' hand in hand ♪
1398
01:14:19,237 --> 01:14:22,153
♪ With some other guy
That I'd never seen before ♪
1399
01:14:22,501 --> 01:14:23,894
♪ And you never ♪
1400
01:14:26,200 --> 01:14:27,941
♪ You never call me
1401
01:14:29,987 --> 01:14:32,642
♪ You never call me
On the telephone ♪
1402
01:14:33,817 --> 01:14:37,081
♪ You never call me
And I'm so alone ♪
1403
01:14:54,925 --> 01:14:58,319
♪ I took you dancing
On your birthday in Harlem ♪
1404
01:14:58,363 --> 01:15:01,584
♪ And I don't like dancing
But I knew you would ♪
1405
01:15:02,193 --> 01:15:04,500
♪ You left me standing
By the disco... ♪
1406
01:15:04,543 --> 01:15:06,197
They make 'em that big
in Abu Dhabi?
1407
01:15:07,024 --> 01:15:09,592
Breath test patrol, can youtouch your finger to your nose?
1408
01:15:09,635 --> 01:15:11,071
Cool it, Mel,
you wanna get us busted?
1409
01:15:11,115 --> 01:15:12,116
Bribe me, I'm easy.
1410
01:15:12,464 --> 01:15:14,727
I feel so happy, Max.
That give me good head.
1411
01:15:14,771 --> 01:15:15,902
Yeah, if only it could.
1412
01:15:16,294 --> 01:15:18,688
The only thing I need to
make this party just perfect,
1413
01:15:18,731 --> 01:15:20,777
is a beautiful woman
to love me.
1414
01:15:20,820 --> 01:15:21,995
Yeah, I can relate.
1415
01:15:22,039 --> 01:15:23,910
They're not hard to find
if you look, Max.
1416
01:15:23,954 --> 01:15:26,522
She may be just a step away,
just waiting for you
to ask her to dance.
1417
01:15:27,479 --> 01:15:29,525
♪ You never call me
1418
01:15:31,396 --> 01:15:33,920
♪ You never call me
On the telephone ♪
1419
01:15:34,921 --> 01:15:37,576
♪ You never call me
1420
01:15:38,838 --> 01:15:42,059
♪ You never never never
1421
01:15:43,321 --> 01:15:45,236
Hi, Leslie. Lookin' good.
1422
01:15:45,497 --> 01:15:46,498
Want some punch?
1423
01:15:46,542 --> 01:15:47,978
[crowd cheering]
1424
01:15:48,848 --> 01:15:51,285
[band playing midtempo music]
1425
01:15:51,329 --> 01:15:53,200
[Leslie] Carp, you got
meat sauce in it.
1426
01:15:53,244 --> 01:15:54,462
[laughing] I'm sorry.
1427
01:15:55,028 --> 01:15:56,290
OK, here we go.
1428
01:15:57,074 --> 01:15:58,118
[Leslie]
That's good.
1429
01:15:58,641 --> 01:15:59,555
Okay.
1430
01:15:59,990 --> 01:16:01,426
-Carp?
-Yeah.
1431
01:16:01,948 --> 01:16:03,123
How you doin'?
1432
01:16:03,167 --> 01:16:05,038
Oh, I'm doin' great.
Have a good day.
1433
01:16:13,656 --> 01:16:15,788
-You wanna dance?
-Sure.
1434
01:16:30,977 --> 01:16:32,979
Even trade, Carp.Two of these babies for a room.
1435
01:16:33,458 --> 01:16:35,721
Those? Um, red pills
give me hives.
1436
01:16:37,201 --> 01:16:39,595
-Aren't you on probation?
-That's the point, man!
1437
01:16:39,638 --> 01:16:42,119
I can't party in public
these days.
1438
01:16:42,380 --> 01:16:44,991
Hey, Ms. Post!
Are you havin' a good time?
1439
01:16:45,035 --> 01:16:46,950
Oh, yes, thank you very much,
Mr. Holt, I am.
1440
01:16:47,603 --> 01:16:50,693
Mr. Holt, might I have some
of that ethanol tucked under
your coat, there?
1441
01:16:52,085 --> 01:16:53,130
Yeah.
1442
01:16:54,044 --> 01:16:55,001
Cheers.
1443
01:16:55,567 --> 01:16:57,003
-[chokes]
-[laughing]
1444
01:16:57,047 --> 01:16:58,091
You like it?
1445
01:16:58,135 --> 01:16:59,919
Very fine, carry on.
1446
01:17:00,572 --> 01:17:04,315
Melanie, I give you box of candyand then you go out with me.
1447
01:17:04,837 --> 01:17:07,100
Thanks anyway, but chocolate
makes me break out.
1448
01:17:07,144 --> 01:17:08,101
Oh, shit.
1449
01:17:09,146 --> 01:17:10,843
[Mushroom and Pittman howling]
1450
01:17:11,148 --> 01:17:12,192
It's 104!
1451
01:17:26,990 --> 01:17:28,469
Great genes!
1452
01:17:31,690 --> 01:17:34,084
These bells are
giving me a migraine.
1453
01:17:35,563 --> 01:17:36,564
Excuse me.
1454
01:17:37,783 --> 01:17:39,132
What's your name?
1455
01:17:39,742 --> 01:17:40,656
Dinko.
1456
01:17:41,134 --> 01:17:45,182
Mr. Dinko, would you like
to dance with me?
1457
01:17:48,838 --> 01:17:49,882
I love this woman.
1458
01:17:51,841 --> 01:17:54,104
Love is a four letter word.
1459
01:17:55,192 --> 01:17:58,499
-Guess who.
-It sure ain't Santa Claus.
1460
01:18:10,990 --> 01:18:13,819
[pop music playing
in hotel room]
1461
01:18:18,781 --> 01:18:21,000
[indistinct chatter]
1462
01:18:36,755 --> 01:18:39,976
No shit, I met some great
connections in drug school.
1463
01:18:40,585 --> 01:18:42,108
You name it, I can get it.
1464
01:18:43,327 --> 01:18:45,285
No thanks,
I never touch that stuff.
1465
01:18:45,764 --> 01:18:47,853
Hey, mellow out, Edstein!
1466
01:18:48,332 --> 01:18:49,463
Sit down and party.
1467
01:18:50,029 --> 01:18:51,683
Thanks, I like the view
from here.
1468
01:18:54,468 --> 01:18:56,601
Oh, you change your mind?
1469
01:19:01,127 --> 01:19:04,000
I mean, it changed the way
I looked at things,
1470
01:19:04,043 --> 01:19:06,176
like the meaning of life,
death and sex.
1471
01:19:06,219 --> 01:19:07,481
You left out love.
1472
01:19:08,091 --> 01:19:10,093
I didn't think I had time
for that.
1473
01:19:10,746 --> 01:19:14,445
Yeah, me neither.I just wanted to get laid.
1474
01:19:14,488 --> 01:19:15,838
You mean, you haven't either?
1475
01:19:21,191 --> 01:19:24,890
When I was a girl,
we learned Latin in school
1476
01:19:24,934 --> 01:19:26,936
and sex in the streets.
1477
01:19:27,501 --> 01:19:31,114
Now how are they gonna
learn Latin in the streets?
1478
01:19:32,376 --> 01:19:34,813
Well, I'll have to think
about that one, Mrs. Fish.
1479
01:19:34,857 --> 01:19:35,945
[both laugh]
1480
01:19:36,336 --> 01:19:38,382
Will you excuse me,
just for a moment?
1481
01:19:38,425 --> 01:19:39,731
Just a moment.
1482
01:19:39,992 --> 01:19:43,300
[pants tearing]
1483
01:19:45,824 --> 01:19:47,870
-[Mrs. Fish screams]
-Damn it!
1484
01:19:48,435 --> 01:19:50,786
Melanie, you need new clothes.
1485
01:19:51,308 --> 01:19:53,571
I buy you dress,
you go out with me.
1486
01:19:54,572 --> 01:19:56,966
See, Max,
Farouk's got the right idea.
1487
01:19:57,357 --> 01:19:58,837
All you have to do is ask.
1488
01:19:59,359 --> 01:20:01,361
Give her an offer
she can't refuse.
1489
01:20:01,405 --> 01:20:07,106
Melanie, I buy you Mercedes,
you go out with me.
1490
01:20:07,367 --> 01:20:09,979
Hey, come off it, Farouk,
you cannot buy her a Mercedes.
1491
01:20:10,240 --> 01:20:15,506
Yes, I can, Max. I have,
uh, four in Abu Dhabi.
1492
01:20:15,549 --> 01:20:17,638
And many, many travelers'’
checks.
1493
01:20:18,335 --> 01:20:20,380
Then, what are youdoin' ridin' around with me?
1494
01:20:20,816 --> 01:20:21,991
I like you, Max.
1495
01:20:22,513 --> 01:20:24,341
Besides, I have chauffeur
in Abu Dhabi.
1496
01:20:25,516 --> 01:20:29,172
Gee, Farouk, I didn't know youwere into expensive German cars.
1497
01:20:32,218 --> 01:20:36,092
Okay, okay, God,
but from now on,
1498
01:20:36,135 --> 01:20:41,271
I set my own shifts,
at 4.50 an hour, plus tips.
1499
01:20:41,314 --> 01:20:42,228
You got it.
1500
01:20:46,363 --> 01:20:47,451
[woman screams]
1501
01:20:48,626 --> 01:20:50,933
Excuse me. Wrong room.
1502
01:20:52,456 --> 01:20:56,634
Damn that Carpenter, come on.I swore he said room 105 was....
1503
01:20:57,200 --> 01:20:59,593
[laughing]
1504
01:21:00,377 --> 01:21:04,033
Hey, buddy, know where
I can get some ice
in this roach motel?
1505
01:21:04,294 --> 01:21:05,991
Carpenter!
1506
01:21:06,862 --> 01:21:08,037
Give me that bucket.
1507
01:21:09,908 --> 01:21:11,127
Gimme the bucket!
1508
01:21:11,431 --> 01:21:14,173
Oh! Gimme the bucket,
you break it, you pay for it!
1509
01:21:14,217 --> 01:21:17,698
[laughs] Hey Carp, do somethin',this guy's got a burr
up his butt.
1510
01:21:17,742 --> 01:21:19,657
Gimme that bucket! [grunts]
1511
01:21:20,310 --> 01:21:21,267
Now, Carpenter...
1512
01:21:21,311 --> 01:21:22,529
[girls squealing]
1513
01:21:24,053 --> 01:21:25,445
Hey, now, what's
going on in here?
1514
01:21:33,671 --> 01:21:35,412
Hey, man, turn out the lights.
1515
01:21:35,455 --> 01:21:38,415
I'm gonna personally turn out
the lights on everyone
of you punks
1516
01:21:38,458 --> 01:21:39,938
if you don't get the hell out!
1517
01:21:39,982 --> 01:21:41,853
Mister, why so tense?
1518
01:21:41,897 --> 01:21:42,854
Out!
1519
01:21:47,946 --> 01:21:50,601
I'd still be in the closet,
if Inga hadn't suggested
1520
01:21:50,644 --> 01:21:52,081
to try a new therapy
in the shower.
1521
01:21:52,733 --> 01:21:55,736
When you're talk about it,
it makes it seem less painful.
1522
01:21:56,172 --> 01:21:57,913
See this?
We're laughin' about it.
1523
01:21:57,956 --> 01:22:00,045
I mean, in school you always
look so serious.
1524
01:22:00,611 --> 01:22:02,308
I didn't think you noticed.
1525
01:22:02,613 --> 01:22:05,268
I thought it took someonelike Liz to get your attention.
1526
01:22:05,311 --> 01:22:06,443
Now, if I looked like her...
1527
01:22:07,313 --> 01:22:08,924
I like the way
you look better.
1528
01:22:23,547 --> 01:22:26,245
I think we got some
celebrating to do.
1529
01:22:26,289 --> 01:22:27,812
Okay, you're gonna pay for this.
1530
01:22:27,855 --> 01:22:29,335
I'm gonna call the cops!
1531
01:22:30,554 --> 01:22:35,559
Hey, Carp, man,
I'm really sorry.
I just wanted to get some ice.
1532
01:22:35,602 --> 01:22:38,518
[band playing upbeat pop music]
1533
01:22:41,391 --> 01:22:43,045
I know a good place to park.
1534
01:22:43,088 --> 01:22:45,221
I'll park anywhere
in a Mercedes.
1535
01:22:47,701 --> 01:22:51,140
I want to make some toast
for you, Max.
1536
01:22:51,183 --> 01:22:53,881
My best friend in United States.
1537
01:22:53,925 --> 01:22:57,015
-Thank you for your hostilities.-It was nothing.
1538
01:22:57,624 --> 01:23:00,932
Well, I owe Max
so many nothings.
1539
01:23:03,108 --> 01:23:06,285
I mean, until tonight,
talking to girls was like...
1540
01:23:06,720 --> 01:23:09,245
relating to aliens
from outer space.
1541
01:23:09,767 --> 01:23:13,336
You seem to clue in
on what I'm saying
before I've even said it.
1542
01:23:21,648 --> 01:23:23,563
[boy]
Hey, Alan, come on in, man!
1543
01:23:32,964 --> 01:23:36,446
Leslie, would you like to...
1544
01:23:50,721 --> 01:23:53,028
[police sirens wailing]
1545
01:23:59,425 --> 01:24:01,514
-[cop 1] Hey,
what room was that?
-[cop 2] 104.
1546
01:24:01,558 --> 01:24:02,950
[cop 1] Let's get up there.
1547
01:24:02,994 --> 01:24:05,214
You guys, it's the police!
1548
01:24:05,257 --> 01:24:08,260
Deja vu,man.
Time to boogie.
1549
01:24:08,304 --> 01:24:10,697
[all yelling]
1550
01:24:24,189 --> 01:24:25,495
I don't believe this.
1551
01:24:25,538 --> 01:24:30,195
Here I am all alone
with a beautiful woman...
1552
01:24:31,283 --> 01:24:33,546
and I could be happy
just talkin' all night long.
1553
01:24:34,547 --> 01:24:35,853
We could just talk.
1554
01:24:36,506 --> 01:24:37,376
No!
1555
01:24:54,611 --> 01:24:57,744
-It's a bust!
-[all screaming]
1556
01:25:14,587 --> 01:25:16,111
They've got us, Maxwell!
1557
01:25:16,720 --> 01:25:19,462
Oh, just one last kiss
before they lock us up.
1558
01:25:25,685 --> 01:25:26,686
Just one?
1559
01:25:28,079 --> 01:25:29,733
[Alan]
Let me work on this door.
1560
01:25:31,604 --> 01:25:33,040
To ensure privacy.
1561
01:25:33,693 --> 01:25:34,825
What do you mean?
1562
01:25:44,139 --> 01:25:45,488
You're the phantom?
1563
01:25:45,749 --> 01:25:48,578
I don't reveal myself
to just anybody.
1564
01:25:49,144 --> 01:25:50,275
Neither do I.
1565
01:25:58,849 --> 01:26:00,024
[Leslie giggling]
1566
01:26:02,505 --> 01:26:03,767
[giggling]
1567
01:26:16,780 --> 01:26:18,651
[down tempo music playing]
1568
01:26:19,261 --> 01:26:22,481
♪ Here's to this moment
In my life ♪
1569
01:26:22,873 --> 01:26:26,268
♪ When only my heart
Can say what's right ♪
1570
01:26:26,311 --> 01:26:31,621
♪ I hear a voice from somewhere Deep inside ♪
1571
01:26:33,449 --> 01:26:36,974
♪ Here's to the person
I'll become ♪
1572
01:26:37,017 --> 01:26:40,456
♪ After the battle's
Finally won ♪
1573
01:26:40,499 --> 01:26:46,201
♪ I can look back and say
I gave my all ♪
1574
01:26:46,462 --> 01:26:50,770
♪ I know
My dreams are coming true ♪
1575
01:26:51,771 --> 01:26:54,731
♪ I'll be sharing them all
With you ♪
1576
01:26:57,212 --> 01:26:58,822
♪ Forever
1577
01:27:00,650 --> 01:27:01,912
♪ Tonight
1578
01:27:02,739 --> 01:27:05,263
♪ We're reaching for the stars ♪
1579
01:27:06,046 --> 01:27:09,136
♪ They'll be shining
Wherever we are ♪
1580
01:27:11,400 --> 01:27:13,576
♪ Forever
1581
01:27:16,274 --> 01:27:19,321
♪ I know the future's
Looking bright ♪
1582
01:27:19,973 --> 01:27:23,020
♪ Though it won't happen
Overnight ♪
1583
01:27:23,281 --> 01:27:28,373
♪ It feels so good
I'm on my way ♪
1584
01:27:29,635 --> 01:27:33,813
♪ Here's to a life
With no regrets ♪
1585
01:27:34,074 --> 01:27:37,687
♪ I couldn't live
With something less ♪
1586
01:27:37,730 --> 01:27:43,214
♪ I wanna go on
With my head up high ♪
1587
01:27:43,475 --> 01:27:48,045
♪ I know
My dreams are coming true ♪
1588
01:27:48,915 --> 01:27:51,875
♪ I'll be sharing them all
With you ♪
1589
01:27:54,181 --> 01:27:55,705
♪ Forever
1590
01:27:57,576 --> 01:28:02,233
♪ Tonight
We're reaching for the stars ♪
1591
01:28:03,060 --> 01:28:06,281
♪ They'll be shining
Wherever we are ♪
1592
01:28:08,587 --> 01:28:10,546
♪ Forever
1593
01:28:26,301 --> 01:28:30,696
♪ I know
My dreams are coming true ♪
1594
01:28:31,349 --> 01:28:34,657
♪ I'll be sharing them all
With you ♪
1595
01:28:36,963 --> 01:28:39,009
♪ Forever
1596
01:28:40,358 --> 01:28:45,320
♪ Tonight
We're reaching for the stars ♪
1597
01:28:45,711 --> 01:28:48,932
♪ They'll be shining
Wherever we are ♪
115561
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.